#The 2016 election was......a key part of who I am today lol.

[clit-a-cola]

Balancing how funny that debate was vs remembering what happened last time and trying not to get to cocky....

[maewestside]

DIPSOS AND THE GIMMIES: PRESIDENT TROLL’S CLASS OF 2017…WHERE ARE THEY NOW? by heidi siegmund cuda, aka @maewestside

I remember when I had my first beer.

I also remember when I had my last. With nearly two decades sans alcohol, maybe that’s why I have clarity to recognize the maladies of the dipsomaniacs, zapoys and gimmies surrounding President Troll. Upon closer scrutiny, there’s no shortage of DWIs, drug allegations, assault charges, money-love and drinking games linked to affiliates of this current White House. Clearly, being loaded probably helps lackeys justify their lackings. Truth, being the most lacking. Me, I’m just lactose intolerant. Truly, I love everyone. 

But with the avalanche of lies spewed forth this weekend by President Troll and on Vichy MSM (which just can’t seem to get over its addiction of giving facetime to stooge$), I feel it’s helpful to stay rooted in reality and offer up sobering facts to calm one’s noives. Thus, reducing the need for the general public to imbibe, toke, sniff or pop to battle the sour ennui of witnessing a president* battle PDS (Putin Derangement Syndrome, an ailment first diagnosed by Simon Tisdall of the Guardian).

To counter the ever relentless and mutating phony narratives, here’s a roundup of the goings of some of President Troll’s erstwhile staffers and advisors. Whether they suffer from spiritual or physical maladies, may they get well soon.

SCOTT PRUITT: The former head of the Environmental Protection Agency spent the better part of the year defending the GOP’s “freedom to pollute,” (catchphrase, courtesy Paul Krugman), justifying his first class travels and cheap digs rented from a top energy lobbyist. Embroiled in myriad lawsuits, Pruitt submitted his resignation in July after multiple corruption investigations. EPA staff now have to figure out what to do with his $43k private phone booth. Washington Post reports Pruitt allegedly made only one outgoing call to the White House on his fancy phone. Score one for the “fiscal conservatives.” Alas, Pruitt will likely go down in history as the worst choice for one of the most important offices in America. 

REX TILLERSON: It seemed a good fit: an oil industry captain as Secretary of State (lol), until Tillerson went rogue by backing the British government’s findings that Russia was guilty in the nerve agent attack in the U.K. That’s when Putin’s Apprentice went full nutter and fired Tillerson…on Twitter, which is where the former Exxon CEO learned of his dismissal. Those who would like to congratulate Tillerson for calling the president* a “moron,” can find him hosting a charity ball next month, with events taking place at Billy Bob’s Texas in Fort Worth and the Fairmont Dallas.

MICHAEL FLYNN: President Obama warned Trump not to hire Flynn. The rest is tragic history. Flynn, who forever will be haunted for leading a chorus of “Lock Her Ups,” is awaiting sentencing after pleading guilty to the FBI. The shortest serving National Security Advisor, Flynn admitted he had discussed Russian sanctions with the country’s Ambassador during the transition, after it had been disclosed. Currently, the three-star lieutenant general is cooperating with Special Counsel Robert Mueller in his ongoing probe of Russia’s interference in the 2016 election.

MICHAEL COHEN: Trump’s former personal lawyer just surrendered to the FBI today and no matter how President Troll tries to spin it, it’s bleak news for Trump Inc. Cohen reached a plea agreement with prosecutors investigating payments he made to women on behalf of Trump: pleaded guilty to eight counts and said he made illegal campaign contributions "in coordination and at the direction of a candidate for federal office." Cohen's lawyer, Lanny Davis, said Cohen had "testified under oath that Donald Trump directed him to commit a crime." Wow. And a disturbing tweet from Cohen a few days before Christmas in 2015 did not age particularly well. He Tweeted: “@HillaryClinton when you go to prison for perjury, your room and board will be free!” 12/19/2015. And so, here we are. Another carny en route to the Big House.

PAUL MANAFORT: Trump’s former campaign manager is in jail for witness tampering, while awaiting a jury verdict in the first of two trials for conspiracy against the United States, making false statements, money laundering, failing to disclose lobbying efforts on behalf of foreign entities and tax fraud. To truly understand the tragedy that is the rise and fall of Paul Manafort, check out “Russia, Are You Listening” with Matt Bevan on ABC Australia: http://www.abc.net.au/radio/programs/russia-if-youre-listening/paul-manafort-the-dictators-fixer/9924894. Working with dictators of questionable integrity appears to be his sweet spot, and clearly, the money was never enough. THIS JUST IN: Jury found Manafort guilty on eight counts. Whispers of a pardon already fluttering in the air.

GARY COHN: In an effort to drain the swamp, Trump hired the president of Goldman Sachs to be his top economic advisor. Cohn, who stepped down after a year and is credited with helping to steer the massive tax cuts, reportedly resigned over Trump’s steel and aluminum tariffs, which Cohn opposed. Cohn, the former chief operating officer and president of Goldman Sachs, is currently unemployed. He was replaced by Larry Kudlow, whose well documented past with substance abuse resulted in his firing from Bear Stearns but didn’t get in the way of obtaining security clearance in the Trump administration.

STEVE BANNON: Referred to as a “parasite” in search of a host by a former Breitbart colleague in USA Today, Bannon has been on a global populist tour, acquiring facetime anywhere he can get it. The former Chief Strategist for the White House, the former executive chairman of Breitbart, the co-founder of the former Cambridge Analytica and the former husband of a third wife accused of smuggling drugs into a prison, Bannon is not exactly winning. You wouldn’t know that, however, if you tuned into MSNBC or ABC News or the New York Times or the Hill or NPR or CNBC or Newsweek etcetera over the last couple of days. Vichy MSM is falling all over itself to give the gasbag coverage. A petition is trying to ban him from stepping foot into the U.K., and billionaire Robert Mercer, who aided and abetted Bannon’s wingding aphorisms by funding the hacks of Cambridge Analytica and the spreading of hate rhetoric along the disinformation highway, is no longer bankrolling him. Although he’s been trying to find a new sponsor and continues his Leni Riefenstahl film career, he’s been publicly rejected by rightwing Euro-fascists.

ROGER STONE: The longtime friend and former advisor to the president* has indicated he is the unnamed source in Mueller’s latest indictment, and eight of his associates have now been interviewed by Robert Mueller’s team of prosecutors. Although he’s backpedaled on comments that he met with Julian Assange and had insider knowledge of the DNC hack, Stone acknowledged trading messages with Guccifer 2.0, which according to the Mueller indictment, is a front for Russian intelligence officers.

GEORGE PAPADOPOULOS: This sordid tale starts in a bar with Papadopoulos, a former foreign policy advisor to the Trump campaign. Whilst drinking in London, Papadopoulos told Alexander Downer, Australia's top diplomat to the UK, that Russia had dirt on Hillary Clinton. Papadopoulos soon thereafter struck a plea deal with Mueller's office, admitting to one count of lying to the FBI. He is now awaiting sentencing, with Mueller recommending six months.

OMAROSA MANIGAULT NEWMAN: As Sean Spicer, Anthony Scaramucci and Hope Hicks have learned, being a member of the Trump Admin isn’t exactly an enhancement on one’s resume. Manigault Newman one upped her former colleagues by going bigly. She didn’t just write a book and do the circuit, she kept receipts and is dropping them daily. I knew how much trouble America was in when moments after the 2016 Electoral College Victory Heist was announced, the Hollywood Reporter printed an “exclusive” feature on Manigault Newman’s elevator ride with Trump to accept the real fake presidency*. In the article, she threatened those who would not submit to Herr Trump, and I knew we were in for a long, ugly haul to regain the dignity of our country. Since no one who seeks redemption is beyond salvation, score one for reformed trolls everywhere.

HONORABLE MENTION:

ANDY PUZDER: I used to tell Andy I was his only friend in the media, so of course, he blocked me. Truly, I begged him not to hitch his star to the pageant guy, because I knew there was no way it would end well. He ultimately withdrew his nomination for Labor Secretary after allegations of abuse serviced, allegations he denies. A vocal supporter of Trump on the campaign trail, Puzder is now the former CEO of Carl’s Jr. and is currently promoting his latest book, “The Capitalist Comeback.” As someone who once produced and hosted a business series, the bottom line in the long run: it’s integrity that’s bankable.

***

There’s a theory that everything Trump touches turns to poo, unless Russia is picking up the tab (see Zembla docs on “The Dubious Friends of Donald Trump” for clarification). It’s understandable why a six-time bankrupt mob patsy would have allegiance to his providers de rubles, so calling former staffers ugly names and slandering our top intelligence agents is simply part of his job requirements as Putin’s Apprentice.

Yet as ugly as this divide in our country is, I am a firm believer that this too shall pass. We’ve weathered ugly before as a country, when that lame duck Buchanan was our president. Buchanan did nothing to prevent a country divided and handed over the keys to the White House to Abraham Lincoln with a shrug, leaving Lincoln to clean up his mess. It’s been awhile since the American people were tested and we were broadsided by Russia’s long game. It’s up to us now to save the republic, and I’m staying close to the truth and those who provide it.

To quote that great philosopher Winnie the Pooh from “Christopher Robin,” it appears I’ve come to the end of my thoughts.

Bottom’s up.

****

Author Heidi Siegmund Cuda is a veteran investigative reporter, screenwriter, activist and mother.