#The clarinet of Dr calamari

[spongebob-connoisseur]

Did you know that the SB episode Slappy Daze isn't the first time The Cabinet of Dr Caligari gets referenced in Spongebob?

The first time is actually from the official Spongebob Squarepants comic #57 from 2016. The story is titled The Clarinet of Calamari. It is exactly what you expect it to be.

Basically it is the story of The Cabinet of Dr Caligari with Spongebob characters.

Patrick is Francis, Spongebob is both Alan and Jane. Squidward is Dr. Calamari, and Cesare is an actual walking clarinet with legs, though the actual Cesare does get a proper cameo (and Nosferatu too!)

It's a really wonderfully illustrated comic and I love it so so muchhhh <333 combining my two favorite things in the world, classic horror and spongebob. I highlyyyy recommend you check it out! <333

Here is the sketch of one if the panels done by Jay Lender <3

[cosmiculture]

CosmiCulture 05

Hey That's No Way to Say Goodbye

         Terrence Thoth was dressed all in black. He always was. Black suit, black shirt, black vest, black tie. His black hair was combed back to reveal his devastating widow's peak, arched eyebrows, brown eyes.          Sylvia Iff had auburn hair, swept bangs in the front, the rest straight and long. She wore a minimalist white and blue striped dress, blue heels, a large green pendant that complimented her green eyes. She almost, at times, had the look of an ingenue, but there was too much intelligence in her for that.          They were sitting at an intimate table at the Cafe Quitely in downtown Rocket City. Terrence had ordered the avocado filled with crab meat, and a glass of scotch. Silvia the mobius calamari with Korean coleslaw and a bottle of whatever wine the waiter suggested. A band played the electric horn and electric clarinet. Some couples got up to dance.           Sylvia pushed her calamari around her plate hoping Terrence would say something, anything. They had been sitting in silence since they ordered. Doctor Sylvia Iff was the Assistant Dean of the Electronics School at Eliphaz University. She taught two classes, "Experimental Electronics" and "Ancient Technologies." Besides her absurdly complicated exams, she was well liked by the student body. Terrence Thoth was the famous mysterious billionaire owner of pioneering Ibis Industries. There have been various reports of sightings of him since the 1970s, but this was generally chalked up to family eccentricities and extremely dominant genes. Terrence Thoth was, in fact, a few hundred years old at this point. Sylvia and Terrence met at a fundraising gala for the university. He asked her out for dinner, or rather passed her a note with a place and time written on it after they had finished chatting over cheese cubes and watered-down martinis. He kissed her on the cheek. He whole body turned briefly into electricity.         It was an experience Sylvia was quite unused to. It's not that the men of the faculty of Eliphaz University were unattractive, though some of them were. It's really that they were just so completely unenganging, lacking in providing any sort of stimulation, intellectual or otherwise. Their come ons were predictable, and they tried so hard to be confident they only revealed a lack of confidence. But, whatever she slept with a few of them anyway. There were no lasting trysts, usually by mutual agreement, though there would be late night drunk calls, some she answered.          It wasn't exactly clear what made Terrence different. Sure he was absolutely gorgeous. Sure, he was a multi-billionaire. And, yeah, there was the mystery of it all. But, really, it's just that he knew exactly who he was. It wasn't confidence, it could have been, but that's not quite the word, it was, Sylvia thought, remembering some old class from undergrad--Zen?          Sylvia finally skewered a bit of calamari with her fork and studied it for a moment and decided she would, in fact, put it in her mouth. Terrence took a sip of scotch. She chewed and swallowed and said, "So what's it like? Being a mysterious, dashing, famous multi-billionaire, Mr. Thoth?"           "Terrence, please. And, Sylvia?"           "Please tell me you haven't forgotten my name so quickly."           "I was merely making a poor attempt at politeness, Dr. Iff"           "Sylvia, please."           "What's it like? Well you know, I set meetings, I oversee projects, I travel constantly, I spend an absurd amount of credits on black suits and expensive scotch. But is that what it's like? I don't know. Are our actions what we are like? It would be the same for you, I'm sure, writing sylibi, grading papers, teaching classes, probably spending too much money on cheap red wine. So, Sylvia, then, is that what it's like to be a gorgeous professor who seems quite a bit young for her position?"          "I am sorry, are you questioning how I got my position?"          "Oh no. Absolutely not, I'm merely impressed by your many accomplishments."          Sylvia smiled into her wine as she sipped it. "Then what is it like?"          "Oh, I don't know how I would begin, to put the whole human experience, my own human experience into words. I'm afraid that might be an impossibility."          "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry."          "No, I was just philosophizing. I think I may have been about to go into an existential tirade. Thank you for interrupting. Existential tirades should be reserved only for masochists and Marxists." Terrence smiled down at the table and took a bite of crab meat.          "Mmhmm." Existentialism and Marxism were hardly Sylvia's wheelhouse, They were some sort of mental circuits she could never quite get a hold on. Not like  real circuits. Not at all.           Sylvia sipped on her wine and the couple sat in silence a minute or two. Sylvia got fidgety, but looked up into Terrence’s brown eyes, which showed a bit, a small flicker of gold, and felt calmed.           "So, I hear you are involved in an archaeological dig on Mercury. Some nonsense about ancient robots or some such," Said Terrence, after a large bite of avocado.           "Oh yes, absolutely. It is currently theorized these robots predate human civilization by hundreds, maybe even thousands of years. Can you believe that?"          "No, I certainly cannot. It all sounds rather absurd to me."          "Yes, well, I am heading to Mercury at the end of the semester to find out myself."          "Sounds like quite a ridiculous thing to do. Ancient robots built before humans. Why, who would have built them?" Terrence laughed and stabbed his fork around in his avocado. "I mean, it just all sounds like a waste of time."           "I don't know if it's real or not, Mr. Thoth. I intend to go there and find out myself. It's hardly a waste of time, it is my academic duty."          "Well, waste your time if you wish."          "Thank you Mr. Thoth. I think that I absolutely and definitely shall."          Terrence looked Sylvia directly in the eyes and changed his tone completely. "Now look Sylvia really, you shouldn't go."           "Really you must lay off."           "No you don't understand. I know things about what lies beneath Mercury. Things only a few humans in the Solar System know."           "Oh, now you try trickery to keep me from going?"           "No, this is the truth. Imagine it. A whole inter-planetary robot civilization destroyed and buried. Who destroyed it? What else may lie beneath that dirt? Nothing good. Nothing from this Solar System."          "Now really, Mr. Thoth, I have had about enough of this nonsense, and your company." No one was going to insult her profession, her life, her passion.          Sylvia Iff got up and left, but turned on her heel quickly to grab the bottle of wine from the table. She caught a cab back to her apartment and took off her heels in the back seat. She drank wine and watched the holovision and masturbated and eventually, finally, fell asleep and dreamed of motherboards.

<---Backwards                                                                                                                  Onwards--->

[spongebob-connoisseur]

It's a crime that Dr. Calimari isn't some sort of cephalopod. You telling me he's some generic fish when he could have been something cool like a vampire squid or something??

Feel free to suggest octopi/squid species that Dr. Calimari could be instead.