#The tortoise and the queue

[flame-shadow]

A collection of art from 2023 and so far in 2024 that I really like. I'm proud of my skills and how far I've come. I'm gonna keep working on it and improve further! And I'm gonna have fun while I do it. :)

[front-facing-pokemon]

[handbasket-to-helen]

[liacabrera05]

“Do me a favour, Lia. Please don’t ever think about joining karate.” Unprompted

@cancelkarates coming in with the wisdom

"no, ma'am, i won't."

slender hands come up to tie her brown hair into a haphazard ponytail. "i've got three quarters of a lung, you see. that is to say, i mean---i've got two lungs in my body, sure, but only one of those is working at full capacity. the other one has one third of dead alveolus."

a nod and then: "i doubt i'd be making it through a round of sparring without dropping, anyway. i like basketball, though. and rollerblading! and i walk whenever i can. i think, for now, that's enough. no karate required to keep me healthy."

another thought comes to her, then, unbidden. "besides, if i were to join, i wouldn't have time for tortoises and turtles. i'm currently saving up for the big turtle encyclopedia, actually, and---"

[hecho-a-mano]

their name is carbo :) (they're the turtle. to be clear)

[cryscal]

💕🐢💕

Guys they reintroduced Galapagos tortoises to espanola island and they’ve essentially terraformed their environment, knocking over invasive plants so that endangered albatrosses (who need space to take off using the ground as a runway) have returned and established nests!

https://www.popsci.com/environment/galapagos-giant-tortoises-ecosystem-conservation/

[proffesionalalpaca]

So I saw Avatar 2: The Way of Water. 10/10 visuals and 6.5/10 for story. But I’m looking forward to #3 in a few years which is supposedly going to feature a tribe or clan(s) of fire Na’vi/ ‘ash people’. There is next to nothing on these guys in terms of info at the moment besides the fact that they are gonna be the bad guys of the Na’vi.

So everything after this point is basically my head-cannon/speculation/fanfic. Enjoy :)

So I interpreted them as having a nomadic warrior society, not like other Na’vi but far more bloodthirsty in fighting other Na’vi tribes, who live near and around volcanoes.

They have a greyish-purple skin tone with sharp, dark stripes that sometimes form crude spiral shapes with darkened fingertips that end in sharpened claws, filing their nails to needle sharpness with volcanic rock. Their muscular and powerful tails have armoured plates, heavily clustered around the end of the tail and evolved from hair, which can be used as a bludgeoning weapon that can easily crush a human rib cage and femur whilst inflicted deep wounds (picture ancient Aztec obsidian clubs or ankylosaurus). The fire Na’vi tend to have amber to red eyes with dark grey/ black sclera. Compared to other Na’vi sub-species and variants, the fire Na’vi have a larger set of double fangs, a large pair of canines on their upper jaw and a smaller but pronounced set on their lower jaw, they also possess larger pointed ears that are often pierced when they pass the trials of adulthood.

The ash people prefer to keep their hair loose with typically only a few beaded braids and chunky plaits to stylise and manage, each bead has a significance to the person wearing it usually marking a hunt or battle, but sometimes can mark other things like the birth of a child or death of a loved one. When going to battle they will tie their hair into tight styles like braided buns, some even braid their hair around their tswins/queues an extra layer of protection due to inter-clan disputes involving the decapitation of queues as a savage battle tactic or prisoner of war’s punishment. The gesture is more symbolic than practical, even though some swear by the practice. When a person is exiled from the clan their hair is cut short to the scalp as a sign of dishonour, marking them as outcast. (Shorter styles are okay but anything above the ears is an exiles mark).

The fire Na’vi often choose to ride upon large creatures that resemble earth salamanders and some dare to ride upon a rare species of feathered Ikran. Many tribes are almost always accompanied by several large tortoise-like animals, twice the size of the direhorse/ Pa’li, these creatures are much slower but are great beats of burden as the clans often has to pack up their sites to avoid the ever shifting lava flows that litter the region they call home. In times of great hardship ones of these animals will sustain an entire clan for over a week. Moving great distances isn’t common but will happen in the event of larger eruptions which occurs once every few generations so the clans make a habit of moving semi-regularly in order to avoid overusing the lands which would incur Eywa’s wrath.

The ‘ash people’ decorate themselves in fiery colours that reflect the lava that spews from Pandora like blood, using a mixture of glass beads, gems and feathers, an amber like mineral being particularly popular among them.

Due to their warring nature, the warriors of these Na’vi take to wearing the bones of slain enemies as trophies, jewellery and sometimes even fashioned/ incorporated into weapons and tools. Nearly every adult fire Na’vi has scars from hunting or fighting and it is encouraged to have wounds from battle scar over, a member’s first scar from a conflict or life & death struggle is often celebrated by close family and friends as an unofficial first step into adulthood (Their first literal steps being a walk over hot lava rocks).

The ash Na’vi also create their signature red war paint using volcanic ash mixed with blood from a kill, either a great beast they hunted or an enemy Na’vi.

Contrary to popular belief from other Na’vi groups, the ash people do not practice cannibalism though they do use their very sharp double fanged bites to tear out throats should their hands be otherwise occupied.

Their interpretation of Eywa differs greatly from most other Na’vi as they feel that they are subject to her true fury and are thus stronger for it, they believe that all life must be preceded and followed by destruction and death for there to be rebirth or renewal. The fire Na’vi believe that they must always adapt or die, as their way of life requires for them to never be complacent or set too heavily in their ways, though strong cultural traditions have remained for thousands of millennia such as their weaving and culinary techniques.

Hope you enjoyed that little bit of cultural speculation of a fictional alien cat species.

[meatybunger]

Silly Game Time: WRONG ANSWERS ONLY! What does LGBTQ stand for?

LAUNCHING GIANT BEAST’S TORTOISE QUEUE!!!

[likedovesinthewnd]

tysm for the tag @thecreelhouse you’re literally the sweetest and you’re so cool like i legit gasped when i saw the notif from you, i can’t lie.

❤︎ are you named after anyone?

i’m an 80’s baby so my mom named me after a character in young and the restless, which i find both hilarious and on brand for her.

❤︎ when was the last time you cried?

girl, today lmao! i thought i had lost my airpods a couple weeks back, and they’re literally my lifeline on most days so it’s been rough without them. anyway i was cleaning out my car today and found them! queue the tears! doesn’t take much for me tho lol

❤︎ do you have kids?

call me mother… bc i’m a whole ass mom

❤︎ do you play/have you played any sports?

i played field hockey all through hs, but that’s about it. i mostly did it for the uniforms, which included these super cute pleated skirts that we’d all hike up like the little whores we were ;)

❤︎ do you like sarcasm?

no…

❤︎ what do you notice about people when you meet them?

mostly how they treat others. that says a lot more about a person than the superficial.

❤︎ what’s your eye color?

brown brown

❤︎ scary movies or happy endings?

scary movies can have happy endings. what are final girls if not the embodiment of resilience, plus outliving everyone is kind of the happiest ending of all if you ignore the gore and ptsd of it all lol

❤︎ any talents?

i can throw down in the kitchen, i’m a beast at trivia, and i’m the world champ of faking it till i make it baybeee

❤︎ where were you born?

the hospital duh lol

❤︎ what are your hobbies?

i’m a voracious reader, i used to write but i’m way too chicken shit now, i love to cook (food is a love language period), i love building paper theaters, and i loooove lego forever and always.

❤︎ any pets?

i have a dog named johnny and a tortoise named coco. they’re my little rotten soldiers and i love them sm

❤︎ how tall are you?

5’3 but my attitude is like 6’5

❤︎ what are your favorite school subjects?

history and music theory

❤︎ what’s your dream job?

i simply do not dream of labor. we should all be laying in the sun eating fruit with our titties out. so i guess that or nothing.

no presh tags: @trashmouth-richie @eddiesdreamgirl @eddiesxangel @eiightysixbaby @taintedcigs @jeysbvck @luxurychristmaspudding @pedgito @justagalwhowrites

[front-facing-pokemon]

Enamorous’ therian form is a turtle with a big nose because it’s a soft shell turtle— a real turtle with a long nose for snorkeling! Mythology wise it’s supposed to be linked to a tortoise but apparently there’s an old superstition that soft shell turtles can shapeshift.

this certainly doesn't fit how fast that fucker moves in its pl:a boss fight. whew. i don't remember it very well because it's been a while but i do remember it being! very fast. vaguely. and i still don't like looking at it unfortunately but here's some more asks:

on a different blog‚ maybe! bugsnax is a different game, and thus not applicable to a pokémon blog! different fanbases, typically

YEEEAAAH MORE GOODRA WOOOOOO

i don't even remember what i said on that post! but i probably said i liked it because i do. ledyba is quite good yes

excuse you. it's pronounced holy fucking bingle!!

side note: you all will be pleased to know that gen 9 is not nearly as difficult as i thought it'd be. the main difficulty is that i keep forgetting to queue up pokémon because i've gotten really into the binding of isaac recently and that's. unfortunately. taking a lot of my time and attention. whoops!!

[alexhornefan]

ALEX HORNE & GREG DAVIES - extended version- THEY LIKE TO WATCH podcast P.2

I reached the character limit so had to make a new post! Here's part two.

Asked about pets, Alex said they had the snail, chickens and a tortoise, but they'd all gone and now they have a dog.

Greg talks about how disappointing the Taskmaster house is to visit. Alex says there have been three proposals there and two of them they invited them in to propose. Alex discourages people from turning up to the house though. Greg suggests fans try and find out where himself or Alex lives and stalk them instead. They talk about taking selfies with fans and Greg says they're both quite tolerant with it all. Greg says having had a real job he doesn't forget how lucky he is with his career. Alex asks Greg asks about people who use a timer with a countdown from 5 which he finds very irritating.

Greg tells a story about he and Ed Gamble going to a bar in Norwich and it was a student night and because of The Inbetweeners they were swamped with people wanting selfies. Greg says the management asked them to stay and they'd buy their drinks all night, so they did. Greg said Ed hadn't done much TV then so he was taking the pictures and was deliberatly cutting Greg's head out of the pictures and people would be thrilled but then end up joning the queue again for another picture because of Ed.

Alex talks about acting and says that he thinks he's really good and even Greg says he's really good. Greg interrupts and says Alex is being self-effacing and that he does think he can act. Greg said he was surrised and that Alex could do a role quite nicely. Alex said he does have the fantasy of being asked to be in Snatch 2 and being asked to play a cool, hard-guy. Greg says he doesn't know if he sees that and Alex insists that he can. Asked if he likes the idea of not having to do much work in an acting role, with someone else doing all the writing, Alex says he does like that. He said he has a small part in a Sam Campbell pilot and because someone dropped out, he did the part. He does go on to say that he found the waiting boring with acting. Alex said he got the role mostly because they were filming in the town where he lived.

Greg talks about choosing friends who won't be bothered about his height and make a big deal about it. He tells the story of the short guy in a pub wanting to fight him, and Greg's even shorter mate hitting the guy over the head with a moped helmet.

Greg talks about the Kes documentary he made. He talks about watching or reading bleak things and that he can't handle it any more. He says he is too sensitive now. Alex says he can still watch bleak things and says he watched Tyrannosaur and it's very bleak but he really liked it. Greg says the last bleak thing he watched was Dead Man's Shoes.

Alex says Stephen Graham was very close to doing TM as he really likes it, but the filming schedules didn't work. Alex says about what a great actor Stephen is and that he came over to Greg and Alex at an event and Alex said how lovely and giggly he was to meet.

Alex talks about the sport he watches and watching Strictly Come Dancing. Asked if they'd ever do it, Alex said they were asked the other day by Shirley Ballas. Greg says you should never so no, and it's an amazing institution and Greg would prefer to watch than take part. Alex says Greg would be the best booking on strictly. Greg states that Alex is a very stiff person and Ales agrees and says there are times when he does loosen up, but being on BBC on Saturday nights wouldn't help. Greg looks like he's riding ontop of a hoverboard.

Greg says he doesn't watch comedy when he's writing as he's a sponge and will start to copy the style. He says he watches documentaries and he's recently been watching Last stop Larrimahr and Riders for Justice.

They talk about crying watching things and Greg says he doesn;t cry much. Alex asks if he feels it coming on and stops himself, but Greg says no, and he will cry as he thinks it's good to cry. He talks about going to a concert and getting their late with a GF and a song started and he started crying but noticed that not only was his GF crying, everyone else was as well.

Greg asks Alex if he can remember the last time he had an actual cry and he says no. He said the new John Lewis Christmas ad made him feel like he could cry if he let himself.

Asked about Taskmaster and how shows can be messed up, Alex is asked about how he had a brilliant idea and how every step along the way, Alex made it wonderful. Alex says Andy D is responsible for the look of the show. Alex said that they asked Greg and Frank at the same time and told both of them that the other one was doing the show to help convince them. Greg says he knew Alex a little bit and that their personality types worked well together. Alex puts it down to a lot of luck. Greg says it wasn't that weird because they did no each other at the start because of being in comedy.

They have a brief chat about the opening credits with beards, Alex having a beard since he got married.

[mari-beau]

Can't wait to see what random little quirky adventures Frodo has in series 10!

Freeze! Police! 🐢

The Brokenwood Mysteries 9x04 "Going to the Dogs"

[ddagent]

"Naughty and Nice" [Complete 3/3]

Aziraphale/Crowley | Retail AU | FR18 | 8,045 words     Crowley does not get Aziraphale's name in the Whickber Street Traders Association Secret Santa. He doesn't let that stop him from giving Aziraphale the gift of a loving Christmas. Thank you to everyone who voted for this idea as the festive fic to write! It is both the longest Good Omens fic I have written AND the first explicit fic. I hope you enjoy; here is to many more Good Omens fics in 2024!

Across the street, Crowley was engaged in a stand-off with the slip of paper bearing Mister Brown’s name. He had, whilst Aziraphale had explained the lengthy rules of the Association’s Secret Santa, decided on giving whoever it was a poinsettia. Festive, vibrant, Crowley had a lot of them – easy. He still intended to give Mister Brown, of gift voucher fame, that very plant.

But then there was Aziraphale.

Crowley didn’t know who had his name but knew, in his gut, that Aziraphale would be just as disappointed this year. That Aziraphale – sweet, soft, sexy Aziraphale – would settle for a three quid plant from the local garden centre but most likely wouldn’t even get that. Crowley could not believe that the inhabitants of Whickber Street had let this man go without nothing for so long. He contributed to every charity drive, bought entirely local, remembered the names of partners and grandkids and tortoises. Crowley had been smitten since his second day of opening, when he had watched Aziraphale give an umbrella to a pregnant woman just outside The Small Back Room, leaving him sopping wet in the pouring rain.

He could have kissed him, then. His Angel. He could have kissed him in every other moment since: Association meetings and coffee shop queues and crossing the street. It had been a long time since Crowley’s last crush but this one burned.

And the part of Crowley who loved a challenge, who enjoyed challenging expectations, decided that – fuck it – he would make all of Aziraphale Fell’s Christmas wishes come true. Because he was a good man. He was a loving man. And, maybe, if Crowley showed him that he was loved at this most loving time of the year, Crowley would get his Christmas wish, too.

Read all three chapters at AO3!

[ghoulchurch]

Occasionally i will accidentally press W instead of E when quick reblogging which if you didnt know adds a post to your queue instead of reblogging it immediately. And its always like . Well thats okay. itll be on my blog either way. the tortoise wins agains t the hare

[theblobmaster]

Masterpost

Again please vote for the song you like the best and reblog to create a bigger sample pool.

The masterpost have the result from the last round and links to the individual polls. I might be slightly slow to update the links as I put the posts in my queue and they need to be posted for an URL to link to.

[treesofgreen]

Ooh ooh time for one of my favorite poems:

THE CHAOS

GEORGE NOLST TRENITÉ (1870–1946)

Dearest creature in creation

Studying English pronunciation,

I will teach you in my verse

Sounds like corpse, corps, horse and worse.

I will keep you, Susy, busy,

Make your head with heat grow dizzy;

Tear in eye, your dress you’ll tear;

Queer, fair seer, hear my prayer.

Pray, console your loving poet,

Make my coat look new, dear, sew it!

Just compare heart, hear and heard,

Dies and diet, lord and word.

Sword and sward, retain and Britain

(Mind the latter how it’s written).

Made has not the sound of bade,

Say—said, pay—paid, laid but plaid.

Now I surely will not plague you

With such words as vague and ague,

But be careful how you speak,

Say: gush, bush, steak, streak, break, bleak,

Previous, precious, fuchsia, via,

Recipe, pipe, studding-sail, choir;

Woven, oven, how and low,

Script, receipt, shoe, poem, toe.

Say, expecting fraud and trickery:

Daughter, laughter and Terpsichore,

Branch, ranch, measles, topsails, aisles,

Missiles, similes, reviles.

Wholly, holly, signal, signing,

Same, examining, but mining,

Scholar, vicar, and cigar,

Solar, mica, war and far.

From ‘desire’: desirable—admirable from ‘admire’,

Lumber, plumber, bier, but brier,

Topsham, brougham, renown, but known,

Knowledge, done, lone, gone, none, tone,

One, anemone, Balmoral,

Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel.

Gertrude, German, wind and wind,

Beau, kind, kindred, queue, mankind,

Tortoise, turquoise, chamois-leather,

Reading, Reading, heathen, heather.

This phonetic labyrinth

Gives moss, gross, brook, brooch, ninth, plinth.

Have you ever yet endeavoured

To pronounce revered and severed,

Demon, lemon, ghoul, foul, soul,

Peter, petrol and patrol?

Billet does not end like ballet;

Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.

Blood and flood are not like food,

Nor is mould like should and would.

Banquet is not nearly parquet,

Which exactly rhymes with khaki.

Discount, viscount, load and broad,

Toward, to forward, to reward,

Ricocheted and crocheting, croquet?

Right! Your pronunciation’s OK.

Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,

Friend and fiend, alive and live.

Is your R correct in higher?

Keats asserts it rhymes Thalia.

Hugh, but hug, and hood, but hoot,

Buoyant, minute, but minute.

Say abscission with precision,

Now: position and transition;

Would it tally with my rhyme

If I mentioned paradigm?

Twopence, threepence, tease are easy,

But cease, crease, grease and greasy?

Cornice, nice, valise, revise,

Rabies, but lullabies.

Of such puzzling words as nauseous,

Rhyming well with cautious, tortious,

You’ll envelop lists, I hope,

In a linen envelope.

Would you like some more? You’ll have it!

Affidavit, David, davit.

To abjure, to perjure. Sheik

Does not sound like Czech but ache.

Liberty, library, heave and heaven,

Rachel, loch, moustache, eleven.

We say hallowed, but allowed,

People, leopard, towed but vowed.

Mark the difference, moreover,

Between mover, plover, Dover.

Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,

Chalice, but police and lice,

Camel, constable, unstable,

Principle, disciple, label.

Petal, penal, and canal,

Wait, surmise, plait, promise, pal,

Suit, suite, ruin. Circuit, conduit

Rhyme with ‘shirk it’ and ‘beyond it’,

But it is not hard to tell

Why it’s pall, mall, but Pall Mall.

Muscle, muscular, gaol, iron,

Timber, climber, bullion, lion,

Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,

Senator, spectator, mayor,

Ivy, privy, famous; clamour

Has the A of drachm and hammer.

Pussy, hussy and possess,

Desert, but desert, address.

Golf, wolf, countenance, lieutenants

Hoist in lieu of flags left pennants.

Courier, courtier, tomb, bomb, comb,

Cow, but Cowper, some and home.

‘Solder, soldier! Blood is thicker’,

Quoth he, ‘than liqueur or liquor’,

Making, it is sad but true,

In bravado, much ado.

Stranger does not rhyme with anger,

Neither does devour with clangour.

Pilot, pivot, gaunt, but aunt,

Font, front, wont, want, grand and grant.

Arsenic, specific, scenic,

Relic, rhetoric, hygienic.

Gooseberry, goose, and close, but close,

Paradise, rise, rose, and dose.

Say inveigh, neigh, but inveigle,

Make the latter rhyme with eagle.

Mind! Meandering but mean,

Valentine and magazine.

And I bet you, dear, a penny,

You say mani-(fold) like many,

Which is wrong. Say rapier, pier,

Tier (one who ties), but tier.

Arch, archangel; pray, does erring

Rhyme with herring or with stirring?

Prison, bison, treasure trove,

Treason, hover, cover, cove,

Perseverance, severance. Ribald

Rhymes (but piebald doesn’t) with nibbled.

Phaeton, paean, gnat, ghat, gnaw,

Lien, psychic, shone, bone, pshaw.

Don’t be down, my own, but rough it,

And distinguish buffet, buffet;

Brood, stood, roof, rook, school, wool, boon,

Worcester, Boleyn, to impugn.

Say in sounds correct and sterling

Hearse, hear, hearken, year and yearling.

Evil, devil, mezzotint,

Mind the Z! (A gentle hint.)

Now you need not pay attention

To such sounds as I don’t mention,

Sounds like pores, pause, pours and paws,

Rhyming with the pronoun yours;

Nor are proper names included,

Though I often heard, as you did,

Funny rhymes to unicorn,

Yes, you know them, Vaughan and Strachan.

No, my maiden, coy and comely,

I don’t want to speak of Cholmondeley.

No. Yet Froude compared with proud

Is no better than McLeod.

But mind trivial and vial,

Tripod, menial, denial,

Troll and trolley, realm and ream,

Schedule, mischief, schism, and scheme.

Argil, gill, Argyll, gill. Surely

May be made to rhyme with Raleigh,

But you’re not supposed to say

Piquet rhymes with sobriquet.

Had this invalid invalid

Worthless documents? How pallid,

How uncouth he, couchant, looked,

When for Portsmouth I had booked!

Zeus, Thebes, Thales, Aphrodite,

Paramour, enamoured, flighty,

Episodes, antipodes,

Acquiesce, and obsequies.

Please don’t monkey with the geyser,

Don’t peel ’taters with my razor,

Rather say in accents pure:

Nature, stature and mature.

Pious, impious, limb, climb, glumly,

Worsted, worsted, crumbly, dumbly,

Conquer, conquest, vase, phase, fan,

Wan, sedan and artisan.

The TH will surely trouble you

More than R, CH or W.

Say then these phonetic gems:

Thomas, thyme, Theresa, Thames.

Thompson, Chatham, Waltham, Streatham,

There are more but I forget ’em—

Wait! I’ve got it: Anthony,

Lighten your anxiety.

The archaic word albeit

Does not rhyme with eight—you see it;

With and forthwith, one has voice,

One has not, you make your choice.

Shoes, goes, does. Now first say: finger;

Then say: singer, ginger, linger.

Real, zeal, mauve, gauze and gauge,

Marriage, foliage, mirage, age,

Hero, heron, query, very,

Parry, tarry, fury, bury,

Dost, lost, post, and doth, cloth, loth,

Job, Job, blossom, bosom, oath.

Faugh, oppugnant, keen oppugners,

Bowing, bowing, banjo-tuners

Holm you know, but noes, canoes,

Puisne, truism, use, to use?

Though the difference seems little,

We say actual, but victual,

Seat, sweat, chaste, caste, Leigh, eight, height,

Put, nut, granite, and unite.

Reefer does not rhyme with deafer,

Feoffer does, and zephyr, heifer.

Dull, bull, Geoffrey, George, ate, late,

Hint, pint, senate, but sedate.

Gaelic, Arabic, pacific,

Science, conscience, scientific;

Tour, but our, dour, succour, four,

Gas, alas, and Arkansas.

Say manoeuvre, yacht and vomit,

Next omit, which differs from it

Bona fide, alibi

Gyrate, dowry and awry.

Sea, idea, guinea, area,

Psalm, Maria, but malaria.

Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean,

Doctrine, turpentine, marine.

Compare alien with Italian,

Dandelion with battalion,

Rally with ally; yea, ye,

Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, key, quay!

Say aver, but ever, fever,

Neither, leisure, skein, receiver.

Never guess—it is not safe,

We say calves, valves, half, but Ralf.

Starry, granary, canary,

Crevice, but device, and eyrie,

Face, but preface, then grimace,

Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.

Bass, large, target, gin, give, verging,

Ought, oust, joust, and scour, but scourging;

Ear, but earn; and ere and tear

Do not rhyme with here but heir.

Mind the O of off and often

Which may be pronounced as orphan,

With the sound of saw and sauce;

Also soft, lost, cloth and cross.

Pudding, puddle, putting. Putting?

Yes: at golf it rhymes with shutting.

Respite, spite, consent, resent.

Liable, but Parliament.

Seven is right, but so is even,

Hyphen, roughen, nephew, Stephen,

Monkey, donkey, clerk and jerk,

Asp, grasp, wasp, demesne, cork, work.

A of valour, vapid vapour,

S of news (compare newspaper),

G of gibbet, gibbon, gist,

I of antichrist and grist,

Differ like diverse and divers,

Rivers, strivers, shivers, fivers.

Once, but nonce, toll, doll, but roll,

Polish, Polish, poll and poll.

Pronunciation—think of Psyche!—

Is a paling, stout and spiky.

Won’t it make you lose your wits

Writing groats and saying ‘grits’?

It’s a dark abyss or tunnel

Strewn with stones like rowlock, gunwale,

Islington, and Isle of Wight,

Housewife, verdict and indict.

Don’t you think so, reader, rather,

Saying lather, bather, father?

Finally, which rhymes with enough,

Though, through, bough, cough, hough, sough, tough?

Hiccough has the sound of sup.

My advice is: GIVE IT UP!