#They only have one brain cell and act as stupid as a pigeon but it’s OK because I love them

[space-r0ach]

SFFFFGGFFGFGGG I MADE A SILLY LIL GUY!!!! UM POSSIBLY A DTYIS? IDK I WOULD EXPLODE IF PEOPLE DREW RHEM

[wannajointhecrabcult]

Masks and Music

(Part 1)

Part 2

I didn't think that my last post would've gotten ANY notes at all, so imagine my surprise when I find out that people actually liked it. After that suprise I thought why not and make another one so here we go! This is a Miraculous/Batfam crossover.

Imagine that Damian gets sent to Paris because the fam doesn't want him to become an emotionally constipated sad boi like Bruce and think that a change in scenery would help.

They don't know about the whole Hawkmoth situation because SOMEONE from the justice league decided that the while thing was a prank DESPITE that it was an ENTIRE CITY calling instead of a single person.

Like, aren't you guys supposed to be the world's greatest heros or something?

Who hired you?

Damian being the grumpy lil kid that he is holds a grudge and decides to not accept any calls or video chats from his family or tell them about Hawkmoth because that's what you get when you send someone across the world against their will.

(and because of plot convenience shhh)

Anyways, Damian goes to school as instantly adds Lila onto his mental list of people he needs to get rid of.

I mean, seriously, he's only been is the room for what, 15 seconds and he's already getting a migraine?

Great. Juusssttt great.

He sits in the back of the class with what seems to be the only person with brain cells in this room.

The dark haired girl just looks over and sees the disgust at Lila written all over his face and gives him a silent empathetic nod.

'This is unfortunately normal here.' she tries to convey through the small action.

He just nods back to show his understanding before turning around to observe the others.

In a few minutes Ms. Bustier walks in the room and asks him to introduce himself to the class.

It looks like the teacher never told the class that they were getting a new student because they all have to do double takes when they realize that there's a new face in the room.

He gives them the bare basics, telling them that his name is Damian Grayson, he's from America, and that he doesn't want any of them to talk to him before sitting down.

Clearly the teacher wanted him to say more or scold him for being so rude but a glare shut her up.

Later during a break period Lila tries to flirt with him and brags all about how she's met so many different celebrities and her achievements.

He tells her off and tries to move away but her nails are digging into his arms as she tries to convince him that he should stay away from Marinette.

Before he can maim her, the dark haired girl comes out from behind him and starts spraying Lila down like an unruly cat with some sort of strong smelling liquid from a spray bottle.

Lila screeches and stomps away.

When he turns to his hero the girl explains.

"It's a mixture of shredded lemon, expired maple syrup, vinegar, and pomegranate juice. I call it People Repellant but Thot Begone works too. Oh, and I'm Marinette by the way."

He eyes her hand before shaking it.

"Damian, though I assume you already know that. Can I get some of that by the way? I know a couple insufferable annoyances that would benefit from a spray down.

Marinette just blinks for a second before she bursts out laughing and that was the start of a great friendship.

Together they:

Make fun of Lila in the back of class.

Help eachother with homework (they only cheat off eachother when they REALLY need help)

Prank Lila in odd ways (Hey, just because she found hundreds of furbies hidden around her house that turn on one by one in the middle of the night effectively scaring the crap out of her when she's trying to sleep doesn't mean that it's their fault. She had it coming.)

Break a couple laws (shhhhhhh. Those toy stores don't need those furbies anyways).

Dare eachother over stupid things (they still insist that the cereal incident was caused by the other).

And overall become closer as friends.

They bring out the overdramatic chaotic gremlin child in eachother.

One time when Damian goes over to Marinette's place to work on a project he finds her singing a Disney song to herself on her balcony.

This isn't the first time they've caught eachother singing.

One time Marinette caught Damian in the art room at school humming one of the many annoyingly cheesy and catchy songs that Dick likes to listen to.

Despite him explaining the embarrassing situation to her she still teased him for weeks after.

He'll never get to live it down.

Damian shakes his head to get rid of the flashback when a devious smirk spreads across his face as a revenge plan comes to mind.

After carefully placing his stuff on the floor he sneakily makes his way across the space until he's right behind her.

That's when he joins in.

Screaming at the top of his lungs at first, effectively giving her a mini heart attack before eventually quieting down to a normal singing volume.

She glares at him, annoyed by his loud and obnoxious entrance before she starts singing again.

They eventually end up full Disney movie dramatically performing around her balcony with dance moves and over dramatic acting.

Is it bad that actual birds and other animals are appearing and joining in?

Damian totally kept one of the pigeons.

He named it Dolores.

(He later trained Dolores to attack Rossi on sight.)

When they're finished they end up on the floor out of breath.

They stay like that for a few minutes before Damian sits up.

"That. That was fun. I don't think I've actually ever sang before."

Marinette jolts up in suprise and turns to face him.

"Really? I never would've guessed. You have a really nice singing voice."

He would deny till his dying breath that he blushed when she said that but he covers it up with a smirk.

"Well I guess that's just because yours is so terrible in comparison."

He squawks when she jabs a finger in his side.

"Pshh. As if. Besides, my singing skills can't be worse then your gaming skills." She challenges with a cheeky smile.

"ExCuSe mE?!"

And that's how they spend the rest of the day playing video games, leaving the unfinished project to be completed on a later day.

Good thing it isn't due until 2 weeks time.

After a couple of hours playing video games, creating many possible Lila murder plans, eating pastries, and joking around, it's time for him to leave.

As Damian left for his place he got a feeling that something big was gonna happen.

Marinette also got the feeling but they both ignored it.

Little did they know, someone just happened to walk by and starstruck by the amazing singing they recorded the performance before posting it on the internet.

Imagine the duo's suprise when they wake up the next day to find themselves trending on the internet.

Luckily the video quality was pretty trash so their faces weren't identifiable but the audio was loud and clear.

The world was talking about the cute couple singing to their hearts desire on a balcony. If that's not cliche and adorable then the world doesn't know what is.

The assumption about their relationship status left them looking like tomatos but that didn't stop them from wonder why they didn't notice a creep recording them.

Damn Disney songs and their unnatural ability to distract people.

Of course Lila took advantage of the rising popularity of the video and talked about how she taught the two people in the video how to sing and gave them tips.

The two just walked past the idiot squad and sat down in their seats, making a mental note to come up with a prank later, when the akuma alarms came on.

They fall into their normal routine of Marinette running out to find a place to transform as Damian covers for her.

Oops did I forget to mention that Damian found out her identity because she crashed through his window in the middle of the night still transformed and asked him what's the answer to question 24 in their science homework because she just defeated an akuma by herself and was running on 20 minutes of sleep?

My bad.

Anyways it turns out today was the day Marinette had officially had enough of Chat's bullcrap.

It was gonna be a normal akuma situation.

Ladybug trying to fight the poor butterfly victim while chat noir either doesn't show up, tries to do everything on his own to impress her and ruins the whole plan, or just watches and complains about how she needs to get over her denial and date him BUT

This time he decided to actively try to push her in the akuma's way therefore putting her in SO MUCH MORE DANGER than she was already in.

Now she had to dodge out of the akuma's way AND CHAT'S!

WhAt ThE fUdGe?!?!

You think possibly killing Ladybug and trying to force her to beg for you to save her is gonna make her like you?!?

Just how hard did you hit your head when Gabriel dropped you on the floor when you were 2?

After the akuma was eventually defeated Ladybug told Chat to meet her on an abandoned rooftop that night because they needed to talk.

Chat being the oblivious person that he is (I swear I don't actually hate chat noir, this is for the plot I'm sorry) thought that it was for a love confession and became overly smug before leaving.

Making sure that he isn't following her, Marinette meets up with Damian at his place (school's over because of the attack) and asks him to help.

Later that day when the two miraculous holders meet up Ladybug distracts the Catboy by flirting with him while Damian uses his ninja skills for something other than sneaking up on her and giving Marinette mini heart attacks.

From behind he quickly hits a pressure point causing the other boy to fall unconscious.

Using her ALMIGHTY GUARDIAN OF THE MIRACULOUS powers, Ladybug takes Adrien's ring away and places a spell on him that makes it so he will never be able to use another miraculous ever again.

After they take Adrien home Marinette gives Damian the ring and Night Prowler is born.

He promises to do everything in his power to make sure that Selina and his family doesn't find out for the sake of his pride.

We'll see how that goes.

Night Prowler first officially appeared during an akuma named 'Break Dancer'.

Ironically, she was a ballerina that had to drop out of the finals in a competition because she broke her right leg the day before the show.

She could turn civilians into back up dancers and forced them to perform against their will.

They also worked as minions who would attack the duo for her while she stayed a safe distance away.

It was pretty obvious that the akumatized item was the music box held inside the bag that Break Dancer had slung around her shoulders but the real question was how could they get to it without becoming attacked by the backup dancer or becoming one of them.

Luckily (eheheh), a car with an open window playing music just happened to pass by before driving off.

Before it drove off, the music coming from the car was loud enough to play over the music box which caused some of the minions to become free again and run off.

Ladybug called her lucky charm and a Bobby pin landed in her hand.

As she looked around she noticed a store a couple blocks away that had a couple radios.

Unfortunately, the store was locked and closed.

Fortunately, she knew how to pick locks and a Bobby pin did come from her lucky charm soooo......

Who is she to deny literal gods.

They break into the store and grab a radio, and a speaker and rush over to where the akuma was causing chaos.

They turn on the radio, connect the speaker and turn the volume on as loud as it can go before flipping through the stations for a good song.

If they're gonna fight with music in the background they're gonna be picky about it and wont settle for anything other than epic.

While fighting they eventually get swept up in the music and end up singing along.

It's nothing less than full on majestic.

When the fight is over and the akuma is purified they find out that someone recorded it and posted it on the internet as well.

Now everyone knows that the beloved hero of Paris and her new partner were the two people singing on that balcony.

Ummmmm.....

Good thing that the video quality was trash right?

If it weren't for that their identities would've been busted the moment they started singing in hero form.

Luckily there aren't many people other than Damian that know what Marinette's singing voice sounds like so they're okay.

Well.... They WERE okay,

Until a certain rockstar and his agent came across the two videos and put two and two together.

So now King Sting (bee!jagged) and Peridot (turtle!penny) have joined the team.

Poor Penny, now she has to deal with two gremlin children and a some sort of bizarre man-child.

The next akuma confused the group quite a bit.

He didn't really do anything but sit on a rooftop waiting for the miracle team to show up.

They were all suspicious of him at first but when they did reveal themselves to him he explained his situation.

He was akumatized because his favorite rock band broke up but he didn't really want to take their miraculouses away.

He just asked if they could perform another song for him and he would give his akumatized item to them.

They all sorta looked at eachother and collectively went 'screw it why not' and sang another song.

If they were great before, they are absolutely AMAZING now.

Well that's what happens when you add a famous rockstar to a team of singing superheros I guess.

The akuma was blown away and true to his word handed over the rolled up picture in his pocket and was purified despite of Hawkmoth's nagging.

Haha screw you Hawky.

This time the ordeal was recorded by a news station and the 'hand over the akuma in exchange for a song' thing became a trend.

There were still normal akuma's that didn't follow follow it but those were far flung between.

It seems like Hawkmoth was getting annoyed by this so there started being less akuma attacks over the months.

Because of this some people were actively trying to get upset to attract one of the purple butterflies.

They traded one good thing for another I guess.

To stop that from happening the group started performing in public as superheros during concerts and festivals.

Because of this they became quite well known outside of Paris as well.

Is it ironic that more people know them as a band rather than a superhero team now?

When Marinette learned that they could change what their superhero costumes looked like if they put enough will into it she squealed.

Marinette designs superhero performance costumes for them whenever they have a festival to play at.

Whenever asked about their outfits they always reply with MDC.

Marinette's business gets really popular after that.

And since no one knows who MDC really is, she doesn't have to worry about the whole "Oh no me and my family are gonna be in danger!" thing

It's a win win!

Overtime they basically become a second (or third for some people) family to eachother.

Damian becomes more 'kid like' and open to others,

Marinette becomes more confident and overall happier,

Jagged gets to hang out with his awesome niece and her 'maybe more than just a friend',

And Penny gets a new outlet for stress and has so many more crazy stories to tell people.

One day while she's in the living room on the sofa watching 'The AristoCats' Damian just barges into the room and dramatically flops over onto of her.

He just lays there with his head in her lap and the rest of his body sprawled on the couch.

After everything that has happened this is normal for them now.

Without asking any questions or talking at all they just watch the movie together with the occasional remark or quip between them.

Around half way through the movie Jagged kicks down the door, effectively scaring the crap out of the two teens, while Penny follows behind him with an apologetic look on her face.

At first Jagged was yelling about something having to do with'Fang' and 'Dragon' and 'Miraculous' but after taking in the domestic atmosphere of the room he just sits down on the floor and joins in on watching the movie.

Penny, shaking her head in both amusement and exasperation, sits down on another chair and does the same.

While combing through Damian's hair with her fingers Marinette looks around the room.

'My life can't get any more complicated, can it?'

Oh boy, she just jinxed it.

This is just an idea I've had bouncing around in my head for awhile and I couldn't resist the urge to write it out. I AM planning on making a part 2 so if you like this keep an eye out for that. I'm by no means a fast writer though so it will take a while. But then again not many people will probably read this soo.... Yeah.

[animebw]

Binge-Watching: Pokemon Johto League Champions, Episodes 29-33

In which we ignore the movies at our own peril, the sweetest old couple celebrates their anniversary, and one of my least favorite tropes is mercifully mitigated.

Bird Brained

It’s not every day you see an actual multi-episode arc on Pokemon. Outside the important plot events like gym battles and league tournaments, this show almost never has a storyline last beyond the confines of twenty-five minutes. But here we are, with three straight episodes dedicated to Ash and company taking a detour through snowy mountains to hunt down the legendary Pokemon Articuno (alongside that kid with the camera from all the way back in Cinnibar Island, because again, this season is All The Damn Callbacks). Which is... kinda weird, when you think about it. I mean, the premise of Ash going on this sidetrack is that he’s never seen Articuno before and thinks it would be cool to catch a glimpse of a legendary Pokemon, but he has seen it before in the second movie. And listen, if he just wants to wipe Pokemon 2000 out of his memory, I don’t blame him, that movie was lame as fuck. But the majestic legendary birds flying around and blowing up the landscape with elemental powers were not the reason it sucked. I guess since the movies aren’t technically canon, the show can’t rely on everyone having watched them and has to act like any cool discoveries or meetings Ash makes in them didn’t actually happen. But I sure watched those movies, and the prospect of getting to see THE Articuno is far less compelling when we’ve already seen it brought to life with the incredible production values those movies are legendary for. What’s this static cell of a blue pigeon doing here? Give me back my full-movement ice phoenix already!

Love Among the Sunflora

On the bright side, while the supposed main event of this mini-arc is little more than reheated leftovers, at least we get to meet the single most adorable old couple in existence. I knew I was gonna like Sophia the moment the passive-aggressively nudged the kids into listening to her story by setting up teatime snacks. But then we find out that the telenovela-worthy backstory she spun for her love life was completely made up, and her husband’s totally still alive and enjoys playing along with her, and I just lost my shit laughing. God, I hope this is the kind of marriage I get to grow old with. They love each other so much, and they have so much fun going on flights of fancy together (”In the spring, a forest ranger finds us frozen in two blocks of ice!”). They’re the kind of in sync you can only get when you really, truly know someone, and it is a delight to watch them flummox Ash with sheer chaotic wholesomeness (”If you can’t trust a little old lady, who can you trust?”) I’m so happy they got the Sunflora picture they deserved for their 50th anniversary. Shine on, you beautiful lovebirds.

Close Shave

You know what I like? When it looks like a show’s about to do something stupid but manages to mitigate the damage. I was so apprehensive when the cuddly Teddiursa in episode 29 revealed it was a devious trickster. I was so sure we were in for an episode of “Everyone trusts the obvious liar and no one believes the people who say they’re lying,” which is one of my most hated tropes ever. It’s one of the least entertaining, most contrived episodic plots in existence, existing for artificial drama’s sake and often making everyone astronomically stupid to justify no one realizing the lie until the end. Mercifully, though, this episode resolves the subplot in, like, five minutes: Ash finds out the Teddiursa is a thief very shortly after they start stealing. And even when Misty’s convinced it’s just an innocent little teddy bear, Ash remains realistically skeptical. He trusts his Pokemon, after all, and it doesn’t make sense to him that they’d go around stealing food; something else has to be going on. It’s still a dumb, unnecessary trope, but Ash plays it how someone like Ash would actually play it, thus quickly resolving the misunderstanding without too much trouble. That, at least, is something I can appreciate.

Best of Team Rocket

-”We’ve literally and metaphorically hit rock bottom!”

-”Hot corn, fresh from the husk! Hurry up, folks, we’re only hear till dusk!” Even outside the motto, they can’t help but rhyme.

-”Fresh hot corn on a stick!” “The corn’s great, and the shtick’s not too bad either!”

-”Go infest a dark room, shutter bug.”

-”Jessie, James and Friend!” “That has a nice ring to it.”

-”Hard Hat 1 to Furball, piggy package ready for pickup!”

-You know, Meowth, normally you’re supposed to sleep under the kotatsu.

-”We decided to make a surprise appearance in an actual rocket for a change!”

-skdjfhskjdfh the fucking tandem bicycle

-”This pit’s twice as deep because I added 100% more hole!”

-”Let’s eat, drink, and get indigestion!”

Odds and Ends

-”Maybe that’ll keep the doctor away for two days!” pfft

-Ahahahahaha, Teddiursa sent Team Rocket blasting off all by itself. What a chad.

-”Wonder if she has any string cheese?” skdjhskf fuck’s sake Brock

-Ooh, Sunny Day! We’re bringing environmental moves into the mix now!

-ASH I DON’T THINK SLEDDING IN CARDBOARD BOXES IS YOUR BEST IDEA

-That moment when you stumble face first into becoming an oil tycoon.

-”Get a shot of this!” Okay, if Todd being in the party leads to stuff like this, I’m cool with it.

-OH MY GOD I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT JIGGLYPUFF

-”Guys, you have to treat an artist gently.” Wow, Misty, call me out some more, why don’t you?

-”We almost walked right off the edge!” “That would’ve been bad.” Misty, master of the understatement.

-Jigglypuff Kills Team Rocket(tm)

-Arcanine are cool, man.

Onward to greener pastures. See you next time!

[sweetwhumpandhellacomf]

omfg could you write something with touch starvation with zelos from tales of symphonia for the bingo thingie??

I jumped the queue to get to this one because I couldn’t get it out of my head. Has endgame/postgame spoilers!

Fandom: Tales of Symphonia (postgame/endgame spoilers)Whumpee: Zelos WilderTropes: Touch Starved, kidnapping, imprisonment, hair pulling, abuse, neglectWord Count: 3452 (big chunky)

Zelos wakes up on a cold stone floor, staring at a stone ceiling. Not the first time he’s found himself in this position. The location is different though. He sits up with a groan, rubbing his head as it starts pounding, and takes a look at his surroundings.

He’s in some kind of prison cell. So, that’s a first. Looks pretty cruddy, so it’s probably from the Sylvarant side of things. “O-kay, Zelos, let’s try and remember how you got here,” he grumbles, cautiously getting to his feet and going to the metal bars forming one wall. He’s been traveling with Lloyd, so this probably wasn’t the result of a wild party, which does narrow things down a lot.

“What’s the last thing I remember…” He wracks his brain, but all he can get is setting up camp with some fellow travelers. He was getting more into this whole “wilderness survival” thing, especially since he’s doing it with Lloyd. He grins, remembering the smile on his maybe-more-than-a-friend’s face as he shook hands with the others. But after that…

“Nothing,” he says with a defeated sigh, turning his attention to the cell itself. It’s definitely crappier than ones he’s seen in Tethe’alla–from the outside of course. One wood bench chained to the wall, iron loops driven into the walls, some kind of crusty pot under the bench that he has a strong desire not to interact with. No window. The iron bars look pretty sturdy, and so do the chains wrapped around the door, but he can probably bust ‘em open with a spell or two. He’ll be out of here in a jiffy.

Wait, no, Lloyd’s always telling him he has to follow the law and stuff. Maybe he did something stupid and he got himself arrested and he somehow doesn’t remember it. He’s definitely been blackout drunk before, it could happen again. With a huff, he peers down the corridors outside the cell as far as he can see. “Hey! I’m awake in here!” he calls. “Helloooo!”

Someone comes into view after a few moments, and he’s briefly cheered to see it’s one of the travelers they’d stopped to camp with (last night? Goddess, he hopes it was just last night). “Hey, I remember you!” he says, wrapping his hands around the bars and giving his most winning hangover smile. “It’s uhhh, Bruin, right? Help a guy out?”

The man crosses his arms, looking Zelos up and down with a look that’s become unfortunately familiar since the worlds merged. The look of someone not entirely happy to meet the Chosen One of the world that was slowly killing their own. “What’s the matter, cat got your tongue?” Zelos asks, biting back a twinge of nervousness. “We were getting along, right? You and your friend and me and Lloyd?”

“It’s Brand,” the man says. “I’m not surprised you don’t remember, with a reputation like yours.”

“Right, right, sorry, Brand,” Zelos corrects himself. “I mean, can you blame me? I meet charming new people all the time, it’s just so hard to remember!”

Brand fixes him with a steely glare, and Zelos feels himself flinch a bit, like he’s on the receiving end of one of Raine’s lectures. “…Anyway. Can you let me out of here?”

“You know what, Zelos, I could,” Brand says, sticking his hands in his pockets. “But I don’t think I’m gonna.” Before Zelos can process that, he continues. “Cause you know what? We don’t need someone like you prancing around, pretending you’re helping.”

“I–wha–I am helping!” he protests, squeezing the bars. “I’m helping Lloyd with his Exsphere collection so he can destroy them! Those things are messed up, you know!”

“Of course I know!” Brand snarls, slamming his fist onto Zelos’s fingers. He yelps and yanks his hands away, holding his injured fingers close to his chest. “I almost was one!” He yanks his shirt collar down, exposing the scar there.

Zelos winces; he’s met enough human ranch survivors to know the marks from where they were shackled and abused. “I’m so sorry for you, man,” he says, and he genuinely is, but he’s very often bad at expressing genuine emotions. “But what’s this got to do with me?”

“It has everything to do with you,” Brand says, pointing an accusatory finger. “You people were starving our world, and you people were making us into marbles, and now that the worlds are fused you just expect us all to get along!”

“But I didn’t–” Brand cuts him off by slamming the bars again, and he shuts his lips.

“It doesn’t matter if you didn’t press the button on any of it, it was all done because of you!” he snaps. “You’re going to stay put here til we decide what to do about it.”

Zelos huffs. “We’ll see about that!” He moves his hands into position for a fire spell, mutters the incantation, and watches in triumph as the sparks ignite and… fizzle into nothing. “Uhh, what gives?!”

“Don’t bother with your fancy magic,” Brand says. “We found some of that magitechnology in an old Desian base–turns out it cancels out spells.” He shrugs. “We put a couple devices on the cells on either side of you. Dunno how it works, but it works.”

“This is crap!” Zelos says, stepping forward to squeeze the bars again. “Just let me out, we can talk this over or something!”

Brand’s hand snaps forward and through the bars, grabbing hold of Zelos’s hair and yanking him forward, smacking his face into the iron. While he scrabbles at his captor’s hand, Brand makes sure to look him in his eyes, which are starting to water. “You are going to stay in here,” Brand says, voice as cold as the stone and iron containing him. “And you are going to be as miserable, and lonely, and scared as we all were.” He shoves Zelos back into the wall and walks out while he’s still reeling.

—

Zelos spends the better part of an hour trying to get various spells to work. The best he manages is a weak spark of lightning that he ends up shocking himself with; everything else fizzles or sputters or drips uselessly, and he figures that if he keeps trying, he’ll just waste all his mana, so he gives it up. He feels around the stones, looking for any kind of weak spot he can exploit. He finds nothing and sits heavily on the bench, trying to think of what he can do next.

Shit, what if Lloyd’s in here too?! He hadn’t even thought about that, and now he feels like an asshole. He leaps over to the bars, trying to look down the corridor. “Lloyd?” he shouts. “Hey, bud, you there?! Answer me if you are!”

“Shut up!” someone down the corridor shouts back, and Zelos determines that Lloyd probably isn’t here. Lloyd’s one of them, of course, and he’s the big hero who saved both worlds. They wouldn’t lay a finger on him.

Relieved, Zelos sits back down. Lloyd will definitely be looking for him. But kind, friendly, brave, wonderful Lloyd is also, unfortunately, and to put it very kindly, not too bright. Even if he finds this place, Zelos thinks there’s a good chance he won’t ever find out he’s in here. Maybe if he strains his ears–and boy, wouldn’t it be wonderful to have hearing as good as Colette’s now–he can hear Lloyd talking to someone, and make a ruckus.

Yeah. Solid plan. He’ll be out of here in no time.

—

He thinks it’s been four days, and Zelos is sure he’s gonna go crazy in here.

Nobody talks to him except to yell at him for being too talkative. Whenever they bring him tasteless food or empty out the unfortunate pot under the bench–so far, once a day each–someone in heavy armor shoves him into a corner with his arms twisted up against his back so he can’t even think of escape. He tells them it’s a little excessive, and they don’t answer.

The little cell gets goddess-awful cold at night, and he huddles up on the uncomfortable bench. His vest is the only blanket he has, and it isn’t even warm enough or big enough. He misses all the crummy inns they’ve stayed at. Hell, he misses being able to stretch out in front of a campfire or curl up in a tent.

More than anything he misses Lloyd’s presence. He’s always got something to talk about with Lloyd, whether it’s some feature of Sylvarant that Zelos is new to or just a letter they got from one of their friends by carrier pigeon. He misses Lloyd’s little touches–that guy got awfully touchy-feely after they started traveling together. Just bumping into him while they walk or putting a hand on his shoulder while they (to the best of their combined ability) try to discuss strategy. Even just sitting near each other by the fire when they have to camp is nice.

And Holy Martel does he miss being able to take baths.

—

One afternoon (he’s lost track of how long he’s been in here), a few of his guards approach with his food and with a sigh, he automatically gets up and faces the wall, hands clasped behind his back. “Look at that, he can learn,” one of them snickers. Zelos grits his teeth as the chain-lock is removed and the door opens. He doesn’t even look up, fully expecting to be pressed against the wall like usual, but all he hears is the sound of the wooden plate being set on the floor, and then the lock is back in place.

What if this is some kind of trick? He slowly turns his head, and relaxes his posture when he sees they’re already gone. He forces his badly-cooked meal down, and slides the barren plate and cup out between the bars for them to collect later. It’s not enough to fill him up, never is, but he just has to deal with that.

—

His skin feels cold all the time, even when he’s wrapped up in his vest. Ever since he started positioning himself how they wanted for their rare visits, the little human contact he got was taken from him. He wonders if it would be worth it to act up when they bring food again, just to feel that bit of warmth on his arms.

“Zelos, you’re being stupid again,” he tells himself, staring listlessly up at the ceiling. “You don’t want them to touch you. And they probably don’t want to touch you either.”

He doesn’t even realize his next meal’s been skipped until his stomach starts hurting. He sits up, grimacing at his joints aching from the continuous cold. “Yo, where’s my food?” he calls down the corridor when he gets over to the bars.

He’s met with silence. He swallows dryly and tries again. “Hey, is anyone gonna bring me my food or what?!” Nothing. “C’mon! Just some water at least! You don’t wanna starve me, do you?!”

Nothing.

He waits several minutes, then sits back down on the bench, peeling off his gloves to rub his chilly arms. “Okay,” he mutters, pulling his knees up to his chest and huddling there. “They probably just forgot and they’re making it now. Maybe the stove broke. Maybe they’re out shopping.”

He keeps thinking up rationalizations long after it gets dark and he curls up for another night of restless sleep.

The sound of the chain being unlocked wakes him in the morning, and he sits bolt upright in confusion. Isn’t it too early for… whatever? His head is still too foggy to remember things. His stomach is practically howling, though.

A plate of his usual fare is placed on the floor, and Zelos is on it like lightning, cramming the hard bread and absolutely tasteless meat into his mouth right there on the cold stone. “Can’t believe he used to think he was so much better than everyone,” one of his captors comments. “They used to do this to us back in the ranch, you know? Just not feed us? Only sometimes it was for longer than a night.”

Zelos shudders at the idea, but he doesn’t look up. “You ain’t on our level yet,” the other says. “But we’ll get you there.”

They leave, slamming the door so hard Zelos flinches. He cleans his plate and crawls back up on the bench, still exhausted, still starving.

—

He doesn’t even realize how loudly he’s been talking to himself until someone storms into his cell and yanks him up by his hair (his poor hair really needs brushed, he thinks vaguely, still trying to cling to some hint of normalcy). “Can’t you just shut up for five minutes?” his captor shouts, practically screaming in Zelos’s face.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’ll stop!” Zelos says, struggling to get to his feet so his hair won’t get pulled out by the roots. “Just let me go, come on!” He clutches desperately to the hand holding his hair hostage.

His captor shoves him backwards to release him, and he tumbles back onto the bench, hands covering his head protectively.

There’s a hard impact across his face, and Zelos sprawls onto the floor, hands moving to his cheek. He feels like he’s been cut with a knife. When he pulls his hand away, he sees blood, and looks up to see that his assailant is shaking blood off one of their armored gauntlets.

“Hope that teaches you a lesson,” they snap, before storming off and locking him away again.

Zelos curls up on the floor, holding his wounded cheek and pretending not to cry.

—

More than anything, Zelos is cold. He misses warmth, he misses gentleness, he misses Lloyd’s hand on his shoulder.

After a few more encounters with the gauntlet, he misses talking, too.

—

The sound of steel on steel wakes him, and at first he thinks someone is clanging his door shut again. But when he doesn’t see anyone in his little cell, he thinks it was just another nightmare, and closes his eyes again. The sounds don’t stop though. So maybe he’s hallucinating. He curls up tighter on the bench, willing sleep to come again.

Someone is shouting his name. He forces his eyes open, and sees a blob of obnoxious bright red that makes his heart swell. “Lloyd?” he rasps.

“Guys, I found him!” Lloyd shouts, turning to look to the side. “Colette, can you get this cell open?”

His vision clarifies more, and he sees Colette, adorable, wonderful, very strong Colette swoop in with her wings spread and yank the door clean off its hinges. He struggles to his feet, but Lloyd is way ahead of him, running up and wrapping him in the warmest hug he’s ever had. “Lloyd, we should get him out of here,” he hears Colette say. “He doesn’t look good…”

Lloyd nods, releasing Zelos from the hug. He makes a weak noise of protest, but doesn’t complain as Lloyd lifts him up in his wonderfully warm arms. He leans into his friend’s chest, pretending not to cry again as he feels himself carried out of the cell and out into sunshine.

They stop outside the building, and Zelos opens his eyes, letting out a strangled cry of fear when he recognizes Brand and the person who’d most recently been encouraging his silence trying to block their exit. Lloyd’s arms tighten around him protectively. “You!” Lloyd says. “You were the one keeping him here?”

“He deserves to know what it was like for us!” Brand snaps. “His people had the same and worse done to us and our friends and families!”

“Zelos didn’t know it was happening!” Colette protests. “Doesn’t Martel teach that you shouldn’t repay wrongs with further wrongs?”

“Martel was fake anyway!” Brand screams. And Zelos is certain that Colette and Lloyd have a wonderful speech about faith and friendship and justice ready to go, but he very much needs to black out from fear now, and so he does.

—

When he comes to much, much later, Zelos briefly thinks he’s died and gone to heaven. He’s amazingly warm, and there’s an actual pillow under his head and what feels like a mountain of blankets on top of him. With a small noise of contentment, he burrows into his comfortable surroundings.

“Hey,” a familiar voice whispers, and he opens his eyes, looking up into Lloyd’s worried face.

“Hey yourself,” he answers, voice barely a croak. “Got any water?”

Lloyd starts to stand, but Zelos reaches out to snag one of his ribbons with a hand, eyes wide. “Don’t go,” he whispers when his friend turns back in surprise.

“Okay, I won’t,” Lloyd reassures him, sitting back in the chair. “Hey Sheena, can you get some food and something to drink for Zelos?”

“Just a sec!” he hears from outside the room.

Lloyd wraps his hand around Zelos’s outstretched one, and tears spring to his eyes immediately at that simple, gentle, skin-to-skin contact. He clings as tightly as he can and shuts his eyes, willing for this to all be real.

“We contacted Professor Sage as soon as we got to a town,” Lloyd says, casually reaching down to wipe away his tears as if further acts of kindness aren’t just about killing him right now. “She should be here tomorrow to take a look at you.”

“Thanks, bud,” Zelos says, voice rough from emotion and disuse. “I guess I owe you one. Sorry for disappearing on you.”

Lloyd shakes his head vehemently. “Don’t you even apologize for this! Those people were wrong to do all this. I hope they can find some way to atone…”

Zelos would suggest murder, but that’s not how Lloyd rolls, and he’s too exhausted to think much about violence now.

Sheena comes in with a tray of the best-smelling food Zelos has ever encountered–he doesn’t even care what it is, after eating basically nothing for however long he’s pretty sure anything would smell as good. Even Raine’s cooking.

“I made you some of our traditional tea too,” Sheena says, pointing to the round mug. “It’ll help you get back on your feet.” She hesitates after setting the tray on the endtable. “…Shinobi give it to people we rescue from interrogations, so it should help you a lot.”

“Thanks,” Zelos says. Lloyd pulls the blankets back to help him sit, and boy, feeling those gentle, calloused hands on him is just bringing up all kinds of emotions. He sniffs and wipes more tears aside, then carefully picks up the bowl of soup. It’s almost too hot for his bare hands, but he’ll take any sensation besides numb and cold just about now.

Sheena gives Lloyd’s shoulder a squeeze. “Take care of that idiot for us, okay?” she says. “I gotta get back to work.”

Lloyd nods, smiling. “Of course. Thanks so much for helping find him, Sheena.” With a wave to Zelos, she leaves the room.

Zelos lets the comfortable silence wrap around them while he scarfs down the food, deciding to ignore that he’s still just absolutely sobbing for now. “So,” he finally says, once he’s cleaned every last drop from his bowl and started on his tea, which is very bitter but still better than anything he’s ever had in his entire life. “How long.”

“How long what? Oh,” Lloyd says, realizing. He looks down at his lap, fists clenching there. “…A month.”

“Damn.” Zelos looks down at his hands, ignoring their shaking and holding the mug tighter. “Feels like longer.” He drains the rest of the tea in one gulp to distract himself and sets it down. As soon as he does, Lloyd’s arms are around him.

“I was so worried,” he says, voice wavering. “I thought you’d died, and when it turned out to be so much worse than that, I…” He squeezes Zelos tight, and the contact would’ve made him start sobbing if he wasn’t already. “I wanted to kill them, I really did.”

“Y-you should’ve,” Zelos mumbles, returning the embrace with trembling arms. Anything to feel Lloyd’s warmth more. “They were shitty and awful.”

Lloyd shakes his head. “Colette said they’re misguided… I want to think that’s true. But it’s hard.” His breath catches. “I was so scared for you, when I saw you in there. If I hadn’t been carrying you I would’ve…” He lets the implication go.

“Thanks for not dropping me to go ahead with it,” Zelos mumbles, burying his face in Lloyd’s shoulder. “Really appreciate it, Lloyd.”

Lloyd presses his lips to the top of his head, not quite a kiss, but enough to make Zelos feel okay again.

[bunnykidiary]

Secret Superstar - Movie Review

Source: http://www.koimoi.com/bollywood-news/whoa-is-that-aamir-khans-new-look-from-secret-superstar/

Okay so a lot of people liked Secret Superstar. Given Amir Khan's recent track record and hearing all the praises, I obviously had to watch this new movie. I didn't like it. So obviously I expected everyone around me to stop praising it. However, since people were being unreasonable and since I have this incessant need to disagree with most popular opinion, I thought I would try to provide some logic to my dislike. It's basically me being "I have an incessant need to disagree from you but wanting to be liked simultaneously so hope we're still good". I need help.

Anyhoo, I think dislike might be a little too harsh. Let's say I had higher expectations given Khan's recent movies and this movie just didn't live up to the benchmark set by Dangal or even PK. Instead, it was a reminder of the cringe-worthy Dhoom 3 that I fortunately started watching at home and turned off after less than half hour. Yes I know Dhoom 3 was a huge hit but it was one of those Shahrukh Khan-type movies in which you have to forget you have a brain and watch only for the songs, glamour, special effects and the pretty boy/girl/s.

I'm being a little unfair here. If there is a quality continuum in my mind where we have Dangal and PK on one end and Dhoom 3 on the opposite end, Secret Superstar will still rest way closer to the former.

So why didn't Amber Plumber like Secret Superstar? You see Amir Khan has set the bar up for the "believability factor" of his movie. By believable factor, I mean if something is likely to happen in real life, it will have a high BF. For instance, as shown in Dangal and especially since it was inspired by real life events, it was believable that two young girls from a village went on to represent their country on the International Stage for wrestling and won gold/silver medals for their country. That sort of thing is hard to achieve but possible. However, Amir Khan defying the laws of gravity in Dhoom 3 just isn't. Salman Khan receiving love notes from his bae through a pigeon just isn't. The dog in Hum Apke Hain Kon having the wisdom to deliver Madhuri's parting love note in the right hands to stop her from marrying her ex-BIL just freakin isn't.

I mean in normal life, a girl would puke at the thought of marrying her dead sister's husband and refuse it altogether. Or, she would tell her brother-in-law to get some grief counselling or lessons to deal with his social awkwardness. That way, he could attract another nice woman for himself who could be a good partner for him and a good step mom to his kid. Even if not, there has to be another marriage-worthy prospect in this world for him besides her. This girl wouldn't jump at the opportunity to sacrifice her life/dreams/plans so she could be a good daughter/aunt/confused ex-SIL. That's just plain dumb. Especially since she is in love with her BIL's younger brother. It's almost incest. Yuck. And even if she is this stupid, she wouldn't write a parting love note to her ex-bae and trust the family dog as her delivery-man. I mean I know this is pre-email/cell phone era but there were still better options than pigeon/doggy mail in the 1990s.

So that's what I mean by "believability factor". It didn't exist with Secret Superstar. You just don't make a youtube video through your laptop's camera with its crappy audio and expect to product anything halfway decent. Especially since the video is supposed to be about her beautiful voice "jiss ne poorey India mein tehelka macha diya". Even Lata Mangeshkar wouldn't stand a chance on youtube unless she had proper sound equipment. On top of it, it is not possible to have your video go viral unless you properly market and advertise it. This girl didn't even share it on facebook with her friends! There is an entire science behind marketing on social media. It just doesn't happen overnight as they showed it. So like I said earlier, believability factor was depressingly low.

That said, I'm not completely made of stone. Seeing the way she and her mom were treated by her father, I was totally sympathetic and rooting for her to succeed. Her living and family situation was totally believable. I have personally come across so many examples of girls and women who are treated miserably on account of their gender. Misogyny is a very real thing in South Asia and amongst Muslims. But that's another topic altogether.

The director did a stellar job of garnering sympathy and loyalty towards the main character and her mother. The reason this sort of movie resonates so much with South Asians is because a lot of girls and women can relate to it. Relate to being treated as inferior and unwanted. As being seen as a nuisance. As someone who has no standing on their own. Whose entire sense of identity and importance comes from their male relations. Girls who must be "married off" because they are a burden and a hindrance in the family's future plans. I have seen examples of this with my own close relatives. And my family is supposed to be relatively "enlightened" compared to the general lot.  So yes, I can totally understand how easy it was for any girl or woman to feel the pain, indignation and hurt that Insia felt in this movie.

What I didn't like, however, was the fantasy that was sold in this movie. I didn't like the simplistic solution. It's easy to dream of becoming an overnight superstar so you could claim validation from the world that your father didn't give you. It's so easy to go to bed with such a dream. It makes waking up the next morning and facing rejection the next day a little bit easier.

Amir Khan has raised the expectations bar with his previous performances. I didn't expect him to sign up to such a lazy script. I am calling it lazy because if they wanted, they could have spent effort to make this story believable. Have the same story, but instead of being lazy and "Bollywood typical" about reaching success, they could have shown her struggles to reach an audience initially. They didn't even show how she learned to play the guitar in the first place. This movie was all about innate talent and as Amir Khan put it "Talented children are like bubbles in this soda. Nobody can stop them from reaching the top". What the heck was that? Who doesn't know of talented people whose talents/skills have decayed due to life's circumstances or lack of perseverance from their side. This was deceiving advice to an impressionable audience that largely forms its opinions and thinking by watching movies.

They could have shown perseverance from her end in spite facing obstacles where she learns how to overcome them. They could have used the character of Chintan to help her in getting her video/voice before the right eyes, or even on how to use proper equipment for a quality video. There is so much they could've done to make her transition to success believable.

And for this reason, more than anything else, I didn't like Secret Superstar. The songs were amazing. Acting by all characters, especially the hateful father, was wonderful. There were several hilarious moments where I LOL-ed. Amir Khan as Shakti Kumar was a treat to watch for the most part. I just wish he had approached this movie with the same discipline and attention to detail as he had with Dangal. I expected more from an actor who refused to wear a fat suit and actually put on dozens of pounds of weight so that his character would appear believable. When an actor goes to such lengthy efforts for his work and follows that work with something lazy like Secret Superstar, I couldn't help but be disappointed. End of review.

[wizardrywilting]

my favorite quotes from the rebranding

ch. 1: “Nicolas,” she sighed. “Sleep is harder when you grow up.”

“So? Try.” Then he left, and she was forced to nap.

---

Lydia’s father sighed. “Stop scaring away the trainees.”

“You take softies now?”

---

Lydia had to take a very deep breath to handle this. “Where did you get a pigeon? Pigeons don’t just... chill in goddamn Blue Stone.”

---

“People like us don’t change. You can't change your destiny, your DNA. You’re like me, and always will be.”

---

“Why are you full of rage?”

“Tragedy,” she spits.

“What is the tragedy?”

She spins around and leaves, hearing her father laugh.

---

By the time you get this, I’ll be back in Ireland, and possibly at HQ for the Order of KFC. (Does Britain have KFC? If not y’all are missing out.)

---

They restrained themselves, for once.

---

“Woah, are we-” “-interrupting our little sister’s gay awakening?”

---

Hermione’s offended look would fuel Lydia's patronus, if she had one.

---

“So, about you and my godson.”

“Oh for fuck - we’re not dating!”

---

“My grandmother screams way louder than that idiotic mushroom shit you’ve got for a mother.”

ch. 2: Hermione was even in a heated debate with the cashier, who looked like she’d never wanted a job less.

---

Above them, hanging from the rafters, Ginny swung like a monkey.

---

Lydia shot up in excitement.

 “I know that particular yell!”

---

“A girl can only go so long before she stabs a clingy old man.”

---

Ginny, who had stood nearby, knelt beside Lydia and moved her hands enough to wipe the tears that had found their way to Lydia’s chin.

“It’s alright, you did good.”

---

“It’s my opinion that every adult needs a good dressing down by a kid every so often. Keeps ‘em humble, you know?”

---

 “Lydia. Just because someone is kind to you, it doesn’t give them the right to discredit you and your feelings. Your pain is valid, and real.”

---

Mrs. Weasley didn’t enjoy the conga line that Lydia, Ginny, Ron, Nicky, Sirius, and the twins formed for Harry - or maybe it was the chanting. Either way, she didn’t enjoy it as much as Harry did.

---

ch. 3:

But she’d be lying if she said she didn’t pick up more shifts than essential, just so she didn’t have to process her feelings.

 Because she had a lot of feelings she’d rather repress.

---

Trevor was on Neville’s head.

---

Neville was whispering to a cactus as if it were a puppy, Luna was painting polka dots on Ginny’s face, Ginny was talking about Dean Thomas

---

 “I had a knife phase.”

 “No, that’s still going on.”

---

 “OH! POTTER NEARLY GOT HER, BUT A BIT OF NAUGHTY SWEARING GOT THE BETTER OF HIM! SHAME, HARRY. LYDIA’S QUICK BOMBARDA, THAT’S AN EXPLODING SPELL BY THE WAY, NEARLY GETS POTTER, BUT IT SEEMS...OH WOW, HAS HE DROPPED HIS WAND?! NO, NO THAT’S MCBRIEN, TURNING IT INTO...WELL NOW FOLKS, I’M NOT SURE WHAT JUST HAPPENED.”

---

Lee yelled again, “IS THAT...IS THAT A WIN FOR LYDIA? I REALLY DON’T KNOW WHAT TO CALL THIS. FRED, GEORGE? ANGIE?”

---

ch. 4:

“That’s your potting face. Is it time for Georgie and I to bow down and pledge service to our soon to be overlord?”

---

“When I declare supreme rule over the world you two will be at my side. We’ll even get a three seater throne.”

---

“You’re the only ones that can ever talk me out of things. So, if you asked me not to, I would actually listen.”

---

“Humans are sappy.”

---

Luna said, sounding absurdly happy for her situation, “But then a scary girl punched me!”

---

Luna came from behind and slapped Rhiannon. “Hush now, you’re acting silly.”

---

“you humans are so fragile.”

---

“....Demons?” Ardrig asked, then shook his head. “Nevermind, I want plausible deniability.”

---

“Ah! You’re doing it at Christmas, then? that won’t be traumatizing at all.”

---

“Eh!” Lydia made a sound like a buzzer.

---At that Ardrig laughed so hard his face turned blue, and he said, “I don’t despise you, Miss McBrien.”

That was as close to an ‘I love you’ as Lydia thought she’d ever get.

---

“You’re not a bad person for not being miserable.”

---

Shut up, I’m not making a move on your brother!”

  “Which one?”

Lydia startled so badly at Ginny’s voice she accidentally threw her sandwich.

---

“Now come on, I came to get you because Harry’s trying to do a backflip off the Astronomy Tower and Colin’s filming it.”

---

Let it be known that Lydia knew she shouldn’t take the bait. She should finish the joke, and laugh it off. Lydia knew this. And yet...

---

“I’ll...I’ll go there right now, Lydia. I’ll apparate there, and I’ll punch her. I’ll lock her away, like she did to you.”

  “No you won’t.”

  “I would, if you asked.”

  “But I didn’t.”

---

Cue explosions of root beer-mento-concoction all across the Great Hall.

---

Umbridge is screaming, Dumbledore is laughing, Pansy Parkinson is sobbing into Draco Malfoy’s robes.

---

“But how do you know Harry’s a good kisser?! He could just be awful!”

---

Lydia only wished Ginny were here, because she quite enjoying the stupidity of boys.

---

Oh, poor Harry. Poor oblivious, socially awkward, human disaster, Harry.

---

“Wait a minute!” Harry suddenly exclaimed, “Have you been writing to my godfather? Are you penpals?!”

---

Hermione and Professor McGonagall are giving her pity looks, and goddammit where is her knife?!

---

Lydia is slightly confused why Sirius is here, but she quickly remembers he isn’t dead yet.

---

“Christmas trees are not my forte, but you know what is? Firewhiskey and Led Zeppelin! G’night!”

---

“Get rid of your dignity, and we won’t embarrass you so often, Mate.”

---

“Stop psychoanalyzing me.”

---

“Fine, but Mum adopted her before she even got to the Burrow.”

  “Mum adopts everyone!”

---

ch. 5:

“She’s so pretty, isn’t she?”

Neville stared blankly at her.

“She’s alright. I mean, she’s rather plain. Your hair is shinier than hers.”

“But still, her eyes are very pretty. I like brown eyes.”

“Really? I think yours are better. Who likes brown eyes?”

Frowning at him, she said, “Baby, you’ve got brown eyes. So’ve like, half of our friends.”

“Okay, but you’re still prettier. What was that about, anyway? Are you actually going?”

“Why not? It won’t hurt, and she seems rather nice.”

“Desperate, more like.”

---

“They shrieked in my face, they spit on me!”

“They were excited!”

---

Before Lydia could decide if she should be offended or not, Ciara reached for her chin and kissed her.

---

Ardrig blinked.

“You are saying you often take shirtless boys out of their dorms?”

---

Fred grinned at her through the pain.

---

ch. 6:

“Why is Kenneth Towler watching me sleep?”

From the floor, Kenneth sputtered something unintelligible out.

---

Like a coward, Lydia ran and hid behind Fred and George until Professor Sprout announced they would be leaving.

---

Though normally not one to, Lee snarled at her.

---

There was a moment of silence, then Lee yelled, “I’m going to kill that girl, she had no right - give me your knife. I know you brought one, give me it. I haven’t got a wand.”

---

Angelina grabbed onto Lee’s chest from behind, grunting out, “Lee Angelio Jordan! You will not kill on Lydia’s behalf! It is rude! ”

---

(Luna isn’t about color shaming, to be clear. It’s just an alarming color, is all.)

---

For the first time in her life, Lydia disregards Luna’s warning.

---

ch. 7:

“Little what , Professor? Finish your sentences, it’s improper to leave them hanging.”

---

“And what will that do, dearie? Your mum and dad aren’t here.”

“Yes, they are. In fact, my dad’s in that classroom. Now drop her hand!”

---

“I’m gonna be okay.”

“Yes, you are. You’re going to be okay because I’ve got you.”

---

Ignoring it because she's a Gryffindor dammit, she kicks twice on the door.

---

Lydia was reminded, once again, that Madam Pomfrey and Professor Flitwick gossip about her.

---

“I give off Hermione Granger vibes?!”

---

Trevor was croaking quietly from his spot on Neville’s stomach, unaware Crookshanks was about to snatch him. Stoner was trying valiantly to prevent it, sitting on top of Crookshanks.

---

ch. 8:

“Actually, we could add the valerian sprigs to her omelette. The elves like to spit in it, the more willful ones, that is. It wouldn’t be hard to get Rosy or Penny to slip a few handfuls in.”

---

Grinning, Fred whispered, “Ooh, your crush is sleeping in your lap! How romantic! ”

Lee joined, “What next, a walk during sunset?”

“Or roses?”

“Perhaps a picnic!”

---

Love was…

Love was her spot between the twins, warm not from her jumper, but from their arms around her.

Love was Luna painting her arms blue, purple, and pink.

Love was Ginny wrestling her in the sunny apple orchard of the Burrow, getting tired and just sunbathing.

Love was Harry falling asleep in her lap, her hand in his curls, completely at peace.

Love was Mr. Weasley kissing the top of her head, telling her she was his, too.

Love was good, and warm, and kind.

Love wasn’t Ciara.

---

“Miss McBrien! What is the meaning of this?!”

Raising a bloody eyebrow because, what does she think?, Lydia gestured around her.

“Won a fight.”

---

Professor Flitwick looks impressed and upset about it.

---

ch. 9:

Tipping an imaginary hat, George added, “Thanks for the offer though.”

---

“You don’t have organs,” She reminded him casually

---

What was the protocol for being taken to a Prefect bathroom by a girl you barely knew when you were covered in syrup?

---

Cats followed her around all day, hissing and scratching at any part of her they could get. Umbridge was in tears the entire day, asking the kittens why they hated her. Even Mrs. Norris was doing it, something that broke Flich’s heart.

---

ch. 10:

“Okay. Good luck dismantling our government.”

“I’m not - whatever, thanks.”

---

“Now stop kicking me and act like you don’t share a single brain cell with Ron!”

“Oi!” Ron yelled, but they ignored him.

---

“Your favorite dungeon! The gloomiest of the roomiest. The-”

“That’s enough,” Lydia rolled her eyes, not that he could see since she was on Harry’s stomach still. “Convince him to stay here so I can get up. He’s too bony to be comfortable.”

“...Are you sitting on my godson?”

Harry turned the mirror, and Lydia waved.

“Hello! I’m glad you’ve not been tortured.”

---

She hadn’t even turned her head to look at him when he spoke, which probably should have been telling of her anger at the situation.

---

Ginny asked, “Lydia? What’s with that look?”

Angelina grinned.

“That’s called retribution, love. And I think Lydia’s got plenty of it to dole out.”

---

“Harry,” she says, sitting next to him on the floor, “I have a proposition.”

He looks up at her.

“And I’ve got a Charms essay.”

---

A sigh.

“Just one death?”

---

She stands up, and has to stop herself from laughing when the porridge drops to the ground with an audible splat!

---

She was laying it on thick, and Lydia knew it. But Umbridge was lapping it up like a thirsty cat faced with a dish of milk.

---

“Y’all,” Lydia gasped, "I’m socially awk’ard.”

---

“Severus, thank you for your help. I’m sure you have better things to do than argue with a child.”

---

“Besides, you have to be healthy. Maeve and I need good models of behavior!” Natalie pipes up from Colin’s lap, looking too happy about that.

Maeve, on the floor reading, nods and the two girls high five.

“What the hell!” Lydia yells, flopping against Neville’s side with a pained grunt, “I can’t be a mother, I’m sixteen!”

Neville pats her head.