#These final scenes are maybe the strongest in the play but they're also the first time I've seen coward (perhaps unconsciously) channel the

[asuyaka]

Hello there! It's the anon who made the Gojo x affectionate reader request, I have to say I absolutely love your writing, it's so adorable and wholesome!

Anyways, I wanted to make a similar request like the one I previously asked for, but with a different scenario- kinda.

So my prompt is that Reader is like Mitsuri(not female tho, but if you're ok with it maybe make them a bit effeminate? Like the soft boy aesthetic!), they are a 1st grader but have enough strength to beat even the strongest adult in Jujutsu High to the ground like a ragdoll, they're very sweet and affectionate and just precious in general. They are best friends with Gojo and Geto and were sent to deliver the Star Plasma Vessel with the boys since their strength and durability can put them in the same level as a Special Grade student.

Now here is where this whole scenario actually takes place; Reader somehow managed to enter the domain(?) that Suguru and Toji were fighting on, unfortunately they only manage to get to where they are after Toji had already defeated Geto and after seeing their best friend now bloodied and unconscious on the ground, Reader gets very pissed off and make it their personal goal to give Toji some righteous ass whooping for what he did to their friends and Amanai. And after they took care of Toji they took Geto and ran out of the domain before it could collapse on them.

Sorry if that's a long request! I like making my asks as detailed as I can and tend to go overboard, especially if it's about my current hyperfixations. I hope you' have a great day/afternoon/night! Also remember to stay hydrated and take breaks!😁

- Sincerely, 🌈 Anon.

★ - 'm so glad you liked it !! o(*////▽////*)q req's a tiny bit confusin' but 'm think 'm got the general gist of it!! :3

★ - 'm sorry but 'm wasn't exactly sure who the main character was, so 'm decided ta use em both cauze yanno they're right there!! ^_^

☆ - Teen! Satosugu x Male Reader — can be read as platonic or romantic!

♡ - Zuha's a bit silly n doesn't know how t'write fight scenes s'forgive 'im if it isn't suuuper good! ꒰#’ω`#꒱੭

This whole 'merging' with Riko was extremely taxing on you, Suguru, and Satoru, but it's almost over so you three can relax and play Digimon 'till you passed out!

"Uwaaa! I'm so tired..." You mutter, leaning on Suguru's shoulder as your group climbs the stairs leading to Tengen's barrier around Jujutsu High.

Riko beside you huffs. "You can at least pretend not to be!"

"I'm sure [Name] didn't mean anything by it." Kuroi smiles softly as the five of you finally reach the top of the stair way, safely inside Jujutsu High barriers.

You let out a sigh of relief. At first, you weren't entirely sure why you were put on the mission, you're only a first-grade sorcerer while Suguru and Satoru were special grades, but Yaga chalked it up to you being strong enough and your friends needing someone responsible to be with.

The mission took more out of Satoru than anyone else, you and Suguru were heavily aware of that. On Day Two, you stayed up with him the entire night, busying yourself with whatever videos you could find and an unhealthy amount of Sakura Mochi.

You hear Suguru tell Satoru he worked hard, and he did. Harder than the two of you could thanks to his technique. You make a mental note to yourself to treat the two of them to food when the merging is finally complete.

"I never wanna get stuck babysitting a brat again." Satoru rolls his eyes, the blue glow that indicated he was using his Six Eyes dissipating.

You walk up behind him and hug Satoru from behind. "Goob job 'toru!" You make sure not to squeeze too tight, he was tired and you didn't want to make him physically hurt too.

The next thing that happens, hurts.

You feel something— it's sharp — enter your abdomen and exit through Satoru's sternum.

The two of you instinctively look back. You're inside the barrier which is supposed to protect you from any intruders, but obviously from the blood that's piling up your throat, it didn't.

Satoru uses a small version of Blue and Suguru uses a curse. It hurt, obviously. You couldn't use your technique to nullify it because it wouldn't do it's job of hurting the man behind you, so you let it pass.

You breathe to calm yourself and analyze your situation. Your eye is bruised, not blind but there is blood obscuring your vision. You definitely have internal bleeding, but it missed vital spots so you can suck it up and deal with it.

Satoru and Suguru are talking about something, but you're worried about Riko and Kuroi— some could argue that you should be worried about the hole in your stomach but your injuries come later, Riko and Kuroi need to be safe.

"Suguru, [Name], get them to Tengen-sama."

Suguru tenses, gazing between you three before nodding. "Be careful!"

You get up, internal bleeding be dammed, grabbing Riko's arm and running the other way with Suguru.

The bleeding of your eye gets worse with every step and you have to keep running despite coughing up blood more times than is healthy. Suguru looks back at you, worried, but you assure him you're okay.

You can't let Satoru down. You can't let Suguru down, so you force your body to deal with it— force your body to use RCT, something you know like the back of your hand due to your technique.

The four of you reach the elevator that leads to where Tengen stays. Suguru makes sure You, Kuroi, and Riko enter in first before pressing the button for the lowest floor.

"H-here!" Kuroi hands you a handkerchief to clean the blood off your hands. You mumble out a small "thanks" using it to wipe your face as well.

You're strong, you know that. Being a first grade while in the second year is an amazing feat, but fuck you were scared.

You're able to go through Satoru's Infinity just fine, but that's because of your technique. That man, whoever he was, shouldn't be. "Satoru's going to be fine, don't worry," Suguru says as if he can hear your thoughts, patting your arm for reassurance.

If Suguru says everything is going to be okay, then everything is going to be okay. You remind yourself to focus, focus, focus— because after this, you two will go help Satoru, and everyone will be fine.

The elevator stops and the four of you get out. You're beside Suguru and Riko and Kuroi trail behind you. All of a sudden, Kuroi stops.

She's crying and you can feel your heart breaking. This 'merging' thing was fucked up from the get-go. No kid should have to always have in the back of their mind that they're going to die, and there's nothing they can do to stop it.

"Suguru..." You mumble softly. You shouldn't be seeing this— it's private, meant to be between them. Suguru nods. He understands, he knows what's happening is messed up and he's going to do something about it, who cares what Tengen needs?

The walk is silent, unnervingly so but you're about to kill a kid. The thought makes your stomach churn but you do nothing about it. You're strong, you can deal with it.

"Suguru, I'm staying back." You say, hands pressed into a fist and your head hung low. You can't stomach the thought of willingly killing a kid— you won't forgive yourself even though you know you can't do anything about it.

Suguru doesn't say anything, he doesn't need to. You were put on the mission last minute, and he knows how empathetic you are.

You watch them make their way to Tengen's territory and you feel sick. You feel sick to your stomach, hunching down and forcing yourself to calm down.

"focus, focus, focus." You say like a mantra to yourself, even though you're scared. You know how to focus if the situation is right, but you just feel nauseous.

You hear steps walking closer and your heart jumps. It's Satoru! Satoru did it and now he's coming back to show that he's a part of the strongest duo in the Jujutsu world.

"Damn. Didn't know they had security here."

Your eyes widen. That voice doesn't sound like Satoru, and it doesn't look a thing like him. It's that man, the same one that went through Satoru's Infinity.

You can see him clearly now thanks to the yellow fluorescent lights on the sides of the wall.

He's more muscular than you you can tell that easily. His hair is flat against his head with eyes that don't have any form of empathy in them, and with a scar on his lip.

You aren't scared, surprisingly, you're angry— fucking livid.

He killed Kuroi, a woman who was so nice, so grateful for the things she'd had in life, a woman who didn't deserve to die. He killed Satoru— he killed the people you care about.

You don't ask questions, you don't stare with your mouth open like a moron, you start fighting.

You're struggling to keep your emotions in check even though the first and basic rule of Jujutsu Sorcery is to not let your emotions get in the way.

The man, whoever he is, grabs your wrist, hastily pocketing his gun and grabbing a knife, stabbing it straight through your sternum and dragging it down to your hip line.

He takes it out, your blood staining his forearm. He switches the way he's handling it and stabs you through your throat.

Your vocal cords and blood vessels are in pain, but you can't yell, can't scream, can't do anything. Your body face-first falls limp on the floor, pushing the knife deeper into your throat to the point it comes out the back of your neck.

He stomps on your head for good measure, grabbing his gun and walking towards where Geto and Riko are.

You feel your heart slowing down as your blood leaks to your fingers. You're dead, you're dead if you don't do something—anything. Your eyes close and blood leaks out of your mouth. You're done for.

The sound of rubble falling wakes you up, your hand twitching before you lug yourself up, the front of your uniform stained with your blood as the energy from your subconscious RCT flares off your body.

You pull the knife from your throat. It stings, obviously, but you don't care about that.

You know for a fact now that Satoru, Kuroi, and Riko are dead. With every step, you hear more crashing and buildings getting destroyed.

Your eyes scan the area. You can feel the output from one of Suguru's stronger curses, it's faint, most likely due to distance, but it's definitely there.

Jumping from the platform, you hastily make your way to where the energy was coming from.

You're there— so close until the building fucking collapses.

Your heart drops when all the dust and smoke clears. Suguru is lying down— is he dead? Oh Suguru, please don't be dead — an 'X' on his torso his eyes are closed and that same fucking man is standing in front of him.

"Shit kid, just can't stay dead can you?" His grin pisses you off. It's full of teeth as his scar grows wider.

He notices your expression, holding back a snicker. It looks just like the curse-eater's when he realized Gojo died. "Might wanna close your mouth, you'll catch a flyhead in there." He snickers, putting the blade he had back into his cursed spirit and getting a smaller weapon with two blades on it.

You grab a weapon out of your back pocket. Your technique barely helps in hand-to-hand combat so you're used to carrying a weapon on you that you're used to using. Why you didn't use it the first time, you aren't sure yourself.

It's a decent-sized blade Yaga had made with the technique of a retired sorcerer. Hammerspace or something, you don't really care. All you need now is that man dead.

You throw the knife at him for a distraction. He deflects it, like you expected. You ducked behind him, your hands curled up into a fist as your hand connected with the blade of his sword.

You had to make this quick so you can tend to Suguru.

Not giving him any time to land on his feet, you grab your blade from the air switching the grip into a reverse hammer and brute-forcing your way through his hand.

The blood splatters on your cheek, grabbing the blade out and using your other arm to hit him from the side.

You take a second to breathe. His arm has a hole in it and he's breathing heavily. That cocky grin finally wiped from his face.

Every single bone in your body was telling you to kill him, to put an end to him right then and there for killing people who didn't deserve it— for killing teenagers.

But then you remember Suguru. Suguru who's lying on the floor somewhere, most likely bleeding out. That is what pulls you out of your anger-infused trance, turning your back to the man and rushing for Suguru.

He doesn't try and kill you, thankfully, but you notice Riko's body is gone.

Pushing all that to the back of your mind, Riko's dead body, her lifeless face— her life that was cut too short because she was born as a vessel, you find Suguru.

His breathing is there, very faint, but it's there. Immediately starting RCT on his body as tears brim your eyes. You're crying now, crying over all the things you should've cried about before but were too busy trying to keep yourself alive— not that you could die anyway, you do RCT subconciously.

"Suguru... Suguru, please open your eyes," Your voice wavers as his uniform gets damp with your tears.

You keep RCT going, pressing your ear where Suguru's heart is as his blood stains your face. You cry over the death of Satoru, you cry that you weren't able to save Kuroi or Riko, you cry about how you couldn't kill the man that would've killed most of the people you knew— most of the people you care about.

"[N-Name]...?"

Suguru's voice sounds so weak. It sounds horse, like he's dehydrated, but it's there— God, Suguru's alive.

"'m sorry- was too weak- 'm so sorry S'gu!" You wail as the tears fall harder, your decently muscular arms wrapped around his torso as you wait for him to berate you, to yell at you for not killing that man when you had the chance.

"[Name]— It's okay, I just... fuck, okay, listen, it wasn't your fault, alright? He had a heavenly pact and from what I can see, you at least caused him to bleed." Suguru's hand wipes the blood on your cheek, his thumb presses against the grass to get the blood from that monkey off him.

"I'll check on Satoru, so wait here, okay?"

You don't have the heart to say no to him. You're too weak, too mentally fatigued to stand up and see the corpse of someone else you loved, someone else you cherished.

So you watch Suguru leave, accompanied by wet sniffles and dry wails, you curl in on yourself and wait obediently for someone to come get you.

You don't know if you're hallucinating, but you swear you see a patch of dark blue hair, blood leaking from Riko's the person's head before you pass out.

[sethan-obsession]

What are some good new RPG maker games?

I played some ages ago, but the websites have now all been nuked because they were full of ripped assets from SNES games.

ooh i can answer this

for ones with no real combat that've been around for a while, yume nikki is good, but i've mainly played .Flow, a fangame of it, which has a darker tone and atmosphere with more understandable "goals", so i attached to it much more

Ib (eye, bee, as letters) is an interesting art game that appeals to emo/scene aesthetics that i like more, it has no combat but many puzzles and an incredibly interesting setting, to me

OFF is a french-translated RPG which is kinda the best in the business, the art & music are top notch and the gameplay is accessible, if seeing pictures of it or hearing music from it intrigues you, i think everyone should give it a shot.

almost all of these are real battle sprites. you play as a baseball player (The Batter) and purify ghosts as you come into existence. the fandom came & went in 2012-2014 or so, but the game's worth experiencing, very much. more games under the cut below the image

LISA: The Painful is an excellent game that has a post-apocalyptic setting and a weird axis/style for an rpgmaker game (being a sidescroller), the setting involves you playing as a very traumatized man living in a world where all women have gone extinct and people are fighting over nothing before the world ends, the feeling of it is pretty immaculate and the soundtrack is great but strange, it cultivated my interests at a developmental period

most of the aes can be described through this trailer

LISA also has a sequel (The Joyful) which takes place after the first to tie up the story, but most importantly is that the very interesting setting & vibe set up a slew of fangames, the strongest to start out with which are

LISA: The Pointless, where you play as a very washed up martial artist who gets dug out of a trash pile by a new friend he made; a gunslinger with a bolt-action pistol that only has one bullet, and thus he can never shoot it: only threaten enemies & fake out the fact that he MIGHT shoot them, to debuff them - this game also tightens up the RPG aspects of LISA significantly, and has an IMMACULATE vibe & unique feel, it's one of the most important games to me ever

and LISA: The Hopeful, which retains more of the aesthetic of the original as well as the goofy charm while telling a very compelling grounded story.

i also contractually need to mention Fear & Hunger, it's incredibly unfair and by most metrics fails at game design but if you're interested in body horror, cosmic horror & can stomach depicted (but very much so not portrayed positively) sexual violence, it's very good art

and finally, Hylics is an incredibly artsy game that's obtuse and strange but very beautiful. it's entirely sculpted and animated with clay, but i think (as someone interested in other claymation projects, but weaned off of them after a while) the aesthetic is notably better for hylics, it doesn't feel "gross" with its humor or too, "self-referential" i'd call it maybe?

the sequel, Hylics 2, is instead fully *animated* claymation that was then ported to blender, frame by frame. there's no other project on earth that really looks like Hylics 2.

i would highly recommend playing both if you gel with them at all or think they look cool, they're both pretty cheap on steam and are accessible for an RPG (if you can figure out its silly namings and mechanic equivalents for things like health & levelling up).

none of the games mentioned here have level grinding or random encounters, either (besides some parts of OFF)! i hate that! i only like good ones, i promise!

that's all, hope this helps lol

[petra-creat0r]

Same anon from before: Zach Tyler Eisen as Aang, Spencer Fox as Dash from incredibles, Macaulay Culkin, Jim Parsons, Greg Cipes as Beast boy, and Billy Crystal as Mike Wazowski

Okay, writing this soon after I woke up. I saw this last night but decided I'd save it for the morning so I can listen to the voices and stuff.

Zach Tyler Eisen... Hmm.. I can see that. Not much to say in how the characters match. I watched a compilation of Aang having savage come backs, which would fit for CK. He might be a kind soul, but he will roost you. Also there were some scenes of Aang's fight with Admiral Zhao, and I wanna say that CK would totally mess with his opponent in that way. His magic isn't the strongest, so if he can use his wit and cunning to use his enemy's attacks against him? He will. Also it's funny to mess with people trying to attack you. Overall, not my favorite pick, but I'll put it on the poll regardless.

Spencer Fox I had trouble finding a voice reel/compilation of. So I'm listening to a voice comparison video of all Dash's different voice actors. Before anything I can say that the energy of Dash definitely fits CK so I have some hope for this one. Both are energetic and fast as well as huge pranksters. Listening to all 3 voices of Dash (Spencer Fox for the first movie, Raymond Ochoa for Disney Infinity, and Huck Milner for the second movie) I'd say they're all pretty good. Just not as... I guess iconic as I want? It'd be difficult to pick just one of those actors for example since their voices sound so similar to me. (I mean, guess that's sorta the point) I guess I'd probably choose Raymond Ochoa over the other too as his portrayal seems to fit the most for CK. But also I need to keep in mind the voices people will know. People might be familiar with the Incredibles, but I'm not so sure about Disney Infinity.

Moving onto Macaulay Culkin, that's the actor for the kid in Home Alone right? I struggled finding a compilation of his acting, and in the end, the compilation I put in my queue to watch was just pictures of the boy. What I remember of the movie did have Kevin be a little trickster and if CK was left home alone, he'd definitely set up all those traps and stuff, regardless of if his house was being robbed by burglars or not. The thing is I don't recall Kevin speaking all the much in the movie. Something that goes completely against the loud and rambunctious CK.

OMG finally an actor I can find a voice compilation for on YouTube!! One I didn't know Jim Parsons played so many characters, two, I never noticed the guy who played Sheldon on The Big Bang Theory was the same person who play Oh from Home. He also had a small role on Pound Puppies? Omg who remembers Pound Puppies? I liked that show. Okay, back on track. Uuumm... Yeah I guess I can see it. Especially hearing him play more energetic characters like Oh or... Buddy the Elf? Okay apparently he played an animated Buddy and honestly it's a little weird seeing (or, well, hearing) someone else but Will Ferrell play Buddy, but Parsons makes it work. Though tbh, I think Parson is sorta with Zach for me. In the "Meh" area where it could work but I think there could be better candidates. If I can't hear CK's iconic "MWEH HEH HEH! ALL SHALL FALL BEFORE I, THE MIGHT KING OF COMICS!" in the voice after I've listened to some examples, then I'm less confident in considering. Okay, maybe not that line exactly, but it's important for me to hear something CK would say in the voice. Or envision CK saying something the voice actor's said.

Anyways, moving on. Greg Cipes was another I was able to find a voices compilation of. Cipes has voiced... a lot of animated comic book characters, and other animated charcters. However yeah I could see his portrayal of Beast Boy for CK. Loud, energetic, has the annoying younger brother vibes. I might have to listen to more examples of Cipes voicing Beast Boy specifically to get a better opinion. There's probably plenty of clips on YouTube for that though. I mean, I just need to search up Beast Boy Teen Titans Go and parse through stuff. Oh, also didn't know he played Michelangelo on 2012 TMNT. (... wait who played Mikey in RotTMNT?) ... okay now hearing his voice some more, yeah I can see it. On the poll it shall go! Alright who's last...

Ah. Billy Crystal. The first thing I think of is "Put that thing back where it came from or so help me!" While incredibly funny, the voice doesn't fit CK. Nor that line. That'd be something Chicago would say, and I already have a VA for my Chi-boy. (Thankfully.) Still, for the sake of integrity, I shall listen to more examples of the voice. I just doubt it's gonna be a fit. While Mike Wazowski is comedic and loud, that's where I see the similarities between him and CK ending. I don't see Mike as all that energetic and well, in a world of monsters, they all seem a little wacky and chaotic. (Though, couldn't the same be said of CK's world I guess?)

Okay. I probably should have enough to put up the poll now? Alex Hirsh, Nicky Jones, Greg Cipes... Okay maybe I don't have enough. I decided to drop Jeremy Shada, just doesn't fit well enough in my head.

I guess keep the head canons coming.

[lostcryptids]

here's my thoughts on the quarry because i think it could have been a lot better:

I heard a few people say the budget was lower for this game than until dawn, which is why some stuff like the water and werewolf changes were so strange. I feel like that stuff is not the biggest issue at all to me, like yeah the water looks weird but the rest of the graphics look fine to me. It makes me think if the budget was the reason why some of the things in the game are less than spectacular?

To start I think there are a few too many characters, in a thing like a slasher horror movie you're obviously not going to get a ton of character out of the people who are in the movie to be killed, but this game feels weirdly short, like none of the characters are able to do much. For something based on campy horror movies I guess it does nail the fact that most of the characters are one note, but I just don't think that was what they were going for. They could have

A. Started out with less characters in the first place to focus on more of the main ones

B. Had a few of them die with no way to save them earlier in the game, I guess I feel like this is the deal with Nick, he hardly gets any screentime after he becomes a werewolf and that's it for him. Which also feels unsatisfying for some reason to me, especially when they had this creepy thing between him and Abi that could have been expanded on for more horror moments? Idk

C. Made Laura and Max the actual main characters and had all of the other characters be secondary characters. I feel they're the strongest characters so it would make sense. I did hear that Max's actor had a full schedule so I guess that is why he wasn't in it too much

I do think a lot of the counselor characters are very weak and none of their relationships go anywhere (Besides the obvious of Max and Laura's relationship driving part of the plot) Like obviously I don't care about most of the romantic options it gives them during things like the campfire because this is a horror game, but if they're going to do that at least have some sort of closure to the relationships you're trying to set up?

I guess overall a lot of the characters are really boring to me

I don't have a lot of problems with the werewolf designs, I see a lot of people wanted them to be cute and furry but I think this design is pretty unique. Yeah like fluffy werewolves are cute but I don't think they'd have the impact of the designs they used. A FEW more wolf elements would have been nice, maybe to make them look like an animal with mange, so they're not totally fluffy but they're not totally bald.

There is really not enough to the Silas story at ALL it feels really rushed. Would have loved something like a flashback or more information about him in the first place, and then the final confrontation feels like nothing. For something based on horror movies, it feels weird that the big villain of the game is killed so easily. I understand it to some degree with that fact that Laura says he's a kid and hesitates while trying to kill him but....I have never seen a slasher/monster movie end with such a letdown of a final fight.

I think Max is severely underutilized in this game as someone who I think could have been one of the strongest characters. I liked him the most out of them, so it's pretty sad he didn't get a lot of moments. Also the fact that people have to jump through hoops to get the Max and Laura reunited ending is SO WEIRD to me. If they both live in a play though, you should get the ending. They're basically the main characters and I don't care about anyone else

The ending is so weirdly abrupt, really strange. Like it ends so fast it makes me think what the hell was going on. Ending could have been a lot stronger and the credits scene being a podcast is lame as well. With the emphasis of collecting evidence in this game, you'd think it would come MORE into play in the end.

I like Ted Raimi's performance. He's very fun being a creepy weirdo. I wish they went more into the family, though. Like you get a little bit of it but i don't think it's expanded on as much as it could be. I think a better thing to have done in this game was not making the curse Silas inflicted on the family just 6 years ago, make it more of an old thing. Have Silas not really be a kid but had done this years ago, I just think it would have made the whole family dynamic and the search to kill him more dramatic.

Overall I feel like I really like the idea, like 3 of the characters, but I think it could have been executed a lot better

[lilmisswhyso]

Yay here we go...for the THATW song ask game, Battle Cries for questions 1, 2, and 8?

What was your first impression of this song (and has it changed)?

oooo god I really really wish I could remember! I was listening to the album on shuffle when I first listened to TAD (blasphemous, really, I have to tell everyone I recommend this band to now to listen in order sdfdsfds), so I don't remember when exactly I heard it first or what I thought about it. I know that I heard it before I heard Pruning Shears, so it was my first exposure to the brilliant double vocals. I think, like a lot of THATW songs, it took a moment to grow on me, but now it's one of my top 3 on the album. Battle Cries my beloved 💜

2. How does this song make you feel?

Is "everything" a viable answer? 😅 Tbh, I think it's hard for me to pin down a specific feeling for this song, cause I've yet to truly process all of it. I feel fatigued alongside Madeleine's character as she sings "I'm dolled up love, don't I deserve to just walk away?" but also invigorated by "this isn't a break up, dear heart, it's a season finale," yet also fond and nostalgic over "We were gods, we were kids," and every time Joey whispers "I'm doing fine" at the end, I feel like all the tension in my body is gone. In general, this song just makes me feel some kind of positive.

8. Do you visualize any colors, images, or scenes when listening to this song?

Oooohhh... the most prominent visualization for this song for me is probably an art gallery—both just in the lyric "from the back of the gallery," but also because one of the strongest trains of thought I've had about this song is how it talks about performance (applause, plays, fictions, "sing your notes, play your part, then we'll leave). The idea of being looked at by people, growing up on the "stage of life" and never really being able to duck behind the curtain. I see the characters in this song both as people in the crowd at this art showing (idk why I see Madeleine as the artist and Joey as a friend coming to support her? "You've a knack for applause from the back of the stalls" maybe), and also as the people inside of the paintings. They're like mirrors of a sort that allow the characters to reflect on who they've been, who they are now, and who they have the potential to be.

[yurtletheturtlehenderson]

COSMIC - S3:E3; Chapter Three, The Case Of The Missing Lifeguard - [Pt. 5]

A Will Byers x Reader Series

𝘌𝘭 𝘨𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘭 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘫𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘤𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘉𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘏𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳. 𝘞𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘨𝘪𝘳𝘭𝘴 𝘵𝘳𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦𝘨𝘶𝘢𝘳𝘥, 𝘞𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘔𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘓𝘶𝘤𝘢𝘴 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘋&𝘋. 𝘋𝘶𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘚𝘵𝘦��𝘦 𝘴𝘱𝘺 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘙𝘰𝘣𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘱𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘙𝘶𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘢𝘯 𝘮𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘨𝘦.

⚠️: Castle Byers scene. Meaning lots of angst, self destructive thinking, and misguided self punishing

📝: Started making it... had a break down [fr tho]... ¯\_( ツ)_/¯ bon appetite! 👩‍🍳 [edit: told ya 💀]

🔑: underlined and bold means they're talking in Russian

||𝟑𝐑𝐃 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍 𝐏𝐎𝐕||

Warm rain spits from the angry blanket of clouds, falling through the sky and drenching Mike and Lucas to the bone despite their rain gear. Mud splashed up onto their ankles and drenching their socks as their bikes skid up the Byers driveway. Without a thought, they throw their bikes into the ground before racing up onto Will's porch.

It had taken far longer than they cared to admit to decide to go and find Will. To make things right.

Mike was realizing far too late just how right Will was. He didn't even recognize himself anymore. El had become such an important piece of his life, but he hadnt realized until now just how much he let his feelings screw up all the wonderful things he had in his life to begin with. He missed how things used to be. With the party. With Y/n.

With Will.

All the anger he feels towards himself is channeled into his fist banging on Will's front door.

"Will!" He cries. "Will, I'm sorry, man, alright? I was being a total asshole. I've been a total asshole. Please, can you just come outside and we'll talk?"

No answer but the thundering clouds rolling over their heads. He pounds on the door again.

"Will!"

Lucas hurries to the window, cupping his palms against the glass and peering inside. He knocks on the window, doing his best to peer around the curtains and furniture obscuring his sight.

"Hey, Will! Come on, man! We're sorry!" He knocks again, growing nervous. "Will!"

||𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐋'𝐒 𝐏𝐎𝐕||

'Sorry, man. Curfew,'

'For the last time, Will! No!'

-'What, so I should be locked up all day, too?'

-'Maybe!'

Huffing, I throw the wrinkling comic book into the old mattress. Nothing was working. Nothing was enough to distract me. I was too angry.

I looked down at the withered cover of the comic book I had just thrown, my chest sinking further. Dustin's X-MEN 134, he gave it to me after that night at the hospital.

Thinking about it now, I can't even remember the last time all seven of us hung out as a party. I don't count Dustin's welcome home. Mike and El couldn't be bothered to pretend to care, and Lucas and Max kept ganging up on Dustin. Dustin was understandably upset and not wanting anything to do with us, leaving just me and Y/n. And now, not even her.

How did everything get so messed up?

What was I doing wrong?

I looked around the walls of Castle Byers, a lump forming in my throat. Everywhere I looked, I was painfully reminded of the truth.

My friends don't want me anymore.

I keep telling myself that's bullshit, but the more I do the more it feels like a lie.

They're moving on without me.

Friends don't just forget you, I reasoned. They don't just abandon you.

Then why were they doing just that?

Maybe they weren't my real friends. Friend's don't do what they did.

Everything hurts. I've been telling myself I'm fine, that I'm overreacting but I don't think I am anymore. I'm just tired. I'm tried of feeling like this. I'm tired of being pushed aside, especially when I need them most.

They didn't use to be like this, I tell myself. But somehow that just hurts more.

I had people that cared about me, who were willing to risk their lives to save me. Twice.

And now they don't give me a second thought.

I was shaking now, but I don't think it's from the rain. The storm had finally reached me, seeping through the walls and dampening my clothes and hair.

Another painful realization hits me; Castle Byers looked just like it had the night I built it with Jonathan.

Even though this night was so much like the night Castle Byers was constructed, it couldn't feel more different. More unfamiliar.

My teary eyes find my first D&D manual, propped up against the wooden walls, soaked and forgotten like me. I'm painfully reminded of the night all this started.

I remember it as clear as if it were yesterday, and yet it feels light-years away.

'Something is coming. Something hungry for blood.'

《•••》

"What is it?" I ask, edging further off my seat.

This time it's Dustin who cuts in, "What if it's the Demogorgon?"

Oh, great, I think, throwing myself back in my seat with an anxious huff. We're not ready to face a Demogorgon!

Beside me, Y/n draws in an equally anxious breath.

"Oh, Jesus, we're so screwed if it's the Demogorgon." Dustin rambles on.

"It's not the Demogorgon." Lucas says, assuring us all.

《•••》

My eyes trail to one of my favorite drawings; Will The Wise and Y/C/N. The one I had made when Y/n was first constructing her character. The one that hung in my room for so long, always cheering me up. The one that gave my mom the idea to help me communicate my now memories.

The one that Y/n always threatened to steal for her room as often and as recently as her last visit. The memory of her warm touch lingering on my cheeks burned as bright as the blush raging over me that night so long ago.

'Wait a minute... Did you guys hear that?'

《•••》

The anticipated silence in the basement left by Mike grew louder as he leaned in.

"Boom..." His voice grows louder. "Boom," Louder.

"BOOM!" Mike bellows, slamming his hands against the flat surface, rattling the table and all its contents.

The sudden noise was enough to make me and my friends jump, as was the sudden hand grabbing for my own.

All the more startled, I look down to see Y/n's hand grasping my arm like a lifeline. I feel my skin flush, my cheeks surely reddened as I catch her eye. She looked flustered, smiling a small smile before retracting her hand and returning to the game, unknowingly leaving me in a dizzying blush.

•••

"Will, your action!"

"Fireball!" I cry, throwing the dice to the board with a satisfying rattle.

"FOURTEEN!"

My friends erupt into cheers, all around me as we celebrate together.

"BOOM!"

"Direct hit!" Mike cries, beaming proudly at me across the table. "Will the Wise's fireball hits the Thessalhydra!"

Our excited shouts fill the basement, each and every one of us victorious. My smile can't get any wider when I feel Y/n's hands grip my shoulder and begin shaking me excitedly. We both laugh, feeling on top of the world with our cheering friends by our side.

《•••》

Pained, I look away only to find the proof right in front of my eyes. My three favorite pictures; all of them, my friends and me — happy — staring back up at me.

Our photo from the science fair, encased in the popsicle frame Mike had made bearing all of our characters' names along the side. I brought it here, I brought all my favorite pictures here, to Castle Byers — to my safe place — cause that's where I knew I would need their comfort the most.

But as I look at them now, all I feel is bitterness and pain. I'm reminded of just how much everything has changed.

The science fair was a reminder of the good thing I had before that night. Before everything started.

Y/n and me, at the Snow Ball. My arm wrapped around her, the two of us grinning nervously. It wasn't just the night Y/n and I had first kissed, it was also the first night I felt like the Party had gotten bigger. All of us, Max and El included had been happy. Everyone was laughing and getting along, the happiest we had ever been — the strongest. But now I see it was really the beginning of the end.

It had been coming for so long and I didn't even see it.

And Halloween. Last Halloween, everything had been perfect. For just one. Single. Stupid. Moment.

Shakily, I pick up the photo Jonathan had taken of all of us in our costumes. We were all smiling.

We were all happy.

'Who you gonna call?'

《•••》

I beam as I see my friends pulling up, looking just as excited as I felt.

"Ghostbusters!" I finish, watching as they look me over, happily surprised.

"Hey, Spengler!"

"Egon! Looking sharp!" Y/n grinned, pulling me into a quick hug.

"Janine!" I beam. "Venkman!"

《•••》

As I look at it now, my eyes and throat stinging as Mike's voice echoes louder than ever in my mind.

'I mean, what did you think, really?'

What was I thinking?

'That we were just gonna sit in my basement all day, playing games for the rest of our lives?'

How could I have been so naive?

'it's not my fault you can't move on!'

How could I have been so... so...

"Stupid." I tell myself, my voice splitting in my throat. "So stupid!"

My hands trembling violently with rage and my own sobs, I tear the photo in two.

I was stupid. Stupid to believe I was as big of a priority to them as they were to me.

I rip the drawing off the walls, tearing it to pieces.

Stupid to ever think they'd still cared about me.

I rip and tear and crumple up every meaningful piece of them in an act of defiance.

They won't care. I think bitterly. They won't miss these, they probably won't even notice. Not like I would have.

I grab my bat.

How could I be so fucking stupid?!

Why was I hanging on to all this stuff anyway? Why was I clinging so tightly to something that was already gone?

Because I've been stupid. I'm just some stupid kid that won't grow up.

I storm out of the tent.

I'm just some stupid kid who can't grow up. They made that perfectly clear.

I stand in the pouring rain now, heart thundering in my chest as I stare at the piece of my childhood I couldn't let go of.

So. Stupid.

And I start swinging.

I swing and I swing, with an anger and frustration I've never felt so intensely until now. It's been building my whole life and I didn't realize it. Every swing is simultaneously the best and the worst I've ever felt. Every slur I've heard from my dad, from Troy, is channeled into the bat. Every ounce of frustration and fear I felt since I came back from the Upside Down that nobody understood. Every laugh, every jeer, every single moment I've felt alone is channeled into the destruction of the one place on this earth I ever felt safe.

But it holds up and in the back of my mind, I hear Jonathan again.

'And it took so long cause you were so bad at hammering'

And I start kicking, and I start ripping the walls apart until it's a crumpled heap and I stop.

The sight of Castle Byers in ruins breaks me even harder.

I didn't want it gone, but I did it anyway. That part of me that was angry at myself, told me to keep going. Cause that's what I deserved for believing things could stay the same even though deep down I knew that wasn't true.

I finally stop when I see the castle in ruins.

Exhausted, I collapse to the ground beside the wreckage.

As I sob, stewing in the pain and overwhelming grief I felt I was drowning in, the rain pours heavily over me, soaking me to the bone.

Just as it had the night it had been built.

And now, Castle Byers was gone.

||𝟑𝐑𝐃 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍 𝐏𝐎𝐕||

When blue meets yellow in the west.

8:41 pm. It was almost time.

The yellow and blue clock hands were illuminated by a flash of lightning, streaking through the mall's skylight. Starcourt had long since closed, and the real activity was just beginning.

Stationed at the loading docks near the back, standing under the worst storm Hawkins had seen in years were two guards. They watched through the downpour as the scheduled truck backed its way under the concrete cover.

And perched on the roof, just out of sight sat Dustin, Steve, and Robin, scouting from under their rain slickers.

"Look for Imperial Panda and Kauffman Shoes," she reminds them.

Steve wipes away at the rain dripping into his eyes, squinting even further to get a clear picture Dustin already has.

A man in a bright yellow raincoat emerges from a hidden side door, a trolley cart full of packages marked with a familiar insignia.

"They're with that whistling guy!" Dustin says suddenly, motioning out from behind the only pair of binoculars.

"What do you think's in there?" Steve wonders, eyeing the Lynx logo on the back of their many yellow jackets.

"Guns? Bombs?"

"Chemical weapons?" Robin tries.

"Whatever it is," Dustin says, now cautiously studying the heavily armed guards. He had to admit to himself, they really weren't trying very hard not to be obvious. "they're armed to the teeth."

"Great," comes Steve's sarcastic voice, once again rubbing at his eyes, silently wishing he had brought a coat with a hood. "That's great."

A soft clink that would have been obnoxiously loud had it not been for the noise of the storm brings their attention to another guard. Having pressed a glowing button on a small control panel, two large metal doors swung open to reveal another room.

"Hey!" Robin says, squinting through the rain as she tries to get a glimpse without the binoculars. "What's in there?"

"It's just more boxes,"

"Let me check it out," Steve says, grabbing for the binoculars.

Huffing, Dustin fought to keep his grip on the binoculars. "No, I'm still looking!"

"Lemme see it!"

"Hang on!"

Steve's grip had loosened with the slick of rain, sending the binoculars knocking into the cement. The issue had already been forgotten when they saw the guards' attention had been stolen. Simultaneously, the three of them dove to the ground in a panic.

The guards began to pace, grip on their firearms tightening as they gaze out into the night. Seeing nothing but empty roofs and angry skies above them, they unknowingly miss the trio huddled against the roof wall.

Just out of sight to the right of Dustin, Steve and Robin sat panting as they try to calm their racing hearts. Way too close a call. And neither of them had realized what they had done until their eyes landed on their entertained hands. Just as quickly as they notice, they break apart, embarrassed.

Down below, the guards were now on high alert. One of them, unable to shake the feeling of being watched, stalked into the rain with his eyes deadset on an open spot on the roof. He was certain he heard the noise come from that direction.

"Stay here!" He orders to the other. "Watch the door!"

Reluctantly, his partner complies and inches back towards the doors.

When he finally reaches the top of the stairwell, he hesitates only a moment before he throws the roof door open, gun cocked.

But he was met only with steady claps of thunder and an empty roof.

Had he been wrong?

Or had he just missed whoever had been here?

⊹ ⊹ ⊹

Clothes drenched, their shoes sloshing underneath their feet like sponges, Steve, Robin, and Dustin slip out from the shadows and make their way throughout the back halls behind the scenes of Starcourt.

"Well, I think we sound your Russians," Robin quips.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Black Trans Travel Fund:

For The Gworls:

"The Black Trans Travel Fund is a grassroots, Black Trans led Collective, providing Black Transgender Women with financial and material resources needed to remove barriers to self-determining and accessing safer travel options"

Trans Women Of Color Collective Fund

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

"Founded by a Black transgender woman and a Black nonbinary person, For The Gworls raises money to help provide funds for rent and gender affirming surgeries for Black transgender people across the country."

Taglist:

@dickkwad @iblesstherainsdown-in-africa @miscellaneoustoasts @happyandlonely-blog @peeperparkour ​ @ba-responds @bibliophilesquared @blogforhoes ​ @witch-of-all-things-soft @shawkneecaps @whothefuckstolemykeds @daughter-of-the-stars11 ​ @stranger-things4 @kpopanimegirl ​ @nightbu-g @lozzybowe @gizmofishersupremacy @spiderbitch69420

❥ Let me know if you would like to be added to or removed from the taglist! ❥

[idkbutspencer]

(2) Chess || Criminal Minds

AU: Criminal Minds; female!Reader has been a SSA in the BAU for years now.

Pairing: female!Reader x Team.

Warnings: Strong language, torture scenes.

Tags: @itsmeedee

^If you wanna be tagged in my stuff, just lmk!!^

A/N: hi! here’s my first angst-y fic. I kinda got inspired by this killer from Hawaii Five-0 but twitched it a bit :-) I really hope you enjoy it and remember to let me know if you liked it! :-D Also, i want to thank @itsmeedee for helping me with the correction and changing a few things here and there! and I honestly didn’t know which Gif to put hahah

*English is not my native language. I’m sorry for any mistakes!*

"Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls. The massive characters are seared with scars." —Khalil Gibran.

~•~

After traveling from Quantico to Wichita, Y/N's hometown, she found herself nostalgic. Rossi and JJ had been interrogating most of her old neighbors the whole morning but Emily didn't allow her to go.

“This UnSub has an awful fetish with chess pieces," Luke spoke as he started to look through the files.

"Maybe it's not the pieces but the whole game," Rossi stated.

"How so?" Luke asked putting down the file.

"If you look closely," Reid began, drawing lines across the map on the board, "all of the bodies were disposed in the exact order to recreate a chess game." He explained to Alvez, leaving him with the same expression as before and maybe even more confused.

"What they're trying to say is that it's not the branding or torture that gets him off, but by putting all the pieces together on the board, as if he's playing a game," Y/N clarified.

"The guy has been killing for almost ten years now," JJ pointed out. "Since they were all missing persons there was no way the Police Department could’ve linked all the victims together."

"Wait, the board is missing the queen. Maybe he hasn't found the perfect girl to fulfill his fantasy," Luke figured.

"My thoughts exactly," Y/N responded getting up from the table. "Or maybe he has the girl but couldn't dump all the bodies at the same time."

~•~

Emily ordered the team to go get some sleep so the next day they could finally catch the unsub and fly back to Quantico. Y/N had gone to her parents' house to stay the night. Ages had passed since the last time she saw them.

Her parents' house had a long path from the driveway. It was surrounded by bushes and the track was covered with rocks, looking precious during day and kinda creepy at night. As the agent walked through the path, she noticed all of the house's lights were turned off. That meant they had to be sleeping.

The years of experience working with the FBI taught her how to acknowledge when she's being followed. By instinct, she placed her hand on her holster but slowly took it off. She was trying to make herself believe that no one was behind her. The thought faded away along with her sight as someone grabbed her from behind and covered her nose and mouth with a cloth.

~•~

"Wh... Where am..." Y/N faltered, her eyes wide open yet she couldn't see a damn thing. It was all dark and blurry.

"Shh. Shut up," a hair-raised voice fulfilled the room, making the agent tremble. "My queen."

She felt her heart skip a beat. Those two words made her realize that she needed to find a way to escape from the UnSub and quick. Y/N tried to move but failed, only hearing the loud noises of the chains clanking above and below her. She had chains all over her body.

Suddenly the floor began to glow. The floor had a checkered design, just like a chess board. When her sight started to clear up, she saw him. "Dickinson? What the hell?" she asked. Her old neighbor James Dickinson moved towards the agent.

"That's right, Y/N," he spoke, running his hand down her chin, "I said that you’d will always be my queen.”

"Why did you kill all those people?" she asked, trying to move her face away.

"How else would you have come to your little neighborhood and visit your old friend?" he argued, "Ever since you became an FBI agent you don't come to Wichita. Not even for your own family, Y/N. Did you ever think that if I ever called you saying I wanted to play a quick match with you, you would've come? How foolish!"

James grabbed the chain that was around her waist and pulled it moving her around the "board". "You're hurting me, Jamie..." Y/N groaned, a few silent tears rolling down her face.

"Oh, so now we're using nicknames?" he buffed, "Let's see how friendly you get when you officially become my queen."

"No, wait! Come back!" Y/N screamed as Dickinson left the room, slamming the door on his way out, "James, let me go!"

~•~

"I need to talk to an FBI agent! It's urgent!" a woman screamed inside the police station, catching Emily's attention.

"Ma'am the agents are busy right now," the police officer said as he held her back.

"My sister's in danger!" The lady interrupted, "She told me if she ever got into danger to immediately talk to any of the BAU agents. Please..."

Emily looked at her teammates to see if anyone was hearing the outrage. None of them was paying attention. She stood up and walked outside the conference room. "I'm SSA Emily Prentiss with the BAU. May I help you?" She asked the lady.

"Oh my god, yes! Please, my sister's been kidnapped," the lady informed Emily as she began to cry.

"What's your sister's name?" Emily asked, making signs to another officer to take notes.

"Y/N Y/L/N..." Her voice cracking as she spoke. Emily's face changed drastically when she heard the name. She immediately informed the whole team about the situation. They wanted to interrogate Y/N’s sister on what she knew.

~•~

Dickinson took a hot branding iron with a queen chess piece form and pressed it onto Y/N's hip. The iron burned her skin causing her to cry out in pain. "Son of a--" she hissed.

"Watch it," he interrupted her, "Now let's play.” He says standing up. “ What's your first move, Y/N?"

"Handcuffing you so you can rot in jail," she barked with repugnance.

"Wrong answer," he snapped, tightening the chains around her waist. "Are you going to cooperate or must I give you a free waist reduction?"

"E-four," the agent mumbled.

"Now we're talking," he rejoiced letting her down abruptly on the floor.

Her hands were numb, still tied up tight; though she wasn’t hanging anymore. Y/N started to think that maybe if she kept "playing" until her team rescued her, then she might not end up dead.. He said earlier that he killed those people just to get her to come here.

The room looked familiar to her. It felt like she'd been there multiple times. Everything was dark except for the floor. It was hard to recognize the place. "Think wisely," he articulated as he walked around her. "You don't want to let your queen be killed. I mean, yourself."

He started to laugh like the lunatic that he was. Y/N closed her eyes trying to keep focus but with all the dizziness it seemed to be impossible for her. From the distance, the sirens could be heard, making her open her eyes. James heard the agents coming too, so he quickly grabbed a gun from a little table and hung up Y/N again. He took her by the neck and pressed the gun against her sphenoid.

"FBI, drop your weapon!" Rossi shouted as he and Prentiss entered the room. JJ and Reid followed in suit.

"Come on, James," Prentiss quickly looked at Rossi and slowly put her gun down. "You don't wanna do this. Just put the gun down."

"I don't wanna do this!? You sure about that!?" he screamed, pressing the gun against Y/N's head harder, making her cry.

"Yes, we are sure, James. You don't wanna hurt Y/N because you love her," JJ approached. "How are you going to show her your love if you kill her?"

"I... I," James stuttered, loosening his grip on the gun. "Y/N, I love you and if you're not by my side, then I don't wanna live at all."

Dickinson quickly turned the gun to his throat and shot himself before anyone made a move. The team ran towards Y/N and unlocking the chains. They comforted her as she began to cry.

~•~

On their way home, no one wanted to say a word about what happened. Y/N pretended to be fine, but she wasn't. Everyone wanted to ask what they could do, but none knew how. When they entered the BAU, Garcia was already waiting for them with consolation cookies. She hugged Y/N, making her groan a bit. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry!" She apologized. "I'm just glad that you're okay. That you all are in fact."

"It's okay," Y/N mumbled. "Thanks for the cookies." Penelope smiled, handing her the plate.

"Before you all go," She began, making everyone stop what they were doing and listen to her. "I just wanted to say sorry..."

"What? Why could you possibly be sorry?" Luke had asked.

"I knew James had an obsession with the whole game thing and I didn't say anything," She explained. "He was my best friend when I was young, so I couldn't connect the cables. He was so sweet and I don't know... Normal?"

"Hey, don't blame yourself," JJ said, getting closer to her and rubbing her back, "there's no way you could have known."

[helloandwelcometomariasblog]

Review #91: Sister

Written by Xiaoying You, Directed by Ruoxin Yin

Sister immediately caught my attention for two reasons: It's an Asian film, and it's about family. After watching the trailer, I knew I had to go see it at the cinemas. There seemed to be aspects of it that I really liked - family members unable to love each other with nobody specific to blame. I really wanted to know how the characters would resolve that. And so I went to see it.

I was disappointed and not invested maybe a third of the film. I was slowly won over during two-thirds of the film, then by the end, I was bawling. Really. And the film remained with me for a while after that too.

The reason I wasn't invested at first was, I think, pretty simple. The main character was such a biatch. Yes, I understood her - she had enough reasons to be that biatch, but nobody actually wants to see the main character really be one. We could all see why she hated her brother and why she felt she wasn't responsible. We could all see that she wasn't loved as much as her brother was while her parents were alive. We could all see that her family members were also inconsiderate, pushing her to take care of her little brother despite the abuse she herself had gone through. We could also see that her brother was being a pain from time to time, and that she had her own life and her own plans - she was smart and wanted to be a doctor and also get married to her long-term boyfriend.

BUT. But despite all that, the second most important character is a little boy. A child. Moreover, he's a child who has just lost both parents. He doesn't even know what death means, what grief means, and here he is thrown around like a soccer ball, from heartless person to heartless person. And nobody wants to keep him. I just couldn't empathize with the main character when here was a child who was being forced to live through grief and constant abandonment by himself. Like what the fuck? Maybe I was even more angry because I have a little brother with around the same age difference. I don't think I could ever give my brother up to adoption regardless of whatever happened between me and my parents. Hating parents is one thing, abandoning a child is another.

Also, that child just went through something incredibly traumatic that even adults struggle with. Of course he needs more care and attention during this time. But he doesn't get it (in fact he gets the exact opposite, right in front of his face) and you're surprised and angry that he's acting out? That's his way of crying out for help. And what does the sister do? Become a biatch, that's what.

I just honestly could not empathize with her. And this lack of empathy and relatability made it initially very hard to become immersed in the film. I constantly found myself empathizing with the little brother instead and feeling really sorry for him. It really didn't help that he was a child. Children already have the image of being helpless and weak, and the film put that child in an even more vulnerable situation with a sister who literally wants to abandon him and overtly hates him. Like, come on.

This sister slowly starts changing as the film progresses. It's true that the beginning of the film may have been more realistic than others. The sister had issues she had to resolve within herself and the film may have just shown that in the most dirtiest and realest way possible, with no sugar coating. If that's what the film intended, I gotta say it succeeded. I'm just glad I stuck with it because it was incredibly cathartic seeing the sister heal herself as the film goes on. It surely doesn't happen immediately though, which I loved. It took quite a long time (which is probably why the film is over two hours long), but it was time well-spent, and more realistic too.

The sister goes back and forth many times, but that makes it even more real. There are moments when she advocates for her brother and takes care of him, and then the next moment she's back to wanting her own life and giving him up to adoption. The back-and-forth movements become more and more dramatic as time goes on, and the sister finds it harder and harder to emotionally detach herself from her brother. The film does all of this gradually, which is one of its strongest points. It reflects real life better.

A standout scene for me is when the sister goes to visit her brother after sitting her exams, and she finds her brother playing mahjong with a damn cigarette tucked behind his ear. I honestly gasped at that scene, and would have reacted exactly the same way the sister did - yell and scream at the uncle and drag little brother out of there. We're then led to a really heartwarming scene where the sister bathes her brother at the apartment during golden hour, sunlight pouring through the glass. I'm trying to remember the dialogue during that scene. I'm sure it was something really warm.

What I also loved was how, even after this heartwarming scene, the sister still decides to leave to Beijing. It felt way more realistic than some other family movies where it doesn't take much for the person to give up their desires for the younger being. It's shown during another standout scene where the siblings lie in bed, having a talk before going to sleep. The little brother asks her if she still wants to go to Beijing and why. The sister answers honestly and we can all tell that she really dreams of this life that she's planned out. The sad thing is that the brother is included in that 'we'. I didn't know during that scene, but in the following scenes, I realised that he understood exactly what his sister wanted.

It was really crazy how the little brother left his sister on his own accord and gave himself up to adoption just so his sister could pursue her dreams. As much as I loved that beat, I found myself seriously wondering: is that realistic? That a six year old boy would be that deeply sacrificial? He's probably the most sacrificial and loving character in the film, even more than his sister. It was a great beat though, one of the best in the movie. It was heartbreaking seeing him cry, unable to tell his sister why he chose to leave her. It was like a drama scene where one of the leads forces themselves to leave their partner and be all noble and sacrificial. Still not sure if it's realistic for a six year old to do that though. It's kind of sad even thinking of it. A child doing something even most adults wouldn't do. The brother really had to grow up and mature at a super young age. It's sad. I wonder what kind of teenager and adult he will be in the future. I hope he gets to resolve the hurts inside of him too as he grows up.

And so the sister actually buys the ticket for Beijing and prepares to leave. Again, I loved this. I loved how the film took us till the very end of the end before resolving things. The film really made us believe the sister would leave. And to be honest, I understood her and didn't blame her for deciding to pursue her dreams. I sat there wondering how they would actually resolve things. The ending scene is definitely one of my favourites, maybe even the favourite. I loved how the sister was given an ultimatum: you can leave, but if you leave, you've gotta sign the paper to say you'll never come to see your brother ever again. It was a great choice. There was so much at risk on both sides. It was a moment where I genuinely wasn't sure what she would do - I knew she loved both her brother and her dream and held both of them dearly. Both of them were precious.

I held my breath when she hesitated, pen hovering over the paper. Then she throws the pen down and runs out to her brother, and when her little brother turns to her, his eyes are full of tears. My heart. My heart. My damn heart! I bawled there, the tears just flowed. The brother had been pretending to be okay and holding all tears back, thinking that his sister would feel bad if she saw him cry and she'd give up her dreams. That's just too much for a six year old, I swear. He finally lets it out when he knows she still wants and loves him. That was both incredibly painful and cathartic to watch. What an amazing climax and resolution.

I also liked how the sister resolved her own deep issues before finally going back to her brother. I believe it's shown in the scene where she visits her parents' grave on the rainy day and cries to them. There was a hint of the start of her healing when she cries and lets out her honest feelings during night in front of her parents' pictures. The rainy day she rips the paper and is again honest to her parents' grave, is a great scene. I also loved the part where she comes down the stairs, and it's a long shot with rainwater flooding down the steps like a beautiful waterfall. It made me want to film something like that in the future. Felt like things were being washed away.

So yes, I started off not liking the film because of how unlikable the main character was (they're allowed to have negative qualities, but I honestly believe there needs to be something that makes the audience identify with them or empathize with them, just something that makes the audience root for them) and her treatment of her brother. I know it was done that way to show her gradual change, but I still do think it could have been done a little differently. Because, even with her treatment of her brother aside, I didn't really like her as a person and had trouble understanding her. She seemed really tantrum-ey at points. But as the film went on, I warmed up to her and the gradual change took place. She was still herself with her own desires even while growing to love her brother, which I loved. She learned to balance things out, and I hope she continued to pursue her dreams even without going to Beijing, with her brother by her side.

I find that this film presented a different image of 'sacrifice', and that it was saying that different image was okay too. You don't have to fully give yourself up for someone. You can still have your own life and that's okay. By the end, none of her family members guilt-trip her about looking after her brother, which I really liked. It's pretty rare for Asian families to not do that guilt-tripping thing. But her aunt did it. Her aunt, who seemed to be the most guilt-tripping person, let her go in the end and told her that it was okay, that not everyone fits that image of sacrifice perfectly, like the Russian dolls. I think that actually enabled the sister to go back to her brother later on. Sometimes you have to let people go to get them back.