#This Isn't Happening Fic

[lazylittledragon]

if i had a nickel for every au spawned from twitter that i SWORE i was going to be normal about

[reineydraws]

three is a pattern, shanks!

[alarainai]

people take fandom so seriously. where is your joy? your humour? your sense of whimsy?

[frownyalfred]

not quite sure what to do with this hc, but it's pretty likely Bruce Wayne would be struck from almost any jury/jury duty simply because he's a crime victim, and a very prominent crime victim who would taint the jury pool simply by being there. and even if it was a civil jury, he'd probably be struck simply for being too prominent of a local figure with complicated investments/conflicts of interest.

[irenespring]

Really I think nothing shouts "my first Presidential election as a politically active person was 2016" more than the fact that when I feel hope and excitement for the future (possible President Harris) for more than five minutes I immediately get a crushing, all-consuming anxiety of "feeling this positive emotion now is going to make it so much worse when the worst thing possible happens" to the extent that I'll probably need my break-glass-in-case-of-emergency anxiety medication.

[alchemistc]

Buck texting Tommy asking for his schedule and Tommy sending him "???" back because he's already told Buck when his days off are and when he's off shift long enough that they could get together, but he sends a screenshot anyway.

Two hours later Buck sends the picture back, only he's scribbled all his shifts in there too. They have three overlapping days off and Buck has circled them individually. Day one just says Sex. Day two: Sex, again. Day three: r&r, and then an asterisk that likely means something to Buck even if it doesn't to Tommy.

They've done most of it, already. Evan is actually a little obsessed with giving head, which was a neat surprise to both of them, but handjobs and general frottage haven't been off the table either. Tommy's been easing Evan into penetration despite Evan's protests that he's Incredibly Ready, C'mon Tommy.

I don't know what this means, Tommy sends off before he zips up his flight suit.

It means that's when you're gonna fuck me

Tommy considers chucking his phone across the room like he's just experienced a jump scare. They try to avoid getting too sexy when they're at work.

You know it's not a three day event, right?

And Buck sends back

ur the one who keeps putting it off

obvs u think it's gonna be so mindblowing it'll alter me as a person so i even prepared ahead and scheduled a recovery day

For some reason even the text speak doesn't put Tommy off. Neither does planning out sex while he's still at work.

What's the asterisk on Day 3 for?

That's for when uadmit I didn't need a full day to recover from the holy experience of getting dicked down by u and u let me rim you for like an hour before I fuck you

Come over tonight Tommy sends back, before he shoves his phone firmly into his pocket and doesn't look at it for at least an hour.

They don't end up needing the schedule

[krysmcscience]

The Lamb is malicious in a funny way and the Goat is funny in a malicious way. No, I will not elaborate.

Anyway, everyone give thanks to the Lamb for interrupting what was sure to be a very boring and patronizing PSA from their grouchy cat hubby. Truly, they are doing God's work. Granted, the Lamb canonically is God now, so, uh. Mostly they're just doing their own work.

Speaking of their grouchy cat hubby, yes this is absolutely still Narilamb, Narinder is 100% into his goofy-ass spouse always no matter what and we all know it, he just wasn't expecting his brand new adopted kid to share the same single goofy-ass brain cell as the Lamb. :)

[theminecraftbee]

"This isn't fair!"

She's frustrated to realize there are tears in her eyes. She wipes them away angrily.

"Why does this keep happening to me, huh? I finally agree to come back, and, and, and it happens again! This isn't fair!"

FAIRNESS HAS ALWAYS BEEN A STRANGE HUMAN CONCEPT TO ME.

"You shut up," Lizzie says. "No, no, it's--this isn't fair!" she says, staring down at the battlefield. "I don't want this! This isn't fair!"

PEOPLE SAY THAT SO OFTEN. I HAVE NEVER UNDERSTOOD. I AM NOT FAIR. I AM NOT UNFAIR. I SIMPLY AM, AND AM UNCHANGING.

"Not dying, you idiot, although that's not fair either, it's just--it's just--what about me?"

WELL, YOU ARE DEAD.

"I know that! I know that!" Lizzie says, watching as Jimmy, delighted, crows about changing the signs on his grave. "I know! But what about those assholes, huh? This is the second time! The second time they've done this! I'm the one who's dead! I died! Me! It's me! What about me?"

I SEE. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT THAT HAS TO DO WITH FAIRNESS.

Lizzie screams, wordless and frustrated and angry and so, so sad for reasons she doesn't know how to explain to an anthropomorphic concept, anyway. She's just--everything wells into tears in her eyes again, which is only more infuriating. She doesn't want to be crying. She doesn't want to be crying.

"Everyone was sadder about Bdubs, last time," she says. "And, and everyone's going to be happier about Jimmy, this time. Why did it happen again? It's not fair. It's not fair! What about me? I died! I died, I'm dead, why don't you say something about me for once? Why do I have to, to keep being in the background of other people's--I died! I'M DEAD YOU GUYS! I'M DEAD! LISTEN TO ME, I'M DEAD!"

THEY CANNOT HEAR YOU.

"I know!" wails Lizzie. "I know! They aren't listening, anyway. I know."

I WOULD SAY THAT I AM SORRY, BUT I DO NOT FEEL THAT EMOTION.

"Of course you don't!"

I AM HERE FOR ONE THING ONLY.

"And it's not--"

FAIRNESS IS A HUMAN CONCEPT I HAVE NEVER UNDERSTOOD. THINGS ARE, OR THEY ARE NOT. THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO CHANGE THAT, PERCEIVED JUSTICE OR OTHERWISE.

"I'm the one who's dead," mutters Lizzie. "It's me. I'm the one who's hurt. It's me."

YES. YOU ARE DEAD. AND IT'S MY JOB TO TAKE YOU TO THE END.

Lizzie is not sure how long she is silent, standing there, periodically wiping furious tears from her eyes, until Death takes her by the shoulders and leads her away. She would like to imagine someone looks up at her in that time. She's not sure anyone does.

[starry-bi-sky]

mmmmmm read a disciple shen yuan/shizun luo binghe fanfic about two days ago where the first chapter was the Immortal Conference arc, and SQQ was the one who had to be pushed into the abyss (he was still the villain) except Luo Binghe was refusing and was like, lowkey losing his mind about SQQ being so close to the edge. SQQ ended up having to be the one to fall in himself because of the system's punishment system. The rest of the fic is leading up to that moment. But like, MMM i've been obsessively thinking about that first chapter for DAYS ever since.

now i've been in svsss for a grand total of *checks watch* a week. but god obsessed with that. I want to write/read a fic where disciple SQQ goes a little nuts down there. Like keep all of the things that make SQQ, SQQ, but just. Throw in a little bit more trauma in there. A little bit of a mental break. Let him go a little nuts as a treat. Just a tad unhinged. I wanna see him go, just a little, "god fuck it, i've tried so hard to change this shitty story's outcome and it feels like everything i've done has been for nothing. I'm going to die in this world no matter what I do, I've been doomed from the start, so might as well die the way I want to." and he just, breaks a little! Under all the stress.

He still retains the traits that makes shen yuan, shen yuan, like his overwhelming kindness. But he's just! yk. A little less patient. Paranoid. Jumpy. Colder. A little more aloof and closed off. A little more Shen Jiu. He's no asshole child abuser, but he was a Number One Hater in his past life and he's leaning into that old habit a little more now.

(On a totally coincidental not-at-all related note, there's not enough SJ-and-SY-are-the-same-people fics out there that i've found. This is totally unrelated...)

The Endless Abyss turns the mind into an over-sharpened blade, and SQQ is both fascinated and perhaps a little excited to explore a place that doesn't have a lot of info on it in the mortal realm, but still terrified out of his mind. And he's no Luo Binghe, he doesn't have the sheer brute strength and power to just bulldoze his way through, so he has to be a lot more sneaky and cunning if he wants to survive.

The fic itself role-swapped LBH and SQQ so that SQQ was the half-demon (which lowkey fucks) and LBH the human, but I'm equally-if-not-more obsessed with the idea that LBH remains the half-heavenly demon and SQQ the human. If only because I keep thinking about SQQ befriending some demons (particularly and specifically a group of succubi) and they grow very attached to this Human Cultivator so through magic plot stuff they create some kind of seal/illusion/talisman that makes SQQ appear as a demon because a human cultivator in the endless abyss may as well be the equivalent of putting a giant neon target on your back.

And iirc Shen Jiu was taught demonic cultivation by that one guy(?? i've only been here a week so im not caught up in ALL of the lore yet) so that could totally happen here.

(On the other end of the realms, poor Shizun Luo Binghe is just. losing his fucking mind over losing his most precious and beloved disciple. About .5 seconds from burning down the peaks himself. somebody sedate him.)

The Endless Abyss sucks and SQQ is having a really terrible time and can feel himself going lowkey mad, but also holy shit look at all this WORLD-BUILDING. look at all this flora and fauna, and oh if he had the equipment for it he'd be writing all of this down. ALL OF IT. He was kinda-sorta-already planning on never leaving the Abyss as some sort of fucked up self-exile and self-preservation thing, but now he might? actually just?? never leave if he can help it, like he lowkey likes it down here.

anyways the next time anyone ever sees SQQ again he's got hair so long its almost touching the ground and he's either in rags and half-feral or he's been completely dolled up by his adoptive succubi sisters and still about three seconds from biting anyone who tries to touch him. (he's also lowkey trying to book it back down to the abyss even if he has desperately missed all of his friends and shizun)

[p4nishers]

if im reading a cherik fic and logan isnt there to be psychosexually obsessed w charles loud enough to piss erik off then whats the point

[teddybeartoji]

iiii think toji and sukuna love to watch you eat. this isn't a very original thought now is it..... buuut it just popped into my head today when i was, in fact, eating lmao.

like they just love to watch you EAAATTTTT – big bites and full cheeks, they're staring at you like they've never seen a creature like you before. it just really does something for them yk? they don't care if you're being messy either, that only makes it all better. they wanna watch you tear into meat, they want you to chow down on some vegetables like it's your last day on earth alright. it's not like they're gonna admit it but it makes their hearts grow a little... to see you eat, to see you happy and content – it's important to them.

(and after you're both finished, they're gonna plant the fattest, the sloppiest fucking kiss to your lips and then laugh when you call them nasty lmao.)

[omaano]

"I've grown these for you."

My first entry for the @rexobibingo - because what is a Gardener/Gardening about if not making leafy things grow out of love? (You can, of course, grow your leafy things out of spite too, I guess, that's always a very fair motivation if you ask me)

Keeping to good old habits from my previous bingo experience, please allow me to wholeheartedly and very passionately recommend @dharmaavocado's fic that has been on my mind throughout the whole time while I was working on this drawing We Who Love Our Hands in Dirt which was likely the first fic that has sold me on this ship, and Hanahaki as allergies will never stop being fascinating to me as a concept *w*

[malaierba]

That one person that tagged a post focusing on Toshiro and Namari hanging out, with "Namari probably bought Toshiro a beer and changed his life" left such an impression on my brain.

Latinx moots may know the comedian Franco Escamilla, there's this story he tells about going to London and ordering a beer except no one warned him that its alcohol percentage was like 7% (in Mexico the highest in 5% but most are like 3% or something idk, correct me if I'm wrong).

So yknow how it goes, it hits him like a truck coming from his blind spot, he's suddenly everyone's friend, starts saying stuff he shouldn't, eventually reaches the point where he's just fast forwarding in time and teletransporting, dies on his bed.

Okay well, you get the general idea of what I'm imagining lol. Namari buys Toshiro a beer bcs he seems like a reasonable guy, just a bit uptight, maybe it'll help him loosen up?

She misses the moment when Toshiro's walls crumble down with the power of alcohol. Suddenly he's openly praising her combat skills and weaponry knowledge, made him feel better about being abducted into Laios team, "what do you mean by that?", suddenly he's complaining about the whole "he came up to me, told me I look weird, misheard my name etc", it's unexpected and kind of funny.

She gets him to tell her a little about his family, more about swords, they're in the middle of retelling something or the other that happened the day before that was a little funny (Chilchuck being the straight man to Laios in a particularly creative way, maybe Marsille's attempt at solving a situation with a fire explosion and failing the task successfully, etc).

At this point she kind of wants to show this unexpected development to someone, anyone, at the very least Chilchuck, so she tries to drag Toshiro to wherever the rest is staying, except that by now Toshiro's logical thinking is more alcohol than rational thinking. He gets lost a couple of times, each time she finds him either somewhere unexpected (very still besides a statue, seems like he thought he was waiting in line) or talking to randos he'd never approach sober (some other drunk tall man grabbed him as if to dance with him and he tried to play along! She saw him dance!?).

She's determined but this side quest IS getting kind of long. The moment she spots a bench she hauls his ass princess style over there, so they can sit for a minute and rest.

They end up being found by Chilchuck the next morning, who dutifully wakes them up to ask them wtf do they think they're doing sleeping outside like a couple of dogs, though only after getting out a pen and doodling on their foreheads.

He at least helps Namari drag Toshiro back (man is more dead than alive), although he never believes her when she tells him that Toshiro has bizarre yet oddly rhythmical moves.

[yuri-is-online]

Yuu in your crewel fic is the only one who can actually do the "Rating my teachers on who's most likely to fuck my mom" thing

"Mr trien, 10/10 has never fucked my mom"

"Sam, 3/10. He's come close, but has never fucked my mom"

Picture pans to crewel

"YOU SON OF A-"

Yuu in this fic is very similar to the reader. They've got more of a personality? Than I have given to other Yuu's in the past because they need to be more of a person for the fic to work. They came from an abusive household and were constantly running away until they were placed in y/n chan's care and finally found someone who understood them. They really like the occult, unsolved mysteries, and cryptids. They used to joke about wanting to be a missing person's case but once it became clear y/n chan actually wanted to adopt them they were ecstatic. Anyway-

Cannon, Ace is helping Yuu film this and you can hear him laughing off camera. The amount of disrespect Yuu has for Crewel once they figure out his deal is unreal what dO YOU MEAN YOU FUCKED MY PARENT DUDE? IN THAT UGLY ASS COAT? GROSS 💀💀💀

[jadewritesficshere]

Just ask me

Eddie Munson x shy!Reader (reader is inexperienced)

Summary: you want a kiss, Eddie just wants you to voice your wants.

Warnings: shyness, overthinking, kissing.

You and Eddie had been dating for only 3 months. Having never been in a relationship before, or doing anything before, you were concerned it would turn Eddie away. Instead, Eddie took it in stride. He calmed your anxieties, comforted you during your insecurities, and explained anything you didn't know without making you feel dumb.

You two hadn't done much other than a quick kiss here and there. You weren't sure how to say it but...you wanted more. You wanted more than to just hold his hand. You wanted more than just his lips on yours. You wanted passion and fury and tongue and biting and-

You felt slightly shameful at all the thoughts and feelings you had. You also felt insecure, what if Eddie didn't feel the same? He had never pressured you to do more...maybe he didn't want to do more? Having never done anything before, you would be willing not to if that was the case. You loved Eddie for who he was. Except, you knew Eddie had done things with other people.

"Watcha thinking 'bout?" Eddie asked, jolting you from your thoughts. His brow slightly furrowed and a frown on his lips. He lightly places a palm against your cheek. He uses his thumb to take your bottom lip out from between your teeth, where you had been absentmindedly biting it. "No-nothing," you smile weakly at him, not looking him in the eyes.

Eddie hums before tilting his head to peer into your eyes. You return his gaze, getting lost in the warm brown. Eddie blinks, his long lashes fluttering (how infuriating that he was blessed with such long lashes and didn't even notice). You can't help your eyes darting down to his lips. Slightly chapped, but still full and soft. You can feel Eddie's fingers lightly tapping on your jaw as he thinks.

"You know I'll never judge you right?" Eddie asks, causing you to nod emphatically. "So," Eddie leans close to your ear and whispers," Ask me for what you want." You shiver as he lightly exhales into your ear and then nips at your ear lobe. He pulls back and gives you a pointed look. You fidget slightly, attempting to look down, but Eddie's hands on your jaw forces you to look at him.

"Kiss?" You quietly ask. Eddie's grin spreads across his face," Of course you can have a kiss. You only have to ask, and if I can give it to you I will." You grin back, happy that you'll be getting a kiss-

Except he kisses your forehead with a loud smack. "There!" Mischief twinkles in his eyes as you pout at him. "That's not..." you frown at him. "Oh? Not what?" Eddie goads you. "That's not where I wanted a kiss!" "Oh my mistake!" Eddie chuckles and-

Eddie kisses the tip of your nose. "Eddie!" You huff indignantly. "Just gotta ask," Eddie says saccharinely. "Just kiss me already!" You whine slightly. Eddie hums again and leans forward and kisses your cheek. You groan and attempt to push away from him slightly mumbling," kiss my ass."

Eddie gasps and throws one hand up to cover his mouth, " Why i do declare! Your ass!?" You blink a few times before smacking at him," That's not what I meant! I meant like that wasn't a kiss!" Eddie chuckles wrapping his arms around your waist, "You sure you don't want me to kiss your-" "I want a proper kiss Eddie Munson. On the lips. With tongue."

Eddie's eyes flash an emotion you aren't quite sure of. He licks his lips and nods," Ask and you shall receive." He leans in and finally kisses you properly. Your lips slot together perfectly. Warm and soft and everything you want from a kiss. Eddie deepens the kiss, pulling you flush against him, making you gasp. Your gasp allows Eddie to slide his tongue into your mouth.

His tongue slides against your tongue. What you thought would be weird actually feels amazing. Warm and wet and hot. It sends shivers down your spine and makes your fingers clench onto his shirt. You don't even realize the slight moan that you release, but Eddie does. Eddie who groans and has to stop himself from throwing you onto the bed and worshiping you. Eddie who is trying not to push you, but wants you to open up to him and voice your wants. Eddie who is trying pathetically to not grind into you as you shuffle closer to him. Eddie who slowly pulls back, leaving you both panting.

Eddie thinks his heart will burst with the love he feels for you in this moment. With your hooded eyes and swollen lips, the way you stare at him with utter adoration. He wants to capture this moment and save it forever.

Eddie gives you a final quick peck on the lips before smiling softly at you. "Just ask next time instead of overthinking and getting yourself riled up." You nod at Eddie's words as he pulls you back in for a hug. You'll have to voice your wants more. Maybe one day you'll ask to take this a step further, but for today you relish in the moment you two had.

[kit-screams-into-the-future]

wanted to try my hand at a fake screenshot thing with a scene from one of the bttf fics of all time, Time Is a Flat Circle by @fourth-dimensional-thinker! i set in to draw only the "little canary" line but. as you can tell. my hand slipped and fell down a 6 story building

if you haven't read it already please check it out PLEASEEE it's very good. i read the whole thing in basically one sitting. the vibes are perfect for the spooky season too!

versions without the filter/subtitles under the cut: