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destinygoldenstar · 1 month ago

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The Amazing Digital Circus Episode 3 - "As Iron Sharpens Iron-"

To say I was excited for this Episode to come out is an UNDERSTATEMENT.

Ever since Episode 2 PROVED it to me that this show was going to be something very special to me, I've been very invested and eagerly waiting the next installment.

This also marks the FIRST Digital Circus Episode where I CAUGHT THE PREMIERE.

I didn't see the Pilot until a month after it came out because I didn't know about the show. And Episode 2 I was at work at the same time of the release. I had a nerve-wrecking day.

But this time I CAUGHT IT, AND I COULDN'T BE HAPPIER TO.

So I was excited, especially when it was hyped up as the best episode so far!!!

...

IT WASN'T, BUT I STILL REALLY LOVED IT.

Yeah... I said it. I will be the first to say this:

As of right now, this is my least favorite episode.

NOW HOLD ON, THAT IN NO WAY MEANS I DISLIKED IT. THIS EPISODE IS GREAT.

Which should really tell you the quality of this show.

This IS a review based off a first viewing, so be aware of that. Y'all know I'm gonna rewatch this multiple times. So maybe my problems will become less problems.

I also CANNOT WAIT to see all the Angry Karens raging on the Internet about the show! "THIS CARTOON IS TOO DARK AND SCARY FOR MY CHILDREN!! I OUGHTA SUE YA GLITCH!!"

To that I'll say "F%#K YOUR KIDS, CARTOONS ARE FOR EVERYONE!!" (No I won't, but you get the message)

You want a kid friendly haunted mansion episode, NINJAGO SEASON 5 GOT YOU COVERED. (One of the best episodes in that show btw)

I would argue the circus tent is a lot scarier than a haunted mansion, but whatever.

But I do need to explain WHY I find this episode the weakest, and also gush over the good stuff cause there IS good stuff.

So I need to get into spoilers:

I've complained before in the previous two episodes that the B Plots were my least favorite thing about this show. They weren't bad, they just didn't grasp me like the A Plots did (AKA whichever plot Pomni has going on).

But I was really looking forward to them fixing this issue with this episode, especially to aid the characterization of Zooble. A character that has been very neglected. I was expecting this therapy session with Caine to be both chaotic (Because it's Caine) and inciting.

Did it deliver with that??

Yes AND No.

Technically, YES, it was inciting and we learned more about Zooble. They're not straight. They have dysphoria. They're very uncomfortable with their body which is why they're constantly changing parts. And because of that they don't feel like they fit in with the people around them.

LGBT+ Symbolism. Trans Symbolism. Zooble has dysphoria. CALLED IT.

(I mean, Jax even SAYS Zooble isn't straight in the episode)

And hey, just because I guessed what it was and saw it coming, doesn't mean I'm not very appreciative they brought it up. It helps with Zooble's character, and I'm sure the trans audience enjoyed it. I'm cis though, so I don't find it personal. That can't be helped.

We also learned about CAINE's mentality. The A.I was only programmed to create adventures. So he relishes in that because it's the only thing he knows how to do and knows how to help. And Zooble snarking at the very thing Caine was designed to do... BREAKS HIM.

And I am already theorizing, because Caine mentally breaking like that CAUSES A GLITCH IN THE ENTIRE CIRCUS.

So... CAINE'S mental state is what's keeping the circus afloat. THAT SAYS A LOT.

Yeah I definitely think he's getting redeemed, AND this is gonna come up later.

But other than those two scenes, I was a bit disappointed with this plotline. I feel like it could've been longer and we could've learned more. Or, let me rephrase that, at least ONE more cutaway to them.

As it stands, while this is TECHNICALLY the best B Plot of this show's episodes, it is still a B Plot that suffers from being much less interesting.

Idk, maybe this is a 'first viewing' issue, and when I watch the episode again, I'll understand it better.

Oh yeah, speaking of B Plots, we BARELY get ANYTHING regarding the pacifist route.

Once Pomni and Kinger fall into the hellhole, we don't hear from Ragatha Gangle and Jax FOR AWHILE.

And then the next time we see them, they're having tea and being friendly with the hunter's ghost wife, who DID NOT get an in person introduction. And they tied up Jax off screen. WHAT?!?! HOW DID Y'ALL GET HERE?!?!

It wasn't their episode, I understand why the episode wouldn't focus on them, but I DID want an explanation as to how we went from THIS, to THIS.

AND NO ONE BOTHERED TO SHOW CONCERN FOR POMNI AND KINGER THE WHOLE TIME?!

I also feel like it could have, at the very least, benefited Ragatha. But because we don't get anything, her little moment with Pomni at the end felt quite out of nowhere. Because... they didn't have any exchange this episode. I mean good for Pomni for finally expressing she likes her I guess.

Also... that whole exchange was really platonic...

(I don't ship them)

Overall, I really think this is a pacing issue. The pitch black scene with just their eyes is VISUALLY GREAT, love that they're experimenting with different art styles, BUT OH MY GOD THAT SEQUENCE DRAGS. It could have been HALF as long and the point would've still come across.

I also am just not a big fan of haunted mansion stories. And I know that MIGHT be just a me problem.

But in my defense, Ninjago Season 5 had a haunted mansion episode, and that was one of their best episodes that really SAID SOMETHING and taught the main characters something valuable.

THIS haunted mansion feels more like an obstacle more than anything else. Unless there's some deeper meaning behind the mansion's lore in the future, but I doubt it because it's designed to be a one time thing.

I'm MUCH more invested in the PSYCHOLOGICAL horror of the show instead of the PHYSICAL horror. And I think that's why The Pilot and Episode 2 felt a lot more scarier to me than this.

Don't get me wrong, the dismantled heads and the corpse monster ARE scary. The lit up severed head MADE MY SKIN CRAWL when I first saw it. So did Possessed Pomni.... is it bad that I'm kinda obsessed with Possessed Pomni though? But the scary imagery doesn't do much for me unless there's a deeper meaning behind it. Because after my skin crawl I was able to say "Yep. That's the severed head alive and glowing." "That's it's headless body."

When Pomni got possessed by running through the hall of souls, I remember saying aloud "NO DON'T DO IT".

And the thing that ACTUALLY scared me was when they said "How's your wife, Kinger?"

THAT'S the scary part of that for me.

They also OUTRIGHT TELL you the message of the episode this time.

Now I DON'T hate that they did that, it's meant to be a nice moment between Kinger and Pomni. But I MUCH prefer the approaches the previous episode had with showing its message and letting us pick it up for ourselves.

I don't think that's too much of 'dumbing down' though. Episode 2's incident is different. And this episode it IS meant to be a nice moment between Kinger and Pomni and that's why it had to be told.

So yeah, that's what's keeping this episode back for me.

Okay let me talk about the great stuff now. Aside from what I already mentioned.

ANIMATION.

I LOVE that they're experimenting with different styles, like I said. The 2D eyes look really good, and the little hand drawings at the beginning? Love them. They're so cute. PLEASE keep experimenting with animation techniques.

I was also REALLY WORRIED that the Episode's lighting would be too dark for me to see anything that was going on.

This is a BRIGHT show, especially in the previous two. So it's kinda offputting to see these cartoonish characters in a realistic setting. (That's probably on purpose)

But no, it ended up NOT being an issue for me. I followed everything that was happening perfectly.

Also POMNI AND KINGER.

They were EASILY the BEST thing about this episode. Hands down.

EVERY scene with them and their interactions is GOLDEN.

I SERIOUSLY thought Pomni was gonna take a backseat for a couple of episodes to make way for everyone else. But she IS the main character, so I should've suspected that wouldn't be the case.

The story LETS her BE the protagonist, WITHOUT taking anything away from the other character's development. Every scene aids BOTH HER & THEM.

She's such an incredibly written protagonist AND WE STAN IN THIS HOUSE.

But enough about her.

I KNEW this episode was going to make me understand the Kinger hype and love him, AND I WAS EXACTLY RIGHT.

I was wrong about it being schizophrenia. Instead his issue is dementia, which is memory loss/problems. But I'm not mad at all that I got that wrong.

I'm not someone who has dementia, so I can't speak if it's accurate or not, but I LOVE how it was handled here.

Kinger's brain works much differently from everyone else due to his past experiences, and there are certain triggers to his sanity. SO THAT'S WHY HE STAYS IN A PILLOW FORT. I GET IT NOW.

Also HIS WIFE.

Okay yeah so I was wrong about what the relationship was. But I don't care. I LOVED THIS BACKSTORY.

(Abstractions can be tamed?)

Kinger DEFINATELY went up my list for me thanks to this episode, and I KNOW he's gonna be a key player in the future. If his "seven years of computer science" line is anything to go off of.

I love him so much. Your honor, I love him. I wanna protect him.

These two make such great friends and I'm completely here for it.

And the episode STILL maintains all of Digital Circus's great qualities. Thrilling action, sharp comedy, great character interactions, excellent characterizations. And also much more theorizing material that will rot all our brains.

Great Episode. 8/10.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to be welcoming this beauty in my nightmares.

#the amazing digital circus #amazing digital circus #digital circus #tadc pomni #tadc kinger #tadc ragatha #tadc jax #tadc gangle #tadc caine #tadc zooble

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amber-laughs · 2 months ago

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Hii!

I was thinking here and had nobody to share, so what do you think Jon's relationship with his siblings, or rather, cousins ahaha, will be like after they reunite? Do you have any headcanons? Arya and Jon? Click right away as before or nah? Bran and Jon? Jon and Sansa? Jon and Rickon (at some point)?

Sorry for the ask, I'm just like bored :)

Please come to me with all your bored questions I love answering them! I wanna start off by saying I don't think Jon will be as devoid of emotion as some people theorize he will be. We have two cases of resurrection but they are very different scenarios than Jon's. First Catelyn to Lady Stoneheart: Cat went mad before she was killed, her mind was already heavily altered in her final moments then her spirit was seemingly sifting about aimlessly until Beric brought her back. Beric has been resurrected six times and he says it take a toll on him every time and theres less of himself each time, meaning his memory was nowhere near as bad the first time it happened. But most importantly neither of these characters are wargs like Jon is. Jon's spirit will be in Ghost who is spiritually and mentally linked to him which I think will be a saving grace. I don't mean to say Jon will have no change but he most certainly will not be a walking zombie, he will still be able to have heartfelt connections with the people around him in my opinion. So:

Arya and Jon: I think that Arya will hear about Jon's death before she gets back to Westeros and it will absolutely devastate her which will make their reunion all the more touching. Jon thought she was dead until ADWD and I assume will think she's dead again if he learns about the Jeyne Pool switch so I think their reunion will be one of relief. I've made a post about this before but Arya thinks she knows who Jon's mother is right now, Edric Dayne told her it was Wylla the Wetnurse and she explicitly says she can't wait to tell Jon. I think this will go one of two ways: Jon will finally be at peace to know the truth and then BOOM! he finds out the The Truth or he'll know about Rhaegar and Lyanna before hand and have to decide if he's going to lie to Arya and the rest of his siblings. I think the R+L=J situation will create a bit of a rift between them because it will feel like a severed bond but I imagine they'll heal that by the end.

Sansa and Jon: I think Littlefinger is going to massively get in the way of this dynamic. Littlefinger wants Sansa to have the North. Jon is Robb's named heir which throws a wrench in those plans. Not only that but George has said Littlefinger gets confused when it comes to Sansa, sometimes she's his daughter with Cat he never had and sometimes she is Catelyn. Grrm called Sansa Petyr's teenage fantasy that's come back and when you have mini Ned Stark walking around the halls that will cause problems on top of the fact that LF will definitely be sniffing around trying to find out who Jon's mother is. He'll try to cause as many problems as possible for them I think. That being said I think Jon and Sansa are a now more alike than ever not only has Sansa experienced being a bastard but Jon has experienced his first love and having that torn away from him. Jon went North essentially wanting to be a great knight and finding out Castle Black is not what he heard in the songs and stories just like Sansa when she went South. I think LF will be their main issue along with some tension over Sansa feeling like Robb sidelined her for Jon and I'm not exactly sure how or where it'll end up but I'm excited (I do not under any circumstances believe that they'll be romantically involved)

Jon and Bran: I know this is gonna sound weird because Bran is only 9 but I see their relationship becoming a little co-worker like. Bran will know all about the Others by the time they meet up and Jon and him will spend a good chunk of time trading information I think. On top of that I think Bran will end up becoming something of a warging teacher to Jon the way Jojen was to him. I don't think I believe that Bran will be the one to reveal R+L=J to him, I think that'll be left to Howland.

Jon and Rickon: Personally I see Rickon dying before he reunites with Jon. If that doesn't happen I'll be curious to know if Rickon remembers him. There's a section in the Cushings Draft of Feast for Crows where Ghost can sense Rickon and Shaggydog in Skagos I know it was deleted so that sort of nullifies it but we know Summer senses the other wolves and like I said with Jon's memories staying safe in Ghost I wonder if the direwolves' connections will have an effect on Rickon being able to remember his siblings despite his age. I personally think that he will remember them if he lives because narratively I don't really see a reason for him to not, I mean I know logically he was 3 when Jon left but he's only 5 now its not much of a stretch.

But to give an overall base answer yes, I think all of them will click right away with love, relief and familiarity but that the problems above will come down the line and can't be swept under the rug

#asks #jon snow #starklings #bran stark #sansa stark #arya stark #rickon stark

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merp-blerp · 7 months ago

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Things about Cinderella's Castle I'm excited about already as a big Cinderella fan

Part One (This), Part Two, Part Three

THE PUPPETS!!! I love puppets and I love seeing puppetry get used more and more—it's such an underrated art form! And the puppet models look stellar!

I love the idea of the step-family being trolls. I was wonder if they were always trolls or if they got sort of cursed. But Step-Mom flays women and wears their skin to fool everyone??? Very Grimms Bros style, I love it. I don't mind dark takes on Cinderella, so I'm intrigued. I wonder if that's why they're jealous of Ella, cause she's a normal human (supposedly), and so they try to demean her like a troll, to get her on their level or something.

With characters like Sir Hop-a-lot and Crumb, I'm curious what their role is. Are they Ella's animal friends that she gave goofy names? Sir Hop looks like he's a part of the royal court in some way, so does he somehow work for the prince? Will it be kind of like Wicked where the anthro-animals are a race amongst humans? Are they looked down on like the trolls? Is it fair that either group is looked down on?

CRUMB! Crumb is a perfect name for the mouse! I'm shocked I've never heard of a mouse named Crumb before.

I've talked before about how I see the early Disney princes as symbols of their princesses' freedom rather than characters and that's why they're "flat". I like that the prince in this show sounds like a parody of that. Like, "What if that flat 'character' was treated like a real character, but still with a similar flatness to him?" I like it. I trust Starkid to do that well.

I'm currently theorizing that Kim's Fairy Queen character will be a combo of sleeping beauty and the fairy godmother, based on her description in the 4/6 live stream and description of the video announcement saying "Kim will awaken the Fairy Queen from her slumbering prison in the realm of death". I don't even know if they'll implement other fairytales into this particular show, but I'm excited.

I love the possibility of a fairytale multiverse from Starkid. Hope that happens one way or another.

WOC CINDY! WOC CINDY! WOC CINDY!

I'm hoping for sapphic Cindy too, Mariah's comment got my hopes up. I'm trying not to get too attached to that idea, but as a lesbian woc that would kill me to see. Correct me if I'm wrong, but SK hasn't had a main queer couple since Firebringer, so it'd be cool to get for me, especially since Cinderella's my favorite fairytale and theater is one of my favorite mediums to consume stories with.

I've seen people theorize that the song in all the trailers is from a bard's perspective. I get that vibe too.

I know I sound like a 5-year-old, BUT I'M SO EXCITED TO SEE WHAT THE BALL GOWN WILL LOOK LIKE! The cover of the 4/6 livestream seemed to give us a slight taste of it. This gold and purple ensemble maybe. Purple is typically the color of royalty, so I love the idea of incorporating it in Ella's dress. And I like the use of rhinestones in her makeup. I wonder how they'll do the dress transformation if they do it. I actually hope we don't see it in its entirety till the show is on stage; I don't want the reveal spoiled.

One thing about Cinderella that's very important to me is the abuse aspect of the tale. Depending on how similar this show is to the traditional version of the tale, I hope it's not ignored. I'm pretty sure it won't be.

EDIT: I made another list of things after the 4/13 livestream

#starkid #team starkid #cinderella's castle

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saline-coelacanth · 3 months ago

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My sister started watching The Owl House for the first time and I've been watching it with her because I love TOH and wanna see her reactions to stuff. We just finished up season 1 and I wanna ramble about a few things.

Angel if you're seeing this DON'T CLICK THE READ MORE THERE'S SPOILERS DON'T READ IT OR I WILL SMACK YOU!!!!

Anyway yeah here we go

HOW THE FUCK DID SHE CLOCK ONTO BELOS BEING A HUMAN SO QUICKLY????

Sorry for yelling but oh my god I wasn't ready for her to just go "Is Belos a human and that's why he wants the portal door?"

I know people had been theorizing about Belos being human, but I'm pretty sure iirc it took people a bit to think of that as a possibility and she just guessed it so quickly.

She also starts fangirling every time Luz and Amity do anything cute together, it's great. She does already know they get together at some point so it's great seeing her get all excited about them.

The last thing I wanna mention is that she also knows about Hunter. And by that, I mean she knows that he exists and that the fandom is obsessed with him (And also that people ship him with Willow). But it's funny because she doesn't entirely know WHY people are obsessed with him, she kinda knows that he gets a redemption arc, but that's about it. She also doesn't know his name so she keeps calling him The Guy and I find it really funny.

Also at the end of the season finally when we see the Golden Guard, her eyes got really big and she just pointed at the screen saying "That's the guy! I'm calling it, that's the guy!" And then she also made the prediction that the guy is Belos' son or at the least related to him and I'm just sitting here thinking "Oh boy you do not know the half of it, can't wait until we get to Hollow Mind lol"

I'm really excited to watch season 2 with her, I don't know if I'm gonna make any more posts like this or if it'll just be the one, but this rewatch has been so much fun, mainly cause I get to see her reactions and hear her theories.

#the owl house #owl house #toh #i wrote this post out last night but wanted to wait until morning before I actually posted it

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yakool-foolio · 3 months ago

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I may work until closing, but this case calls for a nightshift! I'm much too giddy to learn more about the ever-enticing mysteries to sleep on anything.

I will say, I've done some thinking since yesterday, and I think I've got a solid theory on who the mystery man really is behind the mask. The similar case titles of 'Great Departed' and 'Great Departure'... mystery man already being adept at combat... the newspaper photo showing him wielding a sword... Ryunosuke noting the feeling that he's seen him before and how he has a casual yet confident posture... Yeah, I think the pieces are melding together into a very familiar picture. Looks like someone might not have died a very silly death after all. If I'm right about this... holy fuck.

If this whole Reaper deal turns out to be a Jekyll n Hyde situation, I'll be extremely excited but also sad cause I don't wish for Van Zieks to be evil but god damn it'd be badass if he partly was (especially if he never recollects his murderous actions, ough the angst).

I'm starting a collection.

I already adore Tusspells' design! She's the true crime fanatic of the generation. I have a sneaking suspicion that the special exhibit hidden behind the curtain is about The Reaper. Neeeeeeeeeeevermind. I'm curious what the number on the gravestone means though. Keeping an eye out for any suspicious numbers from now on. I've learned since the infamous 11037.

NEVERMIND X2 IF THE MODEL OF THE KILLER WAS STOLEN THEN IT STILL COULD BE THE REAPER! MY THEORY STANDS STRONG... If I just ignore all the Ottermole talk, that is. I can dream, okay?

My dreams have been crushed.

But now I get to theorize who the Professor is! I assume they could actually be Van Zieks' professor in university, so through their connection, they were able to kill Van Zieks' brother(? father? uncle? some other familial thing?) without much trouble, but that close connection is also what could've got them arrested far easier.

WHO LET THE JURY MEMBER BRING A GUN?!?! THIS ISN'T EVEN AS BAD AS WHEN THEY LET A RUSSIAN ASSASSIN BE A PART OF THE JURY AND NOBODY SAID A SINGLE THING ABOUT IT AND IT WAS NEVER MENTIONED AGAIN!

(To Whom It May Concern - @raymondshields)

#if anyone needs me i'll be listening to Witchy Woman by The Eagles on repeat #live neo reaction #ace attorney #ace attorney spoilers #the great ace attorney #tgaa #tgaa spoilers #tgaa2 #tgaa2 spoilers

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trans-axolotl · 11 months ago

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(Apologies this is long and rambley)

So ive been thinking on a peer-made trait-based 'diagnostic model' (not for disorders but neurodiverse traits), rather than the way the DSM and ICD do it and what that would look like and if it would be a good idea to propose as an alternative that focuses the patients unique experiences over theorized model boxes with misleading names.

Ive been growing increasingly discontent with how the ICD and DSM both categorize disorders, and the completed alternate models ive seen that already exist are not much better honestly, and worse for my specific brainfuckery. The alternate models that only focus on one section are just that- focused on one specific experience. Monotropisim as an alternate autism model can never be fully realized in the bubble it exists as a theory in. Plurality has like 50 different theory models and half of them aggressively ignore common reported experiences because they don't work with their unverified personal gnosis theory of everything, and the other half are likewise mostly incomplete. Trauma/cause-based models ignore genetic/from birth issues as a known cause of mental illness/developmental disorder and also consider everything trauma to the point of diluting the term.

I figured the best option would be to group traits by perceived experiences or related phenomena, with overlap, and the best way to do that accurately would be to make the 'diagnostic codes' combinable infinitely. (ex- a category that is 'unusual sensory experiences' with synthesia, hypo and hyper sensitivity to stimuli, needing to regulate with the sensory system (stimming) to high degrees, hallucinations of any kind, voice hearing(would also go under the plural category when consistent and personlike in presentation), visual snow, etc and each trait is a unique string of characters you can stack under the category string to create a larger string that describes your experiences quickly and concisely).

(The groupings are still all up in the air and id want to get a lot of perspective before cementing it, but I do want to put synthesia and hallucinations and visual snow all together because they are adding a Weird experience and its sensory based stuff others cannot perceive)

And then I realized that this is just the Geek Code but for neurodiversity,,

Im STILL not sure if that makes it a bad idea or not honestly.

On one hand the way the DSM and ICD are set up is NOT actually that great, and being able to shorthand a list that describes things better and doesnt pathologize people as having 'asshole liar personality disorder' or whatever would be fantastic, on the other it is also clunky, people are gonna be pissed about how I am categorizing things contrary to how the DSM and ICD group things (autism and schizophrenia and plurality are all holding hands and kissing with tongue), and it may more strongly encourage people to share very private information online via sharing their string code of every last neuroweirdness they have (which I do NOT want people doing for safety reasons).

So I just went 'hm, whos a cool antipsych person who may have more insight than I do about trying to make a peer-made description system for those who dont want to use the DSM or ICD to describe their experiences', and I thought of you, so thoughts? Is it feasible? Is it a good idea to try? I have like 500 million projects and I REALLY shouldnt add a new one of this magnitude, but I feel like its an important idea to at least float around first.

Hey anon! My answer got pretty long, so I'm going to put it under the read more.

I actually know a few people doing something like this--the founding director of Neuromancers started a project like this (not much has been happening with it lately, bc everyone is so busy with other organizing commitments and life, but if we ever get back to it i'm really excited about it. you could join the discord for Neuromancers and ask about the project if you want to join). I'm a known DSM hater and think that both the DSM and ICD and most biomedical models of mental illness as well as the "evidence based" processes of diagnosis are so fundamentally flawed, oppressive, and are in no way culturally relevant to the vast majority of people. a lot of us are still going to use that terminology as a shorthand because it's the most accessible and understandable in our current society, but that doesn't necessarily mean we all like it or agree with the way it's formulated in the DSM.

Honestly, I'm always a big fan of mad/mentally ill/neurodivergent people creating more ways of understanding ourselves and creating more resources for us to use. I think that there's never going to be one right model that works for every experience or than can encompass everyone. And I think that there's so much value in really deconstructing and dismantling the DSM--understanding exactly how disorders are currently categorized, the evidence behind it, the lack of evidence behind it, what clinicians and researchers are saying about these diagnoses, how we actually experience these diagnoses in practice, how diagnoses change through history, things like that. It can be super crucial to build our own understandings of just how these diagnoses were shaped in the first place so that we can understand what it would mean to dismantle and build alternative models that feel more affirming for us. I think your idea of trying to group more by traits rather than strict disorder criteria is something that might resonate with a lot of people!

that being said, i think that it is such a large and difficult project and also something that is almost impossible to make universal--there are so many factors going into everyone's experience with madness/mental illness/neurodivergence, and different labels are going to resonate with different people for different reasons. it's hard to predict what language or models will catch on with different people, and not all types of language or models are accessible to everyone. i guess for me i just think it can be helpful to go into projects like this without the expectations that this will necessarily be able to replace the DSM for everyone, and instead thinking more about how this can be a valuable tool for providing more options and ways of thinking about madness/mental illness/neurodivergence! even if it doesn't work for everyone or is only applicable to certain types of traits and variations, i think that this type of creation of knowledge is so, so valuable. i hope that makes sense!

some other related concepts that your ask reminded me of was @bioethicists principles of liberatory antipsychiatry. Charlie identifies the right to your own explanatory model as a key principle of liberatory antipsychiatry, and that liberatory antipsychiatry should affirm and build upon those individual models, and respect that as a way of healing. I think that's a really important insight, and to me makes a lot of sense. We all have the right to draw from our own experiences + minds, as well as use existing knowledge, science, and disability community experience in order to create alterative labels, models, and frameworks for our madness/mental illness/neurodivergence. I honestly feel like I've created my own hyperspecific model of madness for my own bodymind, and that framework has been super helpful for figuring out how to live with my madness. Idk how helpful it would be for anyone who isn't me, but having my own particular explanatory model was crucial for helping me heal.

It also reminds me of the way this really amazing peer support network for people living with schizophrenia in Japan called Bethel House, who developed a framework for radical peer support and healing. This article talks about the concept of tōjisha-kenkyū, which in English would get translated as something like "self directed diagnosis" or maybe "political education," and it seems kind of similiar to English concepts about self diagnosis.

"Self-reflection is at the heart of this practice. Tōjisha-kenkyū incorporates various forms of reflection developed in clinical methods, such as social skills training and cognitive behavioural therapy, but the reflections of a tōjisha don’t begin and end at the individual. Instead, self-reflection is always shared, becoming a form of knowledge that can be communally reflected upon and improved. At Bethel House, members found it liberating that they could define themselves as ‘producers’ of a new form of knowledge, just like the doctors and scientists who diagnosed and studied them in hospital wards. The experiential knowledge of Bethel members now forms the basis of an open and shared public domain of collective knowledge about mental health, one distributed through books, newspaper articles, documentaries and social media." (Japan's radical alternative to psychiatric diagnosis, Satsuki Ayayais and Junko Kitanaka, ).

Anyway, thought I'd share those things to sort of point you in the direction of other people thinking about madness outside of the DSM. if you end up doing any more thought or creation for this idea, def feel free to share with me! I love seeing all the ways people take apart the DSM and build our own knowledge, and would love to keep updated.

best of luck, anon!

#asks #psych abolition #mad liberation #mad pride #ableism

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blackbutlerfandomnerddomain · 10 months ago

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Okay so I am now caught up with the new Black Butler chapters

NOW ONTO THE THOUGHTS WITH SPOILERS UNDERCUT!

BABY GOT A GUN!

Hmmm...kay Artie maybe you're a bit-

GOD DAMNIT-

...Okay so me and @cartyrs recently have a talk of the vibe of the manga rn (see here and here for the actual talk) in which we both kind of agree the whole Undertaker setting up a orphanage that sacrifices children for blood donations for Doll (in which I ask WHY KILL THE CHILDREN AND NOT DO WHAT ANA DID AND GET THE DONATIONS VIA MEDICAL SHIT-) while building the kids up to be like OCiel, Sebastian, the other servants, and maybe Doll is a bit weird and doesn't fully make sense, but seeing the final face shown panel of Artie is straight Sebastian!

. . . Artie-

He's uhhhhhh....he's kind of freaking me out-

I red this again to figure out what it could be cause it's not just a Sebastian vibe anymore, it's something else, and with a next page that struck me with a thought-

Why does he look kind of like Peter to me?? I know I can't base it purely cause he's a youthful blonde Victorian child, but even his dialog is weirdly Petercore just while Peter was "kids are brats" Artie's more "adults are mean", now obviously I'll be nuts to try and dare theorize he's actually a BD of Peter cause 1) he would have a scar where he was shot unless like Wendy the bullet was to the side and not back to front as I assume based off his corpse-

and 2) Doll would've recognize him for certain or at least be weird around him supposed deja-vu

... No-

Yana you can't-

YOU CAN NOT-

WELP HERE ARE THE TEARS HOLY SHIT-

Now I won't be first to mention how Finny thinking of when OCiel matched with how he's feeling right now, but the fact that Theo, this orphanage's literal Ciel, telling him to run has to be SO conflicting for our baby...

Well, I mean it'll be sad but at least 208 wouldn't be worst-

. . . OKAY

FIRST OFF, I was spoiled of some scenes already, thank my friend for that!

Second, when this picture showed up, my brain decided to ruin me more by playing this-

WHICH DOESN'T FUCKING HELP-

Anyway, back to the review of 208, a weird feeling in my chest of tears, happiness, anxiety, and theorizing-

The parrels Snake even points out of Doll and OCiel when it shows the parrels of Doll and Finny crying over the idea of losing Snake-

The hand reaching out to him by people who saved him-

MY HEART!

. . . I'm sorry wha-

Ooooooh, okay, I was about to whip out my knowledge of animal DNA vs Human DNA and how at sad as it sounds we can't have werewolf babies and question everything-

I mean Dagger's not wrong, I mean he literally named Sebastian based off what he wears and OCiel just off how adorable his smile is, unless someone else named him and he took credit

Also on that thought how he named Doll makes it so much cuter/sadder since he described aka in his eyes she's really is as precious

Also I can't tell is Dagger is saving other abused kids from this circus/freak show, is packing up the ones who tagged along, or if Snake unknowingly witnessed one of their kidnappings-

YOU CAN'T SPRING THAT SHIT UP ON ME YANA-

Kind of interesting they don't have beef, which according to some weird test is the most favorable meat out of the ones out there. Like I get they don't have cattle since they roam and I assumed beef is expensive back in the day, but a part of me kind of hopes it's like a Soma situation back in Weston where they don't have beef due to someone's religion, though then there's pork-

JUMBO!

My boy didn't speak much at all throughout the arc so this is excited as shit!

AAAAWWWWWWWWEEEEE~!

S-So... Jumbo...named the Snakes...?

Hey, Jumbo simpers, come back so I can bless you with him naming your kid-

Okay this is by far my new favorite picture of all of them together! Doll chilling in her dress- A honestly super cute wholesome pic of Beats- Peter giving off that trustworthy older bro vibes- Wendy giving off that one cool Aunt who lets you eat ice cream before breakfast and lets you sip her wine if you behave enough and takes you to Disneyland a weekend just to see you excited and scared on roads vibes-

Though now I have a few questions of this scene seems to show everyone knew Doll and her habit of dressing up to chill with others in comfy clothes (which in same bitch) and which i wonder: Did no one fucking care she was in the bath and trying to strip OCiel back then?? Dagger and Jumbo were in there, I get why they would be chill with their baby sister in there but why didn't they step in-

Unless my joke was true-

My final thoughts. . .

I AM NOT OKAY!

I am taking a lil nap, watch some Black Butler Season 2 cause for some reason unless it's Alois' abuse and death I don't cry, so there-

I have a lemon mint tea brewing-

Hopefully Doll does not die cause I might not return from that, not as a shipper but as it'll be silly bringing her back then killing her off AGAIN!

LET HER HELP FINNY ESCAPE, LET HER HAVE A BIT OF A CRISIS BEFORE EITHER HER OR SNAKE OR SNAKE'S SNAKES STOP HER FROM DOING ANYTHING EXTREME, LET HER RUN INTO OCIEL AGAIN, LET ME HAVE A SCENE OF OCIEL SHOCKED SEEING HER, LET ME SEE HIM WATCH HER WALK UP, LET HER PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE, LET ME HAVE THAT!

#black butler #black butler spoilers #finnian #black butler finny #black butler doll #black butler artie #black butler theo #black butler mabel #black butler oliver #black butler snake #black butler joker #black butler jumbo #black butler chapter 207 #black butler chapter 208 #not me crying #Spotify

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actualbird · 2 years ago

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//CN... theories? spoilers? i'm not sure which one this is.

ZAK I WAS ON WEIBO AND I SAW SOME THEORIZING.

People are saying that Marius' third solo SSR is hinting towards the existence of a "darker" marius, per se, and that this could be the angst in the prologue.

From what I can tell, those comments are saying that the Marius illustration (with shattering glass) is from a dream. A dream that apparently, both of us are in. The game hinted towards Marius having had that dream for a long time. (desperately trying to avoid spoilers as i say this)

I'm planning to watch this card soon, but I'm just thinking. The prologue. Painting of crying Rosa. Marius' disappearance.

The implication of a darker Marius also comes with the implication that he's falling more and more in love with us, but in the growing obsession way.

And wouldn't that be something worth crying over?

Just the potential of watching him, knowing him before, knowing him this whole time, and knowing he wasn't like this before but being completely unable to stop him. and the guilt of the thought that "Marius wasn't like this before he met me, so if he never met me, this probably wouldn't have happened."

The possibility of this deeply obsessive marius, this marius who wouldn't let us go makes me vibrate in excitement but at the same time, NOOOOOOOOO LET HIM GO BACK TO THE INNOCENT BABY HE WAS.

irt the most beautiful tot illustration ever

first off, anon bless u for giving so much information with minimal amounts of spoilers. ive been Very curious about this card, specifically this illustration's context, ever since i saw it! but as far as i know there arent any full translations out so i will patiently wait for that so i can eat it up all in one go ahsjfhavkj, so this is Much Appreciated :DDD

second off,

PAIN....SUFFERING,,,,ANGUISH!!!!!!

i mentioned this in a previous response that im not too big on theorizing nor on checking out other theories (just a personal thing idk, my brain isnt big enough for theories HAHA) BUUUUTT

he concept of a darker marius is SO interesting to think about because....hell, hes already talked about that himself

he mentions in it main story 7.1, that if he didnt get lucky with the life he got, if he didnt get lucky with a family that truly loved and cared about him, if his life were worse or crueler or sharper, marius told mc that he could see himself succumbing to the same kind of darkness jun had succumbed to.

this is already something hes outright admitted: his heart is good and hopeful now, but if things get worse, hes scared of what he might be pushed to do.

additionally, marius' darkness manifesting as over obsession is SO GOOD to me because YES. EXACTLY. THAT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE to me for 2 slightly different but nonetheless connected reasons:

reason 1

it's like The Obsessed Artist trope but...with a twist. the traditional Obsessed Artist is one that meets their self destruction on an impossible journey to perfect their creative craft. with a darker marius, i think it's more of him meeting his self destruction in perfecting himself and his love/relationship.

if life gets terrible and horrible and bad, he would want to keep this part of his life beautiful, unknowingly destroying himself and everything that made his relationship beautiful. which loops back in nicely with the crying painting of mc in the intro: it's a beautiful picture, but shes in pain

and as the artist of that image, marius created that.

reason 2

even without thinking of a darker timeline, the roots for over-obsession are already within our current wonderful marius whom we love so much:

so many people have betrayed him already in his life, which causes trust issues and difficulties

so many people have already left his life (his mom passing away and giann still being missing), which causes intense abandonment issues and the fear of people leaving.

with those already in place (and already things he struggles with normally) it makes a lot of sense for a dark!marius to go the route of over-obsession. if life gets terrible and horrible and bad, he stops trusting new people completely, may even to an extent stop trusting the people who are already on his side. but the people on his side cant leave, he wont let them, he cant be left alone and hes going to make sure they stay.

like, all the pieces are there. while im not into theorizing, this is great food for thought for aus or fic or just understanding deeper what exactly marius was so afraid of succumbing to, when he told mc back in main story 7 about how fear of becoming somebody like jun if his circumstances were worse....

....very interesting to think about, all in all. also painful, btw. dont forget the pain. JHVKJSVFJKHSDF

#tears of themis #marius von hagen #i put braincells in those 2 reasons so this is getting tagged. also shld i be worried abt the influx of marius angst in my inbox? HAHA #anon #asks #tot spoilers

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thesnowflake18 · 2 years ago

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Wait am i the only who wishes chapters 3, 4 and 5 didnt get released on the same day😭 im just worried abt how it might take out the fun of the suspense yk.. Not saying it should be multiple yeats between each chapters but yk maybe a couple months so the fandom can really get excited abt each chapter individually and do the theorizing individually😭 maybe im just overthinking but i just dont want them to get lumped together

I think we've all thought about this at some point honestly ^^' I feel like he's doing it because he doesn't want to complicate sales though. Best to pay one time for a large chunk of content, see if we like it enough, and then wait to get the last two as free updates than to take away the opportunity of those who might want refunds 🤷‍♀️ I mean, even if he made us wait like idk, a week-month between chapters there's always gonna be a chunk of the fandom who will be behind, so spoilers galore :') But yeah I agree that I'd freaking adore more wait time between chapters, just to be able to absorb the story better. I would love to see how many theories the fandom would cycle through between chapters and how quickly they get debunked LMAO. The freaking headcanons, comics, animations etc. that would pop up as soon a chapter dropped. I just think that with all 3, people might get overwhelmed and burnt out faster unfortunately. Also I already know some characters are gonna end up being overshadowed cause of this, which is unfortunate T-T that mostly applies to the secret bosses, which are probably gonna be the center of attention ^^'

My only counter to this is that Toby mentioned Ch2 supposedly being the longest chapter, so maybe there won't be as much content individually per chapter? It might feel better to have a longer experience with all three rather than 1 short one at a time. Or maybe I'm just coping here lmao. We'll just have to hope for the best till then.

#snowspeaks #asks #deltarune #it feels weird saying that the next 3 will have less content individually #but maybe it's just packed more tightly with shorter play time yknow?#a little less fluff than ch1 & 2 but still enough story than both when combined #but. that's just me being hopeful ^^'#....I just realized how much I wrote akdbdks

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winderlylandchime · 11 months ago

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Now to the more important thing! First of all, hello! How are you doing? I hope you’re doing good. And secondly, please don’t mind me while I freak out a little bit.

YOUR NEW FIC!!!!! I am absolutely losing my mind over it! I read the first chapter while on a break at work a few days ago and I wanted to scream, run around like a crazy toddler and bounce off the walls all at the same time. How I managed to finish work that day is beyond me. Older Brian? Nonbinary Gus? Gus and Brian living together? Brian with a beard? Once again Older Brian?!?! And once again Brian with a beard?? I couldn’t decide on which of those to focus on more because I absolutely love it so much! And then the second chapter! This will sound ridiculous because i swear whenever i get a notification about an update, i RUN to check but because of the excitement, i sometimes take my time to read the new chapter cause I want to save it for as long as possible (so during that time i just read the previous chapter like crazy). And let me tell you something, I am a few pain meds away from being just like my brother is with qaf but about your fic. I absolutely loved the second chapter. The emotion! The feelings! The excitement of them being together again! The pain of it all at the same time! Brian still not kissing anyone made me want to jump off a building while screaming about it. But the most important thing I would like to say is: The way you write is so fucking amazing, i am genuinely obsessed with how you paint the picture for the scene. I swear you can see the characters and the rooms they’re in and everything happening between them, right there in front of you. You really know how to bring it all to life. It’s almost as if I’m either watching it happen on a TV or as if I’m in the room with them. I don’t know how else to explain it but I am obsessed with it. And the way you write the characters is so freaking spot on. I was already impressed by that with the AU fic you wrote which I feel like is way harder to nail their personalities but you did a terrific job. I am so excited to see where you take this story and what more you have planned for in the future because even with only 2 chapters so far, you managed to make me feel every emotion possible for them. All while also making me theorize about what will happen next and what happened in the first place for them to get here. Bottom line is: the fic is absolutely amazing. The only other way i could describe how it made me feel, is with a 3 page keyboard smash but I feel like you deserve proper words :) oh! I also very much loved our boys having an experience with PrEP/U=U so that was a really nice thing to see in the fic. So props to your friend for suggesting that idea. Anyway, I’m gonna go now because I could legitimately go on and on about everything i loved in the fic and why…(damn, maybe i really am related to my brother..)

please don’t mind me while I freak out a little bit

Please, I do not know a fic writer who MINDS if someone freaks out.

THANK YOU!! I'm so glad you like older Britin (I aged them up to around my age lol) and the beard and that Brian hasn't kissed anyone (how could I possibly write that he had kissed someone? WHO WOULD HE HAVE KISSED?)

It’s almost as if I’m either watching it happen on a TV or as if I’m in the room with them. I don’t know how else to explain it but I am obsessed with it. And the way you write the characters is so freaking spot on.

Excuse me while I sob. Thank you!!!! This is such a huge compliment. I'm blushing, I'm pulling my hoodie over my face, I'm giggling.

Also, yes... I can see the family resemblance. But I adore your brother's ramblings and I adore yours. So please don't be embarrassed by the similarity ;)

#ask winderlylandchime #dear sweet anon #queer as folk #my fanfiction #a straight man watches qaf us 2000 in the year of our lord 2023 #beautiful like the darkness between the fireflies

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bonesandthebees · 1 year ago

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Okay, the proper analysis for the vision. I really really like it, but it gives me so much anxiety. Also I’m pretty sure we’ve always had a vision either at the start or end of a chapter. (I don’t remember when the tommy murder attempt one was, but the ball was the start, curse was the end and this one is start again).

[There’s smoke in his lungs.] This is not a good line to open the chapter one, especially not in bold (I have a dyslexia friendly skin that turns italic into bold because that’s easier to read). My anxiety went up so hard I had to pause and rewire my brain for reading because I was not mentally prepared.

Anyway, what I like so much about the vision is the slow build and how clear half of it is even without Wilbur elaborating later on (but the elaboration later on is very good, Wilbur is the Pythia after all, he should be trying to figure it out and probably do a good job).

My thought process while reading was: oh shit fire -> is someone trying to smoke them out of the temple. Oh shot water -> did he fall into the bathhouse river or something? Looking for someone -> Tommy? Clara statue -> palace -> palace pool or whatever it was, there’s a Clara statue in the room Wilbur was praying to in the first chapter.

Through the chapter we get confirmation that Wilbur was looking for someone. And I think both him and Tommy know he’s looking for Tommy in that vision, but neither of them wants to say it out loud because that’s very scary (it is kinda fucking Tommy up even more though).

And in his conversation with Phil, Wilbur mentions that he thinks it’s at the palace and now he have the plan to send him back there and the confirmation that Tommy will follow him there/go out of his way to get Wilbur back outta there.

That leaves a few things, like why are they in that room specifically? Where is the smoke coming from (probably the active coup)? And why is (presumably Tommy) in the water?

So my finally theory is this: Wilbur is at the palace during the coup, shit goes wrong (as it does), fires are started (because of course they are), Tommy either comes to find Wilbur or has already done so. Problem: Tommy’s lungs still have not been fixed (Thanks a lot, SAM) and girl you love sneaking that into the past few chapters, so I’m just going to assume the smoke + potential running fucks with his lungs, he somehow ends up in the water (maybe a fight, maybe he trips, maybe he faints by lack of air). Wilbur then has to dive after him, which is where the vision comes in (can either of these boys swim?).

Anyway, have fun reading this and not being able to answer cause spoilers.

(1/?)

-🌲

the thing about writing the visions is that I'm constantly balancing on the line of making them clear but not at the same time. they need to be understandable to the point where wilbur can interpret them, but they can't be too obvious because that's not how they work. they're meant to be sporadic and dream-like and most of the knowledge that comes from them has to be more interpretation than actual fact presented in the vision itself if that makes sense. it's always a challenge to write one but I have fun with them

can't confirm what you're theorizing but as always I love seeing you guys try to figure out the visions when they happen. I'm really excited for this one to eventually play out :)

#ask #spruce anon #glass ch 25

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andvys · 2 years ago

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Andy omg Part 5?! Everytime Steve does some fucked up shit I genuinely cry because I get flashbacks to the very similar situation I was in. Except I didn’t have an Eddie 😔 but I actually cry because I totally get reader. Steve took her for granted and he wanted to turn things around and victimize himself when reader showed interest in someone else. Honestly I just wanna hug her because I totally get it 😕 I wouldn’t personally forgive my own Steve my own irl Steve if that makes sense. Actually I did forgive but sometimes I still hurt so I guess I didn’t forget.😕😕

but yeah Steve has a lot of making up to do. To both reader and Eddie! The fact that Steve was fucking around with so many girls and leading reader on, in a way also hurt Eddie (not in the way he hurt reader though but still kinda hurt him). Because Steve was holding on to her and giving her false hope she never got the chance to set her eyes on someone else… on someone who she probably had some sort of attraction to already **cough cough** Eddie **cough**. That made Eddie watch the girl he was in love with be in love with someone else. Which totally sucks. But I’m happy Eddie and reader found their way to each other!

ALSO I love the moment when reader realizes she’s in love with Eddie!!!! I love how you didn’t even write it and I LOVED how when you described it, it was obvious to us what she was feeling! Then at the end the adore you but they lowkey wanted to say love🥹🥹🥹 let me fucking cry. MY ASKS ARE ALWAYS SO LONG IM SORRY LOL I probably annoy all your other followers with my long ass asks but it’s cause I just get so excited talking and theorizing over your stories 😭🥹

Also wait if you do prequels for Everlong I have a GREAT one. Prequel of reader waking up in the middle of the night because she had a nightmare of Eddie dying in her arms and in that instant, in the middle of the night, she calls him just to hear his voice for reassurance that her nightmare is not real 😭😭😭 when you wrote that she would wake up with nightmares and call him I was like “WAIT PREQUEL/DRABBLE???”

-💃🏻💅🏻

First of all never apologize for the long asks, they are literally the highlight of my day whenever I see them in my inbox!😂

I'm sorry for the situation with your Steve. Fuck that guy, he never deserved you and I hope he's gonna realize what he lost. It's difficult to forgive things like that but it's possible and it will help you move on. Obviously you will never forget that but once you move on, it will hurt less and less every day.

Steve was definitely leading her on but he is also just a silly dude who doesn't know how to deal with his feelings because even if it doesn't seem like it, he does love her and I'm gonna explain more about his feelings and thoughts in the next chapter! But he is definitely selfish for keeping her waiting for so long.

I'm glad you liked the moment between Eddie and reader! The realization was my favorite part to write 😌

ALSO YES TO THE PREQUEL IDEA! I love that so much! I'm gonna save this one! Thank you!!! 🥰

#andy’s asks #💃🏻💅🏻 anon

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revasserium · 1 year ago

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my favorite twst characters are silver and malleus they're so sillies i wanna hide them in my pocket 🥺❤

and woooow you're already in chapter 5?? you're so fast and that means you'll catch up in chapter 7 🤩 also chapter 7 just updated in twst jp yesterday and i'm losing my marbles over it akdkkskcksks i'm so excited to hear your thoughts/theories when you catch up ❗❗❗

so idia huh hmmm i have a feeling you'll like him even more when you read chapter 6 😈

my favorite twst events are:

vargas camp (some ppl think this event is so boring but for me, it's just refreshing esp the bgm music and just some silly boys going to camping 😁 what could go wrong? 😁)

endless halloween (tho you must watch the first halloween event which is scary monsters in order to understand it ANYWAY i love the vibes here and the bgm music AGAIN lol and bc silver is here my pookiebear)

ghost marriage (all i can say is poor idia 😬)

fairy gala if (it's like the alternate universe of the first fairy gala event, i love this event bc ortho gets to shine here 🥺❤ and some ppl theorize that this event is after chapter 6 buuut we never know bc all the event stories aren't canon huhuhu 😪)

and lastlyyyyy

glorious masquerade event (i love this event bc the little interactions between malleus and yuu/the player 🥰 also we get another twisted version of a disney character! it also has foreshadowing about malleus in chapter 7)

- zella

ALSO if you want to learn/read more about the characters or just see their silliness, you can read their personal stories on miraheze site. it's complete and you can even read the voice lines.

- zella

first of all -- i did NOT know you could send asks this long in tumblr now lskdjfasij HAHA back in mY DAY *cracks back, wheezes* i think we had a character limit but damn tumblr rly said "go off, be free" huh.

but yes! im generally a pretty quick reader, and i watch most videos on 2x speed (i listen to audiobooks on 2x speed too and my mom thinks i'm unhinged for it). so since it's all subbed, i'm just breezing through it; if i weren't so attached to listening to the voiced lines, i'd just read the translations on miraheze u__u

and speaking of miraheze, yES i've been LOOKING (disrepectfully, mind you).

I CANNOT WAIT FOR CHAPER 6. i am shoved so far up idia's ass already and it's not even his chapter yet fuCK.

i'm doing the camp vargas event rn cause im in the eng server and it's cute u__u i do like the "boiz just doin boi tingz" vibe it's giving off. pitching tents n shit hahah.

i shall add endless halloween to my list! i legit didn't figure out that events had like separate stories until the last day of the fairy gala event (i am big dumb im sorry) so i only got to play through the first few chapters in game, but i'll watch the rest of it; and i'm curious about the fairy gala, if ver too.

malleus is growing on me. we love a good lonely boi arc. i love that he's like "u don't know me? that's so hot" vibes hes giving off hAHAHAHA. that's so Ultra Celeb of you, malleus. i see you, i SEE you. silver, i don't know well enough yet but my normal Type is White Haired Anime Boy, so i mean -- boxes have been checked already, ukno?

i'm quickly spiraling way too far into this universe and it's.... worrying, to say the least.

#zella anon #twst #twisted wonderland #i've had the opening theme on loop for the past 48 hrs i cannot BREATHE its sO FUCKING GOOD #also idk where this appears in game but uhm... the song where malleus sings solo with idia and azul in the back???? what the fuck LOL #why is that hilarious to me WHY #is that the masquerade event im fuCKING DYING #truly death is UPON ME.#🌧 raindrops

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girldragongizzard · 2 months ago

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@fukurouonthesea, you are so cool. Thank you for providing questions I can answer, in case other people are confused, too.

Also: hi! How was your day?

Unfortunately, it's been rough. Our physical health has been really crummy, lately. But, despite that, I'm already writing the sequel to this book, and having a lot of fun doing it. So, it's also been good.

What does she mean with the clothes telegraphing? Like, Chapman can do things, so people who know that might be suspicious of someone dressed like Chapman?

"Telegraphing" in this use is probably jargon I picked up from studying a tiny bit of martial arts, and it is probably an odd use of the word.

It means "revealing", "telling", or "betraying". A telegraphed move in a fight is one that the opponent can predict by your body language and stance, like, "Oh, you're stepping like that, so you're going to do an uppercut."

In this case, the colors of the clothes are nearly identical to the colors of my scales. So, anyone who knows I'm walking about in a disguise, but who hasn't seen the disguise yet, will probably be able to pick me out in a crowded room because I'm dressed in clothes with the same colors.

That was the worry.

It turns out it was a frivolous worry, because no one caught me while wearing the dress.

What's proso - the thingy?

Prosopagnosia is also called face blindness. I try not to call it face blindness, though, because some blind people have objected to that term and I want to respect that.

I often can't recognize people by their faces. It doesn't come up in the story too much, because I'm mostly interacting with people I know well, who dress distinctively, in contexts I'm used to seeing them in.

But you'll note that when I interact or encounter strangers, I don't really describe their faces ever, and rarely identify them. And it's because I have trouble with that, even as a dragon.

They couldn't study a dragon before metamorphosis? Cause they were in disguise even for the magic? But they knew and were thinking about it? That's why she was so shocked! But also what is this society. They sound huge.

I think I'm just going to respond to this with a sly smile, because you're picking up on the mysteries perfectly. These questions will be answered in later chapters and books! And I want you to be thinking about them and wondering!

(I'm theorizing because you said these observations helped and cause it's fun, but tell me if I should start cutting down again please.)

As an author, I love it, and you never, ever need to feel self conscious about doing it!

Yeah. Again the. She doesn't have proper masking instincts just like. Enough neuron / synapse overlaps to make it work?

Chapman thinks it's because their spell isn't complete. I think it's also because of my dysphoria and dissociation. I won't let myself remember how to use a larynx, because it feels bad.

Similarly, I've forgotten how to move like a human. My head movements are still very much like I do when I'm a full dragon.

But, and I should probably explain this more clearly in the book, Chapman says that the reason I can walk is because sie included feminine walking reflexes in the spell. It wasn't designed specifically for dragons.

That's clarified a little more in a later chapter, but not explicitly. I should fix that.

Eeeeee interview is exciting. So like a text to speech? If she's got a keyboard now. Or still like picture aac?

So, I should probably clarify this in the story, too.

My tablet's AAC app has both picture guided communication and text to speech, and can switch between the two fluidly. And I've been using it's text fuctions, including predictive text, more and more heavily, because I don't really need the pictures. It's faster for me to go right to the words.

The laptop, using a different OS, is set up with a different program that's only text to speech. And I have to type out the words completely, but it's easier for me to do that with the keyboard and human sized fingers. But I've lost my touch typing ability because I'm dissociating from my human skills, or something like that.

What's a touch typist?

A touch typist is someone with the skill to put their fingers on the home row of the keyboard and then to type using all of their fingers without looking at the keyboard.

I now do "hunt and peck" instead, where I look at the keyboard and only use my index fingers, with all my other fingers curled up. It's still reasonably fast for me, though.

That… I. What. Ok I guess authorities being against unionizing kinda makes sense. But. Do they want complete chaos among their dragons? What are they thinking?

The exact reasoning and scheming is going to be revealed in the sequels. But, the authorities are not unified on this. The City Council is divided, and the police are acting of their own accord, cooperating with someone else who has some kind of agenda. So there's already chaos.

Aw that soul being free again sounds so so nice. You are good at describing like dysphoria and stuff in not just what it's like but in images and how everything feels with that.

Thank you!

Brain is confused trying to imagine all the anatomy words for how she looks but it's probably very helpful usually.

So, the rest of my system, the Inmara, are really good at using Blender, and we're talking about creating a 3D model of me and setting up a series of boudoir shots. Maybe make it kind of like a silly pinup calendar. That will do a pretty good job of showing people what I look like.

This photo here is my headmate Goreth, who stars in the End of the Tunnel, which you are also reading. I'm not all that different looking than them, but I'm smaller and my proportions are not quite the same:

I have much larger hind legs and feet, and much shorter and daintier forelegs. And I'm blue instead of green. And my tail barb is different in a way that's hard to explain. Also, my horns are straighter. And my skull shape is a little different, with my eyes more on the sides of my head, and more teeth showing.

But the arrangement of wings to legs is correct, and length of neck and tail is pretty close too.

(ugh, that rendering has some garbage going on)

Actually can she still do dragon sounds? If she's still talking (or not) like dragon? That might be interesting to have a human doing morning calls and them not finding who did it. Very risky tho.

Unfortunately, I'd need my syrinx to do that, and I don't have it while in human form. The disguise is a full physical transformation, so it alters my internal anatomy.

A syrinx is the same thing birds use to talk, and it's located right between their lungs. So it's a completely different mechanism for making noise than what humans have.

Again, thank you so much for your thorough feedback and questions. I do really appreciate it so much!

Love,

Meg

Chapter 16: Finding my voice

The clothes are obviously Chapman’s, and I’m made to fit them.

The central piece of the ensemble is a TARDIS dress. Probably because it’s blue.

There’s also a pair of sunset orange ballet flats with orange supportive insoles in them. A pair of gloves, a purse, and a pair of sunglasses, all of the same color.

The purse is bigger, and in better shape, and with a longer strap, than the purse I’ve been using. So I happily transfer everything over to that. And that’s really super easy with my new sofa-primate hands.

There’s a simple makeup kit in the purse, including a mirror, that I’m entirely too afraid to use.

I’ll catch a glimpse of myself in a window or a bathroom mirror eventually, but I don’t need that now, and I don’t know a thing about makeup. A lot of women locally don’t wear much of it, if any at all, anyway. I’ll blend in just fine without it.

Except that I’m wearing these clothes, and they are telegraphing who I am to anybody who might suspect I’m wearing a pendant that can do this in the first place.

There are panties that are the same blue as the dress.

No bra. The dress has a shelf bra, and what I’ve got on my chest probably doesn’t even need that. I’ve still got them, though. Definitely bigger than I’ve ever had before.

A lot of women around here don’t wear bras either. So, again, not a huge deal. And one less thing to delay my exit from the parking garage.

When I’m all dressed, the pendant hangs all the way down to the bottom of my sternum, under my dress, completely hidden by it and its high neckline.

In a pinch, though, I can still grab it with both hands and haul it right over my head and out of my dress. But if I do that, the dress won’t survive. Nor will the shoes or gloves. Or panties.

There are a lot of reasons I don’t like this, now that I’m doing it, and I want to take the pendant off now. However, that would shunt me over to escape plan B, and that might result in more of last night’s kind of bologna, actually.

But I look like I’m going to a science fiction convention.

—

As I stick my nose out through the crack in the door of the stairwell, I smell, hear, and see a police car roll by and head for the ramp up. They obviously didn’t see me even crack the door, but I let myself be convinced that my disguise is already working, and lick my lips before opening the door more fully.

Another police car swerves and pulls to a halt in front of me as I step out of the door, and I make startled eye contact with the driver.

He pulls his microphone from his dash and puts it to his mouth, to say, amplified and way too loud, echoing throughout the complex, “Ma’am. Please vacate the premises immediately for your safety. There is a dangerous reptile wandering the parking garage.

I still don’t see animal control anywhere.

I nod, and wave, and stumble out, around and past the car to the sidewalk.

I hope they don’t hurt that poor lizard.

Fortunately, I happen to know that she’s making a cunning getaway. But, they might yet track her down, I suppose.

What if they have a wizard on their staff?

—

The door of the coffee shop opens, setting off the chime to let everyone know that the first customer of the day has entered.

Well, no. Chapman and Rhoda are already there, in the back of the main room, waiting for me.

Jill and Cerce, who open on Saturdays, have been told what to expect, but Cerce gawks from behind the counter as Jill steps out to get a good look at me and then at Chapman and back again.

I understand we don’t look exactly alike, though I couldn’t tell from memory when I had taken a peek at myself in a shop window. But, it does look like our bodies were stamped out of the same base mold.

There are some differences.

My boobs are bigger.

My hair is dark brown and not cut in a side shave, and it falls to my shoulders. It has a slight wave to it.

Chapman had said sie had based my facial features on hir favorite autistic comedian from Australia, mixing them with hir own. And the result is that we could be siblings, cousins, or painfully gay partners, depending on if the beholder has prosopagnosia like me or not. And I’m honestly fine with any of those assumptions. I feel like I’d have fun playing each of them up. If I could focus on socializing as if I’m human.

Jill stops in front of me and asks, “Meghan. You look stunning. And stunned. Are you all right?”

I open my mouth and I squeak.

Jill blinks.

See, there’s a bit of a problem.

I hold up a finger. Straight up. It surprises me and I look at it in wonder for a second, then I glance at Jill, and then Cerce. And then I reach into my new purse with both hands and pull out my enchanted tablet.

I almost go to put it on the ground in front of me, but stop myself from bending over more than a couple degrees and make a coughing noise. Then I rub my nose and straighten up and deliberately hold the tablet in front of me.

At which point I reach with one of my hands and turn it on.

Holding it with one hand directly in front of my face at half an arm’s length out, I press on the screen with the knuckle of my other hand.

This feels so freaking awkward and weird.

But soon the AAC app is open and I can talk again. So I say, in my own now familiar voice, that of the tablet, “Can’t talk.”

“What? I don’t understand!” Jill exclaims. Then looks questioningly at Chapman.

Cerce utters, “Oh.”

And Chapman nods at her and then says, “She has a larynx now, Jill. Not only does she not know how to use it, but I imagine it feels really weird when she tries.”

I nod vigorously.

“But didn’t she have one before?” Jill asks.

“I don’t know,” Chapman says. “I never got to study a dragon before the metamorphosis. No one did. We didn’t know who they were. But if I had a guess, I’d say she did, but she lost all memory of how to use it when that old disguise was discarded.”

Jill half points at me and asks, “And how did you say she got this way again?”

“I very pointedly didn’t,” Chapman replies. “And I won’t.”

Jill squints at me and examines me further and says, “I do feel like I recognize her, even though she’s never looked like this. Just like the first time she changed. Will all the other dragons be able to do this?”

“Probably not. Or, if so, one at a time.”

“So weird. And so cool, and,” she looks at me in the face. “Are you really OK with this?”

I shake my head, making sure that she and Cerce and Rhoda and Chapman see me do so. Then I use my tablet to say, “Have to.”

“OK. OK.” She nervously smiles at Chapman, then back at me. “Well, you look good.”

—

There’s a full length mirror in the back room, where they’re going to eventually set up my computer, and I’m really annoyed that I’m using it to look at this body and not my own.

I could take off all my clothes again and then the pendant, and get to see, but that would be a lot of trouble. I’ll get to see eventually.

And, even though it’s a full length mirror, it’s not really wide enough to give me a full third person view of my wingspan. When I have one.

It’s just fine for a human, of course.

I’m.

I’m a woman.

Only I’m not.

This is how I know that I’m not.

Oh, I am definitely female. I am so supposed to be female. I am almost laser focused now on the idea of laying eggs in the spring.

I might be in the need to look for a suitable egg laying lair, actually. It’s a whole half a year away, but now I’m thinking of that pretty solidly.

But anyway, female dragons are not typically women, and this is definitely not me.

Kind of like before my first metamorphosis, I feel like I’m seeing a completely different person in the mirror. Like, as if it’s literally not a mirror but a window, with another person on the other side. My brain will absolutely not let me see it as a mirror. Even as that person mimics my movements and expressions.

But the person I see is cute!

And unlike before, she looks like someone I’d like to at least be very good friends with.

I sure wouldn’t mind looking like her if I absolutely had to. At least humans would treat me almost right if they saw her when looking at me.

Which, for the time being, they will. Which is a startling revelation to keep having. It never stops being jarring.

I do find it a little weird that I can walk just fine, but I can’t talk. It feels like a continuity oversight in a science fiction show. Or a plot hole. But I speculate it might have something to do with dissociation, and what specifically triggers my dysphoria and what doesn’t. Maybe.

It is magic. And very particular, literal magic at that, from Chapman’s explanation. Like programming the universe itself. So, it might just be that I’m missing the code for speech but not for walking. Though, why that would be the case, I’m just not sure. It makes less sense to me than my dissociation explanation.

I tilt my head to the side and watch as the other person does it too. They do remind me a lot of Chapman when sie isn’t around.

I again ask myself this question, because the topic just happens to be on my brain regarding eggs and just how human I might be at the moment. Would I have sex with this person if I could?

Maybe?

If I appear to be human, and she is human, maybe I could. Socially. Accept that.

Physically? Can I imagine enjoying the physical sensation of that?

Honestly, I just can’t even bring to mind memories of physical human contact, let alone daydreams of it.

Why do I ask myself this?

Because humans are constantly talking about it. Or, a lot of them are. Every relationship in every story seems to center around eventually having sex. And it’s the one way they ask whether they’re compatible with each other. And I guess it’s one of those habits I’ve learned from them.

Again, I don’t know what happens in the spring, which I’m guessing is mating season, based on thoughts I keep having.

I turn my head away from the mirror.

I’m supposed to be using this thing to practice acting and moving like a human woman. And I’m failing even at moving like a human, actually. I can tell that much.

I awkwardly move to open the door and walk through the short dark hallway out into the cafe. There are some other customers there now, and Chapman comes to me and indicates we should head back into the back room again.

I was going to ask hir to help me, but apparently I don’t have to.

Rhoda moves to come back, too, but Chapman stops here and says, “Just a moment, OK?”

And then, once we’re back there, Chapman closes the door and stands in front of it.

“Maybe we don’t need you to practice being human today. Just keep the disguise on until we’re done,” sie says. “It’ll be more convincing if you’re draconically weird for the interview. Blending in with people will be needed later, maybe, when you want to use it.”

Then we talk about a few other things before inviting Rhoda in to plan the next phase.

—

It’s the end of the summer and this weird man is wearing black jeans and a black leather biker’s jacket. His black hair is the kind of mess they strove for in old photos of geniuses, but his mutton chops belong at the Subdued Stringband Jamboree. He’s wearing cowboy boots and holding a small notepad and a pen, his right leg propped up on his left as he sits and listens to me explain things using his laptop with the AAC program installed on it.

I find the keyboard is reasonably easy to use, once I get used to using my fingertips to hunt and peck.

I used to be a touch typist, but I think this way now for some reason. But I’m still getting full sentences out in reasonable time.

He’s nodding as I talk.

Occasionally, he asks a question.

What I find absolutely hilarious is that his name, his literal given name, is Seagull. Seagull Phil. It sounds like a nickname, but it isn’t.

The coincidence of that made my stomach growl at the weirdest moment in our introductions.

He works for the weekly paper, and we’re having this interview in the back room of the shop.

He has a voice like a 1930s transatlantic radio announcer. Soft, gentle, and extremely articulate. It does not fit his physical image in the slightest. He’s six foot three, too.

The whole affect is disarming and makes me feel at ease despite my mounting and raging dysphoria. I almost forget that I don’t look like myself.

Rhoda met him at the Council meeting, and befriended him when it was adjourned abruptly to his great dismay. She’d told him that he could interview a dragon.

I’m keeping my human disguise for this so that I can type easier, really.

When we’re done, I’ve promised to shed it so that he can verify that I’m the Meg that everyone is talking about.

What I’ve learned is that apparently I’ve been targeted by the authorities because I’ve been leading the morning roll calls, and someone thinks that that will break up the grip the rest of the dragons have on the city. But also, the property management of my building had called the police for my forceful eviction from the premises (which they had momentarily achieved). They have no idea I’m trespassing.

I’m telling Seagull as much of my story as I can manage in the time we have.

Between this interview and the letters that Astraia and I sent to City and County Councils, there may be some hope for a better resolution, Seagull says.

I want to believe him.

—

Now I see myself in that full length mirror.

I still wish it was a mirror in a dance hall, or something like that. But between it and my ability to twist and crane my neck to look at my back and belly, or to look at the mirror from any angle, I get a really good look at myself.

I’m alone again in the back room to do this.

And I’m relaxed in ways that I didn’t think even mattered.

It’s like my very cells have unclenched.

It’s that energized looseness and lethargy you might feel after the best massage, if your soul had been massaged.

So, when I described my torso and limbs as being similar in scale to a human’s, that didn’t really do any justice to their form or function, or actual shape. Just a vague sense of scale that explains why and how I can enter buildings with little trouble.

I’ve only seen morphology like this in recent speculative illustrations of dinosaurs, with the major addition of a third set of limbs. My wings.

Unlike how dinosaurs are thought to have been, based on their skeletal structures, I believe I am about as flexible as a monitor lizard.

But my back is high and arched, and my chest does have a keel like a bird’s, because wing muscles demand that. This makes my torso tall, like a dogs, and gives me a barrel chest like a swan’s. Also, my neck starts at the base by going up and curving gracefully to my head, which can be described as before. But now I’m thinking of it as kind of a cross between a goat and caiman in shape, nearly straight horns swept back. And my tail tends to be held upright and straight out for balance. I can’t curl it terribly tightly with muscles alone, but it’s more flexible than it looks when I move.

My wings are more forward than my forelimbs. Which actually makes my wings my forelimbs. My arms, I guess, are set further back out of the way of my flight muscles. But they’re still partially linked, and I do flex them a little in sync with my wings when I’m flapping hard.

If I stretch out, from tip of nose to tip of tail, I might be ten or eleven feet long.

I know I don’t weigh nearly as much as I did when I presented as a 5’10” human man that was 280 lbs.

On the other hand, I think I may have notably grown in length and girth in the last week. I have no measurements to confirm it, but I just feel like it has happened.

My left shoulder still has that nasty gash in it, which isn’t there when I’m in human disguise.

But even with that gash, every inch of this body, as I look at it, every scale, every tiny curve, every bump and nobble, every movement of it, everything is mine. Mine in the same way that this building is mine, and this coffee shop. The way that my friends are mine. And the city itself. The way that my soul is mine.

Not the mine of ownership or domain. The mine of association and identity.

The mine by which I derive my sense of being and purpose and place. Contentment. Joy. Pride.

It can be injured and made weaker, but even then that’s mine, too.

It’s the kind of mine I can mine for strength.

Inspired by this feeling, I spend a little time learning a few more simple, one syllable words, so I can say them faster when I need to.

#Meg answers questions!

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