#The deadline isn't even till tomorrow

[one-vivid-judgment]

It's late night We Are Smut Thoughts™ guys. So, uh...

Whatever you do, don't imagine Pun lying on his stomach in the bed, face buried in the pillow and getting fucked within an inch of his life, feeling like he might pass away while he has Chain's tie rolled around one of his hands, pulling at it as he begs Chain not to stop. 

Don't imagine Q and Toey playing around with body paint just for funsies and slowly coming to the realization that oh, the way the colors mix as they keep touching each other is kinda hot. 

Don't imagine Fang wearing a female cheerleader outfit because he thinks Tan looks handsome in his football uniform (and may or may not have sniffed his shirt while jerking off more than once when Tan isn't available) and wants him to wear it to bed, so he's making a convincing case for himself to make sure Tan accepts—even though Tan was 1000% gonna say yes anyway and he might die when he sees Fang in the smallest skirt ever. 

Don't imagine MickMatt giving each other blanket permission to use the other if they wake up horny in the middle of the night, cause both their sleep schedules are fucked from game nights and staying up till late to finish a painting, and they want to let each other rest but they also can't keep their hands off of each other for long. 

Don't imagine Phum humping Peem's pillow because it smells like him and he NEEDS to be touched, but Peem is ignoring him (aka he is painting in the room next door and has a deadline tomorrow), and he is being noisy on purpose so that Peem will come check and catch him red-handed. 

Don't imagine everyone thinking that Kluen is a brat and poor Beer has his hands full with him—which IS true, but that attitude never lasts: a few open-mouthed kisses and the brat's all gone, and next thing they know, Kluen is wearing Beer's engineering shirt while riding him, and after they're done he'll be begging Beer to stay inside him while they sleep.

[kiaratheronappreciationweek]

We're on our final day of KTAW 2024!! It's been wonderful to see the entries so far - we saw some new faces and lots of fresh stories, and every work we've got so far has shown such love and admiration for a character so often overlooked!

Our final theme(s) tomorrow are pretty simple and straightforward! This day is about exploring how Kiara navigates her relationships with people - Familial, Platonic or Romantic! We all know she is protective of the people she loves even if she may not fully understand their way of dealing with their problems. It would be great to see how our Kiara fans will look at these dynamics!

Any content is welcome!! Just make sure your work centers Kiara, and presents a positive depiction of her. Fic, art, meta, headcanons, edits, icons, interactive media, even simple character appreciation posts!! We also accept WIPs, so if your piece isn't entirely complete by the end of the week, fret not - you can still send us the WIPs!

The themes are simply inspirations. If you bring a piece for one of the days later, it's entirely okay...just make sure you tag the posts with the day you meant it for! We will always be keeping a bonus week in case you couldn't complete the piece during the week itself, so our official deadline for pieces will be June 1st!

We'd also like all of you to know that KTAW 2024 will be open ALL YEAR ROUND. So if you're unable to finish a piece before June 1st, pls do send it whenever you're ready to (and tag us!), and it will definitely be up on our masterlist!!

Be sure to do the following when you send in your work:

1. Use the tags #kiaratheronappreciationweek and #KTAW in your posts. Make sure to tag the day as well (#KTAW Day 1, #KTAW Day 2, etc)

2. Tag @kiaratheronappreciationweek, as well as hosts @sazanes and @lizzybeth1986

Fan Community blogs are super important to our promotion of events, so we'd definitely love for you to check out some of these awesome blogs and their challenges:

@choicesficwriterscreations - Primarily fanfic and fanart (no AI allowed). Check out their rules and roster of events!

@choicesmonthlychallenge and @choicesmaychallenge24 - Any and all content welcome! This month's prompts are delightfully Greek mythology-themed!

@choicespride - Any and all content welcome, as long as it centers LGBTQ+ characters and/or themes! They will be hosting this year's pride event soon!

@choicesholidays - Any and all content welcome, as long as it is centered around one of the holidays listed! Currently, they are hosting Spring Fling!

@choicesprompts - Any and all content welcome! Currently no events, but you could check out all the cool stuff they've been up to so far!

@choicescommunityevents - Any and all art welcome as long as it is on-theme! Currently hosting the AAPI Heritage Month!

With Day 5, this week may be officially over, but as we mentioned earlier our bonus week will still be up!! You have time till June 1st to send in entries! The masterlist will also be open the whole year through for entries as well.

[sloanewashingtonappreciationweek]

We're on our very final day of Sloane Washington Appreciation Week!! It's been amazing, especially since we've seen quite a few new faces this year contributing and giving Sloane lots of love. We can't wait to see what more you all have in store for us!! 💞💞💞

Tomorrow is Day 5 - our last day - and we have two themes!!

Our first theme is about Hobbies. Think about things Sloane would like outside of her job and her special interest in science. What would she do for fun? Are there things that the MC or Hayden or the group introduce her to, that she begins to enjoy? Are there things she introduces them to??

Our second is, of course, PETS! We know she loves cats, and in time she warms up to Dipper too. So this is where you can explore what kind of pets you'd like Sloane to have, if any, and how she takes care of them 😍

As always, any form of appreciation is welcome! Fanfic, fanart, meta, edits, moodboards, playlists, headcanons, interactive media, even screenshots of favourite scenes or simple posts about your love for her!! Our only requirement is that you center Sloane in your work, and that the depiction is positive!

We also accept WIPs - we know irl can be hard and you may not always get the time to finish off stuff, so do show us a WIP of what you're working on if you're comfortable! We keep our event open even after the deadline (the deadline is mostly for our thank you video!) so you can send in your work anytime as well.

A friendly reminder that these are merely themes for you to use. It isn't completely necessary for your content for a particular day to be posted on that day only. You can post something you intended for Day 2 when Day 5 is on, as long as you tag the post for the day you meant it for.

Be sure to follow these rules when you make your posts:

1. Use the tags #sloanewashingtonappreciationweek and #SWAW so we can find your posts on the tags, along with the day you intend the post for (#SWAW Day 1, #SWAW Day 2).

2. Tag @sloanewashingtonappreciationweek and hosts @sazanes and @lizzybeth1986 in your work so we don't miss any pieces!

Fan content blogs have been a great resource in terms of showcasing fan content, so we'd definitely like to explore some of them and see if you'd like to send your content to any of them. A number of them are also running some amazing Valentine's Day events, which I urge you to take a look at:

@choicesficwriterscreations - Both fic and art welcome! Check out their rules and weekly roster here!

@choicesmonthlychallenge and @choicesfebruary2024 - All types of creative stuff welcome. This month, they're doing an awesome event with the Seven Types of Love in Greek mythology as prompts!

@choicespride - All content related to LGBTQ+ characters and/or themes welcome! Check out their awesome Valentine's Day event here!

@choicesflashfics - Fics under 2500 words welcome! Find this week's prompt list here!!

@choicesholidays - Both fic and art welcome!! Check out their Valentine's Day event!!

@choicesprompts - Mostly fic-centric!! Currently they're running a round robin, for which the deadline to enter is Feb 15th!

As many of you know by now, we always keep a bonus week after the AW is done, for anyone who couldn't complete their pieces at the time. We'll be keeping SWAW open for all till 24th Feb, after which we will need to start working on our SWAW 2024 video! And don't worry if you weren't able to finish even after that deadline - we will be accepting pieces all year round! Just send it to us and we'll put it up on the final masterlist.

Can't wait to celebrate Sloane for one last day with all of you!!!

Happy Sloane Washington Appreciation Week, everyone!!

[hotarutranslations]

Get Excited----

Evening

Yesterday, from 12:30AM NACK5 "Saito Shuka ShukaRaji!"

I made an appearance🐤ྀི

I'm sorry I'm late to making the announcementttt

But you can listen to it on Radiko!

Also I'll be visiting again next week! Please definitely listen!

Yesterday it was released on Hello Station, You can see what day as the store manager in Taiwan for a day was like

Xiao long bao🤤🤍ྀི

This close coverage, really, It has a lot of genres!

Like it can be anywhere! lol

For the 1 day manager situation, The focus is on Ishida but, Aside from that,

The next day with close covered of the interviews in Taiwan, Homare and Rairi were the focus, since we had shoots,

I wonder if Ishida will be there too🎈

Please definitely enjoy it~~~

Since they also showed up practicing our words on the video,

When I got to Taiwan again, I'll have forgotten it so, I'll watch this video to remember!

Fufu

Instagram

I posted a lot of photos, of Up To Boy vol.345

Its finally on sale🤍ྀི

I also just found out about it but,

Again,

HMV Sendai EBeanS-san, has decided on a panel exhibition!

Details

Release day goes from tomorrow the 22nd to December 6th🥹🪽

Uwaa… I'm happy…

Somehow, somehow, There are…carefully selected cuts from my 1st photobook

Eeh! I'm looking forward to how those photos will look! lol

The other day it was my 7th book…

Aaah!

I didn't end up writing about the photobook after all I said that I wanted to write, This page is like this and this page is like that oh wow

But with that, Everyone who ordered through Wani Books, it will be a bit longer till they're delivered🙊🙊

(Thank you very much for the many orders)

What do I do

Well, next time🙃🙃 lol

First off, the panel exhibit! Please definitely go and see it!

Ah, what I wanted to write about today was,

about this!!

This digest includes live footage, Isn't it amazing, aren't you happy to see it everyone!?

Although its just a digest..

There is more to these good stuff about these songs! Its like that but, there is kind of a lot🫣🫣

This digest is already enjoyable, The entirety of the album is even more enjoyable,

Really look forward! Towards its release!

If you're not sure on it, I hope this digest will reach you…

.💿💿

Photobook On Sale🤍

Play▶️List

Morning Musume '24 Ishida Ayumi Graduation Commemoration "Graduaton Memorial CD"🍀

Preorder Deadline is November 22nd🍀

Also, older photos are being rereleased

📚 Released October 30th "Gekkan Entame" Ishida x Oda

→Thank you very much to the many who have already voiced having read it🎈

Releasing November 9th "BOMB" Ishida x Oda

→It has the atmosphere of loungewear~ so by all means🎈

Releasing November 15th "EX Taishuu" Ishida x Inoue x Yumigeta

→We had a talk about the album release, and towards my graduation🎈

Releasing November 22nd "Up To Boy" Ishida x Oda x Makino

→Everyone is wearing a blue outfit, There was dancing, emotions, and fun🎈

Preorders Ongoing Please Definitely Check It Out

On non-no-san, The first in my commemorative graduation series released

🌙"Tohoku and "Connection"" Love for my hometown, becoming a beloved idol

🕺 ""Connection" With Dance" Whether its within Hello Pro or away at Fests. The Groups First Dance Machine

Please definitely read it

📺Morning Musume Happy Daisakusen

Show titled as such on Hulu-san👑 Streaming starts on October 19th

fufufu watch this

📺Sendai Broadcast "Ara Ara Kashiko"

I appear once a month as part of the AraKashi Family

The previous shows, and makings, are on OX VIDEO STORE!

📺Hello Pro Dance Every other Thursday at 11:30PM~

Season 12 will start airing, On October 17th (Thurs)🕺

Thank you for following.. Instagram💙🩵

💿 August 14th new single✨ "Nandaka Sentimental na Toki no Uta/saiKIYOU"

Thank you very much 🏅 For Oricon Weekly Chart #1🏅

💿November 27th New album✨

Professionals-17th

This is the last CD release for Ishida "Yuukan na Dance" is being performed at autumn tour It Includes 8 new songs, with a total of 13 songs

Look forward🕺

🪩"Morning Musume '24 Concert Tour Autumn WE CAN DANCE!"

December 6th at Yokohama Arena

🎗️Live Viewing 🎗️Hulu Live Stream

Please watch the last of the 13 of us

📻Morning Musume '24 Morning Jogakuin ~Houkago Meeting~

Airs Every Saturday, On Radio Nihon at 12:00AM~

Past Broadcast Episodes Are Available →Program Details

With that, I hope tomorrow will be a good day🐣🤍ྀི

see you ayumin <3 https://ameblo.jp/morningmusume-10ki/entry-12875892963.html

[palebluedotguy]

Netflix and Dread

I cannot walk calmly into the jaws of death "but it's just another Monday" you said. So should I be passive in my dread for this routine? Or should I scream and pray every Sunday evening waiting, for something good to happen?

"it'll all be alright", my friend said what he said is too vague to make any sense I’ll still have to work till I collapse anyway as I get closer, the deadlines begin to hold sway over my body, anxiety is not letting me stay I have the TV on but all I can say is-

"I could do better", but I'm stuck to this place. Right now, I should work, like this actor on the screen a sped-up scene showing how he finally worked it out he's ignoring his mental health, working 24/7 till he spaces out "I can never do that, that's exactly what I need" I have very little time to prove that I can succeed that I deserve to achieve, that I’ve come so far and-

The jaws open wide, at least in my head is it better to lay still or is it better to regret? I still hope I can make it; I hope I know what's best I hope my hope isn't irrational, I hope the jaws can forget For now, I just need to be quiet, tomorrow shouldn't leak into my well-earned silence, tomorrow, I hope I can learn to be kind to my sirens, they helped me as a kid, but right now I don't need the violence, tomorrow, I hope I see the jaws fade behind me.

[lokiscauldron]

Hey yall, personal shit negativity warning (death/suicide mention), feel free to skip if ya see this and dont wanna read :) warning over and have a lovely day/night!

today is fuckin crisis mode

Yk how you get those feelings like ur not gonna live till xyz age but every time it gets kinda close it moves out a year or 2? Mine isn't a age rn but I'm starting to freak out bc it's today (tomorrow?). Intense feeling for like 3 years that I wouldn't make it past this new years, even had a panic attack last year and by early March had accepted that I wouldn't see another birthday or even the next year. It stopped bothering me altogether in like April and I just came to terms with it. Unfortunately, it's new years eve and the deadline still hasn't changed for me mentally, but I have no idea how tf I would die tomorrow, like even today I went thru like 6 ways I'd die per hour all the way from accidentally poisoning myself via cleaning supplies (if I don't make it I want to leave a clean space for whoever finds me) to a car crash. But idk how it would happen tomorrow unless I killed myself which I can't do bc my best friend already had someone close to him kill themself on new years and I can't add to that and don't wanna worry him with this. So I'm posting it here. And I'm honestly more scared of not dying tomorrow bc I have made no actual plans for my life beyond this year bc I was so sure I'm not gonna make it to see them happen so I didn't see a point. I dont really want to kill myself rn but knowing me that wont last long, depressive spiral started around october and hasnt shown any signs of lifting and winter break has done like nothing for my mental health. If anything its given me more energy to hurt myself with bc im slightly less sleep deprived. Sooo yea hasn't been a great few days. Or weeks. Or months. Or years tbh. Anyways if I don't die ill post on new years and if I do happy new years! May the new year bring light a happiness to all of you, and remember you're worth it; eat a snack, drink some water, and take care of yourself. I love ya <3

[kinetic-elaboration]

October 27: Writing Updates

I'm in sort of a weird mood after finishing my fic draft. I'm not sure what to think of it. I'm much more chill about it now that I have a complete text. Like, oh, yeah, it wasn't that hard lol! I do still need to edit, and it's not a super short fic, and I have some particular places that I already know will get changed a little. And it needs a title, summary, etc. But I still feel calmer and more secure knowing I still have a couple days till the deadline and I have a complete beginning/middle/end all written out.

Now I've turned my inevitable worrying to the ficlets. I still really want to write them, and it's not at all impossible. I have three days off work still, and then the fourth day is Halloween. Even if I don't finish them all to post by (on) Halloween itself, if I have one or two, I can post the rest through that week. I've posted as late as November 5 or 6 before, it's fine. It's really less that I need to go from 5 vague ideas to 5 fully written, edited, formatted, and posted fics in 4 days and more that there really isn't wiggle room at all on writing these. Like if I don't write tomorrow it might have to be off the table entirely, is what I mean.

Ugh. The thing is, when I wrote the first set in 2018, it was supposed to be way longer and more ambitious, but the ones I DID write were written very fast. Like I literally spent a couple days on my couch just writing idea after idea. And so I still idealize this creative experience as being kind of spontaneous and off the cuff. I want to keep the fics simple, a couple thousand words each, and I want them to follow the mood I'm in when I write. Honestly, that zombie story from a couple days ago was pretty much EXACTLY what I'm talking about. Ideally, I'd want it to be between 2.5 and 3.5k and not 900 words, but in every other sense it was a perfect 'Halloween ficlet' to me.

I'm overthinking about how I shouldn't overthink, is what I'm doing. HA! What is my brain?

My theme for this alleged set of ficlets is pretty subtle and soft and I'm not totally sure how I feel about that. On the one hand, it might be nice to do versus that everything-and-the-kitchen sink fic I just wrote, but on the other hand, I'm not sure that it excites me. But!! The point of taking the theme and running with it is to avoid the tyranny of choice. Even so I'm still overthinking pretty much everything about it already. Is this too cliche? Is this too dumb? Is this not scary? Is this forced? Do I care about this? Can I do better? I guess it's just the cycle of writing.

[archipelagoaudioproject]

*cries in casting director*

[wh6res]

three's a crowd | nomin

synopsis. picking favorites is impossible when you like neither of them.

warning. read at your own risk. abuse, bullying, poly relationship, yandere themes, manipulation, nonconsensual touching, noncon, degradation, smut threesome oop

disclaimer. i do not condone whatever tf i wrote in this nor does it reflect my beliefs or values or morals and such. it is all pure fiction and i also dont think jaemin or jeno would act like this in real life.

note. this was meant to be a new year's gift lmao i obviously got a lil carried away 👀 anyway a late happy new year to you all! we survived 2020, let's start living in 2021, yeah? lmao if covid lets us grr mwah!

the relationship you had with the two of them was a weird one, bordering on taboo, but it wasn't as if you willfully chose to be who they wanted you to be and it took jaemin's unwanted pining and jeno's intimidating demeanor for you to fall right into their arms.

it was a joint effort on their part, you couldn't've possibly stood a chance.

"this many?" the cashier asked. "are you sure?"

stepping back and studying the whole situation, you figured you only had your addiction to caffeine and procrastination to blame. it was a chain reaction you didn't even know will lead up to your inevitable doom.

if you hadn't been slacking off during your first semester of junior year college, you wouldn't be forced to overwork yourself trying to catch up to the looming deadlines, but to be able to 'work yourself to the bone' you need your boost of energy… and that was when you met one of them.

"uhm," you scratch the back of your head sheepishly as you eye the six glass bottles of iced coffee. sure, it looks bad and you kinda appreciate the look of concern the cashier throws your way but it was none of his business.

"yes. now could you, like, you know… hurry up? i'm in a little bit of a time crunch right now."

screw it. although you hardly snap like that with other people on a daily basis, it'll be a whole different conversation if you were under a significant amount of stress and today, unfortunately, is one of those days.

now can he just fucking stop asking questions and give you your six bottles of death drink to keep your fucking brain going so you can pass an eight-page essay tomorrow? thank you very much!

the guy snickered, the beeping sound of a barcode being read sounding a thousand times more annoying than it usually sounds as he keeps his hand busy by punching your items out.

you fail to notice how he studies you through the gaps of his lashes, finding you interesting rather than threatening as you stood before him with your messy hair and oversized hoodie.

"haven't seen you around university grounds 'till today," he tries striking another conversation with you. "you new? i'm jaemin."

this was your first mistake, you shouldn't have been so… downright rude when you met him. if you were granted the miracle of meeting him a 2nd time, you would've acted more nice, throwing yourself at his feet even to blend in with the rest of his fangirls you didn't even know about at the time. you would've done anything to make sure he never gives you a second glance, to never pique his interest.

jaemin is the pep squad captain. flying over colored blue mats and doing tumblings in the air with no ounce of fear. he was the best in his team, that much was evident when your friend dragged you into watching a pep rally practice. his landings were clean, balanced, and executed to the best he can at all times.

no wonder he was popular, his talent is outstanding and his looks are a bonus. his killer combo of a smile and wink after pulling off a tough flip is enough to send them squealing in their seats.

he spotted you that day and since then, he snuck the quickest glances at the bench during practices. recognizing you as the coffee girl he met during his convenience store shift. jaemin tries not to let his disappointment show too much when he doesn't see you, but of course, a pair of cold calculating eyes could see right through him.

"i saw that," his boyfriend said, hand darting forward to hold jaemin's gym bag for him. "you kept looking at the crowd. do you want to see her that much?"

"but she reminds me so much of you, jeno!" he retorts, pouting at the slight grumpy tone the other boy used. "i can't help it. she doesn't seem to give a fuck around me so she's quite interesting. maybe she can even be a great addition to our relationship!"

"well," jeno replies after a beat of silence, plastering a small smirk on his face before slinging an arm around jaemin's shoulder.

"convince me?"

you don't like jaemin's attention. not in the slightest. and it seems that was enough reason for the reign of terror his little fanclub has subjected you too.

it wasn't the petty elementary forms of bullying like pulling at your hair or calling you names. they pale in comparison to the other things they do to you—beating you up, messing with your homework, "accidentally" dumping their food trays on you.

and you weren't stupid.

you knew exactly who was behind it, knew how jaemin spectates the whole thing from afar so that he can swoop in at the end to play your knight in shining armor.

"oh, you poor thing. do you need help?"

the first time you accepted his "help" you ended up in a supply closet near the gym during your free period, cornered and weak as your cries for help drowns under the squeaking of shoes and the booming sounds of rubber balls hitting the floor.

if it weren't for jeno appearing out of thin air and prying the boy off of you, you would've been painted blue and red from the death grip he had on your wrist, neck, and waist.

you can still remember feeling the soreness of your scalp from when he pulled your hair too hard. remembered feeling his teeth gnawing at your lips as if he wanted to tear them off.

that time hadn't been the first time you saw jeno. you've shared a few classes with him and it strikes you how polar opposites they are with one another.

while jaemin likes to bask in his professor and classmates' recognition by confidently reciting his answers, jeno would rather keep to himself. liked sitting at the last row, near the window, so he'd be the first to go once the professor ends their lecture. while jaemin loved the attention of his fangirls, jeno preferred solitude. while jaemin is impulsive and wild, jeno liked to think things through.

it was within these reasons that you decided to do what you did. but your judgement of character has never been more wrong.

you approached jeno one day in the library, tried to make yourself appear as stoic and confident as possible. but your constant slouching and averting eyes was a dead giveaway.

you came to talk to him about what jaemin has been doing, hoping there's one person left in this entire school that isn't under the cheer captain's trance. the one reasonable person that has already saved you once and (hopefully) is willing enough to save you again. the only one that probably has a certain level of control over jaemin, if the supply closet incident is anything to go by.

but you've overestimated lee jeno.

"you should've just given jaemin what he wanted."

"but—but aren't you two lovers? isn't it bothering you?"

you try baiting him, only for an uncomfortable shiver to start crawling down your spine when he chuckled humorlessly, pushing his school materials to the side while pinning you with an unreadable stare.

how can a person make someone feel so small just by a gaze alone? it was nothing like you've felt with jaemin. this is way worse.

"the only thing that's bothering me is why you're not ours yet."

you feel cold fingers creeping their way under your shirt, going higher and higher until it brushes against your bra. and when your eyes meet, the look on his face was unmistakable—what are you going to do about it, huh?

you stood up in lightning speed, the chair you've been sitting on scraping loudly against the floor.

you've never ran out as fast as you did.

and jeno swears it'll be the last.

you tried everything in your power to ignore them for the next following weeks but it soon became useless when the two boys took it upon themselves to give you your space.

although judging by the pinpricks you feel on your back, and the constant weight of a stare you feel on your shoulders, you knew they weren't done with you yet. far from it. and for some reason, you just knew they wanted to lull you into a false sense of security first before striking again.

and while they continued to ogle at you from afar like a hawk circling its prey in a desert, you took it upon yourself to return the favor. not because you were the slightest bit interested in those creeps but maybe, just maybe, if you look hard enough you'll find a way out, a weakness.

but what you realized made your insides churn in great discomfort—although it may seem that jeno holds the reins in the relationship since his reserved nature fits the role, it's actually the other way around.

jaemin might appear too self-centered, too focused on himself to give a fuck about his surroundings but in actuality, he has quite a knack for reading people. even more so than jeno. and it was scary how he used it to his advantage, and paired up with his devoted fangirls? it was hell on earth.

you found it alarming how the two seem to magically appear wherever you are.

although you weren't in the least bit surprised. for some reason, you can't take your eyes away when jaemin's devotees flock around him (and jeno) in a circle.

it almost reminds you of a shoal of piranhas, waiting for their meal to drop into the water before ripping it to shreds with their teeth. only their "meal" isn't actual flesh but the carefully crafted words jaemin says that drive them into a sick frenzy.

one that has them doing everything in their power to satisfy him like the loyal dogs they are.

so this was how he got them to bully you?

"oh, that? don't worry! yangyang just ran into me during cheer rehearsal. no biggie. my cheek stung a little bit, though…" is what he said but really he's telling them "scruff him up a bit for me, why don't ya?"

"of course, i can't be the best all the time. haechan is just too good, maybe even better than me…" is what he said but really he's telling them "can you remind him where his place should be?"

all the while jeno did nothing to hold him back.

no matter how wrong jaemin is, how much of an asshole he is, jeno will stick by his side through and through. so as much as jaemin is a puppeteer that gets a kick for controlling people, jeno is as much at fault for looking the other way.

because in jeno's perspective, why the fuck would he do shit when he can just get off from the entertainment that comes with jaemin's sweet little mind games?

we lost :(

you had been busy sorting through paperwork for one of your professors in the faculty when your friend texted you the results of the intercollegiate cheer dance competition. a frown paints your face, heart feeling heavy at the bad news.

in all honesty, you still supported the pep squad—you just hated the captain and his boyfriend. they've been practicing non-stop for this and prior to the weeks of the competition, jeno looked a lot more tense and jaemin less smiley than usual. you swore you even saw the latter snap at one of his fangirls.

not to mention, they paid less attention to you, too, and it was the best three weeks of your life.

tension starts rising in your shoulders, fingers absentmindedly running through the edge of the papers you had been sorting until you became immersed with your thoughts.

jaemin must be in the worst mood yet.

and jeno too, probably. if anything, that guy gets triggered the most when something bad happens to jaemin or when he catches snippets of people talking shit about his oh so "perfect" boyfriend.

jeno is a lot scarier when jaemin is in one of his mood swings, you noticed. he steps up in the relationship to offer comfort to the other boy and for outsiders? it isn't a great experience to go through—being on the receiving end of jeno's ice cold stare is a position you don't want to find yourself in after that time in the library.

he is still as much a threat to your peaceful life like his lover.

you snap out of it when the blinding headlights of a vehicle seep through the closed blinds. you hear the gentle hum of an engine switching off as the headlights vanished as quick as they had appeared. that must be the cheer squad's bus.

as you look around the empty faculty room, something in your gut tells you to ditch file sorting duty for professor kim tonight and fucking get the hell out of campus grounds as quick as you can.

after haphazardly throwing the unsorted papers back into the cabinet, you groan aloud when the keys to the office drop out of your skirt’s pocket.

the indoor gym where the cheering squad practices is right across the hallway. you sure as hell don't want to bump into jaemin. or jeno, too, if he had decided to ride along the cheer squad's bus on the way home.

you kept looking for the keys underneath the cubicles, cursing aloud when you heard the telltale squeaks of shoes rubbing against linoleum. you almost hit your head against a table when you quickly got back up your feet, darting forward to shut the lights for the faculty room.

they can't know you're here. alone. and if it meant sitting in the dark for a few hours 'till they leave, meant going back home a little later than usual is what you have to do then so be it.

you try not to react so violently when the door you're leaning on jolts when someone from outside slams their back against it.

"it's not like we didn't do our best, right guys? i don't have regrets. it might sound fucking cheesy and although i'm sad myself, atleast we did what we can."

it's jaemin. his voice clear as day.

you try peaking, craning your neck up from your place on the floor. only to see the back of his head leaning against the glass section of the door. someone else joins in on the conversation, followed by coach park himself, and you slowly tune out whatever they're saying as you stealthily start scanning the faculty room.

you curse under your breath. is there no other exit other than this door? jesus christ! even classrooms in this university had two doors—

"what are you doing here?"

the switch flickers on, basking the once dark room with light. only when you hear an echo of your name being called, did you snap out of it and quickly picked yourself up from the floor.

"i said, what are you doing here?"

their coach asks, drilling the question as he looks at you skeptically with his arms crossed. you try not to look at the people behind him.

particularly, not at his cheer captain standing on his right.

particularly, not at jeno, who stands out like a sore thumb with his blue hair, a protective arm snaked around jaemin’s shoulders.

this isn't your lucky day, too, you guess.

"i was…" you cursed yourself for stuttering. "i was, uhm, i was file sorting for prof—professor kim, sir."

coach park looked like he didn't believe you as he narrowed his eyes in scrutiny. your nerves are going haywire and you can feel the sharp pins of their stare with how close they are.

you kept juggling your weight with the balls of your feet, hands fisting and unfisting behind your back. you want to leave. you have to leave.

"file sorting… in the dark?" he asked incredulously.

fuck this.

"uhm, you can ask professor kim himself tomorrow, coach. for now, uh, i'll be going now. i'm sorry you guys lost…"

originally, the exit is on the right side, at the end of the hallway. but no, you are not going to pass by those two while on your way out so you ducked behind a random student standing on the coach's left instead and practically ran away from the scene.

everyone had been too busy. too busy looking at your retreating form to even notice jaemin and jeno exchanging glances, too busy to notice the latter untangling himself from their captain to slip away unnoticed, his hurried steps filled with a burning purpose.

you didn't know why you ran, but you did. your shoes practically booming against the floor as you sped away through darkened hallways. you're sweating profusely, heart hammering in your chest. you can worry about professor kim tomorrow but right now you just had to—

"why are you in such a rush, pet?"

crashing into jeno felt like crashing into a wall. if it hadn't been for his arm quickly wrapping around your waist, then you would've landed on your butt before him.

with the small distance between the two of you, jeno could see as clear as day through your eyes.

jaemin was right.

it was addicting to stare into them.

especially when he can see every single one of your thoughts flying through your pretty little head. but hey, it wasn't their fault you were so easy to read.

jeno barely conceals the wicked smirk on his lips when your hands come up to his chest, trying to push him away but to no avail.

he can see your eyes shifting from shock, to confusion, until it finally settles on fear—to which it's slowly becoming a favorite emotion of his to see on your face.

"you know, jaemin is in a really shitty mood right now. and we were wondering, maybe you can cheer us up?"

no. this can't be happening.

"jeno, please." your dilated eyes and disheveled hair made his blood run south. "let me go. you don't want me. you don't need a third party in your relationship."

you yelp when he lets you go, literally shoving you against a wall—which you found out is actually a door, as it swings open as soon as your body crashes against it.

with jeno looming unforgivingly before you in his full height, the tears stung extra hard but you won't let them fall.

if he wanted to bask in the image of your weakness then it'll be something you'll deprive from him for as long as you can.

"i don't need a stupid bitch like you to tell me what i feel." he scoffs. "don't fucking kid yourself, you little whore—i don't want you. i'm not jaemin."

the echo of the classroom door shutting closed surged through you like a wake up call.

this is really happening.

you've always led a decent life, had done nothing too questionable and you've always thought maybe life will spare you if you lived quietly enough. but the feel of jeno's freezing hands crawling against your skin felt like life itself had spat at you in the eye and left you to rot in a ditch.

"i've always liked how you wore skirts," he comments. playing with the ruffled hem of the soft fabric as he purposely grazed his knuckles against your supple thighs. "gives me easy access, don't you agree?"

you scream when he flips your skirt up to reveal the innocent pink of your cotton panties. it was as if a switch had flipped inside of you and the will to fight started coursing through your veins.

"stop! jeno! i don't want this!"

his brows furrow, grunting as he struggles to push the waistline of your skirt up higher with how much you're thrashing underneath him. you buck your hips, tried curling in on yourself, anything to prolong what he wants to do to you.

with your legs trapped underneath his, you blindly reach forward, relying on your upper body instead to push and scratch whatever your palms and nails reached.

you continue screaming like a banshee until he shoved two fingers into your wet cavern.

"stop fighting me," he sounded strained, as if he's holding himself back. you feel him fisting the fabric of your skirt and you fear he's simply going to rip it apart.

you tried responding to him, only the sound had been muffled, gurgled by the flat of his fingers pushing down against your tongue mercilessly. when you reach forward to push him away, your hands land on the apple of his cheeks, nails digging through skin.

until it slips and—

you lie rigid when red scratch marks in the size of your fingernails slowly appear on jeno's skin, his head turned to the side as he paused. your actions slowly start sinking in to him as he shuts his eyes and bit his lip 'till it looked like it was about to bleed.

oh no.

"jeno���"

the slap he planted on your cheek left your ears ringing. all those hard earned muscles of his put to good use—if the tears hadn't fallen for the last few minutes, then it definitely started falling now.

the hit had been so strong, a few of your hair flew astray, the buzzing feeling of your skin tempting you to reach a hand up to soothe your abused cheek.

until jeno let out a low growl and your hand immediately drops limp against your body, afraid of whatever else he can do to you other than a slap.

"that's more like it," he whispers under his breath. you let out the tiniest of whimpers when his hand darts forward to fist your hair. "do you know what happens to bad girls? they fucking get busted up. do you understand me?"

his patience is nonexistent.

jeno slams your head against the floor when you don't answer because you thought his question had been rhetorical. it felt like your skull had been split in two as you wail in pain.

"are you fucking deaf—i asked you a fucking question!"

the hand that cups your jaw is painful as he squeezed your cheek with his blunt nails. your hand shoots up to wrap around his wrist, silently pleading for him to let up as you sobbed out loud. you started nodding as best as you can despite his firm grip on your face.

your reply was nothing short of pathetic. with lips forcefully pursed and the steady stream of your tears and snot rolling down your face, your response is gargled and hardly incoherent and jeno seemed to thoroughly enjoy your anguish if the condescending curl on his lips is anything to go by.

"look at you," he whispers, his face coming close to yours as he holds you down. there was something in the way jeno stared so intently that it made your skin crawl.

"i think you're prettiest when ruined like this."

with his nose touching yours, he felt too close, bordering on intimate as you felt his hand creep back up your thighs, trailing up with feather-like touches that made goosebumps appear on your skin.

you tried wiggling your legs underneath him but one sharp look from jeno is enough to make you stop.

the hand holding your face moves. coming down from gripping your face to encircling his hand around your neck.

"do you like it when i touch you? freaky bitch."

his hands trail further up, up, up until you felt him slotting a finger underneath your panties.

jeno didn't like how frozen you were underneath him as he pulls at the hem before letting go. the elastic snapping back against your skin.

the action evokes a strong feeling through the young male, promising to have you writhing and screaming and begging because by the end of all this, you'll be so needy and frustrated that you will have no choice but to give in to what your body wanted.

"jeno, didn't i tell you to play nice?"

someone stands by the door, the minimal light from the hallway creating a silhouette with his form but you knew who he was. that deep voice, with the same annoying flippant tone, is a dead giveaway.

you didn't know why you even hoped in the beginning. as if there'll be someone who can save you from these two.

you thought the flash of hurt in your eyes was quick to disappear but jeno noticed it quicker.

in a span of seconds, he pulled you up from your position from the ground and tugged you towards his lap. you haven't even gotten the time to settle on your new position when he already smashed his lips against yours.

it was messy. too much saliva. too much teeth. no tenderness to it at all.

the fabric of his jeans felt rough, not to mention the ice cold belt buckle made you severely uncomfortable as it seeps through the thin fabric of your skirt.

when you attempt to hover over his lap, jeno grunts as he snakes an arm around your waist, pulling you back down without your lips breaking away from each other. you didn't know why he let out a whine, but you understood the moment you fully sat down on his lap and you felt a tent on his jeans hitting your clothed entrance perfectly.

in a normal circumstance, you would've found everything hot and might've actually gotten off from it but not when it's him who’s doing this to you and you didn’t consent to any of this.

you start squirming again. palms lying flat against jeno's chest as you attempt to push him away and jaemin sees this as the opportune moment to slot himself behind you, caging you in between them.

“i want my turn,” he hisses and without an ounce of hesitation, jeno stops to do what he's told.

jaemin doesn't waste any second to grab your face, awkwardly craning your neck up to meet his lips in the same feverish kiss.

while jeno had been all teeth and aggression, practically forcing you to open your mouth and kiss him back, jaemin on the other hand is more soft, more romantic, you daresay. he seemed to like taking his sweet time by clutching your face, kissing you like he actually meant it.

he pulls away slightly, resting his forehead against yours as he murmurs something incoherent under his breath and then he's kissing you again.

you think you heard something along the lines of, "finally."

you've been too distracted by jaemin to notice jeno's nimble fingers quickly fumbling with the buttons of your blouse. it was only when you feel the sensation of his tongue laving against the swell of your breast did you turn away from jaemin, jerking backward in surprise.

"no—!"

your scream is cut off by a hand cupping your mouth. jaemin pulls your back towards his chest, molding your body against his as jeno licked and suckled all he wanted, thankful to have the other boy there to not worry about restraining you and keeping you quiet while he has his fun.

"ah, ah, ah," jaemin teases, going hard over the pleading and teary look you sent his way. it looked pathetic, he wasn't going to lie, but it doesn't mean he didn't love it. "just keep still and appreciate jeno's efforts to take care of you, alright baby?"

you don't like how he talked as if this was all a mutual thing, how he talked slowly like you were some toddler who didn't understand anything.

it's cruel how jaemin giggled and basked in your vulnerable state as he kept his eyes pinned on you while undoing the zipper of your skirt. your muffled cries of his name only serving to egg him on.

the way he stared was similar to jeno, too intently and intrusive, like he wants to burn your image of despair in the back of his head.

you whined involuntarily when jeno got bored of all the licking and thus decided to start biting and nipping at your chest instead. he was hypnotised by how responsive you were, how every little bite and nibble made you shudder.

it was a shame that jaemin had to cover your mouth. he didn't get to hear your pretty mewls but it wasn't as if he'd let the night end without hearing them loud and clear.

jaemin is fast in undressing you, feeling slightly betrayed by how quick your skirt and blouse fell under his hands.

you know what he wants, what he's going to do, and the tears fall harder when you can't dodge away from him. forced to endure and accept whatever they give you.

"you act like you don't like it but look how fucking wet you are," you bit your lip hard when jaemin starts circling the pads of his fingers against your clit, fascinated by how more juices streamed down your thighs.

"jeno, do you see this? fuck."

you can only blink in defeat, staring off to the side as you force down any noise bubbling up your throat, forcing yourself to think of anything else other than what's happening right now.

you try not to think about how they managed to tear all of your clothes off while they're left completely dressed. tried not to think about the fingers lazily drawing up and down your slit to collect your essence.

if they're doing this as a way to further humiliate you, it's working.

"slut," jeno mocked, a wicked curl on his lips when he wraps his fingers around your throat. the moment he dives down to claim your lips again is the same time jaemin pushes two fingers inside you.

"look at how wet you are because of me," jaemin whispers hot against your ear and you feel a sick churn in your stomach when you feel his smile against your skin.

he purposely drives his fingers in and out quicker, settjng a brutal pace, wanting you to hear the lewd squelching sounds. "hear that? do you hear that, darling? that's because of me—"

"don't go talking big now, jaem," jeno retorts, pulling away from your lips to start nibbling on the back of your ear. "i was here first. did you see how she fucking reacted when i sucked on her tits?"

you're quick to catch how jeno particularly loved degrading you. but how he talks about you as if you're literally not in front of him naked made you hit a new all-time low.

you felt… filthy.

his hands find purchase on your butt—only because jaemin has already claimed the front. for now.

you close your eyes tight when he painfully squeezes the flesh of your ass. you swear, his blunt nails will paint your skin black and blue.

"i'm the favorite!"

"i'm the favorite!"

as someone who's part of a varsity team, you already knew a competitive nature runs through jaemin's veins. but never had you thought jeno would share the same sentiment. once again they prove that they're cut from the same cloth.

all of a sudden it wasn't all about claiming you as theirs anymore rather it was all about who can make you moan the loudest, who can make you cum the most, who can make you feel the dirtiest you can be.

you're absolutely terrified for the hours to come.

thankfully, they have yet to ask for your verbal opinion or validation. they let your body do all the talking—every repressed shudder and sharp gasp is enough.

but it's game over once they pop the million dollar question.

"who do you like best?"

you don't want to find out the consequences if you actually answered their question because you didn't know what could be worse.

jaemin's manipulation or jeno's aggression?

but it was all normal. trial and error is inevitable in order to build and mold you into the ideal lover for the both of them.

because adding someone new to the mix has never been easy—after all, three's a crowd.

[confusedinfj]

Hey, I need your opinion. I’m a bit confused between istp and isfp, so here is some info about me:

- I do a lot of stuff but sometimes I take breaks from my hobbies to start doing something new, then I drop it and get back to my old ones, it’s a never ending circle.

- I like to spend time alone like a lot but sometimes I get active and want to socialize. I can text my friends in a middle of Tuesday and ask out and they are like I’m working let’s meet tomorrow or whenever… and I can’t say yes coz I may not want to meet them, so yeah. And I cancel plans as well when I don’t feel like going, sometimes I regret making plans in my active phase.

- I usually do things last minute. I mean I’m okay with deadlines but I can procrastinate till the last day and then do things.

- I mostly listen to people, I talk a lot with a couple of my friends and my sister. Usually I just listen and overanalyze stuff and when I want to say something it feels like I forget how to talk, tho I’m not stupid. I don’t like being stupid.

- I don’t really care about people but if I do, I want to spend time with them a lot and get jealous when they don’t choose me. I question myself if I’m really friends with these people or I just randomly talk to them.

- I daydream sometimes and it happens unexpectedly but I quickly get back to reality thinking what’s the point at dreaming, like it brings me nothing.

- Sometimes I have a gut feeling and it makes me question things and get paranoid a bit.

- I have emotions but I can’t fight the saying in my head “emotions = weakness”. My family says I’m cold and distant and really not empathetic. I don’t remember the feeling when I was hurt, sad, happy, I just label them as hurt/sad/happy but feel nothing.

- I don’t like routines, I tried to stick to them and even made to-do lists but I give them up in a week. But I kinda have a systematic approach when working idk

- I get bored easily

From this information, I personally don't think I could call it. A lot of the things you mentioned are fairly universal behaviours, and some of them are just age/character development things (emotions = weakness is a strong socially pushed idea, for example).

The real difference between dominant Fi and dominant Ti will be in your decision making process. These can actually sound very similar, which may be why you're having difficulty. So I'll try to give you some separating questions which might help in distinguishing them.

When making a decision, do you naturally choose based off your feelings/moral judgements, or based off internal logic that make might make sense to anyone else?

The difference here is that Ti will first need to seek out enough options and information to make a decision. Fi isn't naturally so thorough. Ti likes to overwhelm itself with options, weigh them all up, and then choose. Fi is less likely to seek out all these options, and may go into a decision with a few predecided requirements (must be an ethically sourced product, for example).

When somebody tells you sad news (like maybe their dog died), do you feel sad too because you remember a time your dog (or someone/something else) died? Or do you feel whatever they're feeling in the moment?

The Fe difference is that if the person isn't actually sad about their dog anymore, you won't be overwhelmed with sad feelings about your own precious situation (with traumatic exceptions, of course). Fe tends to feel what's felt in the present, while Fi assumes what is felt based on its own experience.

When you're very stressed, do you find you become cold and rigorously scheduled (low te)? Or do you become overly concerned with what other people think about you and become unusually emotional (low Fe)?

I hope one of those helps!

[the-fangirls-desk]

One Night In Soho (Mini Fic)

Author's Note: Yeah I really went ahead and decided to do a reader insert x unamed cook that Lin played in Tick Tick Boom lol. I decided to call his character 'Rafael' idk why, but that just seemed to suit him. This isn't necessarily romance, but could easily be read in a sense of blossoming romance if you want.

Summary: Burnt out and full of doubt, you stop by the Moondance Diner for a late night meal, and get a few encouraging words from the friendly cook.

You were tired. So tired. So unbelievably tired. Another long day filled with classes, textbooks, professors, deadlines etc.; all you wanted to do was stagger to the subway, hop on the train and get back to your pathetic run down apartment. As diligent as you were in keeping up with the assignments, all it took for the professors to doubt your work ethic was one lousy absence. It sucked.

You'd think that with a hard working student, they'd assume that an absence could signfy a burnout rather than laziness. Nope. They weren't paid enough to care anyway. You'd get a break from it all tomorrow, though. You didn't have classes on Fridays and you were going to sleep in for once, damnit! Even if it was just two extra hours, your body would thank you.

But first, food. It was probably best to pass out with a full stomach as opposed to an empty one; last time you went to bed without eating, your body got its payback in the form of a killer migraine and cost you the hefty price of missing your classes for the day. Not to mention, a migraine would definitely put a damper on your writing session. Your mind began to wander so far, the concrete under your shoes seemed to morph into a treadmill belt. Just going and going and going...

Yes, that's right. Your writing sessions.

Like many people your age living in New York City, you were just another dime a dozen starving artist. An author to be exact. Well, an aspiring author may have been more of an appropriate label. Four years ago you set out and began to write this fiction novel that told the story of a completely original world you spent countless hours building from the ground up word by word.

A beautifully sized bonfire could be started with the amount of notebooks you had filled with crude notes and rewrites over the years. Honestly, that didn't sound like a bad idea right now. That's what you should do with them...burn them all. Maybe then your mind could have the chance to breathe again. You couldn't remember the last time your head didn't feel like an overstuffed bookcase with loose pages falling out of every crevice.

And to think it all started because you had the bright idea of following your dreams. Ever since you were a kid, both your parents and teachers alike raved about your way with words and the excitement they felt every time you picked up a pen or pencil.

"You're gonna be a writer!"

"The next Stephen King!"

"New York Times should be callin' any day now!"

Most amateurs would kill for the amount of support you had. And it was greatly appreciated, one hundred percent. Well, maybe ninety-nine, ninety-eight...? There was no exact percentage you were sure of; however, the one thing you were sure of, was the pressure.

One would think there wouldn't even be any room left for doubt when there were so many people who had your back. They were wrong. So terribly wrong. Just because everyone you knew liked it, didn't mean it even had the ghost of a chance to see the light of day.

And if it did...would anyone even care?

Wait, what were you doing again?

Your stomach seemed to elbow you in annoyance with another ravenous wave.

Oh right, food. There wasn't anything at home, though. The cabinets always cleared pretty quickly since they were never full to begin with. Oh the joys of being an artist in soho.

You could grab a few packs of instant noodles from the nearest corner store, but of course that would require waiting till you get home, messing with the microwave, no. Nuh uh. No way, you needed food now.That's when you realized your feet were still moving forward without your knowledge. Must've really gotten lost in though that time. You finally stopped them, and looked around to get your bearings. There had to be something open. Something super close to grab a quick bite.

Sighing in the cold tonight caused a large breath cloud to mist over your vision for a moment. You turned your head around, scanning for open signs. Anything would do for now; anything at all. And almost like a slap in the face, a building right across the street, a diner, flashed like a beacon with its exterior lined in neon and chrome. The top of the restaurant was decked with a spinning crescent moon sign that seemed to top it all off.

Moon Dance Diner.

Hmm. Can't say you'd ever eaten there, but probably passed it pretty often since it was smack dab in the middle of your commute. Why not? It's too late to be picky right now, and the sooner you ate, the sooner you could go home. All the lights were still on and it looked as if there was a small handful of people inside. Probably people who were just getting off of work after a long day.

After checking the traffic, you dashed across the street to get a better look.

The small sign on the front of the door boasted its long and late hours; they closed at 11:00 and your watch read 10:15. Cutting it close, but there was still more than enough time. Hoped the staff wouldn't hate you too much for walking in when they were almost free to go home.

The little bell above the door chimed as you stepped in and signaled your arrival. It was hard not to feel a bit embarrassed as the customers briefly looked up from their plates and the staff froze in their tracks to get a quick look at their next task. Thankfully everyone immediately went back to their own buisness once they realized nothing in particular stood out about you.

Why should they? You weren't a crazed bum talking to themselves, not a lawyer in a $800 suit. Just another grungy kid with a backpack.

A tall slender waiter breezed by with a coffee pot in hand.

"Just take a seat miss, I'll be right with you."

Your nod went unnoticed as he got back to work. Only one other person was sitting at the counter. Looked like he might've been a truck driver of some kind. Well, he probably doesn't bite. So you picked a barstool a few seats away from him. He didn't seem to notice you in the slightest ansd kept munching away at his sandwich.

It was far from busy right now, but all the scents wafting from the kitchen told you they must've had a busy day. It seemed to encourage your appetite, and the growling in your stomach amplified. Thankfully whoever was sitting in your seat before left their menu on the counter.

Wow, it had a lot more options than you thought. All the entrees sounded great but far too expensive. Your wallet was just as hungry; all you had on you was fifteen bucks. The meal, plus the tax and tipping the waiter? No way you'd be able to order an entree.

Thankfully all the breakfast items seemed to be a lot cheaper. Did they do breakfast this late? Please say yes...

The waiter from before slipped behind the counter again. He poured some fresh coffee into a mug and placed a small bowl of creamers and sugars by its side. As he pulled out a pad and paper, you noticed The name tag read 'Jonathan.'

"Good evening Miss, what can I get for you?"

"H-hi. Um, do you guys do breakfast this late?"

"Yeah, we can do that. A lot of folks are just getting up for their night shifts, so what may be dinner time for some, is breakfast for others."

Finally a break.

"Oh good. I think I'm gonna get the Sunrise Sandwich with a side of home fries."

"Alright. How would you like those eggs cooked?"

"Fried please. Leave the yolks runny."

"Anything to drink with that?"

You picked up the coffee mug he had just filled.

"No thanks, this'll do."

"We'll have that right out for you."

He offered a friendly smile and headed to kitchen window where he placed the order and then proceeded to make his way to sit in a vacant booth near the back of the diner. With business being so slow at the moment, none of the servers seemed to be on their toes with worry right now.

He seemed to have a thousand yard stare going out the window, and rhythmically tapped the table with his fingers. He must be a musician or something; you were no professional, but you did have a ton of friends trying to chase their musical dreams who did the exact same thing.

They always seemed to be writing in some way. Speaking of which, now was the perfect time to at least write a few ideas down. The semi calm atmosphere could possibly spark something, right? It would take a few minutes before your food was ready anyways.

You took your notebook out of your raggedy backpack and slapped it down on the counter. Your ink pen was being gripped with desparate force pulled as you tried to take in the ambiance. Closing your eyes helped. What was going on around you? Tap into all five senses.

What do you hear? Dishes clinking, silverware clattering, the kitchen grill sizzling...

What are the scents like around you? Coffee, eggs, bacon...maybe potatoes frying?

Ugh, you could feel a migraine kicking in. This is what happens when art becomes more important than eating. Both hands grazed themselves across your face, through your hairline in an attempt to ease the tension away. It was getting too hard to think...almost felt as if someone was carving your head open like a pumpkin. Come on, just organize those thoughts and things will calm down. Just don't panic.

Hear plates

Smell coffee

Feel...stool holding you up...no, feel sick...

Very sick. Nauseous. Just wanna sleep it off---

Okay, okay, focus.

What about your sight? What can you see right now? Darkness. Your eyes stayed closed for a moment; it seemed to calm the pain splitting your head in half.

Screw it. If you focus any longer, you may puke all over the counter; that'd be embarrassing to say the least. You flipped the notebook closed, completely free of any new in from any new ideas. It happened more often than you liked to admit, and it made you angrier. Defeated, you took a sip of the still hot coffee in front of you and examined its steam. The way it drifted off the mug was dreamy sight in itself, even calming. Maybe there was something about that could make you write---

What's the point? Why destroy your mental health over a story? A fictional one at that. This was getting old; the hand cramps, the blank files on your computer at home, headaches, writer's block, messy journals. You were so tired. So tired of it all.

For all you knew, somebody had already done a story exactly like this and then people would accuse you of plagirism.

Maybe you should call in sick tomorrow and then never show up again. There were plenty of places in the city to work a decent 9 to 5. Jobs that would leave you enough money to even buy the most basic necessities for the apartment! Can't even remember the last time your fridge had a dozen eggs in it.

Ding

"Order up!"

Speaking of eggs...

A woman with pink hair snatched the plate off the kitchen counter and got it over to you quickly. It looked delicious. Before you could even take a bite, she leaned in one more time and placed a blueberry muffin beside the plate.

"Um, I'm sorry, I didn't order a muffin with this."

"Don't worry about it. It's a gift from one of the cooks. Is there anything else I can get you?"

"No thanks, this'll be fine."

She politely nodded and went about her business. Huh. You must've done something right today. Free muffin from the cook? That was nice of him. But which one? There was only a few back there from what you could tell. Was it the tall blonde? The short redhead? Or the even shorter one with dark features?

Who knows? May as well dig in while it's still hot.

That first bite of the breakfast sandwich almost made you cry. It was so good! So warm and comforting on a night like this. The flavor burst drove your tastebuds wild and caused you to go into a feeding frenzy. It'd been too long since you last ate, and it showed. The trucker sitting across from you was probably staring as if he was watching Discovery Channel; the kind of program that depicts a wolf mauling some poor defenseless moose out in the wild.

You couldn't help yourself. The crispy bacon marinating in the rich yolks and gooey cheese seemed to be exactly what the doctor ordered.

"Hey kid, slow down before you bite your tongue off."

This random voice coming from beside you said it was probably that trucker who should really be minding his own business. Even if you were to do such an awful thing, why should he be concerned?

You turned to say these exact things, mouth still full of food, only to be immediately cut off. It wasn't even the trucker; he must've left without you realizing because a smaller man all in white with a pair of glasses was now occupying the stool. He seemed to be picking at a small bit of leftovers on his plate. How long was he sitting there?

After a few more chews, you finally swallowed enough to speak again.

"Piss off, will ya? What I do isn't any of your business. If you got a problem with the way I eat, then move to another spot."

Normally, it was easy to control your temper and refrain from unnecessarily mouthing off to people. Had it been any other night, you would've handled things more calmly. But tonight? You were not in the mood for any of this. Simultaneously fighting a headache, writer's block, and finally getting a meal in you after far too long? Nuh uh, you didn't even owe this stranger the time of day.

Just as you went back to sipping your coffee, he decided to keep talking as if you actually wanted to hear anything else he said.

"Come on now, I thought you were supposed to give compliments to the chef."

Oh shit.

His response made you choke, and before you knew it, a good amount of hot coffee ended up hitting the back of your throat, and caused a very loud coughing fit to catch all the other diners by surprise. You didn't even notice some of it splash on your jeans.

Just as the man beside you scooted closer and began to firmly pat your back in a effort to calm the cough, The tall man from before, Jonathan, came rushing into your view, concern plastered all over his face.

"What's happening?! Is she choking?!"

As much as you wanted to answer, the cough just hadn't run its course yet, therefore keeping your words at bay.

Your counterside partner raised his hand a bit.

"She's fine, the coffee just went down the wrong pipe, that's all."

Jonathan looked so relieved, and stood there for another few seconds before getting yelled at.

"Well don't just stand there, get her some water!"

"Ah, right!"

Thankfully, he'd left a full pitcher right behind the counter where the window to the kitchen was, so he was able to pour a glass for you right away.

It took a few seconds, but after slowly sipping the water little by little, the cough seemed to calm a bit. There was definitely still a tickle in the back of your throat, but it wasn't half as bad as before.

The amount you of humiliation you felt was almost sickening, though. All this fuss because you swallowed some coffee wrong.

"Ahh...I'm-I'm sorry about this; I'm so embarrassed, I really didn't mean to cause such a big scene over this, it was an accident."

"No worries, miss. Just glad you're alright now. Did you need anything else?"

You felt the need to stand after such an ordeal.

"Uh, no thanks. I think I'll just get back to my meal and slowly eat it."

"Good idea." he chuckled back.

Jonathan returned to his booth, once again putting his feet up and returning his brainstorm. How he could just snap back into his own creative headspace, you had no idea but severely envied it.

The awkward tension that hung in the air over your little mishap felt heavier than a tarp; there was no way you'd be able to focus on any more writing tonight. Still standing by your seat, All you could do was turn and observe the other occupied areas and think about how uncomfortable the few diners inside felt towards you.

They probably saw you as a drama queen or a big baby, or---

Suddenly, a heavy, but gentle hand placed itself on your shoulder.

"Sit back down, kid."

"Wha--? I--"

"I know. you're all on edge about them, aren't you? Well lemme tell ya something that just may put your mind at ease---they don't care.

Sure, things'll be awkward for a few minutes, and then they'll finish up, go home and forget all about it, just like I'm sure you will. This is New York, it's hardly the weirdest moment they've ever had."

"Yeah but--"

"No buts. Come on, sit down and finish your food, you need it. Judging by the way you were tearing that sandwich apart, I'd guess I'd have guessed it was the first decent meal you'd had in a while, am I right?"

Your nostrils involuntarily flared at his perception. Again, why did he care so much? There was still plenty of reluctance in you to stay. After what just happened, on top of this stranger trying to be your buddy, you really didn't see a reason to listen.

"Is that why you threw in the free muffin?"

He smiled.

"Come on, take a seat." he gently urged once more.

What the hell, you didn't have the energy to walk to the subway right now anyway.

The next bite you took of the sandwich was much smaller and chewed more carefully this time. Come to think of it, the sandwich tasted great before but seemed to have a flavor enhancement once you took the time to savor it. It Tasted so much like a homecooked meal, you could almost cry.

Damn, when was the last time you actually stopped to enjoy a meal? Too long apparently; pretty much everything you'd eaten in the past two years either came out of a paper bag, styrofoam container or cardboard box. And when you ate, there was usually a lot more assignments on your plate than food, causing you to just hurry up and eat as fast as possible so you could finish everything before getting even close to the deadline.

It just got easier and easier to adjust to the nonstop work flow.

But this? This change of pace was nice.

it was also pretty easy to get distracted by finally being able to enjoy yourself, that you didn't even notice your new 'friend' was still watching you with a bit of a smile on his face, only shifting his gaze a bit to his own coffee mug. Now what? Was he worried about you choking again, or something? This was getting a bit too weird for comfort.

"What?" you asked a bit less hostile this time.

"Sorry, I know its rude to stare. It's just that I don't often get a chance to see people enjoy my food; I'm usually cooped up in the back with about five other people, rushing to fill the next order."

Oh that's right, he was the guy who made this delicious meal you loved so much.

"Hey, um, I'm sorry I was such an ass earlier. It's been such a long day, I'm just tired, hungry and frustrated. I shouldn't have bit the hand that fed me. Your food is amazing, by the way."

He shrugged with his chest puffed out a bit in pride.

"Ah, thanks. Don't worry about it, we've all been there. It's more than enough of a thank you to see you taking your time with it."

There he goes again showing concern for someone he doesn't even know.

"Hey not to repeat the last few minutes too much, but why do you care so much about how I handle myself? There can't be anything that special about me that stands out."

He forked a bit of egg into his mouth off the small plate in front of him.

"I don't know, you just seem too young to be so wound up."

"It's that obvious I'm stressed, huh?"

"Well, messy hair and dark circles aside, I've never known any relaxed person to shove food into their mouths the way you did. The only folks who do that are either worried it's either goin' somewhere, or they eat that fast when in a hurry. Judging by your age, I'd guess your quick eater because of some rigorous class schedules."

Okay most people could've called that obervant, but you were also wearing a backpack and had a notebook out on the counter. There wasn't that much critical thinking involved.

"Plus I saw the bookbag and notebook. It wasn't hard."

Wha? Was he reading your thoughts? How'd he get in your head?

"No, I'm not reading your thoughts." he finished out loud.

You found yourself stuttering a bit out of surprise.

"Dude, what are you...?"

He couldn't help but laugh a bit.

"Relax, I'm just messing with you. I swear, all you college kids are gonna end up with ulcers if you don't chill out a bit."

He wasn't wrong. You had just gotten back from the gastrointerologist last week after getting an ulcer the size of a golf ball checked. It sucked, and certainly didn't help school go any easier. He could tell by the way your eyebrows furrowed that he was once again right on the money.

"What kinda art you gonna give to the world?" he asked.

"Huh?"

"You're a college kid in Soho, what else would you be working on?"

"Okay, okay Sherlock; you gonna keep deducing or let me get in a word?"

He motioned for you to proceed.

"Anyway, I'm working on a fictional novel right now. Well, I've been working on it since my junior year in high school, now I'm on my second year in college."

"That's a long time to spend on one book."

"Tell me about it." you sighed and found it easy to continue.

"I've had a lot of pressure on me since middle school to create something worthy of the New York Times; my parents and teachers noticed I was pretty good with writing compared to a lot of my fellow students. Ever since my first creative writing assignment, they would constantly praise my efforts and then expect something bigger and better every time!

Writing is usually something I take a lot of enjoyment and pride in, but lately I can't stop thinking about how much this work in progress has consumed my life. This is literally all I have to show for the past few years and it's actually kinda scary.

What's more, the writer's block has been coming on more brutally, constantly, etc. Even if I get it done, will it be good enough? What if it's not? What'll I do then? Worse, what if it is good enough, and everyone I know, plus all the readers will expect another mind blowing story to top the last one? I honestly have no idea whether or not it's even worth finishing.

There's such a huge part of me that wants to take out all my notebooks and rough drafts and just use them as fuel for my little fireplace that barely even works. I'd be free, or at least I think I'd be. I don't know what to do anymore."

"Hmm." he hummed.

Oh great, you'd been rambling, hadn't you?

"Uhm, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to turn you into my therapist. It all kinda came spilling out, I didn't realize I was droning so much."

"No worries. I bet it felt good to get it all out on the counter, didn't it?"

You didn't know about all of it, but it honestly did feel great. It was like taking a deep breath after holding it for so long.

"Listen kid, I'm just a cook in a small Soho diner, so feel free to tune me out; but I think you're allowing everyone else's perfect vision of you to overwhelm you way too much.

I haven't even read a single sentence you've written, but I can tell you have a gift. That determination in your eyes, only the greats have that...je ne sais quoi about them.

I personally think you should finish what you've started at the very least. You don't wanna throw away all your hard work only to wake up one morning, hating yourself for such a hasty decision. Trust me when I say I know exactly what I'm talking about from personal experience."

"You?"

"Hey, I know it's hard to believe, but I haven't always been flipping burgers. I was even younger than you when I realized art was my passion too. Painting and drawing to be exact. I was always carrying around this sketchpad, illustrating everything that passed my eyes, I couldn't ever put my pencil down.

I went through so much art supplies every month, it drove my dad crazy. So crazy in fact, that one day, I told him I wanted to be an artist and you know what he said?"

"What?" you asked, now completely enthralled in his testimony.

"He told me to stop dreaming so much and do something practical with my life. Being an artist doesn't guarantee a paycheck and that wasn't okay with him in the slightest.

When I said no, he went into my room, he grabbed all my art supplies, and started throwing it all out. My sketch paper got tossed in the furnace and all my pencils went out the window. I eventually got forced into working at a local store, stocking shelves and whatnot. Not glamorous in the slightest, but it still promised a steady pay every week, so he was happy.

I didn't let that miserable job stop me though. I would spend a small amount of the check on new art supplies and hide it around the apartment so I could draw when he went to sleep. Things weren't perfect but they were under control.

Then one night I got careless and fell asleep with my lights on and some of my supplies left out on the bed. My dad must've noticed and came in to switch everything off."

"Oh no..."

"Oh yeah. I woke up to him yelling at the top of his lungs; once again, he grabbed it all and threw it out. From that point on, I was required to bring the paycheck immediately home where he could keep track of every dollar. I was just a minor at the time, so I couldn't move out and take care of myself.

Years went on, and I got used to his tyranny. I worked my ass off at every job and brought the money home so he could spend most of it on whatever he wanted. Only a fraction of it went to necessities. Drawing became a thing of the past and I didn't even consider looking back till I was nineteen and finally moved in with a friend.

First night away from home, I tried drawing again but it wasn't ever really the same after that. I was out of practice, tired from working all the time and nothing really sparked that drive. That's when I realized all those years of blindly following what he wanted me to do only benefitted him. He tried to kill my creative flame, and I let him...

More time passed and as I kept trying to figure out something else I was good at, I found I wasn't too bad at cooking. Without letting anyone else tell me what to do this time, I chose to go after it. Of course all the nicer places refused to hire an 'illegal' living in Soho, so I found this little place.

I still have plenty of regrets I've mostly made peace with but lemme tell you, seeing others smile when they eat my food? That's a kind of contentment that I wouldn't trade for anything. You know why? Because I like it, and I don't let anyone else tell me otherwise anymore."

You were at a loss for words. Who would've thought such a personal, sad story could come from a guy as laid back as him? It was impossible not to feel for his struggles. One of your hands reached out and gently took his.

A light pink tinted his cheeks as he cleared his throat.

"Anyway, my point is you shouldn't quit on something you work so hard for; especially when it's something you really wanna do. It's okay to take long breaks, have creative blocks, just keep doing it until it's finished.

That doesn't mean surround yourself with work either. Sometimes the inspiration comes from the places and during times when you least expect it. So rest easy and go about your day with a little notepad in hand just in case that little lightbulb above your head begins to glow when you're on the train or in the park.

Despite what the vast majority says, there's no law that says you have do something incredible by a certain age. Sure it's always best to start young so you can easily get more experience under your belt, but you're never gonna be happy doing what everyone else wants you do.

You wanna pursue something else? You wanna finish your story? You wanna quit the story? Then fine. Just make sure you're doing it because you want to, not because they want you to. I personally think you should keep going, simply to keep yourself from future regrets, but the decision is yours. Your alone. It's not their gift, it's your gift. As long as you have no problem with your choice, there's nothing to be afraid of."

Wow...just wow.

"You see that kid in the back, Jonathan?"

"Yeah what about him?"

"He just spent the last eight years of his life writing what he was hoping to be the next big hit on Broadway. And guess what? They turned him down, they don't even want it off Broadway either.

Just before the workshop, he was walking around here, obsessing over the fact that his thirtieth birthday was around the corner and this musical was all he had to show for a huge chunk of his youth. This failed musical none of the big boys wanna see.

He took it hard, very hard in fact and he almost quit, but you know what? He decided that just because he wasn't twenty one anymore, didn't mean it was the end of his creative career. He's already working on the next one and chose to keep going, because he wants to and he loves what he does. If you can match that outlook on life, you're gonna be just fine. Life is best measured in happiness, not money."

He ended his lecture by sipping his coffee once more.

"Wow uh, I don't know what to say. That was...incredible. Seriously Thank you. Thank you so much, you have no idea how much I needed to hear this tonight."

"Well I've always found a bit of food for thought always goes best with food for the belly. So what do you think? What're you gonna do?"

A yawn escaped your mouth before any words could. Wow, his story made you forget how tired you already were when you first walked in. He just smiled.

"Maybe you should sleep on it first. I'll get you a to go box so you can go home, rest up, and really think about what's best for you."

"Thanks that sounds great."

He got up for to disappear in the back for a moment, only to return with a box.

"Guess I'll see you next time?"

"How about tomorrow? I have a day off." You stated.

"Hey me too. I'd offer to buy you breakfast but maybe a late lunch would be more appropriate considering how late it is. Don't want you hopping outta bed on only a few hours sleep."

"Yeah."

"So how about it? My treat."

"That actually sounds great. I'd like to get to know you more anyway."

"Same, kid."

"Okay can you stop calling me that? It was cute the first time, the fifth not so much."

"What else am I supposed to call you when I don't have a name to work with?"

Okay, not very sly but why not? You stretched your hand out to shake his.

"(Y/N). (Y/N) (L/N). I look forward to our lunch date, Mr...?"

"Rafael Hernandez."

Nice name. Not one you heard very often.

"Alright then. Good night, Rafael. I can't wait to hear more words of wisdom."

"I look forward to seeing you show up with less of a weight on your shoulders."

After taking your leftovers from him, and picking up the check, you headed towards the door to once again brave the cold New York streets. Something told you to stop once more before leaving. You turned to see him still watching you leave.

"Yes?" He asked.

"Do you really think you'll never draw again?"

"I don't know, maybe I'm passed that...or maybe I'm waiting for something, maybe someone to inspire me?"

"O-oh..."

You felt your stomach flutter.

"Alright, go home and take it easy."

"Okay. Good night."

"Good night."

Despite how tired you still were, you left the Moondance Diner that night with a lighter step and clear head.

THE END

Posted: December 1st, 2021

[bygone-age]

HOLBY CITY BAKE OFF

A fun little idea I had while my mam was catching up with some recent Holby episodes and I decided the writers don't know how to do happy and fun.

It's an AU of course - Dom isn't adopted, Lofty didn't cheat, Ric isn't suddenly past it, Jac is happy (and still in charge of Darwin), Kian is around, but a bit less annoying (I'm getting used to him), Serena and Bernie are still together and Hanssen is not in Sweden. Also Gaskell wasn't a total bastard and Roxanna is still with us.

So anyway, here it is!

******

WEEK ONE - CAKE WEEK

Sacha Levy was not fond of working nights, but he owed Dom a favour and it was only for a few days.

Of course, night shift had its advantages - his last ward round had passed without incident, the patients were settled for the night and barring any unforseen emergencies, they should remain that way till handover in the morning, so all he had to do was check in with the junior doctor and ward nurses every now and then and the rest of the time was his own.

He had a supply of good coffee (a present from Jac and Emma, along with a mug covered in doctor jokes), he'd managed to get ahead of his paperwork for once and he'd even gone over a research proposal from his junior, so he was going to spend the next hour with Agatha Christie. Or least, that had been the plan. Almost as soon as Hercule Poirot had boarded the Orient Express, his office phone rang.

"Mr Levy?" it was the rather shaky voice of Nicky McKendrick. "could you come down to Darwin? I- I- I know you're probably busy, but... well, there's a problem with Ms Naylor."

~~~~~~

Five minutes later he was hurrying out of the lift and onto Darwin. Nicky was waiting for him, looking positively queasy.

"Nicky, what happened?"

"Well, everyone was settled for the night and she had me doing half a mountain of paperwork and practicing for tomorrow morning's surgery, while she worked in her office. About ten or so minutes ago, she stuck her head out and said she wasn't to be disturbed unless it was a critical emergency. She said anyone who did would be thrown out of her office window."

"That's pretty standard for Jac."

"Yes, but I walked past her office and I could hear her going "he's an arsehole, she's an arsehole, he's never going to win, she's just crap" and I knocked on her door to see if she was OK and..."

"and what?"

"She told me to fuck off. Then she threw a cupcake at me."

Now he was just curious.

"OK, first you need to calm down. Get yourself a cuppa and take five minutes, then try and tackle the rest of that paperwork. I'll go and see Jac."

Nicky went off to the break room and Sacha went to Jac's office to see what was going on.

~~~~~~

"I thought I told you to fuck off!?!"

"Not since I knocked Emma's glitter onto the floor!"

Jac turned to see it was Sacha, rather than Nicky butting in as she had before.

"Oh. Sorry, I thought you were Nicky bothering me again."

"No and you should apologise. And explain why you're throwing cupcakes."

"I told her - no interruptions. The cupcake was burnt, it shouldn't have been in the box, but Emma insisted it was fine and I forgot to take it out of the box."

Sacha sat down beside her on the couch and finally noticed what she had on on the portable TV on the coffee table.

"Still mean though, you should ap- Bake Off? I thought that started next week!?!"

"Tonight. Half of them are doomed, but Hollywood is such a dick, I want the worst one to win just to spite him."

Sacha laughed out loud and settled in beside her.

"Mind if I join you? Watching you critique cooking shows is one of the funniest things you can get away with at work!"

She nugded him playfully and grinned.

"Shut up and make yourself comfortable... if you can take time away from Agatha Christie!"

"She can wait for a hour, but I will nip up during the break and grab some of that lovely coffee. And while I'm doing that, you can apologise to Nicky"

He looked at her with just a little bit of sterness and she gave him her best put upon sigh - one borrowed straight out of her daughter's playbook.

"Fine! As long as she isn't going to make a big deal out of it."

They settled in to a comfortable silence for the next few minutes and when the break came, Sacha went to fetch the coffee, hearing Jac call Nicky over as he left.

"Oi, foetus! Put that lot down, I need a word!"

~~~~~~

A few minutes later, having checked in with Keller and grabbed his coffee maker, Sacha returned to Jac's office to see her and Nicky side by side, Nicky practically bouncing with excitement and Jac trying very hard to keep a stern look on her face. He avoided eye contact and set the coffee up on her desk.

"Sorry I'm late, I stopped in at the break room to fill this up" he motioned to the cafetiere. "what have I missed?"

"They're making Angel Cake Slices for the technical" Nicky pipped up brightly "I don't know why-"

"Because you don't know anything. Now be quiet or you'll get another burnt cake thrown at you."

Sacha smiled. Jac wasn't fooling anyone, she was enjoying the company and she knew it. As if on cue, she softened (slightly. Very slightly) and turned towards Nicky as he passed out the coffee and sat on her other side.

"It would be too easy to just do three traybakes and jam them together. This way requires much more skill, so it's a better challenge."

"Oh! That makes sense. You know, you should-" Nicky sneaked a quick look at Jac and decided against what she'd been about to say. "nevermind. It can wait."

"Good. Now, not another word unless the judges make someone cry"

END OF PART ONE

NEXT: BISCUIT WEEK. The action moves to Sacha's flat. Jac makes ginger snaps, Nicky brings tea and Ric has definite opinions on the "loose vs bagged" debate.

~~~~~~

Hope you liked that! I'm going to try and do one for each week, so I know I have some to catch up on and I've never been very good at deadlines, but I will try and if anyone has any ideas, drop me a line any time.

This is especially for @foxyroxysstuff, who I hope will forgive me for delaying finishing her prompt to finish this first! I'm going to do yours now, promise!

EDIT:- Forgot to post this 👇 👇 it's the coffee maker that Jac and Emma bought Sacha.

[pbandjesse]

I don't feel so good. I don't know what hit me all of a sudden but I just feel bad. My jaw started hurting really bad and I started crying and so I took some medicine and the pain is going away but I just feel sick. I think I'm going to have to go eat something. Not fun.

I really prefer James last night. And today. But he was just so sad. I understand why he's hurting so bad about losing something so important to him. Thankfully he does have a second bike but it's not the bike he's had since high school. It's not his favorite thing. And the other bike has to be fixed and that's going to cost him almost $100. We're having terrible bike luck lately. And I hate seeing how much pain he was in.

We slept okay. I think he was just emotionally exhausted and passed out. I slept okay because of the air conditioning. And we woke up around 8. Had a slow morning. James stretched and took a shower. I got dressed and played on my phone. And we left a little bit after he ate a muffin.

We walk to the pet food store and got Sweet Pea stuff. Cat food. And then we walked back to my apartment. James talked to his friend on the phone. And we got back to my place. On the way back in the alley we found two really nice bar stools. So we carried them back to store for when we move. Hopefully we'll have a bar or counter we can use them with because they're really nice.

Our plans were kind of changed because we are originally going to go for a bike ride. Couldn't do that because James is other bike is broken and the bike store wasn't open on Memorial Day. So instead we walked to the bus and went to Patterson Park. It was a nice day out. And I didn't want to waste it.

I felt very anxious about lots of things today. But it was nice being with James. We took the bus and we got up there and my jaw was hurting all of a sudden. So we walked along the edge of the park and went to the Rite Aid. Got some extra sunscreen and aspirin headed back.

And we walked around the pond. Tried to balance a Furby on a lily pad. She only got a little damp. I liked touching the water. And seeing all the fuzzy milkweed looking stuff flying in the air. It's nice just being outside with my boyfriend.

We did that for a while looked at the community pool and found out the prices. When we walked up to the main street to find lunch. Pizza place where we're going to go was closed for the holiday so we went to the cheap pizza place down the street. Which was fine but used a little bit too much cheese. And then we had a back and forth about carrying the leftovers. Because I wanted to put it in tin foil and put it in my backpack. But James want to carry a box and for some reason that stress me out real bad. I don't know why the idea of having that box made me so on edge but it really did. Even if I wasn't carrying it. But James got his way and we went back out.

We went to the thrift store that's on the Main Street that I passed on the bus yesterday. Didn't buy anything but it was fun looking around. And then we went back to the park to see the pagoda.

The Pagoda is funny. It's very pretty and it's a landmark but James didn't really know the history of it. There's no real sign. And so we looked it up and it turns out it was originally called The Observatory. And you can see a lot of different parts of Baltimore from it. Back when everything was shorter. And it was really interesting to see that there really isn't any point to it. It's just pretty. And it was made just to be pretty. They almost demolished it in the 50s but they were stored it in the late 90s. That's cool. It's a really nice building.

We sat in front of it for a little while and then we walked up to go to Rita's. I got water ice. My first water ice of the season. James. Peach and I got Cherry. Poured most of it into my water bottle to save for later and then we went to wait for the bus to go home.

Again I was anxious about the bus but it came. And then we took that and transfer to the free bus to go back to my apartment. I loaded up the cart for James to bring back home with him in our slow move. Just a couple things that fit and I didn't need in my day-to-day life. And then we said goodbye.

I think that's been the hardest thing about packing because I'm still living in this apartment that it's hard to decide what I can give up on the day-to-day stuff. I took down all the art from all the rooms except for my bedroom. And I took a lot of books and put them in suitcases. Still got a lot of books that didn't fit but it's something.

We're making progress though. I think a bunch of my trucks are going to be going half to his parents house and half to his apartment in the coming weeks. I finished packing the one trunk with all of my nick-nacks. Not all all but a good amount of them. Pretty much everything from the bookshelf. And I do have one empty trunk back in my closet then I'm going to be able to use. But I'm trying to use as few cardboard boxes as possible since I have so many containers. And suitcases. And trunks. But it's progress.

I was frustrated with myself because I had just had four days off and I don't feel very rested. Honestly feel stressed out still. I do feel better than I did last week but I just wish I had more time to do nothing. Not that that will make you feel better but I need to finish my lesson plans and I need to finish that to sculpture for the dentist for our trade and I just couldn't get myself to do it. This week I will do that. Tomorrow is the kids art show so I'm not getting home till late but I plan on working on that shoe sculpture and finishing it before Friday. And I'm going to finish my lesson plans on Wednesday on Thursday morning. I want all that done before the end of the week. I'm giving myself a hard deadline. I have to get my act together. Never honestly just been a little overwhelmed by life and everything but the school Year's almost over.

Actually the Saturday is me and James this one year anniversary. We decided that we're going to celebrate on Friday when we both have the day off. And I'm really looking forward to it. Can't believe it's been a year though. Here's to many more.

I'm going to start getting ready for bed now. I have a long day tomorrow. Museum school kids art show sculpture time it's going to be a long day. But I hope it's a good day. And I don't get rained on too much.

I hope you all feel good out there. Sleep well. Good night

[checkthebox]

I took a break for today and tomorrow, I have around 50% finished which isn't as much as I was hoping for but I have school and I'm usually more productive during the night. I also don't want to experience burnout, which I doubt I would get because of my constant motivation but it's still something to worry about.

Still hoping to finish it till the deadline, when I get back to work I'll be so excited that I might even finish it a day before.

[thebrandtag]

I did something stupid at a moment of rage (what isn't stupid in a moment of rage). Warning: Long post via /r/dubai

I did something stupid at a moment of rage (what isn't stupid in a moment of rage). Warning: Long post

TL:DR - i quite after a verbal show down with my supervisor.

so today i had a very harsh discussion with my supervisor after being accused of at worst sabotaging the project and at least purposefully delaying its completion.

the story begins 3 years ago when troubles back home started catching on to me here. during on and off setbacks my attendance sheet went haywire but i made sure it was never at the expense of my duties. often compensating with 18 hours of work or on weekends. my appraisals have always been above average/exceeds expectations and my relationship with stake holders has always been a positive one supported by peer reviews and cold eye reviews.

however 5 months ago the shit hit the fan and its been one catastrophe after another and i became stressed out 24/7 with my diastolic hovering at the 120 - 125 mark and this in turn reflected on my general health so i decided to resign but under the request of my line manager took around 60 days of unpaid leave to de-stress and if things were not ok i could always resign again so i did and packed my stuff in case i don't change my mind when i return. prepared a detailed hand over note for whoever covers my absence.

things were going well and then i get a call that there is an emergency at work and i am needed urgently so i cut my leave and return to work even though on the system i was still on unpaid leave. i sort out the problem and figure what the hell let me see where things are at and to my surprise nothing was touched for about 35 days. i suck it up don't complain and spend some time sorting shit out. i still didn't unpack because i was still not sure how i felt about getting back to work since there has been a constant increase in toxicity that can be felt. this month happened to be the end of my lease and the landlord decided to raise rent 30% which apparently by law he is entitled to because he posted a notice 3 months back on the bulletin board in the lobby. so i had to move and during moving had an accident which put me in hospital for several days (all supported with the necessary documents) then finally someone misplaced my wallet after the accident and i lost all my cards, credit, ID, driving license etc...

yesterday i was out trying to sort this mess out and during this time a progress meeting was called and i naturally i was not available. today i get called to my supervisor where he explains that during the meeting several people alleged that my absenteeism was purposeful and meant to prolong the project so i can continue to get paid (i am project employed) stating several cases where i "did not do the needful" or "missed the deadline" or "delayed the release of a package". the reason he called me in was to serve me a warning letter.

this just blew my mind because in reality work was the one thing i prided myself in doing perfectly (again my appraisals are all proof of that). so i started challenging the claims and even called for a counter meeting where i basically proved every single allegation to be utterly false. not only that. i proceeded to show where every single person was actually bullshitting about the time they do spend in office including the project manager himself. some of there things are penalties that were due on suppliers that i handed over to him A YEAR AND A HALF AGO and constantly reminded him of the necessity of acting on them. another was double dipping (essentially steeling by double invoicing) by the quality team that i highlighted to the quality manager (again with the necessary proofs) and finally some orders with the delivery team that were due for closure X YEARS AGO.

sufficient to say everyone was put in their rightful place but the damage was done. i was so angry that i was shacking and gritting my teeth so hard that my jaw muscles are still sore and i said the magic words "i quit" then stormed out of office. back home i feel betrayed an shame to say i wept. there was a lot of injustice i endured over the years but i always considered that the remuneration was fair enough to cover things. being passed for promotion, always getting a lower raise than my peers. even while i was away on my leave i was thinking that i should try and stay at least till the project is completed. that i owed it to the company. ......so much for corporate loyalty.

now i'm sitting thinking how the fuck should i deal with this on Sunday. do i go through with it ? do i retract and act like nothing is wrong despite knowing that almost every senior person on the project has his cross hairs in my direction and just looking forward for me to slip on something ? do i present the warning letter and my refuting evidence to HR and guarantee a bad review or escalating things ?. i know for a fact that the project will not be completed within the next couple of months. i also know for a fact that the penalties to be enforced can only be collected by me since i am the only constant person from project inception and the only person qualified and have the rapport with vendors to negotiate them paying us.

PS: yeah i'm also syrian so basically i'm rock bottom at the recruitment pool but i do plan on starting to look for work starting tomorrow.

PSS: for whoever was asking me if they were hiring just be careful if you do land a job.

Edit: fixed some grammar.

Submitted July 27, 2017 at 10:54PM by Blue_Lightning_17586 via reddit http://ift.tt/2eRp3GE