#They’re only allowed to send each other mind waves and feed each other’s deep seated loneliness in ways neither can express

[fumifooms]

Thistle & Falin

Just my narrative of Thistle & Falin, collection of shippy thoughts and dynamic analysis. Creating some imagery and threads, etc. What if we both made devotion to our loved ones our purpose, what if we both hadn’t lived for ourselves in a long, long time. Who are we? Beyond who we love and our powers, what are we?

Background info: a short Falin analysis touching on Faligon and Thistle + an old thistlin post, compiling most of their moments. Here I delve into further thoughts but for base analysis of what they have in canon and in potential those are good starts. If you want I also have a full Falin analysis.

Disclaimer: Beyond the nebulous 1000 years I place Thistle as a young adult, and though I agree Falin mothers him to some degree I don’t think it’s unsimilar to the way that Marcille is a mom friend that sometimes mothers Falin and Izutsumi especially. Their relationship has layers like every other one in Dunmeshi, reducing it to being incestuously motherly or age discoursy to justify it being problematic is so funny to me, hello did you miss the mind control. Ah yes I love the 1090 yo with godlike powers being groomed by his chicken slave. You can have your own interpretation but canon is ambiguous enough, and dare I say intentionally ambiguous, that I have no qualms with not infantilizing Thistle, same with Yaad at the end of canon. I do ship Thistle and Falin, and although it’s in a nebulous qpr-or-other third secret thing situationship instead of conventionally romantic way, like, I puke on anything giving them a parental framing so don’t come shitting on my doorstep, kid-Thistle truthers be warned. Only nuance enjoyers allowed on this post. It’s valid if you’re uncomfortable with the ship!! Don’t make your issue others’ problem.

I thankfully finished my Falin analysis before posting this, but besides that I also have an analysis coming on the whole Thistle age thing which I think is interesting, beyond the well being poisoned there are things to explore there, idk in how long that’ll be done though. That’s all for plans that are relevant to this, now let’s get into it.

Part 1

So my favorite Falin things are Faligon + her sense of being like a pawn/misplaced, going on autopilot to follow the wishes of others, a feeling of identity being a burden and sort of fleeing from that, and her not really caring in the way/with the intensity that she’s "supposed" to (as per the points I go over in my Falin analysis). Meanwhile, Thistle has a lot of shit going on already but then there’s also how being a dungeon lord is highly wearing on his mind. As Faligon and as dungeon lord Thistle, the way they’re both so out of touch with reality in different ways holy shit?? They have power imbalance between them and it very much comes from mind control lol, but it’s also not something Thistle is fully aware of himself, because the powers are driving him unstable and he’s not even aware there’s someone in front of him really. He’s so out of it that he can’t even recognize that the dragon has been fused with a human and she’s so out of it we can’t even tell how conscious of her actions she is.

And then the interesting thing is that they’re kind of in it together… Mostly from Falin’s standpoint. We see that he does rely on the dragon increasingly so, hanging out with it, being saved by it and embraced by her etc. When he lets them both fall after breaking the web they were hanging from, he automatically, fully and wordlessly trusts her to catch him, instead of relying on magic or anything, and she does. Falin devotes herself to him but he’s devoted to The Cause which is just chasing ghosts at this point. But despite it all there’s a weird comfort here too… From the guy who in his last moment of lucidity reached out for someone, anyone’s hand, from the guy who hasn’t felt companionship in hundreds of years probably, hasn’t taken it slow and slept and eaten in who knows how long, from the girl who feels compelled to care after him like she’s always done with others… And the beast-ness allows her to have some freedom to figure herself out in a weird way, to simply enjoy being beside someone and doing anything her own whims tell her to.

It’s very destructive and weird and layered but like…. I can see the sliver where it works out. Where her kindness reaches him and he has a moment of lucidity where he sees her and it’s like, wait, who are you, you’re not the dragon?? Where finding someone else who feels just as messed up and devoted as them, like they’re just trudging along life like it’s a dream following their loved one, heals them a bit. Where caring for the other becomes a way to care for themselves too, a dark mirror of each other that shows you, oh, this is how bad it can get and I want to choose something else for myself actually. To grow to see the person standing in front of you, instead of only searching with your eyes in what way they’ll reflect on you. In helping each other, finding some companionship that’s weirdly vulnerable and self-healing. He gets her in touch with herself and her own needs again through the arc and conflict they have, and she gets him in touch with the world and his surroundings again. They have clashing ways to be selfless, very self-sacrificial from Falin meanwhike self-centered with Thistle (he ‘knows best’, ‘everything needs to be left to him’, etc etc, he needs the control, but he does it all for others, meanwhile Falin leaves that control to others and only grabs it for herself in exceptional cases like sacrificing herself to the dragon for Laios).

Like just let yourself be, damn!!! So then them being like, zombie mentally stunted babies kind of enhances that theme in a way too lol. The way they communicate together is very… Instinctive and basic, and I’d love to see how it could develop into a functional dynamic. They’re in ‘learning to be your own person’ kindergarten together to me. Thistle looking at her coloring wildly outside the lines and being like "you’re doing it wrong" and then you look at his and he colored everything a weird color. The precision is scary but then his crayon goes 1 mm out of the lines and he blows up into tears. Ok the metaphor has run its course

So yeah like the ship/brotp is very, them being isolated and against the world together and like… Slowly regaining their minds together. Getting their sense of identity grounded into them again. In my mind they have a 50k words adventure where they hang out and he slowly realizes there’s more to her than just dragon and she encourages him to dawdle around and eventually just play in water and shit and it’s like, starting to see life again beyond the laser focus you limited yourself to… And she’s allowed to just chill out and do whatever she wants besides the whole searching for Delgal thing. You can’t tie down a dragon! They are a duo they are an unit‼️ He’d have been fucked without her and at this point in time he sort of made her and he’s her world. Traumabonded kittens do not separate but it’s onesided in different ways haha. Honestly it’s sort of reflavored mickuro wait fuck…

If nothing else, they’re a very interesting dynamic to ponder. The depths of it all… I want to use them as a social experiment. I want them to stop to smell at the flowers and learn to work together… They’re master and servant they’re owner and pet they’re mothering and mothered (in a guardian hound way, in a mom friend way) they’re both incredibly (emotionally and physically) vulnerable in different ways…… Master and monster if you will. Mostly I see them as guardian & leader. Like I said I ship them but it’s not really romantic atp I think but it’s not quite qpr either it’s truly a weird secret third thing… What if we were sort of coworkers but also ?!!!>??????! You should hate me but you fiercely protect me I should appreciate you but I only see you as a tool WHAT IS GOING ONNN IN THERE

He wants to be protected even if he can’t really admit it. Here the catalyst was emotional distress moreso than physical threat. Notice how he lays there under her wing for a bit as he (refuses to) processes what Mithrun told him about Delgal dying and betraying him. She’s becoming his safety net, his comfort hound. Somehow, the both of them find they’re soothed in each other’s presence.

It kills me. Them being so toxic at the start of it, then somehow ambiguously just hinting towards how things could have went on to be better, could have been headed somewhere nice and healing and healthier, she dies and he dies everyone fucking dies and they forget each other and it ends there they never speak of each other again. Canon wanted me dead specifically. Like remember too that I was there when the last chapters where being released, my ass really was like "Oh I wonder how Falin will react seeing Thistle after being revived!" 🤡 But yess at least that means there’s a lot of Unsaid, a lot of space for speculation, and I want to see what could have been. I want to see it so so bad. It’s so interesting

Post-canon is also so interesting, where they’re sort of recovered but not fully not really, them actually getting to know each other… And she doesn’t remember him but he doesn’t remember her either, in a way they’ve never met even though they have, even though she was the first one on his side since so long, the first hint of companionship he’s had, companionship that he’s so unused to getting that he can’t even recognize it for what it is. He couldn’t even recognize a human standing in front of him!! He is so disconnected from others and the world!! He spoke to ghosts like they had no worries in the world and everyone was ok!! He’s out of touch, tone-deaf af!! Has always been tone-deaf!! Being tone-deaf when he was younger, a stick in the mud, caused him to be more isolated than he already was… Autism4autism, anyways—

It’s them not knowing why or how to express it but being drawn together, a bond forged together by the fire of circumstances and coincidences— or is it only that? No one can know for certain but there’s a grip they have on each other there somehow. Weird distant caring thing. I dont know who you are but I feel like I should know you

It’s like my headcanon that she doesn’t know why, but on her travels she feels something when she comes across wild thistle flowers… There are just faint remnants, whispers of feelings like ghosts.

They should be remnants in each other’s lives. A deja vu of a person in the way Falin hugs small dolls to her chest, or how Thistle reminisces of something when he sees bird feathers discarded on the ground. < This paragraph courtesy of @cabinette’s huge brain

He canonically writes poems btw… Poems would be such a good way for him to get in touch with himself again post-canon, find desires in again and get creative fulfillment. He should make poems about her. To explore and vent and express all the vague feelings and memories he has, both those of during canon and after canon. He doesn’t remember her but he remembers her, slivers of kind eyes and warm gentle hands and healing magic like a blanket…

Yaad, an unlicensed therapist but the best you're gonna get in fantasy land: Maybe you should try journaling.

And too the thing is their relationship with each other in a way is ONLY about themselves, even when Falin is being self-sacrifical it’s less about him and more about how she generally is, that sort of instinct to latch onto someone and just follow along with whatever they do and ask, meanwhile to Thistle she’s only ever been a factor in his plans. Idk idk them getting to that point where they see and know each other, stumbling into that through canon or actively working towards it post-canon, there’s weird beauty in that Like. Thistle cares about her because he’ll take anyone as long as they fit the job description well enough, he’s desperate to find Delgal and will grasp at straws to find him. In a similar way that he’ll reach for someone, anyone’s hand on the verge of death, she seeks to protect someone, anyone. That’s how she centers herself, makes someone her compass and her world. Falin wants to protect someone and Thistle would use anyone, pushed to the states they were in they would latch onto anyone for comfort (caring for him, grabbing Marcille’s hand).

Mirrors truly truly. And Thistle likes to shatter those, and silence anyone who tries to talk to him about reality, so then the option left is to be by him quietly and subtly gradually, gently (her specialty) nudge him in the right direction … Nooo but actually why did he shatter those mirrors. Very interesting to think about. Would seeing himself in others anger him?

I like to call him a ghost of who he was sometimes, a ghost of the past, he’s so haunted, and I think there’s fun imagery there too. The care she offers Thistle somewhat reminds me of the one she offers ghosts. I wonder if part of it is that she sees herself in ghosts, that she wants to offer them freedom and peace of mind she can’t get for herself.

And of course meanwhile on her end, the thistlin arc is also about growing self-respect. I don’t want to see Thistle as a lost cause in saying that her efforts are wasted on him, but being so permissive and invested in him is obviously not healthy for her. She needs to learn when to put her foot down

Oooh, just realized that choosing to eat in this scene was a big character moment all things considered. By eating she faltered in her task, stood up for herself and her needs, was selfish for once (/positive go get your damn food girl). She chose to eat. Anyways

I bet he’s the one who healed her wounds after the Shuro party fight. And on that note— it’s interesting he could change her form from Falin to Faligon without touching her isn’t it? Healing by everyone else like Marcille and Falin always required touch, physical contact between the healer and healee, which some like Chilchuck say is a negative, but… The dungeon lord not needing to touch to heal makes a nice metaphor for how isolating the powers are I think. Truly clinical instead of warm. Theme of community and freely offering affection in Dungeon Meshi etc etc. Like I said, Thistle is out of touch.

The way that he has the powers to change her form and heal and like soo much magic power but he can’t even realize when he’s hurting himself and she’s the one who has to heal him. He’s so fully devoted to the cause even when he acts selfishly that he neglects himself too, and she has to remind him to take care of himself, to eat, etc. That she feeds him. Eating is an act of love to yourself and to life. The berries, the curry, the soup that Thistle refuses to eat—

Do you see the vision. Do you see all the narrative relevance and themes and parallels of their dynamic. To chase ghosts, to cling onto them so they stay with you no matter how warped and ugly they get, and to soothe souls, purifying them and helping them depart for the afterlife… Both magic prodigies whose lives revolve around protecting and caring after their loved ones more than anything else. A family member who looks elsewhere while they are their whole world. They can flee their emotional issues together 🤝 Who are we? Beyond who we love and our power, what are we? I think about the way she cradled him in her arms just before they fell down into the dungeon all the time idk idk

^ End notes from the one fic I wrote about them so far: Slivers, on AO3. For a moment, they were both slivers of themselves, bound together.

Thistle feverishly holding onto ghosts of the past and his source of power, meanwhile Falin cradles the people she can protect in the now with the powers that reside in her… Him cradling his book, her cradling her master……… Parallels

Interlude

And yess it’s important to remember too, Thistle became a mage only after delgal asked… He had innate talent, but moreso than Falin it’s through studies that he learned to actually harness his magic etc. Idk I think it’s an interesting parallel that could have interesting stuff be done on it. People often characterize him as predominantly bratty but. He’s smart and composed he’s mainly smart and composed… He’s unstable and everything during canon was happening all at once with the winged lion being freed and Laios’ party and the canaries and agh </3 He can have a meltdown as a treat he’s smart and cool-headed if it wasn’t for the dungeon wearing on his mind ok… Obvi I love my chars with anger issues but saying he’s overly childish is having tunnel vision I think

Ok so the elephant in the room… First of all how present is Falin in Falugon exactly…… We have no clue. The end sequence does show her in purgatory with a dragon foot holding her down, which can easily be read as it suppressing her personality- with how it’s shown though it feels like she’d be fully suppressed by that? And we know that’s not the case, since not only does she recognize Laios and calls out to him, she hesitates to hurt Kuro because of the dog association, she’s excessively kind towards Thistle, the latter which her Adventurer’s Bible profile confirm to be "her kind nature remaining as the chimera". Maybe it’s a dream-like state? Maybe the dragon is the driving force with the instincts, and it’s only bits of Falin and her personality that show through? A state of mind very primal and not very think-y, even if Falin has enough brains to think of sharing the berries, gesturing and oh- of course, casting magic. No issues with controlling the human half of her body as well. To some degree, her and the dragon are working in tandem. My own preferred interpretation is the driven by instincts one, a state of mind like an actual dragon’s, which in my Falin analysis I delve into the significance of it for other parts of Dunmeshi too. So yeah, dreamlike mindless autopilot… I think exploring her pov as Faligon would go super hard. Aware of her surroundings but sort of disconnected with it, and disconnected from herself too, entirely living in the present… And like with her talking to Laios— the only time she speaks in her chimera form, a simple observation, "Laios, brother", sometimes her human thoughts peek through more sharply, short moments of lucidity… I think it’d be interesting to see an arc where as the chimera, she learns to share the "brainspace" more with the dragon.

It’s also unclear if Thistle had a say in how much of ‘Falin the human’ is in control? He very well might have suppressed her somehow when he changed her form to be more dragonlike. That might also be due to just getting back the dragon meat though— and the dragon meat itself might be why/how the brainspace is shared. There is a lot less of Falin’s body in the chimera than there is of the dragon, body mass wise. Dungeon Meshi is a lot about physicality so I wouldn’t be surprised with this reasoning. But there’s the whole mind control soul bond situation too…

The mind bond is another thing that’s left mostly to interpretation when it comes to the details. She feels compelled to listen to the dungeon lord’s orders as a monster created and owned by it, like the dragons Thistle summoned during the fight at his house, but again like we see with the dragons, if the monster has a "strong will" it can disobey to some level without being punished by the bind or anything. The eyes of the magician, the small wyverns, level-of-control wise can’t be accurate examples because they’re sort of like familiars, Thistle can see through their eyes in real time no matter where they are but it’s only this species as far as we know. So otherwise the mind bond is more subtle… There’s also the question of how much the control is shared between the dungeon lord and the demon, which again Thistle’s situation is exceptional because he managed to seal his demon in a book, presumably all the power goes through Thistle without the intermediate of the winged lion, though we do see he has some reach since he reaches Laios through his dreams. ANYWAYS all that to say. I do really ponder about how a dungeon lord's monsters get their orders, like... For the fight on the first floor, did Falin just feel Thistle's agony in her bones and came clawing and barging her way in desperately and angrily to protect him because of his distress, or did he more directly demand she come, consciously or not?! Idk, since Falin is actively protective of him unlike the dragons who reluctantly listen to him, her being very fast and intense about it doesn’t have to be forced… It’d be interesting if she can sense his feelings, wants or thoughts, bc I don’t think it’s as conscious as like, telepathically communicating "hey you, do this"…? Pondering, pondering. Mind bond <3 Soulbound <3

They’re both very trapped in the past… I wonder if as Faligon a lot of her mind goes back to memories of Laios and such, if she’s in a dreamlike state and not just sort of absent, where would her mind retreat... I don’t think so like I said I think she’s mostly driven by dragonlike mindlessness, but still… Thistle stuck in the search of Delgal, thinking back to everything they’ve shared and where it all went wrong obsessively, and Falin, sort of larping that she’s still beside Laios, not unlike how Thistle treats having the corpses of the royal family at his house like them being safe. Delusions. Idk I just want more character studies.

The metaphors in this truly… It’s not literal, like def not something that happens during canon at no point are they or could be ever atop a mountain of frames and paintings of the Golden Kingdom’s royal family and fine art lmaoo, so then like the meaning behind it all… She offers him reprieve, an outsider from all the Golden Kingdom expectations and drama, just someone warm to lean on, someone who’ll stay…….. I love Faligon pushing him to rest and nap so much. Man has first nap in a thousand years. Feather duvet like a nice warm pillow. The peace she offers him man……. Live in the present bbygirl Unfortunately it doesn't help. Look at them eyebags… Man needs to sleep!!

Part 2

^ This panels drives me crazy It’s the possessivity. It’s the "my". It’s the "stealing".

What if you have fear of abandonment and think you have to prove your worth for people to stay by your side. What if belonging to someone makes you feel like you belong and you feel loved and soothed by it lowkey, feel like it makes things easy. What if I was bought as a slave and servant but I was adopted into a pretty loving family. What if ownership is what love looks like to me. What if that’s why I have no problem rationalizing keeping people against their will in a glorified kingdom-prison, because that’s just what someone with the power who Knows Better does, and… Did he always call her his dragon hello? Feelings

He is not letting it go damn He hates when people mess with what's his. Or Delgal’s.

But imagine. The dragon is like, the last thing he has. The Golden Kingdom has moved on from him, everything is shit, but his dragon is the last thing he still has some realm of like. Ownership over. But that ownership is kinda just his sense of belonging. His role, his duty.  So it’s like "Don’t steal the last thing I have" especially if post-canon… It’s thinking from his time as a jester bought into a loving family that ownership is natural in love and care. It’s thinking that’s the way you get to belong beside someone, beside earning that through achievements and being useful and capable. Everything is being stolen away from him. Control and things and people and even the importance he has to the Golden Kingdom as he becomes part of the background & past history and the kingdom switches into new hands aka Laios’…

My dragon, not the dragon. I do like to imagine especially after the berries he’s starting to feel differently about her. He keeps being like "you’re acting odd, dragon". His dragon is special. She’s not just another regular monster npc to easily replace, there’s human contact in there. His dragon just for him. <3

I do think Falin has some issues with like, asking to be with the people she loves, feeling safe in asking for that, that she’s worth that. She follows them and is quiet and just takes the crumbs of love that they offer, she doesn’t ask Marcille at the academy to spend lunches with her, doesn’t ask anything of her distant busy father and ill anxious mother… The person she did ask things of, Laios, who she always asked to go travel the world with him and whatnot, left her behind. Like how Delgal left Thistle. Theme of leaving </3 theme of family and abandonment issues </3 So she just follows and cares after them and makes herself useful and is grateful she gets to be beside them at all. So yeah what I’m saying is being owned/belonging to someone might feel yeah like, belonging. Being One Person's. He’s seen her at her worst and most bloody and raw, and still wants her? Very comforting And especially post-canon he doesn’t need her to be witty or useful or such, he just needs her love and that’s what she has lots to give.

Do you think Falin wants to be needed… Do you think she’s a little restless if she doesn’t feel like she is, like she thinks just like Laios people might leave you behind and you never see them again.  It’s also because of what she said, that she put others before herself, that she just followed/imprinted on her parents/Laios/Marcille. She avoided conflict, she wanted to be liked and live in peace. The only times she was selfish, she hurt people (left school for Laios, sacrificed herself for them, teleported them out despite possibly hurting people on the surface), so she chooses to be selfless instead. "One of the most selfish things i've ever done was barely even for the sake of myself" - Falin and Toshiro both hah Falin is often told she doesn’t care the right way or not enough, you’re cutting classes Falin, I’m upset you left me and you don’t even seem to think it’s a big deal Falin, you shouldn’t have sacrificed yourself to save me (her not noticing her ostracization in her village wasn’t told to her but I’m including it also). And with Toshiro when considering her proposal, she was worried to accept because yeah it’s have been convenient but she wouldn’t be reciprocating his feelings in the way he wants and expected her to with what he asked of her… And she’s worried it wouldn’t be right… Bc she doesn’t care about the proposal on the same level he does….. I just think that’s neat I think that Falin caring both too little and too much, with laser focus on Laios & Marcille neglecting even herself, is a big part of her. She focuses on others and their emotional needs so so much always, babygirl be selfish for a while…

Thistle’s interaction with Laios is interesting too, especiaoly when Kaios heals him. How he looks at his shoulder, surprised and confused… Guy who's used to not having his personal needs met because he's so busy doing everything for the people he cares about receives care??? Woah that’s crazy Something something being so unused to human contact and affection that you don’t know how to process it and don’t recognize it when it happens/stares you right in the face. Thistle the Toudens are gonna make you open up ur heart to humans again on god…

What if… He doesn’t want to admit she’s not the dragon. If he admits it’s not the dragon that means giving up some control… This was not in his plan, he doesn’t know how well he can control a chimera rather than a dragon, it’s weakness it’s vulnerability it’s feeling like he’s losing his grip on everything again and thus losing his place and purpose. Hmm…

Finding yourself through someone else… Because defining yourself through others is what you’ve always done… Yeah. Yeah.

I do love it tying into Falin’s arc of finding herself. Like, she doesn’t remember her time as a chimera, she just remembers this guy she has conflicted but fond feelings of for some reason, so say if they travel post-canon, traveling with him would also be a way to figure out more how she’s feeling, and then there’s how when looking at him she gets the feeling that it’s been a long time he hasn’t lived for himself either… And like for him traveling is about seeing the world a bit too. Seeing it not as something to control or always dangerous but something to explore, and just enjoy the little things instead of worrying about the court. And just. Aghhhh. He hasn’t had someone on his side for centuries. Sighs. Of course Yaad also becomes that largely but traveling post-canon with Falin… Would love to see that in fancontent

Them growing to SEE each other, with the film in front of their eyes slowly fading away. Both of them coming out of it more genuine than they’d been even before meeting, before becoming warped, growing more comfortable in their skin and with the thought of connecting with others. It’s the mutual care <33 it’s having been on each other’s side at both your ugliest <3 Unconventional caring...

Toshiro saying "you can’t tie down a dragon" is always so good… Someone should so do stuff with that. "But you can tame it" / "I tried to once" / "but she chose to stay with me anyways"… Musical theme of How to Train your Dragon starts playing in the distance

When/after they get together, I feel like their relationship isn’t something they like to label… If anything it’s like. Partner. Or calling each other by name… Him calling her my dragon, except now it’s warm and personal would be so. Aughh <3 But then that just also makes the first time he calls her by name so huge.

Conclusion

They and their relationship is weird and unusual but that’s just how they are, and how they need to accept themselves (again: as they are) and roll with it! And make a place in the world for them anyways!

Magic forced them to be vulnerable in front of each other but it’s them who have to like… Be pushed out of their passivity and do something with that vulnerability.

BROTHERSSS THEY’RE BOTH ALL ABOUT BROTHERS. LEAVING. OUT OF TOUCH WITH REALITY. OUT OF TOUCH WITH THEMSELVES AND THEIR OWN IDENTITY. In a twisted way only the other would understand what it’s like.

Thistlin is so crazy, in humanizing you it humanizes me, in recognizing you for what you are I get more back in touch with the world again.

Flighted birds have hollow bones. With freedom there are risks and drawbacks. Thistle was Falin’s.

It’s not everyday you can have a ship where both characters are out of touch with reality and others and themselves and have this weird almost innate bond of her being compelled to protect him and care for him and him holding onto that unknowingly… Even if he didn’t need to, keeping her by himself and sitting on her while he plans and has a panic attack….. And also he owns her and robbed her of her freedom & body & full mind but she still wuvs him. Weird intimacy with the guy who horrifically changed you into something else, and yet is not even aware he has done it.

Falin loves nature and Thistle is named after a flower… Her post-canon coming across wild thistles and feeling a rush of fondness and she doesn’t know why… Thistles have thorns, but they taste sweet. Just gotta peel them off and enjoys the sweet taste of it once it’s open <3 Eat it like them honeysuckles

Slice of life 40k words thistlin sitcom I need you. Don’t make me write it myself. Sob

You are so so close sweetie…

wutiwant

I don't know what I want But I know it's not this These words don't mean nothing Once they left my lips More awake inside of my dreams Was that really you, next to me? Give me what I want, who am I supposed to please? Who am I supposed to please? Who am I? Who am I? I? Give me what I want Give me what I want

Some links, since the pair is small enough that finding stuff for them can be hard: Falin & Thistle search on pixiv Falin & Thistle search on danbooru Ao3: Thistle x Falin, Thistle & Falin Ship names: ファリシス / シスファリ. Thistlin

My own spotify playlists: Thistle & Falin, Thistle, Falin

source v

[itswhumpday]

Blood Bags | Chapter 6

[Prologue] | [1] | [2] | [3] | [4] | [5]

The Pantry is only equipped with small restrooms to the side of the cells. 

Twice a week or so, each of the humans get to go to one of the bathrooms upstairs and take a bath. Baths quickly become Whumpee’s favorite times of the week. Not only because it means a change of scenery from their room and the dining rooms, but because it means time is passing and they’re still alive. 

After the terrible experience with the Banquet, Whumpee feels like scrubbing even harder at their skin, like they could somehow purge all the death they had witnessed and survived that night.  

Caretaker is always right next to them when they cross the halls. They look exhausted, with dark circles around their eyes. Whumpee wants to ask if they’re okay, but they don’t think they’d like the answer. Maybe Whumper is feeding on them too. That’s a scary thought. 

Besides, none of them have been in the mood to talk since the banquet. Whumpee remembered waking up sometime after it and find Caretaker crying in the chair next to the door. Whumpee didn’t know what those tear meant, but they themselves had relief tears upon seeing the familiar prision cell again. 

Whumpee arrives at the bathroom and goes inside. Caretaker sits on the chair on the outside of it, closing the door. There are no windows, nowhere to escape. Just the beautiful, spacious bathtub, already filled up with smoking hot water. They take off their dirty clothes and throw them in the hamper. There are new ones already waiting by the sink counter. 

The human allows themselves a rare look in the mirror. They’ve lost weight and muscle fast. Their hair looks weaker, their eyes, duller. They’re still pale after the last feeding, the one they thought they were truly done for. They look sick - but they know they’ll never recover from this sickness. There is simply no time for that. 

They let out a sigh. It’s not the first time they ask themselves if they’ll make it through the month. 

Pushing such feelings aside, they crawl up the bathtub. There is no reason to worry about that now.  As they settle themselves into the hot water, their worries feel like a mile away. 

In hindsight, Whumpee couldn’t have made it easier. 

They had their eyes closed, lowered until their shoulders. The steam would come up to their face, soft against the sharp edges of their recently rediscovered bones. They were so relaxed they could sleep. 

That’s when they were pushed down. 

It felt like the weight of a brick, suddenly materialized on top of their head. It pushed them straight down, sending a wave of water up their nose. 

They struggle. There are no thoughts of Whumper or Caretaker whodunit. It’s desperation at its purest form. They flap their arms and legs around, splashing all the water they can, but the hand only keeps pushing them further. This blind fight wastes precious air and when Whumpee realizes, they’ve already let go of a lot of air in the form of bubbles. 

They stop, try to think. The water above is hard to see in, but they can recognize the silhouette of Whumper anywhere. Then, as they stop moving and the water clears, the weirdest thing happens. They start to calm down. 

All the cards are already on the table. They don’t have to walk a hallway wondering if they’ll come back. They don’t have to lie awake in bed, wondering if the next day will be the day they’ll be hurt again. They don’t have to look at Caretaker so they’ll give them strenght to endure what was coming. After surprise struck, there was nothing else. Drowining is not the worst Whumper has done. 

And that is what they thought for the first minute. Until oxygen really started running out. As their heart started racing and their lungs started contracting, they remember something Caretaker said a long time ago. You’ll find that fear is embedded in you. You’ll find it again. 

Even after they give up the fight, their body carries one without them. Their chest spams. Whumpee feels with unusual clarity the water splash against their legs, that are out the sides of the bathtub. Somewhere along the way, Whumper’s hand has found their neck. They’re not even pressinghard anymore. They’re watching from above, waiting. One of Whumpee’s last coherent thoughts was if that’s what food sees from inside the oven. 

Pain seizes their chest and they go through another spasm. Something breaks free inside them. It’s just like a hiccup. Bubbles come flooding out. Warm water spills inside their nose, their throat, burning. Whumpee chokes, but there’s only water. 

Then it’s cold. It’s hard. Whumper is over them. Whumpee coughs, but they’re facing up, the water just returns to their throat. Whumper is holding their head in place. Their mouth is in Whumpee’s throat, pressing, pulling. Their chest is against Whumpee’s chest, heavy, too heavy to breathe against. Whumpee’s brain is despairing, begging their arms to move, but they’re too weak to do anything but to watch their life darken around them. 

There is one more spasm in their chest. From the other side of a tunnel, they see Whumper move with it, but continue to drink. The water around them turns red against the white tile. This is the last they see.  ***

There are times in Caretaker’s life that they hate the situation they’re in so much, they could just walk straight out and in the sun.

Whumper hasn’t been the same since the family dinner. Caretaker had never seen them act like this, to take part in those awful demonstrations. Something was changing, it had been since Whumpee got there. They never got one from a breeder before, they never spent so much preparing ideas for the next meal. Caretaker didn’t like it. Vampires should be as apathetics about their blood bags as their servants. That’s what Whumper always used to say. 

Caretaker tried to stand in Whumper’s way when they’d gone inside. They said the human was still recovering, that they weren’t ready yet. This wasn’t how Whumper acted. But they looked almost like a child, smiling. 

“Out of the way. Now.” They’d whispered. “It’s the perfect time, isn’t it? You know I can’t let them wait for me. I have to keep surprising them, otherwise all this training was for nothing. Step out of the way.”

Caretaker knew it was futile, but they stood their ground. 

“I’m protecting your interests, my liege.” 

Whumper grabbed them by the hair and pulled them aside. Caretaker couldn’t resist, feeling the pull of their commands wiggle its way into their brain.

“Sit down there and wait.” 

Whumper’s commands grab hard at Caretaker’s mind. They try to fight it, but it forces them down. Their throat hurts with the effort of keeping in their screams. There is nothing they can do to stop it. When a vampire lord turns you, you become subject to their desires. 

Caretaker can only hope that the fear they see in Whumpee’s eyes is real enough to get this over with quickly. 

But long minutes past and it doesn’t end. They no longer hear water, so that must be good. That must mean the feeding began, that it’s close to be over. They wait, their nails digging into the wood of the chair. They keep remembering the night in the woods, when Whumpee clung to them. They’re all Whumpee has, the last failsafe. If anything goes wrong… 

This is taking way too long. No live feeding should take this long. Caretaker is about to stand up and knock when Whumper finally emerges from the bathroom, leaving the door open. A trail of blood is dripping down his chin and they don’t move to clean it. Caretaker is still stuck to their seat, looking up at them, waiting from them to release them from the orders. 

“Gah, stop worrying. The heart is still beating. My record remains.” Whumper says, almost in a dazed voice. 

Caretaker’s heart sinks. 

Whumper doesn’t give any more details, and starts walking down the hall. As soon as they’re out of range, Caretaker dashes inside. 

They almost slip. There is water everywhere. Blood turns it shades of pink and red and it drips from the bite in the neck Whumpee’s neck. Their naked body is thrown on the floor like a discarded doll, legs in an awkward angle, arms wide open. Water drips from their nose and open mouth. They’re not breathing. 

The water splashes when Caretaker drops next to them on the floor. Their head goes to Whumpee’s chest, an old human reflex. Even with their enhanced hearing, it’s hard to hear, but it’s there. A pulse.

Caretaker places their hands over their chest and start compressions. They count in their mind, going up and down with the chest. They push Whumpee’s head back slightly, meeting no resistance. They bend over for the rescuing breaths, and can’t push away the feeling of how cold Whumpee is, even against their own cold skin. 

They keep compressing. Whumpee’s weak body moves up and down violently against the floor, splashing water around them. Compression and breaths, compression and breaths. All of the equipment is downstairs, but they know better than to stop. The other servants won’t get it, they won’t help. 

It’s been minutes. Whumpee’s lips are turning blue despite Caretaker’s best efforts. Their eyes are half lidded, showing only the white sclera. Caretaker feels the sting of tears cloud their eyes. Stupid, stupid. It happened again, they let themselves care again. Whumpee was so different than the others, so confident, so strong… Why would Whumper change now? Why couldn’t they be in the usual controllable state? 

Caretaker keeps compressing and breathing, compressing and breathing, not allowing themselves to stop. They finish the round of compressions, take a deep breath, close Whumpee’s nose and blows into their mouth. 

Whumpee comes back with a bang. Water comes out of their mouth so rapidly and strong Caretaker gets all wet. But that’s okay. They pull Whumpee to the side, so they can cough the rest of the water out. Whumpee coughs and chokes, breathing hard and fast. Their entire body is shaking. Caretaker reaches for a towel, covering their nudity. They rub their back, making sure all the water is out. 

“You’re back.” Caretaker says, breathless. “You’re back. You’re okay.” 

Caretaker sees Whumpee trying to reply, but failing. Their eyes are drooping, closing. Caretaker’s eyes fall to the bite mark on their neck. That’s right! They were fed on. They had still been weak from the last one, it was no wonder their heart almost gave out. It’s better to get them downstairs, get some more blood on their system.

They lift Whumpee in their arms as they stand up. Whumpee’s eyes close, but their troubled breathing is sign enough their okay. They cough occasionally, shivering against Caretaker’s eyes. Their hand is weakly grabbing at Caretaker’s sweater. Caretaker closes their arms tigher around them. 

“You’ll be okay. I’m right here. I’m right here with you.” 

And the rest of the night, as Caretaker helps them get dry and dressed, starts their transfusion, cover them in blankets, checks their heart beat and oxygen levels, they can’t help but notice that Whumpee is not the only one with uncommon heart rhythm. 

As they spend the night in a bedside vigil, cringing at every cough Whumpee gives, carressing their hair until they’re bad to sleep, making tea so they can feel better... Caretaker knows is in more trouble than they thought. 

[nosleepstillweak]

slushie

It’s long after visiting hours when Vivian finally finds the time to get to the hospital. She carefully parks on the side wing and swiftly walks around the building to the entrance closest to her destination. The lobby has been darkened for the graveyard shift, softly backlit by the white hall lights. There’s a nurse at the desk but Vivian recognizes the woman immediately as Nurse Jessica, the only one who allows her to come in after closing. The nurse smiles softly and points down the hallway, Vivian following her directions to a small room at the end. The young woman creeps through the semi-open door and gently closes it behind her. She finally breathes out a sigh of relief. “Hey, Matthew.”

“Vivi.” The word is barely audible underneath the swell of air from the oxygen mask.

“Yes, baby, it’s me.” The bedside chair gently scrapes against the floor as Vivian takes a seat, leaning forward to kiss her boyfriend’s cheek. “How are you feeling?” The question is a pleasantry more than anything; they can both attest to the fact that it’s been a rough couple of days. Still, Matthew shakily lifts his hand and makes a so-so motion. The IV connected to his arm sways with the movement.

“Well,” Vivian moves her hand up to brush some hair away from his eyes, “I have some news that might cheer you up. I was told you moved up another spot on the transplant list.”

There’s a beat of silence where Matthew just stares at her, processing her words. Any step towards reaching a donor is monumentous--they’ve been waiting for two months to even come close--but the implications of someone else dropping off the list… Vivian just prays every time that it’s not him next. Matthew seems to realize this, too, and does his best to at least feign optimism. This time, he lets her take his hand and they cling to each other’s fingers. Vivian tiredly smiles at the sight.

“More good news: I got a new job. Remember that old convenience store we used to have dates at?”

“S-Slushies…” Even in his drug-addled state, Matthew’s eyes still glitter with childlike amusement; he’s always had a hell of a sweet tooth.

“Yup, the slushie maker is still working like a charm.” She leans in closer for a stage whisper. “I’ll try to sneak one in for you the next time Nurse Jessica goes on break.”

“I heard that! And I dare you to try!” The hiss from the other side of the door forces a laugh out of Vivian. Matthew can’t quite do the same, but he does manage a dopey grin underneath the clear mask on his face. They smile at one another and further intertwine their fingers together. The heart monitor in the corner of the room continues to beep, strong and steady; the monotonous sound comforts them both.

***

“Thank you, and have a great day!” The smile that graces Vivian’s face fades the instant the final customer retreats from the store. “...bitch. Good riddance.” It’s the end of her first of two shifts and she’s already fed up with unruly customers and nosy coworkers. Maybe working at the convenience store wasn’t the best idea.

“You smell interesting today.” Speaking of nosy coworkers.

“Uh… thanks, Tim? Kinda weird way to greet someone, but to each their own.”

He taps his chin as if deep in thought. “It’s something familiar, but I can’t place it.”

Vivian snorts as she restocks a stack of cups. “Like weed?”

Tim snaps in mock epiphany. “Like antiseptic.”

“...Just a new perfume I’m trying.”

“Try harder. How’s your boy Matthew doing?”

He picks at the scab and it lifts. “He’s fine. Can we talk about something else?”

“‘He’s fine’? Oh, yeah, that’s convincing.”

“Whatever happened to keeping work and home separate?” Vivian hates to raise her voice, but talking about her dying boyfriend to a near-stranger isn’t exactly her ideal workday. “Just mind your own business and I’ll mind mine.”

“Hey, I was just trying to be helpful.” Tim holds his hands up in surrender.

“Well, you’re doing a bad job.” She frustratedly smushes more cups into the machine before sighing in exasperation. “Now, if you’re done with the interrogation, let’s go take a smoke break before the next shift.”

***

“Vivian! You’re home late.” The last person that Vivian hopes will catch her sneaking into her apartment building at one in the morning is her landlady. Then again, few things have been going her way these past few days.

“Oh! Hi, Mrs., uh, Goo… Gow… uh, G-Go?”

“Tsk, all these months, and you still can’t pronounce it,” the older woman admonishes playfully. "Just say ‘goo-oh’."

"’Goo-oh’. Cool. Is that actually how you pronounce it?"

"No." Mrs. Guo grins jokingly and Vivian can’t help but smile back. The two make casual conversation as they work their way up the staircase together.

“Oh, how’s that handsome boyfriend of yours? Marcus, was it?”

Vivian almost misses a step. “It’s Matthew. And he’s fine.”

“Good, good! You should bring him over again so I can fatten him up. He looked so thin!”

“Yeah, I’ll bring it up with him.” The younger woman clears her throat awkwardly. “Anyways, I know I was a little short on rent last month, but I just got a new job. Just know I’m working on it.”

“Ah, yes, the same ‘work’ that sends you home reeking of cannabis every night.” The older way laughs heartily at the fiery blush that appears on Vivian’s face. “Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me. I was adventurous when I was younger, too.”

“You’re the best, Mrs. G. I’ll get you the remainder on rent by the end of the week!”

“Mhm. Just say hi to Matthew for me!”

***

“My landlady says hi.” Vivian traces her finger along the outside of the IV port in her boyfriend’s arm.

“Well, hiya, Vivi’s landlady!” The hospital bed rattles as Matthew flails his free hand dramatically, waving at the wall as if it was a person. Vivian can’t suppress a laugh at his goofy smile and childlike theatrics.

“Wow, you’re awfully energetic. Anything to report?”

He just shrugs, sobering down to a small grin. “I got off oxygen today and they eased up on my meds. It’s nice to be, like, actually coherent for once.”

“No more oxygen mask? So I can do this.” Without a second thought, Vivian leans forward to place a kiss on his lips. Matthew immediately grabs at her waist and pulls her closer, reciprocating the gesture with a surprising amount of fervor. Pure instinct has Vivian pressing down on his thigh to push further herself towards him, but then he lets out a small grunt of discomfort and she jerks away.

“Did I hurt you? Are you in pain?”

“No.” The lie dissolves under Vivian’s glare. “I’m just sore. It’s manageable.”

“Sore? Matthew, you need to be on meds if you’re hurting.”

“The meds make me feel awful. It’s fine, babe, I swear.” He pouts childishly and playfully lunges out to hold her hands, but his expression darkens when Vivian recoils from his touch.

“It’s most definitely not fine! It’s destructive and inhibits your own recovery. You can’t keep living like this--”

“Okay, yes, Vivi, you’re right. I can’t keep living like this!” Matthew practically snarls as his voice rises in time with the tempo of the heart monitor. “I’m drugged to hell and back for most of the day, I can’t feed myself, I can’t walk around. My parents won’t even visit me anymore because they’re scared to see me like this!”

“None of that is your fault.” Vivian hates the way her voice cracks halfway through the sentence. “That’s not a reason to avoid your meds.”

“You probably hate me, like this. I’m so weak and pitiful and an awful boyfriend.”

“What? No, Matthew, that’s not true at all.”

“Yeah, sure. News flash, Vivian,” the word spits out like acid, despite the tears clearly flooding to his eyes, “I hate myself like this, too! Genuinely, I’m sorry that I can’t be stronger for you. I’m so sorry.”

She feels like throwing up. “Matthew, please.”

“I can’t even--” He chokes mid-sentence, a hand suddenly shooting up to clutch at his chest. “I can’t e-even… I c-can’t…”

“Matthew?” He coughs violently into the crook of his arm, his body hunched over as pain rattles through him with each forceful exhale. Vivian gently pats his back, used to comforting him through his coughing fits, but she instantly pulls away when she sees that his inner arm comes away speckled red. It’s at that moment that the heart monitor careens to a high-pitched squeal and Matthew suddenly starts convulsing. “M-Matthew!”

Nurses immediately rush into the room. Strong hands guide her into the hallway and towards the hospital entrance, away from the deafening noise of the wailing heart monitor. Nurse Jessica grabs the sides of her face and tells her that everything is going to be okay. Vivian can barely comprehend the words. She won’t let herself cry; she can’t. Her head is still spinning from Matthew’s outburst, but there’s not much that she can do about it right now. At a loss, she bites down hard on her tongue, enough to taste the blood coating her teeth, before finally shoving her uniform visor over her head and starting towards her car.

***

“So,” Tim puffs out a ring of smoke before passing the blunt back to Vivian, “how’re things?”

“Look, I already know where this is going and I don’t feel like talking about Matthew tonight. We had a stupid fight this morning, and I’m just--”

“Alright, alright, that’s fine. No Matthew. How are you doing?”

The memory of Matthew’s prone body seizing against the hospital bed flashes in her mind. “Honestly? Kinda awful.”

“That’s probably warranted. Any life-threatening ailment that I should be worried about on your behalf?”

“Nah.” Vivian smiles sarcastically through another drag. “Nothing physical, anyways.”

“So, something mental?”

She just shrugs.

“That’s still problematic. Have you considered therapy? Maybe some counseling for now, until things settle down. I know a couple of guys, actually--”

“I’m not going to therapy.” Vivian quickly interrupts Tim’s rambling before he drawls on into a full-blown lecture. “My boyfriend is stuck in a hospital, toeing the line between life and death every day, and I’m supposed to complain about my circumstances? I think I’m okay.”

“Him going through a lot doesn’t invalidate your feelings, Vivian.”

“I think it kinda does, Tim.”

“You said you and Matthew had a fight? Maybe there’s just too much going on right now, for both of you.” The smoking bud gets squashed between Tim’s fingers as he wonders out loud. “Maybe you two need a break from each other.”

“God, shut up, Tim. We’re gonna figure it all out together, no break necessary.” Vivian’s face glows as she swiftly ignites another blunt, theatrically waving it in the air once it’s lit. “Plus, I’ve already got the best therapy that money can buy.”

***

The inevitable apology visit to the hospital happens after Vivian’s third shift in a row. She’s exhausted and more than a little embarrassed to put her pride aside, but the blue raspberry slushie in her hand burns like fire. Nurse Jessica is in the middle of painting an elderly woman’s fingernails, taking a moment to examine Vivian’s posture as she approaches. If she notices the apology slushie, she doesn’t mention or confiscate it.

“He was in a lot of pain earlier, but they maxed him out on meds and those knocked him out. Last I checked, he was still asleep.” She nods down the hallway with a sympathetic smile. Vivian thanks the nurse and slowly makes the walk of shame down to her boyfriend’s hospital room. Her mind is racing through different words to say. This isn’t the first time they’ve ever had a fight, not even since his initial diagnosis, but her earlier conversation with Tim has left a lot to think about.

“Matthew?” She whispers softly as she enters the dark room. Naturally, there’s no response. She sets the slushie down on the bedside table and sits down in a chair, taking one of his cold hands in hers and caressing it gently.

“I’m sorry about earlier. I shouldn’t have gotten you so worked up.” The apology is a bit half-baked but, to her knowledge, it falls on deaf ears. She moves to stroke Matthew's hair until she notices that his whole body is trembling under the sheets. Vivian’s expression melts into horror when she also realizes that his eyes are wide open. Her gaze travels up to the near-empty IV bag hanging by his bed. There’s no way he should be awake with all the drugs currently in his system. Not unless...

“Matthew, are you still in pain right now?” It honestly doesn’t matter whether the hurt is physical or emotional; the single tear that rolls down his cheek is answer enough. Vivian shushes him softly and reaches forward to gingerly wrap her arms around him. His body is still trembling violently but Matthew leans into the hug as much as he can, his muted crying slowly dissolving into full-blown sobs. What pains Vivian most is that she can tell that each shuddery gasp only hurts him more. He weakly grasps at her work outfit and soaks the fabric with tears. The slushie beside them melts into juice.

They both cling to each other until Matthew’s breathing slowly evens out and he quietly dozes off. Vivian’s hands are shaking as she rests him back against the bed. She wearily pecks a kiss to his forehead before rushing out of the room, avoiding Nurse Jessica at the main entrance and breaking into a run in the parking lot. There’s a brief scuffle with the car door and then Vivian’s throwing herself into the driver’s seat. She wastes no time in ripping a blunt out of her purse and igniting it before taking drag after drag after drag. The finished stub falls into her lap within minutes, but the pain in her chest lingers for long after.

***

Two weeks later, Matthew finally gets matched with a donor. Apparently, the rapid deterioration of his already unfavorable condition was enough to finally convince someone that he was worth saving. The surgery is scheduled for the first week of September--another two weeks of waiting--and Matthew’s parents are even making the trip down to help him through his recovery. It’s already common knowledge that Vivian doesn’t have the best relationship with her boyfriend’s family; that makes their next conversation only slightly less painful.

“I think we should take a break.”

“A b-break?” Matthew wheezes out sluggishly. He has to pause every few words to suck in a breath, his chest barely expanding as his lungs struggle to get in enough air. The oxygen mask is back and he looks so much smaller in his hospital bed. Vivian would never say it out loud but the sight terrifies her.

“Yes. At least while you have your transplant surgery.”

“Are we... b-breaking up?”

“No, baby, not at all. I just can’t be here with you right now.”

“S-So you’ve been here... the whole t-time… but you’re leaving... at the f-finish line?”

Something in Vivian’s face twitches and she has to fight the urge to not pull out a blunt right then and there. “It’s not like that, Matthew. You know that.”

“You’re l-leaving me… all alone.”

“Your parents will still be here.”

“Oh, g-great... my p-parents.” He attempts to roll his eyes sarcastically, but he’s apparently too exhausted to do more than a slow blink. “Where w-will... you b-be?”

“Resting. Thinking.” Smoking. Well, probably not, since Tim’s been trying to get her to quit. “I’m actually moving in with a friend from work, so I won’t be alone. Don’t worry about me.”

Despite looking unconvinced, Matthew manages a weak nod. “O-Okay. But... you’ll be b-back? After the... s-surgery?”

“Yes. I promise.”

“Okay.” He nods again. “You p-promised. I t-trust you.”

“Thank you, Matthew. Please take care.”

“You t-too, Vivi.” He stares at her for a moment longer before he finally succumbs to the tide of exhaustion. Vivian watches the muscles in his face slowly relax, the small clouds of air steadily appearing and disappearing as he breathes into his mask. The heart monitor beeps normally in the corner. Only then does she let some of the tears fall; this time, she’s made sure that he’s not awake to see them.

***

“You’re moving out?” Vivian startles as she stacks another box outside of her room, whipping around to address her visitor.

“Oh, Mrs. Guo!” The older woman beams at the correct pronunciation of her name. “Yeah, I’m moving in with a friend on the other side of town. It’s just temporary.”

“Is it because you’re still low on cash? Don’t worry, dear, I can give you another month--”

“No, no, no!” Vivian shakes her head furiously. “I mean, yes, I am, but that’s not why. I would just rather not be alone right now. I’m in the process of getting some things in order.”

“Alrighty. Well, at least come over for dinner tonight.” Mrs. Guo is already retreating down the hallway to make preparations. “No Marcus necessary. It’ll be just us girls. How does that sound?”

Vivian barks out a laugh, not bothering to make a correction. “Yeah, I think I can do that.”

***

“I swear, Matthew, if I don’t get a call, I’m just gonna assume bad news.”

“I-I can’t guarantee a call, Vivi. And there w-won’t be bad news.”

“You can’t guarantee that, either.”

“Then come s-see me yourself.”

“Matthew, please, I’m sorry, but I can’t do that anymore. It’s not fair to either of us.”

“Is it b-because we’re s-still on a b-break?”

“Yes. Sorta. You have your parents, anyways.”

“I g-guess. I w-wish you were h-here, though.”

“I will be. Promise. I just need time.”

“Okay. I t-trust you. I have to g-go now.”

“You better call me, okay?”

“I’ll t-try. Please t-take care.”

“You better call me.”

“O-Okay. I love y-you, Vivian.”

“Yeah, yeah, me too. See you soon.”

***

It’s been a month since their last phone call, or conversation in general. Vivian replays the recorded snippet on her phone every day during her lunch break, wishing she had said more. She hopes the surgery went well. She hates that he hasn’t bothered to call yet. She hates even more that she hasn’t gone to see him herself. The empty promise floats through her mind, but she can’t imagine going to see him in whatever state he’s in. If there’s even someone there to see. She shivers at the thought.

“Vivian, I need two slushies, stat.”

“God, Tim, just do it yourself. I’m busy.” She moves to replay the audio again.

“Bro, you’re literally on your phone. Just come over here.”

“Dude, I said I’m busy.”

There’s a brief silence. “Well, I, uh, broke the slushie machine.”

“What!? How the hell did you break--!?” Vivian whirls around, ripping an earbud out as she prepares to rip into him. Instead, she runs directly into a different yet all-too-familiar face.

“Hey, Vivi.”

All she can do is stare. It’s definitely him. There are crutches leaning against his sides and his face is still much paler than she remembers from before the hospital, but the man standing in front of her is indeed her boyfriend. Vivian doesn’t even feel herself moving but she’s suddenly shooting towards his proffered embrace. Matthew holds her back with strong arms, a sigh of relief escaping as he melts into her touch.

“Gross. You smell like weed.”

“And you smell like antiseptic,” she quips.

“Talk about a weird way to greet someone.”

“Fuck off, Tim.” Vivian flips him the bird, but she makes a mental note to thank him later. She turns back towards her boyfriend. “So you’re alive.”

Matthews nods with a smile. “Surgery went well, physical therapy has been a breeze. I got discharged a couple of days ago. Clean bill of health.”

Vivian scowls and pulls away from the hug. “But you never bothered to call?”

He just shrugs. “Well, you never bothered to visit.”

Her heart instantly sinks with dread, the lump in her throat hardening painfully. “Oh, god, I’m so sorry, baby, I should’ve been there. I was just so worried, and scared, and I wasn’t strong enough to see you--”

“Hey, hey, hey, no apologizing.” A hand comes up to brush away a stray tear on her cheek. “Look, I’m not mad; I’m just worried about you.”

“God, this feels like watching a teen drama.”

“Fuck off, Tim.” This time, they both playfully flip him the bird. Matthew wraps his arms back around her and rests his chin on her shoulder, humming softly as he plants a small kiss on her ear.

“So, I’m assuming we’re not on a break anymore?”

Vivian manages a wet laugh through her tears. “No, Matthew, we’re not on a break anymore.”

“Cool. I’ve also been talking to Tim. I think you should stop smoking.”

“Okay, I will. For you.” She feels like she would do anything for him.

“And you should get some therapy.”

“Okay.”

A small voice chimes in from behind. “I’ve literally said, like, both of those things before--”

“For the last time: fuck off, Tim.”

Matthew chuckles. “Hey, Vivi, can we actually still get those slushies, too?”

“Okay.” Vivian squeezes her boyfriend one last time before pulling away and drinking in the sight of his healthy, beautiful face. “I love you so, so much, Matthew.”

His eyes shimmer with a hint of mischief. “Yeah, yeah, me too.”

[imaginativemarvel]

The Hitman - Bucky x Reader - Chapter 2

Summary: Bucky works as a hitman and receives a mission to take down a normal college professor at a local university. Once he sets eyes on her and gets to know her, he realizes there a lot more to the story than just an average English professor. Will he pull the trigger? Or will something stop him? Pairing: Hitman! Bucky Barnes x Reader Word count: 2K A/N: Requests are open and I absolutely am open to anything! I love speaking to you guys and receiving any type of feed back so please don’t hesitate to send an ask or message (:

Masterlist // Series Masterlist

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“I don’t know who sent me. I swear on it.” After hours of trying to manipulate this mysterious man tied in her desk chair to tell her his name, he refused. She soon moved on but didn’t forget.

“So the guy was anonymous.”

“That’s how it was sent, nobody usually comes out with their identity, I’m one of the few people who let people come anonymously.” His hands moved to lay on his lap as he leaned back into the chair, not taking his eyes off her or the gun she held.

“How much did he offer you?”

“Let’s just say that killing you would be equivalent to killing 5 people. It was a lot of money.”

“And you’re just okay with that? It’s been 5 years, I’ve created a life that isn’t fake and I have people I care for now. I do everything on my own and I completely disconnected myself from people like you. Why are they after me?” She ran her free hand through her hair before dropping the gun to her side. At gun point or not, there’s no way he could escape.

“Like I said, anonymous donor. All I know is you’re something special and they want you to disappear.” He spoke nonchalantly knowing he had nothing to offer her except the fact that he was the one sent to do the job.

“So either I wait for someone else to kill me or I take action and join what I purposely left 5 years ago.” She sighed deeply before placing her hand onto her hip.

“What about me? Are you just going to kill me?” His back straightened as he continued to stare into her eyes.

“No. I don’t kill… anymore. You’re going to stick with me until I figure out who this guy is.” His eyebrows quickly furrowed before he brought his hands up and waved them back and forth. “No! No way I can stay with you. I have my own life too!”

“It doesn’t matter to me, you refuse to tell me your name… and tried to kill me.” He rolled his eyes before lifting up his hand in defense. “Hey, don’t act like you didn’t hold a gun to my back!”

“Yeah, I did. After I figured out you would have done it first if you had the chance. I mean seriously? Who carries a gun on campus. You’re an amateur, there’s was many more ways to hide it.” She laughed before smirking in his direction, earning a scoff.

“So you used to do what I do? You’re saying you’re better than me? No. Not likely. We may be Hitman but we hide our identities with code names. The best are known by those names, If you were one I’d know-”

“You think I don’t know that? Look, if you claim you’re so good at what you do, consider me better. Why? You’re trapped in my house at gunpoint” Once again she lifted up the gun into his direction. “Plus, I had a code once, we all did.” He rolled his eyes once again before shrugging his shoulders and sighing in defeat.

“Oh yeah? And what’s your name?”

“(Y/N) (Y/L/N).” She giggled at her answer as he glared into her direction.

“I meant your code name, idiot.”

“Oh that? Are you sure you want to know? I don’t know… I mean you refuse to tell me your name so…”

“If I tell you my code name will you tell me? I just want to see if I’ve heard of you.” His voice filled with desperation, he was begging to just hear her code-name and possible rub into her face that she is not well known, or so he thought.

“Go ahead, tell me yours.” She shrugged without a concern, not agreeing to his deal but allowing him to expose himself.

“They call me the winter soldier.” His hand raised to his head as he leaned down onto it.

“Wow, never heard of you. Shocker.” She lied, she had heard his name before. Not frequently, but enough for her to remember.

“Yeah, yeah. Keep them coming. What’s yours?”

“I never said if you told me yours that I’d tell you mine.” He quickly sat up and set his hands on the arms rest, giving her an angry face. “Seriously? Yeah. Of course you didn’t. Okay well can you at least let me go now? I have no information for you.”

“I want to know your real name.” He smiled in disbelief, laughing at her foolishness.

“Yeah, well. Not happening, doll.” He stood up from his chair before crossing his arms.

She quickly walked up to him, pushing his body back into the seat forcefully and placing the gun to his forehead. “I have no problem with shooting you. Tell me your name or speak your last words.”

“I really have to if I want to live, don’t I?”

“Well, if you don’t, you die. If you do, you’ll be accompanying me until I find this anonymous donor. After I find him and kill him, you’ll be set free and live your life while I forget you existed.” His body didn’t move an inch, his eyes stared up into her as she gave him no emotion. His expression was priceless, he felt hopeless.

“If I tell you my name, I lose everything.”

“You think I’m going to tell anyone? No. I’m only asking for my safety and benefit.”

“What if someone was listening right now? If someone heard me, what would I do then?”

“I would know if there was, plus I don’t have any cameras or microphones in here.”

“Can I at least write it down?” She sighed before setting the gun into her pants pocket and grabbing a notepad and pen from the desk by the door. “Fine whatever, but don’t try anything.”

“You wish, Darlin’.”

He grabbed the paper and pen from her hands before scribbling down a name. He could have easily lied about his name, but she felt deep inside that he wasn’t. Once he was finished he hesitated before holding his hand out into her direction. She slowly grabbed it before reading the name written on the paper. ‘James Buchanan Barnes - Bucky.’

“Hmm. It’s unique, I like it.”

“If you say that name, my life is completely over. I’m okay with being your side-kick for now, but please do not repeat those words to anyone, even myself. If anything, just call me some dumb pet name. I’d prefer that over anything.” Bucky stood up and looked down at her in sadness, realizing what deep hole he was in.

“I promised I won’t. If I do, kill me. But before any of that happens, you’re going to help me carry some of my belongings to my car, they’re bound to raid this place. On the other hand, we need new identities. Ones that are believable and not a 25 year old who isn’t in debt.” He laughed at her joke before giving her a playful grin.

“Hey, I needed something good to be put into your classroom!” She slapped his arm before walking to her closet and grabbing pairs of clothes.

“This time you’re not making the identities, for now, let’s pack up. They’ll be here soon.”

After a few hours of shoving clothes into bags and grabbing documents and electronics, they both sat in the car, exhausted from non-stop packing. After a few minutes of catching their breath, she started the car and drove through the backstreets.

“So, the plan?” He looked into her direction, admiring every feature on her face as she concentrated on the road before her.

“When I was still in the business, I knew a few people. They found another way to live, like I did and they all ended up being in the same state as me. One of them owns a diner now, one that’s in an isolated area and only used by locals.” A red light was visible as she stopped the car and turned to look at him. “I used to go there to lay low, and he wouldn’t mind if we stayed there for a bit. We need to make these identities and I’m sure he has some equipment too.”

“So is this guy nameless too?”

“Eh, just call him Steve.”

After 40 minutes of sitting in a crammed car, they finally parked into an almost empty diner. A few cars were parked out front, one being Steve’s and the rest probably being locals. After getting out of the car, she entered the building with a ding from above the door. A bearded man was wearing an apron, while wiping down the counters. He ran his hair through his slicked back hair before looking at the door. In an instant they recognized each other.

“Jesus Christ, Steve! You look like a lumberjack! No more clean cut, I see?” She quickly fastened her walk and ran behind the counter to give the old friend a hug.

“Well, well, well. If it isn’t (Y/N). It’s been a while, what brings you here?” He gave her a smile before whispering into her ear. “You’re only here when things are serious, yeah?”

She looked around at the few people dining before giving him a nod. “Let’s meet in the back.”

The moment they all were in the back, she quickly explained the situation to Steve as he took in ever detail and stroked his beard. He was concentrated in his own thought before he creased his eyebrows.

“We used to be partners, (Y/N). If they’re after you, what if they’re after me?”

“I’d keep an eye out, otherwise you’re pretty safe. All I’m asking is to hide out here for the night, until we figure things out.” She leaned against the counter before looking at him with sympathy.

“You’ve done a lot of things for me in the past years, and I haven’t done nearly as enough as I should. Stay here as long as you want.” Steve walked towards her and brought her into a long, heart-warming hug. “You guys can go sit in the back room, I’ll bring the equipment.”

She walked along side of Bucky to an empty and isolated booth. Soon enough Steve walked to them with stacks of papers and his laptop. He sat down next to her and started to pull out file by file, creating the perfect personas they both could consider. After an hour of him setting the details and records together, he came up with the perfect lifestyle.

“Alright, so. Athena and Sebastian Stan. High-school sweethearts who love to travel, keep things at minimum and always exploring. Both grew up in Glendale, Arizona. Both graduated from high-school with an average GPA and didn’t attend college. How’s that?” Steve typed the rest of the information before hitting print and printing off an important details she’d need.

“It could be better, but it’ll do.” Bucky’s voice was heard with a hint of disapproval. She gave him a glare before smiling at the bearded man.

“Yeah, it’s perfect. We can work with that.”

“Alright well I’ll go work it out right now in the back, in the mean time I have some left over disguises if you are interested. You know where they are, and after that, I’m afraid that’s all I have to offer.” He gave her a quick kiss on the temple before grabbing his belongings and taking them into the bad room. “It’s more than enough, thank you so much Cap.”

“Cap?” Bucky spoke up once Steve was out a sight, confused but amused.

“Oh it’s nothing.” She giggled to herself as she realized what she let slip. “Just a nickname from the old times.”

“Sounds kinky to me.” He laughed to himself before giving a toothy grin. “Ew! It’s nothing like that! Change of topic!”

“Alright,” he laughed a bit more before finishing his sentence. “so we’re leaving tomorrow morning? Then what?”

“Well, I know a lot of people. Another old friend of mine, she might know a thing or two considering she still is in the job. I don’t have any leads and she could be my only option, so we’ll be heading there.” She leaned back into her seat before yawning from lack of sleep.

“Who is it?” He questioned her, giving her a confused look. She quietly laughed before giving him a smirk, confusing him even more.

“The Black Widow.” ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ Tags: @walkingtravesty97 @vougebandit @mizz-kraziii @ssweet-empowerment @nadtandy @feelmyroarrrr - Totally unnecessary note but I updated my description bio to have my personal and marvel blog linked in so if you’re interested (;;; They both post marvel content honestly soooooooooo yeah! I’m so open to talking to you guys so if you want, knock yourself out and send me a message (:

[pedroscurls]

Title: Reunited (and it feels so good)

Anonymous requested: Rough love with JDM’s character from Shameless. Word Count: 4,788 Warning: Smut, smut, and even more smut!!! Rough, hardcore smut. Like seriously, they’re getting downnnnn lmao Author's Note: So, to the anon who sent me this request..... I’m sorry for taking so long to write this! I was scrolling through Tumblr and saw a Charlie Peters GIF and then an idea came to me...During lecture too, so I hope this is more than okay! Also, JDM with a neck tattoo???? My god wow. 

(GIF Source: @neganandthesaviors)

It was a chilly morning in Chicago. The sun was peeking through the clouds just enough to allow the snow to melt along the roads and sidewalks. Usually, you loved to wake up at the sight of snow covering your front porch, but you had woken up late for work today and hoped that traffic wasn’t as bad as it usually was when it snowed.

You were dressed in a black turtleneck with black jeans and black ankle boots with a dark grey coat over to finish. Your hair remained in its natural state of loose waves, which saved you the trouble of fixing your hair in the morning.

You were a teacher’s assistant for a college professor at your previous college. It was a start to getting your own teaching degree.

You grab your bag and drape it over your shoulder before leaving your apartment. Luckily, the college professor you were assisting for this semester understood that some people were late and that sometimes, it was out of your control.

It had taken you twenty minutes to get to the campus. You were practically running across campus to get to the class. Though, once at the door, you notice the note taped onto it.

Class cancelled.

We will meet again Wednesday. Have a good day.

Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. You decide to lean against the wall and take a few deep breaths to calm down. You grab your phone to send a text to your professor before noticing the email he had sent you.

Fuck. Maybe you should get in the habit of checking your email more often.

You decide to take this opportunity to explore downtown Chicago. It had been a long time since you had the day to yourself anyway.

Your mind drifts as you walk down the street with a cup of coffee in hand. It had been a long process to get your teaching credential, but you kept telling yourself that you had to be patient. You just didn’t know when you would get your dream job. You had taken a few years off from school to help with family and you weren’t getting any younger.

Suddenly, you bump into someone. You hear him grunt in surprise before you realize that his coffee and lit cigarette had dropped to the pavement.

“Fuck,” he mumbles.

“Oh my god. I’m so sorry!” You ramble, clearing your throat. Apparently, today couldn’t get any more worse than it already was.

When the stranger turns around, you find yourself staring at him with wide eyes. It truly had been such a long time since you had seen this man.

“Charlie?”

He looks at you, tilting his head. Then, you notice the imaginary light bulb go off on top of his head. Charlie recognized you.

“[Y/N]?”

“You’ve got a scorpion tattoo on your neck,” you mumble, biting your lower lip.

“You were always so observant.”

“Yeah, that hasn’t changed about me. How have you been?” You ask him.

“I’m okay. What about you?” Charlie stares at you, a small smile lining his lips. You’re reminded of his dimples and instantly find yourself biting your lower lip.

“Um, well, still working on getting my teaching credential. I’m an assistant for a professor at the college, so hopefully when that’s finished, I can take the test and I’ll be a teacher.”

Charlie’s smile broadens. “You did say you always wanted to become a teacher.”

“You remember that?”

“Of course I do. What did our friends call us? Right. High school sweethearts,” he chuckles. It’s been so long since he had seen you that it was bringing back memories from your relationship together.

“Well, I figured you just didn’t listen to half of the things I said,” you shrug.

“We ended on the wrong foot, didn’t we?”

“Yeah. I’d say that’s a bit of an understatement.”

Charlie sighs, “Listen, I’ve got to attend this meeting, but I’m an owner at the diner a couple of blocks from here. Meet me there tonight?”

“I don’t know, Charlie…”

“Give me a chance to make things right. I’ve done a lot of stupid shit since you went off to college, okay? It’s nice to see a familiar face for once,” he admits.

With a sigh, you nod your head. “Okay… I’ll see you tonight.”

He smiles, leaning over to kiss your cheek. You shut your eyes, reveling in his soft lips against your skin. You almost forgot what it felt like to be kissed by him and when he pulls away, you stare up at him with curious eyes.

“I’ll see you later,” Charlie whispers.

“Y – Yeah… I’ll see you then.”

You didn’t know what time to meet Charlie, so you settle with arriving at the diner around dinnertime. Unexpectedly bumping into him was something you never thought would happen. You had been in a relationship with him for six years and at one point in your life, you believed you would have married him, but things changed and you drifted away from each other.

Entering the diner, you decide to take a seat at one of the small booths near the window. It was beginning to snow again. You remove your coat, setting it next to you before you see a woman set down a menu.

“Can I get a cup of coffee, please?” You ask, seeing her nod and walk away. You open the menu, biting your lower lip absently as you glance around to see if Charlie arrived.

Deciding on ordering a slice of chocolate cake, you shut your menu and wait for the waitress to return. You pull your phone out of your bag and scroll through your unread emails, deciding which was important enough for you to open.

Suddenly, you hear a quiet cough before someone from your peripheral slides into the seat across from you. When you look up, you smile to yourself at the sight of him. Charlie had removed his leather jacket and was clad in a black zip-up jacket and his beanie was gone, so you had a clear view of his disheveled hair.

“Hey, sorry I’m late.” He says.

“No problem. I just got here about five minutes ago.”

The waitress comes back to the table and sets the cup of coffee down, nodding over at Charlie. “Will there be anything you’d like to order from the menu?” She asks.

“Um, yeah. Can I get a slice of chocolate cake, please?”

“Of course.” She takes the menu and leaves to retrieve your order.

Before you could make your coffee the way you liked it, Charlie takes the cup and pours in two packets of sugar and sips from it. When he tastes the bitterness of the coffee, he adds an ample amount of creamer before stirring it with the small spoon.

Once he slides it carefully back to you, you arch your brow. You lift it to your lips and take a sip, smiling instantly. He remembered how you liked your coffee.

“Is it good?” He asks.

“You’re full of surprises today, Charlie. You remembered how I liked my coffee.”

“I mean, you practically relied on it your first year of college. Besides, I remember a lot of things, [Y/N].”

You’re interrupted when the waitress sets down the slice of chocolate cake. You grin to yourself and take the spoon, nodding your thanks with a polite smile to the young woman before she decides to walk away and give you and Charlie some privacy.

“Do you want some?” You ask.

“That depends. Are you going to feed it to me like you usually did?” Charlie smiles.

Without responding, you take a small spoonful of the cake and reach over to lift it to his lips. He grins instantly, leaning forward to take a bite of the delicious dessert.

“Even when I feed you, you still manage to make a mess. Hold on.” You set the spoon down and grab a nearby napkin to gently dab at the corner of his lip where a crumb of the cake was caught between the bristles in his beard.

Charlie simply smiles. It was odd how easily it was for you both to slip into your usual behavior after many years of not seeing each other. At one point in his life, he knew you were going to be the woman he would marry, but things ended horribly.

“You know I’m sorry, right?” Charlie abruptly says.

“I know you are, Charlie.”

“I don’t think you do though, [Y/N].”

“What do you want me to say? You didn’t want to go to college. You didn’t even try, Charlie. Then I found you – Fuck, I found you snorting coke in our bathroom…” You bite your lower lip to prevent it from quivering. It had taken so long for you to rid yourself of that image.

“You left me. You didn’t give me a chance to explain myself. You just left as if six years didn’t mean anything.”

“What were you going to tell me, Charlie? It was a one-time thing? It won’t happen again?”

He doesn’t respond.

“Watching you walk out on me made me spiral out of control. I became a drug addict, [Y/N]. I lost my way when I lost you, okay? Fuck. It was just a one-time thing… That night you found me in the bathroom, that was the only time. Then, you walked out and what the fuck was I supposed to do? I was out of my mind!”

“You run after me… You didn’t even bother to try and contact me, so don’t act like I was the only one who threw away six years, Charlie.”

He sighs, rubbing a hand over his heard. “I didn’t want to talk about this with you tonight.”

“Then what did you want to talk about?”

Charlie hesitantly reaches over to take your hand. “I saw you walking down the street ten years ago when I was at my lowest. You were – Fuck, you were still so beautiful. You still are. I saw you and you didn’t even see me. I wanted to make things right and if I couldn’t fix our relationship, then I was going to fix myself. And I did. I’ve been clean for almost seven years now.”

You look up at him and sigh, removing your hand from his reluctantly. You missed the warmth of his hand, the smoothness of his palm, and the absent drawing of circles he always seemed to do when he was holding your hand.

“T – That’s great, Charlie. I’m so happy for you…”

“Can we… Um, can we try and do this again? You and I?”

“I don’t know… A lot has happened since we broke up. So fucking much, Charlie.”

Charlie nods. He knew that it was a risk to ask you to give him another chance, but it was one that he was willing to take, even if you rejected him.

“I’ve got to show you something. It’s back at my apartment.” You tell him. He nods, standing from the booth and nodding towards one of his workers as a motion to say that your coffee and cake was free of charge.

“Your coffee and dessert is on me,” he says, helping you into your coat.

Slowly, you lean back against him once your arms go through the needed holes for your jacket. Charlie takes notice of this and sighs, kissing your temple lightly before he decides to pull away from you.

Once at your apartment, you hold the door open for Charlie to step inside. He looks around before removing his shoes once he sees you do the same. You remove your coat and set it over the back of the couch before leading him to your bedroom.

“Uh, [Y/N]?”

“I’m bringing you here because this is where it’s at,” you laugh quietly, shaking your head. You open your drawer and rummage through your clothes before pulling out a photo of the two of you at your senior prom with his promise ring that he had given you that night.

“You kept it?” He asks, sitting at the edge of your bed once you place the photo and ring in his hands.

“I meant it when I said you were the man I was going to marry, Charlie. I couldn’t get rid of that. I tried to, believe me, I did, but I couldn’t bring myself up to just throw it away.”

“I was going to ask you to marry me one day, you know? And I fucked it up. I’m so sorry, [Y/N]. I’m so fucking sorry.” Charlie sets the photo and ring down onto your bed before he stands up.

“Where are you going?” You ask quietly.

“I think I should go,” Charlie mumbles.

“Oh. Okay. I’ll walk you out –”

“I know where the door is, [Y/N]. I’ll see you around.”

“Now, it’s you who’s running away,” you whisper.

He turns around and looks at you. “What?”

“You’re running away. I’m right here, Charlie.”

“Don’t pull that shit on me. You walked out on me. Do not compare what I’m doing right now to what you did back then. It’s not even on the same wavelength.”

“Oh, but it is. Why are you running?” You stand from the bed and begin walking towards him.

“Maybe I should have asked you. Why did you walk out on me?”

“We’re not talking about me right now.”

“That’s not fair, [Y/N]. Come on. Tell me why you walked out on me.”

“Do you even remember anything from that night, Charlie?!” You yell, tears clouding your eyes. “Do you even know what I had to see? You were on the damn floor! I didn’t – I didn’t know what to do, okay?! You kept shaking and you kept acting like you were paranoid. I didn’t – I thought I was going to lose you!”

Charlie bites his lower lip. He didn’t remember anything from that night. All he did remember was the following morning at the sight of you packing a bag.

“But you didn’t… I’m right here.”

“Yeah, and you’re leaving. So, go figure, right?”

“It’s better this way, [Y/N].”

“Then why ask me to give you another shot, Charlie? So you can change your mind and make me feel the pain you felt? Well, bravo. You did just that.”

“That’s not my intention. You deserve better. Seeing that ring… Seeing that picture… I’m not who I was when we were together.”

“And neither am I! You have a tattoo on your neck of a damn scorpion and you’ve got two stars on each of your hands. What makes you think that I’ll hope you’re the same Charlie I fell in love with when we were both freshmen in high school?”

Charlie sighs, looking down at his feet. He didn’t expect today to go like this. He thought he would simply attend his NA meeting and then continue to work at the diner. He didn’t expect to bump into an old flame.

“You said you didn’t know if you wanted to give me another chance back at the diner, [Y/N]. What changed your mind?”

“I said I didn’t know. I don’t think that means I said no,” you mumble.

“Still a smartass,” he whispers.

“Charlie…”

“I’m going to go before either of us say anything we may regret.”

“Like what, Charlie? You want me to tell you how after we broke up, I hooked up with so many guys to try and get my mind off you? You had always been the only person I ever slept with but since we broke up, I expanded my horizons.”

He tightens his jaw, “Don’t you dare continue that thought.”

“You’re telling me you’ve been celibate all this long, Charlie? Please.”

“I don’t want to think of some other guy touching my girl!” He yells. Charlie catches himself by surprise at how loud he was becoming. He certainly didn’t want to yell at you.

“Your girl? We’re not together, right? You were going to leave.”

“[Y/N], you’ve gotta stop.”

“Or what?” You threaten.

“Or else I’m going to remind you why I’m always going to be the man for you, in and out of bed,” he growls, taking a step forward.

You bite your lower lip, squeezing your legs absently together. You were sure that at the mere sound of his growl and threat, your panties were becoming damp.

“You’re not mine anymore, Charlie, and I’m not yours.”

Charlie turns you around roughly, your back pressing against his front as he leads you back into your room. With a swift kick to your door, you flinch at the loud sound of it slamming shut. Charlie slowly slams you against the door gently, but still retains the slight roughness to his movements.

He remembered that you liked it rough.

It was much different now that you two were older. You were excited to see what he was packing beneath those black pants.

Charlie turns you around and stares into your eyes as he grabs both of your hands to place above your head, rendering you immobile.

“You’re always going to be mine,” he whispers. Charlie’s voice and façade falters for a moment. You look into his eyes and notice the seriousness that was held in his orbs.

You were going to give him another chance. Slowly, you lean forward to gently peck his lips, immediately feeling that same electrical surge rush through your body just as it did when you had your first kiss with him in high school.

“I’m always going to be yours,” you admit.

“Really?” Charlie asks, dropping your hands for a moment.

You laugh quietly, “Y – Yes, really. You’re the man I was going to marry. High school sweethearts, remember? We’re supposed to tell our kids how lucky we both were to find –”

“ – our soulmates early in our lives,” he finishes.

You smile, “You remembered.”

“I told you that there are many things I remembered, [Y/N].”

“Great, and if you remember, I like it rough and if you continue pressing into me like you are doing right now, I will have to take matters into my own hands and I know how much you dislike being the submissive one.”

Charlie smirks, his eyes darkening with lust and need. “Oh, you’re going to be punished for what you said, [Y/N].”

“You promise?”

He turns you back around, watching as your backside instinctively pushes against him. Charlie chuckles, bringing a hand down to slap your cheek. You whimper at the pain that radiates through your body, looking at him over your shoulder.

“When I saw you this morning, [Y/N], fuck, I couldn’t help but think back to our adventures that we had when we were younger. Do you remember them?” He leans down, gently nipping at your earlobe as he whispers huskily into your ear.

“Y – Yeah, I remember them…”

Your head lulls forward against your bedroom down, feeling his growing erection press into your backside. You whimper quietly, feeling his lips move down the side of your neck. Now that he had facial hair, it was tickling you and heightening the pleasure in a way you never thought you would enjoy.

“And when you walked away, I couldn’t help but let my eyes fall to this ass,” his hands run down to rub your backside, squeezing them gently before he brings you flush against him.

“Charlie…” You moan quietly, turning around before he narrows his eyes.

“Get on your knees,” he demands.

“God, I love it when you’re demanding,” you comment, feeling him slap your backside once more.

“Did I ask you to talk? On your knees.” Charlie smirks, watching as you sink to your knees in front of him. He reaches down and grabs the end of your sweater, lifting it over your head and tossing it over his shoulder.

“You’re still so beautiful,” he compliments.

You smile to yourself. Charlie always knew how to make you feel good about yourself. It was the sincerity and genuine tone of his voice and his kind eyes that made you feel confident, like you were more than enough.

To reward him, you reach behind you and unclasp your bra, letting it fall to the ground. He grunts, undoing the button and zipper of his jeans.

You look up at him and slowly push down the articles of clothing down to his ankles, watching as he steps out of them. Your eyes meet his stiffened manhood, clearing your throat. You had forgotten how well-endowed he was.

Charlie undoes his jacket and removes it, following his white t-shirt. As he stands there, naked and ready, you smile.

Slowly, you wrap your hand around his warm length. You bite your lower lip and look up at him at the sound of his quiet groan. His hands immediately go to your hair to hold it away from your face before gently pushing you forward.

Your mouth opens slightly and you flick your tongue out to run across the head of his member. He growls at the contact, slowly pushing himself further into your mouth. Charlie needed to feel your lips surrounding his member. He needed to feel your tongue against the underside of him.

It had been so long and he missed you so much.

You slowly begin to half of the base of his member as your lips suck on the rest of him, following the motion of your hands with the bobbing of your head. You lubricate his member with your saliva, staring up at him.

It was always such a nice sight to see Charlie in sheer pleasure. His head was thrown back and his mouth was slightly agape as the quiet groans and occasional growls would escape his lips.

“Fuck, [Y/N]…” Charlie moans, looking down at you. He smiles, pulling back as he watches his member slip from your mouth. “I won’t last long if you keep doing that.”

“Mm, I missed the taste of you,” you lick your lips, standing up and undoing your pants. You slide them off your legs, following your black laced thong.

Charlie looks at you from top to bottom, reaching out to let his fingertips run from your collarbone down to your breast – where his fingertips brush against your sensitive nipples – down to your flattened abdomen before he reaches your mound.

He extends a finger and slowly lets his fingertip graze your clit. Charlie watches your face contort into an expression of surprise before he picks you up and sets you down onto your bed. He pushes your legs apart, his eyes focused on your womanhood.

“Give it to me, Charlie… Please…” You beg, pulling him forward by wrapping your legs around his waist.

You feel his member brush against your dampened heat, moaning at the surprise contact.

“Look at you and your manners… What a good girl,” Charlie teases, his lips running along your collarbone before he kisses his way down before his lips latch onto your nipple.

You arch your back into him, your eyes falling shut. He expertly flicks his tongue against your hardened nipple, watching as you toss your head back at the simple gesture. He could only imagine what you would be like once he slides into you.

“Hard, right?” Charlie asks.

“And fast,” you add.

He grins, reaching between your bodies to grab his manhood. Slowly, Charlie runs his tip across the length of your sex, applying pressure to your clit every time he brushes against it.

“Charlie, please…”

“I’m going to want you begging from now on,” Charlie smirks.

Slowly, he pushes himself into your warm, tight heat. Charlie moves his hands to rest on the mattress near your head, looking directly into your eyes as he pushes his hips further into you. He growls at the feel of your walls wrapping around his member in a tight vice.

You were lying earlier. You hadn’t been with a man since Charlie and that was more than ten years ago.

“Damn, [Y/N]… You’re so tight,” he moans.

You smile up at him, wrapping your arms around his broad shoulders. “That all you got, Charlie?”

He looks down at you and narrows his eyes. Instantly, Charlie grabs your wrists and slams them above your head. He pins your hands down with one of his own and rests the other at your hip for leverage.

“Careful what you wish for, [Y/N]…”

Suddenly, he slams into you in a rough thrust that it causes a slight twinge of pain at your lower half. You bite your lower lip, moaning his name loudly at the feel of him deep within your tight abyss. He pulls out almost to his tip before repeating the motion.

Charlie wanted to make sure you felt every inch of his throbbing member.

“Charlie!” You moan.

His hips begin to move faster. His pace was enough for your breasts to bounce rapidly at his thrusts, your body shifting upwards with each hard thrust he delivers.

Charlie releases your hands and sits up on his knees, looking down at you. Your hands move to grab onto your bedsheets, gripping it tightly that your knuckles had turned white.

Instantly, his hands grip your hips and his thrusts begin to quicken. His skin slaps against yours with each movement, feeling your bed rock back against the wall. He was giving it to you, hard and fast.

It was so much better than when you two were dating. It seemed as if Charlie had a few women he could pleasure after your breakup, but you couldn’t even be angry. He had gained the experience that he lacked when you two were together.

Charlie’s thumb drifts to your bundle of nerves, slowly moving the pad of his thumb in small circles as his member continues to move within your walls. Your eyes had fallen shut and your back was beginning to arch.

You could tell that you were nearing your climax.

“C – Charlie!” You moan aloud, bringing a hand to his shoulder. You gently tug him down to allow his body to press against yours. You wanted to feel him move against you, his chest pressing against yours and the chest hairs tickling your soft skin. You wanted to hold onto him as you reached your own peak.

With one last thrust and the added pleasure of his strokes on your clit, you feel your walls begin to tighten and quiver. Your nails dig into the back of his shoulders and your legs wrap around him tightly. Your body slowly begins to shake at the intensity of your release and all you could think about or hear was Charlie’s own grunts.

“Shit…” He whispers, pulling back only slightly to look into your eyes. Charlie leans forward and captures your lips as his hips begin to move in a sloppier motion.

You could tell he was nearing his own peak.

Suddenly, he pulls out and strokes himself into submission. You feel the warmth liquid settle at your lower abdomen. Charlie pulls back from the kiss and lies next to you as you reach for a tissue to wipe the release from your skin.

Once you toss the tissue into the trash, you feel Charlie scoop you into his arms. He looks down at you and pecks your lips, lingering for a moment.

“You’re mine,” he whispers with heavy breaths.

“And you’re mine,” you reply, reaching for the ring and slowly sliding it back onto your finger.

“It’s still a perfect fit,” Charlie smiles.

“Now, all we’ve gotta do is get you one.”

“Can’t wait… I’m going to do right by you, [Y/N]. I promised you a good husband, a cute dog, a beautiful house, and however many kids we decided on… I’m going to fulfill that, okay?”

You smile, cupping his cheek. He leans against your touch.

“I know you will because no matter how many years it’s been, I still love you, Charlie. All of you.”

“Even my faults?” He hesitates.

“You realized your mistakes and you fixed them. You learned from them. So, yes. I love all of you. Your faults. Your neck tattoo. That beard, which by the way, never fucking shave.”

Charlie laughs quietly, “I’m never letting you go again, [Y/N]. I – I love you too much to let you walk out of my life for a second time.”

“Good because it won’t happen again. I promise,” you reply.

Charlie smiles, resting his forehead against yours as his arms remain tight around your frame.

“Reuniteeeeed,” he begins singing.

“Oh god, don’t…” You giggle.

“And it feels so goooood,” Charlie smiles, pecking your lips.

“Dork,” you whisper.

“I love you, [Y/N].”

“I love you too, Charlie.”

[newstechreviews]

PlayStation VR launched exactly one year ago today, and it’s already delivered well over 100 unique experiences, ranging from the delightful to the horrifying and just about everything in between. As we celebrate PS VR’s first birthday, we wanted to give you a peek behind the curtain. Below, you’ll find a list of all the games currently announced to be coming to the platform through the end of the year (and into early 2018).

With virtual reality, you have to put on the headset and feel what it’s like to get the full experience. Head to your local retailer and strap on a PS VR headset, then come back here and let us know what you think in the comments.

Thank you for an excellent first year of PlayStation VR; we can’t wait for you to experience what’s next.

Coming in 2017

Bravo Team

SIE WWS

Supermassive Games (Tumble VR, Until Dawn: Rush of Blood) is creating an intense first-person shooter for single player or online two-player co-op*. The setting is a fictional Eastern European city, and after the president is assassinated, teamwork will be essential for you to survive. Bravo Team will make you feel like you’re in an action movie. * Active PS Plus membership required.

Doom VFR

Bethesda

id Software’s classic franchise levels up to give players a fully immersive experience. You’re the last known survivor of a demon attack on a Martian research facility. Well, you’re the last human survivor… and you’ll have plenty of opportunity to meet some of the other survivors. Can you take back control of the outpost and send the beasties back to… uh, H-E-double-hockey-sticks?

Gran Turismo Sport

SIE WWS

Each release in the Gran Turismo series becomes the new benchmark in realistic auto-racing games, and that bar is about to be raised — big time. With PS VR, you’ll feel like you’re in the driver’s seat, increasing the immersion to new heights. Learn more here.

Megaton Rainfall

Pentadimensional

Ever dreamed of being an indestructible superhero with the ability to fly at supersonic speeds? Ever fantasized about saving Earth from an alien invasion? Well, it’s time to wake up and get to it. Take on the attacking aliens — who can morph into various forms, including buildings — and evolve your superpowers. But be careful… you may leave more than a little mess behind while you’re defending humanity.

Moss

Polyarc Games

One of E3 2017’s brightest stars was Quill, a young mouse who awakens an ancient magic and sets off on an epic journey to save her uncle. The world of Moss is a gorgeous expanse filled with myth and magic, but there’s little time to savor the view. You’ll need to explore your surroundings and literally manipulate the world as you do whatever you can to assist Quill on her adventure.

No Heroes Allowed!

SIE WWS

In this immersive real-time strategy game, you play the God of Destruction. You ultimately seek world domination… but first you’ll need to find, feed, and breed monsters who’ll do your bidding. Invade human bases, fortify your defenses and carefully build your beastly ecosystem, and soon you may conquer all!

Obduction

Cyan

From the creators of Myst comes a science-fiction adventure filled with mystery, intrigue, and discovery. You find yourself transported off Earth to an alien world…but one that’s populated with pieces of Earth from various locations and times. Don’t spend too much time admiring the beautiful landscapes, though, because you need to find a way back home.

Pixeljunk VR: Dead Hungry

Q-Games

It’s well-known that zombies are always on the hunt for human flesh… but that’s only because they don’t know how to cook a juicy burger and whip up a frosty shake on their own. As a fearless food-truck cook, you’ll need to use your kitchen magic to save the world from disaster and distract the incoming zombie horde with nutritious noms.

Stifled

SIE WWS

Stifled is a unique horror game where you can only reveal your surroundings by creating sound waves–either by throwing nearby objects or speaking into the headset’s built-in mic. Keep in mind, however, that any noise you make may also reveal your location to the grotesque creatures that are lurking in the darkness…

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim VR

Bethesda

One of the most popular and ambitious open-world action RPGs ever made will now be even more immersive, thanks to a reimagining in PS VR. You’re the Dragonborn, and you’ll need to master swords and spells to survive the many threats you’ll encounter. Skyrim VR includes the critically acclaimed core game as well as the official add-ons: Dawnguard, Hearthfire and Dragonborn, as well as multiple controller options.

The Inpatient

SIE WWS

The premise is the stuff of nightmares: You’re a patient in the Sanatorium and suffering from amnesia, so your main goal is to unearth your memories–to discover who you are and why you’re there. However, you’ll also reveal a conspiracy at the facility that complicates your efforts to get your life back. Multiple endings up The Inpatient’s replayability, too.

Other Upcoming 2017 Titles

Anamorphine

Ark Park

Brain Voyagers

Chernobyl

CoolpaintVR

CubeWorks

Discovery

DragonBlast VR

Dream Angling

Drunkn Bar Fight

DWVR

End Space

Everest VR

Fishing Master

Flatline: Experience the Other Side

Ghosts in the Toybox

Hex Tunnel

Honor & Duty

Hopalong: The Badlands

Justice League VR

Light Tracer

Monster of the Deep: Final Fantasy XV

Nothin’ But Net

Prana

Quar Infernal Machines

Radial-G: Racing Revolved

RadianVR

Rec Room

Run Dorothy Run

Sculptrvr

Serious Soccer

Shooty Fruitie

Snow Fortress

Stardrone VR

Super Amazeballs

Survios

The Rabbit Hole

The Solus Project

Virtual Engagement Confronting Fears

VirtuGO

VR Apocalypse

Coming in 2018

Golem

Highwire Games

Golem, a PS VR exclusive, places you in a storybook world where you see through the eyes of and take control over stone creatures in order to discover the connection between your family and the mysterious Endless City you’re in. Along the way, you’ll find hidden treasure and valuable artifacts, while honing your melee skills to battle the Silent Watch, a band of hostile golems.

The American Dream

Samurai Punk Pty Ltd.

The American Dream is billed as a satirical VR trip through a 1950’s World’s Fair where guns are a part of the daily routine, including flipping burgers on the grill and assembling them for customers at your job; opening a can for a drink; and even watering plants, weeding and landscaping around your beautiful home; and other activities.

Torn

Aspyr

Torn, a mystery inspired by such classics as The Twilight Zone, is set in the Vermont forest where you discover a house full of secrets. What you find in there are numerous experiments, inventions, gear and documentation that reveal a lot about the doctor who lived there–however they’re also remnants of a man who’s been missing for 64 years.

Xing: The Land Beyond

White Lotus interactive

Right out of the gate, this first-person puzzle-adventure title tells you that you’re dead. Guess you’re off to a bad start, right? From there, you go at your own pace in an entertaining trek through the afterlife, with the story revealed mostly through poetry. It promises to be a unique game suitable for new and veteran VR adventurers alike.

Other 2018 Titles

Alvo

Ariel

Blasters of the Universe

Chainman

Cold Iron

Dead Secret

Dragonflight VR

Drone Fighters

Dungeon Chess

End of the Beginning

Knockout League

Penn & Teller VR: Frankly Unfair, Unkind, Unnecessary and Underhanded (including Desert Bus)

Pixel Ripped 1989

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