#This is why I prefer to be butch for butch just so we're clear

[ghostlyerlkonig]

But there are butches in media, you shouldnt have to relate to a man. Vi from arcane is one.

i am aware of Vi. Unfortunately you must have missed the part of me specifically citing this dwarf;

As a character I see traits I, as a self proclaimed butch dyke, prefer to enjoy in characters whose masculinity i relate to. Violet does not fit that bill for me. FOR ME.

You cannot just slap a pixie cut on a dyke and call them butch for me to get attached. Butch is an identity and a gender for me. I don't see it strapped to a deep seated feminine with a masculine overcoat. So when I say "brok is butch to me" I am not looking at the fact that the fucker has a cock and balls as if that means jackfuck, im looking at his character and who he is and why.

And this next part i don't want you, anon, whoever you are, to feel like you are being pushed at and blamed for shit you didnt know because I took this out of my bio on this account after someone spent a week telling me if I'm taking testosterone I can be a lesbian and I'm just a man but I am literally on testosterone. I don't look like a woman. I don't look like a masculine woman. I make no attempt to be feminine in any way physically*.

I go to my customer facing job where men treat me like a cis man, of whom only one of my co workers knows I'm trans because I don't hide it but she doesn't know the extent of identity and assumes trans man with no complexities. I get asked about whiskey and stereotypically men's drink and women are hesitant to ask me about wine because women's drink.

The last date I went on, she asked if I would shave so I looked less like a man and reacted poorly when i said no.

So no. Not Vi. Are there masculine women characters I relate to? Yeah. But maybe 5 of them are officially Butch, nor do I relate to every other butch in the world because I am different than a lot of them. I see Scorpia get tossed in a lot and sure for some, she's more fem than I care for. The last two i really connected in a way with were Max from a League of their Own and Anne Lister from Gentlemen Jack.

Two. Officially Butch.

so yeah. Youll forgive me if I tend to turn my eyes to male or masc characters more than character #300 with a pixie cut. It's not me "having" to relate to a man. I just do. And until the Bechdel-Wallace Test is understood as a measure for LESBIANS in media, not just if woman talk to woman about Object instead of man, i don't think I'm getting much.

[bambi-kinos]

Hopefully, this ask is a fun one! I've noticed that a lot of times you mention Paul is a bottom, and honestly, I agree 1000% per cent, but I'm curious how you came to that conclusion

For me, I feel like it was a result of tons of reading up on him, body language + his lyrics, and I think the whole control freak (misleading in a way too) part makes some fans think he's a top. Meanwhile, I sit here and think, nope, he's totally a bottom lmao

A lot of it is just wish fulfillment as a result of Paul's bus-sized ass. We're not the only ones thinking about it:

Like it would be a crime if John didn't fuck Paul in the ass. Right??? So it's easy to think "yeah Paul is a bottom" rofl.

But more seriously, I view Paul as a bottom for a number of reasons.

The first is simply how long John and Paul knew each other and how they naturally shaped each other's interests and desires. Paul may not have been that 'swishy' (i.e. effeminate) if he had never met John in the first place. It's easy to see how John and Paul's understanding of homosexuality would have shaped their presentation and the roles they took with one another. Like, in modern times two gay guys can just be Guys Being Dudes. They can both take shirtless selfies of themselves holding up fish with the 🤙 going "shaka braaahhh." In the mid 20th century this idea was not terribly widespread so even among gay people there was an impression of "well someone has to be the woman and it's not going to be me."

So I think that's a big part of it. It's impossible to know how conscious a decision this was but IMO John and Paul reached a consensus of some sort that Paul would take up the feminine role in response to John's masculine one. It's a natural (for a given value of 'natural') position for the feminine half to be the one who is penetrated. Paul, who has demonstrated a number of times his sharp awareness of homosexual activity and how society perceives it, would know this. And he took up that position anyway and kept with it, voluntarily. (And to be clear I think Paul stimulated John's butch attitude and grew that to make John more overtly masculine as well. This goes both ways.)

It's not hard to see why this happened. John is a lot more naturally traditionally masculine than Paul is, no matter what John said about being "soft velvet" and "le Oscar Wilde!!11!!1!" He's the one who got into bar fights and hammered the shit out of other men. He's the subject of a rumor about kicking Stuart in the head, not Paul. Personally I think Paul is perfectly capable of violence, even extreme violence, but he simply isn't perceived that way due to his feminine appearance. Meanwhile John is overtly aggressive and in your face about it, even when going through his druggie periods, which is simply a more traditionally masculine trait no matter how you slice it.

I guess what I'm saying is, Paul responded to and was shaped by John's personality and preferences. John likes to fuck, Paul leans more towards feminine expression, feminine = 'the one who is fucked' not necessarily 'the one who fucks.'

I don't believe they were thinking about this as teenagers (and I don't think they did anything besides circlejerking before Hamburg.) And Paul likes using his dick! However it seems obvious to me that John woke something up in Paul that would have naturally lain dormant under other circumstances. John had a habit of doing this for people, he woke them up to their higher inclinations that got them out of their boxes and I 100% believe that he nudged Paul's 'swishiness' awake and that Paul quietly used this to get out of the box other people wanted to keep him in. He was able to embrace this more fully while with Linda. For Paul, that swishiness comes packaged with a certain set of implications and to me there's no reason why he wouldn't embrace that.

That's not to say that he was completely gung-ho from the start. People who write Paul going 'wtf I'm not doing that' in response to John wanting to fuck him are writing material that feels 'real' for lack of a better word. But I also don't think it would be that hard of a sell once he got used to the idea. Really look at this gif:

John's interest in Paul's backside is overt. Paul seems surprised and a little overwhelmed in the moment but he also smiles a little in response to John checking him out. It seems to me that there's interest there, albeit tentative. In other words Paul seems okay with being the one who is piped.

It's a lot to surmise from a single gif, I know, but otoh we don't have a lot of these moments where John's feelings are overt and Paul responds to them.

In addition to all this, Paul is a curious hedonist. I think John could prevail on him to at least try it. Then I think Paul would enjoy it greatly. Anal orgasms are somewhere between clitoral and vaginal for me but anal sex is satisfying in a way that PIV isn't, and I think Paul would actively seek it out once he tried it and realized how good it is. Anal sex is extremely intimate and John paid close attention to his lovers, Paul is guaranteed a good time once John takes him to bed. And John would want to make that special for Paul especially once Paul did 'break down' and go 'alright I'll do it' as part of their kinky power game. John did like to make things sweet for Paul.

Paul has this whole thing about wanting to be John's second and not necessarily the leader. He enjoys being lead and dominated by powerful men who are at the top of their industry. Check out this quote from McCartney Legacy Vol. 1 in Chapter 26:

Paul explicitly giving in to a "strong and demanding" male after putting up a perfunctory fight that he had no intention of sticking to? What does this remind us of?

And look, Paul invites this himself very deliberately:

Paul is doing this on purpose. He shows his ass off to entice us, the viewers, into imagining his hole and putting our dicks inside said hole and inside him. Women appreciate a nice ass but lack the equipment to fuck it properly. Men do have the equipment and by 1965 Paul knows his effect on heterosexual men. He's very much dangling the fuckability of his ass as a carrot in front of everyone who wants to look. No other Beatle displays this kind of overt neediness for this specific kind of attention. Paul knows what he is doing.

Paul is a bottom. A needy and bratty bottom who enjoys being put in his place and has a thick kinky streak to be sure, but a bottom nonetheless.

The insistence that Paul is a top has always smacked of contrarianism, to me anyway lmao. It's always packaged with making fun of McLennon fanart where Paul is yassified and John is butch or with complaints that Beatle fandom is making Paul "too feminine" and John "too masculine." There's a lot I could say about it but for now I'll just leave it at this: it's usually paired with bitching that McLennon fans are having too much fun. Many are guilty of it.

John and Paul themselves acknowledged this dynamic between them in oblique ways. John, Paul, and even Yoko always imagined Paul as being a woman as well as acknowledging that Paulina would have been romantically attached to John. Paul acknowledged it with the "if I were a woman maybe I could have...." thing, Yoko said that Paul would be a "great threat" if he was a woman in her audio diary that she recorded in 1968/1969, and John also has a quote floating around about the potential that lay in Paul being a woman though I'll be damned if I can't find the stupid thing. And then there's the insulting "Lennon's Princess" nickname from Apple staff. They perceived the dynamic as well.

John and Paul, consciously or not, actively pursued this dynamic with one another. They enjoyed it and Paul voluntarily stayed in that role even during a time period where he might have been justified in going "okay we've hit the big time, no more of that!"

Just look at Paul's posture here lmao. John is shoving his erection into Paul's shoulder. Yeah he's trying to hide it but Paul is fine with it, shoulders relaxed with no tension in him at all. Paul wasn't just John's princess, John was also Paul's knight, and that comes with certain responsibilities as well as privileges.

John was overtly more stable when he had sex on tap. John and Paul actively lived together for months at a time where few people could get to them. Seems to me that Paul not only did his job but took a lot of pleasure in doing it and John reaped the benefits. Notably John didn't start falling apart until they stopped touring and his sexual access to Paul was bottlenecked. Then 1967 rolls around and John just sorta, moved in with Paul and noticeably got back on an even keel.

Many thunks are to be had my friend! Many thunks indeed and one of them is that Paul is a bottom. Not just that, an enthusiastic one that likes courting powerful and even emotionally unstable males capable of overpowering him.

Much to consider!

[velvetvexations]

I'm going to try answering multiple asks in one posts to cut down on hitting my limit and declutter lol

I believe they were hyping themselves up for being a transfem ally who got to clapback to transmisogyny in a way that was totally epic and cool and they want us to fuck them so bad

What annoys me even more about this is that they still call baeddel a slur even though it was brought back for the first time since literally the Middle Ages by a group most agree were completely fucked up, and it's like, hey, shouldn't other people be able to use baeddel in that retaliatory way then? Why can't they have their justice slur?

We understand. One of us identifies as as cis woman and another as a cis man, although funnily enough, while the trans woman and two non-binary members also have physical dysphoria, the cis man is is probably the one who feels it the hardest including wanting giant knockers. We're a strange bunch. It's okay for systems to have a complicated relationship with their body.

We love you, all of you, and we hope she feels the solidarity. <3

Honestly I'm really tempted to next time I shave just because of how good I've been feeling about my butchness lately because of Velvet Nation, and also wanting to triple dog dare transradfems to say I don't look feminine enough to be a trans woman.

tpwrtrmnky 🤝 JK Rowling

creating a series beloved by queer people only to unfortunately have your brain poisoned into obsessively perpetuating transphobia

huge W for trans women though because she speedran that shit

I still don't think we need to be questioning her claims about being ostracized and I'd seriously prefer we stop doing that. It is, however, extremely weird she's still ranting about this like a week or two later, it's pretty clear she bare minimum has a problem with melodrama and should probably limit her engagement with the internet until she can get herself together to not collapse like this when people gently point out something she said not vibing.

Sometimes it feels like transradfems who act like egg jokes are vitally necessary to liberation have the exact same mindset as cis lesbians obsessed with "losing" AFAB people to being trans.

yeah, well, maybe so, but looking like a woman is a privilege and you're a gender traitor

I literally quit Reddit and came back to Tumblr because it drove me fucking insane that the D20 fandom kept calling a high schooler a nepo baby because her dad was a real estate agent.

High fashion, honestly.

Yes.

the thing you have to understand is that being a masculine man is bad but so is being a feminine man, being a man is just bad, that's why trans women are transitioning out of it

I'm so cool and sexy

Thank you anon!

Radical feminism, trans or trans exclusive, is in fact a cult, including frequently attempting to isolate minors away from outside support networks. TERFs and transradfems are the most miserable and sickening mirrors of each other.

[jump4beef]

♡~!Jump's Pinned Post!~♡

NOTICE:: I have released the links to my Playlists and Pinterest boards via Linktree. If u wanna hear songs I think are Seawatt coded or see pins I think are very Seavbo then check the links.

Hello Parkour Civilization Fandom!! I figured I'd make a pinned post introducing myself to everyone and make sure my boundaries are clearly stated. So by the time the ParkCiv fandom gets here I'll have the house all set up for you guys!

I'm a huge fan of S2 Seawatt and the relationship between Evbo and his Master Friend. So expect most of my posts to be abt either of those things.

I'm a bit embarrassed to be into this fandom at my age and demographics, so I won't be going by my actual name. You can call me Jump or Yuri (my minecraft name is xXx_Yuri_xXx so that's why!)

Speaking of age, I'm 21. This means if you're a minor I probably wont befriend you (especially if you're in like middle school), but I don't mind minors following me since this blog will be SFW (hope that's the norm here).

I am a Genderflux/Xenogender AroAce Butch Lesbian. I go by literally any pronouns ever, but a few I prefer are: (She/Her),(It/It's/Itself),(They/Them),(This/That),(Chat),(We/Us),(Thee/Thim/Thers), & (Voi/Void/Voidself) Because of my lesbianism I have the tendency to Yurify male characters (turning guys into women and making them dykes), if this possibility makes you uncomfortable then don't follow.

[This/That pronoun set can be followed by any noun: Thing/Guy/Girl/Player/Gamer. Whatever]

I have very strict boundaries: If you want to communicate with me, do it through asks or replies mostly. I'm not opposed to DMing but I don't want anyone to think we're friends because we talked a few times over Tumblr's DM system. (Though I'm not opposed to gaining friends in this fandom, I'm just very guarded sadly. But it's very easy to befriend me.) I will not give anyone links to my other socials unless I'm at the point I consider us friends. I do have a Twitter though that I use for ParkCiv so feel free to follow it!

I have a very clear and strict DNI: If you are a bigot you aren't allowed. This includes: TERF/SWERFs, Proshippers, Racists, Sexists, Homophobes, Transphobes, Zionists, Antisemites, American Conservatives, or anyone that belittles someone because of who they are. I also don't want anyone who uses Generative AI interacting with my posts as it's harmful to people and the environment. Yes this includes using it for roleplay.

[hjellacott]

I can't tell you how to BE a woman I just AM?

Like, I keep reading all these pople (mostly trans) saying what it means to be a woman, and I've had trans friends asking me how to be more of a woman but I just... For example, let me ask you, how are you able to see? We all have eyes, but some people can see, others can't. Why? How do you do it? How do you look at your garden and perceive colours? How are you not colourblind? Well, if we don't go into full scientific answers, the only answer you could give is, I just do. I just am. It just happens, right?

The same for women. When you ARE, you don't need to put effort into BECOMING. And there's no clear recipe for womanhood. Some women wear make-up, others don't, some have long hair, others don't, some have jewellery, others don't even use earrings, some like dresses and heels, many prefer trousers and sports shoes, some are curvaceous, some aren't, some have breasts and ovaries, some don't.

We can become more femme, more butch, more androginous... but women, we just are. And there are lots of scientific reasons for this (for example, having ovaries means your ovaries are going to release certain hormones that are going to make you function differently, but also there are countless others, including, as scientists have shown, differences in the very BRAIN), but if you don't want to get into the science, the answer is simply, I am a woman, because I am. Because I can't be anything else. I don't know how to be anything else. I wasn't born as anything else. I wake up in the morning and I'm a woman, and I go to bed, and I am a woman. And this happens even if I ever get annoyed for being a woman (and I will when I'm bleeding on my period and getting frustrated AF) and wish for a simpler life. Like, my body is not going to ask me for permission to be a woman, it'll just be. And trans women are trans women precisely because they can't just wake up and be women, they have to go long lengths to look in a way they can identify as their own version of what a woman is supposed to look like.

So what I say to my trans friends is just, wear whatever makes you happy. If you've been dreaming with having a long hair and make-up and wearing heels all the time, fine, go on, but like... Sometimes if all of us girls are going out, the MtF will be the ONLY one looking like that and the rest of us will just be in jeans, sweatshirts and sports shoes or sandals. And I get it frustrates them because they're trying to find a uniform to be a woman and then they go with what they think will do it, and the rest of us don't follow, but unless we pre-agree on our outfits in advance, I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can do but to say, wear whatever you're comfortable wearing.

Trans women get judged because we see a PORTRAYAL of woman, much like playing a character that we know well and love, and then this person comes and interprets it in a whole other way that we might not like, and that's when we're like, hold on, are you fetishizing us? are you having completely wrong ideas of what a woman is? are you just excited to be able to touch your own boobs? Like, one of my trans MtF friends, when she identified as a gay man, she used to like to touch our (cis female friends) boobs, and now she touches her own. Whereas women are never going to question how much of a women fellow cisgender women are, because none of us is portraying, "passing", "acting"... We're just behaving in our most natural, normal way, and we understand our fellow women are doing the same thing.

I feel like that's why whenever I read about MtF getting excited about their new women bodies after surgery and hormonal treatments, I get very uncomfortable. Because I'm not looking at a friend saying "my God, I'm pretty". No. MtF will talk about their excitement touching their breasts, playing with them... And that's insanely sexual, so of course it makes us uncomfortable. When you treat bodies that... Well, that are our bodies too (in the sense of having similar features, such as breasts), in such a sexual way, we're seeing how YOU see US, and we obviously feel like mere sexual objects. And that is not a comfortable experience.

So to be clear, specially since a male friend asked me about what it feels like to have breasts: we (cis women) DO NOT make a big deal out of having breasts. They're there, we're aware of their existence, and we only touch them when we want to have an orgasm (and only if we feel like it), or when we're washing up or putting a bra on. Sometimes we look at them and think "ok, nice", but often times we're just like "fucking hell, I just bought you this bra, why won't you like it any more?". But that's about it. Like, I don't know, do you think a lot about your earlobes? probably not. Well, that's the same for women, we lost our fascination for breasts about two minutes after we got them.

This is not to say that we don't admire our bodies and our looks. Of course we do. I'd be lying if I pretended like I don't sometimes stare at myself naked with some kind of pride. But you won't see me writing a post any-fucking-where commenting about how I enjoy touching myself. And although I can understand MtF getting excited about the novelty... please, at least if you're talking to us, consider for us boobs and other body parts aren't toys, uh? Like, imagine trying to pretend to be black just for aesthetics or something. You can imagine actual black people would take offence in you using their colour, for which they get marginalised and sometimes, murdered, as a fashion trend to have fun with right? Well, similarly, we might take offence if our breasts, for which we're often subjected to harassment and sexual abuse, are perceived kind of like as exciting new toys.

[zaundog]

Anyways if we're doing this: I really tend to prefer that Vi's skins keep her hair pink. For some reason I think she reads,,, less like Vi when they do this (Neon Strike, Project, Psyops, Heartbreaker, Demon) and I only actually like one of those skins (four guesses which). Warring Kingdoms doesn't have this problem, I genuinely don't know why it's just a great design. Like, Debonair and Arcane just read more like her despite being quite severe alterations. I just think that it's such a fun aspect of her character design, big tol muscle butch riot girl and her bubblegum hair. It captivates me.

Which leads me to why I am so tickled about Crystal Rose. When I first heard that there were leaks of CR Vi skin going around I was like "oh great they're finally going to put her in a skirt" bc litterally ever female champ in CR has one. But then they didn't and got even more brownie points!! And ig the like, ruffly waist cape could be considered a skirt but it doesnt vibe that way to me? (To be clear I'm not going to be mad if Vi does someday get a skin the depicts her in fem clothing, it's just not something I personally vibe with and would prefer for my own selfish reasons to not see.) Like, the heavy pink/blue/white themeing of the skin, her NOT being in an outright dress/skirt, and the fact that they kept her hair pink. I am so smitten with it.

Tldr: Crystal Rose is for me personally and I love my silly little meow meow.

[boreal-sea]

I was not "asserting my intellectual authority", I was setting the expectations of my own behavior towards you, aka, I am behaving like a responsible adult and not swearing at a child, calling a child names, insulting a child, etc. I see a lot of that online, and it's not right.

Treating children with respect is something all adults around you should do, even online. However, I also made it clear I wasn't going to coddle you, because that's not respectful either.

---

Queer is not only one of several preferred terms for our community, it is also an academically preferred term. Colleges and universities run courses, minors, majors, and even PhD's related to queer studies. Queer history, queer theory, etc. If you google search for "queer studies", you'll literally see universities calling their departments by this name. This has been the preferred term for decades.

Again, homosexual is not and has never been a neutral word, and I have already told you why. I'm not claiming queer is neutral either, but NO one is claiming that. Yes, queer is absolutely an emotionally charged word - and it is ours. We have reclaimed it. We have taken it back from the mouths of our oppressors. We have loved and celebrated and fought for this word for decades.

"We're here, we're queer, get used to it".

Queer is not a forbidden word. It is our word. It is our word for community and freedom.

---

So to see so many folks online, young folks in particular, who have fallen into the trap set by radfems, TERFs, and other transphobes - to see you all parroting their words? It's disheartening and horrifying.

No one is forcing anyone to use queer if they don't want it - but I will continue to refer to "the queer community" as such. If you don't think you're queer, then you're not part of my community.

I am not saying you cannot use homosexual to refer to yourself - a lot of older queer people do still use "homo" and "homosexual" alongside other terms that have also fallen to the wayside like "transsexual". No one is telling them to stop, but most folks these days don't use those words and acknowledge their harm.

Transsexual fell out of favor because of its medical pathologizing history, just like homosexual. Today we prefer the term transgender, but you still see transsexual on some medical forms... again, because it has a history from when being gay and trans were considered mental illnesses. That's why those words feel "icky" to a lot of queer folks: we don't like being told we have a mental illness for being gay or trans.

AND... Given the online context previously spoken about, I'm going to give anyone using "homosexual" as a self-identifier a side eye, and I will check their blog for transphobic content, because right now, hating the word queer and preferring the word homosexual is transphobic dogwhistling.

---

As for your final part: do I think it's possible for someone to exclusively only be attracted to someone of the same sex?

Short answer: No.

Long answer: I think people are attracted to presentations of gender and assume actual gender and sex off of that.

How do you know what sex someone is just by looking at them? Primary sexual attraction occurs when we see someone and go "oh, they're hot, I feel attracted to them sexually".

Let's say you believe you are only "same sex attracted". You see a beautiful woman walking down the street. You are attracted to her. Without asking her or knowing her medical history, quickly tell me how you KNOW she's "biologically female".

(You don't)

Transphobes are notoriously bad at "clocking" trans women. Many times the women "called out" in bathrooms are butch cis women. Transphobia hurts gender-non-conforming cis women. MANY cis women have "manly features" that cause transphobes to see them as "males". It's harmful to everyone.

My point is that you can't see someone's sex. You see their gender presentation. You see someone presenting femme or masc or androgynously. You then make assumptions about that person's gender and sex based on their presentation.

Presentation ≠ gender ≠ sex.

---

And that doesn't even get into the fact that through hormone therapy and surgeries people can change basically all of their secondary (and a few of their primary) sex characteristics, to the point where the only "real" difference between them and a cis person is their chromosomes. It seems rather silly to me that 1 trait out of dozens should be the determining factor of someone's sex, so if a trans person tells me their sex is different from the one they were assigned at birth, then it is. Which means a trans woman... can be biologically female - and you can't exclude her from that in any way that doesn't also exclude cis women.

So just to clarify, homosexuals are NOT people who are exclusively attracted to the same sex? A homosexual is someone who can be attracted to both sexes?

I think we have terminology confusion going on: some queer people can be attracted to many genders. Some queer people are only attracted to the same gender. But it's more complicated than that.

Again, in America, we really don't use the term "homosexual" because it's attached to a history of medically pathologizing queerness, aka, it was the word used to treat queer people as mentally ill, deviant, and dangerous.

Also, there is a difference between sex and gender: these terms are not the same. Sex is what you are biologically, gender is how you feel (in the simplest of terms, there's a lot more nuance to it but I'm wondering if I'm dealing with a language barrier/lack of knowledge here).

"Woman" is a gender identity. "Man" is a gender identity. "Nonbinary" is a gender identity. These are not a persons' sex. The two main human sexes are male and female. Not all men are male, not all women are female. Sex and gender are not the same thing.

It is a little confusing that we call attraction "sexuality" when a person's "sex" isn't really what people are attracted to! But it's an older term.

I also think you may not be aware that there are a lot of different sexualities! You seem to be operating under the assumption that the only queer identities are lesbian and gay, but bisexual and pansexual and other identities exist and are all equally valid.

The following are the simplest but not necessarily the most comprehensive definitions of some common sexualities. A lot of these sexualities have a lot more nuance.

Lesbian: a woman attracted to other women. This includes trans women.

Bisexual: a person attracted to multiple genders. This includes trans people.

Gay: a man attracted to other men. This includes trans men.

Pansexual: a person attracted to multiple genders. This includes trans people.

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Planning a romantic weekend away

Jimmy: Gracie came at me earlier. There was mistletoe up and I near fully hit the floor 😎 Jimmy: Hold fire though. She only wanted to tell me to convince you of summat. Pretty sure you already know what it is Janis: Erm...Father Christmas is really real? That her weave isn't from dead Brazilian hookers? Janis: Enlighten me or I'll tell her she's got a holiday free pass on you 😈 Jimmy: Double date. Need I say more 😡 Janis: FUCK. I DIDN'T THINK IT'D ACTUALLY HAPPEN. Janis: How far does she expect the season of goodwill to extend, like? Already got some poor cunt being a charitable home for her arse so she don't freeze Janis: Single tear. Janis: Question is, can we make it worth it enough for us to endure that shite? Hmm Jimmy: I almost got my arse to church so it wouldn't. Shoulda sucked off that priest when he asked. Too late? Jimmy: You better get me a top notch pressie, baby 😏 Janis: You know you ain't on the nice list 😉 Janis: So, Santa might be dissing but you'll be getting something extra special from me Janis: As for God, and his holly jolly perverted following, I reckon we're both shit out of 🍀 there, no matter how good our head game is, such is life Janis: Grah, I hear she does shoutouts now...want that 'influencer' clout, baby? Not double entendre my end but might be for GracieGuru 🙊😂 Jimmy: what the fuck we going to do then? No way I'm hanging with her and her latest 'boo boy' Jimmy: Even if I was getting paid, which is likely since she just loves common grounds Janis: Preaching to the choir, dickhead, ain't my idea of a good time either, or hers let's be fucking real. She just wants to dry-hump a slab of boy in front of you on the off chance that really gets you going for her Janis: You wouldn't call her brainy, bless Janis: Idk, don't worry about it, Jim. Just avoid her/the flat whites like the plague and I'll have to literally run away like I'm an angsty 12 year old so we can't be located, even with friend finder or whatever they stalk each other with Janis: Oooh! Just call me brains, we should pretend to have a romantic weekend away planned, that'll send her over the edge, that is her everything goals Janis: Like I said, I can hide from a hoe Jimmy: I knew there was a reason I kept you about Jimmy: Let's do it though. Easier to take than fake the 'gram Jimmy: Any ideas? 🤔 Jimmy: Most of my boltholes are far from yours and not very enviable for that crowd #it'sgrimupnorth Janis: Yeah, why do you tbh? Janis: Now its clear my sister has got no respect for anyone on her hunt for dick/self-esteem Janis: She's hoping its a twofer like Janis: I don't know if I can stand you for that long, darling Janis: But I SUPPOSE your the lesser of two evils here 😉 Jimmy: It's love 💕 Jimmy: Come on, it'll be a laff. I'll get the beers in Jimmy: You can try harder to beat me at darts and pool Janis: As far as the adoring fans/salty haterz are concerned Janis: and that's all that matters Janis: bitch i don't have to try! 😤 you put me off last time with ur mooning 😍 Janis: we don't need to convince the old fellas in the boozer Jimmy: Fuck off I was getting practice in! Jimmy: If you're ready to fake a break up say the word but until then, it takes a lot of work to give you the puppy dog eyes. I'm not Twix Janis: Sure you was 😂 Janis: N'awwh but you do it so well! Janis: Audition for the School play whilst ur at it, soft lad Jimmy: I do enough fake snogging without signing myself up for that bollocks Jimmy: You coming away with me then or not? Jimmy: You know your sister'll be in again nagging before shift's end Janis: Well, when you put it like that Janis: 😒 Janis: I ain't got nothing better to do, and I certainly ain't third wheeling her fake date Janis: My grandparents got a place down skerries Janis: we can crash there Jimmy: How many rooms they got? My dad's working so I'll have to bring the ramble with Jimmy: #goals I know Janis: Fucking hell, my pissing sister! She owes you more than she's spending on coffee for the hassle she's causing Janis: If you really can't, don't worry, I'll sort her. She'll be unbearable when she finds out it was all for a laugh but it was at her expense so how much of a mug can she actually make me feel? 😑 Janis: That said, there's 3 rooms, its only a caravan don't get excited but the kids would probably be buzzin', it is pretty nice down there Janis: I'll even let you have the double bed to yourself Janis: ol Janis: l Jimmy: It'll stop them nagging me about going somewhere other than the park that'll do me Jimmy: Cass talks big but she isn't even really so doable Jimmy: Don't be getting any ideas though 😍😉 my brother hasn't slept well since we moved. I'll be sharing that double like it or not Jimmy: What a way to spend my first proper time off since I started #blessed Janis: Yeah, fish and chips on the beach even tho its fucking baltic, chasing Twix will keep 'em warm, you'll earn major big brother points as well as bae ones Janis: What a mighty fine man Janis: Same here, Cass. Shh about it though Janis: Like you said, it'll be a laugh, we can make it one Janis: You'd really rather be making pinkity drinkidies or whatever the fuck they are? Jimmy: Nope. But your 1st romantic break usually is. Any talent there is in all grans playing bingo? Jimmy: Be nice to get something off the 'gram 💋 Janis: I ain't been since I was about 9 Janis: I wasn't after bitches then and I ain't now Janis: I wish you luck, 2 kids hanging on your arm and a woman back home, like Janis: Does it for some. Jimmy: I'd do some talking first to get things clear I'm not tall Tammy 😂 Jimmy: Bet you were a right cute kid, weren't you? Aww Janis: Again, have fun explaining that one, mate. I'd struggle with the concept and I'm in on it. Janis: Adorable. What happened? Jimmy: Shut up you know what you look like, mate Janis: A butch lezza? Janis: So I've been told 👍 Jimmy: That's not what they are saying anymore. Check my comments sometime. The lads are gagging for you now Janis: Goody gumdrops. Janis: I'll leave my knickers at the door, like Jimmy: You could like. I've been waiting for you to drop me as your fake bf since this whole thing started Janis: I'm not interested in any of them. Janis: Would your world be set alight by Aaron O'Reilly from form? Janis: If you wanna cop off with some of your fans don't let me stop you Jimmy: You aren't. They're not my type anymore than Aaron's yours. I'm just saying you take a crackin pic and I should know since I'm the one takin 'em. So you don't need to spout that crap. They're just jealous of how much of a butch lezza you aren't Janis: Alright. Well, you're not half bad at taking snaps, and not in the bullshit way every hoe thinks they know their angles and magic lighting these days, you're actually decent. Janis: It don't feel like crap when Janis: blah, meant to delete that, ignore it Jimmy: 🤐 Jimmy: Wanna help me with my art project while we're away then? Kill all the birds (hopefully not with my flash) Jimmy: I'll owe you again Janis: I won't even joke on you for being a swot 🤓🤞 Janis: What've you got planned? Jimmy: I haven't had any time to think yet beyond film being the medium but Jimmy: #workinprogress Jimmy: with a muse like you m'dear how could I go wrong 💕 Janis: 😜 Janis: just so you know, i ain't bringing any homework but put my name or yours, yeah? 😘 not even in art but might count for something Janis: clue me in tho, brainiac, what do the kiddos like? i'll get 'em something Jimmy: Rookie mistake mate, art's an easy A Jimmy: They'll take anything covered in sugar. Can't say I'll love you for it when they crash mid journey though Janis: Only 'cos you're good at it. With my genes I should be but I can barely draw a stickman. Janis: I'll stick with double sports, sports science and science 👌 Janis: I'll keep sweets in stock for bribery, goes without sayin'! Different pocket to Twix' fish treats, though Janis: I'll have a look down town Jimmy: 😂 did you see that article doin the rounds about the mum who bought her kid a cat's advent calendar Janis: 😂 Yes! Shame catnip don't work like on us like it does cats, that kid would be pingin' Janis: Might get meself some, like Jimmy: What gets dogs off their heads? I'll keep Twix well clear Jimmy: She's high enough on your 😍 Janis: I don't know, actually...telling them they're good bois? Janis: Works for you boo 😘 Jimmy: I prefer being called a very bad boy 😎 Janis: You clown 😂 Janis: Good to know, suppose. Dirty weekend away though it ain't Jimmy: what our fans don't know won't break their jealous hearts Jimmy: you coming in for your freebies today or shall I do a delivery your way once Grace is home? 😉 Janis: Kick it really cliche and be my sexy delivery boy Janis: Try and bring something with sausage in so I can come at you with the quality porn writing Jimmy: Live your fantasies as well as your sister's if you want, my name tag says Jonathon today Janis: Ooh, spicing it up with some roleplay like we're middle-aged okay Janis: How boring are you that you've picked a name so similar to your own...this is why we've hit a dry patch, Jimothy! Jimmy: What would you seriously pick? Janis: For you? Janis: Who's a fittie... Janis: Anthony Joshua could get it Janis: You don't want to be in the play but reckon you can stretch to that? Jimmy: Next time I lose my name tag I'll insist on that. For the bae 💕 Jimmy: About as close as I'll get I think Janis: Who do you want? Janis: I wanna know your type Janis: Bar Tall Tammy Jimmy: Your sister obviously Janis: Fuck off, not even funny Janis: If that were true, you know where she lives bitch, I ain't stopping ya, she's practically shoe-horning you in 🤢 Jimmy: I meant the fit older one 😉 Janis: Ohhh Janis: Still, do one 🖕 I'm not pretending to be my sister you freak Jimmy: That's one pretense too far. Got it 😂 Janis: Yeah, in this hypothetical you've really shit the bed, pal. Jimmy: I only half read that because #customers and thought you called me shit in bed mate Janis: well... 😏 Jimmy: I fake rocked your world Janis Cavante! 😂 Janis: you know we faked it so i didn't have to fake it 💅 Jimmy: Aaron O'Reilly's walking through the door want me to slip him your number and end this? 😝 Janis: I will murder you. Janis: also he might think your trying to set up a threeway for YOUR benefit, so if you wanna take over the gay rumours that bad, go for it 💋🍆 Jimmy: I've seen you with a pool cue I think I'm safe Jimmy: Give a shit. At least I actually am butch Janis: Psh, you're all show no grow Janis: We're arm wrestling, then you'll see Jimmy: 💪 I'll beat you at that too then, shall I? 🏆 Janis: Bring it on. I won't make you cry too hard, save face in front of the kiddos. Janis: 'Let' them kick your arse too 😜 Jimmy: Try it, baby girl 😝 Jimmy: Cass probs could no lie. Scrappy af that one Janis: Good girl 👍 Janis: Gotta keep you in check Jimmy: Doubt you'll be calling her that when she's shadowed you all weekend Jimmy: She loves you. Who knows why? Janis: I keep telling you I'm a delight Janis: Has this...how long has it been? Month, 2? Of SHEER BLISS taught you nothing Janis: Ruuuuude. Jimmy: Nope. I'm with Team Bobby. You're a gross meanie Jimmy: As all girls are 😂 Janis: Well I'm winning Bobby 'round this weekend by hook or by crook Janis: then you can please yourself, billy no mates Janis: Team Janis 💪 Jimmy: Every bro knows you can't be friends with your girl Jimmy: DUH Janis: Oh yeah, all straight couples HATE each other and that's #goals Janis: If I can't be chatting shit on you, how will I get to talk about you constantly to my gals? Janis: Singing your praises? I THINK NOT Jimmy: Speaking of, Gracie and co are back on the premise that Tall Tammy left her....something. I wasn't listening. Should I break the news we won't be here for date night or do you want to do the honors Janis: Dignity? That's long gone, honey. Janis: Ooh, lemme do it, you're coming round with the sausage anyway Janis: We can do it together baby Jimmy: awhhh Jimmy: I've hidden the mistletoe but she can see the top of the highest counters!! I'm on borrowed time what do I do? Janis: Headbutt her in the teeth Janis: 'Accidentally' Janis: Can't help being a normal-sized human Jimmy: #customerservice Jimmy: then recommend her our chewy cookies 😂 Janis: You can see why I'm not trying to be your work wifey too, yeah? 😂 Janis: If you can convince any of those girls to break their diet, I'll be impressed Janis: Don't count if they go vom in the bogs after tho Jimmy: Gracie might be on her way already. One of her posse asked what you were getting me for Christmas and I didn't hold back Janis: Oh no, am I about to get slut-shamed? 😲 Janis: Or, heaven forfend, tips Janis: I will die Jimmy: Damn I didn't think of that. Sorry Janis: Its cool Janis: She's all mouth anyway, not in a beneficial to the cause way Janis: Be interesting hearing what she thinks you want, keep ya posted lol Jimmy: 🙌 Can't wait Janis: that's what you're meant to say about my present! Jimmy: I did, swear 🤞 Janis: what do you actually want Jimmy: Don't worry about it Janis: Oh, is it? If I'm not fucking your brains out you're not interested Janis: Fine then, save my reddies. 👍 Jimmy: That's what I was thinking. Stage a break up before 🎄 for max drama and min spends Janis: Cool. If you wanna. Janis: Just don't tell everyone you chucked me 'cos I wouldn't give it up. Already a frigit. Janis: What's the story then? Jimmy: Obviously not. We've been hooking up for ages got to keep it #goals Jimmy: I don't know haven't thought that far ahead it just makes sense to get out before gifting Janis: Yeah. Fair. Janis: Think on and let me know Jimmy: You too. We can brainstorm at the weekend. Nothing but time then Jimmy: Can't break up right after the break though Janis: Would look sus, yeah. Janis: Maybe I'll whup you one too many times, your fragile male ego can't hack it, eh? Jimmy: Grace'd be smug 😩 Jimmy: Can't even fake that, babe Jimmy: Nobody'd believe the story Janis: She's gonna be regardless Janis: I got the shitty end of the stick here like but ain't nowt we can do about it now Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: No we're goals we just burned too bright that's all 😂 Jimmy: You've got way more time served with me than she does any of her boos she doesn't win Janis: Mhmm. Calm down, Icarus. Sure you'll be comparing some other bint on a balcony to the sun in no time. 😘 Janis: Suppose so. Least hers are real, if not short-lived, and, well, shit. Janis: She won't know the difference anyway Jimmy: There's nobody like you 💕 Jimmy: Exactly I'm not going to tell her we weren't real Janis: Bullshit 💕 Janis: True enough, I'll take it. Jimmy: Shit gotta go the boss is back Jimmy: Love you 💕 Janis: Love you too, Jonathon 💕