#This is old just like everything else I've been posting lately lmfao

[happylittlesatyr]

When marimba rhythms start to play~

[sizzlingpatrolfox]

Honestly, what’s so bad about caring about and loving Jimin only and not the others though? I respect and admire them all, I just don’t love the others as much as I love Jimin. OT7s seem to love crucifying “PJMs” or “solos”.

This is an old ask but everything is still valid today.

There's nothing wrong about it. Armys are just entitled and they want to control everything people do and say. Trying to dictate who you can love/like it's plain insanity. Even in a real life group of friends you don't care about everyone in the same ways.

Same goes for shippers, because they can wholeheartedly believe one member cares about other the most, but get angry if someone else believes a different thing? Either we all agree that they all care for each other the same or we're all allowed to have our own opinions about it.

They have it against Jimin solos probably because they've always made themselves known and spoke out. Also, because most of them are taekookers or JK stans or Taehyung stans, and that's self explanatory. Most of them are literally solos of taekook, but of course they have their little armys accounts and pretend that they love all of them. Then they log in to a different account and write defamatory pieces on Jimin. How many of those accounts lately haven't been exposed for liking a tweet from a Jungkook akgae?

The truth is that 90% of the people that like Jungkook, hate Jimin. And that's just how it is. Be it because they're taekookers or because they're JK akgaes, they have ALWAYS been the most hateful towards Jimin. But they pretend and make everyone believe their little ot7 act because they know army is Jungkook's only and biggest fan base. Even as solos they lick armys ass because they know who's pulling the weight. Pjms have never begged armys for nothing, and I really mean nothing. If they're calling them out about something, it's because army is supposed to be Jimin's fandom but not really because pjms like them or need them.

I'm not saying alllllll armys are bad and I actually defended them plenty when face came out because they also supported it, though only for a week and their support has never really been for the right reasons but well. Don't look a gifted horse in the mouth, I guess.

However, they can't see how much space they're giving to other solos to thrive in the fandom because they're only looking out for pjms. 90% of those "JK biased" armys and even jikookers are literally Jungkook akgaes.

I've talked a lot of times about the way jikookers have weaponized Jimin's love for JK; they used it to fight taekookers and others and Jimin only got hate in the process because it was an easy target, I mean it was already a weapon anyways. You only use a weapon to defend the person behind it, which was Jungkook in that case. They still do that, "Jimin loves him how could you hate him!1!!1". What does that have to do with anything.

They couldn't and can't use Jungkook because his "affection" was so easily debunkable. For most of the decade, they barely even had moments they could use of Jungkook being nice to Jimin. Jimin's travelling with him to his debut and posting about all of his releases and chart positions. Jungkook: one (1) single weverse live is all they got in 10 years lmfao.

And got hate too because I will keep saying it, people who like Jungkook, don't like Jimin. Pjms realized this long ago, that's why they're so against jikookers. They knew that nobody who liked Jungkook would ever be their or Jimin's ally. As opposed to Jungkook and Taehyung akgaes who have each other's backs -because they're both the same.

Armys have also weaponized Jimin's love for the members but against pjms. They use it as a reason for pjms to not love him, that's madness???!?!?!!?! All those tweets the last couple of days basically going "do you really love a person as kind and supportive as Jimin? Ha! It must suck for you." Do they even hear themselves.

By their logic, shouldn't they support Jimin the hardest? I mean, he's literally the only one who's supporting the members they love, so why the resentment? Why use that against Jimin and not use it in favor of Jimin? Let's not even go on what does that say about the other members support for Jimin. Which is close to being nonexistent. No, Jungkook watching lives to an audience full of armys and his own akgaes that despise Jimin wasn't support or promo either.

[fainthedcherry]

7.3.24 there was a deadline for a DTIYS my IRL friend, kobra_the_artist , hosted back around February!! I had like...3 days to finish the sketch I started back in February. It's...A pain being late to EVERYTHING with a deadline, but at least deadlines help me push finish a drawing, I otherwise would let rot in my WIP folder for almost a year (hell, some sketches are like 3 years old that are rotting in there now, that I'm self-aware about, yet still keep forgetting. ._." )

I don'ttt have too much to say on this one? Since it was a DTIYS, I recommend checking out the insta post simply, I'm not about to take my friend's artwork and cross-post it to somewhere else, I feel, that'd be scummy to do. :T SO LINK TO THE OG CONTEST POST! HUZZAH! plusssss, I think I yapped enough on my own insta post. :v

I just rlly wanted to draw Kobra, as I love her sona's design. I adore demon-anything, can u blame me LMAO. I need excuses to draw ppl's OCs willingly and gladly more. It's so hard to motivate myself to draw something at all for people anymore AUUUUGH

Somehow I won 1st place??? Don't ask em HOW, as I found other people's entries much better than mine ngl, butttt I'll never understand, that my art is actually enjoyed by some people anyway, ngl. Even years later, I still sometimes feel, like I don't deserve to call myself an artist LMFAO

I also added a little funne below, we both wanted to draw for fun, once we were in a call just rambling and stuff. On the right, has been drawn by Kobra!! (You can open the green, first link above, to her insta itself! She doesn't have Tumblr. No one in my friend group does, but I love Tumblr tbh. :"))

You should try ceramic pans. They are the best flavour. /lh

ANOTHER POST THERE IS! WHERE ART IS! I might post character concept-refs next. I'm running out of "good-looking things" to post, that won't make me look like a total amateur from the 2010s DA era. I've only uploaded these in my scraps on DA back then, so maybe you'll get weekly posts, as I draw concept refs basically weekly, to keep my chara-base up to date for comms and art exchange!

I wanna do a DTIYS myself some day!! But maybe in 4 years, where I dream of having paid off all my art-debt finally I've been working so hard to pay off on lately...

[wakgaes]

@ writingmymuses, wenrene shipper

x.com/writingmymuses/

🗨️ https://x.com/writingmymuses/status/1534220350480732161 🔗 https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1517707/everything-else-is-transitory 🔗 Just sick in the head

| How old is this person? Doesn’t she have a job? Is this person even a woman? It’s interesting that all wakgaes have the same personality, they are all mean. Not even in a bully type of way, they all seem like losers who just hate everyone and everything except Wendy [post/43728/]

🗨️ Hey just letting you know one of the Wakgae trolls is twitter.com/writingmymuses (the bio says it all lmfao) ... | This one and their loon friend, TinAndra (+narkar) are the condescending wakgaes... [post/43735]

🗨️ Type "wife" into her search bar and don't tell me she sounds like a straight male Redditor the way she speaks about her wife omg | Honestly, I doubt that person is even married. A woman in her late thirties, married, and still spents so much time online harassing baetokkis on internet nugu forums and writing fanfics? And her wofe is fine with that and even encourages her? Idontknowrick.gif https://twitter.com/writingmymuses/status/1761128307448496438 [post/43756]

| Sound like they made up a wife in their head to be honest [post/43755]

https://x.com/writingmymuses/status/1702874444874584405https://x.com/writingmymuses/status/1812672153852264684

https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1522803/the-family 🔗 *Authored by akgae TinAndra 🗨️ Not a wr shipper she said https://twitter.com/writingmymuses/status/1600503156789903361 https://twitter.com/writingmymuses/status/1599602374825631745 🔗 She's also updated with fanwars etc like she doesn't have a life https://twitter.com/writingmymuses/status/1574757297460748288 [post/43725]

🗨️ I don’t understand this kind of behavior. If you ship two people, would it be logical to think that you like both of them? But seems like most wenrene shippers hate irene so much. I don’t see this kind of behavior with seulrene shippers (not the ones I follow, at least). [post/43724]

🗨️ My brain capacities will never be able to extend enough to understand shipping 2 people and hating one of them, i'll never understand that. To me it's peak mental illness. [post/43746]

🗨️ LMAO idek this account but im blocked by them | Da me too and she’s Indonesian, it checks out. Indo and Filo wakgaes are the ones spreading hate in the fandom. | wenreners always mass block aseul fans so that they can't get corrected and can continue to spread their narratives [post/43711]

🗨️ I can't find a wenrener who was a hater before. They all went bitter after S&I went to Jeju. The fact that they can't let go because Wendy keeps feeding it is crazy. | Nah, they were haters way before Jeju, although Jeju was the last straw for many of them. I remember back in 2019 we were already having discussions about wenrener's paradoxical hate boner for Irene on the old forum. Heck, I been in this fandom since Bad Boy and I was there when wakgaes dominated the RV thread on the original L chat (back when it was on Z boards) and while they loved to rave about their wenrene moments and discuss wenrene fanfics, the moment someone dared to talk about Irene on a positive light outside of her role in the wenrene ship, they became rabid dogs.

They've always been envious of Irene because she's everything That Wendy (and by proxy, them) is not, but at the same they want to "posses" her so bad that they've managed to compartmentalize in their minds their hate for Irene and their ship so it doesn't cause them cognitive dissonance. They're a weird bunch, in all my years as a kpop fan I've never seen anything alike. | As a Seulgi bias, I have a different take on this. Based on observations, they hate Seulgi even more because Seulgi is everything that Wendy is not and she has a lot of connections within the industry. They know that Wendy can’t have those and Irene is the only person that Seulgi is very close to and by proximity is close to Wendy as well. This may sound like Irene is being objectified but they want to steal her away from Seulgi and have that one thing that Seulgi has a deep relationship with. For them, Irene is nothing but a trophy. The hate that they have towards Irene is due to the fact that she chooses to hangout with Seulgi (and Yeri) and doesn’t feed their delusions. They have asked her multiple times to do something with Wendy, may it be to upload a photo of them together or do a challenge together but Irene hasn’t done all of those and only mentions Seulgi on bubble and posts photos of them on ig. | I don't agree with this. If that was the case, Seulgi would be the main vessel to pour all their hate into, but even during Seulgi's recent "controversy" (it feels stupid even writing this word) they just used Seulgi's "controversy" to hate on Irene both here and on the Irene thread. If seulgi was their main issue, they wouldnt throw a fit everytime someone mentions Irene on the k-ent thread. The viciousness they show towards Irene is on a league of its own, and as I said, it's not recent, they hated on Irene even when wrn was "thriving" and seulrene was considered a tragic ship. But let's agree to disagree. At least I think we can all agree that they also hate Seulgi and dislike yermseulrene hanging out together because it ruins their delusions of wrn been the closest, if not married. [post/43752] | Da whenever you call them out for throwing the rene of wenrene under the bus, is when they’ll change direction and pour their hatred towards S. Happens everytime. [post/43772]

🗨️ I can't find a wenrener who was a hater before. They all went bitter after S&I went to Jeju. The fact that they can't let go because Wendy keeps feeding it is crazy. | One example of this is Magnifishon. B*tch was an admin of a wr community but after 2021, she became what she is today. [post/43757]

[revasserium]

cut for length :) <3 thanks for tagging me darling!

started writing: not me at like age 9 or 10 watching lotr on tv and like... physically writing out aragorn fanfic in a spiral-bound notebook.... sdlfjksod what a time. but yeah! that's how i got started; and then ofc, i devoured hp!fanfic a la ff.net and started posting my own but y'all.... actually now i think about it the first fanfic i ever properly read was actually on quizilla -- which is now LOST forever to the depths of the internet... but yeah. thats the deep cut on internet fanfic lore folks LOL

started blogging: i used to have a livejournal lmfao so yeah -- again, deepcut, ancient-magicks level of internet lore here. i was writing like... jpop boyband fanfic (sweet baby jesus lmfao) back then and it was honestly a great time but also the wild wild west. truly do not rmbr what year that was but i was like... maybe 14?

followers: im at 3378 on this blog currently u__u and im thankful for each and every one of you!

communication: i used be more active in talking to ppl on here -- i got pretty comfy with just literally sliding into ppl's dms and stuff but since life has gotten busy, i haven't had the chance :( i also used to be more active in a few writing discords that spawned from tumblr but again, haven't been active in a while in those either bc of Life (TM); in general tho, i do think that the "ease" of Ye Olde Tumblr back in the early days has died down a little. i do kind of miss it tho!

likes: i... like em? i actually don't have strong feelings about likes vs reblogs for my own content -- i think once upon a time i might've had stronger feelings, but at this point, i try to think of this blog as (just as it says in the byline) a little repository for my own writings and daydreams. and if people happen to come by and enjoy, and decide to interact with it in some way? beautiful!

requests: i like them! i just haven't had time to get to them u__u i will say i am quite particular about the requests i do accept -- usually, i'll work off of a predetermined prompt list when my reqs are open. i think it's just something in the cosmic atmosphere this summer but im like... so unmotivated to write/create/do anything other than lie on a bed and rot the past few months LOL (and from what i've seen/heard its a pretty common sentiment lately...) but after this slump, i do plan to get to my reqs :)

writing: i'm both fast and slow, i think -- again, once upon a time, when i wrote as a job, i could basically sit down and just bang it out; i'd be able to churn out like 3-4k words a day on a good day, but that's obviously not super sustainable for the long term. right now, it's like -- if i get an idea, ive gotta put down nearly everything im doing and write it down immediately, and basically finish it in one go, or else who knows how long before i'll get another wave of inspiration. so i've got a few wips that have just been kinda hangin' out half-finished for like... months. but i will say, once i've got a decent amount of a fic written, the rest is inside me somewhere. so if i did sit down and really try, i will be able to finish. i just don't seem to have that energy currently skladjfoisd

in terms of themes, i like weird wonky themes. i obviously don't mind writing smut, but it's not something i think i'm particularly good at, so it "takes" more energy for me. i like toying with unconventional timelines, perspectives, and plot devices -- telling a story backwards, or saving some vital piece of "twist" till the very end. i also love fairy-tale retellings; i think they're one of my favorite genres, both to read and to write; i love stories that everyone knows (or thinks they know) and being able to fuck with that pre-existing knowledge. other than that, there's not really anything i'll avoid? i'm fine with dark themes as well, cheating, jealousy, abuse, etc -- it all just depends on the story as it wants to be told.

alright! tagging: @violettduchess @skiagrafia @imaginethathaikyuu @sorikkung @thewaterlily @mimi-cee-hq and anyone else who's here and reading and wants to do it! <3

Behind the scenes of a Tumblr Writer - Tag Game

Hey there, I love behind the scenes and since this is something that's rarely talked about, let me start the chain... if you feel uncomfortable with a question, just skip it. You can add some if you want as well.

Started writing: I wrote my first Harry Potter fanfic at age 10. Started posting around 15,16 years old. I'm now 31, so...

Started blogging: I started on a German fanfiction site around 2010/11 I think. Might have been earlier too, but back then I was mostly reading, no posting. I really started when I got into One Direction (very late, tbh)

Followers: Currently at 961, which is wild to me. I don't even know that many people IRL. I convince myself that half of them are bots tbh, so I don't freak out all the time.

Communication: The people I talk to regularly are: a few writers who answered after I constantly reblogged and commented on their works and a few people who commented and reblogged my work. Writing and blogging on here can be pretty lonely, depending on your personality and the time you're active (I'm from Europe and a lot of my followers seem to be living in Northern America, so there's the Timezone thing) ... And I found that the best way to strike a conversation is to reblog, comment, and to not be shy. I do wish I got more asks, though....

Likes: I actually filter them out. I have 793 original posts up at the moment. It doesn't give me anything to know how many likes a fic has other than to tell me which characters are liked more than others or maybe that one fic does especially well. My activity only shows me comments, asks, reblogs with tags, and answers to my own asks. I live for the tags and the comments.

Requests: I love talking to people about ideas. That's how I started the plotbunny game because I have so many ideas and so little time. And sometimes an idea just doesn't want to be written out fully. Requests are fun because YAY, I get some mail... but then I freak out because I don't really know how to write this NOW and then I freak out because it's been a week already, two weeks, wait, two months? I'd rather have suggestions where people tell me vague things like "I'd love to read something about this side character" or "Have you ever considered this character with a soulmate trope"? because then I don't have the feeling of failing the request when I write it a little bit differently.

Writing: I am a fast writer. I know that's one of my talents. I can churn out a oneshot of 1k words in less than an hour. People read slower than I write. That can suck sometimes because you've just posted this and you want to know what people are thinking but they're not as fast as you are. I do have a lot of ideas. I want to write constantly but my brain doesn't always want to. I am trying to respect that.

There are also certain things that I just feel wrong writing. I cannot write anything suggestive (I also don't like reading it) and everything past that gives me panic attacks. I can hardly write mean characters and jealousy feels so wrong to me that I cannot write it. I've also overdone it with the soulmark trope and now I feel like everything I write about it feels lifeless.

I write best in the mornings before going to work, but I don't have much time there. I don't need special music (but it helps), but I need to have at least some energy left and at best, no distractions. But I have been writing for over 20 years, so I will say experience helps a lot.

Tagging: @revasserium @shoulmate @lemurzsquad @screamin-abt-haikyuu @toomanygoldfish @satorisoup @emmyrosee @reverie-starlight @alienaiver and @writingsofanomnivore and everyone else who wants to join

[charybdiss]

Oh no! It's a life update from what basically amounts to a stranger who never posts to tumblr anymore! :O

Hello life has been weird and wonderful lately! Which is a shocker to those of you who do know me in some capacity since all of my life updates before I dropped off the face of the earth were pretty negative. Anyway! On with the show.

I've been working the same job for almost 4 years now (in October) and while it's not what I envisioned myself doing, it's the best paid position I've ever held and I'm finally clawing my way into a position that I could see myself staying in if they'll let me.

I'm training new hires currently, and I found out that I really enjoy teaching/training. It's technically a temporary "flex" position that may end at the end of the year but the worst thing that happens then is I go back to fielding customer phone calls for a while at the same pay rate until I am needed in the training department again.

We finally moved!! We're still renting but it's a cute little house all to ourselves with no shitty neighbors playing their music so loud it rattles the windows. We got in a huge confrontation with our neighbors in the old apartment before leaving where we had to call the cops and she basically streamed live on Facebook and all of her friends threatened to get together and "roll on us" so that was fun. I hope she got new neighbors in our place who are just as loud and obnoxious as she is. Hey, maybe the nazi and his girlfriend moved back in now that the original landlord is gone! Either way, not my problem anymore :)

I had been miserable there for over a decade already (we had been there for 16+ years at the time of leaving) but finances being what they were we couldn't really do anything about it. When we finally ripped the band-aid off and jumped into our current house, it was like night and day. I caught myself for weeks still tiptoeing around and being quiet and fearful that the neighbors could hear us. They can't!!! It's phenomenal!!! And our landlord is extremely nice and flexible and any little problems we've had with the place he has fixed as quickly as humanly possible, and lives in another town so he's never here to "drop by" and inspections aren't a thing anymore. Why didn't we move sooner? To think of all the years we wasted in misery.

I guess the final bit of news is that I'm pregnant! Which is another thing I kind of never thought would happen. We were just getting comfortable with the idea of just being cat people for the rest of our lives and I think the combination of being finally happy at work and happy at home just kind of...allowed it to happen? I don't know but we're very excited and also terrified. I just had my 20 week checkup today and everything is healthy and in order as far as docs can tell. I gave them like 8 vials(!!!) of blood a couple of months ago so they could test for everything under the sun and she looks good.

Coming up with names is extremely hard but being the dorks that we are we are not above considering our (more normal-human-leaning) Warcraft character names lmfao. ONLY IF NOTHING ELSE APPEALS TO US OMFG. We're not that cruel :)

I swear I'm not the type of person who will constantly talk about baby stuff and post baby pics (come on this is a semi-anonymous platform online and is not Facebook) but I will of course tag all of my posts about finding a name and any other wacky baby adventures under some sort of tag I have yet to come up with.

I will also reward (hahaha) your patience with this rambling life update with some drawings in a bit :D

[cinnaminsvga]

i'm with that anon. also been here a little before tlhc. and i don't participate in fandoms at all anymore. on here i go mia sometimes (sometimes i just want to wipe it clean of any posts but i've had this account for 10 years way too much effort. and i'm way to attached to delete it.) i'm not really drawn to anything or anyone anymore besides bts and even then it's not in a way where im like fully surrounded and immersed i don't consume everything put out by them either. dare i say it's healthy now. but i'm also not into anything else so ??? eventually i won't even post anymore (i'm going longer and longer without posting between when i do.) omg is this what being normal is?! (i just don't want to post at all in general. i don't use social media in general mental health has been thriving since. one day i'm going to delete twitter and insta too but theyre personal and inactive accounts they don't count. but when i think of deleting tumblr or anything on it, i get an anxiety attack lmfao. and it's also how i've "kept up" with bts even when i don't post. tumblr has always been my safe place)

but i do and will still come back for you (why i also follow yoobie.) it was always more than the writing (parasocial mind your business) it's always been a comfortable safe place with you? and i don't know. they're right it feels homey. you feel like that one friend that i think about sometimes and you just hope they're always happy and doing whatever they want and living their best life. and i want nothing more for you than for you to be happy and successful in whatever makes you feel that way. when i think of you i remember you fondly and your self projection stories fondly. when i talked to you. you were always sweet. also you were kind of a big account but it never felt that way even when you were super active. it felt like a little get together of small group of people just vibing to the same stuff when you'd answer asks or post

but as for your writing i don't read fanfics anymore either haven't in years but if you ever post anything i'm RUNNING it doesn't even have to be fanfics i don't have to be a fan of whatever you write a fic of or for or if you ever decided to do like a random non fanfic story id read it too. i'll come running every time. (no pressure just know you always have my support.)

THE WAAAAY I ACTUALLY SNIFFLED WHILE READING THIS ;w;

it's just... so wild to me?? that i exist in your mind?? pardon me for sounding like a broken record but i just can't understand how i occupy any sort of space in your brain even though i'm just a stranger... like YES i kinda do be acting parasocial with my followers sometimes but it's still so??? I HAVE NO WORDS I'VE BEEN STARING AT THIS ASK FOR LIKE 8 HOURS NOW AND IDK HOW TO RESPOND BC I'M JUST OVERWHELMED WITH EMOTION ;w;

it's messages like these that really stop me from deleting this blog, truly. like i've debated deleting all my social medias for so long now but like you, i feel this sort of?? anxiety?? call me an old sap or wtvr, but the time i spent here were genuinely my fondest memories of my late teens to early adulthood. it isn't even an overexaggeration to say that i've become better as a person bc of all the interactions and relationships i've made on here!! and the idea that somehow, my presence has also extended into being this safe and familiar place for some of you really just makes me incredibly thankful 🥲

so as much as i have been less active on this site, i don't think i'll ever truly leave for good. i'll always be around to shout and scream about shit (both figuratively and literally) but maybe just not as frequently as i once did. and i hope in the future, some of you can still come by around my place and shoot a small hello :D

[gingus-doon]

pov u just shot your childhood hero, wdyd

i.e. i ramble about keiji post-shooting; his occupation, what he does, how he copes, how he feels, etc. etc.

just putting this little thing here because the post got quite long and i couldn't split it up because it's all somewhat related. it started out as a rant / informal ramble but then it got serious lololol

—

one thing i don't understand is why people hc keiji as still having a job with the police post-shooting? like that just doesn't make sense to me– not only based on his character but like... why would you wanna make him a cop with all the talk of how much the police suck lately? personally i'm a brown bitch so i couldn't be down with thirsting over a cop lol. it's just kinda confusing sjdhd

i've seen the hc of him as a private investigator, though, which i like! it's a very neat way to let him flex his detective skills without being part of a corrupt organization and without forsaking his own personal beliefs and feelings about the police, because i don't think those would change anywhere near easily and i just kinda can't see him going back into the police force because of that.

i have often wondered what keiji would do after the death game, and what he was doing before the death game or after the shooting, because i think he'd definitely quit after the shooting, with all the grief and trauma surrounding the job and his newfound cynicism.

i don't think he'd be doing private investigation before the game, or more specifically, before his character develops into something reminiscent of his old self– as he is at the start of the game, he just doesn't have that faith in protection, so i can't imagine him being an investigator at that point. HOWEVER, in a post death game OR non-death game au where keiji has started to pull himself up from that tar (most likely with the help of others lol) i think that's definitely a plausible option for him and i like it a lot :]

as for other options, though... i really don't know! this is more of a stupid idea but i considered him working in a convenience store like shin lol. i had a whoooole au about him, kai, and shin working in the same convenience store just because they can't hold down any other jobs / don't know what else to do for work. shin is able to actually hold down the job because the last manager was mysteriously taken out of commission (i don't know lol) and they were ridiculously short-staffed already so shin ended up being the "most qualified" for the now vacant position. keiji's had a string of odd jobs since the police and this is just the next one. he's hoping to find something with a better wage but this'll do for now, it's even in walking distance from his apartment. and kai, kai's trying to exercise more independence from the chidouins' after becoming his own person! so he gets what i think would be his first job (well, his first official job, anyway... being an assassin and the chidouins' personal maid were more unofficial gigs lol.) ahh that was a lotta rambling about my dumb little au but i just think it'd be neat, they're three of my favourite characters so having them just vibe with each other at work and become friends sounds nice 2 me :] also Coincidentally i ship literally every combination of those three characters so that may have played a part in my casting decisions lmfao

oh wow that was a really long and uncalled for synopsis but this is just a rambly post so it can't really be uncalled for because this post doesn't have any particular point lol (A/N after writing this— IT HAS A POINT NOW, DISREGARD PAST ME)

SO ANYWAY ! i was just considering what keiji would do right after the shooting. honestly i have noooo idea, it's the beginning of a long road of him burying his trauma in a desperate attempt to avoid facing the pain it brings, and it marks a profound loss of innocence which makes his heart begin to grow cold. it's just hard to see the beginning of the process when where he started and where he ended up are very different places.

obviously, he'd quit his job. i wonder if the hallucinations would start right away? him being naïve in the beginning, i'm sure he'd acknowledge them– cry out apologies and plead for forgiveness until his throat is hoarse. the rule of hallucinations in yttd seems to be that if you acknowledge them, they'll burn themselves into your brain and you'll never be rid of them– implying that keiji has done so, as it's likely been years since the shooting and he's still suffering from the visions despite seeming to ignore them now.

ahh, i'm getting in my feelings about keiji now 😭😭 when i started this, i wanted to be held by him, but now i just wanna hug him like damnnnn

but back to what he'd do after the shooting– this scenario is self indulgent, but wouldn't it be nice if he took some time off and just stayed at his mom's place for a while? help her with chores while she's at work, try to regain a sense of normalcy in his childhood home...

i don't think he'd be able to do this right after the shooting. keiji had shame, once upon a time– the guilt would rack him like nothing else. i can imagine him spending a lot of late nights with alcohol, just wishing it was a dream. his resentment towards megumi slowly building as he feels he's being left in the dark as to why, why he isn't allowed to atone, why she's being so cold towards him about the shooting when he's suffering so heavily from the effects of it.

he wouldn't want to be around his dear mom as a murderer, and as a resentful alcoholic who's coping very poorly with his circumstances.

also (tangent incoming), i kind of wonder about keiji and alcohol a lot. in his fondness events with mishima, he says the following—

the "haven't drank that much in years" part makes me wonder– for how long? did he start to restrain himself before the shooting or after? i would say it's most likely after, considering the "feels like it'll swallow me up" comment he made soon after. and, how he talked about binge drinking when he was still a newbie. perhaps it was fine for him to do so, before the shooting— he'd just get wasted and flirt, have a good time. but after, it morphed into an inefficient coping mechanism which he fell far within the depths of to try and control the worst of his grief and self hatred. after that, heavy drinking couldn't just be for fun anymore.

i assume in the "before it got this way" comment, the "way" he's referring to is how he doesn't drink much anymore? or, he could be talking about the depression drinking, but i think the prior makes more sense.

even though i think, given keiji's example of drinking with megumi, that he could have gotten blackout drunk a couple of times purely for fun pre-shooting, i think here he's referring to the painful side of his relationship with alcohol here, the part that took place when he was trying to cope with his trauma. i think he brings up the story of drinking with megumi immediately after, then, to avoid talking about that part of his past. though he doesn't show it much, i think he's deeply ashamed of himself. not only of what he's done, but how he's handled it afterwards.

on a lighter note, though, it's quite funny to think of Lawful Good young keiji shinogi getting drunk off his ass and flirting with every woman he comes across willing to flirt back. like, what's up with that??? he seems like such a serious dork in the flashbacks, but doing well in his police job, he just... lets loose?? no no, honestly i think he hadn't drank much before going out with megumi and he took her insistence on him drinking a little too far, and with his inexperience with alcohol and the successive lack of self restraint that comes with each new drink, you get casanova shinogi, lmao.

BACK TO THE SERIOUS STUFF THOUGH !! i really like the idea of him going to his mom to help him pull himself back together. i think they'd have a solid relationship, fight me! he seems to adore his mom as a child with a good single parent usually does. i'm sure he appreciates her immensely for all the care and love she managed to give him when he was a kid while also working her ass off to support them financially. this very respect for her is what i think would drive him to isolate himself from her after the shooting– as i said above, he's a murderer now. a disappointing human being in general, and an even worse son. to let down his mother who worked so hard to raise him right... how could he? as his condition worsens and his heart grows colder, i'm sure that feeling would fester inside of him. he'd try to ignore it, as he does with everything else, but it's already wrapped its tendrils around his soul. that particular guilt isn't leaving him any time soon.

now that i'm thinking about it, also, i don't think it's likely that he'd quit his job right right away. it'd be more of a slow descent over the span of a few weeks. immediately after the shooting, he may stop showing up to work for a while. he just can't put on that uniform when it's practically caked in the blood of someone he held in such high esteem for so long. eventually, though, he gets a hold on himself– just a bit. he doesn't want to be cooped up in his apartment with his thoughts anymore, and he doesn't want to lose his job. what else would he do?

so, he takes it easy on the first few days back. megumi tries to make it easy for him. paperwork, whatever job he could do that's not on the field. he clings to her like a wounded puppy, hoping that she'll explain why she's covering it up when he doesn't want her to, what he's supposed to do with these feelings around the incident. he's drowning, and she's made herself a big sister figure to him– she's supposed to help him. but, she shrugs him off when he brings it up. she's so harsh about it compared to how she usually speaks to him. perhaps because of her own guilt around the incident, perhaps it's the family's response and how keiji is now, how panicked and sleep deprived the poor kid has looked since that day.

so he continues to spiral with nothing to hold on to. grasps at alcohol in a futile attempt to stop falling, because it's all he can think to fall back on. he's a wreck at work– he's barely living, much less working. but megumi tries her best to keep him from getting fired. she'll get him coffee and breakfast and try to say something encouraging. "hey. hang in there, shinogi." with a touch on the shoulder. but in spite of her efforts, of course, it hits a breaking point. everyone in the job thinks keiji's too damaged to continue, saying he either needs to see a shrink or get the hell out of the way and let everyone else do their job.

and keiji just stops coming into work one day.

the downward spiral ensues.

[doubleddenden]

So, time to log my feelings for the Presentation. I was actually wrong about what all would be in it but I'm about the same level of hype to underwhelmed.

1. Nostalgia bait

Interesting vid, but kinda pointless after every direct and presents had one. Next

2. New Snap

Looks amazing, I can't wait to play it

3. Brilliant Diamond and Shining Pearl

I'm gonna get death threats for this lmfao, but I felt nothing at all. Like I'm used to some excitement but I just felt nothing. I guess it's better than nothing, but the chibi style isn't how I pictured it at all and kinda feels cheap. I appreciate the polish, but still, it could have at least been like the SwSh DLC. And it sounds like they're going to be focusing more on DP, which... sucks, ngl, since Platinum were the games gen 4 fans probably really wanted. Let's just hope they aren't TOO faithful to DP or else we have half the Sinnoh dex locked to post game and 8 annoying HMs, and at least have the Platinum fire types

Still, ILCA has me somewhat hopeful. They had involvement with the development for Dragon Quest 11, a fantastic game more people should play, so I have slight more hope. I'm not too happy about Junichi "kids and their smart phones are too busy for the Battle Frontier lol" Masuda co directing, but at least they probably can't make it worse than the originals with the other guy there.

Maybe with the new engine we won't be waiting 4 hours for a Pokémon to faint or level up

3. Legends Arceus

Now THIS is what I pictured. I'm surprised at many things, but this looks so fresh! Not to mention

They got all three of my favorite starters! Fucking finally, what took you so damn long? (Oh right, Home subs)

The open world aspect should have been was SwSh was to begin with, and even in alpha the games look better than base SwSh in the final product, but better late than never. This is an interesting approach to a Pokémon game, and although I'm not fond of the JUST THROW A BALL mentality inherited from GO and Let's Go, it looks like you can still do wild battles so it works out.

I could stand to revisit past regions like this. Probably healthier than releasing 60 sub par designs every 3 years and then being expected to work on remakes and a new gen at the same time. The Legends title implies that this is going to be a series, perhaps? I'm okay with that, let's just make this game fun though

Also NGL, I've always wanted to explore a Pokémon region in a non modern time. I swear I either had a dream or falsely remember a scan of DP but it's like feudal or Pre Victorian Era, and you hop off a very old looking boat. Plus there was always the whole thing involved with Samuel in the 4th Movie, so the thought has always been in the back of my head. I'm kinda bored of cities all the damn time, so maybe finally seeing Pokémon in PROPER nature is what I needed

I think the most interesting aspect is definitely Arceus. Will we finally unlock wtf it exactly is (other than god) after 15 years of mystery?

Now, I'm cautiously optimistic. The game looks good, but this is Game Freak we're talking about. They can find any number of ways to screw up and probably will, and if it's Ohmori at the helm, corners will be cut. Not to mention if it's like SwSh, the Alpha footage will most likely be the exact same or close to the same product we get in the end.

Still, cautiously optimistic. Don't fuck it up. Please don't. I wanna pick my Cyndaquil buddy and go explore and fight everything in peace. Please just be good.

[thevampirediariesdiary]

[1/7] HELLO! so i just had to come here bc i found your blog through your 1x19/1x20 fic on ao3, and i've also been rewatching tvd (very slowly) lately, and trawling your tags to get a fix of delena lol, but there's something i've been thinking about for yearssss but your fic recently made me think of it differently as did your posts, so i would love to hear your opinion properly... so it is confirmed that damon fell in love with elena in 1x19 during the dance, but it was always MY opinion

[2/3] that he didn't KNOW-like, consciously-that he had fallen in love with her, and i’ve often debated with myself about when he could have realised it; i think the easiest answer is that isobel saying “because he’s in love with you” is when he was like Oh Shit because he after that moment DOES become a lot more flirty with her (and in the next episode kisses “her” cheek/lips lol, romantic feelings for sure)… but the way you wrote it in in the 1x19-1x21 posts and the last a/n on your fic makes [3/7] me think that you think he WAS aware he had fallen for her in 1x19? so he was what just not sure how to deal with it? i guess i just have always wondered about this because damon’s behaviour doesn’t seem to indicate he had fallen in love and Knew about it, 1x20 damon and elena are definitely a lot closer but they’re closer because they’re trying to help stefan together so it’s natural for them to be spending a lot more time together. and he goes with alaric with some hope that he can [4/7] find a clue about katherine/he still has katherine on the brain…?1x21 damon has some of the BEST moments imho that support both sides (he knew/he didn’t know yet); he is all Elena you don’t have to see isobel if you don’t want to, we should be in there; and then the threatening of isobel’s life to leave elena alone [5/7] this is so jumbled. i guess i just want to know how you feel about this Very Important question: did he know he had fallen in 1x19 and if so WHY (and if not, was it isobel saying it out loud for the first time that made him realise?). lmfao (also sorry about the many asks…blame tumblr for that.) [6/7] ooh also a follow-up question because i would love to hear it (and bc i just watched rose last night so it’s very fresh in my mind lol): why do you think damon chose to tell elena he loved her at that moment? is it just bc she didn’t have her necklace, so he had the opportunity to do it and then walk away? it’s so romantic to me that if this is true it seems like he was bursting to tell her “i just have to say it once” like it was always on the tip of his tongue??????? [7/7] would he have told her if she had never lost her necklace…probably not, he definitely needed to know he could erase her memory of it lol… ahhh yes would love ur thoughts… anyways, sorry for all these messages again... also just would love you to know how much i love your fic it brings me such joy, i did leave a message on there (most recent one lol) but may as well tell you again it is sooooo good!!! i love how you write them so in character!! 

THANK YOU for this message!!  I’m so glad you enjoyed You’re Still Here!!  and I definitely feel you on the whole “they confirmed that x moment was when so-and-so fell in love….but like…was it?” thing, because my kneejerk response to almost everything I learn from the commentaries is “yeah right”, haha.  BUT once I got over the initial resistance, the moments they name – the MMF dance for Damon and the birthday necklace for Elena – do have a kind of internal consistency, they work.  so yeah, I do think Damon knew he was in love with Elena in 1x19.  the big things for me are his face during the waltz (awed and affectionate), his face when he walks into the room after she drugs Stefan (oddly vulnerable almost), and the line “I’ve had a no good very bad day” (if he hadn’t just figured out that he was in love with a girl he could never have, I honestly don’t know why the day would be that bad haha).  plus, the way he reacts in 1x20 when she says that he’s been punishing Stefan for letting Katherine get caught – it’s really dramatic. it’s very important to Damon, suddenly, that Elena not be deceived about him.

on the other hand, though, the thing with Damon always is, what kind of love? throughout the show, I’m always pretty willing to give the answer, “yeah, Damon’s in love with her”.  but is he only in love with her, or is he also in love with Katherine at the same time?  does he truly love her, or is it a grasping, desperate, clingy love?  does he love her and think they could be together, or is he determined to love her from afar, for her own good?  and at the point of 1x19 I think the answers are still pretty mixed up: he knows he loves her but he also knows she loves Stefan, and so he clings to his love for Katherine as a kind of escape.  he thinks Elena might love him back when he kisses “her” in 1.22, but even then, that brief illusion isn’t enough to push out all of his old feelings for Katherine – Katherine has to totally reject him before he makes his feelings for Elena truly the guiding principle of his life.  finally, he has nothing else left, and so he can focus purely on keeping her safe and tending his love for her.

as for 2x08, I think it’s actually very intrinsically tied up with 1x19!!  before both episodes, Katherine’s been set aside in a significant way, taking her out of the picture.  in both episodes, Damon arrives at the bottom of a staircase to rescue Elena.  but where in 1x19 he knew she didn’t love him, but he still had a place in her life – her friend, her protector, her warrior – in 2x08 there’s no clear place for him.  Stefan’s drinking blood and in control, and Damon lost her trust; she runs down the stairs and into Stefan’s arms, and he’s left alone.  and Damon accepts it!  he feels all over again the devastation of losing Katherine and never having been loved by her or Elena, and still he loves Elena.  even though she hates him (she doesn’t) and he doesn’t deserve her, he finds that her “thank you” is enough for him.  compassion and gratitude from her is worth more than anything from someone else, it’s worth staying for.  he loves her, only her, without any hope of return, and he makes his peace with that.  and I think the only way he knew to let her go is tell her and then to very literally take it away, set her free even from the memory.  

I think he’d never said it before because on the one hand, she didn’t need to be told because she already knew, every villain of the week comments on it, but also because if he held back from saying it then maybe the perfect moment would come along and he’d tell her and it would mean something, she’d say it back.  he can say it now because he knows she’s not gonna say it back, and he’s okay with that. it’s still the deepest truth of his heart, and it deserves to be spoken and heard, even if it’s a hopeless truth.

it’s definitely a difficult scene to interpret, though, because he prefaces the whole thing by saying “this is maybe the most selfish thing I’ve ever said”, but then says that he doesn’t deserve her and erases her memory, which doesn’t seem selfish – and years after the fact when she recovers the memory he calls it selfish again??  which I don’t understand, unless he thought hearing it would cause her pain, which it…doesn’t seem to???  so I tend to just ignore that entire aspect of the scene.  I think this is Damon being unselfish, acknowledging his own capacity for selfishness which ruined everything in 2x01, and then rejecting it. 

this is quite a rambley answer haha.  I hope I answered everything adequately, and I hope it makes sense!