#TheShatteredDreamOfInnocence

[lotornomiko]

The Shattered Dream Of Innocence Chapter Twenty Five

Summary time!

Adults can’t be trusted, Emma Swan knows this first hand. They lie and they hurt, and act with an evil that leads to all kind of ruin. They shatter dreams and destroy innocence, and more than not trusting them, Emma has never wanted to grow up to be just like them. Never once tempted, never once dreaming, she’s about to find out that becoming an adult is not just inevitable, it’s a fate that just might be worth dying for.

This unavoidable state, this end to her childhood? It comes in the form of a storm dark pirate named Captain Hook. Through her encounters with the pirate, Emma’s about to learn it all, the joys and the sorrows of being an adult, the heartbreak and elation of letting go. There’s a choice to be made here, a future that might just be worth reaching for, if her friends and her family don’t tear her apart. If HE doesn’t tear apart, the demon known as Peter Pan willing to go to just about ANY length to keep her….

Would say this M rated fic, with it going up gradually over time...

If Peter noticed her disquiet and her upset, the boy chose not to comment. Emma thought he might even be relieved, her fright born of the woods, having locked the sobbing of her heart firmly inside her throat. She still cried though, still had that hot wave of tears wetting on her cheeks. But no sound accompanied them, not even a singe sniffle, Emma hiding her face against Peter Pan’s shoulder, as though to protect herself. From what exactly she could not say, the woods and it’s shadows? The pirates she had left behind? The man and the longing that had bloomed in her heart for him? Or was it her shame and the embarrassment, her tears a weakness that Emma didn’t much like. That Peter Pan himself didn’t like, the boy having already snapped out over them with a harsh voice.

It had been a tone harsher than anything Emma had ever heard come out of Peter Pan’s mouth, the boy not so much asking, as outright demanding she stop her useless bawling. “You’re better than that.” He had added at her gasp, Emma having cringed in on herself at that sharp reprimand.

“Peter!�� Tinkerbelle had been aghast, the reproach apparent in her voice. Emma had felt instead of seen Peter’s reaction, the way his body had seemed to stiffen in response to the tired pixie snapping out at him. His arms had even went so far as to tighten around her, Emma having had to bite down on her own lip to keep in the pained whimpers.

“Sorry.” Peter Pan had then finally breathed out. And with that soft exhalation, had come the relaxing of his arms, the boy no longer maintaining a strangle hold on the girl’s body.

“You should be!” The dark of the forest had been sliced with the slightest of glows, Tinkerbelle having still been colored an agitated red. “Emma has been through a terrible ordeal.”

The pixie hadn’t known the half of it, and Emma hadn’t been in any way eager to fill in the blanks. She still wasn’t, Emma keeping her face hidden. The howls of the wind were all around her, the cold air of the night breeze trying to freeze dry the tears on her skin. Peter did a winding zig zag through the forest, flying faster and faster, evading the branches that seemed to reach out with clawed finger tips for them both. It HAD to be her tired imagination, Emma shutting her eyes against such a sight. She couldn’t block out the sounds, that of the wind or that of her brothers’ whistles, the lost boys communicating a dozen upon dozen things with those bird calls.

There was a solemn jubilation to what had been accomplished this night. To the rescue that had been achieved. The lost boys celebrated Emma’s return, the love and the outpouring of relief tainted by the group’s own despair. By the innocence cost, the sacrifices made, a great number of her brothers having aged exponentially this night. The fighting had done it, the life and death circumstances surrounding the battle, leading some of Emma’s own brothers to become cold blooded killers.

She was to blame. The love that Emma had inspired, these boys, her brothers, willing to risk just about anything to get their sister back. She might have wept for their loss of innocence if Emma hadn’t been so busy fighting to retain HERS. It wasn’t just the pirates, it wasn’t just her feelings for Captain Hook. Things had gone beyond that, Emma weighted down by her sadness and her guilt, the if only of her heart. Torn ragged by it, by the two worlds that she now straddled, Emma could only wonder if there was anything that she could have done differently. Something to avert the disaster all around them, the growing up that was upon so many of the Lost Ones.

Emma couldn’t even take comfort in the fact that she hadn’t gone completely selfish. That she hadn’t become so obsessed with her own heart’s hurt and desires, that Emma would have neglected that of her brothers. As much as her heart was filled with that inexplicable longing, Emma couldn’t give in. She wouldn’t, the girl needing to see to her family.

Nodding her head firmly to herself, Emma blinked back the worst of her tears. One arm relaxed its grip on Peter, the girl bringing it’s hand to scrub over her face. That motion caused the tired pixie on perched on her shoulder, to tighten a grip on Emma’s hair, Tinkerbelle still too exhausted to fly on her own.

“There there.” Tinkerbelle’s voice was soothing. “That’s a good girl.”

“I’m sorry.” Emma whispered.

“Nothing you need to be sorry for, Emma. Right, Peter?” The pixie demanded in a sharp tone. Emma might have started to cry once more if Peter Pan had so much as hesitated.

“Right!” He said with an exuberance of good cheer. He seemed to fly slower, letting the other lost boys get ahead of them. “I’m...I’m sorry too.”

Emma couldn’t stop the surprise, the girl lifting her head up to peek up at Peter’s profile. He hadn’t yet looked at her, his eyes on their surroundings, alert to the trees and obstacles that could just as easily end this flight with their deaths.

“Peter?”

“I shouldn’t have snapped at you for,….for your emotions.” It was too dark to see properly, and Tinkerbelle’s glow was most likely the reason for the red on Peter’s face. It couldn’t be anything else Peter Pan not one to get embarrassed EVER.

“You have a right to be upset.” Emma began, but Peter talked over her.

“But not at you!” Now he looked at her, hovering to a stop in mid air. The trees seemed to groan more, their branches rattling as though trying to get at them.

“Why NOT me?” Emma wanted to know. “If I hadn’t…”

“If you hadn’t, Galen would have been killed or worse.” Peter told her. Emma frowned at that, her heart no longer believing the pirates capable of actually killing a child. Not even the battle of this night could convince the girl otherwise, Emma certain that the only killing that had been done, had been by lost boy hands.

She didn’t want to argue with Peter on this, not now, not when her heart was already so heavy. Emma didn’t want or need any further hurt feelings and confused thoughts dragging her down further. Or spilling onto Peter, and grounding him as well.

“So please Emma….don’t blame yourself.” Peter all but begged. “No one else does...” He had finally turned his face down towards her, and with Tinkerebelle’s glow for light, Emma could see into Peter’s eyes. They shined with what she thought was an earnest light, that hazel color ever so bright with his youthful sincerity. Emma found herself nodding, for the first time ever the girl lying to Peter.

“Okay.” She said it as though it was the simplest thing in the world. And once it might have been, Emma able to cast away worries and self blame all too easily. Now her heart wouldn’t let go of the hurt, or of the doubts she now had, the girl trying to put on her bravest face to keep Peter Pan happy.

He stared into her eyes a moment longer than necessary, than broke out into a relieved grin. Suddenly he was letting out an excited crow of sound, the faint reverberations of answering whistles and bird calls from the other lost boys sounding from a distance.

“Now let’s get you home!” Peter said, hefting her more securely in his arms. Emma put her arms around him for good measure, and nodded a yes. He grinned even more, going from a stand still to speeding like lightning through the forest. Emma felt her hair whip around madly as a result, the girl looking around, as moonbeams began to weave their way through cracks in the forest’s roof top foliage. Somehow those slivers of moon light made all the difference, the woods now no longer seeming quite as scary. Emma wondered at the magic of the moon, the power it had over even the trees shadows. No longer quite so monstrous, the trees themselves seemed to be smiling rather than snarling, and their long limb branches were just that.

The trees began crowing in closer together, Peter somehow miraculously knowing how to navigate the tight spaces at such a fast speed. Emma still couldn’t quite keep from gasping, from shutting her eyes a few times in fright, especially when it looked like they might not avoid a tree trunk in time. Through that narrow space did they fit through, emerging out onto the inside of a forest glade. And not just ANY glade, but that of the Lost Ones’ home, the older boys hovering about the expansive space, and at Peter Pan’s whooping sound, the mighty oak all but exploded, excitement and screams and children spilling out to surround them. They didn’t even wait for Peter Pan to land, the young boys taking to the sky, all crowding around him to look and touch at the girl in his arms.

“Emma!” They were shouting, so excited and so relieved. “Emma, you’re back!”

A wave of her own relief had hit her, Emma nearly bursting into tears. She had to blink repeatedly to hold the hot moisture back, the girl smiling as a pair of thin arms tried to embrace her, the hug made more awkward by the fact she was still being held in Peter’s arms.

“Easy there Bradley.” Peter was laughing. “Emma’s not going anywhere any time soon!” That unfortunate phrasing, cause a stab of guilt to spear through Emma’s heart, the girl reminded of how she had been tempted. It didn’t much matter that she had fought it, that she had let the idea of her family’s hurt and disappointments ground her in place. The fact that it had happened remained, a part of Emma wanting to grow up.

That same part was haunted by stolen kisses, by the remembered feel of soft lips and softer smiles, of eyes that were so blue they put the waters of the mermaids’ lagoon to outright shame. She could have drowned then, the longing bubbling up inside her, Emma remembering his rejection. The words that the handsome pirate captain had all but snarled at her.

Years too young for his kisses, years too young for him, the secret shame in Emma’s heart wasn’t so much that she had been caught by the pirates, but that she had been caught by HIM.  By the feelings, the desire that Captain Hook had inspired in her. Taken with it, taken with him, Emma couldn’t switch off those feelings, couldn’t stop the temptation that whispered still on how it might not be a bad thing to grow up just a little.

Not even little Bradley’s arms about her could totally shake her free of such thoughts. The young boy wasn’t quite sobbing his relief, trying to be oh so brave. He kept on whispering how much he had missed her, and how hard he had tried, Bradley doing a loud sniffle into her hair. It was a wonder that the boy could still even fly, but then Emma supposed the excitement and relief he had felt to see her safe, had fueled enough happy thoughts to lift him back up into the sky.

Emma twisted enough in Peter Pan’s hold, to put an arm around the boy who was hugging her. That seemed to be the signal that all the other lost ones were waiting for, the smallest of the group crowding around for one gigantic attempt at a group hug. There was a lot of shouting and smiling, and boys jostling about for space. Tinkerbelle shifted redder, and shot up out of the crowd, not liking the feel of such a tight enclosed space closing in around her.

“You’ll have to tell us ALL about it, Emma!”

“Oh yes!” A pair of small hands clapped together excitedly. “You simply must!”

“There’s really not much to tell.” Emma hedged.

“Not much to tell?!” came the disbelieving exclamation. “You were alone with Captain Hook and his pirates for longer than a week!”

“That long?” Emma whispered. It had felt like even longer, and yet at the same time far, far too short a time, the girl having actually wished it was more.

The longing was in her heart, the girl greedy for even just one more day with the captain. Even if he had been at his angriest, so inexplicably mad and furious with Emma for what she had done. For what she had stolen from him, and her face felt hot at just the memory.

“That long.” Bradley voice drew her back from those thoughts just barely. “They didn’t hurt you, did they, Emma?” The youngest of the lost boys sounded ever so anxious.

It was a question that had no easy way to answer, Emma remembering more than just Hook. Rauol came to mind, the girl shivering over what that perverted pirate had wanted, but there was also Damien, the dirty colored blonde who had tried to see her dead. She couldn't at all speak on such things, not wanting to further worry and trouble her brothers, but Emma also didn’t want to outright lie to them.

“It was nothing that I couldn’t handle...” She settled on for her answer.

“I knew it!” exclaimed a voice that belonged to a boy that was slightly older than Bradley.  “You can handle nearly anything Emma! You’re almost as awesome as Peter!”

“I wouldn’t go that far!” protested Emma. It wasn’t embarrassment that she was feeling, Emma more alarmed than anything. The girl didn’t want such praise, didn’t want them thinking her something that she was not, Emma feeling she no longer had the right to be so idolized. Not when she had nearly failed her family, that secret longing to grow up STILL inside her.

“I would!” Bradley and the others were insisting and Peter Pan was laughing, a youthful chuckle of sound that was nothing like the jeering malice she had heard him let loose with while on Hook’s ship. The memory of that unsettled her, Emma shifting about in the group hug to try and get a good look at Peter. Those hazel eyes were on her, looking as kind and as warm as she could ever remember seeing, Emma searching the planes of his faces for any signs. But his cheeks still retained that round youthfulness, Peter Pan looking very much like a boy who was only a year or two older than Emma.

Something was off though. Something she couldn’t quite place, and then she did, Emma gasping. “Peter! What happened to your cheek!?”

A slow blink of those hazel colored eyes, Peter’s lips doing a twitch that might almost be a frown. And then he was smiling again, laughing and shrugging. “Not a thing, Emma! Not a thing at all.”

She shook her head quickly, reaching with trembling fingers to her face. The boys that had crowded around them for that chaotic group hug, now all shifted with her, pulling back to peer at Peter Pan’s face. The teen was looking at Emma, giving her the queerest of looks.

“What’s wrong?”

“I saw you.” Emma breathed out. But her fingers only felt smooth skin. “I saw what Hook did to you...”

“What did that wicked pirate do to Peter?!” The lost boys  all wanted to know, and they seemed to squeezed in closer to Emma, while looking their leader over.

“His hook...right here...” Her fingers sketched a line across his cheek, the skin there in no way torn and bloodied. “It was AWFUL.’ She added, actively wincing. “So much blood….”

“He didn’t come close to laying a hand on me, Emma.” Peter was trying to reassure her. “OR a hook.”

“But I saw him….saw you...” Emma protested, and yet there wasn’t even a scar, Peter’s cheek not only healed, but smooth as though it had never been torn in the first place.

“Poor thing.” Tinkerbelle said from somewhere above them. “To imagine such things. What an ordeal you’ve been through Emma.”

“It’s been an ordeal for all of us.” It was a voice that wasn’t familiar to Emma, the shock of a stranger making her twist away from her examination of Peter’s face.

“Who’s there!?” She shouted out, hackles raised at the thought of an intruder in THEIR glade. A nervous chuckle was her answer, the lost boys shifting enough to reveal one of the older boys who had taken part in the earlier battle. Emma tried to place him, her eyes searching over his face. Gaunt faced and pale, the boy was a tall, thin youth. A teenager that might now be older than that of Peter Pan’s physical age.

“Have I really changed that much?” The teenager asked with a very sad and all too knowing a smile.

Emma kept on staring at him, trying to figure out why his eyes seemed so familiar when the rest of him did not.

“After all the weight that you have shed?” Came a teasing snort from one of the other of Emma’s now older brothers. “Is it any wonder that she’s at a lost?”

Emma eyes widened at that, trying to imagine how this teen might have looked younger and fatter. With those cheeks all puffed out and rosy, with a round belly and enough pounds to trouble several of her younger brothers with their attempt at lifting.

“Gavin?” She squeaked out, and it was so sad and so horrible, Emma staring at the boy, the very brother she had gone to rescue the day that she had been captured in his place.

The boy, Gavin nodded, and drifted nearer to her. Emma reached out to him, and he flew into her touch.  “I’m SO sorry Emma.” He said, holding onto one of her hands. “If not for me...” There was guilt flashing in his eyes, enough pain and regret there that had helped to speed Gavin to grow up.

“Don’t!” Emma started to protest, and then Peter Pan was practically growling.

“If YOU hadn’t been so fat and so slow….”

“Peter!” gasped out Emma.

“No, it’s all right. He’s right, Emma.” Gavin squeezed her hand harder. He hadn’t once looked at Peter Pan, not even at that angry accusation. “If not for my fondness for sweets, that pirate and his mangy crew would never have been able to catch me.”

“You should have known better, Gavin!” Tinkerbelle admonished in a scathing tone. “We nearly lost Emma because of you!”

“I’m okay, Tinkerbelle.” Emma pointed out. “So please...”

“No you are not!” The agitated glow of the pixie burnt the reddest that Emma had ever seen, the tiny woman darting down towards the girl’s face. She pointed an accusing finger at Emma’s nose, pixie dust sifting off of her arm. “And the fact that you can’t fly, proves it!”

There was an exaggerated sound from the group, a horrified gasp from the younger boys who had not been part of the battle over the sea.

“Is it true, Emma?” One asked.

“Of course it’s true!” scoffed another. “Peter wouldn’t have to carry her otherwise!”

“I suppose even a big sister can be scared of pirates….”

“Anyone would be scared of a pirate as wicked as Hook!” The ever loyal and ever devoted Bradley pointed out. “It doesn’t make Emma any less brave.”

“No, it does not.” agreed Peter. He shifted again, as though tired, and it occurred to Emma just how long Peter Pan had been having to support her weight and his.

“All right everyone! Back off and let us down!” She ordered in a firm tone. “Even a boy as strong as Peter can’t be wanting to hold up a girl as heavy as me for any longer.”

“You’re not really all that heavy….” protested Peter.

“At least not when compared to how Gavin used to be.” Another teenager grumbled. His voice was halfway familiar, the boy not yet as old as Gavin had grown, instead stuck in that prepubescent age where his voice still occasionally cracked.

“Stewy?” Emma hazarded a guess, and was rewarded with a dazzling if slightly crooked smile.

“The one and the same.” He said, his voice cracking between high and low. It should have been comical, but Emma couldn't laugh, the change in Stuart just another thing that she had reason to feel guilty about.

“Were you eaten up by guilt too?” She asked, as Peter touched them down onto the grassy floor of the glade.

“Not exactly.” The boy seemed uncomfortable, holding something behind his back.

“What is that you are hiding?”

“Not hiding anything!” Stuart insisted. Emma wriggled free of Peter Pan’s arms, intent on approaching the other boy. “I’m not!” He snapped out angry this time, and took to the sky, the one thing that Emma could no longer do on her own.

“Stewy!” Emma exclaimed, her mouth wide open with her shock.

“I’ll get him!” Bradley offered in an eager and excited tone, but Peter caught hold of the youngest of his boys by the foot.

“Let him be.”

“But!” Bradley’s lower lip trembled, as though holding back a pout.

“It’s Stuarts decision to make.” Peter seemed to be reminding Bradley of something. The little boy sighed, and looked down to the ground, mumbling something about not liking it. Emma didn’t much like it any better, her eyes still looking upwards. Stuart had flown even higher seeming intent on isolating himself from the entire group.

“Stewy.” Emma whispered his name sadly. The girl had a very real suspicion on just what had been making the boy grow up, on what had made so many others start the process this night. The fighting and the killings, and Emma again blamed herself.

“It’s tough decisions we’ve all had to make.” Peter spoke as though he had read her mind, as though he could guess the reason behind the pain on Emma’s face. And maybe in this one case, he could, Emma looking down at her toes in the grass.

“Are….are you going to grow up too?”

Peter surprised her with his laughter and Emma glancing up at him. “Never.” He proclaimed with a lopsided grin. “I’ll NEVER grow up.”

“How can you be certain?” Emma asked with a frown. “The fighting tonight, the killing….”

“As if I’d let a pirate take ANYTHING from me!” Hazel colored eyes bore into her, almost as though Peter Pan was speaking in a hidden meaning. Emma had so many questions and concerns, her mouth opening to give voice to at least one of them, when the other children crowded around them excited.

“Peter, is it true?! Did you kill someone?!”

Peter let out an uproarious sound, shaking with his amusement. “Not a one!” He told them. “I’d sooner lick a toad than I would stain my blade with a pirate’s blood!”

“But you did fight, didn’t you?” asked another.

“Did I ever!” Peter had drawn his short sword from the leather scabbard at his side, giving a kind of expert twirl that was nothing like the vicious jabs that Emma had seen him doing towards Captain Hook. “That one handed pirate didn’t stand a chance against me!” He boasted.

“Tell us about it!” exclaimed the excited crowd of children.

“Why tell you when I can show you!” Peter said, targeting Gavin for this mock battle. The much older boy cried out in alarm, just barely getting his sword up in time, Peter slamming into him. The boys in the glade cheered, watching as Gavin scrambled to keep out of reach of the worst of Peter Pan’s sword thrusts.

“You’re so fast Peter!” Came the admiration. “I bet that wicked old pirate never even saw you coming!”

“Never did!” Laughed Peter, even as he continued to recklessly come after Gavin.

“Lay off!” The teen snapped, red faced and panting. Emma didn’t understand how Gavin could already be so out of breath, or why his upset seemed to increase when he caught a look at Peter Pan’s face. “I said quit it!” Gavin cried out again, his voice going higher with something that might very well be fear. Peter seemed to realize it too, but instead of backing off he only got more vicious, jabbing his short sword at Gavin’s middle.

A rip was heard, the teenager’s tunic tearing under the sharp tip of the sword.  The crowd of children didn’t seem to think anything of it, cheering their hero on against this representation of their hated foe. Gavin suddenly slashed out his own arm with a violent speed, the blade biting into his arm, making him bleed.

“Thought you’d rather lick a toad!” He all but screamed out in upset fury. “Then make anyone bleed!”

“Never said that!” Peter pointed out. “And I never said anything about anyone who isn’t a pirate!”

Huffing and puffing with his anger, Gavins eyes were blazing, the boy both angrier than Emma could ever remember him seeing, but also so very afraid. He’d back up for every step that Peter took forward, while the children in the glad all continued to cheer.

Everyone but Emma, the girl darting forward to try and get between the two boys. It was an eerie parody of what she had tried to do in the real fight earlier, and just like that time, Peter snatched hold of her, and held her in his arms. She put out her arms, laying one on both boys, in a gesture meant to demand peace.

“Fight’s over.” The girl said in a firm tone of voice. A desperate and imploring look was given to Peter, Emma trying to both soothe and appease him. “You’ve won. You’ve defeated the pirate captain and taken back what’s rightfully yours. You saved me, and that’s all that matters.”

Peter had hesitated at her words, enough time given for Gavin to mutter an angry, “Whatever.”

“You’re the hero of the hour.” added Emma with a forced smile.

Peter Pan then grinned. “You hear that boys?! I’m EMMA’s hero!” He let out an excited whoop, spun her around in dizzying circles. The lost boys joined them up in the sky, laughing and dancing about, their energy excited and wild. Only Gavin and Emma seem to hold back, the infectious glee overtaking the glade, seeming to somehow skip over them.

Amidst the endless spinning, Emma caught sight of Gavin, the boy looking skywards. Not so much at Peter, but at Emma, with the oddest of expressions, as though he was infinitely sorry about something. Emma couldn’t imagine what HE had to be sorry about, nor could she ask him, caught in Peter Pan’s grip as she was.

Higher and higher they soared, Emma not only dizzy, but more than a little afraid. It made her cling her arms tighter around Peter, as though a part of her didn’t trust him to NOT drop her. Such a worry upset her, and not just because the ground was now so very far away. To not trust Peter Pan went against her nature, went against her every belief, Emma knowing that she owed a lot to Peter Pan. For the family he had given her, for the evil he had saved her from. He had in fact given Emma her life back, a present and a future, and for that she would be eternally grateful. It didn’t mean she would overlook his bullying of Gavin, Emma intended to have a talk with Peter Pan about that kind of bad behavior.

She even hoped to broker a peace between the two boys, Emma feeling that Peter shouldn't harbor a grudge against Gavin for what had happened. It had been HER choice to make, her decision to go after the boy, and her fault that she had been caught in the first place. That she was STILL caught, Emma closing her eyes briefly, to ward off the worst of the dizziness, the lightheaded feelings and the fear this high a height was making her feel. It was easier to chase off those feelings, than the ones that had blossomed in her heart for one Captain Hook, Emma thinking of the man who was in fact her TRUE hero. Who would always be Emma’s hero, and there was nothing and no one, not even Peter Pan, who could change that.

[lotornomiko]

The Shattered Dream Of Innocence Chapter Nine

Brand spanking new summary!

Adults can’t be trusted, Emma Swan knows this first hand. They lie and they hurt, and act with an evil that leads to all kind of ruin. They shatter dreams and destroy innocence, and more than not trusting them, Emma has never wanted to grow up to be just like them. Never once tempted, never once dreaming, she’s about to find out that becoming an adult is not just inevitable, it’s a fate that just might be worth dying for.

This unavoidable state, this end to her childhood? It comes in the form of a storm dark pirate named Captain Hook. Through her encounters with the pirate, Emma’s about to learn it all, the joys and the sorrows of being an adult, the heartbreak and elation of letting go. There’s a choice to be made here, a future that might just be worth reaching for, if her friends and her family don’t tear her apart. If HE doesn’t tear apart, the demon known as Peter Pan willing to go to just about ANY length to keep her….

As of 2/15/2018 currently going over it, to correct a few typos, and do some overhaul and rewriting, to hopefully get Arc Two finally started! A Hook Emma pairing….some triggers may apply…M rating that will get a little more explicit over time….

And for those curious, the old summary:

Old Summary: There are consequences to growing up. Emma Swan knows this well. And yet she finds herself tempted, and all because of a meeting that had been inevitable. A meeting with a certain pirate captain, the infamous Hook. Emmas about to find the joys and the sorrows of growing up, as well as learn just how far Peter Pan will go to keep her. Hook Emma pairing. AU

Only he wasn't doing a good job at keeping quiet. Hungry for answers, far too curious about the girl, and Pan's plans for her, Hook had been pushing Emma for answers. Wanting to know the how and why of her existence in Neverland, he hadn't been able to resist planting a seed of doubt in her. And though it was a long way from blooming, the girl was already distraught, the distant look in her eye hinting at the thoughts that were troubling her.

Unhappy, Hook curled his fingers around the stem of his glass. But he didn't drink. He just stared at the girl, and wondered how in the world he was going to avoid becoming attached to her when already he liked her. And yet it wouldn't matter how strong that like was, so long as that burning curiosity kept trying to lead them both down paths best left unexplored. Emma didn't want to grow up, and Hook didn't want to see her get killed. Yet both would eventually happen, and Hook would be damned before he himself triggered the change in her.

And yet the questions still remained. What was she to Pan? And could Hook really use her, bartering her away as though Emma was nothing but a means to get to that which he needed? Could he be even half as ruthless as Hook had made claims of being, or was he growing soft, actually weakening the longer that he remained in Neverland? Hook just didn't know, might even be afraid of the answers. Because either way, strong or weak, it left Hook as a person he didn't like very much. He didn't want to be so soft as to give up on his revenge, but neither did he want to be so uncaring and ruthless as to sacrifice child after child!

Things had been so much simpler before Hook and his pirates had come to Neverland. Before they had discovered the nature of the demon, before they had learned just what Pan chose to feed on. That period had been all too brief, but the moment of clarity had never been stronger, Hook's purpose clear. To find the means to destroy Rumplestiltskin, Hook never looking back. Never deviating for a second in his broken heart over what he had to do. Never that is, until after he met Owen, and others boys like him.

It wasn't until he met the children, until he had learned what was being done to the lost ones, that Hook had begun to suffer a crisis of conscience. Wondering how he could leave Neverland yet wondering how he could NOT, Hook wanted Pan dead almost as much as he wanted the same for Rumplestiltskin. Cursing both demons, and wishing he had never set sail into Neverland, Hook felt pulled in two directions, maybe even three. Because he might just go crazy if Pan kept on feeding off of children, Hook unable to stomach what was really going on under the demon's watch.

These kind of thoughts he had had a million times over, Hook going round and round in circles, and never coming away with a definitive answer. He might brood for forever and a day, and still not have any idea over what he should really do. He might still be brooding now, if not for the sounds intruding into the cabin. Aided by the open porthole window by his bed, Hook could hear the greeting shouts of his returning crew. They were glad to be back, but it was more than that from the sound of it, the men most likely having had a huge success in their hunting.

It meant the pirates would be busy preparing the meats, skinning and salting them, preserving rather than eating it all at once. Depending on how big a haul they had pulled in, the pirates might not have to go ashore for a few weeks' time, and the meat would be supplemented with what fish they could nab from the sea. There would also be fruits, and maybe even some nuts, some from what the pirates had managed to forage, but most of it would be from their existing stores.

Life in Neverland was vastly different from the life Hook and his pirates had once known. There wasn't much if any contact between the main land and the islands, the seas too dangerous for those without a real ship. Without a regular source of ships to loot from, and trading cut off to them, Hook and his pirates had had to learn to be self sufficient. When not keeping their food supplies well stocked, the Jolly Roger pirates were often found tending to other tasks, ones once thought beneath them. Some, like the making of the crew's beer, was met with little if any complaint. But others, like that of making and repairing clothing, were not a job any of his pirates particularly enjoyed.

There was always something to do, no matter how big or a small, nearly all the jobs important. The pirates had adapted to this new way of life, though those that had been too vocal with complaints, soon found their attitudes changing, or else they had ended up dead. But even those who didn't complain much, would be glad for a chance to leave this cursed place. Some might be hardened enough to not even look back, to not even spare one thought to the children that they would be leaving behind.

But not Hook! Already haunted by Owen and those like him, the pirate would never be able to forget, no matter how far away he might sail. His revenge, already so steeped in blood, would always be tainted by the knowledge of Neverland, of what had gone on, of what still went on. The very weapon that he hoped to barter for, paid for in children's lives, everyone, even Hook held hostage to Pan's whims.

A big game to the demon, the children suffered the costliest price of all. Hook wanted done with it, wanted away before he lost what was left of his own sanity, insisting to himself that he remained in Neverland only to get that which Pan had. The thing Hook needed so desperately, and even once Pan handed it over, it didn't mean an immediate end of the pirates' time in Neverland. Not unless they found a way to escape without flying! But without another bean from their home land, the pirates would have to rely on the magic of pixie dust. They didn't yet have nearly enough of the dust to make all five ships flight ready, maybe they never would. But it was a problem to figure out once--IF Hook got a hold of that thing from Pan that the Indian Shamaness had once spoken of.

He didn't know nearly enough about it but Hook didn't spare time to wonder now what sort of form this weapon would take. He just hoped it would lead Rumplestiltskin to as slow and painful a death as Milah's had been quick and sudden. That was all that mattered as far as the weapon was concerned, making Rumplestiltskin suffer for what he had done to Hook and to Milah.

He smiled then, a sadistic pleasure filling him as he imagined Rumplestiltskin writhing in pain. The girl had noticed, though Emma couldn't possible know just what was the reason behind his smirk. But it left her shivering all the same, the girl glaring all the harder to cover her unease. It was enough of a reaction to have the pleasure ebb from him, Hook's grin waning. He could recognize the signs of some kind of abuse, the girl wary of him, and of his moods. As bothered as she was by his anger, Emma seemed even more disturbed by that smile he had just worn. As though she knew enough to recognize the signs of a man taking pleasure at the thought of hurting someone.

Never a champion to those who would bully and abuse children and women, Hook had to control the anger that hit hard every time he so much as thought of Emma knowing of such torments. A girl like her should never have known to fear a smile, no matter the reason behind it's cause. Nor should she be sent flinching at the motion of a glass slamming down, recoiling as though every sudden sound was the signal of something bad about to happen.

The signs were all there, and Hook wanted to know. But it would grant nothing but heartache, both his concern and curiosity hardly beneficial. To himself or the girl, because Hook could change nothing, could barely affect her present let alone her future. He understood that, yet Hook still wished it could be otherwise.

And with that wish in his heart, Hook tried to push aside his round about way of meddling. It would take days of such restraint, before Hook could say if he would have met with any success on that front. He couldn't know the damage he had already done, inadvertent or otherwise, time having started in this room for a young Emma Swan. It wouldn't be stopped, it's one and only controllable aspect being that of how fast it would now flow.

It all equaled to desire, here in Neverland. The very nature of the realm was built on it, the wishes of one's hearts warping time. Slowing, even outright stopping it, many wishing for the one thing few if any one had enough of. Time. Even Hook had wished for it, wanting the time to be able to live long enough to not only find that which he needed to kill Rumplestiltskin, but to be able to actually use it. And with that desire in his heart, the bean had led him to the one land where he would have time in abundance, three hundred years passing and Hook not having aged a day. He'd go on in that frozen existence so long as his revenge went unfinished, time stopped so long as his heart's desires remained unfulfilled.

But a new desire, one he didn't always acknowledge, was in his heart. A desire harder to ignore, when faced with the girl sitting across from him. If he let it, his desire for Pan to be brought to an end, might be a powerful enough wish for Hook to live forever. Because forever was how long he'd be left waiting, Hook convinced Pan was unstoppable. Believing that the day would never come, that Pan's reign of terror would never end, didn't make it any easier for Hook. The drink he was tasting suddenly turning sour, Hook setting the glass down far more gently than he had wanted to.

Hoping none of his inner thoughts and anguish showed, Hook gave Emma a smile that was far friendlier than the one that had so clearly unsettled her just moments ago. She still looked wary of it, her guard up though her glare seemed to lose some of it's fire. She wasn't that focused on the sounds drifting into the room, more alert to the man before her, than any perceived threat the noisy pirates outside the cabin might make.

Hook was listening to the sounds too, a background noise of glad shouts and jeers. His pirates were in a celebratory mood. Hunting must have gone very well indeed, Hook smiling more at the thought of avoiding the mainland for any length of time.

"It seems my crew has had a great success."

The suspicion in her eyes was almost enough to make Hook laugh. Emma practically hissing out her question. "A success at what?!"

"At their hunting of course." Hook answered, already rising from his seat. She immediately moved to stand, her gaze on him at all times, tracking Hook's every movement. "The deer and the foul shall be a welcome break from all that fish that Smee has been stuffing down our gullets."

Emma was left blinking in confusion. "Are you complaining about the wonderful tasting food that man has made?!"

"You haven't tasted true heaven until you've had Smee's veal." Hook answered in all seriousness. "Especially after a steady diet of a week's worth of fish!"

"That's a week I would gladly suffer." Emma muttered, and Hook's smile nearly lost some of it's glow to his private displeasure.

"We'll see about getting you set up to learn some of Smee's culinary magic." Hook told her. Especially if you're to be with us for any length of time...." Smoothly he turned the conversation back to a question that wouldn't prove problematic for her growth. "Just how long do you think Pan will take to give an answer?"

She visibly hesitated, shifted her gaze to the side. Shrugging and evasive, Emma practically murmured too soft to hear. "Not an answer I can guess at."

"Ah well...even if he was gearing up to mount a rescue, I expect he'd be here by day's end." Emma basically fidgeted in place, still refusing to look directly at him. "What?" Hook asked, not wanting to give in to the suspicion that was now rising within him.

"What.....what if Peter's not here by day's end?" Emma ventured with a quick look at his eyes. "What then?"

"Emma...." Hook started to approach her. "Just why wouldn't he..." Abruptly he changed his line of thought. "Why wasn't he the one to come rescue your friend Galen? Why did he let you, someone he clearly went to a lot of trouble to keep secret, come here instead?" She seemed to fidget more and more at his questions, but Emma didn't try to flee as Hook drew near. She actually went so far as to let him use the curved part of his hook, to lift her chin up, Hook staring hard into her eyes as he breathed out the revelation. "He doesn't know..."

"He will soon...eventually..." Emma allowed, and he could feel the nervous vibration of her body standing so close to his.

"Eventually?!" Hook didn't fight his grimace. "He's doing it again....he's gone hunting..." He had to breathe out the words slowly, to hide his growing horror. Emma still looked at him strangely.

"He's searching for one of my brothers who has gone missing."

"Missing....right..." Hook choked on the words, stepping away from Emma. He was in need of a drink, and wanted something a lot stronger than the cider Smee had provided.

"He'll probably be back within a week's time." Emma added, but she didn't sound so certain of that. "Just as soon as he can...."

"Can what?!" Hook demanded, morbidly curious as to what sort of lie Pan told to cover what he was really doing.

"He just needs to make sure Evan is okay." Emma finished. Hook couldn't help himself, he made a scoffing sound at that. Which only served to make Emma frown and become defensive. "There's a chance he might have grown up, but there was also the chance that he got caught."

"I can assure you, your Galen was the only lost one we were holding prisoner on our ship this morning."

"Evan has been gone longer than a day." Emma whispered. "We...Peter has to be sure he's okay. That he's not caught, or laying somewhere hurt...." She started to hug her arms around her, shivering. "Peter won't give up until he knows there's no chance of Evan returning to us."

Privately Hook thought it was all an excuse for the demon to feed at his leisure, maybe even buy some time away from the children he lived amongst. But Hook wouldn't, couldn't say such things to Emma. He couldn't even tell her how he hoped with all his heart that Pan wouldn't find the missing boy, that he wished fervently that Evan would be the first to escape the fate the demon had intended for the child. But neither would he lie and make claims of hoping the boy would be found, Hook instead trying to distract her from the trouble in her heart.

"Well, Emma, are you brave enough to meet my crew?"

Her eyes still troubled, Emma drew herself taller, and stopping hugging herself. "I am. But are they brave enough to meet ME?!"

Hook couldn't help but chuckle at that. "I don't know how brave they'll be, meeting their first lost girl. Especially one fierce enough to fight with their captain."

"It wasn't much of a fight." She protested, but looked pleased by his praise.

"Tell that to the parts of me that still hurt from your knee!" Hook told her, surprised to see the faint blush on her cheeks. But she didn't try to apologize, and he understood why. Emma had been fighting, to remain free, maybe even scared enough to think she was fighting for her life. He couldn't demand she be sorry for that kind of reason, and Hook might even admire her for her desperate descent into such dirty tactics.

"I dare say you'd have me at your complete mercy if you had held on to your sword." continued Hook, and Emma's lips quirked at their corners, as though she was fighting a smile.

"You tease me."

"Perhaps. But you have the makings of a good form...you just need a better teacher."

"Like you?" She asked, and Hook allowed himself to nod.

"I doubt there's any finer a swordsman than me in this land." Hook couldn't help but be boastful. "But you'd best be concentrating on your cooking lessons with Smee before you turn a thought to dueling ANYONE on this ship."

"And why not?" Emma demanded, hands on her hips, her pose one of pure defiance.

"You can't fight without your sword. And that's something I'll be keeping a close eye on." Hook told her.

Emma looked at though she was close to scowling. "Afraid I'll take command of your ship?"

"At the very least one of the row boats." Hook retorted. "Along with a few men needed to row it."

He could see Emma liked that, that of the thought of fighting her way off the ship. Liked it enough that she might be tempted enough to try it, should she get her hands on a sword. It just made Hook more determined to keep such a weapon out of her reach, though a part of him wondered if it would be easier to just let her go. As if once out of sight, she'd be out of his mind and his worry. It was never that simple, Hook already knowing from too much past experience, that that was never the case when it came to the lost ones and their sad, sad fates.

But Hook refused to ruin the light hearted mood they had attained with thoughts of a darker, more unfortunate nature. Instead he once again offered his arm to her, and she took it, her lips still fighting the smile that had wanted to come out. He found himself waiting for it, anticipation almost anxious, for Emma was an already lovely looking girl, whose looks would only improve should she deign to grant Hook with one of those long denied smiles.

Not knowing if her smile alone was enough to win hearts or break them, Hook wasn't entirely eager to share the experience of Emma with his crew. He had enjoyed their time together, and could admit to being leery of his crew's reaction to the girl. Especially one who was nearly a woman, and so pretty a one at that! Hook knew he would be busy enforcing his threat, making sure that no one did anything untoward to the girl, or attempted behavior that would trigger her growth process. So busy would Hook be trying to protect the girl from the other men, it would dawn on him too late the danger he himself posed to her. The danger that had started the second he had stared into her face, and triggered her awareness of him. The die had been cast, time ticking anew to the beat of Emma Swan's heart.

[lotornomiko]

The Shattered Dream Of Innocence Chapter Ten

Brand spanking new summary!

Adults can’t be trusted, Emma Swan knows this first hand. They lie and they hurt, and act with an evil that leads to all kind of ruin. They shatter dreams and destroy innocence, and more than not trusting them, Emma has never wanted to grow up to be just like them. Never once tempted, never once dreaming, she’s about to find out that becoming an adult is not just inevitable, it’s a fate that just might be worth dying for.

This unavoidable state, this end to her childhood? It comes in the form of a storm dark pirate named Captain Hook. Through her encounters with the pirate, Emma’s about to learn it all, the joys and the sorrows of being an adult, the heartbreak and elation of letting go. There’s a choice to be made here, a future that might just be worth reaching for, if her friends and her family don’t tear her apart. If HE doesn’t tear apart, the demon known as Peter Pan willing to go to just about ANY length to keep her….

As of 2/15/2018 currently going over it, to correct a few typos, and do some overhaul and rewriting, to hopefully get Arc Two finally started! A Hook Emma pairing….some triggers may apply…M rating that will get a little more explicit over time….

And for those curious, the old summary:

Old Summary: There are consequences to growing up. Emma Swan knows this well. And yet she finds herself tempted, and all because of a meeting that had been inevitable. A meeting with a certain pirate captain, the infamous Hook. Emmas about to find the joys and the sorrows of growing up, as well as learn just how far Peter Pan will go to keep her. Hook Emma pairing. AU

But of course Emma didn't know that about Hook, and in truth she would have misinterpreted such good intentions. She wasn't yet ready to believe in the idea of an adult who was good, who might be kind to a child without some selfish motivating need of their own. Emma couldn't believe, but it still didn't stop her from being impressed by the pirate captain, Emma unwittingly attracted to him for his behavior as well as his looks.

She couldn't immediately say the same for his band of pirates, not all of Hook's crew as pleasant to look at. There was only a small handful of men that could in any way be considered good looking, and only one who came close to rivaling Hook's brand of handsome. That one, a pirate who went by the name of Rauol, still fell a million miles short of Hook's pretty brilliance. But with his own gypsy dark looks and brown eyes, Rauol had never had a problem picking up on Hook's leavings where both women and treasure was concerned.

He wasn't the only one, and while most of the pirates couldn't claim half the successes of Rauol when it came to the fairer sex, their pockets were bloated with enough gold and jewels to buy their way into a woman's affection. Some might be rich enough to start their own small harems, their wealth having accumulated over the many years that the pirates had spent in Neverland. There may not have been any ships to plunder, but there was still always treasure to be found. And Hook's pirates had discovered most of it, in their quest to find the key to Hook's revenge, and a way home.

Of course all that money and jthose ewels were of little use in Neverland. The dwarfs and the elves wouldn't sell to the pirates, and the Indian Tribes had never been greedy for gold. They had liked some of the prettier bits of jewels, but they hadn't been so desperate for what they considered nothing more than shiny bits of glass to overlook the kidnapping of their princess. With no one to buy from or trade with, all that treasure went unappreciated, stowed away in the hopes that one day they would return home and be able to finally spend it.

Many of the pirates would be able to at last retire, though most would not. They simply couldn't ignore the call of the sea, the adventure of it, and the new plunder waiting to be found. They wanted home, but more than that, they wanted a return to their way of life. That meant the things, the ships both prey and competition, and most of all the women. It had been too long since these pirates had dealt with anyone not of the demon and his band of boys, or touched things that they hadn't made with their own hands.

They were longing for the creature comforts of the Enchanted Realm, and though Hook hadn't made a point of stressing the importance of Emma Swan being on the Jolly Roger, they sensed it all the same. She was important, special if only because of what she was. Female, and lovely, and frustratingly a few years too young for anyone to fully appreciate all that she could offer.

Even as young as she was, Emma was still a temptation. The pirates warned by Smee, still had to school their reactions, still had to keep from stopping what they were doing to instead openly gape and stare. It helped that Hook stood besides her, his blue eyes fierce with a glower that spoke of pain and punishment to any who did wrong to the girl. Many wouldn't go against his wishes, knowing it was the quickest way to end up at the sharp end of his hook or worse. Too many who had tried to mutiny while in Neverland had ended up as chum for the beasts that swam Neverland's seas.

It left only the smart ones, or at least the ones with enough sense to preserve their own hides. Loyal because there was often little other choice, none came close to Smee. That pirate was the oldest of the group, with his hair long since graying. He hadn't started out as a pirate, but once captured and forced into the way of life on the seas, Smee had quickly realized just whp to place his trust and loyalties in.

The oldest of the pirates, he was loyal to a fault when it came to Hook, and absolutely, overly protective of the captain's interests. He hadn't been there to see the tempest that was the love story of Hook with his Milah, but Smee had seen the aftermath. The heart ache and grief Hook had gone through. Letting it haunt him, motivate him, everything that Hook did in the long run a response to it.

Privy to so many things, Smee was aware of how easily Hook let his heart get involved with lost causes. And no causes were as lost as the children Peter Pan brought to Neverland. And that included the girl, Smee watching her first with suspicion, then with real concern. Because he knew the path Hook was fighting against, the lost cause that would break his heart just a little bit more when Pan killed the girl for growing up.

Wanting to protect Hook from the heartbreak of Emma Swan, Smee was not at all fond of the girl. Something she was aware of, though Emma didn't understand the true reason behind Smee's dislike. She wouldn't have much cared either, but one taste of his food had been enough to make Emma want to be on Smee's good side. If only to pry from him the secret of his cooking success.

Determined to be a quick study, Emma was all too happy to follow Smee into the ship's galley at Hook's insistence. Smee had grumbled, but allowed it, well aware the captain needed to spend as little time with the girl as possible. Cooking lessons would take up some of that time, but not all of it, Smee wondering how he was going to run interference between his captain and the girl in the coming days.

He'd soon have his hands full with the first of Emma's lessons, Smee finding that if the girl had ever known anything about cooking, she had forgotten it all over the years spent with the lost boys. It was a small miracle she could even boil water, though Smee couldn't help but admire how earnestly she threw herself into the learning. She WANTED to learn, was eager for it, and so long as Smee was showing her how to do things, she didn't act the brat. Smee realized he could have liked this girl, if not for the worries and fears he had still for his captain over her.

If it was up to Smee, he would have kept Emma locked away from Captain Hook. It didn't matter where, be it the galley or down in the ship's brig. If he could have, Smee would have dropped her off on an island, anywhere that was far far away from Hook. But he couldn't, wouldn't actually harm the girl. It was his own morals at work, Smee priding himself on being kind to ladies, even the small ones like Emma.

And with Emma openly heaping praise, and devotion to Smee's skill with food, even the old man was slowly being won over by her, though he would never admit it. He kept his exterior gruff, even as inside he worried and thought it unfortunate that this girl would go the way of the lost boys. She was such a bright, vivacious creature, that it was hard to imagine her light being snuffed out. But Smee didn't doubt for one second that Peter Pan would go through with it. Something he feared the captain was in real need of reminding.

He was especially of that opinion when the night's meal time was upon them, Hook having sat young Emma to the right of him at his table. The top members of the crew were normally the only ones allowed such a privilege, and yet there she was, looking far too at ease with her guest of honor position. Too at ease for Smee's comfort, the man of the opinion that Emma should have been regulated to the position of servant, or better yet prisoner. But he wasn't the captain, it was Hook's decision to make, fool hardy a mistake as it so clearly was.

Emma for her part, knew nothing of what was troubling Smee. She had enjoyed what she hoped was the first of her cooking lessons with the man, and felt real pride to see the pirates eating the vegetables she had steam cooked with her own two hands. Of course it wasn't the main choice of feast for the pirates. That was reserved for Smee's veal, the pirate having insisted Emma only watch as he had prepared the choice cuts of meat. She hadn't missed a second of it's preparation, trying to memorize everything Smee had been doing. She wasn't yet confident she could replicate the skill the old pirate had, but she knew seasoned veal would go over a lot better than steamed cooked vegetables with her brothers.

Those brothers she missed, and felt real worry for. She knew they would miss her something terribly in turn, and would most likely be too frightened to even try to mount a rescue on their own. She felt bad for them, but Emma was glad they wouldn't try for any heroics. It would be hard enough to escape without having to worry about a brother or two, let alone without having to mount a rescue of someone who had come to rescue her.

If it had been the older of the lost boys, those around her age, Emma wouldn't have any had cause for doubt. She knew the older lost boys could take care of themselves, with or without Peter, Those older boys would have been able to handle a rescuing of her, even against pirates But Emma wasn't entirely content to just wait around to be saved. She considered herself strong and capable, and smart enough that she's get around the problem of not being able to fly or swim to the mainland. In the meantime she would enjoy the pirates' hospitality, and learn everything she could of Smee's cooking talents.

She wanted as many of Smee's culinary secrets as she could get, Emma learning once more how good meat that wasn't burnt, and that had been seasoned, could be. She was also appreciating the foods that were rare treats, things they only got when they visited among the different peoples of the land. Emma didn't have much use for dwarven or elven food, but the people of the many Indian Tribes of Neverland always, always had had some quite normal things that were practically delicacies to the lost boys. Things like freshly baked bread, or pie, and Emma really wanted to know how to make those flaky pastries she had enjoyed during lunch with Hook.

This time on the pirates ship was one of a rare opportunity. Peter had never allowed Emma and the lost boys to mingle long with the other natives of Neverland. Especially the adults. He would never have even considered allowing Emma or any of her brothers to take time out from playing, to go with the adults and learn something at their hands. In this Emma thought Peter was too strict, the boy overly protective of his family when it came to the potential evils that the adults could do.

Emma knew Peter would have a fit if he knew she was with the pirates. That she was doing more than just being their prisoner. He had always stressed how imperative it was to stay away from the pirates, though now that she had met them, Emma couldn't completely understand the danger. The pirates just didn't seem as bad as Peter Pan had claimed. If anything they reminded her of the lost boys, as though her brothers had finally grown up and become this unruly, rowdy bunch. And though they were very loud at dinner time, and perhaps drinking more than she was comfortable with, Emma wasn't particularly scared anymore. It wasn't that she felt safe, but she didn't feel threatened, especially with Captain Hook at her side, Emma sure the man was working to protect her if only because it suited his purpose.

She still didn't think Peter had what Hook wanted. Nor did she think Peter would have handed it over, if he had had it. But she couldn't help but wonder about it, wonder what it was, what it did, and where it could be. Emma even wondered if there would be peace in Neverland once--if Hook got a hold of it, though that wouldn't have made Peter Pan happy. Peace would have been such a boring adventure, Peter preferring excitement and fun for his family, rather than safe and calm.

Peter was always thinking, always looking for the next adventure for Emma and the lost boys to have. Normally she didn't mind this, kept too busy with the fun and the danger and the general insanity that was her life, to do much serious thinking. About anything, but especially about thoughts that would have troubled and upset Peter. But now new lines of thought were forming, not all yet explored, but were there all the same. Some of it was planted by Hook himself, the girl wondering just as much as the pirate had as to why Peter had gathered near exclusively male children. For that matter, Emma was wondering why Peter hadn't a single child from the Indian Tribe, or that of the dwarves of the elves. Why had he always sought out children from other worlds?

She was even wondering about the existence of other worlds, about the lands beyond her own and that of Neverland. Emma was allowing her long denied curiosity free reign, Hook in effect having taken a tiger out of it's cage. Her thoughts ran all over the place, finding threads that Hook hadn't yet had to supply, including ones that picked away at Peter's truth. And though there was pirate laughter and cheers all around her, Emma thoughts went over her lunch with Hook until she abruptly set down the fork Smee had reluctantly allowed her to use.

The fork's clatter on her plate didn't register over the din of noise that the jovial pirates were making. Most kept right on with their own conversations, and some were already well on their way to being drunk. But Hook wasn't, having noticed Emma's reaction though he couldn't have known it was a thought that had jolted her into frowning.

"You are not from Neverland."

Hook paused before nodding, draining his glass half empty under Smee's disapproving eye. "We're not."

"But Peter said...." She kept on frowning, Emma shaking her head as though trying to dislodge a thought. "The pirates have always been a part of Neverland."

"I can assure you we have not."

Her brow furrowed, the truth drifting in reach, though it was impalpable, the idea that this was something that Peter Pan could have lied about. His eyes studying hers, Hook's expression was a mask that hid his own thoughts on the matter, the pirate not trying to relieve Peter of any guilt.

"We've only sailed these waters some three hundred years."

"It just feels like forever." complained the bald headed pirate, who was named Mason, and had tattoos all along his torso, all the way right up to his neck.

"The day can't come soon enough when we get to leave." muttered another pirate, one whose name Emma didn't yet know. But his mutterings were picked up by the other pirates, many raising their mugs in toast of the idea of leaving Neverland.

"You're not going to stay?" Emma asked, glad to let the idea of the pirates leaving distract her from the fact that Peter might have lied.

"This is not now, nor will it ever be our home." Hook answered.

"Home..." Emma murmured, then louder asked, "Then what is home to you?"

Before Hook could answer, there was the pirates speaking. In voices loud with excitement, some sighing with longing, they began speaking of things, even people. It wasn't any one person they they were missing, these pirates longing to meet up with beautiful women, having sadly understood that anyone they had left behind was long gone and buried.

Some of the things that they missed was food not found in Neverland. Others missed the excitement of visiting cities and port towns, and a few even wondered if the kingdoms they were from still existed in one form or another.

The names of the kingdoms didn't mean much to Emma. She listened to what was being said, and couldn't imagine missing a place as much as these pirates did. But then she hadn't come from a real home, hadn't had any true connections with the people of the world that she had been born into. Her world had been nothing but a place of darkness, a place one could cower and cry themselves to sleep in. Neverland was her home, and until she had tasted Smee's cooking, Emma hadn't found Peter Pan's world to be lacking.

"What is this world called?" Emma asked.

"It's the Enchanted Realm."

Emma found herself repeating the words. "I thought Neverland was the enchanted realm...?"

"Neverland can't compare to the magic that makes up the Realm of Enchantment." Hook told her. "Nearly anything is possible, if you have the will strong enough to make it happen."

"Anything?" She quirked an eyebrow at him.

"It can make men into monsters, and produce beans powerful enough to open portals to other worlds."

"A bean..." Emma murmured. "Is that what you'll use to leave Neverland?"

"Sadly beans are a rare item, even in our home land." Hook answered. "Most people go their whole life without ever seeing a bean, let alone get the chance to use one." He glanced at Smee, and grinned. "We owe a life's debt to Smee for his talents, don't we men?"

"Aye!" But it wasn't a particular enthusiastic agreement. Not all the pirates were happy about being in Neverland, as though some would have preferred to have taken their chances with the demon Hook sought to kill.

"Smee is not just good at cooking, you see." Rauol sitting next to Emma, smiled at the girl. "He has a rare talent for finding whatever one needs."

"Whatever one needs?" Emma repeated, her voice unable to hide the doubt in it.

"Well nearly whatever." Smee allowed, then sighed. "My talents have yet to be of any use towards finding the captain the thing he needs most."

"Pan has just hidden it too well." Hook said, slapping a hand on Smee's back. "But we'll get it one day."

"But how many of us will die before that happens?!" wondered a voice whose owner Emma could not see. Hook cast a sharp look around the room, and suddenly the pirates all busied themselves with eating.

"The Roger can only sail so fast, and not even it can out pace death." muttered that same voice.

"Talk like that is of a mutinous slant, Damien." Hook cautioned, singling out a pirate whose short cropped blonde hair was oil slick and dirty. "And not talk I will stand for."

"You know as good as the rest of us how we would have died if we had remained in the Enchanted Realm." Mason chided Damien. "Rumplestiltskin would have killed us all, have no doubts of that."

"Maybe...or maybe he would have been content with just the...."

"Wait." Emma interrupted, glancing at Hook. For once he wasn't intent on Emma, staring instead at the pirate Damien. "Rumplestiltskin?!"

"Finish your thought Damien." Hook's voice was low, reeking of so much danger that even Emma couldn't help but react. The rest of the pirates were turning to look between them, many uneasy by either Hook or by what Damien was implying.

"It's a thought that we've all had." Damien retorted, and even to Emma he sounded as though defensive. "Just not many have the courage to speak it."

"Those who do, know where they can go!" Smee's voice snapped into the conversation.

"You'll run out of pirates in no time, if you kill us for speaking the Gods' honest truth."

"There will be no killing tonight." Hook answered, even as Smee made protests against that decision. "Our ships are all running on what amounts to skeleton crews for each and every one. I'll not waste another man's life without good reason, though Damien you best take care with how loose and free your tongue becomes when you've had too much to drink."

"Now is not the time to be fighting." added Rauol, and gave a wink to Emma. "Not when we have such a pretty guest among us, and a reason to celebrate!"

Emma might have blushed at being called pretty, but she was too curious about Rumplestiltskin, and the pirates reason for celebration. "Celebrate?"

"It was a successful hunt." Hook answered, the look in his eyes daring anyone, even Emma to challenge him on this.

"Yes!" Smee was quick to lend support to his captain. "Our Roger is sitting deep in Neverland's seas tonight!"

"Roger must have meant a lot to you." Emma began, trying for a casual tone. "Was he someone that the demon killed?" The room became silent, Emma able to hear forks scraping on plates. The rum in Hook's glass sloshed, the pirate captain taking a long drink before asking.

"And why do you think Roger was anyone of any importance?"

"Well..." Emma felt like all eyes were on her now. "You named the ship after him....? He must have been a good friend."

Suddenly several of the pirates were laughing, sound coming back to the room as a scarred man who was missing one too many of his teeth, grinned at her. "The ship's not named after a person, girl! The ship's called the Jolly Roger because there is nothing our captain loves more than a good hard rogering of the...."

"That's enough Pierre!" Hook snarled, abruptly lurching up out of his seat. His glass went flying, thumping the prate Pierre in the forehead. It made Emma gasp, and turn to look at Hook who was absolutely furious. There was a snicker behind her, and a different voice muttering about how Roger wasn't someone the pirates had had much time for lately. It only left Emma more confused, the girl sure that she was missing the joke and not understanding why Hook was now so upset.

Though upset was putting it mildly, Hook seeming furious. Emma would look to Smee in wordless confusion, the older man just shrugging his shoulders, at a loss to explain. Hook would actually move to leave the mess hall, then just as abruptly, change his mind, stalking back to the table. For one brief, all too frightening moment, Emma thought Hook was going to grab her, and maybe he would have, if not for the look that flashed to life in her eyes.

"If you'll come with me, we'll get you settled in for the night." Hook was offering her his arm. Emma wasn't sure she should take it, actually looking to Smee as though the older pirate could advise her on what to do. But Smee was too busy looking with concern at Hook, to even notice Emma's own worry and confusion.

It was Rauol sitting next to her, that gave a slight nod, his hand moving as though he would pat hers in reassurance. The touch never came, the man just sighing. "Go with him, little one. Away from us bad influences."

"Bad influences?" Emma asked, and she didn't miss the snicker of several of the drunks. Why did she have the feeling they thought Hook was the worst of the bad influences on board this ship?

She didn't like that thought, nor the laughter which she suspected was partly at her own expense. But she didn't take Hook's arm, simply rising out of her seat, and gesturing for him to lead the way. She followed several steps behind him, aware of the eyes boring into her, the men far too intent on what might happen next.

To her relief, and the pirates disappointment, nothing did happen. Hook was as always a gentleman, even though he radiated with an anger. The anger set Emma on edge, the girl beyond nervous, and trying to cast for something to talk about. Unfortunately her mind was stuck on the topic of the ship's name, an almost morbid curiosity compelling her to speak.

"Just what did he mean...a good hard rogering?" It wasn't a term she was at all familiar with, Emma used to the far more coarse word fucking. Roger was so far removed from fuck, that Emma didn't even think in terms of sex when she heard it, and thus didn't understand why Hook seemed to choke on his own breath.

"It's nothing."

"It's CAN'T be nothing." Emma persisted. "It's something you liked enough to name your ship after."

"Leave it be Emma." Hook advised, his voice holding a growl to it. "You're years too early to appreciate a good rogering." And then the ruthless, heartless, fierce some pirate seemed to cringe, and all over what he had just snarled at her. Emma was left blinking, and then began to blush, suddenly thinking she might be a step closer to knowing just what roger meant, and why the pirate had liked doing it enough to name his ship over.

She didn't speak again, didn't try to think of anything, let alone about rogering and Hook in the same sentence, and yet she still couldn't stop blushing. She was in such an embarrassed daze, she barely remembered walking into a nearly empty room below deck, barely heard Hook explaining that this would be where she would spend the night. She wasn't aware of much of anything, right up until the sound of a lock being engaged clicked into her awareness. But by then it was too late, the pirate having left and locked her into that room for the night.

[lotornomiko]

The Shattered Dream Of Innocence Chapter Three

Brand spanking new summary!

Adults can’t be trusted, Emma Swan knows this first hand. They lie and they hurt, and act with an evil that leads to all kind of ruin. They shatter dreams and destroy innocence, and more than not trusting them, Emma has never wanted to grow up to be just like them. Never once tempted, never once dreaming, she’s about to find out that becoming an adult is not just inevitable, it’s a fate that just might be worth dying for.

This unavoidable state, this end to her childhood? It comes in the form of a storm dark pirate named Captain Hook. Through her encounters with the pirate, Emma’s about to learn it all, the joys and the sorrows of being an adult, the heartbreak and elation of letting go. There’s a choice to be made here, a future that might just be worth reaching for, if her friends and her family don’t tear her apart. If HE doesn’t tear apart, the demon known as Peter Pan willing to go to just about ANY length to keep her….

As of 2/15/2018 currently going over it, to correct a few typos, and do some overhaul and rewriting, to hopefully get Arc Two finally started! A Hook Emma pairing....some triggers may apply...M rating that will get a little more explicit over time….

And for those curious, the old summary:

Old Summary: There are consequences to growing up. Emma Swan knows this well. And yet she finds herself tempted, and all because of a meeting that had been inevitable. A meeting with a certain pirate captain, the infamous Hook. Emmas about to find the joys and the sorrows of growing up, as well as learn just how far Peter Pan will go to keep her. Hook Emma pairing. AU

She knew love now. Knew it’s warmth and it’s goodness, was so secure in it’s existence, that the worst of her unexplained fear was easily pushed aside. The unease though, was still there, that sense of forboding that something was going to happen. Something bad, something worse than the fact that Evan had gone missing.

He wasn't the first of the lost boys, to just up and disappear one night. Nor did a sad Emma in any way think he would be the last. It was simple inevitable, that the older boys eventually tired of being children, that they finally did the one thing forbidden Emma and the other of their lost brood. They grew up, discarding childhood dreams, forgetting how to have fun, turning their back on the love of their family.

Adults now, they abandoned Emma and the lost boys, taking off for parts unknown. The assumption was always that they must have used the last of their pixie dust to leave Neverland. Peter didn't want to believe that, refused to give up on the boys—the men, who had abandoned their family. Each time a lost boy vanished, Peter would take the older of the family out on a search that would last days, weeks at best. And each time Peter and the other Lost Boys would return empty handed.

Lost boys had been growing up and leaving for as long as Emma could remember, starting with Jacob, the surly mouthed teen she had first met by the pond. Acting much older than a Lost Boy should, Jacob was the one who had saved Emma from the crocodile and called her an airhead her first day in Neverland. He had seem annoyed with her, agitated, and had explicitly ignored Peter's warnings of what would happen if he didn't take more time to enjoy himself with play.

Emma hadn't gotten to know Jacob very well. Certainly not enough to cry over him when he had disappeared a scant three days later. But there were other lost boys, friends and brothers she had loved and held dear. Those who had disappeared that she had actually cared for enough to mourn, her young heart hurting as though those brothers had died. In a way they actually had, having chosen to become mean old adults who no longer cared for Emma and the children who had once been their only family.

Not understanding why anyone would want to grow up, Emma always swore to herself that the same thing would not happen to her. She threw herself harder into play, into having fun, into enjoying herself the way only a child could. She kept herself and the younger lost boys busy, distracting them from their loss. She'd take them on field trips, sometimes to the lagoon to hide among the bushes and listen to the mermaids' songs. Other times they would visit the Indian Tribe, dressed up in their native garb, and play with the sons and daughters there. Sometimes they would tease the mean old dragon, who in his very advance age of a half a million years, was no longer fast enough to do anything but snap jaws at the empty air where they had been.

Sometimes they wouldn't visit anyone, just play amongst themselves in the forest. Tag and ball, hide and a go seek, skating on the crocodile’s pond when the water had iced over. They'd hold mock battles, fighting it out amongst each other for the right to sit back and relax while the losers made a sloppy dinner for them all to enjoy.

With the younger lost boys, it was almost always fun and games. Not like with the older ones, the teenage ones. Those who had responsibilities, which was a dangerous cliff edge to straddle. Someone had to look out for, to take care of and provide for the younger children, but in doing so, it made the teenagers start to take on adult like qualities. Peter tried to thwart their growing up, by making them play every other day, and for the most part it worked. But every once in a while, someone like Jacob or the now missing Evan, grew up any way.

Emma never got used to it when one of the lost boys left them permanently. It always made her just so awfully sad, which made Peter angry, and ever more determined to find those who had gone missing. If only to make them apologize to Emma! The younger of the lost boys, made it their mission to distract her from her sadness, to make her laugh and be happy. They didn't want their big sister crying, wanted to see instead her bright, happy smile.

This day however, with the unease in her heart, Emma had found herself faking that good cheer. Not even the pillow fight that had erupted that morning, that had ended in an explosion of feathers, had worked to make her forget her unease. She pretended otherwise, not understanding, not realizing that this wasn't going to be just another ordinary if fun day, but the ushering in of the start of the next important phase in her life.

Emma might have felt better if Peter had been around for her to share her worries to. But with Evan missing, Peter had been gone for three days already, searching with the oldest of the lost boys for their runaway brother. No one had much hope that Evan would be found, let alone still as a child, but Peter found it hard to let go. He wouldn't stop searching until absolutely sure there was no way Evan would be coming back, which meant Peter might be gone for another week at the very least.

With no one to talk to, not even one of her other, older brothers, Emma tried to let the younger of the lost boys keep her distracted. But she was too tense to truly enjoy herself, her restless energy finally driving her to call an impromptu sword practice. It was the one kind of class the lost boys truly liked, enjoying practicing their skill with a sword in the hopes it would make them better at their games of mock war, make teasing mean old mister dragon more fun, and help them win against the pirates who plagued Neverland.

The lost boys that remained with Emma, were far too young to train with steel, and most were too innocent to realize the difference between a real sword and a wooden one. Emma played at dueling with the boys, working out some of her tension through the handling of the wooden sword she currently borrowed. Emma wasn't about to use her very real steel blade against the younger boys' wooden ones. Neither did she use her full skill as an aspiring talent against these young ones, Emma not wanting to discourage them with how easily this girl could disarm them with a simple twist of her wrist.

Instead, she was in the process of letting the youngest of the lost boys, a child named Bradley, disarm her when a commotion sounded. With just a word from Emma, the lost boys were taking to the sky, nervous but excited, ready to dart into the house just in case the worst had happened, and the secret glade had been discovered.

Emma who had tossed down the wooden practice sword, was already drawing the steel blade from the scabbard at her side. Ready to defend her family and home, the tension she felt surged stronger, winding her up tighter than a turned corkscrew. So tense was Emma that she might have made the first attacking move, if not for the bird call that sang out from the far end of the glade. A bird call that came almost too late, as though the one who had made it was too panicked to remember the secret signals that Peter insisted all the lost children use.

Some but not all of Emma relaxed, her sword arm lowering as she drew near to the frantic boys who ran instead of flew into the glade. Their clothes were torn, having snagged on branches and on bush thorns, and at least one of them was hiccupping repeatedly, a wide eyed frightened look in his eyes.

"What has happened!?" Emma demanded, doing a quick head count of the eight boys, and coming up short by one. "Where is Galen?"

"Pirates!" Came the exclamation, an answer Emma was in no way prepared to want to hear. "Pirates took Galen to their ship!"

Going as pale as those boys, Emma felt as though the ground beneath her feet swayed. And all because the pirates had Galen, a sentence she took to be the absolute truth because no lost boy would ever lie about something so serious where the pirates were concerned.

"How did this happen?" Emma blurted out, more frightened than angry. "What were you doing near the pirates?! You were supposed to be chasing rainbows!"

Chasing rainbows, a popular past time among the lost boys, was an activity about finding the treasure hidden at the end of the rainbow. Never in Emma's one hundred and fifty years in Neverland, had anyone come close to finding the rainbow's end, or it's treasure, and yet the lost boys NEVER gave up on trying.

There was a moment of pause, the boys shifting about to not look Emma in the eyes. They weren't scared of her anger, but they were embarrassed to admit to their mistake. The one who couldn't stop making that hiccupping sound, managed to say something about chasing the rainbow near to a shore where the pirates had come aground to hunt for food and fresh water.

"Tell me you didn't..." Emma said, aghast at the thought that any of the lost boys would be so foolish as to go near a group of dangerous pirates without Peter around for protection.

With an awkward shuffling of their feet, the seven ten year olds embarrassedly admitting that they had done exactly that. And were just as embarrassed to admit that they had left Galen behind, rather than be caught as well.

"What are we going to do, Emma?" asked Stuart, a boy who was nicknamed Stewy. "Peter's going to be so mad at us!"

"Never mind Peter for now." Emma told him. "The pirates are liable to do anything to Galen, anything!" A collective shiver went through the group at that, all familiar with the stories of how mean and terrible, how scary and evil the pirates were.

"Maybe they won't really hurt him...." ventured Daniel.

"I cant take that chance." Emma said, having come to a decision. "And we can't wait a week or more for Peter and the others to come back....not with Galen in so immediate a danger!"

"But...what are you saying we do?" Stewy wanted to know.

"We're just going to have to rescue Galen ourselves." She was expecting the silence that greeted her words, and even the protests that would follow soon after.

"But Emma, you know we're not supposed to go near the pirates..."

Emma had to bite her tongue to keep from snapping at them, to not remind them that they should have remembered that earlier. "There's no helping it." She said out loud, already making hasty flight towards the window that would lead into her private alcove bedroom. The boys ran after her, and it was then that Emma realizes something else was very wrong. The boys had been so frightened by their encounter with the pirates, they had forgotten how to be happy enough to fly!

Fighting back curses, rummaging about her alcove, Emma found a cap to cover her long blonde hair. She had learned the hard way that in a fight, her hair was a liability, and not just because it tended to be the first thing people grabbed at. It's golden color, already so bright that it made it near impossible to hide, actually gleamed when the sunlight touched it. Emma faced a hard enough task, sneaking near to the pirates' ships, without her hair betraying her positioning!

It would have served her better if she waited until dark, when the thick mists rolled in with the moon. Her chances at success would have been even greater if Emma would simply wait for Peter to return, but she also was positive that Galen didn't have that kind of time. He might not even have the few hours until it was dark, for the pirates were known to be ruthless, merciless humans who weren't above making a frightened child walk the plank of their ship.

The plank wasn't the only danger that the boy faced. He could be skinned alive, tortured in so many different ways. Peter had told Emma so many horrific examples of the pirates behavior, that even she was frightened at the thought of venturing onto their ship. She actually had to stop for one second, and just sit down, her hands covering her face as Emma realized this must be the reason behind the uneasy feeling that had plagued her since she had first woken up that day.

She had no concept of female intuition, or of destiny at work. All Emma was in the moment, brave as she could be, was scared. Not just for Galen, but for herself, because Emma had never, ever been near a pirate. It was something Peter had simply not allowed, quick to keep her safe from the most wicked of all Neverland's dangers.

Emma had laughed the first time Peter had called the pirates wicked. The word simply hadn't inspired fear or caution, instead putting to mind a child up to something naughty. Eventually Emma would come to learn that wicked didn't have the same meaning in her world as it did in Neverland, that wicked beings like the pirates or foster families, did terribly evil things. Peter hadn't needed to paint any more of a picture than that, the foster family comparison potent enough that Emma had gladly obeyed Peter where the pirates were concerned.

But for her family, for Galen, she would put aside her fear, would break what amounted to Peter's only and strictest rule, and attempt to stage a rescue. Emma was after all a very brave girl, even under the most trying of circumstances, and the fact that she could still fly, even after feeling such a strong surge of fear, was testament of her courage. It couldn't be said the same of the seven who had accompanied Galen on the disastrous rainbow chasing excursion, the boys literally grounded for the foreseeable future.

Not even pixie dust would be able to help those seven, so long as they were that frightened and guilt ridden. Which left Emma's own options limited, the girl leaving her alcove to look over the boys who could still fly. It was dismaying, downright alarming, the idea that she would have to pick someone younger than the age of ten to accompany her to the pirates' ships, but Emma wasn't stupid enough to think she could mount a rescue entirely on her own.

Nor would the boys allow their beloved big sister to venture into danger all on her own, though she could see the fear in their eyes as they argued over who should volunteer their help. Only young Bradley wasn't afraid to step forward on his own, the thought of losing Emma more terrifying than anything the pirates could ever do to him.

Emma smiled at the young boy, who was barely older than three, and told him of the very important job that she was giving to him. Bradley puffed out his chest with pride, his mind too slow to understand she was basically manipulating him into staying behind. All on the pretext that should Peter come back, Bradley would be the one to tell the leader of their family what had happened.

The lost boys she finally took with her barely numbered a small handful. Of them, the youngest was six, and the oldest was eight, and Emma didn't intend to put any of them close enough to the pirates to be caught or hurt. She just wished the same could be said for her, but someone would HAVE to sneak on board the pirates' ships in order to find Galen, or what was left of him.

With the five boys shadowing her, Emma flew faster than she had ever before dared. For once time felt as though it was closing in, as though even a single second mattered. Even with that fitful feeling of time running out, Emma couldn't afford to hurry and risk being sloppy. Galen's well being, his very life was at risk, and any mistakes would cost him dearly.

Even knowing that, Emma still found it difficult to stop and get her bearings. She and the boys who had reluctantly volunteered, were currently hidden among the foamy white clouds of Neverland, and Deirdric jostled her elbow constantly as Emma looked through the small telescope that she had brought with her.

"Do you see him?" Deirdric wanted to know. "Is he okay?"

Emma made a noncommittal noise, concentrating more on scouring the ship tops. The pirates had five ships in all, and of that group, the largest was known as the Jolly Roger. It was also known as the captain's ship, and Emma wondered which of the many men aboard it might be the infamous pirate known as Hook. It was hard to distinguish features from this high up, even with the magnifying properties of the telescope. Many of the pirates were dressed in black and gray, or were even shirtless, and frankly from this high up in the clouds they all looked the same to Emma.

"What are they doing?" Whispered Terry, as another, Louie spoke.

"Why are they heading back to shore?" He wanted to know.

"I'm not sure..." Emma began. "Maybe because Galen's capture interrupted their supply gathering?"

"It's a lucky break for us then..." Deirdric was still crowding her, as though he thought to take the telescope from Emma.

"Lucky indeed..." Emma said softly, but she didn't trust it. It felt like too much of a coincidence, too much like a trap for the pirates to be leaving the Jolly Roger so empty. But trap or no, she had to go down there, and find Galen.

"What do we do now?" asked a nervous Terry.

"Wait here." Emma told them, and finally handed over her telescope to Deirdric. "I'm going to go see what I can find out."

"But Emma..."

"Don't worry." She faked a confidant smile. "I'm too fast for any wicked old pirate to catch!"

The looks that the boys gave her were doubting at best. Emma could only shrug at that, knowing now was not the time to waste breath on arguing. Galen was dependent on them, on HER, for a rescue, and Emma was determined to not disappoint.

With the sound of the boys’ protests trailing after her, Emma dove through the clouds, feeling the white wispy foam clinging to her body as she flew towards the Jolly Roger. It wasn't a direct path that she took, and Emma prayed that the round about way which took her close to the ocean's surface, wouldn't take so long as for the pirates to return.

Flying alongside the Jolly Roger, Emma began peering into the porthole windows that she then passed. She saw the incredibly messy, even more so than the lost boys' bedroom, barracks where the pirates slept. She also came across a window that showed a storeroom, with many barrels and crates of things, lined up all neat and tidy. And finally, she found Galen, the boy laying on the floor, bound and gagged, but seemingly unharmed.

Emma was more certain than ever that this was some kind of trap, for the porthole window to the room Galen was in, was unlocked. And yet she still wiggled in through it, and hurried to Galen's side. The boy's eyes teared up to see her, and Emma put a finger to her lips to signal for quiet, as she took off Galen's gag. Telling him she was proud for his bravery, Emma began to untie the knots of the rope around his feet.

"Can you fly?" She asked, having a difficult time of getting the knots undone. Shame faced, Galen shook his head no. "It's all right." Emma said gently, and finally resorted to using her sword to slice through the ropes.

But it wasn't all right, Emma not in any way strong enough to lift a boy as heavy as the ten year old was. She simply didn't have the muscles of the older boys, and Galen wasn't exactly a skinny child.

"We're gonna have to find our way top side." She told him, and Galen whispered a protest.

"But the pirates! They'll catch us for sure!"

"They all went to shore." Emma told him. 'IF we're quick enough, we can get gone before they even know what's happened."

"Then let us hurry!" Galen exclaimed, already heading for the room's door. Emma was hardly surprised that the door wasn't locked, and even knowing that the pirates had left the Jolly Roger, she still found herself cringing at the noise of Galen's scurrying across creaking wooden floorboards.

Emma herself didn't make any unwanted sounds, floating after Galen. She had her sword still in her hand, the feeling of unease continuing. Galen would continue his noisy running, the sound so loud it helped disguise the creaking of a door.

"There's the stairs!" Galen started to say, and Emma was right behind him when something, a hand, snagged her by the back of her green tunic. Emma made a startled sound, already turning to slash out with her sword, and felt it clash against metal. A twist of that metal, had her sword turned to the side, Emma realizing it was a curved and very sharp looking hook that had parried her attack.

"I was hoping for Pan." Came the low spoken purr of the pirate, his accented voice like nothing Emma had ever before heard. "But more bait for my hook is always welcome."

It was then that Emma realized it wasn't just any pirate that she now faced, but the dreaded Captain Hook!

"Galen run!" Emma screamed, even as she tried to twist her sword free of his hook and simultaneously kick out with her leg. She had the brief satisfaction of her foot connecting with his chest, Emma twisting, turning, her tunic ripping free of the pirate's one good hand as she tried to fly for the stairs that Galen was scrambling up over.

She got the shock of all shocks when she was tackled from behind, Emma crashing to the floor with a pained cry. She didn't stay dazed for long, trying to throw an elbow back into the pirate's face, but he avoided her frantic attack easily enough. His weight pressed into her, Emma's senses coming alive, making her hyper aware of the man. He smelled nicer than she thought a pirate should, cleaner than any of the lost boys had ever smelt. She heard the faint creak of his clothes, the man dressed all in leather. And then literally felt his surprise, when during their struggles, her cap slipped and fell off, her long blonde hair tumbling free in a golden flow of slightly curly waves.

Emma's back to him, she couldn't know the pirate's gaze had narrowed at the sight of her hair, that a sneaking suspicion at just what he now dealt with had filled him. A suspicion he meant to confirm, Emma finding herself roughly flipped over, so that her back was against the floor, her face turned up towards his. She caught sight of ocean blue eyes that looked as surprised as hers, the man gasping.

"A girl?!"

Not bothering to say anything, Emma resorted to fighting dirty. Her knee rose, planting itself hard between his legs, the answering grunting of pain like music to Emma's ears. She pushed at the pirate, didn't bother to look for her sword when free of him, and took off running up the staircase.

[lotornomiko]

The Shattered Dream Of Innocence Chapter One

Brand spanking new summary!

Adults can’t be trusted, Emma Swan knows this first hand. They lie and they hurt, and act with an evil that leads to all kind of ruin. They shatter dreams and destroy innocence, and more than not trusting them, Emma has never wanted to grow up to be just like them. Never once tempted, never once dreaming, she’s about to find out that becoming an adult is not just inevitable, it’s a fate that just might be worth dying for.

This unavoidable state, this end to her childhood? It comes in the form of a storm dark pirate named Captain Hook. Through her encounters with the pirate, Emma’s about to learn it all, the joys and the sorrows of being an adult, the heartbreak and elation of letting go. There’s a choice to be made here, a future that might just be worth reaching for, if her friends and her family don’t tear her apart. If HE doesn’t tear apart, the demon known as Peter Pan willing to go to just about ANY length to keep her….

As of 2/15/2018 currently going over it, to correct a few typos, and do some overhaul and rewriting, to hopefully get Arc Two finally started! A Hook Emma pairing....some triggers may apply...M rating that will get a little more explicit over time….

And for those curious, the old summary:

Old Summary: There are consequences to growing up. Emma Swan knows this well. And yet she finds herself tempted, and all because of a meeting that had been inevitable. A meeting with a certain pirate captain, the infamous Hook. Emmas about to find the joys and the sorrows of growing up, as well as learn just how far Peter Pan will go to keep her. Hook Emma pairing. AU

She hadn't yet been old enough to understand that it was magic that she was witnessing. Hadn't been old enough to comprehend the differences in time, how it couldn't possibly be midnight everywhere all at once. All Emma had really understood at eight years of age, was that the midnight star was the biggest, the brightest, the most sparkly of it's kind. Which made it perfect for wishing on.

At eight years of age, Emma Swan's wish had been simple enough. A child's yearning to belong, a child wanting a mother and a father of her own, to love her, to care for her, and to be with her always. At eight years of age, Emma Swan had been wishing for a family, and it hadn't really mattered to her who that family was, so long as she had one.

She came to regret that wish after years of bouncing from one foster family to another. The temporarily families that she had had, numbered almost as many mothers and fathers as they did siblings, Emma being shuffled from one household to another. So many people in her short life, many of whom she couldn't remember fully, their faces all blurring together, save for the worst ones, the greedy ones, the cruel ones, the ones that she most feared.

There was abuse and neglect in Emma's life. There were parents who hit her, who stole from her, who talked down and degraded her. There were parents greedy for the money the government gave them, men and women who had gone to great lengths to make sure little Emma was considered unadoptable. There were women who were emotionally unavailable, using the funds intended for Emma's care and upbringing, on their own needs. There were men who drank, who were quick to lash out, and in one case even where she had been burnt repeatedly by one man's cigarette.

Emma has never been told that she is loved, or that she is smart, or pretty, or has a good heart. Instead she was and is insulted, made to feel small and unwanted. Ugly. Hated. Stupid. And sometimes, Emma believed them, because surely there had to be a reason why no mother or father had appeared to claim her and to love her.

And yet she never stopped wishing, hoping for a way out of her miserable situation. Surely there was someone out there who could love her. Surely there was a family just waiting to find her. It wasn't always easy to believe, to keep the hope alive in her heart. Even as she grew older, her body starting to mature just enough, Emma kept on wishing. Kept on secretly believing in the power of the midnight star.

Things didn't get better with age. If anything they grew worse, and far more dangerous. The put downs kept coming, the thieving kept happening, but now her foster parents saw her differently. The women who got to be her mother, seemed to have an instant dislike for Emma, making her do backbreaking chores. While the fathers seem to leer, eyeing her and her foster sisters with predatory intent. Emma wasn't stupid, no matter how hard others tried to convince her of otherwise. She saw what had happened to the older girls, to the ones who had developed full breasts, who were pretty, who weren't smart like Emma. The ones who didn't know enough to wrap up their breasts under a flattening band of cloth. The ones who didn't know to wear loose, baggy clothing, and always keep their face smudged and their hair streaked with dirt.

Emma had learned to hide as best that she could. Not just with her physical appearance, but with how often she was seen by those overly touchy, predatory fathers. It kept her from being molested, from being abused and raped.

Not wanting to be noticed, Emma kept quiet about what went on in these houses. She knew from the older girls' experiences, that to speak out, was to get a beating on top of being molested. Speaking out never accomplished much, and neither did running away. Emma was always found, if not in the city she had started in, then in a new one, given to a new foster family, with their own set of cruelty and perversions.

Emma wasn't always safe from her own foster brothers and sisters. The children were always angry and upset, quick to pick fights, and even quicker to do harm. Food wasn't always plentiful, the older children quick to starve the younger ones out of their portion of the meals. Drugs were often used, and sometimes the older children traded sexual favors for things that they wanted. Other times, the boys might just take what they wanted, regardless of what their foster sisters desired. It was a vicious dog eat dog world, a cycle of never ending abuse, the children learning from the only examples that they had. Bullying those weaker then themselves, everyone seemed out to hurt someone else, caring only for their own want and needs.

Frightened by her every day life, Emma was at times bitter and jaded. Especially when the other children mocked her for her dreams of a better life, of a loving family, where she was protected, rather then terrorized. She was branded naive, a baby, and it was becoming more and more a habit for Emma to be attacked by her foster siblings, who despised her for the beliefs that they had once shared too, before the abuse had shaken them free of such notions.

Emma was a stubborn, hopeful girl, not ready to give up on her dreams. But with every taunting word, every cruel punch, and every perverted touch, she was slipping closer and closer to giving up. To accepting her reality, dismal and as damaging as it was. It got harder and harder to get up each night, to creep over to the nearest window, and gaze up at the night sky. Emma had known that soon she would stop the ritual all together, that she would become just another sad statistic of an even sicker abuse. It would happen, and it was looking to be sooner rather than later.

How close Emma had come to giving up, she would never know for sure. Just that she had been close, far too close to it. She was crying more and more, not so much for herself, but for the dream parents she was giving up on, the unconditional love and protection she had hoped for all of her life. She was only fourteen years of age, and already almost completely without hope. And still she sat on her windowsill, gazing up at the sky, while her many foster siblings slept and wished with all her might for things to be different. For her to have a real family, with people who loved and cared for her, who would protect her, who would help her to be her best and her brightest.

Emma wasn't wishing for more than that. She certainly wasn't hoping for excitement and adventure of any kind. Fun was a foreign concept to the sad girl that she had become. Emma had only wanted love and security, to not only feel safe but to BE it. With her dying hopes, Emma wished as hard as she could, her eyes never straying from the midnight star.

She didn't know WHY her wish was finally answered. Or why salvation came in the form of a boy who looked maybe a year older than Emma was. Of course, under NORMAL circumstances, Emma would never have come close to trusting a boy so close to her own age, be he family or a stranger. She knew all too well the dangers of boys, of how cruel and perverse they could be. But then it was not every day you met a boy who came on the wings of a wish, literally flying to her window from the direction of the midnight star.

Already half dazzled by the magic and mystery surrounding him, Emma had still been wary enough to back away from the window. She hadn't screamed, but then neither did she move to invite him inside. Her eyes had surely been two wide saucer plates, staring at the boy, in his strange clothing, the outfit so far removed from the jeans and T-shirts that were so in fashion among the young boys of her world.

As if the flying and the clothing wasn't peculiar enough, he had a kind look in his eyes, a smile that was warm and ready to flash. He looked like the kindly older brother she might have been wishing for, truly holding no malice in his thoughts or his actions. That alone might have raised her hackles, for Emma had known that sometimes the most cruelest of intents could and did hide behind a friendly smile. But again, she was blinded, be it by the midnight star's magic, the boy, or even her own desperate need for a savior.

It wasn't just that Emma wanted to believe, she NEEDED to. Her hope so close to crumbling, her situation worsening day by day, Emma was desperate for an out. That boy seemed to represent it, and while she wouldn't have gone anywhere with a regular boy her own age, one of magic and mystery? She just might be willing to place her future in his hands.

Only fourteen years of age, her options so extremely limited, Emma Swan didn't need to do nearly as much thinking as one would have expected. Especially when she noticed the companion sitting on the boy's shoulder, a tiny little female, with iridescent wings, and dressed in a curvy clingy green leaf of a dress. Eyes already so big and dazzled, Emma let out a delighted laugh to see the faerie. Then instantly cringed in fear. No one came to investigate the sound, and later Emma would learn that it was the faerie who was actually a pixie, who had used her magic to place a silencing spell over the household.

It was that same magic, in the form of pixie dust, that was sprinkled over an excited Emma. That first time? Emma could only levitate a few inches off the floor, having few if any happy thoughts and memories to draw upon, to power the flight spell. It was actually a small miracle that she could even manage that much, the pixie pouting at the waste of her magic while the boy had given Emma a sad look of understanding. She wasn't the first miserable child he had encountered, nor was she likely to be the last. The sad and downtrodden, the abused and miserable, they were the ones who called out for a rescue. For a savior to fly down and spirit them away, which was in effect what Emma had been wishing for night after night. She didn't get it in the form of loving parents, but maybe just maybe the boy and his pixie companion would prove better than a mother or a father could ever be.

Emma had wanted to believe in the boy, in the magic, and in the midnight star. A belief so strong, it allowed her to summon her courage, to allow the boy to lift her up into surprisingly strong arms. Emma wrapped her arms loosely around his neck, and just like that they were off, the pixie and her dust trailing behind them at a much slower speed.

It was frightening to be so high, to travel so fast in the night sky. But more than that it was exciting, exhilarating, and it made Emma's heart race. Her arms tightened around the boy, Emma not yet able to fully trust that she wouldn't be dropped. But though she clung to the boy with all her might, Emma never once closed her eyes, watching with an avid fascination how the grimy city looked when seen from up above.

A path was zig zagged through the city, the boy heading towards the midnight star. The second star from the right, it took flying until nearly morning before they were able to reach it. Emma actually gasped when they drew close enough to the midnight star for her to make out another world. A world that had a tiny continent of land, with several smaller islands surrounding it, and oceans as far as the eye could see. A landscape that was beautiful even at a distance, and growing closer and closer, Emma being carried through the mist of the clouds, until they broke free of the white foamy film, and were just there, floating serenely through the early dawn sky.

Emma was beyond dazzled, she was overwhelmed by all that she had seen and experienced in so short a time. She clung even more to the boy, feeling as though she might just faint at any moment. The loud boom of what she assumed was a firecracker, startled Emma out of that fainting feeling. The boy suddenly jerked backwards, his arms around Emma a tight, secure grip. She didn't doubt for one moment, gasping as she saw the cannon ball careen through the sky, just missing them both.

Frightened, Emma turned towards where she thought the cannon ball had come from. The firecracker of sound was heard again, Emma spying the ships, watching as the round black objects grew bigger in size, as cannon ball after cannon ball was fired their way. They were under attack, and Emma was too shocked to scream, to do anything more than cling to the boy as he made a game of dodging the cannon balls.

It was at this point the pixie caught up to them, her voice a high pitched chatter that was impossible to hear over the repeated sound of the cannon balls being fired. The boy actually laughed, Emma feeling his amusement shake through her. The pixie continued to chatter until she was red face, leaving Emma with the distinct feeling she was chastising the boy for what she might feel was reckless behavior.

Dodging more of the cannon fire, the boy then took off not towards the ships, but towards the forested area of the main continent of land. A forest so big, it took up nearly three quarters of the land, and made it near impossible for the people on the ships to find them once the boy dropped down beneath the treetops.

Emma relaxed only marginally once they were out of sight of the ships. A few of the cannons fired off several more times, perhaps in frustration of their lost quarry. Emma shivered at the sound of the cannon balls launching, but soon lost herself to the odd sight of how tall the trees of this forest really were. Tall enough that if one were to fall from a branch, one would surely be squashed flatter than a pancake on the ground!

Again Emma clung to the boy who took off at an even faster speed. The pixie was in hot pursuit, her dust an angry red. She couldn't keep up with the boy's speed, and would have been lost to Emma's eyes, if not for the glow of her pixie dust.

It was another zig zagging flight, though this time it felt infinitely more scary. The boy could have crashed at any moment into one of the many trees that made up the canopy of the forest, and yet he avoided them all, sometimes at the last second, until finally he came across a glade, with the remarkable sight of a house almost half as tall as the trees it was made out of.

It wasn't a house like any Emma was used to, reminding her more of the rickety, shoddily made tree house of the family that had fostered her when she was ten. But where that tree house had been small, and dangerously close to falling apart at it's seams, this one was huge, looking well made and sturdy. With many windows, and colorful bits of cloth streaming out of them. With no discernable door, the windows too high up to permit entry to anyone approaching from the ground.

Still staring at the house, Emma was startled anew when the boy let out a loud, bird like noise. And just like that, hatches in large stumps on the ground opened, young children pouring out of them. Younger then Emma, and all male, the boys gave excited shouts, waving and jumping up and down in a boisterous display of greeting.

Suddenly shy and uncertain, Emma didn't tighten her grip on the boy who carried her. The boy who was lowering them to the ground, right amidst the excited group of male children.

"Peter, Peter!" Many of them shouted in excitement.

"Peter, you've finally brought her!" Others cried.

"Is it her? Is it really her?" Some wanted to know. And then the hand of what had to be the smallest boy, tugged on the fabric of Emma's pajama bottoms.

"Are you really going to be our mommy?"

Emma had no idea what to say to that, her jaw dropping open in her shock. If the boy, who she was now pretty sure was named Peter, hadn't been holding her, she would have swayed then collapsed amidst the group of boys.

"Tinkerbelle!" Came a new round of excited exclamations. The pixie had finally caught up to them, looking even redder in her anger. She circled around the boy Peter's head, carefully dusting him with pixie dust, before coming to land on Emma's shoulder. Emma didn't know why, but the boy scowled at the pixie.

The youngest boy was still waiting for an answer, his green eyes looking close to tears, his lower lip trembling. He repeated his shocking question, and Emma had no idea what to say to him.

"It's too much." The pixie, Tinkerbelle announced. "You are going to overwhelm the poor girl before she's even settled in."

Peter gave a sheepish look, shrugging his shoulders slightly. But before he could say anything, Emma was speaking.

"Okay, could someone explain to me just what is going on? Why I am here, wherever here even is..." She didn't outright ask about the boys, knowing the look of orphans when she saw them. They all had the same look in their eyes, a look Emma had seen a thousand times in her own reflection in the mirror. A sad, lost look, a desperate yearning for love and affection and all the good things a parent was supposed to give a child.

"This is Neverland." The boy Peter finally spoke after a moment's hesitation. "A world where one's most desperate wishes can come true."

"We've been waiting for you Emma." Added the pixie Tinkerbelle. "Waiting for a long time."

"For me?" Emma couldn't help but be suspicious.

"For someone like you." Peter hastily amended. "For someone kind and caring, for someone who needed to be loved, for someone who wanted to be part of a real family..."

"That could have been anyone." Emma pointed out, already trying to shift free of Peter's arms.

"It takes a special person to be able to come to Neverland." Peter informed her. "A special person with the right mind set and circumstance to be able to believe in the magic and the land."

"So in other words you needed someone desperate?" Emma demanded. The silence that greeted her statement, was answer enough but when Emma tried to get free of Peter's arms, he just held on more firmly.

"It had to be you." He insisted, staring deep into Emma's eyes. She wasn't sure why, but a shiver went down her spine. Maybe at the sense of urgency when he spoke, the sense of sureness he had in his stated words. Or maybe Emma simply wanted to believe she was that needed, that she more than an orphan, or a chance encounter. That she was special and important and most of all required.

But as needed as she wanted to actually be, Emma couldn't quite make a commitment just yet. She was simply too wary, not to mention too young to be anyone's mother let alone a brood of orphaned children.

"I need time to think." Emma announced, and this time Peter let her pull out of his arms. "Alone." She added, when it looked like he and the orphaned children would follow her.

For one second Peter frowned, a hard light in his eyes. It was gone so fast, Emma thought she had imagined it, and yet it still it put her on edge. As did the children, the youngest looking at her with tears on his cheeks, asking loudly to Peter why Emma did not want to be their mother.

Emma didn't stick around to hear what possible answer or reassurance Peter could give the child. She was already making for the glade's far end, doing her best to not outright run from Peter and the children. Her upset was escalating, Emma feeling certain her desperate wish had gotten warped and misconstrued. She let her upset and confusion blind her senses, making her unaware of the fact that eyes watched her from the trees, tracking her increasingly frantic run.

[lotornomiko]

The Shattered Dream Of Innocence Chapter Twenty Two

Brand spanking new summary!

Adults can’t be trusted, Emma Swan knows this first hand. They lie and they hurt, and act with an evil that leads to all kind of ruin. They shatter dreams and destroy innocence, and more than not trusting them, Emma has never wanted to grow up to be just like them. Never once tempted, never once dreaming, she’s about to find out that becoming an adult is not just inevitable, it’s a fate that just might be worth dying for.

This unavoidable state, this end to her childhood? It comes in the form of a storm dark pirate named Captain Hook. Through her encounters with the pirate, Emma’s about to learn it all, the joys and the sorrows of being an adult, the heartbreak and elation of letting go. There’s a choice to be made here, a future that might just be worth reaching for, if her friends and her family don’t tear her apart. If HE doesn’t tear apart, the demon known as Peter Pan willing to go to just about ANY length to keep her….

As of 2/15/2018 currently going over it, to correct a few typos, and do some overhaul and rewriting, to hopefully get Arc Two finally started! A Hook Emma pairing….some triggers may apply…M rating that will get a little more explicit over time….

His lips burnt with the taste of a young girl's innocence, actually tingled with the lasting impression that had been made by her trembling mouth. She had tasted like sunshine, all sweet and full of gentle yearnings. Like hope made real, and Hook hadn't woken up quick enough to stop Emma or HIMSELF. In his dreaming disorientation Hook had responded, for one single instant his mouth hot and eager. Ruining the kiss, and ruining HER, his tongue touching Emma's and only the shocked recoil of her response had startled Hook awake completely.

His knee jerk response had happened in a flash, Hook moving on automatic. Emma had ended up on the floor, her own small body trembling. She hadn't looked at all sorry, regret and apologies clearly the furthest thought from her mind. Instead Emma had worn a look of wonder, those trembling fingers of hers doing a shaky, repeating caress over the lips that had touched his.

His own hand shaking, Hook's arm had abruptly dropped with the realization that he had been mirroring her trembling actions. But HIS expression hadn't been one of wonder, the fear and the fury alight in his eyes, the kiss that Emma had stolen, hardly one to savor and celebrate. Hook couldn't marvel at how much her guard had been let down, at how much she had changed, going from the scared but brave girl of one week ago, to this bold creature before him. This bold, unrepentant child, and there was more than just wonder in her eyes, there was a kind of defiant pride, Emma haughty as she had stared Hook down.

The anger already there, it had flared stronger, it's focus narrowing in on Emma. There was the first flicker of uncertainty in response, the girl then sparking just as angry as Hook. Those stubborn protests, Emma insisting she was old enough, that she had known girls YOUNGER who had done more? It had sent Hook reeling, a rage like nothing he had ever known fueling him, the pirate having grabbed at Emma, and having shoved her down.

The shriek that had followed had hurt his ears, Emma unsettled enough to show fear. He had let his looming presence fuel it, Hook watching the clash of indecision in her eyes, the green alive with an adult's awareness and the fleeting struggle of a child's remaining innocence. The imbalance that was there, Hook was amazed by it. Outright stunned by the fact that Emma hadn't already fallen. That she hadn't already gone careening into adulthood, pushed by Hook's own hand.

That same hand couldn't catch Emma fast enough now, couldn't stop what was going to happen. The damage had been done, and no amount of Hook's own regret could change that, time having begun it's count down in this room. Time's one uncertainty? Just how fast it was moving, and then Hook was all but running.

His undignified gait, had him barrel into Mason, the tattooed pirate crying out in surprise. Hook fixed him with a bleak look, his own guilt and self blame haunting his features. Anything Mason could have said was lost to the dawning understanding in the tattoo covered man's eyes, the pirate taking a step back but not before he tried to look into the cabin.

Hook reacted on pure angry instinct, reaching out to grab hold of Mason. He threw the pirate away from the yet to be repaired door, towered threatening over the man where he had landed on the deck's floor. Hook felt the quiet hush fall over the deck, what few men out and about, ceasing their conversation to instead openly stare.

Aware of the interest, and what was at stake, Hook fought to retain a shred of calm rationality. His own face ashen, Hook held out his hand to Mason, his one and only attempt at an apology. The tattooed Mason cautiously reached out to take it, his trust not yet shattered, both men breathing a sigh of relief once the man was upright.

Carefully avoiding so much as looking at the door, Mason said just one word, a single spoken utterance that conveyed much in the asking. "Did....?"

"Not yet." Hook answered, then shook with his laugh, a bitter broken sound of such pain that Mason flinched and looked away. Hook didn't try to maintain the conversation, didn't try to linger and endure Mason's awkward sympathies. Hook instead walked to the furthest part of the deck, his pace no less sedate than before, his guilt and his demons hounding him, and there wasn't going to be enough distance, the ship at it's limits as Hook reached it's rail.

His fingers curved around that smooth wood, Hook staring out at the horizon. At the main land in the far distance, and then his grip was growing tight, his knuckles bleeding out of their color, the helpless rage upon him worsening it's power. His left arm raised, the hook glinting with starlight. Wood chips began to fly, the pirate pounding his hook into the rail, over and over, awkward sized chunks being carved out of it, and he wasn't stopping, didn't care enough to try.

"Captain!" It was Smee's exclamation, the older man grabbing at Hook's arm. He was nearly dragged forward by Hook's strength, the pirate captain turning his furious glare on an ashen faced Smee.

"Leave me!" Hook snarled, and shoved back at Smee. The older pirate let out a startled sound, his stumble backwards crashing him into an upright barrel. The shocked look on Smee's face got through to Hook on some level, the captain stepping towards him. Smee couldn't stop his startled reaction, scrambling over the knocked over barrel, a wary kind of unease in his dark eyes.

Hook abruptly stopped, realizing that he had gone too far. And then he was laughing that broken pained sound, Hook understanding he had been going too far for too long and too often, crime after crime committed, the pirate sinning countless times against Emma. From that first day, from the moment he had looked into her eyes and been dazzled, Hook plotting and scheming, and intending to use Emma just as thoroughly as Rauol. It didn't matter that the nature of his goals had been different, Hook was just as filthy and corrupt as any other man aboard this ship. Taking Emma with the intent to use her as the opportunity he had demeaned her into being, Hook ready to trade her away, to make her into a bargaining chip to get what he had wanted from Pan.

The man was sicken by what he had done, with the idea Hook had entertained for even one second. The ends he had just come to realize, didn't justify the means, and Emma's life wasn't meant to be sacrificed any more than any of the other children lost to Pan's spells. No longer able to rationalize it, to make excuses, Hook realized it didn't matter that Pan seemed unbeatable. There HAD to be a way, and even if Hook died for his efforts, what mattered was that he had tried.

"Captain?" A cautious sound from Smee, the man torn between keeping his distance, and the concern Hook was rousing inside him.

Hook fixed Smee with a grim smile, strengthened by that new determination, by the fact that he was finally going to do something worthy of being called Emma's hero. And maybe he couldn't save everyone, but if there was even one life, even the chance of it, it was worth trying, Hook knowing there was no way he was going to hand Emma over. Not to Pan, not to his own selfishness, Hook determined to save her or die trying.

His revenge no longer important, Hook's mind was already working. Trying to figure out the possibilities, trying to see if there was any chance that this could work.

"Smee, get the men who can be trusted ready. We're going to make the Jolly Roger fly."

Smee's eyes widened in response to that, his jaw dropping open in shock. "We're..." He quieted his tone at Hook's frantic hiss. "We're going to leave Neverland?" His voice was a hushed whisper, Smee frankly astonished. "But what about...what about the Dark One?"

"If we--if I let Pan continue as he has, then it makes me no better than either of those monsters!" Hook was passionate in his reply, a nice contrast to Smee's calm and cautious restraint.

"There's no way to know if this will work." Smee warned. "No way to know if we have enough pixie dust left to outrun even Pan."

"But YOU'VE got to try." An adamant Hook insisted. "Her future, her very life is at stake here!"

"Captain...." And then Hook's words truly registered, Smee startled by the realization that his captain wasn't intending to come along for the ride. "Wait, you can't...you can't possibly mean to stay behind?!"

"I HAVE to, Smee." Hook explained. "Or it will be all for not. I'll still be as selfish and self serving as all the rest of them, saving Emma but leaving Neverland and the children at Pan's mercy."

"You're only one man!" Smee was bundle of agiation. "How do you hope to even..."

"I don't know." Hook admitted. "Pan seems unstoppable. Hell, Rumplestiltskin once did too. But maybe just maybe there is a weakness, some magic I can use, something I can exploit to gain the advantage."

"There's an awful lot of maybe in this decision." Smee was quick to point out. "Maybe you can find a weakness, maybe you can save Neverland, maybe there's enough pixie dust left to get Emma to safety. But captain, it's not just Pan you're working against, but time itself. It'll take time to find where the pixies have moved their hollow too, time to gather enough dust, time to...."

"Wait, you need to gather MORE?!" Hook frowned with that question, hoping against hope that he had heard Smee wrong. His heart plummeted at the apologetic look Smee now gave him, the old man nervously explaining that during the storm's flooding, some of the water had gotten into many of the barrels of the pixie dust that had taken the pirates years to have gathered.

"No...." His voice an anguished mutter, Hook shook his head in protest. 'No, it can't be! To be so close to saving her, only to...only to fail?" He slumped in place, his shoulders, his whole demeanor sagging. Again Smee gave him that apologetic look, his kind eyes shining with their expressed sympathy.

"Most of it has been ruined..."

"Most but not ALL of it?" But the hope wasn't quick to catch fire a second time. "Then quickly Smee! Go and take tally of how much you think there is, and if it's enough, if not for the Jolly Roger, than for one of the long boats at least!"

"If we do this..." Smee searched Hook's expression for a glimmer of understanding. "You do know you are most likely going to die? If not by Pan's hands, then by the crew men themselves....They won't be happy about what you've done, about this change in your purpose, or the fact that you spent the last of our pixie dust to ferret a select few and Emma to safety."

"But I'll go down swinging." Hook retorted with a grim smile. Smee continued to stare, giving a rueful shake of his head.

"I'd say you've gone mad with grief, but there's a sparkle in your eyes that wasn't there before, not even at your most tortured over Milah's unfortunate passing."

"A sparkle." Hook repeated, wondering if it was true. Wondering if it was hope, or something more, the irony not lost on Hook that he was finally ready to live just as he was preparing for a series of fights that would most likely end with his death.

"Get Mason, and one other you think can be trusted. I'll be wanting you to leave before first light dawns."

"That soon?!" Smee's alarm was apparent. "But captain I...I'm not ready...and I don't think you are either."

"This is as ready as we're going to get." Hook grimly pointed out. "Time itself is now working against us, and every second wasted is a second that brings Emma closer to death."

His acceptance was reluctant, Smee nodding and starting to turn away. "Captain..." He asked after a moment's pause. "What are you going to tell the girl?"

"I don't know." Hook admitted. "Probably nothing."

"Nothing?!"

"It's not like she'd believe me." Hook sighed. "Not when that demon has got her believing his lies."

"Then you're not even going to say goodbye?" Smee asked with a disbelief that had deepened, the older man's face wrinkling with his upset. "It's not right, and it's not fair, and I am going to do my best to make the young miss know that you died as a hero."

"I'm not dead just yet." Hook reminded him, but his tone was dry, the pirate knowing the odds didn't come close to favoring him.

"Captain, I...of course." Smee shook his head one time, then hurried off to do as Hook had asked. Hook watched him disappear below deck, then turned to face the railing once more. His hand touched the damaged wood, Hook whispering an apology for the hurt he had caused even the ship. But most of all he was sorry to Emma, for all he had done, for all he had even considered once doing. For what he was still doing, Hook finding he was too much of a coward to face her, unable to say goodbye, unable to go with her, unable to even prepare her for the change in life she was about to be ushered into. But at least she'd have Smee, the old pirate just about the only one Hook could feel comfortable with entrusting Emma's future too. Smee would see her settled, would protect her, would teach her not only how to survive but how to thrive in the Enchanted Realm.

Hook could only wish he could be there to see it. To do more than just see it, but to be there with Emma, at her side and as the hero she had believed Hook could be. The regrets were still there, but they were different now, Hook having hope and knowing he was doing the best possible thing so that Emma could now have a chance.

The same couldn't be said for him, what with a demon that would be out for his blood, and having to answer to a crew who was murder minded on the best of days. Hook wondered how much time he had left, wondered how long he could keep the farce going, before someone thought to question Smee, Mason and one other's prolong absence from the Jolly Roger. Not looking forward to the answer, not wanting to think about the reckoning he would face at his crew's hands, Hook stared out at the mainland, at the towering giants that passed for trees. This late and this dark, the canopy of the forest was impossible to distinguish from the night sky, It would be worst inside the forest, the dark woods a living maze that worked hard at repelling intruders. Hook and his pirates knew only a handful of established paths, not a single one leading them in deep enough to find Pan, to find his lair and the children that he kept in his thrall.

Suspecting one needed to fly to be able to come close to finding it, Hook knew that to go into the dark forest alone would be just as suicidal as anything else he had ever contemplated. There just didn't seem a way, didn't seem a chance of surviving, no matter what he chose to do. But Hook never once lost his determination, never once faltered in his decision to do right. Not even when Smee approached him, the man speaking quietly, telling Hook that yes there seemed to be just enough pixie dust left to gift one of the long boats with flight.

Not turning from the sight of the mainland, Hook nodded gruffly. Smee hesitated besides him, but the words never came, the man not questioning Hook any further. Smee had not only acknowledged Hook's decision, but had come to a reluctant acceptance of it. He wasn't happy one bit, that much was clear, but Smee was loyal, some would say to a fault. He sighed, that unhappy sound conveying a lot, Smee starting to turn away at the exact instant Hook spied it.

"Captain?" A worried Smee asked, having seen how Hook had suddenly gripped the railing, how the captain now leaned forward, staring up at the sky. Was it a trick of the light, or was it something more, a fleeting shadow racing across the surface of the moon? Just as as the man thought he had imagined it, Hook saw it again, and then again, more and more shadows trailing after the first. Never taking his eyes off the sky, Hook spoke an urgent cry, the alarm bell starting to clang, the watch man in the crow's nest having at last spied what the captain had.

The bell ringing, the deck shaking with the thunderous sound of the off duty pirates rushing up the stairs. They hadn't known what to expect, another storm or another mutiny, the pirates spreading out topside, the murmured hush of their voices rising with their alarm. And following that sound was another, Hook hearing the scraping of metal, the pirates freeing their swords from their scabbards.

"Get those cannons ready to fire!" Mason was screaming, but without a visible opponent, the pirates would just be wasting valuable ammo.

The glow of the deck's lanterns didn't extend far enough to light much of the sky. Hook had his own blade in hand, readying himself and knowing that time had just run out. That he had had his realization a day too late to do Emma any real good. She wasn't going to get away, and Hook wasn't going to die a hero.

As if hearing Hook's thoughts, the laughter started. Low, taunting, and then they were there, the demon and his boys descending down from the sky.

[lotornomiko]

The Shattered Dream Of Innocence Chapter Twenty

Brand spanking new summary!

Adults can’t be trusted, Emma Swan knows this first hand. They lie and they hurt, and act with an evil that leads to all kind of ruin. They shatter dreams and destroy innocence, and more than not trusting them, Emma has never wanted to grow up to be just like them. Never once tempted, never once dreaming, she’s about to find out that becoming an adult is not just inevitable, it’s a fate that just might be worth dying for.

This unavoidable state, this end to her childhood? It comes in the form of a storm dark pirate named Captain Hook. Through her encounters with the pirate, Emma’s about to learn it all, the joys and the sorrows of being an adult, the heartbreak and elation of letting go. There’s a choice to be made here, a future that might just be worth reaching for, if her friends and her family don’t tear her apart. If HE doesn’t tear apart, the demon known as Peter Pan willing to go to just about ANY length to keep her….

As of 2/15/2018 currently going over it, to correct a few typos, and do some overhaul and rewriting, to hopefully get Arc Two finally started! A Hook Emma pairing….some triggers may apply…M rating that will get a little more explicit over time….

There was a gentle spring breeze that ruffled Hook's hair, sent warmth caressing over his skin. The spring and it's efforts were wasted on Hook, the man openly scowling. Hook wore his displeasure like it was a new coat, the man angry, visibly annoyed and spoiling for an excuse. That Hook would have welcomed a fight just as much as he would have a return to his cabin was clear, his narrowed gaze intent not on the pirate before him, but at the door.

Smee was an unflappable presence before Hook's rage, his own eyes narrowed in stern determination. He seemed an immoveable force, his hands on his hips, his head shaking out a firm no. Hook's lips parted, the captain ready to lay into the pirate, into a man who on most days he considered his closet friend, and it wasn't going to be enough, Smee just as determined and concerned as Hook.

"You've been cooped up in there for days now." Smee was saying, his tone a chiding chastisement. "It'll do you a world of good to get some fresh air."

That fresh air he barely took note of, Hook maintaining his fierce glower. "She...."

"The worst of it is over." Smee cut him off. "Emma is going to be fine now that she's free of the fever."

"But she..."

"She is just resting." Smee asserted reassurances. "Fighting the fever took a lot out of her. It's no wonder that she's yet to wake up." Hook's brow drew together, his glaring displeasure not tamed one bit. "At this point, I am more worried about you."

"Me?!" Hook was surprised.

"When was the last time you slept for more than a handful of minutes?!" Smee demanded.

"She needed me." Hook simply said.

"You didn't have to shoulder that burden all alone." Smee reminded him. "I was more than ready to pick up your slack, if you would have allowed me!" A hint of agitation in the man's voice, Smee not at all happy that Hook grudging behavior had taken the brunt of Emma's care onto his shoulders.

Hook couldn't figure out how to answer, couldn't think of the words that would lessen the offense about to be given. Smee was a good man for a pirate, and he had been concerned in his own way for Emma. Hook innately knew that Smee wouldn't have let the girl die, that he would have done his best to make sure she pulled through. But that knowledge hadn't been enough, Hook feeling, nay fearing, that Emma might die the instant the pirate stopped maintaining his vigil.

That the fear was only partly irrational didn't matter, Hook unable to tear himself apart from Emma's side for longer than a few minutes. He had barely slept, had barely broken his fast, eating only at Smee's insistence, eating only to maintain his strength in case Emma had need of it, of him.

For all his self neglect, Hook had never felt more energized and worried. It was as if his fear kept him in a hyper alert state, the need for sleep not only near nonexistent, but the effects of it too. Hook hadn't been feeling tired, hadn't allowed himself to. His concern and his worry the driving forces behind his insomnia. It and Hook could go on for hours more, though a crash was coming.

Knowing that it was an inevitable fate, Hook still balked at the idea. At sleeping for more than a few minutes, and at doing what Smee was asking. The few minutes that Smee asked for, that he insisted Hook take for himself might as well have been a small eternity, every second of self indulgence an agony of guilt and misgivings.

"Smee..."

"Captain, NO!" Smee snapped in retort to Hook's growl. "Ten minutes is all I ask. Ten minutes to take a breath for yourself."

He looked so heartfelt earnest now, expression so pleading. Hook let out an exasperated sound to Smee's plea, nodding a grudging yes that had Smee not quite beaming.

"But no more than ten minutes!" Hook added, and Smee nodded in understanding.

"Of course, of course." He was saying, but his relieved expression showed that Smee was not yet done worrying. "You need to eat something too. I'll go prepare a plate. MASON!" Smee bellowed for the other pirate, a man whose every visible inch of his body was covered in tattoos. He should have been a fearsome sight, instead Mason looked nervous, visibly intimidated by the depth of Hook's annoyance.

In a move that was blatant in it's intent to keep Hook distracted and away from the door, Smee strongly suggested Mason brief the captain on the goings on of the ship. Most notably the few repairs that had been needed, the Jolly Roger not so lucky as to remain completely untouched by the worst of the storm.

His scowl's focus on Smee's retreating form, Hook only half listened to the things Mason was telling him. A mast had broken, one of the lesser that had stood flanking the main one. For that reason alone, the Roger was stranded, another one of Hook’s remaining ships making for the mainland in it’s place. That ship was intent on securing a replacement mast for the Jolly Roger, the great oak trunk of one of the smaller trees that bordered the edge of an endless forest of giants.

Of the five ships that made up Hook’s motley crew, the Jolly Roger was the second LEAST damaged. The others hadn't been nearly as lucky, as many as two damaged enough that their crews had been forced to abandon the ships as lost. The men that had survived the storm and the sea, were now weighing down the remaining ships, the crew spread out equally over the three. The loss of life hadn't been anywhere as bad as the loss of those ship's treasure, and at least one was devoting itself to trying to salvage the wreck. Hook thought it a lost cause, much of those two ships and their treasure already at the bottom of Neverland's sea. A few bits and pieces still littered the tops of the water, a few chests that had opened, spilling out the heaviest of their coins.

The loss of treasure was bad, but there were blessings to be found after the storm. Of the three canvas sails the Jolly Roger maintained, none had been torn, such damage avoided thanks to Hook's own efforts, and that of many of his crew. They had risked their lives to climb the wet rigging, and had come away safe, now reaping the rewards of having three functioning sails.

The wooden mast that had splintered, the top half of it falling? It had hurt but not killed the pirate beneath it. The man was recuperating even now, sore and bruised black, but enjoying the excuse his injuries gave him to keep away from the repair work.

What other damages the storm had done, had been minor where the Jolly Roger was concerned. A window had been shattered, the waves that had battered the ship flooding it's locked room. A few supplies had been lost because of that flooding, too hopelessly ruined by the sea, or in one case having been carried out through that broken window to join the other treasure now littering the ocean's floor.

Mason prattled on about it all, and Hook only half listened. His attention focused on counting down the seconds, his heart still back in the cabin. And remain there it would, so long as Emma was unconscious and bed bound. The two days that had passed? They were among the roughest of his long life, the fear and the worry surpassed only by the grief that had dealt Hook immense losses in his past.

Weakened by it, by her, Hook had known his private pain would be tantamount to equal that of Milah's, young Emma Swan having left her impact on the pirate's heart. He felt touched by her, by a connection that was in it's infancy at best. He would never forget her, would never be able to even try, many pain and regrets coloring him and it didn't matter if the storm had killed her instead of Pan, Hook finding the fault in himself for placing Emma in all manner of danger.

It wasn't limited to just the storm and what Peter Pan would do to her. Hook fixed his glare on a pirate, the blonde whose hair was always so greasy with oil. Damien was moving with exaggerated care, the wounds on his back still red and raw, the flesh there made ugly from a whip that had made a lasting impression on his skin. Hook's one regret where Damien was concerned? That Hook hadn't been the one to take the whip to him, the captain delegating that act to another, unable to tear himself away from Emma's side long enough to punish Damien himself.

Mason had more than done Hook proud, the captain admiring the raw mess of Damien's back. Mason might have even enjoyed it, the surly Damien hardly a popular fellow among the crew. Hook couldn't understand, couldn't fathom how Damien could be so stupid, never dreaming of the hidden malice in the blonde pirate's heart.

Not suspecting that Damien's action has been done on purpose and in spite, Hook had still been livid over what the blonde had nearly caused. The life he had nearly stolen, Emma sick with the fever and the chills for two whole days, and Damien wouldn't have lived for much longer if the girl had ended up dying.

That she hadn't felt like a miracle, her skin no longer burning hot to the touch. The wet cloths had worked their magic, keeping the fever from spiking any higher, the cold dread Hook had been battling since the night of the storm at last abating. Emma was going to be all right, she had survived to live longer, and not even the looming threat of Pan could ruin the relief, the quiet joy Hook had felt filled with.

For one shining moment, Hook had focused on the here and now. He hadn't grieved over the past, and he hadn't worried for the future. He had simply taken in the sight of Emma asleep, her restless moaning having quieted, the girl finally at peace and taking an exhausted rest. He had gripped her small hand in his, and had thanked a God he had long since stopped believing in. Smee had found him like this shortly after, and had all but pried Hook's fingers from around Emma's.

Dragged from her side, from the room, Hook had let Smee badger him out for some air, not because the captain had thought he had needed it, but because the pirate hadn't wanted to risk waking Emma with their argument. An argument he hadn't exactly won, Hook sighing again, recognizing Mason's presence for what Smee had intended the tattooed man to be. A distraction, and a deterrent, Mason keeping Hook from the room just as effectively as Smee had.

Trying not to grumble out loud, Hook glared at the returning Smee. The man was smiling too much for the pirate captain's liking, Smee carrying a plate with the day's lunch heaped upon it. It was clear the old man was satisfied with having gotten his way, and his smile didn't falter for even one second in response to Hook's glower and agitation.

"Here you go, captain!" A cheerful Smee presented the plate. "The best cuts of meat, just for you."

The appetizing aroma made Hook's stomach growl, the pirate finally able to acknowledge to himself that he was hungry. He took the plate from Smee, speared a large piece of the veal with the top of his hook, and had to fight to keep from vocalizing his hunger's appreciation.

"If that will be all..." Uncomfortable with the captain's angry demeanor, and having work to still over see, Mason was quick to seek to excuse himself.

"Oh! Of course, Mason!" Smee turned his smile on the tattooed pirate. "I'm sure the captain is thankful..." Both pirates ignored the rude snort from Hook. "For all you have done."

"I'd be more thankful if you two hadn't conspired against me." Hook grumbled after Mason had fled to the far side of the deck.

"Don't know what you mean." Smee brightly pretended.

Hook growled at him, the sound competing with the noise his stomach had made just seconds earlier. Smee chuckled in response, Hook further annoyed, even as his taste buds exploded, the brown meat all but melting on his tongue, the veal so soft and so succulent when cooked to perfection by Smee's hands.

Wondering if Emma would awaken any time soon to enjoy the left overs of this tasty meal, Hook ate as fast as he could risk, then shoved the plate back at Smee. The pirate took it from him, and handed over a rag, Hook using it to clean his hook of the meat's juices.

"There!" He exclaimed with a touch of dramatic. "I've done all that you asked."

"And complained every step of the way." Smee pointed out, but nodded all the same. "I guess there's no helping it." He sighed. "You'll keep at it until you drop, and then you'll have no choice but to take a rest."

"I'll rest when I have to, and not a minute before it." Hook said, handing back the rag. He wanted to run to his cabin, but he was aware of the men all around them. It forced him to maintain an unhurried, dignified pace, every slow step a torture that wasn't alleviated until after Hook was inside the cabin.

The door closed besides him, Hook breathed a sigh of relief. He didn't immediately notice the movement from the direction of the bed, too busy grumbling and complaining quietly to himself about Smee's meddling. It didn't matter that Smee was right, that Hook had needed a moment, that he had needed more than just food and sleep. All he could focus on in his annoyance, was that Hook had been dragged away from Emma, and it didn't seem to matter that she didn't need him as badly as she had just an hour earlier.

Still not completely reassured that the fever was gone from her, that it would not make a return, Hook began to turn towards the alcove that was dominated by his bed. He nearly froze in place to realize what he was seeing, Emma sitting upright, and nervously tucking her hair back over her ear.

"Emma!" Hook cried out her name, and it was as if pixie dust had a hold of him, Hook almost flying the distance to the bed. His feet never actually left the floor, but his heart soared all the same, Hook forcing himself to stop at the foot of the bed, to not get any closer to her. "You're awake!"

She didn't laugh at him stating the obvious, Emma carefully nodding her head. Her green eyes were fixed on his face, Emma studying him with an amount of great curiosity. Not knowing what held her interest, Hook asked her a question.

"How are you feeling?"

"Better than I can last remember." She said, a smile curving at the comers of her mouth. Any murderous thoughts Hook would have directed to Damien were lost to Emma's smile, Hook risking a relieved one back at her. It only made her smile blossom, the girl looking so happy in the moment. "What happened to your face?"

"My face?" Hook asked, his hand lifting towards it. He felt the hair there, the stubble he normally maintained having grown out to a thick fur on his cheeks and his chin. Since the night of Emma's fever, Hook hadn't bothered with shaving, too busy watching over her, to care much for himself.

"It's too hairy." Emma complained. "I don't like it. It makes you look like a whole other person."

"I'll shave it off just for you." He said without thinking, and was rewarded with another one of her glowing smiles. "Careful!" He exclaimed, seeing her suddenly inched towards the edge of the bed. "You're still not well enough to be up and about..."

"But I feel like I've been in that bed for just about forever." Emma complained. "Can't I just take a walk around the room?"

Hook was all set to tell her no, when she added a please to her request. With that smile, and that bit of politeness, Hook found there was almost nothing he wouldn't do, so little he would willingly deny her.

"All right, just for a minute or two." He allowed, then hurried to assist her when she seemed to sway unsteadily on her feet. To his surprise she didn't recoil, didn't so much as flinch back from his hand and his hook touching on her waist. Instead Emma thanked him, wrapping her arms around one of his. Clinging to him as they began a slow pacing about the wide floor of the cabin.

Hook was too relieved, too overcome with the surprise and the joy of Emma's smile, that he hadn't taken time to truly wonder what it all meant. Maybe it was the lack of sleep catching up to him, maybe Smee was right, and Hook was that much closer to dropping, too tired to do anything as energetic as worry. Because the signs were there, Emma smiling too much, her eyes intent on his face rather than on the path that they walked.

"Did everyone make it through the storm okay?" She asked, and Hook hesitated. "What?"

"Yes and no." Hook finally admitted. "The Jolly Roger and the men aboard it were exceedingly lucky. Two of the other ships however..."

"I am sorry." Was her simply answer. "How are YOU doing?" She asked after a second's pause. "How are you feeling? How is your shoulder feeling?"

"I'm fine." He was quick to assure her. "My shoulder is healing quite nicely, though there will be some scarring. But considering how bad the wound was, the scar will be me getting off easy compared to what could have happened."

"You could have died." Her tone was quiet.

"But I didn't." Hook was again quick to reassure her.

"But you could have." Emma insisted. "That's why I....that's why I HAVE to thank you."

Hook was uncomfortable with her gratitude. "That you were in danger in the first place, was MY fault."

"I don't see how." Emma insisted. "You aren't responsible for that man's actions."

"But I AM responsible for that bas-that gypsy being anywhere near you." Hook insisted. "If I hadn't kept you captive..."

"You protected me. That's all that matters." Emma said. Hook wasn't so sure it was as simple as that, but he didn't want Emma exhausting herself with arguing. He just made a sound in return, a noncommittal noise that neither agreed no disagreed with Emma's sentiments.

"You protected me from more than just him." Emma added, rather than let a silence drag out between them. Hook raised a curios brow at her, and she blushed. "I may not have been awake for most of it, but I remember you. And Smee. But mostly you."

"Ah."

"You watched over, and took care of me." She said, Emma still flustered. "And you never once......" She shook her head, her green eyes amazed. "Even with all the chances you had." She kept on clinging to his arm, Hook aware of the press of her body against his, the girl's gaze shining with an adoration that made him uncomfortable. "You're nothing like him."

"Rauol?" Hook guessed, and watched how she hesitated.

"Him too." Emma murmured. "But you're nothing like the monster Peter made you out to be."

"I'm still a pirate, Emma." Hook was quick to point out.

"Yes. But you're different. Like no other adult, male or female, that I've ever known." She practically whispered the next. "You're like a dream I once had, some impossible wish made flesh, and I don't ever want to wake up."

To say Hook was flabbergasted by her words would be an understatement, the pirate captain having no idea how to respond. The words wouldn't come, the thoughts and the worries in his head offset by his anger. A girl like Emma, hell any child, shouldn't know the kind of things she had known, the amount of abuse in evidence startling. Saddening, maddening Hook beyond furious with the figures of her past, wondering who and what had happened to hurt Emma so badly, that she looked upon a pirate as special, and as an example of what others should attempt to be.

Gently, he began to try to pull free of her arms. She just held on tighter, Hook muttering about how he was no hero.

"You're MY hero." She insisted stubbornly, her green gaze locked with his blue one. "And that's NEVER going to change."

"Emma, you've been sick for two whole days." Hook gently told her. "You're bound to be confused. When you are better..."

"What I feel won't change." Emma retorted, an odd quiet passion in her voice. "And if you can't believe in your good qualities, then I'll believe for you!"

"I don't have any good qualities!" Hook protest sounded desperate. "I'm am as bad as Pan says, I'm only using you to get what I need from him. That's why I protect you."

"NO!" Emma shook her head hard and fast, her blonde hair bouncing about her face. "You could have let Rauol do what he wanted. I didn't need to...I didn't have to remain untouched, so long as I survived long enough for the exchange."

Inside and out, Hook despaired, not just at Emma's stubborn admiration, but at the knowledge she showed. The ideas she had entertained, the fears Hook had protected her from just as surely as he had protected her from Rauol. "I'm sorry." He said to her. "I am not anything like the man you now think I am. I am violent and self serving, and all the other things that Pan has told you. And if you won't believe me, then I suppose we can get Damien to show you."

"Damien?" Her brow furrowed, her smile dimming. "What?"

"I made a red ruin of his back." Hook explained. "As punishment for what he did to you."

"Well he deserved it!" Emma replied. "He was going to let me die." She shivered and let go of his arm, hugging her own around herself instead. "I'll never forget that moment, never forget the look on his face, and how his fingers had started to let go. If you hadn't come when you did, he would have dropped me into the sea!"

A quiet rage came over him, Hook fighting past it to try to remain rational. "Emma, are you sure about this?" She nodded her confirmation, and without a second word spoken, Hook pivoted towards the cabin door.

"Where are you going?!" Emma cried out, still too weak and tired from her recent bout of fever, to keep up with Hook's longer, more purposeful strides towards the door.

"Damien's not going to get away with this." Hook answered in a grim tone. "I'll make sure the lesson is pounded into his head, that he, that not any one, is allowed to hurt a child onboard my ship!"

"Hook!" Emma exclaimed, following him out onto the deck. Her anxious shout drew the attention of the crew, Hook stalking with an angry, determined purpose towards the blonde who had lost his normally surly disposition, to register his shock and then his fear at the captain’s approach. There was also a weary look in his eyes, a grim kind of acceptance, Damien surely knowing he was a dead man.

"Captain, she's lying!" Damien exclaimed as Hook drew near. "I didn't..."

"Didn't what?" Hook asked, his fist already smashing into the blonde pirate's cheek. "I haven't accuse you of anything just yet!"

Damien took a staggered step back, his right hand flying to his cheek. Feeling it, and his jaw, testing to make sure it hadn't been broken. "But..."

"But what?" Hook demanded with a sneer. "Your quick denials only proclaim your guilt. You did try to kill Emma, not once but twice! It hadn't been an accident that you stupidly left her in a room with no blankets or warmth. Just as it hadn't been an accident that it took you so long in your attempt to pull her to safety."

"You and the girl are both imagining things!" Damien protested, as the crew surrounded them, silent witnesses to what was being said. "And you saw how she fought me! How difficult she made it for me to pull her up."

"Funny, the captain didn't have half the difficulties that you had in that." Mason muttered, and Damien shot him an annoyed and dirty look.

"It's the truth!" Damien insisted. "She fought me not only at the rail, but every step of the way into the hold. The brat wouldn't stop, not even after I struck her repeatedly."

"You HIT her?" Hook asked in a deceptively calm voice. Damien lost what little was left of his color, nodding slowly.

"Only to try and get her under control." Desperate, he bit out another remark. "It's no less than any of you would have done, to her, or to anyone else acting up like that in an emergency such as that storm!"

The crew was divided by his words, half of them murmuring agreement with Damien, while the other half couldn't abide the thought of hurting a child for any reason. Damien seemed to draw strength from the half that had agreed with him, trying once more. "As for the other, the girl is mistaken. Why would I wish her dead?"

"Why would she wish to lie?" countered Hook, and other voices murmured their support.

"She's a good girl, that Emma." One said.

"She wouldn't just make up stories that would get a man killed." Another added.

"Are you so sure about that?" asked another. "Rauol..."

"The gypsy had it coming. You heard what he had said, the intentions he had voiced. He didn't just mutiny against the captain, he lusted for the child."

"He lusted for the woman that she could be." Another was quick to correct. "That she still could be...."

"It's been too long since any of us have had a woman." Came a wistful sigh.

"She'd die soon after." Another reminded them. "Pan would make sure of it."

"Enough!" Hook snarled over the arguing voices, the men torn over whether they wanted Emma to grow up or not. Some agreed it would be a waste, that Emma would die too quick and too soon for them to dare risk it, while another vocal minority was greedy, thinking a taste of a woman was better than none at all.

"Hook would never allow it." Mason was quick to remind them. "You all saw what he did to Rauol."

That got the voices to quiet down, few if any wanting to dare risk the same fate befalling them. Hook fought a grim smile, knowing he had scared them, that the sight of Rauol's mangled and mutilated corpse had stood as testament to just how vicious and brutal the pirates' captain could be.

Rauol wasn't the only one about to experience that brand of brutality, Hook advancing on Damien. The blonde pirate began to back up, but the wall of men around him limited his escape. He tried drawing his sword, but hands grabbed at him, holding him still for the captain's hook.

"That girl and the effect she has on our captain is going to be the death of us all!" Damien screamed in desperation. "Act now before it's too late, before he and she brings ruin to us all!"

He was trying to incite a riot, and it was having an effect, a ripple going through the crowd of men. Hook heard the sound of steel being drawn, saw Damien being let go.

"You can't be serious." Hook said in angry disbelief. "You don't really believe Emma is going to be the death of us all?"

"No." admitted one pirate. "But we could be using with some comfort. The kind of comfort we won't be getting so long as you stand in the way."

"You're a fool, Jon." Another said. "Captain Hook's been good to us. We've never been richer."

"What good is riches if there's nowhere to spend it?" another demanded.

"Killing Hook won't get us home any sooner." Mason's voice reminded them. "And I haven't heard anyone offering up a better idea on how to accomplish that!"

"I say we worry about it later." Suggested another pirate. "Once Hook is dead, and the girl is ours, Pan may cut a deal."

"MAY." Mason stressed. "But there's just as good a chance Pan will kill us for the harm we do to his girl."

That got more than half the crew to reconsider their mutiny, the fear of Peter Pan causing many to side with Hook. There was still about ten men who were spoiling for Hook's blood, all pirates from the crew of one of the ships that had been abandoned. They didn't know, hadn't witnessed first hand what Hook had done to Rauol. They might have heard the whispers, but they didn't believe, too desperate or too stupid, and wanting to fight. A fight that they got, a forty men brawl breaking out among the pirates.

[lotornomiko]

The Shattered Dream of Innocence Chapter Nineteen

Brand spanking new summary!

Adults can’t be trusted, Emma Swan knows this first hand. They lie and they hurt, and act with an evil that leads to all kind of ruin. They shatter dreams and destroy innocence, and more than not trusting them, Emma has never wanted to grow up to be just like them. Never once tempted, never once dreaming, she’s about to find out that becoming an adult is not just inevitable, it’s a fate that just might be worth dying for.

This unavoidable state, this end to her childhood? It comes in the form of a storm dark pirate named Captain Hook. Through her encounters with the pirate, Emma’s about to learn it all, the joys and the sorrows of being an adult, the heartbreak and elation of letting go. There’s a choice to be made here, a future that might just be worth reaching for, if her friends and her family don’t tear her apart. If HE doesn’t tear apart, the demon known as Peter Pan willing to go to just about ANY length to keep her….

As of 2/15/2018 currently going over it, to correct a few typos, and do some overhaul and rewriting, to hopefully get Arc Two finally started! A Hook Emma pairing….some triggers may apply…M rating that will get a little more explicit over time….

That smile haunted her now, Emma embarrassed by and regretting it. Regretting the emotions leading up to it, the sleepless night she had spent, the worries that had plagued her. She felt like the biggest fool in all of Neverland for letting herself soften for even one second towards the pirate. How it-SHE must have amused him, how it must be making him laugh to think Emma had been that worried, that caring. She could only thank God for small miracles that Hook hadn't been privy to all of it. That he didn't know the secret thoughts she had had, the feelings that Emma herself didn't understand, and the fact that she had considered him SPECIAL.

Her heart would have broke a thousand times over if Hook had known all that, Emma relieved she hadn't been tricked into acting anymore foolishly. And yet it hadn't been enough to keep the tears from coming, the bitter hurt overwhelming her, leaving Emma sobbing and she hadn't been free even once asleep. Dreaming of him, of the pirate, but not as he was, but as she had seen him, Hook kind and impressive, and then he was kneeling over her, fingers not quite touching her cheek, a stricken expression on his face as he mumbled out apologies.

She had hurt all the more for his sorrow, knowing it wasn't real, knowing that Hook wasn't real, the secret wish in her heart having wanted him to be sorry. Wanting him to be moved enough with feelings for Emma that he regretted the hurt he had dealt her. That he was sorry for it all, that he was in fact still the man she had been so impressed with.

Wanting those things as much as anything else she had ever wanted in her young life, Emma had wept all the harder to know she wasn't going to get it. The tears started again long before she opened her eyes, Emma moaning, crying out in her sleep. Such was the magnitude of her distress, Emma didn't at first register the loud crash of sound that thundered ominously all around her. Or the sounds that followed, the faint noise of an alarm bell ringing, the loud repeating thumps of many feet marching. The shouts that she barely heard, too far below deck to hear the worst of the crew's screamed out exclamations.

And then the booming sounded again, and it was closer, and louder, and something cracked in the sky. Emma awoke with a loud shriek of her own, jolting upright with the blanket clutched around her. She heard something falling, felt the shaking of the ship, and the roar of the ocean. And above it all she heard the thundering sound of the storm, Emma's heart beginning to hammer harder in her chest.

Fighting the fear that was filling her, the fright that chased away all her other concerned and hurt feelings, Emma unsteadily lurched to her feet. The footing was unstable, the Jolly Roger battling against the sea itself, riding on churning waters, being lifted up then dropped by larger and larger waves. It sent everything not nailed down falling, chests sliding, even turning over, gold and jewels spilling all around her with loud sounding clatters.

Emma bit back another scream, fought the rising panic, and made her shaking way to the hold's door. She didn't know what she would do if it was locked, if anyone would hear her screams over the storm, if anyone would care enough to come investigate. But she nerved herself to reach out, to try the handle, and breathed an immense sigh of relief to find it unlocked and turning.

The door now opened, she stumbled out into the narrow hall. It was dark there too, Emma in the bowels of the ship, the only light coming from the windows, jagged arcs of white lightning casting brief flashes of illumination against an otherwise pitch black sky. The dark rumbling clouds, they hid even the stars, Emma not sure if it was still the same day, or if she had slept long enough for night to have actually fallen.

She didn't stand around trying to figure it out. Her self preserving instincts were alive, her heart screaming about the danger, Emma fighting to stay rational, to think and not give in to her fears about what COULD happen. Not while the Roger was still intact, not while the alarm bell was still ringing, and she needed to make her way to the deck before something worse happened, and the crew decided to abandon ship.

Making her shaky, stumbling way through the darkened hall, Emma found the steps that led to the next level of the ship. The shouts of the crew were louder here, but she still couldn't make out what was being said. She took comfort in the voices all the same, following them to topside, and then she was out on deck, surrounded by what seemed like pure chaos. The storm itself attacking, it's fierce howling wind tearing at her clothes, sending Emma's hair whipping wildly about her face.

Amidst the long strands of gold, Emma took in the sights around her, of the flooded floorboards of the deck, the wood so slippery even the big burly pirates were having trouble staying upright. She made her way closer to the rail, intending to use that to support her, Emma's hand reaching out to damp wood that felt ice cold against her warm skin. The rain hadn't yet started, the storm bad enough that it had affected the sea, rousing forty foot high waves to come splashing onto the deck, wetting everything down. Emma clung harder to the rail with both hands, but she wasn't paying enough attention to the sea. Not with the sights all around her, the pirates busy. They weren't abandoning the ship, they were actively trying to maintain it, several pirates including Hook climbing up the rigging, Emma's shocked breath squeaking out of her at seeing the man so high up. There was no netting laid out to catch him should he or any of the other pirates fall, Emma frightened for Hook despite what her hurt feelings told her that she should be feeling.

Those hurt feelings were all but ignored, Emma frozen in place. Watching the captain climb higher, hand over hook, his feet seeking purchase on the wet, icy ropes. He was moving faster than the others, catching at the flapping canvas of one of the sails. Another pirate who might have been Mason was just under him, helping Hook to secure the sail. Together the two men worked to roll and tie it down, the canvas sail too precious an item to risk it being torn up by the storm's winds.

The other sails were being similarly tended to, not just on the Roger, but on the ships flanking it's rear. Emma could even see smoke, one of the other ship's sails having caught fire. The crew there worked to contain it, to keep it from spreading to the other sails, but they were having difficulty, the storm withholding it's rain. But not it's lightning, the jagged white lines of energy arcing across the sky. Again and again, and then one was striking the Jolly Roger, a loud sizzle of sound that was swallowed up by the sound of wood moaning. Screaming, Emma turned, one of her hands letting go of the railing. She saw the great beam of wood splintering apart, it's broken top half falling to the deck. She screamed again, when it landed on top of a pirate, the man falling silent and no one had noticed, or maybe they just didn't care!

Panicking anew, Emma wondered why they hadn't yet abandoned ship. She began to let go of the rail completely, intent on the long boats, wanting to run to them, to reach for them, and to pitch over inside one. She wasn't thinking rationally, not realizing the long boats would most likely be swallowed up by a sea this vicious, or that it would take more than her thin arms to be able to man one. She couldn't even remember just where on the ship the long boats were kept, Emma taking a step forward just as the sky opened up completely, the fat drops of water coming so hard, so fast, it was almost like being pelted with frozen bits of hail.

It soaked everything not already wet within seconds, Emma cringing, shivering as she walked. She was almost to the center of the ship, when the Jolly Roger lifted up on a wave, Emma screaming louder than ever in her life, the girl slipping, hitting the floorboards hard enough that she'd bruise. She tried to scramble up right, and there was a sound that let her know she was still screaming, the shrieks hurting her throat, as the ship abruptly was dropped, crashing hard onto the surface of the ocean.

And with that drop, Emma slammed into the floor boards a second time. She thought she saw stars, thought she heard a furious shout that was even more ferocious than that of the storm. It was Hook, and he was screaming her name, and Emma whipping around on her hands and her knees, and finding he was still up in the rigging.

"Hook!" Her heart lodged firmly into her throat, Emma watching as he dangled with a precarious one handed grip on the rigging. He was looking right at her, so angry, and it was too dark for her to make out the worry in his eyes.

"Someone get her off the deck NOW!" Hook was bellowing, and there wasn't enough pirates moving fast enough to reach her. Another large wave came, but the ship didn't ride this one, the water crashing over the railing, over the ship, hitting everyone, and Emma wasn't big enough, wasn't weighted down enough to keep from being swept over. She screamed as the water pulled her with it, hitting the railing, and then going over it. She scrabbled at the wood, broke her nails trying to secure a grip on it. And then a hand was snagging hold of her wrist, and Emma looked up, shrieking.

"Hook?!"

But it wasn't the captain, but the surly faced pirate, Damien, his blonde hair flattened by the water. He held onto her wrist, but made no move to pull her up to the relative safety of the deck. Instead he just stared at her, letting her dangle, and Emma then realized that he was going to let her die, his grip starting to loosen, and she was grabbing at him, clawing up his arm, trying to pull herself up on her own.

She heard him scream a curse in retort, and then another hand was grabbing her. His hook embedded in the wet wood of the railing, Hook hauled Emma up and into his arms. She wanted to start sobbing, ready to tighten her arms around his body, and then he was roughly shoving her away, into Damien's arms.

"Get her out of the way, and make sure she stays that way!" Came Hook's orders. Emma's jaw fell open, the girl trying to speak. Did he not know what Damien had just tried to do, did he not realize that she had almost just died at the blonde pirate’s hands? She tried to tell Hook, tried to alert him to the danger, but her words were eaten up by the storm, Hook already having turned away, and there was enough distance now between them, that he wasn't paying attention, wasn't even trying.

Screaming all the same, Emma fought and twisted against Damien's hold. She scratched her broken nails on what skin she could reach, hearing him cry out, and then he was lifting her, and Emma was screaming even louder, being thrown over the pirate's shoulder. He slapped his hand against her ass, spanking her harder when she still fought, kicking and screaming, and beating her tiny fists against his back. He never said a real word to her, just cursing to himself about what a troublesome bitch she was, and then they were below deck, and she was being thrown against the floor.

Emma sprang up, ready to rush Damien, ready to rush the door that was already slamming shut. She had reached it too late, the door locking, Emma screaming, banging on the wood, pulling on the handle. Damien didn't even laugh, just walked away cursing, the storm raging on, and now Emma was physically hurt as well as scared, her bottom hurting from his repeated strikes to it, her body bruised and battered from the storm.

Shaking violently, freezing cold and thoroughly soaked to the bone, Emma looked around the room. It was not the treasure hold Damien had locked her into, but some other room, a store house of some kind. Sniffling to herself, Emma began searching through the barrels, finding nothing but fish, nothing but the left over stores of the food the pirates had gathered, the meats that they had so recently hunted.

There was nothing she could use, nothing that she thought would break down the door, or allow Emma to pick the lock. And certainly there was nothing to dry herself off with, no towels or blankets to keep Emma warm. She let out a sneeze, feeling sore, wet, and miserable, not even able to sit down at the moment. Worst yet she was scared, Emma fearing the storm, fearing the ship might start to go down, and no one, not even Hook would remember enough to come get her. Just like they hadn't cared enough to bother with the pirate who had been trapped under the beam of wood, Emma shaking, fearing the ship would lead her to a watery grave.

Thoughts like these occupied her for hours, Emma too frightened to settle down, let alone sleep. She sat there shaking, shivering long after her clothes had dried on her body, Emma cold beyond measure and unable to get warm. She didn't calm down even once the storm subsided, the waters turning calm, the ship going relatively quiet. And then the door was opening, Emma cringing from the sound, huddled in on herself, her knees drawn up to her chest, and she was crying, barely able to recognize Smee, let alone able to hear what he was saying.

"Captain, I've found her!" The older pirate cried out, holding up a lantern that spilled warm light into the room. Emma didn't move, didn't so much as speak, merely sobbing in relief when Hook pushed his way into the room. The pirate captain took one look at Emma's miserable state, and she heard him mutter several choice curses under his breath.

"Is she all right?" A worried Smee was asking.

"So cold...." Emma managed to say around her teeth chattering. Hook swore again, and then a third time, his fingers having tried to close around her arm, only to draw back as though scalded.

"She's burning up!" Hook cried out in agitation. He seemed to take in just what Emma's surroundings truly were, a murderously angry look glinting in his blue eyes.

"What was Damien thinking?! Locking a child up in here?!"

"That's just it. He wasn't." Hook said in a sour tone, gathering Emma up into his arms. She was too frozen to truly respond, curling in on herself even once Hook lifted her up off the floor. She was carried out the room, carried out onto the still wet deck. Pirates were everywhere, putting the ship to rights. Even the sails were being let out, the canvas billowing in the now gentle breeze.

Hook didn't waste time on addressing the stares of his crew, instead rushing Emma to his own private cabin. Smee was hot on his heels, the two men working together without a single word spoken. Emma found herself set down on the floor, Hook wrapping a blanket around her, while Smee ran into the bathroom. Sounds of the shower was heard, Emma being given a drink, and then they were pushing her into the bathroom, Hook ordering her to disrobe and get in the shower.

Before Emma could do much more than blink stupidly at him, the pirates had left, the girl standing there shaking, cold and hot at the same time. She was understandable nervous to take off her clothes, not trusting anyone, not even Hook, to go that far. But the hot shower beckoned, Emma moving towards it, dropping the blanket, and clambering into the stall with her clothes still on.

She sighed in relief at finally feeling a little warm, the hot shower chasing away some of her chill. She stood basking under the spray of water, sneezing again, and then again, until she was having a fit, the room spinning, Emma dizzy and leaning against the wall. Sick with the cold, burning up from a fever, Emma closed her eyes, as she slid down to the floor. The water continued to gently fall over her, and Emma couldn't keep conscious any longer, barely able to move enough to crawl out of the stall.

What happened next was all a blur, Emma vaguely aware of voices. They were concerned, and there was anger too, Hook angry over something, or at someone. She was too sick to wonder, too sick to focus, Emma slipping in and out of conscious, barely aware of anything, anyone. She was like that for hours, maybe days, the sea fever and chills having taken strong hold of her.

Sometimes she was aware enough to make out Hook's worried expression, the captain and Smee both taking turns sitting with her, trying to nurse her through the worst of her illness. But mostly Emma just maintained a fitful sleep, restlessly turning, endlessly moaning. How long she was like this, Emma couldn't say, but eventually her fever broke, the chills went away. She was still sick, but Emma was no longer at death's door, the girl's eyes fluttering open.

Her gasp was pronounced, a sharp exhalation of air. Fir Emma had found herself not in the ship's treasure hold, but in what had to be the most comfortable bed she had ever had the privilege to sleep in. It was like nothing from her foster home experiences, and it was nothing like her alcove back at the tree house. And it was a world's way apart from sleeping on bedding on the cold, hard floor of the ship.

It was in fact the captain's bed, Emma situated squarely in the middle of it. The shock of finding herself in Hook's bed, was enough to get Emma shaking off her lethargy, the girl sitting upright, and gasping again. Because she wasn't wearing her clothes, the green tunic replaced by a long silk nightshirt. A MAN"S nightshirt, and wasn't Emma turning red, as she vaguely recalled Hook laying hands on her, stripping the girl of her soaked clothing, putting her in one of his shirts, then bundling her up in his blanket strewn bed.

But that wasn't the only memory she had, Emma experiencing her vague recollections from the times she had been lucid. Of Hook sitting with her, holding her hand, or reading to her. Of Hook and Smee taking turns putting cold cloths on her, trying to break the worst of her fever. Of Smee trying to feed her, Emma only taking sparing spoonfuls of porridge. And most of all the worry in both men faces, Hook looked broken by the pitiful sight of Emma nearly dying.

The hurt feelings she had had, the anger and confusion, the bitter disappointments had died with her fever, Emma again daring to believe. In Hook, and in the kind of man he was, the girl certain he hadn't done anything more, that his hand hadn't lingered inappropriately, that he hadn't touched her in a way that would have made her uncomfortable. Emma was certain she hadn't been molested, and what's more, she was amazed by that fact, Hook so unlike any other adult she had ever known, not acting to take advantage.

His behavior towards her, his restraint had made their impression, Emma's heart swelling with deep emotion. She found herself touching the front of her shirt, lifting the collar up, so she could sniff at it. It smelled mostly like her, but there was the faint clean scent of Hook there too, mingling with hers, creating something uniquely pleasing. Emma smiled to herself, and it was an expression that would have startled her had the girl looked into a mirror. Because that secret smile expressed, held a grown woman's satisfaction, Emma caught firmly in the grip of her first enduring crush.

[lotornomiko]

The Shattered Dream Of Innocence Chapter Eighteen

Brand spanking new summary!

Adults can’t be trusted, Emma Swan knows this first hand. They lie and they hurt, and act with an evil that leads to all kind of ruin. They shatter dreams and destroy innocence, and more than not trusting them, Emma has never wanted to grow up to be just like them. Never once tempted, never once dreaming, she’s about to find out that becoming an adult is not just inevitable, it’s a fate that just might be worth dying for.

This unavoidable state, this end to her childhood? It comes in the form of a storm dark pirate named Captain Hook. Through her encounters with the pirate, Emma’s about to learn it all, the joys and the sorrows of being an adult, the heartbreak and elation of letting go. There’s a choice to be made here, a future that might just be worth reaching for, if her friends and her family don’t tear her apart. If HE doesn’t tear apart, the demon known as Peter Pan willing to go to just about ANY length to keep her….

As of 2/15/2018 currently going over it, to correct a few typos, and do some overhaul and rewriting, to hopefully get Arc Two finally started! A Hook Emma pairing….some triggers may apply…M rating that will get a little more explicit over time….

Emma remembered the second she had seen him stumble, the moment that she had made the conscious decision to go to him. She had laid her hands on the pirate, actually tried to lend him what support she could, inwardly hurting at the thought that this powerful man had been rendered so weak because of her. She had been terrified too, afraid for him, afraid for herself, not wanting to watch him die, not wanting to admit that the chance of it had existed. She had found herself caring, impressed by Hook, by his concern. Touched by it, by a feeling that had taken root in her heart, some undeniable emotion that went beyond a wary gratitude.

The lines had now blurred between them, Emma seeing Hook with different eyes. He was no longer just her captor, but a champion, protecting Emma in his own ruthless way. She could no longer believe he was the heartless monster Peter had painted him out to be. Hook simply cared too much, risked too much to see to Emma's safety, and she couldn't, WOULDN'T believe he did so out of ulterior motives.

Believing in Hook in a way she had never ever believed in an adult before, Emma had almost wanted to cry, convinced that she was now losing him. He had been making strange comments, and seeming to drift in and out of the conversation, Emma having to call out to him several times to bring him back to it. She had been desperate to keep him awake, and had meant it when she had told him anything, too busy scrambling for the drink he had wanted, to even wonder at what she had offered.

But she had done so much later, her face turning red. Embarrassed by it, by the word she had spoken, Emma knowing how dangerous the promise of anything could be, and instinctively now trusting that Hook wasn't that kind of man. He had become special, in a class all his own, and Emma had no other adult to compare him to. Him or the feeling that had burrowed it's way into her heart.

Having no name for it, or the complex of emotions it was making her feel, an immense sense of relief was packed on them the moment that Smee had come barreling into the cabin. Not even his furious shout could have frightened Emma, the girl having recognize the sound for what it really was. Worry, not anger, and then Smee was barking out orders, his voice so authorative, that Emma had not only responded, but had dared believe things might turn out right after all.

The hope back in her heart, some of the worst of Emma's fear had receded. Believing in Smee's ability to help, to make things right for Hook, Emma was blind sided anew by her complex feelings, lured into a flustered kind of shock at the sight of Hook's shirt tearing. The gruesome sight of his shoulder, she had barely taken notice of, Emma eyes giving him a slow once over, lingering on his muscled firmness, the sweat slicked pale skin, and the many rivulets of red that seemed to lovingly caress the lines of his body.

One line in particular she had followed, the blood tracing a path down his abdomen, lower and lower, and it was like nothing she had ever seen, Emma's gaze admiring. Bloodied and cut as he was, Hook had also been magnificent, Emma looking at his injuries like a badge of honor, the wounds the physical proof of his protection of her.

Awed by it, by him, Emma had still turned a mortified red upon realization that the men had noticed her staring. After that she had barely been able to look at Hook, every glance she did take stolen. She had spent so much time trying not to look, that it wasn't until Hook had made a sound, that Emma had realized Smee's care was hurting him. It was a realization that gave Emma courage, that made her reach out to Hook despite her embarrassment. Her shaking fingers had found his, Emma again trying to lend the pirate support through the warmth of her touch.

The minutes that had followed seem both a blur, and explicitly detailed, Emma aware of the needle, of the way it had been threaded through Hook's skin. And of the pirate, Hook talking, apologizing for something he had had no need to be sorry for. A spark ignited inside her, Emma fierce in response to Hook's sorry. And fiercer yet when Smee had ordered her to leave. Prepared to argue, to stubbornly make a stand, it wasn't just gratitude that had made Emma want to stay, but a desperate need. A need that almost won out, despite Smee's attempts to bully and scare her.

Embarrassed anew at just the thought of Hook bathing, Emma had all but run out the room. And had regretted it ever since. Because she hadn't known what had happened after, how Hook was truly doing, needing to confirm his state of being with her own eyes. She had wanted more than just to look at him, she had wanted to be there to help, to soothe and to comfort him. Most of all she had wanted to thank him, to let Hook know just how grateful she was, and again assert that there was nothing that he should be regretting.

She hadn't gotten a chance to do any of it. Once out of the room, the way back had been barred, Smee refusing to allow Emma so much as even a peek at Hook. She had had only his word to go on, and Emma hadn't been able to trust enough to believe in Smee's claims, wanting, needing to see that Hook was on the way to mending with her own eyes.

Denied that, the night had been pure torture, Emma upset and worried, trying the door, pacing, unable to sleep, unable to even try. Wound up tight with her tension, her guilt and her fears weighing Emma down, she had barraged Smee with questions upon his return.

"The captain's just resting." Was all Smee would truly say, but Emma had read the worry in his eyes. Read it and responded, panicking, convinced Hook was still on his way to dying, and it wasn't until later, until after the morning's meal, when the cabin door opened, and Hook stood revealed, that Emma had finally given herself permission to feel something other than that negative, worrisome energy.

Relief making her go almost limp with it, Emma had still enough energy to give a small smile to Hook. It was a shy curving of the lips, Emma so overwhelmed from it all, she had been about to run to Hook. She had wanted to laugh and to cry, to shout in triumph, to maybe even dance. But then it had registered, the thing that was missing, Hook's smile that normally came so easily to him, gone from his face. Emma's heart lurched, the girl assuming that Hook was mad at her. Suddenly everything was in doubt, Emma thinking him angry, blaming her for what had happened, for what had almost killed him.

Not recognizing the guilt in his heart, Emma was incapable of understanding the look in Hook's eyes. Hurt by it, by the rejection that she thought Hook had given her, Emma abruptly turned from him. Bitter tears burned at her eyes, Emma's posture stiff as she made her way to the railing of the ship. Her hands curved around that smooth wood, Emma's grip going white knuckled as she willed herself not to cry.

Around her, the crew was busy, actively making a point to not look. At her, or at Hook, but they were paying attention in a roundabout way, voices hushed with distracted conversation, as the pirates waited to see what if any new drama would unfold. Instinctively knowing all ears were tuned to what words would be spoken, Emma was pleased her own voice did little to betray her.

"Did you sleep well?" It was not the question that she had wanted to ask, but it was the only concern she could truly voice. Smee had made it clear how much danger they were all in, how much trouble would be brought down on their heads, should the crew be made aware of how grave Hook's injuries had been. And with not even a full day's rest awarded him, Hook wouldn't survive another mutiny.

Hook's answer was not immediate, as though he was considering what to tell her. Emma wondered why he complicated things, why a simple yes or no answer could not be voiced.

"As well as can be expected." He finally said. The potential for hidden meanings were there, and he was too difficult to read, Emma fisting the railing in her frustration.

"Good." She said in a clipped tone, watching as his shadow approached hers. And then it was swallowed, the two mingling, Hook standing so close that Emma could smell the clean scent of him over the salty breeze of the sea.

When she risked a glance at him, her body brushed the side of his, Emma feeling his warmth, the silk of his shirt, and the way that his body flinched. She saw his reaction, his jaw clenching in response. Not knowing what to make of it, not knowing if she had hurt him, or if Hook was rejecting her again, Emma's own expression became angry.

"If that is all..." She began to say, not knowing what would be better. His anger voiced outright, or hidden, Emma knowing either way it was tearing her up just a little to suspect Hook was tired of her. The idea of it made her furious, but most of all it made her sad, Emma having grown used to his teasing, to his smiles, to the attention he had paid her. It hurt something awful to think it had all changed, that he had changed, his feelings and manner no longer playful, Hook serious and brooding, and held a worlds away apart from her.

"Emma, wait." Hook stopped her with a touch, a gentle grasping of her arm. She stared down at his hand there, at the electrifying point of contact that had set her off shaking. Fear, anticipation, Emma was torn on what to feel, what to think, and then he was letting go, reaching for something from the now approaching pirate, Mason.

Her curiosity made her stay, her expression turning puzzled to see the collapsible telescope in Hook's hand. Her brow furrowed with her confusion, Emma not at all understanding what Hook wanted her to do, or why.

"Just what is it you want me to see?" Emma asked, making no move to take the telescope from him.

"Neverland." Was his simple answer. She only frowned in response, shaking her head no. "Emma, please."

"What is the point?" She demanded, crossing her arms over her chest. "We both know what Neverland already looks like!"

"I know what it looks like to me." He muttered in reply.

"What is that supposed to mean?!" She cried out, then let out an exasperated sound. "There you go again, being cryptic. Hinting at a million things, yet saying nothing. I can't stand it! I can't!"

"Emma." Hook's turn to sigh.

"Look..." She said, interrupting him. "I am glad you are..." A hesitation, Emma remembering to guard her words at the last possible second. "Rested. But I am NOT. I am not in the mood for games, or for questions you won't answer."

For one satisfying moment, Hook was shocked, Emma taking advantage to slip away. The distance she put between them soured her small victory, her every step taking her further and further away, and he wasn't coming after her, hadn't even made a move to try.

Hook watched her go, took note of the stiff way that she held herself, the proud determination that she flaunted. Emma didn't turn around one single time, her hands forming little fists at her sides, hinting at the tension inside. She was upset, and he didn't understand it, didn't know what had caused it, the overly concerned girl of yesterday suddenly so hurt and so angry that Hook wondered if he had imagined that earlier smile.

Confused by it, by her, Hook could only maintain a bewildered impression, watching as Emma disappeared below deck.

"Women are strange creatures." An awkward Mason said from behind him. Hook immediately made him regret that, the captain spinning around so fast, Mason had no time to react. His hook was at Mason's throat, the blue eye captain snarling.

"She's not yet a woman, and don't you be forgetting that!" Aware of the attention of his crew, Hook raised his voice to a loud bellow. "That goes for all of you!"

"Yes, captain!" Came the uneasy chorus. Hook glared, and spat a curse, then stalked away from Mason. He could hear the relieved sigh that the pirate let out, Hook almost envying Mason for his so easily resolved troubles. But there was no easy fixes for what ailed Hook, the pirate bothered by Emma, by all of today's behavior, and the fact that he still had no answer to his most pressing question.

Not knowing how else to get it, how else to force her to look and tell him what she saw, Hook angrily set aside the telescope on top of a closed barrel. He then made his way not to the mess hall, but the galley behind it, seeking out the man who was not only the ship's best cook, but Hook's closest confidante.

"Smee."

"Ah, captain!" Smee's expression brightened, though his relieved smile paled in comparison to the shy curving of Emma Swan's lips. "It's good to see you up and about after...well you know."

Hook nodded with a sigh. "I wish I could share in that sentiment."

Smee was already preparing a plate, piling on a heaping helping of the lunch's stew. "Oh?" he raised a white colored eyebrow at Hook. "Did something happen?"

"Anything more than what already has?" Hook asked in a wry tone of voice. Smee let out a sigh, a subtle expression of his disapproval. "She smiled at me, Smee." A tsk of sound was heard, but otherwise Smee was without comment. "And then she refused to look at Neverland."

The pirate captain stared down at the plate Smee set in front of him, his ravenous stomach not caring that Hook felt too disturbed to eat.

"I suppose it doesn't matter." Hook continued, wishing he could convince himself that it was true. "The signs are all already there...."

"That they unfortunately are." agreed Smee, and his voice became equally as grave. "She was worried about you, you know. Spent the whole night unable to sleep, spent every chance badgering me with questions, trying to sneak in to see you."

Hook wished he could be touched by her concern. Instead it was just further proof that Emma was changing, that Hook was going to be the death of her. "Maybe you were right, Smee."

"Oh? About what?"

"About distancing myself from her." But Hook knew no amount of distance would matter, the change still happening, her fate like so many of the other lost ones inescapable.

"It'll hurt less if you do."

He had no reply to that, a listless depression settling around him like a cloak. It was an old, familiar foe, the depression walking hand in hand with the grief he had had to endure over the years. Glum faced, Hook stared down at the stew, barely paying attention to Smee's attempt at chatter.

"I've been making subtle inquiries." Smee was saying. "But so far it seemed that Rauol acted alone." The older man made a scoffing sound. "Bunch of filthy opportunists, quick to reap the rewards, but turn tail at all the troubles."

"I'm worried about what he said though, what thoughts that gypsy bastard put into the crews head." continued Smee. "The way he was talking...

"The yearning to leave this place is nothing new to the crew." Hook was quick to point out.

"That may be, but Rauol was putting a new spin on old ideas!" Smee protested. "The whispers that I've heard, the things that he wanted to do to the Indian Tribes....It's got the men excited."

"They can entertain such thoughts all they want, but we ALL know how difficult Tiger Lily's people would make things." Hook retorted. "You saw how they reacted when we had just their princess, the terrible price they exacted on us, that we still pay to this day. They'd slaughter us all before they'd let us make slaves of them, and any of my crew who think otherwise, are as big a fool as that damn gypsy!"

"Fools they may be, but they are desperate and dangerous ones!" Smee cautioned. "Maybe you should..."

"I should what?" Interrupted Hook with a snort. "Try to resume negotiations with that obstinate brave Tiger Lily calls father? After what we tried to force him to do? After we took his daughter, and tried to use her as hostage to start a war?"

"Well when you put it that way..." Smee looked discouraged. "It does seem hopeless."

"Many things do, here in Neverland." Hook grumbled, pushing the plate away without taking one bite of the stew. Smee was quick to push it back, insisting that Hook eat, telling him that his body needed the nourishment now most of all.

Mumbling complaints around mouthfuls of stew, Hook only had to force the first few bites down. Then his hunger took over, Hook turning greedy. Wolfing down the stew, and going for seconds. It wasn't until after, when he was leaning back with a mug of whiskey in hand, that Hook bothered to thank Smee for all he had done.

"I just wish I could do more." Smee murmured, expression downcast. "When I think of the young miss, and the others like her..."

Owen and a dozen other faces flashed through Hook's mind, the children he hadn't been able to save. Their memories hurt, but not as much as Emma's would, Hook finding the connection between them special. For one second he allowed himself to think, to wonder at what kind of woman she'd be. The word extraordinary came to mind, and it didn't all have to do with how she might look, but with the spirit that she already possessed.

Already one of the fiercest little flames he had ever known, Emma's spirit matured would have the strength to invoke change in all those around her. She was an impacting force, a dazzling beam of sunshine, burning brighter and brighter, and Peter Pan was going to snuff her all out. Hook could only hope Pan wouldn't make him watch, the pirate already so impotent with an inability to do anything, his heart breaking just a little more, until there was nothing left, Hook splintered apart by his grief.

Unable to cry, unable to stay silent, Hook snarled and threw the mug down. It made a satisfying crash, shattering apart against the floor.

"Captain!" Smee cried out, but Hook was already leaving, stalking out into the hall. The few pirates that dawdled there, took one look at their captain's face, then wisely busied themselves elsewhere. Hook flipped over a bench, set to trashing the room, when he abruptly stopped. He did an about face, Hook heading below deck, seeking out the hold, and finding an exhausted Emma asleep amongst the treasure. She was curled up on the bedding Smee had given her, blanket wrapped around her like a cocoon.

Hook knelt down beside her, his trembling fingers hovering over her right cheek. Unable to close the distance, unable to walk away, Hook muttering out many sorrys before Smee finally dragged him away.

[lotornomiko]

The Shattered Dream Of Innocence Chapter Fifteen

Brand spanking new summary!

Adults can’t be trusted, Emma Swan knows this first hand. They lie and they hurt, and act with an evil that leads to all kind of ruin. They shatter dreams and destroy innocence, and more than not trusting them, Emma has never wanted to grow up to be just like them. Never once tempted, never once dreaming, she’s about to find out that becoming an adult is not just inevitable, it’s a fate that just might be worth dying for.

This unavoidable state, this end to her childhood? It comes in the form of a storm dark pirate named Captain Hook. Through her encounters with the pirate, Emma’s about to learn it all, the joys and the sorrows of being an adult, the heartbreak and elation of letting go. There’s a choice to be made here, a future that might just be worth reaching for, if her friends and her family don’t tear her apart. If HE doesn’t tear apart, the demon known as Peter Pan willing to go to just about ANY length to keep her….

As of 2/15/2018 currently going over it, to correct a few typos, and do some overhaul and rewriting, to hopefully get Arc Two finally started! A Hook Emma pairing….some triggers may apply…M rating that will get a little more explicit over time….

And for those curious, the old summary:

Old Summary: There are consequences to growing up. Emma Swan knows this well. And yet she finds herself tempted, and all because of a meeting that had been inevitable. A meeting with a certain pirate captain, the infamous Hook. Emmas about to find the joys and the sorrows of growing up, as well as learn just how far Peter Pan will go to keep her. Hook Emma pairing. AU

Like the beauties of legend, Emma Swan was already an extraordinary amount of pretty for her age. Raoul could easily imagine her as a princess, but fortunately for him, Emma wasn't one, destined to not be locked away in a tower by some over protective parents. Less fortunate was what he had to actually contend with, Raoul conscious of Hook's threat, and the man's intent to carry it out. Hook was very much like a dragon guarding it's treasure, ready to snap jaws and bite off the head of any who dared trespass against what he had deemed his.

Of course Hook hadn't exactly claimed the girl for himself, had he? He had put her under his protection, but then had done little if anything to actually trigger the change in her. He probably never would, at least not on purpose, Hook trying to be noble around the girl. Trying to save her from the fate she would be delivered into should Emma grow up. That fate at Peter Pan's hands was enough to make even the gypsy hesitate over what he was contemplating doing, Rauol far from heartless though he was lonely. Starved for female companionship, and all that entailed.

It wasn't as though Rauol wanted Emma to grow up so he could watch her die. Nor was he thinking to risk her life to satisfy the most primal of his needs. But he was wanting her, was actively flirting even as he made plans for an ambition that was greater than just having Emma Swan in his bed.

Pleasant as that thought was, Rauol's ultimate goal was split into two things. Getting the pirates back to the Enchanted Realm, and taking the leadership of the Jolly Roger from Hook himself. Such was Hook's skill with the sword, that to become captain in his stead actually seemed the more difficult feat, though Rauol didn't have any better idea on how to actually leave Neverland than Captain Hook had. What he did have ideas on, was on how to improve life for the pirates, and that including correcting the wrongs Tiger Lily's people had dealt them. With his intent the total enslavement of thosr tribes, Rauol knew the pirates would so appreciate the things they would have access to, and that included the women there, that they would not only embrace him as their new leader, but gladly allow him sole use of Emma Swan.

Greedy for her and the future he saw within reach, a future where the Jolly Roger pirates were welcomed back to their home realm as men rich beyond the wildest dreams of kings, Raoul had no idea of the trouble that was about to head his way. Instead he was enjoying his own private celebration, though Rauol was careful to drink only enough to chase away the worst of his hangover. He wasn't the only one to be doing this, but neither was the mess hall crowded with pirates. Not when there was so much work to be done, the days that followed a successful hunt even busier than normal as many of the crew set to work carving up, and preserving the meats, and making use of the animal's hide and other parts.

With so much to be done, from manning the ship, to brewing their beer, to running repairs, the majority of the crew was split below deck and top, with only five present to run Smee ragged refilling their mugs. The oldest of the pirates, and a person who would have been deemed the least likely to have ever been made a swashbuckler, Smee existed not only on their captain's tolerance, but because of his cooking skills. Smee was a man who practically worked magic in the kitchen, and his loyalty to Hook spoke wonders of the man's character, as did his almost obsessive need to keep the ship clean and in tip top shape. The traits though admired, wouldn't save Smee from Rauol's sword, should the older man refuse to abandon his loyalty to the soon to be dead captain.

For now though, Smee was safe. Was actually blissfully unaware of Rauol's intentions. Unlike the pirate Damien, who knew of Raoul's ambitions, and actually supported his bid to become captain. The greasy haired blonde was ready for a change, and felt many of the crew were too, so many of the pirates sick of Neverland and longing for home. To Damien, Rauol was a far better bet of that than of Hook, everyone well aware that so long as the current captain's revenge continued to elude him, the pirates would NEVER get home.

Discontent, mutiny was a thought never far from many of the pirates' minds though few if any had what it took to stand firm against Captain Hook's prowess and skill in a fight, let alone the ability to hold onto the leadership on their own. Damien like so many others, knew that even if by some miracle he was to kill Hook, he'd stand little chance against the pirates that would come after him in challenge for the captain's cap. But Rauol was a different story, strong, capable, and almost as well liked as Hook had once been.

With all these odds in Rauol's favors, with home so close that the pirate Damien could taste it, the greasy haired blonde couldn't understand why the gypsy was now recklessly endangering himself. Yes, Damien grudgingly acknowledged that Emma was a pretty girl for her age, and yes they had all gone too long without female companionship. But if Rauol would wait just a little longer, he'd have his pick of not only the entire tribe of Indian females, but would be able to have his pick of women once back in the Enchanted Realm.

Instead here Rauol was, disregarding all that, letting his desires split their focus, and Damien thought him a fool! A God's honest fool, and he told him as much in between angry swigs of the sour drink that passed as the pirate's whiskey.

Rauol for his part, took the insult in good stride, not bothering to stifle his laugh as his mug stilled a few inches from his face. Damien couldn't help but grumble in response, thinking Rauol acted with the confidence of a man who had already won. A trait he might have once admired, but at the moment that cocky swagger only grated on Damien's nerves.

"You worry too much, my friend." Reclined on his chair, it tilted back, Raoul's feet propped up on the table despite Smee's earlier protests. The gypsy looked completely relaxed, a content smile curving his lips as he looked directly into Damien's glowering face.

"And you aren't worrying enough." Damien hissed in a loud whisper. He was conscious of Smee, of how the man was scrubbing down a table on the far side of the room. "What are you thinking?!" He continued in that loud whispering tone. "Being so foolish as to...."

"It is not foolish to go after what one wants." Rauol interrupted, his smile curving further. Giving the gypsy the appearance of a cat who had already caught and eaten a canary.

"It is when it will upset everything!" Damien snapped. "You know what Hook will do. If he finds out..."

"IF he finds out, I am prepared."

"Are you really?" asked Damien, the doubt evident in his voice. He wasn't appeased by Rauol's nod, Damien's mouth frowning. "You're not just risking yourself. You're risking all of us. And for what?! A girl who will last a night, maybe two in your bed before that demon comes for her?!"

"My interest in that girl goes beyond a mere night or two." Rauol retorted, but some of that happy, relaxed air about him had gone. Replaced by a tension in his face, his brown eyes dark with whatever worry he might have where Emma was concerned.

"You think to what? Cut a deal with Pan?" Damien scoffed. "What could you possibly have to give him?" Raoul gave a slight shrug of his shoulders, which nearly caused Damien to explode with his anger. "You don't even have a plan for that eventuality! You let your desire for that girl not only blind you, you are letting it jeopardize everything else!"

"Not quite." Rauol muttered, just before he took a swig of his drink. "Are you forgetting desire is power here in Neverland?"

Damien stiffened. "I have not!" His mouth twisted in a grimace, as though he had tasted something foul. "Do you mean to pit your desires against Hook's own? Now? When you know no one craves anything more than he for his revenge?! A desire that has lent him strength for three hundred years, and allowed him to be absolutely ruthless in it's pursuit?!"

"His desire isn't as strong as you think." Rauol countered calmly. "He lets what happens to the lost ones trouble him." Rauol snorted. "He deludes himself into thinking he'll be able to walk away when all is said and done. As if he can live with abandoning them and others like them to Pan." Derision colored the gypsy's face. "He lets conflicting desires weaken him..."

"I could say the same about you!" exclaimed Damien just a little too loud. It had drawn Smee's attention, the older man looking over at the two pirates with a frown on his face. Damien felt real panic that Smee might have heard and understood what was being said, the pirate reaching for the dagger on his hip.

"Think before you use that." Rauol cautioned. "Hook will notice if Smee disappears."

Damien's hand paused, his expression a tortured one. He felt like the walls were closing in, as if everything he had been planning for was not only close to falling apart, they had already started. Resentment colored his eyes, Damien glaring at Rauol, hating him in this moment, and hating the child that had set all this trouble into motion.

"He'll notice more what you are trying to do with that child!"

"The girl hasn't said a word to him about me." Rauol spoke again with that now infuriating confidence.

"Not yet, you mean." Damien retorted. "Rauol please, abandon this madness. Before you cause us all to lose everything."

"No." A simply but firm answer, Rauol back to drinking from his mug. Damien's hand tensed, waiting to reach for the dagger, wanting to plunge it into Rauol, again and again. Maybe he would have done it too, consequences be damned. Maybe if Damien could think of any other pirate among the captain's crew that was strong enough and fit enough to not only lead, but defeat Hook in a fight, he really would have. But options as always were severely limited here in Neverland, and the pirates needed a leader. One who was strong and liked, and most importantly one who could keep control of them to stop the pirates from killing themselves in a fight for supremacy. Hook might not be as liked as he once had been, but he was still able to rule over his crew, and keep them under his control.

For that, Damien gave the current captain a grudging respect. Because Damien had learned through his dealings with Rauol, how hard it was to control ONE pirate, never mind how difficult it must be to control a whole group of them.

"Rauol, Rauol..." sighed Damien in a chiding manner. "What are you doing....why do you trouble me so?"

"What is life without a little trouble?" Rauol asked with a grin. The words came back to bite him in the ass, the door to the mess hall slamming open. Rauol didn't even have time to get his feet off the table, his tilting chair crashing to the floor, as the gypsy was knocked flat on his ass by the right hand of Captain Hook.

"You were saying?!" Damien muttered softly under his breath. He was a mix of feelings, an odd satisfaction to see the too confidant gypsy struck, yet also full of fear because the time of reckoning had surely arrived.

"Captain!" Came the surprised sounding voice of Smee, his cleaning forgotten as he turned to watch the drama about to unfold. He wasn't the only one, the three other pirates that had been loafing about at a nearby table, also turned, one actually standing though he made no move to help Hook OR Rauol.

The gypsy for his part, looked completely shocked. To the point he had forgotten to let go of his now empty mug, the remains of his drink soaked into his shirt as Raoul lay the on his back on the floor.

"On your feet!" Hook ordered, and Rauol just blinked at him. Damien who had stood just as Rauol fell, noticed what Hook had not, the girl Emma inching her way into the room. He suppressed a groan at the sight of her, knowing what this signified. She had to have told Hook about Rauol's flirtations, and now a reckoning was about to unfold.

Damien had time to think that they, that Rauol in particular, wasn't at all ready for this fight. And neither did the other pirates in the room, no one so much as laying odds in Rauol's favor, given how angry Hook was.

"Get up!" Hook snarled. "Get up, or the next time I strike you, it will be with my hook and not my fist."

That spurred Rauol into action, the gypsy scrambling to his feet. But he didn't look as panicked as Damien felt, but neither did he have the cocky swagger he had exhibited earlier.

"Captain, what is this about?!" That from Smee, the older pirate not often one for violence, especially in the part of the ship he considered part of his domain. That domain wasn't only the kitchen, but the dining area attached to it, Smee mostly likely worried about any blood he would have to clean up.

"Smee, you've been part of this crew long enough to know when a rule has been broken."

"Oh. Oh my." Smee said, looking not at the pirate who had answered his question, but towards the girl that was quietly watching the drama unfolding in the room.

"And what rule is that?" Rauol asked, trying to feign an innocence that didn't succeed due to the annoyance in his eyes.

"Don't play stupid Rauol. I was clear in my orders that the girl was to be left alone." Hook's angry energy seemed to grow stronger, the man hardly able to keep from launching himself towards the gypsy. "And what would happen if anyone tried to...trigger the change in her."

"It's very noble of you to be so concerned." But Rauol was sneering as he said it. "But she can't remain a child forever."

"That is not something you can decide!"

"Neither can you!" Rauol snapped, and pointed at Hook. "You know what you've put into motion in keeping her here. And all the rules and threats won't do a damn thing in stopping it!" Damien glanced at Hook's face, saw how the man's skin actually lost some of his color. He looked shaken enough by Rauol's words, that Damien almost gave himself permission to hope the odds were in the gypsy's favor.

"Just because it can't be stopped, doesn't mean we should encourage it to happen any faster!" Was Hook's argument.

"And why shouldn't we? Why shouldn't I?"

"It's wrong!" snapped Hook.

"Wrong in whose eyes?! Yours?" Rauol scoffed, placing his hands on his hips in such a way that he would be able to draw the sword resting there. "We are pirates in case you have forgotten. Lawless and without morals. We do what we want, take what we want, and there's never been a reason to hesitate before you developed a conscience!"

"Rauol!" Snarled Smee, looking like he wanted to fling his dirty dishrag at the gypsy's head.

"You hold us back. Stop us from doing what is in our nature. You waste time when you should be finding a way for us to go home, and if that can't be accomplished, you could at least see about making us as comfortable as possible in this land."

"We've survived haven't we?!" Hook demanded. But the look on his face showed he had realized there was more going on here than just Rauol's interest in young Emma Swan.

"It's not enough!" Rauol shouted. "It is NEVER enough, and if you can't see that, then..." Quick as a wolf, Rauol had drawn his sword, the metal scraping loudly in warning. Rauol didn't bother to finished his statement, didn't wait for a reply from Hook. Instead he was lunging forward, sword slashing in a diagonal arc meant to tear open Hook from shoulder to hip.

"Captain!" Smee gasped, and the other pirates shouted, while Damien held his breath. Even Emma Swan seemed to gasp, her hands flying to her mouth to stifle the worst of her shrieks.

A loud clang, and sparks followed, the captain's hook catching the blade. Both men glared, cursed and then pulled apart, Rauol turning with his body, to swing harder with his weapon. Hook was already drawing his sword, bringing it forward to meet and parry Rauol's attack. What hope Damien felt, now expired, the man thinking there was no way now for the gypsy to win against Hook and his sword.

[lotornomiko]

Not sure if this counts as a writing rant or a sleep rant...

Probably both...

Mostly upset cause I didn’t even manage a full four hours of sleep. Not just cause it means I’ll not be at my best mentally.....but cause I feel like the lack of sleep interferes with my ability to write well...especially on such a troublesome chapter. Right now I can’t bear to even look at chapter twenty four as it now exists. @_@

But I am determined to figure it out....to not only rewrite it from scratch, but better focus on Hook and Emma’s feelings. I did try in the original 24, but I think that is why I am partly so hugely disatisfied. I didn’t explore well enough the feelings that each one should be having. I hope I can do this....hope I can rewrite chapter 24 to be something I can be happy with.

There’s also the upset that it felt like the fic was trying to derail me from what I wanted to do with it for so long. @_@

[lotornomiko]

The Shattered Dream Of Innocence Chapter Thirteen

Brand spanking new summary!

Adults can’t be trusted, Emma Swan knows this first hand. They lie and they hurt, and act with an evil that leads to all kind of ruin. They shatter dreams and destroy innocence, and more than not trusting them, Emma has never wanted to grow up to be just like them. Never once tempted, never once dreaming, she’s about to find out that becoming an adult is not just inevitable, it’s a fate that just might be worth dying for.

This unavoidable state, this end to her childhood? It comes in the form of a storm dark pirate named Captain Hook. Through her encounters with the pirate, Emma’s about to learn it all, the joys and the sorrows of being an adult, the heartbreak and elation of letting go. There’s a choice to be made here, a future that might just be worth reaching for, if her friends and her family don’t tear her apart. If HE doesn’t tear apart, the demon known as Peter Pan willing to go to just about ANY length to keep her….

As of 2/15/2018 currently going over it, to correct a few typos, and do some overhaul and rewriting, to hopefully get Arc Two finally started! A Hook Emma pairing….some triggers may apply…M rating that will get a little more explicit over time….

And for those curious, the old summary:

Old Summary: There are consequences to growing up. Emma Swan knows this well. And yet she finds herself tempted, and all because of a meeting that had been inevitable. A meeting with a certain pirate captain, the infamous Hook. Emmas about to find the joys and the sorrows of growing up, as well as learn just how far Peter Pan will go to keep her. Hook Emma pairing. AU

Of course the details had been haze, enough time passing for the boy, that Owen had forgotten the details of his home of origin, and whatever situation he might have faced there. Emma however hadn't, the look that came to her eyes whenever she became worried, or felt threatened, proving as much. It was a wonder that she was able to look upon Neverland and see exactly what Pan wanted. It was a downright miracle that Emma hadn't lost her child's sense of wonder. Because abuse did things to children, made them view the world differently, made them grow up faster. And Emma was already showing a wisdom the likes of which only harsh lessons would have granted to one so young. Lessons Hook himself knew, and had still ignored, until Emma bit out a harsh reminder for him.

"We each have our own private burdens to bear." She had said. "Neither one of us needs to be weighted down with the addition of one another.”

She was right, but it didn't make it any easier to accept! Smee would accuse him of being foolhardy, would say Hook was ignoring, maybe even forgetting the lessons lthey had all earned at Peter Pan's hands. The lessons spilt in the life's blood of Owen and other children like him. Even with knowing that, remembering it, Hook wasn't sure how to switch off his heart, how to keep from becoming invested in Emma and her well being. In allowing her to remain on his ship, Hook inevitably tied them together, the man curious, downright drawn to her and the pained air she had about her.

Which just left him thinking he was a glutton for misery. Because what else was he inviting but that, Hook knowing he wasn't going to be able to save her. Not from her past, and not from Pan, and it was a small miracle that he and his pirates hadn't done any further damage to her. Not yet at least, though Hook was aware of the way things could go wrong, how easily it would be for one slip up to send Emma along the path to growing up.

It was inevitable, it WOULD happen though Hook would fight to keep it from happening while Emma was aboard his ship. His task would be a lot easier if only Hook wasn't so curious about her, about everything she said and did not, the girl reluctant to truly share anything about herself. But what she didn't say might speak even louder than some of what she did, and Hook couldn't seem to get his thoughts out of this pattern!

Worried that his tormented inner thoughts was showing on his face, Hook still couldn't stop staring at Emma. He saw her worry at her lip, teeth biting at that flesh, the girl fidgeting in place as she considered his last question to her. He supposed it was answer enough, the girl's instincts most likely screaming warnings about him to her. Warnings she'd be right to listen to, because no good could come to Emma of her continued association with Hook.

Wondering if Emma would be strong where he was weak, Hook's smile was sad, almost bitter as he got up off the steps. She was watching him, wary as always, but not to the point she had backed up. His intent wasn't on her for once, Hook getting down on one knee, busying himself with the remains of the broken bowls. One had shattered almost completely upon impact with the deck of the Jolly Roger, but the other hadn't fared so badly. A bit of a glue, and it would be as good as new, Hook using the mostly intact center to hold the pieces of it and it's broken twin inside it.

"Smee will be annoyed with me." Hook murmured, not betraying his surprise when Emma's shadow fell directly over him. "For letting the bowls break."

"It was as much my fault as yours." Emma told him, slowly kneeling down before him. Some of her hair swept forward over her shoulders, the girl helping Hook to gather the broken remains of the bowls. There was no helping the porridge, not until they had a rag with which to clean it up. And in the heat of the morning sun, it wouldn't take long for the porridge to dry into harden lumps on the deck. Yet another reason for Smee to be annoyed, what with the older man liking to keep the ship in sparkling clean condition.

"They broke because I grabbed you." Hook pointed out, still intent on the mess at their feet.

"I didn't have to drop mine in response..." Emma protested. "I could have held on. I do have two hands after all...." She trailed off with an appalled sound, Hook smiling more as he looked up at her. "I...I shouldn't have said..."

"There's no harm in pointing out the obvious. I am at a disadvantage where hands are concerned."

"You don't behave as though it's that great a disadvantage." Emma still looked aghast. "I...I mean...I haven't exactly seen you struggling to make up for the lack of your left hand..."

"I've had roughly three hundred years to get used to only having one hand." Hook told her. "I couldn't help but adjust, and learn how to compensate for what others would perceive a weakness."

" A weakness..." Emma shivered as she said it. "Yes...Yes I can imagine how that would be bad to have on a ship full of pirates."

"Indeed." Hook gave a quick nod, letting Emma take the bowl and the pieces inside it in her hands. "I won't lie and say there wasn't a few of my crew who tried to take the reigns of leadership from me because of my...situation." He wasn't smiling then, because it hadn't been just his hand's loss that had let his crew think Hook weak. His grief over Milah had been near crippling, and only the fact that he had reacted like the wounded animal he had been in truth, had kept Hook violent enough to dispatch those who had challenged his authority and right to leadership in those first days in Neverland.

"But you...overcame such problems." Emma guessed correctly. There was a look in her eyes, an almost cautious admiration then.

"I'm good with my sword." Hook told her. "And even better with my hook." Her eyes glanced at the hook in question, but she didn't shiver this time.

"I've heard the stories."

"Have you?" Hook asked. "From who? Pan?" Emma nodded. "You can't always believe the things that boy tells you." scoffed Hook, unable to help himself.

Her brow furrowed. "But he's right about this, isn't he? You have killed with that hook. You've gutted and mutilated countless many."

"I wouldn't say THAT many." Hook grumbled. "No more than a dozen, a dozen and a half tops." It left her blinking, as though she was confused and surprised by what he had said.

"I can't tell if you're joking or being serious."

Hook smiled at her, allowing a teasing light to enter his eyes. "Maybe one day you'll be able to."

"I don't think I'll be around long enough to ever know you that well." Emma said, and the way she phrased it upset him, though he hid his reaction behind a forced smile.

"I guess that depends on how long Pan takes to come trade for you." But the longer she stayed here, the more she was put at risk, Hook trying his best not to brood and failing as he rose to stand.

"You know I don't believe Pan has what you're looking for...." She stood as well. "Or that he'll trade you it for me."

"It's enough that I believe." Hook told her.

"But even you don't believe enough to think he'll make it easy for you to get." Emma noted, and Hook nodded.

"He hasn't. I don't expect much to change even now.....but where my belief fails, my hopes live on."

"Hopes?" she echoed it as a question. "Because you think I'm special? To Peter I mean." Emma hurriedly clarified. "As if I am anymore special to him than any of the other members of our family?"

Hook wasn't sure how to answer that, without upsetting the very balance of the carefully crafted lies and illusions Peter Pan maintained. Lies that Emma's own life depended on, the girl needing to keep believing if she was going to avoid growing up any time soon.

"It's what I'm counting on." Hook finally muttered in a very gruff manner. He took the bowl from her, and began to walk away. But it wasn't that easy to be rid of her, Emma not only following close behind him, but persisting in the line of thought that had been opened to her.

"Because I'm a girl?" He didn't have to look at her to guess she was frowning. Not when he could hear it in her voice, the girl troubled and trying to figure out an oddity she hadn't given much thought to before. "Because I'm the only girl among the Lost Boys...." Hook said nothing, and still she turned defensive. "It's not that strange. Is it...?"

"I'm sure Pan has his reasons...." Hook said, ill at ease with how Emma continued to fret and wonder along this troubling vein of thought.

"But why would he only have boys?" Emma asked.

"Well..." Hook had to think fast. "Look at the life the lost ones lead. It's not one many girls would think they'd enjoy."

"And that means what exactly?"

"It's been my experience that where boys prefer rough play and being outside, girls are more apt to tea parties and dress up, playing with dolls." Hook told her. "I don't think many of them would choose the lifestyle of a lost boy, not if it meant giving up the comfort of their home life."

"Comforts...."Emma mused, her tone such that Hook felt gutted to hear it. "I guess it makes some sort of sense. Most girls wouldn't have reason or a desire to want to run away, or to go off on an adventure..."

Hook felt certain the odds were such that they favored that Emma had been running from something when she had chosen to go off with Peter Pan. "That seems to be the way of things, no matter the world." Hook said out loud. "Boys long for adventure, while girls typically care for the creature comforts of home and family."

"Must be nice...." She said, sounding wistful. Hook risked a glance at her, and saw the look in her eyes matched her tone. Hook was far too curious, wanting to know more, longing for it. But ever so afraid to ask. For her sake and his, Hook turning away.

"I wouldn't know." He said out loud to her wistful tone. She made a questioning sound, and Hook knew he shouldn't talk of any more to her. But the can of worms had been opened, the damage already being done. Maybe nothing could stop Emma from wondering at the reasons behind her being in Neverland, existing as the only lost girl. But perhaps he could distract her for a time, and if talk about his own youth could accomplish that, then Hook would gladly do it.

"What do you mean by that?" Emma was asking out loud.

"I wasn't always a pirate, you know..." Hook had to smile at her gasp, and the way Emma hurriedly tried to protest that that wasn't what she had been assuming. "Once...Once I was nothing more than a boy." But that had been spoken with a bitter edge to his voice, harshening the words rather than make them wistful.

There was silence for a few blessed moments, Emma not speaking as she allowed Hook to lead her past the still noisy mess hall, to the rear entrance of the galley. The kitchen was empty, the broken bowls set down on a counter top as Hook looked around to see what could be scrounged up to make up for the ruin of their breakfast.

There was only a few spoonfuls of porridge left, far too little to bother with scraping the bottom of the pot. Hook settled on grain sweetened by milk and a spoonful of sugar, a simple enough fare managed in quick time.

"It's hard to imagine you as a boy." Emma finally said, after Hook had handed her her own bowl of the cereal grain.

"It's not a time I look back on fondly." Hook admitted to her, leaning against a countertop.

"No?" She asked, and he could see the questions in her eyes.

"My home life wasn't ideal." Hook admitted. "Oh, on the outside, I suppose we painted a pretty picture. We were rich, and titled, with a grand house and many servants. But what went on behind closed doors..."

Her eyes had grown wide with shock, Emma forgetting to eat as she stared at him. Hook sighed, fighting the memories. "My parents weren't exactly loving...with me or each other." But that was putting it mildly, Hook remembering the beatings, his father not caring who suffered the lash, be it his son or his wife. Often times, his mother had had to heap on ample bits of make up to cover her own bruises and that of her son's.

"Many of my memories of that time...." Hook shook his head. "The people meant to love and protect us the most, can do the most damage." The fighting and yelling echoed in his head, culminating in the death of Hook's mother. "After my mother...passed, there really was no reason for me to stick around."

"You were loyal to her." Emma noted.

"We were loyal to each other." Hook corrected. "Though there was little we could do to help each other. And once she was gone, rather then continue to endure my father's abuse, I chose to ran away." A brief flash of teeth, a bitter smile. "I didn't have a plan, didn't care where I ended up. In those days anything seemed better than HIM."

She visibly shivered, Emma seeming to relate a little too much to what Hook was saying. It wasn't a response he had been trying for, her upset making Hook want to reach out and comfort her rather than continue talking. He went so far as to set down his bowl, then remembered himself, fingers curling as he drew his hand close to his chest. She didn't appear to realize how close he had come to touching her, Emma shaking, stirring the milky wet grain with a spoon.

Choosing to spare her the memories of those frightening first days on the streets, Hook instead began to speak of the day that everything had changed. The day that he had snuck aboard the first ship he was able to, looking more for a dry place to sleep, rather than to set sail for an adventure far from his home.

"It was a lucky day for me....the day I chose to hide aboard the ship of the infamous black beard pirates." Hook told Emma. "Of course, back then if I had known, I most likely would have stayed far far away." He let out a chuckle that wasn't too forced. "Even a boy sheltered from the world of the streets, had enough sense to stay away from pirates. Frankly, I was lucky they didn't decide to ransom me on the spot."

But his fine clothing had been ragged and torn, dirtied enough to be streaked with multiple stains. Young Killlian Jones hadn't looked at all like the aristocracy he had come from, and by the time the pirates might have suspected otherwise, he was already a part of them.

"It was risky business, stowing away on any ship." Hook continued out loud. "If you couldn't pay, often times you were pressed into a kind of slavery, forced to work for your passage. If the captain was honest, he'd let you go at the first port reached. But if he was not....well..." Hook shrugged.

"You wouldn't think pirates would behave better than so called civilized men." Hook said to her with a smirk. "But pirates have their own kind of honor."

"Honor among thieves..." She muttered, before eating a spoonful of the grain.

"Oh aye. It's a very real thing. Pirates may force stowaways into the life, but we're amply rewarded for our troubles."

"I've seen your hold of treasure." Emma said, which made Hook grin.

"We're rich beyond our wildest dreams, even after we divide the loot amongst us." He kept on smiling, liking the thought of the gold in the Roger's hold. "I'd be richer too, should any of my crew decide they've had it with the lifestyle."

"What does that mean?" Emma asked, in between spoonfuls of her grain.

"There's only two ways to leave the life behind." Hook told her. "Have enough gold to buy your way out of it, or..." He ran a finger across his throat, her eyes widening.

"You'd kill them?!" She squeaked out in a horrified whisper. "But aren't they your friends?!"

"A captain doesn't have too many real friends." Hook answered. "A pirate even less so. As a captain I am only as safe as my sword is sharp, might making right on the seas." It was a lesson he had learned with the black beard pirates, their own captain being turned against, a new leader being anointed in the blood of the dead. Hook hadn't been the one to kill Captain Black Beard, or the man who had followed, or even the third. He hadn't been old enough, or skilled enough until time came for the captain's title to pass for a fourth time, and then Hook had made his move. He had been captain ever since, the Jolly Roger christened in the blood of so many dead, Hook deeming it a fresh start as he set off to lead his crew into a new era of piracy.

"You..." Emma was swallowing nervously, having set down the bowl. "Your crew doesn't have all that many men left...."

"Neverland hasn't been too kind to us." Hook admitted. "More than one of my men has thought things would be better if they were to replace me as captain."

"So you killed them...?!"

"I've had to watch my back." Hook retorted. "It's kill or be killed when it comes to being captain of the pirates. We take what we want Emma, even if another man stands in our way."

Emma had paled, perhaps more than she should have in response to his words. He'd catch sight of the disturb look in her green eyes, and then Emma would push away from the counter she had been leaning against. "And your crew is okay with that?" She asked as she began pacing the length of the kitchen. "Okay enough to follow the man who slews their captain?!"

"We respect the strong and the cunning." Hook answered. "If a captain grows so weak as to not be able to hold on to his own ship and crew, is it any wonder that the men will fall into line for the one to replace him?"

"It sounds like a terrible way to live." Emma had hugged her arms around herself. "How can you stand it?"

"It was better than the alternatives I faced as a boy." Was Hook's simple answer. It got Emma turning to look at him, her brow furrowing as she processed this. Hook didn't rush her to speak, simply eating his grain as she stood there thinking. Struggling with something, perhaps a concept Emma wasn't sure that she should voice.

"I...I always..."

"Yes?" He asked, when she trailed off uncertainly. Emma bit at her lip again, before meeting his eyes with her own.

"I always thought if I---if anyone had their real parents in their life, then everything would be okay.....that it might not be perfect, but it would be better...."

"Better than what, Emma?" Hook asked, his voice soft and trying to coax her into opening up more to him. But his question merely got her to shrug, the girl turning away, her hand reaching for the little rack of spices that Smee kept in the kitchen. She didn't try to speak anymore, instead taking out each individual jar, running her fingertips over the ink scribbled onto the labels.

His curiosity had been teased to the point of frustration, even with knowing better. Smee would think him worse than a fool, might insist Hook was a glutton for punishment, talking of such things to the girl. Things that could only bond them closer together, things that could only make a fragile connection between them strengthen. One that would make it hurt worse when Pan did kill the girl.

But even knowing this, knowing how much it would hurt, and how much Smee would complain and berate Hook's choice, the pirate couldn't help himself. He felt drawn to the girl, pulled into her story, and knew it was already too late, Hook caring too much about Emma Swan to even play at indifference.

Knowing this made the decision easier, Hook approaching the girl. She glanced at him, and he felt the fine tremble go through her, Hook standing that close to her as he took a spice bottle from her hand. She didn't protest, didn't turn to watch as he began putting the bottles and jars back into the rack. Emma kept her eyes on Hook, who smiled at her once the spice rack was back in order.

"Would you like to see one of Smee's secrets?"

Emma was wary but interested, especially when Hook made it clear the secret had to do with Smee's success at cooking. Her appreciation and interest in Smee's talents with the preparation of foods, had Emma shrugging off most of her caution, the girl taking Hook's arm. She still seemed to shake a little, as Hook led her out of the kitchen, but the girl was brave enough to not let it stop her. Emma's heart was a bold, courageous one, and it just made Hook want to admire her more. How much stronger would that admiration become should he learn all there was where Emma Swan was concerned? He didn't know, and in the moment Hook tried not to worry.

[lotornomiko]

The Shattered Dream Of Innocence Chapter Eleven

Brand spanking new summary!

Adults can’t be trusted, Emma Swan knows this first hand. They lie and they hurt, and act with an evil that leads to all kind of ruin. They shatter dreams and destroy innocence, and more than not trusting them, Emma has never wanted to grow up to be just like them. Never once tempted, never once dreaming, she’s about to find out that becoming an adult is not just inevitable, it’s a fate that just might be worth dying for.

This unavoidable state, this end to her childhood? It comes in the form of a storm dark pirate named Captain Hook. Through her encounters with the pirate, Emma’s about to learn it all, the joys and the sorrows of being an adult, the heartbreak and elation of letting go. There’s a choice to be made here, a future that might just be worth reaching for, if her friends and her family don’t tear her apart. If HE doesn’t tear apart, the demon known as Peter Pan willing to go to just about ANY length to keep her….

As of 2/15/2018 currently going over it, to correct a few typos, and do some overhaul and rewriting, to hopefully get Arc Two finally started! A Hook Emma pairing….some triggers may apply…M rating that will get a little more explicit over time….

And for those curious, the old summary:

Old Summary: There are consequences to growing up. Emma Swan knows this well. And yet she finds herself tempted, and all because of a meeting that had been inevitable. A meeting with a certain pirate captain, the infamous Hook. Emmas about to find the joys and the sorrows of growing up, as well as learn just how far Peter Pan will go to keep her. Hook Emma pairing. AU

"Such a fool." Emma grumbled, knowing she had let the captain's too pretty face blind her to the reality that she actually faced. She wasn't his guest, but his prisoner, and being locked in a room only confirmed it. She hadn't been free, hadn't been since the moment Hook's arms had first circled around her. Even when he hadn't been touching her, Hook had been binding her in other ways, distracting her with his behavior, then keeping her busy in Smee's kitchen. Emma had never had a single moment of unsupervised time, except for when she was locked behind a door of solid wood, just like she was now.

Her rage knew no bounds, Emma angry but also feeling helpless. Even hopeless. For how in the world was she to escape, when she couldn't even get past the door that stood barring her way? A door she wasn't strong enough to break, her hands scratched, even bloody from the many times she had pounded her fists against it. That fierce pounding had started out in protest, Emma growing increasingly violent the longer no one answered her screams. Until she was wild with fury, near mindless, hitting the door again and again and not noticing the hurt she was doing to herself until after the fact.

Now, roughly an hour later, she paid the price. Her hands were stinging something terrible, especially that of their ruined knuckles. She didn't cry at the pain, though she did occasionally hiss. Pacing about the room, which had only one small porthole, and crammed full of boxes that had nothing that she could use. Just an endless amount of gold and jewels, more treasure than Emma could ever have imagined spending. Maybe enough treasure to make mean old mister dragon jealous. Certainly enough to make nearly every pirate aboard the Jolly Roger rich beyond their wildest dreams.

And here she was, Emma the latest spoil to be added to this room. But unlike the treasure, Emma wasn't content to just lay here. Already she was plotting, and though her hands hurt something terrible, Emma kept on going through each chest. Hoping she would find something of use, maybe even something she could use to pick the lock, or unscrew the door of it's hinges.

She'd still be searching hours later, when the sound of the lock being turned intruded into her awareness. Arm deep in a treasure chest, Emma couldn't pull her arms out fast enough to make a successful lunge towards the opening door. She heard Smee shout, heard the sound of things falling to the floor, fabric rustling, and something heavier thumping. Smee got her by her hair, and was none too gentle as he forcefully flung her back deeper into the room.

Hitting the floor, Emma immediately sprang up, her fingers curling, making her hands into weapons as she went for Smee's face. Again her hair was caught, the oldest of the pirates surprisingly scrappy given his age. Flung down a second time, Smee was shouting even as Emma charged.

"Damn you, don't just stand there!" Smee was saying, but he wasn't looking at the girl who was struggling against the hands restraining her arms. "Help me!"

"But it is ever so amusing to watch you try to avoid getting scratched." Came the silken tones of an accent that belong to the gypsy, Rauol.

"Damn your amusements and help me!" Smee snarled.

Emma thought she heard Rauol sigh, and then he was easily restraining her. She could feel the strength in his hands, felt him press her into his front, his arms going around her. Emma squirmed, trying to break free, but it was almost like being held by Hook. The same yet not, Rauol strong but not smelling anywhere as pleasant as Hook did.

"By the Gods, Hook was right about you!" Unlike Smee, Rauol was admiring. "You have a pirate's fight within you!"

Emma growled. "Let go!"

Rauol didn't dignify that with a reply. And Smee was red faced and glaring, though the effect was ruined by his wheezing. "You little hellion, what is wrong with you?!"

"Where is your captain?!" Emma asked instead of answering. "Where is Hook?!"

"The captain doesn't have time to deal with a little girl's tantrums." Smee retorted. "Hell, none of us do."

"This is Neverland." Emma managed to point out, through clenched teeth. "Time is the one thing that we all have in common."

"Some of us are just more patient than others." Rauol's accent pleasantly caressed her ears with a soft throaty laugh. "Patient and admiring of a woman's spirit."

"Admire all you like, just don't be forgetting our captain's threat." Smee had turned his glare to the man holding onto Emma.

"Threat?"

"It is not I who is the danger to our young guest." But Rauol's tone was biting with an unfriendly undertone to it.

Smee began to scoff at that, but Emma spoke over him, her own voice holding the bitter chill of winter to it. "Guest? I am you pirates' prisoner, and nothing more."

"You might be both."

Now Emma was the one to scoff. "Impossible. I can only be one or the other."

"Hook treats you too well to be a mere prisoner." Rauol pointed out.

"Oh yes, so well!" Emma snapped with a sarcastic slant to her voice.

"Child, you might never appreciate just how well." Smee growled. "When I think of the lengths he goes through to..."

"To what?!"

Smee shook his head, refusing to finish the thought out loud. "You should be more aware of your position, and the boons he grants you." She didn't understand, and let it show in her eyes. That lack of understanding made Smee sigh, the man shaking his head again. "You're the only female on a ship full of men who are starved for companionship. Do you think it at all wise to let you have freedom to run about, especially at night, tempting us?"

"I am not tempting anyone." But she had gone pale, Emma understanding what Smee was getting at.

"It's as much for our protection as it is yours, that you have to be locked up." Rauol added. The fight was slowly ebbing out of Emma, the implications turning over in her mind. Leaving her chilled, frightened, the pirates no longer seeming so like grown up versions of her lost boys, but the dangerous men that they really were in truth.

Frightened anew of the pirates, Emma almost hadn't registered properly what Rauol had said. "I understand about my protection, but yours?! What do you think I will do? Murder you all in your sleep?"

Smee snorted rudely enough, as though he considered that a very real possibility. But it wasn't he who answered, but Rauol, the gypsy's voice without inflection as he spoke. "Our captain has made it very clear what will happen to those that try to take any liberties with you."

"What...what will happen?" A morbidly curious Emma asked.

"Your Peter Pan hasn't gotten all the stories wrong about Captain Hook." Was all Rauol would say. It left Emma suppressing a shiver, trying not to tremble in Rauol's arms.

Smee shot Rauol a look. "The captain is a kind man, but also a ruthless one. He's given you his protection, and that is something he won't take lightly. Or his men. Only a fool would push him to back up his threat."

Mind reeling, trying not to imagine just what Hook would do should someone, anyone, a board this ship get out of hand with her, Emma was barely aware of Rauol letting her go. Smee had backed up a step, wary of what she might do, but Emma made no move to lunge for him. A few seconds of inaction, and Smee exchanged a look with Rauol before nodding and walking to the door.

When Smee's back was turned, Rauol turned Emma towards him, using the pretext of her raw and bloody hands to touch her once more. "Bella...what have you done to yourself?"

Emma tried to jerk back her hands, and Rauol's gentle grip turned harsh, the man not allowing her to retreat.

"The captain was right." Smee's expression was a grudging approval, the man aglow at the thought of Hook's smarts in anticipating the things that Emma would do.

"In this case I wish he wasn't." Rauol said, frowning at Emma.

"What was he right about?" Emma asked, then frowned at Smee's answer.

"The captain was sure you'd hurt yourself trying to get the door open. And you have!" Smee dropped what turned out to be blankets and a pillow at her feet. "Lucky for you, I have just what you need to patch you right up."

"And even luckier, it doesn't look like you'll need stitching done." Rauol said, and Smee scowled. "More than one man on this ship has scars from Smee's shoddy handling of a stitching needle."

It was then that Emma realized there was gauze and some kind of vial being removed form Smee's pockets. A vial that had some strong smelling liquid, some antiseptic that stung as it was poured over her cut up hands. She didn't cry out, but Emma did hiss, her face twisting in a grimace of pain. Rauol still held onto her wrists, his eyes full of approval that she hadn't screamed or started crying.

"The captain would be proud of you." The gypsy told Emma. She told herself it didn't matter, that Hook's opinion and high regard wasn't something that she actually wanted. It didn't change the fact that a part of her purred inside, pleased at the thought of Hook being proud of how she had handled Smee's treatment.

Except for the antiseptic liquid's sting, Smee's nursing was painless. The gauze was worked around her hands and fingers, the worst of her injuries that of her knuckles. Two flasks of fresh water would be given to her, one for drinking, one for her to keep on hand to cleanse her wounds every few hours. More gauze was left behind, Smee offering one last advice to her before moving to leave the room.

"Try to get some rest." His gruff voice wasn't above granting her a kindness. "Your next lesson is first thing in the morning."

Emma's heart brightened, her hopeful gaze settling on Smee. "You mean....?"

"Captain's orders." Smee said, then turned away from her. "You'll be helping me with every meal from now on."

Her heart swelled with joy, Emma practically aglow with how happy those orders had made her. But before she could say anything, think of anything, she heard Rauol's soft whisper.

"Beautiful."

Eyes growing huge, she turned to him, in time for Rauol to look directly at her. Forest green met the near black eyes of the gypsy pirate, the man giving her a far too grown up smile, as he caressed fingers over the backs of her hands. It wasn't as bad as he could have done, but it still felt wildly inappropriate, Emma just managing to stifle her gasp. She immediately jerked her hands free of a grip that was already letting her go, Rauol continuing to wear that smile as Emma turned a paranoid gaze to Smee's back.

The oldest pirate of all of Hook's crew, had a set of key rings he took out of his pant's pocket. "Just how many people have keys to this room?" Emma asked, trying not to betray how shaken she was by that private exchange with the gypsy.

"Just me and the captain." Smee answered, gesturing impatiently for Rauol to step out of the room. Rauol sauntered his way, Emma hiding her relief. Suddenly it didn't seem like such a bad thing that she was being locked up between meals.

"Don't worry. No one, and that includes the captain, will disturb your sleep."

But Smee didn't know how wrong he was! Because Rauol had succeeded in worming his way into her thoughts, his behavior unsettling her in all the ways opposite of how Hook had impressed her. Any good opinion that Emma had been forming of the pirates, was now being reconsidered, Rauol's caress, and Smee's words, bringing back familiar fears. And though it had been centuries since she had had to truly worry in that vein of thought, the fears had never truly left her.

Feeling extremely vulnerable, Emma began rubbing the backs of her hands on her legs. Trying to scrub the memory of Rauol's caress from them, the gauze loosening and dislodging from her repeated motions. She barely paid it any mind, too busy thinking about how she looked, how she had been admired by the pirates. How the word pretty had been used several times already. Suddenly she wished she hadn't been so brave as to meet with Hook's pirates, because killing and stealing wasn't the only thing Peter Pan had said that they did.

Peter's claims came to her then, Emma trying not to dwell on them, and what could happen. But her mind didn't want to obey her, dozen upon dozen of thoughts and memories coming, leaving Emma overwhelmed to the point she sank down to the floor. But she didn't curl up into a ball and start crying. She refused to! And though it took a mighty effort on her part, Emma began to try to calm herself, trying to take comfort in the one pirate she wanted to trust.

Hook.

She might not understand the captain, but she understood at least some of his motivations. He wanted something from Peter, and until he got it, Hook would be determined to keep Emma safe. But it wasn't as simple as she was trying to make it, a part of her understanding that Hook didn't have to do anything but hold on to her. He could have let his pirates do whatever they wanted, and it wouldn't have mattered so long as she survived long enough for the exchange. Hook was protecting her, but she couldn't trust in that, in him. Adults never did anything without a reason, Hook would want something from her, and it hurt her to think that impressive man would prove to be just as evil and perverted as all the other grown ups in her life.

Used to being disappointed, Emma still fought the pain of her heart. She didn't understand that pain, that tight constricting feeling that centered in her chest. She didn't know that it was her heart being ever close to breaking, actually vehemently protesting the notions that she was entertaining about Hook and her perceived ideas of his true nature.

The pain of her heart, and of her thoughts, would keep Emma up long into the night, the girl tossing and turning, wrapped in a blanket that had come from the captain's own bed. She had recognized enough of his scent on the faded wool, that pleasant clean smell, with a hint of masculine spice that Emma had found far too appealing. Wrapped up in the blankets, Hook's scent was all around her, further pervading her thoughts with such a potent reminder of him. By the time morning came, and Smee unlocked the door to her prison, Emma was weak with exhaustion.

One look at the dark smudges under her eyes, and how pale her face truly was, had let Smee know that she hadn't really slept. It was an uncharacteristic sympathy that shown in his eyes, as he cautiously approached her, Emma allowing him to examine her hands. He tsked to see the gauze gone, and gently set about to wrapping fresh fabric over her self inflicted injuries.

"You have to be more careful." Smee was saying, and Emma could only nod her head in agreement. "The captain wouldn't like it if you were to fall sick with fever from an infection that could have been avoided!"

Wanting to recoil, Emma wondered again what the price of Hook's concern would be. She then realized Smee had been still talking, and that she had been in such a fog of her own worries and fears, that she had missed most of what the pirate had been saying.

"Young miss, are you all right?" Smee frowned when she nodded. He tried to put his hand to her forehead, and Emma almost fell over trying to scramble away backwards.

"What are you doing?!" Alarm was in her exclamation.

"Just wanted to make sure you didn't have the start of a fever." Smee grumbled.

"I'm just tired..."

"Maybe you should spend the morning in bed." Smee suggested. "It would do you a world of good to get more sleep."

"No...no...I want to have another lesson." insisted Emma. She avoided his eyes. "Peter could come for me at any moment....I want to learn as much as I can before that happens."

Smee was still frowning. "If you're sure..."

"I am." Emma said with a firm nod of her head. Smee still looked doubtful, but allowed her to follow him out of the room. She felt sick, but hadn't lied to him. She was wanting another lesson, wanting to learn but also wanting to have access to the things in the kitchen. And not just the food, but the knives, Emma hoping to sneak one into her clothing. She hadn't had much of a plan, but escape was heavy on her mind.

Unfortunately it wasn't easy to get a hold of a knife under Smee's far too watchful eye. The old pirate was constantly keeping track of them, of how many there was, and how close Emma was to them. He noticed every time something was out of place, not just the knives, but the forks, Emma beginning to think she would never get her hands on one. The opportunity at last would come when the very tattooed Mason appeared, with a personal request from the captain.

Emma quickly slid the dirty knife under her tunic, using her pant's tight waistband to hold it in place. She kept right on edge after Smee was done basically arguing with Mason over the captain's request, Emma not relaxing even after it became apparent that Smee was too upset to notice what she had taken.

"The captain be wanting to take a private breakfast with you." Smee told her, sounding very exasperated and disapproving. "I told Mason it was out of the question, what with you feeling sick, but he wouldn't have any of it."

"Why does your captain want to eat with me?" Emma asked, watching as Smee's expression soured further.

"Don't know." The older man shrugged. "Can't guess even half of what's on the captain's mind lately."

"Can't guess, or won't?" Emma asked, noting Smee's surprise.

"You're right I won't." Smee nodded. "Captain Hook is a complicated man...and far smarter men then I have failed to understand him."

"But you...you worry about him." It wasn't much of a guess, given how she had seen Smee's worry first hand, and on repeated occasions.

"Of course I do!" Smee's voice was suddenly passionate. "After what he's been through...!"

"What HAS he been through?" Emma asked, curious though she told herself not to be.

Smee's expression closed up. "It's not my story to tell. Not really."

"Then I guess I should ask Hook himself?"

"Don't you be bothering Hook about this!" Smee snapped at her, his voice passionate with anger now. "He doesn't need you dredging up the past, or causing him any more pain."

"Then he should let me go." Emma stated firmly. "Because pain is all we'll cause each other."

Smee blinked slowly, and for a second Emma thought he was shaken by what she had said. "Oh aye, I don't doubt that." But he didn't clarify just what he meant with his agreement. Nor did he offer to help her escape, which Emma hadn't really expected, though one wild thought had entertained the idea that Smee would be so eager to spare Hook the pain of Emma, that he might just be willing to look the other way during an attempt to escape.

Smee was just about the only one Emma had thought might let her escape. The others simply admired her too much, while Smee seemed to barely tolerate her! Barely became nothing, Smee unable to stomach the idea of Emma having another private meal with his captain. The older man would slam about the kitchen, Emma trying her best not to flinch every time he banged a pot, or threw a spoon into an already full sink. But his anger worked to her advantage, Smee never noticing that a knife had gone missing.

Emma didn't yet know what she was going to do with that knife, but she took comfort in feeling the cool blade of it against her skin. It might not buy her a way off the ship, but her hopes was that it would protect her from Rauol and any other pirate that decided to ignore Captain Hook's threat. It might even protect her from the captain himself, Emma prepared to use it should Hook decide to reveal his true reasons for securing her safety aboard his ship. But as prepared as she was, Emma couldn't ignore the way she didn't want to have to hurt Hook. It was a want she hoped wouldn't cause her to hesitate, Emma fearing she would have only one chance to escape. She didn't know how wrong she was, that escape had never been an option the second that she had first looked into Captain Hook's eyes.

[lotornomiko]

The Shattered Dream Of Innocence Chapter Seven

Brand spanking new summary!

Adults can’t be trusted, Emma Swan knows this first hand. They lie and they hurt, and act with an evil that leads to all kind of ruin. They shatter dreams and destroy innocence, and more than not trusting them, Emma has never wanted to grow up to be just like them. Never once tempted, never once dreaming, she’s about to find out that becoming an adult is not just inevitable, it’s a fate that just might be worth dying for.

This unavoidable state, this end to her childhood? It comes in the form of a storm dark pirate named Captain Hook. Through her encounters with the pirate, Emma’s about to learn it all, the joys and the sorrows of being an adult, the heartbreak and elation of letting go. There’s a choice to be made here, a future that might just be worth reaching for, if her friends and her family don’t tear her apart. If HE doesn’t tear apart, the demon known as Peter Pan willing to go to just about ANY length to keep her….

As of 2/15/2018 currently going over it, to correct a few typos, and do some overhaul and rewriting, to hopefully get Arc Two finally started! A Hook Emma pairing….some triggers may apply…M rating that will get a little more explicit over time….

And for those curious, the old summary:

Old Summary: There are consequences to growing up. Emma Swan knows this well. And yet she finds herself tempted, and all because of a meeting that had been inevitable. A meeting with a certain pirate captain, the infamous Hook. Emmas about to find the joys and the sorrows of growing up, as well as learn just how far Peter Pan will go to keep her. Hook Emma pairing. AU

Her fingers traced over those carving, to the names engraved there. Wordlessly she lingered over the slashes over Hook's own name, but her questions never came. She didn't ask about it, or about the name Milah, and for that Hook should have been relieved. Because the girl had narrowly avoided ripping open a wound that had never truly healed, a wound that's bandage was frayed, Hook unable to leave it alone for good.

It was that wound of his heart being crushed, of his loss, that had brought Hook to Neverland. That had bid him to stay. Searching endlessly on the hopes of some key piece of information, or a weapon of some kind, that would allow him to slay his own demon. Rumplestiltskin gave life to that which haunted him, the torment and grief, and most of all the driving need for revenge. A revenge he had lingered on the cusp of achieving, endlessly waiting the last two hundred years for the Indian Shamaness words to come true, for that which Hook needed, to end up in his hand.

But it hadn't happened yet, Pan as miserly with the item as he was bloated on lost boys and whatever it was that let Neverland's demon grow more powerful by the day. Already near invincible, Pan only grew harder and harder to kill with the every child that he had consumed. And with every soul lost, Hook felt his chance of getting what he needed from Pan, slipping through his fingers. Leaving him to wonder if he would ever have it, ever even come close to knowing what that something was.

Obsessed as he was with the finding and having of the thing that the Indian Shameness had spoke of, it wasn't the reason behind Hook's disturbed feelings on this day. Revenge was nearly pushed from his mind, Hook more concerned with the girl, with what might have been done to her, what might still be done, but also with the memories she now stirred. Because young Emma Swan wasn't the first of the lost ones to be a guest on his ship, more boys then Hook cared to count having come to him, either in desperation, or in the case of one young Owen, out of sheer fascination.

Hook couldn't help but remember that bright eyed boy of ten, and how the Jolly Roger crew, had found him stowed away among goods they had bartered for from the Indians native to Neverland’s soil. Young Owen had been more excited than scared, Hook and his pirates tolerant, perhaps even amused by the boy's antics. He wasn't the first to stow away on a pirate's ship, and Hook knew how to deal with those who did. After all it was practically a tradition to force stowaways to be part of the crew, many of those on board the Jolly Roger having been introduced to piracy that way. Hook included!

And young Owen had been ecstatic to be made one of the crew, even if all he had really been was a cabin boy. Owen hadn't been able to differentiate between servant and pirate, and he had taken to his chores with an enthusiasm never before seen. Complaining little, learning slowly the pirates' way of life, Owen had seemed to thrive and no one had wondered at the damage they might be doing. The risks they were posing the boy, their behavior and crude talk affecting him.

Of course the pirates couldn't be completely sure they were at fault. It could have been Owen's long unfulfilled desire that was responsible for the changes that came to the boy. It might have even been a factor of both, Owen growing, until less than a week later, he was abruptly boy no more.

The boy had barely survived startling Mason, the tattooed pirate putting him to the sword. The lanky young man the boy had become, had been near unrecognizable except for his brightly colored eyes. And even then, Hook and his pirates hadn't been able to believe it, had barely begun to process what had happened, when a shadow had come looming overhead.

The first time that Hook actually saw Pan up close, was during the demon's most vicious behavior. Morphing into a creature more terrifying than the seemingly friendly boy he usually paraded as, Owen hadn't even lasted an hour as an adult. With a blood red smile, and things best left unidentified dripping off his claws, Pan had introduced himself, and thanked Hook for harboring his meal.

The violence that had been committed, had been savage, and an uncomfortable reminder of Hook's own past. He'd never get used to seeing someone's heart in Pan's hand, never be able to not flash back to the moment Milah's own had been crushed by Rumplestiltskin's fist. And every time, remembering his pain, Hook flew into a rage to fight the unstoppable demons of his past and present.

For all his anger, for all his skill with a sword, Hook couldn't come close to killing those monsters. Couldn't even hope to vanquish them through mortal means. None of his pirates could, though those that remained a part of the Jolly Roger's crew, never gave up trying. But every loss was painful, every boy just another Owen who had finally been triggered to grow up for whatever reason. There was a reason the children brought to Neverland were known as the lost ones, and it had nothing to do with the fact they had been spirited away from their homes and everything to do with the fact that nothing, that no one, could save them from Pan.

It was a lesson hard learned. A lesson that was repeated for far too many times, other boys running from Pan, coming to the pirates out of sheer desperation, or even by mere chance. Most times Hook seemed the lesser evil, the boys frightened and placing their hopes in the pirate's hand. He had failed them every time, saw them die with resentment in their eyes, their own features distorted in excruciating pain.

Most times Pan made quick work of his meal. But sometimes the newly grown boys escaped, surviving long enough to search for help. Being hunted at Pan's leisure, the demon not at all worried that his prey would escape. Hook didn't know how many had died since he had first come to Neverland. The lost boys' numbers changed too often, too many falling prey to Pan before they could so much as scream, let alone run. Always learning too late that they had placed their trust in a monster's hands.

But Pan wasn't the only monster out there. Sometimes the monsters were even closer. Sometimes the monsters were your own kind, your family, your guardians, your supposed friends. The people meant to protect you, who instead hurt you. Hook knew that Pan was the worst kind, but sometimes the cruelty of humans rivaled that of the demon's. Because Hook had seen things, had heard tales, had even fought on the behalf of those who could not defend themselves. Women and children both, Hook couldn't abhor violence and abuse of any kind done to them, was actually quick to fly into a rage and make the bulliying one a victim of his hook. Just like he wanted to do now, Hook wanting a throat before him he could strangle, a body he could sink his hook into. Because he had seen the look in young Emma's eyes, had heard the pain in her voice, as she had told him she could think of worse things than a beating being done to a child.

It sickened and infuriated him, the thought of this girl being subjected to the far too many possibilities of human abuse. To the disgustingly inventive way a person's cruelty could be. His mind wanted to go down dark paths, Hook forcing himself to stay out of the shadows, to not ruminate too long on just what could have been done that would have been worse than a beating to this girl. Because there was far too many things, and Hook didn't think he could kill enough people to calm down, or absolve himself of his own crimes against the girl. Because wasn't he in fact as guilty as Pan, for failing to protect Emma and her lost boy brothers, for not even wanting to try because it always ended with Hook's own heart breaking just a little more?

But disturbingly, his heart was already hurting, pained by the idea of the little blonde being eaten by Pan. Protesting the deception that Hook himself was committing, even as the pirate knew it was better for the girl to keep on believing in Pan's lies, if only to give her some peace of mind and maintain the illusion that she was finally somewhere safe. But believing he was doing the right thing, was harder then it first appeared, and sometimes Hook wondered if he'd ever be able to leave Neverland so long as Pan was free to steal and eat more children. And that was before Pan had started preying on girls!

Hook couldn't even imagine why Pan would have decided to try something new now. Had his tastes finally expanded, or had he finally gain enough tolerance to negate whatever his long maintained aversion to eating females had been? Hook couldn't figure it out, couldn't imagine that Emma was anything special to the demon. He kept coming back to the monster's feeding habits, almost convinced this was a sign that Pan had tired of boys.

Not knowing nearly enough to truly play Pan, Hook realized that Emma might not even be that good a bargaining chip to use as leverage to get what he wanted. But he would try all the same, and feel like a complete and utter bastard for hurting the girl. For being just another one to use and abuse her, because in handing her over to Pan, Hook would become just as rotten and ruthless as all the others that had hurt Emma, and children like her in the world.

Was it any wonder that Hook was in hell, tormented and disturbed by the thoughts that he was having. Thoughts he tried to distract himself from, thoughts he couldn't truly justify even with the knowledge that there was nothing he, that anyone could do. Pan would do as he like, and Emma and the other lost ones would die. And Hook would grow closer to losing his mind, tormented by guilt, by his helplessness, damned no matter what he did, be it stand and fight, or sit back and do nothing.

It was the worst position to be put in, the worst decisions to have to be made. Even once--if he left Neverland, Hook would never be able to forget the lost ones, haunted by Owen and Emma, and all the ones in between.

Better to be the unfeeling bastard, to not care about anyone, then to go through this pain again and again. But Hook didn't know how to stop, couldn't shut off his heart, no matter how broken it was. That broken heart made him stupid, told him to do things Hook should never even consider. Told him to forget his revenge on Rumplestiltskin, take a stand against Pan, rather than barter Emma away on the off chance the demon would finally give Hook what he so desperately needed. A need he wasn't always sure of, the madness of what went on in Neverland affecting Hook, making him doubt what his true path was, if revenge was even worth it.

And then Emma was noticeably flinching, Hook having slammed a book down too hard in response to his last thought. He realized the girl had been watching him, that try as she might to pretend a lack of interest, she had been quietly aware of Hook's every single move. His chaotic energy, his turmoil had agitated her in return, the girl on the edge of her seat as though preparing to flee at the first sign of trouble. Hook nearly laughed then, a bitter angry guffaw, because the girl SHOULD run. Should get as far away from him and Neverland as she could, and even that wouldn't be far enough, Pan able to fly just about anywhere.

Darkly wondering what thoughts made Pan happy, Hook kept his hand on the book, trying to compose himself, trying for a calm he was now incapable of feeling. He was a better actor than Hook would have given himself credit for, the pirate turning to the girl and feigning a smile.

"So..." He said out loud, and Emma fixed her green gaze on him. "How exactly did you expect a pirate to look?"

It was clearly the last thing she had been expecting him to say, Emma's uncertain look heightened by the rapid blink of her eyes.

"Well?" Hook asked, watching as Emma tried to shake off her unease.

"Pirates are supposed to be bigger." She finally said. "With missing teeth, and a smell as rotten as their wicked hearts." She fidgeted in place, Hook arching an eyebrow in mocking reply. "With evil coloring your eyes, and the blood of the many you've slaughtered dripping off your hook, it's said you're unable to differentiate between friend or foe, not even caring to try, your looks as ugly as your soul."

"Good God, is that what Pan tells you?" Hook asked, and the girl merely shrugged in response. "And here I was expecting you to spout nonsense about peg legs and parrots." Again she just shrugged, Hook drawing his eyebrows together with his frown.

"You're supposed to have killed many of my brothers..."

"Supposed to?" Hook sharply emphasized the word, and a pang of some feeling, guilt perhaps, struck straight through to his damaged heart. He wasn't the one to have killed any of the lost boys, but he hadn't been able to save them either.

"Cut them up, or forced them over the plank. Turn them into chum for the sharks of the bay." Emma told him, her expression so serious and so solemn. Her eyes stared questioningly at him, as though searching for the truth that might write itself on his face. Hook couldn't stop grimacing, while shaking his head no.

"If that is the kind of things Pan tells you, it’s no wonder that you are scared of me."

"I am not scared!" Emma immediately, empathetically denied. "I was just..." She nearly blushed, looking away. "Startled by you."

And yet they both knew the truth, Emma's inability to fly proof of the fear she had felt. The fear she might still have, Hook inwardly sighing, but not calling her out on it.

"Well you can see for yourself, my hook is dry." But as clean and polished as it was, blood had tarnished it and his hand more than once. "And I don't smell, or have any missing teeth. My eyes don't glow for evil, and while I can't claim my soul to be clean, I don't think it is ugly enough to destroy my looks."

Now she really did blush, the slightest tinge of pink on her cheeks as Emma quickly looked away from him. "Looks can be deceiving."

How well Hook knew, an image of Pan's true face flashing briefly to mind. "That they can be...." he murmured in agreement, to Emma's surprise. "Especially here in Neverland..."

"Not just Neverland..." She muttered, but did not elaborate, instead trying to shift the conversation to a new topic. "If Pan won't give you what you want...will...will you kill me?"

"No, it's not by my hook that you will come to harm."

"What of your crew?" Clever girl that she was, Emma wouldn't relax at his promises. "Will you order one of them to do it instead?"

"It's not my crew you have to fear." Hook snapped. "None of them would truly consider hurting a child...I'd kill THEM myself if they did."

Emma was frowning. "But you are supposed to be ruthless."

"I AM." Hook told her. "But I am not without mercy and compassion."

Her frown remained, and Hook could practically see her mind struggling with some concept. She'd still be thinking, when Smee entered through the open doorway, carrying a tray of the meal he had prepared. It was all sandwiches and finger foods, things you didn't need a fork or a knife for. Smee ever the worry wart, had seen to protecting his captain from the possible risk the girl posed, by eliminating the need for a meal's silverware.

Trying not to openly laugh at Smee's needless concern, Hook took a seat at the table. The girl was across from him, eyeing the sandwiches with a mix of suspicion and hunger.

"It's all right." Hook softly reassured her. "It's not poisoned."

"Not yet, you mean." Emma retorted. "You won't kill me until I am no longer of any use for you."

"The captain would never kill a child!" Smee snapped in outrage. "Not even a...."

"Smee!" A snap of his own, Hook interjecting before Smee could finish the insult. Smee glanced at him, but his expression was sullen, the man not appreciating the need to hold his tongue, especially when he found the girl to be so needlessly insulting.

"It's all right." Hook then said. "Pan has filled her head with stories of my blood thirsty nature."

"Pan would do something like that." grumbled Smee.

Emma was studying the sandwiches with such open yearning, that Hook wondered when was the last time she had eaten. "Go on." He urged her, and took a big bite out of his own sandwich. She watched him do it, and slowly, hesitantly, reached for one of her own.

"It's good!" She exclaimed, and Smee put his hands on the hips.

"Of course it is! Nothing but the best for the captain!"

But Emma was too busy eating, almost ravenous in her actions. "Can't remember the last time I tasted something this good..." She muttered in between bites.

"Doesn't Pan feed you?"

"Oh he does, but none of my brothers are exactly known for their cooking skills." Emma said, with an exaggerated sigh. "Too often the meat they hunt is burnt, and tough to chew." She glanced at Smee, and gave a grudging acknowledgement. "You're good..."

Smee didn't smile, but he didn't frown either. "Someone has to be, to keep the captain and his crew well fed." He stepped away from the table, already intent on setting the room to rights. Hook knew without asking, that the older man was keeping aware of what was going on, alert not only to danger but to any need his captain might voice.

Normally enjoying being pandered to, there was times when Hook found Smee's doting to be annoying. Such time was now, Hook needing neither chaperon nor Smee's brand of protection from the girl. He certainly didn't for one second believe that the girl could get the best of him, that she could physically hurt him, though the pangs of his heart reminded him of how there were other ways Emma Swan could do damage. A damage Smee wouldn't be able to stop, no one would, so long as Hook allowed himself to care.

"Smee, the room can wait for another hour." Hook spoke a dismissal that left the other man protesting almost immediately. He fell quiet at his captain's glare, shoulders sagging just a little, as Hook told him to go out and wait the crew's return.

"Yes, captain." Smee muttered, glancing one last time at the girl. Hook knew without asking, that Smee's tongue would be wagging, informing the crew of the developments that had gone on in their absence, preparing them for the shock the girls' presence would otherwise have on the men.

Hook also trusted Smee to convey his wishes, to make his desires known. The men weren't to agitate the girl, to upset her without reason, and most of all she wasn't to be touched. Hook didn't think his men sick enough to lust over a child, but young Emma wasn't quite that. She was only a few years short of grown, and was pretty enough that men who had been starved of women for too long, might just entertain bad ideas. The fear of Hook's wrath would keep them in check, though he couldn't help but wonder how many would be eager to attempt to trigger the girl into growing up.

At best Emma's presence aboard the Jolly Roger was problematic. At worst it was a disaster, the girl in as much danger as she posed to hearts. Sad as it was, the sooner Pan came for her, the better off most would be. That might even include Emma, so long as she didn't grow up enough for Pan to eat her upon her return.

Such worries made Hook grimace into his drink, the man again wondering what was Pan's game. Wondering if Emma was more pawn than meal, everything Hook thought he knew, coming away wrong. Hook couldn't grasp what Pan's true intentions were with Emma but clung stubbornly to what he did know. Pan ate children, boys in particular, cultivating their growth carefully, to capitalize on the energy and nourishment received. And yet Emma was the unknown element, the very fact that Pan had kept her existence a secret from Hook and his pirates troubling him. Emma was the first girl Hook had ever known Pan to show interest in, and that was important. HOW it was important, Hook couldn't figure out, but it was his hopes that by talking with Emma, he could somehow pry out some of her and Pan's secrets.

How unfortunate for him that the girl was so wary! She ate his food, but watched him with a guarded expression, keeping quiet about her own thoughts and feelings. Hook had a feeling it would take more than charm to coax an answer out of her, and in the hunt for her secrets, he risked forming protective urges even stronger than the ones already in place!

Again he hid a grimace into his drink, Hook both annoyed and yet grateful that Smee had seen to replacing his rum with something infinitely tamer. The apple cider was sweet, and had none of the kick of the rum, Hook needing all his senses to be able to deal with the girl.

She had already finished her sandwich, seeming to delight in trying the different offerings Smee had put on the tray. Hook couldn't begin to imagine existing on a diet of meals cooked by an inexperienced hand, let alone the kind of food a bunch of children would try to make for themselves!

"If you like, perhaps Smee can be persuaded to teach you a few secrets from his kitchen."

Green eyes gazed back at him, the girl cautious. "Do you really think he would?"

"He would with pressure from me." Hook told her. "Of course..." A casual sip of his cider. "It all depends on how long a time you'll be with us. I imagine Pan will be here soon. To get his...girl back."

A frown before she nodded. "Peter WILL come for me."

"So it's just a matter of waiting." Hook said. "Though really, I'm surprised he let you come here without him."

"Peter doesn't LET me do anything." Emma retorted.

"But is he not the master of the lost boys?" Hook asked, feigning surprise.

"He's our leader yes, but that doesn't mean he's a tyrant. We're free to do as we like, mostly..."

"Mostly?" Hook seized on the word, and Emma bit at her lip like she had just said something wrong.

"Well..there are SOME rules..." She reluctantly admitted. "We're not complete savages you know!"

Hook chuckled. "I would never go that far with such an insinuation. Though Pan lets his boys run so wild, that the idea of them having rules, let alone following them..."

"The rules are for our safety." Emma interrupted. "Peter makes sure to look out for us all."

"Yes he does keep a close eye on his group." agreed Hook with a nod. "Which begs the question, where was he when....I believe you said the boy's name was Galen?" She nodded. "Where was he when your Galen was in need of rescuing?"

Another bite of her lip, Emma fingers fidgeting enough to crumble apart the flaky crust in her hand.

"Normally Pan would have rushed into action..." Hook pointed out. "He wouldn't have sent a girl and such young boys to do his work for him."

"I'm perfectly capable to rescue someone!" Emma snapped, adorable even at her most furious. "I got Galen away from you, didn't I?"

"Galen IS Gone, but you've been caught in his place." Hook smiled. "And caught you will remain until Pan deigns to show up."

"That can't happen soon enough for my liking." Emma grumbled, sitting back in her chair.

That was something Hook had mixed feelings about, though his expression betrayed none of that to the girl. "I suppose the wait depends on Pan's whim?" A sly tone to his voice. "Or is it that the item I require will take time to locate?" He tried not to act too interested, hoping to lure her into revealing anything she might know.

"You will never get it." Was all Emma said.

"Then you know of it?" Hook leaned forward in his seat, his eyes intent on the little blonde. She frowned at him.

"Know of it? When I don't even know what IT is?"

Now Hook frowned. Damn Pan, and his secrets. Damn the Indian's shamaness too, for her cryptic words, and her overall inability to actually help Hook. What use would this something be, if Hook didn't know what it was, or what it looked like. How could he find it, and how could he trust anything Pan might give him, when Hook couldn't know for sure if that was the thing the shamaness had spoken of!

"Why do you want it?"

"I need it." Hook answered her. "If I'm going to kill a demon...."

"A demon?!" She squeaked out, her eyes going huge.

"A very dangerous and despicable one." Hook nodded. "It's in the best interest of many, for that demon to die."

"I..I didn't take you for the heroic type..."

"I'm not, Emma." Hook told her. "I am completely self serving, this demon having taken something from me."

"Something you mean to get back?" Emma asked, the green of her eyes alight with both interest and fright.

"Oh no." Hook's smile flattened into nothing. "The something the demon took from me, can never be brought back."

"Never?" Emma whispered, and Hook could just imagine how she was trying to figure out what could be so irreplaceable. But Hook didn't want to talk about Milah with Emma, didn't want to tell her of his lost, his grief. Didn't want to mention the hurt done to him, the torment he had suffered.

Instead, he leaned forward, their eyes locked on each other. "There are things that can happen, things that once done cannot be undone. They leave their mark on us, change who we are. They affect our present, our past, even our future. They scar us, and yes it hurts, but sometimes it makes us stronger..."

She seemed to shiver, most likely thinking of her own past, and whatever scars it had dealt out. "What....what did you lose to the demon?"

Never taking his eyes off of Emma, he brought his hook over his chest. "My heart." He was remembering Milah as he said it, remembering the love that they had shared, and how he had felt as though it was his heart that had been crushed that day instead.

"Your heart?" She squeaked in alarm, practically jumping up out of the chair. Hook didn't rise with her, remaining seated instead. "Then you really are an unfeeling monster?!"

Feeling too much, that was the problem Hook faced! "I wouldn't go that far." Was the extent of the objection that Hook raised.

"Then how far would you go?" Emma demanded.

"To get what I want?" Hook inquired in a mild tone. He was refilling his glass as Emma nodded. "As far as needed, stopping at nothing." His look was bitter then. "Some things we do because they are worth doing, and some forces drive us because of need. It's need that drives me, that compels me to go to any lengths to take from Pan the thing I need to slay my demon!"

"There must be a reason Peter won't give it to you then." Emma reasoned. "Some reason for you not to have it."

"That is not for him or for you to decide!" snapped Hook, the glass angrily thumping on top of the table. Emma flinched at that, but Hook couldn't temper his anger in the moment. "I've waited roughly two hundred years for it, and no one, not you, not Pan will keep me from it!"

They were glaring at each other, Emma looking just as fierce as Hook now felt. The time to coax out Pan's secrets had been lost, the girl worked up enough that she wouldn't feel comfortable in confiding in Hook any time soon. He had thoroughly botched the moment, letting his anger and resentments at the situation and of both Pan and Rumplestiltskin, make him speak in a way he shouldn't have. Forget about charming, he had been snarling at the girl, and her formidable guard was strengthening instead of weakening.

No closer to understanding anything where Emma Swan was concerned, Hook was left confused on whether or not it would be better for Pan to come for her sooner than later. His unsettled feelings grew stronger, Hook sure trouble was being courted the longer Emma Swan stayed on his ship.

[lotornomiko]

The Shattered Dream Of Innocence Chapter Twenty Four

New year (2018!) new content. Just finished this chapter yesterday. And am in the middle of halfway being done with the writing of twenty five. :)

Summary time!

Adults can’t be trusted, Emma Swan knows this first hand. They lie and they hurt, and act with an evil that leads to all kind of ruin. They shatter dreams and destroy innocence, and more than not trusting them, Emma has never wanted to grow up to be just like them. Never once tempted, never once dreaming, she’s about to find out that becoming an adult is not just inevitable, it’s a fate that just might be worth dying for.

This unavoidable state, this end to her childhood? It comes in the form of a storm dark pirate named Captain Hook. Through her encounters with the pirate, Emma’s about to learn it all, the joys and the sorrows of being an adult, the heartbreak and elation of letting go. There’s a choice to be made here, a future that might just be worth reaching for, if her friends and her family don’t tear her apart. If HE doesn’t tear apart, the demon known as Peter Pan willing to go to just about ANY length to keep her….

Swords sharp and at the ready, they kept on coming, three in all. Hook barely had time to react, barely had a chance to do more than parry. His hand and his hook both busy, the resounding clang of metal in his ears unable to drown out Peter Pan’s cruel jeering sounds. The wicked amusement that he was expressing, that he was enjoying, watching Hook struggle against three of the oldest of his lost boys.

Those gangly teens should not have poised a problem. Should not have had the strength and the speed to be anything more than a nuisance. Even united as they were, their arms moving, Hook’s body reacting, twisting and turning, deflecting and side stepping the worst of the attacks. It was a testament to Hook’s own expertise, to the skill he had honed within his own body, the muscle memory that reacted to the slightest of motions, the pirate twisting, turning and fighting, reacting all on the motions caught out the corner of his eye. Hook’s focus was all for the sky, for the sight of that monster, and the precious burden that he carried. The girl in his arms, Emma pale faced and sobbing, cringing back with her fear.

Emma didn’t know the half of that which she should be afraid of. None of these children did. There was a monster among their midst, a wolf in sheep’s clothing, who wasn’t bothering to hide a toothsome smile. That sharp pointed white gleamed with saliva, Pan practically salivating over the chaos around him. Over the chaos, and the meals it would be providing, Hook quick to realize that a whole lot of innocence was being destroyed with this fight. Maybe even more than Pan could handle, Hook looking away from Emma to briefly asses the boys battling him. They were older than they had been, the very acts of murder and malice that they had committed in Pan’s name, aging them. Leaving them at the tall end of childhood, these gangly half starved teens on the verge of becoming men.

Maybe THAT is why Pan gave the signal. The complex series of bird calls and whistles that signaled the Lost Boys to retreat. They didn’t even hesitate, taking off for the sky. The pirate swung his blade wildly about, tried to catch at a thin arm with the curved metal of his hook, but he had no hopes of following. The dagger that pinned his shadow in place saw to that, but even if that bit of evil magic hadn’t had a hold of Hook’s shadow, the dark haired captain would not have been able to fly. Not without pixie dust and a whole lot of happy thoughts, and both were in short supply on this ship.

Reeling in place, Hook screamed out his frustration, his snarls that of a wounded and frightened animal. That terrifying sound that he let out? It growled out a name, Hook shouting for Emma, shouting after the girl as though that would somehow bring her back. Somehow stop what was to happen. Eyes frantic, Hook locked his gaze with her horrified one. Her pale face peered over Pan’s shoulder, Emma unable to look away from the pirate as the demon carried her off. Hook again tried to lurch forward, but his trapped state could no more let him reach the railing of the ship, then allow him to take to the sky.

“Emma!” Hook howled again, and then she, Pan, and his band of lost boys had disappeared into the sky’s clouds. “Emma!” Hook tried again, even as he dropped hold of his sword, to grab hold of the spell holding him in place. Immediate was the reaction, Hook swallowing down a pained sound, as the zap and sizzle of Pan’s magic burned his skin in place.

Teeth grinding together, Hook didn’t immediately let go. He let that evil spell keep on hurting him, Hook curling his fingers tighter about the dagger’s hilt, trying to force it free of the wall behind him.

“Captain!” Something hit him then, a handful of white salt. There was a great tearing, the dagger coming free, Hook’s shadow popping back into place, the pirate now able to move better. His hand was burnt red and raw from the spell, the dagger clattering now harmless to the floor. He didn’t even look at it, Hook already turning, hurrying to the ship’s railing. His eyes back on the sky, Hook caught the flicker of shadows skirting past the moon, their destination clear.

“The main land.” He growled, and then whipped around, his voice roaring out of him to bellow out orders at his crew and at Smee. “Get the Roger ready to set sail!”

There was an audible groan, a world weary sigh and protest from much of the bedraggled crew. It was then that Hook realized that he wasn’t the only hurting, that some of the other pirates had suffered far worse injury than that of a burnt hand. He couldn’t make out much of the details, the night too dark, the lanterns lights snuffed out during much of the fighting. Hook couldn’t see the blood slick puddles on the Jolly Roger’s flooring, but he could see the shadowy forms of more than one pirate just laying there.

Not yet knowing if they were alive or dead, and not much caring, Hook bellowed his orders again. “You HEARD me.”

“Captain...”

“There’s no point.” came the voice. “They’re all as good as dead. SHE’S as good as dead…”

Already geared towards a murderous slant, the hopeless fury that came alive at those words, nearly led to a massacre, Hook only vaguely aware of hands touching on him. It wasn’t the touch that he wanted, those hands too big and burly compared to the delicate exploration done by one curious Emma Swan. It took both Mason and Smee to restrain him, and even then, such was Hook’s anger, than he managed a few steps forward. The two pirates were dragged forward with him, the men stubbornly refusing to relinquish their hold on the captain.

Hook opened his mouth to snarl, but the words were inarticulate, any argument that the pirate could have made falling flat. They all knew what Pan did to the children in his care, how he had feasted on the boys who had grown up in the past. This time would be no different, more children dying, Emma dying, and Hook refused to lay down and accept that as fact.

Standing taller, straighter, Hook tried to jerk his arms free of Mason and Smee’s grasp. “Get this ship ready or by Gods….”

“Captain, don’t.” Smee pleaded. “Please don’t put us through this. Please don’t put YOURSELF through it either.”

“You tried.” The pirate added, his voice too soft to carry to the rest of the crew. “If we had had just a little more time….”

“Time has NEVER been on our side.” Hook allowed his body to seemingly relax. Were Mason and Smee fooled by it? He couldn’t yet tell, the two pirates still hanging on to him.  “Even though it be in an abundance here...”

Time in Neverland was more a curse than a blessing, and never had that been more apparent than now, Hook feeling the way that it worked against him. And yet the man kept on wishing for more, for just enough of it to go after Pan, to find and rescue Emma, to shuttle her off to safety. He wouldn’t be greedy. Hook wouldn’t allow himself to wish for anything more than that where the girl was concerned. He certainly wouldn’t wish for more time for himself, for the time needed to finally see Emma in her full grown glory.

“I’m going after her.” Hook announced. “With or without you.”

“What?” Came the hoarse sound of Mason’s startled gasping.

“Captain….”

“No more excuses.” Hook told them. “No more just standing by, too horror stricken to do anything more than bear protesting witness to the things that monster does.”

“But….but...” Stammered Mason. “You’ll die….?”

“Better to die with honor, than to live out life as a dog, too craven and cowardly to act.” Hook retorted. Mason was shaking his head no, but Smee seemed to understand, actually letting go of his hold on Hook’s arm.

“All right, I’m with you captain.” Smee announced, trying to sound brave.

“Have you BOTH gone mad?” Mason demanded.

“I’ll leave the Roger and it’s injured crew in your hands.” Hook told him. “Just….just keep the ship close to shore on the off chance we somehow make it back.”

“This is suicide!” Mason pointed out with a wild sounding exclamation. “Peter Pan is going to kill you if you try to stop him….!” His grip had slackened, Hook now able to pull free of it. “Smee, talk some sense into him!”

Smee could only shrug. “The captain’s set on this course.”

“But….”

“And so am I!” added the oldest looking of the Jolly Roger’s pirates. “You just worry about getting the ship repaired...”

Mason made a sound, an inarticulate attempt to speak. Hook ignored him, slamming his hook on a board. “All right you mangy lot! I want every one of you that’s NOT bleeding up and on your feet!” He ignored the groans and the protests.  “There’s WORK to be done.”

“You heard the captain!” added Smee, clapping loudly with his hands over the grumbling that the crew was doing. “We’ve a lot to do, and not nearly enough time to do it, if we want to be on the mainland by morning!”

The crew wasn’t happy, and Hook couldn’t fault them for that. No one had ever liked watching what Pan did to the grown lost ones, that gruesome display of the red ruin that demon made of his meals. Hook’s pirates were especially loathe to go and bear witness to Pan doing such a thing to a girl, and to one they had known and admired, and had even lusted for.

Hook especially couldn’t stomach the idea of seeing first hand Pan tearing into another, of seeing Emma herself become just another meal for the monster’s belly. But more than that, Hook couldn’t handle his inability to not act any longer. It was more than just the girl’s gender, Emma herself special to Hook. Special and endearing, special and...Hook’s eyes then widened, a thread of thought he had nearly forgot, blazing back to life in his mind. Emma was the first, the only lost girl that Pan had ever claimed. That alone was a wholly unique factor but when figured in with the fact that Pan had just risked no small amount of his brood to wage a war meant to get Emma back? When that demon had never had any amount of trouble to forcibly take back a child who had finally grown up, all on his own and at his complete leisure? A piece of the puzzle had clicked into place, Hook not sure of the big picture, but certain of one thing. Young Emma Swan WAS special, and not just to him, but to Peter Pan as well. He didn’t yet know why, but the idea of it was enough to give Hook some much needed hope.

That seedling of hope that had blossomed inside him, helped to ease back the worst of Hook’s mounting anxieties. He could finally breathe better, no longer quite so suffocating on his own thoughts. He still feared for Emma, still worried what the demon Pan’s ultimate plan for her was, but Hook was at last able to act. He reclaimed his sword from the floor board’s of the Jolly Roger’s deck, picked up the remnants of Pan’s magic, that bespelled dagger that no longer bore it’s shadow manipulating enchantment. Hook fingered the dagger, but stared off at the mainland, his thoughts trying for a single cohesion. Difficult that, when he was spinning from thought and elation, memory and hope, all his fear and self recrimination, all his worry and his regret for and over Emma, for the damage he had been doing her, every moment between them played out in his mind. From that first world jarring instant that he had looked into her eyes, to everything that had followed, the few highs and the many, angry lows. His lips seemed to tingle with a forgotten warmth, the pirate remembering the second to last time he had seen Emma, and the kiss that she had been stealing.

Truth be known, that kiss had scared him, or at least it had once Hook was fully awake to realize just what had been happening. What he and Emma had BOTH been doing, Hook in his dreamy, half asleep state, having kissed the girl back. More than just kissing her, his tongue coming into play, his mouth hot and needy as it fed off the sweetly innocent press of the girl’s lips. A mortified heat STILL filled Hook, the man beyond embarrassed, remembering how bothered that affectionate expression had made him, how angry. Because young Emma hadn’t been at all sorry, the only regret that she had been expressing was that of Hook stopping her.

How easily he saw her then in his mind’s eye, her green eyes sparkling with rebellion, her cheeks tinged a healthy, hearty pink, those pouting lips just a little more swollen than they should be. She had been a defiant, needy little thing, voicing arguments as though Emma had had a right to defend what she had just done, the disaster that she had invited. It was a child who had argued with a woman’s passion in her green gaze, that forest alive in her eyes angry and hurt, and oh so admiring. Her stinging tone, her accusation had been like knives to his heart, Emma only succeeding in making Hook’s anger and guilt increase. A near incomprehensible rage had shook through him then, Hook tortured and aghast at the knowledge that Emma had, at the idea that she might have been exposed to so much worst than him and his pirates.

There was evil out in the realms. An evil nearly on par with that of the likes of Peter Pan and Rumpelstiltskin. It was impossible to champion against them all, Hook settling to be Emma’s hero. Hers and that of any the lost boys who could survive the coming storm.

[lotornomiko]

Finally some success with 24!

So just finished proof reading the rewrite of 24. Feel so much better about this attempt than what I wrote last night. May begin work on 25....or may just kick back and relax to recharge my brain. XD