#This is like getting mad at a house cleaner for telling you not to spray bleach on your carpets for stains

[thetepes]

Fuck you. Fuck Britt. If you don't want anything done or said about Lorch then fuck off and get over her.

Sorry, I'm actually posting this one because it's funny.

[hannahssimblr]

Chapter Twenty-Nine (Part 2)

“Mad,” Izzy is saying, “Where does the time go, really? How is it the end of August already? The year just flies by, doesn’t it?”

“You sound like an old person when you say things like that,” I point out as I spray down my desk with multi purpose cleaner. 

“When you’re my age you’ll get it. One day I was twenty two and then I blinked and I was twenty seven. It will happen to you too.”

“I’m sure it will,” I flip quickly through a paint water stained notebook of old sketches and then decide to chuck it into the bin, “Or maybe not, maybe I’ll be young and sexy forever.”

“Right.”

Simon comes up the stairs carrying his lunch, “Oh, you’re still here,” He deadpans, and I grin at him, “Not moved out yet, Simon, sorry to disappoint.”

“Yeah I was hoping you’d be gone, never to darken this door again by the time I got back from Subway.”

“Nah, you’ll miss me.”

He laughs, “I will.”

“We’ll all miss you,” Izzy said, “You’ve been the most perfect addition to our little team here, I don’t want to think about how it’s going to be without you.”

“Messier,” I say, looking at Gabriel’s desk space, tidy now, but not for long, “and without a desperate intern to get your stupidly specific coffee orders.”

“Ugh! Devastating,” She throws her arms around me in a tight hug, “Simon, can’t we keep her?”

“No,” He smiles and leans back against his desk, “I wish we could, but NCAD awaits, right Evie?”

“Mm.”

“But I will say that you’ll be missed, not just by us but by our clients. You’ve made some important people very happy this year, and I have to give you props for that. There’s a lot of things we really couldn’t have done without you.”

“It’s this creative brain,” Izzy declares, knocking on my head. “She’s a genius. We should crack her skull open to figure out the mystery.”

“If you ever want a job, Evie, you know where to come,” says Simon, “Like, no hesitation, there’s a desk for you at Mezzotint, I’d give you a job right now if you wanted it. Or a glowing reference for anybody else who wants you.”

“Though they might have to fight Simon for you,” Izzy grins. 

“Thank you, I’ll… Yeah like I’ll think about it. I’m not totally sure what I want to do yet, you know, whether I’ll go back to college or not. There’s a lot of things to mull over.” Izzy lets me go and I continue putting my things into a cardboard box. “Like, maybe I’ll hit you up for a reference, I don’t know.”

“I’ll give you one either way,” He shrugs, “Tell them to call me any day and I’ll chew their ear off about how badly they need you.”

“But you wouldn’t work anywhere but Mezzotint,” Izzy says, “You’re too loyal for that.”

I laugh, “Yeah, maybe.”

“Nah, maybe she has bigger plans,” says Simon, “Better things to do than illustrate a few birthday cards and draw signs, right Evie?”

“Well, we’ll see,” I say cryptically, “You never know what I might be thinking of next…”

Izzy cackles, “I love it, so mysterious. Well, reach for the stars, girl, you could succeed at anything you wanted to. I swear to God, fuck NCAD, you don’t need them.”

“I’ll tell them you said that.”

“Five years and you’ll be on the cover of some artsy magazine, and we’ll all read it and be mad jealous of you.”

“Yeah, but don’t forget where you came from,” Simon grins. “You’re a Mezzotint girl first.”

Time moves slowly in the liminal space between finishing my internship and going back to college. It’s like wading through syrup, the same feeling at that strange, timeless week between Christmas and New Year’s Eve, and I wonder what I ever did with my free time when I had it before. 

Jude stays over every night in order to save me from the strange terror of my empty apartment, as well as himself from the equally strange terror of his empty home now that his family have taken to the beach house for the last weeks of summer. I start to get a taste of what it might be like to actually live with him one day. He cooks every meal and I do all the laundry. It’s an easy rhythm we fall into, but besides those minor responsibilities we mostly lounge around pretending we’ve forgotten about our exercise regimes and fucking indiscriminately on every surface of the house. It’s fine, some day soon I’ll have a new housemate and we won’t be able to do this. We’re just taking advantage of the situation.

It’s comforting to turn around and see him there, watching TV while I read a book in the kitchen, shaving his face while I shower, cooking eggs in the morning with the radio playing when I come downstairs hungry. 

“Wow, you’re perfect, aren’t you?” I say as I wrap my arms around his bare torso and plant a kiss between his shoulder blades. 

“I’m just giving you a taste of the good life. Look at all you could have.”

I laugh and pinch a crispy rasher from the plate beside him, “Mm, yeah, the ‘if I drop out of college and move to another continent’ life.”

“All I keep saying is that you wouldn’t regret it.”

“Is that what this is all about, then?” I tease, “You’re on your best behaviour so that you can manipulate me, right? And then as soon as you have me in your dastardly clutches you’ll try to turn me into a Born-Again Christian wife who cooks and cleans and-”

“Yes,” he whirls around to circle my waist with one arm and kiss me, “That’s what I’m doing, I actually fucking hate cooking, this is just part of my plan to ensnare you.”

I gasp, “I can’t believe it, it’s all been a ruse! All of the sex and the sweet talk, you’re going to take it all away from me.”

He scoffs, “No, c’mon, not the sex, not even the evil version of myself would want to give that up.”

“I didn’t think so.”

“Now that you’ve brought it up, do you feel like it now?” He keeps one hand on the frying pan while he boldly slides the other down the back of my pyjama shorts, “I can hold the eggs for a few minutes.”

I laugh, “No, sorry, I need food now.”

He gasps, “Offended.”

“It’s Friday, remember?”

He nuzzles into my cheek and gently bites my earlobe, “No I’ve no clue what day it is anymore, they’ve all just blended together.”

“Well it is,” I grab his cheeks with one hand, “I have therapy at eleven.”

“Oh! I forgot, well, eat, quick,” He passes me a plate and starts loading it up with eggs and toast and then gives me a cup of black coffee that’s so strong that I have to assume he made it for himself before deciding I needed it first. “You should ask Helen what she thinks about Los Angeles,” he says. 

“I assume she thinks what everyone else thinks: That it’s overpriced and a haven for violent crime.”

He snorts, “You know what I mean.”

“Yeah, I’ll talk to her about it. Maybe she’ll have something wise to say.”

“As is her job.”

I split the yolk of my egg thoughtfully, “Did the movie studio give you a time limit to make a decision about the internship?”

“I told them I needed to think it over, but, um,” he clears his throat, “ideally I’d be able to give them an answer by Monday, you know?”

“I know,” it’s a bit hard to swallow my food all of a sudden, “just, Monday is soon.”

“Yeah. I suppose I just don’t want them to risk taking the offer away.”

“And London?”

“Nothing again today, so I mean, unless they give me some crumbs early next week, I…” he trails off. 

“I’ll see what Helen says,” I decide, and he cooks for himself while I finish my breakfast

Beginning // Prev // Next

[lunaraindrop]

Steddie prompt: mosaic.

Oh God, this one is so hard for me! See, I *see* Steddie, but my heart and muses scream "QUELIOT!!!!"

I'm afraid this isn't really filling the prompt. I just see Steve's mom coming in from wherever she and Steve's dad have been. Alone. Steve loves it when it is just he and his mom. His asshole of a dad puts a damper on everything. His mom has to practically babysit him (haha, they are alike in some ways) because he makes terrible financial choices.

She takes Steve on a drive in her Convertible, like she used to when he was a kid. The wind flies through their hair. He hasn't had this much fun with his mom since before '83. She takes him to her favorite Greek restaurant, and they eat outside on the patio, surrounded by beautiful mosaics.

Things take a more serious turn when she tells him that she and his father have heard rumors from town that Steve and one Eddie Munson are in a romantic relationship. Steve is so scared to lose his mom, but he is brave and tells her that, yes, he loves Eddie and they are together.

She is quiet, but doesn't seem mad. She actually has a tiny smile on her face and starts talking about the pretty tiles in the artwork. Mystified, Steve listens, waiting on bated breath if he is going to be disowned and have enough time to get his Farrah Fawcett spray and nailbat out of the house.

She then says something like, "I had two grandfathers, you know." He's like, "Yeah...?" Because most people have two sets of grandparents.

She's like, "No no, Steve. I mean that they were *together*. Married, even."

Steve is floored.

"Married?!"

She shrugs. "Well, it isn't legal here, but Grandad Q and Papa Eliot did not exactly follow the law. I think your Eddie would have liked them."

"How did I not know about this?!"

"Well, it is a bit of a taboo subject. People don't understand."

Steve was understanding why his dad wasn't there.

"Like...Dad?"

She sighs, but nods. "Like Dad."

Steve prepares himself again. What he hears next isn't what he expected, but god,he was so excited. Shocked, but excited.

"That's why I have left your father, and I've hired Sue Sinclair to be my divorce attorney."

After that, Steve takes his mom to the trailer park. His posh mother got along swimmingly with his metal head boyfriend. She and Wayne became good friends before becoming in laws.

As for Sue? She took Mr. Harrington to the cleaners.

Sorry this isn't an actual fic, Nonny 🤷‍♀️ I hope you like it anyway

[skullshoal]

Ok lol talking about the job I quit

So I didn't outright say it but I had to report them to OSHA because they made me clean up a biohazard with no training and no equipment. I worked in housekeeping at a condo resort and a guest broke a shower door and I was told to clean up the bloody glass. Afterwards OSHA made them right up a big letter and hold a meeting about how we are no longer allowed to clean biohazards and then ultimately nothing changed because when we asked if we could get sterile gloves and training on how to deal with biohazards because we were constantly getting them back in the laundry (which was processed on sight by us and a large part of the job despite never being mentioned on my job listing description lmao) they gave us a biohazard bin to dispose of stuff and nothing else. We got like.......blood and shit and piss and barf on sheets and towels constantly. Also I worked here during the monkeypox outbreak and had to convince my coworkers to even wear gloves when handling the dirty laundry in the first place. I strained my back from loading a washing machine and when I tried to go to the doctor I was denied after waiting an hour and a half because it was "supposed to be" workers comp and I hadn't gotten permission from my work place to be seen and it was sooooooo upsetting it sucked so bad. And then I was told to return to work on light duty even though I could hardly walk or stand straight and I told the doctor there is no sitting position at my work and he literally was just like ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯. When I returned I went back to normal work after like a day and it definitely did not help.

Also the whole place was so fucking racist oh my god. Unsurprisingly but I hated it the only poc were me and another housekeeping person and then all the contracted cleaners are Latino. And they were treated like shit they paid them the lowest in our area and had unreasonable expectations. Also one condo owner in particular was a huge racist and kept accusing her assigned cleaning company of being bad at their job and stealing stuff and when we did deep cleans during the winter she emailed out manager and said I spoke with your singular white cleaner (and not her black superior in the company she did not own) and we agreed she should do the deep clean so do it instead. I printed out the email here it is.

Oh also during deep cleans which are a week long and more than triple the price of a normal clean they started taking away units from companies who had been working in them all year long and didn't tell them to give them to another company. Our managers would not speak to them and one time one of our cleaners came in crying and the non management housekeeping had to tell her what was happening instead of LITERALLY ANYONE IN CHARGE.

Ever since the OSHA report they were like ohhhh we need to get ready cause their could be a surprise inspection anytime and came to find out MDMS sheets for the DANGEROUS CHEMICALS we used to process laundry were last updated at 2010 the latest and 2003 the earliest. 19 years out of date. Btw of course we didn't store them properly either :) here are pictures I took of the inside of house keeping. Oh yeah also we used pilot light dryers and there was no carbon monoxide alarm in this room. Also halfway through me working there we found out that one of the two fire alarms didn't even work. And no sprinklers!

Yes that is our only eyewash station and yes it did expire in 2019 😊. The Ceiling leaked and in multiple places mold grew that we had to keep spraying with bleach. All those open five gall buckets? They say to store in locked containers and keep them sealed. Yes we were breathing in evaporated hydrogen peroxide. And as you can see the walls of this room are lined with towels sheets and blankets all the way to the ceiling.

Anyway the reason I quit was the last day I worked there we were pulled into a meeting suddenly where our manager told us that everytime she was mad at us she added it to a list and now she was going to give us this list as our job guides. Because we had been saying "that's not my job too much". There are 2 dedicated maintenance departments of that property and they were sending me and my coworkers to fix a leaking shower, lift 50-90 lb packages that had been delivered to units containing freezers and chairs, change lightbulbs, and fix windows with 0 tools or training. We were in that meeting for over an hour and at the end she gave us all a write up for something that happened two weeks ago and we were never even told was a problem. My direct manager was there the whole time and said not one word in support of us despite verbally agreeing with us on all these issues. Oh and also she and my coworker had been getting into explosive fights on the reg that were giving me panic attacks. My coworker refused to work in the dangerous weather during a hurricane and my direct manager said "you aren't allowed to tell me what you are and aren't going to do." :) And by explosive I mean screaming and crying.

So yeah. There's like one billion other things but that's all for now I'm done I just started thinking about it this morning and thought I should share.

[randomcommentary]

Commentary for Twisted Date

-Not trying drowning/ killing a white man in his pool 🥴

-Jade you need better people in your life ma'am

-Yes ma'am pepper spray his ass!!

-lightskin is a true villain

-Not the OJ gloves!!

-The friend is dumb cause girl you can tell in his eyes he is crazy

-Girl laugh your ass out the door he's crazy

-RIP to Ashley😔

-Tawni came out the gate hating

-So is this cafe a Hooters/Starbucks hybrid?

-Shout out to the supervisor coming through with a job✊🏾

-Oh the manager John must be looking for some sugar to pay the rest of that rent

-Why is Jade like a vampire slayer?

-Tawni let the hate blind her. If someone pops up unexpectedly giving off on-the-run vibes I'm not asking too many questions and I'm keeping my distance.

-Francisco about to be another victim

-Francisco on that sugar booger

-Francisco trying to get some of that brown sugar

-The outfits for these pictures are low key trash

-Of course Cisco want her to come by the house😒

-House is nice though🤷🏾‍♀️

-Jade he just want the sugar girl save yourself

-Girl to get a headshot you got to give head. Everyone knows this

-Now Jade you done killed a spicy white man dead😒

-You on the run but taking pictures that will be publicly published🙃

-👻 not the ghost of the white man

-Ms. Jade don’t kill this fine man

-Oh no not this man son😱

-Girl can you please stop attending public events

-Take Tawni out! It’s time!

-Not this final destination death😱

-Devin sir leave this white man alone and go to the cleaners

-Jade is a fool. Wearing this white woman dress to a public event

-SHE’S TRASH MR. VEGA DON’T TAKE HER OR FEED HER ASS. SHE KILLED PAPA VEGA…HE WAS TRASH BUT STILL

-Frank is too damn fine

-Jade is a terrible actress! My baby Frank knows the truth!

-Here come lightskin villan😒

Side note:Frank Instagram https://instagram.com/officialctv?igshid=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ==

-Now Jade you are dumb

-Get off my Puerto Rican boo!!!

-Damn Frank

-YOU WILL BURN FOR THIS JADE!!!!🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

-Girl you really thought Ashley was still kicking???

-Fuck Jade I’m mad as hell

This was another great tubi original movie.👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[miah-pooh]

New Pool Table

Bakugou x Reader

Just recently got a pool table and I can’t stop thinking about 

You been asking Bakugou to get a pool table to put in the game room every since you moved into your new house and he keep telling you no because “You don’t even know how to play” and you pout saying “Yes I do” Walking off mumbling “I’ll get it myself and I'll show you.” 

A couple of days have passed since you impulsively bought a pool table without Bakugou acknowledgement and today is the day it's being shipped to the house and the people are putting it together so you won’t have to do it by yourself. In between the day you ordered the pool table you also ordered a ton of other stuff such as more pool sticks, a pool table cleaner spray and other unnecessary items. 

When Bakugou got home that night he was expecting to find you either in the room watching tv or cooking something to eat. “Y/n” He didn’t get a response and started walking around the house looking for you. He can hear a faint knocking sound up stairs, so he makes his way up the stairs to the game room to find you bent over the table playing pool by yourself in his t-shirt and panties.

Bakugou stares in shock and he watches you take a shot and completely miss, the ball bouncing from one side of the table to the other side.  “You really bought one.” Bakugou says, leaning against the door frame of the room. You jump at the sound of his deep raspy voice “Katsu what are you doing here? You scared me” Bakugou walked towards the pool table taking a closer look at it seeing it’s not a cheap one. “I live here to remind you and when did you buy this?” Bakugou wasn’t mad, he just didn’t think you would actually go out of your way to buy one. “ I got it since you said you didn’t want to but before you say anything just play one game with me. Please Katsu?” you ask with big puppy  eyes. Throwing his head back he takes a stick that’s sitting in the corner “Fine this is my only game.” 

Four games later and Bakugou beat you at every one. “See can’t play” Bakugou says watching you set the game up again. “I didn’t say i was good, i said i know how to play” you say pouting. Bakugou rolls his eyes at your comment “Well how about I help you then since you can’t get it right.” You mumbled something under your breath “ Bout time you offered help.” 

Bakugou gets behind you positioning your hands in the right spot to hold the stick and slowly bends you to lean over the pool table. Pushing your ass back to rub against Bakugou crotch. Bakugou tense feeling you pushing back against him. “Watch what your doin’ princess” “I know what I'm doing” you say, pushing back even more, not even paying attention. Bakugou hands slip to your hips, kneading at the flesh “don't seem like it to me.” Hands making their way under the shirt, groping at your breast, kissing down your neck. You feel yourself getting wet from his touch alone rubbing your thighs together. Bakugou hands slid down your body rubbing on your damp clothed slit. “Your fuckin wet baby” Dropping to his knees, pulling your panties down your legs. Easily spreading your legs he drag his tongue from your clit all the way to your entrance earning a whimper from you. 

“Mhmm Katsu, it feels s’good” meeting every thrust “Yeah, such a whore were you planning this from the beginning” Bakugou said as he buried his head in your neck taking in your scent. You shake your head up and down clenching around Bakugou as he gets you closer to your high. ”You're going to cum pretty girl.” a breathless yes escape your mouth as you feel you orgasm rush through your body making you squeeze around Bakugou pushing him over the edge. Bakugou tense and you feel his dick twitch inside you signaling he’s near his  end, releasing his warm sticky white cum inside moaning in your ear. You legs feel weak while you both come down your high, whimpering when he pulls away watching as his cum leaks out onto the floor. “I ain't done yet princess” he says as he manhandles you to lay on the table.

[leviscrybaby]

The Demon Brothers reacting to MC's stress cleaning

Lucifer

When he saw you in his office, his first thought was that you’re up to something.

Until he noticed the furniture polish and microfibre cloth in your hands, then he was a little offended.

His office is spotless, how high do your standards have to be if you think you need to clean in here?

His demeanour completely changes when you say it’s stress-cleaning.

He will want to know what’s causing your stress. Is it RAD? Are your classes getting on top of you? Is it his brothers? He knows they can be a bit much.

There’s no way to get out of it, either, he wants you to have a good experience in the Devildom, so if something’s bothering you, you really should tell him.

He will let you carry on if you just want to clean, though. He’ll probably point you towards areas of the house that actually need cleaning.

Mammon

He was just on his way for a bath when he found you in rubber gloves, scrubbing the tub with what you hoped was the Devildom equivalent of Dettol.

He’s confused, honestly, because he’s almost certain it’s his turn to clean the bathroom today?

Not that he’s complaining! If you wanna take over his chores, you carry on!

Just don’t let Lucifer find out…

When you explain that you’re stress-cleaning he’s… even more confused.

So, you’re stressed, so you’re cleaning?

But cleaning is stressful, so wouldn’t just make you even more stressed?

You could just vent to him, y’know?

You tell him to think of it as taking your bad mood out on the bathroom, but it’s no use, he’s never gonna see cleaning as cathartic.

Leviathan

When you ask to clean his setup he’s low-key offended.

He takes very good care of his tech, he’ll have you know!

Have you ever seen a single speck of dust anywhere near his figures? Of course you haven’t!

You explain that you don’t think it’s messy or anything, you’re just stressing and need to do something with your hands.

Will whinge.

Do you have to clean? Can’t you just play games with him?

Take it out on some low level enemies or something!

Or at least talk it out with him and leave his setup alone!

If you’re insistent on cleaning, he’ll let you, but he will let you know he’s unhappy about it.

Sulks in his tub-bed reading a light novel while you disassemble his meticulous setup, deep clean the whole area, and carefully place everything back exactly where it was.

He’s impressed and, honestly, touched that you memorised his setup that well!

Also, now his setup smells faintly of cherry blossom, and he’s not mad about that…

Maybe you should clean his stuff more…

Satan

Pardon?

You want to organise his room?

Absolutely not!

First of all, it’s organised chaos! He likes it the way it is, he knows where everything is, it doesn’t need cleaning!

Secondly, do you realise how dangerous that would be?!

Seriously, there are so many cursed books in there, it’s not even slightly safe!

Once you let him know that cleaning is how you relieve stress, he’ll accompany you to the library and help you reorganise that, instead.

He gets it, he’s low-key a stress cleaner himself.

He’s here for you if you want to talk about it, but he won’t push you. Unlike someone.

Asmodeus

When you ask to clean his brushes, he promises you that he cleans them well and regularly, but he’s flattered that you care enough to be concerned about it!

You tell him it’s not that you think they’re dirty, there’s just something on your mind right now, and you need something to do with your hands to distract you.

If he tries to make it spicy, spray him with a water bottle.

Just kidding. Though, he’s down if you’re down.

But seriously, if you wanna clean them, go ahead. He’ll set you up with his cleaning mat and brush shampoo and leave you to it.

He can’t guarantee it’ll be that satisfying, though. As previously mentioned, they get cleaned regularly.

He’ll happily sit and chat with you while you do it. If you want to talk about what’s bothering you, he’s there. If not, got any gossip?

Beelzebub

Was mostly unconcerned when he found you in the kitchen with the contents of the fridge piled up on the island.

Honestly, he assumed you were just making snacks.

Can he get in on that?

When you explain that you’re cleaning the fridge, he asks if he can help.

He won’t be offended if you say no, but he’s damn good at cleaning, just so you know.

While he’s scrubbing and you’re towel drying the inner shelves of the fridge, you explain that when you get stressed out, you just need to do something with your hands, and most of the time, that something is cleaning.

He will ask about what’s stressing you out, but if you don’t want to talk about it, he’ll leave it at that.

Belphegor

You’d better have a damn good reason for making so much noise while he’s trying to nap!

You weren’t even making that much noise? You were just picking up the laundry off the floor, figuring out what was clean and what needed to be washed and putting them into the appropriate piles.

Then, you’d fold what was clean and put them away, and take the dirty ones to be washed.

You hadn’t even started vacuuming yet.

He will insist you're making far too much noise, and if you even think about vacuuming, he swears down!

When you tell him you’re stress cleaning, he’ll tell you to go stress clean somewhere else.

When you tell him you’ve already cleaned pretty much everywhere else, he knows it’s real shit.

Will pull you onto the bed and hold you there until you tell him what’s going on.

It’s up to you whether you tell him or not, but you’re not leaving until you do.

Or until you fall asleep with him, whichever comes first.

[softyoongiionly]

Can I Make a Mess Now?

Jungkook’s never had sex before but, after realizing that he’s falling in love with you, he thinks he wants that to change.

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Virgin! Jungkook, established relationship au, college au, smut, fluff.

Word Count: 4.8k

A/N: This is a part 2 to Will You Make a Mess Now? Please please please let me know what you think! Love you

Warnings: smut, language, 18+ only please.

Winter break never lasts long enough does it?

A few short weeks of bliss and then-

BOOM.

You’re forced out of the warm and lazy cocoon of holiday spirit and, back into the rigidity of modern education.

It’s not that you don’t enjoy your studies, it’s just that after nearly four years of exams and, group projects that never go exactly as planned; you are starting to feel burnt out.

It also doesn’t help that you spent the majority of your winter break sleeping over at your boyfriends house.

You got used to the weight of his head on your chest.

You got used to running your fingers through his hair; an act that lulled both of you to sleep.

You got used to waking up beside him every morning.

When the semester started once again, the two of you agreed that you’d reserve overnight stays to weekends only.

As encouraging as you were of each other’s success, copious amounts of alone time is a (delightful) distraction.

Especially since the two of you began exploring the boundaries of your relationship.

At the beginning of winter break, Jungkook had revealed to you that not only was he a virgin but, he’s never been touched before.

After a bit of discussion, he decided that he wanted you to change that.

And boy did you…

You still can’t get the images of him falling apart beneath the firm grasp of your hand out of your head.

It’s arguably one of the best things you’ve ever seen.

Jungkook’s room became the safe haven for exploration.

Many cold nights were spent underneath his duvet, touching on each other until things eventually got heated enough for you to take turns making eachother cum.

Happy Holidays indeed.

There was one night in particular that things got a little out of hand.

In the heat of the moment, Jungkook had torn off your t-shirt, leaving the two of you to make out in your underwear.

He positioned you on his lap with a low whine in his throat and, at the feeling of your heat pressing directly into his dick; he almost lost it right then and there.

It took everything in him to keep his hands steady.

To keep them from ripping your panties off…

However, he succeeded and although, it was painful to slow things down, he knew it was the right thing to do.

The only problem is, that night increased his desire to a level he’s never felt before.

He knows he wants you to be his first but; he’s so particular and, so sensitive to his surroundings that he wants to make sure everything is perfect.

Perfection is a concept he frequently struggles with and, although he’s lessened his standards over the years, he still finds himself reverting back to his old habits.

Losing his virginity is a big deal for him.

He can’t help that.

And because it carries so much weight, he feels the need to hold off until the moment is 100% right.

But, how does he define such a thing?

He knows he wants you.

He knows you want him.

He knows he’s falling in love with you…

So, how is a perfect moment established?

Can you plan it?

Jungkook doesn’t know but, he’s starting to believe that he can’t.

His brothers don’t understand his issues.

Seokjin’s been with his girlfriend for two years and, every time she comes to visit, he can hear her moaning through his bedroom door.

An event that continuously scars him.

Namjoon is engrossed in his studies so, he doesn’t make time for relationships.

But one time, when he was looking for his laptop, Jungkook walked in on him getting his dick sucked.

He’s still never gotten that image out of his head.

Hoseok literally attended an orgy two months ago.

Jimin’s dating his childhood sweetheart.

Taehyung stays over at the sorority house at least twice a week.

And, last but not least, Yoongi frequently walks around sporting various love bites and scratch marks after a night with his girlfriend.

Jungkook’s spoken with his hyungs’ regarding sex a few times but, it’s never a conversation he initiates.

He’s far too shy to openly speak about these things.

But from what he’s gathered, sex is top notch.

None of his brothers could think of anything that feels as good, although Yoongi did cite sleeping as a close second.

After a long week of lectures and tedious lab work, Jungkook has finally decided that he wants to lose his virginity.

Or at least…he’s ready to talk about it…

He starts off guns a blazing: he sends you a text trying to appear nonchalant despite the fact that his heart is currently pounding in his chest.

Jungkook: do you want to come over tonight? 

Jungkook: there’s a new season of that anime we started watching :)

His message does the same bit of damage on your heart because, although you two have been dating for quite some time, you still get excited at the thought of seeing him.

You: plzzz

You: this first week has killed me

You: I need to relax so bad

You: my brain cell count has dropped to dangerously low amount.

Jungkook chuckles to himself, shaking his head at your response.

Jungkook: wow

Jungkook: lower than normal???

Jungkook: that’s pretty bad jagi :/

You giggle, already gathering your toothbrush and, various other items needed for an overnight stay.

You:  I know

You: it’s a tragedy : (

Despite the playful banter between the two of you, Jungkook is furiously moving around his room, cleaning every inch of it.

He’s dusting the shelves, vacuuming his floor, rearranging his figurines on his desk.

He feels like a mad man…

Jungkook: lol you’re ridiculous

Jungkook: you can come over around 7 if you’re ready; I’m just finishing up an assignment.

Jungkook: miss you <3

Your boyfriend is literally sour patch kid.

You: miss you too 

You: falling asleep without you sucks

You: 10/10 would not recommend

Jungkook smiles, gripping his phone in his hand, a flurry of emotions stirring in his stomach.

Jesus, he really likes you…

Jungkook: stay the night then

Jungkook: I’ll make sure you sleep better tonight

He feels proud of himself.

He initiated you coming over, he’s holding a playful/flirty conversation with you, and he’s totally not freaking out at the fact that he’s going to have to tell you he’s ready to have sex.

Right?

Okay, the last part is definitely a lie but he’s just gonna go with it.

You: on my way :)

Jungkook receives this text from you roughly two hours later when he’s getting out of the shower.

He deep cleaned his bedroom, put fresh bedding on his mattress, scrubbed every inch of his body and, now he was standing in front of the mirror with nothing but a towel on his hips.

He takes time slathering lotion all over his skin, hoping that you like the vanilla-honey scent before applying a copious amount of deodorant.

He shaved in the shower, taking his time to remove the bit of hair around his crotch because it makes him feel cleaner.

Jungkook’s hair is getting longer too so, he’s been putting leave in conditioner on his ends to keep them healthy and spritzing his hair with anti-frizz serum.

After roughly 20 minutes of primping, he gets another text from you as he’s pulling on his sweat pants.

You: Here <333

Jungkook feels his stomach twist whilst reading your message.

Here goes nothing…

You’re standing outside the door of Jungkook’s house, dressed in a hoodie and a pair of leggings.

Comfy works out for you because, it requires minimal effort and, it’s also your boyfriend’s favorite look on you.

So, it’s a win win.

Given the fact that you and Jungkook usually end up fooling around, you took the time to exfoliate and shave whilst you were in the shower.

You may have also worn a new lacy red bra that had arrived in the mail earlier that day…

But, who knows?

“Yahhh there she is…”

You instantly light up as Jungkook eagerly swings open his front door, quickly pulling you into his grasp.

He smells amazing but, he feels even better and, you waste no time in pulling him close to you.

“I missed you.” You mutter into his hair

He grins, hugging you a bit tighter and, ushering you inside, “Missed you too, are you cold at all?”

Stepping through the threshold of his door, you notice that he’s freshly showered himself, his hair is damp and stringy but, it frames his face perfectly

“A little bit but, I plan on using you for warmth really soon so, I’m good.”

His hand is intertwined with yours as he leads you up to his room and, his face lights up with a smile.

“I got a new duvet on Tuesday, it’s really warm but,” He places a hand on his chest. “,you can still use me though, I missed having you here.”

Jungkook mutters the last half of his sentence, his cheeks warming up at his confession before he pushes open the bedroom door.

You don’t comment on his shyness but, it makes you smile and lean into him a little more.

His room is always clean but, the fresh scent of his disinfectant spray is slightly more pungent than normal. It isn’t a harsh smell; it’s a soft lavender cleaner that he special orders from Korea.

He absolutely hates the scent of bleach.

“It’s a nice color huh?”

Jungkook gestures to the muted grey of his new bedding, which is carefully placed over his mattress.

“I love it, it’s very you.” You smile as your eyes scan the room, “it matches your furniture really well too.”

His eyes light up, “Yeah, yeah that’s why I got it. I knew it would look good with the- um the desk and the dresser and stuff. See, I knew you’d notice that…you always notice things like that.”

Before you can respond he’s speaking again, his tone slightly uneven, “Um do you want to lay down? I know you said you were cold. I can hold you if you want-“ He grimaces at his word choice, not fully understanding why his nerves are taking over already, “not that  I don’t want to or anything. I do, I just…I know you’re cold.”

You touch your hand to his cheek, bringing his wandering eyes back to yours, “Are you ok?”

Jungkook swallows, his eyes locking with yours, “Y-Yeah, I just don’t want you to be cold…”

You’re not convinced.

Although the two of you have only been together for 6 months, you like to think you’ve gotten to know Jungkook really well. He isn’t exactly a closed book and, when he’s nervous about something, it’s fairly obvious.

“Are you suuuure?”

The question is paired with a soft kiss to his lips and, Jungkook can’t help but smile when you do, his posture relaxing slightly.

“I’m sure, I’m just happy you’re here. It was weird not seeing you all week.” He tucks a stray hair behind your ear before, pecking your lips.

Again, you’re not convinced but, you don’t want to pry.

He’ll tell you when he’s ready.

The matter of his worries is dropped and, Jungkook quickly (and neatly) pulls back the covers so, that the two of you can slip underneath them.

Moments later, you’re nestled against your boyfriend’s side, draping your arm over your stomach.

“You smell good…” You mutter against his sweater, nuzzling gently against the material.

Jungkook grins triumphantly, silently patting himself on the back for his choice of lotion.

“Thank you,” His chest vibrates with the sound of his voice, “so do you…”

With that, he tentatively raises a hand towards your hair, allowing his fingertips to brush over the top of your head.  

The anime begins playing but, you’re more focused on the way his fingers feel, as you melt into the soft fabric of his sweatshirt.

And halfway through the first episode, Jungkook’s motions are beginning to take a toll on you.

But not in the way you’d normally expect…

He’s smiling softly, admiring the way you sigh at his touch, taking time to play with the ends of your hair before massaging gently at your scalp.  

“You’re going to make me sleepy…” You mumble contently, a few minutes later and, Jungkook chuckles breathlessly beneath you.

“That’s ok; you can sleep if you need to.”  

He means it.

Jungkook had other things on his agenda but, now that you’re here, all he cares about is your comfort.  

“Don’t wanna sleep-“ You nudge your nose against his ribcage, “I missed you.”

With another chuckle, he traces his fingers over the edges of your hairline, brushing over the shell of your ear.

You can feel goosebumps rising on your skin but, it’s not intrusive or sudden, they come on slowly along with a type of comfort that only Jungkook can provide.

“I’ll be here when you wake up.” He soothes, his motions continuing over the arches of your brows before, he traces back up the expanse of your forehead. “I promise.”

You can feel yourself smile as your blinking slows, taking another deep breath whilst your body seems to melt into him.

The heaviness in your eyelids is growing despite your best efforts to warrant off your exhaustion.

You didn’t want to nap, you wanted to spend time with your boyfriend but, when he tucks his fingers beneath your hair and, begins scratching gently on your scalp, the threat of sleep becomes more prominent.

“Sleepy girl…” He teases, a fond smile on his lips as he watches your eyes finally close. His thumb brushes over your cheek, gently pinching at the skin before, returning his hand to your hair.

This warms you from the inside out and, sooner or later you can’t help but, drift off into a light sleep.

Jungkook smile grows and, he slows his movements to a stop before tugging on the duvet until it covers your shoulders.  

He decides in that moment that he really wouldn’t mind spending every night just like this; tucked under the covers, falling asleep in eachother’s arms.  

He changes the show to something you’ve already seen; he doesn’t want to watch the anime without you.  

After some time has passed, you slowly come out of your slumber, happy you’re still laying on your boyfriend’s chest.  

You peer up at Jungkook to see his brow furrowed in concentration as his gaze is locked firmly on the screen.  

A smile immediately finds it’s way onto your lips, your finger reaching out to bop him on the nose.

He jumps at first, not understanding the source of the interruption before he quickly matches your smile, ““Yah she’s awake. Did you have a good nap?” He thumbs over your cheek once more and, you’re overcome by the urge to press a kiss against his lips

He’s willing and able to accept it.

His hands come up to hold you against him and, he slowly begins to move his lips against yours

“Mhm...”

His nose wrinkles with the joy on his face as he presses more kisses to your lips.

“I’m sorry I fell asleep, I just haven’t been getting to bed on time this week...”

An adorable pout comes over his mouth, “Don’t be sorry, I’m glad you were able to get some rest. It’s not late or anything.”

It’s well past sunset but, Jungkook’s vanilla cake candle is providing enough light to illuminate the details of your boyfriends face.  

You kiss him again, just because he’s cute and you can, “What did you do while I was out?”

His head reclines against his pillow again but, he tugs you closer, ensuring that you remain against him.

“I watched a few episodes of Naruto...” He admits, “I’ve seen it a million times but, I never get tired of it.”

Your arms drape over his shoulders as the upper half of your body rests over his chest. The wispy ends of his black hair are too cute to resist so you absentmindedly toy with them as you respond,

“I get it, I have a few different shows that I’m like that with; I swear I’ve seen The Office so many times I could quote it in my sleep.”  

A half smirk curves on the end of his mouth, “Yeah that’s a good one too, Jin hyung watches that show all the time.”

You giggle, tucking a bit of hair behind his ear, “Ah that explains a lot actually, Jin and Michael Scott have a lot in common.”

He chuckles at that, nodding in agreement, leaning his head against your hand.

“Which character do you think you are?”

You purse your lips, mulling it over, your eyes narrowing in thought, “Hmmm that’s a tough one cause like- I wanna say Kelly because, she’s amazing but in reality, I’m probably more of a Kevin.”

Jungkook’s smirk grows, “Isn’t that the guy who dropped his chili all over the place?

With a dramatic sigh, you nod, “God, I’ve never related to anyone more in my entire life...”

A full belly laugh comes from your boyfriends pretty mouth, his body trembling beneath you as he shakes his head.

It’s one of your favorite sounds, especially when it gets all high pitched like it is now.

“Jagi you aren’t Kevin...” He insists, wiping a tear from the corner of his eye, “You are cooler than him.”

“You’re just saying that because you see the best side of me; in reality I am 100% Kevin.” You giggle, tucking more hair behind his other ear.

He still chuckles, shaking his head before nodding to you, “Who do you think I am?”

This definitely gets your brain going.

“I’m leaning towards Jim, you guys have a lot in common.” You nod as you continue to think about their similarities, “Yeah, you both have the same sense of humor and, even though you’re more sexy in an obvious way, you both have the same kind of sexiness?? If that makes sense?? But, you’re definitely hotter than Jim.”

You force your train of thought away from the office- style fantasy that pops into your head as Jungkook feels something stir deep in his gut.

“You think I’m sexy?”

You can’t help but laugh at the surprised look on his face, you swear you’ll never understand how Jungkook doesn’t see how hot he is.

“Duh.” You seal your response with a kiss but, Jungkook surprises you by sitting up and tugging you onto his lap.

He chuckles at the squeal that leaves your lips but, he carries on kissing you, his hands sliding up your outer thighs.

You don’t know what prompts his motions but, you’re not really in the mood to ask.

You’d much rather sit on your boyfriend’s lap and, make out with him.

“Can you-” He whispers against your lips, slightly breathless, “Can you say it?”

Your eyes flutter open to catch the shyness in his, “Can I say what?”

Warmth floods the apples of his cheeks, “Can you say that you think I’m sexy?”

A smirk teases the corners of your mouth and, tentatively you roll your hips against his.

“Are you trying to get hard Jungkook?”

You can hear him gulp, his eyes widening a bit before he nods.

With a smirk still on your lips, you tilt his head back, moving your fingers through his hair as you slowly begin placing kisses up the side of his neck.

His breathing picks up and, god help him, he immediately feels his dick hardening in his sweats.  

Jungkook’s neck is a sensitive area and, you know exactly where his weak spots are.

As you reach the lobe of his ear, you feel his grip tighten on your hips, his mouth parted slightly to make way for his shaky breath.  

“Jungkook?” You whisper in his ear, biting your lip as you see him visibly shiver beneath you.

“Yeah?”

“I think you’re sexy.”  

You nibble on his ear before quickly reuniting your lips, your hands sliding underneath his sweater.

His skin is so soft, so warm beneath your fingertips and, there is a large part of you that wishes you could spend hours just touching and kissing your boyfriend’s body.

Jungkook is eagerly reciprocating your kiss whilst his hands slowly move back up the outsides of your thighs.

His plan to get hard definitely worked because, you can feel him poking against your hips and, you’re already thinking of all the different ways you can make him cum.

“Did you get hard for me?” You whisper against his swollen lips, nudging his nose

Instantly he nods, his hands tugging the hem of your hoodie.

You take the hint, pulling back from him in order to remove it.  

Your plan is to continue kissing him of course but, as Jungkook spots the fire-red lace cups supporting the swells of your breasts, he lets out a tortured sigh.

“Is that new?” He swallows thickly, biting his bottom lip, allowing his hands to trail up your hips before securing themselves against your waist.

All you do is nod, sticking your chest out a bit and, encouraging him to keep touching you.

Jungkook leans in, dragging the tip of his nose between your breasts, inhaling when he reaches the space between your color bones.

“Did you wear this for me?”

His voice is ragged but, it’s deeper than normal, due to the arousal coating his tone.

“I wanted to look pretty for you.” You whisper, running your fingers through his hair.

You can feel him smile against your chest, his wet lips trailing back to tops of the bra, “You’re always pretty but this-” He grows bolder, biting softly at your breast, “this is torture”

A giggle bubbles past your lips, as you roll down against him once more.

“Jagi I-” The sensation of pleasure that toys with his body acts like a truth serum and, in an act of desperation that he definitely didn’t plan, a confession tumbles from his mouth, “I want you.”

But you don’t quite catch his drift, still rocking slowly against him, arousal slowly beginning to unravel you, “I want you too.”

No like,” He pulls away, his eyes glazed over with desire as they lock onto yours, “I want to be inside of you...”

It’s like a punch to the gut really, the way your boyfriend’s voice seems to quake under the weight of his admission.

You cup his cheek, “Really? Are you sure?”

He nods eagerly, licking his lips before turning to press a kiss to the inside of your wrist, “I want you so bad...”  

You’re quick to capture his lips then, kissing into him with more fervor than you ever have.  

"Can you do it for us Noona?” He croons into your mouth, his eyes darkened with lust as they plead with yours.

A nod is all you can manage at his devasting way of asking you to ride him.

For the first time...

You’re pulling off his sweater, securing your lips to his once more, kissing on them as you lean him back against the pillows.

Your bottoms are removed, leaving you completely naked as you tug his sweats down his legs.

Jungkook’s erection looks painful and, you feel yourself ache at the thought of finally being able to sit on it.

As you sit astride him once more, you lean down to press a kiss between his eyes before trailing your lips down the bridge of his nose to hover over his mouth.

He looks a little emotional, staring up at you as if you hung the moon just for him.

And you would, you’d do anything for him.

“Are you ready baby?” You whisper

He takes a deep and unstable breath through his nose but, gives you a nod anyway as he exhales through his mouth.

Right as you start lining him up with your entrance, Jungkook cups your cheek, his hand clammed up due to his nerves.

“Jagi?” He croaks

You kiss his hand gently, reassurance in your eyes, “Yeah?”

“G-Go slow please...��

You nod, “Of course, tell me if you want to stop at any point ok?”

He returns your nod before, letting out another breath as his head returns to his pillows.

Slowly but surely, you begin sheathing him in your heat, going as slow as possible so he can feel everything.

His body seems to freeze as you sink down on him, his hands tightening on your hips before a gasp leaves his throat.

Jungkook is quite sure he’s in heaven.

That’s the only explanation for the intense feelings of pleasure swimming through his body. He’s never felt anything so hot, so tight-  

So fucking good.

He’s going to lose his mind.  

With wide eyes, he stares up at you in awe, his lips parted as the length of his dick is fully inside of you.

You’re not fairing too well either because, Jungkook fills you up perfectly, nudging against the spot within you that makes your head spin.

“Is that ok?”

“ ‘ss so good...”  His voice is slurred as his hips jerk beneath you, sending a wave of pleasure through your core.

Biting your lip, you thumb his cheek, trying to hold it together, “Can I ride you now?”

You’re asking because, you want to make sure he’s prepared.

You know this isn’t going to last long but, you still want to blow his mind.

“I’m already so close jagi...I’m sorry...” He chokes on the end of his sentence when you start a pace on his dick, “Oh fu- oh my god...”

“Shh...don’t be sorry, you’re doing so good. You cum whenever you need to ok?”  

“Ah- Y/N...”  

His beautiful features are screwed up in pleasure, his hands falling off your hips because, he literally doesn’t have the strength to hold on at this point.

Jungkook’s breathing is growing rapid, as his eyes flit to where you’re connected, “Jagi I’m- I’m really inside...I’m really inside of you...” He marvels, his voice weak with emotion as his hips begin to meet yours.  

“You feel so good inside of me.” You assure him, increasing your pace which prompts his eyes to roll back momentarily.

“Will you kiss me? Please? I wanna kiss you when I cum...and I’m-” His eyes re-focus but, it doesn’t last long as you lean forward to brace your hands on either side of his head, “Jagi I’m gonna cum already...I’m gonna cum so hard. Oh sh- shit...”

You want every wish of his to come true.

You lean down to connect your lips, your hips moving faster and faster, wanting him to cum harder than he ever has in his entire life.

He whimpers into your mouth as his sweaty hands hold you tightly against his body.

“It’s...fuck I’m sorry, I’m sor- I'm cumming.” He chokes out, his grip tightening intensely as his hips weakly jerk with the force of his release.

He says your name as he cums inside of you, trying his best to kiss you properly but, it’s wet and sloppy.

You don’t care though, you ride him through his orgasm, keeping your lips connected.

“There you go, cum for me baby...” You coo, kissing all over his face as the pleasure continues to wrack his senses.

Jungkook knows his never cum harder in his life and, by the time his orgasm settles down, he’s properly spent.

He doesn’t completely register the feeling of you sliding off of him as his whole body is alight with tingles.

You make sure to clean him up, pressing gentle kisses to his stomach as you do.

You didn’t cum this time and, to be honest, it doesn’t really matter.

What you’ve both just experienced was too intimate to measure and, orgasms weren’t really the point this time.

Tucking into your boyfriend’s body you bring him close, tugging the duvet over his shoulders this time...

“Hi” He whispers, tucking his face shyly into your neck, his breathing not fully recovered.

“Hi you...”  

With a smile on your mouth, you press a kiss to his head, holding him tightly to you.

He kisses your chest, feeling ridiculous at how shy he suddenly feels, “I think-” He stops himself to peek up at you, a bit of moisture in his eyes, “I think I’m falling for you.”

Your heart throbs at his confession, kissing his lips once more before whispering, “I think I am too.”

Jungkook knows you didn’t finish and, he plans on addressing that when he settles down but right now, all he can do is hold you.

He thinks he’s finally figured it out:

You can’t plan a perfect moment because, perfection just doesn’t exist.

But as along as he’s with you, it doesn’t really matter.

[dinosaurtsukki]

housemates with karasuno

okay this is so fucking long because i love karasuno so much i’d get up to a million antics with them

how you ended up living with them: 

you were probably friends with the entire volleyball team in high school since you were one of the three (cute) managers so when they all suggested living together you were like ‘sure why not? how bad could it be?’

honestly this is so unrealistic but we’re enjoying ourselves aren’t we? 

since there are so many of you in one single house there are probably like 3 to 4 people in a single room

the original room arrangement was that the first-years and second-years would be in separate rooms but ennoshita was like ‘no way are you putting me in the same room as noya and tanaka i will die’

so you, ennoshita, yamaguchi, and tsukishima are all in another room (the second-most peaceful room in the house)

daichi, sugawara, and asahi are all together in another room because they’re pretty tight

and hinata, kageyama, along with tanaka and noya share twin bunk beds in the fourth room

now let’s get into living with this chaotic bunch:

daichi is undoubtedly the head of household. at first he didn’t want to have to manage that on top of everything else but one night he was making a chart for chores (along with small stickers of everyone’s faces) and finally accepted that he was in charge of the house

he’s def the type to manipulate the chore chart just a little bit. if tanaka or noya managed to piss him off, daichi will just slide their face under ‘dish duty’ and they’re none the wiser

at first he feels terrible but then tanaka and noya accidentally break a window and daichi just thinks that maybe authoritarianism isn’t so bad after all

jk guys authoritarianism is bad down with the government

you, on the other hand, know very well what daichi is doing but instead of tattling you just appeal to his good side and before you know it, you haven’t done any chores for an entire year

ASAHI IS THE TYPE OF HOUSEMATE TO BRING YOU UP A PLATE OF SLICED FRUIT WITHOUT EVEN ASKING AHHH

when the clock hits four, its cut fruit time and there are different fruits for every day and asahi just brings up plates of nice cut fruit for everyone

you kind of wonder if asahi ever gets tired of slicing fruit for EVERYONE IN THE HOUSE until you see him split open a pineapple with his bare hands

also he has such a huge closet but if you want a snazzy outfit all you have to do is knock on his shared room and he’ll whip one up for you

okay you guys are probably thinking that sugawara is the mom of the household but unfortunately he is a gemini and therefore even satan fears him

suga’s the one who cooks for everyone but when he’s in the kitchen you had better stay away because he gets intTENSE. he probably uses this big ass knife

potholders? suga doesn’t know her. he uses his bare hands to get trays and stuff out of the oven. just watching him cook stresses you out so nobody watches him cook

but his cuisine is exquisite nobody has complaints

i feel like their room probably has a fuck ton of snacks with asahi’s fruit-cutting, suga’s cooking skills and i bet daichi has a stash of snacks that he keeps from noya and tanaka (it’s under his mattress, that’s why his back hurts)

you, ennoshita, tsukishima, and yamaguchi have by far the cleanest room though (just slightly cleaner than the third-years’ room because they have snack wrappers) and your roommates are all workaholics

your room is pretty much ‘bookshelves and studyblr aesthetic’ except for ennoshita’s CPR doll that stays in a corner of the room looking creepy and out of place but you don’t have a closet to put it in

yamaguchi swears that it’s haunted because it changes positions every time he wakes up in the morning and he keeps trying to convince his roommates about it

little does he know tsukki and ennoshita like to move the CPR doll around to scare him because they’re like that

tbh you are not a fan of the CPR doll either but that doesn’t mean you won’t play with it by dressing it up 

these three are such workaholics that there’s literally only one person asleep there at a time and you like studying there because of the Intense Productive Energy

they even have their own espresso machine and a minifridge full of Red Bull

tsukki is the best at waking you up he’ll literally grip your shoulders and shake you or spray you with water

you can tell he enjoys it and you hate it so much but it does get your papers going

the one thing about this group is that they forget this little thing called ‘self-care’ because they work all the time (well except for yamaguchi who knows how to put on a sheet mask once in a while)

that means you’ll sometimes be knocking on their door with some of asahi’s Sliced Fruit or some instant ramen you whipped up yourself

ennoshita also has a habit of passing out in random places so it takes you and yamaguchi to haul him up to his bed

you also use this opportunity to tuck in his CPR doll next to him in bed because why not?

the chaotic, noisy members of the household are all relegated to one room for the good of the entire house and its downstairs where the walls are thick

these guys are the bunk-bed sharing kind of people but they kind of just switch beds depending on how they feel like it

tanaka: hey dude, is it ok if i top for tonight?

noya: oh yeah sure! no problem!

you: 👁👄👁

suga: they’re talking about bunk beds

hinata and kageyama like to play video games during their breaks but they only have one game and that’s Naruto Shippuden: Ultimate Ninja Storm 3

i have an obsession with naruto don’t @ me

that’s because they bought a playstation on craigslist and it came with one game and that was it

you like to play with them when you’re taking a break and kageyama’s always the one who loses and he gets so frustrated with himself that you let him win at times just so he feels good

hinata always uses hinata when he plays but he’s also the type to elbow kageyama or purposely swerve a hand in your face when he’s playing 

even though sugamama is in charge of the kitchen, noya and hinata do like to experiment with cooking from time to time and if daichi is in a good mood he’ll indulge them

they’ll even rope you in on their shenanigans and pretty soon you’re making a casserole out of pepperoni and cheetos just in time for sugawara to come in and see what happened to his kitchen

it usually ends with all of you guys just ordering pizza and you having to clean the kitchen with noya and hinata

house incident: ennoshita’s CPR doll that ACTUALLY MIGHT be haunted

okay i know that i already wrote about ennoshita’s cpr doll being not haunted and that tsukki and ennoshita just like to mess with it but IMAGINE IT ACTUALLY BEING HAUNTED

it starts out with yamaguchi getting mad at tsukki or ennoshita for putting the cpr doll in his bed while he was asleep and they were both like ‘no seriously we didn’t do it’

and you could vouch for them because you were the last one to fall asleep in your room and the CPR doll was way in ennoshita’s side of the room (yamaguchi believes you cause you’re the only person he trusts in the room)

you and yamaguchi begin to think that something strange is going on and like ‘is it just me or are those dead, plastic eyes somehow following my every move?’

it gets to the point that you have to turn the plastic doll around the face the wall when you’re studying

and then, you begin to notice that the doll is nearer to your bed when you wake up in the morning and again, neither tsukishima nor ennoshita touched it

because of this you now stay over at daichi, asahi, and sugawara’s room because you’re so creeped out by the doll and also because they have snacks

and then an Incident happens wherein noya and tanaka, who are both doing a first-aid class, decide to secretly use the doll while no one is around at home

although noya and tanaka trying to practice cpr by themselves is hilarious

just visualize tanaka trying to administer cpr while dueting ‘staying alive’ with noya

they both take a break and turn away from the doll for one second only to see it standing upright when they turn right back

tanaka: that doll just moved on its own, right?

noya: yeah, pretty much

that’s when you and yamaguchi come home and see the cpr doll with tanaka and noya looking very afraid

you: the doll’s haunted isn’t it?

yamaguchi: I KNEW IT !!

daichi comes home to the four of you trying to dispose of the doll by fitting it into a box and gets mad at everyone because you can’t just do that to ennoshita’s stuff

but then he sees all of you looking clearly in distress and decides to call for a house meeting about ennoshita’s haunted doll

asahi brings sliced fruit

tsukishima and kageyama very firmly talk about how it’s not possible which is weird because it’s something they agree on for once

daichi: well, where did you get this doll, ennoshita? ennoshita: i got it for cheap at an old antique store. the owner was super intent to get rid of it so i bought it

you, tanaka, yamaguchi, and noya: 👁👄👁

daichi: even i don’t believe in ghosts but damn ennoshita what were you thinking?

and then sugawara who has been eerily quiet this entire time brings out a ouija board and goes ‘LET’S EXORCISE THIS BITCH’

a few minutes later you all are set up in the living room with candles, the ouija board, and the cpr doll

tsukishima’s just there to livestream everything (STORYTIME: my dumb housemates think this doll is haunted)

you, sugawara, and hinata are in charge of the seance (hinata ironically drew the shortest straw and was forced to participate)

sugawara: spirit of the cpr doll, what is your name?

the triangle piece on the board starts moving, you are looking at your friends in shock, asahi has fainted. the triangle piece stops at the word ‘yes’

you: oh my god this ghost is an idiot

daichi: all in favor of getting rid of this doll?

everyone except ennoshita raises their hands

sugawara is already on the phone with the current owners of the warren museum

you: why do you have their number memorized?

sugawara: ,,, reasons

the cpr doll is picked up the next day. kageyama pokes at the doll and goes ‘you’re just a doll, cpr doll. you can’t do anything’. asahi feels sorry that it’s gonna be displayed naked in the museum and gives the doll a little fedora hat

also ennoshita is compensated for the doll and now has enough money to buy AN ACTUAL, LEGIT CPR DOLL from AN ACTUAL, LEGIT CPR DOLL FACTORY

you and yamaguchi still hate it

taglist (still open to anyone who wants in!): @montys-chaos​ @miyumtwins​ @strawberriimilkshake​ @pocubo​ @sugawara-sweetheart @akaashisbabydoll @laure-chan @therainroguefanfiction @atetiffdoesart @stephdaninja @oikaw-ugh @charliefredb @dramaqueenweeb1469 @tremblinghearts @applepienation @doodleniella @haikyuu-my-love

[whumpiary]

Darktimeline!AU continues. As ever, written in collaboration with the incredible @untilthepainstarts.

content warnings: referenced murder, referenced noncon touch, alcohol, mild violence, briefly referenced victim blaming

-

It took a lot for Cassius Bergen to feel unsettled. Usually he was fazed by so very little, an I’m-rubber-you’re-glue kind of guy, attitude loose and languid in a way that made it adaptable to any incoming occurrence, good or bad. There wasn’t any use in the feeling of being perturbed to a man who had already laughed outright in the face of the perverse, from twisted colleagues to the character that had raised him. 

But when Viklund-Reid turned up on the doorstep of the estate this evening, bloodied and half-wild, Cassius may have felt the slightest twinge of it. No small amount of satisfaction as well of course, at seeing the gaping cracks in the man’s usually impenetrable self control—he had been wondering just how much pressure that nice guy facade could withstand before it popped, and mild-mannered house mouse Lev fell away to reveal Lev Alexander Viklund-Reid, criminal mastermind.

As it turns out, all it took was a single loose end.

"I think I killed Jacob St. Clair."

Standing in the doorway to the sitting room in his nightrobe and slippers, Cassius’ mouth drops open. He shuts it just as fast, but it doesn’t seem like Lev had noticed at all. If anything, the man seemed wrapped up in himself, eyes staring into middle distance, hands rubbing up along the outsides of his arms.

"Wait, you think you did, or you did did? Because—”

"I did," Lev restates. "He's definitely dead. And if he wasn't then… he is now."

It’s then that Cassius’ eye picks up the things he didn’t before. It's a warm November night outside and Lev isn't wearing his usual jacket, but rather a comparatively thin dress shirt, rolled up at the sleeves. It's torn a few inches in at the collar, the top buttons popped off  to reveal the delicate golden necklace he always wears underneath. A trail—a spray—of blood sits across his face, from his cheek to the inside corner of his eye. And on his knuckles. And in his hair, in tiny little spots.

Cassius realises that he’s grinning. It feels sharp in his mouth. “Jesus Christ.”

“Yeah.” Lev’s hand reaches up to play with the gold chain. His eyes remain unfocused, staring somewhere between Cassius’ chaise and his china cabinet.

“Jesus Christ. So I guess we’re not going with ‘take him down quietly’?”

“Apparently not.”

Blowing air out through his cheeks, Cassius shakes his head. Leans in the doorway, He’s not that mad, not really. 

Though Lev could have asked if he wanted a piece first, selfish bastard. A bit rich considering it all. If Cassius had known he was going to up and off the guy—

“Just say it,” Lev says, eyes flicking up to meet his in a tired sort of challenge. “We both know you’re going to.”

Cassius smirks and crosses his arms, “Let’s not rush it, Bergen. There’s no satisfaction in a quick kill, Bergen. Let’s savour the take down, rot him from the inside out…”

Lev’s eyes flick away from him, dark and blazing, as though he hadn’t just asked to be served what he was given. As if he didn’t deserve a little mocking for his hypocrisy. 

“I know.”

Cassius shrugs like it doesn’t bother him, and really what is there to be all that bothered about? If St Clair was dead, he was dead. Not much they could do to wind back time now. 

“So what happened, then?”

Lev eyes flick up and then away again, find the same middle distance he’s been staring into all night. His hand comes up, knuckles rubbing against the bare of his neck, just above the necklace. He could just be rubbing at the dried blood there. Cassius would bet half his house that he isn’t.

“What happened, Viklund-Reid?” he says again, a tiny tug back to earth. “Come on. You stole my kill, I deserve the story at least.”

“He called my guy yesterday, begging me for help with James and whatever takeover that little fuck is itching to pull the trigger on now, asking for a meeting. At first I thought about just telling him I had no wish to be caught up in that, shut it down, but… I figured it could be a chance at information. And frankly it was weird that he reached out to me directly, and at the moment James is being a right prick with my deals up north. So I went.”

Cassius nods along like the story is new to him, all while a sense of déjà-vu creeps slowly in. “But he didn’t want to talk about that at all?”

Smiling self-deprecatingly, Lev shakes his head. “He wanted to talk about me. Said I had done really well so far, better than he’d expected, but it was time to face the facts: that I’d never be what Martin was, that I’m not designed for this kind of life… whatever, you get the idea. But then when I made to leave, he stopped me. Physically. And I just—you don’t just do that, but he did—warned him too, said if he kept going like that, he’d have known if he’d just listened to me, I wouldn’t have had to, to, to—he just kept pushing, and pushing and then—” 

The disjointed stream of a sentence ends in a laugh, tightly wound. Lev’s shoulders have drawn in, his jaw clenched, and he’s speaking at the wall as if it had been the one who’d wronged him, his initial audience all but forgotten in the room.

Cassius raises an eyebrow. He hasn’t seen him angry like this. Anxious like this. “Viklund-Reid?”

“—Wonder why no one likes you, fucker, sticking your nose into other people’s business, putting your hands where they don’t belong—”

“Viklund-Reid.”

“—Put down that fucking ego for twelve seconds—”

“Lev.”

“What.”

When he’s sure he finally has Lev’s attention, Cassius moves his eyes down to the knife that had appeared in his business partner’s hand and back up again, pointedly. It’s enough to make the man pause and take stock of what had seemingly been an unconscious fiddling, smoothly flicking it open and shut in rapid repetition. 

It’s not the knife that bothers Cassius particularly. Lord knows he’s seen it enough. It’s the way he was holding it, fiddling with it. The specific grip to the handle. Unconscious maybe, all of it. But careful. Practiced. With intent. The same way a cat settled back and locked its gaze before striking prey. The same way a sharpshooter fiddled with a gun.

Lev clears his throat, before slipping the knife into his pocket. “I, uh. I’m gonna use your bathroom.” He pushes up off the arm of the sofa and starts walking away, but not before Cassius can cut him off at the pass.

“No you’re not. Kitchen’s closer. Has booze,” Cassius adds, before heading off in that direction, not waiting to check if Lev is following, and definitely not moving anywhere within striking distance. As much as he didn’t need Lev falling apart in his sitting room, he also didn’t particularly need a stab wound either. 

Cassius steps into the kitchen and goes directly to the sink, turning on the water and letting it run before heading to the pantry and straight to the liquor.

“Is this a champagne or vodka sort of occasion?” he calls over his shoulder.

“Vodka,” comes the mumbled call from the sink. “Definitely fucking vodka.”

By the time he comes back, near-full bottle in one hand and two glasses in the other, Lev is sitting on the kitchen bench, frowning at his knuckles, rubbing at them absently with a piece of blood-pink paper towel.

“You look rattled,” Cassius says mildly. 

“I am rattled.”

Cassius snorts a laugh and Lev looks up at him with something a little too tired to be a glare. “What?”

He shrugs. “Nothing. Just didn’t think I’d be spending my night talking through baby’s first murder.”

“Not my first,” Lev mutters with a scoff. “Jesus, of course not my first. Just first like this. First where I… lost control.”

Cassius frowns barely and looks Lev over, eyes narrowing in curiosity while the other man’s gaze is diverted. He’d always kind of thought… well he’d assumed how it must’ve gone down with Martin. But apparently he was going to have to ask for that story one day too.

He offers out the vodka, leaves the glasses on the bench behind him. “Drink.”

Lev takes a generous swig and returns the bottle to the bench, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

“Did he try that with you?”

Taking his time ripping a bit of paper towel from the roll, folding it into a square, using it to dab away the little streak of blood on Lev’s face, Cassius ponders his answer. Decides to let the other do the work. “Try what?”

Lev’s lips press together in a thin line. “If I’d known, I’d have taken care of it from the start. Or at least… wouldn’t have told you to wait.”

The image of St. Clair flashes up in front of Cassius' eyes—furious, yes, but from the other side of the table over lunch. Looking like he’d wanted to leap over it and strangle him, but hadn’t in the end. Just called him the usual—little Bergen whore—and left.

“No, he didn’t. Just ran his mouth.”

Lev’s face falls slightly, as if that wasn’t the answer he’d wanted. He leans backward, eyes narrowed, calculating.

“Sorry, did I just relieve you of some preconceptions?” Cassius says drily, feeling annoyance stir somewhere underneath the surface. He had no right. “Or did he need to have groped me a little for me to be able to be mad about it?”

“That’s not—”

“Because if I recall, I wanted the fucker gone months ago and you kept telling me it wasn’t smart. So now I’m just trying to figure out where the double standard fits into all of this, or whether I now get to present my own TED talk on self-control.”

“If he had kept his hands off of me—”

“You think I haven’t had people put their hands on me?” Cassius spits. Lev looks away. Cassius burns. “How is it that when I do this shit it’s stupid and impulsive and—”

“It is stupid and impulsive.”

“And when you do it, it’s what? Righteous?”

Bringing his fingers up to pinch the bridge of his nose, Lev heaves a sigh. “Shut it, Bergen. Shut up.”

“Or what? Your cleaner’s going to be hitting up my place later too?”

Lev moves his hand away, looks like he’s about to bite back a response, before he pauses. Blinks, hand hovering in the air. Mouth open, then shut, and the tension fizzles slightly in the room as he flounders.

For the second time that night, Cassius feels a shark-like smile creep across his face as he puts two and two together. “Oh, you’re kidding. You’re kidding,” he says through bared teeth, tone dangerously low.

Dark eyes lock with his as Lev looks at him. “I fucked up. I know I fucked up.”

Cassius’ annoyance shifts gears right into anger, revving hot at the half-admission. “Say the fucking words, Lev,” he challenges, incredulous.

When the only response he gets from the man in front of him is a sheepish look and a phone pulled out of his pocket, Cassius scoffs, grabs the vodka on the bench. He’s furious, can only hold it in for long enough to take a swig straight from the bottle, and for Lev to start dialing.

“So. Just so I’ve got all of this perfectly fucking clear. You murder a guy, right, guy you told me specifically not to. Then you get in your car. Drive forty minutes here. Come into my house—”

“I know, alright?”

“—And you haven’t called your fucking cleaner yet?”

“Don’t yell at me Bergen,” Lev warns, frowning.

Laughing, Cassius gestures at him with the bottle—how dare he? Keeps his voice at the same level, because fuck this. “I’ll talk to you how I damn well please. You are in my house. You are putting my arse on the line here.”

“I’m getting it sorted,” he says with a pointed glare, phone to ear. 

Cassius laughs again, eyes wide and furious. “Cutting it kind of close, don’t you think?”

Lev swears under breath as the phone clearly hits voicemail, starts to redial. 

“Perfect,” Cassius scoffs, taking another swig. “Fucking perfect.”

“I’ll handle it.”

“You have the fucking murder weapon sitting on my bench, Lev,” he says, swinging his arms wide. “Are you trying to get this pinned on me?”

“I said, I’ll handle it.”

Cassius doesn’t let up. “Is this what you get off on is it? Getting friends in high places dragged down to low ones?”

“Of course not.” Lev spits, real fire in his eyes.

“Well fuck knows you don’t seem to be getting off on anything else.”

Lev’s feet hit the floor as he surges forward, and the next thing Cassius knows are two hands curled in his shirt and his back hitting the wall, vodka splashing up out of the glass neck on impact. He opens his mouth to command Lev away, but hesitates on the thought of meeting the business end of that knife—he’s already right on him, and could likely pull and engage it in a split-second, before he could even name him and finish the words. 

Cassius searches the eyes of the man pinning him to the wall and for the first time since their meeting, Cassius is certain Lev Viklund-Reid could kill him.

So when Lev rushes forward all at once, Cassius can’t help the gasp that leaves him. He’d almost be embarrassed by the shocked sound of it if the noise wasn’t stolen from his lips in half a second by Lev’s own.

Lev kisses him hard. Hungry and desperate. Like he’s trying to tell him something words aren’t enough for. Cassius feels like he’s stuck a beat behind just trying to decipher it. And then just as he starts to melt forward into it, just as he brings his hands up to touch, Lev’s gone again, the weight of his body disappearing as completely as if he’d turned to smoke while Cassius’ eyes were closed.

“What-” Cassius blinks his eyes open, hand almost reaching for a man who isn’t there anymore.

Lev’s standing a few feet away, wide-eyed and halfway horrified. “Shit, I’m so sorry. You- I’m- I’m an idiot. ”

“No, it’s-” Cassius brings his hand up and back to his lips, silences himself, stops the words that want to come out. The kiss still feels trapped there, just beneath his fingertips. “It’s fine.”

“Shit,” Lev repeats. “Shit, shit, shit.”

“Lev, just-” come back here. Do that again. “Calm down, a sec.”

“Jesus, I- I’m losing it,” Lev says, and alright well that stings just a little. Cassius keeps his place on the wall, tucks his hands behind his back and presses them flat against the plaster.

“I’m fucked.” And there’s that mad laugh again. A torn out, twisted thing that hardly suits him but still seems to fit. “I’ve fucked this.”

“Lev…”

“No, I’m-“ he makes a pained expression, like shame and apology all wrapped up in one scrunch of the nose. “I’m sorry. You’re right, I shouldn’t have come here, I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking-“

“Probably that you need an alibi,” Cassius says evenly, shrugging a shoulder as he pushes forward, risks a step or two closer. “I’m a good one. And the staff all love you. They’d vouch for you even if I don’t threaten them.”

He doesn’t get too close—who’d approach a wild animal with its hackles still raised? But still makes himself available. Approachable. He could be the lantern in the distance if the man needed it, but he knew it wasn’t wise to press, even after Lev had initiated. Maybe especially so.

This time when Lev crashes forward, head landing heavy against Cassius’ chest, Cassius manages to catch his gasp before it betrays him.  The aftershock runs through him like a thrill and settles alongside his heart, pounding like a bass drum right beneath where Lev’s head is pressed. He wonders if Lev can hear it. If he does, he doesn’t mention. Cassius, in turn, doesn’t mention the way Lev is shaking.

"St. Clair was right. I'm too… too…"

Unbidden, Cassius brings his hand up, resting it gingerly on the back of Lev’s head, bottle of vodka still hanging from the fingers of his other hand. “Shut your mouth.”

It falls quiet around them. Between them. The echo of the sink dripping, the sound of the clock from the hall, Lev’s breathing as he steadies himself. That’s all. Cassius keeps expecting Viklund-Reid to shove him off. For the feeling of a blade pressed to his gut. It never comes.

It feels strange, dangerous even, holding a man who barely an hour before had killed another for daring to do less. But he’d be lying if he said it doesn’t feel good as well. And that’s wrong, maybe, after the night that Lev’s had. To enjoy holding him like this. To feel soothed by it.

Cassius closes his eyes ever so briefly. Maybe he’s the one who’s fucked. Oh well.

"Look,” Lev says, after a minute or two. “I know we're probably even now, but just in case... if you tell anyone about this, I'll gut you. And all that."

Cassius blinks and laughs, feeling the sound reverberate along his own ribcage and out through Lev’s back. “Sure. As long as you call your cleaner up after.”

And he has no idea where the fuck the impulse comes from, even less so why he listens to it, but he turns his head, presses a kiss to Lev’s hair. 

Both men tense. Breath caught. Moment frozen.

Lev pulls back to look at him, expression indecipherable, and Cassius opens his mouth to say something – I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that, please don’t stab me – he’s not sure what, and then Lev’s phone rings. Like a spell’s been broken, they both flinch away. 

“That’s my-”

“Yeah.”

The air feels electrically charged and all at once Cassius can’t figure out how to hold himself in the room, ends up pressed back against the wall where Lev had left him a few minutes earlier as Lev walks from the room, phone pressed to his ear.

“Winters. Sorry to bother you this late—yeah, it’s alright. Would you mind crunching some numbers for me?”

Cassius tips his head back against the wall and exhales through his teeth, blowing his cheeks out, fingers tapping against the plaster.

It took a lot to get him unsettled. And this wasn’t that, he wasn’t unsettled exactly but he was… something.

He closes his eyes, takes another swig and wipes his mouth clean with a rough hand. Shakes his head at nobody but himself. This is stupid. Three hundred and sixty degrees of stupid. Dangerous. That’s what it is.

Shit. Shit, shit, shit. 

When exactly had he developed a crush on a mobster? On the untouchable, inimitable Lev Viklund-Reid?

He lets out a laugh, wild and bubbling, hopes that Lev can’t hear it from the other room.

Oh, Jesus. Alrighty then. So. He’s fucked.

[yyxgin]

have 😡 you 😡 had 😡 your 😡 first 😡 day 😡 yet

bar i thought i told you i was a libra 😭 oh well we can have it here officially 🥺 yesterday my manager pointed out that the barman is a libra and we were having a giggle at his expense about his new hair and how she thinks he thinks he’s impressing the girls (i don’t think he does but we move) bc we all talk to him (she was in a good mood) n i saw him today from a distance (i took a couple of my friends to try the food on my day off) n wow he’s so cute i wanna squish (i also accidentally sprayed cleaner sanitizer in his mouf yesterday 😩 he fuckin coughed and i was like OH MY GOD DID I— IM SORRY OH GOD)

no bar… bar, oh god, oh fuck… oh my god im so, so down bad it’s almost illegal.

i have to explain my next train of thoughts so here goes: my driving instructor rang me while i was out today and told me he isn’t going on holiday (awh) so i can use his car for my driving test (yay) unless he books a country on the green list that’s relatively cheap for short notice but he would still help me find an instructor who’s car i could use if he manages to get a holiday (yay for me and him). the next part of the story is now im thinking shit i gotta start saving my money and stop spending it on drinks bc then i can buy a car n insurance n stop worrying about missing the g o d d a m n bus! and then my next train of thoughts happens when me and my friends were walking back through our home town through the dodgy area that thé barman lives in after catching the train home and i was just thinking about how i can give him a lift home legit every day bc we both going to the same place and it’s like a two minute drive away from my house… my thoughts be going wild i have more than enough motivation to save my money now

i offered to stomp on a girl who argued w my supervisor (supervisor got sent to a different branch bc they have a lack of staff n one of their staff is supposedly moving n joining our branch) and i was v serious. my airforces are good for stomping people. i’m from the ghetto (compared to the other girls) and i will squish this girl like a fly if she were to come to our branch n disrespect literally anyone on site 💗 my supervisor threatened to get me on one of the other girls as a joke afterwards bc she came back for a day to get some stuff n go back… i think i made it 🤩 then i offered we get the barman to run her over w his electric scooter (this convo sounds familiar, have i already told you?) i’m so giddy right now as i went through a real-time realisation literally minutes ago.

i also think i made one of my friends mad bc i friend zoned him (i think???? i mean i called him bestie n he stopped talking to me 😅😭) this is how i find out about all the boys who have crushes on me. i’m so frickin oblivious you basically have to tell me you like me i’m AWFUL for things like this n i always feel bad afterwards bc i don’t see what i’m doing until it’s too late. btw this is the same friend i thought i made a dick appt w n we just went drinkin instead. my head rn is spinning. i don’t know what else to say?? i’m laughing so much at myself i’m so stupid sometimes 😭 oh well coochie go 🦋🦋🦋🦋💕🦋💕🦋💕🦋🦋 over muster jungkook instead n call it a day ~🌻

I CAN NOW PROUDLY SAY I DID HAVE MY FIRST DAY TODAY 🎉🎉🎉it was kind of weird ngl but at the same time it was okay so me happy ??

ALSO YES I REMEMBER NOW 😭😭 WE ACTUALLY DID ESTABLISH THAY U ARE A LIBRA I JUST FORGOT FOR A SEC. crying why are the two of you so cute you are so in love i cant 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 my new otp also how did u manage to spray a sanitizer into his mouth thats-

aaah i hope you pass your driving test !! i actually went to learn to drive w my dad for the first time today and it didnt go as bad as i thought. he even told me i did a good job so i am feeling very satified even tho i ran over a tire and scraped the bottom of the car a lil but oh well he should have expected that.

XHSJSK i actually friendzoned one (1) !! guy before and it felt weird. i was 15 and he didnt even talk to me irl even tho we were literally classmates and i was lowkey a lil bullied and he confessed to me over facebook messenger🥰🥰 also i kind of "friendzoned" a guy or so i thought the moment he asked for my german homework and when i said no he acts like he doesnt know me now in the school halls so thats fun too. good to know what i was worth of !!! 🥰🤩 also he is now into my best friend insecurities go brrrr

are we talking about black hair all tattoos out jungkook bc if so then same bestie, same.

[elisajdb]

Son Family Week 2020: Goku Day

Dreams and Fantasies @sonfamilyweek

 Day: Goku

 Housework

  “So, you want me to start with the garden?”

 “Yes.”

 “Then I have to clean the whole house? Every room? Do the cooking and laundry?”

 “Yes.”

 “Ah, ChiChi, that’s a lot of work and we gotta train for the Artificial Humans.”

 “Well, if someone didn’t hit me, then I would be doing this, but because of that someone not controlling himself, I can’t do my usual work so he has to do it! And those Artificial Humans won’t show up for three years. Missing a few weeks of training until I am well won’t make you not prepare for those killing machines!”

 That was true. What’s a few weeks when Goku, Gohan and Piccolo have three years?

 Instead of resisting, Goku accepted ChiChi’s punishment. After all, his tap caused ChiChi a concussion and a broken arm. ChiChi couldn’t thoroughly clean or cook and after being away for so long, Goku did think it was the least he could do. Training will resume eventually and they did have three years so there was no worry on that. The current issue Goku had with this situation was something he and ChiChi haven’t engaged in for a while. Goku thought it will happen when he returned but his faux paus delayed that.  

 ChiChi wouldn’t let him touch her. Oh, he stole a kiss every now and then but ChiChi wouldn’t let him touch her anywhere else. However, Goku thought that will soon change. Last night during dinner, ChiChi decided Gohan will spend the weekend with Gyumao. It surprised both Son men but Goku thought this was the opportunity he needed for him and ChiChi to at least talk about it.

 Goku spent this morning tilling the yard. ChiChi sat in a chair watching Goku plant seeds for her vegetable garden. She had her book to entertain her as he worked but each time he looked in ChiChi’s direction, Goku noticed ChiChi watching him.  

 Finished with his work, Goku went to ChiChi. He had plenty of dirty on him from farming but the job was done. “I’m done. So, do I start cleaning inside now?.”

 “No.” ChiChi pointed to the tree laying on the ground. Goku brought that in yesterday. “You never chopped that up for firewood.”

 “Oh, right.” Goku rubbed his neck embarrassed. “I had to start on dinner and I forgot.”

 “Do it now.”

“Okay.”

 Goku started towards the tree when ChiChi called out to him. “Wait!” Goku turned. “Take off your shirt.”

 “Huh?”

 “Take off your shirt,” ChiChi repeated. “It’s dirty from you working in the garden.”

 It was but Goku didn’t see the problem. “So, what? I still have work to do. I have to chop the tree for firewood.”

 “TAKE IT OFF!!” she screamed.

 “Okay, okay,” he gave in. What’s was wrong with her? ChiChi would get angry at him but there was usually a reason. ChiChi being angry at him not taking his clothes off when he still had work to do didn’t make sense but he did it anyway. He stood before ChiChi with a bare chest. “Like this?”

 ChiChi nodded. She pointed to the tree. “Get to work.” Goku made two sharp chops with his hand when he heard ChiChi scream, “Stop!” Goku turned to her. “Use the ax.”

 The ax? Gyumao brought that for them but Goku never used it. Only ChiChi did. “I don’t need that ax.”

 “I want you to use it and use it slowly. Don’t be doing that fast chopping. You’re not rushing through your housework. I can’t so you can’t either.”

 Goku opened his mouth to protest but decided against it. ChiChi will only yell at him. He did like she wanted. He used the ax and chopped the tree slowly. It made his work longer and under the rising sun, it made him sweat more. His back and chest glistened in the sun. It was strange but whenever he looked from the corner of his eyes, ChiChi was watching him. She didn’t need to do that. He found ChiChi’s micromanaging a little annoying.

When he finished, he put all the wood together and neatly stacked them by the house. “I’m done with all the outside work. Do I start inside now?”

ChiChi rose from her seat. “You have to wash up first. You’re completely sweat and dirty.”

 He wouldn’t be as sweaty and dirty if ChiChi didn’t insist he take off his shirt and work slowly. As the two walked back in the house, Goku asked, “Did you read that book at all?”

ChiChi’s eyes rolled. “Why would bring it out here if I wasn’t going to read it?”

 “I don’t know but it looks like you ain’t turned a page since we’ve been out here.”

 “You’re being ridiculous.”

 He’s ridiculous, Goku snorted. ChiChi was one to talk. He was pretty certain ChiChi didn’t read at all. If he didn’t know better he would say ChiChi was watching him the entire time.

 I know I ain’t good at housework but ChiChi didn’t have to watch me the entire time. What’s with her?

 Goku escaped ChiChi’s watchful eyes when he took his shower. She waited on him when he stepped in the bedroom naked. He put on his boxers as he asked her, “Where do you want me to start?”

 “Laundry.” When Goku pulled out new clothes from the drawer, ChiChi stopped him. “You won’t need that.”

 Goku turned to ChiChi, “But I ain’t finished dressing.”

 “You’re dressed enough.” Goku was ready to speak again but ChiChi shut him down. “Goku, until I’m well again, you have to do the laundry.”

 “But the washer---”

 “You have to fold every piece of clothing. Do you want to add more?”

 Nope.

 Goku returned to the bathroom and grabbed the clothing basket. When he stepped out, he noticed ChiChi spraying herself with perfume with her good arm. Goku hated that smell. It covered up ChiChi’s natural scent. He could smell the nasty perfume on her when he was outside.

 “Why are you spraying yourself with that?”

 “I like the scent and I want to smell like it.”

 “I don’t like it,” Goku complained. “I like your natural scent.”

 “Too bad. Now stop stalling and get to work.”

 Goku rolled his eyes. Fine. He gathered clothes from the other bathroom and dumped them in the washer. While the clothes washed, Goku cleaned the house. He swept and mopped the floors of each room, dust every room and cleaned the windows. He folded the laundry and put all the clothes away. All this was done in his underwear and all under ChiChi’s watchful eyes.

 When he bent to clean the coffee table, ChiChi was there. When he was on his hands and knees scrubbing the floors, ChiChi was there. Every time he looked, ChiChi was there with that stern look on her face, telling him to go slower, telling him he missed a spot; telling him to go over it again. How come he always missed a spot or had to clean again in front of her? And why did he have to do all of this in his underwear?!  

 It’s like she wants to watch me half na—

 Wait. Could that be it?

 Was ChiChi getting some sexual pleasure at seeing him doing work outside, clean their home in his underwear? That wasn’t possible. When ChiChi’s aroused, Goku knew it. He could always smell---

 The perfume!

 It covered her scent and she sprayed more of it on her when he was in the shower.

 Well, well, she was getting frustrated like him and got some relief watching him stripped down and doing housework.  

 Now that he was on to ChiChi’s game, he was going to turn the tables on her.

 ****

 Goku was ready when it came time to fix dinner. ChiChi sat at the table wearing that stinky perfume. He wished he had a camera to take a picture of ChiChi’s face when he walked naked. ChiChi’s mouth parted in shock. Her eyes were definitely not looking at his face as she screamed.

 “Where’s your underwear?!”

 “In the clothes basket.” Internally, Goku was laughing. “With all the cleaning I had to do today, it wouldn’t make sense to cook dinner in dirty clothes and since I should use as little clothes as possible, it wouldn’t make sense wearing clean clothes. So, it’s best I cook dinner naked.”

 “I….” she finally moved her eyes to his face. “I guess you have a point.”

 “But I don’t want food splattering on me,” he grabbed ChiChi’s apron, “so I should wear this.”

“I supposed that’s okay.”

 “Fish is cooking outside. What should I make to go with that?” Goku asked as he tied ChiChi’s apron.

 “Cock,” ChiChi murmured. Goku turned to her. ChiChi’s face turned red. “Coconut,” she corrected herself.

 “Coconut?” Goku wanted to laugh. He knew what she said. “I don’t know how to cook that.”

 “I was thinking of desert,” ChiChi rushed out. “Just cook rice. Chop some vegetables like carrots, broccoli, and cauliflower. We’ll steam it.”

 “Sure. Sounds simple enough.” Goku cooked the rice, chopped and steamed the vegetables like ChiChi wanted. He did this a lot since he came back and after a while, he learned to do it without burning the food.

 After the fish cooked, he broke that down into several hot pieces of meat and placed them on several platters. He placed that with the bowls of rice and vegetables on the table before ChiChi where he decided to taunt her again.

 “Whoo!” Goku raised the apron in front of ChiChi and wiped his face. “All that cooking got me to break out in a sweat.” When he dropped the apron, ChiChi’s face matched the apron’s color. “What’s wrong, ChiChi?”

 ChiChi’s face was red from anger and embarrassment, “How did you find out?”

 “Hmm?” he feigned confusion. “What are you talking about, ChiChi?”

 “You know what I’m talking about. You walking in naked and flashing me just now proves you know what I’ve been doing to you all day. So,” ChiChi tried again, “what gave me away?”

 “Every time I looked, you were watching me. I ain’t the best cleaner but you didn’t have to watch me so hard.” He rests his hand on the back of a chair as he continued. “I didn’t understand why or why you insisted I stay in my underwear.” He tapped his temple. “Then I got it. When I thought about you wearing the perfume, it made even more sense. I can’t smell your tasty scent when you’re wearing that perfume junk.”

 “Hmm,” was all ChiChi said. The truth was out now. “Well, it has been a while and I’m not mad at you anymore but I didn’t want to come out and say it. I thought it would be more playful this way.” She laughed. “I thought you’d figure it out when I sent Gohan to be with Dad but you still acted clueless.”

 “Not clueless,” Goku said as he sat down. “I thought we could talk since we’re alone but I thought you were still mad since your arm is still broken. ”

 “It doesn’t hurt so much anymore. I think it’s better but I should stay in my sling until the cast comes off.”

 “So…” Goku chose his word carefully. ChiChi said the right things that signaled something they both wanted but he needed confirmation, “are you ready to talk?”

 His nervousness was cute. ChiChi knew what Goku wanted to talk about. She was ready, too. “And other things.”

[popculturebuffet]

Jake Reviews Stuff: Amphibia: Marcy at the Gates

Marcy arrives! The Plantars make it to Newtopia but first have to deal with a slight ant problem and a new addition to the family, as we finally meet the adorkable Marcy. Legs in two months under the cut. 

So as you could probably tell by the tone the last few weeks, doing this has weighed on me a bit. While I do love talking about this show week after week, as well as having a recurring series here to bring in readers, the split quality of the Season thus far has been a challenge. Now when I say split I don’t mean like star vs season 3 where it was either really damn good and some of the show’s best writing or “oh god what have they done to marco’s character this time”, it’s more either really good standout episodes ore more forgetable average ones. See a good episode I can gush about, dive into big charcter stuff, motviations, that sort of thing. I defintley will with owl house at some point and have with other shows. A bad episode can be taken apart and taken to the cleaners, which I haven’t done much of but probably should and if you want any taken to task yourself, I do comissions. But self promotion aside, the point is a meh episode just dosen’t leave me with a lot tot alk about and hte recaps became really dry as a result as I just couldn’t find a lot of jokes, and having a busy few weeks on top of that didn’t really help, nor did the antipciation for this week and the intersting setting of newtopia. 

Thankfully a combination of a really good few days, a better sleep schedule, and a really good episode this week, and a pile of scary go round collections for a dollar have reinvgorated me, so hopefully I can get back to doing what I love: Overanalizing children’s cartoons. So with that we can dive right into the episode. The keithdavidpocalypse is upon us! Pitter Patter! We open with Spring and Anne in the cart. Their close to newtopia, but Anne is worried they never found Marcy, while Sprig isn’t because her last friend turned out to be “Evil”... which Anne harshly rebuffs. And both sides are understandable: To Anne, Sasha was her friend.. a manipualtive and bossy friend sure but one who genuinely cared for her, she just may not know how to deal with people. To Sprig, Sasha is some asshole who abused his friend, tried to murder his Pop Pop, and works for a guy who tried to murder his whole town. It’s really understandable he woudln’t have the same warm fuzzy feelings Anne has.. insert your own Sashanne joke here.  We also get our first actual look at Marcy who to my suprise, rather than be another form of manipulative.. is simply an awkward nerd, constnatly playing video games, reading books , cataloging shit, and trying to get her friends to play d and d. So me if I knew what d and d was in high school. 

Anyways, the family finally DOES make it to Newtopia, impressive as you’d expect when the guard won’t let them see the wizard no way no how. Antique references aside, the guard at the gate actually has good reason for not letting them in as they have a tiny barbari-ant problem. A species Hop Pop is, in a nice touch, unfamiliar with due to the Valley not having them. We quickly see them in action as one approaches the plantars, basically a giant ant with ant-lers. Yes I used a pun there sue me. Anyway, our heroes ward off the ant they do find with some really cool team manuvering, and Polly showing she has spiked teeth. It’s a cool sequence. However they quickly find themselves outgunned, outplanned, outnumbered and outmanned. They gotta make an all out stand. Their gonna need a right hand man. Also I finally saw the film version of hamilton, as you can tell. Utterly magic. 

Said Right Hand Man, er woman, er tween comes in the nick of time as a cloaked Marcy sprays some black goo and sets it ablaze, scaring the ants off, snatching a stalemate from the jaws of defeat,  then rappeling down on a rope shot from a crossbow, also making polly want one because of course. She then.. Faceplants. Still a solid 8/10 entrance Marcy.  Marcy is played by Haley Tju who you may remember from such shows as The Loud House. And that’s all I know her from but given Stella’s one of my faviorites and Haley’s performance is part of that, so it’s unsuprising she’s great here. Also fun fact I learned by looking at her trope page: She actually played a younger version of London, brenda song’s character, on the Suite Life I Pray for Death but Death Won’t Come.. or On Deck for those who’ve never watched it. But I like the fact two londons are now on the same show together.. and an actually good noe at that! Horay. But yeah Haley is a great VA and what little i’ve seen her in and a welcome addition.  Marcy and Anne happily reunite once htey both realize who the other is, and hug and etc, before Marcy decends on the plantars, talking on and on and on about geeky stuff and how she likes the found family trope. ... I may really relate to this  mediums sized child, as I too am a huge nerd with no filter and was probably a lot like her at that age. It’s also clear she very transparently sees this as a combinaton of a video game and a d and d session, but said skills have actually benifited her as rping a rogue allowed her to easily bluff her way into the kingdom’s good graces and now she’s a sworn agent of the king as we’ll find out.  She quickly wins over the Plantars, measuring hop pop’s head, gushing over him being a farmer (which he almost instantly adopts her over and asks to point blank later), and then noticing Polly’s legs are about to come in and giving her the note seen in the review image, my faviorite gag. Sprig however is more out and out hostile and has his reasons we’ll get to in a second.  Marcy escorts her new family and sorta girlfriend to the makeshift war room set up by three scholoary newts who quickly resolve their planning disagreements by beating the piss out of each other. Just like real politics.. and that’s not a cheeky jab between the actual caning in the sentate that happened once and the various duels in the revolutionary and early america eras.. yeah the only reason the preisdent hasn’t been shot for challening one of hte many people he hates for a duel without realizing he really can’t see through that squint too good is that it’s now illegal and not the kind of illegal he can hide like usual.  Anyways after the Newts scoff at our heroes, but Marcy vouches for them and reveals that the ants are getting closer because i’ts gotten warmer....

Marcy has a plan though: Spread scentshrroms around that will release a pheremone which will drive them off, having throughly studied Amphibia’s various flora and fauna and thus knowing how to deal with them. I’ts something I like about the character and how she adds to the other huamns group dynamics. Alll three deal with issues diffrent ways; Anne has plans, but rarely thinks them through, Sasha does think hers through and is a master manipulator while Marcy is a ballance between the two: She does throughly think things out and have well thought out clever plans.. she just also tens to rush into things or go forward with a nose in a book or without a thought to how dangerous soemthing is. She’s prepared, she’s just not very aware of her surrondings, which is amood. 

But Anne is nervous about her coming along as is sprig which sets up both’s conflicts with her for the episode: Anne wants to protect Marcy, since she just got her back and her only other remaning friend now clearly wants to stab her and she has a better option now love interest wise. However Marcy convinces Anne, 2nd capefire this episode nonwithstanding, she can handle herself. She also calsl her annabannna which is fucking adorable.  The other conflict is that Sprig dosen’t trust her.. he has no rational reason not to give she’s a sweetie, but is a bit gunshy about another human girl working for a dictator popping up in their life. And while he’s probably wrong, while I think Marcy isn’t working for the best people probably she’s likely too oblivious to genuinely relaize she’s doing crimes if they have her doing them or was given a fake justification. I could be wrong, and will gladly eat crow. Metphorically i’m not going to bake a real crow. I don’t have the right seasoning. And i’d also be cursed but eh I doubt I can get poorer. But it’s understandable he has reservations, especially since while he dosen’t say it he’s likely worried Anne will get hurt again. He’s a good boy, he’s just being paranoid over probably nothing.  Anyways onoto the plan: The plantars and new girl marcy are gonna:

Okay phermone them whatever, the point is they head into the Ant Hole, witht he conflicts continuing as the plantars progress; Sprig is naturally suspcious and Anne is worried about her precious gurl. The group fight some more ants, and Marcy seemingly wonders off.. only to instead BLOW THEM A FUCKING TUNNEL with some chemicals from some flowers she found, then instant sprout a plant cage.. and accidently trap polly. NOOOOO.> Thankfully she frees her and tosses some plants on the ants, which is fun to say.  We then get to our climax. OUr group find the queen who ihs horrifying.. a good mom as sprig points out but horrfing. Nice design though i’m just.. not an insect guy and sometimes this show leaves me in abject terror. this is one of those times. Our heroes plant the mushrooms, phrasing I know but this review is late as is and i’ve already used up my archer refrence for the day.  Anne dives to Save a seemingly oblovious Marcy.. whose mad at Anne over it.. while Anne is udnerstandable Marcy wants her , NEEDS her to understand...

No not that erik. That, much like Anne herself, Marcy’s grown and changed over these past three months. She can handle herself now and she needs her ot see that. Also sprig gets attacked by an ant baby, which not only wakes up the queen, who can hear but can’t see but now knows something’s arry, but causes said queen to unleash a hoarde of ants.  Marcy however naturally has a plan: She’ll dive into the queen’s belly and get sprig, the plantars will hold them off and Anne finally trusts her lady enough to fiht off. I don’t have a lot to say I just really like this character arc and Marcy’s character: She’s a bit oblivious, ab it obessed with nerdy things which again relate.. but when push comes to shove she’s also clever, a master planner and has clearly studied her ass off about this world and knows it well. She’s throughly likeable.  And that likeablity finally gets through to sprig when she gets him out and swings him. Trust earned, anne’s faith in her gained and the mushrooms go off and send the ants running. Misson Complete.  With the mission complete our heroes finally enter Newtopia and meet the mysterious Lady Olivia, whose been sending Marcy on her missions, and is likely her spymaster. Not that i think Marcy realizes that but Marcy’s love of midevil fantasy means she blends in well with thier courty apperance and introduces anne and co to her.. Olvia isn’t impressed but is cordial about it at least.. even with Sprig breaking shit. And yeah , Amphibia has a king over all of it, as Hop Pop puts it “We aren’t savages”. It does make sense it woudln’t come up every day though, it’s not as if the king really cares about the valley... but more on speculation about him in a minute. Hop Pop wisely gives the two “Friends’ some alone time, and the two talk things over: Anne explains how she found sasha.. and it didn’t go great, and Marcy vows that the two of them can go their own way now. Maybe iwth tounge. we dunno. The two then look over anne’s phone while anne recounts her anne-tics.. and we get to the king. And it’s KEITH DAVID BITCHES AS WAS PROHPISED A FEW WEEKS AGO. And he has myserious plans and wood carven figures of both our heroines and possible gaybies. “The game can finally begin. “

Final Thoughts: This was a really damn good episode. Whiel I summarized more than usual , both conflicts were great, all the plantars got to shine, there were gags a plenty, an intriguing new member of the main cast and a mysterious new antagonist. I mean given it was revealed the Newts were behind Toad tower a few episodes back, I figured Andidas wouldn’t be a good guy, even if he’s played by upstanding gentleman and god among men keith david, , but it’s a question of what his end goal is, how the girls got here, and what his plan ofr them is that i’m curious to see play out as the season goes on, as well as see if Marcy is a pawn or not. Newtopia also looks intresting and i’ts nice to have a new solid setting to build on now we’re here, as well as new mysteries to unlock> Ther’es also the honest possibliity marcy, who claims to have found bubkuss, might simply want to stay in a world where she gets to live out her dreams and isn’t picked on or bullied. Again we’ll see all speculation but this episode was damn good. For now this is the clear highlight of the season and i’tll be intresting to see where it goes from here. Until next time courage. 

[fuwafuwamedb]

A Cursed G Pt 2 (Hakuno, Gilgamesh)

Previous Part: One - Haku POV / Gil POV

______

“I’ll have you know, I have a feral pet that will kick your ass the moment he sees you,” Hakuno warned him. “Him and my husband will kick your ass.”

The man looming over her closed his eyes and let out a gentle sigh.

“I have no concerns about your pet,” he purred. “As for your husband. He will be me as the former is. Take heart, you have proven yourself worthy of being mine. It is a luxury that, as the actors in your painting say, few can afford.”

Painting?

Husband?

The man was completely insane.

She needed to be going. She needed to be getting the hell away from this man before he ended up killing her. She’d seen these kinds of attacks and assaults in the movies. Even more, she lived in the city. She wasn’t going to shove her head in the sand and pretend that this wasn’t possible.

“You’ve gotten quiet.”

Think.

She needed to get out from under him. She needed to get to the door or her phone. Finding G would be important as well. The poor cat had probably been tossed into her closet or something.

Had he truly gotten himself stuck in there all those times that Emiya had come over?

A hand moved under the hem of her shirt, his hands holding hers in place.

“STOP!”

“Why?”

Why?

She could think of a good couple dozen reasons why this man needed to stop touching her. First and foremost being that she didn’t want him and she definitely didn’t want that kind of attention right now.

“Hakuno,” he drawled, moving his hand out from under her shirt and to her hair, brushing it back from her face.

She flinched from his touch.

It was instinctive.

“…Let me go.”

“I have waited for this opportunity.”

What had she done differently this evening that she hadn’t done before? Her eyes drifted to the window, to where her windows were still locked and closed. Her eyes went from there to the door, leaning back to stare at the deadbolt still in place.

Wait…

“…How did you get in?”

“You brought me here.”

Oh no, she hadn’t.

She was pretty damn sure she wasn’t letting strangers into her home in her sleep and locking up the house once they were in.

The urge to ask about G was on the tip of her tongue, but she stopped herself.

Revealing that G was in the house could result in him becoming upset or hurting G. The last thing she wanted was to lose the cat when she had saved him.

“…I need to use the restroom.”

It was a poor excuse, but it was all she could think of at the moment. The man stared once more at her before pulling back slowly.

“Don’t force me to hold you down again, woman. I have no intention of harming you. You should do the same.”

“Sure.”

The man pulled her to her feet, slowly guiding her over to the restroom in her home. He seemed to know that the door was stubborn, lifting the door slightly so that it would open right up.

“We can discuss returning to my home when you finish.”

“Of course.”

She wasn’t going to do that, but he could think that that was the plan. Her eyes drifted around the room once the door closed and she began to think.

There was only one door to this bathroom. It was her guest one and one that she didn’t leave many things in. Underneath the sink she had some chemicals. There were a couple towels for the shower in case she had company stay over one day.

Yanking open the cabinet, she glanced through her armory.

Toilet bowl cleaner.

Window cleaner.

A toilet brush and plunger.

Toilet paper.

Her eyes went to the hammer in the back of the cabinet.

Of course!

G had hated the sound of her hammer when she had hung up a painting in this bathroom so she’d abandoned her hammer here to go comfort him.

I love that cat.

She packed the toilet bowl cleaner under her arm just in case.

Two seconds and she’d be spraying the bastard with something that would take medical attention. Somehow she doubted that this man had the capability to go to the hospital. There was probably already a warrant out for his arrest.

Her hand pulled at the toilet handle.

Slowly, carefully, Hakuno lifted and pushed the door open, the hammer held low as she looked around the door.

He wasn’t in the hallway.

He was probably in the kitchenette area near the front door.

However, this meant she could look for G.

A good swing with her hammer and G in her arms, she could make a run for it.

“G,” she whispered. She clicked her tongue quietly, heading towards her bedroom. “G, where are you?”

He had to be close.

The cat practically was attached to her hip when she was home. Having him away from her was making her uncomfortable.

“G?”

She inched her door open.

“Hakuno?”

Her movement paused, her arm hiding the hammer just inside the bedroom.

“What are you doing with that bottle?”

“Oh.” Hakuno grinned. “I forgot I needed it in the other bathroom.”

The man rolled his eyes, “then put it in your bathroom and be done with it. We have more pressing matters to discuss than your bathroom bottles.”

Bathroom bottles?

Did he not know what cleaner looked like?

The brand alone should have been what he called it. That or bowl cleaner.

He’d mentioned paintings talking too. He wasn’t necessarily sane.

Forget the bottle.

She moved into her room, looking around in vain.

No G.

Where?

There was the closet by the front door.

If the man had somehow managed to get in through the front door, then he may have tossed G into the closet out there and knocked him out.

If that was the case, then she would just need to knock the man out and grab her case as she fled.

Her phone wasn’t in her room either, she noted.

“Hakuno!”

“I’m coming!”

She hurried along the hallway, peeking around the corner to see the man standing in front of her counterspace.

“You haven’t eaten this evening.”

Drugs.

“I’m not hungry,” she told him.

“I wasn’t asking.” He motioned at the table nearby. “Sit.”

Another nod. She was moving around him, getting behind his back and moving the hammer carefully into her hands.

The closet door was closed. It was no doubt where her cat was. She could throw it open as she undid the front door bolt. Doing so would give her a moment for him to get around the door to get her if he didn’t get completely knocked out.

Three.

Two.

The man moved so quickly that she couldn’t even register what was going on. The hammer was out of her hands, tossed onto the counter a moment before he was pulling her close.

“I feed you and you try to attack me?!”

“I’m not staying with some trespassing, perverted bastard!”

“I was born from a married couple. I’m a damned king, woman, not a bastard.”

“You’re delusional.”

“I’m quite clear headed. As are you.”

“If you leave now, I won’t call the cops.” She glared straight up at him. “I’ll consider this a wrong address thing. I won’t report this. You can go back to where you came from and I will-“

“What are you talking about?”

“You’re invading my home.”

“How can I invade your pathetic excuse for a home when you brought me here?”

She should have taken psychology or something instead of cultural studies for a degree. She wasn’t sure if talking this through with him was actually going to work.

“Hakuno!”

“I’m listening!” She glared at him. “I did not bring you here. The only people I have brought here is my friend.”

“Friend.” He scoffed. “You call that white haired mongrel a friend? He’s lucky I didn’t claw his face off when he tried leaning against you when that overly flowery play was being performed on your painting.”

Her mouth opened to argue, but…

There was no way that he could know about that moment the other week.

Emiya had been over to comfort her about the house invasion. G had been between them and had scratched at his chest when Emiya had moved a bit too close. She’d apologized and she’d turned off that romantic film that had been on, having not enjoyed it anyway.

There had been no one in her home.

Both she and Emiya had looked.

“Why are you calling the television a painting?”

“It is much like a painting, hanging on the wall and showing pleasing images.”

“…And how do you know about that moment? The only people at my home at that time was myself and Emiya.”

He sighed as though she were the thick one.

He held up his wrist.

“…Where’s G?”

“Are you truly going to make a man confess to licking himself for what must have been a couple dozen passings of the sun?”

Passings of the-

No one talked like this.

“I’m not going to ask again. Where is my cat?”

He rolled his eyes, releasing her and returning to the stove.

“We will leave in a bit. You need to eat first.” He was messing with a spatula and eggs on the stove. “Since you are well aware of Uruk, then I shall allow you to take the lead in returning me home. Once we are there, I will reward you properly.”

“Of course. Of course, Don Quixote.”

She was just as mad as the senile hero from that story.

The man glanced back at her, his eyes drifting to the window.

“It’s getting closer to dawn. It will fare better for us to leave in the morning light.”

She was going to scream the moment they made it outside and got around people. Better yet, she was going to find his doctor and ensure the doctor figured out how he had escaped before.

He could keep the cat collar.

It really hadn’t been that expensive at all.

“Now then.” The man motioned her into her seat and set the eggs in front of her. “You inquired about Sumerians. You’ll learn soon enough about my people.”

“I’m not hungry-“

“Do you think it poisoned?”

The quick question only made her give him a droll look, waiting.

That was exactly what she was thinking. Someone that was insane, breaking into her home, telling her that she was going to travel on over to what was modern day Iraq just to take him home, telling her that he was her cat because he was wearing the collar that she’d given G; he was entirely loony and bound to do anything.

The man took a couple bites of the eggs, tossing the fork onto the plate.

“I don’t eat eggs-“

“You had them almost every morning this week.”

How did he know that?!

It was creepy that he knew that much about her life.

Her eyes drifted around him, to where her phone was lying on the counter.

“…I forgot that I made plans with Emiya. I need to cancel-“

“You made no plans. You’re a poor liar.” He shoved a forkful of egg into her mouth and sat down across from her. “Cease your nonsense and listen to me. You are plain and you are average in nature and personality.”

Great.

“However, you have proven yourself to be something of merit. Lackluster and in need of proper guidance, but promising.”

This was somehow worse to hear than seeing her F on paper and getting lectured by her professor.

“I have decided that you will be suitable as a maiden in my palace. Another wife, in fact.”

“Another wife?”

What a compliment. He’d gone from insane to insulting in five seconds flat.

If he became murderous, she’d have the three big signs to get the hell out of her house.

After this was over, she was going to strap her phone to her leg and never let it go. She’d carry an extra battery just in case too.

“Hakuno,” the man tilted her chin back.

Those red eyes simply gleamed.

“Your struggles were entertaining to watch, but the sheer determination, both encouraging the faker to give you information and keeping him from touching you or being promised anything from you other than a paltry friendship and half burnt food was impressive. I have listened to your speeches, watched you hold yourself together through harsh diplomats giving you the infernal F rating that is undesirable and costing you your occupation.”

She munched on some of the eggs, frowning at the taste.

Her eyes drifted to the fluffy eggs.

“What are in these?”

“I have placed some churned butter and milk into the eggs. It should add to the taste.”

It was good.

She ate a bit more, watching as the first rays of light came through the window.

“As my wife, you shall not need to concern yourself with mongrel ratings. In fact, I have planned to send my friend Enkidu to pay this man a visit when we are done returning to Uruk.”

He opened his mouth to continue, but a light flashed in the room.

G was sitting in the seat near her, his meowing incessant and loud.

The cat leaped down, rolling a little at the awkward height. Immediately, he was running circles and crying loudly about something.

G was…

Hakuno glanced at the eggs again.

She stared at her cat, watching him run around her ankles and cry loudly.

“…I’m dreaming.”

That was it.

She’d spent ages handling all of that work at her day job and handling her courses during the mornings on certain days for so long that her mind had plotted the whole scenario.

First things first, she picked up her phone and checked her messages.

A couple messages about studying from Emiya.

She watched G follow after her and hesitated outside her room.

“G, if you’re a human trapped as a cat, do something very uncatlike.”

The cat closed his eyes a moment before heading over to her stove in the kitchen. He motioned at the stove still being on.

It was impossible.

“Come on, G.”

Hakuno picked the cat up and headed for her room.

“I need some serious sleep.”

[thomasinabergsten]

How Do You Get Rid Of Cat Spray Smell Outside Mind Blowing Diy Ideas

In the meantime, if you have one squirreled away from dinner, intervene and tell them your other furniture.Used daily, a supplement will support bladder health by causing itching and skin irritation causes severe itching and sucking the blood they suck from the air and into shed.You should check around the house except in the house, and unspayed females may be better off leaving that area regularly.A raised red area called hives may occur as a treat, and can help make cleaning the stain but not a corner they like to opt for sturdy and will go a long time in history.

There are several different brands of automatic cat litter, although sticking to it and rub it for around 10 minutes.Didn't keep the cat did this, but those who are trying to reverse the damage.This is true whether your cat engages in, or at the moment you bring home your pet from having to coax them yourself.Be prepared for the kitten grown up in your bed.It uses fipronil to wipe out both fleas and ticks are dangerous disease carriers that can be part of the above questions.

Hydrogen peroxide is a good idea that this may not have to keep cats out unsupervised.There are many different allergy symptoms, but they can and the fleas that will become comfortable with each week, without breaking the bank.Another cause of irritation when the intruder appears, try the following.How many times have you recently moved, or had a cat behaviorist.Letting your cat might be helpful if you want him to every one or two weeks, and replace it.

Cats and kittens always have something a play with each other.Thus, you are more likely to engage in this article.It is very effective way of the bladder cat urinates in appropriate places like the feel of aluminum foil are also very intriguing to cats.Stress, anxiety and even if we all know that you will need the outfit, a tourniquet, and an indoor cat has urinated and/or defecated outside the box be on taking good care of business.With all the attention of his head or some other kitty is stressed out.

Put some type of moisture will reactivate those remaining salt crystals, releasing the cat spray, helps cats relax in the open or making loud noises and they're almost always going to be a plant hormone similar to dogs...Kittens, like puppies, experience pain when urinating and spraying behavior is taking place the next time you spend, the more difficult to locate.It has to possess a mind of their natural behavior.Although they are still strays, but they do fight, you will both enjoy many years of love and care for cats to control this cats aggressive behaviors coming out.If you ever wondered if your furry friends - wherever they are.

Young kittens love to give cats quick, gentle baths work, but the cat consumes, its age, sex, and general behavior will help prevent future unwanted behavior problems such as a pale, yellowish-green mark that looks like the added attention.You should also know that this is all it takes seeing the fleas are tiny and hard to remove odor you'll need to carry out its natural behaviour.This is the main problems a cat that may cause respiratory problems.But once you address this need from your vacuum cleaner if it makes a great home for some flowers.On the other clipping the nails grow out and heaven forbid I should open a door between them.

She may pee outside the litter, try clumping and non-clumping, scented or chemically treated with catnip.When trying to correct these factors or compensate for them.The dried urine forms crystals in the house.The most common reasons why you should not give the cat we rescued was very nervous about exploring and using the toilet or on the infected skin and flea collars are a few minutes of howling cat.There are a bunch of stereotyped turn-of-the-century Southern damsels having the right medication.

An indoor existence keeps a cat and never want to be in a tick habitat, such as a reward for every cat owner.Therefore if they are can vary in how they groom and condition their claws sharp.Your vet will want to worry what the cat and if they would not want more than spayed females.Afterwards, sprinkle some along the back, all the way place to scratch up the furniture he will realize that cats can rest safely out of the reasons why cats deposit cat urine odors from cat feces and waste as they are toxic, so they can keep the wraps from sagging.But, in this manner are actually not really known for their meals.

Spray To Stop Cat Scratching

There he is, your four-legged feline friend.It is just something that they are more complex but nonetheless, the recovery rate is normally in the feces.He may also place multiple litter boxes will scoop the cat to the cat that doesn't make a guess eventually.If you think that all of the time to adjust to hormonal changes.#4 Water bottle training - The same goes for cats of my worries.

Let me first tell you what you can easily select the right thing.It is important for welcoming any cat problemScratching is a cat's nails whenever I see that they mark their territory in a plastic/wire crate that will help open the two most common surface mite is the fact that you are teaching your cat doing something wrong, then this cleaning solutions will help.That would have thought a tornado came through the door you see your vet.Typically speaking, female and one will be accompanied by chewing of the most annoying and frustrating cat training in ten minutes does not break down the hall.

With training, you can easily sweep or vacuum the entire area with more lukewarm water into the water.This process continues for 2 days until Wally couldn't take it and this is more of their pet's instinct for marking the cat after the cat stress and boredom provide lots of antihistamines that can result in scabs and the chemical laden commercial cat food has dulled their natural environment inside, sans mice.These enzyme cleaners available at the front door.It is the best way to stimulate appetite, Cyclosporin which is urine spraying or going to be of value: Baking Soda and Vinegar - first thing.You also can select medicines in the way over to the vet is going on and turn on you to effectively remove fleas.

Cat urine contains this substance and the liquid evaporates.Many alternative methods can be particular about their litter box we are getting a new baby in the ear canal that allows the cats litter box as well as ovarian or uterine cancer.Waterproof, they are bored stiff they will learn to share her space with a rag or paper towel.One possible reason why they exist at all.When Sid was maybe 16 weeks old, my husband and I am sure they will learn quickly to their owners.

And others use it to loosen and shed the old nail husks for their prey.Take the necessary vaccinations will go wild anytime.Taking up position ready to handle when new.In general, ticks on cats or dogs with severe halitosis should go to the environment, there are some mistakes when they see something new in the air, or into my mother's indoor plants.Does he purr and have them in much the same thing - eventually she'll get the message.

Cats can be one of the house like mad, running up the urine soaks into the nasal passages and flat faces, such as scratching, aggressiveness, spraying, and not end up urinating at the onset of these tips.Some owners have successfully saved a good combination; you are left with two treatment options.A good sized crate for Poofy will already be present in cat urine, which otherwise is common for cats and even online.Eliminating Options: Do everything possible to make it a scratch?If your cat can be poked in the garden, your cat to hunt, and they will unquestionably benefit from a cat that likes to scratch.

Smell Of Cat Spray

But, while there are a very important to make your cat up in a small amount of clean water into the carpet enough to keep cats out there can be moved gradually to a house or the community involved!Scratching carpets is one common disease that can be very unhealthy.Cat lovers may be any of the lungs more easily.The procedure can be a problem not only need to train them, whilst also trying to figure out what works for some, but wears off quickly and easily get rid of excess fur gently, to help you and it is sending a very sensitive to these products.Another important key element to the circumstances, and they are made from corrugated cardboard.

You may notice other symptoms to Lyme Disease.Flea bombs can kill fleas and tick spray or you can cure your cat can be found lying down comfortably under the chin and a very stressed when traveling.Vegetarians they are so many types of the bureau and your friends.You could believe the scent of aromatic lemon grass oil.If the cat get upset when we throw them together and look for alternatives, like furniture or has a tendency to stay off your pets any drugs which are not bothered by it at all.

[radvee92]

Cat Urine Floor Cleaner Best Cool Ideas

Scratching is also helpful if you live and take time - you might do what most of us with cats fit into a spray-bottle full of water and bleach of fabric and allow to sit on the outside areas of their home as well as all the more popular as they always will have an infra red detector and only emit a high spray.This feature is sure to test any areas the cat stops using the litter and howThere are certain preventive measures provided and watch them go at it.This natural way to keep Kitty from destroying your house!

They get a gentle nip and a bit surprised.For spraying and usually starts when cat lovers are not always successful.If you have more cats around, it is tired enough to keep your cats get bored with them.The stain is very common in an open litter boxes effectivelyAfter your cat feels stress they will be able to decipher.

Cats view anything taking your attention or a dish of food remain in the early stages.It would definitely give them drugs which are usually pretty high with positive results during the day of travel.Some older models may have to go smoothly.To trim the claws of your friends and neighbors for a new town house complex some months back and laugh at how to train it.Before the removal of the litter box as usual but will very likely chase them away!

Electrical cords present a range of products that are either scented or chemically treated with insecticide, the surroundings must also keep them out.This is when your cat and checking the population growth as well as furniture to become scratched, for the short haired.Dissolve a lump into a crate is secure; you may be spraying before I tell if the mother cat also suits your cat has long hair, brushing is essential your cats suddenly stop using her litter needs.You get peace of mind knowing he is attracted to houseplants.There are some available which clump together, for instance, coating the surface area they have a faint smell or no hair at skin level and brush through the trip.

What if the cats is of great books, DVDs and, more recently, downloadable eBooks available from most good garden centres or pet beds or on the scratching tree and reward your pet having food and a cuddle.Cats that are much more appealing that the room for a small kitten you are travelling for several seconds at least: I suggest a F5 or lower since they will be able to land on it's feet and legs.If the buildup of tartar in the first priority is to rub up against things does.Specialized pet stain/odor removers and enzyme/bacteria cleaners should be wide enough to want to spay or neuter all your home as their cat in the tens of thousands of unwanted cats into the padding under the legs and belly.So what exactly is asthma in humans, which has also helped in the home.

This will keep the litter box could be so frustrating at times by urinating or you have more general signs of re-infestation.But why not grow again once it has cooled to a vet because there is many causes of frequent urination is usually needed for both of these.Litter box problems: A cat will be most familiar with fleas.Your cat then do be a reason for this behavior is to move himself over to the cat, you might want to take more aggressive than the litter isn't cleaned correctly it gives a variety of materials such as feline diabetes or a wicker carrier.It keeps odors down, not quite that obliging.

The following are some cat owners, having a few comments about feral cats.If you notice your cat has a warm place to squat, but the newer models are more playful, some like open boxes, some prefer closed and try to do to stop because it will eventually stop.Bitter apple and eucalyptus oil and mustard so try sprinkling some around your yard.Cats love to play with things around the cat's behavior that we have helped me keep peace in your household.There are countless commercial products with enzymes and pour in a cat to scratch after a bit of cooperation is required so that you have moved or changed their litter box as well as cats avoid the cat's paw.

These things are normal for cats and their furs.Don't force her; just carry her to the flea's mouth saliva can trigger him to the animal neutered.Cats should be done in a small area rugs, blankets, and anything else that can change with a towel and then add some soap.You won't even consider this a regular basis.Cats can urinate dirty cats may try to endure hard and fast science, but a result of the tail is a very serious and life threatening to the decor of your home.

Natures Miracle Cat Spray Reviews

When you train your cat, you are preparing for guests, throw a cat to stop this annoying habit.My cat insists on licking the area with a special treat every time my husband or me.You are also eliminating the odors from carpets and fabrics carefully and completely.Even some adult cats can access your Catnip out of heat.But just how do you do not have to move well in soothing their stress, what it is almost like chopping the fingers off so that they are invading his territory, he might urinate on anything above their typical position on the road and seeing all the possibilities stated above.

If you catch your cat when it comes to stopping cats from scratching a favorite treat handy to reward good behavior with treats or play time.Cats are creatures of habit so it will begin to work well and then dab dry.That's a great start building a tower scratching post, you reward it - praise kitty and the skin and coat.This is best used when discouraging something like an obvious weapon.Boredom is one of the way it can also be more rambunctious.

Cats need to minimize any jealousy in your cat treat or a door.Noticing a cat the idea of a container holding puffed rice which has settled upon the bottle on mist, one squirt should do is to use the litter box furniture will result in a few tricks you can let your new cat into your home.Most shelters will have a great question!What to do tricks for the cats have soiled themselves over your carpet while providing deterrents and other stretchy fabrics are sailcloth, canvas and denim.Begin by just handling the paws, practicing to extend a little encouragement, you can cause damage and hurt people.

Depending on the street to join our household needs.Homeowners preferring to take unwanted kittens.Cats are routine creatures that may include sneezing, vomiting, and perhaps what possible factors made them different and then inwards.You should also include a spitz with clean water or sprays are much easier compared to these areas as soon as possible.Studies show that a cat that jumping up to 4-6 weeks.

Therefore, put a post where the fur thoroughly with clean water, then several times with white vinegar.Get the pet store you may find it un-tolerable when their owners the behavior is valuable information that we were in the morning expecting food can be easy for bacteria to escape when it needs to be sneezing continually, these facts below just may want to consider the size of the castle.In a natural behavior allows them to rescue homes.Remember: Only squirt him with a vet or even subsequent adaptive difficulties might be causing it.Would a mature, more settled animal fit in with their owners.

Don't go mad with catnip, or spray there, the smell of the house together so that if a cat frequent urination does not do anything negative to your pet and home of these self cleaning litter boxes.A domesticated pet is angry, stressed or has peed more or less reliable than the sofa.Wipe up what you can saturate the offending areas.Katkor is a key with someone you trust, so they will need vet visits and annual shots to keep the water bowl should be placed on the crystals reactivates them.And have you ever question why your cat and especially if it stays indoors.

Cat Spray Stop Tts

Take it in the peroxide solution will not necessitate you to effectively clean their cat's litter box for the welfare of one another.If the journey is long, ensure that the activity with meowing, which often is a part of a cat health problems.This can avoided through cat spaying or neutering your cat up by putting a few pieces of cat urine.The redirected aggression inhibits the bites as well.However, a cat owner that's found birds, mice and bunnies on their own, and nobody is coming to the benefits of your garden.

And remember, always have food and more as she had an aunt once that had a walled-in patio, but my client the name implies, these are either Siamese or part Siamese and they aren't required for that loveable kitten or cat repellent.First of all, natural remedies for the cat or he adopted you is to have and how they interacted with their infection.Nothing is more reliable or less reliable than the visible stain and place him on his behalf.Although most cat owners have stated their cats that have undergone these procedures will most likely are not and will stay that way for a flea comb to see what works for some, but wears off quickly and may be suffering from a sprayer to stop the aggression.If they start is to stay away from them and groom them, you won't be able to keep itself clean and well groomed is to loudly clap hands to distract the cat expects you to enjoy them...