#The inherent Romanticism of self inserting your own friend jealousy emotions into something you wrote by accident

[katrinawritesthings]

Jonghyun is jealous of Taemin being so friendly to Jongin, Taemin gives Jonghyun kisses and tells him that he is important to him

What is this 2012

got this ask and I was like sure I'll just do a three-sentence fic real quick with speech to text it'll be no big deal. This is 1202 words. did not edit it because I wrote it directly into the reply box with speech to text LMAO here you go

Jonghyun knows that it's irrational. It's always been irrational, this feeling inside of him,unsolicited and unwelcome. Ever since he was little, it's been a mantra that he's had to tell himself over and over. Don't be jealous of your sister. Mom likes you, too. Don't be jealous of your friend's friend. they're your friend, too. Don't be jealous of your partner's friends. They care about you, too.

It's just so hard, to care so much about someone, and to feel so insignificant, so unnecessary to them. The constant back-and-forth between knowing that he has value as a person and feeling that he has no worth at all. The lingering Sensation that no matter how much he means to someone, there will always be someone else that means more. And on top of that, the guilt that comes with instantly assuming that the moment someone he cares about shows affection towards someone else it means they're ready and willing to drop him in a heartbeat.

And on top of that, the annoyance that comes with having all of these feelings suddenly swell up inside of him at the fucking bowling alley of all places. He's having a depressive crisis over his own self worth And in the background he can hear some kid yelling about Pac-Man in the arcade. Fucked up.

Taemin is wrapped around Kai, laughing at the absolute bomb of at Gutterball he just taanked, holding him around the waist as he smiles so big against his cheek that his face is all wrinkles. So big that it makes Jonghyuns heart soar, and then makes his heart crash because it's not directed at him. Because if Taemin has someone else that can make him smile like that, then he doesn't need Jonghyun. Not true, Jonghyun tells himself, not true, not true.

Jonghyun rubs his fingers into his eyes, taking his deep breaths. Not true. Just because Taemin has another person that makes him happy, that doesn't mean that Jonghyun doesn't make him happy also. And it doesn't mean that Taemin likes Kai more than him. And even if Taemin does, it's not because he doesn't like Jonghyun. It's because he's known Kai for way longer, has been best friends with him for his entire life, and has only been dating Jonghyun for A couple of years. Comparing himself to Kai doesn't work like that because they're not even in the same category. Taemin is capable of liking more than one person at a time. Taemin likes them both, just differently. And that's fine.

"Hey. Crybaby." The heavy thump of Taemin sitting down on the bench behind the ball return , pressing against Taemin and slinging his arm around his shoulders. he sits so close that his thigh actually whines up on top of Jonghyuns. "You okay?" He asks.

"I'm not crying yet, "Jonghyun grumbles. Maybe he was close, but still. He's not that much of a mess yet.

"Sure," Taemin hums. His lips press to Jonghyuns cheek, then to his Temple. "Kind of a weird place to be almost crying, "he says. "want to talk about it?" He asks.

Jonghyun presses his forehead against Taemin shoulder, continuing to Grumble. He knows it's a weird place. He didn't ask. "no, "he mumbles. Not really. It's irrational and embarrassing and he was working through it on his own. And the cheek smooch definitely helped a little. And so does the second cheek smooch that Taemin gives him after he says no. "Where did kai go?" He asks, opening his eyes finally and glancing around. He was just here a minute ago, before Jonghyun started getting all emo about him, and now he's not.

"He's getting us refills, "Taemin shrugs. Jonghyun shrugs too. Makes sense. Very nice, also. Taemin Fits his chin on Jonghyuns head, the arm around his shoulders playing with the hair by his ear."I like that guy, "he smiles, nothing but fund adoration for his best friend. Still, for just the slightest second, it makes Jonghyuns breath catch in his throat.

"Do you like me?"he asks, small, tiny, infinitesimal.

"Course, "Taemin replies instantly oh, almost automatically. Like it's obvious, like he didn't have to think for a second. He kisses the top of Jonghyuns head. it's then that he hesitates, just for a moment, and then he Chuckles softly. Jonghyun can't hear it over the noises of the alley, but he can feel it in the restling of his hair. Taemin leans away but only to press their foreheads together. His eyes are closed, but Jonghyun keeps is open to watch the lay his eyebrows disappear behind his bangs. "I thought you didn't want to talk about it, "he says.

And just like that, Jonghyun is grumpy again. Rude. He also didn't want to be called out about it, or be so easy to read that Taemin even could call him out about it. But at the same time, there's something. Nice. Something reassuring. About it. Something comforting in that Taemin doesn't even need to try to understand him because it just comes that naturally. Still,

"fuck you," Jonghyun says.

All Taemin does in reply is laugh. Laugh and kiss Jonghyun, his mouth, his cheeks, the very tip of his nose. "you're really cute, "he smiles. "and I like you and your voice and your face and your butt and your music and your laugh and the way you smile at me in the mornings and say good morning with your sleepy little voice and the way you hold my hand and don't say anything when I'm feeling anxious and the way you talk to dogs and that time I forgot your birthday and had a panic attack and thought you were going to leave me and hate me forever but then you just laughed and said that you forgot it too and your eyes and your little chest mole and the way you say my name and you're actuallycrying now."

The end of that comes out as a laugh, incredulous that not entirely surprised, and before Jonghyun even registers himself that his eyes are overflowing, Taemin is thumbing and kissing away his tears. Jonghyun laughs at himself, exasperated at his own emotions. He really is like a faucet. In his defense, he got himself all worked up and then Taemin just showed up and hit him with a finishing blow that huge. It's not like he could help it.

"Yeah, well,"he says. He Snuffles, swallows, leans away so he can rub his sleeves into his eyes. When he blinks them open again, Taemin is still there, smiling at him, so big his face is all wrinkles. "you really really like me? You promise? Quote he asks. Less for reassurance this time and more because he just wants to hear Taemin say it, a little bit because he thinks it's funny.

"I really really do, I promise, "Taemin says. He runs his fingers through his hair, smirking a little bit."I mean, bros before hoes, obviously, but -"

And then he's laughing again, loud and gorgeous, as he scrambles to save himself from falling off of the bench from the force of Jonghyuns shove. But Jonghyun, at least, has enough confidence, enough reassurance, enough affection in his heart now to appreciate the joke and laugh with him.