#The God of High School episode 08

[staydandy]

Oh No! Here Comes Trouble (2023) - 不良執念清除師 - Whump List

List by StayDandy Synopsis : Pu Yi Yong is a typical high school student. When he unexpectedly gains supernatural powers after waking up from a car accident, his previously uneventful life is suddenly not so ordinary anymore. (MDL)

Whumpee : Pu Yi Yong played by Tseng Jing Hua (center) • Cao Guang Yan played by Peng Cian You (left)

Country : 🇹🇼 Taiwan

Notes : This is a Full Whump List • I want another season of this so badly! It was well done ... written, acted, cgi ... loved it! • Most of the whump is comedic (until the very end), but it's still a really good show!

Episodes on List : 11 Total Episodes : 12

*Spoilers below*

01 : Cao Guang Yan falls down some steps, sprains his foot … [flashback] hit in the head with a sport-ball (3 separate times! - comedic) … [present] Pu Yi Yong is in a major bus accident, trapped under a large hunk of metal, wakes briefly before passing out again … wakes in a hospital, oxygen mask, was in a coma … (@ 31:56 you go Mama!!) … hospitalized, physical therapy, walking with crutches

02 : Faints several times in a row (comedic) … (@ 16:00 my god, personal space ma dude!) … [flashback] found under the metal at the accident site, piece of metal speared in his side, heart stopped, CPR administered … [present] put in an arm lock (comedic)

03 : (at end) Guang Yan is punched

04 : … continued from previous ep. ... (replay) Punched & knocked out (by Yi Yong), Yi Yong is punched & knocked out (by his mother 😂) … trips & falls … put in an arm lock (comedic)

05 : Hit with the butt of a metal bat … bruised, handcuffed … trips & falls … Guang Yan has a headache … Yi Yong trips & falls … legs & hands skinned up from tripping & falling several times

06 : (near end) Guang Yan is nauseous an amusement ride

07 : Yi Yong trips & falls, Guang Yan trips & falls (comedic) … Yi Yong is slapped (comedic) … (@ 29:33 Guang Yan knows all of Yi Yong's food prefs.. yeah, totally not a couple 😏) … in shock, almost punches Guang Yan without realizing … slapped (comedic) (Guang Yan has great reflexes 😂) … nightmare

08 : Slapped (comedic) (he's gonna get a concussion if this keeps up 😂)

10 : Tackled to the ground, wrist & arm scratched

11 : Falls to the ground in shock

12 : Knocked out … hands zip-tied, dragged, throws up … hit in the head with a hammer, knocked out … wakes, head pain, bleeding … in a fight … tossed over a railing, clings to the edge, falls 2-3 stories, bleeding heavily, CPR administered, coughs blood … comatose … (that ending scene legit made me cry 😭)

[animusiem]

Billboard USA Exclusion Zone Episode 19 (08/05/2023)

After three weeks hiatus, I am finally back from the break and a lot has happened recently. We got Jungkook and Latto's first #1 hit, this week we have NewJeans album bomb along with Barbie rising up more, and Speak Now Taylor's Version is out as well. That's all that really happened really, I don't know what anything that happened beside that hahaha....anyways here's the best chart on earth's debut review.

-------------------------------------------

4. "ETA" by NewJeans

I think 2023 has been a great year for Kpop, but if you tell this to like a Kpophead they'll tell you it's kinda tumultuous. Using NewJeans as an example, they have been kinda screwed by their label manager in the lead up to Get Up. This song is the prime example which some people on Twitter are calling this song a support for a far-left Basque separatist group...okay then twitter. Bottom line is that despite the success and this being a great song (even if it sounded like That That by Psy), It has been a chaotic year for Kpop

6. "K-pop" by Travis Scott ft. Bad Bunny & The Weeknd

I will get into the album review next week, but it's kinda interesting how because of Goosebumps and Sicko Mode, he's now is big enough globally that this song can chart on Global Excluding US chart. And also I couldn't forget that while he's indeed a piece of shit and has blood on his hand, at the end of the day the music has to prove itself to be good (unless if you are a Nazi or a rapist and make a song about it). With that in mind, this song is not good. Who thought that mixing funk carioca drum with eerie synth was a good idea is beyond me.

19. "Cool With You" by NewJeans

My favorite part of Kpop this year is how they're embracing the 2000's dance sound along with the club sound. That's why this song is my favorite one from the album. I just love the UK Garage sound and this one is no exceptions.

26. "ASAP" by NewJeans

I've never seen any Kpop bands ever experimented as much as this one. This is legit felt like early Bjork sound modernized and I don't take that lightly.

44. "Get Up" by NewJeans

Cool intro sis!

82. "Barbie Girl" by Aqua

You know my ass was very egg back then when I didn't have negative reaction listening to this song for the first time during elementary. And also me opening up repressive memories of me wanting to play Barbie but couldn't...anyways Barbie movie is great.

110. "Speed Drive" by Charli XCX

The fact that this song sounds like her hyperpop days with the ringtone like synth and the distorted bass charted high in here and also the US showed that we are so back baby!

128. "Nothing Compares 2 U" by Sinead O'Connor

The saddest part of her death is that I just found out that she converted to Islam. She fought a good fight and this cover of The Family song is still a classic. Innalillahi Wa Inalillahi Roji'un Shuhada' Sadaqat I hope you're finally find peace in akhirat.

129. "Love Like This" by Zayn

Anyways here's Zayn trend chasing the 2000's dance throwback and make it sound like the most uninspired thing ever, even if I do love the anti-drop.

149. "I'm Just Ken" by Ryan Gosling

My favorite part of the movie is the music choices. The fact that they changed the music on the radio from Indigo Girls to Matchbox Twenty to signified the takeover of Kens is inspired, as well as making Ryan Gosling singing what I would describe as an homage to the late Jim Steinmen, this movie is just great.

187. "Montagem - PR Funk" by S3BZS

All I can say is that if you showed this to your grandparents, they would perish.

198. "Rosa Patel" by Belanova

So if I get this correctly, this song is a pop rock song made by a Mexican band that was released in 2006 and during that time they're making Spanish version of High School Musical song...God I love this chart so much.

199. "Dial Drunk" by Noah Kahan

I kinda missed the indie folk sound of 2011-2014 as vapid and meaningless as they sound. And I'm glad he bring this back with some great guitar solo.

I highly recommend everyone to listen to these songs.

[jeffsatursdayss]

The Eclipse Ep 1

Yes, I made notes on this, I have done it for quite a few different shows on my first watch but this completely boiled my brain so I need to type it out to make more sense of them. I also don't remember doing it so be prepared for an f-ton of nonsense

I watched this on YouTube so it's gonna be based on the four parts on there, with time stamps cause I need to order my thoughts

Part 1:

1:10 - Suppalo is a cult, I've watched literally on episode and I am utterly convinced of this already

5:02 - Khaotung is literally so hot like man wtf, you literally just finished taking a piss or something what

8:58 - "Catch me if you can" no joke I actually freaking screamed when he said this, and the thigh grab

11:10 - poor Ayan, I don't know who tf that guy is yet by my god I feel sorry for Ayan cause damn ✨trauma✨

12:52 - Khao is really hot, my gremlin brain was going absolutely feral at this point

Part 2:

0:15 - that's the high school from Bad Buddy, I shouldn't have recognised that so easily omg

0:55 - the ✨tension✨ is literally so palpable I could cut it was a knife

1:08 - Akk is definitely in a cult ( can't remember this part but probably accurate)

1:20 - EXCUSE ME!!! "You punch me once. I kiss you once." You confidently gay mother fricker Ayan are you trying to kill Akk and everyone else???

2:32 - Khao is such a good actor holy shit

3:35 - definitely a cult

4:15 - head teacher is scary af

7:00 - Pinkie knows something, I'm not sure what but she knows, and I know she knows

Part 3:

2:15 - Kan (I think that's his name?) gay panicking over Thua ( if I get names wrong I'm sorry but I know who I'm on about) is so hilarious and I'm so here for it

4:13 / 4:30 - Akk is 100% brainwashed oh my lord

5:15 - bro is not subtle ( also don't know who this is about, but applies to literally all the characters so far)

6:10 - how is Akks room so organized, the hell?? Is it something to do with the creepy cult? It probably is isn't it... Damnit

6:30 - oh Akks gay panicking, good for him (don't blame him Khao/Ayan is freaking hot)

8:40 - Kan and Thua being gay again, except now Kans deflecting with heterosexuality, wonderful

Part 4:

0:20 - god those 3 are so freaking weird, is this potentially a secondary cult?? If so I don't want it

1:25 - this place is definitely a cult, nothing is changing my mind about that now

3:30 - why does the guy who jumped the cliff look low-key like Earth (MLC) in certain angles???

4:05 - tragic backstories for the win

4:20 - oh Khaos crying, that's not good, baby don't cry

4:47 - seriously who is the dead guy, why is he in a photo from Suppalo, was he like a teacher or something?

5:15 - boys you are so unsubtle it's not even funny anymore, it's bordering on creepy

6:05 - confident gay Ayan/panicking repressed gay Akk, young love, so beautiful

6:40 - that cleaner guy is also creepy af, dude why are you just standing there!!!

7:50 - those 3 are still creepy

8:27 - why is there a hashtag about the school being creepy, what is this?

8:48 - Akk is 100% brainwashed, I've made up my mind

9:03 - Ayan is not ruining your school's reputation honey, you're doing it yourselves by being a freaking CULT!

9:35 - I WAS RIGHT! The guy was a teacher! I still don't know why Ayan knows him or gives a Frick but okay

After Watching:

I know there's a plot, at least I hope there's an f-ing plot, but currently the plot is not plotting in the way it's supposed to be plotting

I literally went through the 5 stages trying to figure out what the Frick is going on

How do I have so many notes from like 45 minutes?? There's something wrong with me, I swear

But!

New hyperfixation here we come I guess?? God I really hope not honestly, I'm still in Not Me and KinnPorsche

[sa7abnews]

How 'Coach' Tim Walz led high schoolers with dad vibes, irrepressible energy, and one classic Simpsons episode

New Post has been published on https://sa7ab.info/2024/08/11/how-coach-tim-walz-led-high-schoolers-with-dad-vibes-irrepressible-energy-and-one-classic-simpsons-episode-2/

How 'Coach' Tim Walz led high schoolers with dad vibes, irrepressible energy, and one classic Simpsons episode

Alex Wong/Getty; 1999-2000 Mankato West High School yearbook; Rebecca Zisser/BIBefore becoming a politician, VP hopeful Tim Walz was a teacher and a football coach.BI spoke to four former students and an ex-colleague about their time with "Coach Walz."His high energy and 'Midwestern dad' persona are absolutely authentic, they said.Seth Meyer can remember the first time he met Tim Walz."I was just your average adolescent, angry punk rock vegan kid who hated the system, and thought: 'Oh, my God, this guy's the football coach. Screw him' — because nothing says 'the system' like the football coach."More than 20 years ago, Meyer was a teenager at Minnesota's Mankato West High School, where Walz — now the Democratic Party's nominee for vice president — was both a teacher and a football coach.During Walz's tenure, the team went from an abysmal record to the state championship. It's a feat that's gotten renewed attention as Walz hits the national stage.Business Insider spoke to three former players, a student, and the head coach to better understand a time when few imagined the political direction Walz's life would take.A formative moment with 'The Simpsons'Meyer's angst didn't last long. In Walz's 11th-grade geography class, he quickly responded to what he described as the teacher's no-nonsense yet open-minded approach to teaching.One particularly striking moment was when Walz played an episode of "The Simpsons" in class.Meyer, who now teaches philosophy and German, had never imagined that you could use something like a syndicated TV show to critically analyze modern life.In the 1998 episode, "Trash of the Titans," Homer — disastrously — becomes Springfield's sanitation commissioner, having campaigned with the slogan: "Can't someone else do it?""As a class, we despaired of politics being reduced to Homer's cynical election slogan," Meyer said. "Instead of politics being about what we value as a society, and how we can together come to a consensus and realistic, meaningful policy."Meyer is 38 and still doesn't fully agree with all of Walz's policies. Like everyone else BI spoke to, it's unclear whether Walz will get his vote.All of them, however, were eager to talk about who he is — and what he is not.The strange power of a Midwestern dadTim Walz setting up for prom at Mankato West High SchoolSeth MeyerWalz is now famed for bringing quintessential Midwestern dad energy to the national stage.Videos of him trying a terrifying ride at the Minnesota State Fair or earnestly explaining how to replace a headlight cable have gone viral. His habit of dressing down in caps and flannel shirts is now seen as a political advantage.That ordinariness is at the core of one of the most effective attacks from Kamala Harris' campaign: Walz's line that former President Donald Trump and his running mate, JD Vance, are "weird."It may also go some way toward blunting Vance's own characterization of Walz as a "San Francisco-style liberal."But is all of this supposed normality just a schtick? Resoundingly "no," according to the former students BI spoke to. That image is "absolutely legitimate," Meyer said."His charisma and his character that you see out there in the public, I truly believe that that's who he is," said Bob Becker, 43. Walz coached Becker at Mankato West football team in the late 1990s.Seth Greenwald, who was a linebacker under Walz, said, "Some of the one liners, and him being able to be charismatic in front of crowds — that's something that we saw back in the day as well."A football turnaroundIn the late 1990s, Mankato West football struggled."Before he came on board, as far as I could remember, the football team was probably an afterthought at that school," said Becker, who played as an outside linebacker and far receiver."We did not win a lot of games," he said. But "the tide started to turn" with the addition of new coaches, including Walz, he said.Walz was a "dad-like figure" to the team, said David Schoettler, 42, who played offensive and defensive tackle."He wasn't a screamer, he wasn't a yeller," he said. "If you screwed up, he's going to coach you on it, and then it's kind of like that 'I'm not mad, but I'm disappointed' type thing."The "hooting and hollering" came when the team was getting ready to go on the field, Becker said.Walz "had energy coming out of every end that he had," he said.Rick Sutton, who is now 62 and still coaching, said that when Walz came on board the team, he had already started working on raising expectations for the team."The expectations were so low that it was easy to say, 'Oh, we're just not very good," Sutton said."Tim came along and helped us continue that path that we were on," he said. He said Walz was analytical, as well as honest with players about how to improve."He's extremely genuine," Sutton said. "You can tell."Walz, who started out coaching linebackers and then moved to defense, found his own ways to keep the team competitive, Schoettler said.He recalled a set of black T-shirts that Walz had made, emblazoned with the phrase, "11 to the ball."Anyone with a starting spot got to wear one — and if you lost that spot, you'd have to give up the shirt for the week."You basically had to give it to somebody else and then try to earn your spot back," he said.Greenwald said Walz brought intense passion to the game "even when you're having a bad day.""Sometimes the last thing you wanted to see was him bringing all that energy to the table," he said, laughing. "He wasn't really going to allow you to have a low-energy day."Slowly, over three years, the team gained confidence — and wins. Then, in 1999, the stars seemed to align. They took home eight straight wins and landed in the state championship.Sutton recalled that the game."It was a very close game," he said. Mankato West was up by one, and the other team was getting close to scoring with about a minute left."We intercepted a pass, and we knew that was the clincher that we were going to win," he said. Soon, everybody was hugging. It "was just an unbelievable feeling."The national stageSince the announcement, Sutton's phone has been ringing constantly, and he's called the whole situation "surreal."That surreal moment when someone you used to work very closely with gets selected as the VP candidate. pic.twitter.com/q70HV0H8F1— Rick Sutton (@RickSutton7) August 6, 2024Of course, Walz is now a seasoned political operator. He was elected to Congress in 2006 and became Minnesota's governor in 2019.But his national profile was relatively low, and his name was barely in public contention for the VP pick until just a couple of days before he was announced."I didn't necessarily see this coming," said Greenwald, who is an assistant football coach himself.Sutton knows firsthand what it is like to have Walz as his subordinate and told BI that "you can definitely draw some parallels between the idea of being an assistant coach and being a vice president.""Tim is genuine," he said. "Tim is who he is."He added: "He's a teacher, he's a coach, he's an educator, and that's kind of how he looks at everything he does, I think it's fair to say."For Schoettler, most politicians are the same: focused on making money and "little agendas." But Walz is "not your normal politician."Meyer also spoke about an "overwhelming feeling" in society that everyone is a phony."And out of the four people who are running for executive office this time, no one thinks that Mr. Walz is a phony," he said. "And if there's no other quality that he has, that's the one that he has."

[lboogie1906]

Eric Gerard Laneuville (July 14, 1952) is a television director, producer, and actor. His first acting roles were in the science-fiction film The Omega Man (1971), Black Belt Jones (1974), Death Wish (1974), Shoot It Black, Shoot It Blue (1974), A Piece of the Action (1977), The Baltimore Bullet (1980), Back Roads (1981), and Room 222 (1970–1973). His role as Luther Hawkins in St. Elsewhere is his best-known role. He starred in A Force of One (1979) playing Charlie. He directs such one-hour dramas as Blue Bloods and NCIS: Los Angeles. He directed the Body of Proof episode “Missing”. He appeared in Love at First Bite.

He was born in New Orleans, the son of Mildred, a guidance counselor, and Alexander Laneuville. He began acting while attending Audubon Junior High School in Los Angeles. He often played juvenile characters younger than his age. He appeared in several musicals staged at Audubon, including Bye Bye Birdie, Annie Get Your Gun, and Oklahoma! While taking drama courses at Susan Miller Dorsey High School, he began acting professionally. He appeared in three episodes of Sanford and Son, as Esther’s adopted son.

He began directing in 1984. His first directing assignments were for episodes of St. Elsewhere. He has directed episodes of L.A. Law (1986), Quantum Leap (1989), Doogie Howser, M.D.(1990), NYPD Blue (1993), ER (1995), 413 Hope St. (1997), Gilmore Girls (2004), Lie to Me (2009), Monk (2005), The Mentalist (2009–12), Invasion, Medium, Lost (2005–08), Girlfriends, Everybody Hates Chris, Prison Break, Blue Bloods, Ghost Whisperer, Grimm (2012–14) and Tommy, Chicago Fire.

He became the first African American television director to film in Russia, as he directed a two-part episode “Mission to Moscow” for the series, Head of the Class. In 1992 he won an Emmy for directing the episode “All God’s Children” of I’ll Fly Away. He directed the 2004 television film, America’s Prince: The John F. Kennedy Jr. Story.

His acting career continued only sporadically, usually in small cameo roles. He had appeared as Dr. Lamar in Scrubs. He appeared in the Fear of a Black Hat (1994). #africanhistory365 #africanexcellence

[mapofthemazeinthemirror]

OH MY GOD speaking of being old this is a very specific memory that I have from my youth that some youngins probably don’t know (ok I say that with love I love all of my babies on here)

I was a HUGE jonas brothers girl when I was a kid. and I remember like in 2007/08 (?) when they performed at the AMA’s and they sang SOS and the glass panes they were behind broke and they slid through it and Joe cut his hand. that was like my Roman Empire as a child.

btw I was a nick gurl 😎

Oh no, I just aged so I'm already feeling old this week!

I was also a JoBros girl. I can still remember quotes that I used to use all the time. Now I'm having flashbacks to the one Joe Jonas fic I read in high school – that may have actually been the first fanfic I ever read, omg. I think I was a Joe girl, but I had a soft spot for Kevin. When they were on an episode of Hannah Montana, I thought it was the coolest thing ever 🤣 then they were supposed to have their own show where they were spies, and it never happened..

I vaguely remember the story of Joe cutting his hand, but I wouldn't have watched the award show because they didn't play it on Australian TV back then. And SOS still slaps to this day!

[jeonqqin]

MAN UP™ Masterlist

A final masterlist of all my stories written within the Man Up universe, listed out chronologically and in the order that I would have you read it.

MAN UP.

cast — han jisung, bang chan, lee minho, reader

genre — [f] fluff, [c] crack, [a] angst, [s] smut, brothers best friend au, love triangle au

rated — TV-MA

synopsis — Even with classes, annoying brothers, and an unrequited crush, you still figured your first year of college was going pretty well. Until you managed to get your first boyfriend, and suddenly your brother and his stupidly attractive best friend were attached to your hip for the whole damn ride.

or alternatively;

Why did Jisung care about you so much, and had his eyes always been that pretty?

—episode directory

⊳ ep: 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 | 10

STOMACHACHE.

cast — hwang hyunjin, reader

genre — [f] fluff, [a] angst, [s] smut, best friends to friends with benefits to lovers au

rated — NC-17

synopsis — Your best friend had never been a sit-down-and-talk kind of guy... at least for as long as you’d known him, and despite that and his promiscuous nature, you loved him more than anything. But it’s a wild proposition that Hyunjin makes that puts your life-long friendship at risk.

or alternatively;

What the hell does it mean when your best friend—your dumb, beautiful best friend—comes up with the idea to have sex?

⊳ watch here

OUTPACED.

cast — lee felix, han jisung, reader

genre — [a] angst, [f] fluff, [s] smut, gaming au, vr (virtual reality) au

rated — R

synopsis — Plauged by a shadow that never disappears, you had never once met someone who was able to counter that—with you always being the downer or the killjoy. It wasn’t what you did or who you were, it was only because of what was wrong with you. People felt bad, and they always would. Until someone doesn’t.

or alternatively;

Who is this guy that you keep running into and why won’t he leave you the hell alone?

⊳ watch here

STAINS.

cast — seo changbin, lee minho, reader

genre — [f] fluff, [a] angst, [s] smut, mechanic au

rated — R

synopsis — You were convinced that you were blessed by the gods to have your car break down in the middle of nowhere, only to have an attractive man fix it up and take you in. You had to be the luckiest girl in the world to be able to watch him work on your shitty car with barely anything covering his arms, and see him every morning coming out of the shower. But, of course, all good things must come to an end, and how do you even know if he’ll ever want to see you again?

or alternatively;

The mystery guy keeps helping you, but what is he actually thinking?

⊳ watch here

STUDY SESSION.

cast — kim seungmin, reader

genre — [s] smut, [f] fluff, tutor au

rated — NC-17

synopsis — It was true that Kim Seungmin was as smart as he was attractive, but that didn’t make up for the fact that he was irritable in every other way known to man. It was all your mother’s fault that he was sitting in your bedroom with you, doing work that he assigned, watching you with his infamous smirk like he owned the place. He knew that he held you in an inescapable clenched fist, and you only hated him more for it.

or alternatively;

The way his smirk has a direct line to your patience as well as your pants just makes you want to kill him. Fuck Kim Seungmin.

⊳ watch here

RUSH HOUR.

cast — yang jeongin, reader

genre — [f] fluff, [s] smut, waiter au, diner au

rated — R

synopsis — The bustle of the crowd and the stress of the mid-day rush was what got you excited to go to work every day. Work was your escape from the hell that was high school, where you never had to worry about being teased and picked on or knocked into a locker in the rush to get out. But your sanctuary was suddenly compromised when the bane of your existence became your co-worker.

or alternatively;

Why did the hottest guy in your school have to start working with you—hold on... Is he still looking at you?

⊳ watch here

SEE YOU.

cast — bang chan, sana minatozaki, reader

genre — [a] angst, [f] fluff, [s] smut, strangers to lovers au, wingman au(???)

rated — TV-MA

synopsis — So he had sworn off relationships—they never worked out for him anyway. It was just too exhausting to be a hopeless romantic all the while being unable to hold a steady relationship, and Chan figured it would just be easier to just stop trying. Even when he saw a sliver of hope and felt the telltale sign of his heart racing, he refused to believe it. Things were always too good to be true.

or alternatively;

Love is just a construct anyway, right?

⊳ ep: 01 | 02

TIME AND TIME AGAIN.

cast — lee minho, reader

genre — [a] angst, [s] smut, ??? au

rated — TV-MA

synopsis — For as long as you remembered, Minho was there. Without a question, he would be at your side and prepared to take on the world. But did you necessarily want him there? Absolutely not.

or alternatively;

Why won’t you just look at him?

⊳ ep: 01 | 02

[zatyrlucy]

Pilot cast Live panel list of facts

Hi guys, sorry this took more than a week, I have been busy with Christmas preparations and other stuff. Anyway, Viv talked about different info in this stream, from general lore to the making of the shows, I hope you enjoy.

41:30 The pilot was originally longer and with more songs. The opening song was ironically the last one included in the story.

42:23 Stage rights have come up in the meetings with interested studios. That means there is a chance for Hazbin Hotel to be a theatrical musical in the future.

49:00 According to Viv, the Hazbin universe is big enough to do a lot of different shows that can “breathe on their own”. She said she wishes to make someday a series about the human world and earth in general, like a “third chapter” of the Hazbin universe.

50:00 Hazbin Hotel and Helluva are from the same universe but they are very different. While Hazbin focuses on the circle where all the sinners are and how hell deals with them, Helluva is based in how the rest of hell works in terms of the others 6 circles and the demon society.

Hazbin is also about redemption and the consequences of your acts unlike Helluva where the characters are not exactly looking for redemption but the development of their interpersonal relationships.

51:40 Charlie’s and Fizz’s songs were written by the same person, Parry Gripp. In fact, it was his idea for Fizz to rip off Charlie’s song.  

1:02:30 Alastor is indeed “an edgy deviantart oc”. He has been Viv’s character the longest, being created when she was in high school. (Viv was in deviantart before tumblr if I am not wrong, her account is still there, somewhere).  

1:03:33 Alastor is canonically asexual but his romantic aspect is still secret

1:04:42 Viv’s opinion about the shipping despite the canon is, in short, “You can ship what you want but be respectful about what the characters represent and mean to others”, and Gabe Brown (Alastor’s singing voice actor) complemented with “Have fun but don’t force on other people your fantasies”. I very much recommend going to the time mark and listen to her whole answer tho.

1:08:00 Alastor was originally meant to be a villain in Zoophobia (Viv’s old webcomic) but in the middle of the story she decided to take him and other characters out to create their own universe. Those characters were Hazbin’s protagonists, Angel Dust, Vaggie, Charlie and Alastor.

After that decision, Alastor became a funnier, more theatrical and trickster kind of character.

1:10:18 Just because something is not happening in front of your eyes, doesn’t mean is not progressing. Viv still cares about Hazbin Hotel and considers it the most special story she has created so far. The situation is that Hazbin is more complicated than Helluva, so she wants to make sure the show goes well and its made perfectly… but that takes time.  

1:15:50 The Helluva team is (at the time this stream was out) working in the 4th episode.

1:41:00 There will be more Ars Goetia demons included in both shows

1:44:00 Viv confirmed that Alastor is a French-creole

1:44:30 Viv cannot say if god is going to appear in the Hazbin universe, but we will see heaven eventually (didn’t say in which show tho.), and it will be represented by different mythologies instead of the Christian religion because she doesn’t want her characters to be directly related to the bible, being Lucifer and Lilith the only exceptions.

Based in some aspects of theology and how terrifying the angels are described in it, Viv has decided to make the angels “ethereal alien-like”.

In Helluva we are going to be able to see how the seven daily sins are portrayed in each circle of hell.

2:12:15 There is a possibility of the crew members playing a videogame, like Among Us, for a future charity stream.  

[kinktae]

bitchin’ || pt. 8 (M)

The 80s were a time of choices. Which perm was right for you? What color neon would you wear next? None of these choices, however, were more questionable than a certain deal you made with Jeon Jungkook.

pairing: fratboy!jungkook x reader

word count: 4k

genre: 1980s au, eventual smut, e2l

warnings: sir kink, student/teacher roleplay, oral (f), fingering, hand job, overstimulation, another bussy slap, peepee in veevee, jk kind of uses y/n like a pocket pussy LMFAOOO, angst

A/N: This fic was inspired by To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before. Thank you to @junqkook for letting me use her likeness!

01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 | 10

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PART EIGHT 

“Mom told you I was coming down for Christmas, right?” You chirped into your phone’s earpiece, pressing it between your cheek and shoulder as you needed both hands to slip on your socks.

You had just finished brushing your teeth when your phone began to ring; you were surprised but delighted to hear your sister Rosa greet you from the other end. It felt like ages since you had spoken to either of your sisters. Sure, you gave your parents a ring every weekend, but your siblings had their own lives to worry about, you assumed.

“Not even! You know, Sammy broke up with his girlfriend last month, so he’s spending it with us for once.” Your elder sister replied.

You stretch your legs out in front of you, still stiff from sleep.

“All of us on one couch again, huh. That hasn’t happened since the final episode of M.A.S.H premiered on TV.”

“God, I’ve never seen Dad cry as much as he did that night.” Rosa reminisced, pulling a giggle from you as you replied the memory on your head. Your entire family with their noses pressed to the television’s screen, bidding farewell to a story and cast you had loved since you were seven.

“So when are you coming down then? Has winter break started for you guys yet?”

“Not yet,” you told her, “and I still have to ask Jungkook if he’d want to drive down together.”

“Jungkook?”

You froze, the fact that your family had no idea about your fake boyfriend completely slipping your mind.

“H-He’s a friend. We went to the same high school and… yeah…” You trailed off pathetically, feeling extremely vulnerable talking to Rosa about a boy.

The last she knew about your love life was the proposal… and your rather hasty return of the ring.

“A friend.” She repeated knowingly. “And will I be meeting said friend sometime this Christmas?”

Two knocks against the dorm door rang out suddenly, momentarily distracting you.

Jungkook? Meeting your family?

The idea should have made you snicker, easily dismissible, but sat in your small dorm room, on the very bed you and Jungkook often hung out on, you couldn’t help but picture yourself sat at your family’s dinner table, a Christmas dinner laid out in front of you.

You couldn’t deny how easy it was to picture him sitting beside you, chatting happily with everyone. Jungkook was important to you, in more ways than you cared to admit, and the idea of your family knowing that made your stomach flood with butterflies.

“Um… maybe, actually. Yeah.”

You hardly heard your sister’s noise of excitement as another series of knocks pulled you from your thoughts, these louder in volume.

Alright, alright.

You sighed, “Hey, I’m sorry, someone’s at the door. I’ve got to go, Rosa. Tell Lia I said hi?”

“You got it, dude.” Was your sister’s cheeky reply, a soft clang ringing out as you hurriedly placed the earpiece back onto the rotary phone.

You wondered who was at the door? It couldn’t be Yara as she had left for her first class not even ten minutes ago. Maybe it was your dorm floor’s RA?

Yanking the door open, you meet the eyes of an anxious-looking Jungkook, his hands shoved into his pockets.

“Well, you’re up early.” You quirked up an eyebrow.

“Can I come in?” He ignored. You frowned.

“Of course.”

Jungkook stepped forward in an instant, shutting the door behind him.

“What’s wrong—”

His mouth found yours suddenly, hands gripping your waist as he pulled you into him. You let out a soft gasp at his sudden motions but returned the kiss quickly, mewing as he pushed you up against the nearest wall.

Your head felt like it was spinning, it had all happened so quickly; his hand holding a leg of yours up and around his waist so that he could slip a thigh between yours.

He always smelled great in the morning, like body wash and his shampoo. You intertwined your fingers into his freshly dried hair, his tongue already pushing past your lips.

You tasted like the mint of your favorite brand of toothpaste. He imagined if he had caught you any later then the mint would have been accompanied by the taste of coffee, knowing the way you rarely started a day without a cup.

God, he had missed the taste of you.

“Where’s Yara?” He broke the kiss lazily, redirecting his mouth onto the skin where your jaw met your neck.

You let out a soft whine, enjoying the way he was nipping and licking at your sensitive skin.

“S-She just left for class.”

“Perfect.”

Head cloudy, you watched as the handsome boy sunk to his knees, sitting on the back on his heels as he began to press kisses on your still bare thighs on show thanks to your pajama shorts. You were utterly enthralled by the sight of him, his eyes dark and ravenous as he nipped at your flesh.

You were jerked back into reality, however, when one of your legs were thrown over his shoulder, his intentions suddenly hitting you.

“W-Wait!” You panicked.

Jungkook’s eyes met yours curiously, pressing a kiss again your clothed center as he raised an eyebrow as if to ask you what was wrong.

You let out a squeal at the sight of Jungkook’s mouth against your most intimate parts. Bringing both hands to cover your face, you spoke through your fingers.

“You, um, don’t have to—“

“I want to.” He replied bluntly, pressing more kisses against you, your hips jerking into him consequently.

Your reaction told him everything you couldn’t. Erik had never gone down on you. So Jungkook was going fucking to relish every second in being the first man who would ever have you like this.

“I’ll be gentle, nerd. I promise. I’ll take care of you.”

He ran his thumb up and down against your clothed slit as he contemplated just exactly how he wanted you.

His decision was made for him, however, as a hand of yours came down timidly, pulling at the tied knot which kept your shorts up.

Jungkook was preening as he watched you peel the clothes off your body, a shy look on your face. He was rock hard in his sweats, too eager at the prospect of eating you out to wait for you to take off your underwear, his tongue running flat against the wet patch of your panties.

“Fucking beautiful.” He cursed as your breath spiked, fingers coming back down to finger his hair.

You felt like you were losing your god damn mind. The sight alone of Jungkook running his tongue against you was enough to bring you to climax, but it was his tongue’s discovery of your clit that finally had you moaning out. He ran the hot muscle around it, the fabric of your cotton underwear rubbing against it with just enough pressure to have you bring your hips into him.

You had this dozed off look on your face, he noticed, your jaw slightly ajar as your brows furrowed with every little movement his mouth made.

Cute.

You let out a cry, heading tilting back into the wall as two of his fingers pushed past your damp underwear up into you, not bothering to tease your sopping entrance.

“That feel good, little girl?“

"Y-Yes, sir.”

He could see the way your little fists clenched at your sides, craving purchase but unsure of what to grip onto as the wall offer no grip. If his mouth wasn’t so preoccupied, he would have pleaded for you to dig them into his hair, tugging at his scalp as you lost yourself on the feeling of his mouth.

He flattened his tongue over your clothed slit, reeling at how wet you were for him, tasting you through the cotton; the little noises you were making only edged his actions further.

“You’re so wet.” Jungkook groaned.

An involuntary jerk of your hips was his cue to curl his fingers into deeper than he had been previously, pulling his mouth away from you to press a kiss onto your thigh. He watched with a smug grin as you unraveled in front of him, his fingers hitting a spot that had your toes curling.

”Fuck.“

The word slipped from you, tangled with broken whines as you finally climaxed.

You hadn’t even managed a minute to yourself when Jungkook’s mouth found yours again, guided by the desperate need to feel you again.

Somehow you found yourself back in your room, Jungkook hovering above you as he kissed you slowly and deeply, hips rocking into yours mercilessly. The fabric of your panties tugged against your most intimate parts, and Jungkook swallowed your whimpers greedily.

It didn’t take long for his slim digits wrap around the sides of your panties, tugging down the ruined garment, sitting back on his heels to get a proper look at your exposed glistening cunt.

"Ah, fuck me already.” Your impatience caught up with you, eyebrows furrowing. You had managed to lose all articles of clothes, yet there was Jungkook, fully dressed, not an inch of his skin exposed.

A cry let you as his hand came down onto your already swollen clit, tucking a lip between your teeth to suppress back the moan that threatened to come out.

“What an indecent student I have.” He scoffed, despite the way he rubbed at your clit gently.  "Maybe if you asked politely, you’d get what you want from me.“

You mewed, "Mm, I-I’m sorry, sir, please, need you inside of me. I can’t wait any longer.”

Jungkook abandoned your clit suddenly, tapping a finger against his chin as if pretending to contemplate your plea. You whimpered as he brought that same finger up to his mouth, wrapping his tongue around it decidedly.

“Hmm, I think I’ll take my time with you, actually.” He cooed once his fingers were well wet, pressing them back into you.

Your pussy welcomed his fingers greedily, velvety walls molding to the slender digits as they fucked into you, making a mess of you.

Frustration was pushed aside for a moment, eyes fluttering closed as you drowned yourself in the pleasure your pretend lover was giving you.

“Beautiful. So fucking gorgeous.” The dark-haired boy breathed, mostly to himself.

A surprised noise fell from him as one of your hands snuck it’s away over to his crotch, pulling down his sweats and wrapping itself around his hard cock.

“I want to make… you feel good, too.” You admitted through a hiccup, and if it weren’t for the feeling of your hand pumping his shaft, Jungkook would have leaned over and pressed a kiss to your nose.

He whined through his nose, jaw locked as he continued fingering you.

Pants filled the room, and you weren’t sure if you were groaning at the feeling of Jungkook’s hands on you or the noises he let out as you ran your thumb over the leaking red tip of his head. Probably a mixture of both.

He really was so irritating, even his sex noises were attractive.

Suddenly, his hand wrapped around yours, pulling it off his fat cock with a hiss. He pressed a kiss onto the top of your hands, breathing uneven.

“That’s enough, baby. You did so well for me.” He praised, earning a shy smile from you.

The smile was short-lived, however, as his insatiable mouth found your clit again, lapping at it as he sucked the bud into his mouth. A sob tumbled out, your thighs wrapping around his head as you were blinded by the stimulation.

You were so close, and you didn’t want to cum without having his cock inside you. The idea alone made you want to cry.

A desperate ramble of pleas for him to take you came rushing out of you, hand tugging at his hair to pull him away from you.

“Alright, alright.” Jungkook laughed, obliging you as he sat back up, hand leading his cock towards your dripping entrance. “God, you’re so fucking cute.”

Then something miraculous happened.

As his cock sunk into you, accompanied by the light circling of your clit, something inside you snapped, your orgasm hitting you hard and unexpectedly. Jungkook watched in awe as your back arched, your entire body shaking as you slowly came down.

“Baby, did you come?” He breathed incredulously once your eyes finally found him again.

“Yeah…” You whined, cheeks warm and chest rising sharply.

“Do you…” he swallowed, gripping the part of his cock that had yet to make its way inside you, “do you think you can come again for me?”

One of his hands was resting on your thigh, his palm burning against your skin. You flashed him a guilty look before shaking your head no.

Your body and head felt heavy and tired, and as much as you’d like to think you could spend forever intertwined with Jungkook, you had minimal experience with multiple orgasms.

Jungkook pressed a kiss to your mouth before nodding, moving to pull out of you, “That’s okay. I understand.”

“Jungkook.”

“Yeah?”

“…You don’t have to stop.” You muttered shyly.

“Hm? But I thought you—”

“It doesn’t matter, you can still… You can keep going. I don’t care if I don’t come.” You insisted. “You can use me until you get off. I don’t mind if it’s you.”

If it’s you.

Jungkook felt his ears grow red; you wanted him to use you to get himself off? And just like that, that familiar feeling rising in his chest. The feeling that everything was more than it was– that you were his, and he was yours.

You placed a hand onto of his, squeezing it. He blinked, thoughts vanishing the moment he saw your suggestive eyes.

A wolfish smirk crept onto his face.

“On your tummy, baby.”

A soft chirp fell from you, muffled slightly by the pillow your face was resting on as he slid into you from behind, this time bottoming out all the way like he wanted.

His grip on your hips tightened, a drawn-out groan sounding out.

“So tight for me.”

You held back your groans as he built up his rhythm, his cock hitting deep within you. Jungkook’s mouth was pressing kisses against your shoulder, his sharp breaths and soft groans flooding into your ears.

"You’re in so deep, fuck.” You gasped, burying your face into the pillow at a particularly hard thrust.

God, you were grateful that Yara wasn’t home, as there was no way she wouldn’t be able to hear how loud the two of you were being.

Sweat glistened where ever your bodies touched, leaving you feeling hot and overwhelmed, pussy on fire from waves of overstimulation.

Suddenly, Jungkook let out a low grunt, slowing down his thrusts, “Fuck, fuck, fuck, where do you want me to cum?”

With sluggish effort, you prompted yourself back up on your elbows, looking over your shoulder at him.

“Inside me.” You begged without hesitation. He let out a noise of regard, bitting down on the spot of your neck that he knew you were particularly fond of.

“Yeah? Want me to stuff you with it? Fill you up all nice?”

He couldn’t help himself. His hand found its way underneath you, fingertips brushing your clit lightly and in quick motions.

A broken wail accompanied your nod, head falling forward as your mind went blank beyond return.

“Hmph, y-yes, fuck, please!”

“Anything for my baby. Anything she wants. My pretty girl.” He cooed against your skin, panting and hips stilling.

You met your third and final climax alongside Jungkook, insides painted with layers of his hot cum. Jungkook worked himself through his orgasm, softly thrusting into your spazzing walls until he was milked entirely dry.

Pulling out of you, he flopped down beside you, hand coming up to run through his sweat-dampened hair. You rolled over with a huff, vision still spotty.

“How are you feeling?” Your meathead inquired.

“Radical. And you?”

“Bitchin’.” He grinned up at the ceiling.

He turned to face you suddenly, placing a hand on your cheek. For a second, you thought he was going to say something, but as he laid his head back down onto the pillow, you realized it was more a gesture of affection than a request for attention, his thumb rubbing against your cheekbone.

You ran your fingertips against his bicep, enjoying the way every trail of your touch left goosebumps against his skin.

The room was comfortably quiet, except for the ticking of that clock of yours– the one Jungkook told you time and time again that he hated.

“What are you doing for Christmas? Are you going home?” You asked suddenly, the question weighing on your mind for a while.

“Actually, my parents are out of town for Christmas.”

You felt disappointment crash over you, a small frown finding your lips.

“Oh. Bummer.”

Jungkook chuckled at your sour expression, leaning over suddenly to press a kiss against your pouting mouth.

“Nah, it’s okay. I still go down to visit friends and shit. I usually spend Christmas with one of them.” He reassured you, mouth finding your neck as he began to press kiss down it.

You let out a sigh, fingers gripping Jungkook’s shoulders.

Okay, it’s now or never. Spit it out already.

“Do you… What if you spend Christmas with me?” You finally managed to squeak out.

“You,” Jungkook pulled back from you, something indecipherable crossing his eyes, “want me to spend it with you?”

You turned away from his intense stare, heat creeping up your neck.

Part of you wondered if you should brush him off with a laugh, telling himself to check his ego before that big head of his exploded. That you only offered as an act of kindness.

“Yeah, I do.” Was your reply, however.

“Oh.”

His reply was immediate and disheartening. You brought your duvet up to cover your bare chest, suddenly feeling exposed and vulnerable.

“My mom’s Christmas pecan pie is kind of legendary, you know. And she always makes way too much. We have leftovers that last us the rest of the week.” You rambled awkwardly.

“Y/N–”

But it was too late. The nervous word vomit had already set in.

“You don’t have to, of course! I mean, that’s probably weird, right? Like, meeting the family, woah, intense! That’s something couples do and we’re… Anyway, I just thought maybe since we’re pretty close we could–”

“I have to tell you something.” He interrupted, sounding serious.

It wasn’t until then that you noticed the way his chest was rising irregularly, breaths shallow and ragged. He looked… uneasy.

“Okay. Tell me.” You replied gently, look at him inquisitively.

“Kiri came over last night.”

Your stomach dropped, “Oh?”

“She wants to get back together.” Jungkook swallowed dryly, eyes wavering between yours as if to gauge your reaction.

“…Oh.”

You shook your head.

“I mean, wow! That’s… That’s great!” You smiled, something tearing apart inside you as the words left your lips.

“Y/N–”

“Seriously! This means it worked, right? This is exactly what you wanted to happen.” You enthused, turning your head so that he couldn’t see way your eyes had welled up.

Jungkook’s heart was pounding in his ears, fighting the urge to wrap his arms around you.

“Yeah… yeah, no, you’re right. We did it.” He replied monotonously.

You blinked back the tears, refusing to let yourself cry over a boy you weren’t even dating.

“Yeah. We did.”

Silence fell over the room, the air swarming with uncomfortable tension. God, you didn’t want this. You didn’t want this at all. Things were so good just a second ago. You would do anything to go back to when Jungkook was on top of you and telling you how beautiful you were.

Clearing your throat, you rolled back over to face him.

“So tell me, meathead. How’d it go? We oughta go and buy champagne or something.“

Jungkook offered you a smile, and maybe it was you looking too far into it, but it certainly felt insincere.

"She came over to my room last night. Said she wanted to talk.”

“And what did she say?”

“Uh… not a lot, actually.”

“Huh? What did you guys do then?”

There was something guilty in the way Jungkook looked at you– something that had you feeling uneasy.

“…You slept with her.” You blinked.

Jungkook sat up in the bed, a hand coming up to rub at the back of his neck anxiously.

“She was saying how she missed me and then suddenly she was kissing me and I… I don’t know I kind of just reacted–"

“Wait.” You sat up straight, expression hard. “Let me get this straight. You fucked her last night. And this morning… you fucked me.”

You felt sick. To think that just a few hours ago, Jungkook’s dick was inside someone else. The mouth that was kissing you and telling you how much you meant to him, was doing the same for Kiri not even a full day ago.

So, what… were you just Jungkook’s to fuck around with whenever he wanted?

“Are you mad?” He called out cautiously, a heavy feeling falling onto his chest.

“Why would I be mad?” You quipped back sharply, causing Jungkook to flinch. He shifted in his seat uncomfortably.

“I just thought… I mean we’ve been fooling around a lot lately, so I didn’t know if—”

“If what? I had feelings for you?” You scoffed. “Please, as if I’d ever fall for you.”

And there it was�� everything Jungkook already knew but had been so afraid to hear. Of course, you didn’t feel for him what he felt for you. How could he have expected anything different?

Fuck. What had he done?

Your mattress groaned as you slipped off the bed, beginning to hastily dress.

“You can go.” You continued, pulling your shirt over your head.

Jungkook’s heart sank, “What?”

“You got what you wanted from me, right? Mission accomplished.”

“Nerd, that’s not why—” His words were stopped by the impact of his shirt being thrown into his chest, your stare ice cold.

“Don’t fucking call—” You paused, attempting to calm yourself with a shaky breath. “I have class. Please just… go.”

Jungkook did nothing for a moment, staring at you with those guilty eyes that did nothing but hurt you further.

You were a smart girl. So how did you let someone like him make a complete fool out of you?

You wanted to scream, you wanted to cry, but you refused to let him see how small you felt right now. So you stood there unwaveringly as you faced the boy you had so stupidly let into your heart.

Jungkook could hear the way you struggled to steady your breaths as he dressed; he had never hated himself more than he did right now. There was so much he should be saying, yet he couldn’t find the words. Even as he was fully dressed and met your eyes one final time, he still remained voiceless, despite the way his insides screamed to say something that could take back what he had done. Something that would fix what he had just broken.

“Now.” You stated, tone void of emotion.

It was a front, of course, just a means of hiding the way you felt like you were crumbling. Even when Jungkook slipped past you wordlessly, you still held steady. And it wasn’t until you heard the click of the front door closing that you finally let yourself break, eyes wet as your lips parted, a small sob slipping past them.

[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 08 first part

(Masterpost) (Other Canary goodness)

Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!

Rabbits

The Jiang kids have some quality time with the rabbits. Initially Jiang Cheng says it’s wrong for gentlemen to hold rabbits, which is definitely in no way related to gay-rabbit-god symbolism, but changes his mind when he discovers how fun men rabbits are to cuddle. 

Jiang Yanli says, in a moment with zero foreshadowing, that if they take one rabbit away from the others, it will miss its family and be lonely. Also if a rabbit were to watch from the rooftop while a mean enemy rabbit poured wine on the corpses of its parents, that would be extra upsetting. For a rabbit. So let’s leave all the rabbits where they are. Check. 

Speaking of cute fluffy creatures that are upset, we see this distressed look on Wei Wuxian’s face kinda often when he’s talking with Jiang Cheng.  

There are some sibilng relationships where you will always do anything to help each other because you survived a shitty childhood together, but as adults you find you don’t actually share values, and that your interactions are kinda toxic -- for both of you. This seems like one of those. 

Even though he’s younger, Jiang Cheng is in the role of the elder sibling who is being abused by the parents, and is handing the abuse on down the line to the “younger” sibling, in the form of constant criticism and casual hittings. Wei Wuxian isn’t actually younger, but he is lower ranked because he’s not a blood relation, and he gets plenty of parental abuse as well. It’s...not a healthy family. 

(more after the cut!) 

Lan Wangji has been lurking nearby during this conversation, and after the Jiangs leave, he looks at the rabbits and says farewell.  He clearly means farewell to Wei Wuxian, or else he has a really unhealthy level of yearning being directed toward the rabbits. At least, for a vegetarian.

Uninvited Gusu Guest

Lan Xichen is meditating, and because the Director of Photography loves us, we get a bunch of nice closeups of his exquisite face. He hears a noise thing and tells Wen Chao to come in, which results in a dire bird scream and Wen Chao’s muddy feet intruding on his day. Why did Wen Chao bring the bird with him? He’s trying to be sneaky, right? So...ok whatever.

Wen Chao acts like a dirtbag and menacingly reminds Lan Xichen that his didi just hit the road all by himself. Lan Xichen gets so upset he curls his fingers slightly. His beautiful, beautiful fingers.

Is it slapping time yet?

Road Tripping

Fortunately for the Lan brothers, Lan Wangji isn’t going to be alone for long. Wei Wuxian is determined to follow him, and where friend-maker Wei Wuxian goes, an assortment of other helpful cultivators will soon follow. 

Wei Wuxian leaves a note to say “I’m running away from home with the hot boy I met in summer school” and signs it with a smiley face, the dork. Jiang Cheng is angry, as usual; Yanli has confidence in Wei Wuxian, as usual, and Jiang Fengmian is autocratic and doesn’t explain what he’s thinking, as usual. JF is aware of the Yin Iron, however, so he may understand that WWX will be useful in protecting it on the road.  

Lan Wangji has changed his hair, upgraded his crown, and put on the most absurdly beautiful outfit of the entire show to go on a solo road trip totally without any hot infuriating boys. 

Quick, Lan Wangji, catch this callback to that time you rejected my advances back in Gusu! This time Lan Wangji catches the offered fruit and keeps it, presumably to consume furtively when he wakes in the dead of night, restless with unslaked thirst for Wei Ying. Or, you know, to have with his lunch while they’re riding on the boat. 

This is a level of synchronized walking-with-shoulder-contact that would make the Guardian boys proud. Lan Wangji is all touchy feely now that he’s out from under the eyes at Cloud Recesses. 

He also has upped his troll game, actually smirking after he says “boring” to Wei Wuxian’s declaration of I’m-gonna-come-along-you-can’t-stop-me. 

He also...doesn’t seem angry? Like, he is still seriously on edge, but it feels like he left the boiling rage at home.  Lan Xichen is right; having a friend IS good for Lan Wangji. And for whatever reason, Lan Wangji is ready, now, to accept Wei Wuxian’s friendship.

We Rate Birds

Wen Chao has the weirdest fucking pet. This bird has a resentful energy problem, obvs, but it also seems to be invisible except for resentful energy, but it leaves random feathers behind at places, and then when Wei Wuxian kills it, it’s a regular bird corpse with a little smoke. “Imbued with Yin Iron energy” seems to be the explanation. But Nie Huaisang said they see a lot of these in their neck of the woods. Did he mean “just a regular bird” and didn’t notice the billowing black visual FX? Either way I want to see a nest full of baby dire Yin birds, I bet they’re hideous cute. 

Wen Qing has a new outfit and an elegant fiery golden crown. There’s probably some plot stuff happening here. Wen blah blah Yin Iron blah blah. She’s so pretty. I love her ears and her cool double hair parting. The girls’ hairlines are always nice and soft, presumably because they get to wear their own front hair instead of a lacefront like the boys are glued to stuck with. 

I Call it Bondage

After the fun they had in the ice cave, it’s only fair that Wei Wuxian gets to have a turn tying up Lan Wangji. 

One of the fun things in clipping The Untamed is that the show’s editors generally didn't drop any frames when they intercut the various scenes, meaning that some longer shots can be spliced back together by removing the other camera portions, as with these two string-pulling bits.

Lan Wangji totally lets Wei Wuxian put a leash on him, quickly declaring it boring and taking control of it, pulling Wei Wuxian along behind him. 

Incidentally, at this stage about half of Wei Wuxian’s talisman’s are blue. After he loses his core, they are 100% red, but nobody notices that. Well, maybe Nie Huaisang does because he notices a LOT, but nobody says anything. 

After they play around in the field for a bit, Lan Wangji’s magic bag of plot advancement goes off, sending them to Flower Town. 

He’s Leaving Home Bye Bye

Meanwhile, at Lotus Pier, we get a nice view of the rooftops. I’d hate to be the guy whose job it is to hang up bells and tassels at any of these places. 

Jiang Cheng sneaks out to go join his brother’s road trip. He gets caught, because his idea of sneaking is to walk out the front door in broad daylight and leave the door open behind him. 

Jiang Yanli tells him to go ahead, though and he scampers off to have...the last carefree fun of his entire life, actually. Sigh. 

Flower Town

Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji go to Tanzhou and immediately run into Nie Huaisang, because sure, why not. China’s not very big.

Lan Wangji’s startle response

Wei Wuxian’s startle response

Nie-Xiong and Wei-Xiong are delighted to see each other, once Wei Wuxian explains that Lan Wangji isn’t there to bust them. 

While Wei Wuxian and Nie Huaisang squee over each other, Lan Wangji ...tries to deal with that. His reaction is probably a mix of jealousy and social anxiety. This town has got to be overwhelming for him after the order and quiet of Cloud Recesses; he even admits--aloud!--that it’s too crowded for him at one point. Add in his boyfriend’s travel partner’s number one enabler, and it’s not a comfortable situation.

Oh great now they’re going to want me to get high and make out with them, ugh

However, with Lan Wangji in the mix, the Nie-Wei dynamic shifts away from mischief making, and they very quickly become a friend trio sharing a serious purpose. When Wei Wuxian, in his second life, refers to NHS as “that old friend of ours” when talking to LWJ, he’s not wrong. Nie Huaisang and Lan Wangji become friends during this trip, and arguably remain friends, within the limits of Nie Huaisang’s revenge remit. 

From one point of view, Nie Huaisang is grown-up Lan Wangji’s very best friend (not counting his eventual husband). Everyone in the cultivation world knows what Lan Wangji’s heart desires most, after Nightless City, and Nie Huaisang gives it to him. By, uh, manipulating a crazy guy into ritual suicide. Hey, no gift is perfect.

Continued in Next Post! Soon!

[a-queer-seminarian]

Listen to the latest episode of Blessed Are the Binary Breakers, a multifaith podcast of transgender stories, for some cool queer art history!

Amy Neville (he, she, or they pronouns) is a 21-year-old Australian art historian & artist whose work celebrates being both Catholic & queer. In this episode, Avery and Neville discuss Neville's life and how they've learned to stand up for themself and other queer persons; the way women & queer artists have used textile arts over the years; and Europe’s Renaissance Period, focusing on queer artists who navigated adhering to & rebelling against the Catholic Church's rules for art in that period.

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For an episode transcript and more info about this show, visit blessedarethebinarybreakers.com/podcast.

Find Neville on instagram @krem.caramel; check out their work at amyneville.art.

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Image description and episode timestamps are under the readmore.

Image description:

Image 1: Text reads "Finding the power in our queerness and rebellion in our love -Neville studies & creates queer Catholic art; listen on Blessed Are the Binary Breakers, a multifaith podcast of trans stories." A photo shows Neville's 3-meter long tapestry "Divine Rebellion," which features embroidery and appliqué of students sitting at desks with a holy spirit flame over each and a dove flying overhead; an angry teacher shaking his fist at a student figure who is standing up with their hand raised high, their other hand at their side clutching a sword, and two angels hovering over them, one of whom holds a rainbow streaming downwards. On the right is a burning eye over 3 signs labeled "warning."

Image 2: Text is a quote from Neville reading, "I got in trouble because I told my teacher that what he was teaching wasn't actually in the Bible... ‘You're using your prejudice, but you're teaching it like it's fact; but I've read the Bible and that's not what it says.’ …I remember thinking, ‘if I don't say anything, then all of these kids are gonna think…that that's what God thinks of them.’” A detail from the previous tapestry is shown, with a close-up on the student raising their hand: their hair is short and brown, they wear a blue jacket and red tie, and text around them reads, "Your very existence is a Radical act."

Image 3: Another quote from Neville reads, “God made you who you are. …Find the power in your queerness and the rebellion in your love. You can fight with your love, and your queer love and your queerness can be a form of activism in itself.” A photo of Neville shows them with short bright blue hair, pale skin, thick dark eyebrows and blue eyes, wearing a flannel shirt and looking at the camera with their mouth in a neutral line, lips slightly parted. / end image description.

TIMESTAMPS

(0:00 - 4:51) A reminder to Christians to confront antisemitism in Holy Week - see here for Amy-Jill Levine's article

(4:52 - 13:43) Discovering queerness while in Catholic high school - finding resources, standing up against a teacher's homophobia

(13:44 - 18:04) Meeting confident queer persons at university; coming out as genderfluid, going by last name Neville

(18:05 - 21:37) Creating art about being queer and Catholic; push-back from fellow queer folks for being Catholic

(21:38 - 29:22) Finding fellow queer persons of faith; the joy of community; Neville's graduate art exegesis "Divine Rebellion"

(29:23 - 37:08) Some textile arts history: suffragettes & feminists reclaiming it; queer persons expanding it - "the perfect medium" for underrepresented and undervalued groups

(37:09 - 43:32) Europe's Renaissance Period: the Catholic Church's power over the art scene; Caravaggio's role in rules censoring what could be depicted

(43:33 - 44:30) Resisting pinning down dead artists' sexualities with labels they didn't have

(44:31 - 48:24) Da Vinci's revolutionary art; sympathy for Judas

(48:25 - 55:26) Michelangelo's struggle with religion - not because of queerness, but because of his love of science; rebellion in his Sistine Chapel masterpiece

(55:27 - end) wrapping up - "find the power in your queerness and the rebellion in your love"; a future ep will continue Neville's tour of Renaissance art

[ottelis]

"I gave you my life, Eliott," Lucas's voice shatters, splinters.

Eliott replies softly, broken, hollow, "And I gave you mine."

"No," Lucas says, low and dark. "No, you didn't."

.

.

aka: eliott and lucas grow up together, but are separated when eliott is institutionalized in paris after a severe depressive episode. they reunite two years later when eliott is released, but everything has already changed before their eyes.

epigraph. i. ii. iii. iv. v. vi. vii. viii.

08—the world will be yours

july 23rd, 1968

04:09

caen, france

~

Eliott and Lucas haven't stopped talking all night, their stories and laughter gently leading the moon across the sky. Eliott knows she's smiling down on them, knows that she doesn't want to set just yet, knows that she wants to watch over these two boys a moment or two longer. He wonders if Lucas can feel that same love from the moon in the way it's shining a little brighter, how it doesn't seem to fracture as much as it streams through the window. He wonders if Lucas knows that the moon is rejoicing along with them, bathing in the warm water of sweet memory. Lucas is smiling wider than Eliott has seen him smile since before everything happened, so he thinks Lucas can feel it all. The moon nearly weeping tears of joy, Eliott's heart repairing itself stitch by stitch, the world becoming tranquil and calm, letting itself sigh. Eliott feels—no,  knows —that him and Lucas are meant to be close. They're meant to look into each other's eyes, to smile at each other, to touch. It doesn't quite matter what lies beneath every touch, what they may be hiding behind their smiles, what they may find in each other's eyes. What matters is that they're in the same room, that they're breathing the same air, that they're ready to set the world aright again. That's how Eliott knows, after all. When they're together, when they're at each other's side, the world spins a little more slowly, flows purely and perfectly like water. The world is so much more beautiful when he looks into Lucas's eyes, and that has to mean something. 

"Could you find Polaris at this time of night?" Lucas asks quietly, sweetly, bringing Eliott out of his thoughts. His eyes are lost in the world outside, trying to break through the glass to get a better view.

"Of course," Eliott nods. "It's constant. It's always in the same spot."

"I think the sun is starting to rise," Lucas replies. "You can't really see it in the daylight, right?"

Eliott looks out the window, too, his eyes immediately finding Polaris. The sky is lightening around it, and it starts to blend in. "Sometimes you can, sometimes you can't," he shrugs, turning his gaze back to Lucas. But he's still gazing outside, his eyes wide and soft, an early morning sun. "I haven't really looked for Polaris lately," Eliott admits, his voice low and thin. "I don't know why. Maybe I tried to deal with everything changing by mapping the stars that were foreign to me. I thought that that could help me navigate my own parts that I don't recognize. I thought that maybe sometimes the sky doesn't know what it is, either. What it's made of. What it's worth to certain people."

"Maybe it doesn't," Lucas agrees thoughtfully, wistfully. "Maybe it's too busy trying to carry the weight of…  billions  of wishes to worry about why it has to shoulder it all in the first place."

"Maybe," Eliott mutters, too quiet for Lucas to hear.

"Do you think God created wishes so people that don't know who He is could still pray to Him?" Lucas asks, reverent and soft. "And He made stars to hold all those wishes?"

"Maybe," Eliott repeats, a little louder this time. "But does that mean the stars aren't for everyone?"

Lucas tilts his head ever so slightly, his brow furrowing. "Everyone who's heard of God has doubted Him at some point. Maybe they're supposed to be like little gods. Maybe they can turn to them for a moment, until they decide to believe in Him again, or to hold onto the stars for a little longer."

"They're like a little path," Eliott suggests, smiling at the thought. "You can always follow it in different directions whenever it branches off."

Lucas smiles, too, sweet and content, his eyes so filled with stars Eliott wishes he could live in the galaxy within them.

"It's nice to see you smile," Eliott says, the words spilling off his tongue. But he doesn't mind. "I've missed it."

Lucas looks at Eliott then, his smile faltering only to widen and brighten into a grin. His head droops as he tries to hide it, but it still widens into Eliott's favorite smile—the shy one, the one accompanied by a small, stifled laugh. Even before he knew he loved Lucas, seeing him smile like this meant he was so happy he was afraid he would lose it if he didn't hide it. But over the years, he doesn't cover his mouth with his hand, and he doesn't tilt his head as low. He's becoming less afraid, and Eliott has the privilege to see Lucas's walls come down again. Maybe, at some point, they can go back to that brief yet brilliant time when Lucas held his head high and laughed with his whole chest, when he trusted Eliott enough to protect him and his happiness. Eliott hopes so, even if he can't cradle Lucas's heart in his hands like before. As long as Lucas can be as happy as he deserves to be.

"I've missed it, too," Lucas admits quietly as he lifts his head, his smile shrinking ever so slightly.

"Smiling?" Eliott asks, somewhat knowing that that  is  what Lucas means, somewhat hoping that he'll be wrong.

But Lucas nods, looking out the window again. "I haven't smiled much since you came back. Chloé's noticed, and so has Maman, and all of our friends. I couldn't tell them what was wrong, of course, but… I'm glad we can be Lucas and Eliott again," his smile starts to come back again, and it puts Eliott at ease. "I've forgiven you and I've forgiven myself. I can be happy again. I  am  happy."

Eliott grins, his heart warming and glowing like a star in his chest. "I'm happy, too."

Lucas's smile stays on his face, but there's something else in his eyes—something pensive, something close to mournful. "If you had told me the day we kissed," he begins, his voice quiet. "That in just a few months our lives would fall apart... I wouldn't have believed you for a second. You were what I needed, and I had you the way I wanted to. I never thought I would lose you." 

"But I'm here now, Lucas," Eliott replies. "And, in that case, let's not promise that we won't ever lose each other again. We never could've promised that in the first place. Let's promise, that we'll always find each other in the end. Because I don't know about you, Lucas, but I just need you close to me."

Lucas's eyes smile again. "I need you close to me, too. It's a good thing we live right next to each other."

Eliott lets out a laugh, nodding. "It's convenient, that's for sure," his smile falls again though as a thought comes to his mind. "But you're going to school soon. Then you'll marry Chloé. Is she going to be in Paris with you?"

Lucas's smile falls again, too. "We're… actually talking about moving the wedding to next year. That way she can finish lyceé and I can maybe find us an apartment in Paris. It's not set yet, but she seems to be willing to wait."

"Oh," Eliott replies dumbly, his eyes wide. 

"She was actually the one to pull me aside and say that we might be rushing into this," Lucas continues. "I was a bit shocked at first, but after we talked about it for a bit I agreed with her. She'll get her Christmas wedding, just not  this Christmas."

"Okay," Eliott replies, still dumbfounded. "Then, why did you tell me that she was going to go dress shopping soon earlier? I mean, you didn't talk to her between then and now because we've been together since."

Lucas shrugs, sighing. "I guess I didn't want to give bad news about Chloé when we had more important things to talk about."

Eliott nods, understanding. "But everything's okay between you two?"

Lucas nods back, the corner of his mouth quirking ever so slightly up. "Everything's okay. We just have to break the news to Maman now."

"I'm sure she'll understand," Eliott reassures him. "She'll have even more time to make her baby boy's wedding perfect."

Lucas's smile spreads, almost unevenly across his face. "You're right," he confirms, nodding once. "I think even six months of planning wasn't quite enough time for her. She's been really stressed lately. Maybe waiting a year would be better for her, too."

"See?" Eliott smiles kindly. "It's all working out."

Lucas nods again, rather weakly. "It's all working out," he repeats, as if he was reassuring himself.

"Is something wrong, Lucas?" Eliott asks quietly, carefully. 

Lucas tenses, but he melts it away almost as soon as it takes over him. "Yes, of course," he replies, half-smiling. "I think I'm disappointed that I have to wait longer to marry Chloé. I would've married her yesterday if I could have. No parties, no tuxedos, no dresses. Just us. But that's not what she wants, so."

Eliott feels disappointment and pride swirl and mix in his chest, leaving him with a bitter, sharp ache. "It's okay to be disappointed," he says, though, thinking of the ache as just another pill to swallow. "I'm sure she is, too. But I think it'll all be worth it when you see her walking down the aisle. My papa cried when he saw my maman. I think you'll be a crier, too."

Lucas smiles weakly, a dreamy gaze filling his eyes and creating another galaxy there. "I think so, too," he agrees, his voice distant and wistful. "She'll look so beautiful. The most beautiful woman in the world."

Eliott smiles, too, hearing his father say almost the exact same words. "If you cry, I'm definitely going to make fun of you for it in my best man speech," he jokes, hoping to make Lucas smile a little wider.

Lucas chuckles, shaking his head. "Who said you were going to be my best man?" he teases, raising an eyebrow.

Eliott drops his mouth open, clapping his hand over his chest, pretending to be shocked. "You're telling me you've asked someone else to be your best man?"

Lucas nods gravely. "I asked Basile the other day. And he said 'yes.'"

"Basile?!"  Eliott cries, but unable to keep his laughter from spilling out. "  Our  Basile? You chose  him  over me?!"

Lucas is fully laughing now, curling up on himself as his laughter ripples through him in waves. He nods, unable to give a response. 

"Well, you'll need to give  Basile  some bad news, too," Eliott scoffs, folding his arms. He's too overcome with laughter, too, to be discernible enough, though.

They haven't laughed this hard all night, but they're both willing to accept that exhaustion is probably the thing that's tickling them the most right now. But they let the laughter take over, letting it stretch and pull their ribs like an accordion until the only noise that comes out is a breathy wheeze. Fireworks go off in their chest, the finale to the symphony they've played all night, exploding in sparkling blooms of pain. But it's a pain they both can bear, a pain they're familiar with and have grown to love. A pain that eases with slow, steady breathing, with the gentle fluttering of eyelashes brushing against each other as their eyes slowly close, with the warm and soft cloud of dreamy sleep.

Eliott can tell Lucas is getting sleepy, and he smiles to himself as he adds one more thing to the list of things that hasn't changed. Lucas still yawns really wide, still shakes his head a little once his mouth closes. His eyelids are still heavy and hooded. His eyes are still a bleary streak of blue beneath them (these eyes remind Eliott of the blue that precedes dawn and succeeds dusk; the sky waking up and falling asleep). He sighs, long and heavy, his mouth falling ever so slightly open. Lucas was never good at keeping himself awake once he gets tired, always falling into it as easily as he always fell into his mother's embrace. Eliott reaches out and shakes him gently.

"I'll walk you home," he offers, carefully climbing the short distance down from his windowsill. He holds out his hand hopefully, and he smiles when Lucas takes it. The shape of Lucas's hand is still so familiar, and it still fits so well in Eliott's hand. But he makes sure he's the first to draw his hand away once Lucas's feet land softly against the wooden floor. Lucas's fingers catch on his ever so slightly, but they curl up tightly, his hand becoming a fist resting at his side. 

They step carefully as they exit Eliott's room, the floor silent beneath them. Eliott knows they've probably woken up his mother a few times over the night, but he doesn't want them to create even more disturbances. They don't, thankfully, reaching the front door without incident. Eliott opens the door for Lucas, but he lingers a moment.

"You don't have to walk with me," he mutters, his voice as silvery as the fading moon. 

"I want to," Eliott shrugs. "This is our first night as best friends again. I don't want to say goodbye to you until I have to."

Lucas half-smiles again, his gaze falling down to his feet. In the darkness, Eliott thinks he sees the faintest blush on Lucas's cheeks. (Maybe he's just imagining it, or maybe the small rays of moonlight is playing tricks on him.) "Okay," Lucas nods, looking back up at him. "You can walk me home." 

Eliott's lips form a clumsy, tired smile. "Okay."

He waits for Lucas to walk through the door before following him, stepping out onto the front porch. The wood here creaks, but Eliott doesn't mind as much now. It's a little comforting, hearing the planks rasp gently beneath their feet shatters the eerie silence consuming the world right now; the quiet of a deep yet dreamless sleep. 

"It's beautiful out here," Lucas says, pausing at the porch steps. He's facing south, towards the road, towards the forest. He looks so large standing in front of it, yet he's not a threatening presence before it. He's just another shadow, another patch of darkness. Eliott approaches him, standing tall beside him. 

"It is," he agrees reverently, his eyes widening.

Distantly, ever so distantly, Eliott could see the faint lights of the heart of the city, glowing like little fireflies. The sky is darkest where they're both facing, too, the stars shining brighter and clearer as they stand stark against it. It's strange, Eliott thinks, how light drowns out the dark, even when it's outnumbered. He can't quite think of a better word for it than "strange," either. Maybe "wonderful."

"Your window has the wrong view, El," Lucas teases, smirking. "We could've stared at  this  all night."

Eliott shakes his head, chuckling. "The ocean helps my view, though."

"I prefer the forest," Lucas replies quietly. "The trees." He doesn't need to explain why.

"Will you ever love the ocean again?" Eliott asks, even quieter. "Like you did before?"

Lucas shrugs, a smile filled with both hope and doubt barely stretching across his face. "Maybe. Once I heal a little more."

"When you're ready, we could go swimming in there together," Eliott tries, ready to retract the offer if he needs to, if Lucas isn't as ready as Eliott thinks he is.

"Maybe someday," Lucas responds after a moment. 

His words, on the surface, are vague, imprecise. But there's a promise in his voice that Eliott would recognize anywhere. Usually, his heart would swell or stir or sprint, but in this moment, it simply  sighs . Content, safe. 

"I wanna go home," Lucas says, then. His tone isn't annoyed or bossy, just exhausted. His hand brushes against Eliott's, pauses for a moment, then tangles itself in his. It tugs Eliott gently forward, down the stairs and into the cool, gray sand. It almost puts him in a trance, almost brings him back to some nights like this not too long ago, ones that have bled together into a fog. The only constant was Lucas and Polaris, and the other details didn't matter then. But, above and overall, it makes him  smile .

"Sorry I'm dragging you," Lucas mutters, taking his hand away before Eliott can protest. He holds it in his other hand—not squeezing it, but still fidgeting with it, controlling it.

"It's okay," Eliott reassures, pretending not to notice Lucas's hands. "I know you're tired."

If Lucas replied, Eliott didn't hear him.

They get to Lucas's house faster than Eliott expected, and he can't explain why. The night is quickly coming to an end, and Lucas's eyes are quickly closing. Eliott—selfishly, he'll admit—wants to keep Lucas up a few minutes longer so they can watch the sunrise together. But he knows Lucas needs to sleep, and frankly, he does, too.

"Thanks for hearing me out," Lucas says as they linger by his front door. He has a small yet sweet, sleepy smile on his face. "And thanks for waiting for me to come around. You didn't have to."

"Thanks for hearing me out, too," Eliott nods, smiling back at him. "And I would've waited forever if you asked me to. And I would've done it because I want to, not because I have to."

Lucas's smile quirks up slightly, the smallest wrinkles forming by his eyes. Suddenly, he envelops Eliott in a hug, burying his face in his chest.

Eliott eases into the hug, letting his eyes close and his chin rest on top of Lucas's head. He holds Lucas tightly, offering him sanctuary, if only for a moment. He hasn't held Lucas like this in such a long time. He hadn't realized how much he's missed it. He thinks Lucas's warmth, the memory of it, will help him fall asleep a little faster for days, even weeks to come. He prays that his own warmth can do the same for Lucas.

"Sweet dreams," Eliott wishes into Lucas's hair, the strands soft and familiar as they brush against his lips.

"Good morning, Ellie," Lucas replies; a strange goodbye, but a goodbye that warms Eliott's chest with a soft, fuzzy light. He can feel Lucas smiling, too.

"Good morning, Lulu," he returns with a chuckle, tears springing in his eyes.

He waits for Lucas to pull away first, but he's trembling in his arms. He inhales sharply, a quiet sob, bunching Eliott's shirt in his hands. He holds Eliott tighter, nearly forcing all the air out of him. Eliott holds him back, almost just as tightly, hearing another hiccup or two from him. He doesn't know why Lucas is crying, but it makes the tears already brimming in his eyes spill over, silent and cold on his cheeks. 

Lucas finally pulls away all too suddenly, quickly swiping the tears off his cheeks. He opens his door and enters without another word, but with a glance over his shoulder at Eliott. He smiles, sincere and sure, then slowly shuts the door behind him. Everything is silent, but peacefully so. The world still sleeps, its dreams beginning to fade. It'll wake soon, but him and Lucas will be fast asleep, their hearts reunited and both of their minds at peace. Eliott smiles, too.

He falls asleep that morning wishing he had told Lucas that he's realized he never needed things to be normal again. All he ever wanted, all he ever needed was his best friend, and he feels he can never be afraid again with Lucas by his side.

july 23rd, 1968

13:13

caen, france

~

Eliott wakes slowly, blinking away the thick haze of sleep from his eyes, his mind. His evening, night with Lucas honestly felt like a dream, like one of a handful he's had since he came home. Dreams where there was never a tear to stitch back up, or tempestuous minds to quiet. Dreams where the world as they knew it never lurched to a stop. But Eliott knows last night was real. He still feels Lucas's warmth, feels the shadow of his shape in his arms, against his chest. He hears every word of reassurance they spoke to each other, every bout of laughter that had long been waiting to meet the air, the world outside. Eliott smiles, savoring this moment he's found himself in. Where there once was a seam between dream and reality, there is now a flawless canvas, a clean slate. A second chance lies before both him and Lucas, promising to keep their footsteps light and their paths intertwined. Who else gets to start over like they can?

Something pulls him out of his reverie, though. A sound.  The sound that for years has only lived in his memory. The sound he long thought had been buried with his father.

His mother is singing.

Her voice isn't loud enough in his ears to discern what song she's singing, but his ears have been so  hungry  for it that they recognize it even through layers of wood and dust. They latch onto it, drinking in any portion of it within their reach.

Eliott sits up, slowly approaches his door to see if he can hear better. She must be downstairs, probably in the kitchen. Through the crack in his door, he can hear enough to start piecing together a melody. Once he does, he's astonished that he didn't recognize it sooner. The lyrics come to his mind, to the tip of his tongue.

J'attendrai, le jour et la nuit, j'attendrai toujours ton retour

The song his mother sang to herself as his father gave everything for their country. She'd sing it to Eliott at night when he couldn't sleep when he was younger, and it never failed to make his eyelids heavy. She sang it that last Christmas they all had together, her voice warmer than the stove and oven combined. And she's singing it now, long after she's lost her husband, long after she nearly lost her son.

Her voice is different now. Still warm and round and beautiful, but frailer, almost clumsy from lack of use. She doesn't seem to sing it out of relief or joy either, like she used to. Before, she sang it knowing everything she had waited for had returned to her. Now, it's hopeful. She has more things to wait for now, but she knows that they'll come.

You may have my face, Eliott,  his father's voice echoes in his mind.  But that heart and everything else inside you? That shine in your eyes? That all came from your mother.

Eliott slowly sits himself down on the floor, emotion flooding his chest and his eyes. Tears start spilling, but he's  smiling  so widely every inch of his face begins to ache. He tries to stifle his own sobs in case it drowns out the sound of his mother's voice. They come out, still, but only in quiet hiccups and sharp risings and fallings of his chest.

He hasn't heard his mother sing in more than two years. He's come to the crushing realization so many times that he could never remember the last time he'd heard her sing. He's wished on a thousand—dare he say a  million  —stars that he could hear her sing again, even if it was only half of a note, even if she was off-key. He's sung that same song to himself night after night in that horrific institution but it never soothed him like it could when she sang it. Since he's come home, he's felt a nagging guilt that his mother is too worried about him to feel light enough to sing. But he can leave all that behind now. His mother is  singing  again!

As she starts singing the last few lines, Eliott leaps to his feet, opening his door and rushing down the stairs. She doesn't seem to hear him though, her voice not wavering as it travels throughout the house. He sees her standing at the kitchen sink, filling the kettle with water. She's smiling softly, her voice becoming more beautiful as it escapes through her curved lips.

Eliott bites back another sob as he waits for her to put the kettle on the stove, or to see him out of the corner of her eye; whichever came first. But both happen at the same time as she sings the very last line.

Eliott bounds towards her, pulling her into a crushing yet relieved hug. 

"Honey, what's wrong?" she asks with concern in her voice, hesitantly hugging him back.

"Nothing," he replies, truthfully. With a sob, he explains, "You're singing again, Maman."

"Oh," she says, slightly startled. She holds him a little tighter, still unsure. "Oh," she repeats more quietly, almost a chuckle. 

"I've missed hearing you sing," Eliott says, his voice thick and breaking. "I've missed it so much."

She sniffles, breathing out a deep, slow sigh. She rubs soothing circles into his back, rests her chin on his shoulder. She starts to tremble as her own tears roll down her cheeks, so Eliott holds her tighter. "I think I've missed it, too," she chokes out. She sobs, then, kissing his cheek. "I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for, Maman?" he asks, chuckling lightly as he pulls away. "You're singing, so you're happy."

"I  am  happy," she nods, sniffling. "I listened to you and Lucas talking and laughing all night, and I just knew you were  so  happy. And when you're happy, I'm happy."

"We kept you up?" Eliott asks quietly, his heart swelling and constricting at the same time.

"You two have kept me up for years," she laughs. "Papa and I would stay awake and hear you two chatting away but we hardly ever minded. You were happy. And that was all that mattered. Besides, you know how Lucas is. His laugh is more of a shout than anything."

Eliott laughs as he tries to smile, but it wobbles too much as more tears roll down his cheeks.

"Now, there were also plenty of nights where we just wanted to sleep," his mother admits, but it makes Eliott laugh. She laughs, too, wiping the tears from his face. "But most of the time, we were happy because our son was happy."

"Your son  is  happy, Maman," Eliott replies, and it feels so  good  to say that. "I have my best friend back. And you're singing again. What more could I ask for?"

His mother  beams , and through her tears, she suggests, "How about some breakfast?"

Eliott laughs, nearly chokes on it, then nods. "I'd love some breakfast, Maman."

Before he can say another word, his mother pulls a plate from the cabinet and starts filling it with food—golden, steaming eggs and rich, ripe strawberries and warm, perfectly toasted bread. The kettle whistles as she sets the plate on the table, and she doesn't waste a moment to start steeping a cup of tea for him, too. Eliott almost feels overwhelmed, but he can't force his lips into a frown, even if he tried with all his might. So, he finds his seat at the table and starts eating, letting it overwhelm his tongue and fill his stomach. He starts taking sips of his tea, too. It's familiar, floral, warms his soul.

His mother sits across from him, eating as well, but watching him with a fondness and pride that he's missed so much it nearly stops his breath. 

And when he looks over at his father's chair, it seems to glow, seems to look at him and smile.

His mother wipes away his tears, and he feels his father's arms wrap around him from some distant place, some distant life.

august 6th, 1968

12:00

caen, france

~

It was Lucas's idea, visiting Eliott's father's grave. Eliott isn't sure where the idea came from, and he's surprisingly unashamed to admit that it's not necessarily a good one. The last time they were there together was at the funeral, the moment Eliott finally broke and fell into Lucas's arms. He didn't think he was ready to relive that moment, but Lucas was somehow able to convince him otherwise.

It's strange, sitting in the passenger's seat of Lucas's car. For some reason, Eliott could never quite picture either of them driving. He's so full of memories of them racing each other everywhere that he must never have considered any other possibility. Not to mention the fact that they're on their way to the cemetery. He doesn't like that Lucas is quiet either, and that he doesn't have the radio turned on. But he knows that Lucas has trouble finding the right words to say, and he knows that Lucas has a talent for using silence to his advantage. Eliott holds the small bunch of flowers a little tighter in his grip, the stems soft to the touch but sturdy under the slight pressure. He hopes for strength.

"Really, Eliott," Lucas finally says, as soon as he parks. "If we need to leave now or at any point, I can take you home. I… I know how hard this is for you."

Eliott sighs, shaking his head. "I think I'm okay."

Lucas smiles, small but reassuring. "Okay."

Silence falls between them again as they get out of the car and weave their way through the rows of graves, almost traveling through time. They pass some so weathered they can't quite read the inscriptions, others cracked or slightly burnt, all with unfamiliar names and dates. But as they travel further, they're less damaged, and the names begin to stir something in the back of their minds.

Eliott's steps begin to slow as they approach the grave they're looking for, and Lucas thankfully matches his pace. Eliott knows that this journey will never be easy, even though he's trekked this path several times now. He isn't sure if Lucas being by his side is helping him as much as it usually does, but he's still glad that he's here.

He isn't as lost as he used to be before. Now, he just looks for the wilted remains of the last flowers he left there. It always makes his heart sink a little, seeing them resting lifeless beneath his father's name. How many flowers have withered since he died, flowers that he never got to see?  But,  his soul reminds him.  How many have bloomed?  

He finds the few purple irises he brought last time easily, their petals now shriveled and tinged with gray. His eyes travel up, fleeting over the inscription before they find his father's name. He's almost memorized every grain of the stone, every imperfection forever staining the man he always thought was the closest thing to perfect someone could get. He sighs, and he feels Lucas gaze watching him carefully.

When no words burden his tongue, and Lucas stands silent beside him, Eliott kneels and carefully picks up the wilted flowers, almost flinching when they nearly turn to dust in his hand. He replaces them with the ones he's brought today; white, velvety roses with the faintest, sweetest perfume. He wonders how long these flowers will survive, how long they'll keep guard of his father's final resting place.

Once the flowers have been placed, Eliott lifts his hand and lets his fingers smooth over the dates, and the final, sealing words below it.

Un vaillant soldat, un mari dévoué et un père aimant

"Did I ever tell you what his last words were?" he hears himself ask, his hand dropping into his lap.

"No," Lucas answers behind him, quiet and slightly startled. 

"'God loves us, our happy family,'" Eliott recites, and he can't help hearing his father's voice in his own—tearful, weak, hopeful. "Then he fell asleep. And when he woke up, God took him home. And away from us."

Lucas kneels next to him, not saying another word. He holds out his hand and it reaches Eliott's slowly, waiting patiently for a response. Eliott lets his hand slip into Lucas's, but it still lies limply, cold and mourning. Lucas doesn't squeeze, just holds on tight enough that he supports it, like an achor or a knot.

"How did you bear it?" Eliott asks fraily. "Losing two fathers?"

"I had people to be strong for," Lucas replies after a quiet, heavy moment.. "When Papa left, I had to be strong for Maman. And when your papa passed away, I had to be strong for you. Even when I didn't feel strong."

"You can be strong without feeling like it, Lucas," Eliott says, squeezing Lucas's hand once, ignoring the gaping hole Lucas has left in his chest. "I know you. You feel something and you find a dark corner to tuck it into so you don't have to worry about it and no one else will see it, either."

Lucas presses his lips together, his eyes glazing over slightly; lost in thought, in denial once again. Eliott squeezes his hand again, and Lucas looks back up at him. Their gaze locks for a moment, and Eliott can  see  the pain Lucas is trying to hide. Lucas's eyes are like once fine fabric that's been torn and sewn back together too many times, a scar that never fades like it should. Eliott could get lost in those eyes, but Lucas would never let him get so lost that he couldn't find his way back again.

"It's hard to wear your heart on your sleeve," Eliott continues, hope rising in his chest when Lucas doesn't look away. "And you can hide it sometimes, if you feel like it's in danger or you don't want a certain person to see it. But how can we know our own hearts if we don't let ourselves look at it, or study it, or just hold it close? Your heart sits alone in your chest, Lucas, when it needs you as much as you need it."

Lucas's eyes are wet now, and his hand is clinging onto Eliott's. "I know," he nods weakly, sighing shakily. "It's just been so long…" 

"It hasn't," Eliott shakes his head, smiling kindly. "I saw it the other day when we finally talked. It was right here," he runs his thumb over the thin, pale skin of Lucas's wrist with the lightest touch he can manage. Lucas doesn't flinch. Eliott smiles wider, saying, "And it was beating and red and alive. It had a few scars, sure, but I could still recognize it. It was still one of the hearts that's been beating beside mine my whole life. It was still yours."

A single, solitary tear rolls down Lucas's cheek, but he's smiling. His gaze travels over to Eliott's father's grave, and an unreadable expression flashes across his face.

"You know," Eliott says, squeezing Lucas's hand again. "Maman always says that he's proud of me, but I think he's proud of you, too."

Lucas stifles a sob, covering his mouth with the back of his other hand. He rests his head on Eliott's shoulder, his body beginning to tremble. Eliott feels tears in his eyes, too, as he pulls Lucas closer.

"He couldn't stand you when we were younger," Eliott recalls, and Lucas laughs through his tears. "He thought you were grumpy and overdramatic and that you had a bad temper."

"He wasn't wrong," Lucas admits, chuckling.

"But he thought I was good for you," Eliott continues. "He thought I did a good job of keeping you in check. He thought we balanced each other out really well."

"When did I become tolerable for him?" Lucas asks.

"I think he liked you more and more as we grew up," Eliott answers, growing quiet as memories begin to trickle into his mind. "I thought he was gonna kill your papa when he found out that he abandoned you and your maman. He said that he knew that the war changed him, but he never thought it changed him like that. I don't think I'd ever seen him so angry before. Or since, I think."

Lucas tenses a bit, but he exhales slowly and relaxes. "I don't have the strength to be angry at him anymore. If he lost all his love in the war, then I never had a chance. He would never love me. He would never care about me. But I had Maman. And I had you and your parents. He's not worth my anger. He never was. I wish I had known that sooner. I wasted so much breath and so many tears on him."

"It's okay," is all Eliott can manage in reply. He isn't sure why words seem to fail him now.

"It's strange," Lucas says after another moment. "Your papa had me under his wing for only a few years, but when he died, I felt like I had lost a father. A true one, a real one."

"He had a talent for loving," Eliott replies, tears filling his eyes again. "He could make you feel like he's loved you for lifetimes with a single smile."

"That must be why I felt like I'd died, too, when I heard you tap on my window," Lucas concludes quietly. "But multiple of my selves died in that moment. Infinitely many."

"Maybe he's proof that your parallel universes exist. How else could so much  love  live inside him?"

He feels Lucas smile. "Maybe." His smile falls just as quickly as it came, but it's another moment before he speaks again. "I'm afraid of the day my papa will die. I'm afraid of how I'll feel. I don't want to mourn a man like him, but how can I not mourn my own father?"

"Grief is a strange thing," Eliott replies. "I don't think we get to choose who we mourn for, or what it makes us do, or how long it lives inside us. I think it chooses for us and we don't have any other choice but to feel it. And if you do find yourself mourning him when the time comes, I don't think it makes you a bad person. You'll just be grieving."

Lucas nods, thinking for a moment. "For some reason, I hope it isn't painful for him," Lucas mutters, almost of Eliott's earshot. "Not like it was for me."

Words fail Eliott again, and his mouth becomes dry. He smooths his thumb over Lucas's wrist again, and he still doesn't flinch.

"I hope you'll be there when it happens," Lucas sniffles, taking the burden of response off of Eliott's shoulders. But he chuckles lightly. "You owe me."

Eliott smiles weakly, letting his eyes close. "Don't worry. I'll be there, and if I'm not, I'll go through hell to make sure I'll get to you eventually." 

"Thank you," Lucas replies, lifting his head to look at Eliott. "In advance, I guess." 

"Well, then you're welcome in advance," Eliott teases, smirking. 

Lucas chuckles, rolling his eyes and shaking his head fondly. "You piss me off, but you're my best friend so I'm stuck with you."

Eliott can't help but feel the sweet, familiar warmth that blooms in his chest. It threatens to send a fierce blush up to his cheeks, so he tries his best to hold it back. Thankfully, Lucas doesn't seem to notice. "Once you marry Chloé, I'll be out of your hair."

Lucas tilts his head, raising his eyebrows. "Oh, really?"

"If," Eliott replies, holding up a finger. "You have your kids call me Uncle Eliott."

Lucas scoffs and rolls his eyes again but he's smiling. "Fine," he laughs, holding out his hand. 

Eliott takes it gladly and shakes it firmly, nodding once. "I'm glad we've agreed, Monsieur Lallemant."

"I'm glad as well, Monsieur Demaury," Lucas returns, nodding back. He dissolves into light, airy laughter then, resting his head on Eliott's shoulder again. Eliott hears him sigh contentedly, so at ease and so in relief Eliott feels his own heart and mind soothe, calm. 

Eliott stares at his father's grave as silence falls between them once again, trying to decipher what emotions are flooding his chest, coursing through his veins.

"I miss him," he says, still unsure of what feeling, what meaning lies behind his words.

"I miss him, too," Lucas replies, quiet and distant as an echo.

"Right before he died," Eliott begins, letting the memory take over his words for him. "He told me that I'll learn how to miss him and smile at the same time."

"Have you learned yet?" Lucas asks. He isn't accusatory or judging, just simply questioning.

"Not quite," Eliott responds. "But I think I'm starting to learn."

"That's good," Lucas smiles. "He knows that you're trying."

Eliott smiles then, too. "I know. I've been feeling him a lot more lately. His presence. And it's not cold and empty anymore. It's warm and familiar. It's like I can feel his arms around me again, or his hands tousling my hair again. I think I'd forgotten that whispers can be so kind, but he's reminded me."

"Maman used to say that whispers happen when our heart has so much to say it crawls up our throat and takes over our voice," Lucas recalls absent-mindedly, his fingers tracing an unfamiliar pattern on the back of Eliott's hand. "And that's why they're always quiet. And why some words are almost always whispered. And why whispers are only meant for certain people's ears."

"That's a strange thought," Eliott remarks. "But I don't mind it."

"I don't, either," Lucas agrees. "It is kind of nice when you think about it."

"Have you told her that you're pushing the wedding back yet?" Eliott asks quietly, hoping he won't upset Lucas.

"We have," Lucas nods, his voice level. "She was a little upset, but I think she understood. Her and Chloé actually still went to look at dresses because she was so excited, Chloé just didn't buy one. So I  didn't  lie to you that one night."

"Did she find one she liked?" Eliott smiles.

"Yeah," Lucas smiles, too. "She said it was really plain but really elegant. She said that it makes her feel like she's in a Jane Austen novel, whatever that means."

Eliott chuckles lightly, shaking his head.

"She said it had short sleeves, though," Lucas continues, chuckling along. "So she'll need to find a long-sleeved one probably, since we're having a Christmas wedding. Either that or I lend her my coat all night. That's romantic, isn't it?"

Eliott nods, humming. "How are you going to balance Christmas and your anniversary, though? As far as gifts?" he asks, nearly snickering.

"Couldn't tell you," Lucas sighs, but he's holding back laughter, too. "We'll figure it out, I guess."

"And I'm still your best man?" Eliott asks hopefully.

Lucas nods. "Of course you are. Who else would be my best man?"

"Well, you said Baz," Eliott replies teasingly.

Lucas just shakes his head in response this time, and things go quiet. Eliott can't help but feel a strange tension between them now, but he doesn't know where it came from or how to ease it away.

"Eliott?" Lucas says.

"Hm?" Eliott hums.

"Can we go home?" his voice is quiet again, almost timid.

"Of course," Eliott nods.

Lucas lifts his head and rises to his feet, not saying another word. He has an expression on his face that Eliott can only describe as blank, distant. But then he looks down at Eliott, his eyes quietly desperate. Eliott stands quickly, keeping eye contact with Lucas, but it's almost too much to bear. Lucas's eyes look like the ocean the day that he drowned—dark and fathomless, filled with something known and yet unspoken (Lucas will die; Eliott will never fall in love again). Eliott scrambles, trying to think of something to say, something that doesn't cross a line or make things worse. He opens his mouth, but pauses when Lucas takes the smallest step closer, tilts his chin up the slightest bit. His arms gently wrap around Eliott's waist and pull him close, then he buries his face in Eliott's shirt. 

Eliott freezes, feeling Lucas's hand drift up to weave into his hair, feeling Lucas's warmth breath tickle against his skin. He lets out a shocked, stuttering breath, then wraps his arms around Lucas, his hands finding their way through Lucas's hair, too. "I don't know what's wrong, Lucas," he whispers. "But you don't have to talk about it."

Lucas rests his head against in the crook of Eliott's neck, and it still fits like it used to.  "Merci,"  he breathes against Eliott's skin.  "Merci."

"Je suis là,"  Eliott responds, his lips brushing against the small, pointed tip of Lucas's ear. "It's okay,  mon  —" Eliott stops himself, biting his tongue to cut off the forbidden word resting on the tip of it.  "Mon frère," he says instead, using the first word that came to his mind. His stomach turns and his heart clenches, but he can't take the word back.

Lucas starts to pull away then, his hands the last to leave Eliott's body as they cling to his shirt, gently letting go and falling defeated at Lucas's sides. "Let's go home," he says, a finality in his voice that's sharp and unforgiving and forces a lump down Eliott's throat.

"Okay," Eliott manages.

They leave Eliott's father's grave in silence. The clouds darken above them, but they never shed a tear. The flowers that are keeping a dead man company wait patiently, either for the moment the clouds burst or they die of thirst.

As Lucas drives, Eliott asks if they're still okay. Lucas looks at him, smiling shyly and nodding. His eyes are calmer now, but they seem to be chanting some phrase that both of them recognize but neither dare say out loud.

Nothing will ever be the same again. We were fools to think we could make ourselves shrink and that the world would shrink with us.

august 10th, 1968

10:28

caen, france

~

Eliott's mother is sitting in the front lobby at his request, in the chair next to the vase of vibrant lilies that look just as fresh as they did a month ago. But he finds himself not feeling the need to hold her hand like he did last time as he waits for Dr. Garnier. He feels much braver now, almost like a child slowly learning courage. He finally jumped in the water that seemed so dark and deep, and felt its cool arms wrap around him and hold him afloat, and now he wants to get back in the water again. And he thinks Dr. Garnier will be happy to hear that Eliott and Lucas are friends again, and that he's been taking his medication, and that he's made so much progress in the past month. But he's worried about Lucas, especially after the way he was behaving at his father's grave. He knows Dr. Garnier isn't Lucas's therapist, but maybe he can offer some insight on how to help Lucas, how to comfort him.

The door opens, then, and Dr. Garnier enters. He looks up and smiles at Eliott, who grins back at him. Dr. Garnier's smile widens, then sits across from Eliott.

"You seem to be doing much better," he remarks, setting his clipboard aside. "I was worried you made another appointment because you weren't doing as well."

"I'm not perfect," Eliott shrugs. "But things are much better now."

"How's your mother?" Dr. Garnier asks politely.

Eliott smile widens a bit. "She's fantastic," he replies. "She's singing again. She hasn't sung since Papa died."

"That's good to hear," Dr. Garnier responds genuinely. "I'm glad that you're both doing well."

"I am, too," Eliott nods.

"And did you get to talk to Lucas?" Dr. Garnier continues, the smile not leaving his face.

"I did," Eliott smiles back. "We talked for a long time. We told each other everything. There's no more secrets or animosity between us anymore."

"That's good," Dr. Garnier grins. "That's great. It's important, having people who will support you. People who are in your corner."

Eliott nods. "Lucas definitely is," he pauses, then, slowly remembering what happened a few days ago, thinking through how to best phrase his concerns. "But I'm worried about him. Everything's been great so far, but he hasn't been himself the past few days."

"What do you mean when you say he's not himself?" Dr. Garnier asks, the smile falling from his face.

"He's anxious... but hopeless at the same time," Eliott replies, his brow furrowing as he thinks through his words. "It's like he knows that something bad is gonna happen, but he can't do anything to stop it. He wants to give up and let it happen but he can't."

"Do you have any idea of what could be on his mind?"

Eliott considers, running his thumb along his lower lip. "Him and his fiancée had to push back their wedding a year, but he wouldn't react like this if that was what was bothering him. And I don't know what else could be going on with him. I don't… I really don't know what's wrong."

"And you said you don't want to talk to him about it because you think he may not be ready to?" Dr. Garnier clarifies.

Eliott nods. "And he's too damn stubborn, anyway," he sighs, shaking his head. "Even if I tried to ask him what's wrong, he would just shut down or get angry or just brush it off. But it hurts because if he's upset, I feel upset, too. I hate seeing him so… So  troubled ."

"Has he ever been like this before?" Dr. Garnier asks, his brow furrowing.

Eliott takes a deep breath as thousands of memories flood through his mind. Lucas bathed in golden sunlight while black ink spills from his mouth, but Eliott kisses it away until he's golden again. Lucas listening to Eliott's manic ranting but his eyes stare at him as if he were a stranger, and Eliott kisses him for the last time before he drowns. Lucas held two years of unspeakable pain on his shoulders and thrust it onto Eliott's, his mouth cold and unforgiving and sharp. Lucas almost becoming a slab of stone himself amongst the dozens in the cemetery, a shadow passing over him and leaving him cold and hollow.

Eliott nods as he wills the memories away, a lump forming in his throat. 

"What happened the other times?" Dr. Garnier asks. "How were you able to get through to him? Did he always tell you eventually?"

Eliott considers for a moment, then nods. "Eventually," he agrees. "It just takes him awhile. He has to try to hold everything in his chest first, but once it becomes too much, it all spills out."

"What was wrong with him those other times, if I may ask?" Dr. Garnier is cautious, and Eliott can't help but feel grateful for it.

"There was one time where he was kind of like that," Eliott begins, choosing a memory that won't reveal too much. "The day he drowned. I was in a mania, and he had never seen me like that. Not as bad as I was that day, at least. He was afraid of me, I could tell. Or maybe of the things I was saying or doing, but he wanted to get away from me. Even if it was just for the day. But I wouldn't let him, because I was afraid of letting him out of my sight. And look where that got him. But… I'm not in a mania right now. I'm not depressed, either. I'm normal right now. So, he isn't worried about me, or afraid of me."

"Okay," Dr. Garnier replies quietly, nodding. "Is there another occasion where this happened that you'd be willing to share?"

Eliott nods, trying to be careful again. "Just earlier this week, we visited my father's grave," he begins. "I think we were both anxious about it, because the last time we were there together was at his funeral. But we got there, and we sat in front of his grave, and we talked like everything was normal. But something changed. Lucas wasn't talking as much, and he was just staring at the grave but there was something clouding his eyes. He was miles away, and I didn't know how to reach him. When we left, I just hugged him and made sure to tell him that I was there for him."

"Was Lucas close with your father, too?" Dr. Garnier asks after a moment.

Eliott sighs, nodding. "It's so selfish of me, but I always forget how much Papa's death affected him. He's told me before that he didn't let himself grieve too much in front of me because he felt he needed to be strong for me. If I could go back, I would check on Lucas more. Comfort him for a change, instead of him comforting me all the time." 

"There's not a wrong way to grieve, Eliott," Dr. Garnier cuts in, his voice firm but kind. "Especially since it's one of the most consuming emotions we can feel. And once we look back on such a dark period with the light that we've found again, there's a million things we could find that we regret. And regret was one of the many things that tore you two apart in the first place. Don't let it do it again. Lucas needs you as much as you need him, and I think you know that."

"You think that's what could be wrong?" Eliott asks quietly. "He's still grieving?"

"I can't tell you how Lucas feels," Dr. Garnier responds. "Only he can tell you that, because he's the only one who can feel what he feels. But, if you reach out to him, or he reaches out to you, that's your opportunity to make amends for what you feel you did wrong. If he  is  grieving, and if he's grieving a thousand things at once, you can help him. You could lessen his regrets, guide him to the light more quickly."

Eliott nods, surety filling his chest. "Okay."

"But," Dr. Garnier adds. "I can tell how much you care about Lucas. And it's a beautiful thing to care that much about someone, but you need to keep a fraction of that, however small it may be, for yourself. You can't take care of Lucas if you don't take care of yourself. All the love you have for him won't do him any good if you don't have the strength to give it to him."

Eliott tries to keep himself from flinching at the word  love , but it doesn't work the way he wants it to. And, unfortunately, Dr. Garnier notices. His eyebrows shoot up for a moment, but then his expression changes to something soft. Understanding? Maybe even pity?

"Eliott," he begins softly, kindly, patiently. "It's okay if you love Lucas. And it's okay if you're  in love with him…" he trails off as he studies Eliott's face, looking for a reaction. He pauses another moment before asking, "Are you in love with him?"

Eliott feels tears spring in his eyes, feels his lower lip wobble. He nods, sending a tear or two rolling down his cheek. "Hopelessly," he replies, nearly choking on a sob. "Completely."

"And he doesn't love you back," Dr. Garnier continues quietly.

Eliott takes a deep breath before shaking his head. 

"Can you look at me, Eliott?" Dr. Garnier asks, his tone never forceful or cruel.

Eliott takes a few more deep breaths then lifts his head, looking into Dr. Garnier's kind eyes.

"I understand," Dr. Garnier says simply. He doesn't say more, and he doesn't need to. Eliott understands, too. He feels something strange fills his chest. Comfort? Familiarity? Dr. Garnier continues, "This kind of thing is hard enough for people who don't have to keep their love in the dark. It's especially hard for people like us, because we never know if someone could ever love us, too. When love becomes this forbidden thing, we want it even more. We  need it even more."

Eliott nods weakly, that strange feeling becoming stronger and stronger.

"There have been plenty of boys I fell in love with growing up that would never even glance my way," Dr. Garnier chuckles lightly. He pauses, his smile and laugh fading. "And there were boys I fell in love with when I fought in the war, and I watched most of them die in a hailstorm of bullets or in the cloud of a grenade. But, not too long after I made it home, I found a boy who loved me, too."

"What's his name?" Eliott asks, smiling weakly. 

"Louis," Dr. Garnier replies, grinning. "And I'll love him forever. But it took so many heartbreaks for me to finally find him. People like us shouldn't have to go through so much pain to find the person we'll love more than anything, but we're never alone in our pain. There are more of us out there than you think, Eliott. We're all hiding, but since our eyes get adjusted to the dark we start seeing each other. We're never alone. There's someone out there for us, just like there's someone out there for everyone else."

Eliott wants to smile, but his tears are coming faster, now. "I don't think I could ever love someone more than I love Lucas," he chokes out. "Maybe it's because I thought he loved me, too."

"You did?" Dr. Garnier asks, sympathetic. 

Eliott nods. "We were together," he begins, through his tears. "Before everything happened. He kissed me for the first time about a month before Papa died. We wrote letters to each other while I was at the institution, and he wrote me the most beautiful letters. But, apparently, none of it was real. He started dating Chloé and now they're engaged. He says he was confused back then. Just a boy. That he knows he isn't queer now. That he doesn't love me in that way and he never has. And I can't make him love me, but I  want  to, and—" Something occurs to Eliott, then, a thought he wishes he could erase and say isn't true. "What if I'm the reason he's upset?"

"Eliott—" Dr. Garnier cuts in, but Eliott's voice drowns it out.

"What if he knows I'm still in love with him and that's why he's trying to get away from me?" he rambles, his voice thick and breaking. "What if he thinks I'm a disgusting sinner and what if he wonders why he ever decided to give me a second chance? What if he thinks that I'm going to kiss him again and force him into something he doesn't want? What if he can't wait to go to school in Paris and marry Chloé so he won't have to talk to me or see me anymore? What if I've ruined everything again?"

"Eliott," Dr. Garnier repeats firmly, reaching and placing his hand on Eliott's knee. "Can you look at me again, please?"

Eliott lets a few more sobs escape his throat before finding the strength to lift his head again. He can't quite see through his tears, but he can  feel  Dr. Garnier's kindness. He waits for Eliott to calm down before he starts speaking.

"I think you need to talk to Lucas again," he says softly. "Tell him how you're feeling right now. And if he's ready, he can tell you the real reason why he's upset. I'm willing to bet that it doesn't have anything to do with you. But if he isn't ready, at least he knows what's on your mind. At least you're being honest with him. It's like I said before. Regrets and doubt has built a wall between you two before, and you've both torn it down. Don't let another wall be built. Neither of you deserve that."

"And what if I am the reason?" Eliott asks weakly. "And please don't tell me that I won't be. What do I do then?"

Dr. Garnier sighs, thinking for a moment. "Just come here. Tell whoever is at the front desk that you need to see me immediately. That it's an emergency. I'll help you. We can talk through it. Okay?"

Eliott nods. "Okay."

"I was about to say, too, that you could talk to your mother," Dr. Garnier continues, trailing off. "Does she know?"

Eliott shakes his head. "I haven't thought much about telling her," he admits, shrugging. "Maybe if I give myself some time I could."

"Do it whenever you're ready, Eliott," Dr. Garnier replies. "And telling someone who you are is one of the hardest things you'll ever do. But I can tell your mother adores you. She reminds me of my mother. And when I told her about Louis and I, she hugged me so tightly I felt I couldn't breathe, but I couldn't have cared less about that. And, if it doesn't go the way you hope it will, come here and say it's an emergency. I'll be there to help you then, too.

Eliott nods again. "I will."

"I was you, once, Eliott," Dr. Garnier continues. "Confused and lost and lonely. That's why I decided to become a psychiatrist. I knew there was bound to be someone who was like me and who would need guidance. I'm older now, and that gives me the opportunity to tell people what I needed to hear when I was their age."

Eliott lets himself smile. "Can you tell me something, then? Something you needed when you were 19?"

"I would've been about to go to war," Dr. Garnier says, taken aback. He thinks for a moment. "I would've told 19-year-old Pierre that the world becomes more beautiful after you feel like you've lost it. After you feel like you don't belong on it, or after it feels like everything within it has turned on you. Once you learn how to fight back and once that all surrenders, the world is more beautiful than it's ever been before. There are colors everywhere, and laughter constantly floats in the air, and the earth is steady and loving beneath your feet."

Eliott's smile falters, remembering the world he sees when he looks into Lucas's eyes. The world Dr. Garnier is describing is nothing compared to the world in Lucas's eyes. 

"The world will be yours soon enough, Eliott," Dr. Garnier continues. "It'll belong to you and whoever you decide to share it with. Whether it's Lucas, or someone else. And everything will be okay. I can promise you that."

Eliott lets his eyes shut for a moment, imagining sharing a world with Lucas. Surrounded by water that will never drown them, city lights mingling with an ever star-riddled sky. The only music that exists is Lucas's laughter, his voice. Everyone they love is alive and well and happy. Nothing is wrong or dark or dirty. There is no sin. 

He clings to this world, to this fantasy. He doesn't know what'll happen if everything there crumbles, and he doesn't want to think about it.

"Thank you so much, Dr. Garnier," Eliott says, smiling weakly.

"You're very welcome, Eliott," Dr. Garnier returns. "Go home and get some rest. And keep being strong. I know you are."

"Thank you," Eliott replies as he stands. "And you'll have to tell me more about Louis."

Dr. Garnier chuckles. "I could talk about him all day, so I'm glad to hear that." He guides Eliott to the door, opening it for him. "Take care of yourself for me, Eliott. And please let me know as soon as possible if you need anything."

"I will," Eliott nods. "Thank you so much again. Have a good day."

"You, too, Eliott," Dr. Garnier returns, quietly shutting the door.

Eliott finds his mother reading a magazine in the lobby. She must've seen him out of the corner of her eye, because she quickly puts the magazine aside and walks over to him. 

"Hi, honey," she greets sweetly. Her face is suddenly etched with concern. "Have you been crying? Are you okay?"

"I'm okay, Maman," he promises, rubbing at his eyes. "Really."

She sighs in relief. "Okay, wonderful. Do you wanna get home now?"

Eliott nods gratefully. "Yes, please."

Him and his mother leave, locking arms, and Eliott breathes a little more easily.

Still, though, a lingering thought in the back of his mind:  have I ruined everything?

[notebooknebula]

Randy Lawrence, The Real Estate Preacher, Joins Jay Conner LIVE!

https://www.jayconner.com/randy-lawrence-the-real-estate-preacher-joins-jay-conner-live/

Jay Conner is joined by The Real Estate Preacher, Randy Lawrence.

“I’ve seen and done it all in real estate. Now I want to help you achieve the success I’ve enjoyed.” – Randy Lawrence

Prosperity Capital Partners lives its mission of serving others by providing Investors with financial freedom: Double-digit returns with zero capital loss and excellent tax benefits to our private investors for 17 years via asset-backed real estate investments.

Families with high-quality, affordable homes: Offering updated affordable housing enhancing the quality of life of working American families who live in our apartments.

https://pcpre.net/ https://therealestatepreacher.com/

Real Estate Cashflow Conference:

https://www.jayconner.com/learnrealestate/

Free Webinar:

http://bit.ly/jaymoneypodcast

Jay Conner is a proven real estate investment leader. Without using his own money or credit, Jay maximizes creative methods to buy and sell properties with profits averaging $64,000 per deal.

#RealEstate #PrivateMoney #FlipYourHouse

————————————————————

Jay Conner (00:02):

Well, hello and welcome to another episode of Real Estate Investing with Jay Conner! I’m Jay Conner, the Private Money Authority, also the host of the show. And I wanna welcome you whether you’re a brand new or you’ve been following the show for some time. My lands! We’ve launched back in June, 2018, tracking fast over 300,000 downloads. Thanks to you. And I do need your help. If you find this episode to be valuable, and you can use this information in your real estate investing business, then please help me out. Let’s share this information, like share, subscribe, write, and review whether you are on iTunes or watching on YouTube or any of our other platforms. Well, here on the show, we talk all things that relate to real estate investing. We talk about how to find deals. We talk about how to fund the deals without relying on local banks, mortgage companies, or even hard money lenders.

Jay Conner (01:11):

We talk about how to sell houses, rehab houses, and how to automate your business to where you’re actually running it. And it’s not running you. But as I mentioned, I’m known as the private money authority. I became an expert on raising private money and I’m not talking about doing business with brokers. I’m talking about actually attracting hundreds of thousands and in the millions of dollars in funding, that’s got nothing to do with your credit, your verification of income, or actually even the number of deals that you’ve done. If you’re interested in getting more funding for your deals to where you never miss out on a deal because you didn’t have the money, I’ve got a free gift for you. Yes, I have got a new monthly membership that I launched that I’m going to show you how to get free access to the membership. It’s called The Private Money Academy, and on the, or in the membership twice a month, I am live on Zoom with coaching for all of the Academy members.

Jay Conner (02:11):

We’re tracking fast to a thousand members. Right now, we got about 150 members. And as a matter of fact, the next live Zoom coaching call is within the next week. So I’m going to tell you how to get in, you get the live coaching. We also put someone, one of the members in the hot seat where we analyze your business, figure out your challenges and fix your challenges to where you’re able to take your business to the next level. And we also have new content and training in the membership every month on finding, flipping, automating funding, selling, et cetera. We also cover all in the membership, all types of real estate deals. We cover single family houses, commercial land, self storage, and you name it. We got it covered. So here’s how you can take advantage of checking it out for free. Go to www.jayconner.com/trial.

Jay Conner (03:10):

Again, that’s JayConner.com/Trial. Look forward to having you live on the membership Zoom conference calls. Well now in addition to that, if you’ve been tuning in for any time, you know that here at Real Estate Investing with Jay Conner, I have amazing experts. And in fact, the guests that I have on today’s show is a good friend of mine and is a fellow member of a very top and mastermind group where we have about 120 real estate investors from all across the nation. We get together about four times a year and help each other out on our businesses. Well, let me tell you about my friend. First of all, he’s an entrepreneur with over as of today, 24 years of experience, and he has four very successful real estate investment companies.

Jay Conner (04:08):

In addition to that, my friend and I have got the same, same heart, and we’ve got a lot in common. He’s a pastor and also a founder of multiple life-changing ministries. And as of this day in the last 15 years, he has impacted and then blessed impact over 40,000 people. He’s been seen on CBN, NBC, CTN and featured in the St. Petersburg times Tampa Tribune. And he’s known as the transformation expert. In addition to that, he’s experienced his own life transformations as well, overcoming the upbringing from a broken home and his life as a drug dealer to becoming a successful entrepreneur, pastor husband, and a father. In addition to that, his spiritual breakthroughs led him out of the economic collapse and the financial collapse of 2008. And man can, I not relate to that! Took him from bankruptcy to a real estate rehabbing business, generating a seven figure annual income, again, something else that he and I have in common.

Jay Conner (05:16):

Also he, and I’ve got another yet person. That’s a mutual friend and mentor back in 2013, he co-authored a book titled Dare To Succeed with Jack Canfield, who is the co-creator of Chicken Soup For The Soul detailing in this book his personal and professional rise from the ashes, his mentors and his coaches include world renowned business leaders, authors, international speakers, such as Les Brown and also John C. Maxwell. He also is an active member contributed to the same mastermind group that he and I are a member of. Comprise, as I mentioned of nation’s elite real estate investors, beyond that he passionately believes in God’s promise of abundance and freedom, and he uses his unique strategies to help transform lives like yours by unlocking spiritual, mental, and tactical financial potential through real estate investing. He also has a very popular podcast titled The Real Estate Preacher on the podcast. He shares his successes and his failures along with his proven strategies and techniques that help build systems that work he’s proven them to work. And he does this so others like you can achieve their own seven figure incomes and their own abundance, just like him. Welcome to the show. My friend, Randy Lawrence also known as the Robo State Preacher.

Randy Lawrence (06:47):

Awesome! My brother. Good to see ya.

Jay Conner (06:49):

Good to see you too, man! Would you reach around please? And like scoop up a little energy and bring to the show to grab a little more

Randy Lawrence (06:59):

After that intro I’m ready to jump up and run around the building Man! Praise the Lord!

Jay Conner (07:04):

Randy, you’ve got quite the story, quite the backstory at one time you were a drug dealer you were bankrupt. You were like, you know, you were like slap dab in one time. And the financial collapse of 2008.

Randy Lawrence (07:19):

Yup!

Jay Conner (07:19):

So, before we get into those pieces of your story how about give us your backstory and little an overview as to.

Randy Lawrence (07:29):

Yeah

Jay Conner (07:30):

Where you’ve been in, what you went through to get you where you are now

Randy Lawrence (07:34):

For sure, man. Well, so my background, I come from, you know, a broken home parents divorced it, you know, four or five years old that kind of led to, by the time I’m in middle school, high school doing my own thing, kind of wayward with the wrong crowd, wrong group, doing the wrong things and just, you know, partying and all like that. Went on through college, got my degree in finance, minor in economics, went into the stock brokerage business right after that really kind of continued on with that same kind of money and partying lifestyle and all. And it was probably about 27 that I, you know, had had success in, in that respect, but really wasn’t fulfilled. And it was at that time that I really kind of found through reading a book Norm Miller chairman of Interstate Batteries, where it outlined about faith in God.

Randy Lawrence (08:25):

I put my trust in Christ. It really just complete 180 from my life, Got involved in the church locally and then got met my wife there. We got married and then, you know, God called me in the Ministry as well. And so I’m running a money management company that I started and then also ministering there at the church and probably around about 2003, God, just really, Has showed the power of the difference of what real estate can do versus, you know, stocks, bonds, option traditional money management. So really started focus on that. And you know, that was really the beginning of where things took off for us. We sold our money management practice in 2006 and moved out North of Tampa to start a church. And then of course that’s where we were having gone through that economic collapse that happened here in Florida.

Randy Lawrence (09:17):

And it was just quite the incredible journey because I was simultaneously pastoring the church, also running the real estate business and navigating the economic collapse that the whole country went through. So really kind of an incredible time at that moment in time.

Jay Conner (09:34):

Did you say you met your wife at church?

Randy Lawrence (09:36):

I did. You know, it’s funny. My dad always used to ride me now again, he was in North Carolina, we’d see each other, maybe once a year, talk on the phone once a week, I’d be going to the bar at happy hour after work, you know, and talk to him on the weekend. And he’s like, what’d you doing? That’s all, I’m going out with some friends at a ball game. And he’s like, man, you should go to church. I’m like go to church? He’s like, well that’s where you going to meet you a right girl. And I’m like, yeah, that’s not the kind of right girl. I want to meet, but he was right. You know? And so yeah, I was blessed to meet my beautiful wife, Sarah Jo there. And we’ve been married now 21 years coming up in October.

Jay Conner (10:16):

Did you say her name is Sarah Jo?

Randy Lawrence (10:18):

Sarah Jo? Yeah. She’s.

Jay Conner (10:20):

We got two things in common, We both met our wives or our to be wives At church.

Randy Lawrence (10:25):

Yeah.

Randy Lawrence (10:25):

And both of them have good Southern devil names. Mine’s Carol Joy,

Randy Lawrence (10:32):

Okay.

Jay Conner (10:32):

And yours is Sarah Jo, you want to know something else we got in common?

Randy Lawrence (10:36):

ah.

Jay Conner (10:36):

So in your bio in 2013, you coauthored a book with Jack Canfield named Dare To Succeed.

Randy Lawrence (10:44):

yup!

Jay Conner (10:44):

Well guess what? Two years later in 2015, I got certified as a Jack Canfield trainer by Jack Canfield.

Randy Lawrence (10:53):

Awesome. Yeah, it’s a, it’s amazing how many things, you know, it’s like the commonalities that the Lord, when you surround yourself with great people, it’s like you attract those similar qualities. And then here it is, you know, that we’ve been together through CG and the friendship there. And then now as we connect together with that further, you find all these backstories that line up with the identical things. That’s just pretty cool.

Jay Conner (11:22):

Well you know, I don’t know who came up with the idiotic idea, In my opinion, that opposites attract that’s stupid.

Randy Lawrence (11:29):

yeah.

Jay Conner (11:29):

I want to be around people. That’s like me. It’s like birds of the same feather flock together. Right?

Randy Lawrence (11:34):

For sure. Absolutely. And that’s, you know, we’re really, as you begin to have the synergies, the thinking is the same, the thinking that elevates one another and pushes each other to higher levels. That’s when I heard your intro about the monthly mentorship program, it’s like, man, that’s what people need to be a of because you know, you just, you come together with great thinking and then it inspires your thinking and then you see these actions that others are doing, or, you know, it’s just a win, win. It’s like the synergy of one plus one, it’s more like, you know, two times two equals four and then it just expansively grows, you know? And that’s the thing, man. So,

Jay Conner (12:15):

Yeah, exactly. So would you say, first of all, were you raised going to church or no?

Randy Lawrence (12:21):

I was not. You know, both my parents, you know, kind of by the time I was in middle school, I was kind of given ability to start making my own decisions and, you know, good parents, but this not focused on, you know, religion or, and again, as a broken home you know, they were just trying to do the best they could do to do their thing. And, you know, so that left me to my own accord and left them on accord. I probably connected together with the wrong group and ran with the wrong crowd and all that kind of stuff.

Jay Conner (12:53):

So I want to speak for a moment to people listening in or viewing whichever platform they’re viewing as someone or listening. My best guess is the majority of people out there like you and me went through a time in their life. The majority, not all, but a lot of people went through a time in their life or an extended time in their life that was very dark. Right? And I went through my dark time. My dark time lasted from the time I was 21 years old until I was 24 years old. And it just progressively got darker and darker and darker. Here’s my question for you. Did you have a wake up call? If so, what was it?

Randy Lawrence (13:42):

Yeah.

Randy Lawrence (13:42):

And if you did, what was it?how did you get out of it?

Randy Lawrence (13:50):

Yeah, So I was, you know, in that period for me would probably been 13 through 27. So like 14 years kind of like a Joseph in the journey, the two kind of coming out of the pit and all like that. But it was really at 27. I was helping take care of my mom. She had gone through numerous health challenges with failed back surgeries and all like that. And I had gotten a DUI charge, you know, for driving home apparently intoxicated. And again, I’m like, no, you know, that’s not the truth, but really what it was for me at that moment was it was this wake up call that here I am, 27, I’m facing the possibility of losing my license for six months. And, you know, I worked at a brokerage firm in Tampa. I lived in Seminole there with my mom helping to take care of her.

Randy Lawrence (14:43):

There were these recoveries and health things she’s going through and it just hit me like, you know, good Lord, man. I’m nowhere near where I want to be in life, cause if I lose this thing, now I’ma have to ride my bike to the 711 and maybe get a job. There not knocking people to work at 711, but that was not my aspiration. And I’m like, what I’d aspired to become and to do and achieve is nowhere near the realities. And the truth of the matter is it’s because of where I’m at in my life and the choices. And so that began to be that process to me, to see it’s like, what I’ve been doing is not the right thing. And so in short order, I laid my hands on a book, another friend of mine and I we’d started in an automotive garage and in the we sold interstate batteries.

Randy Lawrence (15:33):

And so the interstate battery salesman dropped off a book called beyond the norm. And it was about Norm Miller and his journey. I thought it was a sales success book, but it was his journey on how he came to faith in Christ. And then they became the number one battery reseller in the world and went on to such great success. And when I read that book, I’m like, that’s it, he’s got a beautiful wife, he’s got success, he’s got fulfillment. He’s in, he’s found it all in Jesus. And I’m like, wow! And I’m like, you know, Lord, if that’s true, and this is real come into my life, come into my heart, show me the direction you want me to go. And it was just like wham! This giant Volkswagen that I’ve been carrying on my shoulder for 15 years was just released. And it was just an incredible thing. And I, I knew I didn’t know what exactly happened, but I knew something happened and that my life had been changed. I could just feel it at that moment,

Jay Conner (16:31):

If you would like to follow Randy Lawrence and his story, you can follow Randy at www.TheRealEstatePreacher.com So Randy what does your, so how’d you. So when did you start in real estate? How did you get into real estate and what is your business model look like today?

Randy Lawrence (16:52):

Yeah, so we started in 2003. I bought my first multifamily property with little small duplex in 99. And you know, just really loved real estate even while I was a stockbroker and a money manager, you know I just loved real estate. And the more I looked at it, I saw the power of the returns you could generate in real estate with a really a lower adjusted beta or better risk adjusted return than what we were getting with our stock portfolios. And so it was 2003. I mean, God just really helped me to see that’s the direction. And so we bought our first small apartment complex in 2003 and began buying more properties. Now in Florida, it was a real white hot market. So it was tough to get properties. My first mentors had a several thousand doors that they own in apartments.

Randy Lawrence (17:41):

And so that had always been our focus, but you know, we probably started in five and six rehabbing houses just cause there’s so much, you know, money that could be made in that arena. And so we started building that business and also, you know, owning the small multi-families and 2008 hit. We went through the decline here in Florida you know, thankfully it was a great retooling that helped me to just learn a lot through that process. And so we came out through that process where a lot of people just left real estate. We did a huge short sale business, helped hundreds of people. And then, you know, 2011, 12, 13 started rehabbing houses again. And then 15 started focused back on large multifamily. So now to this day, kind of fast forward, we have over a hundred million dollars in apartment complexes on our commercial multifamily side. We have probably three more complexes under contract. Now we’ll buy eight more complexes next year. It’s kind of a velocity approach that we use. And then we still on the residential side buy fix and sell about 70 houses a year.

Jay Conner (18:53):

Wow! That’s quite an operation for both single family and your commercial, what size operation do you have as far as employees that are with you full time and numbers size is your team?

Randy Lawrence (19:08):

Yeah. So our internal team here in the office, we’re based in Largo, Florida, which is kind of the Tampa Bay area. We have seven employees in our internal office team. And then we have right about 28 employees that are through our multifamily side, through our management partnership so that, you know, they’re, they’re not direct report to me, but they work for our company through our management operations. So with every property that we buy, cause on the apartment side, our complexes tend to be 75 units to 200 units is the range kind of the sweet spots, probably a hundred, 110 15. And so every one of those complexes, we always have a full time manager and a full time maintenance. And so with every complex we buy that adds two more people to the mix. And then we have a regional manager that oversees them. And then one of our internal asset managers that oversee them as well

Jay Conner (20:07):

On your apartment complex projects is your business model to search for distress properties that you can fix up and get the rents raised and then turn them for a profit or what’s your business model would like, are you staying in the deal long term or what?

Randy Lawrence (20:24):

Our focus typically is about a three year hold. We look for kind of the threefold, the Holy grail, if you will, that we’re looking for the, the property that has a, you know, original type condition. So we focus on workforce type housing. So that’s people making between 30 to 60 grand, you know, real C, C plus type property. These people are, you know, typically blue collar or lower end white collar workers, you know, just good quality working Americans. They need a good place to live. So that property typically built in the seventies, early eighties, original condition on the interiors. A lot of times, a little bit of deferred maintenance, you know, where they’ve owned it, but they just haven’t really fixed it up and kept it spruced up on the outside. They’re typically, you know, keeping the cashflow and then operational areas where we can improve efficiencies.

Randy Lawrence (21:15):

Cause we have a more corporate structure, you know, large scale discounts. So with that, we’re able to go in upgrade the units so that they’re for about $3,800. We’re able to make them like new two thousands, you know, paint the cabinets, new floor, new lighting and then bring the rent because if they’re renting at 800 and the market’s at nine, it makes sense. This place is a little tired. The place is not updated. So we’re able to update the units on the turn. So that keeps cashflow consistent. It keeps us to be, you know, positive out of the gate so that we’re not running a negative. And it also is much more secure because we’ve got positive cashflow from day one. So on a hundred unit property, it takes us probably about 18 months to cycle through the rent roll, renovate the units. The first 90 days though we renovate the exterior. So it gives it a fresh pop and looks nice. So, you know, you know, the first three months you pull up on the property, looks like a new place and we’re able to start methodically working through the rent roll to improve the interiors during that time as well. And then that prepares us to be done within 24 months and then operate it for another 12 months to really improve the the T 12 and prep it ready for sale.

Scott Paton (22:37):

I think we lost Jay for a minute there, Randy. So.

Randy Lawrence (22:42):

No problem. Well then, you know, so just kind of carrying forward with our business model on it. So typically those properties, you know, we’re buying them at 85, 90, 95% occupied, and we have people that invest with us in the complex. So, you know, we’re buying a, let’s say a $10 million complex, we get a seven and a half to $8 million loan. And then that additional 2 million comes in the form of our capital as well as other people investing with us. And you know, it’s a typically like that is a three year hold period based on the model that I just share.

Scott Paton (23:18):

Cool! So I have a question that’s of interest to me, and that is, is the, if I invest in your deal or your project, is it interest that comes back or interest plus a percentage of profits? Or how does that?

Randy Lawrence (23:33):

So how it works on the majority of our properties, we have a preferred return model where you’re getting a 12% preferred return. So you get 7% paid on cashflow. So that’s a quarterly check every quarter. And then you get another 5% appreciation that is then a preferred return so that you, for example, put in a hundred grand, you’re getting 7,000 a year paid quarterly and then another 5,000 a year that’s accruing as appreciation so that when the property sold in three years, you get the hundred grand back plus another 15,000. That’s the appreciation. And then meanwhile, you were paid 21,000 through the cashflow during that three year hold period. The interesting thing with apartments too, and this is one of the greatest elements to it because you’re an actual owner in the individual apartment, you get a K1.

Randy Lawrence (24:24):

And so instead of a 10 99, you get a K1. And on that K1 because of the depreciation, you’ll get you typically on a hundred thousand, about a 40,000 depreciation loss. So you actually got 7,000 of income, but your tax statement shows you lost 40 grand. So you don’t pay any tax on that 7,000. So it really is a highly favorable and tax efficient investment vehicle.

Scott Paton (24:48):

I don’t understand why anyone would buy stocks, just listening to you right now. But Jay has returned.

Randy Lawrence (24:54):

Awesome!

Scott Paton (24:54):

I’m going to step away and make room for him right now.

Randy Lawrence (24:58):

All right. Very good.

Randy Lawrence (24:59):

So I don’t know what happened, but poof! I’m going poof I’m back

Randy Lawrence (25:05):

Yeah.

Jay Conner (25:05):

So, You may have already answered this question, Randy, but one more chance, your favorite way to find your apartment deals and how many of you got the analyze to buy one?

Randy Lawrence (25:14):

Yeah, they’re very good questions. So really, you know, we network in any market. So like if you focus on a market that you want to be in, we want to be in high growth markets cause that’s where demographics and jobs are coming. So in that market, you’re going to have typically three to five people that are the majority of the brokers that sell the big projects. Right? And so we develop a relationship with those people. They know that we’re no BS shake on it, we get it done. And with that, we’ve developed a very clear track record and a confidence. So when a deal comes that’s like, I just got an email yesterday, guys like, Hey, we’ve got an amazing property that it’s off market. The sellers looking to want to sell it. We want to get your input on it. First we get that kind of first shot at stuff that other people aren’t going to get because of the relationships we’ve developed and the performance that we’ve done in executing, you know? And so that’s really the number one strategy that is yielded the results that we’ve seen. And then currently we own 11 complexes right now just over a thousand doors. And then we have three more complexes under contract right now. That’ll bring us right to about 1400.

Jay Conner (26:34):

Awesome. And how many deals you’ve got to analyze to buy one?

Randy Lawrence (26:37):

Oh yes. That’s the question right there. So it probably is anywhere from 30 to 40, a lot of times, you know, we’ve developed a system where I have a full time acquisitions person. We have a two 10X14 double spreadsheet and he’s just going through property after property, after property. And so on a weekly basis, kind of the crap that’s on the back and it migrates to the front. So now when you get to the front page, the top 5 to 10 are right there for me to look at. And then we say, okay, dive into this one, this one, this one. And that’s a process that we’ve refined and developed so that we’re able to go through that kind of ball on, because you got to shift through the chafe, define that, you know, nugget of gold and you know, and that’s really been the key.

Randy Lawrence (27:26):

And so I think a lot of times people looking at apartments, you know, they mistake well like, Oh, well I look at this one or look at that one. And it’s like, that’s really not how it works. You’ve gotta be willing to 1, be accurate and understanding the dynamics that go into it. And then 2 have the volume ability to be able to look at a lot of deals.

Jay Conner (27:45):

Excellent. Well, Randy has been such a pleasure to have you here on the show and folks to stay connected with Randy Lawrence, go on over to his website at www.TheRealEstatePreacher.com. God bless you, Randy. Thank you so much.

Randy Lawrence (28:04):

Thank you so much, brother. You have an awesome day. God bless.

Randy Lawrence (28:07):

You too. There you have it. Folks. This wraps up another episode in show of Real Estate Investing with Jay Conner. I’m Jay Conner, The Private Money Authority wishing you all the best here’s to taking your real estate investing business to the next level. And I’ll see you on the next show!

[sa7abnews]

How 'Coach' Tim Walz led high schoolers with dad vibes, irrepressible energy, and one classic Simpsons episode

New Post has been published on https://sa7ab.info/2024/08/11/how-coach-tim-walz-led-high-schoolers-with-dad-vibes-irrepressible-energy-and-one-classic-simpsons-episode/

How 'Coach' Tim Walz led high schoolers with dad vibes, irrepressible energy, and one classic Simpsons episode

Alex Wong/Getty; 1999-2000 Mankato West High School yearbook; Rebecca Zisser/BIBefore becoming a politician, VP hopeful Tim Walz was a teacher and a football coach.BI spoke to four former students and an ex-colleague about their time with "Coach Walz."His high energy and 'Midwestern dad' persona are absolutely authentic, they said.Seth Meyer can remember the first time he met Tim Walz."I was just your average adolescent, angry punk rock vegan kid who hated the system, and thought: 'Oh, my God, this guy's the football coach. Screw him' — because nothing says 'the system' like the football coach."More than 20 years ago, Meyer was a teenager at Minnesota's Mankato West High School, where Walz — now the Democratic Party's nominee for vice president — was both a teacher and a football coach.During Walz's tenure, the team went from an abysmal record to the state championship. It's a feat that's gotten renewed attention as Walz hits the national stage.Business Insider spoke to three former players, a student, and the head coach to better understand a time when few imagined the political direction Walz's life would take.A formative moment with 'The Simpsons'Meyer's angst didn't last long. In Walz's 11th-grade geography class, he quickly responded to what he described as the teacher's no-nonsense yet open-minded approach to teaching.One particularly striking moment was when Walz played an episode of "The Simpsons" in class.Meyer, who now teaches philosophy and German, had never imagined that you could use something like a syndicated TV show to critically analyze modern life.In the 1998 episode, "Trash of the Titans," Homer — disastrously — becomes Springfield's sanitation commissioner, having campaigned with the slogan: "Can't someone else do it?""As a class, we despaired of politics being reduced to Homer's cynical election slogan," Meyer said. "Instead of politics being about what we value as a society, and how we can together come to a consensus and realistic, meaningful policy."Meyer is 38 and still doesn't fully agree with all of Walz's policies. Like everyone else BI spoke to, it's unclear whether Walz will get his vote.All of them, however, were eager to talk about who he is — and what he is not.The strange power of a Midwestern dadTim Walz setting up for prom at Mankato West High SchoolSeth MeyerWalz is now famed for bringing quintessential Midwestern dad energy to the national stage.Videos of him trying a terrifying ride at the Minnesota State Fair or earnestly explaining how to replace a headlight cable have gone viral. His habit of dressing down in caps and flannel shirts is now seen as a political advantage.That ordinariness is at the core of one of the most effective attacks from Kamala Harris' campaign: Walz's line that former President Donald Trump and his running mate, JD Vance, are "weird."It may also go some way toward blunting Vance's own characterization of Walz as a "San Francisco-style liberal."But is all of this supposed normality just a schtick? Resoundingly "no," according to the former students BI spoke to. That image is "absolutely legitimate," Meyer said."His charisma and his character that you see out there in the public, I truly believe that that's who he is," said Bob Becker, 43. Walz coached Becker at Mankato West football team in the late 1990s.Seth Greenwald, who was a linebacker under Walz, said, "Some of the one liners, and him being able to be charismatic in front of crowds — that's something that we saw back in the day as well."A football turnaroundIn the late 1990s, Mankato West football struggled."Before he came on board, as far as I could remember, the football team was probably an afterthought at that school," said Becker, who played as an outside linebacker and far receiver."We did not win a lot of games," he said. But "the tide started to turn" with the addition of new coaches, including Walz, he said.Walz was a "dad-like figure" to the team, said David Schoettler, 42, who played offensive and defensive tackle."He wasn't a screamer, he wasn't a yeller," he said. "If you screwed up, he's going to coach you on it, and then it's kind of like that 'I'm not mad, but I'm disappointed' type thing."The "hooting and hollering" came when the team was getting ready to go on the field, Becker said.Walz "had energy coming out of every end that he had," he said.Rick Sutton, who is now 62 and still coaching, said that when Walz came on board the team, he had already started working on raising expectations for the team."The expectations were so low that it was easy to say, 'Oh, we're just not very good," Sutton said."Tim came along and helped us continue that path that we were on," he said. He said Walz was analytical, as well as honest with players about how to improve."He's extremely genuine," Sutton said. "You can tell."Walz, who started out coaching linebackers and then moved to defense, found his own ways to keep the team competitive, Schoettler said.He recalled a set of black T-shirts that Walz had made, emblazoned with the phrase, "11 to the ball."Anyone with a starting spot got to wear one — and if you lost that spot, you'd have to give up the shirt for the week."You basically had to give it to somebody else and then try to earn your spot back," he said.Greenwald said Walz brought intense passion to the game "even when you're having a bad day.""Sometimes the last thing you wanted to see was him bringing all that energy to the table," he said, laughing. "He wasn't really going to allow you to have a low-energy day."Slowly, over three years, the team gained confidence — and wins. Then, in 1999, the stars seemed to align. They took home eight straight wins and landed in the state championship.Sutton recalled that the game."It was a very close game," he said. Mankato West was up by one, and the other team was getting close to scoring with about a minute left."We intercepted a pass, and we knew that was the clincher that we were going to win," he said. Soon, everybody was hugging. It "was just an unbelievable feeling."The national stageSince the announcement, Sutton's phone has been ringing constantly, and he's called the whole situation "surreal."That surreal moment when someone you used to work very closely with gets selected as the VP candidate. pic.twitter.com/q70HV0H8F1— Rick Sutton (@RickSutton7) August 6, 2024Of course, Walz is now a seasoned political operator. He was elected to Congress in 2006 and became Minnesota's governor in 2019.But his national profile was relatively low, and his name was barely in public contention for the VP pick until just a couple of days before he was announced."I didn't necessarily see this coming," said Greenwald, who is an assistant football coach himself.Sutton knows firsthand what it is like to have Walz as his subordinate and told BI that "you can definitely draw some parallels between the idea of being an assistant coach and being a vice president.""Tim is genuine," he said. "Tim is who he is."He added: "He's a teacher, he's a coach, he's an educator, and that's kind of how he looks at everything he does, I think it's fair to say."For Schoettler, most politicians are the same: focused on making money and "little agendas." But Walz is "not your normal politician."Meyer also spoke about an "overwhelming feeling" in society that everyone is a phony."And out of the four people who are running for executive office this time, no one thinks that Mr. Walz is a phony," he said. "And if there's no other quality that he has, that's the one that he has."

[lboogie1906]

Eric Gerard Laneuville (born July 14, 1952) is a television director, producer, and actor. His first acting roles were in the science-fiction film The Omega Man (1971), Black Belt Jones (1974), Death Wish (1974), Shoot It Black, Shoot It Blue (1974), A Piece of the Action (1977), The Baltimore Bullet (1980), Back Roads (1981), and Room 222 (1970–1973). His role as Luther Hawkins in St. Elsewhere is his best-known role. He starred in A Force of One (1979) playing Charlie. He directs such one-hour dramas as Blue Bloods and NCIS: Los Angeles. He directed the Body of Proof episode "Missing". He appeared in Love at First Bite. He was born in New Orleans, the son of Mildred, a guidance counselor, and Alexander Laneuville. He began acting while attending Audubon Junior High School in Los Angeles. He often played juvenile characters younger than his age. He appeared in several musicals staged at Audubon, including Bye Bye Birdie, Annie Get Your Gun and Oklahoma!. While taking drama courses at Susan Miller Dorsey High School, he began acting professionally. He appeared in three episodes of Sanford and Son, as Esther's adopted son. He began directing in 1984. His first directing assignments were for episodes of St. Elsewhere. He has directed episodes of L.A. Law (1986), Quantum Leap (1989), Doogie Howser, M.D.(1990), NYPD Blue (1993), ER (1995), 413 Hope St.(1997), Gilmore Girls (2004), Lie to Me (2009), Monk (2005), The Mentalist (2009–12), Invasion, Medium, Lost (2005–08), Girlfriends, Everybody Hates Chris, Prison Break, Blue Bloods, Ghost Whisperer, Grimm (2012–14) and Tommy, Chicago Fire. In 1988, he became the first African-American television director to film in Russia, as he directed a two-part episode "Mission to Moscow" for the series, Head of the Class. In 1992 he won an Emmy for directing the episode "All God's Children" of I'll Fly Away. He directed the 2004 television film, America's Prince: The John F. Kennedy Jr. Story. As his directing career took off, his acting career continued only sporadically, usually in small cameo roles. He had appeared as Dr. Lamar in Scrubs. He appeared in the Fear of a Black Hat (1994). #africanhistory365 #africanexcellence https://www.instagram.com/p/Cf_aZhBrOqntKFU4ILwspM4XRfwcb3vDFKDXZ80/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[khuantru]

10/08/2020: Believe me when I say this, you'll love the new anime show called 'God of High School' animation is gorgeous, colour pallet is bright and beautiful, it's a fun action kung fu flick show. Also, not sure if I'm the only one thinking this, there's a scene where the main character eats a 'peach' now when I saw that scene, I immediately thought this show is loosely based on 'Monkey King' , that's how Monkey got so damn powerful in the folk tale. Eating Gods fruits which contained unlimited power, that's how Monkey is so overpowered in his stories. Wonder what the next set of episodes are going to be like when he activates his ability. Reference: God of High School