#This is going to be my last Big Exam™ for a year and I

[theultracharmingladynoire]

.

[beachy--head]

A silly little something, in honor of the tenth anniversary of the iconic Jackson Avery, Wedding Interrupter™ moment.

___

"So. It seems we find ourselves here once again."

"Catherine, we–"

"Mom–"

"Ta-ta-ta, you do not get to interrupt me. Now, as I was saying. I believe it was, oh, ten years ago? That my son decided that interrupting a wedding ceremony was the best time to proclaim his undying love to his best friend, instead of talking about it privately beforehand, like any mature human being."

"Okay, that's unfai–"

"And then decided that eloping was the way to go, depriving me of the chance to see my only child, the flesh of my flesh – don't roll your eyes, Jackson Avery – get married."

"Catherine, we apologized, but–"

"And I made my displeasure known at the time, if I recall. I may have been harsh, but I said things you two lovebirds needed to hear."

"Could have gone without hearing you call April a gold digger, but okay."

"Now it was nothing against you. You know I was overjoyed last year when I found out that you two were giving it another try. I was nothing but supportive, taking care of my granddaughter so you two could have date nights and the like."

"And we're grateful, Catherine, reall–"

"So imagine my surprise when said granddaughter innocently tells me that last week, she went with her parents to Boston City Hall to watch them sign papers to become husband and wife. Again."

"See? Told you Hattie was going to snitch."

"We were going to tell you, Catherine, I promise."

"Yeah, we just didn't want to make a big deal of it, it was a spur of the moment thi–"

"Babe, you're making it worse."

"So I guess I have to ask. What did I do to be deprived of the chance to see my son, who, once again, is the only child I have, in a tuxedo, and you in a big, poofy dress, tearing up at the sight of each other?"

"Okay, I don't know what Harriet told you, I did not tear up, that's–"

"Hush, child. Now, you know I have cancer, so I'm probably not long for this world."

"Mom, your last exams were absolutely fine. You haven't needed treatment for the past 12 months."

"As I said, I may not be long for this world. So, I have asked Harriet her opinion, and we've decided enough was enough."

"You two decided?"

"She's the most sensible Avery at the moment, and the only one I'm not mad at, so yes, we decided. I took care of the venue, the flowers and the catering. Harriet helped with the dress – April, you're going to love it, I just hope you like flowers – and the music. We're going to have a ceremony, even if it's the last thing I do."

"What?"

"Don't worry, I also invited all your friends from Seattle. Next Saturday. Be ready at 2 p.m., and we'll take care of the rest."

"Mom, that's really unnecessary, we don'–"

"Catherine, what are you say–"

"And one more thing. If I have to hear about a potential grandchild by Harriet or after they are born, I'm disinheriting both of you."

[loquaciousquark]

I see @eponymous-rose doing these sometimes and I've always thought it was so much fun, so here's a Day in the Life of a clinical Associate Professor™. For reference, I've been seeing patients & teaching at my current university since finishing my residency almost a decade (!!!!!) ago.

9:30 - 10:00 - Precious precious office hours, spent answering emails from students, colleagues, and a guest speaker from a national organization I'm trying to coordinate an event for in two weeks. Everything's lined up except the venue (all our regular lecture halls are booked), and of course we discover this just outside his window to refund his airline tickets. Rats.

10:00 - 12:00 - Clinical lab! I'm coursemaster for two complex lecture/lab courses in the spring (protip: never let admin do this to you), so right now I spend most of my week in the classroom. Friday AMs are my advanced procedures lab, & today the students are doing intradermal and subcutaneous injections of the forearm and eyelid. This course can be really scary for them, so I go to a lot of effort to get them mentally and emotionally prepped, practicing approach and needle manipulation, etc. All of them do wonderfully, and even after cleanup and taking the biohazard bag down to disposal, I'm out on time.

12:00-1:00 - Guest faculty candidate lecture! Our full-time faculty has been down by about five people for a few years, and we also have three more of our remaining full-timers out on medical leave until late February, so we are hurting for help. This applicant gives a phenomenal talk on diversity and optometric scope across the several continents she's taught in over the last twenty years. It's an extraordinary talk and I honestly learn more geography than I expected.

1:00 - 2:30 - Lecture! Advanced procedures lecture to the third-year class, usually the only barrier between them and their weekend. I really like today's lecture and it goes well, and even the chronic dozers in the side seats stay awake.

2:30 - 2:45 - Intended to be an interview/tour with the faculty applicant, except here comes the first wrench. Just as she gets to my office, the colleague delivering the speaker lets me know she's having tech trouble with her Zoom-in guest lecturer and also there's a very upset student in the hall outside the classroom. I go down with her right away; student is okay, just got some very bad news, and when I'm sure they're settled with their friends & support system I help the colleague with the tech.

2:45-3:10 - Tour finally happens! The students we encounter are chipper and cheerful (not always the case in practical season!).

3:10-4:00 - Meeting with my clinic coordinator to prep for next week's practicals. My other big course this semester caps with a high-stakes clinical entrance exam; in essence, the students must perform a complete, independent eye examination from start to finish, and they can't enter clinic with "real" patients until they pass. The setup & scheduling for this practical (which runs over three weeks) is probably the most complicated logistical nightmare of my year. However, my coordinator is amazing, and within the hour she has a detailed list of both her tasks and mine and will report back as each prep step is done.

4:00-5:00 - Desperately trying to finish this schedule, answer my most urgent calls from patients, and finish some time-sensitive grading. Another colleague comes by and asks what I thought of the guest speaker, and when I say I didn't get much time in my interview with her, she suggests I tag along to the faculty dinner with her tonight at 5:45. A fantastic idea! I'll just wear what I have on, yeah?

The faculty dinner is at a five-star steakhouse. I'm wearing scrubs and a pullover.

It's okay, I have time to make it home and change! I can make it!

5:15 - I accidentally overwrite 90% of my completed schedule with an old, mostly blank copy, and don't realize it until after saving multiple times (I was on a different tab in the spreadsheet).

5:15 - 5:45 - Meticulously recreate the schedule as quickly as I can. I've already emailed out some assignments to the students, so I can't start over from scratch (which would have honestly been faster). Finally finish & send out the details to needed parties.

5:45 - 6:35 - race home, feed the dog, change into slacks and my favorite blazer, race out to the steakhouse.

6:35 - 8:30 - I arrive just before the salads come out, hallelujah! I have the best steak I've ever eaten in my life, as well as have a fantastic conversation with the candidate and the other faculty. The time honestly flies by, and when I realize what time it is I'm feeling very guilty about leaving the dog. Still, I'm sure she'll be a fantastic fit for the program, and it's honestly a relief to have my questions about some of her experience answered.

8:50 - home at last, at last!

8:51 - I discover my fly has been unzipped all night.

8:52 - 9:00 - I indulge in paroxysms of shame until I rationalize that the restaurant was incredibly dim, I was sitting the whole time, and my undies are also black. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine.

9:00 - now - hot bath, a book of poetry, and a double bourbon. After today, I feel like I've earned it.

[ranty-ramblestein]

Eulogy for Benjamin

If you've read the eulogy for my first cat you mostly know about Benjamin already. He was the mellowed out orange cat that liked to be held like a human baby and didn't seem to totally know what's going on.

He was originally picked up by my dad and taken care of until my mom died and I moved in with him. He has this one story about how he used to play fetch with Benjamin when he was in the shower, throwing a plush mouse down the hall (since he was living home alone at the time). And of course me moving in stopped that. It's a cute vision, though.

It was just a couple years now he stopped grooming, so I took up grooming out his big mats... and not really in a painless way, either. At some point I just moved to start cutting them. Not parallel to the skin, perpendicular to it in the way the furt grows out. And soon he had mostly smooth fur again... until the next temp. change rolled around. I kept up grooming him some, but I did realize he didn't like his paws being touched during all that.

He had itchy ears that messed up his balance, so he was constantly scratching them. (I frequently helped him stand up if he was laying on my lap and started pulling out his claws to scratch.)

I did a lot of helping him, and it wasn't that long ago that he stopped going to the litterbox like normal and peeing on the stiff mats outside them (we still had two from when Cougar was alive, since he had a System™) so my dad got pee pads... and soon he had to put a lot more pee pads around the basement, where he was banished to because my Dad had gotten a Dog in the meantime. She hadn't like him, so that's what happened.

Of course, every time I came in from walking Frieda (the german shepard) today, I went over to pet him on the head, holding Fried tightly on the leash. She didn't try to pounce forward at all today, only sniffing him a bit. But maybe that was because I was holding her back so tightly? idk

Anyway, turns out Ben was peeing everywhere because of an unknown weakness, and he quickly lost weight, and all energy with it.

Here he was last night, unable to gather the energy to get back in his bed, which I had moved from the table to the left down to the floor just a few days ago. (Just like I stated in the last eulogy, it took me a while to realize he hadn't moved from the floor that day...)

Then today, at 2:20pm I carried him into my dad's truck and held him and comforted him as we headed to the vet...

I didn't realize until this moment, when he was on the exam table, just how angled his eyes were. It really gives him a mean look, but he was the sweetest cat in the whole wide world... 😭

Hopefully you can drink more water straight from the tap in Heaven, Ben.

[rubyvroom]

I’ve been running a queue here for a few weeks because I have been making a big push to go out and do all the Life(tm) things I had postponed during the pandemic. I got waaaaaaay too used to being a hermit during isolation and not dealing with things that require interacting with people and now it takes even more energy and effort to do these things than the already considerable amount it did before. I gave myself the arbitrary deadline of the end of the year to do these regular-ass things that adult humans need to do and I somehow struggle with. So I have had very little energy left over for anything else during this period, hence: Halloween queue.

It has been fairly successful so far. I need time to decompress between each thing but doing my best to keep things moving. So far I have:

gotten an eye exam, which lead to my first pair of glasses that are already making my life easier

working back in the office on a semi-regular basis mostly in order to be out in the world and walking and getting exercise (I have gotten very deconditioned during the pandemic)

picked out, acquired, and built a new, king-sized bed (and it is doing WONDERS for my back!)

New phone, new carrier, new plan, new phone number. All done and new number being distributed (selectively). 

Still to do: 

Haircut. Have not cut my hair in something like 4 years and it is ludicrously long. Need to at least trim it up to Long length from the Witch-Cabin-In-The-Woods length it has reached.

Doctor visit, for long-overdue checkup and some referrals.

rearrange the spare room into an office space (currently it houses my PS4/tv and no other furniture, plus many many many many piles of books. will need an actual chair and desk, more bookshelves, and a new arrangement in a very tiny space)

new computer. my computer is ANCIENT. I don’t even know what computers are good anymore, plus computer chip shortage, this will be challenging.

Dentist (last on the list because it will be the worst by far)

[hella1975]

A levels seem like such a mean thing to do to teenagers and I hope they get cancelled for you. If they don't you should hit them with a stick.

oh im about to rant let’s go. (if u don’t want to read about any covid stuff then skip this cause i get it can be really draining and i usually try not to talk about it but i’m ✨pissed off✨)

okay so: in england, we have GCSEs. These are a set of exams you do after 5 years of secondary school. They’re Terrifying™, but in the big scheme of things, not that big of a deal.

After secondary school, you go to sixth form college (NOT UNIVERSITY LIKE THE STUPID AMERICANS SEEM TO THINK). college lasts 2 years. two. and at the end of it, you do your a-levels. these a-levels determine where you go to university (there’s obvs other options but as someone who wants to take the uni route im just gonna explain this one). so if you fail your a-levels and don’t get into uni, that’s a big fucking deal. still, you get only two years of a-levels, despite the easier and less important GCSEs having 5 years.

now add on coronavirus.

i say college is 2 years, but take holidays into account and that’s 18 months. minus 5 months of lockdown, and i’ve physically only sat two thirds of my a-level classes. let’s add on the fact a lot of people are losing even more college time because of having to self-isolate, the fact that all colleges teach the curriculum differently so there’s no way of knowing which parts of the course which colleges have missed, the fact that stress and anxiety levels in teenagers have skyrocketed, and you’ve got yourself a lovely traumatised year of students.

and they still :) haven’t :) cancelled :) exams :)

[nako-doodles]

Vent about your shitty week with me babe

a girl after my heart ilu💖

everythings under the cut bc this is going to be long Im not here to rain on anybodys parade *barbra steisand voice*

alright this fucking GOD DAMNED week alright ok lets do this

my entire week has been:

and also

but anyways lets start from the beginning:

ok so ive been hired to work as English teacher at this super Big Deal education company (??????) for elementary school children. but last month, apparently a Super Important Person’s daughter or other wants to take the IELTS in a month and is in urgent need of getting her scores up, and my direct supervisor squinted her giant circle lensed eyes at me and went ‘didnt you go to that super important university in America??’ and also that I would be ‘paid dearly for my inconvenience’ and so suddenly I was pulled from my classes to subject this poor girl to the tortures of the English Language. did I say tortures? im sorry I meant exactly what I meant. anyways, the poor girl barely spoke a lick of English, but wants to study abroad at this super prestigious music school in Manchester, and who am I to reject her dreams right?? I am a broke ass college student; im not going to turn away More Money.

anyways fast forward to last week, where the day after I gave her a mock exam, I get a message from my direct supervisor at like 3am asking me if I heard from my student. to which my answer was ofc: ???? no? @ 9am bc I am a respectable adult with regular sleep hours and didnt just ignore her message bc I wasnt interested in dealing with any shit? anyways I learned once I reached the office that the girl was caught going out clubbing and sleeping around at ass o clock in the morning, and got caught by her parents and would now be grounded in the near future. nvm that the girl literally flew in from the mainland, pausing her last semester in HS, to study for the IELTS?? also please note that I was literally not told any of this until like a day ago, which by then I was stood up at our usual lesson time for a solid 4 days.

and since her parents weren’t forthcoming over when shes coming back, if she even is coming back, and like what even the fuck is going on, my direct supervisor decided to shuffle me back to wrangle little waist-high demons, but like literally 4 minutes before I was to clock out yesterday and resume my satanic chores of organizing the 9th level of hell (teaching wiggling giggly 6 year olds the names of foods) next morning, the mother called in to say that her daughter is coming in next Tuesday to resume classes. which. great. thanks for telling me literally when I finally finalized my move back to another department and keeping us all in the loop I guess?

and the icing on top of the cake??????? payday was yesterday, and I realized that the financial dept not only DIDNT recompense me for my IELTS classes, they also claimed that since ‘I wasnt teaching the young ones’ I didnt meet my teaching quota, so basically I wasn’t even paid my basic income????? bitcH???? I wasnt the one who wanted to teach a reluctant 17 yo on the pains of the English language, and I was told I was going to get recompensed????? this is absolutely Fraud??????? like this was more shady than Kellyanne Conway and conning is literally Her Last Name????????? how do you expect me to live the next couple weeks on what meager pittance that you gave me???????? Julius Caesar didnt die on the ides of march for you to do me dirty like this, Brutus.

so here we are today, me on strike and fuming silently in an empty office on a lovely Saturday evening here in one of the most populous cities in the world, the sun reflecting off tall glass buildings and causing lots of glares on my computer screen while I glare at every single moving organism that comes within 10 meters of me. its been A Week™.

tldr me @ my company;

[thetallangel]

I got tagged by @youmaycallmebrian, i never get those, so it’s really fun you tagged me!! Thanks!! Rules: Answer the 92 statements and tag 20 people

LAST:

1. Drink: Iced Tea

2. Phone call: My godmother

3. Text message: My best friend

4. Song you listened to: Tightrope, Janelle Monàe, but the Glee version

5. Time you cried: Last thursday

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: Never actually dated anyone

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Never kissed someone

8. Been cheated on: No

9. Lost someone special: Yeah

10. Been depressed: Me?????? Depressed????? Im fine :))))))

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Nah

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12. Pastel peach

13. Baby blue/Mint

14. Dark green

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: Yeah, I think so!!

16. Fallen out of love: Yup..

17. Laughed until you cried: Sure

18. Found out someone was talking about you: Yes!!! I actually love knowing what people say about me, good or bad

19. Met someone who changed you: Slightly changed

20. Found out who your friends are:Yeah

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: Again, never kissed a fool

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life:Almost all of them, tho i may have never talked to them

23. Do you have any pets: A cat

24. Do you want to change your name: No

25. What did you do for your last Birthday: I think I went to a friend’s house

26. What time did you wake up: 7:30

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Watching Glee

28. Name something you can’t wait for: Death™ No but for real, I can’t wait for the time I befriend new people and most importantly,having a goddam hot boyfriend!!!  

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: Few minutes ago

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life:My body

31. What are you listening right now: Trainwreck by Banks just ended and Dusk Till Dawn by ZAYN and Sia is starting rn (tbh it’s my bop at the moment)

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: I talked to people named Thomas???

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: My cegep program

34. Most visited Website: Tumblr, Youtube, Asos and a streaming website

LOST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME

35. Mole/s:Nothing really special

36. Mark/s: I have a bright red birthmark under my right arm, it looks like a wine stain. I also have scars from when my cat scratched my right forearm, and it looks like self-harm scars oops

37. Childhood dream: Having superpowers

38. Haircolour: Light brown

39. Long or short hair: They’re pretty long

40. Do you have a crush on someone: Dont think so

41. What do you like about yourself: Im tall and empathetic, I can easily put myself in other people’s place. I like that I’m also someone who people (even those who i dont know that much) just talk to about everything. 

42. Piercings: No

43. Bloodtype: A+ not sure

44. Nickname: Antoi (best friend), Tapetteville(created by my best friend, used by someone else), Queen(another friend), Anto(cousin and sec5 french teacher)

45. Relationship status: LMAO

46. Zodiac: Cancer

47. Pronouns: I usually go with He/Him/Himself, but i dont mind people calling me with female pronouns

48. Favourite TV Show: Grey’s Anatomy

49. Tattoos: I dont have any rn

50. Right or left hand:Left handed

51. Surgery: No

52. Hair dyed in different color:No

53. Sport: Wtf is this

55. Vacation: A big city, but who’s also quite calm and peacful

56. Pair of trainers: No?

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: Nothing

58. Drinking: Iced tea

59. I’m about to: Study real late for my biology exam tmrw

61. Waiting for: My ‘‘Work and Study week’’ a.k.a my vacation week in october

62. Want: A!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOT!!!!!!!! BOYFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!

63. Get married:Depends on my partner, i dont really care

64. Career: Psychologist, something else, or Drag Queen if I can’t find anything

WHICH IS BETTER

65. Hugs or kisses: Hugs

66. Lips or eyes:Eyes

67. Shorter or taller: For me? Im ok being tall like i am

68. Older or younger: My age rn

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: Idk

71. Sensitive or loud: Idk

72. Hook up or relationship: Relationship

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: Idk

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a stranger: Nope

75. Drank hard liquor: Yes

76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: I think??

77. Turned someone down: Actually yes? He was a creep lol

78. Sex on the first date:No

79. Broken someone’s heart: Idk??

80. Had your heart broken: Yeah

81. Been arrested: No

82. Cried when someone died: Yes

83. Fallen for a friend:Yeah? I mean, you should be in love with someone who’s also your friend?

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: I have my moments

85. Miracles:Yeah

86. Love at first sight:No

87. Santa Claus: No

88. Kiss on the first date: Idk

89. Angels:Idk if angels, or something close but not exactly like angels

OTHER:

90. Current best friends name:Anne-Marie, Mandolyn,Clara,Julien,Laura

91. Eye colour: Green

92. Favorite movie:Forrest Gump, But Im a cheerleader, Dear White People, A league of their own, The Help I won’t tag anyone since everyone I know on this goddam hell of a website has been tagged/tagged me lol, if you see this and want to do it, just say i tagged you lmao