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ill-skillsgard · 6 years ago

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Damn Straight, Part 1 - Bill Skarsgård

Title: Damn Straight

Description: Past deceptions bring a young couple to Mirth Island, a place of natural beauty and the promise of inner healing. When one of them is introduced to a young man who lives on the island, their budding friendship threatens to destroy more than just fragile trust. Warning: 18+ sex/swearing/drug use/mentions of addiction and cheating

A/N: Here is the first part of my least popular Bill fic. I found this story particularly easy to write and it was definitely one of my favourite stories. I hope you enjoy it! There will be no author’s notes from here on out

She was doing the dishes and humming a tune that she always hummed whenever she got lost in her task at hand. I was sitting at the kitchen table with my laptop open, reading over a line of text that didn't come across to me quite right. With the kitchen sink running and her voice echoing through the kitchen, my logic and my patience got into a fist fight inside my head. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with the sentence and even if I wanted to, the house was full of distractions. I knew I could just put on my headset and listen to some calming music but I couldn't be bothered to get up from my chair. When the water stopped running I heard her footsteps padding all over the wood floor, cupboards opening and closing and the clinking of ceramic. She was putting the dry dishes away. Even that nudged my thought process further away from productivity. It wasn't her fault but I was about ready to take my work into the bedroom just to get some quiet. "So Vye, I was talking to Kat and she said she knows this amazing doctor who helped treat her mom's friend gambling addiction, pro bono. Maybe we could get her contact information and see about-" "No." I interrupted. Cici peered at me from the doorway leading into the kitchen, my coffee mug upside down in her grip. She stared at me with this haunted look of disappointment. I tried not to entertain it and kept my attention on my work. I heard the boards of the floor creak as she went back into the kitchen. It was quiet until she shrieked, her cry followed by the sound of something smashing violently against something else. I shot up from the table and ran into the kitchen to find her, a crumpled mess on the floor and shards of my favourite mug all over the ground. "Cici, what the fuck!?" I yelled. "My dad gave me that cup!" "What is your FUCKING deal!?" She cried hysterically at me, tears pouring down her flaming red cheeks. "What is YOUR fucking deal? You just broke my dad's cup! I don't have hardly a thing that belonged to him and you just fucking-" "Your dad this and your dad that! Yes, Vye, we all know your fucking dad is dead and about your daddy issues and how you're so fucked up about it but what about ME!? What about what YOU did to ME? You don't even seem to give a flying fuck about ME anymore! You don't even want to get fucking help because you don't give a shit about anything! Especially not me!" She slumped over and cried harder. I watched with wide eyes as she twisted her hands in her lap. The scars on her arms peeked out from underneath the gray cotton material of her college pullover. Her sobs filled the room and I suddenly forgot all about the cheap brown ceramic mug that I had inherited from my dad. "Cici... Jesus Christ. I'm sorry, okay?" "No, you're not." She whined, using her sleeve to wipe at her dribbling nose. "Yes, I am, goddamn it. Don't tell me how I feel. I hate it when you do that. I'm saying sorry because I am sorry." "If you were sorry you would be open to getting help. You would want to fix yourself." She said. I inhaled and exhaled deeply, feeling my heart rate start to climb down. I knelt down next to her, careful not to step on any shards of the broken cup. With my arm around her, she melted back into my chest, no doubt enjoying the feeling of closeness. It was no mystery that I felt an immeasurable amount of remorse for her and what had happened but she still liked to find ways to utilize that against me. Lately, she had been spreading it quite thin to cover her ass when she had these insane freak-outs and there was hardly a thing I could do about it. Nothing I did was right in her eyes. Nothing I did would convince her that I didn't hate her. In reality, I was suffocating in silence. I had an immense workload and Cici yapping at me like an untrained puppy for attention all the while I had a ghost looming over me that liked to whisper awful things in my ears at all hours of the day. It kept me up at night and tired me out during the day. She refused to acknowledge that I was underneath just as much, if not more stress than her. But that was the thing about Cici. She was the Queen of drama. Ever since we were young she liked to be the center of it all. If some kid got hurt on the playground and began to cry, Cici got hurt even worse and started to scream to make sure all eyes were on her and it worked the majority of the time. It was hard to ignore a screaming blond-haired blue-eyed girl. She knew how to work a crowd. The day she took it took it too far was a landmark in my world. I didn't think she had it in her to pull the ultimate distraction stunt but she did and she made me rue that day for now and forever. She liked to throw it in my face constantly like a net, making sure I was still entangled in my guilt, solidifying my never-ending debt to her. She continued to cry and I rocked her a little, shushing her and wrapping her up in my arms to help her calm down. "Okay... I'll start looking for help. I'll do some research on what support groups are available." She whipped around and looked at me, smiling through her tears. "Really?" "Yes. I will. " I replied. "Can I ask Kat about couples therapy?" "Maybe... You know I hate therapists." "Vye..." She whined again. "Okay, okay. Ask Kat. But I would really rather go to an open group or something." Cici's sadness turned into pure elation and she got up off her butt and threw her arms around me, only pulling back to plant a hard kiss on me, wetting me with her tear-stained cheeks. "Thank you Vye." Dejected, defeated once more and already regretting what I had agreed to, I hugged her back with as much enthusiasm as I could muster. ~*~ I opted to work from home on Friday. I woke up feeling weak, heavy and unwilling to get myself into the shower. I called my boss and told him that I couldn't make it in and luckily, he didn't seem to mind. I wasn't sure if it was because he felt bad for me or if he was just too busy with other things to care if I was present or not. I changed into a clean pair of underwear and socks but put on the same pajama pants and sweater that I had been wearing for the last two days. To say I didn't care about my appearance would be an understatement. Opening my laptop from the comfort of my bed, I began to work on my latest project. I figured if I could bang out six thousand words by lunch that would be a good enough accomplishment to allow myself to maybe leave the house to go get something to treat myself with. Maybe a cupcake from the cafe up the street or a sugary latte. Something to congratulate me on getting work done or just continuing to be alive in general. When I left the house I did manage to put on some publicly acceptable clothing. I was most certainly depressed but I still had a small shred of pride and I didn't want anyone I knew spotting me wearing pajamas in public. It was mostly the fear of ridicule that prompted me to do simple things like that. I ordered a double chocolate zucchini muffin and an Americano at the cafe, smiling when the male barista asked for my name. "Vye, like dye but with a V," I said to him, the spiel already a thousand times rehearsed in my head. "Cool... Vye. That's a nice name. What's that short for? Violet?" He asked as he spun a biodegradable paper cup in his massive hand. "Nope. My parents were just those people that gave their kid a one syllable name." I said with a playful shrug and a smirk. "Awesome." When I got my coffee it said 'Vie' on the side of the cup. Whatever. Nothing new there. I smiled at the guy again and took my cup to the table I had set up camp at. I pulled my hood over my head, opened my laptop, inserted some earbuds and started working away, periodically stopping to rip off a chunk of my muffin or to sip my coffee. It was nice just to be left alone and before I knew it, I had spent two hours in the cafe clicking away on my laptop like a mad woman. Satisfied with my word count, I decided that was all the work I needed to do for the day. For once, I actually felt like I had accomplished what I set out to do and that gave me more satisfaction than I had felt in a long time. My mood was elevated and when I got home Cici was already there, fluttering about like a bee, landing delicately on this thing and that, adjusting the placement of her candles, wiping the dust off the bookshelf and rearranging the throw pillows on the sofas. She was humming again and to me, it sounded like a song and not just mindless buzzing. When she saw me smiling she smiled too and tiptoed up to me to place a chaste kiss on my lips. "So I have some very good news for you. Well, it's for both of us, really." She claimed. "Oh yeah? What's that?" I prompted her. "So I talked to Kat..." I felt my heart skip a beat or two. "She said that there is this place that we can both go to, like a couples retreat." I sneered, much to Cici's admonishment. "No, no. It's not like how it sounds. It's this little resort and it's like a community of people that have these kinds of support circles on the beach." "I don't see how chanting 'Kumbaya' with a bunch of strangers would be helpful," I said, wary of what was to come next. She giggled, "Would you just listen? It's not just that. They have workshops for struggling couples, sex therapy, tantric sex practices and gurus. No doctors or anything. It's just a big open place where couples go to find healing and enlightenment." "Enlightenment? Sounds like a place with a lot of Kool-Aid." I tittered. "If you want, we can go talk to Kat to get a referral. I told her about you and us and how you don't want to lay on a couch and talk about your problems. She said this place is like a vacation and it's exclusive and beautiful and... You know, our kind of thing." "Hm... Sounds expensive." "Well, we have been saving a while for a vacation. Maybe this could be it. You do want to get better, don't you? And I want you to get better and this place sounds like a lot of fun." I bit the inside of my cheek, contemplating. "I don't know. I guess let's talk to Kat about it first." "Yay! We have a meeting with her tomorrow." I rolled my eyes. It was already beginning to sound like I had no choice in the matter anyway. When Cici took the reigns, I was forced to just sit back and allow her to run with whatever it was she had her mind set on. I didn't need another violent episode and I didn't want any more broken objects so I agreed to the meeting. Later that night while we were in bed, Cici rolled over and started to pull at me. I knew what that meant. Grimacing in the dark, I acted like I was already asleep. "Vye..." She whispered. I didn't reply so she nudged me even more. "Vye." "Hm?" She didn't say anything. She slipped her hand underneath my shirt and my body tensed up. "Cici, I am beyond tired." Pulling her hand away, she rolled over and huffed in frustration. I opened my eyes and looked over at her underneath the mounds of the blanket. Sighing, I rolled towards her and hooked my arm around her hip, pulling her little frame closer. "Sorry," I whispered, pressing a kiss to the back of her hair, inhaling the scent of her shampoo. "When will we-" "I told you that I can't. Not for a little while longer." "Fine." I held my breath in anticipation for a bigger retaliation but it didn't come. For that, I was grateful. Fighting in bed was something I dreaded the most and luckily, she was not in the mood to continue. "I can't wait to talk to Kat tomorrow," she said slowly. "Yeah..." ~*~ We sat in Kat's waiting room for a few minutes after we arrived. It was a typical waiting room, lined with chairs and end tables stacked with old issued magazines. There was a bookshelf laden with encyclopedias and granite Komainu bookends that were no doubt brought over from Japan. The whole room had a Japenese-Hindu-Buddhist-theme to it, although Kat was anything but foreign. There was a little bonsai tree on the receptionist's desk and hand-painted pictures of paisleys and oms lining the walls. It was hard not to scoff at the conflict of culture. It was so 'white girl' that I couldn't keep my eyes from constantly rolling to the back of my head. When we entered Kat's office I saw the dreaded chaise lounge that I had been doing everything in my power to avoid. Luckily there were two seats in front of the desk that we could sit on like dignified people. Cici and Kat squealed at each other and hugged, expressing their shared contrition of not having seen each other in so long. I simply shook Kat's hand. We had all gone to the same schools so Kat was already well aware of all the history behind us. There was not a lot to explain but I felt like I was going to be forced to open up about some things that I hadn't quite given a spoken voice to yet. This was what I was trying to not do, the very thing that I hoped to avoid. "So, it goes without saying that you have the right of doctor and patient confidentiality. Whatever is said in this room will not leave these walls." The opening spiel was not as long and drawn out as I thought it would be. I attributed that to the fact that Cici had already been in contact with Kat for weeks prior to the meeting. I wouldn't have been surprised if Kat already knew every little detail of every tiny thing that had happened between us within the last few months. "So, Vye, I'm sure Cici has already told you about the resort. What are your thoughts? Do you have any questions?" I squirmed uncomfortably in my seat, Cici's eyes bored into me with excitement. I was sickened by how much pleasure she was getting from having finally sat me down in front of a doctor. I hated this and she knew it yet she was still practically bursting at the seams. "Yeah, I have questions. What is it? Cici told me some stuff but it sounds a little ambiguous to me." I began. "Well," Kat started, folding her hands in front of her in that proper doctor way. "The resort is called Mirth Island and it is exactly what it sounds like; an island resort for people that are in happy relationships that just want to explore new ways of being together." "Still, sounds pretty vague to me." "Shush," Cici hissed. "Let her talk." Kat smiled at Cici and then looked back at me. "Mirth Island has a lot of beneficial programs for couples that are experiencing troubles in their relationships. There is group counseling available which is just like any other support group except for it's on a beach and there are no judgments. I have a few friends from school that teach there as well." "Teach?" I pressed. "Yes, there are workshops for couples that want to experience a deeper connection. It's like a mixture of sex therapy and sexual education. There are actual practices as well." "Like... Sex practices?" "It's totally optional. Everything available there is completely optional. You are not obligated to attend any circles or sessions. Sometimes couples just go there to be get away and find enjoyment around other like-minded people. It's all very open and honest." "Sounds like a sex cult." "Vye..." Cici said warningly. "No, I'm curious." I stopped her. "Do people like... Fuck each other there? Is it all like open-relationship type people? Like a swingers getaway?" Kat smiled at the both of us. "Not quite. Although I am sure there are couples there that do engage in things like that but like I said, everything and everyone there is very open and accepting. You do not have to engage in anything that you do not want. You can simply go there just to reset the batteries but I do strongly recommend trying some of the circles. They can be very awakening." I sat back in my chair and took it all in. It did sound nice to go to a secluded island where I could relax. Cici seemed to think it was a great idea and if that made her quiet about me going to therapy then maybe it was something to consider. "They also have sex-addiction counseling," Kat not-so-casually brought up. I looked over at Cici who did what she could to avoid my stare. There it was. With that little revelation alone I knew that she had been talking to Kat about more than just my depression. "It's all very safe and loving and non-judgmental, I assure you, Vye. I really do feel like the both of you would benefit greatly from an experience like this." "I'll have to think about it for a little longer," I claimed. "What is there to think about?" Cici chimed immediately. "It's perfect! We have been saving for a vacation and what better way to spend the money than on something that might help the both of us? It sounds amazing to me." "I can write a referral for you two today if you want Vye." Crossing my arms, I sat in silence just to show that I was feeling a little ganged up on. In my mind, I already knew what I wanted but I relished the thought of Cici sitting there in suspense. For once, I had the upper hand and I didn't want to give it away so easily but the way her big blue eyes begged at me made it difficult to keep a straight face. "Fine. All right, I guess we'll go then." She gasped, looking back excitedly from me to Kat and back again. "Yes! Thank you, Kat! I can't wait. Aren't you excited, Vye? I can't wait!"

#bill skarsgård fanfiction #bill skarsgard fanfiction #bill skarsgård smut #valter skarsgard fanfiction

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thisislizheather · 4 years ago

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April Activities 2021

The major news of the month? I can’t believe I get to be fully vaccinated. It’s hard to describe how incredible it feels but I’m so ready to really start this next phase and I can’t wait for everyone I love to feel this feeling soon. Here’s what went down last month.

Here are my favourite tweets from last month. Also, I’ve decided to compile the best tweets list every two weeks rather than only once a month mostly because I love re-reading them and want that sort of joy in my life twice a month, not just once.

I did Nathan’s podcast and we talked about Rogers, sex robots & god only knows what else.

Two new nail polishes that I bought and love: English Lavender by butter and Cold Brew Crew by essie. Beautiful colours.

I’ve made this lamb ragu from Alison Roman twice so far, it’s so luxurious but somehow easy to make. I’ve put it on tagliatelle as well as zucchini noodles and both have been wonderful. Small tip: it does get better after it sits in the fridge for a bit, for some reason. (Also, the recipe doesn’t call for it, but I added basil at the end. I tend to add basil anytime something calls for parsley because it’s just so much more flavourful and fun.)

Above Photo: Alison Roman’s lamb ragu

I want to buy new underwear and I’m looking for any suggestions that aren’t Victoria’s Secret, Aerie or The Gap. I might just bite the bullet and try the ones from Blush (love love love the models they use).

I tried the strawberry short cake soft serve from Milk Bar and it was heavenly. The soft serve is even better than the strawberry cake (although the cookie crumbles within the cake always make my knees weak). In fact, I’ve yet to try a Milk Bar soft serve that I didn’t love (their vegan apple pie soft serve was out of this world), should I have been buying their pints this whole time? Yes.

I gave a chance to Ouai’s Air Dry Foam and it didn’t impress me or anyone else for that matter, so I guess I’ll just stick with the Wave Spray instead.

The rain boots that I bought a few years ago from Winners have disintegrated and I’m in search of new ones, but please don’t recommend Hunter ones. I hate Hunter. Open to any other suggestions!

Influenced by a TikTok video, I bought Falscara and holy shit. I know I promise this a lot, but I’m going to do a video on it so you can see how good a product it is. So many videos are coming, I vow.

There milk chocolate coconut almonds from CVS are UNHOLY.

I tried a sample of Glamglow’s Glowstarter moisturizer and was pleasantly surprised at how it really does give you a pleasant glow. What’s that about.

It’s uncivil how expensive body suit/swimwear hangers are. Who is this benefiting? I just want to hang my delicate bodysuits and carry on with my day.

Trader Joe’s has started selling their own vodka and I’m hoping they’ll start to sell it in New York soon. Seems weird that they don’t already.

I tried a small sample of Charlotte Tilbury’s Magic Elixir and discovered that the true magic behind the elixir is how she got anyone to believe that it does anything at all. Makeup products truly enrage me at times.

Nathan and I went to a movie theatre and it was everything I wanted it to be and more. We saw Godzilla vs. Kong and I found myself beaming through every inane scene. Perfect movie to see after a year of no theatres. Would I ever watch it again? Good lord no.

I bought a lotion bar from Gift Box on Broadway in Astoria and I love it. I think I’d use it more if it were slightly smaller and more manageable, but I love it nonetheless.

I tried Rao’s spaghetti and it was incredible, so now I’m forced to seek out their other types of pasta. Such a quality pasta.

I ate at The Pineapple Club and the basil fried rice and frozen pina coladas were both outrageously good.

I bought this bag from Zara and I’m honestly nervous to even wear it out for some weird reason. Like, am I the person who would have a bag like this? Do I want to be that person? Am I feeling this way because of having nowhere to go for so long? Have I always been this fearful? Some of these questions I shouldn’t answer, I realize.

Just bought these shoes in tan and I think I have my life all figured out now. Now if I can just leave the house wearing said shoes and holding said bag.

Speaking of shoes, I truly can’t decide if I love or loathe these slippers.

Last shoe thing: head over HEELS (not sorry) in love with these feet hugging sandals. Should’ve bought four more pairs.

I made these chocolate banana muffins and they were great but the real standout is the recipe at the bottom for the salted honey butter. Christ, you should make that butter.

I perused Molly Baz’s new cookbook and it’s a big one. Some standout recipes: The Big Italian salad, a dilly horseradish cream sauce for shrimp, and of course her caesar salad recipe.

I never thought I’d be the type of person to buy fake plants, but this one is so lifelike and pretty that I had to get it. Plus it’s perfect for the top of a bookshelf.

Above Photo: Fake plant from Target

It’s ramp season and I couldn’t be happier about it, you’ll hear more about my ramp creations next month.

I watched This is a Robbery on Netflix and don’t waste your time. Yes, it’s an interesting story, but save yourself a few hours and go read this instead.

I’m watching The Nanny and loving it. I’ve only ever watched a few episodes growing up, and I thought I would hate it because of how much everyone makes fun of Fran’s voice but her voice is fine! It’s wild that anyone ever said it was annoying. Also, the theme song is catchy as hell.

I rewatched Speed and it’s, of course, still great. What can’t Keanu do.

I watched the 90s movie The Crush and it’s really weird that movies like that would never have a chance being made today.

I’m all caught up on Riverdale now and… it’s hard to remember when it was really good. Maybe it was all Skeet Ulrich? Was that the main draw in my mind? I can see that making sense. In any case, it’s taken a turn.

There’s something so inviting about having good washroom rugs, I just got these soft-as-hell Threshold ones and I’ll never buy another brand again.

I visited the midtown Ideal Cheese Shop (been meaning to forever) and it’s such a great spot for NYC delicacies as well as, obviously, cheese. They had pre-packed bacon from Peter Luger and salmon from Daniel Boulud.

Things are already changing fast with new restrictions loosing in NYC, but did you know you can rent out a bar for an hour?

I tried the breakfast Beyond Meat sausage patties and surprise, surprise, they’re great. There’s nothing this company can do wrong. I’m becoming suspicious.

I got drinks and some small bites at Bar Dalia in Astoria and what a sweet little place! Would go again.

I finally got my hands on the kitchen-scented mini candles from Trader Joe’s (the scents are lemongrass, tomato leaf, fresh mint). They fill me with joy, unfortunately. I also got their grapefruit scented body butter, which goes on very smoothly but I’ve noticed it has a scent that’s slightly off-putting over time. I will not dwell on that fact further.

Had no idea that Banza made a pizza crust but I tried it and it’s wonderful.

I love seeing what promotional giveaways are planned for the upcoming baseball season but since we’re technically still in a pandemic, the Mets are only releasing what the promotions are each month (makes sense). So I’ve bookmarked the page to go look at on the first of each month.

I don’t eat a ton of fast food, but I’m sorry, some of these are genius ideas.

I’ll regret it if I don’t buy a box of these, right?

I know that it’s common to read an article about something and feel “that’s me!” but this one really resonates with me: “There’s a Name for the Blah You’re Feeling: It’s Called Languishing.”

The best brand at Target: A New Day.

Love and fully agree with all of this woman’s questions about things that don’t make sense.

I was walking past a Home Depot in Queens and the smell of the sandwiches at Rocco’s was heavenly. I had just eaten, otherwise I would have leaped into line. Must remember to get a Philly cheese steak here next time. The Yelp reviews are calling me.

I bought this earring organizer from The Container Store and it’s perfect. Fully recommend. I also finally got a purse organizer and some shoe boxes that make me feel like I might be a successful woman in her prime.

Above Photo: Earring Stand from The Container Store

Above Photo: Left: purse storage holder, Right: shoe storage boxes, Not Shown: me, opening & closing my closet door ten times to bask in my new found organizational skills

I had no idea Zara had a home section. I wish I didn’t have this knowledge, but now that I do, you must too. Literally ALL of these glasses are gorgeous. Tempted to go smash each glass in my kitchen cupboard right this instant.

This Artist Faked Being a Billionaire to Photograph New York City's Best Views - such a great idea, such great photos. How was it not me who came up with this?

Some more spring recipes I’m dying to make:

Ramp & Ricotta Tart

Grilled Asparagus Caesar Salad

Lemon Poppy Seed Cake

Scallop Risotto with Lemon & Sweet Peas

Grilled Caprese Skewers with Halloumi and Sourdough

Some things that I’m looking forward to this month: the new/final season of Shrill comes out this week (!), I might be going to a Mets game (!!), dying to eat at Under The Volcano, really want to visit the new Dippin' Dots store, I’ve been craving a good club sandwich for months so I might try to get brunch at Mark’s Off Madison, I know it might be early but I can’t wait to go tan on Governors Island soon, and at some point I’d really love to take one of these pasta cooking classes.

Above Photo: The club sandwich at Mark’s Off Madison, photo courtesy of Front of House

If you’ve got any interest in reading last month’s roundup, you can see what went down in March over here.

#monthly roundup #this is liz heather #Liz Heather #April 2021 #things to do 2021 #NYC #best of NYC 2021

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miiaolsen · 7 years ago

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-> #lowcarb #lowcal #macrofriendly #highprotein #myrecipe 2-INGREDIENT VEGAN PROTEIN COOKIE DOUGH February 17, 2017 5 Comments • This 2-ingredient vegan protein cookie dough is easily customizable to suit all your cookie dough needs! Try adding cinnamon, ginger and nutmeg for gingerbread cookie dough, peanut butter for peanut butter cookie dough or mixing in some chocolate chips for a real treat! The texture falls somewhere between cookie dough and cake batter, whatever you want to call it, it tastes amazing and is super simple to make. Just two everyday ingredients needed! I usually enjoy it for breakfast with a side of tofu scramble and veggies. It’s a nice alternative to protein oats and a great way to re-fuel after a hard morning workout. I like making a big batch on the weekend so I’m ready for yummy, cookie dough breakfast all week! 2-Ingredient Vegan Protein Cookie Dough for Breakfast2-Ingredient Vegan Protein Cookie Dough for Breakfast MACRO CREATIVITY I seem to be at my most creative in the kitchen when I’m tracking macros. Not that this is a creative recipe or really even a recipe at all (just mix two things together!) but I’ve come up with some pretty delicious macro-friendly treats lately! (I consider this vegan protein cookie dough to be a dessert. Even though I eat it for breakfast, it’s doughy and carby and feels like dessert to me!) I will always find a way to include treats in my diet because I love sweets and creating them makes me happy. And when you’re tracking your macros, sometimes you need to get a little creative to fit things in! BEST MACRO-FRIENDLY DESSERT INGREDIENTS To make healthier desserts, there are a number of ingredients that make creating lower fat and carb treats a breeze. For a recipe to be considered “macro-friendly”, it’s typically lower in calorie with a good balance of macronutrients. Using the ingredients below to replace fats and carbohydrates can help bring those two macros down in recipes that are typically high in fat and carbs. I like to keep desserts low fat with a manageable amount of carbohydrates and some protein. The more balanced each meal and snack I eat is, the easier it is to keep my macros balance overall. The ingredients listed below are my favourites for making lower calorie desserts. I like to keep these on hand and ready to go! • 1. Unsweetened applesauce: replace oil in recipes, yummy mixed with protein, oats and used in other recipes. Try my apple oat protein muffins! 2. Coconut flour: great for lower carb and grain-free baking, pancakes etc. 3. Canned pumpkin: a must-have and staple in my kitchen, awesome in smoothies, oats and baking! 3. Sweet potato puree : excellent source of vitamins and minerals and great for baking, adding to oats, pancakes and more! 4. Frozen fruit: once thawed, frozen fruit purees are great for making sugar-free jam, adding to oats and pancakes, using in baking and other recipes, my favourite is strawberries since they’re low in sugar. Try my strawberry protein oat bars! 6. Coconut yogurt: mixes well with protein or powdered peanut butter to make dips, frosting and pudding. 7. Cocoa powder: low in calories and perfect for all your chocolate creations, raw cacao powder is also a great option for it’s health benefits. 8. Vegan protein powder: add protein to pretty much any dessert recipe and making protein mug cakes, I use Vega Performance Protein for most of my recipes, Vega has a pea protein base which works great in most instances, I also keep a number of other vegan proteins such as hemp and brown rice, I like them for adding protein to smoothies, oats and energy bars. 9. Quick oats: awesome for baking, pancakes and other recipes. Try my protein cookie dough oats! 10. Cinnamon, pumpkin pie and other spices: add variety and flavour to your desserts without adding calories. 11. Banana: both fresh and frozen banana is a must-have at all times! Try my baked chocolate banana oatmeal bars! 12. Dairy-free chocolate chips: not exactly healthy but I like how far 1 tablespoon can stretch so I always keep some on hand for chocolate-craving emergencies, dark chocolate is also a good option. 13. Powdered peanut butter: absolute must-have for macro-counting peanut butter lovers, I use Naked brand. Try my peanut butter banana cookies! 14. Stevia – I use powdered stevia or liquid stevia drops for a calorie-free sweetener. 15. Unsweetened almond milk – very low calorie, dairy-free alternative to cow’s milk, excellent in all sorts of dessert recipes. 16. Zuchinni – grated zucchini can be handy for adding volume to baking. Try my skinny chocolate chip zucchini muffins! Other than that, keep baking basics such as baking powder, baking soda, arrowroot starch and a good quality sea salt and you’ll always be ready to make a healthier option to satisfy your sweet tooth. • KEEPING SUGAR IN CHECK Even though I love sweets and include them in my diet almost daily, the base of my diet is still vegetables. Try not to go crazy with an “if it fits my macros” mindset. You can easily reach your daily macro goals through healthy, low sugar whole foods. PUT VEGGIES FIRST The great thing about flexible dieting is that there is room to include treats but you should still make healthy choices for the most part. Micronutrients are just as important as macronutrients, especially if you want feel your best, and not be starving all the time! What works best for me is eating tons of non-starchy vegetables, some starchy vegetables and fruit, some grains, beans and lentils, some nuts and then I add protein sources like seitan, tempeh and tofu and fill in the gaps with a protein supplement. If you’ve read some of my earlier posts on vegan flexible dieting, I shared that I’ve found it nearly impossible to reach the protein requirements without some supplementation. That being said, it’s still possible to get most of my protein through whole food sources, without the need for a ton of soy products. • 2-INGREDIENT VEGAN PROTEIN COOKIE DOUGH Enough chit chat, right? Let’s get to this vegan protein cookie dough! Honestly, this isn’t much of a recipe, I just really love it so I thought it’s about time to share! It’s made by blending baked sweet potato with Vanilla Vega Performance Protein. That’s it. 2 simple ingredients. I love the texture of Vega Performance Protein in recipes like this and even on it’s own. I often eat it as protein pudding just mixed with water, or mixed into applesauce, coconut yogurt or pumpkin puree. PROTEIN COOKIE DOUGH VARIATIONS There are plenty of ways to customize this recipe. I usually keep it basic and then add my favourite toppings after. 1. Low-Fat Peanut Butter Cookie Dough: replace some of the protein powder with powdered peanut butter. 2. Gingerbread Protein Cookie Dough: add 2 tsp cinnamon, 1 tsp ginger, a pinch of nutmeg, a pinch of salt and a drizzle of molasses. 3. Oatmeal Raisin Cookie Dough: replace some of the protein powder with oats, add raisins and cinnamon. 4. Double Chocolate Protein Cookie Dough: use chocolate Vega Performance Protein, replace a few tablespoons of the protein with cocoa powder, add chocolate chips. 5. Snickerdoodle Protein Cookie Dough: add plenty of cinnamon, a drizzle of maple syrup and pure vanilla extract. 6. Coconut Macaroon Protein Cookie Dough: replace some of the protein with unsweetened shredded coconut and a few drops of coconut extract. You can add also chia seeds, hemp seeds, ground flax, maca…anything you can think of! It’s not super sweet so if you want it a bit sweeter, taste it after blending and sweeten with a bit of stevia. Sometimes I also add a dash of baking soda and a little pinch of sea salt to enhance the cookie dough flavour. Up to you! SERVING SIZE I use this recipe to make 3 servings but it could easily stretch into 4 or 5. If you make 3 servings out of it, the macros are 38 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fat and 33 grams of protein. I usually add 1 tablespoon of almond butter when I eat it post-workout to get a bit more fat in after training. • VEGAN PROTEIN COOKIE DOUGH This 2-ingredient vegan protein cookie dough is amazing for breakfast topped with almond butter, coconut and chocolate chips! Keep a batch in the fridge and grab a spoonful anytime you feel a cookie dough craving coming on. Sugar-free, oil-free, gluten-free. * Author: Deryn Macey * Total Time: 5 mins INGREDIENTS * 500 grams cooked sweet potato (peeled), approximately 2 large or 4 small * 3 servings (126 g) Vega Vanilla Performance Protein * optional: * a bit of powder or liquid stevia, to taste INSTRUCTIONS 1. Place ingredients in a blender or food professor and mix until it forms a thick dough. 2. Place in the fridge for a few hours up to overnight to firm up. You can eat it right away but it’s best after chilled in the fridge! NOTES If you plan on topping with nut butter, try mixing it in before placing in the fridge. The texture with added peanut or almond butter is amazing! I usually divide my dough into 3 containers for food prep, then mix 1 tablespoon of almond butter into each one. Alternatively, you can add 3 tablespoons of nut butter to the blender when making the whole batch. YUM! To make the baked sweet potato, simply pierce your sweet potatoes with a fork a few times and place in the oven. Bake at 350 degrees until easily pierced through with a fork or knife. Let cool until you can handle them, the skin should easily peel off. Add to a blender or food processor with the protein and mix until smooth. I’d recommend adding a food scale to your kitchen for accuracy when baking and making other recipes. Volume amounts can vary greatly so cooking by weight is the way to go for best results. NUTRITION * Serving Size: 1/3 of recipe * Calories: 300 * Fat: 3 * Carbohydrates: 38 * Protein: 33

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