#The way they’re treated badly by the Capitol for being too district and badly by the districts for being too Capitol

[kitkats-and-kittens]

Still on my Hunger games grind, so can we talk about the relationships I legit never see discussed?

I’m talking about the other victors and their relationships with each other. Like from the way they interact and what we hear about them in catching fire they are all clearly friendly, or as a bare minimum, tolerable with each other.

And although they seem to stick with making friends primarily within their own circle we have evidence that they do establish personal connections with each other’s outside of their district.

People like Haymitch and Chaff or Finnick and Johanna. Honestly it makes sense since the victors all have shared trauma and can understand what they’re all going through, but I need to know how and when this begins?!?!?

Like in Catching Fire Katniss clearly doesn’t like them, at least at the beginning, and of course it makes sense since she doesn’t know them and never gets the chance too because of the quarter quell, but knowing what they’ve all gone through I honestly felt so upset when her and Peeta were making fun of them.

Still, I wonder what their relationships with the victors would have been like had the quarter quell had been different. I don’t think Katniss and Peeta would have trauma bonded with them in quite the same way as other victors had, but I’m so sad they never got to see the other victors behind the persona the Captiol crafted for them.

Also speaking of newer tributes relationships with other victors, what I really want to see is Finnicks relationship with them. I mean he was the youngest presumably for a good few years since the way I’ve always seen it is 18/17 year olds win the most often for obvious reasons and every couple of years you might get a 16 year old with 15 year olds being extremely rare.

But like if they’re used to 16, 17 and 18 year olds who age into adults only a few years after their games then what was it like having a full on child running around the Capital with them for like 3 years?!?

Like okay maybe I’m reaching, but I feel like in mockingjay Finnick had a really close relationship with Beetee and Haymitch. I don’t want to say it was parental, but since they were both quite a bit older than Finnick when he won his games I think it would’ve been them, as well as Mags who kinda showed Finnick how to be a Victor and maybe even helped protect him since the Captiol was being so, well…Captiol.

Honestly the idea of the older victors all helping to mentor the younger ones on how to be victors is so sad but in like a bittersweet kind of way.

And Beetee making Finnick the trident to distract him from Annie while Haymitch tried to convince him not to do the propo has my whole heart.

If you couldn’t tell by this post the victors and their respective endings make me so sad.

[katnissmellarkkk]

Andddd here’s my chappy three thoughts 🥳🥳🥳

Hmmm Katniss saying that her mother has a dress made of velvet is actually really interesting because it shows that Mrs. Everdeen Lily-Rose really was well-er off before she married Katniss’ father Hunter.

Or did she get the velvet dress from Maysilee? Oh well, who knows.

Aww, Katniss’ nervous habit of touching soft things repeatedly to soothe herself 🤧🤧.

“Crying is not an option. There will be more cameras at the train station.” — someone tell that to Peeta 🤣🤣🤣.

Okay I gotta stop picking on Primmers, I know but like. How small is she that she sits on Katniss’ lap like a toddler but then in the following year is the same height as her? Doesn’t matter I know but still I wonder.

Okay so Mrs. E is the doctor for the people of the Seam? Idk I never thought about this but who does people like Peeta or Madge or Delly go to if they’re sick or hurt? Is there a still running apothecary shop that Katniss never mentions? Are her grandparents still running the family biz?

Also okay, I gotta stop having so many thoughts on all the lil details I know but like. Katniss says here she’s familiar with the herbs her mother doesn’t grow on her own so like a). Katniss is more of a healer than she leads on because no average person knows what kind of plant is medicinal and b). Her mother is just growing herbs and Katniss never mentions it again in the whole series? Or I just missed it.

Okay imma move on from this one singular paragraph but Gale and her made a pact a year ago that they’ll supply each other’s family with game if they were to be reaped... I’m feeling like their close friendship is probably only one year old then? Idk. Just my interpretation.

Honestly I love Katniss getting mad at her mom here.

She’s sixteen, for God’s sake, of course she’s angry at what her mother’s illness put her through.

Also I lowkey like that her mother got mad back because that lady in the movies had zero personality.

“Boys who are two to three times my size.” She sounds so little, omg 🥺🥺🥺.

“I don’t care if we’re rich, I just really want you to come home” 🤧🤧🤧😩😩😩😩 okay Primmers, you got me here.

“the Peacekeeper is at the door, signaling our time is up, and we're all hugging one another so hard it hurts and all I'm saying is ‘I love you. I love you both.’ And they're saying it back...” this is so sad leave me be 😫😫😫😫

Katniss is burying her face in a pillow to block out her emotions this is too much for me 🥵🥵🥵

Omg I forgot Peeta’s father visits Katniss 😅

Why does he visit Katniss?

She describes Peeta’s father as a “big, broad-shouldered man.” And then describes Peeta as stocky. Idk the comparison of the two descriptions has always led me to think Peeta is gonna be a big dude when he grows up like his father. This made no sense and had zero correlation but I thought, so I said it, no regrets

Oh he brought her cookies 🤧

WAIT WAIT WAIT. I just had a new thought, y’all. What if instead of the baker bringing cookies being a thing he does for all tributes, what if he’s bringing the cookies because Peeta asked him to, because he made them and wants to give them to Katniss and knows she’ll never accept / trust them coming from her competition? What if that’s the real reason the baker visited her in the first place? Because Peeta asked him to? This was such a shipper comment but idc, no regrets, remember?

Omg Peeta’s father is just mute 🤣🤣🤣

Between an abusive, angry mother and a mute for a father, the Mellark brothers must have had a fairytale of a childhood 😅😅😅😅.

But seriously #PoorPeetaMyBaby

Aww Peeta’s father is gonna help keep Prim alive 😭

Omg I just remembered he’s her mother’s ex boyfriend. Haidon Mellark, as I named him in my fics.

That one fic where he was thought to be Prim’s real father is just playing now in my head, rent free.

But does Katniss not realize that he may be offering to help Prim as a favor to her? Like she claims Prim is just so wonderful people adore her but there’s like zero evidence in the text that make her endearing? Okay I need to turn this bus around, I need to find a love for Primmy Deen.

Madge is not one for preamble apparently. No “hi, how are you? I’m sorry you’re gonna die? What will your last meal be?” Just right to “here, wear this family heirloom of mine, k thanks.”

I like that Madge had to kiss her cheek for Katniss to realize they were friends 😅😅😅.

I remember always loving her and Gale’s hug here. I’ve always felt like it was platonic, but especially when I first read the books and had zero preference one way or another for Gale or Peeta, I really liked how she said even with nothing romantic between them, “when he opens his arms, I don’t hesitate to go to him” or something I’m paraphrasing ok I’m lazy

Also though, this is the first time they’ve ever hugged? Idk why that surprises me? It shouldn’t because where is a hug gonna fit into a hunting trip 😅🤣😂 “I just caught a deer!” “let’s celebrate with a hug!”

I like that Katniss remembers how her father even failed to make a good bow sometimes. Random, I know.

I like that the Capitol weren’t entertained by the people freezing to deaths because it wasn’t bloody enough 🤭🙃

“How different can it be [to kill a human vs an animal]?” She’s about to find out, Gale 🥺. And when she comes back you won’t understand 🙄😔

What did Gale want to say before the Peacekeepers dragged him away?

I used to think it was a confession of love but I’m actually sure it wasn’t now? Just the wording “remember I-“ doesn’t sound like it, considering he never confessed anything prior to her coming home.

I’m assuming now he was just gonna give her some more advice to stay alive 🤷🏼‍♀️. Clearly if it were relevant it would have made its way to the others books.

Aww, she’s never been inside a car before 😭😭. I didn’t even know they had cars in this universe but okay.

I notice though how she says “In the Seam, we travel on foot.” So is Peeta just riding his trolly down the street every day with the other merchants then? 🤣

Peeta just openly crying on camera 😅😢.

I like how Katniss is like “ooo is this an act to get sponsors?” when in reality Peeta’s like “no, I’m just a soft and genuine boy ™️”

Omg I just realized this totally goes along with Peeta’s thing later on “I want to die as myself”

He’s refusing to hold back his emotions because he thinks he’s doomed to die and he’s already refusing to pretend to be or feel something ingenious.

But a Johanna mention in book 1 chapter 3 woohoo 🥳🥳🥳 also Katniss comparing Jo and Peeta is kind of like foreshadowing of their shared torture in book 3.

Omg she just called Peeta broad-shouldered and strong. 🥰🥰🥰 my headcanon for his post-canon body is confirmed

Also why does Katniss keep allotting his strength to carrying bread trays around? Are they heavy? Why have I never once heard of people who carry bread trays being strong? I always thought Peeta was really strong because he learned to fight in order to defend himself against his mother but that’s probably wrong.

But if a mother is abusive, it can lead to one of the kids being physically violent as well and we know Peeta isn’t but he has two older brothers I’m gonna cut myself off now but I think we all smelled what I just stepped in.

Also I just find it so fascinating now how she regards herself vs Peeta here.

When talking about herself, she says, “The competition will be far beyond my abilities. [...] Oh, there'll be people like me, too. People to weed out before the real fun begins.” But when she talks about Peeta, she immediately says, “It would take an awful lot of weeping to convince anyone to overlook him.”

It’s just funny how she discounted herself right from the start but thought he was a real contender and then come to find out, Peeta believes it’s the exact opposite 😂🙃. They’re both so stupid I can’t even take it.

Wait did they actually give the location of the Capitol and the location of District Twelve in today’s world? And I just overlooked it? Brb I’m gonna go to google maps right quick.

Okay so basically what I gathered is the Capitol is probably in New Mexico and District Twelve is somewhere between Kentucky and Alabama. Irrelevant I know. But just a reminder now to everyone that Katniss and Peeta are literally speaking, crying and screaming in thick, backwoods southern accents.

It’s literally so sad how everything for Katniss is about food. Like every motive she has, every action she does is about preventing starvation ever again. 🤧🤧🤧

First mockingjay mention 🤭🤭.

“My father was particularly fond of mockingjays” 😭😭😭 I bet he was 😭😭😭😭

We always go on and on about how Katniss is a mockingjay or her children are mockingjays but Katniss herself here says mockingjays represent her father imma cry, y’all 😫😫😫😫

“It’s like having a piece of my father with me, protecting me” shut up shut up shut up shut up

Awww, Katniss has never had food like this before 😔😔😔

Neither has Peeta 🤧🤧

Katniss disliking the way Effie put the two kids from the year before down and so began to eat like a pig just to prove her point, is so her. And the beginning of her fighting for the underdog.

Omg the Rue introduction 🥺🥺🥺

Bahahahaha the commenters calling District Twelve backwards but charming 😅😅😅 they really are the hillbilly district

Peeta’s unexpected laugh 🥺🥺🥺 I love you, baby

“He was drunk. He’s drunk every year.” “Every day.” Katniss and Peeta are already finishing each other’s sentiments and teaming up to get on Effie’s nerves I love them so much 😍

Oh my God, Effie, you selfish jerk. They’re kids having fun for like one second, no need to throw in their faces they’re gonna die if the drunk won’t help them. I’d forgotten why I don’t really like the book version of her. I actually prefer her as comedic relief in the movies.

I actually just realized I really dislike Effie Trinket, I hope they never speak to her again Post-Mockingjay. Idc how you’re raised you don’t need to treat teenagers who are sentenced to a probable death badly just because they laughed at you 🙄🙄🙄😡😡😡😡. They didn’t even really laugh at her, she’s just annoying and awful, we don’t stan Effie in this household.

Okay, that’s all for my thoughts on chapter three! Until next time, y’all ! If anyone actually read this long mess of a post.

[ilguna]

Tacenda - Chapter Fifteen (f.o)

Summary: you’ll never truly be free from the Capitol.

Word Count; 2.4k

Warnings; swearing, DEATH MENTION, torture

NOTES: i give reader a last name to fit the world.

–

Before both of your parents had died, back in District Four, your family would have been considered ‘middle-class’ to a very thin extent. You guys weren’t at the bottom of the food chain by any means, and neither were you guys on top, but you were afloat enough to be considered middle.

You guys owned a nice two-story house with three bedrooms and two bathrooms. The house came with a very small yard that had that tree that you used to climb. You guys were always one of the first to receive electricity when it would have to be turned on, etc.

You guys never had to eat the food from the square. It’s not a bad thing to eat the food that’s provided there, it’s actually very helpful if you’re trying to go extremely cheap on some days. But eating food from the black market is taking a gamble, because there’s no telling what’s in the soup, or what had been mashed up. And it’s not like the people at the tables would tell you either.

It’s their ‘secret recipe’ and they didn’t want you to go around and tell everyone in the vicinity for a number of reasons. The food could have been made up of something that would be seen as ‘unfavorable’. If you go and tell everyone what’s in it, then that person running the table could lose the business entirely.

After your parents had died, you guys obviously weren’t able to afford super nice things anymore. You guys would be so caught up in trying to keep the essentials stocked, that Reed and Mox would run out of the money. So, with the very bare scraps that you would be able to get, you would head right to the square for those cheap meals.

They weren’t enjoyable sometimes, and you would voice that to the people you would buy from. But other times, they would end up making something particularly enjoyable, and you would let them know that too. You basically became their test monkey for new foods, and you told them how it was every single time.

Eventually, Reed and Mox had gotten ahead of their spending habits, which means that you guys wouldn’t have to eat from the market anymore, but you definitely had a lasting impact. Even though you didn’t have to, you would eat there sometimes and let them know. There was a hell of an increase in quality, people noticed it almost immediately.

They might have been making soups from bones and grass and dandelions from the fields, but it was good fucking soup either way. You absolutely loved their creativity, and you know for a fact that both you, and them had gotten a kick from being a critic and getting critiqued like that.

Even after winning the games, you had still gone to eat their food sometimes. It wasn’t because you wanted to humble yourself or some dumb shit like that. You would genuinely go to eat their food, because there wasn’t anything else to do. You didn’t want to be drowning in riches, and eating from the top quality bakers and the best butchers in the district.

You wanted some of their old fashioned soup, and you went there constantly. It was weird, being stared at like how you were. Watching the people that would have previously disregarded you, suddenly notice you like that. It was watching the sea part when you would walk inside of the building. Sometimes you even saw fear, since they were afraid you’d buy out the whole goddamn building with one months worth of savings.

Then they would notice that you would stop in front of the fucking stall, with the mashed up potatoes and meat. With vegetables that should be a crime to sell, with dandelion, grass and bones soup. And you would buy enough for one, and then sit around on the nearest stool just talking to the owners of the place, asking if they had come up with anything new.

Fuck, they even named a goddamn soup after you. They named one of your favorite creations that they had ever made, after you. Not because you had won the games, or you were a consistent customer, it’s because they genuinely enjoyed you. They were absolutely blown away by the fact that the fifteen year old with more money than she knew what to do with, would come by and eat there anyway.

You would take hours of your day just to sit there and talk, because it was overwhelming in the newly furnished victor house. Every now and then you’d pitch in and pay for someone if you were feeling particularly generous, because you had money to burn.

You miss it. You miss every aspect of that god awful building. You hated the smell of rotting fish before, but now it’s the only thing you can think about. The fact that it was almost always packed to the limit with people just trying to haggle and get their usual stuff but at a cheaper price.

You don’t know what you would trade to go back now. To go back and spend just a few more hours, sitting around in there and watching people go about their days. You would probably go around and buy things for people, because all the money in your account would go to waste when you die.

What you’re saying is, is that the food from the square is astronomically better than the shit that they feed the people in District Thirteen. Forget the ‘secret recipes’ that the old ladies used to protect with their lives, this shit is on a whole new level of a secret recipe. It’s downright inhumane to feed this to anyone.

“You’re picking at your food.” Finnick points out.

“Thanks, I didn’t know.” you give him a look, “You want it?”

“You know you need to eat, (Y/n).” he tells you, “It’s not going to get any better tomorrow, so stop messing with it before it gets cold.”

You roll your eyes, “Okay, dad.”

Finnick’s face scrunches up, almost like he’s disgusted with it. And then, he tilts his head, making a whole new face. Like he doesn’t mind it after all.

“Oh great, did I just find a new kink of yours?” you laugh slightly, ignoring the glances you get from the people around you.

He holds up his finger, placing his fork back onto the tray. Finnick doesn’t know what to think of this whole thing, “Hold on, I’m trying to imagine–”

You punch his arm, shaking your head at him as you go back to your food. Suddenly, you’re interested in it again! Who knew that it would be a valid form of escape?

Finnick is laughing, suddenly enjoying this. He goes back to eating too.

The sound of the Capitol’s anthem makes your head shoot up and the fork freeze in your hands. Your eyes search the room, looking for the source, and you end up finding it pretty quickly, the television sets that are on the wall. The logo for the Capitol comes in and it says ‘Capitol TV’ beneath it.

“Dinner and a show?” Finnick asks.

“I have a feeling this isn’t common.” you say, placing down your fork entirely, pushing the food tray back as you prop your head up against the table, “But I will enjoy it either way.”

Caesar fades in, and you do a little laugh, “Hello, good evening, and a big welcome to all of Panem. I’m Caesar Flickerman, and wherever you are, whatever it is you’re doing, if you’re working, put down your work. If you’re having dinner, stop having dinner. Because you are going to want to witness this tonight.”

You fake a yawn, and Finnick does it right back.

“There has been rapid speculation about what really happened in the Quarter Quell. And here, to shed a little light on the subject for us, is a very special guest. Please welcome, mister Peeta Mellark.” Caesar says.

Your mouth drops open slightly, and you can feel all the fun run out of your body at once. Suddenly, you’re no longer smiling, and you’re staring at the tv screen as if you’ve received the news that your mom just died again. You take in a shaky breath, and that’s when Finnick wraps an arm around your shoulders and pulls you into his body.

Peeta may not be your fiance, but he’s somewhat directly related to your siblings. Because they’re both in the same place right now. Lucky for you, Peeta looks healthy, like they haven’t touched a hair on his head. He’s wearing a white suit, and almost like he hasn’t been treated badly at all.

It raises hope, but along with hope, comes disappointment.

Caesar continues, “Peeta, a lot of people feel as though they are in the dark.”

You feel so horribly bad for Katniss right now.

“Yeah, I know how they feel.” Peeta says, Caesar laughs a little bit.

“Now, so set the stage for us. Talk us through, what really happened on that final, and controversial night.”

“Well first off, you have to–you have to understand that when you’re in the games, you only get one wish. It’s very costly.” Peeta says, he sounds calm.

“It costs your life.” Caesar says.

“I think it costs more than your life.” Peeta disagrees.

“How do you mean? What’s more than your life?”

Your laugh is hollow, “It costs other people’s lives. It costs your dignity and you’re sacrificing your entire personality.”

Finnick nods, “Because there’s no way you come out of the arena the same, no matter what.”

“Well, I mean to–to murder innocent people. That costs everything that you are.” Peeta says, and briefly raises his hand, “So you hold on to that one wish. That night, my wish was; to save Katniss. I should have just run off with her earlier in the day like she wanted.”

You look at Finnick, trying to recall any conversation like that between them. Like overhearing or something, but you come up with nothing. But it seems like Finnick has an answer for it, “Before we had gone to the tree, when they were sitting alone.”

And it clicks, because that would have been the perfect time to say it. Since it was the first time they had truly been alone like that in a while.

“But you didn’t!” Caesar says, “Why? Were you caught up in Beetee’s plan?”

“No, I was caught up trying to play allies. And then they seperated us and–” he pauses, “That’s when I lost her.”

“It’s so fucking hard not to be mad at him right now.” you cross your arms.

Finnick shrugs, “I mean, they could have been telling him to say this.”

“It’s raw emotion.” you lean forward a bit, out of Finnick’s arm to get a closer look, “He’s perfectly healthy, there’s no reason for him to lie. Playing allies my fucking asshole, what a joke.”

“And then the lightning hit and uh–the whole forcefield around the arena just blew out.” Peeta finishes.

“Yes, but Peeta, Katniss is the one that blew it out.”

“No–”

Caesar cuts him off, “You saw the footage.”

“No–she didn’t know what she was doing. Neither of us, knew there was a bigger plan going on, we had no idea.”

“You had no idea?” Caesar asks.

“No.”

“Alright, well Peeta, there are many who find this suspicious, to say the least. It seems as though she was part of a rebel plan.” Caesar proposes, and you watch as he does the basic, classic hand motions of ‘just saying’.

“What, do you think it was part of her plan to almost be killed by Johanna and (Y/n)?” Peeta looks tired of it, “Or to be paralyzed by lightning? No, we were not part of any rebel plan, we had no idea what was going on.”

“Alright.” Caesar does the motion again, “I believe you, Peeta Mellark. Thank you. Now, I was going to ask you to speak about the unrest but I think you might be too upset.”

“They’re patronizing him.” you laugh, “God, they’re treating him like a child.”

“No, no I can.”

“Are you sure?” Caesar asks.

“Yeah, absolutely.” Peeta turns towards the camera, actually staring into it now, “I want everyone who’s watching, to stop, and think about what a civil war could mean. We almost went extinct once before, and now our numbers are even fewer. Is this really what we want to do?”

The people around you aren’t so happy at this, and they’re looking at each other, almost appalled that he’s saying this.

“Now this could be rehearsed.” you tell Finnick, tilting your head.

“Kill ourselves off? Killing is not the answer. Everyone needs to lay down their weapons immediately.” That sentence doesn’t go over well with the people around you. You can’t hear the next couple of words because of how loud the shouting has gotten.

“Peeta,” Caesar leans forward, “Are you calling for a ceasefire?”

“Yeah, I am.” It gets louder, Finnick is beginning to slide off of the table’s seats, and you have a pretty good idea why, “I want everyone to stop, let’s end this violence. This is not the path–”

You’re out of your seat soon after, Finnick grabs your hand, and he begins to pull you away and out of the room. You watch as the room basically gets rowdier and angrier from what he’s saying.

Finnick wants to leave because he’s worried about your guys’ safety. It’s a safety hazard being around them, since you two had associated with him, and even halfway considered him a friend. It was a precaution, and almost a matter of time before they turned on you guys next.

“I don’t know about you.” you begin, “But I could really go for some peace and quiet right now.”

He looks at you, “Peace and quiet how?”

You smile a little bit, “A good fuckin’ nap.”

Finnick laughs, taking your hand and beginning to lead the way to your guys’ dorm–for a lack of a better word, “Sounds good to me.”

[doomedhowell]

Let The Games Begin [Repost]

Summary: The Hunger Games is happening once again. Phil Lester has never been interested due to his grandpa shielding him away from most of it. But now, Phil wants to learn more about the Games. Then, he meets a boy from District 6 who has been chosen to take part in The Hunger Games. Phil becomes attached, and he’ll do anything to help keep this boy alive. Genre: AU, Angst with a happy ending Word Count: 8,586 Triggers/Warnings: swearing, minor character deaths

A/N: I wrote this way back in 2016. I recently rewatched the hunger games, and decided to read this again. Then, I realized that there were so many mistakes and decided to edit the whole thing. I only edited the fic, didn’t change much (but I did add a few things here and there). I hope you enjoy this fic (because I low actually do, and would love some feedback on it lmao).

[READ ON AO3]

“Grandpa Snow, are we going to find out who all the tributes are today?” Sixteen year old Phil Lester asks as he excitedly walks into his grandfather’s large office. “Yes Phil, we are going to meet the tributes,” Snow answers, sighing as he looks over at the small boy. “Can I go with you to the arrival?” Phil asks hopefully. “You know you aren’t allowed to go,” Snow says. “But grandpa, I never get to go. Can’t I go just this one time?” Phil begs. “Tell me, why do you want to go so badly?” Snow asks curiously, crossing his arms against his chest as he leans back in his chair, watching as his grandson sits down in the chair in front of him. “Because,” Phil starts. “Everybody else gets to go and meet the tributes, and everybody else gets to go to the parties and mingle with each other, while I’m stuck here in this boring mansion.” “Boring?” Snow scoffs, shaking his head in disbelief. “You should be grateful you live in a place like this.” “No, I am! I’m sorry, Grandpa,” Phil says quickly, “It’s just… it gets a bit boring sometimes. I’m lonely.” Whilst Phil truly did love living in this mansion, he is constantly stuck in it because his grandpa protective and he doesn’t want anything to happen to him, which Phil does understand considering how many deaths a day there were in the districts and even sometimes the Capitol. The mansion is still boring and Phil doesn’t have any friends because he can’t exactly go anywhere. “Phil, you know it’s too dangerous for you,” Snow says. “I’ll stay close to you then. Hire a bodyguard… or something,” Phil shrugs. Snow finally sighs in defeat, and thinks quietly for a moment. “Alright. You can go… but just this once. But, I cannot babysit you. I’ve got very important things to do with the Games drawing nearer each day. Understood, Philip? If anything happens, you’ll be brought straight back to the mansion,” he warns. Phil gasps and nods excitedly. “Thank you, thank you!” He exclaims excitedly, standing up. “Now go and find Vivian. She’ll help you find something to wear for tonight,” “Thank you so much Grandpa! You won’t regret this,” Phil grins and then instantly runs out of Snow’s office, off to find Vivian, who is basically like a mother to Phil. She cares for him, and she’s just their maid. Phil’s parents died when he was very little because of illnesses, so he was forced to live with his grandpa, who just happens to be the President of the Capitol, President Snow. You either love and adored him, or you hated him. Sometimes people told Phil they were sorry for him, that he had to live with the old man. But honestly, Phil doesn’t care what those people say or what they thought of his family. Grandpa Snow cares for him, and that’s all that matters to Phil, since he’s pretty much the only family he has left. **** “Phil, you look dashing,” Snow says once he sees Phil walk down the stairs, wearing a white suit. Phil smiles as he looks up at his Grandpa, not being to stop himself from blushing. “Thank you, Grandpa. Vivian picked it out for me. It’s weird wearing a suit though,” he says. “You’ll get used to it. Now, come. We need to get going. Hurry up,” Phil smiles, and then he follows Snow out of the mansion. **** Now they were waiting for the tributes from each district to arrive in the Capitol. Phil’s very excited, although surprisingly, also nervous. He can’t help but feel sorry for all these kids, because he knew that all but one were going to survive The Hunger Games. Phil’s definitely very thankful that he doesn’t have to go through any this, since he was the President’s grandson. “They’re coming!” Phil squeals excitedly as he sits in his seat next to Snow. “Philip,” Snow warns as he gave Phil a stern look. “That’s not how we behave.” Phil immediately goes still and looks down at his hands. He completely forgot that they were pretty much in front of the whole Capital and the districts, and he really doesn’t want to embarrass his grandpa, but can you blame him for being so excited? This was his first time witnessing this event live. Phil looks up a moment later and smiles when he hears Caesar Flickermen speaking, and then he sees the districts coming in. He sits up a little bit more so that he can get a better look of everyone. “Here from our sixth district, Daniel Howell and Louise Pentland!” “Wow, look at him…” Phil whispers quietly to himself, his eyes went wide with shock, as soon as he saw the brown haired boy come out. He’s the most beautiful boy he’s ever seen. Phil has never told anyone that he’s gay, especially not his grandpa. Because he knew that he wouldn’t get a supportive reaction. He didn’t want to jeopardise any of the life that he’s living right now. Besides, it isn’t a big deal… what boy would be interested in him, anyways? Phil doesn’t pay attention to any of the other tributes, he can only keep his eyes on Dan Howell. **** “This party is huge,” Phil whispers quietly to himself as he looks around. It’s now after the arrival of the tributes, he’s finally at the welcoming party that’s being held in the Capitol. There were so many press and paparazzi here. Everybody wants to see and talk to all the new tributes. Phil never knew that it was such a big deal, even though he had a small idea of it. “Oh, sorry…” Phil mumbles as soon as he accidentally bumps into someone. He looks up and his eyes immediately went wide with shock when he saw that it was none other than Dan Howell himself. “I-It’s okay,” Dan speaks quietly, blushing deeply. Dan isn’t used to speaking to many people like this, because even though he came from district 6, he’s terribly shy and reserved, and likes to keep to himself. “You’re Dan Howell? From District 6?” Phil asks. “Nice to meet you.” “Who are you?” Dan asks, blinking a few times. “Oh, sorry about that. I’m Phil Lester, President Snow’s grandson,” Phil introduces himself, smiling. “You’re President Snow’s grandson?” Dan asked, clearly shocked to hear this. “Yeah… I get that reaction a lot,” Phil says, sighing quietly. “So, what are you doing here then?” Dan asked. Normally Dan wouldn’t strike up a conversation like this, but he can’t help but be quite interested in this boy. Phil seems like someone that he would get along with. He only has one best friend back home, and that was Louise. The fact that he’s going to lose her absolutely breaks his heart. Either she and him would die in the Games, or only one of them would live. “I never get to go to these parties, Grandpa Snow is very protective of me,” Phil explains. “I asked him if I could come tonight and he finally said yes. I’m really glad that I got to come tonight though.” “President Snow, protective of someone?” Dan scoffs. “I find that hard to believe,” “I wish people wouldn’t talk about him like that in front of me,” Phil mumbles. “Oh, I’m sorry… it’s just… can you blame me? It’s his fault that we’re here in the first place,” Dan says. “I guess I can understand that,” Phil nods. “But that’s not how I see it.” “Well, you actually live with him and see him more often than any of us… so maybe you see a different side to him then us,” Dan says, sighing when he hears his name called. “I guess that’s my cue to leave. Will I see you around?” He bites his lip. He hopes this wouldn’t be the last time he sees Phil Lester. “Yeah,” Phil smiles and nods. “You definitely will.” “See you later,” Dan bids goodbye, and then turns around and walks away without saying another word. “Lester,” Phil looks over and then he sighs when he saw that it was one of the bodyguards that Snow hired for him. “What now?” Phil sighs, crossing his arms against his chest. “President Snow wants you back at the mansion as soon as possible,” “But why? The party is just getting started! I want to meet all the tributes,” Phil argues. “Tributes aren’t here to be your friend, Lester. Let’s go now, or we’ll do it the hard way,” Phil huffs angrily, walks pass the bodyguard, and storms out of the room. Phil already knew what would happen if Snow got angry or upset with him, so he wasn’t going to argue with anyone. He isn’t an idiot. He’s actually seen how his grandpa treated people from the other districts. And Phil definitely doesn’t want to get on his grandpa’s bad side. *** “How come the tributes have to do this?” Phil asks curiously. “We need to evaluate them so we can learn what their special skills are for the Games,” Plutarch sighs, as he crosses his arms against his chest, Phil’s been asking a million questions about the Games, which is already annoying Plutarch. Phil is definitely a curious person, and he isn’t afraid to show that. Phil raises his eyebrows, but then shrugs his shoulders. Phil has been showing a lot of interest in the process of The Hunger Games, so Snow finally is allowing him to tag along with Plutarch for the day. Phil hopes to see Dan today as well. It’s been a few days since they have last run into each other and Phil misses him, even though they have only spoke a few minutes, Phil can’t stop thinking about the boy from District 6.. Phil knew there would be a chance that he would never get to see him again, which is one of the main reasons why he wanted to see him again, at least once more before the Games. “Dan Howell, District 6!” Phil’s head immediately perks up when he hears Dan’s name being announced. He bites his lip nervously as he looks over at the door, and then he takes a deep breath when he sees Dan walk out. “You have ten minutes to perform your skill,” Phil hears a voice call. Dan glances up and smiles a little when he sees Phil, to which Phil gives him a little wave and a smile. Knowing that Phil is there definitely calms Dan’s nerves a little. *** The next day they’re at the training center, where the tributes spend the day training for the Games that will be starting in less than four days now. Phil can’t believe how soon the Games were happening, and part of him is a little sad because a lot of the tributes were quite nice and lovely. Phil looks around the room, seeing that all the tributes were already working and training. He smiles when he spots Louise across the room, and he instantly walks over to her, where she is working on trying to start a fire. The only thing that’s currently on his mind is Dan, he wants to see Dan at least one more time before the Games start. They barely know each other, but Phil is so attached to the boy. “Hi,” Phil speaks once he reaches Louise. Phil knows that Louise is Dan’s best friend from back home. Louise glances over when she hears the voice and smiles shyly when she sees Phil. “Hi,” “I’m Phil,” Phil introduces politely before he shakes hands with Louise. “Do you know where Dan is?” “He’s over there,” Louise tells him kindly as she points over at Dan, who was currently throwing knives into one of the walls. Phil looks over and raises his eyebrows as soon as he sees Dan. He really didn’t expect Dan to be so good with knives. Though Dan did get a ten for throwing knives at the evaluation. “Thank you,” Phil gives Louise a smile before walking to Dan, being sure to stay back a little though, as Dan was throwing knives, and Phil doesn’t want to get in his way. “Hi.” Phil finally speaks after a moment. Dan looks up in surprise, not expecting to see Phil in the training center, especially with the other tributes, “Hi,” Dan replies, not looking Phil in the eyes while speaking. “Can I help you?”  He asks, a bit harsh. Dan surprises him with his harsh tone. Before, Dan seemed so open to talking with him. “Um, not really, it’s just that… I didn’t expect you to be so good at this.” He shrugs. Dan gives Phil a fake sad face, and then scoffs,  “You watched me in the evaluation, you should know…”  With that, Dan walks away. He doesn’t want to get to attached to Phil, after all he is going to die. Dan looks for Louise, he knew where’d she be, and of course, he finds her with the camo paints. Before this all happened, Dan would watch her paint for hours back in District 6, he found peace in doing so. “Louise?” Dan speaks quietly, trying not to startle her. Louise’s head perks up as soon as she hears Dan’s soft voice. “Oh, Dan!” Louise exclaims excitedly. “Look at this… it’s absolutely amazing,” she picks up her hand and places it against a fake willow tree. Her hand perfectly blends in with it. Dan smiles slightly as he watches her show off her skill. Of course Dan is very happy for Louise, having this beautiful skill that would be useful in the Games… but, they both knew that she wouldn’t be the one winning the Games and with that depressing thought, Dan lets out a sad sigh, and then he plops down next to her. Dan needs a break anyways. Phil was hurt by the way Dan had just treated him. He doesn’t understand why Dan had just done that, and then walked away from him without saying another word to him. He thought they were friendly towards each other? Perhaps Phil said something before that upset Dan, or he did something wrong. Phil has absolutely no clue, and honestly, his feelings were hurt. Phil sighs as he nervously stands there, looking around, unsure of what he should do now. He was hoping to talk to Dan a little more, but it seems that wasn’t going to happen. Maybe Phil could try one last time. Phil hesitates before walking over to where Louise was, glancing at Dan once before looking back at her. “What are you doing?” Phil asks curiously, watching Louise. Louise looks over at Phil and age gives him a friendly smile. “Oh, this? Camo. It’s paint, and you can paint on yourself so it helps you to hide from the others. It seems to work. I’ve done this a lot back in District 6, right Dan?” She looks up at Dan and frowns slightly when he just shrugs. The way he was behaving now is totally unlike him, but she tries not to worry about it and focuses on her training. Phil sighs quietly as he watches Dan, and then he looks over when his bodyguard walked over to him. “You’ve been ordered to leave Lester,” the bodyguard says. Phil frowns. “But Grandpa Snow said I could stay for a few hours,” he protests quickly. “This is very serious, Lester. We’re getting complaints you’re distracting the tributes from their training. You’re going to have to leave so they can train for the Games. You, out of everyone, must know this,” Louise gives Phil a sympathetic smile before she returns to her training. Phil looks back at Dan one last time, before he follows the bodyguard out of the training center. Phil just hopes that he will be able to catch Dan one last time before the Games. He feels determined. *** “This place is so cool!” Phil exclaims as he walks into the tributes center with President Snow. “Settle down Phil, we talked about this,” Snow warns, looking down at Phil sternly. “S-Sorry grandpa,” Phil mumbles. “Where will I go while you do your um, business?” “You’ll stay down here and Vivian will watch you,” Snow tells him. “Grandpa, I’m sixteen years old. Do I really need to have a babysitter?” Phil groans. “The night before the Games? Yes,” Snow sighs. “I’ll be back in a few hours.” “Okay,” Phil smiles as he watches Grandpa Snow walk off with a few other important people. “You’ll let me know if you need anything?” Vivian asks. Phil nods in response. “Of course. I’ll just be around here somewhere. Can I go outside?” “I suppose, but stay close. President Snow will have a fit if you go off too far,” Vivian shakes her head. “I know,” Phil sighs as he watches Vivian walk into one of the lounges. Phil looks around quickly, and then his eyes light up the second he sees Dan walk out of the elevator. Even though Phil is still pretty upset about how Dan treated him a few days ago, but he still wants to say hi at least one last time before the Games, and hopefully they’ll be able to talk a little more this time. Phil takes a deep breath before he walks over to Dan. “Dan. Um-” Phil hesitates as Dan looks up at him, hoping that Dan won’t blow him off this time. Dan seems to be in a much more calmer mood this time “Um, I-I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for what happened the other day at the training center.” Dan starts to open is mouth to speak but quickly stops himself and looks down at his hands. “No it’s okay, I was the one acting cold towards you. I should be the one apologizing to you,” Dan lets out a small breath before continuing, “It’s just… I didn’t want to get attached to you, because you and I both know that we won’t see each other again after the Games start.” Phil and Dan were silent for a moment before Phil speaks up again. “Look Dan, I know you don’t want to get attached to anyone but can we at least pretend to be friends, just for tonight, please?” Phil hasn’t gone against his grandfather’s orders for nothing. Dan is someone that he cares about. Dan looks up and Phil, and luckily gives him a nod. Then gently pats the spot next to him, waiting for Phil to sit as well. They sat for a while, listening to the slight breeze and the people of the Capitol below them. “Hey Dan, can you tell me about your life back in your district?” Phil asks quietly. Phil has always heard stories about what happened in the districts, but he never knew how much of the stories were true. Dan is quiet for a moment before nodding. “Yeah. I guess I can, but you know it might take a little bit…” He hopes that will get Phil to change his mind, as a lot of bad things happened in his past back home. But Phil just lays back and says, “Then we better get started.” Dan leans against the pillar behind him and tries to pick a place for him to start. The day his dad unfortunately left comes to mind, he finally begins speaking. “Well... the week I turned twelve years old, me and my little brother, Alex, went to visit my dad at his job. He fixed trains and he would make sure that the control systems worked. We looked for his train, and when we finally found it, people were crowded around it. I grabbed Alex’s hand and pushed us to the front and when we got there…” Dan’s eyes stung, as he’s trying his best not to cry. The memories were painful to relive. “My dad… H-He was mangled in between the train cars,” he stops for a moment. “Neither of us could move as we watched the peacekeepers dragged his body away.” Dan finally looks up at Phil, who looks almost as if he was crying, and Dan wonders why he himself wasn’t crying yet. He has just talked about his father’s death after all, maybe it’s because at this point he had nothing to cry about, his life was pretty much over. “I-I’m sorry Dan, that must of been really awful for you and your family. I can’t even imagine what that would be like to see that at such a young age,” Phil frowns. Phil has also lost his parents at a young age, so he definitely knows what Dan is going through, in some ways. But Phil doesn’t remember his parents. Phil looks over at him and asks if he would continue the story, Dan nods. “After that, Alex  stayed in most days. He would help my mom clean the house or make all of us dinner, and I learned how to use throwing knives to hunt for my family…” He closes his eyes for a moment, remembering what it felt like to go running through the forest, being happy and free back in District 6. ”Then, I started writing. I found that I was really good at it. I would write whole stories in a day, sometimes I would go out into the woods and write there. I found it much easier. For some reason, I loved the trees. Every day I would just run through them for hours.” At this point, there were no stopping the tears now. Dan desperately wants to be home with his family. He would give anything to smell the pine trees again, he hates how life played with him like a puppet. Nothing was okay anymore, nothing at all.

Suddenly, Dan feels a pair of arms snake around his waist, and he’s shaken out of his thoughts. He looks and sees that it’s just Phil wanting to comfort him. Phil’s warm, and he even smells faintly like that smell that he missed so much, Phil is lucky that he doesn’t ever have to go through the Games. ”I’m so sorry Dan… I really am. I know you can win. Do it for your brother, do it so you can go home and run through the forest again.” They stay hugging. And, for a single moment, Dan thinks that maybe he actually has a chance of winning the games, for the first time since his name was drawn at the reaping. “Phil, I’m getting tired,” Dan yawns after he spoke. “Oh sorry, I didn’t mean to keep you up,” Phil has a faint blush on his cheeks. Though, a huge part of him wishes that he could stay with Dan all night, but he knows that Dan needs as much sleep as possible. “It’s okay. I didn’t mind being out here with you. Actually… I was thinking maybe would you come with me. I don’t think that I can sleep on my own after talking about my dad,” Dan looks down at his hands shyly. “Of course. Come on then, let’s go!” With that, Phil gently grabs Dan’s hand and they walk to his room, luckily nobody sees Phil go into Dan’s bedroom with him. He was sure they would have gotten in trouble. Phil manages to stay for a few hours with Dan, slightly thankful that Dan had fallen asleep before he left, because Dan was still a little shaken up after talking about his father’s death and District 6. Phil desperately wants Dan to win now more than ever. He truly cares about Dan, even if they have only known each other for less than a week. Phil just feels so attached to the boy, and he absolutely hates that Dan is going into the Games, there’s a ninety nine percent chance that he isn’t going to make it out alive. But, Phil has hope. Phil believes in Dan, that he’ll make it through to the end. “Where have you been?” Vivian asks with frustration when Phil finally walks back out to the entrance. Phil blinks a few times, Vivian startling him slightly. “Um, I=I was... outside,” he’s partially telling the truth. He has been outside, but he can’t tell her that he’s been upstairs with Dan, cuddling, specifically. “Outside? I looked everywhere for you. We’re supposed to be leaving in fifteen minutes,” Vivian sighs and shakes her head. “This is exactly why President Snow never brought you to these things, you know?” Phil frowns as he looks up at Vivian. “I’m sorry, alright? I just got distracted is all. This place is massive, and I can explore it for days. I’m always stuck in the mansion so I was kind of taking advantage of being outside while I can be,” he mumbles. “It’ll only get worse when the Games start.” “At least let me know where you’re going to be at next time,” she warns. “Okay,” Phil crosses his arms against his chest and sighs. “Sorry for snapping… but can you blame me? It’s the night before the Games start and things get crazy during these times. President Snow would literally murder me if anything happened to you,” Vivian says. “Do you think I could go with Dan before he leaves for the Games?” Phil blurts out. “Dan? As in Dan Howell?” Vivian asks, and Phil nods. “Have you been speaking to him?” “Um, well… kind of, not really. We’ve only spoken to each other a few times-” Phil quickly tries to lie. “But… I want to see him one last time before he goes into the Games. Please, can I?” He asks hopefully. “That’s something you’ll have to talk with President Snow about,” Vivian says. Phil begs and pleads before President Snow finally agrees for him let him to be with Dan before he enters the arena. Dan told him the night they were cuddling that nobody would be there for him. Their mentor is going to be with Louise, and so Phil feels bad that nobody will be there to comfort Dan. Dan and Phil only have two minutes to spare with each other before the Games start. Phil’s very nervous, but he can’t even imagine how Dan’s feeling at that moment. Dan must be so nervous and so scared. “You look amazing,” Phil whispers as he stands with Dan. “Thanks,” Dan blushes at Phil’s kind words. “I don’t feel amazing though. I’m about to go into battle.” “I know,” Phil sighs sadly, and then he hesitates before reaching over and taking Dan’s hand in his. “Aren’t there cameras around here?” Dan asks, immediately looking up at Phil with wide eyes. “I’ll deal with my grandfather later. I just want to be with you,” Phil mumbles. It’s silent for a moment between the two, before Dan suddenly flings his arms around Phil’s neck and hugs him tightly., surprising Phil by his action. But, Phil doesn’t hesitate to hug the boy back. “You’re going to win,” Phil whispers as he holds onto Dan tightly. “How can I?” Dan cries, sniffing a few times. “You’ve seen the other tributes…” “Hide, okay? Just hide and you’ll be fine,” Phil takes a deep breath. “Only go out when you need to.” “One minute…” Phil closes his eyes as he continues to hold Dan, knowing that he needs as much comfort as he can get right now before all hell breaks loose in the Games. Phil wishes that he could just take Dan far away from here and take him somewhere where he would be safe, with no chance of being killed by anyone. “Okay Dan, just get what you need, and then get out. Don’t kill anyone unless you have to. Just go hide, and make sure you have enough food and water to last you. You don’t have to kill anyone,” Phil whispers, knowing that killing is the one thing that Dan has been worrying about this whole time. Dan nods and he takes a deep breath before he pulls away from Phil. “Thank you…” He whispers as he looks up at him. “For being here for me today, I mean. I didn’t have anyone unlike Louise does. Everybody loves her and nobody cares about me-” Dan sighs sadly. “I care about you… I wouldn’t have been anywhere else,” Phil smiles. “I know you can win this.” “You seem to be the only person who has faith in me,” Dan sniffs. “I know the other tributes want to work with you, so if they offer you a deal, take it when you need it, okay? I’ll be cheering for you no matter what happens though,” Phil promises. “At least I know someone will be cheering for me,” Dan mumbles. “Of course. I don’t care about those other tributes. I only care about you,” Phil tells him. “Do you really mean that? Or are you just saying that?” Dan asks, tilting his head slightly. “Why would I say it if I didn’t mean it?” Phil asks, blinking a few times. “Thank you,” Dan hugs him one last time. Phil steps away when the countdown from twenty seconds started. He watches as Dan got into the tube and then it locks. Phil waves to Dan, while giving him a smile of reassurance. “Good luck,” Phil says, even though Dan probably couldn’t hear him. Twenty seconds later, and Dan’s gone. Phil sighs as he closes his eyes, hoping and praying for Dan to be okay and he would make it out alive, because Phil knew that Dan can do it. Dan just needs to have a little confidence and faith in himself. When Phil gets back to the mansion, of course his grandpa has quite a few things to say to him about being in contact with Dan this whole time. Phil knew his grandpa wouldn’t be happy about it. “I thought I told you, Philip. You were not supposed to be speaking to any of them,” Snow warns. “I’m sorry grandpa, I just… I couldn’t help it!” Phil exclaims, sighing. Of course Snow would have found out about him and Dan. Nothing ever stays a secret around here. “Couldn’t help it? You were acting as if he were your boyfriend,” Snow snaps. “He’s not my boyfriend,” Phil mumbles, looking away. “A boy like him would never date me…” “Excuse me?” Snow asks, the words Phil spoke shocking him. He’s never heard Phil speak like that, and he doesn’t like what he’s hearing either. Phil never talks to him about his personal love life. “U-Uh… nothing. C-Can we just watch the Games?” Phil asks, his cheeks turning bright red.

That was too close, and Phil can’t allow his grandpa to find out about his real sexuality. **** Dan’s stomach is churning, a feeling of nausea arising in his throat as he ascends in the tube. His eyes were hurting with the artificial light when he finally emerges, blinking around at the other tributes as the last ten seconds were counting down. Dan can’t believe this is actually happening right now, even though he’s been preparing for the Games for almost a week now. Louise catches his eye from across the field, and then she gives him a smile and a nearly miniscule nod. Just from that, Dan can tell that she’s was going to be meeting him wherever he went. He then quickly looks at the items in the middle of the arena, taking notice of a certain bag with a few throwing knives, which would be excellent if Dan can get his hands on those throwing knives. The entire arena is silent when the clock down struck zero. And then, all hell broke loose.   With as much stamina and agility as possible, Dan takes in a small breath and leapt, falling into the grass with a harsh sting in his legs. He wills himself to ignore the pain. A second in, and he’s already hurt. But, he’s ignoring the way his ankle twists under him as he sprints to the middle of the arena. There were tributes all around him, screaming, and his ears were ringing as the first canon strikes the air. The first death. Dan reaches out as he nears the bag, grabbing it with a shaking hand before stuffing the throwing knives into the bag as soon as he gets them. He’s almost pleasantly surprised at how utterly easy this seems. That is, until something hit his back with a large thump and threw him to the ground. He falls onto his stomach, the breath being knocked out of him instantly. Then, someone’s on top of him, pressing his face into the dirt to where he could literally taste the mud, gritty and covering his tongue with the disgusting substance. He thrashes his arms and legs, bucking in an attempt to throw the person off, but all he achieves is turning his body around so he can see who exactly is on top of him. He recognizes the girl from District 2, beautiful platinum hair in a messy bun and black eyes full of death. She’s much stronger than him, that much is obvious, from having years of training for this exact moment. She grins evilly as her arms wrap around his neck, Dan can feel her nails pressing into his skin now, choking him and he’s already preparing himself for his death. This is it, he decides, flailing his arms in an attempt to throw her off. To no avail. Five minutes into the games and I’m already dead, Dan thinks. Just as the thought fills to his head, a thud resonates through his ears, and the girl falls limp on top of him. A hand then pulls him up, forcing him to stand though his throat is sore and he couldn’t stop coughing from being shoved into the dirt and mud, and then the same hand was forcing him to run. He looks up through teary eyes to find the blonde head of Louise in front of him, practically dragging him to the forest. “You saved my life,” he gasps once they’re finally far enough away from everyone else, his free hand gently stroking at his already now sore neck. Half of his body is aching and he’s done nothing. “Of course I did, you numpty!” She snorts. Dan briefly wonders how she wasn’t worn out from running, but doesn’t question it as there were more important things to worry about. “We’re not friends for nothing.” “I really thought I was going to die,” Dan breathes, trying to catch his breath back. “Good thing you’ve got me to look after you, huh?” Louise grins. “I think we’re pretty far from the others…” “We should find a place to hide,” Dan says. “A tree or something.” “A tree? You think a tree is the best place to hide?” Louise asks, raising her eyebrows. “If we hide in a cave, then it’ll be too obvious. We have to be high up,” Dan explains. He’s already getting a headache and becoming stressed. Dan doesn’t want to leave Louise, but it’s obvious that there is absolutely no other choice. They’d both be dead if they stay together. “So, we’re sticking together then? Is that a good idea, Dan? Only one of us can win this whole thing... and I really don’t want to have to be the person to kill you,” Louise says quietly Dan takes a deep breath, nodding in agreement to Louise’s statement. “I suppose you’re right…” “We both have different ways of survival. I’ll be fine. Just, be careful?” Louise steps closer to him and she pulls him into a hug. “Here-” She holds up the bag she had in her hands and hands Dan a bottle of water. “Are you out of your mind?” Dan asks, his eyes going wide. “I have one for me as well, so no need to worry,” Louise smiles. “Don’t do anything stupid.” “Shut up,” Dan laughs, surprising himself. But, this is Louise. She can make him laugh in any situation. “Good luck, Louise.” He watches as Louise turns around and she starts heading off deeper into the forest, his heart breaking at the thought that this can be the very last time that he sees her. Louise is too pure and innocent to have to go through something like this. Someone like her shouldn’t be here. Dan looks around and sighs, feeling of devastation washes over him when he realizes that he no longer has the throwing knives that he collected earlier. Now, he only has the bottled water that Louise gave him, which he’s very grateful for. This should last him for a day. Maybe even two days if he’s careful. Dan walks around for nearly an hour until he finally finds a tall enough tree that he can use for hiding, and climbs to the top, hoping that nobody saw him climbing the tree. Hopefully, he’ll be safe here for awhile. **** Relief. That’s how Phil feels once he sees that Dan’s finally found someplace safe to be in the arena. Phil’s been watching him all day on the television, only taking breaks when he absolutely needs to. “It’s late, Philip, you need to go to bed,” President Snow sighs as he stood in the doorway of the lounge, where Phil has been watching the Games all day, watching Dan’s every move. “But, I don’t want to miss anything,” Phil whines, though you could tell by his voice that he was tired. “With the way things are going now, I highly doubt you’ll miss anything,” President Snow says. Phil bites his lip as he looked over at the television again, debating quietly to himself. “Okay, how about this… as soon as anything interesting happens, I’ll wake you?” President Snow suggests as he crosses his arms against his chest. “It’s late. Go to bed. You need sleep.” “Fine,” Phil groans before he finally turns the tv off. “Promise you’ll wake me up if something happens?” He takes a deep breath. “I just need to know if he’s okay.” “I told you I would, didn’t I?” President Snow raises his eyebrows. Phil pouts, and then he stands up and walks out of the lounge to go to his bedroom. The only thing on his mind is Dan, and hoping that the boy is okay. That he’s safe. When Phil wakes up in the morning, he quickly finds the nearest tv he can find, and turns on the Games, and he’s happy when he sees that Dan is still alive. They have already announced deaths that happened on the first night, and Phil’s heartbroken when he sees that Louise didn’t make it. Phil doesn’t even want to imagine how Dan felt when he saw her picture up in the sky. Though, it’s bittersweet because Louise was a lovely girl, but Dan is still alive. “Why do I have a feeling Howell will be the one to win?” Phil jumps at the sudden voice and sighs in relief when he looks over only to see that it’s just Vivian. “You think Dan will win?” Phil asks, sitting up a little on the couch, trying to hide his smile. “Perhaps,” Vivian nods before she hands Phil his plate of breakfast. “He’s a very smart boy.” “Oh, he is. I know it doesn’t seem like it at first looks but… I’ve seen him, he’s very smart,” Phil nods, and quietly thanks Vivian as he takes the breakfast plate from her, setting it beside him. “So, what’s gotten you so attracted to this boy?” Vivian asks as she crosses her arms against her chest, smirking slightly as soon as she noticed Phil’s cheeks turning bright pink from blushing. “What do you mean?” Phil asks, biting his lip nervously. “I saw how you were with him when you were saying goodbye to him. It’s obvious you care about him,” “Well… of course I care about him,” Phil says. There’s no point in denying that he cares about Dan, because it’s the truth. He does care about Dan. “But, that doesn’t mean anything?” “Okay, if you say so. But, you should watch yourself. I’m not sure how President Snow will feel about this,” “It’s not like he would do anything to me, right? I’m his grandson. We’re family,” Phil frowns. This talk with Vivian did not make him feel any better about telling Snow about his sexuality “You’d be surprised. Just, promise me that you’ll be careful?” Vivian asks softly. Phil nods and gives her a reassuring smile. “I’ll try my best,” he tells her. “Eat your breakfast. Don’t let it get cold,” Vivian warns before turning and walking away. Phil sighs and glances back at the tv, biting his lip as he keeps his eyes on Dan. *** As days pass by, Phil’s getting more anxious and scared for Dan the longer he’s in the Games. It’s been five days since the Games have started, and there were now only six people left in total. Dan’s doing pretty well for being on his own while other tributes teamed up with each other. Of course, Dan’s seriously injured and starvation isn’t helping either, and Phil desperately wishes he could help him. But, President Snow wouldn’t allow it as he has already helped Dan with fresh water once. “We can’t do anything?” Phil asks, crossing his arms as he stands in front of his grandpa’s desk. “No, Philip. Don’t make me tell you again,” President Snow snaps. Phil sighs sadly. “But, he’s the only one fighting on his own!” “That’s his choice. He chose to stay up in the trees the whole time while the other tributes made alliances with each other and now he’s the odd one out,” President Snow says. “It’s kept him alive, hasn’t it?” Phil asks. “And he’s only come down when he needs to.” “But the other tributes know that he’s hiding in the trees now,” President Snow points out. Phil bites his lip. “Well I have faith in him. He’s going to win. I just wish I could help him,” “I’ve got more important things to do. Go find Vivian and get yourself lunch,” Snow tells him. “Fine,” Phil huffs before turning around and going to find Vivian. Phil can hardly think about eating when the only thing that’s been on his mind for a week is Dan. Phil desperately wishes that he could do something to help, but in reality, he knew there was nothing, because even though he’s President Snow’s grandson, he still doesn’t have the power. Only just a few more tributes left. Phil has faith that Dan will be able to win the The Hunger Games, and make it back home safely. He’ll get to go back home to see his family. *** Dan can’t believe that he’s made it this far, considering he nearly died within’ the first five minutes. Two people left. Him, and the boy tribute from District 1. So far, Dan’s been hiding up in a very high tree and he’s doing a good job at keeping himself hidden, while also keeping his eyes peeled for the only other boy left. Dan desperately wants to go back down and try to find him, and kill him, but he was terrified of making a mistake and ending his life completely. But, Dan is starving, and he hasn’t been able to eat anything in over two days now. Dan needs to take a risk, and be brave. Dan needs to be the one to end this whole thing. All he can think about is going back home to his family, and making his mother and his brother proud, and he wants to be able to see Phil again and thank him for everything that he did for him in the Games. Because without Phil, Dan would most likely be dead. Phil went out of his way to help him. Dan takes a deep breath as he finally steps foot onto the ground for the first time in over two days. His legs are wobbly, but that’s to be expected when he’s been sitting in a tree with having no food at all. It’s almost completely silent in the arena, and the silent terrifies Dan more than anything. Anything can happen at any given moment from this point on, so Dan needs to keep his eyes peeled for anything out of the ordinary. It’s completely exhausting, and honestly... Dan can’t wait to sleep again without having to worry about being attacked by another tribute. That is, if he actually won the Games, of course. Dan walks around for over an hour or two, trying to find food and fresh water. Dan stops dead in his tracks and he sighs. He looks around and then he squints his eyes when he sees a pile of leaves that seem to have an object hidden inside. He carefully walks over to the pile of leaves, being careful to not make any loud noises that will get him into trouble. Dan gasps as soon as he sees what the object is and quickly grabs it. A bow and arrow with a couple of arrows still left in it. Dan assumes it must have been left over from one of the other tributes. Now Dan actually has a chance of winning the Games. He can’t believe his luck. “Well, well…” Dan jumps up at the sudden voice and quickly points the arrow at the boy from District 1. “Williams,” Dan speaks, his voice cracking as he spoke, as it has been days since he actually spoke. “Howell,” the boy speaks with a smirk on his face. “Looks like it’s just you and me.” “Yeah,” Dan breathes. “Looks like it.” His eyes didn’t leave Williams, not once. One wrong move here, and he can find himself dead. He’s so close to winning the Games. So close to making his way back home. Williams chuckles and shakes his head. “Might as well end it here,” “Don’t you dare take any steps further,” Dan warns as he grabs a bow and points the arrow at Williams. “You know it’s not nice to steal things that don’t belong to you,” Williams says. Dan blinked a few times. “What are you talking about?” He asks. “That’s my bow and arrow you have there,” Williams tells him, nodding at the object. “Well maybe you should have kept it hidden better. It’s mine now,” Dan snaps. “Do you even know how to shoot a bow and arrow?” Williams asks, raising his eyebrows. “Should we find out?” Dan asks. His hands start to shake. Of course he’s shot a bow and arrow before, but he’s not what you would call an expert. He’s never practiced shooting one for real. Never in his life has Dan killed someone, and he knows that he’s going to hate himself afterwards. But, Dan needs to end this. He wishes there could be another way out of this, but there simply isn’t. “Go ahead Howell. Kill me. End it all now,” Williams says. “You’re not even going to try to fight?” Dan asks, his heart breaking a little at how Williams is giving up. “I’ve had plenty of time to think while being in here. In the Games. I think I’d rather be dead than continue living in this type of world. So yes, I’m asking you to kill me,” Williams whispers. “There can be another way. We can get through this together,” Dan tries. “There is no other way, Howell. Just fucking kill me!” Williams shouts loudly. Without thinking for another second, Dan pulls the bow back and finally shoots the arrow, his eyes widen as he watches the boy fall to the ground. Dan gasps with shock and he falls onto the ground himself, and he quickly backs up against a tree, pulling his legs against his chest and letting tears pour out of his eyes. “Congratulations Daniel Howell,” Dan snaps his head up as soon as the voice speaks. “You are the winner of the 77th Hunger Games,” Dan sobs loudly and buries his face in his arms as even more tears pour out of his eyes. Dan won. He actually won The Hunger Games. He’s going to be able to go home to his family. It’s bittersweet, because Dan only won the Games by killing an innocent boy who begged for death. And, Dan can only hope that in the end, it will all be worth it. 10 Years Later; Dan’s eyes slowly flutter open when he hears a door open, and he spots his husband, Phil Lester. Dan can’t help but smile at the thought of the man, even though he’s extremely tired. “Sorry love, did I wake you?” Dan pushes himself up in sitting position, and leans back against the headboard. “What time is it?” “Midnight,” Phil answers as he walks over to the bed. “Did you have another nightmare?” “Yeah,” Dan mumbles as he rubs his eyes tiredly. “Nothing I’m not used to though, don’t worry.” “I’m sorry sweetheart,” Phil says before crawling onto the bed next to him. “I wish there was something more that I could do to make you feel better.” He wraps his arms around Dan and holds onto him. “What were you doing?” Dan asks quietly as he rested his head on Phil’s chest. “It appears your son is having trouble sleeping as well,” Dan chuckles. “I guess Noah gets it from me, huh?” He looks up at Phil and smiles tiredly. “Christmas is next week,” Phil reminds Dan. “We don’t have a tree yet.” “That was such a random thought,” Dan can’t help but laugh. “No it wasn’t. Come on, you know Christmas is always on my mind,” Phil grins. Dan rolls his eyes and then he pushes himself off of Phil’s chest, and sits up. “What’s wrong?” Phil asks, frowning as he watches Dan carefully. “It’s been 10 years since the Games,” Dan said quietly. “The image is still…” He takes a deep breath, trying not to allow himself to cry. He’s already cried too much over the past. “I know,” Phil whispers as he reaches over and grabs Dan’s hand. “I know, and I’m so sorry.” “I wish we could have done something different. I never wanted to-” “I know,” Phil pulls Dan close to him again. “But things are different now. Things are better. For all of us.” “Do you think my dad would be proud of me?” Dan asks, looking up at Phil with watery eyes. “Absolutely,” Phil nods. “I know he’s up there, smiling down at you. You changed the world for the better, you’re the reason why The Hunger Games no longer exist.” Dan remembers the day clearly as if it were yesterday. Dan remembers how angry people had been after Dan had won The Hunger Games. War broke out, and they had actually won against The Capitol. They were able to change things for the better. No more Hunger Games, and Dan couldn’t be more grateful.

In the process, Phil had to lose his only family member that he had left. President Snow had to be killed. Looking back, Phil understands now that he wasn’t a great person despite the fact that he was family. “I’m just thankful our son doesn’t have to go through what we went through,” Dan says. “Me too, Dan,” Phil closes his eyes. “Me too.

[kelseyraiyne]

Neo-Liberalistic Society, Online Identities and Gift Economy

The Hunger Games and a Neo-Liberalistic Society

The Hunger Games originated as a trilogy of novels but was made into a 4-part film series due to its popularity. The series can essentially be described as a science fiction dystopian adventure. At its core, The Hunger Games is about a totalitarian society where the masses are used and abused for the gain of those that in the Capitol, the place where citizens get to live in luxury whilst the surrounding ‘districts’ live in poverty and slave away to provide resources to the higher class. However, they do so with the hope of them being able live a better life by being chosen to compete in the hunger games – a real life survival of the fittest-esque arena game.

Panem is a metaphor for a global economic system, very much based on the neo-liberalism that we face in our society now; using Marx’s theory (1886), the bourgeoisie control the fates of the proletariats, they choose who survives and who will fall, they play God to the lower class who have no option but to look to the elite for guidance and survival. Neo-liberalistic views from today’s world apply to this; for example, our society will happily use technology made in China or wear clothes that have been made in Asia. However, it isn’t just the elite upper class that treat others below them badly, the middle class take advantage of those in less-fortunate third world countries and the cheap services that they provide.

Dystopian future themes are still growing increasingly popular even now, for example Divergent, The Maze Runner, even the X-Men franchise – and they haven’t just been produced in recent years either, past examples being The Matrix, Battle Royale, Lord of The Flies. All of these films show a higher authoritative governing presence that gets to dictate and rule those that are deemed unworthy and classed as common working folk. There isn’t any form of satire used in these production pieces either; especially with The Hunger Games, there is a very propagandised overlay that shows one individual being the face of a revolution and another being the face of capitalism, for example this being Katniss Everdeen and President Snow in The Hunger Games. They square off to one another many times throughout the film and book series, as if this will solve all the problems. What this does it convince the audience that one governing presence that gets to live a life of luxury is not ideal for our society whilst the working class has to slave away in order to survive with the bare minimum.

One article from The Guardian (written by Ewan Morrison) debates on the impact young adult dystopia has on children and teenagers. The underlying propaganda influences lead children to believe they should “question authority” and to be wary and suspicious of it. Whilst dystopian futuristic genres can offer some insight into a neo-liberalistic society that can relate to the ones we live in now, often enough they tend to be a very hyperbolic version of this intended realism. Another article from The Postcolonialists talks about the presentation of The Hunger Games, namely that it could be “a hyperbolic representation of youthful disobedience and rebelliousness … that can be easily confused for the hard work required for a social revolution” (Khader, 2014).

It makes one wonder what the intended reading of The Hunger Games really was. Was The Hunger Games intended to slate our very own neoliberalist society that we currently live in, and convince others to not settle for it? Or was it just simply a story with no underlying political or propagandised ideals within it?

Commodification of Identity Online

Throughout the years, especially with the ever growing developments and freedom of technology and the Internet, human identity has been “transformed from a ‘given’ into a ‘task’ and this “self-realisation” becomes a driving force that promotes consumption” (Palmer, 2010). Society is always changing, humans adapt themselves to become more flexible, they remake themselves to suit the current society and economy that they live in. This neo-liberalistic society heavily relies on and makes use out of the commodification of people and their identity – self-branding, micro-celebrities, life streaming, all these new terms invented for a society that wants to be someone they’re not. People are no longer happy just existing, they want to be able to be who they want, so they turn to social media to reimagine themselves, either to become a “micro-celebrity” which is someone who becomes mainstream and gains a following via social media or to find their true identity using the means of social media. The development of Web 2.0 hasn’t helped means there is even more diversity found online which gives the audience opportunities for self-identification and expression. Now more than ever, personality and identity online has become such a huge factor in our lives that is even used by employers to find out about potential employees.

Back in 2015, Shawn Megira was a big deal on Instagram, being deemed “insta-famous” and a micro-celebtrity at only 15 years old. A short documentary, Instafame, was made about him and his 81K followers. In the documentary (Instafame, 2015), Megira talks about how all he does is post photos on his account and suddenly everyone is following his account and liking his posts, he’s getting stopped in the street by fans and asked for autographs and pictures – all because he has a lot of followers on social media. Due to his popularity, brands and companies began approaching him with job offers and opportunities for paid advertisement via his social media; Megira became a commodity, a means to an end of becoming known, popular or famous yourself rather than an actual human. This is because the advancement and development of technology and social media means that people can escape their ordinary lives and have a chance at becoming someone new, whether this is a micro-celebrity or not, using methods such as endorsements, company branding or even self-branding (which is most commonly found on Instagram).

KittyPlays is a live streamer, gamer and a lifestyle vlogger. She is quite the opposite of the ordeal that Shawn Megira was. She is very open with her viewers about her life and invites them into it; she asks them for advice, show vulnerability and offers guidance on matters that her viewers may ask about. Due to this, many of KittyPlays’ viewers find they are able to find their identities when watching her content, they can open themselves up to the inspiration and guiding presence in order to find who they are. It may be debated that how we choose to present ourselves online allows individuals to become their own producer, director, star and critic, therefore there is the argument that vloggers aren’t showing us their true selves and instead choose which aspects of themselves and their identity they want to share, as all media is an extension of ourselves (McLuhan, 1994). On the other hand, KittyPlays has developed such a strong and loyal community and made a career out of this ‘serious leisure’ activity that she doesn’t feel the need to hide her true identity. If she is sad then she will tell her viewers this, she will cry, she will get angry and she will be happy.

The Internet has “provided a space for an ever-accumulating archive of personal visual experience, memory and emotion” (Palmer, 2010) where users are free to be themselves. The problem that needs to be addressed by this however is that users then become comfortable with the idea of becoming a micro-celebrity so are open to commodification of their identity without realising this. The fact that the internet is now a “mainstream, highly-developed commercial structure” (Marwick, 2005) however does not mean that all online identities are commodified and branded. Many social media celebrities, streamers, or vloggers such as KittyPlays manage to evade this neo-liberalistic market force and form stronger communities because of this.

The Gift Economy vs. The Rational Consumer

Following neo-liberalistic ideologies, it is highly appraised that we as a species are rational consumers; we will make decisions and choices based on those that will be most ideal, advantageous and utilisable for us as individuals. Market forces are huge driving factors in society even now, with them continuing to grow and develop into new areas. However, the idea of the gift economy has threatened the ideals of this neo-liberalistic stance on consumers with the introduction of services such as crowdfunding, free-cycling, Creative Commons licenses just to name a few. This wasn’t something that was expected to happen in this economy, but this idea of a gift economy has shown to be hugely popular and successful with the public and has slowly begun to change the way that consumers act.

A Creative Commons license is a way for the public to enable free distribution of otherwise copyrighted work. This is hugely used in the video game industry, for example with SCP: Containment Breach. This game is a free and open source indie supernatural horror video game developed by Joonas Rikkonen, based on the paranormal fiction stories found on the SCP Foundation website. Other examples of a Creative Commons license include music, short animation clips, images or graphics and logos that may be found online. In return, most creators tend to ask that they just get credited for their work in the video description for example. In his work, Post Capitalism: A Guide to Our Future (2015, p.276), Mason talks about how developments such as crowdfunding and the use of Creative Commons licenses shouldn’t be something that people become affixed and accustomed too fiercely to the non-profit parts of the activities relevant to them. Instead Mason believes it is all a part of a larger ever growing system of peer to peer transactions that are making the old ones appear as ineffective and cause them to slowly die out. In relation to the Creative Commons license, this is definitely accurate. People are more attuned to finding a good advantageous opportunity for themselves, as is the norm for rational consumers, that coming across a suitable or valuable piece for them that features a Creative Commons license is an opportunity that they can’t afford to miss. SCP: Containment Breach offers users a chance to play a full game for free using its Creative Commons license and allows it to be distributed freely to become more widely available for any potential consumers.

The gift economy in general is ideal for rational consumers; there are many opportunities for them to receive pieces and opportunities that suit them as an individual and will be the most advantageous. Furthermore, it begins to introduce a new system that proves the old economic systems and models ineffective and socially unjust. On the other hand, the gift economy does mean that those content creators that offer this free service and free valuables don’t get anything in return.

References:

IMDb. (2018). The Hunger Games (2012). [online] Available at: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1392170/ [Accessed 22 Mar. 2018].

Instafame. (2015). [film] Sylvain Labs.

Khader, J. (2018). Mockingjay Delusions: The Hunger Games and the Postcolonial Revolution to Come - The Postcolonialist. [online] Postcolonialist.com. Available at: http://postcolonialist.com/civil-discourse/mockingjay-delusions-the-hunger-games-and-the-postcolonial-revolution-to-come/ [Accessed 22 Mar. 2018].

Marwick, A. (2005). Selling Your Self: Online Identity in the Age of a Commodified Internet. p.169.

Marx, K. and Engels, F. (1886). The Communist Manifesto. International Publishing Co.

Mason, P. (2015). Postcapitalism: A Guide to Our Future. London, Penguin, p.276.

McLuhan, M. (1994). Understanding media. 13th ed. Cambridge (Mass.): The MIT Press.

Morrison, E. (2014). YA dystopias teach children to submit to the free market, not fight authority. [online] the Guardian. Available at: https://www.theguardian.com/books/2014/sep/01/ya-dystopias-children-free-market-hunger-games-the-giver-divergent [Accessed 22 Mar. 2018].

Palmer, D. (2010) ‘Emotional archives: online photo sharing and the cultivation of the self’. Photographies, 3 (2): 155-171.

 Scpcbgame.com. (n.d.). SCP - Containment Breach. [online] Available at: http://www.scpcbgame.com/ [Accessed 22 Mar. 2018].

Twitch. (n.d.). KittyPlays - Twitch. [online] Available at: https://www.twitch.tv/kittyplays [Accessed 22 Mar. 2018].

Yates, N. (2018). Instafame: The Rise of the Microcelebrity. [online] Social Media Week. Available at: https://socialmediaweek.org/blog/2014/04/instafame-rise-microcelebrity/ [Accessed 22 Mar. 2018].

[ilguna]

Tacenda - Chapter One (f.o)

Summary: you’ll never truly be free from the Capitol.

Word Count; 4.6k

Warnings; swearing, DEATH MENTION

NOTES: i give reader a last name to fit the world.

–

You had no idea what to do with yourself for a full week. All you could do was think.

You had so many questions that absolutely no one had the answers for. Not even you had the answers. It started to drive you a little nuts, until you sat down and wrote down all the questions to answer them one at a time.

The first one, ‘what are the chances I get picked for the quell?’. You wrote down every single name of the girls in the district. Mags, you, Annie, and another girl that had won before you but after Mags. She doesn’t speak much. That leaves four. There’s a one in four chance that your name will get pulled from the bowl.

There’s a bigger problem to that though. Your chances thinned when you and Mags had the discussion, not allowing Annie to be on it, since it was upsetting her that the games would be happening in general. She knew of her chances already, and she tried to think about it as little as possible. Allowing her to sit in on a conversation like that would have been torturous.

You and Mags had come to the agreement, that in no way, Annie would be allowed to go back inside of that Arena. If that meant volunteering over her, then that meant volunteering over her. You would be more than happy to keep a tribute that you had mentored, alive and well inside of the district.

Mags had the same idea though, but for you. She told you that you have so much to live for. You and Finnick are married, the both of you are still young. You have a nice house, a fantastic family that’s still growing up, and a husband. As far as she was concerned, you wouldn’t be allowed to do anything.

As for the other woman in the district, she didn’t really matter. If she got picked, then she got picked. You weren’t too happy on the idea that Mags would be going back inside of the games. She knows this still, because you believe that you’ll be a better candidate. You won against all odds the first time around, who says you can’t do it a second time?

So, your odds slipped from a one in four, to a one in three. You, Mags, and the other woman would be the only three candidates for the third Quarter Quell. Annie doesn’t know of this arrangement, and as far as you’re concerned, she doesn’t need to know about it either.

She’ll feel guilty. Because she knows that Mags deserves to live out the rest of her life in the district as much as you guys do. And she knows that you and Finnick are together happily, and there should no way be a chance of you going back inside.

The next question was, ‘what are the chances that Finnick gets picked to go back inside?’. This one was a little harder to swallow for a couple of reasons. This is your husband you’re thinking about. This is no longer you, this would not be you sacrificing yourself, it would be Finnick.

You were sure to get on the same page as him. Double-checked that he wouldn’t have the motivation to volunteer over someone. And he assured you, that if he doesn’t get picked, then he’s not going back inside of the games. However, if his name is pulled, there’s nothing you can do about it.

If the other two guys want to volunteer over him, then that’s their choice. You can’t force them to do it, because asking someone to do something like that is… Going back into that arena is a death sentence, no one in their right mind would ever volunteer. Unless you knew that you had extraordinary chances of coming out of there alive.

You wouldn’t be able to ask them to do that anyway. And it’s not because you don’t have the guts to do it, because if you were younger, you would. If you and Finnick were eighteen and nineteen instead of twenty-four and twenty-five, you would have asked them a long time ago. You would have marched up to their doors and begged them for hours on end to do it.

You can’t do it because you don’t know them enough. They were invited to the wedding, they attended and offered you guys good luck, but that was about it. You haven’t talked to them much since. Every year when you and Finnick go to the Capitol with the tributes, they give you the same look that the parents give you when their kids don’t come back.

It’s no secret that they think of you as scum. They think of you as murderers and underqualified. They think that it’s all your fault that they die inside of there, and it’s not anyone else’s. They don’t look to the Capitol for all that blame, they blame the people that would be in charge of it.

They still think its your guys’ faults that Annie isn’t completely sane. They think it was those pills that you had sent her inside of the arena. When they absolutely know that you spent thousands upon thousands of dollars to make sure that she wouldn’t feel like she’s losing her mind in there.

You used your own money, and not the sponsors. You cut ties with friends to put yourself ahead, and to keep your head in the game. You worked with Finnick at that time, even though you felt like he was the most useless being on earth because he didn’t understand how any of it worked.

You brought home a girl that had won despite not being all there. And they still figured out a reason to blame you for it. It’s so infuriating, and it’s hard to deal with, knowing that they haven’t brought anyone home themselves, because they haven’t even tried.

You took up the job, and you were fifteen years old. At fifteen years, you were coaching boys and girls how to survive in those circumstances. You were still having nightmares. You were waking up in the middle of the night, with a raw throat from how badly you would scream.

And none of them had thought to take up the job from Mags or you.

Every single time you see them, you curse them. You damn them to hell, because victors are supposed to be family. But they are no family to you. They have not offered you comfort even once. They’re stone cold, and you can be like that back.

You won’t ever ask them for something. You won’t ask them to volunteer over you. You won’t ask them to volunteer over Finnick. You won’t even ask them to take care of your family if you do go back inside of those games.

Another question that you had asked was, ‘what can I do to prepare myself, in the case that I do get picked, or that I have to volunteer?’

Which was what kickstarted all the physical activity you had started to do after the questionnaire. You knocked off the simple ones. Annie promised to take care of your family fund-wise if you do die. Mags didn’t like the idea, but also promised. You looked to Caspian’s family to make sure that they would be there for support.

They even opened their home to Reed, Mox and Alyssum if you and Finnick both turn out to be dead. Which was what you needed, you needed confirmation that they would be okay no matter what. They would float, you’ve got money hidden in the old house you guys used to live in before you were given the victors.

If they wanted, they could buy a bigger and better house. They would be able to spoil Alyssum for years to come. They might even be able to bribe the peacekeepers to keep her name out of the bowl every year, that’s how much you’ve hidden in that small house.

Of course, you couldn’t just plan all of this without letting Reed and Mox know. You left them out on most of the plan. The part that includes volunteering and all of that. You told them that there’s a chance that Mags will volunteer over you, and that you talked to her about it.

You let them know that they will have to stay strong for Alyssum, no matter what it takes. If you go back inside of those games, every single reaction they have will reflect on Alyssum. She isn’t some toddler anymore, she can see their faces. She knows the difference.

You told them that they have to practice their poker face at all given times. If something shocking happens, or if it’s something bad, then Mox can’t resort to crying immediately. Reed can’t get mad. They have to stay straight-faced and let Alyssum know that it would happen to anyone.

They have to keep reminding her that it doesn’t stop you. It won’t stop your chances, it won’t decrease your odds. You’re smart, you’re quick, you’re handy. They have to keep her thinking that you’re good at this, but not raise her hopes to think that you’ll make it out alive.

She has to know the reality, but they can’t make her down immediately. Only when things continue to go downhill, only when there’s a bad fight, may they begin to be pessimistic.

They agreed to these terms. Reed and Mox are smart, and you’re sure that they could have figured out that they need to be different now. But sometimes they seem to forget that Alyssum is thirteen, she’s not small anymore. She’s beginning to be a big girl, and she needs to be treated like one.

After you had that talk with them, you had to talk to Alyssum too. You told her what you could without making her upset, and she seemed to understand everything for the most part. She told you that if you don’t have to volunteer, then don’t. It’s not like you needed to hear that, but you pretended like that impacted what you had to think.

No more deaths are needed in your family. Your mom and dad are gone, and the last thing that needs to happen, is another. But they’re strong, the Gallows family is strong. They’ll survive. Even if you do die in that arena, they’ll be able to get through it, because that’s what you do.

You take what’s given, and you put out better. You know that they’ll hold their heads high and act like it doesn’t phase them. They’ll accept the apologies and memories that people have to offer. They’ll host a funeral where everyone can attend, and they’ll accept it and move on.

You’ve done it twice together, and they’ll be able to handle a third if one does come around. They’ll probably react the same way for Finnick, because he’s your guys’ family, and he has been for a very, very long time now.

Anyway, answering that question of what you could do to prepare was too easy. You started to make a list for that too, before you knew it. You went around to the local shops and asked for the jobs that included hard labor. All of them accepted because you told them that it would be free. The last thing they would need, would be to pay the rich victor with more money than she knows what to do with.

Once you had all the jobs lined up, you told Finnick that he would be joining you. He didn’t know what to think of it at first. He might have thought that you were a little crazy, but when he saw the benefits of it. And that it was preparation, he decided that it didn’t hurt.

You’re glad that you didn’t have to force him, and he did it on his own. Because the both of you had become rusty. All that strength that you had so many years ago had drained from your body. The both of you were weaker than you thought.

It took a month or two before you guys could practically carry each other. Finnick could carry you easily, and when you tried hard enough and with Finnick’s cooperation, you could get him across your shoulders. You could walk, but not run, but it was good enough.

There’s always the adrenaline to factor. You guys will be stronger than you realize when the adrenaline is pumping through your body. Your body will be able to handle getting Finnick onto you, and running. Hell, it doesn’t even have to be Finnick that you’re carrying.

All that matters is that you’re able. You’re able to run for long periods of time, you’re able to carry things heavier than you are. You’re able to swim faster, and hold your breath longer. You’ve built up your tolerance for starvation again–that was starting to scare the people around you, but Finnick was doing to it too, so they dropped it after some time.

Then came in the trickier part of the skills. You and Finnick know how to light fires with the most scarce items, how to find water when it’s a dry land. You two figured out how to hunt with throwing knives, but found out quickly that it wasn’t as effective as it should have been.

But you were so worried about being under trained in something. Because the chances of it being needed to be used inside of the arena is so likely. The gamemakers throw curveballs on everything. You wouldn’t be able to get away with something like not knowing what poison ivy looks like, because there’s a chance that’s what covers most of the fucking arena.

The gamemakers are going to step it up this year. This year is important, especially to the people in the Capitol. Because these are the people that they sponsored for, and the chances of them going for who they had sponsored for beforehand, is a great chance.

The sun begins to peek into your eyes now, letting you know that time is up. You can’t lay in bed any longer. You have to start your day, and it has to start now to keep on schedule.

You won’t let today ruin you or what you have built with yourself.

You open your eyes one at a time, blinking to get used to the light. You would stretch, if it weren’t for Finnick holding you like it’ll be his last time you’ll ever be in his arms. You take a moment to appreciate this, because your one in three chances are beginning to dawn on you now.

“Good morning,” you whisper, patting Finnick’s hand slightly.

His arms tighten around you, “Please, just a little while longer.”

“We have to keep on time.” you tell him, and he sighs, knowing that you’re right.

He lets you free, but holds his arms open still. All you do is flip over and put yourself on his chest. He holds you there, looking over your face. It’s a memory tactic, he wants to remember you this way.

“I love you.” You tell him, and he nods.

“I love you too.”

You spare the moment a couple of seconds longer, but quickly get up to get today done with. You start the shower, and while the water is warming up, you throw out some simple clothes. A shirt, a pair of jeans, your favorite black boots. That’s it.

You won’t get dressed up, because you stopped doing that after your games. You don’t wear dresses to the reapings. You made your impression the first time around, you’re not going to do it again.

Hell, if you could, you would try to fit into the same dress you wore when you got the reaped. The only problem is, is that it’s far too small now, and you’d end up ripping it the second you slip into it.

Finnick joins you for the shower. You don’t end up washing your hair, since you did that the night before. The shower just holds the purpose of wetting your hair and cleaning your body so you feel better.

Everything fits onto your body simply. You place your wedding band onto your ring finger, just the same as Finnick. You can see the misery grow in his face when you start playing around with it. A nervous tic that you had under control for the longest time. Eventually, you stopped altogether because there wasn’t anything to be worried about.

You think he’s afraid of what will happen if you do get reaped and thrown back inside of the arena. What habits will you return to?

There’s already a few that are beginning to show again. You playing around with the rings, going days without eating because you keep thinking that you need to save the food. You’ve stayed up for countless nights, just because of the paranoia creeping on you. But the worst part of it all is the nightmares.

As far as you know, Finnick isn’t slipping back into anything. He’s Finnick.

Once the both of you are ready, you join your siblings down at the kitchen table. The breakfast is brief, because you and Finnick have to go get Mags and Annie, but you’re sure to hug them tightly. You give Reed and Mox a certain look, and they already know what’s going on. They have the straight-faced reaction on lock.

“What’s going on in your head?” Finnick finally asks once the front door is shut, “You’re quiet.”

“We have a one in three chance, Finn.” you remind him, “And I can’t stop thinking about it.”

“The odds will be in our favor.” he tells you, “Mags will volunteer over you and Annie, remember? You’re fine.”

You look to him, “And who volunteers for you?”

This is when he presses his lips together, reaching for your hand and squeezing tightly, “I can take care of myself.”

“I know that. There’s other factors that feed into it.”

The conversation is put on a hold as he goes to get Annie, and you go ahead and get Mags. She’s able to go down the stairs by herself, she’s been much stronger lately. She didn’t see the harm in training with you guys some days, so she started to take part of it too.

When the four of you are all together, you only glance to the other side of house, to see that the other three victors are with each other today. You don’t keep your attention on them.

“What other factors?” Finnick asks.

“I can’t tell you that.” you tell him.

Finnick doesn’t like this, reasonably. It means that you’ve made a condition with yourself, and if there’s one thing that Finnick doesn’t like, it’s conditions. It’s why the both of you haven’t talked about what would happen if one were to go in. You and him haven’t tried to convince each other to stay in the district.

A mistake, you think. And he might be thinking that now, too.

“(Y/n),” he warns.

You give him a simple look, “I know what I’m doing.”

“Then why can’t you tell me this too?”

He’s upset.

“Because nothing is set in stone.”

He doesn’t press any further, and you’re glad. In no time, all of you are at the stage. You’re able to get Mags and Annie up there, with the other victors trailing behind loosely. When you and Finnick go to talk to your siblings, the peacekeeper suddenly steps in front of you.

“No one leaves the stage.”

There is a very brief look that you and Finnick share together, mostly out of surprise. You two normally leave the stage before it starts to say your peace with your siblings. Normally it’s because you won’t be seeing them for a week due to mentoring, but today has a different meaning.

“We do this every year. We’ll be back in like ten minutes.” you tell him.

“New rules. No one leaves the stage.”

Your shoulders slump slightly, disappointed that this is happening. You’d like to argue back against it, and there is something inside of you that wants to. But you don’t. If you do end up going in, then they have to allow you to say goodbye to your family.

You’ll be able to see them for a last time, no matter what happens.

“Then can you let them know I won’t be going down there?” you ask, “They’ll be waiting for me and I don’t want that.”

He nods, and you and Finnick head back over to Annie and Mags. You calmly explain to them what happened and she frowns.

New rules had been instilled in the district. There’s a new head peacekeeper, and he’s a lot more strict when it comes to things. You’ve made friends with him slightly, he’s lenient with you on some things. There’s a curfew, and sometimes he’ll catch you making your way back from Caspian’s house with Finnick.

He overlooks it every time, and he probably tells the other peacekeepers to leave you alone as well. You don’t cause trouble, you do as much as everyone else does. Most of the time you’re inside of the house, except for the rare occasions you need to go see someone else.

The new rules are annoying, but they’re there because of the rebellious districts. You know that district one and two, and probably a few others don’t have these restrictions. It’s mostly just for the rowdier districts, like four. Four’s always been jumpy for as long as you can remember.

It wasn’t a surprise that everyone around you had gotten excited after Katniss and Peeta had directly defied the gamemakers. It’s moments like those, where you’re all still able to say ‘my game, my rules’. Sure, the gamemakers set it up, and they try to control as much as possible. But if someone, like the victor wants to kill themselves in front of everyone, what are the gamemakers supposed to do?

No one has done it before. Normally you fight to survive and come home. It would be a unique games, for something like that to happen. If everyone in the arena had worked together rather than just… fighting each other to the death. People will get picked off by the elements and what the gamemakers have in store, but eventually it’ll get down to the last few.

You look over in time to see Reed, Mox and Alyssum leaving the area where you guys meet up at. Reed catches your eye, and you hold up your hand slightly, letting him know that you’re aware. Alyssum blows you a kiss, and Mox frowns slightly. He’s unhappy, very sensitive still.

Soon, the governor is giving a speech on what it’s going to be like. All victors this year are required to stand during the reaping. Normally, you’re all forced to sit down while the kids get reaped. Things had to be changed because you’re not regular people, you’re victors.

He gives the Dark Days speech, and soon enough he’s tired of it, and passes it to Elysia. She’s a little surprised that he cut it so short, and knowing that it’s a required speech, he’s going to get in trouble later on. On the way back to his seat, he gives you all a look of sorrow.

He’s sorry for this.

Elysia introduces herself, wishing everyone a happy hunger games, though it sounds bitter. It sounds like she doesn’t want to be the one doing this. She doesn’t want to be your district representative. Finally, she wishes for the odds to be in everyone’s favor.

Every single year prior, she’s started with girls. It’s always a ‘ladies first’ because it’s a courtesy thing. However, you asked her for something different this year. You asked her to draw boys first.

“Gentlemen first,” she tells everyone, as if it’s what she does first.

Out of the corner of your eye, you can see Finnick glance at you. You look back briefly, shrugging as if you have no clue what’s going on. When in reality, it’s your doing. You asked her for this.

Elysia sticks her hand inside of the bowl, wincing slightly as she pulls out a paper. You can feel your stomach tighten as you hold your breath.

‘Don’t be Finnick,’ you think, ‘Please, please, please don’t be Finnick. Don’t be Finnick.’

Elysia removes the tape slowly, and just by the look on her face, your body feels like it goes to goo. She gives you a side-eye glance as she goes to the microphone, “Our male tribute this year, is… Finnick Odair.”

Finnick stands up taller now, and you watch as he passes in front of you. He takes it gracefully, waving his hand with a bright smile on his face. You wait and wait for one of the other guy tributes to volunteer over him, but it’s silence. None of them even twitch.

You feel like you’re in someone else’s body. This isn’t you, this isn’t your life. There is no Quarter Quell, your husband wasn’t just chosen to go back inside.

You’re not a victor of the sixty-fifth hunger games.

“Next are the ladies.” Elysia dips her hand in, pulling out a random slip of paper.

It doesn’t matter what it says on this paper. It could say Mags, it could say Annie, it could say the other woman. There’s a one in four chance here.

Elysia opens the paper much quicker this time, being careful not to rip it because of the tape. She doesn’t glance at you again, she leans straight in for the microphone.

You stand up taller now, pressing your lips together.

“Our female tribute this year is Annie Cresta.”

Time stops.

Annie immediately bursts into tears, still completely unaware about the plan that’s about to save her. She will never have to go into the games ever again, you and Mags are here to make sure that it happens.

Finnick is relieved, you can see his face relax slightly, and you know it’s because it’s not you who was called. He won’t have to compete with you inside of the arena. He thinks that you’ll be safe and sound inside of the district. You won’t be hurt, you’ll be in the comfort of your own home, with your two brothers and single sister.

The same relief is going through your body like water. It’s flowing from your head, straight to your toes. You can feel yourself grow anxious, and your stomach swarms with butterflies almost instantly.

You can see Mags shaking her head, which means that she’s about to volunteer for Annie. Take her place, so she can go inside of that arena with Finnick instead.

Unfortunately for her, you have other plans. You had Elysia go boys first so you’d know if Finnick were to get picked. The second that his name was called, the decision was made. You have to volunteer over who may be picked. You just had to hope that it wasn’t your name that was going to be pulled.

Everything’s worked so perfectly.

Mags can raise her arm as fast as she can to volunteer. But the fact of the matter is you can speak faster. Your words count more than her actions in this sense.

Your eyes flicker to the nearest camera, knowing that all eyes are on you. Everyone in the Capitol is watching this, including President Snow. All the victors who are chosen this year, will look back at this to see who’s picked.

You take a step forward, raising your hand slightly as if you’re admitting to something like you’ve gotten in trouble, “I volunteer as tribute.”