#The cleaning Guy in muy head: You Must Clean It All or There will Be Consequences.

[enkephalin3]

Tricking my Brain itno thinking that I Do Not Have to Do Everything for muh Bruhther (I am Failing Miserably)

[colourstreakgryffin]

Hi! May I request more dad!Douma? Specifically what would he do if Mui decides to hide & keep her most beloved plushie out of jealousy? Kokushibo doesn’t really get him any toys & he secretly does still enjoy things like that. But Douma’s daughter is VERY attached to her plush.

Hope you have a great day OP! :D

Omlll. Douma, for real, gonna commit murder if this happens! Ima change the Kokushibo kid if you don’t mind since Demon Mui with Kokushibo is alternate AU, thank you! A bit short and bad but hope it’s okay!

Father! Douma

God, he wished he could just murder whoever hurts you. No matter how powerful they may be

Douma is legit fuming as he hears you crying all of the sudden. None of the Upper Moons will dare try control him or reason with him as he shoots off to go find the source of the crying. He is beyond ready to kill whoever is hurting you

He could have destroyed the entire Infinity Castle in that moment, at what he saw. You crying into your beautiful kimono sleeves as Kokushibo’s student is holding the cute fluffy baby Honey Badger in his arms as he cuddled it

You are so attached to that very plush, Douma got it made for you by his many followers and you took it everywhere and it was just like you’re emotional support. You may be a demon but you’re still young and childish

Douma rushes over to you and picked you up, hugging you to his chest as you sobbed gently and he tried to comfort you the best he could. He would kicked the kid’s head clean off but he can’t, right now, he wanted more to make his beloved daughter feel better

He already promises to get you many more plushes and toys to help cheer you up as he rocks you and kisses your forehead. His attempts to comfort you have been get a lot better with how much time he spends with you. His cute little lady of ice

He glares death holes at the kid from strands of your hair, feeling the other Upper Moons gawk shocked at him from the back. He has never let any sort of emotion be visible but with how overprotective he is over you, he must express how horrible he feels. This rage, this hatred flooding him is something he can’t let go of it… no, he won’t ever

Douma will make this a big deal and argue with Kokushibo about it for a while. He may not like being the bad guy around the other Upper Moons but he loves his little princess the most so he happily gets into a fight with the Upper Moon 1 for your sake

“Control your kid, Kokushibo-dono! My Dokusha is sensitive and that toy took a lot of blood, sweat and tears to make! Have him give it back!”

Douma is just so angry that he can barely control himself whilst he takes you away from the room as Kokushibo enters. He loves you so dearly that he can’t stand your pain either, he has become so unbelievably attached to you that he has found himself unable to be away from you

Douma will now never let you be alone at the Infinity Castle. The only way you can go anywhere is with him! You go up to Gyokko, besides your dear father whilst Kokushibo scolds the younger demon. He simply loves hearing you laugh happily as you show off to the Upper Moon 5 and cuddle the beloved plush returned to you

“I’m so sorry, my love. Some people are just so selfish. Don’t worry about it, okay? Daddy will take care of this!”

[vdragon-creations]

More Danganronpa Headcanons!

Why? Because I can! And I have to wait for a Commissioner to get back to me about a WIP I just sent!

I Think I’m gunna try my hands at making some Headcanons for Mondo, Ishimaru, Leon, Kazuichi, and Kiibo this time a round! Just cause I wanna try and explore new characters. (And totally not because I fell hard for a certain Robo Boi! WHAAAAAAAT! YOU CRAZY GURL!) I’m still loyal to my man Yasuhiro! But I gotta spred the love! Cause these boi’s need it! Also, wanna mention that these are more like...Non-Killing Game AU Headcanaons. So yeah! ^^ 

Let’s do this!

Mondo:

Is a Semi decent carpenter, but there was that one time he fucked up the legs on a chair, and now one of Asahina’s shorts has a rip in it where there was a stray nail sticking out.

She wont let him live that down. And neither will Sakura.

Get’s pretty embarrassed/pissed off if someone touches his neck! The dude’s jacket practically covers that entire part of his body, so he’s not used to feeling anything touch him there!

He once let out a girlish scream when Leon poked him there once to wake him up during class! The rest of them are surprised Leon wasn’t killed right then and there.

Once he participated in a little competition between the classes to see who was the arm wrestling champ. He got pretty far till he had to go up against Gonta. He lost by a landslide, but he felt better loosing to a dude like him at least. 

Totally escorts any female classmate or student home on his bike if they ask, or he sees some creep hanging around them. 

He does get embarrassed about it though, and ends up yelling at them. This results in one of three things.

The girl runs away!

The girl just politely declines, and walks away kinda creeped out!

Or a mix of all, with the addition of the dude sees this, and get’s spooked himself, and fucks off

Ishimaru:

Has a bit of a panic attack and dies inside if he sees someone leaving the men’s restroom without washing their hands!

Carries scented hand sanitizers with him! At all times! No matter what! And must offer some to every single one of his classmates! 

Once he tripped in the halls while chasing after another rule breaker, and had to be carried to the nurse’s office. Now that alone wouldn’t have been a bad thing, except Sakura was the one who did it, and she carried him bridle style, much to his dismay. 

Mondo and Leon teased him about that one for months.

During Christmas, he’ll start screeching about PDA anytime he sees a Mistletoe, or people under it who are about to kiss! 

But will ultimately be the first one forced to stand underneath it by is classmates.

Stays behind after school hours to either clean, or poke his head into every class room to see if the teachers need help with anything.

He’s totally that guy who during the Gym Class or Sports festival, is bitching about how short the girls shorts are, but not realize he’s staring. There by making HIM the creep! 

Leon of all people was the one to point this out to him, only adding to the shame.

Leon:

It’s not hard for him to start catching feelings for basically any girl meets.

Totally has an Instagram where he posts shirtless pics! He’s pretty popular thanks to that, and his Baseball Skills.

Purposely taught himself English so he could flirt with some of the American and British chicks who visit his profile and leave comments.

He’s pretty used to going from girl to girl, so it’s safe to assume he’s used to getting dunked on by the girls he’s dumped. Getting called a pig, dirty looks, even some of them going so far as to pour their drinks on them at lunch. This he can handle!

Wanted so badly to start a band with Sayaka, Ibuki, Kaede, and Kazuichi! (Probably due to the punk look Soda always puts on!) But he was promptly let down by all of them! Cause Ibuki had her own shit to deal with, Kazuichi because he had no experience with music (at least any good ones, Stay tuned for that! ;3), Sayaka cause she’s already part of a group, and Kaede because punk wasn’t exactly her thing.

But what really stresses him out is when one of his Exes just.....doesn’t really seem to care! It feels so outta place to him, and it actually makes him pretty paranoid. Wondering if their plotting for revenge or some shit! So he’ll spend days after breaking up with a girl like this, just kinda....being a little bitch! XD

Secretly, I’m pretty sure they all turned him down because they thought he was coming on to them to a degree. 

Kazuichi:

Is a lot like Yasuhiro, he doesn’t like birds, but not because he thinks they work for the government. It’s because he doesn’t like most animals, they remind him of Gundham.

Miu makes him HIGHLY uncomfortable! Sure, she’s hot and stuff, but she’s a whole other level of fuckery that he wants no part of! She’s banned from entering his workshop, and so Kiibo is usually the one who comes in to grab something if Miu needs it. He completely get’s Kazuichi feeling put off by Miu.

However, Kazuichi is still pretty insistent on asking Kiibo if he can take him apart every time he comes to get something for Miu. Making the poor robot very uncomfortable!

He’s pretty jealous that Miu get’s to play with the Robot and he doesn’t. Get’s kinda salty about it.

Teruteru once gave him the idea that he should try to serenade Sonia. And so he did! Or at least he tried to. He got over the fence to the girls dorms, ripping his clothes in the prosses. Then when he got to the window (he thought was) of Sonia’s room, he threw a rock that was a bit too big at it, cracking the window and scaring the girl in the room! Waking up the whole dorms and he booked it out of there! 

He attempted this one more time, and was better prepared. But Sonia opened her window to see a Kazuichi dressed in a Ghillie Suit and wearing an army helmet holding a guitar! When he started to sing and play, it was now obvious why Ibuki refuses to let him sing along with any of her music! 

A girl from a neighboring room called the campus security to repot a strange dude outside the Girls dorms, while another one poked her head out of her window and began to throw things at him. 

He left soon after, but was caught by security and reprimanded. Now he refuses to listen to Teruteru has to say about anything.  

Kiibo:

Often get’s bossed around by Mui to get her things. He finds it rather degrading, but when she’s not being bossy, she’s helpful to him. So he puts up with it, as a way of saying thanks. 

One of these tasks he’s asked to do a lot is going over to Kazuichi’s Workshop to barrow tools and such. He hates doing it though, since Kazuichi is always wanting to take him apart. So he does his best to make these visits quick!

Miu gave him the ability to remove some of his heavy armor so he can wear clothing like normal. Surprisingly, This was his idea! He wanted to be able to enjoy the comforts of soft fabrics like most humans. And it would help him blend in a bit better.

Gonta and him get along very well! Mainly due to both of them having a hard time understanding things like sarcasm, harsher jokes, and certain social cues. This usually leads to them both learning at the same time when they hang out!

Miu is his wingman, weather he knows it or not! She’s always wanting to add new functions to him to make him more appealing. One of these is a thin velvet like coating on his armor that’s meant to make his metal less harsh on the skin if you touch him.

Another one of these features is a type of diffuser at the top of his skull under his hair! It releases a pleasant scent into his hair, similar to pheromones. The scent changes based on Kiibo’s emotions. 

Kokichi likes to openly mock Kiibo in front of new people. Like a lot!

Kiibo actually releases steam when he get’s too Angry or Embarrassed, but this is really rare. 

Get’s really curious about Occult, Paranormal, or Religious things. Sure, he finds some of it to be very silly, but he can’t help but wonder why some humans like those things! 

Some holiday traditions he finds weird too, and in some cases, a bit Robophobic. Like giving candy or sweets out on Valentines Day, when....well, he can’t fucking eat it! So he feels excluded in times like that.

He’s really confused about most PDA! Especially kissing! So humans just like...put their mouths together? And that’s like....supposed to mean deep affection? What’s so great about swapping fluids like that? Couldn’t they get sick? QUESTIONS! ANSWERS! HE MUST HAVE THEM!

His Ahoge doesn’t just change shape and move to show emotion, but it also tends to point in the direction that he’s attention is drawn too. Even when he’s trying to pretend he’s not looking at something! His hair is a dead give away!

Has a built in “Cellphone” in his head. Miu added it so it would be easier to contact him if needed. 

Everyone in his class has his number, except Kokichi! And it will stay that way!

.......Until Gonta gave it to him by being tricked into doing it!

And now he has a small panic attack every time his “Cellphone” rings. Praying to all that is good that he doesn’t hear “HEY KIIBOOOOOOOY!~<3″ on the other end!

[casualbatteryoperator]

lucid dreams | part one

Obi-Wan Kenobi X Reader [Soulmate AU]

synopsis: Dreaming has become a meeting place for two people destined for each other. They say you see everything related to your soulmate in your dreams, including your soulmate. Surely meeting someone you’re destined to be with wouldn’t be difficult, right? Wrong. For you, it’s impossible. Sometimes you think your dreams are mere compensations for not having a soulmate.

warnings for this chapter: mild swearing

word count: 1,153

He has a unique and, admittedly, odd name: Obi-Wan Kenobi. Charming with his auburn hair, neatly pushed to one side, eyes resembling a clear blue sky on a summer day, his accent thick and melodious, and a well groomed beard—not too long, but not short enough to be a stubble—he looked attractive under the dimly lit void of dreamland. He captivated you with every bit of his presence ever since the first time you talked. 

You wish to learn more about this man. Usually, you’d work day and night for some commissions which meant, no sleep; sometimes, it’s him who doesn’t show up. It was conflict on schedule and you knew little of him. Coruscant was one thing, he said he lived there. Did you believe him? No. You looked it up right away when you woke; no place or planet like that ever existed. And you swore to talk to him about it, but the time never came. 

You hoped for tonight to be different. You covered up you paints, cleaned your brushes, and left your studio downstairs to go up to your room. Vincent was already sleeping in the new bed you bought for him. Crawling in yours, with your tired eyes and aching back from your awful desk set up, you sank in the soft mattress and drifted off to sleep. 

The void was filling up, but you pay no attention to it. He was there and, as per usual, keeping safe distance from you. “Obi-Wan.” You greeted him, walking closer to the man. “Hello, y/n.” He smiled. “We haven’t talked in a while.” You said sheepishly. “You’ve been busy.” “I’m sure you have as well.” You notice the floating window again, Coruscant. “Tell me more about where you come from.”  “I’m from Stewjon. I do not remember much about my home, I was taken away at a very young age.” He explained. “No, I meant Coruscant. I think you’re lying to me.” You accused, “Why would I lie about any of that?” “Because it doesn’t exist! I’m sure the same goes for ‘Stewjon.’” You emphasized on the name. “Your planet does not exist. You’re telling me you live a non-existent planet, Obi-Wan. No human can live in another planet.” “I assure you, many of us are in different planets.” He said, crossing his arms. “Your archives must be incomplete.” You roll your eyes at him. “How am I supposed to get to know you, if you won’t even tell me where you’re truly from?” You raised a brow at the man. “I’m not lying to you about Coruscant or Stewjon, yet you refuse to believe me.” He said. “I suggest we talk about what we’re seeing.” So, he’s a negotiator. You thought, proceeding to ask him what he sees. “I see you’re well acquainted with art.” He said, walking around the void, admiring things you cannot see. “It’s my job. You like to read?” You asked, remembering the floating books. “I do,” Obi-Wan smiled. “I see you do too. And... you live in an awfully crowded city.” He scrunched his nose. “That’s New York.” You sighed. “I read on my free time or when I need to spark up an inspiration for an art piece.” “You must be very talented.” He replied. “Thank you. Do you like Sci-Fi?”  “What’s that?” He turned his attention, from whatever it is he was looking at, to you. “Well, I keep seeing laser swords and spaceships.” You picked one up, examining the object that held no weight. “You probably can’t see it, but I’m holding one right now. It’s fascinating.” An amazed laugh escaped your lips. Obi-Wan couldn’t see what you were holding, but he could see the blue light illuminating your face. “It’s called a lightsaber.” He said nonchalantly. “You should be careful, it’s a dangerous weapon to yield, not to mention it’s weight.”

“It’s light as a feather.” You said. “You can’t feel anything physical here in Dreamland.” Obi-Wan’s lips formed into an ‘o.’ “Yeah, it’s cool right? My parents told me about it. Their dreams were always my favorite bedtime story.”

You and Obi-Wan wandered around the void, naming all the things you see and providing each other with information. He asked you if you liked animals when he saw Vincent’s collar. You asked him if he made robots or owned any, because you saw a golden human-like robot and a robot with blue details. “That’s C-3PO and R2.” He said. “Do you own them?” You asked him. “No, a good friend of mine does.”  “I really think you like Sci-Fi.” You chuckled. “And I still have no idea what you’re talking about, darling.” You blushed at the pet name, quickly dusting it off with a question, “Are you, perhaps, an astronaut?” This caught his attention, turning his head to you, a confused look in his face, “Definitely not. I’m completely human.”  “Very funny, Kenobi. I meant to ask about your career.” But before Obi-Wan could say anything, a vortex pulls you in.

Darkness. That only meant that your time was over. A few hours came and when the rays of sunshine hit your eyes, you reached for your journal without hesitation. You list down everything that happened in your dream. “He doesn’t like Sci-Fi.” You chuckled lowly, shaking your head. Looking at the gray cat bed in the corner of your room, you notice Vincent still asleep. Good. You smiled. At least you could finish something this morning without any distractions. Or so you thought.  Your mind was filled with images of him. You thought of his perfectly swooped hair, dreamy eyes, and charming personality. Your cheek heats up upon realization. Before you knew it, your hand scribbled a picture of him on the paper in front of you. A rough sketch of your soulmate. You wondered if it was worth showing your friend. You put the sketch aside and worked on rough ideas for a commission. But your mind couldn’t let go of this man.  You managed to finish a few pieces by noon, just the right time for lunch. Walking to the small kitchen, you opened your magnet-filed fridge and grabbed your leftovers from last night, you also grabbed a can of cat food from the cupboard under the sink. You hear the bell on your cat’s collar ringing. You smile as you see Vincent descend from the stairs upon hearing you pull on the can’s tab. “Here you go, buddy.” You dump the cat food in his blue food bowl and pet his head. You heat up the leftovers in the microwave. Heading to your desk in the studio, you look for the sketch of Obi-Wan and snapped a picture of it, smiling while sending it to your friend. 

Your phone chimed from a notification: Is that him? Another chime: He’s muy bueno ;) I’d tap that You replied with: “Please stop being weird”  Tell. Me. Everything!

here’s the new update for lucid dreams! i hope you guys liked it. -mori <33

tag list:  @itsyellow​​ @dance-like-russia-isnt-watching​ @fandom-blackhole​ @marvelunistudent @fandoms-pizza-wifi-ym13 @ina-lotta @stargazingcarol

[xmalereader]

Javier Pena X Male Reader

- ONE -

-

Dysfunctional

|| Masterlist ||

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Summary: Javiers neighbor is a young twenty-one year old who’s been living in Columbia for a couple of years now, but he’s different from everyone else. He acts normal and friendly around others but behind closed doors he’s sick and slowly losing his mind.

Warnings: Language, Mafia, frontotemporal dementia, memory loss, panic attacks, episodes, gang member, angst, crossover, slow burn, slight fluff.

-

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Frontotemporal dementia ;

Is an umbrella term for a group of uncommon brain disorders that primarily affect the frontal and temporal lobes of the brain. These areas of the brain are generally associated with personality, behavior and language.

The sound of a loud blaring alarm clock going off causes the twenty-one year old male to open his eyes. Groaning in frustration as he reached over his nightstand to turn off his alarm clock. Letting his arm drop against his bed he sighs deeply and stares at the clock that read 5:30AM he usually doesn’t wake up this early but today was an emergency.

He was waking up early because he usually has a routine. He would get out of bed and make sure to take a shower, cleaning away all of the dirt on him. Once he’s finished with that he throws on something comfortable, usually a pair of black jeans and a long sleeved shirt; a red color that he seemed to like often. After that he would wash his bedsheets and clothes so that everything Can dry before it starts to rain or anything else, the weather in Colombia was diffcult but some days he got lucky enough to get some sun.

He also makes sure to take his medication, he wouldn’t want anything bad to happen while he’s out today and buying some grociers and food for his little pet parrot that has been by his side since he can remember. He makes a list of things that he needs to buy but before leaving he double checks his duties and checks on Fenrir

Approached the cage he stands on his toes to see the parrot bird sleeping in its hammock, curled up as he remained quiet.

He can’t help but smile softly, stepping away from the cage as he turns around and grabs his jacket, wallet, and shoes. He slips them on and checks his pockets for his apartments keys which he finds hidden away in his front left pocket.

Once he has everything he exists his apartment and locks the door behind him, making his way down the steps as quietly as possible. He sighs to himself as he continued to walk down the steps, reaching the second floor. Once he reached the second floor he hears the sound of a door opening and closing. He looks over to see one of his neighbors and special friend leaving his apartment.

“A little early isn’t it, Javi?”

The DEA Agent froze In spot, hearing the familiar voice.

Javier looks up to see Y/n standing by the staircase with a small and tried smile on his face. “I should be asking you the same thing.” He says back with a grin.

The other could only shake his head and rolls his eyes. Living in Colombia for the past couple of years gave him the time to know Javier Pena, the biggest flirt in the building and probably playboy too. He was always bringing home a different women and doing his own business before moving onto the next, it didn’t bother him really, he was used to it, back where he used to live it was a regular thing for him to see. His old friends would always bring home different men and women to fuck, they’ve tried to convince him to enjoy himself and have a little fun but y/n wasn’t like that.

No matter how hard his friends tried he wouldn’t allow it. He’d rather die a virgin then sleep with someone that he didn’t know, he was the kind of person who’d want an actual relationship. Someone he can speak to and have moments but he knows he won’t be able to get thag, I mean he’s already dying so what’s the point?

“Just doing my usual things.” Said y/n, making the awkward silence around them disappear. “I’m usually up this early, you should know that given the fact that we’ve been living in the same building for the past couple of years.” He added.

Javier could only chuckle as he approached him and joins him down the stairs. “Yeah I remember, but it’s way to early for you and it’s dangerous.”

“You worrying about me, Javi?” Y/n questions with a raised brow and a smirk against his face.

“I’m just saying that it isn’t safe and that you should be careful.” Javier and y/n both reach the bottom floor and exit the building. Y/n looks up at the sky to see the twinkling stars. “You be careful too, even if you work for the DEA you should still be careful.” He reminds the other and slips his hands into his pockets.

“Y/n—“

“I can take care of myself.” He cuts Javier off before he could even say anything. Reassuring him that he was safe. Y/n always carried a weapon on him and no it wasn’t a gun since he’s not a big fan of them but something that’s sharp and easy enough to injure someone or maybe kill them depending on the situation that he’s in.

Y/n pats Javier on the shoulder and looks over to see Murphy waiting for him in the truck. “Looks like your new partner is waiting for you.” He points over to the truck, Javier turns around to see Murphy waiting for him impatiently.

Y/n’s never really had the chance to get to know the knew neighbors but having Javi around was enough for him to know a little bit about the new couple living in the second floor.

Javier sighs deeply and gives y/n one last look before nodding and making his way over to the truck. Y/n simply smiles and waves, going back to doing his own thing. He crosses the street and takes a short cut to the closest market place.

—

“He’s a strange one.”

“Who?”

“The guy you were just talking too, he lives on the third floor.”

Javier glances over to Steve, once he asked about y/n he felt a sudden urge to keep y/n protected.

“He’s not strange just anti-social.” Said Javier, leaning back in the passenger seat as he pulls out a cigerette. “Seriously? You get along with him but not with me?” Steve chuckled out as he drives.

Javier rolls his eyes at him. “I’ve known y/n for awhile, he’s a good guy it just takes awhile for him to open up and he’s had a difficult past life.”

“Past life?” Steve raises a brow in questioning, wanting to know more even though he knows that he shouldn’t pry into other people’s personal lives but y/n was a mysterious guy and just wanted to know more about him.

“Fuck off, Murphy.” Javier suddenly blurts out, he didn’t want to lose y/n’s trust by telling someone else about his life.

Steve frowns at his partner. “Alright, Sorry.”

The rest of the trip to the DEA headquarters was in silence, reaching their working area, Javi was the first to exit the truck and slam the door.

The rest of the day is spent with the two of them buried in work and trying to find ways to capture Escobar.

As Javier and Steve look through files their office phone suddenly goes off, causing Javier to look up from his papers. He glanced at the phone and then at the clock on the wall, reading 10:30 PM. Before steve could reach over an answer the call he’s quick to take the phone and answers it himself.

“Pena here.” He holds the phone with his shoulder as he continued to look through the files full of evidence that could help the two of them.

“It’s 10:30.” The sudden voice says on the other line, causing javi to sigh and nod. “I know, and?”

“You haven’t eaten in four hours,”

Javier sits up and adjusts the phone. “Yeah I know that—also stop using this number I told you to only use it for emergencies.” He scolds y/n and frowns, tossing the files on his desk as he stands. He hears the other male chuckle, “It is an emergency, Javi you haven’t eaten since 5:30 of the morning and don’t ask how I know, we’ve been friends for awhile now that I already know you to well.”

Javier can’t help but laugh a little. Y/n was always like this, acting like a mother hen whenever he notices that the other hasn’t eaten something properly In hours. It was annoying at first but after awhile he got used to it and it usually soothes him, it reminded him of home back in Texas when his own mother would worry about his health.

“I figured you would say that.” He responds back and rubs his eyes, rubbing away the tiredness. The other line was silent, knowing that y/n was glaring through the other side. Javier nods to himself, “my break starts in a few minutes, later I’ll head to your place and you can annoy me all you want.”

“Muy bien.”

Javier smiles at the sudden Spanish words that are spoken by the other. “Just don’t do anything stupid while you wait, last time your damn fucking pet tried to claw my eyes out when I entered your house.”

“Well he is a protective thing and like you said, Colombia isn’t a safe place to living in right now and I may be living on the third floor but rapists do know how to climb so might as well and train Fenrir to attack another human being when in danger.” Y/n explains to Javier who only gets a groan in response.

“Okay I get it!” Javier glanced at the clock and then at Steve who was giving him a funny look which he ignored. “I’ll see you in an hour.”

“Fine.”

With that he hangs up the phone and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Girlfriend?” He hears Steve say as he read through his own stack of files.

Javier glared at Steve, “that’s none of your business, Murphy.” He mutters out and grabs his coat. He opens his drawer and takes his gun with him as well before leaving the building. “Where are you going?”

“Out! I’ll be back in a bit.” He shouts back and leaves the small office.

—

“You said that you’ll be here in an hour.”

Y/n is standing in the entrance of his own apartment with his door open for Javier to enter. Fenrir, his pet parrot was standing on top of his head as he watched him cook.

“I know but I had to get out of that stuffy place.” Javier walks around y/n’s kitchen and searches through his cabinets for any alcohol or coffee. “And you call me impatient.” Y/n murrmured out and noticed Javier looking through his kitchen. “How many times must I remind you, in my house we don’t own alcohol.” He states out with a frown, his arms crossed over his chest as he glared at Javier who smirks back at him. “You have to at least have some beer.”

“I don’t drink.” Y/n reminds him and goes back to cooking.

Javier lets out a frustrated sigh and leans against the counter as he watched y/n cook them some spaghetti. “Okay; so you don’t drink alcohol, your anti-social, and lets be honest an amazing cook. Anything else I should know?”

“Im a virgin.” Y/n shoots him an innocent smile as he turns off the stove and takes out some plates. Javier stands their frozen in shock as he watched him. “Your kissing right?”

“Nope.”

Javier chuckled nervously and stands up straight. “So you’ve never had any sex before? Like ever?”

Y/n shakes his head and shrugs his shoulders. “What’s the deal anyway? I’m a twenty-one year old virgin who’s never had a partner before and has never been laid before.Their, happy?” He hands Javier his plateful of food and heads towards the dinning table where he sets down his own plate. He removes Fenrir from his head and sets him back inside his cage, making sure to lock it up.

“Geez kid you really need to get out more.” Javier sits down on the dinning table with his own plateful of food. “You sounds just like them.” Y/n whispers out, making sure that javi didn’t hear him as he makes his way back to the dinning table. “Just admit it, I’m strange.” He randomly says.

Javier spins his fork around and chuckled. “Yeah you are strange, but somehow I enjoy your presences. It’s weird.”

“Like me?”

Javier chuckled and eats his food.

Y/n smiles at him, he grabs his own utinsile and used it to spin up some spaghetti into his fork. He eats slow and enjoys the silence between the two, it wasn’t an awkward one but a comfortable one thag he’s been used to for the last couple of years. As the two ate they exchanged conversations about their mornings and what y/n’s plans were for the rest of the evening.

Y/n was planning on staying home for the day, not really in the mood to be outside. He’s usually outside, helping his own neighbors and buying new pens or pencils for his small sketchbook where he would jot down small moments that he’s had with the people. Even the smallest things mattered to him, no matter how much he’s forgetting he’s willing to writing it all down, hoping that one day he’ll emended everything.

As the two finished eating, Javier insist to help with the cleaning since y/n did cook for the two of them. Y/n allows Javier to clean the kitchen while he makes the himself some tea, he would offer Javier some but knowing him, he wouldn’t agree to having any of that disgusting tea bag shit.

“I should get back before Murphy starts to get all suspicious.” Said javi.

Y/n stands next to him as he drinks his tea and nods. “Don’t want to piss off your new partners so soon now do we?”

“Exactly, it’s already happened once.” Javier double checks his pockets, making sure that he had everything as he slips on his coat. “Don’t do anything stupid.” Said y/n.

Javier smirks at him. “My job leads me into doing stupid stuff.” He earns a giggle from y/n. He waves him off and makes sure to lock his door once Javier stepped out. He had his set his mug down and walks over to his front door, locking both locks before sighing deeply.

He rubs his neck tiredly and makes his way towards his bedroom.

He was suddenly feeling tired. Really, really, tired. Each step he took, took away his energy very quickly. He walks over to his desk and grabs his pills, biting his lip. He knows that he’s suppose to take them and how they help but in all honesty he just didn’t want to take them anymore. It made him feel worse.

Holding the small bottle of pills he squeezes it softly before setting it back down on his desk. Skipping one day wouldn’t hurt, would it?

Shaking away the tiredness he turns to walk over to his bed. Even though it was close by it felt like it was farther away than usually. Groaning, he stops moving and placed a hand on his head. He was suddenly feeling dizzy and anxious, his heart was racing and his breathing was becoming shallow. He couldn’t breath, he placed a hand against his own chest as he tried to calm himself down from the sudden panic attack. His vision was getting blurry and reaches out to hold onto his bed, to steady hismelf.

As he tried to hold onto his bed frame his arm suddenly feels numb, causing him to whimper in pain. Stumbling on his own two feet as he comes crashing down, his head slamming against the hardwood floors.

Y/n remains lying on the floor, he couldn’t feel anything. He can’t feel his legs or his arms. He could hear his heart thumping against his chest as he tears up, crying in silence before he pases it. Allowing the darkness to take over him, his nightmares taking over him.

He was afraid, he couldn’t move or speak. He was stuck like this for who knows how long, he would be stuck in his own nightmares for hours. Not knowing how to wake up from them.

[saelwen]

Lost in Middle-Earth

Thranduil x reader

Part1 / Part2 / Part3 / Part4 / Part5 / Part6 / Part7 / Part8

Summary: Y/n finds herself falling asleep after watching all the Lord of the rings movie on Friday night, tired after a week of studying and working. What will happen when she finds herself in the middle of a forest with orcs running after her

Warnings: None

Words:1,549

“Ouch!” i yelp when the needle pierces my skin on my waist, “Díhen- nin, mui ladui.”(Forgive me, My Lady.) the seamstress said with a worry voice, I look down to her and smile “Don’t worry. I’m okay.” with that she returns to work on my gown for the feast that will take place tomorrow in the Palace. I can’t believe that Thranduil ask me to go with him! Yeah, I know that we had kiss but I don’t know what kind of relationship. I feel something for him but I don’t if it’s love and for what I've learn in my world, elves just love once and Thranduil was married. God, I don’t even know if he really likes me.

The sound of the door opening stopped my trail of thoughts, I look back and saw Tauriel enter with a big smile, “You look beautiful, Y/n.” I smile to her “Thank you, Tauriel! I can’t wait for tomorrow!! I’ve never been in a feast like this.” she and the seamstress start laughing at mine enthusiasm, “I’m sure you will like it. I’m here to tell you that the King wish to see you after you’re done with this.” the smile on my face grow even more that it was at mention of Thranduil, “And where I should meet him?” I said giggling a bit “At the garden.” I nod, smiling as I recall our first kiss, “Well I have to go now. It’s my turn to patrol the Kings halls.” with that she leaves the room, closing softly the door.

(Thranduil P.O.V)  

I was passing back and forward in the garden, waiting for Y/n to arrive. I have just received a letter from Lady Galadriel saying that she has a hit how to control Y/n power, knowing that manifests itself from her emotions. Y/n has to started a training, first begin just staying outside with nature half the day, getting to know the plants and animals, learn to interact with them.

I stop when I hear the sound of small feet’s hitting the floor, I turn around and saw Y/n walking towards me with a big smile. Grabbing her small waist, I pull her to me, embracing her softly, “Hello, Meleth nin.” I say softly to her, “Hi!...So why do you wanted to see me?” she said with excitement in her voice, I grab her hand and lead her forward into the garden, here no one would bother us. We sit on the grass, I look into her eyes “I have receive a letter from Lothlórien. Lady Galadriel have a hit how could you control your powers.” as she heard my words, she almost jumps from her seat “REALLY?” I chuckle at her excitement “Yes...She said the you should first learn how to speak with them, interact with the plants and animals.”  she nods slowly, looking around her, gazing at the trees “Try closing your eyes...Listen to their tales. Try listen them speaking through the wind.” she closes her eyes, taking a deep breath. We stay there a moment, hearing the warm wind blowing around us, hearing the trees shaking, the birds singing, the woodpecker hitting the tree trunk. Suddenly flowers start growing around Y/n, letting go a sweet smell in the air. The sounds of the birds were almost violently loud, making look like the forest was singing. I stay still, staring around us in amazement, the ground under us was warm, I look up to Y/n and saw a soft smile on her face, she was still with her eyes closed. She looks like she was talking to the forest, sharing stories together.

Suddenly she open her eyes, tears falling down on her soft cheeks “T..This is a..amzing, Thranduil! I could hear everything! Feel all the animals and plants, like we were all one.” I move my hand to her cheek, cleaning her tears “You are truly amazing you know, that right?” she giggles, sounding like a Goddess to me. I move closer to her, bending my head to kiss her soft plump lips. We part a little, for catch our breath, I move a piece of her hair behind her ear “I’m so proud of you.” she smiles and nuzzle her head into my neck.

We stay like this almost half the day, talking about things that happen in her life and how excited she was for the feast.  

In this moment I wish that Legolas was here but he made an oath that he couldn't break.

(Y/n P.O.V)

I stand before a giant mirror, speechless. I look into my reflection with wide eyes, I was beautiful. The dress was a dark green, almost looking like the green from the forest, it hugged all my curves in the right way. In the bottom of the dress was sewed several flowers, like vines. I had a gorgeous diamond necklace matching with my earrings. My hair was made in away with two small braids on each side of my head that linked in the back of my head, I feel a small tear escape from my eye. I’ve never felt so beautiful in my life, “Oh my....Y/n you are beautiful!” Tauriel voice sounded so happy, I look back to her and give a huge smile “Thank you Tauriel!” she nods “Come. King Thranduil want to meet you right away.” with we leave my chamber.  

We walk down the king's hall, I was telling Tauriel a funny story that happen to me with my best friend. I’ve never seen Tauriel laugh so hard, I could see her tears falling down her cheeks “and then...” my words stopped when I look forward. In front was Thranduil, he wore a beautiful green robe, with vines all over it, matching my outfit. Tauriel whisper a goodbye and leave for the feast, Thranduil took a step towards me “You are beautiful, Meleth nin.” he grabs my hand and kiss it. I was sure that my face was red as a tomato “So are you, Love.” I said timidly, he smiles and lead me to two huge doors “You ready?” I look up to him a confused face “For what?” he gives me a mischief smirk and nod to the two guards for them open the doors. As the doors were opening, an elf tells the crowd that the King have arrive “Our King Thranduil have arrive, with his guest Y/n.” the crowd starts applauding to they King. Oh God! I didn’t know that I would enter the feast with him?! Everyone is looking at me, shit...I’m so embarrassed. Do I look good? Maybe I look stupid, maybe I’m not good enough to be beside Thranduil. My thoughts were interrupted by a squeeze that he gave me with hand, making me look to him with scared eyes. He leans down and whisper on my ear “Don’t worry. You look like a Queen.” I smile a bit, feeling my confidence growing back.

Thranduil sit on his throne, a while I sit beside him on a chair that looks like it was fit for a Queen. Thranduil gives some words to his people and the feast started, servants begin serve the food. Several types of food were on the table, everyone was talking and laugh at the tales and stories that they talking. I feel Thranduil hand rubbing up and down on my thigh, my head shot up and saw he smirking at me “Are you having fun?” I chuckle a bit and nod “Yes...Everyone are so happy. And the food is amazing!” he laughs “I knew that you were love it.”

After the food, the elves started dancing, music flowed through the ball room. I was so engrossed on the people dancing that i didn't notice Thranduil standing up, giving me his hand “Come, Meleth nin. Let’s dance.” I took his hand and let him lead me to the dancefloor. The elves give us room for dance, standing there looking to their King dance with his guest, “Ahh...Thranduil..I don’t know how to dance...” I said timidly, looking down ashamed. He lifts my chin with his finger “Don’t worry. Just let me lead you.” I nod and relaxed my body.

He grabs my waist with one hand and move the other to grab my right hand. He was a pro in dancing, like a leaf blowing in the wind. As the song was ending, the front door burst open, Thranduil stop and put me behind him, protecting me for whatever was happening. A guard stand there with panic eyes “My King, an army of orcs it’s marching towards the Palace!” Thranduil stay quiet for a second, suddenly he turns back to me “Go hide on your chambers! Whatever happens don’t come out! Now GO!” I try to argue but Tauriel grab me by the arm and lead me back to my room. The last thing I saw in the room was Thranduil yelling to prepare his army and to get his armor. What’s happening??  

Hey Guys!! New part here. I must say that this is one of my favorite chapter that I wrote. Hope you like it! And feel free to comment and tell me what you think! Also a HUGE thanks for the people who help me decide what to do with the story.  

XOXO

Taglist: @tigereyesf @bowtothewitch @llama2264 @yes-captainstark @aeryntheofficial @gwendelerynan @crazyonesarethebest @lespaceboi @burningcoffeetimetravel @numwoon44 @danri-and-thomas @ultrabumblebeeisus @skarlet-red-rose

[shijiujun]

Novel Epilogue (Part 2)

We all have this summary of the later parts of the epilogue because of @angel-kyousuke who found the e-book version on Google Play (it has in built translation, but according to feedback it’s not very good, but if some of you would like to try link to the book is here

We left off with Jack and Zhao Zi standing by the road side with Jack having just made a call to TY to inform him that SF was injured and he keeps his phone to, and I quote, “to look and appreciate his little hot-blooded cop” -ahem-

ZZ is commanding the rest of the team and people are listening to him as he yells for them to bring the culprits back for a statement, to get an arrest warrant from the prosecutors etc. and then this new, young cop who just joined the team 3 months ago asks ZZ worriedly if the Captain is okay (omg i still CANNOT GET OVER THE FACT THAT SF IS CAPTAIN!!) - ZZ says it’s totally fine, because the shady, mob doctor is very good, and then ZZ remembers who he’s talking to and what he’s talking about (cuz mob doctor - mob - police officer - yeah better not say that too loudly), so he sheepishly says: “Someone else is responsible for worrying about Ah Fei, our job is to handle this well”

The young cop replies: “Yes, Zhao Zi Ge!”

And LOL ZZ is so happy that he called him like older brother and he’s obviously superrrrr elated but he’s interrupted by the growling of his stomach at exactly 6pm, and he immediately starts looking around (Note: This is pure comedy) and Jack calls out: “Little one, over here!”

AND OMFG ZZ TURNS AROUND TO SEE JACK WITH A FRICKIN FOOD CART!!!! WHAT. THE. HELL. THE MENU FOR TODAY IS: 

Fried beef noodles

Noodles hor fun

Beef mui fun (like a chinese risotto of sorts)

Beef fried rice

Beef noodles

LIKE WOW?!!!! Anw ZZ makes a beeline for the food cart (ZZ, you are the fucking police, remember?!!!!) and ZZ asks: “How did you know i wanted to eat all these? (ZZ HOW MUCH CAN U EAT AT ONE GO?!!!)

J: “I’m your personal chef, of course I know what you’re thinking”

Ever since Jack became Fang Liang Dian, he became a normal civilian again, and although he has a Swiss bank account that has enough savings in it to sit back, relax and spend the money three lifetimes and more, but he didn’t want to sit around so he decided to AND I QUOTE “BE ZHAO LI AN’S HOUSE HUSBAND” - NOT JOKING GUYS, YOU KNOW WE ALL JOKED ABOUT IT?!!! NOW IT’S CANON!!! OKAY SRSLY

And YOU KNOW WHAT’S EVEN BETTER? SO JACK BOUGHT A FOOD CART/TRUCK/VAN OR WHATEVER JUST SO HE CAN FOLLOW ZHAO ZI AROUND AND PROVIDE FOOD FOR HIM 24/7 WHAT THE HELL GUYS!!! HAHAHA

So ZZ literally just orders food from his boyfriend, and then Jun Wei turns up to make an order as well after greeting Jack: “Yo, you’re here again? Beef rice, thank you.”

Jack asks for 1000 NTD, Jun Wei accuses Jack of ripping him off, and the Jack drop the bomb by saying that the beef he used is Grade A5 beef, so obviously it’d be expensive?!!!! (LOL JACK PLS Jack is pampering ZZ omg) and after that, even though Jun Wei just got his pay and it’s so expensive, he still pays Jack for the food AHAHAHHAA good job Jun Wei!!!! atta boy, but Jack says sure, you’ll have to wait, because ZHAO ZI ALWAYS COMES FIRST!!!!

We move on to Hong Ye and Dao Yi in the hospital as she’s giving birth omg and she, like most women while giving birth, is yelling Dao Yi’s name like he’s offended her, while Dao Yi is soothing her, telling her not to be angry etc. and with a slip of tongue he calls her ‘Miss’ again, out of habit BUT WE ALL KNOW HONG YE’S TEMPER PLUS SHE’S GIVING BIRTH RIGHT - so she yells again: “Didn’t I tell you not to call me ‘Miss’ ever again?!!! Where the hell is that stupid doctor (Dr Jiang, poor thing)”

Anw, it’s not Dr Jiang who’s going to help her give birth but his junior, and lol Hong Ye as always is yelling again if a junior can be trusted, and she tells Dao Yi they’re only having one kid and NEVER AGAIN

IT’S A DAUGHTER GUYS!!! OMGAHHHHH

One week later, the uncles (TY and SF, but J and ZZ are there too omgggg this baby is blessed with the four most handsome and badass uncles in the world wtf) are eagerly waiting outside the baby room waiting to take the new baby and SF IS THE ONE WHO EAGERLY RUNS UP TO THE WINDOW AND FLASHES HONG YE’S PATIENT TAG OR SOMETHING (PROUD UNCLE GUYS SF IS A PROUD UNCLE)

SF looks at the baby and he’s like: “Wow, so cute, TY look, next time the little princess will call you Uncle”

TY: “Don’t worry! I will teach her so that her first words are ‘Aunt’ to you”

LOL GUYS LOL

Jack walks over to Dao Yi and goes: “Brother Dao Yi, you’ve worked hard”

Because apparently ever since Hong Ye got pregnant, her temper became even worse and even Tang Yi who dotes on her so much usually was so pissed off a few times from talking to her that he literally just walked out, and that was even more so the case for SF who usually banters and argues with her over stupid shit usually anyway, and only Dao Yi who has a really good temper can deal with her

Dao Yi, even though he’s been married to her for a while, still accidentally calls her ‘Miss’ sometimes and HY hates it the most, so every time he does it she runs away from home, but luckily he knows there she goes - THEIR ICE CREAM STORE!!! So Dao Yi bribed the store owner to always keep HY’s favourite 2 flavours of ice cream in the store all year round, so HY will always go there when she’s angry and DY knows exactly where to go fetch her home

Jack to ZZ who’s cooing over the baby: “You like kids?”

ZZ: “Of course! Small and cute, who doesn’t like babies?”

J: “I don’t. They’re noise, annoying and can’t understand human language”

AND ZZ I ALWAYS KNEW U WERE THE SLY AND SMART ONE: “Oh you don’t? Aww, I was thinking over Chinese New Year, we should do spring cleaning and I’d take out the photos of when I was younger to show you, but since u don’t like kids, then never mind!!!”

J: “Wait! You said you had whose baby photos?!!!”

And lol Jack has to reassure ZZ that as long as it’s him, no matter if he’s small or an adult, he likes em all, so ZZ better give Jack all the photos, they’re his (T^T)

ZZ blushes at that, and turns around to see SF grinning at him

Gosh it’s the kid conversation criessssss, Jack tells him that since ZZ likes kids so much, why not they have one too? And not just one, but two for Jack, and they both better be girls, and look like him so when they grow up they’ll be beautiful women (wow Jack, vainpot huh)

ZZ yells: “FANG. LIANG. DIAN. I’m a guy!!! Who the hell is going to give birth to kids for you! Go to hell!”

They get chased out because they’re so noisy HAHAHA

The next epilogue chapter concentrates on Jack and ZZ

Jack is lying on the couch, waiting for his lover who hasn’t come home even though it’s past 10pm, but he’s used to waiting as someone who’s been strictly trained in the army, and he’s been trained to be a killer who will kill anyone as long as his superior ordered it, but he got bored, so he decided to be a merc instead - he lies in bed breathing and thinks back to a time when all he could smell was blood and gunpowder (i think) in the air when he breathed, but now all he smells is good food

anw now, all he wants is a home he can return to (T^T)

Jack asks if ZZ was doing overtime again, but ZZ actually went to drink with SF and Jun Wei, and then ZZ moves over to the couch and snuggles/burrows into Jack entirely and he says: “Liang Dian. Hehe. Liang Dian is very big” and then proceeds to touch Jack’s pecs (Note: Okay I have to say so far I love the little tidbits but this author? I get the feeling that this is the Chinese version of fanfiction.net oh god with the lines I keep seeing)

But his hand goes lower and-

(Okayyy I’m not going to go into this, the line he uses is APPALLING I WILL NOT SUMMARISE IT RIGHT NOW. Anyway, this is the M-18 part guys, we have an Explicit and Mature rating they go for it, that’s all I can say right now)

So, ZZ is trying to top Jack because of SF teased him for it (what is this fixation on the positions?!!!) and Jack is surprised, but doesn’t reject him, and then ZZ literally starts crying and explains to Jack what happened - Jack bursts out laughing instead once he hears that and in his head he pities TY for a moment for having such a weird boyfriend

Jack agrees anyway, and then ZZ is all: “Really?”

J: “Sure, but if we do this, you must be responsible for me for life.” (????!!!!!! oh god)

Yes so bed scene happens - I will not detail this out at all, not here at least HAHAHA have fun guys

The next morning: ZZ wakes up to Jack already cooking breakfast, and ZZ promises Jack, after remembering what they said last night, that he will be responsible to Jack forever

And THE END

[rancoeur-the-unfortunate]

Pills (Chapter 15)

(1877 words 😄 ((much better)))

GIR and Minnimoose sat in the main lab. It had been exactly 2 hours since the Tallest had called and GIR had decided to just stand and stare. The silence was interrupted by Minnimoose.

"Meh!"

"Wah?! Was zat?!" GIR squealed.

"My mi me!"

"Little Timmy fell down ta well?!"

"Mei gn wh me me ih!"

"Let's go save em!" GIR ran through one of the pipes in Zim's lab, leaving Minnimoose to her own devices.

The doomsday device floated around the room deep in thought.

"Me hi my meh mi" The creature mumbled to its self. A certain urge to protect her master as she floated down to the keyboard.

She typed using her short nubs. A combination she remembered Zim using whenever he needed 'help'.

'CONTACTING PRISONER 777' The computer beeped.

The screen fuzzed before the ashy skinned alien came on screen.

"What is it now Zim- hey wait you're not Zim... you're that... doomsday device I helped him make." He gave the moose a look.

"Why are you calling me?"

"Miu muy mh hnn mei!"

"Wait really? You want my help? With what?"

"Mm yh ehh de my!"

"A base shield? I guess I could do that... what for?"

"Mmm, my mei gu he meh!"

"Forget I asked."

The screen lit up with schematics for the shield and Minnimoose couldn't help but squeal.

"Mei!"

"Uh, you're welcome."

Minnimoose then hung up and started getting ready to prepare the base.

Zim and Dib's situation was a lot different however. Considering the day was said to be pretty stormy by the look of clouds, they were pretty bound to the water proof tent.

Zim shifted uncomfortably.

"This tent thing is pretty close quarters don't you think Dib-human."

Said human rolled his eyes.

"That's cause the tent is ment for only one person Zim."

The alien crossed his arms.

"If you don't like it you can go back outside if you want." Dib suggested when suddenly a crack of lightening struck HARD causing Zim to jump and almost duck into his sleeping bag.

"HOW CLOSE WAS THAT?!" Zim paniced.

Another bolt struck the earth followed by thunder.

"1,2,3,4... well last one was 4 miles."

The alien before Dib was obvousily shacking but trying to play it off.

"Oh uh ok GOOD. Wait how do you know?"

"Oh it's a simple trick the internet taught me. When lighting strikes count the seconds until thunder. Every second is a mile between the lightening and you."

"Oh."

Another crack broke Zim and he bolted deep into the confines of the sleeping bag until only his twitchy antnnae were visible.

Dib couldn't help but snicker.

"It's just lighting Zim."

The boy could hear the soft soon to be hard pitter-patter of the rain drops on the top of the tent.

"A BOLT OF ELECTRICITY IS WHAT IT IS!! A BOLT OF ELECTRICITY THAT WILL CERTAIN STRIKE ME!!"

"Zim you're over reacting."

"ZIM NEVER OVER REACTS!!"

Dib let out a sigh. Today was going to be a long one. He dug through his bag and pulled out a smaller version of his computer and a hotspot. He firgured watching some youtube would be a great way to pass the time. He made sure to turn on incognito mode, just incase the Swollen Eyeball tried to hack in to his device and view him through his computer.

It was an hour later and storm hadn't let up a bit. The rain was hard and heavy and at times Dib could swear he could see Zim's shaking figure jump everytime lighting struck. Though Dib was sure it was the thunder he was reslly scared of.

Dib paused and typed something new into the search bar.

-que music-

When the music started playing Dib noticed how the aliens antnnae twitched in curiousity.

His shacking toned down a bit and he seemed to relax.

Dib placed his hand near Zim's head. The alien looked up at him though all Dib could see was his shiny magenta eyes. Slowly the gloved claw slid out of the sleeping back and accepted the human boy's gesture.

Dib couldn't tell you how long they sat like that. Every now and again Zim would jump at the flashing of lightening or the sound of thunder and grip Dib's hand just a little tighter and if this bothered the earth boy he certainly did not voice it.

It had to have been hours before the storm let up and when it did Zim was out like a light. Dib had no choice but to guess that exhaustion was a symptom of Irken withdrawal sense the Irken slept so much.

It was so strange to see Zim sleep. He always claimed that it was only a human weakness and that Irkens had no need for rest and yet right now that didn't seem so true. Funny thing was just because Zim was asleep did not mean his strength let up in the slightest, no doubt Dib's hand would be stuck in Zim's clutches for a bit and yet Dib didn't seem to have any problem with it. Not because he was concerned for Zim or anything he just didn't need that hand while he decided to watch youtube til Zim woke.

It was around 5 when Zim woke and crawled out of his sleeping bag. Dib was in the middle of a video of two guys blowing things up in slow motion. He didn't even notice Zim crawl up and sit next to him nor did he notice his hand still intertwined with the claws of that evil green alien he swore he hated to the moon and back.

He swallowed that warm fuzzy feeling and tried his best not to say a word when Zim leaned just a little bit on him to watch the video. If he was blushing Zim didn't comment on it.

He didn't even give any snarky or sarcastic when Zim asked stupid questions about the video though Dib was SURE it was only because Zim was sick and didn't know any better.

It was 9:34 when they decided to eat 'dinner' and go to sleep.

However instead of sleeping the two were wide awake laying in their sleepingbags.

They were looking at eachother, both had something on their mind though none knew how to voice it.

"Zim, I-"

"Dib, ca-"

The two boys ended up speaking and the same time and recoiled in embarrassment.

"I uh... you go first Zim." Dib spoke first.

"No no you go first." Zim insisted a light blue blush dusted his face.

"Uh ok I just wanted to say... it's perfectly fine if you're afraid of lighting. I used to be too when I was a kid. I won't hold it against you."

"Ha foolish human you thought I, ZIM was SCARED?!" The alien tried to play off but the series of awkward chuckles that followed gave him away.

Dib rolled his eyes.

"Anyways what did you want to say?"

Zim seemed to blush more at that.

"I was uh wondering if you uh could give me your flesh hand again. It a helps me sleep." Zim wasn't lying. When their fingers were interlocked Zim had his first ever good dream. No nightmare no nothing.

"It's called holding hands Zim and uh sure." Dib pulled his arm out his sleeping bag and reached over while Zim did the same.

With their hands now clasped together, Dib couldn't push back the blush. The alien in front of him curled up and did the cutest thing Dib had ever seen. Zim used his other hand and rubbed up his antnnae as if to clean it simliar to a cat licking it's paw and wiping it's head. Dib had to hold back a squee in fear of retaliation and Zim fell asleep before him.

Dib couldn't believe it. To think that years ago he was chasing Zim down the street with handcuffs and now he was practically cuddling up against the enemy.

Dib shook his head. He was only doing this to keep earth safe. As long as Zim was safe he'd go by the days on withdrawl normally, get his memories back, and leave. That was the plan and yet, any and all thoughts of such an occurrence made Dib's stomach turn.

Dib needed to get it though his head.

Until Zim remembered who he was he was the enemy.

Zim was sitting when he opened his eyes. The room around him was dark with only a singular light above him. In front of him was a table with what looked like blueprints to an Irken base of some kind. It took Zim a bit to realize someone was speaking to him in Irken.

'Zim? Commander?' Skoodge, the alien standing beside him snapped his fingers in front of his face tossing him out of his trance.

'Oh uh sorry must have lost track of my thoughts.'

'Well you better get them together. This is our biggest mission yet Zim.'

'I know I know it's just we lost a lot of good men last time.' Zim set his head in his hands.

'Every damn time we loose more and more. Either by death or worth capture. I saw what those horrible drugs do your mind Skoodge. Our army once stronge rebellious soilders reduced to mindless service drones.'

Skoodge placed a hand Zim's shoulder.

'Commander.'

He spun Zim's chair so that they were facing eachother. The short Irken holding the other's shoulders now.

'You gotta pull yourself together. If we don't complete this misson and destroy those drug factories all those lost lives will be for NOTHING. When this war is over and we destroy every single one of those horrible pills there will be time for grief. Until then you need to keep your head up and guide us.'

Zim couldn't help but frown.

'But what if next time you die?'

'Then I die. You can't slow down just because I'm gone I know you're better than that. We WILL win this war and those disgusting control brains will receive their just desserts. The heels of our boots.'

The two Irken stood still for a moment before Zim felt soft tears trickle down his face just a bit.

'Oh Skoodge the Irken race doesn't deserve you.' Skoodge pulled Zim into an embrace. They stayed like that, just holding eachother and mentally preparing themselves for the battle that will certainly change their lives forever.

They pulled back a bit smiling at eachother then turned back to the blueprints and set up their attack on the factories.

'This has to work. They'll never see it coming.' Skoodge smiled.

'Those handmade bombs of yours good to go?' He asked.

Zim smirked.

'Oh you better believe it.'

They clasped their claws together an all too familiar feeling ran through Zim as they rubbed their foreheads together and chirped happily. They clicked antnnae and pulled back.

'Don't get caught out there.' Zim held Skoodge's cheek.

'I was just about to say the same to you.' They giggled and chirped together.

Suddenly Zim awoke in his sleepingbag.

(Aww so much fluff oh god so much fluff. I didn't think my edgy ass was capable of making something so cute.)

[missjanjie]

Branjie Fic | Hold Me Closer, Tiny Dancer (10/11)

Title: Hold Me Closer, Tiny Dancer Summary: Brooke Lynn is a graduate student anxiously embracing her new position as her favorite dance professors’ new TA. Vanessa is a sophomore dance major who just might make her way into being more than the teacher(assistant)’s pet. (lesbian/university AU) Word Count: ~2.5k (this chapter)/~26.3k (total) Relationship: Branjie (Vanessa ‘Vanjie’ Mateo/Brooke Lynn Hytes) Rating: E

Read on AO3 | Ch. 1 | Ch. 2 | Ch. 3 | Ch. 4 | Ch.5 | Ch. 6 | Ch. 7 | Ch. 8 | Ch. 9

“We shouldn’t have to do work right before break,” Vanessa whined, head down on her desk. It was the last college writing class before Thanksgiving break, and her last class period, leaving her with no motivation.

“Considering how much we pay for tuition, we better get our money’s worth,” Yvie replied casually, “Are you having trouble with it?” she turned slightly, better facing her classmate.

Vanessa nodded, lower lip jutting out in a pout. “It don’t make sense, write about communication that doesn’t involve talking. Talking is the only way I communicate, and I do it a lot,” she explained.

“I’ve noticed,” Yvie chuckled. “Just go for something obvious, you know? Write about something like love languages,” she suggested, then looked at Vanessa’s blank stare before continuing. “Love languages are the different types of ways people express affection. Obviously, yours is verbal. Not just in general, but like, with Brooke Lynn. All your big romantic gestures involve words – the main reason everyone picked up on you guys was your inability to ever shut up about her.”

This caused Vanessa to blush and look down, tapping her pen against the paper. “So, what are the other types?”

“Physical’s one,” Yvie shrugged. “For some people, it’s going out of their way to spend time with someone, others best communicate affection through gifts, or some people do it through like, going out of their way to help someone with tasks,” she added. “And next time I’m charging you for doing your work for you so—” she realized Vanessa had brightened up and started scribbling fervently. “Okay then.”

By that afternoon, Vanessa and Brooke Lynn had officially finished and were ready to enjoy Thanksgiving break together. Vanessa had gone right to Brooke’s apartment after class, finding her curled up on the couch and saddling up to her side. “Is there anything else we have to do before tomorrow?”

Brooke shrugged and wrapped her arm around her. “No, but I was thinking…maybe we could go shopping? I wanna get you a nice new outfit for tomorrow,” she was hesitant in her suggestion, not wanting to create tension again.

But to her surprise, Vanessa smiled and nodded. “Yeah, alright.”

“Wow, I was expecting an argument on that,” Brooke admitted with a laugh. “Maybe you’ll let me take you to a salon tomorrow, get our hair done before we head over to your aunt’s,” she hummed.

“Well, I learned something today,” Vanessa smiled. “And I realized you don’t keep trying to buy things for me or pamper me because you feel sorry for me or you think you need to take care of me. That’s just your way of showing me you love me. And I should appreciate it a little more,” she explained.

This did admittedly take Brooke Lynn by surprise, but it touched her. “That’s so profound,” she hummed. “But I guess you’re right. That’s always been the Hytes family way of showing affection. And I know I don’t say enough about how important you are to me, and I guess that’s something I need to work on too,” she mused.

Vanessa grinned and kissed her cheek. “Look at us. We’re such mature adults in a relationship. Now let’s go get some nice clothes so I can make my mommy proud.”

----------

Brooke Lynn stared into the mirror after she finished her makeup. She was nervous – was it too much? Too little? Did it go with her clothes? Should she wear earrings, or would it be over the top? “What time is your aunt expecting us, Vanjie?” she asked, deciding on small stud earrings to put in.

“It’s called for four, which means she’s probably expecting us at like, five. But that’s not happening,” Vanessa replied with a laugh. “My mom’s taking the air train from JFK, so…” she furrowed her brows in thought. “Her flight gets in around three, and she’s taking the train from Jamaica to Penn Station and taking the A train over to her apartment…that’ll get her there by a quarter after four without delays,” she explained, then looked over at Brooke. “What? Why are you staring at me like that?”

“…I don’t know, but now I’m horny,” she answered.

Vanessa laughed and nudged her playfully. “Shut up. We’ll have plenty of time for that tomorrow,” she assured and pulled her coat on.

The subway ride was the most nerve-wracking one Brooke Lynn had ever been on. She was sure Vanessa had been saying something to her, and she just hoped it wasn’t anything important, because she couldn’t have listened if she tried, her mind lost in an anxiety-induced haze.

It was bad enough that Vanessa had to yank her off of the subway when they got to the stop. “Are you okay?” she asked. “Look, I know this is like…a big deal, but I wouldn’t keep you home from Canada if I didn’t think we were ready for this,” she smiled and squeezed her hand, holding it the whole way of the five minute walk to the apartment, and up the two flights of stairs to the door.

“¡Hola mija!” a woman – presumably her aunt – hugged Vanessa tightly. “And you must be Brooke Lynn, how nice to meet you,” she beamed, hugging her with the same enthusiasm and ushered the two girls inside, taking their coats and tossing them into the closet. “Oh, everyone is so excited to see you, Vanessa. And we’ve heard so much about you, Brooke Lynn,” the woman was so sweet, so bubbly and kind that Brooke couldn’t help but feel at ease as they were led into the living room.

There were seven or eight other people, all talking and laughing, but their attention was immediately diverted to the girls. They all got up at once, greeting them, introducing themselves to Brooke, who smiled warmly as she greeted each member of Vanessa’s family.

And sure enough, at a quarter after four, Vanessa’s mother arrived. Vanessa ran to her and hugged her tight before bringing her over to Brooke Lynn. “And this is Brooke Lynn, the girl I told you about.”

Brooke Lynn took a deep breath – this was what she had been practicing for. “Es un placer conocerte. Tu hija me ha tratado muy bien, estoy feliz de poder ver de dónde viene,” her pronunciation was a little stilted, but she had managed to get the phrase out without any errors, Vanessa and her mom both nodding in approval. “Oh, thank god. I’ve been practicing all night,” she whispered to Vanessa.

“I know, I didn’t fall asleep til two thanks to you,” Vanessa retorted at normal volume with a laugh.

Vanessa’s mom looked between them with a surprised expression. “Oh! You two are…sharing a room?”

“What, like we’re supposed to believe Vanessa is staying in that crappy dorm room instead of with the Victoria’s Secret angel?” one of her cousins chimed in with a knowing smirk.

“As long as that crappy dorm still costs money!” her mom retorted, causing Vanessa to look guilty because her cousin was right – she hadn’t slept in her dorm room in weeks.

“That’s why she’s going to move in with me next semester,” Brooke blurted out. Even though suggesting it the last time had led to an argument, maybe now Vanessa would see why it made more sense than continuing to pay for a room she didn’t use.

“What?” the three Mateos questioned in unison.

Brooke swallowed thickly, eyes darting around. “I-It’s just financially logical, you know? Think of how much money she’d save on room and board. And uh…when she starts working again, she can start contributing to the rent!”

Vanessa chewed on her lip and looked down. “That’s actually a really good point,” she mumbled, then stood upright. “It’s a better option…I should’ve taken it the first time she offered,” she admitted. No one could add anything further, because dinner was called, and everyone gathered into the dining room and took their seats. Grace was said in Spanish, so Brooke Lynn just mouthed along, trying not to get distracted by how good the food smelled. Then, dinner went underway, and the room refilled with the vibrant energy it’d had before.

“Ay, Vanessa, do you ever feed this girl?” her aunt laughed, gesturing to the fact that Brooke Lynn had hardly stopped to speak since she began eating, practically keeping on par with Vanessa’s brothers, both of whom looked like football players.

Brooke blushed fiercely, pausing to finish the forkful in her mouth. “Sorry, uh, the food is delicious Mrs.—”

“Oh, no, please, call me Maria,” she insisted, cutting her off. “And thank you, querida,” she smiled.

Brooke Lynn could easily say this has been the best Thanksgiving she ever had, but it was also the first one, not counting the ‘friendsgiving’ parties she’d partaken in over the course of her undergrad. She had never experienced such love and light and warmth confined to a nine hundred square-foot apartment. This wasn’t to say she didn’t enjoy time with her own family, but in a way, it felt like she fit right in here too.

Once dinner had finished, Brooke Lynn had started to assist in cleaning up when one of Vanessa’s brothers tapped her shoulder. “You got a minute?”

“Sure,” Brooke smiled pleasantly and followed him out to the balcony. She rests her arms on the railing, looking out at the city landscape with a content sigh. “What’s up, Jose?” she turned back to face him.

Jose was leaning against the wall as he lit a cigarette, taking a drag before joining Brooke Lynn against the railing. “Listen, I know this is the part where I’m supposed to threaten you if you hurt my sister, but it doesn’t feel right because, you know…”

“Because you don’t want to threaten a girl?”

“No, not that. I’ve threatened Vanessa’s girlfriends before. But I don’t think you’re like them,” he explained, taking another drag before offering the cigarette to Brooke.

“No thanks, I’m still using the gum to ween off that,” she chuckled dryly. “I like to think I’m not like them either. Sometimes I’ll be talking to her and realize that she must not have been treated right in the past. Breaks my heart, you know what a good person she is,” she added softly. “I wouldn’t be offended if I haven’t earned your trust yet.”

Jose shrugged. “I don’t trust no one but my mama. But I can see how happy you make her, how much she means to you. That, and you haven’t been scared off yet, so, I gotta respect you for that,” he mused.

Brooke Lynn beamed warmly. “Thank you,” she hummed, turning so her back was propped against the railing instead, elbows resting on the ledge. “I don’t think anything can scare me off at this point. Think I’m in it for the long haul, you know?”

“You in love with her?”

“Yeah,” Brooke’s tone was soft, shy. She and Vanessa had said ‘I love you’ to each other so many times, but confirming she was in love with her, especially to someone like her brother, felt all the more intimate. She stood silently for a moment, trying to recall the other Spanish phrases she had taught herself. “Creo que…algún día…podría casarme…con ella,” she spoke slowly, brows knitted in thought and hands gesticulating as she did.

Jose looked at her, mildly stunned. “You know you just said that you—”

“I know what I said.”

He nodded and clasped her shoulder. “Entonces tienes mi bendición, Brooke Lynn,” he gave her shoulder a squeeze before he put out the cigarette in an ash tray before they walked back inside.

“Where y’all been?” Vanessa asked from the couch, holding a mug between both her hands and sipping from it.

Brooke shrugged and smiled as she sat back down with Vanessa, kissing her cheek. “Just having a little chat, baby,” she hummed, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, gently caressing her cheek in the process. “Didn’t mean to keep you waiting,” she glanced over to see Jose whispering animatedly in Spanish, but it was too fast and quiet for her to even attempt to translate it.

By the time things were winding down, the girls were getting their things together to leave. Maria insisted on sending them back with containers of leftovers, and neither of them had any interest in rejecting it. They both said goodbye to everyone, making promises to visit again as soon as their schedules allowed for it.

As they walked down the street to the subway, Vanessa turned to Brooke Lynn. “You still not gonna tell me what you and Jose talked about?”

Brooke shook her head. “Don’t worry about it. And…sorry about springing the moving in thing on you, I was just trying to save face for both of us.”

“It’s fine,” Vanessa assured. “You was right, it’s not like I’m trying to mooch off of you, we’re just…a couple moving in together. It’s uh…what’s it called…mutually beneficial,” she hummed. “Besides, it’s a hell of a lot harder to fuck in that twin bed.”

“Exactly,” Brooke giggled. “I really do like your family. I’ve never had a holiday quite like that before,” and it was true, her family and Vanessa’s were wildly different, but she enjoyed both in their own ways. And when the time comes, she would bring Vanessa up north to meet her family as well. Had this been anyone else, she would have run away by now. This was moving fast for her – it had only been three months, after all. But it didn’t seem to matter as long as they were this happy.

“Do you think your mom liked me?” Brooke asked as they got inside the apartment. “She seemed so nice, but did she say anything to you?”

Vanessa let out a soft laugh as she hung up her coat and toed out of her shoes. “She adores you, boo. Everyone does. Not that I ever expected anything different,” she assured, walking over to kiss her. “I’ve never taken a girl to a major holiday before, so I guess no one really knew what to expect,” she mused.

They retired to the bedroom soon after, tired, full, and ready for the good night’s sleep they knew was to follow. “Hey Vanjie?” she asked as they lay in quiet darkness.

Vanessa stirred slightly. “Hm?”

“How do you say, ‘I love you’ in Spanish?”

Vanessa smiled warmly. “Te amo,” she yawned, her eyes staying closed.

“Te amo,” Brooke echoed with a nod. “Is there a way to differentiate that from ‘I’m in love with you’?” she asked after another moment.

This time, Vanessa opened her eyes and looked at her, the lights of the city peeking through the blinds giving her just enough light to see her face. “Do you?”

Brooke beamed, gently carding her fingers through Vanessa’s hair. “I do,” she answered.

“Then all you need to know is that the feeling is mutual,” she hummed before passing right back out for the night.

[anime-dub-transcripts]

Hetalia: World Series Episode #9 Transcript

This episode has Rome being sad, Italy driving Japan, and Chibi Romano peeing on the floor.

{Caption: Mr. Rome}

Rome: Ohoho! Ohoho! Oh! Ohoho! Ohohoho!

{Caption: Mr. Germania}

Germania: Eugh…

Rome: Ohoho! Ohohohohoho!

{Caption #1: He’s noisy so it’s a little annoying}

{Caption #2: (More than just a little)}

{Caption #1: Explanation}

{Caption #2: However, he feels depressed today}

Rome: Nhhh…I am The Roman Empire, dammit, and I got beat by regular smuck today. He ambushed me, but I should have been able to take him. Getting old sucks, but it’s not just because of the shrinking muscles; last night, I had to get up and pee four times!

Germania: Don’t sweat it, man. Kick that guy’s ass the next time you see him and you’ll feel better. And drink some cranberry juice.

Rome: You’re so very smart! I love your brain!

Germania: Hmmh…

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Japan [narrating]: Today I was called to a meeting with Germany and Italy from all the way on the other side of Earth. And boy, are my arms tired. Haha. These European meetings are very inconvenient.

Japan: Huah, I must get our scientists to start working on a transporter machine.

Italy: IT’S A MIRACLE!

Japan: Oh!

Italy: My Fiat is actually running! Do you want a ride? Hop on in!

Japan: That is kind of you. And since it would be impolite to refuse, I have to. Woooohhhhhaaaaaaaahhhhhh! YOU (beep) GREASEBALL, I’LL (beep) RIP YOUR GUTS OUT AND SERVE THEM FOR DINNER! AAAAAAHHHHH!

Italy: Hahahaha! You’re funny! It looks like your head is about to pop off and give birth to an alien!

(Japan: AAAAAAHHHHH!)

Japan: Please, I am unused to being out of control except when getting oral pedicure! WAHAHAHAHA!

Italy: Watch! I can even close my eyes and let your screams guide me! Next time, I’ll show you my famous butt-driving trick. Ooh? Hahaha!

Japan: Mnh…mnh…

Narrator: And now you know why the Japanese make such safe cars. And what they sound like when they piss themselves.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Japan: Hetalia!

{Caption: Hetalia}

{Caption: Boss Spain and Chibi Romano}

Spain: Spain the Boss and…

Chibi Romano: …Chibi Romano!

{Text on blackboard #1: | Hollo | noho}

{Text on blackboard #2: Dome uh beso!!}

{Text on blackboard #3: kiss me}

Spain: Listen up. In Spanish, “kiss me” is “dame un beso”. “Bésame” and “besos, besos” also works bueno.

(Dame un beso: Give me a kiss → Spanish)

(Bésame: Kiss me → Spanish)

(Besos, besos: Kisses, kisses → Spanish)

(Bueno: Good → Spanish)

Chibi Romano: Nomnomnomnomnom…

Spain: ROMANO! So, how are your Spanish lessons coming along?

Chibi Romano: Spanish is stupid hard to learn ‘cause the words are all wrong.

Spanish queen: Well, Spain, how is your education of Italy coming along?

Spain: Ehehehe! Kinda bad, actually.

Chibi Romano: I know this! Besame, mala chica!

(Besame, mala chica!: Kiss me, bad girl! → Spanish)

Spain: Her Highness is not a bad girl, you twit!

Narrator: Okay, fact time so you don’t have to lie to your parents when you say anime is kickass educational. Spain used to control Italy; in fact, some parts of southern Italy and most of Sardinia Island still speak Spanish. It’s more like a dialect of Catalan and Etruscan mixed, but you’ve stopped listening anyway.

Chibi Romano: Nomnomnomnomnomnom…

Spain: I thought I said “clean”, not “stuff your face”.

Chibi Romano: Cleaning; you Spaniards sure know how to party.

Spain: Ehhhhh…I should get advice from Austria on how he handles his Italy. Ahuh?

Chibitalia: Hm hm hm hm hm hm hm hm hm hm hm hm hm…

(Spain: Ahnuh…ahaha…ah ah…)

Spain: Austria, you have to save me!

(Austria: Aoh!)

Spain: Please trade Romano for Italyyyy!

(Austria: Auh…auh…)

Austria: What is the matter with you?!

Spain: I hate him muy mal!

(Muy mal: Very bad → Spanish)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Spain: Spain the Boss and Chibi Romano!

{Caption: Boss Spain and Chibi Romano}

Spain: Huah. Yay, I’m home.

Chibi Romano: I’ll show you, you dummy bastard crap! How could you do this to me?! I’m just a little kid; don’t you get it?! I need you to watch out for me or bad things can happen!

Spain: You’re missing the jewels com-PLE-tely. Auh!

Spain’s thoughts: Nope. He got ‘em with that last one.The pain is going to start flooding in any second now. Auh, there it is. Why the delay, I wonder? And why is Romano so upset with me? He must have found out I wanted to trade him. As soon as I can move again, I’ll apologize.

(Chibi Romano: Wahahahaha! Stupid head! Stupid head! Stupid head! Stupid head! Stupid head! Stupid head!)

Chibi Romano: Stu---aah! Aah!

Spain: Lo siento, Romano.

(Lo siento: I’m sorry → Spanish)

Spain: All of this was my fault.

Chibi Romano: That’s right it was your fault! You left me alone and I couldn’t find the bathroom, so I was forced to…

Spain: YOU PEED ON THE FLOOR?!

(Chibi Romano: …go right here, you stinking taco eater!)

{Caption: A leak!}

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chibitalia: Weeeeee!

Children: To be continued.

{Caption: To be continued}

[kilojulietsierra]

Better The Devil You Know - Chapter Two (Ulysses Klaue x Female OC)

Read Chapter One Here

Chapter Two - July 17, 2014 Tripoli, Libya

Savannah shoved a blind handful of clothes into a backpack and glanced frantically around the room for her headscarf.

“Miss Thorne, we need to go. Now!”

“I’m coming!” She found the piece of fabric draped over the chair in the corner and she snatched it up, putting it on with one hand as she grabbed her laptop and shoved it in the bag with the other. “Okay, call the pilot.” She slung the backpack over her shoulder. “I’m ready, let’s go.”

Security officers, one in front and two behind, escorted her out of the hotel at a jog and to the waiting vehicle. The streets were filled with locals running, yelling, chanting, guns firing both at people and into the air. Smoke pillars were scattered around the skyline and jets flew overhead. The week before nearly 300 government officials and employees had been killed in Benghazi, militias had been batting over the airport in Tripoli for nearly a weak and the State Department was preparing to evacuate its employees from the US Embassy.

At the private gate they were stopped by the militia that currently held control of the airport, but they let Savannah and her car through after a substantial bribe. She breathed a sigh of relief as they approached her plane and she saw that it was not one of the dozens on fire. There was no true relaxation until the jet was in the air and out of Tripoli air space. Her headscarf had fallen to reveal her hair but she left it, it was only a disguise, something to keep her from drawing more attention than absolutely necessary. An American in Libya was a prime target. As were any American operated oil wells.

She couldn’t count how many burned on the desert floor beneath her, the blanket of thick black smoke was too dense.

“Ma’am are you sure you want to land?” The pilot asked over his shoulder as he circled.

He had circled the oil field three more times before she answered, “No, Rick. Let’s just go home.” The words tasted more toxic than the smoke below them. She continued to stare as the plane eased out of it’s banking maneuver and reoriented south. “Who’s still down there?”

Her head of security, Kristoffer, sat across the table, “Most of my team is still on the ground Miss Thorne. We’ll hold it.”

Her burning oil no longer visible from her window she slouched into her leather seat and faced him, “Hold it well enough to get fire crews in there and put the wells out?”

When Kristoffer didn’t answer right away it didn’t bode well, “We can hold, but limited firepower, limited manpower. We’ll be on the defense, not the offense.”

Savannahs eyes hardened, as dark and smothering as the smoke that now haunted her waking life. “That’s not how I play.”

~~~~~~~

July 17, 2014 Somewhere Over the Central African Republic

“At this point, say we get the wells put out and capped. How long before the next coup, the next militia or some scraggle of rebels comes along and blows them again? The oil is more valuable in the ground than it is in a pillar of hellfire.”

Savannah glared at her business manager on the screen in front of her, “No, it’s more valuable in a tanker on its way to Europe.”

“Sell it.”

“Nobody is going to buy on oilfield that’s burning up all it’s oil. Nobody is going to buy an oilfield in Libya period. That’s why we are there! It’s the cheapest most abundant reserve in the world, with the least competition. My father drilled there for decades, I’m not going to lose it just because of some pissing match between regime’s. It’s Africa for fucks sake, this shit happens every day.”

“If you just called to yell, I’m hanging up now.”

“Hang up and you’ll be managing a Whataburger off I-45.” She snorted derisively and sipped on her whiskey.

Her manager snorted back, “Well at least there wouldn’t be terrorist groups trying to takeover my Whataburger.”

Savannah crunched a piece of ice and cocked a slightly less than perfect eyebrow. “Have you ever been to Houston? You never know.” She chuckled dryly to herself. “Options Reed, give me options. Other than selling.”

The man on the videochat fiddled with his pen and and tapped at a key on his laptop repeatedly. “Well, I mean my first suggestion is to get more security on the ground so we can at least get fire crews in. But, like you said, you don’t have the men or the arms.”

“Men and guns can be bought.” Savannah glanced to the four, strapping examples lounging around the cabin of her private jet.

“Okay, well, do that.”

“As much as I hate telling you this; you are right. Cap the wells, some goat herder is just going to blow them up again.” She finished her drink and let another ice cube fall into her mouth, crunching it as she thought. A habit she knew Reed hated, which only made it more enjoyable for her. “What is there for… new well heads, derricks, caps, rigs… something, some sort of advancement maybe, that makes them less vulnerable to attacks?”

The video feed glitched a few times before he answered, “I don’t think manufacturers build their drilling equipment to be terrorist proof.”

Savannah stood up and spun the laptop towards the planes mini galley, where she was heading. She raised her voice as she made herself another drink. “No, but they do make them safer. Less likely to blow out, more stable during the drilling process, more efficient. OSHA be damned but someone somewhere makes… something… we can repurpose. Unbreakable steel, self cooling drill stem or pipes, a fucking force field I don’t know…” She trailed off, filling her glass to the top in the process. “Fuck.” She twisted the cap back on the whiskey bottle and took a drink on her way back to her seat.

“Maybe Tony Stark has something we can use.” Reed laughed at his own joke.

“Oh please, Stark wouldn’t come near us with a ten foot pole and a NDA. I like the way you think though.”

Reed paused, “You mean… go superhero or go scientist?”

Savannah cleared her throat, realizing she had forgot the Coke for her whiskey and cola. “Find me a nerd. Someone working on, something we can apply to this. If they want research funding, labs, resources, whatever. Find me someone and I’ll make a deal.”

~~~~~~~

July 17, 2014 Somewhere Over the Democratic Republic of the Kongo

“We’ll be stopping to refuel at Kisangani Miss Thorne. Then we’ll stop at your site in Angola to top off before we head for Joburg.”

“Dumbo?” Savannah sat up from the ‘nap’ she had been taking on the couch.

“Yes ma’am, I’ve already radioed ahead so they’ll have the fuel truck ready when I call in to land.”

“You’re the best Rick.” She stood up and stretched.

“That’s why I work for you ma’am.” He chuckled to himself as he set back to the controls.

Savannah chuckled too as she dug through the snack cupboard. She had just opened a package of jerky when her video call notification lit up her laptop screen. One of the guards was playing online Texas Hold ‘Em and glanced up at her. “Who is it?” She walked around to look over his shoulder. He was playing with two Queens in his hand and another on the table lined up between two eights and the seven of spades.

“It’s Reed Miss Thorne.” He looked back to the screen as it was his turn to call or fold.

Savannah nodded, “Let it ring.”

The guard smiled and nodded as he clicked the button to ‘call’. The online players showed their cards and his Queens over eights took the pot. Nearly $2,000 American dollars. Savannah patted him on the back as he cashed out and stood up from the seat so she could answer the video call.

“Reed, do you have good news for me?”

“How desperate are you?”

She slouched back in her seat and gnawed on a piece of jerky, “That’s not what I want to hear.”

“I know, but hear me out. The superhero thing got me thinking…”

“Oh Lord give me strength.”

Before she could continue her lamenting Reed cut her off. “Vibranium.”

All that could be heard was the hum of the jet and Savannahs chewing.

Reed took that as his leave to continue, “I found a young research scientist in Germany, at the Technical Institute of Munich, that has been working on a theory that if blended with structural and manufacturing grade steel, Vibranium could reduce Industrial accidents by nearly 80%. I’ve been looking into this guy for hours, squeaky clean, super nerd, he’s perfect.”

“Where’s he get the vibranium? Its… you can’t get it.”

“That’s just it, this is all theory! He’s never had any to work with… So, if a certain wealthy business owner were to come forward and…”

“Offer to supply him with vibranium he might just be grateful enough to say... Build us indestructible oil wells?”

Reed’s smile bordered on manic and Savannah realized it must be nearly three in the morning at the main office in Dallas.

“Great idea except I don’t have any.” She ripped a piece of jerky in half and shoved it in her mouth. “None that isn’t already being used.” She added around a mouthful of teriyaki jerky.

“No, but you’ve gotten it before.

Savannah chewed. “Fuck me sideways. Is this really our best option?”

“It’s our only option hun.” Reed looked as tired as she felt.

“Fuck… Fuck… Fuckity fuck, fuck, fuck. Fuck it. Call him. Put him on a plane to Johannesburg muy pronto. Tell him whatever he needs, it’s paid for.” Savannah slammed the lid of her laptop much harder than necessary. It didn’t even make her feel any better. Instead she grabbed a water bottle off the seat next to her and threw it at the lavatory door as hard as she could. “Fuck!”

Her security team remained silent, waiting.

“Kristoffer, tell your boys to hold the fields no matter what and that they’re all on time and a half pay until I get back.”

“Yes ma’am.” He walked to his gear bag and pulled out the satellite phone, ready to give orders.

Savannah waited patiently for him to finish and then took the phone from. She dialed a very familiar number. A number she had sworn she would never dial again. If her way of life did not depend on this phone call she would have hung up as soon as she heard his voice.

“Yeah?

“Ulysses?”

She closed her eyes and counted her breaths as the line remained silent. Then, the sniggering began. Slowly and almost too quiet to hear until it grew to the point she held the phone away from her and considered ripping off the emergency exit door and throwing it out. “Hello Annah, Love.” He chuckled some more, “Tell me you need me.”

Her hand closed around the sat sphone like a vice. Her eyes screwed shut and her molars ground together. But, she collected herself and spoke, “I need you Lee.”

~~~~~~~

Read Chapter Three Here!

[symphoniclolita]

[today’s post lovingly provided by Aiimi, the guardian of luck]

“Heeeeeyaaaa! How’s ya doing? You dress kinda funny, you’re not from here are you? ...Hahaha, I was right! You’re new! Nice to meet ya~ I’m one of the guardians, y’know, I know lots and lots of things about stuff. Do you need to know anything? ...Whaaat, people been telling ya all sorts of stuff already? Well there’s always more to talk about, gimme somethin’ to tell you about!! ...You don’t know?? Well you’re no fun, I’ll just have to start talkin’ and you just go on listenin’! 

“...There’s been lots of important people coming in and out of that building all day. Do ya know why? ...No? Hmm, I wonder what’s goin’ on, maybe there’s an event or a summit that’s gonna happen soon... Ah, that’s it! I can tell you about important people! Yeah! There’s a lot of big name people and groups to tell you about, you don’t really know anything about current events so you wouldn’t know who’s bein’ talked about in the world! Okay so umm, where can I start... I guess I’ll just start rattlin’ off names as I think of ‘em! Get ready!!

“So, since you’re from a far away place, you’ve probably heard about Chika right?? Yeah! She’s from a far away place too! ...The same one as you? Cool! Everybody’s been talking about her for a while. She’s the first person from another world that came here, and she’s been actin’ as the assistant to the Peacekeeper, Frienn! He’s a really important guy, too... You got told about him? Okay! They both do a lot of traveling all over the world to talk to people, so if ya wanna know more after I leave you gotta talk to them!

“Hmm, let’s see... I should tell you about the Ten Kingdom Alliance! Like the name says, there’s ten prominent kingdoms that have a signed agreement with each other for purposes of trade, defense, and other alliance-y stuff. You should probably know about some of the monarchs involved with that!

 “King Haven and Queen Ajri are the rulers of Al-Sharid! During the time they’ve been in power, they’ve totally cleaned up their country; it used to be a trash hole but now it’s one of the wealthiest nations in the world! They’ve done a lot of good things for their people: nobody in their country is homeless anymore, and every adult gets a certain amount of money to live on no matter what, so nobody goes completely poor anymore either! I heard they’re both super nice too, but I have yet to meet them myself.

“Queen Adin is the ruler of Palacine! She’s newly appointed to the throne, actually. It’s a really notable place because it’s one of the only countries that exists in the world right now that wasn’t formed because of a war.  The country has always been known to be peaceful, and they never get involved with conflicts! She’s really adorable, but it’s hard to imagine her as a queen, to be honest.

“Queen Lava-Li is the ruler of Argentia! Right now, her country’s been caught up in a bunch of conflicts with its neighboring country Matagaia over land and stuff. Apparently it has to do with people in her government not letting her rule properly since she took the throne a few years ago! Hope they get that sorted out. She’s really my type of person, I wish she was my queen! ...You got to meet her? Great!

“King Koriander is the ruler of my country, Daeosys! It’s a really neat country, there’s so many people that live there from all over the world! Everything is really well organized and stuff, but the king is actually a big slacker and lets his four generals do most of the work - Artemis, Hephaestus, Demeter, and Poseidon. Some people from other countries don’t like Poseidon for some reason, and are mad at the king for making him a general... but I don’t know why, he’s really nice, and everyone in the country likes him! It’s strange...

“I don’t really know anything about the others in the alliance, but I’ll mention them to you anyways: there’s Queen Ophelia of Heldenland, Queen Monika of Leocadia, King Sufyaan of Targath, and also the rulers of Uralia, Bealtine, and Ehedori that I don’t actually remember the names of right now!

“So yeah, that’s the alliance! Hmm, who to mention next... Oh, I should mention the Xucir Empire! That’s big news right now! The emperor was actually assassinated a little while ago, and his daughter Larenn became the new empress! Nobody knows anything about her yet, so they don’t know what kind of a ruler she’s gonna turn out to be. Her father was responsible for the rapid expansion of the empire and the mass exodus of Therions, so everyone’s afraid that she might continue where he left off!

“Also!! I can let you in on a secret something that Embla, the guardian of war, told me. Apparently there’s this group called the Blackhearts that’s been put in place in Xucir, and according to Embla, they’re REALLY scary!! They were all trained to be assassins, and each soldier not only knows dark magic, but has the magic strength of two humans combined!! Isn’t that crazy? I hope the new empress doesn’t have something to do with their initiation, or else it could mean trouble!! Eeek!

“Oh, I should tell you about some of the other guardians, too! You’ve probably heard some people talk about them already, but I’ll mention them again. There’s some guardians that are more important than others!

“Kiril is the guardian of dimension magic. Dimension magic was the newest recognized element - she discovered it only recently. But the thing is, no one can figure out how!! She’s a Fae, so she shouldn’t even be capable of knowing a Dynamic magic, let alone progress past it! It’s really mysterious, but she won’t let her secret slip!!

“Stargazer is the guardian of celestial magic, and is one of the Celestials, the race! The thing is, she’s the only Celestial that most of us have ever encountered, and apparently she doesn’t even come down to the world in her true form - she just projects her image down for us to see! Nobody knows anything about her or any of the others aside from what she’s told us. I wonder who the Celestials really are...? 

“Nyx is the guardian of souls, and she’s really weird!! She almost never comes out of her hole in the Underworld - she just hangs out all alone down there with the dead people or somethin’! I heard she’s been around for a really really long time, and that she might even be immortal!! ...Clio told you about her? Why hasn’t she told me anything?? I wanna learn!!

“There’s also Louhi, the guardian of memories - she’s like, 4000 years old or something like that! Old hag! The thing about her is that no one’s sure what species she is - we think she’s actually her own species! She’s also weird and spends most of her time alone too, in the far north of Ataupiskan. Embla fights with her a lot over something...

“Oh, and Valkyrie, the guardian of fate! She comes from another world originally too! And Valkyrie isn’t her real name either - apparently it’s taboo for valkyries to tell mortals their real names, so you gotta call them all ‘valkyrie’! That must get confusing if there’s a bunch of them in the same spot... But anyways, she’s really sketchy, she’ll pretend to be people’s friend and then turn around and stab them in the back! I wonder what she’s up to all the time!!

“Those are probably the most notable ones you should know for now, aside from Faeniriya and Ruth, of course. Hmm...am I forgetting anyone...oh, has anyone told you about the special thing about celestial magic users? ...Yeah, there’s only a few of them in the world at any point, and sometimes they don’t even figure out they have that power. But!! There’s one person in the world right now that’s confirmed to be a celestial magic user, her name is Cygnus! And guess what - she’s a lieutenant-general of Daeosys, under Poseidon!! She’s been training with him to try and figure out the full extent of the element, since not a lot is known about it yet! It’s really exciting! Speaking of them, I should also mention Mythos Defense Squadron! They’re a team of Therion fighters from all over the world that have come to Daeosys to train to be really strong protectors. They’re really cool! Poseidon is their leader, and Cygnus is part of that group too! They’ve got a big secret they’ve been hiding...I can’t tell you what it is!!

“Anything else, anything else... I’m racking my brain here! Hm, have you heard of the Walpurgis Hunters? They’re an underground group of bounty hunters based in Mauridelle who mainly target people who are registered as witches! Their operations are spread out to a lot of places though - any place with a witches association has to put up with these guys, like Imogure and Morovia. And they can get fierce and deadly! They like to steal magic tools from the associations and turn them into weapons. It’s become a big problem, and Muy, the patron guardian of witches, is pretty upset that not a lot gets done to try and stop them! 

“Hmmm....well, I’ve filled your head with a lot of names, so I’ll leave it at that. I hope you got a lot out of that! Now you can feel like a true citizen of this world and have a slight clue about the things that are goin’ on and the people that are important to watch. If you’re ever in Daeosys, you gotta come find me, and we can have tea or somethin’! So, have ya figured out where you’re going next? ...Still no? Well, hmmm, how about that guy standing in front of the door, maybe he knows what’s up!”

[trentteti]

The Logical Rose-ning Section: Your Recap of The Bachelorette's Season Finale

Rachel Lindsay is a practicing attorney who once took the LSAT. And you, dear reader, are an aspiring attorney who will soon take the LSAT, Rachel Lindsay is also an aspiring married person, serving as the bachelorette on this season of The Bachelorette, the love story these depraved times deserve. And you, dear reader, may also be an aspiring married person? Either way, you definitely have at least a few things in common with Rachel. So every Tuesday, we’re going to be tracking Rachel’s romantic journey on The Bachelorette, and see what we can learn about love, loss, and the LSAT. Bienvenidos a la Sección de Logical Rose-ning.

Last time: The Men Told All. As long as your idea of “All” mostly entails people confronting a guy for, let’s call them, racist tendencies, then eventually kind of letting him off the hook for saying some horrible stuff and doing some dumb stuff. It was uncomfortable. It was boring. So much so that we decided to use the special as a springboard to talk about the LSAT’s writing sample. But now we’re back to the real deal. The uncut stuff. The Bachelorette finale. We’ll be picking up right where we left off with Eric’s late season surge and fantasy suite victory lap, with Peter’s awkward one-on-one date in Spain, and with Bryan, lurking in the shadows like the Spanish-flaunting, open-mouth kissing quasi-villain he is. Finally, let’s get back to La Rioja, Spain …

… Except we’re actually starting in a studio in Los Angeles, filled to the brim with Bachelorette fans who want the contact high of romance that only a contractually-mandated proposal can bring. We’re going to be watching the finale along with these fans, and with Chris Harrison, and apparently Rachel, who will be offering live commentary along with Harrison. Rachel, let us bloggers cook. You get the love. We offer the commentary. That’s the natural order. You can’t take that away from us. It’s really all we have.

Except it doesn’t even really seem like Rachel wants to be there. “Can I leave?” she implores. “You can’t leave,” Chris Harrison replies. “If I’m here, you’re here.” And our finale is immediately starting to feel like a hostage situation. Will Chris Harrison start yelling “Attica!” outside the studio? Do we need to call Denzel to negotiate?

Oh also, there’s a Juan Pablo marriage announcement made, which receives a recepción muy frio from the audience.

Anyway, after some chit chat between Chris Harrison and Rachel, we finally get back to Spain, where we meet back up with Peter and Rachel on their overnight date.

Peter, stuck in the inevitable middle position on these overnight dates, is not exactly enthused about the whole proposal thing he’s inching towards. He asks her what would happen if he didn’t propose to her at the end of this. Like, what if he just asked her to go steady instead?

Rachel, understandably, is not stoked on this. I mean, does Peter not understand the premise of this show? It’s not The Bae-chelorette, my mans. You’re here to propose (and to get a People magazine cover and go on Kimmel and, if you’re lucky, star in a failed reality spin-off on a lesser ABC network affiliate, and then, at some point, between six and eighteen months from the finale, break up).

Anyway, Rachel compares this to a long-term relationship she was in before the show that did not end in a proposal. Solid comparison, except she has only known Peter for a couple months and they’ve been on like four or five dates at this point. She must be better at spotting false equivalences on the LSAT and in the courtroom.

Now, if there’s a common thread to how Rachel deals with Peter in this finale, it’s that she really gives him every opportunity to win. I’d hate to evoke white privilege after last week, but the one remaining white boy is given a lot of opportunities here. Even after Peter hems and haws his way to an explanation of why he doesn’t want to propose to her, she still invites him to “talk” this through in the overnight fantasy suite.

Their talks must have been productive, because they wake up without a care in the world.

Peter feels good enough after the fantasy suite time to do this goofy bit with the windows, to fry an egg shirtless, and to say that some of his doubts have gone away.

But these dissipating doubts have nothing on the all-in, ready-to-propose-in-Spanish-right-now-and-follow-it-up-with-a-sloppy-kiss Bryan, who’s batting clean up on the overnight dates. Bryan and Rachel ride horses to yet another picturesque vineyard. They recap family matters, an apropos topic given that Rachel’s family immediately sensed Bryan’s insincerity. Bryan says it was weird, but “I think I handled myself pretty good.” Whether it’s his bad grammar or tenuous grip on reality, Rachel doesn’t look too enthused by this.

She’s a little chilly to Bryan during this date, a topic that is very much broached by Chris Harrison back in the LA studio, who is fashioning himself a bit of a Ted Koppel in this sit-down interview with Rachel (or, given that we’re dealing with the fantasy suites, a Ted Koppel-ate). Rachel admits that Peter messed with her head and that she let that affect her time with Bryan. Serious Chris Harrison presses. She talks about what she “had” with Peter being important. Uh oh, this past perfect tense is not promising for Peter.

Back in Spain, Bryan picks up on Rachel’s “different energy” and notes that he doesn’t feel as “pumped up” as he could be–which, well, let’s say that’s a poor choice of words on the precipice of the fantasy suite. Nonetheless, Rachel is assuaged by Bryan’s positivity and promises (disingenuous as they may be), and invites him back to the fantasy suite.

And given their vibes the next morning–Bryan shirtless, feeding strawberries to Rachel–it appears that Bryan didn’t have any trouble pumping himself back up for Rachel. He feels like he did good work, bragging that their chemistry is “hotter than ever” and that he’s a shoe-in for the final rose.

And now that she test rode the three guys, Rachel is onto the Rose Ceremony. She’s dressed like Cersei Lannister, and is ready to set fire to the Sept of Bachelor. In the voice over, she goes on and on about how she wants to be assured that at the end of this she will get a proposal and a marriage and a life-long commitment. She says this as she looks right into the eyes of Peter, the one guy who hasn’t given her such reassurance.

So naturally she cuts Eric, who seemed like the coolest, most normal dude here. Eric could not have been more generous or forgiving to Rachel when they bid their adieus. He says, to quoth Dolly Parton c/o Whitney Houston, “I will always love you,” but he nonetheless hopes that she’ll find what she’s looking for. Back at the studio, we learn that Eric has coped with a fantastic break-up beard.

Anyway, we’re down to two contestants now. And these people couldn’t look any more madly in love and ready to commit their entire lives together.

So Rachel has one last date with each of these two happy guys to see which one she’ll give permission to propose to her on natural television. First up is Bryan, who takes her on a hot air balloon, which will be powered solely on the sweet nothings, hokum, and palaver he’ll be feeding her on this date.

So what does she see in Bryan? She thought he was a douche bag at first, her entire family thought he was a douche bag at first, and every person I’ve spoken to about this show has also come to the conclusion that he’s a shifty douche bag. But he sometimes talks to her in Spanish? It’s cool that he’s proud of his Colombian heritage, but he really leans on the Spanish. And look, I have at best an Intro to Spanish understanding of the language, but as a guy who has tried to authentically pronounce “carne asada,” “chile de árbol,” and “huitlacoche” to unimpressed Mexican restaurant proprietors for years, I can sort of sense when people try a little too hard to flex with their Spanish skills. And let’s just say that Bryan doesn’t exactly make the strongest case for himself when he gifts Rachel a homemade Spanish dictionary. Take it away, Twitter user @osnapitscri …

And then we have the date with Peter. Rachel takes him to a monastery. Yes, nothing like a little Catholic guilt to put the pressure on Peter, especially now that they are officially living in sin.

So what does she see in Peter? He’s devilishly handsome and, as a former model, takes a mean picture. His reaction to getting married to someone after only knowing them for a few weeks kind of proves he’s normal and level-headed?

Except when she again confronts him on his reluctance to propose, he makes some pretty crazy claims. He starts by saying that he can picture a life with her. But it’s a boring-ass life filled with “football games” and “baseball games” (she’s a basketball fan, dude), and “the farmers market” (again?), and “wine night with painting” (?).

He then claims that, “I have no fear for marriage”–just marriage with you, Rachel, being the implication.

She accuses him of contradicting himself. He says, “I am not contradicting myself. I am going against what I believe.” Which means he’s pretty much contradicting himself.

And then things get really nasty. He tells her to “go have a mediocre life with someone else.” She responds, “Why does that mean I will have a mediocre life?” To which he says, “Because I will give you an amazing life.” That’s the inverse fallacy, guy.

He then says “I don’t know what I want to do tomorrow. Because that’s one day that means the rest of my life.” That’s a temporal fallacy, my dude.

In their heated confrontation, he makes enough fallacious claims to for the next ten LSATs.

Eventually, Rachel has enough. They break up over tears. Rachel cries “her eyelashes off.” Peter is positively shook. So much so that he just has to rip off his shirt off one last time.

And that’s it, basically. Bryan has won this show, not by being someone Rachel affirmatively wanted to pick, but by being the one guy that Rachel didn’t break up with. In argumentation, we call that “rejecting alternatives.” It’s not the best way to make an argument. Or find a husband.

And I think Peter realizes how much he really blew this back in the LA studio. He could have been a little less harsh and demeaning to Rachel in their break-up, and been all-but-guaranteed the role of the next bachelor. He could have been just a tad more emotive throughout the entire season, and maybe could have made that difficult transition from model to actor. Or he could have accepted the premise of the show and wound up with an engagement to a really cool, smart, funny, and successful person.

But instead, he looks dejected, tired, and confused on the couch in the LA studio. All that’s missing is “Jesse’s Girl,” firecrackers, a cracked-out Alfred Molina, and a minute-long close-up on this face:

So we’re left to go through the motions. Bryan picks out a ring from Neil Lane and walks up to a Spanish church (where apparently there was an ongoing wind storm) where he will propose, inaudibly, to Rachel. The full-fledged cyclone going on makes everything tough to decipher, but apparently Bryan says the same Spanish phrase that he said to Rachel when they met, so many moons ago, just to reinforce how empty and bereft of ideas he is at this point. He proposes. She accepts enthusiastically. They at least seem happy.

Forgive me if I’m not giving this holy union the sentiment it deserves, but it all feels like kind of a let down. I hope the best for these two! But Rachel was one of the smartest, most personable, and confident bachelorettes this show has ever had. Plus, as the first African-American bachelorette (which, let’s be clear, is a first only because of this show’s extremely limited POV, and not because America wasn’t ready for this or anything. Between Girl’s Trip, Insecure, and Shonda Rhimes single-handedly keeping ABC’s drama department afloat, and countless other works, black women have and will continue to kill it in pop culture), the show had the opportunity to have an interesting, fresh season.

But this feels like she’s settling. And the season as a whole feels a bit off. It was boring for long-stretches, except for the parts when it was extremely uncomfortable. And Bryan? I mean, he seems nice enough. He looks great for a 37 year old. I couldn’t quite put my finger on what seemed so off about him, until I saw him shamelessly mugging to the camera, backstage at the LA studio.

This guy doesn’t belong on The Bachelorette. This is the behavior of a contestant on some third-rate MTV dating show. This isn’t the veneer of class and prestige we want in our happy couples on The Bachelorette, this is the cheap knock off.

In other words, we thought we were getting the LSAT, but we wound up with the SAT.

The Logical Rose-ning Section: Your Recap of The Bachelorette’s Season Finale was originally published on LSAT Blog