#The Flash and The Pied Piper walk into a science lab...

[givemewallywestorgivemedeath]

K but the fact that Wally and Hartley are working together in a state-of-the-art, bajillion dollar funded, relatively unsupervised, sci-fi science lab??? Sure, they work in different departments and on different floors but HELLO?!? The hijinks potential is astronomical!!!

These two are probably the worst people to have unsupervised in a lab setting because they will just do whatever the fuck they want and it will work and that's the worst part. Hartley and Wally would create the portal guns from Halo on their lunch break because it looked cool and then they wouldn't even consider the consequences of what they've just unleashed upon the world.

Wally was building time travel devices as a child. Hartley was building mind control devices as a child. Considering consequences isn't really their forte.

God, I sure hope that building has good supervisors.... and insurance. Lots of insurance.

[wolviesgal]

If the Fates Allow

So this is my Shieldshock Steve/Darcy fic exchange gift for @Zephrbabe. It was supposed to be done by New Year’s and I am exceptionally late. I am really sorry for that and I hope you enjoy this.

Steve walked into the kitchen to the sight of Thor pacing back and forth in front of a large bubbling pot. He wasn’t sure, but Steve was pretty sure there was oatmeal in there. Maybe porridge. As Thor turned and headed back in Steve’s direction, Steve noticed Thor’s apron - a large candy cane adorned with the caption “suck it!”. He was pretty sure this was a Darcy apron.

As Thor spun around for another pass, Steve figured he should step in.

“Uh, Thor? What are you doing?”

Thor paused, surprised to see another person in the room.

“Friend Steven! Welcome to our solstice breakfast.” He gestured to the pot behind him. “I’m hoping to invoke some Asgardian magic during the meal.”

���Asgardian magic,” said Steve slowly. Somehow he just knew breakfast was going to go sideways. History and personal experience has demonstrated that magic wasn’t always their friend. Steve had been looking forward to this breakfast as Thor was excited to cook for everyone, but this was a curveball he hadn’t been expecting. 

Thor nodded, unaware (or perhaps just uncaring) of Steve’s apprehension.

“Oh yes, I’ve thought this through and I’ve decided to invoke the Mandel I Grøten. I make the porridge and drop in two almonds. The proper rune will appeal to the Norns for their assistance. They will guide the almonds to the dishes of those sharing true love.”

With growing dread, Steve knew where this was going and he was pretty sure it involved Jane Foster.

“You see, I’m hoping to show Jane--” Yep, there she is, thought Steve, “--that even though she ended our relationship, we are, in fact, still meant to be.” Thor beamed at his ingenious plan. Steve was less confident. He knew first hand how stubborn Jane Foster could be. 

The first time Steve met Jane was at the train station. Stark Industries (although really Pepper Potts) had finally convinced Jane to join them. Since Thor was off world, it fell to Steve to be her ride/welcoming committee. He stood at the arrivals area expecting Jane and maybe one or two suitcases. Instead he was presented with Janet, at least a half a dozen suitcases, several large crates, and Darcy. 

Steve never understood the phrase “love at first sight” until that moment. As soon as he locked eyes with Darcy (those bright blue eyes!) he was pretty sure his heart skipped a beat and he may have stopped breathing for a moment. She was gorgeous. She had the brightest and friendliest smile. Her expression held a hint of mischief that he knew was going to bring amazing trouble into his life. 

And because Steve was an amazingly squirrely dork, he stopped paying attention to where he was going and promptly tripped over a bag and slammed into two of the large crates, sending them tumbling to the ground. 

Needless to say, Jane was not pleased and six months later she still hadn’t forgiven him. Even if nothing had been damaged. Steve wasn’t even allowed into the labs, which meant that any contact with Darcy was limited to chance encounters around the facility.

Not that Steve talked to her when their paths crossed. The embarrassment was still pretty strong. Although Steve was pretty sure that Bucky was getting close to the point of locking them in a closet or something. Apparently, Steve was getting “pathetic.”

Steve jolted out of his memories as Thor lunged back to the pot of porridge. 

“I think it is ready,” he proclaimed, poking the food with a spoon. “Now to add the almonds.”

Steve peered at the small dish containing two almonds. He didn’t think they looked all that special, but he’d learned not to make assumptions when it came to all things Asgardian. 

Thor picked up the almonds and dropped them into the pot. He immediately picked up a pitcher of milk and poured out what looked like a rune on top. Steve was pretty sure he saw a quick flash of light as the almonds sank down.

Steve felt like he should say something profound or offer some wish of good luck, but honestly he had no idea what to say. This whole thing could go really well or epically bad. 

As Steve continued to stand in awkward silence, the others began filling the room. It was time for breakfast and the masses were hungry. All Steve could hope is that this whole thing didn’t go too terribly and that Darcy showed up. Bad situations were always mitigated by spending time in the same room as an unrequited crush.

Bucky stopped in his tracks and Sam ran into him. Wanda stepped around the two men to avoid another collision.

“Porridge?” Bucky was incredulous. “That’s it?”

“Yeah, we’re superheroes who are training hard,” chimed in Sam. 

Wanda narrowed her eyes and Steve figured she knew exactly what was going on. Wanda’s powers didn’t often leave her in the dark about much. His suspicions were confirmed when she spoke. 

“It’s a hearty breakfast. A good breakfast stays with you.” She paused before continuing. “Plus, porridge reminds me of home.”

Bucky and Sam shuffled uncomfortably. 

The silence stretched on until Steve felt obligated to say something. Well, it wasn’t like Thor was going to. Between him, Sam, and Bucky, it was a convention of awkwardness.

Steve cleared his throat. “So, breakfast?”

Thor seemed to snap out of his daze and nodded.

“Yes! Let me bring the pot to the table where I can dish out the porridge. Toppings are already out there.”

Everyone followed Thor as though he were the Pied Piper leading them with porridge instead of music. Steve seriously considered just heading back to his room and skipping breakfast.

Jane and Darcy were already seated at the table and talking science with Tony. Natasha was sitting by reading something on her phone. Darcy looked like she wished she were still in bed. Steve could sympathize. 

Thor put the pot down and cleared his throat.

“Friends, as an Asgardian, I don’t really celebrate your Christmas or Hanukkah season. Our winter holidays are more related to the solstice, which is today. With the shortest day and longest night, there is magic and festivity in the air. And so while there will be revelry later, we begin the day with a traditional breakfast of porridge.”

“Aw, porridge?” whined Tony. Then he winced. Steve was pretty sure Natasha kicked him.

Thor dished out the porridge and Steve passed them down the table. Once everyone had a bowl in front of them, Thor recited an Asgardian blessing. 

“Now, friends, as you say, we shall dig in!”

As everyone started eating, Thor left his untouched. He watched Jane intently as she ate. Unable to look away, Steve played with his breakfast while watching Thor. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Darcy put her spoon down and watch them with confusion.

Jane finished her food without comment and Steve was pretty sure he could see the moment when Thor gave up hope. Shoulders dropping, Thor seized his own spoon and began eating. 

Darcy turned to Steve and raised her eyebrow in question. Steve shrugged helplessly. He wasn’t sure if he could explain this whole thing if he had to.

Finally Steve took a bite of his own porridge and immediately crunched down on something. He froze. That was an almond. Panic took over. What was he supposed to do now? Who had the other almond? Steve fervently hoped it wasn’t actually Jane. He really didn’t want to test his healing limits with a lightning bolt to his person. 

“Something wrong with your porridge, Steve?”

Steve’s eyes darted to Thor before moving to Bucky. The jerk was too observant for his own good. 

“Nah, just eating my breakfast.”

“You’re eating an almond. You got one too?” Darcy turned to Thor. “Why was there only one single almond in my porridge?”

Silence descended at the table. No one (except Wanda) knew what was happening, but they knew it was big. 

Thor sighed deeply, bracing himself to explain. 

“The Mandel I Grøten is an Asgardian solstice ritual.” Steve stared at Tr, unable (and a little bit afraid) to look elsewhere at the others’ reactions. “In the pot of porridge are two almonds. Those almonds make their way into the bowls of the two that the Norns have identified as each other’s true love.”

More silence. Steve was getting tired of awkward silences. 

“So you’re saying that Steve and Darcy are each other’s true love?” asked Sam. 

Bucky snorted. “So because Steve couldn’t sort out his own love life, the Norns decided to do it for him? Priceless.”

Natasha took pity Steve and Darcy and started to gather her dishes. 

“If everyone is done, why don’t we head out and give them some privacy.”

“But I’m not done,” whined Bucky. Wanda poked him in the shoulder as she walked by. “Yeah, yeah I’m going.”

As the door to the kitchen swung shut, Steve could hear Jane telling Thor that they needed to talk. Steve wasn’t the least bit surprised that Jane figured out Thor’s true intention. 

The silence stretched on and not for the first time that morning, Steve had no idea what to say. Blurting out that they should get married and have lots of sex and babies might be s bit much. 

Finally Darcy broke the silence and got up, moving closer to the seat next to Steve. 

“True love, huh?” She didn’t look pissed. Although Steve never claimed to be able to read women with any accuracy. 

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“Well then, I guess it’s a good thing I already liked you.”

Steve’s eyes shot to Darcy’s, unsure if he really heard that right. 

“You like me? Like-like me?”

Darcy smiled. “Yes, Steve, I like-like you. I just didn’t think you felt the same way.”

“I’m sorry, I’m not always good with my feelings.” He reached out and took Darcy’s hand. “I have liked you since that day at the train station. I made such a terrible first impression though.”

Darcy laughed. Steve was pretty sure it was the most beautiful sound in the world. 

“Yeah you were kind of a goofball. And apparently you’re my goofball.”

Hers. Steve liked the sound of that. 

“So, uh, could, uh…” Steve trailed off.

Darcy snorted. “I think you should stop talking and kiss me now.”

Smiling, Steve leaned forward to place his lips against Darcy’s. 

After a moment, Darcy broke off the kiss and said, “All of a sudden, I really appreciate the Norns and their magic.”

Steve laughed and kissed her again.