#There are in fact chill muppets vaping who either work for the rebellion or will soon

[cheemscakecat]

Obi Wan was talking about all of Mos Eisley, which is directly tied to Jabba the Hutt, the closest thing to competition Lady Valeran, and corrupt, bribe taking Imperials.

But going off of Star Wars Tales from Mos Eisley Cantina, a legends book on the matter:

This dude is a war criminal in hiding, everyone knows him as Labria the drunk. He killed 500 rebels who had surrendered back on his homeworld, and destroyed the ancient city they had used as a base. He is the Butcher of Montellian Serat.

He’s not interested in attacking Obi Wan or Luke, he just wants to keep his head down, enjoy rare music and drink his liquor. But he has also eaten humans that tried to break into his house so it’s better not to mess with him.

This dude on the left is an Imperial official trying to catch Obi Wan before anyone else can. But he’s distracted since he drugged his shy virgin girlfriend (on the right) who he sees as barely sentient but hot. Her people are like praying Mantises though, so he dies sometime that day.

This guy is Dannik Jerriko. He’s a demented assassin who has tentacle things that come out of his nose. That’s how he kills. Paralyze with fear and drink the fluid from the victim’s brain. He calls it their “soup”. It’s not a traceable cause of death.

Man was targeting Han Solo and Jabba the Hutt because they’re so lucky. He wanted to suck their brain matter out of their skulls because their “soup” is better in his eyes. They’re harder targets to hit.

Jerriko lost his mind when those two went to the Sarlacc Pit. He would never hit either of his targets, so he lost all composure, his way of hiding in the shadows unseen.

He was never someone you should approach and Obi Wan might be the only other person in the bar who knows it.

The barkeep, Wuher, resents the fact that he’s looked down on for being human and ugly. Including by Greedo, who was very rude when ordering his drink. Humans apparently aren’t seen as competent enough to give so many species the right alcohol. He takes his resentment out on droids.

He took Greedo’s corpse and processed it for making the perfect alcohol to suit Jabba the Hutt. Hoping that would be his big break.

Also Labria’s best friend who helped him entrap the band in a contract at the Cantina.

Greedo was manipulated by a bounty hunter into becoming his “apprentice”. But he had taken a job killing him for the more brutal ruling faction of Rodians. Set him up to get shot by Han Solo, unbeknownst to Han and Chewie.

Greedo was only 19, same age as Luke. I think Obi Wan could sense that Han and Chewie were better people deep down than they could sense in themselves. Certainly better than Warhog Goa, who only had enough shame not to pull the trigger himself.

And then of course there’s Dr Evazan committing crimes against nature with unholy experiments. And Ponda Baba backing him up knowing all of this.

U can watch Star Wars so many times and it doesn’t prepare u for how dumb Star Wars is. For one thing I think we gloss over how kenobi (who has definitely been at the club. Please.) describes the mos eisley cantina as the worst most villainous place ever and then u get inside and it’s a pack of muppets vaping