#This is gonna be way too TMI and frankly way too gloomy for my normal posts but I've gotta just braindump for a sec
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Me: Alright we’re Goin Thru It rn so let’s maybe try and unwind with a nice movie, you haven’t done that for a few weeks
Me, 11 minutes into it: *incredibly more depressed and distraught than before*
#i talk#*SIGHS LOUDLY*#This is gonna be way too TMI and frankly way too gloomy for my normal posts but I've gotta just braindump for a sec#I'm watching When Marnie Was There again and I'm just like. frick.#I really do need to get the hell out of dodge and just like.#be somewhere else in another country for a while#no work no responsibilities no nothing#I just want to wander and explore and just do whatever the frick#I wish I'd done that before getting this apartment I would've had more money and wouldn't have a lease or whatever#now it's like. well if I bounce for a month I'm literally burning a stupid amount of money PLUS rent money#I dunno I'm just venting my thoughts here#I genuinely do feel like I need to just get away for a month or I'm going to Legitimately Lose It#I did my [location redacted] wandering for over 5 hours today plus a lil retail therapy#PLUS Pkmn Go event day stuff#which usually boosts my mood so much#but even THAT didn't help and now I'm just like FRICK#I dunno I'm genuinely hitting a wall and it's making me so mad#I finally have a stable job with benefits and an apartment#but money is still an issue and I"m still stressed and sad and I'm not happy!!! what the frick!!!#like what the frick is it gonna take at this point!!!#blah blah blah healing is linear blah blah but you'd think after all these years I'd at least be a LITTLE happier#I dunno man. I'm just so tired of being frustrated and sad all the time#I want to draw and write and hang out with my friends and be there for them#but I just don't have the bandwith#also please don't take this post as an invitation to give unsolicited advice#I'm legitimately just braindumping for my own sake because it helps#it also helpos future me when I look back on this kind of stuff#anyways#ask to tag I guess
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