#The number of times I've spontaneously burst out crying is unnerving

[amethystina]

Hey there, so sorry to hear about your loss, and sorry that this year has been so hard on you as a whole. I know nothing I can say will make things better, so I’m just popping by out of the void of the internet to offer you the virtual equivalent of a cup of tea (or other beverage of your choice) ☕️

A few summers ago I lost one of my grandparents, and after what had been a very long day a friend of mine gave me a piece of advice that I’ve yet to forget. “Go home”, she said, “And have a nice hot chocolate, or hot honey and lemon drink. It will fix absolutely nothing, but it will taste good, and even on our worst days, that’s worth something.”

That is to say, I know I say to take care all the time, but I double mean it now. Try not to worry about us too much, and take whatever time you need. 💜

And before you say I don’t have to pop in and say this, I know that! I don’t have to, but I want to, and I can, so there. :)

Thank you so much 💜

I admit that this year has been more of a rollercoaster than I would have liked. I had very high hopes in terms of how much I would write, draw, and do, but a lot of that hasn't been possible with all of the complications I'm facing. And I'm just really, really tired of it because, in many ways, it feels like I keep making excuses. That, surely, people must get tired of hearing about all the tragedies in my life that, supposedly, make me unable to post fics or function like a normal human being. Surely it must be exaggerated.

Which is a terrible thing to say to yourself, by the way — I'm well aware of that. But knowing that doesn't quite stop the thoughts from popping up, unfortunately. My brain is trying to find someone to blame for all this shit and, unfortunately, I'm the closest, most convenient target.

So thank you for sending this ask. It might not fix the loss itself, but it's incredibly comforting — and humbling — to know that there are people out there who care enough about me to send me messages like this. It feels surreal, almost, but in a good way? And I'm just so very grateful.

And I'll keep that advice in mind. It's a very good one — and very true. And I'm so sorry for your loss, too. I lost both of my remaining grandparents back in 2022 and it was rough. Losing someone you love always is.

So I try to be as patient with myself as I can. Which right now means spending the majority of my time reading fanfics, most of them from fandoms that I haven't touched in ten years. I guess I might be looking for something familiar and comforting? So yeah. Lots of reading.

But I also think about you all a lot and wish I could post chapters and such, because I know you all love them and the thought of being able to make others happy when I'm sad is... well, it would be pretty nice, you know? I like making other people happy. It's just how I'm wired.

But, that said, I trust you when you say I don't have to worry too much. And I trust that my readers mean it when they tell me to take things easy and put my health first. And that, too, is something I'm very grateful for. The kindness, patience, and support I get from you all truly is mindblowing.

So I won't say that you don't have to tell me all of this and will instead just thank you for doing so. It means a lot to me and did make me feel a lot better. Thank you 💜