#They always made me feel a lil something
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the fact that irving canonically survives through the end of asunder to be at wynne's funeral is so fucking funny to me. nothing but love and respect for MY unstoppable cockroach morally grey machiavellian mage dad!!! he's survived in his position through multiple attempted rites of annulment and blood mage plots popping up left right and center around him. the chantry keeps trying to stamp him out but his dodge game is simply out of this world, divine. civil wars, political machinations and minefields, chantry atrocities, this wily old motherfucker is dodging and weaving his way through it all, not-quite-no-hits-taken-running-it-but-honestly-close-enough-under-the-circumstances style. if solas does succeed in tearing down the veil I would fully believe that one of the like three people still alive at the end of it all would be a very weary 90 year old first enchanter irving going 'oh this shit again huh'. the maker has cursed him for his hubris and his paperwork is never finished (affectionate, it's fine he canonically loves paperwork)
#we should have had the option to leave him in the fade instead of hawke or a warden#he would've just annoyedly shuffled his way back out of there a week later#dragon age#dragon age origins#first enchanter irving#he must be SO annoying to the chantry because it's heavily implied he's made his playground#out of tirelessly finding technicalities and loopholes to exploit that they can't *quite* call him on without domino effects going off#I think first enchanter in the circle system at origins times is a position that invariably and inevitably leaves you morally compromised#but I feel he really does his best within the rules he's given to play with and personally i love him a bit for that. and also#for being an unkillable lil shit. insufferable. inconquerable in his 'I'm about to be such an annoyance to you' impish spirit.#the I'm going to suffer but guess what. so are you of it all. traumatize the chantry back#I just imagine sophia sending letters home right before the vote for independence like '...dad I am hearing some INSANE rumours out here#what the actual fuck is going on back home???'#and he's like 'nothing that you need to worry about sweetie just keep living your best life and have fun killing darkspawn <3'#(there's something that makes me feel So much about how consistently his stance is like... 'you'll always be welcome here#but the circle doesn't *need* you; go be a warden and live your life'. he managed to fineagle freedom for you somehow and won't let you#turn and glance back. not even once. I feel somehow both so abandoned and so incredibly loved it's wild)#oc: sophia amell
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Click for better quality!
Hey guys I'm still into wha btw, here's my art for the deciduous spells zine, just wanted to draw my favorite guys being happy for once.
I feel like my art always ends up being in a modern au idk how, it just keeps happening
#I don't talk enough about how much I love these guys#also can you tell this was my first time drawing Coustas and Tartah? Probably#this one is from September so it's a lil rushed bc I was going thru it with uni homework (I still am)#Man I want to make more fanart but something always comes up yk how it is#Wha zine#Wha fanart#coco witch hat atelier#Coustas witch hat atelier#Tartah#Coustas#atelier of witch hat#witch hat atelier#i drew something#Wha coco#Wha Coustas#Wha tartah#It's not really an old piece but tbh I probably would have done some things differently if I'd made it today#the composition never quite satisfied me with this one you have no idea how many sketches I made and none ended up looking good ughhh#But whatever what's done it's done life goes on and all that#Alt text#image description in alt#image described#image description in alt text#I feel like I always put too many tags saying the same thing#Sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes in the alt text there might be idk English
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making big strides now that I'm not crippled by pain and wanting to shout it from the rooftops but somehow feeling awful about it because I'm not doing it fast enough. #livelaughlove
#im fraid ill actually never be comfortable flaunting my progress on social media unless deranged via substances or the delerium#of plainly existing with a factory recall brain#anyway i finished the final chapter and made some incredible developmental edits and im kinda sobbing about it. per the usualllllllll#always feeling like the 'i cant hold all these limes'-guy#theres so much left to do and no victory until i have something (incredible and completely flawless) to show. thats a healthy mindset right#im going back to the mines. but if you heard a lil celebratory eep. that was me#adding delete later as a failsafe because even this vulnerability feels like an involuntary alien probe. GAH.#FRUSTRATION AND JOY AND ANGER AND HOPELESSNESS AND ALL OF IT LIKE POCKETSAND IN YOUR EYES
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i feel like people wouldn’t have been so shitty in regards to violet if the game was more transparent about the issues within violet and minerva’s relationship before she was taken.
like i’m pretty sure the game developers did mention how vi wasn’t really getting the treatment she should’ve been (??) in the relationship, and you do see it in certain scenes, but those scenes are mostly in the romance violet route, so people who already decided to hate her and only play the louis route didn’t get to see them.
#like okay she IS a lil mean when you first meet her but i just took that as her humour#like even one of the game devs said they wrote the dialogue for when she first speaks to clem based on how they feel like she’d flirt#but even though she loved minnie you could totally tell there was something wrong there IMO#her being so shocked that clementine likes her#her being so nervous to ask to dance#and to initiate a kiss in that once scene#basically saying shes never been able to dance w anyone made me go ??? bc if shes always wanted to and she was dating minnie why couldnt she#which leads me to think minnie either shot her down or she felt like she couldnt ask#which are both equally as sad#and dont even let me mention the captured vi route#shes so misunderstood#twdg#twdg s4#clementine twdg#violet twdg#violentine#minerva
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His name is Penis and he was born without a brain💔💔
FUUUUU I ACCIDENTALLY USED UP ALL MY FREKSGINY TAG SPACE YAPPINGGGGGGG GAAAAAAAAAA
COUGH
Errmmmmm listen to Keep Myself Alive by Get Scared
Do yr daily click
Annnndddddd…
Have a good! ᕙ(`▽´)ᕗ
#splatoon#agent 3#new agent 3#neo agent 3#captain 3#captain cuttlefish#they’re there too ig…#goober art#FINALLY IM FREE FROM THIS DRAWING#I uh#I’m gonna go change my style again byyeeeeee bye bye byeeeeee#I feel bad for ppl who followed me bc of like#perhaps one drawing#or they liked the style I used for it#bc like#inconsistency is my bff when it comes to drawing <333#which could explain why I always forget something in a drawing or miss a mistake I made#I wonder which one it’ll be this time!!!!!#COUGH anywho#I uhh#shaded a lil bit#(pls tell me it looks good)#I already skipped to the stage of not rlly liking this drawing#Womp womp#also random thing but I’ve been watching those vids of the Splatoon concerts#they look so fun man….#my favorite bugs dancing around is so whimsical man#anywho…that’s probably enough yapping#thx if you read allat ig…#have a virtual cookie for your troubles (doesn’t rlly do anything but it’s the thought that counts ig…) 🍪
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my half finished clown :] happy halloween
#i really like how the hat n neckpiece came out :) wanted the sleeves a lil poofier but incan always give them a lil fill or something#im gonna finish the full cosplay on my own time maybe formmarch maybe nit.#i got up at 6 this morning to sew the sleeves on USBDUFBFGFJEBHYNSH#i did start the vest i have it all sewn and lined + the collar pinned to it but i just. uhg. the gold edge. fuck that#shoutout to my awesome classmate who gave me gold fabric to do it. sorry i didnt do it yesterday. too sleepy. ONE DAAAAY#i was like NO gold on the sleeves NO red on the puffs ONE button ebcause i dont feel like sewing more#AMEN.#that red fabric. OKAY THAT RED FABRIC FUCKING HTES ME ITS SOME SYNTHETIC WOVEN SHIT THAT WANTS ME DEAD. NOT WORTH IT#sits nicely for the hat. frays like a bitch. skips stitches like a bastard. does NOT want to press or iron.#i only just learned abt the burning synthetic fabric edge to stop it from fraying umm Yesterday thanks to aforementioned awesome classmate#so umm teehee.nits fine zigzag stitch works well enough. Okay im so tired i hust wanted to show off my gay little hat goodnigit#EDIT AAAAH THE PICTURE IS FLIPPED its ok i made sure to get the colors on the proper sides. red is on the left. believe me i made sure.
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So anyway the date went well lmao
#not snz#I'm still ahdkkaskaks#he's actually so fucking cute like ahdkakska#like we've been hanging out outside of work for a hot minute now but it feels Different#i like getting to hold his hand now 😌#sometimes he gives my hand a lil squeeze and i melt lmao#also we had the conversation that i was afraid was gonna make him not want any of this anymore#but it was Not A Problem and it ended up being one of the things he likes about me so#love that for me I'm chill now#anyway his eyes are so fucking pretty#OH and i did bake cookies for him#and he was so surprised i made something for just him bc usually when i bake it's for all the coworkers#and i gave him a lil flower but he just stared at it for a minute and i thought i fucked up#but then he hugged me and said I'm cute and i was like 🥰#but apparently nobody has ever tried to romance this dude back like hello#i thought all parties were supposed to be trying to woo each other#idk how to do that but if this is all it takes to make him blush and give me a cute little smile then I'll have to keep doing it lmao#anyway i had fun i always like spending time with him#oh oh and he gave me this really cute plushie and i was so 🥺🥺🥺🥰#nothing much else happened it was just talking as usual#with the added bonus of openly flirting lmaooo#and we're going on another date soon so 🥰#i should make a tag for this ahskaks#partner posting
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friends are currently debating whether 'lost in the citadel' or 'montero (call me by your name)' is the better solphisto song and here are the main points for each side of the argument:
"lost in the citadel works for both perspectives and their tragic yuri romance" (lines 'i need time to get up and get off the floor / i need time to realise that i can't be yours' given as main example) - jo
vs
"montero cos those two definitely want to f-" - james (perhaps better known as captain bhole)
#on a more serious note jo's point did make me a little insane#again: the line 'i need time to get up and get off the floor / i need time to realise that i can't be yours'#this is so solomon-trying-to-recover-from-mephisto's-perceived-abandonment coded#but it is also so mephisto-unsure-of-how-to-go-forward-after-disappearing-on-solomon-for-millenia coded#obey me solomon#jtta mephisto#solphisto#there were arguments to be made for some of the other songs too but these were the main contenders#personally i also nominated life after salem#it feels like something solomon would listen to that abandonment aftermath once he's hit the bitter anger stage of grief#(at least he would have if music recordings had been invented and also lil nas x had been born back then)#i just feel in my gut that he went full teenage-girl-after-first-break-up for a period afterwards#(the other nominee was 'thats what i want' for the time they had together before mephisto left but that one was less talked about)#you know i didn't realise it until i went back and re-did some stuff but solphisto ended up with such Divorced vibes#believe it or not i didn't actually intend for them to be romantically involved when i first wrote their backstory#(you can see that in the first asks proposing the pairing i was kinda hesitant lol)#but looking back. the tragic yuri was always meant to be#to the anon who first called them yuri btw: you've changed my life
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I have had a VERY busy week (positive but very very socially draining) and I am ABOUT to have a few days of work and then ANOTHER very busy week (work, 2 different appointments and a job interview) and I just wanna take a moment and remind myself that I may take longer to do things than average but im still DOING them and it's. Okay to still feel tired several days after making a phonecall
#idk im having a lil moment of clarity/calm in the middle of.#what feels like a storm of there Always Being Something that i need to do#and thats never gonna go away but its okay to take a breather here and there to help me keep pushing at it#feeling very positive today bc i got offered an interview for a youth councillor role locally#the main problem with it is its 20 hours a week and a 6 month contract. so i cant leave my current job for it#BUT it would allow me to reduce my hours a bit doing something hopefully less emotionally intense#the coffee shop below us ia recruiting again too which. isnt the best look tbh but i think if im doing two jobs id rather#have one there bc like. ive done fast food#i know i can handle it at its worst for at least a while and the bougie coffee place isnt likely to hit those peaks#so yeah! lots of stuff going on lots to do#definitely not talking to friends as much as i should be#but heres kind of why i guess and currently at least im. feelin pretty good!#we also made it through last month without asking for help#which. is huge but being undercut a little by me spending more than i intended and being mega nervous abt it#not sure how this month is gonna go. but. baby steps.
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everyday there's somethin goin on. like the day. or somethin like that
#just me hi#[squinting] there's always something going on#but also ?? what's been happening lol ?? i am only like 34% sure things happened recently#not like i forgot things (i did but-) it feels like nothin is happening. but also there's always Something hbsh#//anyway. my software is being funky again lol :)#kind of wanna do stuff but blaaahahahah#blaaaaaaaah#no motivation really. so sads#GASP but wait i wanted to work on Hid's natural form cuz i want it to be a lil less human-looking#trying to figure how i'll do that though. hmm :^#cuz see he may have wings but he didn't originally. this is due to Fate stuff but that means he won't have bird legs or summin lol#/MAN and i should digitize Fate asap when my puter gets back lol#i think i've mentioned her like twice but Ough. i gotta draw her ehehegh :33#/but yea i dunno what angle i wanna try for hid lol !!#something........ sooooomething.......#/cannot WAIT til i've finished the little world stuff i was writing !! boop has all my files tho so until then...#condensing information is my passion hdvhs#//speaking of i gotta make new refs for everyone HH#i just made those new ones last year i think and i Do still like them but aoh. they're inaccurate now hfvsh#like oath's hair changed as did kira's and also i'm redesigning hid So :^ :>>#//man. anywhoogh#i'm gonna skedaddle rn n see if i can get somethin done lol :3#toodles man !! [skitters away]
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brain is doing...a thing? meds are.....good?
#to clarify#i asked to switch to non-stimulant adhd meds#because of my other fun health conditions i think im way too sensitive to stimulants#so while it worked for the executive functioning part of adhd it also made my heart rate super high and kinda gave me way too much energy#so i couldnt really like....use it the way i was supposed to? i ended up not using it unless i had to get something done that day#which like....works until you realize that its not just Big Things that need to get done and theres a whole bunch of little things that#just arent happening. at all. so! non stimulant version of medication. im a few days in and it takes a lil while to ramp up to working#but so far? im not anxious or super energetic but i still get the brain feeling that i kinda always thought was how the meds were supposed#to be working. like. brain is calm and clear. im not hopping from thing to thing or sitting staring at my computer waiting for dopamine#again only been a few days it takes a couple weeks to build up more. but i have very high hopes for not being in adhd hell all the time
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Thinking of all the kind souls I met while in treatment&residential… I could cry 😭
#my first day admitted was v day and a councilor made me a Valentine’s Day card and so did a patient so that I would feel welcomed & loved#every friday we would give each other notes to say we were proud of them after a hard week or w/e they needed to hear#One time I was very overstimulated during mindful movement class from the music and a patient just sat with me and didn’t say much just#so I knew I wasn’t alone#or how my friend to this day would give me a hug whenever I was crying and I’d feel safe and protected#&&& also how everyone snuck out at night to cause a lil trouble like flipping the therapists name tags & some patients even made a bingo#game for stealing stuff ( I never did but it was funny for people to steal something like a spoon for no reason )#so many good memories and I wish I could reunite with all of those kind souls and hug them and remind them that I’ll always love them#😭😭#personal
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#so i survived my 1st week as a phd student. it's interesting. im not sure how i feel#the negatives are that i forgot how much stress being around people causes me. as a research assistant i was able to be on my own schedule#and go into the lab at odd hours so i never had to see anyone. but now im in classes and teaching and have a shared office#classes are tolerable stress wise so long as im sitting on an edge. i only feel a lil like im dying. teaching makes nauseous beforehand.#which is odd bc im not really worried while im doing it or before im doing it. i thibk its just that i have to interact ans i kno im a#mediocre teacher bc id rather die than do the back and forth of asking questions and u should teach interactively#i like to break down complex idea and help people with problems but i was not build to teach in classrooms. i get knocked off points when#i give class presentations bc i cant make eye contact lol. so that'll b annoying this semester. and its just so hard to function in an#office space. idk its weird like i dont even feel it that much while im there its just like a flashing *i need to leave* alarm. and then#when im alone its like a physical weight off of me. and i cant tell if thats what's draining my energy or if ive just cycled into a low#energy lul bc im just like. i wanna sleep. and for me thats always a sign that somethings wrong. i dont feel that bad mood wise but its#like there's a rock weighing me down as im trying to tread water. so those r the big negatives. the positives r that#i do enjoy being back in school. i love the structure of it. but im also self destructive abt structure so well see how it goes. but my#lab mates seem nice as does my advisor. i feel a bit bad bc ill have to learn genome stuff from the ground up. and today i was trying to#convey ideas to him like an insane person. bc i dont have enough background to talk fluidly abt my prospective project and i have a picture#of what i mean but not all the details. hopefully i made some sense. i think the idea is cool. and thats the other really positive thing.#the papers i have to read associated with this project r waaaaaaaaaay more interesting than anything i ever had to read for my masters. like#they're the types of papers i would force other ppl to read for lab meetings. so im optimistic abt not hating it by the end haha#yay for being excited abt science. but i guess thats the other thing i feel bad abt. like im interested but haven't read a lot to prep bc#i cant express how difficult dyslexia makes things but also i cant control how interested in things i get so i bassically banned myself#from reading papers im actually interested in like 3 years ago bc in retrospect i was prob going thru a hypomanic episode#and i was like reading papers abt microbes in Antarctica all day and not working on my stuff. and i just remember walking into the lab at#like 5am to trasfer alage with tears streaming down my face bc i was just like. i cant have this nice thing and b functional. it has to stop#so i just created this weird barrier in my mind where im not allowed to read fun papers. so its odd to b reading them now for work. its odd#also i was walking to my office worring abt things and then i saw some moss growinf around the edge of the sidewalk and it made me wanna cry#bc i am an extremely normal individual. i have normal feelings abt photosynthesis. but anyway yeah. its been interesting#hopefully ill stay optimistic. next week we have a orientation for new grad students. and i might have to drive like an hr away. hate that#the driving i mean. not the orientation. that should b fun#unrelated
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what's the theme you're fucking going for here voliiii!!! what are you fucking getting at!!! what are you trying to say, what's the point??
#still working on this drama chapter in Swept Up. they're. confusing to work with? from an empathy standpoint at least.#skill who is trying to honestly understand the other skills VS skill who is just always lying and putting on an act.#and then theres the whole thing that im not going to spoil yet but the dynamic. fuck man. i dont even know what im trying to say here#lying is bad? no i dont care about that. honest communication is important maybe? i feel like i need a central theme for this.#and i dont want the theme to be ''empathy good'' because low-empathy people are also good and i love them!! and also:#empathy is a flawed character!! i try to portray this. i dont like moralism/centrism which empathy believes in and is the main skill for#empathy you stupid centralist (affectionate) i know this is just because you don't know how to make everyone happy. who can fix this?#you dont think you can fix this! you feel too much debilitating sadness to make meaningful change!! responsibilite to others more capable#still. i do depict empathy as often kind on a small level because i think that's in character. empathy just helps you understand.#i guess this fic is also a ''empathy doesn't mean kindness. kindness is a choice you can make afterwards but empathy just means empathy''#but that's not a centralizing theme that all the chapters share. its also about vulnerability and the mortifying ordeal of being known#urgh. i'll think about it some more. knowing me its probably another ''love (in all forms) is the meaning to life'' type story lmao <3#i need to make a skill chart for this harry. all i know is that Volition is his skill signature but Empathy is his highest stat#hyper-empathetic harry with the rsd that comes from adhd!! haha!! suffering. everybody fucking hate you. this is based on me btw lmao#i was working on voli's chapter which has a flashback and child empathy! new to the mindspace looking out through harry's eyes and crying#the world is full of sad people and it's just too much for a lil guy! the backstory i have planned for this like. huh okay. wild. anyway!!#oh shit ive made a fucking breakthrough with the drama chapter. its not a theme but its something i figured out at least. we stay winning!!#chemi chats#task: swept up
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oh i didn’t say it here…so um ❤️🧡🤍🩷💜
#leah.txt#and with that goodnight :]#not that it really matters to say cause i’ve always been sapphic since the day i was born lmao but yeah !! had lots of realisations &#putting feelings into words like earlier this week? it just felt like every fell into place & it made so much sense. i feel so like…just#content with myself now. i kept questioning things. i kept feeling as though i was an imposter for calling myself bi but i couldn’t pinpoint#why. so i just feel really happy & really like yeah i’m a lesbian !!! i did like a lil ramble ont priv on twitter before i ended up deleting#it & had convos in dms with the besties & apparently i’d had the exact same convo saying the same things almost two whole years ago so…yeah#thought i would find it hard to change like label i use for myself cause change is always so hard but i just felt excited? i felt happy#i felt like i wasn’t like…lying? anymore. not that i ever was it’s just i always had this feeling of somethings off & now that’s gone…#plus after the fact of saying it & being affirmed in my feelings um i kept having more realisations from growing up & unlocking memories &#it’s so funny cause it’s like it was literally always there i just never realised. anyway didn’t mean to ramble i just meant to go hey then#dip & head to bed cause i have a doctors appointment on the morning askdjsk but it’s really exciting for me idk there’s lots of thoughts but#i’ll shhh cause i’ve gone on for long enough lmao
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yknow i really like my electric tooth brush and it really does make my mouth feel more clean than a normal toothbrush but as someone who can’t keep their toothbrush in the bathroom to be plugged in it sure is annoying to remember to plug it in in my room
#like it’s so hard to remember to charge it and charging takes. forever so if i forget its like. over for me basically#i keep my tooth brush in my room bc my mom is weird and has used my tongue scraper before so i don’t trust any of my shit in there bc fuckin#E W BITCH THATS SO FUCKING GROSS I will literally never recover that made me gag so hard when i found out#and also i keep it in my room bc there’s so much nasty shit and piss particles in the air from humans AND cats……no thanks that’s grossssssss#and don’t tell me put a toothbrush cap on the toothbrush bc those are full of nasty bacteria after a couple uses too so no thank you!!!!!#i will only use them when traveling bc i’d rather have a lil bacteria on it than get like tiny dirt or something in the tooth brush#anyways brushing my teeth has been a struggle always and having to make sure it’s Charged is not helping that struggle factor tbh#i get why dentists like you to use these bitches they’re AWESOME my mouth always feels so clean but godddddddddd why do i have to charge itt#anywyas it was DEAD so i am charging it while i go back to sleep for like an hour or two see ya
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