#They give Jean a song about how nice it could be to settle down with him. Bitch that's the Hamptons era with Evelyn and guess how that goes

[c4tluver02]

party mishaps

wc: 3.2k

summary: You and Steve go to Tommy's party, it's fun and you two have a a great time. That is until a drink is spilt on you and Steve gets flashbacks from the last time this happened.

cw: r wearing a bra, r being shorter than Steve, drinking, partying, being drunk, hurt/comfort, slight fight (so small barely), happy ending, fluffff

When Steve told you about the party happening tonight you immediately agreed to going. It would be the first outing you have as a couple. 

Of course people knew you were dating, and it wasn't like you hid it from the world. Anyone who walked past you could tell you were dating– Steve always had an arm around you  or a hand shoved in your back pocket. 

But for the people who see you around school, the girls who talk behind your back about how Steve used to be, it meant something. Because you would be able to finally show off how strong you and Steve are. The relationship being somewhat new but solid nonetheless. 

You knew about his past relationships, how the meaningless sex made him feel, what Nancy did to him. None of it was lost on you, the things Steve has had to put up with. 

That's why when he calls you asking you to come over you do. And when it’s just you and him in his empty house he finally starts to feel warm. Like the feeling of another being is bringing him back to life. What once was a house with bones is now filled with a heart and soul, something it severely lacked without you. 

And when it’s late at night, your legs are tangled with his, he finally asks. This party he wants you to attend would be hosted by Tommy and Carol so you wouldn't be alone. You think he knows that's barely a selling point, not really friends with them, but still him letting you know was nice to hear. 

Steve doesn't really go to parties anymore, and for him to ask you to come felt like a big step. You know Steve, if you aren't into it he has no problem leaving. Plus it would be nice to have a fun night out with him, one that involves you getting into a cute outfit and hearing compliments on how pretty you look.

–

As you got ready for the party you heard Steve open the door, his keys make a loud noise when they hit the glass bowl. 

“Baby?” His voice booms even louder.

“M’upstairs!” 

The staircase is just as loud, the old wood creaks with every step he takes. 

“I just talked to Tommy, apparently people are already getting there, whatever happened to being fashionably late?” He stops at your door with a hip pop and a hand to rest there. 

You are putting on a necklace in front of your mirror but your hair keeps getting in the way, making it hard.

“Want help?” 

“Please.” You give him the necklace as you lift up your hair. Once he clasps it together he gives your shoulder a small kiss. 

Your outfit consisted of a tank top and a jean skirt, not wanting to be too uncomfortable but still look presentable. Anything that shows you legs will have Steve begging for you so it’s a win either way. 

“You look really pretty.” He says as he gives you a full look up and down. He’s leaning against your bed frame and you won't lie he looks even better. 

“Thank you” You turn around giving him a long awaited kiss. “Are you ready to go?” You never do your lipstick until you’re in Steve's car for this very reason. 

“Yeah, let's go.” His hand gives your hand a small squeeze before you turn to walk towards the door.

Steve opens the car door for you like the gentleman he is, and even gives you another kiss once you’re settled in with your seatbelt on. You can see him stare at your legs for a split second. 

“You feeling some Beatles or maybe Madonna?” You ask sorting through his many tapes. He’s already getting into the driver's seat as you ask.

“Whatever you want honey, it’s not too far away.” His hand is already on your thigh. 

Despite his comment about the distance his humming to the songs is loud. Long fingers drumming against your warm thigh, soft from a lotion he always says is his favorite smell. Steve loves to sing in the car, and thankfully he’s not bad at it. On your third date he sang you a song from a tape he made and you felt your heart double in size. 

When you turn into Tommys street you can already hear the loud music. Multiple cars park around his house and Steve gets lucky that his car is just small enough for a spot. As he helps you out of the car you can hear a loud whistle come from the other side of the street. It’s two old guys who are sitting in plastic chairs with a beer in hand– other alcoholic drinks surround them. 

Steve flips them off and walks behind you the whole way to the door. When walking into the house the music only gets louder and colorful lights appear on the walls. It’s not pitch black but it certainly isn't brightly lit, allowing people to make out in corners without being spotted. 

“D’you want a drink?” Steve asks, hand grabbing onto your own. 

You give him a nod as you run your nails up and down his arm. The last thing you want to do is be separated by Steve, even if it’s to get a drink. The old guys already got you in a bad mood. 

Steve is really great at making drinks, he always knows exactly how much you want or what flavors you would like. As he makes it you take a chance to look around at the people dancing. Sweaty bodies grinding against other sweaty bodies, not a care in the world. You see some girls from your english class, if all else fails you could always talk to them. 

Steve’s hand on your waist brings you back to him, a pinkish drink is in his reached out hand. 

“I added pink lemonade, if it’s still too bitter let me know.” 

You give him a small ‘thank you’ that he 100% doesn't hear but his eyes were already on your lips, easily reading them. He grabs a beer for himself, using the edge of the counter to take the lid off. 

The drink is a little bitter but not anything you can't handle. When you see Carol walk your way you already know you’re gonna need a few more of these pink drinks. She’s wearing an extremely short dress, one you’re sure Tommy yelled at her for wearing. She’s probably only wearing it to rebel against him, the way it pushes her boobs up and together looks extremely uncomfortable, like it's just a size or two too small but still she fits. 

“Hey you two! Have you seen Tommy?” The slur mixed with her speech tells you all you need to know. 

“Nope, we just got here. He’s probably smoking out back.” Steve answers, sipping on his beer. 

“He quit smoking, no way he’s back there.” She says looking through the crowd of people. It gives you a second to look at Steve as he shakes his head at you, as if to say ‘no he didn't’. 

Her drunk state probably isn't helping her look so you take her hand and make your way through the crowd. Steve is talking to some guys in the kitchen but his eyes are still on you. 

“Where did you last see him?” You are already almost done with your drink, the small glass plus ice did not give you much. 

“I went to get us drinks and he walked away.” She holds up the two bottles of beer in her hand, both opened ready to drink. 

Thankfully she isn't looking at the staircase because when you finally spot Tommy he’s with a blond girl walking down the steps. She presses a kiss to his cheek, lipstick leaving a print, and in seconds you are trying to think of a way to get Carol away so you can pull them apart. 

But her head turns too fast, her gaze follows yours, and she's already caught them. Her hand rips away from yours as she stomps over to the two people. The blond is quick to walk away, not wanting to be part of the whole fight, probably just wanting a guy to take home. When Carol dumps the beer on Tommy you walk away too, something you also don't want to get involved with. 

Steve is still in the kitchen talking to the same people you saw him with when you left a few minutes ago. But this time a new pink drink is sitting next to his beer, all perfect and ready for you. Putting the old glass in the sink you pick up the new one, it doesn't have as much ice, or maybe it’s melted from your time away. This one is stronger, the alcohol hits you quickly, making your eyes pinch together as you shake your head. 

“Too much?” Steve asks with a laugh. His arm snakes around your waist again. 

“Nope, perfect, thank you.” This time he hears you say it, faces so close together he just has to give you a kiss. 

Before you can deepen it he lets go. “Did Carol find Tommy?” You’re practically leaning your body against him, going completely limp into him. 

“Yep, with another girl.” His eyes widen and then roll. The shock lasted about 2 seconds before it wore off. 

You don't even give him a chance to say anything back, going in for another kiss. This time it’s deeper, longer, and says more. But the sound of another person entering the kitchen forces you two apart, Steve grabs your glass off the counter. 

“Hey, if you two need to use my room you can.” Tommy says with a wink. His shirt is completely soaked from the beer Carol dumped on him, the kiss print still bright on his cheek. 

Steve just gives him a small nod as he takes your hand to get you two out of the kitchen. Now that it’s taken over by Tommy you need a new spot. He nods when you point to a couch in the corner of the room, a nice lamp stands next to it, meant for a reading nook. It’s quite small, really only fitting two people or maybe one person who puts their legs out. Still it works for you both, turning on the lamp is a huge plus. Every other light in this house, besides the kitchen, is multi-colored so the nice warmth is appreciated. 

The more you and Steve talk in that corner the more the drinks flow. Every once in a while you’ll get up to get two beers, when Steve gets up he comes back with a beer and a new colorful drink. The longer you sit on the couch the less you care about the drinks and more about the effect it gives. 

You start to get up again, ready for another drink but this time Steve pulls you back down. He says something as you land back on the seat but you can't hear it, it makes you tap on your ear hoping he gets the gist. 

“No more okay?” He yells into your ear, the current song playing is way louder than the others. 

And the pout he receives is deadly. Your already glassy eyes become more prominent, the lip you stick out is lightly red from your leftover lipstick, and the whine that leaves you isn't missed on him. He should really cut you off but when has Steve ever been able to deny that face? 

Although you were originally trying to get it, he decides it’s best you stay seated. Your body is loosey goosey thanks to the alcohol, not a good way to walk around a crowded room. 

When he comes back with two drinks the smile is back on your face. After this Steve will man up and say no to you but for now he lets you chug the bottle down with no argument. He wants you to have fun after all, tomorrow you will hate yourself for it but right now the smile on your face is so pretty. He wishes he brought his camera you look so good, even all drunk and messy with your legs thrown over his lap. His hand is warm on your thigh keeping your skirt in place so it doesn't roll up and when you notice he isn't even touching his new bottle you make grabby hands for it. 

He lifts it up high so you can't reach, shorter than him sitting down and your arms are not as long enough to grab it. 

So when you swiftly move your legs off of his lap and stand you can reach it with ease. Grabbing onto the neck of the bottle, trying to get it your way. It all happened so quick, Steve was just playing around. But when you yank too hard on the neck it tips and all of the liquid falls out onto you. Similarly to Tommy, it soaks your chest, the white shirt you have on becoming see through. You’re left sticky and shiny with tears filling your eyes. 

You forcefully push yourself away from Steve and he catches you before you tumble backwards. His hands grabbing onto your wrists tightly. This only makes you angrier. You struggle to get away from him but his grip is too tight. 

Steve is getting the worst flashbacks from his last party of spilling a drink on his date. The way it ended, the words said, it all came back to him so fast. If you were in a normal state of mind you would be aware of this, probably not even mad about a drink spilt by Steve. But with the alcohol coursing through you and the drunk state of mind none of that comes through. 

“C’mere let's go to the bathroom.” His hands move from your wrists to your hips, pushing you both through the crowd. He’s too strong for you to pull away from, especially in your wasted state. 

It’s crazy how much the bathroom door blocks out the loud music. It’s like you can finally think again and you can even hear his sigh as he looks at the two of you in the mirror. Despite the slight smudge of mascara and the loss of lipstick you look pretty much the same. Except your shirt is now showing your bra and the shine from the beer is glowing from the light. 

“Will you let me help you clean up?” He’s still looking at you through the mirror, you stand there with your arms crossed thinking. You really aren't terribly upset, it’s not like he was mad at you like Carol was with Tommy. It was an accident, but still it happened and you were just trying to have fun. There was no need for him to be such a party crasher, even if he was just looking out for you, you know when you need to stop. 

Still you give him a nod as you turn to face him, he brings his hands back to your hips. You know what he's doing from your few times of making out in bathrooms. He says a little ‘jump’ as he lifts you up onto the sink counter. Slipping himself into your legs, all in your personal space. 

He grabs a hand towel from below the sink and wets it. Neither of you are talking and the fact that you're so drunk your boyfriend has to clean you up is making you want to cry again. This was not how the night was supposed to go, you two were having such a nice time talking and dancing to the music. 

“I'm sorry baby, I really am.” He gently lifts your chin so you can look at him. His eyes are downturned, the sad expression that takes over his face is enough to have you break as well. 

“I’m sorry too, I didn't mean to drink so much. I was just having fun.” 

Steve can't help but think about how different this is to him and Nancy. Both of you apologizing even though nothing was done on purpose, neither of you have done anything wrong. No mentions of how your relationship was bullshit or you that weren't actually in love. 

The towel is nice and cold against your burning skin, he’s being so soft with you in this moment. You want to kiss him, the only time you are put onto bathroom counters is to kiss so it’s weird that you feel like you can't. 

“I’ll grab a shirt from Tommy’s room, you wanna wear mine?” The last thing Steve wants to happen is for the old pervs outside to see your completely see through white tank top. 

“Yeah, good idea.” He gives you a small smile and you feverishly give one back. 

He pats your thighs as he leaves the bathroom, closing the door behind him. You hop back down on the ground and take your shirt off, allowing you to get more of the beer that is still on you. Now that a million people aren't surrounding you, you’re getting really cold. Goosebumps litter your skin and at the moment all you want to do is go home with Steve. 

When he comes back he is wearing a plain black shirt, the one he just had on in his hands. 

“Are you okay?” His voice comes out heart achingly sincere.

“M’okay, thank you.” Your arms wrap around him as you pull him into a hug. The beer also got your bra and he can feel how cold it is through his t-shirt. 

His hands rub up and down your back in hopes to warm you up and you giggle. 

“That tickles.” It murmured into his chest. 

“Let's get this shirt on and we can go yeah?” 

You nod letting go of him and he puts the shirt over your head. Each arm slips in their respective place and he opens the door, music and lights hit you immediately and it makes you even happier to get out of here. 

An arm wraps around your shoulders and both of you make your way to the car. It was a good idea for Steve to give you his shirt because the old men are still there, this time with even more bottles around them. 

When both of you get settled into the car you turn towards Steev and it makes him pause. 

“Kisses?” You ask, puckering your lips. 

He breaks into a smile, the famous Steve Harringotn one that took your heart the second you first saw it. His hands grab onto your cheeks and he pulls you into him. The kiss is passionate and strong, you are still drunk though so when you let out another giggle Steve doesn't hold you to it. 

He starts the car and puts it in drive as you kiss along his neck. You’re a big distraction when he’s driving home but it doesn't matter. When you get home he’ll run a bath for you and the spilt drink won't even be thought of. 

[lonely-ey3s]

With All My Love: Chapter 11 | crawl home to her

Chapter Summary: Joel starts making plans for your future together, getting everything arranged to ask you a very important question. You start going to therapy with Diane and things start to feel like they are going well but when you’re forced to relive Z’s death in a session, it pushes you off the edge. You start to make strides and feel better but soon after, something happens that knocks you completely off your axis, it pushes things out with Joel’s plans to be a little longer than he’d like. 

Word count: 12.6k 

Chapter warnings: SMUT (18+ MDNI), unprotected p in v (wrap it up ya'll), anxiety, nightmares, flashbacks of traumatic memories, mentions of PTSD anxiety, FLUFF, joel being an absolute lover, soft!joel, panic attacks, mentions of death, funeral, depression, use of Spanish and Dari but with translations, lying to partner (justified you’ll see), use of y/n. 

A/N: this chapter was inspired by hozier’s ‘work song’ which i feel screams joel and this reader. that’s all i’ll say hehe – enjoy ❣️

Dividers by: @saradika-graphics 

Main Masterlist

October 1st

Joel took the day off but didn’t tell you he had it off from work, he got up like normal and kept everything as routine as normal. However he wasn’t going into the office today, he was going to visit his mom for breakfast. 

He left the house at 7:15 am, giving you a quick kiss as you were getting ready to go on a run then left the house and headed to his mom’s place. 

He got there close to 8 am, she knew he was coming, he called her a few days ago asking if he could come over for breakfast and to talk about something important. 

Elena knew. She knew the day she met you. She knew sooner rather than later, he was going to ask for her ring to propose to you. The way Joel held you in his arms, the way he looked at you like no one else was in the room, the way you spoke about him and Sarah, she knew. Joel wasn’t very secretive about his intentions either to his mom, casually asking here and there if she still had the family heirloom or saying something about how he’d like to settle down. Especially around his mom, he held you like you hung the moon and stars, he truly worshipped the ground you graced him with, and the happiness and warmth he had now exhibited, it was all she ever wanted for him. 

It was hard watching him with Rachelle, she never seemed devoted to him or even in love with him, just the idea of him. She also hated how she treated him after finding out she was pregnant, like it was only Joel’s fault, holding him solely responsible for something they both took part in.

Joel changed after she told him she was pregnant, he closed himself off, emotionally especially. After trying so hard to love someone who didn’t love you back but then feel tied to that person for the next 18 years, it was one of the worst kinds of pains you could watch your child go through.

If Elena was being honest, when Rachelle left, it was somewhat of a relief. She knew that it would be hard on her son, but she never doubted Joel as a dad to Sarah. She knew he’d do what he needed to raise and love Sarah, that was clear. But what she was scared about was Joel being trapped in a loveless relationship when he had so much to offer and he deserved it back. To know and see how he felt with you, to her, it was all a mother could dream for her child. 

She had breakfast cooking when he gently knocked on the front door before walking in, he was dressed in a nice button down and jeans, hair combed nicely as he had to put on the charade that he was dressing to go to work for you. 

“Buenos dias mama…” he smiled and came up to her at the stove and kissed her cheek. 

“Hola mi amor…” she smiled and nodded for him to sit, “Tengo café listo para ti en la cafetera.” (I have coffee ready for you in the pot.)

Joel smiled and thanked her, grabbing a mug from her cupboard and pouring himself a mug. 

“How is your morning so far? How’s Y/N?” she looked back at Joel briefly as she started to plate up the breakfast she had made them, which was pincho de tortilla, one of his favorites. 

Joel smiled and leaned against her counter, taking a sip of the coffee, humming, “It was good, she’s well, started talking to a therapist, which she said has been helping with the anxiety and nightmares.” he smiled and looked down at his coffee.

She tsked and nodded towards the table, “Sentémonos y hablemos… comamos.” (Let us sit down and talk… eat.) She grabbed the two plates of food and walked over to the small table she had around her island in the corner of her kitchen. 

Joel followed and pulled her chair out for her, she sat and smiled, thanking him. He kissed her cheek gently and touched her shoulder, “Cualquier cosa para ti mamá” (Anything for you mama)

When Joel sat down she looked at him and smiled, studying him, “It’s so nice to see that warmth back in you, mi armor.” she touched his hand softly, “I missed seeing your alma…” (Soul, spirit, heart) 

Joel looked up at his mom and warmly smiled, “Mama… I wanted to talk to you about…” 

Before he could get the rest of his sentence out she pulled a small blue ring box out of her apron and set it in front of him, “¿Supongo que estás aquí por esto? Le pedirás que se case contigo, ¿sí?” (I assume you are here about this? You will ask her to marry you, yes?) 

Joel chuckled looking at the box and teared up, nodding, “Yes mama, but I also came for your blessing.” he looked back up at her.

She tsked and shook his hand, tears falling down her cheeks as she smiled, “Mientras seas feliz, siempre tendrás mi bendición. Ella te hace brillar mi amor, te hace calentar!” (As long as you are happy, you will always have my blessing. She makes you shine my love, makes you warm!)

Joel picked up the box and opened it to reveal his grandmother’s ring which was passed onto his mother that was now either his or Tommy’s, whichever got to it first. It was a marquise-cut diamond in the center with two others to the side and then smaller diamonds around it. It was perfect. He took it out and held it in his fingers, tears streaming down his face, imagining him asking you, thinking about your reaction. 

“She’s going to love it, mi vida.” she said softly, looking at the ring with him. 

He nodded and cleared his throat, putting it back into the box and closing it, wiping his eyes, chuckling as he blushed. 

“So… when will this be happening?” she took a bite of her food and looked at him, probing. 

He chuckled and smiled, “I was going to ask her during the holidays but I can’t wait, something just feels right… waiting would…. hazme volverme loco…” (make me go crazy) He scoffed and chuckled lightly before smiling warmly, “...I have a few ideas but need to get this resized first then I’ll know when exactly…” he smiled down at the box, “But soon, as soon as I can.” he looked at her and brightly smiled. 

Elena chuckled, “Come cariño, hace frío.” (Eat my darling, it’s getting cold) She shook her head as she smiled and then took his hand and gently squeezed it. 

Joel left his mom’s a few hours later; he helped her with a few things around the house.

He drove back and went to watch Sarah practice soccer on the field after school, something he never had time for since most days he worked well past dinner time. He wasn’t the only person watching, but for Sarah, it was the first time in a long time she saw him on the sidelines during practice. 

Sarah came up to him when it was over, backpack and duffle bag over her shoulders, “Hey Dad, everything ok?” she said out of breath. 

He nodded and smiled, reaching to take both and carry them for her, “Yeah, I just wanted to talk to you about something before you got home.” 

Sarah stopped walking, “Whatever you were told I did, I didn’t do unless you have video evidence, which in that case I need to have my lawyer present.” she joked. 

Joel chuckled and nodded at her, “Come on… you weirdo. You aren’t in trouble.” 

She smiled and caught up with him, “Well then what is it?” she prodded. 

Joel smiled, “Let’s get into the truck first.” 

He opened his truck door for her and she got in, he tossed her bags in the bed of the truck and then went into the driver's side, shutting the door. 

Sarah adjusted in her seat to face him, tucking her foot under her thigh, hands in her lap, “Ok, what’s going on… you’re being oddly hush-hush…” Then she gasped, “Oh my god, am I going to be a big sister?!” she nearly shouted. 

Joel chuckled and shook his head, “No, well not yet, no. But I wanted to talk to you about a step I’d like to take with Y/N before that happens…” 

She looked at him with disgust, “Dad, I thought you guys were already doing that stuff… why do you need to consult with me about that?” 

Joel turned red and shook his hands in front of him, “Oh god, no. I uhm… sorry wrong way to have phrased that, god. No, propose, I want to ask her to marry me.” she blurted out, flustered. 

Sarah turned her head and smiled, “Wait what? You’re going to ask her to marry you?” 

Joel swallowed, “Well, that’s what I want to talk to you about. How does that make you feel? Is that something you’re ok with?” he looked down at his hands, nervous. 

Sarah chuckled like she thought he was messing with her, “You’re kidding right?” 

He looked at her with those puppy eyes he has and she realized he was serious, “Oh, Dad… I’d be so proud and happy if you two got married. I think she would be overjoyed if you were to ask! You make each other so happy and take care of each other… I�� anyone with two eyes can see you’re perfect for each other.” she smiled softly. 

“You don’t think it’d be too quick? Like I’m moving too fast?” he leaned forward, messing with his cuticle. 

She shook her head and smiled softly, “Proposing at the airport would have been too fast, but now? No… when you find the one, you… just… know. And Dad, you know she’s the right one.” 

Joel nodded and smiled warmly, still messing with his cuticle, “Do you think she’s ready for that step?” 

Sarah chuckled, “Dad, she’d marry you tomorrow if you asked.” 

Joel looked up at Sarah and smiled, blushing lightly at that thought. 

“Point is, she loves you and you love her.” she looked down at her hands and cleared her throat, “When are you gonna do it?” she looked up and grinned, wanting to know details. 

Joel chuckled, “I need to know how long it’ll take to get the ring resized and then it’ll be after that.” he smiled.

Sarah perked up, “You’ve already got a ring? What the heck! You didn’t take me with you!” she nudged him, offended. 

Joel laughed lightly and leaned forward, getting into his pocket and pulling out the ring box, handing it to Sarah, “It’s an heirloom baby girl, I got it from Abuelita today.” he blushed a little, everything was coming together. 

Sarah opened the box and gasped, “Holy shit.” 

Joel chuckled, “Language.” 

Sarah giggled, “Sorry but that’s my thought! This is… dad it’s beautiful. She’s going to love it.” she looked up at her dad and had tears in her eyes, “You’re getting married…” 

Joel smiled and then pulled her in for a hug, “Oh don’t cry, sweet pea.” he chuckled as he rubbed her back. 

Sarah pulled away and wiped her tears, taking a deep breath, “I’m a horrible secret keeper, I don’t know how I’m not going to say anything…” She chuckled and looked back down at the ring, “Do Tommy and Maria know?” she looked up, hopeful. 

He shook his head, “Abuelita was only the first because she had the ring, you know before Tommy if that’s what you’re worried about.” he laughed softly knowing Sarah and Tommy were always competitive in knowing things first as they were both equally close to Joel. 

Sarah chuckled, “Suck on that Reginald.” she muttered to herself. 

“Let’s get you home so she doesn’t suspect anything and then I’ll go to Tommy’s and tell them and be ‘home’ around my normal time…” he winked. 

Sarah nodded and buckled up, giving him back the ring box, “Sounds good. I’ll lock myself in my room with a ‘project’ until you get home…” she giggled, excitedly.

Joel took Sarah home and dropped her off down the street so you wouldn’t hear his truck then went to Tommy’s. 

Joel pulled into Tommy’s and before he could even get out of the truck Tommy was out on the porch, “What’s wrong? You weren’t at work today…” 

Joel just chuckled and smiled, “Is Maria home?” he hiked up the steps and gently grabbed his brother by the shoulder to pull him inside with him. 

“Yeah, she’s just makin’ somethin’ to eat, why? Where’s Y?N?” Tommy pressed. 

It was rare for Joel to take a full day off work. But for him to take a full day off and then show up at Tommy’s with a smile and pep to his step, Tommy didn’t know what the hell to think. 

Maria had some light country music playing in the kitchen as she cooked something on the stove, “Hey Joel…” she then snapped her head towards him, “What’s wrong?” instant concern flooding her face. 

Joel chuckled, “Will you two just calm down? Nothing is wrong.” 

Maria set the spatula down that she was using to break up some hamburger meat in a skillet, “If nothing is wrong, then why are you here, and why did Tommy say that you weren’t at work today?” 

Joel sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, “Ay dios mío…” he reached into his pocket, pulled out the ring box, and set it on the counter for Maria and Tommy to both see, “This is why…” 

Both of them froze and then looked at each other, before looking at Joel and then looking back at the ring box. 

“Is that what I think it is?” Maria grinned, tearing up a little. 

“You bastard…” Tommy chuckled and grabbed the box, opening it. 

“Sorry, I beat you to it, but yes. It’s what you think.” Joel shyly sat down at the table. 

Maria squealed and jumped, running over and hugging Joel, almost knocking him off the damn chair. 

He laughed and held her, hugging her tightly back. 

“When? Where? I need to know everything!” Maria sat down in front of him, a greasy spatula in her hand. 

Joel chuckled looking at her, “Soon. I need to resize the ring first, but it’ll be within the month. I have a few ideas that I’m tossing in my head, I just… I want everything to be perfect.” He smiled softly. 

Tommy smiled and looked at the ring closer, “How did Mama take the news?” he looked at Joel. 

Joel softly chuckled, “She put the ring in front of me before I could even ask for it…” he blushed, “She told me as long as I was happy, that’s all she wanted.” 

Tommy brought the ring box over and let Maria see it, “Joel, it’s beautiful… she’s going to go crazy.” 

Maria teared up, looking down at it, “Ugh, I’m so happy for you two…” she started crying. 

Joel smiled, “I may need your help with some distractions at some point, would that be ok?” he looked at Maria. 

“Are you kidding? My lips are sealed! Whatever you need, I’ll do!” she laughed through the tears, frantically wiping them, “My best friend is getting married!” 

Joel chuckled and knelt in front of her and pulled her in for a hug, “Thank you for all you’ve done for her, and for making her damn stubborn ass write me those letters, without you, this wouldn’t have been possible. Thank you.” he held onto her tightly. 

Tommy gently took the spatula from her grasp and took care of what she left at the stove as she hugged Joel. 

She nodded, “Does this mean you're going to name your kids after me?” she teased and pulled away. 

Joel chuckled, “I’m sure you’ll be in the running.” 

Maria chuckled and then held his face in her hands and smiled, “Oh, Joel, I’m so happy for you. You deserve this.” she pulled him in for another hug. 

Joel held onto her a little longer that time, feeling for the first time in a very long time that he truly had everything he needed. He was a blessed man. 

Maria slowly pulled away, “You want to stay for dinner?” she smiled, “It’s nothin’ fancy, just taco salad…” 

Joel stood and gently took the ring box from the table, closing it up, and smiling, “I actually need to make it home. If I’m not home soon she’ll suspect something might be up.” he looked up and sniffed softly, wiping his eyes. 

Tommy smiled and put the spatula down then came over and hugged his brother tightly, “Congrats, I’m so happy for you both.” he patted Joel’s back and smiled as he pulled away. 

Joel smiled and told them he would keep them posted then left theirs. 

He ran by the store and grabbed some flowers for you before heading home trying to ask like the best thing just happened today, he got the ring to propose to you. 

He opened the front door to the sweet smell of what he could deduce was something that had been cooking all day, “Hey baby, I’m home.” he said loud enough to be heard through the house. 

You peeked your head from the kitchen, “In here!” and then disappeared to do what you were doing. 

He smiled and put the ring box in his work bag before taking off his boots and coming up from behind you, “Mi vida…” he wrapped his arm around your waist from behind and kissed your cheek, making you smile and giggle.

“Hello, my love…” you touched his hand around your waist and kept working at stirring some gravy on the stove, “Dinner will be ready in about 5 minutes…” 

He smiled and kissed your shoulder softly, humming, “Take your time, we are in no rush.” he rocked you a little from side to side. 

You smiled and turned your head and did a dramatic sigh, “My my, are those for me?” you said in a small British accent, clutching your imaginary pearls, looking at the flowers he had in his hand. 

He smiled and nodded, chuckling at your humor, “They are, I missed you too much today to come home empty-handed…” he leaned in and gently kissed your cheek. 

You blushed and set the whisk down to turn in his grasp to gently pull him close by his button-up and kiss him gently. 

He put his hand on your cheek gently and continued to kiss you, softly and slowly. 

Sarah came down the stairs and gasped seeing the flowers, thinking it had happened, and covered her mouth excitedly, bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet. 

Joel pulled away from your lips and turned to see her reaction, you chuckled and looked at her, “You good sweets, what’s earned that reaction?” 

Joel’s eyes widened and he looked at her telepathically telling her ‘It didn’t happen, it’s just flowers.’, barely shook his head to signal to her. 

She looked at you and then smiled, lying through her teeth, “Uhhm oh! My gosh I just saw that you cooked roast! I’m so excited!” she opened the lid that had the roast inside it and took a whiff, “Mmm! Delicious!” she smiled brightly. 

You looked at her confused, she never got this excited about the roast and you’ve cooked it before for them, “Ok? Never got that reaction outta you for a roast but I’ll let it slide…” You chuckled then took the gravy off the stove and started walking towards the front door. 

Joel swatted at Sarah, whispering, “You almost ruined it!” he smiled, knowing she didn’t mean to, she’s just excited. 

Joel put the flowers in the sink and then went to follow you. He turned around the corner when he saw you reached down to grab his work bag and he jumped at you going to open the bag, but you pulled away, smiling, clueless. 

“Woah! Whatcha doin’ darlin’?” internally panicking, you could not get into that bag. 

You giggled, looking up at him, “I’m just getting your lunch bag out, silly!” You went to open it again. 

‘Fuck fuck FUCK!’ was all he could think so he blurted out, “I left it at work.” 

Sarah peeked around and knew exactly why her dad was being weird about the bag, she started thinking, ‘Shit she has the bag. She can’t have the bag. Crap!’ 

You looked up at him and chuckled, then looked between the two of them, both smiling a little too widely, looking guilty, you narrowed your eyes and pursed your lips, “Ya’ll are jumpy and acting weird, what’s going on?” 

Joel shook his head and chuckled, “Nothing is going on… we aren’t being weird. Right, Sarah?” 

Sarah nodded and came over and chuckled forcefully, “Right, this is our normal not weird at all selves.” he nudged your arm gently with her fist, trying to act casually, but it backfired as you read right through it. 

You watched as her fist nudged you and then clocked Joel with your gaze, testing him, “Cool, ok. So then what’s in the bag?” you tilted your head. 

He had every damn red alarm and code red going off in his head, heart racing, palms sweaty, he was panicking but on the outside, he kept it together, looked cool as a cucumber, “Nothin’ just contracts and work stuff sweetheart.” he smiled. 

You looked at Sarah and she swallowed, she was horrible at lying and even worse at keeping secrets. However, she was easy to crack as well and you knew that, you grinned, “If there’s nothing in the bag, then why are you so nervous sweets?” 

“Nervous? I’m not nervous… you’re nervous…” she chuckled, putting her hands up defensively. 

“Sarah Elena Miller, what is going on?” you chuckled. 

She knew she couldn’t tell you the truth, but she needed to get you off this damn bag so she took one for the team and for the first time lied straight through her teeth. She took a breath and sighed heavily for dramatics, “Fine…” she looked at Joel who looked like he was going to crack for a split second before she rambled, “I kissed a boy… and we got caught behind the bleachers by the stupid assistant principal. Dad picked me up from school early today because I got called into the principal’s office due to breaking ‘school conduct’...” she rolled her eyes and used air quotes, “...and there’s a write-up in dad’s bag…” she looked at the bag and pointed, “One that he promised he wouldn’t show you because I didn’t want you to know… because you’re gonna get all… mom-ish about it…” 

You dropped the bag and opened your arms, smiling, “You kissed a boy!?” you giggled, “Come here!” you hugged her tightly. Joel quickly swept in and grabbed the bag, getting the ring out and putting it in his back pocket quickly. 

Sarah looked at Joel while hugging you and glared, mouthing ‘You owe me’. 

Joel nodded and mouthed back, ‘Thank you’. 

You pulled back, “Tell me everything!” you dragged her to the kitchen, now wrapped up in this lie. 

Joel took this opportunity to run upstairs and put the ring in his lock box under the bed which had his gun and some spare cash before quickly making it back down in hopes you didn’t see him disappear upstairs. 

Sarah made up some scenario about her and some boy in chemistry, kept it brief but indulged you with small details. 

It was a small price for Sarah to pay to keep the big picture alive for her Dad which is all she wanted. 

2 weeks later 

You had been going to therapy once a week and meeting with Diane at her office downtown ever since that dinner with Joel and his coworkers. For the most part, it had been helping with the nightmares and coping with moments of anxiety. 

However, since your last session a couple of days ago, you guys touched on Z’s death and went over the events that led up to it. She had you recount certain key details that she attempted to guide you in knowing and understanding there was nothing you could have done to avoid what happened. It helped you understand that you weren’t responsible for his death but the flashbacks and recounts of what happened made it hard to sleep or relax the last few days. 

You shot up out of a dead sleep and gasped, panting hard as you had been taken back to being in that chokehold that you swear is the reason Z is dead. You were shaking, unable to associate where you were in some way, staring into the distance as past trauma flooded your mind. It was like you were right back there. You weren’t in bed, you were back in the middle of that street.   

Joel turned in his sleep and went to reach for you, and felt you weren’t there. He opened his eyes and saw you sitting up, your chest heaving and eyes wide open, “Baby?” he gently went to touch you, but the second his hand touched your back, you jolted out of fear and moved away from him, off the bed, “No! no…” you said loudly, you grabbed a pillow from the floor to put distance between you two, your hands shaking, eyes filled with fear, you weren’t there, you were reliving something. 

He sat up, instantly realizing what you were experiencing, Diane warned him this might happen, and held his hands out defensively, “Hey, it’s me…” he spoke softly and calmly. He got up off the bed and held his hands up for you to see, “Baby, it’s me...” he cooed, “You’re safe. You are with me at our home.” he started to walk towards you.

You backed up into a corner and held the pillow out, “D-don’t… don’t move…” 

He nodded, “Ok… I’m going to stay right here…” he continued to speak softly. “Can you take a deep breath with me?” he took a deep breath through his nose, watching for you to do it with him, you weren’t there, your eyes were somewhere else. 

You shook your head, “Stop.. stop!” and began panting quickly through your nose, you put your hand on your chest instinctually. 

“Where… where is it…” Your eyes moved around the room, analyzing the surroundings, mentally calculating every component, “Where is it…” you questioned, jaw clenched, looking for something specific. 

“Where’s what sweetheart?” Joel asked, softly, trying to follow your eyes. 

“Where is it?” you fell to the floor and started frantically looking for something on the floor. “Where is it…” you repeated, patting the floor to find something. 

Joel went to move from that spot he was at to come by you and help, but you immediately shot up and stood, “Ja nakon!” (Don’t move in Dari), you shouted twice, pointing at him to get back to where he was. 

He nodded, he rarely heard you speak Dari, this was bad, so he went back, “Ok. I won’t… I won’t move.” he watched as you dragged your bag out from under the bed, tearing through it, not finding what you needed. 

“I can help… what are you looking for, I can help you…” he pleaded, looking at you panicking at what you couldn’t find, wanting nothing more than to help you through this. 

You stood and started digging through the dresser, frantically looking through clothes, tears now streaming down your cheeks, “M-my necklace…” you began to sob, and began hyperventilating, knees giving out on you, sliding down the dresser, “Fuck… fuck…” you grabbed your shirt over your chest and closed your eyes, trying to breathe. 

“Necklace?” he perked up, “Baby, it’s in the bathroom… you take it off at night.” he watched you fall to your knees and went to move but then remembered what Diane had told him. She said to do exactly as you said when you had these episodes as you could turn violent, unable to know the difference between memories and reality, but this, this was you being weighed down by what you had no control over, you couldn’t move, you didn’t know where you were and he could help. 

“Fuck it.” he rolled over the bed and went into the bathroom, grabbing the necklace he gave you, which was in a jewelry dish you found thrifting with all your earrings and rings you would wear, he came out then slowly walked over to you, “Here… look… I found it…” he was careful not to touch you but came to your side and opened his hand, showing you the necklace in his palm. 

You opened your eyes, and your breathing started to slow down, you instantly were surrounded by his scent from his cologne, “Joel…” you breathed out quietly, then immediately leaned your head onto his chest, “My Joel…” your breathing started to calm down and you started to cry softly, “I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…” you curled into him. 

He immediately wrapped you in his arms, “Shhh… you’re safe.” he kissed your head, “I got you.” 

You gripped onto his arm, repeating how sorry you were. 

He just kept kissing your head and holding you, no need to acknowledge the apologies, as you had nothing to be sorry for in his eyes. 

He hummed softly the song you and he danced to in the bathroom your first night here which you had deemed your’s and his song. It instantly put you to sleep in his arms, against his chest. 

He slowly picked you up and put the both of you into bed, holding you close against his chest so you could hear his heartbeat, he kept you that way all through the night. 

—

At 4:45 am your alarm went off to go on your run. You leaned over and turned it off and sighed, blinking your eyes open as you lay on your back, exhausted from last night's events. 

“You can always skip it…” Joel turned on his side and kissed your shoulder, then took your hand in his and kissed it as well. 

You smiled softly, “Routine is important to maintain…” you looked over at him, “That’s important now after what happened last night…” you sadly said, taking your other hand and combing your fingers through his hair softly, looking at his features. 

He smirked, looking at your lips, “Can we add something else to your routine then?” he kissed your shoulder again, then moved to settle himself in between your legs, moving his lips to kiss up to your neck. 

You chuckled, biting your lip, “Baby… you try this every time I go on a run, and what happens?” 

He grinned and slowly ran his hand up your thigh to take your hand in his then took your other hand with his other hand, putting them above your head, holding your wrists, effectively trapping you under him. He leans down and whispers in your ear as he starts to grind his hardened cock against your core, “I observe and I adapt.” he nibbles on your earlobe earning a soft moan from you. 

“You need your hands when it comes to getting out from under me, I took care of that.” he growled into your neck as he started kissing your pulse point and jawline. 

Your hips involuntarily bucked against his and you moaned softly as he began sucking on that soft spot under your ear, teasing it with the tip of his tongue. 

He hummed and held your hands in one of his, slowly moving the other between your bodies as he heard you heavily pant, cursing under your breath, “Fuck Joel…” 

“I know baby…” he kissed down your neck to your chest and collarbones before moving his hips back to take himself out of his boxers and line up with your entrance that was already weeping for him. “Do me a favor and open your legs a little wider for me, mi vida…” 

You opened your legs, letting your knees almost touch the mattress, fully open for him, he groaned, “God you look so good like this…” he notched himself at your entrance “But you feel even better…” he then looked up at you before slowly sinking himself into you, causing your breath to hitch and his to quicken as the sudden warmth pulled him in, earning a deep groan from him. 

Your head went up and back against your pillow, pussy fluttering as he continued to bury himself inside you, whispering as you weren’t sure if Sarah had gotten up for soccer practice yet, “Fuck, keep going…” you begged. 

Joel moved his hand to bring your left thigh up to open you up further for him, earning a small whimper from you, eyebrows pinched, chest heaving, taking a deep breath, “God I…” you let out a breath to avoid moaning. 

Joel knew what you were doing and took that as a challenge, “Not moaning for me baby?” he lightly panted as he moved to your leg was now against his chest, and your calf and foot were now over his shoulder as he used himself to push against you; opening you wide as you could. 

He kissed your inner thigh and knee, “We’ll see about that…” and then began thrusting deeply and slowly in and out of you, from base to tip, over and over, slowly building in speed with each repetition. 

He kept your hands above your head, feeling you slowly crumble beneath him from how your hands started to fight against him, and your head slowly began rolling to moan into your arm near your head. 

He groaned softly, “Eyes on me, mi amor, I can feel your close…” he felt you grip his cock, and begin to roll your hips with him, eager for release. 

Your breath quickened and became heavy, “I want to touch you…” your eyes traveled up to your hands and then back to his eyes, “Please…” you pleaded. 

He nodded, bringing his hand down to cup your cheek and leaned in, capturing your lips in his and slowly kissing you, your hands grabbing onto his bicep and shoulder, moaning against his lips as you came shortly after, your legs shaking against him. 

He pulled away from your lips and put his forehead against yours, stroking your cheek softly as he whispered, “Eres el amor de mi vida” (You are the love of my life) 

You moved your hand from his shoulder to his cheek then into his hair, pulling him close to you, looking into his eyes lovingly, whispering, “Eres mi todo…” (You are my everything)

You leaned your head up to capture his lips in yours and kiss him deeply, both of you panting as he sped up his thrusts, rocking the bed as he rocked into your hips, you moaned against his lips, close again to release, this time feeling like a wave was about to crash, pulling his hair to keep him close, addicted to his lips on yours, probing your tongue into his mouth, deepening the kiss. 

Joel’s hand flew to hold onto the headboard above you as he continued to grind into you, feeling that familiar pull in his naval, warmth starting to spread down his spine, he mumbled against your lips, “Fuck…” before his hips snapped into you, grunting and spilling himself inside of you, earning a tight flutter around him as you came as well, gripping onto his shoulder, moaning his name against his lips as his hips slowed down, his breath shaky against your lips. 

You hummed and combed through his hair, slowing your kisses down, lips leaving him to kiss down his jaw and neck, gently kissing those places, “That’s one way to get my pre-workout…” 

Joel slowly pulled out, hissing as he fell onto his back, chest heaving, a light layer of sweat coating his skin, eyes dizzy and drunk from the high he just had. 

You looked over at him and kissed his shoulder as you leaned over, “Get some more sleep before work, my love…” you chuckled softly before getting up to clean up and get dressed. 

By the time you came back into the bedroom dressed in a hoodie and leggings, he was passed out, asleep. You chuckled quietly and combed his hair back gently, kissing his forehead before leaving to go on your run. 

You came home an hour later, sore and muscles feeling exhausted, it was exactly what you needed. 

You saw no one had been up yet so you decided to start making breakfast. 

After last night you wanted to do something for Joel so you wrote him a letter, something you two hadn’t done for each other in a while since you’d been home, and put some lipstick on to put kiss marks all over it after you had finished writing it. 

You saw Maria had done it once with a letter of Tommy’s and never got the chance to do it yourself.

You also found a keychain that said ‘Drive safe cowboy’ and your initial and a cowboy hat charm on it the other day at a gas station, you couldn’t help but get it for him. 

You put it in the envelope along with the letter, then went over to Joel’s bag by the front door and, put it in the main pocket so he could see it when he got to work. 

You had pancakes, eggs, and toast ready when you saw the clock and no one was up, you jogged upstairs and knocked on Sarah’s door before opening it, “Sweets time to get up, it’s 6:30…” she groaned and smiled, nodding before she sat up and stretched. 

You went down the hall and knocked on the bedroom door, peeking in, “Hey sleepy head, it’s time to get up, breakfast is going to get cold.” 

Joel shot up and looked back at you, “Come ‘ere…” he sleepily said. 

You chuckled, “Nope, not fallin’ for that cowboy. You want me, I’ll be in the kitchen.” you closed the door lightly and went back downstairs. 

Both were downstairs fully dressed within the next 20 minutes. You had your laptop out on the table and were messaging Reggie back and forth lately in the mornings, checking in on him. 

You made Sarah a plate and gave it to her when she came down, “Mornin’ sweets… your soccer gear is folded and in your duffle bag, I washed last night for you. Also, you left your chemistry book out, I put it in your book bag.” you smiled at her. 

She took the plate and smiled, “Thank you…” 

You nodded and handed Joel his plate, “Mornin’ sweetheart… your lunch is in your bag, and the calendar says you have a meeting with Ross and Associates at 7:30… do you want a to-go coffee as well since you won’t be able to stop for one?” 

He put his plate down and shook his head, cupping your cheek with his hand, “Kiss me first then I’ll give you my answer mi cielo…” (my heaven/sky)

Sarah rolled her eyes and groaned, turning around with her plate, and eating some eggs, “First let me avert my innocent eyes…” 

You chuckled and then leaned up and kissed him gently once then slowly and deeply another before pulling away, keeping your eyes closed, leaning into his hand. 

He smiled and gently rubbed your cheek with his thumb, “To go coffee would be nice, thank you…” he leaned back in and kissed you again, this time deeply and sliding his tongue against your lips, you blushed and kissed him back a few times before Sarah cleared her throat. 

“Ya’ll done sucking face?” she said with her back still to you. 

You giggled and pulled away, gently touching his cheek, “Eh, for now…” you winked up at him then handed him his plate again. 

He smiled and bit his lip, pecking your lips once more before going to sit at the table. 

There was an alert from your computer, it was from Reggie, “Baby can you tell me what Reggie said?” 

You went to the cupboard and grabbed a travel thermos, filling it with coffee for Joel. 

Joel pulled your laptop over and clicked on the message, reading it, “He said he’s going on assignment for a few days, something super easy, he said he’s going to Delta 22?” he looked up at you. 

You nodded, “Oh they must just need extra hands, but they have horrible service there.” you shrugged, nothing to worry about. “Will you tell him ‘thank you for letting me know’ and to call me when he gets back?” you smiled over at Joel, making yourself a plate of breakfast. 

Joel smiled at you and nodded, typing out a message and then sending it to him. 

You came over and sat by him, closing your laptop seeing Reggie had gone offline, “Here’s your coffee…” You put the thermos by his plate. 

He leaned over and kissed your cheek, “Thank you for all you do, cada diํa te quiero mas” (Each day I love you more)

You blushed and began eating your breakfast. 

Before you knew it they were both out of the door, leaving you to your own devices which consisted of applying for jobs and cleaning small things around the house. 

Joel got to work and knew he was going to propose next weekend. He had a few more things to line up, but for the most part, everyone knew and was all super excited now, knowing an exact date and how he was going to do it. The meeting he had with ‘Ross and Associates’ was actually an engagement photographer he hired to capture the moment as Maria emphasized how much you would love having it captured. He was meeting with them to outline the timeline of events and then what he wanted out of the session. 

He met with them, and everything went well, they would be at the place where he was doing everything, acting like someone randomly taking photos, but the moment he got on one knee, they’d be there to capture it all. 

He opened his bag to get into his lunch and came across the envelope with your handwriting on it. 

It was addressed to “Mi vaquero”. He smiled and eagerly opened it, seeing the keychain and letter, he immediately put the keychain on his key ring and then opened the letter, leaning back into his chair as he read: 

Joel,  I wanted to get back into the habit of how we started, writing you letters. I miss it. I sometimes crave opening the mailbox and seeing a letter from you, it brought me so much joy and happiness seeing you wrote me. I can’t believe sometimes that’s how we started, by a simple letter. Crazy right? I wanted to thank you for how patient and kind you’ve been with me since coming home. I know it’s not easy with my nightmares and trauma, I can see the fear and anxiety in your eyes - and I just wanted to thank you for how you take care of me and love me.  I also wanted to tell you that since being home I’ve had an amazing time with you. I wake up every day and eres la razón por la que sonrío todos los días. (You are the reason I smile every day) I see my whole life with you and Sarah, I love you both so much and enjoy our life together.  Sarah called me mom at her tryouts, and I don’t know if it was on accident or purpose but I can’t begin to tell you how happy that made me feel. You two are my family, my everything.  Let’s get back into the letter writing, please?  With all my love,  Y/N’

Joel smiled at the part you said about Sarah calling you mom. He knew she wanted you to be a mom figure to her, but it warmed his heart to know she may already be calling you ‘mom’. 

He loved the kiss marks around the letter, a nice little new touch to the letters. He would definitely be leaving your letters more often around the house and now had an idea to add to the proposal. 

2 days later

Sarah got home from school around 4 pm and found the house completely dark, with windows closed, and lights off, it was weird, something was off. 

She called out for you, no answer. 

She walked upstairs and saw the bedroom door was closed, she knocked on it softly, “Y/N… you in there?” she opened the door, and you were curled up in bed, tissue box by the bed, it was completely dark. 

You didn’t answer. 

Sarah stepped in, “Hey… you ok?” 

She came around and gently touched your shoulder, you sniffed, your eyes were red and bloodshot, from crying, “Y/N… what’s wrong?” she asked concerned.

“Reggie…” you swallowed, looking at the wall across from you, “He’s dead.” you put the covers over your head and softly started to cry again. 

Sarah sadly sighed, “I'm so sorry..." she rubbed your back softly with her thumb, "Do you want me to come lay with you or do you need to be alone?” 

“You can stay, but if you need to go, I understand.” you said softly. 

Sarah nodded, “I just need to go put my book bag away, I’ll be back ok?” 

You nodded, staying under the covers as tears poured from your eyes.

Sarah left the room and went downstairs, immediately calling Joel. 

He picked up, smiling, “Hey sweet pea.” 

“Dad, can you come home?” Sarah asked biting her nail. 

Joel’s tone immediately changed, “Sarah, what’s wrong?” 

“Reggie… she said he’s dead. Dad, it’s bad. She’s in bed, I came home to the whole house dark, she’s… please, I don’t know what to do... I...” Sarah tearing up. 

“Does Maria know?” he grabbed his keys and started jogging to his truck. 

“I don’t know, I doubt it. Can you call Tommy? I’m going to go lay with her til you get home.” she started walking up the stairs. 

“Ok yeah, I'll call him. I’ll be home soon. I love you. Thank you for calling me.” 

“I love you too, see you soon.” she hung up and ran up the stairs, coming into the room and closing the door behind her, getting into the sheets, and laying on her side to face you, she gently took your hand. 

You cried softly and held onto her hand, “They called this morning…” you sniffed, “I was his contact on his papers…” you closed your eyes and swallowed, trying to calm your breathing down. 

Sarah moved closer, whispering, “I’m so sorry…” She put her other hand on your arm and gently rubbed it, trying to offer comfort. 

You chuckled sadly, “I have a whole fucking funeral to plan, I don’t even know where to start!” you choked up, “He… he has no family he said, but there’s gotta be someone out there, right? He couldn’t have been all alone…” 

Sarah nodded, “I’ll help you, we can search for his family on the internet. I’ll help tonight.” she smiled sadly, “Dad can help you plan the funeral… we... we will help.” she squeezed your hand, “We are here for you.” 

You nodded, and let out a shaky breath, “You went down and called Dad, didn’t you?” you chuckled. 

Sarah looked at your hands shyly, “Is that ok?” 

You nodded and smiled, tears continuing to stream down your cheeks, “I didn’t have the energy to, I should have called him earlier but I just…” 

Sarah nodded, “You couldn’t… I get it. It’s ok.” she looked at you, “Your friend just died, it’s ok not to be ok, right?” 

You nodded and touched her cheek, “Right.” 

She leaned in to put her head closer to yours, “Can I ask you something?”

You nodded and took your hand off her cheek, putting your hand on hers that was holding your other, “Of course…” 

She shyly looked at your hands, “Was it ok that I called you mom at tryouts?” 

You chuckled and smiled through tears, “Oh thank god, I thought you didn’t mean it, like it was by accident.” 

She looked at you and giggled, “Of course I meant it!” she nudged you. 

You smiled through tears and looked at her, “Are you wondering if you can keep calling me mom?” 

Sarah looked at you and shyly looked back at your hands again, “Would that be ok?” 

You nodded, “You can call me whatever you’re comfortable with sweets.” you brushed her hair back, “If you want to call me mom all the time or some of the time or here and there, I’m perfectly happy with whatever you’re ok with.” you smiled softly. 

Sarah nodded and then moved her head to press against yours, keeping your hand in hers, tearing up, “Ok Mom.” 

You chuckled and tears kept falling, “You chose a very convenient time to make me cry as I’m already a blubbering mess!” 

She laughed softly and started to have tears fall as well, “I’ll join you!” 

You touched her cheek and smiled, “Thanks for being here, I appreciate it.” 

She nodded, “Can I ask what happened? To Reggie?” she sadly looked at you. 

“They said his plane was hit in transport. He never made it to location.” you sighed, “It happens... I mean anything can happen over there, but I just didn’t expect it to happen, you know?” 

Sarah nodded, “Was he the only one killed in action?” 

You shook your head, “Pilot and 2 other medics…” 

Sarah sighed and nodded, “I’m glad you’re home… I don’t know what we would have done if you had ever gotten hurt or died.” she looked at your hands, “It would have crushed Dad…” 

You saw her start to disconnect so you squeezed her hand, “I’m home now, and that isn’t going to happen, yeah?” 

She snapped out of it and nodded, “Right.” 

You took a breath and closed your eyes, “I don’t know how I’m going to tell Terrence... or Maria… it... it's going to crush them” and you shook your head, pinching the bridge of your nose before sobbing quietly. 

You could hear the front door open and close followed by Joel’s heavy steps up the stairs as he jogged up, he knocked on the door softly, “Sweetheart?” 

“Come in Dad…” Sarah softly called as she moved to console you by hugging you. 

Joel came into the room kneeling by the bed Sarah was on, letting you and Sarah have your space and time together. He reached over and put his hand on yours that was on Sarah’s back, offering what support he could. 

You continued to sob into Sarah’s shoulder, giving yourself a headache. 

Joel came around the bed and laid behind you, wrapping you in his arms as you hugged Sarah did from the front, kissing the back of your head and temple, whispering how sorry he was. 

You eventually fell asleep after crying what felt like hours, curled up against them, exhausted emotionally and mentally from the news. 

Joel and Sarah slipped out and headed downstairs together, Sarah looked at him, “What do we do?” 

Joel looked up at her, leaning against the counter, “She just needs support.” he looked down, “I’ll call Diane in the morning and see if she can get her in for an emergency session.” 

“I mean what are you going to do about… you know?” she wiggled her ring finger. 

Joel didn’t even think about that right now. He didn’t even think how this put a wrench in his plans, he was just so focused on you. He sighed and nodded, “I guess it’s just not the right time.” he bit the inside of his cheek, thinking. 

Sarah nodded and sighed, “Can the plan be pushed out? Maybe another week, after the funeral?” 

Joel nodded, “I’ll talk to everyone tomorrow and explain what’s going on. I’m sure it can.” he smiled softly. 

Sarah nodded then went to the fridge, “I’ll start some dinner, you wanna call Tommy? Check on Maria?” 

Joel nodded, “Order some take out, sweat pea. Don't worry about cookin'... not on a day like this.” he put his wallet on the counter and walked away to call Tommy. 

The next morning you woke up with a massive headache. Your phone alarm went off and you rolled over, snoozing it. 

Ugh. 5 am never felt so gross.

Joel turned to face you and wrapped you in his arms, you had been out the rest of the night, this was the first time you’d been awake in almost 15 hours, he kissed your temple gently, “Stay…” 

You swallowed, your voice hoarse, “It’s not for a run… it’s for the airport…” you said emotionless, still exhausted. 

Joel perked his head up, brushing your hair back, “What do you mean sweetheart?” 

You kept your gaze fixed on the ceiling, focusing on one specific bump amongst the popcorn texture above you. One that you stared out for hours yesterday, “He… his body is… I have to be there to transport him.” 

“What time do we have to be there?” he kissed your cheek gently. 

“We? You don’t have to come… it’ll be a lot of protocols and standing and just… it’ll be a lot.” you sat up and sighed, sitting at the edge of the bed, rolling your shoulders, feeling stiff from how long you had been in bed. 

“I don’t care, mi vida, there’s no way you’re doin’ this alone…” he sat up and gently kissed your shoulder from behind you, “When do I need to be ready?” 

You took a breath and looked back at him, leaning your head against his, melting against him, grateful for him and his constant support, “We need to leave the house in a half hour.” 

He nodded and leaned up, kissing your forehead, “I’ll go brew us some coffee.” then got off the bed and opened the bedroom door, walking to go downstairs. 

You stood up and went over to the closet, pulling out your ceremonial uniform and laying it on the bed. 

Joel came up and got dressed quickly, putting on some jeans and a nice button-down, putting on some nice boots, trying to look put together and respectful. He headed back downstairs saying he’d get some to-go coffee ready while you finished getting ready. 

You brushed your hair out, washed your face, and brushed your teeth then did your hair into the traditional bun before getting into the uniform, taking your time, making sure everything was respected, and done right. 

You looked at yourself in the mirror, never wanting to see yourself in this uniform, this was never meant to be worn, no one was supposed to die. This was a heavy uniform to wear, one that felt too tight and too formal, not physically but mentally. You hated everything about it. 

You narrowed your eyes and clenched your jaw and then stood up straight, rolling your shoulders back, putting your hands to your side, before grabbing your hat and gloves and walking downstairs. 

Joel was sitting at the table when he saw you, never seeing you in the uniform. You thought aside from the circumstances, you looked beautiful.

“Hey… you ready baby?” he stood up. 

You nodded and headed towards the front door, feeling numb, wanting to just get this over with.

You put your hand on the doorknob and stopped, feeling that sharp pin of anxiety starting in the back of your skull, you closed your eyes and let out a shaky breath, stretching out your neck and rolling it in a circle to get that gnawing feeling to go away. 

Joel came up and set the thermos he had in his hands and gently turned you towards him, to softly pull you to hug him. 

You wrapped your arms around him and took in a breath then slowly let it out, “This wasn’t supposed to happen…” 

He kissed your head gently and nodded, “I know… I’m so sorry.” he gently rubbed your back, holding onto you as long as you needed. 

After a few moments, you pulled back, took his hand, and took one of the thermos, “I’m ready…” 

He nodded and walked with you to the truck. 

The ride to the airport was about 30 minutes. He held onto your hand the whole drive and would occasionally glance at you and softly smile, telling you how much he loved you and how he’d help you later arrange what needed to be done. 

You would nod but barely talk, you felt so disconnected, not truly there, it didn't feel real. This couldn't be happening. You listened to soft hum as he'd hum along to the music or watch out the window as he drove, you and your thoughts trying to escape this shit outcome.

You were told yesterday where to meet the aircraft and told Joel past a certain point he’d have to stay back. He understood and stayed with you until you would get to that point which would be a certain point on the tarmac for family's and loved ones. 

Once you hit the tarmac, there was a large military transport craft parked. You walked up to a small crowd of people, loved ones who also were greeting their loved ones, and looked at Joel, “Wait for me here, I’ve got to do a few things after we transport him with some officers.” you looked down to put your gloves on.

Joel nodded and looked at you as you started putting your hat and gloves on, “Can I kiss you, or is that against protocol?” he asked softly, genuinely, wanting to be respectful of any decorum. 

You looked up at him, smiling gently, and touched his cheek, “You can kiss me, you need not ever ask.” 

He leaned in and kissed you softly a couple of times, pulling back a little, “I’ll be here when you’re done. Tell Reg welcome home for me.” he touched your chin and softly rubbed his thumb across your lip. 

You nodded, backed away, and brushed your uniform before walking through the group of family members over to a group of higher-ranking officers in charge of this event. 

Joel hung back and an older woman came up to him, “I’m sorry I couldn’t help but overhear… who are you here for if I can ask?” 

Joel looked down and nodded, “Oh… my girlfriend is here to transport a friend of hers she served with, Specialist Reginald Mackey.” he sadly smiled. 

She gasped softly, “Oh… thank god.” tears streamed down her face.

Joel tilted his head, confused.

“I’m his mother… he… we…” she started to sob, “We didn’t have a good relationship towards the end. They wouldn’t let me over there when I asked. Something about someone else being on the paperwork.” 

Joel looked towards you and then her, “Oh… ma’am, I’m so sorry. I… my… mine served with him. They were good friends, she was on the paperwork, I believe.” he touched her hand, “I can see if she can bring you over?” 

She shook her head, “No, no need. I just didn’t want him to come home alone, but she’s bringing him home. She's there for him...” she wiped her tears, “May I stand with you?” 

Joel nodded and smiled, “Of course.” 

She held out her hand, “Mary… Mary Mackey.” she smiled softly. 

“Joel... Joel Miller…” he took her hand gently and shook it. 

—

You walked up and saluted the commanding officers before they put you at ease. 

You were instructed to stand and wait for his casket to come out as there were three others aboard, he was the last one. There were 25 other service men and women lined up with you. You all stood respectfully, saluting as each casket came out and was loaded into a an individual hearse. 

After about 20 minutes, Reggie was announced and you and 6 other officers stepped forward, in two lines of 3, and walked into the aircraft to gather him.

You touched the top of the casket gently and whispered, “Welcome home brother…” you clenched your jaw to hold back tears and swallowed before standing straight like the rest of the group and then as one turning to the right before positioning to get ready to lift the casket. 

You all as one lifted the casket draped with the flag and walked in a steady march back out of the aircraft, eyes forward, while everyone remained silent, saluting or with a hand over their heart.

Joel put his hand over his heart and let Mrs. Mackey hold onto his arm as she cried softly watching the ceremony, hand clutching her heart as her son came out of the plane. 

Once he was loaded into the hearse you all turned your feet inward to face each other and slowly brought your arms up to a salute and stayed that way until another officer closed the hearse door and it drove away. 

Once he was outside of your vision, you were all put at ease, everyone walked away but you felt your knees buckle, so you squatted down and touched the ground, trying to ground yourself, give yourself a moment, “He’s home… the hard part is over.” you whispered to yourself. 

Joel saw you and for a moment worried you were ok, but then you stood up after a few moments, eyes distant yet focused, and shook out your hands and rolled your shoulders, something you commonly did to shake out any anxiety. He knew you just needed you were dealing with a lot on your right now, he wouldn't be surprised if you were inching towards a panic attack and needed support when leaving. He'd be there though, he was ready.  

You walked over and signed some paperwork and then walked over to Reggie's commanding officer and told him that you chose to bury him in the military cemetery which he had offered you yesterday. He nodded and advised he would be transported there in 2 days, that he would call you with details for the funeral or any services you may want to do as there would be a 21-gun salute there. 

You nodded and shook his hand then were handed a folded flag, with his dog tags, something the family of the fallen soldier would get when they were greeted by the casket of their loved one, however since you were carrying him, this was given to you now. 

You looked down at it and closed your eyes, gripping it in your hands, cursing under your breath as tears threatened to spill. 

You saluted the commanding officer with tears in your eyes then he walked away. 

You sighed softly, and looked at the tags, running your fingers across them. You then put his dog tags over your head and looked down at them around your neck, you’d give these to Terrence when you saw him, they belonged to him. 

You turned around and tucked the flag under your arm and began walking back to the group of people. You met eyes with Joel and he nodded at you, mouthing ‘Reggie’s mom…’ then nodded his head towards her, the closer you got. 

Your eyes went wide and you rushed over, “Mrs. Mackey?” 

She smiled, “You must be Sargent Y/N…” she had tears streaming down her face, “It’s so good to meet you.” she held out her hand for you to take. 

You took her hand, “Ma’am I’m so sorry for your loss… I…” you brought the folded flag out from your arm and held it out, “This belongs to you…” you looked at her. 

She nodded and gently took it, “T-thank you for bringing him home…” she said through tears. 

You shook your head, “I had no idea you’d be here… you… I’m so sorry.” you looked at Joel, “How did you know he passed? They told me I was the only one on the paperwork.” 

“Reggie had someone call me from his camp. Gave them my number and told them if he didn’t make it back to call me, said a mom should know when her kid…” she choked up, “A mom should know when her child dies.” 

You teared up and nodded, then pulled her into a hug, rubbing her back. 

She held onto you for dear life, sobbing into your chest. You looked up at Joel and sighed softly. 

He leaned down and kissed your head. 

You pulled back after she let you go, “The commander I spoke with said you were making arrangements, is that true?” she wiped her eyes with a tissue. 

You nodded and put your hands in front of you respectfully, “He’s being buried in a military cemetery, they are giving him a proper burial in 2 days. I don’t want to step on your toes, so if you’d like you can plan it or you can help me, I’m fine with whatever you are ma’am.” you touched her arm softly.  

She nodded, “If it’s ok with you, I’d like to help…” 

You nodded, “I uhm… would you like to come over to our home? I’ve got things I need to do today for it, call some people, you could start on some of the basics, flowers, stuff like that?” 

Joel came up, “Do you live here ma’am? If not, you’re welcome to our guest room.” he put his hand on the small of your back. 

She nodded, “I came in from out of town. I have a hotel though.” 

You shook your head, “No, you’re stayin’ with us, cancel your reservation. Reggie would never forgive me if I let you stay in a hotel alone.” you rubbed her arm. 

She chuckled and nodded, “Ok if you insist.” 

Joel cleared his throat, “We insist.” he smiled, rubbing your back softly, and you leaned into him. 

2 days later 

You had called Terrence and his mom called some other friends and family about Reggie’s passing. By the time the funeral came around, about 30 people had shown up to honor and remember him. 

That morning of the service, your alarm went off at around 6 am, you rolled over and snoozed it, covering your head with a pillow and sighing. 

Joel woke and chuckled at your reaction, “Not feelin’ it today?” he said with a voice low with sleep. 

He turned on his side and gently ran his fingers up our bareback when you didn't answer back.

You peeked out from the pillow at him, “This sounds horrible but I can’t wait for this day to be over.” 

Joel leaned his head and got under the pillow, kissing your nose, “I get it, death can be exhausting.” 

You smiled softly and nodded, “Yeah, it's exhausting, I’m just ready to have things go back to normal.” 

Joel kept rubbing your back, “Me too, sweetheart.” 

You touched his cheek and leaned in, kissing him softly a few times, “Can we do something this weekend? I don’t know, go see a movie, go out to dinner, or just get out of the house?” 

He smiled softly, nodding, “We will, already have some plans.” he winked and kissed your lips gently before sitting up and getting out of bed. 

“Wait what do you mean, you already have plans?” you put the pillow off of you and sat up, smiling. 

He chuckled, “Exactly what you think it means, I made arrangements and we just have to do them.” he stood up and started walking to the bathroom. 

You got out of bed and followed him, “What are the ‘arrangements’..." you mimicked his southern drawl and used air quotes, "...can I know what they are?” you stood in the doorway, watching him wash his face, smiling. 

He shook his head and laughed lightly, “Nope, it’s all a surprise.” he looked at you and winked. 

You crossed your arms, and pouted, “You’re no fun.” 

He chuckled and turned around as he dried his face, smiling at you, “How about a small hint?” 

You perked up and nodded eagerly, “Deal, spill it.” you bounced up and down on the balls of your feet. 

“It has to do with the messages I sent you when you were in Delta 42… when I answered your letter back.” he came over and took your chin in his grip and pulled your lips to his, making you dizzy with a slowly deep kiss. 

You blushed and kissed him back, wrapping your arms loosely around his neck until he pulled back, “Good hint, I’m still clueless because that was a lot you sent me…” you pecked his lips. 

He chuckled and tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, mesmerized by your beauty, “Quiero ser la razón de tu felicidad.” (I want to be the reason for your happiness.)

You looked up at him confused, touching his hand on your cheek, “You already are…” you smiled, trying to find his eyes. 

He smiled and found your eyes, “I know…” he gently pulled you close to his lips, saying just above a whisper, “I just… Eres mi todo…” (You are my everything)

You melted in his gaze and smiled against his lips before threading your fingers through his hair and pulling his lips to kiss yours. 

He kissed you deeply, slowly, like he was taking his time. 

You pushed yourself against him, pressing your chest against his, kissing him more heavily, panting, pulling him by his shirt closer to you. 

He moved his hand down to your waist to pull you closer, pressing you up against the bathroom wall, then moved his hands so he was picking you up by pulling your legs up around his waist, pressing you against the wall. 

You let out a moan and moved your lips down to kiss his neck, fingers combing through his hair and down his bicep. 

He grinned and swallowed, “Fuck…” he groaned feeling you kiss his pulse point. 

You smirked against his skin then you both jumped hearing a knock on the bedroom door. 

“Terrence is here!” 

You groaned and sighed, “T you’re a fucking cockblock…” 

Joel chuckled and put his head against you for a moment, catching his breath, “I’m gonna have to have a word with him…” he set you down slowly and smiled down at you, eyes full of lust and love.

You smiled shyly, “Finish this later?” 

He nodded and kissed you gently, “Always, mi vida…” 

You kissed him back and then shouted back at Sarah, “Tell him I’ll be done in 10 minutes, please!” 

“Copy that.” she said through the door and you could hear her run down the stairs. 

You got ready in your uniform once again and Joel got ready in a black button-down and dress coat with some dark wash jeans. 

You all got to the cemetery about an hour later. You, Terrence, and Maria all in uniform performed in ceremonies such as the 21-gun salute, and Terrence passed the flag to his mom that was taken from his casket and folded in a triangle during a special flag presentation ceremony before they lowered him down to put him to rest. 

Mary asked for you all to speak, and share stories of Reggie. Maria went first, shared memories of Reggie and her playing stupid pranks on you and Terrence, how at first we swore he hated us because when we met him we laughed at his name, for which Maria had to explain the joke between her and you, earning some laughs and smiles from friends and family. 

Terrence chose to go next, he shared stories of Reggie’s bravery, how he always had his head on straight while Terrance would always be the anxious one between the two of them. He shared how guilty he felt when he got to go home and felt wrong to leave him there. He cried as the last time they spoke Reggie mentioned coming to meet Terrence, come crash on his couch… plans that would never come to fruition. He called Reggie his brother from another mother, and that he’d never get over how little time they had together. 

He stepped down and it felt like everyone turned to look at you. 

You swallowed and took a deep breath. Joel was holding your hand and kissed it softly, which gave you what you needed to stand and walk to the podium putting your hat under your arm while you walked up to stand by the microphone. 

You had written some notes and had them on a crumpled paper inside your hand. You uncrumpled it and read through it, remembering what you wanted to say. 

You cleared your throat and exhaled, “Sorry, I’m not a good public speaker, so you’ll have to forgive me if I drop backward up here from pure anxiety.” you chuckled nervously and joked. 

The crowd chuckled and then you looked down at the casket, now lowered into the ground, you teared up and then looked at Mrs. Mackey, “Reggie to me was the kind of person that was willing to jump through hoops of fire for you. He was kind, brave, strong, and like a little brother to me.” 

She smiled and wiped away tears. 

“I uh… I got into some trouble when we were deployed, got into a fight.” you looked down shyly then back up into the crowd, shrugging, “The other guy deserved it, but still... A fight is a fight. You still get a lecture in the army.” 

Maria nodded, remembering, chuckling to herself. The rest of the crowd chuckled and waited for the rest of the story. 

“Reggie wasn’t even there when it happened. But he vouched for me. Told our commanding officer I wouldn’t just fight someone for the hell of it.” you looked at Joel, he smirked, and you smiled, “You had to really piss me off to get what I gave that day.” you chuckled and looked at the crowd, “And that guy…” you shook your head and let out a small laugh, “He tap danced on the wrong nerve that day.” they laughed softly. 

You looked down at his casket after calming your laugh down, “I still got yelled at, but I could’ve gotten a lot worse if it wasn’t for him and his loyalty.” you sighed and tsked your tongue. 

“He was always there for us.” you chuckled and looked at Mrs. Mackey, Maria, and Terrence, “He was for sure the annoying little brother most of the time, pulling pranks on us, hiding our shit, pinning us against each other half the time…” you chuckled and so did everyone else. 

“But he was our little brother…” you said softly, choking up, tearing up, “...and I wish with every fiber in me that I could have changed this outcome for him.” you clenched your jaw and balled up your fists, looking down at the casket, breathing becoming heavy, tears falling. 

You cleared your throat and rolled your shoulders, straightening up, moving around the pulpit, and standing over his casket, “I’ll see you again little brother, but not yet.” you smiled and let a few tears fall. “Keep Z company… and raise a little hell up in heaven for me.” you knelt and took something out of your pocket, a picture of the four of you and Z that you had taken on your disposable camera, setting it on the casket and gently patting it before standing and saluting him for a few seconds then putting your hand down and taking a breath in, closing your eyes for a moment to let it out, “Roohash shaad…” (Rest in peace in Dari) 

You nodded and smiled down at the casket and then returned to your seat, taking Joel’s hand and nodding, letting him know you were ok. 

A few other people shared their thoughts and stories then the pastor said a prayer before they dismissed everyone to leave. 

Mary came over and hugged you, “Thank you for all you did, for making this happen for my sweet boy.” 

You nodded and hugged her, “Please keep in touch. I think Reggie would have wanted that, you know?” 

She nodded, “I will. I will visit often too.” she looked at Joel and winked, “You take care of her, yeah?” 

Joel chuckled and kissed your temple, putting his hand on your back, “I will ma’am…” 

She smiled and then left to say goodbye to Maria and Terrence. 

Joel kissed your temple again and pulled you in for a hug, “What do you say we order some takeout and have a movie night, hmm?” 

You nodded against his chest, “You had me at ordering take out…” you chuckled pulling away as he took your hand. 

He kissed it and then started to walk with you to the truck, smiling to himself, humming softly a song that played on the radio on the way there.

You looked at him and chuckled, you had no idea why he was in a good mood, but assumed it was just because this was all over and you both could get back to your routines. 

You had no idea it was due to the ring he took out from under the bed every night when he got home from work to ‘change’, telling himself he couldn’t just go down to the kitchen and propose, he had a plan, and this weekend, it would happen. 

Previous chapter - Next chapter  

a/n: ya'll the next couple chapters ... ahhhh! what are your ideas for how he's going to propose!?

taglist:  @sarahhxx03, @blahkateisdone, @sunnytuliptime, @pedroscurls, @docharleythegeekqueen @pedritosgirl2000

[speakyn]

I just finished watching Lucky Luke (2009) and.. my god what was this. My thoughts are all over the place

- the origin plot was very weak, like. Why? Why is his name fucking John? It's kinda cool they made him mixed, but I believe part of why Luke is such an interesting character is his origin we know nothing of. We don't know where he comes from, we don't know his parents, we don't know any other family, we know nothing, just like him. I'm pretty sure luke just spawned into existence at one point because god was like "this wild west is kinda fucked up, we need someone calm for balance"

- that song about luke at the beginning was an absolute banger

- Jolly and Luke in this movie was absolutely the best part. They were absolutely hilarious, I can really feel the "these two are inseparable" bond between them

- SO many people. Calamity, Jesse, Bill, Pat and at one point fucking Phil. The last one being the weakest one cause wtf was phil even doing there, there was literally no need for him to be there.

- nice how they mentioned luke stopped smoking (and once again they mock him for it)

- I found it pretty funny how the bad guys suddenly became good and it was - in a way - quite wholesome.

- good on Jesse for showing off he is cultured like bro kept reciting shakespeare and shit. like how much free time can you have. That said, his coat was GIGANTICALLY long

- Bill's actor was so fun to watch lol, man had the time of his life. They made him an adult, but it actually worked! I like how he still acted like a child

- While I didn't like that they made Calamity love Luke(can we just have a guy and a woman being friends and nothing more please), she was an ABSOLUTE ICON in this movie and I will not accept any slander. She was the GOAT in this entire movie. She beat up Luke. She is an angel, I love her

- W on this film for not including the Daltons for once

- It's hilarious how everyone went "I will kill Lucky Luke and no one else" as if Joe hasn't been claiming that title as the first one. Get in line, guys

- Whoever made this film CLEARLY was thirsting for Jean Dujardin(the actor of Luke), because bro couldn't make it more clear. Shirtless, got the shit beaten out of him(its giving clint eastwood in the dollars trilogy), traumatized, did I mention shirtless? I'm not complaining(not at all), but its so funny; he was absolutely great though, best live action depiction of luke(unlike terrence hill)

- that entire slot machine sequence was.. interesting. Very creative build

- I liked the poor lonesome cowboy song at the end and Jolly and Luke's banter. Those two keep me alive

- love how luke just disappeared when the president went to give him a medal

- Coop is like Oldtimer. I could see oldtimer giving luke a gun for shits and giggles(but it's not true cause whenever kid lucky holds a gun oldtimer is right there to take it away)

And now, I need a minute to talk about the WORST part of the film. I got traumatized and I will call a therapist for this. The creators of this film knew what they were making, they knew who Lucky Luke was.

But apparently they did not know that luke NEVER settles down. Morris has said it, it has been mentioned in albums(especially the fiance of lucky luke) and these guys were too blind to see it. Belle, Eleanor, or whatever her fucking name is, why. Why did they give him a woman. Why did they make him settle down. Every moment with her on screen made me hope she'd die or something.

To be fair, as a character she's fine. She has dreams to travel, she is a beautiful woman, that's great! That moment with her and Luke at the end (and the slap) was cute. But my god why did they make her a love interest. The beginning with the lap dance was so uncomfortable to watch I almost wished I was blind. Her singing was also really annoying, but thats just me being biased

To end on a joke I've been wanting to make this entire time: Jean clearly did not come from du jardin

TLDR; its aight, its funny. Its 5/10. It would've been a 6 but Belle/Eleanor/Woman was in it for way too long so I was forced to take it down a notch, but I aint gonna lie, I really genuinely like this film lol. Its so unserious and it just owns it. I'll make a different post for some lines I really liked

[volklana]

Love's The Death of Peace of Mind

Title Comes From This Song:

Cannot recommend enough listening to this song as you read it set the whole tome for me writing.

Request: Please I'm on my knees a modern Sihtric x reader where they hate each other. But somehow end up fucking and then become obsessed with each other. I've seen with your Bucky fics that you sometimes use songs so could I suggest The Death of Peace of Mind by bad Omens? I'm already drooling...

Modern!Sihtric x Reader

Warnings: Hints of slight alcohol abuse. If that isn't for you, please don't read, protect your peace and you can catch me next time xx

I don't know why but I hyperfixated on Sihtric's hair in this one??

You felt stupid, walking up the steps to the club with the small gift bag in hand, the loud music already blaring before you even made it inside.

Your eyes scanned the room for the one person you knew in the city, slightly regretting that you had agreed to come out to celebrate his birthday but he had assured you his friends would love you, and when he got down on his knees at work amidst the pile of band shirts you were attempting to fold and begged you to come, you just couldn’t refuse him.

You finally spotted him laughing easily with a group of friends and shyly made your way over.

“You came!” he shouted, placing his drink down on the table and running to meet you, picking you up and spinning you around as you laughed freely, despite your nerves, “You got me a gift?” he exclaimed when he finally placed you down.

“It’s only something small,” you laughed at his childlike excitement.

You had left an incredibly shitty relationship and moved to London, a few months ago, but it wasn’t until you started working at a backstreet record store that you had met Osferth, and surprised yourself at how quickly you two had become friends. 

He didn’t exactly give you a choice.

Soon another pair of strong arms pulled you in for a hug and he introduced himself as Finan, winking at you and you felt your cheeks flush.

Osferth brought you over to the table they had been sitting at and introduced you to a couple who were seated.

“Uhtred. Gisela, this is y/n!” Osferth shouted over the music and Gisela was rising out of her seat like lightning “Finally!” she exclaimed coming to give you a hug, “We’ve heard so much about you! It’ll be nice to finally have another girl to keep these guys in check!” you giggled and squished her back in appreciation, throwing a smile towards Uhtred who was patiently waiting his turn to give you a hug. 

“I’m not sure where Sihtric is but you’ll meet him tonight too,” Osferth grinned and Gisela leaned in closer to your ear, “Don’t be offended if he doesn’t react too warmly. He’s shy.”  You nodded, thanking her for the heads up.

“I’m going to get a drink,” you shouted over the music and Osferth rose too, “I’ll come with you,” he offered and you shook your head, “Stay and enjoy yourself, I’ll be right back!” you countered and he smiled happily taking his seat again.

You pushed your way through the sweaty bodies on the dancefloor, making your way across to the bar and tried to settle the nerves in your stomach. You were so out of your comfort zone, that you’d already decided you would have two or three drinks and dip out early and leave Osferth in the very capable hands of his friends.

You ordered your usual drink and then for good measure, ordered a shot for some liquid confidence. It was then you spotted what you thought was the most gorgeous man you had ever laid eyes on, leaning with his back against the bar, eyes watching the dancefloor with a drink in hand, His black skinny jeans were tucked into a pair of doc martens and he was wearing a grey and black plaid shirt over a black tee, his hair was pulled into a bun at the nape of his neck. He must have sensed your gaze because suddenly his eyes were on yours and his face hardened, eyeing you with uncertainty. You quickly downed your shot and made your way back to Osferth’s table. 

You chatted easily with Gisela, already making plans to meet her for coffee and swapping numbers. Finan was laying the flirting on thick but you quickly realised it was his way of teasing and he almost lit up when you began giving it back just as good.

When you finished your drink, you were relieved when he offered to grab you a fresh one as he went to order himself another pint.

“Sihtric!” Osferth shouted “Finally, come here I want you to meet y/n”

Your stomach dropped when you realised it was the guy from the bar. He simply nodded your way in acknowledgement, and it was only under these lights that you realised that he had two different coloured eyes, and his face twitched in amusement.

“Your friend has a staring problem Osferth,” he teased and you felt your cheeks heat up and wanted the ground to swallow you whole, “I’m Sihtric,” he nodded your way.

 “Nice to meet you, you managed a small shy smile his way and Gisela, squeezed your leg with a knowing smile. 

After a couple of drinks you made your excuses, reminding Osferth that you had taken the opening shift so that he could sleep off his hangover in the morning. Sihtric was once again nowhere to be found, so you said goodbye to the rest of the group, promising you would come out again soon. 

You pulled your leather jacket tighter around your body as you took your phone out to book an uber.

“Leaving so soon?” a cocky voice called over your shoulder and you turned around to see Sihtric propped up against the wall, exhaling cigarette smoke, as he flicked the ash from the top of his lit cigarette.

“Yeah,” you sighed “I’ve got work in the morning.” 

“Thought you’d be heading back with Osferth, giving him his proper present,” he smirked, taking another pull of his cigarette and you glared his way.

“It’s not like that. We’re just friends.”

Sihtric threw his cigarette away and moved towards you, “So you’ve no interest in letting him take you home and having his way with you?.” 

“None,” you shot back indignantly. “Maybe, you can’t keep friends without fucking them, but I’m not like that.”

“Hmm,” he considered, moving into your space, “But we’re not friends, and I’ve seen you looking at me all night. Maybe you’d like me to take you home and show you a good time.” 

You wanted to tell him to back off, to tell him he was reading you wrong. But truth be told it had been months since anyone had ignited this kind of spark in and you had been lonely in this city.

You swallowed thickly as his two mismatched eyes bore down into yours.

“They- they told me you were shy,” was the only thing you could muster and he chuckled, deep and seductively he dipped down to whisper in your ear, hand snaking up to wrap in your hair “Quiet and shy are not the same thing, lady.” 

You could barely keep your hands off each other in the cab back to his apartment. He nipped and sucked the skin on your neck, and you were sure you would have to wear a turtleneck to work tomorrow to hide the evidence.

Sihtric pushed you up against the wall of the elevator and you were almost dizzy when he pulled away, spilling out into the corridor and through the door of his apartment.

He was rough and needy, barely allowing you space to breathe, pulling the sleeves of your dress down your arms and watching as it slipped to the floor, he made quick work of his own clothes too before he flung you on the bed.

He was a commanding lover, marking your body and fucking you hard and fast until you were a screaming mess, which seamed to only spur him further. 

“Say my name. Say my name love, I’m so close.”

You looked up at him through your lashes and it was like his name left your lips of its own accord and he collapsed a panting weight on top of you.

He snaked his hands around you, pressing you closer to him, “Such a feisty little thing,” he chuckled and you wrapped your fingers through his soft hair, pulling the band from his hair and letting his loose curls free, “So pretty,” you couldn’t help but muse, as his curls fell down around his face, but his gaze hardened and it was like the spell was broken.

He rolled off you, and slipped his underwear back on and began rummaging through his jeans until he found his box of cigarettes, he made his way towards the balcony before he threw a glance your way, “Do you want me to call you a cab?”

You whipped your head in his direction but he was keeping his gaze solely on the door to the balcony and you couldn’t help the shame pitting in your stomach. He wanted you to leave.

“Um, no I can get an uber,” you tried to answer nonchalantly, trying to disguise the hurt you felt at being used and the sudden change in pace. 

“Okay,” was all he answered before pulling the sliding door open and stepping out into the night air, as you watched the flame of his lighter ignite the cigarette.

You quickly pulled your discarded clothes back on and fumbled with your phone until you had successfully booked an uber through the app. 

You waited for Sihtric to come back inside, but he never turned to look at you again, feeling your stomach churn when he simply lit another cigarette.

Your phone pinged to say your driver was outside and so you let yourself out of his apartment, and down to the lobby. As you opened the door to get into the back of your car, you risked a glance back up to his balcony, you could still make out his silhouette and the little flicker of a lit cigarette, but he didn’t acknowledge you, instead turning on his heel and making his way back inside, and you cried the whole way home in the back of the uber. 

You never told Osferth about what had happened after you left the club that night, and you gathered that Sihtric hadn’t either. You did however meet up for that coffee with Gisela, mainly because she wouldn’t give you the option not to. 

“You’ve been avoiding us,” she murmured softly.

“I’ve just been busy,” you lied, stirring your coffee more than you needed to, and she decided against arguing with you.

“Well this Saturday is Uhtred’s birthday, and before you say you can’t, I happen to know you have the weekend off. I already checked with Osferth,” you couldn’t help but laugh at her eagerness “Please, y/n. For me. For Osferth. Please come.”

And that was precisely how you’d found yourself sipping a drink on the sofa of Uhtred and Finan’s apartment, music blaring and deep in conversation with Finan.

You were relieved when you arrived that there was no sign of Sihtric, and so had settled into an easy conversation with the Irishman, who was trying to convince you to let him tattoo you, opening up his instagram to show you some of his work.

“Sorry I’m late,” a voice announced from the hallway, hauling in a crate of beer, “My last appointment ran a little over time.”

“Sure!” the Irishman taunted “More like you got carried away with that hot blonde I left you with.”

Sihtric smiled smugly, but his face dropped when he spotted you.

“Y/n,” he acknowledged.

“Sihtric,” you threw back and then turned your attention back to Finan urging him to continue showing you his work. 

You danced a bit with Gisela and Eadith, bumping hips and running your hands through your hair, you were tipsy and having more fun than you’d had in months, before you excused yourself to go grab a drink from the fridge. Sauntering past Sihtric without sparing him a glance.

You were about to close the fridge yourself, when someone reached over you from behind and slammed it shut.

“Were you just going to ignore me all night then?” Sihtric’s sultry voice whispered in your ear and you carefully twisted around, eyeing him cautiously.

“That was the plan.” 

“And why would you want to do that? You were screaming my name not so long ago.”

“I’m a good actress,” you spat and went to push past him, but he caught your arm.

“No, you’re not,” he laughed smugly and pushed you up against the fridge behind, “Bet I could have you screaming my name again right now if I wanted.”

You shoved him off you hard, “Go find someone else to hit and quit. I had my turn.”

Sihtric swallowed hard and looked like he wanted to say something else, but he simply let you push past.

“Are you and Finan a thing?” he asked suddenly, shocking even himself.

“Why would it matter to you if we were?” you shot back “You clearly don’t even like me, and I certainly don’t like you,” you spat before, Sihtric cut you off by crashing his lips to yours. You felt ashamed again when all your resolve melted and you allowed him to pull you upstairs into Finan’s room, taking you up against the wall, you dug your nails onto the skin of his back as you tried to stop yourself crying out when he came undone, panting as you came down from your own release.

“Come back to mine,” Sihtric pleaded and you were snapped back to your senses.

“What? No!” you shoved him off, pulling your panties back up, and watching as his mismatched eyes flashed with confusion. You were not going to give him the opportunity to make you feel like nothing again. You stepped out of the room, not sparing him a glance as you went and took your seat beside Finan, you didn’t see Sihtric again, until he slinked out of the apartment with a girl wrapped up in his arms and you had to hide the tears that were threatening to fall, telling Finan you were just tired.  

You stopped allowing Sihtric to be the reason you didn’t go out with your new found friends every weekend. Instead you both gave each other a wide berth, feigning politeness in front of the rest of the group but not speaking to each other at all aside from keeping the peace.

But why then did every night out end with your hands wrapped up in Sihtric’s hair and his lips on yours, begging you to come back to his place with him, but you always refused.

You tried to convince yourself it was simply sex, but the more it went on the harder it was to deny that you were developing feelings for him. That’s what made it so hard. 

And when Sihtric disappeared for a few weeks, Osferth told you he had gone on a retreat, you scoffed and Osferth looked confused. You just didn’t see Sihtric as the spiritual kind, but evidently you were wrong.

You joined a dating app and pushed yourself out of your comfort zone by agreeing to go on a date. Even if it was just to try to forget about Sihtric for an hour or so.

You spent hours on your makeup and settled on a black satin dress, a baggy denim jacket and boots. You felt confident for the first time since Sihtric had knocked it significantly.

But your confidence was quickly shattered, when half an hour turned into one hour. And one hour turned into two, and your date was a no show. You went to check your messages only to find that he had unmatched you and blocked your number, and that was that.

You had been ordering drinks as you waited and now you were drunk.

“Fuck it,” you sighed grabbing your jacket and decided on walking home.

You were drunk and it was possibly the stupidest thing you had ever done, but you were alone walking streets you didn’t quite recognise after dark and it happened like lightning.

Someone tried to pull your bag off your shoulders and you attempted to fight them off, you barely registered the punch to your pace until blood began to pump from your nose, the taste of metal filling your mouth as your attacker pushed you to the ground and made off with your bag.

As you gathered yourself off the ground you attempted to give chase but he was long gone and you weren’t even confident in what direction he had gone.

You walked in shock for a few minutes, holding your nose, tears spilling down your face and then you found yourself at a familiar junction.

The welcoming light of a lobby to an apartment building that you had been in once. You chanced a look up at his balcony and were surprised to find the lights in his apartment were on. Swallowing your pride you wrapped your jacket tighter around yourself and took the elevator up to his floor.

“Y/n,” he gasped, taking in your appearance “What the hell happened?” he rushed.

But you were frozen to the spot, shock beginning to set in, as you shook.

“I’m sorry to just turn up here. I didn’t- I didn’t know what else to do.”

“Fuck,come here,” he said softly ushering you inside. He was topless, in a pair of low rise black sweats, his curly hair hanging loose around his face, damp from just showering.

“What happened,” he asked again softly and you relayed the story as you trembled.

He looked you over, blood drying on your face, but thankfully your nose didn’t seem broken and you were very, obviously drunk.

“My phone, my purse, they’re all gone,” you were beginning to freak out and Sihtric could see it.

“Shh, it’s okay. It’s gonna be okay, we’re going to sort it all out. Come here,” he subconsciously pulled you to him, rubbing soothing patterns on your back, heart falling at the feel of you trembling in his arms.

“Were you on a date?” he eventually broke the thick silence, you nodded and he tutted “What asshole would let you walk home alone in the dark after you’d been drinking?” 

You laughed dryly and his eyes shot down to look at you like you were crazy “The kind of guy that leaves you waiting for hours, only to stand you up and block you on everything. Just my luck,” you sniffed “The only two guys I’ve been with since I left my emotionally abusive ex have been even bigger dickheads.” 

Sihtric stilled, all actions and you froze “I-I’m sorry I didn’t mean that. I think maybe you should just call me a cab and I’ll go.”

Sihtric shook his head, pulling you into the bathroom and seating you on the tub, “At least let me get you cleaned up.”

He took a washcloth and gingerly wiped away the drying blood, you were surprised at how gentle he was capable of being. 

“We should block your phone so whoever has it won’t be able to use it,” you nodded, head spinning and he set about doing it all for you, he gave you his phone to call the bank so you could block your cards too. 

He went to make you tea and it was only when he was out of your space that you allowed the tears to fall, and you sat holding your head in your hands.

“What can I do?” he begged quietly as you sipped your tea, tears silently slipping down your cheeks.

“Can you take me home?” you sniffed “I feel stupid in these clothes. I think I need to sleep.” 

“You should sleep here, I’ll take you home in the morning, you’ll need to call your landlord for a set of new keys anyway.”

“I don’t want to stay here,” you suddenly panicked.

“I wouldn’t try anything tonight, not while you’re hurt,” Sihtric rushed, hurt etched across his features “I may not be a good man in your story but I can be..good,” he sighed in a small voice.

“That’s not- I know you wouldn’t-”

“-But you don’t want to stay?” 

“The last time I was here, you treated me like an asshole, Sihtric, how can I sleep wondering when you’re suddenly gonna decide to kick me out” 

“Y/n” he looked at you blinking frantically, like he was desperately trying to find the right thing to say.

“Please, just take me home,” you whispered and he was nodding furiously before he could change his mind. 

The ride back to your apartment was silent and you kept your eyes trained on the window, watching the London skyline fly by, your head spinning from the alcohol and events of the night. 

As soon as he pulled into your parking lot, you were pulling at the handle, before he had even put the car in park. 

“Y/n, wait…wait,” he grasped your hand, “I’m sorry I haven’t been the guy you want me to be. I fucking wish I could be.”

You pulled your hand out of his grasp and you couldn’t help the tears gathering in your eyes, “You know Sihtric. I could have loved you. But, you just wouldn’t let me,” you slammed the door and made your way up into your building before he could respond and before you lost all resolve completely. 

Weeks passed and you didn’t see Sihtric, nor did Osferth for that matter. He said Sihtric sometimes did this.

“It’s like he hits self destruct, he starts running around with his old friends. He goes on a bender and then he comes back when he’s worked through whatever it is he needed to get out of his system. It’s not the best way to deal with things, but hell if I’d been through the shit Sihtric has in his life I don’t even know if I’d be here anymore. It’s a shame because he is such a sweet and caring guy, he doesn’t deserve it”

You wanted to press Osferth on what he meant, but you didn’t want to seem so interested in Sihtric that it would raise suspicions. 

But it was evident that his friends were beginning to worry about him, you were worried sick but you didn’t even have his number to text him. Was it even your place to do so? 

A loud banging on your door woke you up with a start, and you began to panic, fearing someone was breaking into your apartment.

But then you heard it again, the distinct sound of knocking and someone calling your name, and you flung the door open to find Sihtric, slumped against the wall, very clearly intoxicated and upset. 

“Y/n,” he sighed, falling down at your feet, grasping your waist and leaning his full weight into you, “Please. I can’t stop thinking about you. The way you taste, the way you say my name. Please, I need you to just hear me out.”

“Sihtric,” you cried, raking your fingers through his soft curls, trying to sooth him “We’ve been  worried sick about you. I’ve been worried about you,” you decided to be honest.

“Please, y/n, I’m sick of pretending that I don’t care about you. I can’t do it. I can’t pretend that I’m not head over heels for you anymore,” the last statement slipped from his lips and he looked up at you wide eyed, fearing you would reject him.

“You’re drunk Sihtric, you don’t mean this,” you tried to sooth but hurt flashed across his face.

He suddenly rose up to his full height, cupping your face “You’re all I can think about. I thought by drinking I could forget about you. But I can’t stop thinking about you. You’ve been the death of me. The death of my peace of mind.”

“You don’t mean this,” you repeated, trying to reassure yourself more than him.

“Why do you keep doing this to me? You keep denying me. Keep dismissing me.” 

“You did it first!” you threw, and he had, Sihtric had rejected you first, forced you to build these walls to try to keep him at arm’s length. He looked at you sincerely, confusion written all over his face so you continued.

“That first time, Sihtric, you couldn’t get rid of me fast enough. After you’d gotten what you wanted. You’ve always just wanted the sex you don’t want me and I’m not going to have my heart broken again by another emotionally unavailable man.”

“Don’t you get it?” he spat “You have the power to completely destroy me. You already are. I thought I could stop myself from falling if I made you leave. I thought I could drink and fuck you out of my mind but I can’t do it anymore. I don’t want to do it anymore. I need you.” 

He brought his forehead to rest against yours, breathing heavily, his eyes slipping closed as he held your face in his hands.

“You said you could love me if I let you. Did you mean that? Please tell me you meant it?” he begged and you nodded in his hands and he sighed in relief.

“I’m fucked up. I have so much baggage and I will probably fuck up a million times, but I want to try with you. I want to try for you.” 

“I always wanted you Sihtric,” you admitted “But this is a complete 360 and I don’t want to get burned again.” 

Sihtric didn’t know how else to convince you he was serious, so he pressed his lips against yours, Sihtric was not a man of words but he could show you with his actions.

You woke in the morning, encased in Sihtric’s arms, his grasp on you like a vice grip.

When you made to move, he refused to release his grip, snuggling further into you, but relenting when you told him you were going to make breakfast.

You watched him as he scoffed down his toast and took a big gulp of orange juice.

“Did you mean everything you said last night?” you eventually tested, breaking the silence.

“Every word,” he promised, looking right into your eyes sincerely, “I pushed you away because I was afraid to let myself fall in love with you, but all that did was hurt the two of us, and I can’t take back all the time we lost, but I promise I will try to make it up to you.” 

You considered him quietly for a moment, and he swallowed hard.

“I’m not sure how much Osferth told you about my past..but it’s not a happy one. It’s why I’m so fucked up, but it’s not a good enough excuse for the way I behaved with you. When we first met I was on a downward spiral, I had just come from the most traumatizing relationship of my life and you terrified the life out of me, all gentle and tender and looking at me like we could have been something more than just that night, and I panicked and I was cruel. ” 

“I’m sorry,” you muttered “I didn’t know,” you said softly.

“How could you love?” he sighed gently “I never even gave you a chance. But I have tried to be better for you. To be the man who deserved to be looked at the way you looked at me that night when you ran your fingers through my hair. That retreat I went on, I signed myself into a programme to try to get my drinking under control again, I had this whole plan to ask you out proper. To explain myself but when you turned up on my doorstep that night  I realised I was fucked, and the thought of you rejecting me, sent me into a spiral, and I hit the drink again.” He suddenly pulled his knee up to rest his chin on. “Fuck, I’m a lot right?” he suddenly chuckled, extending his hands out with a self deprecating shrug.

“Honestly, yes,” you laughed, examining his face, blushing when you found his eyes were already on yours. You still thought he was the most gorgeous man you’d ever seen on the planet and your breath caught in your throat.

“So where do we go from here?” you tried gently.

“C’mere?” he mumbled and you crawled your way onto his lap and he placed feather light kisses to your face.

“Will you let me date you proper? Take you out, show you off, be my girl? No more sneaking around. I want to tell Osferth and Uhtred and Finan.” You nodded, smiling as your heart began to flutter.

“You know Osferth is going to kill me don’t you?” he laughed against your skin and you laughed out loud “And I know that you’re going to have to learn to trust me, I’m not expecting it to happen overnight.”

You nodded, playing with the soft curls around the nape of his neck, and he leaned heavily into your touch.

“I want to trust you and I want to love you.”

“But?” he hummed.

“Don’t hurt me Sihtric.”

“Never again,” he promised, pressing his lips to yours.

“I fucking knew it!” Finan exclaimed, slapping Sihtric on the back.

“No you did not!” Uhtred laughed,coming to clasp hands with his friend, “I am so happy for you both,” he said honestly and Gisela came to pull you into a hug, you released Sihtric’s hand so you could squeeze her properly.

Osferth, who had been strangely quiet stepped forward, a worried frown across his brow, “I don’t know who I’m supposed to warn about not hurting the other. You are both my friends.” 

Sihtric took your hand in his again, pressing his lips to your hand, “I’m never hurting this one. I love her.” your eyes fluttered and you couldn’t help the shaky laugh that left your body with relief.

Sihtric had once said that love was the death of peace of mind, and if that was so, you were out of your own damn mind in love with that boy.

Tagging: @canyonmoon-2 @sihtricfedaraaahvicius @whitedarkmoonflower @shamrockqueen @thenameswinter99 @foxyanon @acdassenza @thatawkwardlittlefangirl

[lilacliquors]

pairing: homelander x reader

word count: 1002

inspo song: walking in a winter wonderland

notes: on the first day of ficmas, lilacliquors gave to me ... snowy homelander for all to see!

it wasn’t often you got some quality time with your lover. being the face of vought, and having taken over so much more of the company was taking its toll on him, and on your relationship. you hated it, but there wasn’t much you could do about it. you just went on with your days as usual, and the days turned weeks, weeks into months, and soon, it was december. and what was more surprising was the snow that was falling onto the city just a few days before christmas. you didn’t think you’d see another potentially white christmas for  the rest of your life, but here it was.

you were sitting by your window, a mug of tea in your hands as you watched the snow fall outside. the world was white and peaceful, the blanket of snow bringing that comforting silence with it. it was strange, how quiet everything got when it snowed, but you loved it more than you could really explain. the mug was warm in your hands, a cozy blanket was draped around your shoulders, and you felt calm.

a sudden knock at the door pulled you from your thoughts, and you tilted your head. you weren’t expecting any visitors at this hour, but you got up to go check. you left your mug on the table and set the blanket on the couch, then walked to the door. you peered through the peephole, and you gasped softly. quickly, you unlocked the door and opened it, smiling widely. homelander was on the other side, dressed in civilian clothes.

“john!” you said, throwing your arms around his neck in a hug. you felt him wrap his back around your waist, holding you tight to his body.

“missed you,” he murmured, and you could feel it in his grasp.

“i missed you, too,” you said, pulling back a bit to smile up at him. it was honestly a relief to see him, and he could see it in your eyes. he glanced into your place, then looked back down at you, his lips pulling into a rare smile.

“care to join me for a stroll?” he asked, gesturing back outside to the falling snow. he remembered how much you enjoyed walking in the snow, and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t daydreaming about the way snowflakes settled in your hair.

“oh, well, it’s kind of late …” you said, glancing to the clock. it was close to ten at night, and you had work the next day. but on the other hand, snow didn’t fall like this so often anymore, and it would be a shame to waste the quality time you’d been missing for so long.

“on second thought, give me one second.”

you ducked back inside and went to change from your comfy clothes into jeans, a sweater, and boots. you grabbed a scarf and your winter jacket, and you met him back by the door. you tucked your keys and phone into your jacket pocket, then joined him outside. the world was silent as the two of you walked down the sidewalk, bundled up tight. there was no one else around, and only the glow of christmas lights and street lamps lit your way. it was nice, not being bombarded by adoring fans of his as you walked, you had to admit.

in the distance, you could hear church bells ringing, adding to the atmosphere. the snow fell gently, flakes big and small, and you felt homelander reach for your hand. your fingers laced together, and he tucked both of your hands into the pocket of his jacket, just to keep your warm. he didn’t really feel the cold, not after all the years he spent flying at the same height as airplanes. that thought alone made your stomach flop as if you were falling from a great height, but you shook it off and just focused on your walk.

as you continued through your neighborhood, homelander stole glances time after time, watching as the snowflakes settled in your hair, just the way he’d envisioned. you were picturesque, and he’d never seen anything or anyone so beautiful before. he hated being away from you for so long, but his world got more demanding every day. it sucked the life out of him more often than not, but being there with you, in the quiet of the snow, things felt like they would be okay. being there with you was like like a breath of fresh air, and it was what he desperately needed.

“oh, look!” you said, pointing towards the park near your house. a snowman stood in the empty grass, complete with a carrot nose and sticks for arms. you’d heard kids playing outside all afternoon, and you stopped to admire the simplicity of childhood joy. building snowmen, making snow angels, they were classics. if you weren’t wearing jeans, you’d flop down into the grass and make an angel of your own.

“well, isn’t that cute?” he said with a chuckle.

the farther along you walked, the more the snow seemed to fall, and the colder you got. when he looked down at you again, he saw that the tip of your nose was a little pink, and there was a shake to your shoulders.

“want to start heading back?” he asked, and you sighed.

“not really,” you admitted. “I don’t wanna have to say goodbye.”

“you could always ask me to stay a little longer.”

you stopped walking, standing under a streetlamp so you could see his face.

“would you stay a little longer? i’ll make you hot cocoa,” you offered, and a smile crept onto his lips. a real, genuine smile.

“i would love that. come on, let’s get you home and warmed up.”

with your hand in his, you started the walk back to your house, and in the distance, you swore you could hear the church bells again, though it was faint.

maybe things would be okay after all.

[burtreynolds-esquire]

Ashes

Chapter Three - Afterglow

Lottie Matthews x gn!reader

—————————

As always, I’m not used to writing for gn!reader so there may be slip ups in pronouns somewhere as it is edited from my OC version.

~ ‘The roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet’ ~

1995

In typical teenage fashion, you had chosen none other than jeans and a nice top to wear to Jackie’s party that night. You gazed at yourself in the mirror to make sure you looked presentable enough, checking that your hair, face, and outfit were perfect before putting on your favourite pair of shoes.

God forbid you turn up to your first Wiskayok high school party looking like a shit show.

Once you deemed yourself acceptable, you grabbed your keys and left your home, locking the door behind you. Your mother was once again at work so you had no one to say goodbye to. Having your only parent work the night shifts was difficult but it was becoming a schedule you were gradually getting used to.

Just as you climbed into your car, you noticed Nat leaving her own home, wearing her usual leather jacket and beat up black Docs. She did have a fancier than usual outfit on underneath though, with her hair and nails freshly done.

You started your car and picked out a mixtape for the ride. You settled on one that had a couple of Nirvana songs on it, something you knew both Nat and Kevyn would enjoy.

You made a quick detour to Kevyn’s to pick him up and Nat then directed you to Jackie’s house, which was in a neighbourhood on the other side of town. The good side of town, evidently.

You were blown away when you turned down the street where Jackie lived. The homes around here were mansions compared to what you were now used to, and the Taylor residence was no different.

It was a perfectly symmetrical building with the pure white paint and six pillars out front giving it a Greek Revival feel to it. The lawn, like every other garden on the block, was meticulously cut to a perfect length with not a blade of grass out of place. This just had to be one of those H.O.A neighbourhoods that you had heard about before.

There were a few cars parked out front, you instantly recognised Shauna’s and parked your own nearby. You noticed that, although there was a party going on inside the house, no one was outside and the music was causing minimal disturbance.

Quite underwhelming as far as you were expecting. You did recall Lottie mentioning that it was a small gathering for team members only plus a few select guests.

The three of you made your way up the garden and into the house. The music was loud, but not deafening, as you took note of some current pop hit playing on the speakers.

“Yo (Y/N), I’ll catch you in a bit, yeah?” Nat called to you. You smiled and nodded, letting her and Kevyn go off to hang out together.

Once alone, you wandered around for a couple of minutes, trying to find the kitchen. You nodded a quick hello to Tai and Van on your way past them before finally finding her destination.

Jackie and Shauna were currently in the kitchen, mixing drinks and both seeming slightly tipsy already, especially Jackie.

“(N/N)! Hi, hi, hi!” She all but screamed as she ran over and hugged you tightly, catching you by surprise before you returned the gesture. You were still yet to get used to how physically affectionate Jackie was but nevertheless, it wasn’t unwelcome. “So glad you could make it!” Jackie continued, sounding as genuine as always.

“Hey Jackie, wouldn’t miss it for the world,” you replied, less enthusiastically but just as genuine. “Hi there, Shauna.” You made sure to greet the other girl who had yet to say anything. As quiet as she was, you did like Shauna. You were the sort of people that could sit together in complete silence and be perfectly comfortable with each other’s presence.

“Anyway, I gotta go find Jeff,” Jackie stated as she picked up her plastic cup filled with whatever alcoholic beverage she was drinking and wandered out of the room.

“Got anything without any booze in it?” You asked the only other person left in the kitchen.

“There should be some soda cans in the refrigerator,” Shauna answered, nodding her head in the direction of said fridge. You went and grabbed yourself a can of Dr Pepper before making your way over to Shauna, leaning against the counter next to her, and opening your drink.

“So does Jackie usually leave you alone while she flounces off to her see her boyfriend?” You asked casually.

“Not always. But she’s been extra clingy with him lately,” Shauna replied. “They just got back together after their big Summer break-up.” She sounded completely unimpressed as if she was used to this kind of behaviour from both Jackie and Jeff.

“Ohhhh I get it,” you said. “They’re one of those couples.”

Shauna snickered before responding.

“Exactly.”

~

After hanging out with Shauna for a little while in the kitchen, you made your way through the house into the back yard.

The back of the house was just as meticulous as the front, with the perfectly cut lawn and impeccably clean back porch. You noticed a white, wooden two-seater bench on the far end of the porch and went to go sit down.

You needed five minutes to yourself before rejoining the party so you took a joint out of your pocket, one that Nat had so graciously rolled for you, and lit it once you had placed it in your mouth. You only needed a couple of hits, just enough to quell the growing ball of anxiety that she could feel in your chest.

The back door opened while you still had the lit joint in your mouth and you almost went to hide it before you realised you weren’t exactly gonna get in trouble for it.

When you saw who had exited the house, you felt a whole new wave of anxiety but it felt somewhat different to the original foreboding you were dealing with five minutes ago. Now you were just nervous and couldn’t quite figure out why.

‘Oh shit.’

It was in that moment, as the newcomer noticed you sitting alone and made her way over, that you realised what was wrong.

Lottie Matthews was walking towards her, wearing a light pink dress that just reached her knees, a lightweight cream denim jacket with the sleeves rolled up her forearms, and a pair of cherry red Docs with pink laces that matched her dress.

And fuck, did she look beautiful.

“Hey, you okay out here?” She asked as she took a seat next to you, the size of the bench forcing you to sit in close proximity.

‘Fuck, she smells good.’

“Oh- uh, yeah,” you cringed at how ridiculous you sounded all of a sudden. “Just uhh… needed a couple of minutes to myself… I guess.” You put the joint in your mouth to inhale once more, mostly just to shut yourself up.

‘Definitely vanilla… and also peach…?’

When you took the joint out of your mouth, Lottie carefully took it off of you before you had a chance to put it out. You stared in wonder at the way Lottie held it in her fingers and placed it between her own lips.

‘A hint of pineapple maybe?’

As Lottie inhaled, you suddenly realised how not so subtly you were staring at your friend, your mouth slightly agape.

‘Fuck, stop looking at her lips like that.’

You averted your gaze to the ground a little too intensely because it took you a second to notice Lottie handing you the joint back.

“Oh shit, sorry,” you mumbled as you took it, put it out, and put it away safe in your pocket.

“You seem miles away,” Lottie said gently as she observed you carefully. “What’s going on?”

You had become very hyper aware of both of your movements, and suddenly couldn’t think of anything else other than the fact that Lottie’s bare knee was now touching yours ever so slightly.

“Nothing really,” you tried to sound convincing. “Honestly, I just got a little overwhelmed, I think. Needed a break from all the noise in there.”

“Okay,” Lottie responded simply, her voice full of understanding. “Well, I’ll leave you to it but if you need anything, just let me know.”

You looked up at the tall girl (your height difference was embarrassingly evident even sitting down) and noticed the sincerity in Lottie’s deep brown eyes. It honestly took you aback but you smiled nonetheless.

“Thanks, Lottie,” you said quietly. “I uh- thanks.”

Lottie squeezed your knee just for a second before getting up and leaving, but not before giving you one last smile for reassurance.

‘Fuck. I do not have a stupid crush on my stupid best friend’s stupid teammate.’

You dropped your head in your hands once you were alone again. You took another minute to yourself before running your hand through your hair, standing up and shaking off the lingering anxiety, and headed back into the Taylor household.

~

The rest of the party went by just fine. You spent some more time with Jackie and Shauna and had somehow got roped into helping Jackie with some French homework over the weekend. For some reason, Jackie was convinced that having a French grandparent meant that you were an expert on the subject.

Throughout the night, Lottie found herself glancing over towards you to see how you were getting by. From what she could see, you were doing fine and would sometimes glance her way as well. At first you would quickly look away and pretend that you hadn’t even seen Lottie, but as time went on, you’d gradually keep eye contact with each other and both share a smile.

The two of your found yourselves hanging out again later that night within a small group, Jackie included.

“Oh, Lottie! You’ve been having trouble with French too, haven’t you?” The team captain pointed out.

“Uh, yeah. A little, I guess,” Lottie replied quietly, seemingly embarrassed at her poor language skills being made the topic of conversation.

“You should get (N/N) to help you out!” Jackie suggested with earnest. “Their grandmother’s French, they’re gonna help me with the homework this weekend.”

You almost facepalmed because how were you suddenly becoming the resident French tutor? Your skill level was barely above average!

And yet you now found yourself with not one but two French homework sessions that weekend; Jackie on Saturday and Lottie on Sunday.

~

Your head was pounding when you finally got home later that night. Your mother was still at work but would be due back in a couple of hours.

The trailer home was silent but the ringing in your ears was almost deafening. You were feeling overwhelmed once more and overcome with exhaustion. You had always found it difficult to keep up with a busy social life and could never quite keep up socially with your peers, often described as the quiet kid when growing up back home.

You managed to find the energy to take your shoes and jeans off and collapsed on your bed, almost falling asleep before remembering something important.

You got back up, dragged yourself to the kitchen for a glass of water, and took out your prescription medicine from your bedside table.

Taking two tablets from one box, and one tablet from another, you swallowed them with your water before letting your tiredness take you and finally fell asleep.

~

“You’re not actually that good at French, are you?” Lottie teased as the two of you sat in a local café that Sunday afternoon, French work strewn on the table between you alongside a milkshake and an iced tea.

“Shut up,” you grumbled.

———————

[impala-dreamer]

Sweet Creature

A Supernatural Story

~Bad things happen when you take matters into your own hands and try to prove that love conquers all~

Demon!Dean x OFC Stevie Miller 

3138 Words

NSFW, Danger, Angst, Violence, Blood, Death

“Are you willing to bleed for me?” for @jacklesversebingo

JacklesBingo Masterlist ~ Full Masterlist  ~  Patreon  ~ Published Works

It was certainly a risk believing him, but she had no choice. 

Sam was going insane, trapping demons and slicing them open until they talked. Usually, they didn’t, and things got even bloodier. 

Cas was- well, she really wasn’t sure what was going on with Cas, but it probably wasn’t good. 

Nothing had been good since their encounter with Metatron. Nothing had been right since Dean’s bloody body had been laid out on his bed and wiped clean. No one had been at peace since he disappeared. 

Despite the shit storm life had become, it was somehow getting worse. 

Stevie was about to give up completely and hide herself away for a month with a couple cases of Tito’s and enough Takis to burn a hole in her gut, but fate stepped in. And this time, fate came in the form of a text message from the King of the Jackasses himself. 

Crowly reached out to Stevie and sent her Dean’s location, claiming he was done with babysitting the demonic mess. She almost laughed. How many times had she been tasked with watching a tied-up, pathetic Crowley, and there he was begging her to trade places? Seemed fitting. 

It immediately crossed her mind that it might be a trap and not a very well-planned one at that, but what choice did she have? To wallow away in the Bunker while Sam went slowly mad in the next room? To give up and go back home to the sticks and try to build a solid, respectable life? No. There was only one thing she could do, so she packed up her car and hit the road, following the GPS and daydreaming of the fight to come. 

It wouldn’t be easy to bring him back. She knew it would take every ounce of strength she had just to see him there, walking and talking, infested with demonic life. She wondered if she’d be able to stand it. 

Dean had always been the light in her life. He was the beacon in her storm, the icon in the chapel of her heart. For years, she’d tangled herself up in him, giving up a normal life and a hopeful future in service of Dean Winchester. She’d stayed by his side through every rough patch; held his hand each time the earth opened up to swallow him down. She never asked for anything in return, holding on for a sweet smile or a gentle kiss at night. 

Long ago, she realized that she would follow no matter where he went. No matter the price, she would pay it. Heaven, Hell, Limbo- she’d be by his side even if it took everything she had. 

He was everything. 

So the threat of a trap was nothing to her now. She’d deal with whatever was up ahead, as long as it saved him. 

Half a day later she was in the parking lot of Benny’s Bunny Lounge staring at the reflection of soft pink neon lights on the hood of the Impala. Dusk was settling around her and as daylight faded, her courage grew. She tapped the back right pocket of her jeans, making sure the flask of holy water was in place and took a breath.

He was sitting center stage. His muddy boots were propped up on the table; the chair was tilted back on two legs. He wore a familiar flannel shirt open at the collar and he tipped a bottle back as if he hadn’t a care in the world. 

A young woman was dancing for him, rubbing her slim body up and down the pole, and spreading her thighs to give him a peek. Her caramel skin was covered in specks of glitter that sparkled in the flashing lights as each beat of the song made her hips swirl.

Stevie pulled up a chair and sat at the table beside him. 

“Nice tits.” 

Her voice was gentle enough to stay discreet but loud enough to reach him over the DJ’s latest offering. 

His eyes turned slowly and she felt the icy glare prickle her pale skin. 

Dean ran the tip of his tongue against the ridge of his top teeth. If he was surprised to see her, he didn’t show it. There was neither worry nor guilt on his face, only calm smugness. 

“On her or me?” 

Stevie gave him a short laugh as she leaned back and looked him over. His hair was longer than she’d last seen and stuck up as if he’d finally discovered hair products. His jaw was tight as always but shadowed by a little more stubble, and his arms looked thicker, his chest broader. 

She reigned in the memory of lustful nights and cleared her throat. 

“You have bulked up a bit,” she answered with a nod, “but I meant the dessert-named nursing student on stage.”

Dean kicked his legs down and righted his chair. “Actually, her name is Sparkles and she's pre-law.”

Stevie hummed. “Right.” 

Sparkles turned her back to the room and squatted against the pole. Her tiny red thong retreated higher up into her ass and Stevie wondered how hard it was to fish out at the end of her shift. 

Dean didn’t seem to have the same thought but was interested in the giggle of the woman’s plump backside. He turned his attention back to Sparkles and his beer, leaving Stevie to sit in silence carefully pondering her next words. 

She kept her tone casual but took a chance at moving things along. 

“We miss you back home, Dean.” She moved her amber eyes from him to the stage. “The Bunker ain't the same without you.” 

He laughed as he lifted the beer to his lips. “What, you don't like Sam's cooking?”

She smiled and leaned her arms on the table. The top was sticky and she tried not to think about why. “No, I don’t. But that's beside the point.” Disgusted, she sat up and wiped her palms down her thighs. Dean was unmoved, drinking his beer and staring at bouncing tits. Stevie sighed. “You gotta be missing home,” she insisted. “How ‘bout, let's get you back and we can fix this.”

“Who says I wanna fix this?” He set the bottle down and turned in his seat to face her. “I got all the sex, drugs, and rock and roll I want.”

She scoffed. “You always had that.”

“No.” 

In an instant, his tone shifted. He cocked his head to the right and blinked. Midnight flooded his eyes and Stevie gasped. She bit her tongue to hold back a wave of fear and stared into the inky darkness.  

“What I had,” he went on, leaning closer, trying to get a rise out of her, “was a whining, abusive, punk-ass little brother and a fucking poodle constantly yapping at my ankles.”

She swallowed hard. Her heart was pounding; lean muscles aching with the desire to bolt. 

Dean blinked again and the deep green she so loved returned to his eyes. 

Stevie sighed and clicked her tongue, drumming up her casual courage once more. “Really, Dean? A poodle? I picture myself as a more… hearty puppy.” A flick of her wrist pulled a wayward strand of dirty blonde hair out of her eyes.

“Fine. A schnauzer.”

“I don’t know why, but that seems worse…”

He laughed and sat back, returning to a more relaxed and unbothered state.

Still tingling with nervous flight energy, Stevie tapped her hand on the table and stood up. 

“I’m gonna go get a drink,” she announced. “Can I getcha somethin’?”

Dean’s eyebrows lifted as if he were amusedly shocked. “Could go for another,” he replied, shaking his empty bottle. 

She nodded and reached for the beer. He wouldn’t give up his grip and their fingers touched for a quick moment. She sucked in a deep breath and he grinned. 

“Hurry back…” 

She scanned the club as she walked to the bar. It was mostly empty except for a few staff members, a drunk old man asleep by the door, and two dudes in business suits pretending to be in a meeting so they could write off their lap dances. The front door was guarded by a gorilla of a man in a neon orange shirt and the back exit beyond the stage was watched by a slight, creeper of an older gentleman whose mustache likened him to every porn peddler in every movie she’d ever seen. They wouldn’t be much help if Dean decided to attack. A little, but not much. 

She ordered two domestic beers and paid in cash, leaving a hefty tip simply so the bartender would keep his eyes on her. An added layer of safety never hurt, even if the guy looked like he could get his ass kicked by an automatic door. 

She had to use what she had on hand. Dean taught her that, back when he was really Dean.

This Dean, whatever he truly was, ignored her return, though he surely felt the shift in atmosphere as she moved, and heard it when she cleared her throat. 

“One more for the gentleman in the played-out burgundy flannel.”

He cocked his head to look up at her and grinned. “Thought you loved this shirt,” he mused, accepting the fresh beer.

Stevie shrugged and retook her seat. “Eh. It’s not bad,” she replied, “just… old. You really should think about punching up your wardrobe a bit. There have been significant discoveries within the fashion industry since 1974.” 

He laughed and took a drink. “Yeah. What the fuck do you know about fashion?” Green eyes swept down her thin body, noting the wide-leg jeans ripped at the knees and around the hem, the faded concert tee that had seen better days, and a thrift store jacket she hadn’t washed in years. “Look like you fell out of a Nirvana video.” 

Stevie straightened up and smoothed a hand down her front. “At least I don’t look like an Army-Navy reject. You back on active duty, Radar?” 

Dean’s eyes were back on Sparkles, but his focus was on Stevie. He nearly choked on a sip of beer but pushed it back with a laugh. “Radar?” He sat up and set his elbows on the table. “Fuck you. I’m Hawkeye or I’m no one.” 

She rolled her eyes. “Hold on while I go distill you a martini…” 

Dean licked a smile from his lips and returned his attention to the vibrating thighs a few feet away from his nose. 

“You know where they have delicious martinis? Back home.” 

His palm slammed down on the tabletop and the wood splintered under the force. “Enough.” His growl was intense and a shudder ran down her spine. “I’m not coming home. Fuck off and leave me alone.” 

Stevie froze. Her blood ran cold and her heart raced. She stared at the broken table, at the cracks his fist had made, and thanked god it wasn’t her jaw. 

She tried one last time. 

“Dean… I miss you. Sam misses you. We… we can help. You know there’s a cure and we can get you back to yourself if you just-” 

He cut her off, spinning around in his seat to face her head-on. “If I just what? Let you rip away the one thing that’s made me happy in my entire fucking life?”

She shivered. “You don’t mean that. That’s the demon talking.” 

“Damn right, it is! But there ain’t no demon inside me, Sweetheart. It is me. All me. And I’m finally getting what I deserve. Some fucking R&R. I’m on leave, baby, and I ain’t never coming back.” 

A long exhale fell from her lips and with it any hope of saving him. With her silenced, Dean calmed and turned back to the show. Sparkles was finishing her dance and he wasn’t willing to miss another second. 

Years of friendship and love flashed behind her eyes and her heart ached too badly for him to survive much more. 

She gave up. 

Slowly, she stood and closed her eyes, placing a hand on his shoulder. He didn’t move to chase her away, didn’t shout or try to scare her off. He sat stone still and let her lips graze his cheek in a chaste goodbye.

“I love you.” 

Unaffected by her whisper, Dean leaned forward and crossed his arms over the table, green eyes focused on Sparkles and nothing else. 

It was done. 

Stevie walked back to her car, dodging shadows against the milky midnight sky. A blanket of gray clouds had been pulled across the world, backlit by a full moon that wouldn’t make an actual appearance that night. 

She could almost feel the cloud cover heavy on her shoulders. She’d come all this way to do one thing and she couldn’t do it. Maybe Sam could get through to him. Maybe Castiel could do some good. Clearly, she wasn’t the one who could break through Dean’s demonic haze. She wasn’t it for him. 

A few yards from her car, Stevie yanked her phone out and swiped across the screen. She scrolled past Dean’s name and landed on Sam’s. As her finger hovered, Dean called to her. 

“Stevie, wait!” 

The ache in his voice was pathetic and she turned to find him running towards her with a crease in his brow and pain in his eyes. 

“Please. I…” 

He stopped and stared. An arm’s length stood between them and Stevie held her breath. Hope surged around her heart. 

“What?” 

He took a breath and looked away, unable to meet her gaze. His shoulders fell and every bit of defense dropped away. She saw the old Dean for a moment. 

“I need help. I can’t do this much longer-” 

If there was more he wanted to say, she didn’t care. Stevie reached for him and he fell into her. Big arms wrapped around her tiny waist and she nuzzled into the crook of his neck. He was warm and solid, strong and alive. She closed her eyes as tears threatened to fall. 

“Dean… It’s OK. We can fix this.”

She felt his shoulders shake; heard his breathy exhale. 

“Please. Help me.” 

Pulling back, she smiled up at him softly. “Of course. Anything you need. Anything.” 

His grin was devilish and unexpected. 

Her eyes grew wide as his fist came into view. 

The phone fell, shattering as it hit the concrete ground. 

Stevie’s vision blurred and pain spread across her face like a hot web. It took too long to register what had happened and Dean struck again, cracking her cheekbone with his knuckles and forcing a gash to open below her eye. 

“Dean!” 

Her scream echoed through the silent night but he ignored it, opting for violence over communication. The Mark burned on his arm and Dean attacked again, ripping Stevie off of her feet by the shoulders and tossing her like a rag doll. 

The trunk of her car did little to cushion her spine and she crumbled to the ground, limp and seething with pain. 

As the gravel dug into the softness of her cheek, Stevie watched as Dean sauntered over to her. His boots moved with lazy precision, knowing she was going nowhere. When he stopped, the boots split apart and he crouched down, leaning in to taunt her. 

“You really would do anything for me, wouldn’t you?” 

His voice was low and mocking, his laugh like a scalpel sliding across her heart. 

“Always have. You’re like some goddamned love-sick teenager. Always following me around, always tending to my needs… my… desires.” 

She shivered as he dragged a finger down her broken face, lovingly admiring the purple and black mess bubbling beneath the skin. 

“Such a sweet creature.” 

Stevie fought the churn of bile in her gut and bit back a scream. It would do her little good, she knew. Any clapback would earn her a blow to the head, or worse. 

“Such a pathetic… plain… disappointing fuck.” 

Tears stung her eyes but the heartache was soon displaced by real pain as Dean wrapped his giant hand around her neck. Without warning, he tightened his grip and stood, lifting Stevie to her feet by the delicate threads of her throat. 

Amber eyes bulged. Thin lips spread wide in a gasping breath that never came. She clawed at his hand, digging her fingers between his palm and her windpipe, but it was little help. 

Dean laughed. 

She kicked. 

“Anything I want, huh?” he said again, turning on his heel to slam her back against the alley wall. “You’ll do anything for me, won’t you?” 

Desperate for release, Stevie mouthed a promise. She nodded, agreeing with her last bit of strength. 

Dean smirked and loosened his grip. 

Air rushed back into her lungs and Stevie coughed hard. “Please…” Her whisper was raspy and broken. “Anything you need.”

“Are you willing to bleed for me?” 

Her body froze; her thoughts clouded. 

“W-what?” 

Dean pressed himself up against her, and let his hot breath sweep over her lips. “That’s why you’re here, isn’t it?” 

She shuddered. “I’m- I’m here to bring you home.” 

He dropped his hand from her throat and let it slide down her chest. “You’re here because Crowley called you. Told you I was bleeding innocents…” He pushed back a step and fisted her shirt, ripping the worn cotton in a swift motion. “Told you I’m making a mess of things to feed the Mark, to satisfy this hunger inside of me.” 

Stevie held herself still, praying that the wall would soften so she could push inside and get away from his touch. 

“It wants blood, Stevie… It needs blood.” 

The brand burned on his forearm and she felt the heat, felt the evil spark like lightning in the air. 

“I need blood…” Reaching behind him, Dean pulled the First Blade free from beneath his shirt and pressed the ancient bone to her neck. “I need your blood. You have no idea how many people I’ve killed. Demons, humans… It doesn’t matter. The Mark needs blood. So do it, Stevie, bleed for me and save them. ” 

Stevie held his gaze and her breath. “Don’t- don’t do this.” 

Dean growled deeply and laid his hand on her fragile cheek. The Blade pressed in on the left and his fingers on the right. She was trapped and hopeless. Defeated and broken. 

“Don’t…” 

His gaze softened for a split second and she thought she’d broken through. Maybe, somehow her love was enough to bring him back. 

She was wrong. 

Dean blinked and the darkness returned. He kissed her lips and her eyes closed. Quickly, he pulled his right hand down, slicing through her flesh like it was nothing. 

Stevie’s eyes went wide and her lips formed his name. 

The blood flowed and Dean sighed. Sated for another night.  

[angelf1re]

Undercover Care

as a young, broke senior in high school, you take up a babysitting gig, not knowing you’d be babysitting a mafia bosses sons.

That morning you woke up at 5. The drive to his house was about twenty minutes so you had so if you wanted to get there in time you would have to leave by 8:35. That meant three hours to get ready and 35 minutes to relax. You spent the first 35 minutes in the kitchen, sipping at a warm cup of hot chocolate. You never really liked coffee, so you just stuck to hot chocolate.

After that you spent the first hour trying to put together a nice outfit. After a bit you settled on a nice pair of loose jeans, a simple t-shirt, one of your dad’s old jackets, and your old pair of converse. You played it all out on your bed before hopping in the shower, spending a little extra time to make sure your hair would look nice. After the shower it was about 7:00, meaning you had an hour and 35 minutes left.

You yawned quietly, quickly making yourself some scrambled eggs and toast for breakfast with a yogurt cup on the side. You ate slowly, trying to drag the time out a little. You didn’t really have anything else to do, so dragging the time out seemed to be the only thing left. After eating you cleaned all the dishes you used, putting back the plate you had used last night before checking the time. Only 7:43, which meant you had about 50 minutes just to yourself, give or take. You hummed quietly, going to the living room and turning on the tv. You flipped through channels before finding a cartoon, Monster High. You set the remote down, watching the episode. You were starting to feel anxious.

What if they didn’t like you? You needed this job if you wanted to go to college. Right now you were barely scraping by. Yeah your dad helped occasionally but it wasn’t enough sometimes. You sighed, messing with the hem of your t-shirt as you go lost in thought. You bit your bottom lip, lost in thought for majority of your time left. Once it was time to go, you got up and put your shoes on before going outside, making sure you had your car keys in your pocket before you left.

You got in your car, connecting your phone to the car to play your music. You hit shuffle on a random playlist before starting to drive, the directions pulled up on your phone screen. You yawned, still slightly tired. You never were fully a morning person, not even when you were a little kid. You bopped your head to the music playing, smiling when Beth (Eric Carr’s version) by KISS started playing. You had always loved older music, especially songs by KISS. You turned the volume up, mouthing the words as you followed the directions your phone was giving you.

Eventually, you pulled up to the house. If you could call it that. It was practically a mansion with how huge it was. You stared in shock as you turned your car off and got out. You took a deep breath, trying to calm yourself down. What if you were too underdressed? What if they thought you weren’t professional enough? Or maybe they would think you were too young and couldn’t take care of them. Your hands shook as you walked towards the door, raising your hand to knock somewhat loudly. You took another deep breath, still trying to calm your nerves. You were definitely under dressed. What were you thinking! Jeans and a t-shirt? You cursed yourself out in your head, biting your lip again. Maybe this job wasn’t such a good idea. Your thoughts were cut off when someone opened the door. A young blond wearing a red and white baseball tee with some grass stained jeans.

“O-oh. Hello. Is um, Philza here?” You asked nervously, doubting that the boy in front of you was the man you spoke to on the phone last night. “Dad! Someone’s here for you!” The kid called into the house, still looking at you a bit suspiciously. “Why are you here?” He asked suddenly. “I’m here for a job?” You said, cursing yourself out for sounding so nervous. “What job?” The boy asked, scrunching his face up in confusion. “Um-“ “Tommy leave the poor girl alone.” An older voice said, sounding just like the man you talked to last night. You immediately stood up straighter, biting your lip nervously. “You must be Y/n. Come on in.” The man said, gently ushering the blond kid away.

You nodded and stepped inside, looking around a bit. The hallway you were in didn’t seem too fancy, as there was shoes thrown all over the corner and some sports gear draped over a bench. “I apologize for Tommy, he’s fast when someone’s at the door. We usually don’t get visitors or guests, so he gets excited.” You jumped when you heard his voice. “Oh, it’s alright. I was young once too.” You said, trying to be playful. Phil smiled, starting to walk further into the house. You quickly followed, keeping an even pace behind him. Not too far behind, but still a bit behind.

You looked around more as Phil led you through the house. “I apologize for any mess you see, mate. The cleaning lady hasn’t gotten here yet.” Phil said suddenly, noticing you look around. You smiled slightly. “No worries. Kids make messes, it’s understandable.” Phil smiled when you said this, leading you into a fancy looking office. You bit your lip. What job did this man have that allowed him to have this much money? Maybe you were biting off more than you could chew…

(Here’s part two! Sorry this one took so long, I had a bit of school work to catch up on and it took some time.)

[stevesxyellowxsweater]

Waking up in Vegas {Chapter 2; Eddie}

PAIRING: Rockstar!Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader WC: over 2000 CW: Minors do not interact!! No use of y/n, use of she/her pronouns, slow burn, hints of abuse, swearing, i think that is it. SUMMARY: Enzo's 8O'clock, you're off to meet Eddie. Some very unexpected things are about to happen AUTHOR NOTES: Here it is everyone, the first part of Waking up in Vegas, feed back is very appreciated. Also reblogging is very much encouraged. Thank you once again to @entermxnson for literally being the character I base the reader off, (well as a mix of her and her fantastic Original Character that I love very much) Also for reading this as I write it, and giving me feedback. You're truly wonderful and I love you so much. Credit to @cafekitsune for the amazing dividers, i seriously love them.

PREVIOUS CHAPTER || NEXT CHAPTER

Your clothes are thrown all over your bed. You didn't pack for Vegas, thinking you'd be going on a date with a rockstar. Was It a date? Could this be classed as a date? You'd looked up Enzos after Wayne had told you. It was a rather fancy place, and you didn't have much in the way of fancy clothes in your bag. 

Finally, you decided on a pair of fishnets under a pair of shorts and one of the few non-band tops you had in your bag it would have to do. The outfit you'd chosen was typically only to be worn with friends. Adam constantly told you that you dressed too young for your age and it was time to get new clothes. Ones appropriate for your age.

It was that sort of thing that made you question your with him. His friends wore band T-shirts, and he had even brought you one back when he saw Queen a few months ago. You remembered how he'd tried to make you jealous, but you'd smiled and told him while you respected Adam Lambert and knew that Freddie would've wanted his songs sung well into the future. But you couldn’t see Queen. Not without Freddie, it wasn't the real Queen experience.

He still tried to make you jealous, however.

You'd spent your afternoon finding a lawyer who would do an annulment. He'd given you the papers you needed and explained you both had to fill them out and sign before he could get you in front of a judge. It looked like a long process, but you just hoped it would be done before the six weeks were up.

It was finally time to leave. You could feel your heart pounding hard as you left the hotel. You decided to walk to Enzos, not because you were drinking but because it was around the corner. You could see your hands shaking with nerves as the restaurant came into view. 

You were finally catching up with Eddie. That was the scariest part of all of this. The anticipation filled you full of fear. You didn't even remember the last conversation you had with him, and you didn't even remember marrying him. So, this was a terrifying moment. 

You stared at the stage. Corroded Coffin were on fire. You'd been forced into a veil and sash for the evening, which caught Eddie’s attention. 

“I can feel the thunder that's breaking in your heart, I can see through the scars inside you!”

You stared in awe as he sang, his eyes locked on yours. He gave you a wink before he played his solo. You couldn't stop staring at his hands. The way he moved so skillfully through cords. The way his fingers glided up and down the fretboard. You’d started to bite your lip close to breaking the skin as you watched him finish your favourite song.

Arriving at Enoz’s, you swallowed hard and opened the door. Stepping into the beautiful, warm and friendly candle-lit restaurant, you looked around and smiled gently as a waitress approached you. 

“Reservation for Baggins.”

The waitress smiled and nodded. 

“Right this way.” 

Following her across the room, you saw him. It was like your heart stopped beating at that moment. The leather jacket settled nicely on the back of the chair, a crisp white dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up showed off his tattoos, and you could see his combat boots and black jeans below the table, helping you feel less underdressed. 

Then there was his hair. He had it down. He’d hardly ever worn it up; never in photos of the band or magazines did he have it up. You could see he was playing with it like he was nervous. What did he have to be nervous about? He was a Rockstar. Your heart fluttered as you stepped closer to him, a feeling of nervousness bubbling up inside.

“Mr. Baggins, your guest has arrived.”

Eddie turned around; it was like something in a romantic comedy. His face turned into a bright smile as he stood up. As he did, he bumped the table, causing water to spill over the tablecloth.

“Fuck.”

You couldn't help yourself. A smile broke out on your face as you looked at the flushed face of the rockstar you were meeting.

“Let's get you two a dry table, yeah?” 

You smiled at the waitress and followed her to a different table. You smiled as Eddie pulled out your chair and pushed you in. The waitress placed the menus down and then left the two of you alone. 

“Hi.”

You looked up and smiled as you saw how awkward he looked.

“Hi.” 

There was an awkward air between the two of you as you sat together, your eyes on each other. Eddie’s eyes were hypnotic up close; you could get lost in those chocolate swirls. Picking up your glass of water, you looked down only to find they still needed to be filled. You couldn't help the look of embarrassment.

“Thank you for wearing jeans, by the way. I was worried I'd be really underdressed.”

Eddie laughed as he fiddled with the napkin on the table.

“Business up top, party down below.”

“Like a mullet.”

Eddie got excited at this, nodding and pointing. 

“Exactly! My friends didn't get it.”

You laughed, a sense of pride filling you at that moment.

“A clothing mullet, that's a first.”

You mused as you tucked your hair behind your ear and smiled. Eddie looked at you and grinned.

“I figured I better look smart for my wife.” 

The second that word left his lips, your heart thumped hard in your chest. It sounded so wonderful coming from his lips. Part of you felt like you couldn't breathe, and you wanted to keep that title of Eddie’s wife.

“I shouldn't have left you with Tammy, and I'm sorry I did.”

“It's okay, though I wanted to hit her round the head. Rude bitch.”

Eddie laughed as he leaned back in his chair while the waitress filled your glasses. You were surprised at how easy he was to talk to; he seemed happy being around you. It made you happy. 

“I lost a bet. That's the only reason I employed her.”

You stared at Eddie, your eyes wide at his admittance.

“I'm sorry, you only employed her because of a bet?” 

You watched him playing with his hair, using it to hide his face as he looked at you.

“Yeah. My friend Steve bet me I couldn't get her to come to my Halloween party dressed as a muppet.”

“Why?” 

“Steve and Robin say she sings like a muppet. If I could pull that off, it would've been an amazing moment of entertainment for both of them. But she came in this dress thinking there would be some big musicians and managers there.”

You stared, slightly dumbfounded at his admittance. 

“I have to employ her for a year. She's not even good at her job.” 

“So I noticed.” You commented with a smirk. “What would you have gotten if you won?” 

“I wanted him to be in the He Is video, he won though sadly.”

You couldn't help but smile at least neither of them had some sort of sexist bet over a girl. One was to give her a decent-paid job, while the other was to get a friend in an awesome video. You couldn't help but admire that.

“So, about Veg-”

“Are you two ready to order?”

You looked at the waitress, trying hard not to be annoyed that she'd just interrupted you. 

“I'll have the carbonara.”

You smiled when Eddie ordered. He seemed to know what he liked. Scanning the menu, you found the vegetable lasagna and decided to settle on that. 

“So about Vegas.” 

You started once again; after being left alone.

“I found a marriage certificate in my bag, we apparently…”

“Yeah, we got married.” 

He was so casual about it as he leaned back in his chair. 

“I don't remember it.”

“Well, that is what every groom wants to hear.”

Eddie joked with a smirk.

“You're serious? You don't remember it?” 

His tone became slightly serious as you shook your head.

“I went to a lawyer, and he said we can get it annulled. We just have to get some papers filled out.”

“What if I don't want to?”

You frowned as you looked at Eddie. You hadn't thought of that. What if he didn't want to divorce you?

“I'm kidding.”

You let out a sigh of relief.

“Good, because I'm getting married in six weeks.”

“I know.”

“What?” 

You stared at Eddie. You were stunned. He knew you were getting married, but he married you anyway?

“You told me about Adam, and then we drank some more.” 

You felt angry, he knew. Yet he had the guts to fucking marry you.

“You… you asshole!” 

“Oh Princess, look I am so-.” Before he could say anything else, you threw your glass of water over him and stood up. Shaking your head at him, you walked out of the restaurant. You couldn’t help but feel frustrated, angry, confused. What type of guy did something like that? “Princess, come on.” 

Eddie had thrown money onto the table and rushed out after you, and he was dripping wet. His shirt was starting to cling to his torso. But you didn’t care right now. You were mad, you were going to walk away, regardless of how fucking hot he looked. 

“Princess, please.” 

“Stop calling me that!” 

You snapped and turned around to look at him. Your eyes couldn’t help but glance down at the fabric sticking to his stomach. No matter how mad you were, it made your stomach twist and turn slightly. All you could think about was Colin Firth in Pride and Prejudice.

“Look, I’m sorry, okay?” 

“No, it’s not okay. I am getting married, and you married me and then ran away. I had to follow you to this tiny ass town to make sure I could still get married.” 

“Even if you’re making a mistake?” 

You stared at Eddie, your lips parted as you looked at him. A shiver ran down your spine as he spoke words that you’d never dared think about. 

“You know nothing about me. You know nothing about me and Adam.”

“No? I know that he doesn’t like you working. He constantly criticises your clothes: and your friends, he makes you feel small. Makes you feel worthless.” 

You looked at him, blinking as you tried to prevent the tears. Adam did every single one of those things and so much more. He never touched you, but it didn’t stop him from speaking to you like you were shit. Causing you to feel like you’d been punched in the gut. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

He wanted to argue, but he didn’t. Instead, he bit down on his lip and looked at you. A puppy-like look appeared on his face as he slowly stepped toward you and reached out and touched your arm. 

“Look, I’m sorry. I never meant to upset you.” 

He slowly moved his hand to touch your cheek; his eyes bore into yours.

“I’ll sign the papers. I have one condition, however.” 

You kept your eyes on his, your heart fluttering as he stood this close to you. You couldn’t pull your eyes from his. 

“What?” 

“Stay the week. Attend all this awful wedding stuff that being a single person can be hard to endure, and once the wedding is over, I'll sign the papers, meet the judge and you can be on your merry way.” 

Silence took over the pair of you. Nothing but the distant chatter of people and cars driving past. 

“You want me to come to some stranger's wedding as your wife?”

“No, as my friend.” He replies softly and gently.

“But then why won't you sign?”

Eddie looked at you. He didn't want to admit that he hoped he could change your mind and get you to call off your wedding. He didn't care if you wanted to stay with him. He just felt as if his mother had sent you to him to protect where he failed to protect her.

“Call it insurance? We don't know each other that well… or at all really and this way we both keep our promises.” 

You swallowed hard, one week. Just one. You could do that.

“Fine, I'll have to go shopping though I don't have anything for a wedding.”

“I'll pay, there are several different functions.”

“I don't need you to pay.”

“I didn't say you did, but it's a gesture.” 

“I can pay for myself.”

“Then let me at least put you up, you can stay at my place and I'll stay at Wayne’s.”

“Eddie…”

“No, no arguing. Treat it like an air BnB or something. You get my place. Then you don't have to stay in the inn.”

You sighed, gently but then nodded softly.

“Okay.” 

“Great!”

Eddie smiled as you came to a stop walking outside the inn. 

“I'll be here to pick you up in the morning.”

“Okay.” 

He took his phone out of his pocket and handed it to you.

“For your number.”

You smiled gently and put it in (you had to use your phone cause you never remember it) then rang yourself to get his number.

“I'll call you in the morning and we can figure out a time.”

“Okay, sounds good to me.”

You stared at each other for a moment, your heart thumping as you handed back his phone and your fingers touched his.

“I'll see you tomorrow, Goodnight.”

“Eddie, wait.” 

You stepped closer to him, looking up at him.

“Yeah?” 

“What happened in Vegas?”

Eddie smirked, looking down into your eyes with a cocky little smirk. Leaning in, he whispered in your ear his voice causing goosebumps up your body. You watched him walk away, the chill in the air wrapping around you as his words echoed in your mind.

“I'll tell you tomorrow Princess.”

Tag list: @entermxnson @hellfirenacht @ali-r3n @bookdrunkdemigod @peachysink @emotionaldreamer @mimsie95 @corrodedcoffincumslut @emxxblog

[kristannafever]

Big Sky Ranch - 11

Kristanna Modern AU Rated: Explicit WC: 3139

Chapter Index

----------------------------------------

Anna woke to the smell of… something.  It was meat.  Not bacon though.  Sausage maybe?  Ham?  Her stomach rumbled.

She rolled over and looked at his alarm clock, thinking again how cute it was that he had an alarm clock, and saw it was just about four in the morning.  Despite the tiredness she felt, she smiled.  She truly had never been happier in life, and things with Kristoff were just getting started.

Settling back into the incredibly comfortable bed, Anna figured she could lounge in the covers until he came to wake her.  Then a faint sound broke through the closed bedroom door and Anna shot bolt upright in bed.

“It was seven hundred fenceposts from your place to ours Neither one of us was old enough to drive a car…”

Kristoff was singing!

Not even caring that she was naked, she moved quickly to the door and opened it to hear him better.   He was standing at the stove with his back to her in nothing but a pair of jeans.  From the very top of her head, all the way down to her toes, her body tingled with sudden intensity.  She shivered as her skin broke out in gooseflesh listening to him.

“…I'd start walking your way You'd start walking mine We'd meet in the middle 'Neath that old Georgia pine

We'd gain a lot of ground 'Cause we'd both give a little And their ain't no road too long When we meet in the middle

It's been seven years tomorrow since we said our vows Under that old pine tree, you ought to see it now Standing in the back yard reminding me and you That if we don't see eye to eye there's something we can do…”

Anna hadn’t even realized she carried herself into the kitchen and was standing right behind him in a sort of a trance while he pushed sausages around in a frying pan with a spatula.  Even though he was singing quietly, likely so that he didn’t bother her, his voice was glorious and rich.

“I'd start walking your way You'd start walki-AHHHHH!”

He’d startled her by her starling him when he’d turned around to get something from his fridge, and she jumped, taking a step back.

“Jesus, Anna!”  He grabbed at his bare chest.  “You nearly gave me a heart attack.”

Yeah, well, he nearly gave her a heart attack with his absolutely heavenly singing voice.  Sven was right, he could sing like an angel.

He looked down at her.  “And you’re still naked.”

Anna shook her head and crossed her arms.  “How dare you.”

He seemed a little taken aback.  “What?”

She turned and started walking back towards the bedroom.  “Turn off those sausages or they’ll burn.”  She paused at the door and looked back.  He was standing there, looking very confused.  “Hurry up or I’ll start without you.”  She reached down and smacked her hand against her bare ass cheek.

His faced morphed into an ‘Oh, I get it’ expression and he promptly turned off the burner on the stove and hurried after her.

-----

Anna’s day started at six a.m. by making Mr. Weadick his breakfast.  He’d requested blueberry pancakes and Anna made them from a recipe in the old beat-up cookbook.  The first pancakes came out a little burnt since she was unfamiliar with cooking in cast iron, so she put them aside, adjusted the heat down, and made him better ones.  She tasted the slightly burned ones while she cleaned up.  The batter was delicious, and she could see why he wanted to use the family recipe.

After that she set about doing the laundry and the dusting while she thought about Kristoff.   She was a little sore from their lovemaking the night before and that morning.  It was a nice kind of sore though, a welcome sore that just made her happy thinking about being with him.  At his voice!  That song ran through her mind all day in his stunning voice, even though she didn’t really know all the words.  Anna could not wait to get him to sing for her again.

He asked her, afterward, as they laid side by side panting together, ‘how dare he’ what, and she explained that on top of everything, the lovemaking, the hotness of him, his incredible physique, the fact that he was making her breakfast again, and that his voice was more beautiful that she had even imagined, that he was just too damn perfect.  He’d laughed and kissed her and said that she was perfect one, that they were perfect for each other, and she had agreed with him on the latter.

Anna had brought her travel bag packed with things to stay with Kristoff into the cabin in the morning after their breakfast, and she had an idea that maybe she’d just ask him to straight up move in when the week was done.  They were both looking at having Saturday off, and while he did have a few chores on Sunday, they were light, and he said he’d only be a couple of hours.

After she made Weadick his lunch, another simple sandwich, she asked him about what kind of meals he would like over the weekend so that she could make and store them for him.  She thought he might grumble and just tell her to figure it out, but he was surprisingly willing to go through the book with her to see what she was and wasn’t comfortable making.  In the end, he chose a lasagna that he said would do him for both suppers over the weekend, and that if she just made some waffles he could heat up in the toaster, he was more than capable of using the leftovers from the week for his lunches.  It was a lot easier than Anna assumed it was, although she knew things were going to get harder the more time went on.  There were a few recipes in the old book that she wasn’t too sure about and didn’t want to mess up.

After lunch she finished the laundry and put it away, then took it upon herself to try her hand at a pie.  Weadick was in his upstairs study working on something, and she figured if he didn’t want the pie, or if it sucked, she could take it to the ranch hands… or throw it in the trash.

There were apples in the fridge, and while they weren’t Grany Smith like the recipe in the old book called for, she figured they’d do for her first ever stab at making the pastry.  Which proved harder than she thought, even with the recipe.  The dough was finnicky, and the first attempt was too crumbly and was hard to roll out.  She googled it and discovered she might need to add more water and to refrigerate the dough for at least an hour.

Her next attempt at the dough was much better, and she put the pie together and slid it into the oven.  While it baked, she went through the recipes again and googled anything she wasn’t sure of and tips and tricks for certain things.  He did warn her that he wanted a steak on Friday night, so she spent a considerable amount of time looking up grilling tips, the most common of which was to use a meat thermometer to achieve the doneness you want.  Looking through the kitchen drawers, Anna found one.  It would come in handy for the pork chop he wanted her to pan fry for him that evening.

When the pie was done, she pulled it from the oven and wished she’d remembered to check on it.  The edge of the crust seemed a little dark, and there was a note in the book to cover the edge with tin foil if it was getting burnt.  So, her first attempt at a pie wasn’t so great.  At least it still looked edible.

Weadick wandered into the kitchen a short time later.

“You’ve made a pie,” he stated, looking neither pleased nor displeased. 

“Um, yes,” Anna answered him, hoping she hadn’t overstepped or made it awful.  “I figured I should take a stab at it, you know, for when you really want a pie, so I don’t mess it up.”

“Crust looks a little burnt on the edges.”

Anna looked back down at the pie.  Somehow it looked worse than when she’d first pulled it from the oven.  “Uh, yeah.  It does.”  She looked back up at him and gave him what she hoped was an encouraging smile.  “But now I know how to prevent that for next time.”

He regarded her closely a moment, then said, “Well, let’s try it then.  It smells good.”

She nodded and quickly set about getting him a slice of pie.  It cut better than Anna felt it would, even if the burnt edge pretty much crumbled all over the place.  Part of her really wanted to try it before he did, worried that she might have messed it up, or maybe forgotten something.  She really, really, liked this job and she did not want to go back to the diner after getting a taste of what it was like to be working on the ranch with Kristoff.

She set the plate in front of him where he’d sat at the kitchen island and went to busy herself with other things.

“Won’t you join me,” he asked.  “See how it turned out?”

Anna was a little surprised and touched by the offer.  At least then she could know if it did taste good or not.  She served herself a slice and sat at the other end of the island on a stool. 

They each took their first bite at the same time.  Anna was immediately relieved that it was edible.  Actually, it was really good!  Perhaps a little too sweet.  Maybe that was because the apples were sweet, not tart like granny smith.  Anna reminded herself to google how to combat that for next time.

“You know what this needs?” Weadick said after he’d swallowed his first bite and stood up.  Anna worried she’d messed up something.  Why was he standing?  To throw it away?

He left his plate on the island and walked over to the fridge.  He opened the bottom freezer and grabbed something.  As soon as he turned around, Anna understood. 

After he grabbed a scoop from a kitchen drawer, he plunged it into the vanilla ice cream and put a huge scoop right beside his pie.  Then he offered it to Anna and she copied him.  The warm pie with the cold ice cream was a match made in heaven.  She was a chocolate lover, most of the desserts she liked were heavy with it, but Anna vowed to herself to practice pies at Kristoff’s to get better at making them and to have some ice cream on hand because it was damn delicious.

“For your first ever pie, I’d say this was pretty good,” Weadick said, standing from the stool and looking at her.  “Leave me a small slice for later and you can take the rest to the boys.”

Then he turned and walked out of the kitchen, presumably to go back to his study. 

Anna cleaned up their plates with a smile.  They both had the burnt crust left as neither of them wanted to eat it, but she smiled nonetheless because the rest of the pie had turned out and there was only one way to go from there.  Up.

*****

Kristoff and Sven rode back to the ranch houses with Jett in tow.  The kid knew what he was doing which was a great relief to the both of them.  Moving the cattle to another pasture was easier when they didn’t have to bark out instructions like they had to the Greenhorn when he first started.

It was still later than their normal quitting time since no one else had dropped off a resume.  At least Coop was picking up the slack wherever he could.  Sometimes it looked like was doing things he wasn’t supposed to and Buck had to yell at him to take it easy. 

Anna was sitting in one of the lawn chairs that no one had put away from the evening before, talking to Coop when they rode up.  Kristoff had to laugh to himself at the expression she was giving him to see him mounted on his horse for the first time.  It was somehow even more lusty than that look from the bar.   Her mouth was hanging all the way open and her unblinking eyes raked over his body several times.  He knew when he eventually got her on one of the beasts, he’d find it sexy as hell to see her there too.

Buck helped them stable the horses, giving Coop a break since the kid had started to complain that his arm was hurting.  Jett worked hard alongside them all, and the horses were dealt with in short order.  With all the chores done, they went to see what the Greenhorn was making for dinner, to find Anna at the Grill.

Kristoff wandered over to her and pulled her away from her task for a deep kiss, then he went into Sven’s and grabbed a round of beers for everyone.  Anna had her phone open when he passed her a beer on some kind of video about grilling steaks.  He found that adorable and kissed her again for good measure.

“How to you boys like your steaks?” she asked when Kristoff sat down in a lawn chair.

Nearly in tandem, all five men said, “Medium-rare.”

Anna laughed to herself and said, “Alright then.”

Kristoff chatted with Anna about her day while she did the steaks.  Coop said he’d already made some mashed potatoes and green beans he was keeping warm in the oven.  When the steaks were done, they all went inside to eat, gathering around Sven’s table.

There was laughter and excitement amongst the six people as they enjoyed their meal.  It hadn’t been this relaxed in mood for a long time, and Kristoff felt like there was going to be some real positive change on the horizon.  Having Anna working on the ranch being around him as much as possible, was like the biggest breath of fresh air to him.

Everyone gave Anna props for nailing the cook on the steaks, and she laughed saying that the meat thermometer she’d used was a life saver, otherwise she would have accidentally cooked the hell out of them. 

Buck and Jett busied themselves with cleaning up and Anna served up everyone a piece of the pie she’d made earlier.  She appeared adorably sheepish as she handed them out and explained the edge got a little burnt, yet every man there ate every last bite of that pie, burnt crust and all.  It was delicious.

Throughout their meal, Kristoff and Anna had been eyeing each other, and since they were now done supper, they hastily left for the cabin on one of the quads.  Much like the night before, they were on each other as soon as the door was shut.

Ever since that first time they’d come together, he’d wanted her to have her way with him again.  He told her so and her answer was “sure, I’ll save a horse and ride a cowboy”.  It made him laugh long and hard, Anna giggling with him as they undressed each other with goofy smiles and anticipation shining in their eyes.

-----

She was laying pressed against his side, her arm resting on his stomach and her fingers tracing little shapes against his chest.

“I’m glad I nailed those steaks for you guys.  It was great practice.  Mr. Weadick wants me to make that for him on Friday.”

He smiled at the ceiling.  “You’ll do great.  Those steaks were perfect.”

“So, do you guys eat together every night?”

“Quite often.  Sometimes we do our own things.  Every once in a while, someone will want to go out to grab a bite, or if I’m tired, I just come back here and cook something for myself.”

“Can I make just the two of us dinner, on Saturday?”

“Sure.”

“And will you take me out to the bar on Friday night?  I learned how to line dance, and I really want to join in this time.”

He chuckled softly.  “Absolutely.  As long as you’re cool with the boys taggin’ along.  They won’t want to miss out.”

“Of course!  The more the merrier.  And now we don’t have to worry about Boone and his idiot friends ruining the fun.”

“That’s right.”

They both fell silent, Kristoff enjoying Anna’s fingers against his chest and her breathing against his side.  The moment stretched on, until Anna broke the silence.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“Do you ever think about the future?”

He turned his head to look at her and met her gaze.  “Sometimes, sure.”

“What do you think about?”

He shrugged.  “I dunno.  Maybe things that might seem a little fast… like you movin’ in?”

Anna gave him a beautiful smile.  “Is that an invitation?”

“It is.”

“Then yes.  But I need to ask first, if there’s other things you think about… like… family.”

Kristoff understood at once what she was asking and why.  This was the dealbreaker conversation.  It made him a little nervous.  “Um, to be completely honest, I haven’t really thought about that, Anna.”

She frowned slightly.  “Because you don’t want kids?”

He sat up and Anna followed him, clutching the sheets to her chest.  He turned to face her and gave her a reassuring smile.  “Anna, I haven’t thought about it because I have never been with anyone I thought I could ever have that with.  Ever even wanted to have that with.  You understand?”

She nodded, still looking a little sad.

“That was, until I met you,” he added, and her apprehension relaxed.  “I was being honest, I really haven’t thought much past you livin’ with me, and if you’re lookin’ for an answer about that, it’s yes, Anna.  With you… I want kids.”

Her eyes started to shine and she nodded quickly.  “Okay.  That’s good.  Because I do too.”

Kristoff sighed.  These very real feelings he was having were not going to remain at bay very long.  Might as well get it out in the open so that he could free himself of the burden of holding it in.  “I love you, Anna.”

Her lips parted and she pulled in the softest gasp.  Then she gave him the most heartbreakingly beautiful smile.  “I love you, too.”

---

Previous Chapter

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[ihateapbiology]

begin again

(yes from the Taylor swift song but not completely lol)

part 3 to the exs to lovers- part two

You and Julien had both been texting the rest of the day and decided on a restaurant you both had always loved. It served burgers, shakes etc the works. You threw on a pair of mom jeans and a light sweater avoiding looking in the mirror because you knew you’d second guess yourself. You were going on a date with Julien. With your Julien. The thought felt too good to be true like some idealistic dream that would soon be bashed to pieces. What if you guys were completely different people now? What if she was still mad about you leaving and she just did this to get back at you? What if she realized she was too good for you? You took a deep breath in and grabbed your phone to see if she was close. She was. You heard a knock and opened the door to see her smiling face.

“Hey gorgeous” she smiles.

“Hey yourself” you pull her into a hug.

You all head to her car and she turns on some music from some artist you had never heard of before. You laugh.

“what’s funny huh?” She asks you with a smile.

“You and your pretentious music” you tease- you actually loved her music taste but liked to give her a hard time about it.

“Pretentious? Says you” she laughs “remind me where you went to school again.”

“Just a small liberal arts law school around Boston” you joke. The banter felt so right, so natural, so you guys. You all chat about recent artists you guys had been listening to, you ask Julien about different celebrities she had met an and if they were actually good people. It’s perfect.

You pull up to the diner and you take a seat. “God I missed this place” you mention.

“Yeah I’ve been a couple times but it’s not the same without you” she says.

“Well I haven’t been here in 3 years so I’m ready to eat.”

You both order a milkshake and a salad and some other sides.

“Oh god this shake is not as good as I remember it” you giggle clutching your stomach and pushing your chocolate shake away.

She laughs “here have some of mine.”

You dip your straw into hers trying hard to ignore just how “couple-y” the action was. Your faces just inches apart you swore you could smell the mint of her toothpaste.

“So…in Boston did you date anyone? I know you said you aren’t seeing anyone now but did you ever.”

“Uh super casually I went on like a couple dates with these two girls but both of them just weren’t really my type. No bad blood or anything” you shrug- they were nice and pleasant but you didn’t feel a spark with them. “I think I was just…also not really in the place for a relationship.”

“That’s nice sometimes casual is the best” she remarks “are you ready for a relationship now do you think.”

You think wanting to be fully honest and then nod. “With the right person 100% yes” you give her a cheeky pointed glance. “What about you? You ready to retire from the rockstar life and settle down.”

She rolls her eyes “oh yeah you know me different girl every night.”

You laugh “wow such a womanizer.”

“But in all seriously you know with The Tour being done and me being in a good place I can say I am in a good place for one” she says.

“That reminds me you gotta tell me about touring!!” You exclaim. As she happily speaks about it you feel her hand getting closer and closer to your hand. You know this move from the early days of your relationship. You softly move your pinky to touch hers and you hear her briefly stutter before continuing on.

“Oh was that a stutter Baker?” You tease.

“yeah yeah yeah” she rolls her eyes and continues speaking.

The night is perfect, you argue for who should pay, she wins somehow being more stubborn than you.

As you walk out you guys are fully holding hands now.

“I don’t want this night to end” you say softly.

“Let’s walk a bit yeah?” She smiles.

Her hand grips yours like she’s afraid that you’ll get away from her, your steps fall into rhythm. “God I did miss Tennessee in the spring” you say leaning your head down to rest by hers.

“Yeah I bet you missed actually having a spring instead of just a second winter” she jokes. “Hey by the way when is that date for your graduation?” “Mmm sometime in May I forget the exact date.”

“Let me know ok? You been studying for the BAR?” She grins.

“Oh god yeah don’t remind me.” You bury your face into her shoulder.

You walk for about 30 min more and then she drives you back to your current place.

“tonight was perfect” you smile.

“Thank you for being with me” her big brown eyes look so deeply into yours.

“You free tomorrow or the next day? I don’t wanna be clingy” you laugh.

“I’m free the day after tmrw but I’ll definitely call you tmrw” she explains.

You both stare at eachother smiling like fools.

You feel gentle tattooed hands cup your face softly trying to pull you down to her.

It’s a soft peck, chaste but full of love. You both pull away and giggle like idiots.

“Goodnight Y/N text me tonight” she bashfully says.

“Text me when you get home drive safe.”

You close the door and close your eyes. That girl would be the death of you.

[thevoicefromanotherworld]

"THERE YOU ARE"

📍THE IDEA FOR THIS STORY CAME TO ME WHILE I WAS LISTENING TO THE SONG "HALO" FROM QUEVEDO'S NEW ALBUM CALLED "BUENAS NOCHES", IF YOU HAVEN'T HEARD IT OR DON'T KNOW WHO QUEVEDO IS, I RECOMMEND YOU LISTEN TO THEM, AND WHILE YOU'RE AT IT, GIVE THEIR SONGS A LIKE AND PUT A NICE COMMENT, WHICH IS ALWAYS APPRECIATED. I HOPE YOU LIKE IT!📍

Luna walked into the small bar/club on Jean's arm. They both smiled happily and walked up to the bar to order drinks. It was Luna's birthday, and she had invited her closest friends to celebrate. They promised the professor that they wouldn't get into trouble, so he let them out on the condition that they returned to the mansion at a reasonable hour.

Logan grunted and sat down at the table Scott had grabbed for them. The place wasn't too busy, soft house music was playing over the speakers, making people dance slowly to the beat of the music. Howlett watched the girls, who were currently waiting for the waiter to bring them their drinks.

He noticed how Luna's reddish hair shone due to the soft pink and yellow lights of the place. She laughed at something her friend had said, and Logan could see her whole face light up with the action. She tilted her head to look at Scott, who was also watching them.

-When are you going to tell her? -he asked referring to Luna-

-I don't know what you're talking about, kid -he muttered looking at him out of the corner of his eye- Why don't you mind your own business?

-You're right, it's none of my business -Scott conceded- even so my advice is that you tell her

-I have nothing to tell anyone -answered Logan tired of being pressured-

-Okay, stud -he smiled, clearly amused-

At that moment the girls arrived with the drinks. A pineapple juice for Cyclops, another of grape and blueberries for Jean, a Fanta for Logan and, of course, a beer for Logan.

He reached for the bottle and took a long drink. He felt the coldness of the liquid go down his throat until it settled in his stomach.

He glanced at Luna, who at the same time sipped the juice through a straw.

-Well Moon - Scott intervened, taking her out of her thoughts to focus on the conversation - Do you feel different?

-No, why? - he questioned - Should I?

-It's not every day you turn 23 - Jean smiled at her side with amusement - at least you know how old you are - she pointed at Howlett - not like Logan

He smiled pointing at her with his head

-Ouch - he said bringing his hand to his chest theatrically - that was a low blow

-You'll get over it - she assured taking a sip of her drink -

-The truth is that I don't feel different - Luna answered - I'm the same as always

-You don't have to - Logan intervened, making everyone's attention focus on him - some people are affected by age more than others - he murmured - but what do I know about that, right princess? - he questioned looking at her intently -

The atmosphere suddenly became tense. Logan held her gaze for a few moments. For a few seconds, they were lost in each other's gaze. At his side, Jean cleared her throat, bringing them out of their reverie.

-Well, I… -she pointed to the bar- I'll go get another juice, I'm dry- she smiled- Scott, will you join me?

Cyclops nodded to follow his girlfriend, leaving them alone. Scott gave Luna a look that said "I'm sorry." She closed her eyes for a moment, letting him know that she was okay. She could handle Wolverine and his irresistible half-smile for several minutes… Right?

She took another sip of her Fanta, enjoying how the gas burned in her throat as she swallowed. Maybe she was a bit of a masochist after all. Suddenly the slow music stopped to give way to a song that Logan didn't know, but Luna's eyes widened when she heard it.

-I love this song! -she said excitedly- Let's dance!

-Honey, I don't think you want me to go with you - she murmured - I'll step on you

-This song is not danced holding hands, Logan - she smiled leaving the glass on the table - just let yourself go

"Let yourself go" he repeated in his mind before letting her drag him to the center of the bar. Apparently the melody was quite well known, because several people dragged themselves towards the dance floor, moving their bodies to the rhythm of the music.

Logan didn't like that kind of situations. I mean, he did like to go to some bars and have a couple of beers from time to time, but he had never stopped to dance in any of them.

She watched him standing there and sketched a comical smile. The contrast between the jovial atmosphere of the bar and Logan's rough and serious appearance made the situation seem more comical than it already was.

Howlett watched as she began to move to the music. Her hips moved hypnotically in front of him, a movement that did not go unnoticed. He could smell the sweat emanating from her body, mixed with the accelerated beats of her heart and the blood pumping rapidly throughout her body.

In the end he decided to listen to her and let himself go. He started with a soft movement of his feet, right, left and back again.

“When I met you You were single You went out with anyone Anyone who had A full wallet And chains on the outside But now that is not the case You are no longer single Now you have a kitten And when he doesn't find out He comes to see me at the show

The rhythm of the song changed and without realizing it he had put his hands on Luna's hips, making them both move in sync.

Your little boyfriend, get rid of the bad guy Ask him why he unfollowed me (mm-m-mm-m) You know that from time to time I install it for you And don't get rough with me because the bullets here are HALO (prr-prr)

Luna could feel Logan's touch on the waistband of her pants, his fingers burning through the fabric. She knew that he knew it, the need was growing between them with each movement they made. She leaned her back against his, letting him guide her movements. In the end Logan moved better than she thought.

He swung from side to side slower and slower, aware of the closeness of their bodies. Luna rested her head on his shoulder. She raised her head to look at him and couldn't help but let out a low sigh when Logan's hips collided with the curve of her ass. He gently moved closer to her ear, so that only she could hear what he had to say.

"Do you want to get out of here?" he asked, lightly nibbling on her earlobe.

The subsequent moan and her nod were enough for Logan to nod his head towards the exit. They both quickly slipped out of the premises. He looked both ways down the street and saw a kind of dimly lit alley. No one would bother them there.

He took her hand and leaned her against the wall of the alley. They both looked at each other for a moment, until they both went to meet each other at the same time. Logan devoured her mouth as if he were a hungry wolf that had found food after weeks of searching for it. His tongue slipped between her lips, causing a gasp to escape Luna's lips.

She accidentally bit his lip. He pulled away for a moment and wiped it off with his fingers, seeing the blood. Luna looked down in shame, before he lifted her chin between his thumb and forefinger.

-Don't do that - he whispered - don't hide from me - he brushed a lock of hair behind her cheek - I want to see you

Luna gave a shy smile, which in turn made him smile.

-There you are - he celebrated -

Suddenly, he lifted her up, making her wrap her legs around his hips. He pressed her against the wall, making them both let out a low growl.

-I'm sorry I couldn't find a better place, princess -he whispered- you deserve to do it in a bed, not against the wall in a shitty alley

-Maybe that's what I wanted- she stammered with a small mouth-

-Repeat it- he growled, his voice hoarser and more dangerous than before-

-I was saying that maybe that's what I wanted- he murmured- for you to slam me against the wall in a shitty alley

A growl more animal than human escaped Logan's lips, who before getting rid of your underwear said:

-Baby- he whispered as he leaned down again to kiss you- you're going to be the death of me