#The donation amount didn't turn out to be a lot but every bit counts I hope

[chickensaredoodling]

A belated update: all orders have been sent out and it should have already arrived. If anyone hasn't received it yet, please let me know! We raised $20 for PCRF and Anera.

Sorry I didn't update here! (updated Twit back in May but got really busy since then)

[haberdashing]

for some reason tonight i keep thinking about how deeply weird my medical history is

not primarily in a chronic illness sort of way, mind you. what chronic illnesses i have are fairly minor and unrelated to most of this. and not in an accident-prone way either: i've only broken a bone once in my life, and that wasn't until my late 20s!

but like

"thyroid issues?" "does that time i got diagnosed with an overactive thyroid in high school and went on medication for a few months count?"

"history of anemia?" "yeah, again, high school. ooh, i wonder if those could be related?"

"your heart rate's awfully high, did you know that?" "oh yeah, that's been an issue for a while now. at least since high school. yep, high school again, heh! but two different cardiologists a decade apart told me it's fine so i guess it's no big deal, right?

"okay... any recurring infections?" "well all throughout childhood i had what was like pinkeye but chronic. turns out it was herpes. in my eye. eye herpes. but it's been a few years now since that's popped up! oh, though i did have a yeast infection last time i checked, and i'm not sure if that ever went away..."

"when's the last time you went to the hospital?" "uh, does the top surgery place count? probably not, how about after i broke my leg? because before that i think it was when i was in the ER the night before my high school graduation, but like, that's a while ago"

"do you remember the last time you threw up?" "well i have this thing where sometimes i wake up in the middle of the night and my stomach hurts and i'm overheated and i just kind of lay in the bathroom for the better part of an hour until i puke... that only happens every few months though, not that big a deal"

"uh, have you had issues donating blood?" "oh yeah, you wanna know about the time i threw up, the time i passed out, the time my blood didn't flow right, or the time i almost got rejected for iron levels? probably not that last one, that's boring, and we covered the anemia already..."

"issues with nosebleeds?" "not lately, but when i was a kid i got them all the time!"

"touched your own blood lately?" "look, i like to pick at scabs sometimes, okay?"

"any medical devices in your body? metal implants?" "well after i broke my leg they stuck a metal plate and screws in there so now i'm a cyborg!"

"low... testosterone, it says?" "yeah, weird one, heh, seeing an endocrinologist about that next week actually"

"you were on vitamin D- a prescription amount?" "yep, i was low on that too! might still be, but at least now i'm not on the horse pills for it"

"any issues with headaches, stomachaches, random body aches?" "well the metal plate in my leg aches a bit after a lot of walking. but headaches happen a lot too. especially when it rains. i'm like a living barometer!"

"your heart rate's awfully high, did you know that?" "oh yeah, that's been an issue for a while now. at least since high school. yep, high school again, heh! but two different cardiologists a decade apart told me it's fine so i guess it's no big deal, right?"

"ever had an mri, cat scan-" "oh yeah, looked into my headaches when i was a kid, went through the whole drill"

"ekg, holter monitor-" "and those were for the high heart rate!"

"lumbar puncture?" "headache again! that one honestly wasn't as bad as i expected. though that's not saying much."

"it says here you had… MRSA?" "oh yeah, heh, funny story. antibiotics cleared it right up, but i almost didn't go to the doctor. i mean, who wants to talk to the doctor about a literal pain in the ass?"

*doctor throws clipboard into the air*

[mochikeiji]

Your Jersey and Your Smell

↠ Pairing: Bokuto Koutarou x Akaashi Keiji

↠ Warning: TimeSkip AU! Fluff, Smut! Praising! Size kink! Creampie!

↬ Word Count: 2,938

Summary: Being able to join the Black Jackals was one of Bokuto's dream. He was now a starting and star player of the team. Due to his broad body and excellent physique, his team t-shirt was extra large. Larger than Atsumu's or Kiyoomi's. With Bokuto out on for his regular practice, Akaashi, who was left in their shared apartment decided to explore a little through his stuff.

⇢ Day 4: Sharing Clothes! @bokuakaweek2020

✎﹏

With skillful and quick slender fingers, Akaashi types away yet another project he was given from his editorial company. You're probably thinking why he keeps over working himself when it's the polar opposite. His company has had their eye on him ever since he has dimmed himself and his skills worthy of the charts. Being able to be part of something big meant punctuality— a work of perfectionists. Some of his colleagues and seniors ask for his advice and help during work hours. Big projects such as this one were usually left with him and other professionals.

There are days he tends not to move from his spot and type on continuously. That's where Bokuto, who dims himself as his knight and shining armor, interjects. One time Bokuto had came home late and spots his lover hunched back over his working table with bags growing underneath them. That earned him a stern scolding, no kidding. When Bokuto is concerned, especially if it's someone dear to him, all jokes are aside. That's how Akaashi promised him he won't be doing it again and will be taking breaks every now and then. And being a loving and doting partner he is, he would feel an amount of guilt if he were to break any promises he's made with him, even if it is secretive to the other.

He sighs, taking his glasses off with care and wipes off the excess mist that had filled the lenses, "Bokuto should be home at any hour now." stuck in deep thought as he places his glasses back into his face, pushing them gently by the bridge to avoid slipping. He leans back from hie soft, black chair, stretching his limbs slowly to avoid the sudden rush of pain like last time, "I've already made dinner," thinking through the things he's done a while back beforr he got started with his work again.

"The rooms are already clean from both kitchen and hallway.." dating Bokuto had perks, he was successful, even said that he didn't need Akaashi to work and that he was going to pay the rent of this huge apartment they both settled in. Akaashi scholded him after that, but it was quite sweet of him when he said, "I just want you to rest, Kaashi. After all, you've given me so much back in highschool." he couldn't helo but smile at the fond memory again.

Wanting to stretch his legs to avoid it from sleeping, he stands up from his chair, lightly tapping his feet on the ground. Looking around their shared room, Akaashi spots their closet. Missing Bokuto was a lot harder to him, despite them seeing each other at the end of the day and living together, he was his other half. And he was so love struck with the male. Gingerly walking up to the closet, he grabs both handles with a grip and swung it open together. Immediately greeted by the soothing scent only Bokuto could possess circulating around his clothing. It was a heavy musk of masculine scent, he chuckles lightly at the idea of Bokuto practically bathing himself and his clothing in a bottle of his cologne. He wasn't complaining though.

Examining each article of clothing he owned, he couldn't help but notice each size was getting bigger and bigger as he moves aside his clothing. He was going to take note that they could donate the ones that were smaller for him. Stumbling on one of his clothes, his eyes stared at the black 12 printed jersey. His current jersey. If Akaashi had a dirty secret, it would be wanting to wear Bokuto's jersey's since high school. And now he was free to do so since they have been dating for years now. Biting his lips in hesitance, he looks behind him, checking anxiously if the door from their bedroom would suddenly open. He knew if he was caught he would never hear the end of this from Bokuto.

"No, maybe I shouldn't. He might have an upcoming game where he'll need this." shifting his gaze away from the door and back to his jersey, "But he did mentioned he was taking an entire week off starting tomorrow.." blushing with his lips shaking from his chattering teeth, he gently grabs the hanger of his jersey and closes the closet behind him. Smoothing down the fabric, he watches the large clothing flow from the soft breeze emitting from their air condition. Placing it on top of their bed, Akaashi slowly strips himself from his own sweater, tossing it straight into the laundry basket and stares back at the jersey, topless.

Still debating on whether or not he should have his fill around his own needs, his eyes look up to their wall clock,

8:00 pm.

Bokuto would usually come home late. He could spend his free time just drowning in his clothing in bed! Removing the hanger with care to avoid ripping or damaging the fabric, he does it in a quick motion before placing the hanger at the night stand beside their bed. Holding the jersey up in front of his vision, with a shaky breath, he puts it on himself with excitement bubbling up in his chest, Bokuto's scent engulfing him deeper as his nostrils get drunk from the musk.

Popping his head out of the clothes hole, Akaashi was shocked at the huge size difference he and Bokuo have judging by the shirt. He scans himself by the mirror, to him he looked like a small child. His jersey had reached his knees! Back in highschool he could've sworn that his old Fukurodani jersey would only reach his mid thigh level. Just what has he been doing to grow that big?

Plopping himself back in bed, his body jumping a bit from the impact before coming back to a steady position, Akaashi lets out an exhale of bliss, feeling the cold yet soothing clothing hug his body freely. He could imagine his lover being here near him right now. Clutching the side of the shirt near his chest area, he brings it up to his nose and takes a whiff of the scent, his mouth curling upwards and his feet rubbing themselves on the sheets to tame his inner giddiness.

"Bokuto really has a strong scent." Akaashi thoughts, his free hand moving down to his abdomen to caress it, trying to tame the butterflies that were tickling his insides. But in doing so, he couldn't help but feel a little bothered. Just as his body was feeling cold and light, it was now turning warmer by the minute passes. His breathing becoming heavy, taking another sniff while biting his lower lips. The musky scent hitting his insight about everything, clouding his eyes with arousal and down to his now twitching lower region.

"How long has it been since we've last done it?" whimpering out, he moves the hand from his stomach down in a slow motion way, rubbing his skin the way he remembers how Bokuto would do before touching him down there. But it was far from his intoxicating touch. He sighs when he palms his half erected member. Feeling annoyed by the amount of clothing, he jolts his hips up a bit, pulling his shorts along with his boxers down before settling it on the floor without any care anymore. His member sprangs up, angry and twitching. Akaashi gulped, completely stuck in his own arousal, he doesn't bother to check the time and buries his nose on Bokuto's clothes, tracing a finger against the side of his cock veins. He sucks in a breath from the small stimulation, his sensitivity rising and gathering on his cock, making it leak of precum and want.

Having enough of his own ministrations, Akaashi finally grabs his twitching length, twisting and tightening his fist the way Bokuto has done before when he was being fucked into the oblivion. He moans from the memory, picturing it was him who was beating his cock as his nose takes another big whiff on his jersey. "Why I think of this before?" moaning, he could've done this as a way to release his pent up frustration rather than over working himself. But Akaashi was a timid man. Now that his own needs have taken over, he doesn't mind being dirty like he is now.

Shifting his head on the side, his lower lips bruising from biting back to hold in his moans. Releasing them in between his teeth, he started panting heavily when he thumbs the slit of his cock, spreading the pre cum all over as some kind of lube around his fist, his movements quickening as his imaginations got more steamy, "Bokuto." uttering out breathlessly, his heart beat racing inside. Closing his eyes that were almost rolling at the back of his head, he focuses on the softness and strong scented jersey, each second his small whimpers turning into loud whines. Bokuto's name started to fall into a small chant on his lips, "So close." releasing his grip from the shirt, he moves it on the sheets, anchoring himself from the growing heated knot inside of his belly ready to burst, his mouth falling open, eyes getting teary from the lack of simulation and sensitivity. Akaashi was coming close,

"Need help over there, baby boy?"

His orgasm was ceased, but his pants were continuous. Opening his eyes slowly, he can see Bokuto with his arms crossed on his chest with a small smirk plastered on his face, and his golden eyes darkened with hunger with his gym shorts bulging out a tent underneath them. Normally Akaashi would be embarrassed, but his neediness was strong and the sight of Bokuto fresh from practice and still wearing his unbearably tight clothing wasn't helping. His thighs noticeably shake, wanting to have them wrap around the bigger males torso as his puckering hole takes in his ridiculous length. He wanted to be fucked stupid after weeks— or even a month of neglecting.

"B-bokuto," Akaashi reaches out for him, eyes watering from both missing him and his painful length, "Please." immediately after those pleads left his mouth, Bokuto had stripped all of his clothing by the door. Nearing Akaashi, he throws his sweaty shirt away and positions himself in between the smaller males legs. Akaashi's mouth waters feeling the head of his cock poke his hole, making his toes curl in anticipation. Meanwhile Bokuto was eating in the sight of Akaashi in a flustered mess, wearing his undeniably large jersey.

"Is that my jersey you're wearing, Kaashi?" his voice going deep as he leans down on his neck, licking a small stripe of skin before biting down to mark it. Akaashi whimpers, grabbing onto his shoulders for support, "I-I'm sorry, Bokuto. I just, unf—" he was cut off by his own moan when Bokuto bit the side of the skin between his neck and shoulder, "I missed you."

He hears Bokuto growl in affection, but also knowing that that turnes him on and fueled his own ego. He leans back, licking his dried lips and stares at Akaashi, "I don't mind you wearing my stuff if it means you're gonna look so delectable, Kaashi." he places both of his hands underneath the shirt and on to his sides, squeezing them, which adds up to Akaashi's sensitivity and moans wantonly.

"I wanna try fucking you with it."

He gasps when the tip of Bokuto's cock intrudes his entrance. He didn't even have time to prep him because he too was getting impatient. His mouth falls open, small line of drool falling from the side of his lips as Bokuto eases himself inside slowly, but deeply. It may have hurt him if it was his first time, but now he looked like an omega in desperate need of an alpha. Bottoming out, he was left to adjust from his length. Akaashi possesses a small, fragile body compared to Bokuto's buff figure. Not only has he grown big,

He has definitely grown monstrous down there.

Bokuto pants above him, trying so hard not to let his own desires of thrusting in and out roughly inside the whimpering male from the vice grip his walls were around his cock. It had been too long judging by how unbearably tight Akaashi was. While waiting for permission from the younger one, Bokuto licked his lips at the sight of the end of his shirt getting a wet patch to wear Akaashi's cock was left untouched. To distract himself from going feral, he moves the shirt upward, exposing Akaashi's abdomen and leaking cock. Grabbing it, he slowly brings his hand up on the tip and down on his balls.

"Ah— Bokuto." chocking on a moan with his cock being surrounded by his callused palm, his head shakes side to side from his lower parts getting ripped and jacked off at the same time. Bokuto, being the teasing bastard he was thumbs his cock head with small circles, knowing how it drives Akaashi crazy it makes him cry out, "AH!— PLEASE MOVE!" he grins with a grunt, slowly pulling out from his jutting hips before slamming back inside, causing the air from Akaashi to puff out of his chest.

"Mm, fuck Kaashi, you're really tightening up," Bokuto grunts, the room filling up with the soumd of their bed creaking, Akaashi getting wrecked and his moans, "Its almost as if you miss my cock. Don't you?" he whispers next to his ear, earning a whine from Akaashi. Dirty talking something that gets him off, "You look pretty and cute wearing my jersey while— shit— taking my cock." he praises, capturing his lips for a heated kiss as the temptation of his tongue hanging out from the side of his mouth got into him.

Akaashi's legs snakes there way on his back, his heels digging on Bokuto to lock him in position, arms hugging his sweating torso close, craving for skinship, "Bokuto, ah ha, please. Make me cum. Cum inside me." pulling away from his lips and pleading. Eyes closing, focusing on the euphoria being brought to him, his mouth taking a mind of its own, "Please, please cum inside me. I miss you, I need you, Bokuto please." he cries against his neck, the tip of his cock barely scraping his prostrate close.

"You always have a way of turning me on, Keiji." moaning at the sound of his first name rolling from his lips, his eyes went wide when he felt his limp cock being grabbed on again. Looking down in fear, he was too sensitive,

"And you know what happens when you keep begging me for something I won't stop."

Giving him a deep thrust, his tip finally reaching deep into his sweet spot, Akaashi could only let his tongue out with his eyes rolling back. His cock being fisted fast by Bokuto, who held a sloppy yet animalistic pace from his hips.

"Fuck." Bokuto closes his eyes, biting down on Akaashi's sweaty and marked up neck, "You feel so good around me, Keiji." how Akaashi loves it when ge gets praises from his loving ace, "You look so cute right now. Want to keep fucking you like this." he hears him chuckle deeply from the sight of Akaashi unable to speak coherently from all his senses being blocked by his sinful minitrations.

"Did you really miss me that much?" Bokuto eggs him, his cock pistoning on his prostrate, hand cupping his balls. He was getting close, "Tell me you missed me, baby. I missed you a lot, you know?" from the way Bokuto was becoming chatty, that was a sign that he too was getting close to his high.

"Tell me you miss me, I'll give you all my cum, Keiji. Go on," growling, he places his thumb against his tip, locking his eyes with his teary ones, "I love you."

And that was the last straw for Akaashi.

"FUCK! PLEASE! BOKUTO, AH— I MISS YOU SO MUCH! PLEASE HAH—" scratching his back with his trimmed nails, Akaashi's voice becoming high, "CUM INSIDE— CUMMING! CUMMING!!—"

With a shout as he buries his head against his neck, Akaashi can feel the jersey get soaked from the chest area. His cum spurting on him and Bokuto as he empties himself inside Akaashi's womb with a grunt.

Both panted from exhaustion, basking in the moment of bliss and silence with each other's presence. Bokuto cups Akaashi's tear stianed cheek and strokes it lovingly, staring at his gun metal eyes with pupils fully blown from the intimate moment they both shared. Akaashi sighs, finally calmed his breathing and smiles softly at him, his eyes twinkling in sheer happiness and bliss, "Welcome home." he greets, wrapping his arms back again at Bokuto's neck.

Bokuto returns the smile and leans in for a short, chaste kiss, "Does this mean you'll be wearing my shirt more often? I don't mind if it's you." he teases the black haired male. Akaashi smacks the back of his head lightly from embarrassment, "Not unless you wear mine too.."

There was a moment of silence after his line.

"But your clothes are so tiny."

Akaashi pouts and turns his head away, earning an earful whine from Bokuto, "I was just kidding, Keiji! Your clothes might just rip, y'know?" peppering apologetic kisses on his cheeks, nuzzling his nose on his side.

"But you know, since I'm off tomorrow."

That made his head turn back to his gaze, meeting yet again another pair of hungry eyes.

"Why don't you train with me wearing my jersey now, hm?"

[orange-waterfalls]

I Won't Miss You Much

Illinois x gender neutral!reader

@just-bts-trash-00 ty for the prompt

A/N: the title is a lie from our very own adventurer. Illinois being a lonely boy and getting a taste of his own medicine I guess. He leaves for adventures for weeks on end and just goes "haha y/n will be fine" yeah it's not so GOOD IS IT, ILLY? sorry I'm tired. Uuuuuuh comedy??? And fluff??? I took a jab at Hallmark movies at one point lol. Rated T for cursing. I didn't intend for the end to be suggestive but I think that's what happened. Enjoy!

Word Count: 2.8k

--

Illinois drove back home, smiling from ear to ear. He'd just found an entire chest of treasure. Gold, silver, jewels, you name it. He'd give a lot of it to museums, like always, but even with what he'd have left, he wouldn't have to adventure for a month! A month to spend time with you. That sounded lovely.

He'd been going on a lot of adventures recently, so you two didn't see each other much. He was pretty okay with it, but he knew how much you wanted to spend time with him. This was a great opportunity. He didn't call to tell you he was coming home. He wanted to surprise you.

He pulled into the driveway, turning the car off and walking up to the door. He knocked 7 times in a rhythmic pattern. He heard a bit of shuffling from inside before you opened the door a crack. Upon seeing your boyfriend, your eyes widened and you threw the door open.

"Illinois?" You asked, confused. "What are you doing here?"

"This is my house?" He laughed. You pulled him into a hug and he backed you into the house, closing the door with his foot.

"I thought you'd be gone until tomorrow…" you said and pulled out of the hug.

"I wanted to come home early," he shrugged. "Besides, I don't have to adventure for a month." You blinked at him.

"A… a month?" You repeated with less enthusiasm.

"Yeah! So we can spend a lot of time together, just like you want."

"Oh…"

"What's wrong? Were you planning on breaking up with me?" He chuckled. He looked behind you, seeing a suitcase on the couch. He looked back at you and frowned. "Please don't break up with me…"

"Oh! Oh, no, no, no! That's not what that's for!" You reassured. "I just…"

"What?"

"I'm… going on a business trip…"

"Business trip? To where?"

"Uh… Brazil…"

"Brazil?"

"Yeah…" you said apologetically. "A client hired me to take photos… in Brazil… I'm sorry…"

"It's alright," Illinois sighed. "We can have quality time after you get back."

"I'm gonna be gone for a month…"

"What? Why?"

"They want me to take pictures of everything. Families, animals, there's a parade that'll happen… I have to be there." You checked your phone. "And I my flight leaves soon, so I have to go now." You walked over to the couch and grabbed your suitcase, then back up to Illinois.

"Alright." He nodded. You gently kissed him, and pulled away all too soon for his liking.

"I love you! Goodbye!" You said as you walked past him to your car.

"Love you too…" he answered. You put your suitcase in the trunk and got into the driver's seat. You waved goodbye to Illinois as you pulled out of the driveway and headed to the airport.

Illinois stood at the doorway for a minute. So, he couldn't spend time with you. That was fine! You were a fantastic photographer, he couldn't blame people for wanting to hire you all the way from Brazil. He'd miss you a bit, but he'd be fine. I mean, you spent days, even weeks on end without him. He'd be completely fine.

--

Illinois was completely not fine. It had been three days since you left and he already felt like dying. How the hell did you last without him? More importantly, how was he supposed to survive without you?

The first day was probably the best one. He slept on the couch because of how tired he was. When he woke up in the morning, he went through the basics. He took a shower, washed his face, changed his clothes, brushed his teeth, and ate breakfast. He usually woke up before you, so he knew how to cook for himself. He was pretty awake when he got up, so he didn't make any coffee. He just made some of your chamomile tea. It was really good, he didn't know why he didn't try it before. He went through the rest of a pretty boring day. He watch TV, read a book, made lunch, watched some more TV, went through all of his trophies from adventures, made dinner, then fell asleep.

The second was a bit more chaotic. He was more tired that day than the first day, but he made tea instead of coffee again. He remembered you had told him that a brownie recipe you knew went very well with the tea, so he tried to make it. You were out of eggs, so he went to the store to buy some. Once he did, he got started on the brownies.

Now when I say he set the kitchen on fire, this dumbass set the kitchen on fucking fire.

He had made the batter and put it into a pan, and then into the oven. He decided to watch TV while he waited on the brownies. He landed on a Hallmark Christmas romance movie. That was a bad idea, because he fell asleep almost instantly.

He awoke to the smell of smoke and the alarm frantically beeping. He jumped up and ran into the kitchen. He swung the oven open and threw the extremely burnt baking onto the floor. He grabbed a nearby towel and waved at the air until the alarm stopped He wiped his forehead with the back of his hand, noticing he was sweating.

"Well, that's unfortunate," he sighed. He looked at the time. 10:24. There was still time for brunch.

He decided to make an omelette for himself.

He made the omelette for the most part, and let it sit on the stove for a minute. He wanted to make sure it was just right. he walked over to the couch and sat down, deciding to rest his eyes for a minute. The brownie incident was very stressful. Yet again, instead of just sitting there, he fell asleep.

For the second time this same damn day, Illinois woke up to the smell of smoke and the fire alarm beeping like mad. this time, he didn't jump up because he didn't think it'd be that bad. he slowly walked into the kitchen and almost screamed when he saw that his omelet was currently on fire. He panicked, not knowing what to do, because you two had an electric stove. What was he supposed to do? Throw some water on it? He looked around for a moment before seeing the towel he had to use to wave the smoke away. He grabbed it and threw it on top of the piece of breakfast, patting it to make sure it died. After about a minute, he gently lifted the towel. The fire was out. He sighed and, again, waved the smoke from the smoke alarm to get it to stop beeping. Illinois quit trying to make breakfast and just took some of your cereal. He honestly thought that that was going to catch on fire as well, so he stayed a little bit away from it at all times. Once he finished his cereal and his tea, he went back to the couch and just collapsed. he decided that another quick nap was in order, given the chaos that happened that day.

The rest of the day was pretty calm. He watched TV, went to the store to buy some other food, made lunch, watched some more TV, read a book and got takeout for dinner because he didn't feel like cooking again.

The third day was the one where he finally started to feel the effects of you not being there. It was a Wednesday. You always woke up early on Wednesday. He wasn't sure why, and neither were you. But you always woke up at the same time as him and made breakfast. He always made the coffee before hand so you can be more awake. And that's exactly what he did. He woke up, went through the motions, went into the kitchen, and made coffee. He got two mugs from the pantry and set them down on opposite sides of the table. When eating breakfast, you two always sat across from each other so you could talk. Illinois poured coffee into both of the cups and sat down. He stared across from his seat at the table for a moment, seeing the empty chair, and realizing that you were, in fact, not here.

And then he broke down.

He missed you. Oh, God, he missed you so much. How long were you supposed to be going? A month? And how long have you been gone? 3 days? He wouldn't make it. He couldn't make it. He started to pace around the kitchen.

"Ok… ok… you're ok…" he told himself. "You've been away from them for a longer amount of time, you can handle a month."

But the thing about Illinois being away from you for long, long, long amounts of time was that he had something to do. He'd be on an adventure. He'd be in some temple ruins, or a cave, or something of the sort running for his life. But this time, you were the one with the job, and he had absolutely nothing to do. Illinois didn't have many friends, mostly because he adventured so much. He was honestly pretty surprised when you agreed to date him. Now he realized why you wanted to spend more time together.

Okay. Okay. This was fine. He just had to find something to do… What did normal people do when they were bored?

He went to the museum. It was pretty interesting, and they were doing a lecture on treasures that he had donated there. He figured that could be pretty fun. He soon found that trying to correct to the tour guide on every single thing he was saying was not the best thing to do, because he got kicked out.

The next day, he went to the zoo. He informs people on the different types of spiders and bats and bugs that lived in caves. Heated ventured for so long that he figured it would be smart to learn the kind of animals he'd come into contact with when he went somewhere. Everyone was very interested in it, until he decided to take a tarantula out of its enclosure. Again, he got kicked out.

Third time's a charm. The next day, he went to the park. He sat on a bench and read a book and watched the kids play on the playground. One kid walked up to him and asked him if he was in an adventurer.

"Why, yes I am," he said smugly, "do you want to be one when you grow up?"

"No, you just remind me of Indiana Jones," the child answered. Illinois' hand squeezed the book in anger.

"Well, could Indiana Jones do this?" He asked while unsheathing his gun. He shot a nearby tree a few times to make a smiley face. He smirked at the kid.

"Probably," they shrugged and walked away from him. He snarled.

"Fuckin' kids…" he mumbled. A parent had apparently called the police on him, because he ended up in jail. They told him he had a phone call, so he called Mark.

"Hey, Mark! So, uh… I'm in jail," he said, trying to keep his cool, "I need you to come get me…"

"Dammit!" Mark cursed.

"What's wrong?"

"I bet Wilford that you would get arrested a week after Y/N left." He explained. "He bet 4-5 business days…"

"Ha! Told you!" Illinois heard another voice from Mark's end of the line.

"Oh, shut up!" Mark yelled. "Listen, uh… I'll get there soon as I can. Bye." He said and hung up. Illinois sighed and slumped on a bench.

This was gonna be a long month…

--

Illinois had the most boring month of his entire fucking life. For the first half of it, he sat in his living room, watching romcoms and almost crying because he wanted to be lovey-dovey with you. Why should these assholes get to be together? They were cheating on the one girl's boyfriend! She can have two spouses, but he can't be with his one?

For the second half, Illinois stopped being such a pissy little fuck and actually did things. He learned how to play the guitar, he finished three books, and he painted a picture from a Bob Ross video.

It was awful.

He was so completely bored without you. He hadn't realized how much you'd improved his life up to that point. You two had figured out how to video call halfway through the month, but you were almost always busy or asleep when he was ready. It was horrible.

But now, it was over.

You got back today.

And Illinois was fucking elated.

He jumped into his car and went through three red lights to get there, not to mention he was going 50mph in a 40mph zone. This man was going to die before he was late. He didn't even give a shit he was 5 hours early, he was gonna fucking wait for you at the airport. He brought a blanket and snacks, he'd be fine.

He took a nap after an hour, and woke up three hours after that. For the next two hours, he looked at pictures of you and thought about what he'd do with you when you got back. Finally, the time came when your plane was supposed to land. He knew it'd be a bit after that, but he stuffed his blanket and leftover snacks in his backpack and ran up to where you were supposed to enter the airport. He didn't have a sign, which he probably should have, but he'd find you soon enough. He looked through the crowd of people exiting the plane. All he saw were old rich people and young rich people. He looked across the herd of people, searching for any hint of your suitcase. You had gotten annoyed with the fact that you kept mistaking yours for other people's, so he bought you a neon rainbow suitcase. That didn't seem to be very useful at this point in time. He felt a buzz on his thigh. Groaning, he checked his phone. It was a text from Mark.

Hey! It said, Is Y/N home yet?

Illinois growled.

That's what I'm looking for.

Tell me when you see them

Sure thing. Illinois shoved the phone back into his pants, continuing his search. He suddenly saw a flash of color out of the corner of his eye. He whipped his head to the side.

There you were, trudging your suitcase along the floor. Your hair was all over the place, you were dragging your feet, and even from where he was, he saw the bags under your eyes. You were a hot mess.

In his eyes, you were an angel on Earth.

He wanted to be patient and keep up his suave persona. He noticed himself bouncing in his spot a bit, a smile forming on his lips. If he waited any longer, he swore to God he was going to explode. He eventually decided it wasn't worth it, and dashing over to you.

You were so tired. You were so, so very tired. The people who hired you were so nice, but they never fucking slept. Anytime they did something, they wanted you to take a picture of it. Mostly because they'd just gotten married, and you could respect their enthusiasm, but holy shit. Not to mention the PARADE. You got no rest. None. You couldn't wait to get home and just relax with your boyfriend…

Speaking of which, wasn't he supposed to pick you up?

You saw something coming towards you in your peripheral vision and turned, only to see said boyfriend sprinting at you. You opened your mouth to scream, but the wind was knocked out of you by Illinois pulling you into the tightest hug you've ever experienced and you simply wheezed.

"Oh my God, I missed you so much," he nearly cried, "do not ever do that to me again, please…" in response, you coughed. He realized you were having trouble inhaling and loosed his grip. He didn't let go.

"I missed you too…" you wheezed. He stood holding you for a second. A couple of girls giggled as they walked past you two. You flushed.

"Illinois, you're embarrassing me…" you whined.

"Oh?" He asked, the smirk audible in his voice. He pulled out of the hug and crashed his lips against yours. You basically collapsed into it and he had to hold you up against his body. He pulled away after a minute. You sighed.

"Can we go home now?" You pleaded.

"Of course, darlin'! We gotta spend some time together!" He answered. You let out a soft whimper.

Looks like you weren't getting your rest anytime soon.

my phone's at 5% lololol.

[athenas-atlas]

Before I continue with any more national holidays, this is what it is.

I had the desire to do this for like a decade. But it was always so daunting and so much work and didn't seem possible to do all these things in a year unless you have buckets of money. When I was pregnant with our first I just said screw it. If you have to wait for the right time, it'll never happen. I realized I can make my own rules. I never planned to publicize it. It was just a fun thing to do with our kid. I didn't think I could get pregnant at all, let alone have two so it was kind of aimed at not letting this chance get squandered. I mean I only get one kid. Lets do it up.

Had number two and she just completed us. So now these posts will include her.

While pregnant and a little bit of mat leave I did all the research into all the different holidays. There are some repeats so we do something different but use the same idea. I had to pick some repeats because the day that was the holiday was either impossible or wasn't something we wanted to do. Some national holidays have like 5+ different titles. So we could pick and choose which we wanted. There are so many food and drink ones and there are so many repeats. I think hamburger day had like 8. Not kidding. We do it once or twice. Maybe even 3 times. Like I said, repeats lol

There were some days where nothing was applicable or they were again, repeats. So we used the national month awareness on those days. I think M.S "day" was actually intended for the month and a few others. Again, my rules. So on days like that, we could potentially do walks or donations. We can decide for what works with us. Some of these holidays(like 95%) aren't even Canadian. I just thought this would be fun.

It works by having a calendar up all year round. I check it every week and base my groceries on what food and drink days there are. If there are none, then I just do whatever. I try to check it out a month prior also so that we can plan for any activities. When we accomplish the thing, I take a picture. I have a very large scrap book that doesn't fit it's binding anymore. Got some scrap book paper with patterns and made different designs on each set of pages. There are two pages the same per pattern. Check the day off on the calendar and then stick the picture in the book. That's it's title, "The Book". Everyone knows what it is and where it is when that is said.

I estimated that it would take roughly 5-6 years to complete. As we've gone along and explored options and come up with new rules, we also decided to dedicate some for travel. There's a Titanic remembrance day. The few days before and a couple after have Irish and English style things so there's a whole 10 day period we have set aside for a trip to Ireland. Same for the Holocaust remembrance. And there is a part in September dedicated to the states where it includes a few L.A region days. My 5 year plan turned into like 15-20 😅😅😅

I've lost count on how many days we've done or how many we have left but I'm confident we have accomplished a little over half, maybe 60% in 3 years. I think we will have the whole thing finished within 2 more years except the holidays.

We have a lot of filled pages and then some basically empty ones.

I also took the creative liberty of making designs on the paper with twine and then sticking the little clothes pins to specific spots to maximize the cuteness.

This is a bow tie in red. The black is encircling the clothes pins. The pages are reflective of the design.

My attempt at a cactus.

I also spelled our name in the twine and have other stuff like bananas, coffee mugs, hot air balloons.

It took a surprising amount of work.

We decide on a new calendar every year. Alternating who picks it. I picked a world landscapes one first, Kyle picked Dragon Ball Z for the last one. I picked a Euro destinations one this time. Next year is his turn.

[ellyzsx]

Story time

Suicidal thoughts run keen through my head. Driving through Krakow country side I saw a housing estate next to lovely tall trees - forest like - and thought what a lovely area to be able to play as children. Then I wondered which is the tallest tree could I hang myself from? No former context, no sadness, just my empty emotions triggering my brain to tell myself I should be dead. This is how my life is now.

I dream most days and nights of my life ending in disasters. Lachesism. I say I'm scared of when lorrys drive to close or fast past me. But I'm scared for the moments when they don't kill me. People point out that I drive recklessly because they are afraid of the end; I'm not afraid. Driving that way feels like freedom, my chance to escape, even with intent to cause self harm.

I don't want a grave stone, I don't want my ashes to be spread. I want my organs donated and the rest burnt. The ashes can be used in cooking because I am one spicy mother fucker! Joking!! Don't worry, I really just want them turned in to jewelry so I can still shine while I'm gone.

The ironic thing about my situation is that I want to die to end my suffocating thoughts but at the same time I still have little bits of me that knows some of my self worth. Contradictory as it may be, I probably laugh and smile everyday without a doubt but my thoughts of disaster never leave. I work and study hard but I'm still occasionally believe I am a failure in my mind; like I'm always worse than everyone in the room. I love people and helping out everyone, but I think everyone hates me and would be better off not having me around. It's complicated in my mind.

I feel on the road to recovery, I can admit that I'm not okay when I don't feel okay, I know the past history that has gotten me to how I am and I'm seeking help; 3rd increase dose of Anti-depressants, Cognative Behavioural Therapy and many other forms of help I can get. I have supportive friends and family, I'm very lucky that I have my dream career job and I get to go on amazing holidays like just travelling in Poland for the past weekend. I just don't know what it is that drives myself hatrid other than... well myself.

It's a viscious cycle that I can't get escape. I'm motivated and feeling fine one day, something goes wrong very easily that affects me for weeks and then I find a little bit of motivation to build myself back up and it happens again... and again... and again. I try and count my blessings but in order to do that I draw Venn diagrams to see the wrong, okay and right things in my life. It's an occasional thing and the amount of varience I get each time seems like a uncoordinating joke. But It gives me a sense of assurance when things are okay or right for a few weeks in a row.

I've been taught many coping mechanisms in my past 4 years of anxiety and depression. Even writing them down in this form feels weirdly like a strategy. I'm explaining my dark and ugly, following my long journey ahead, and explaining what works for me. Even if one person gains usefulness then this is all worth it.

As we are on the topic of helpfulness: I like being helpful - it gives me a purpose other than selfish motives. If I've been helpful to one person and not to the rest of the crowd I feel like a failure. I desire to be the famous hero who didn't do it for fame but for the sheer enjoyment of people liking them and for a purpose in other people's lives. So I try to help - I volunteer at my local explorer scout group, I help raise and organise charity events, I help and support friends and family. I even try to go the extra mile at work to raise awareness of women in engineering to help inspire and shape them little girls to be the change our industry needs. I also help educate teams on mental well-being and illnesses with in the work place to bring the awareness to here and now.

All positive were written there, but the underlying negative abuse I hurl at myself for everything I've not been enough help on or not doing at all hurts:

"I'm not helpful I'm just in the way, I'm pathetic, I'm a waste of space, they don't need me, they'd be better off without me, it's not working you're a failure, you are making it more worse, stop trying you aren't a good person for doing it."

Just as them thoughts constantly pass through my mind another extreme example from this evening I write on - I was on the train back from Birmingham walking through derby station, I had the thought that I could run away on any train go ahead and not look back and when I'm on the train I can take every single tablet I own and swallow it to die. Or i could come back another night with a home made bomb and make sure I'm in a carraige with no people in it. Why not die? Make it a dramatic escape. Even in the last few typed words I had the thought of jumping in front of a train which would take no effort and only affect 1 person's life than my own. Why do I have these thoughts? Am I a physco path planning my death at every opportunity?

Reading back the first few paragraphs I see how contradicting my thought patterns are. Living with Anxiety and Depression for me is being followed by a voice, it knowing all my insicurities and how to use them against me. It gets to a point where it's the loudest voice in a room, that I can't hear anything else. I don't remember a time when it wasn't like this, when the voices didn't make me feel empty and alone inside. What's even worse is a lot of the people I have opened my heart to have let me down, causing me to shut down further.

My past history is not brilliant, I never felt secure with my friends, I was harassed in college and I've always struggled to maintain my apperance. I've been through some tough break ups of friends and partners and my relationships with family has not always been stable. One thing I find hard is to love myself and know myself worth when the people around you don't like you and tell you that you aren't good enough. But through all this at the same time I've had some amazing times.

I do want to be happy. I just feel useless most days. I try not to complain but the grass isn't always greener and I feel in constant mud. It sounds pathetic but I feel like I'm in a rut. At the moment everything is fine with friends and work. It I don't feel important. I don't feel as if there is any worth to my day's. I get up, go to work, and then do nothing until I get home and sleep. I mean sure I go to netball, dance, yoga and I volunteer at a scout group but it doesn't feel like I'm doing any of it for myself and I'm slowly giving up on trying to please those around me.

But I guess I do it for the hope of my future, for the one, for the wedding, for the kids, for the house, for the lazy Sunday morning lie ins with the loved ones. It's all a fantasy.

Tonight at explorers we were doing first aid training and one scenario was that one of the boys had a cut on his wrist and he was bleeding out. Through those discussions I was thinking how I could slit my wrists and drown in the bath and no one would be able to put me in the recovery position. Another perfect idea but inconveniencing whomever finds me. It doesn't sicken me thinking of myself this way. Maybe it's how I'm meant to be.

My mum tells me I should think positive thoughts but it's like an urge to plan how I should die. Another disaster I saw was a crash this morning. I wish I was in the place of the other person.

Not paying attention to lectures is becoming a really bad habit. I still haven't started writing for my digital assignment which is due in 5 days! But I have decided I would like to end up working for the Naval group in Adelaide Australia! I finally have an aim!! It feels good and when I travel there next year I will get to see if it's what I desire!

Another person has just unfriended me on Snapchat? What the hell have I done wrong now? I'm getting sick of being made out to be the bad guy all of the time :/ And now Facebook!! All for shutting him down over complaining that people can't be themselves or get offended. I've had enough of this work force, it literally is a battle every week just to keep peace. I don't want to listen to your political opinion every 2 minutes I'm sorry but I'm here to work. The ignorance of some people.

Do you know what I'm going to work my arse off and start this assignment today and prepare the manufacturing question to prove to the haters that they only make me more powerful :) oh the contrast in these paragraphs is funny.

This afternoon I spoke to my mum on how all my emotional trauma started. She understands now and it feels like a relief to be honest. I've just been to netball and I feel like I've played really well!

I have decided on a main goal within my career! Naval group Adalaide Australia! (Not long term but a few years in Australia won't do me harm in my life time! Now I've explored the majority of Europe it's time to step in to the big leagues!) Naval group design submarines for the Australian Navy and with my career path I hope that I will have the opportunity to be able to try and apply for a job there some day in the next 15 years! Now I just need to maintain motivation.

What to do when motivation is running low in the future:

• Find the worth of what you are doing

• research and re-inspire!

• be powerful enough to overcome the ruts!

• believe in yourself - you are capable!

• remove any distractions

I just read a quote that said 'don't worry darling this is just a chapter, not your whole story' and I thought well it's a fucking long one! I'm sat drinking mocha staring outside of a uni window in a corridor I look so depressed it's funny! I just needed to get away from the noise and the stress. I only want to talk to one person but he doesn't know that and it's starting to stress me out but it's my own fault for falling for him when he told me not to. On the plus side I definitely want a nice view in my house when i move to Aussie! I mean looking outside to wet britain it's really nice but sunny aus will be tonnes better!

I'm stressed, my brain hurts and I'm tired. I really want this assignment gone. I'm physically in pain from yoga and I'm exhausted :( moan moan moan moan I'm even pissing myself off. I could do with a power nap or somewhere comfortable to sit. I also miss my earphones :(

Just met a lovely man and had a chinwag it was distracting but it's nice to get to know people without it being depressing all the time!

I was in a one night stand with a 28 year old in a 7 year relationship. Put myself on tinder.

I'm tired of people they never fail to disappoint me

Netball is good though! Proper enjoyed chatting with everyone! Good stress relief and even though I haven't done much it took my mind off the crap earlier.

It's been a while

It's working

I feel ok

I'm no longer a mess

I can stop these thoughts

I counter act them

Not everyone hates me

[theiriskriss]

highest next week 6 or is it week 7 has lost count at this point of unsuccessfully trying to find a job here in Florida is getting more and more desperate at this point we just also found out that kid kids the world village is indefinitely shutting down here it's getting pretty crazy of course I can file for unemployment cuz the job I had during Corona was a under the table job that didn't have paperwork tied to it so I kind of got f***** out of the unemployment which a lot of people in Florida got f***** out of it anyway because our system is always shutting down so if anybody cares to help me help me write donating a couple bucks just so I can get some food or something like that and some toiletries I greatly appreciate it the last go around somebody was kind enough to donate enough money that I was able to get my phone turned back on which was a bit of a help for the job searching aspect and making some phone calls so I don't have to rely on my b**** of a roommate who is spending her money as fast as she can make it which to me is ridiculous she bought yet another f****** pet she does not need and does not take care of half the time start s God bless my boyfriend he's trying but he's in the same boat as me right now cuz he's in between jobs trying to wait for universal door back open back up otherwise he'd have me move in with him

it's honestly looking like being homeless is a whole lot more f****** appealing than living in this bug infested hovel and being treated like the red-headed f****** step child being yelled at and cussed out and being told that they're going to kick me out every other day or this or that and it's just it's getting to the point I'm not going to be able to take it for very much longer

Any help is appreciated reblogs are appreciate please pass the message I'm really getting desperate at this point I've been living off scraps for three months now I would like to buy something proper for once

And thank you to anybody who rebloged my last time I asked I greatly appreciate it

Sorry for how long this is I really needed to get this off my chest

https://paypal.me/TheIrisKriss?locale.x=en_US