#The Doubting Ones | Nnoitra x Renji

[nnoitra-jiruga]

How had he missed it? Renji was not usually one to forget birthdays, but this year, Renji had absolutely forgotten about Nnoitra's birthday. He'd found out through Mayuri, of all people. What an insult!!

And the bastard Nnoitra, he hadn't even mentioned it!! It'd been nearly a week, and still, with each passing day, Renji was expecting a peep from Nnoitra. There was no way he had forgotten about his own birthday, was there?

Maybe... it wasn't something he wanted to celebrate? Renji hemmed and hawed over it for several days, debating whether or not he wanted to do something for his lover. On one hand, he wanted to show his appreciation and love for him, yet he didn't want to do it if it meant overstepping his boundaries and creating a negative experience for his lover.

In the end, his desire to give, for that was his love language, won over. Nnoitra was meant to be out today, and today was his day off, so that gave Renji the apartment for the day. Plenty of time to prepare.

A nice dinner - he knew that hollows didn't need to eat, for their main sustenance wasn't food, but he had to really enjoy those times when they did share their meals together. The light banter coupled with the sounds of their chopsticks clicking against bowls and plates, an occasional sound of approval and expression of liking the taste of something. It was awfully domestic, but Renji had come to truly enjoy it.

And a necklace. Something a bit more tangible. More physical. A simple silver chain, to show his love for Nnoitra. It had a small half moon pendant on the end - reminiscent of Nnoitra's released blade. It was cheesy, it was sentimental, but Renji couldn't help it. Nnoitra had shown him so much of his love, that Renji could only hope that this was enough to show him his.

Nnoitra always reiterated that his love for Renji would always outweigh Renji's love for him. Renji didn't know how true that was - sure, Nnoitra had fallen in love first. But that didn't mean that Renji loved him any less when he finally did fall. Their love simply for each other simply couldn't be measured anymore. All he knew that was Nnoitra was his love, and had become such an immeasurable part to his life.

So for this birthday, Renji wanted to express that. His love, his gratitude and his forever thank you.

(because I still wanted to send one despite how late this was lol I'm sorry!! I am weak for soft and fluffy NnoiRen)

☽ Accepting ☾ @wild-pineapple-butt​ ☽ ◉ ☾ [This is so nice <333 ] ☽ ◉ ☾

☽ Truth was Nnoitra indeed cared so little about his own birthday that he had completely missed it himself. Besides, it could be pretty hard with his mental disorder to keep good track of the date, of some simple things like the number of days passing by. Lost in time and space during the crisis. It felt like the entire universe would either go too fast or too slow, even stopping all at once sometimes.

Happily, despite the awful deadly mess he had been in at first, dragged into the secret laboratory where that damned bastard of Kurotsuchi wanted to experiment on him, like he was some vulgar lab rat, a sordid place from which Renji had actually saved him, now Nnoitra could tell he was... happy ?... 

The aspect of Despair... being... happy...

The thought strangled his heart and his throat, as his sole snake-like slanted eye, attentively, watched the glowing moon above him of the Hueco Mundo. His only “friend” for such a long time and, now, the Quinta had even more than a friend ; he had found in Renji a lover, the love of his life, nothing less. 

Someone to dedicate himself to, body and soul.  

The shadow of a smile briefly passed on the thin lips, forming previously a straight long line. Soon enough, it was time to go home, to return to the place he belonged to, next to the soul he belonged to. Such a peculiar sweet feeling... As soon as he approached their house, Jiruga could tell something was... out of the ordinary. Something was definitely different. Then, as he entered, the Praying Mantis’s gaze caught sight of the table nicely set for dinner. To be honest, it took the espada some time before realizing what this all was about.

“ Ya rrreally couldn’t help yerself, huh ? the gigantic lanky man snickered lowly, while cupping Renji’s face, so small compared to his long sharp fingers, inhuman, with his ashen bony hand.

When he received the necklace, Gilga’s eye widened slightly, before returning to his usual very form, thin like a slit. A menacing form. Yet right now this dangerous eye that scared so many with its anger and its fury was only filled with affection, love. That necklace would never be a gift more tangible than the love they shared, but it still was an awesome proof. Renji had chosen so well. 

- Put it. Want ya to put it on me, Gilga insisted, with a thin smile, and he put a knee down, to allow Renji to put the necklace around his neck ; otherwise, he’d have been too tall, even whenever he’d bend his long osseous neck.

What seemed a very humiliating position, to anyone and especially an espada, especially normally a proud, overly proud because of his true inner low esteem, didn’t feel like it to Nnoitra, as he knelt in front of the redhead. What Renji wanted to express through the necklace, Nnoitra told him out loud.

- Thank ya... mi amorr...”

For everything. ☾

[nnoitra-jiruga]

☽ From here ☾ @wild-pineapple-butt​

☾ The ashen face grimaces at the suggestion. It seems weird by now. Picturing a life without Renji in it... or perhaps it’s amply awfully possible. It’d mean returning to that crippling hating solitude. To the sands of the Hueco Mundo. Perhaps it’d not be... so sad, since it’d be in a world where Renji and him would have never met so he’d not even fathom what he’d have been missing. 

Sad but not so sad. 

Nnoitra gives it a thought ; he’s surely the best at overthinking things, at rehashing. Dwelling on murky thoughts bringing him down... so he has to do everything he can and puts on the worst attitude to appear threatening and not vulnerable at all...

He’s the Despair after all. Trapped in a cycle.

But, even in the depths of despair, there still might be something a little bit lighter, shining a way through. Renji is Nnoitra’s flame. The torch lighting his path. and he’s clinging to it for dear life, holding onto it as strongly as he possibly can.

“Would have find ya anyway. It’d have taken much more time to trust ya but... I’d have found ya.”

He can’t shake this feeling off ; he feels it deeply down in his bones, in his flesh and soul. They’re bonded. Or maybe in the end the Quinta Espada appears to be a hopeless romantic ? Problematic ones often are, they say...

- Ya don’t believe in fate n things like dat ?... Jiruga suddenly asks, his electric elongated eye riveted to Renji’s face, scrutinizing, anticipating reactions. Fer me... it had to be ya. It couldn’t be anyone else. If it should have been... but he stops right there, shaking his head dismissively ; no, for him, no doubt possible. Many could have get me outta dat fuckin’ tube before ya. Many saw me inside it n dey were just so fuckin’ scared. Like... I was da one prisoner of dat thing... but dey were da ones scared... Who knows... Maybe... we met. Before we died. In... another time n place. Ya know... dis stuff... I used to think it was bullshit but now... I dunno... Sumtimes... I’m like “maybe”, he shrugs with a brief playful glance thrown at the redhead, whose hand is tightly held by his.

Every fiber of his body that was screaming “FUCK YA GONNA KILL YA”, irritated by the looks on people’s faces as they pass by, has now calmed down. Actually, Nnoitra can’t help it but get... quite... cocky ? Let’s face it, his inner voice probably murmurs, we are more powerful than anyone around right now and we get ourselves the coolest shinigami.

- I fuckin’ hope so ya gonna do it ! Nnoitra exclaims, with a big bright for once grin. heh dere’s gotta be a benefit fer datin’ ya !” he teases him playfully.  ☽

[nnoitra-jiruga]

obviously, you are nnoi-chi ❤

Give my muse a nickname!

Make it cute, embarrassing, or annoying- anything goes!

☽ Accepting ☾ @wild-pineapple-butt ☽ [Hehe the cuteness <3]

☾ Nnoitra grinned slightly - a little bashfully - while a low raucous snickering came from the bottom of his stomach, a deep rumble of satisfaction he hummed with his lips sealed, still smiling. Long pointy fingers came to caress the redhead’s cheek, almost too soft and fragile under those spikes of flesh and bones that still very carefully touched it, meaning no harm at all.

- N obviously y’are mi amor...” the snake-like predatory face smirked, craggy features not scary though, not tensed, with a light raspy chuckle filled with tenderness.  ☽

[nnoitra-jiruga]

@wild-pineapple-butt

[nnoitra-jiruga]

for the ask my muse personal questions: so Nnoitra, what did you do when realized you were catching feelings for Renji?

ASK MY MUSE PERSONAL QUESTIONS!

☽ Accepting ☾ Anon

☾ “I did what anyone would have done ! I went to see people askin’ dem if I was sick ‘cause of spendin’ too much time with a shinigami !”

He truly had and, of course, as they had kinda been amused by the whole situation, he had killed most of them. Some had tried to calmly explained to him it was no disease but just a feeling, something extremely foreign to him. And he had killed them too. Not too pleased with the answer truly. Then, realizing none of them had ever told him he could be sick, he finally thought they might actually have been right from the start.

But it hadn’t made anything easier since his awfully low self-esteem, his real ego, not the one he pretended to have when he was bragging and being provocative as a defensive mechanism, kicked in and reminded him how ugly, morally and physically, he was compared to the person he was in love with. Thinking Renji would be disgusted by the simple thought Nnoitra might feel something like this for him and preferring to remain silent about his feelings if it meant for him to be able to stay around Renji, Nnoitra started to leave him anonymous gifts and poems. He settled for staying in the shadows.  ☽

Note of the mun : It’s been a very long “journey” actually and it’s still not over XD but it was mainly through asks, so it can’t be found on my blog currently. The very beginning of them meeting etc was a thread though (the first post), so you can find it on my blog, but the romantic current development won’t be there. If you’d like to read what happened in the asks, it’ll be on my friend’s blog @wild-pineapple-butt​

[nnoitra-jiruga]

Nnoitra, what was your reaction when Renji first asked you for cuddles? or was it you the one who asked him!!?? Let us know!!!

(I love the doubting ones!!!)

☽ Accepting ☾ Anon ☽ ◉ ☾ [Thank you for your ask ! ^_^ You’re too kind ! <3] ☽ ◉ ☾

☽ “If ya feel good ‘nough with a person, ya don’t even have to say a word. It just... happens, the Quinta merely shrugged, his pointy bony shoulders, yet so muscular and broad, raising and falling as he sighed deeply, cracking an inhumanly large toothy smile.

No lies there. The exact truth was Nnoitra - quite ironically when you considered how much of a cold-hearted bastard, icy-blooded sadistic killer, this misanthropic lanky creature could be, could at least present himself as, like a barrier specially made to repulse everyone - had never asked for anything. Thus, when the time had felt right, it had been just been so natural. For him, for this prideful creature, to kneel and rest his head in the shinigami’s lap, grabbing with his ashen sharp hands the warmer ones to put them on the top of his head, as if begging for forgiveness, cradled at his lover’s feet like he’d be some religious icon, providing warmth, comfort and serenity. Peace of mind. Redemption. A cure to his Despair.

And, at this precise instant, his loneliness and all the hatred roaring and festering inside his gangly osseous body of his, this dis-articulated tall scary silhouette, had died, perhaps only for a second, but, for this very fleeting second, Jiruga had felt... happy. Complete. A sense of sweetness, a taste of loveliness for an instant. His heart beating faster, so fast and strongly he could now feel it. As surely as his skin vibrated, palpitated at the same rhythm under his sternum. 

It was not a new love awakening ; it was one that had always been there, that had been torturing him without him even being aware of what was missing. Some would have blamed him for going too far, for this love, but they certainly simply couldn’t fathom what love like this could feel, could be. A love story vowed to repeat itself, trapped in a cycle of life and death.☾

[nnoitra-jiruga]

"Nnoi-chi, please fer the love of kami, let's keep yer heart inside yer body, okay?" Renji pleaded at the espada. "What'd I do with yer heart anyway? I'd be sad if ya were to die." (Although he doesn't actually know if Nnoitra can still live with his heart outside his body). "But ya ain't gotta worry. Even if ya don't give it t'me, yer heart is all mine anyways." Leans in and presses a gentle kiss to his chest. "Isn't that right?"

☽ Accepting ☾ @wild-pineapple-butt ☽ ◉ ☾  Oooh I love it <3 ☽ ◉ ☾

☾ The tall worrisome silhouette stared right at him, with its pointy head hanging low, slightly tilting to the side, as the craggy aggressive features softened. As the purple dark gaze embraced the sight of the unique being this intriguing weird creature loved more than its own life. Sharp and bony razor-like fingers cradled in their cold grip warmer ones, golden compared to the ashen skin.

“ Ya bet it’s yers. Always been yers n always will be, Jiruga confirmed with one of his inhumanly large smile that seemed to override half his long face - while his pale hands were finally letting go of his lover’s, only to bring him closer, grabbing gently, as if to feel as much as they could possibly. I dunno if I could regenerate dat, ya know... Pretty sure I’d just rip myself fuckin’ open den maybe get two or three seconds to hand it ova to ya... he achieved with a low snickering, in this raspy voice of his, throaty. N next time I’d know I’d be dead... maybe... but ya don’t need to worry either, mi amorr, ‘cause how could I keep ya safe if I’m dead rrright ?”

And that certainly was his main goal now. To battle fate again. To try to slow down the cycle they were in. All his hairs standing as the gentle lips pressed a kiss against his chest, stealing a beat from him, his heart then accelerating its pace. ☽

[nnoitra-jiruga]

📱

Send 📱 To Find Out About My Muse's Phone

☽ Accepting ☾ @wild-pineapple-butt

What ringtone my muse has set for yours : (Of course not Nnoitra’s choice and doing...) “My heart will go on” by Celine Dion ; as Nnoitra is incapable to do it himself, of course it was Renji who decided to prank him and discretely changed the ringtone and, now, as he doesn’t know how to change it back, Nnoitra is stuck with this music, especially the moment when the singer sings very very loudly at the top of her lungs. Every time it rings, Nnoitra gets awfully triggered by the music, even startled. He just doesn’t get used to this voice XD

What contact photo my muse has set for yours : The two of them, with Renji sitting in front of the house with their Samoyed puppy on his lap, and Nnoitra is sitting behind him, with his arms around him, flipping the bird to someone who was passing by.

What my muse thinks of the way yours texts : If it gets too long, Nnoitra just replies with a “?”. As a way of saying Renji just go straight to the point, what do you want exactly ?

How quickly my muse responds to your texts : (BIG EFFORT THERE XD) Given how fond he is of his redhead boyfriend, Nnoitra tries to reply more often than with other people, but he still struggles with his cellphone. Therefore, unless the reply necessitates an explanation, unless Renji expects a full answer, Nnoitra happily discovered the magic of emojis thanks to him and will reply by a single emoji.

How often our muses text : Renji surely sends more texts than Nnoitra, being his taciturn cold self, not too communicative - and not being in step with technology in general above all - does, but Gilga doesn’t mind it, even if it’s just silly stuff when Abarai gets bored during his paperwork for example. It’s a way of proving he’s having a thought for him and it’s comforting for Nnoitra.

How often our muses call : Considering they spend most of their time together, or least seeing in each other every day, even before living together, they probably don’t need to call each other a lot. That said... Ahaha seriously I can not not imagine a moment when Nnoitra is fighting an enemy and suddenly... the titanic song (the enemy being like WTF XD) and Jiruga manages to pick up, while still fighting, telling Renji “Huh yeah great... but... ya see... I’m a littl’ busy at da moment mi amorr...”

Does my muse purposefully miss calls from yours : Honestly, he tries not to miss Renji’s calls, but eventually he does... more often than he intends to since his cellphone is most of the time out of juice (I bet it’d be Renji actually taking care of recharging it for his boyfriend). Also, if Renji is really mad at him, Gilga might pick up then, hearing him yelling at him, hang up immediately, not to simply wait for him to calm down, but to return to him. So they can settle their differences face to face. 

Last text sent from my muse to yours : “ LOOK ABOUT DAT DISMEMBERED GUY DEY FOUND IN DA RIVER LAST NIGHT ! IT WASNT ME ! AT DA SAME TIME... I WAS DISMEMBERIN’ ANOTHA GUY ELSEWHERE ! DONT BE MAD MI AMOR” (still the power of involuntary caps lock XD)

[nnoitra-jiruga]

You're so in love with Renji, it's obvious.

Send my muse "You're so in love with _____, it's obvious" for their reaction.

☽ Accepting ☾ @riverofsymphony || @wild-pineapple-butt​ for mention ^_^

☾ No matter how much he wants to keep a poker face, phlegmatic, implacable, impassible, absolutely stoically emotionless, he can’t really turn a blind ear to what the little woman just said. Because it strikes this little sensitive chord inside him.

Oh shit. Shit... Shit !!!

“... How da fuck ya know ‘bout... he grimaces, craggy features contorting for a fleeting second, all tensed with deadly rigor, with an inner tension that grew exponentially instantly.

Rumors fly ; words get around so quickly and that’s how the world functions.

Of course, Nnoitra and Renji didn’t really even try to hide from everyone lately, even going as far as displaying affection towards each other in public, but it has for now remained demonstrations of love and care occurring in the Seireitei. Never in the Hueco Mundo.

- ‘Kay so people must ‘ve been runnin’ deir fuckin’ tongues a fuckin’ lot... fer ya to know ‘bout dat too, Nnoitra gnashes his teeth, tenseness still freezing his long sharp face, pinching his long crooked samurai nose after a moment, heavily frowning while he’s exhaling a jaded sigh. How fuckin’ much d’ya / they / know ?... ☽ 

[nnoitra-jiruga]

"Merry Christmas, Nnoitra!" Even though he doubts that the arrancar would celebrate a human holiday, Renji had wanted to gift something to him, regardless. When it came to presents for Nnoitra, it seemed that the best thing he could give him was his time, and affection. Which he had no problem doing, but he also wanted to gift something to the other that was physical, show his gratitude during the holiday seasons.

It seemed that he liked the gifts that Renji had gotten him for his birthday last time - things that were functional, to say the least. But being that Nnoitra was an arrancar, he didn't really have much possessions on him.

In the end, he ended up getting a silver chain, with a moon sickles on the end - the shape similar to Nnoitra's zanpakuto. He thought that it would be a nice look on the other - fit in with aesthetics. It was up to him whether or not he wanted to wear it, but it would be nice if he could.

☽ Accepting ☾ @wild-pineapple-butt

☾ Happily, the Quinta Espada was no weakling, far from there ; even though it wasn’t obvious because of lean, lanky, he appeared, he was just as strong as he was tall. And he was a giant, basically. That said it all. So, when Renji came up to him, so joyful and enthusiastic, he just caught him on the fly with a boisterous raucous laughter.

“What we got here huh ? the arrancar snickered happily in his raspy voice, ashen bony fingers prying off the little well-presented package the redhead was holding.

Although he was quick to grab it, like it was a game actually, to annoy Renji in a friendly manner, he then waited for him to invite him to open it. Dexterous fingers seemed to cut like scissors through the poor wrapping paper. As Nnoitra unveiled the gift, he stopped for a second. Staring at the necklace. It was delicate. Such a delicate little thing. A pretty little thing.

- Ya got good taste neh ? Jiruga grinned, leaning closer to Renji, towering over the shinigami, which made it easy for him to plant a very brief quick peck on the top of his head, with a snickering laughter.

Just as he was proud of being close to Abarai, he actually felt privileged receiving such a nice gift from him. Such a personal attention in addition. Bending forward, he let Renji put it himself around his neck. It was quite symbolic ; this simple action resonated in his spirit. Almost like the critical stage of knighthood. Words meant a lot and sometimes simple gestures meant even more. ☽

[nnoitra-jiruga]

@wild-pineapple-butt

#relationshipgoals

[nnoitra-jiruga]

☾ Nnoitra, like an animal caught by surprise, almost freezes. Being caught in a moment of uncertainty, of weakness... it’d not be Renji, the person standing at the door would be already dead. Instantly killed. Wiped off the surface of the earth. There’s this fleeting - threatening, worrisome - moment when time seems to stop its course and Nnoitra clearly isn’t thinking straight.

Then there’s only one thought that crosses his head clearly : Did Renji hear anything ? Anything when he was speaking... to himself... to the thing in the mirror ? The remark about his resistance has him barely tensing even further - if it’s possible. Exhaling like he’s getting rid of some frustration, through his thin nostrils, his ego certainly stinging a little, the Quinta just rolls his eye. He’s collecting himself ; he’s recovering. In his brain. And Renji wasn’t hurt. Everything’s fine.

“I have. Ya couldn’t pierce my skin no matter how fuckin’ hard ya try... but I can.

As easily as he’d want to. His strength commensurate with his hierro. Besides, perhaps, he didn’t do anything to avoid the damage ; perhaps he wanted it without even being aware of it.

- I can heal dat. It’s nothin’. I’ll find ya a new mirror,” he adds quickly, as if Renji would suddenly hate him forever for this, in the end, so ridiculous incident, then suddenly without a warning, jumping to his feet, snatching almost brutally his hand away from Renji’s, he finally spits the question that has been killing him : “How much d’ya know ???”  

Does Renji know everything ? Everything he did ? Everything he feels ? Did he talk last night ? Nnoitra fears the answer actually but he has to know. ☽

@wild-pineapple-butt

[nnoitra-jiruga]

"Happy Valentine's Day, Nnoitra." He'd had such a hard time finding an appropriate gift for the other, since he wasn't sure if the other liked things such as chocolates or flowers, the more traditional gifts that one purchased for their lover. However, there was one type of chocolate that he thought Nnoitra would like - liquor filled! Making them wasn't as difficult as he'd thought, and they were indeed better than the store bought kind. Along with that, a bouquet of wooden flowers - painted in various shades of dark blue, dark purple, and black. An show of affection that would be everlasting. "Hope ya like it."

☽ Accepting ☾ @wild-pineapple-butt ☽ [I incorporated your interpretation for the flowers because it is pure genius !]

☾ Jiruga cracked a smile. A smile that started as soft and faint, slightly bashful as Renji just caught him off guard - and, in such a weak vulnerable moment, without his shell - but not getting mad because of it... Instead, his smile, while remaining completely sincere, grew wider, as he discovered the wonderful gifts Abarai had gotten... no fabricated ! for him. And him alone.

“ How long it took ya ? Nnoitra gasped in awe, absolutely astonished, his elongated narrow eye widening, his pupil dilating for a second, remarking everything was custom-made, homemade ; despite not being too accustomed to sweet flavour, Gilga, with his long fingers, like mantis’ legs, sharp and precise, picked up a chocolate and, instead of engulfing it, savored it. Mi amorr ya fuckin’ talented. Dey taste great. N ya  know I ain’t fond of sweet stuff normally.

While the sweet was melting against his snake tongue, slowly and deliciously, the liquor now mixed with the chocolate, the bitter taste perfectly adjusting with the sweetness, he turned his attention to the wooden flowers, amazingly carved. It was an incredibly well executed artistic work... And, above all, a beautifully meaningful one. Because those... those flowers would never die. Just like their love. Eternal. Stuck in a state of permanent endless blossoming. They communicated a promise, conveyed one of faithfulness. A reassuring promise that could never be broken or expire.

- Let’s put dem in da bedroom, the espada immediately decided, for, for the days he wouldn’t wake up with his gaze meeting with Renji’s still sleepy face, he’d be seeing them and it’d surely bring a smile to his ashen previously so sad and tensed face ; they’d chase the nightmares away.

Pulling the shinigami close to his immense lanky but toned form, with a renewed big grin on his lustful lips, he threw another glance at the wooden flowers, now proudly standing on the bedside table.

- Talkin’ ‘bout da bedroom... what ‘bout showin’ ya my appreciation properly ? the Quinta winked mischievously, in a raspy and slightly hoarse voice, before his mouth collided with Renji’s. ☽

[nnoitra-jiruga]

LOOOOVE SOOOONG

Send “Love Song” for me to tell you a song I associate with our muses!

Accepting | @rubrumfang

Definitely this one : Woodkid - I Love You

[nnoitra-jiruga]

"You're the biggest spoon. "

@rubrumfang

Nnoitra cracked his eye open. How could that damned shinigami say such things in the middle of the night ? He was tired as fuck, barely moving with an extenuated jaded groan, guttural, coming from the bowels of his sleepy lanky form. As he moved closer to the soul reaper and cradled him in his long arms, slender yet so strong, the grip so tight and loving. So protective.

“Whateva ya say… but shit ya really had to wake me up fer dis ?…” the grumpy Mantis grumbled, as he buried his long face in the crimson mane.

Being the big spoon. As always. Largely, immensely, taller than the redhead. An immense spoon. The biggest one for sure. And Renji could only smile in the dark.

[nnoitra-jiruga]

♫ :D

Send me ♫ and I will make a 5-10 SONG PLAYLIST for our muses!   

Accepting | @rubrumfang

Kavinsky - Nightcall (Drive Original Movie Soundtrack)

Woodkid - I Love You

The Last Samurai - A Way of Life

Gladiator ~ Elysium / Honour Him / Now We Are Free

Kyla La Grange - Cut Your Teeth (Kygo Remix)

Depeche Mode - Hole to feed

Elle Theme - Silent Hill Homecoming OST

Midnight Mover by Johan Glossner - [2010s Pop Music]

Like Icarus We Fly by Johan Glossner - [2010s Pop Music]