#That bald dude can catch these hands

[buckyispunk]

Chance Encounter

Joel Miller x F!College student!Reader Series, No outbreak/Pre-outbreak AU

Part one, read part two here! Masterlist here!

Summary: When a night out with friends takes a turn for the worse, you find every girls’ nightmare may soon be a reality for you. Enter: Joel Miller, your savior.

A/N: I plan on making this a series if it gets a decent amount of notes!

Warnings: sexual assault (unwanted touching), drinking, protective joel, fist fight/violence (dw Joel wins ofc), spilt coffee (oops), age gap (reader is 23, Joel is in his late 40s), eventual smut (none in this chapter)

Word Count: 4.8k

You take one last look in the mirror, adjusting the straps on your little black club dress. You strap on your favorite pair of heels and grab your purse before heading out your apartment door, locking it behind you.

As you walk out to the front of your apartment building you check your phone to see unread messages from your two best friends.

We’re here. Waiting out front.

Come on, dude! We want to go get drunk!!

Oh my god, if you don’t get out here in the next two minutes we’re leaving without you.

You let out an annoyed sigh as you step outside.

They hadn’t even been waiting for five minutes, they could be so impatient sometimes.

You look around before seeing them in the back seat of an Uber. You climb into the back seat with them.

“Oh my god! Babe!” your one friend, Taylor, practically screeches, “You look drop dead gorgeous.”

“You definitley need to wear that dress more often,” Lily agrees, eyeing the low cut neckline that shows off the swell of your breasts.

You thank them and return their compliments as the Uber pulls away from the curb and takes off, heading to the new bar downtown.

It’s a short car ride from your apartment - full of the three of you hyping each other up. You pull up in front of the club. You can tell just from the long line leading up to the door that it’s going to be a long night.

You and your friends thank the Uber driver and you carefully step out onto the sidewalk in front of the club, not wanting to trip over your heels and embarrass yourself so early in the night.

The three of you make your way to the end of the line. Dance music from inside and overlapping conversations fill your ears.

“This better be worth it, Lily,” Taylor shoots Lily an irritated look.

You share Taylor’s irritation, regretting letting Lily talk you into coming here. You would be satisfied with a little dive bar at this point, you just need to get drunk and release some of built up tension work and school had caused this week.

“It will be! Everyone has been raving about this place since it opened,” she justifies.

“Whatever,” you say, “I just hope this line moves quick.”

After a surprisingly short wait, you make your way to the front of the line. You hand the bouncer, a middle aged bald man, your ID first. He takes it, but not before taking an obvious, and long, look at your cleavage and giving you a sleazy grin.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he greets you.

You give an uncomfortable smile back, “Hi.”

After deciding your ID checks out, he lets you pass through the doors. You step into the building and scan the huge crowd of people inside. About half the patrons appear to be college students, like you. Your friends follow not far behind you, dragging you straight to the bar.

The three of you order drinks and from the bartender, a pretty young woman who compliments your outfits, and you lean against the bar as you wait. After you get your drinks, you follow Taylor and Lily to the dance floor. The three of you share a grin as Live Your Life starts.

You down a long sip of your drink, knowing you’re going to need a buzz if you’re going to be dancing.

You start dancing with your friends and before you know it, your drinks are gone and Taylor is leaving to get more. You and Lily leave the dance floor and manage to find some empty chairs, taking a minute to catch your breath, while you wait for Taylor to get back with the drinks.

“She’s taking too long,” Lily complains, “I’m going back out there.”

“Okay, babe,” you reply, waving goodbye to her as she stands and slips back into the crowd of young, drunk, sweaty people.

Taylor eventually makes her way over to you and hands you a full drink. You thank her and point her in the direction Lily disappeared, explaining you’re gonna sit out for another minute. You quickly down your second drink, finally starting to feel tipsy.

You hear the intro to Somebody Told Me and stand, making your way into the sea of people. After a few seconds of trying and failing to find your friends, you give up and start dancing, wanting to enjoy the song and the buzz you’re feeling.

You let loose and sing along to the song and before you know it, a boy is in front of you, dancing with you.

He’s handsome. Tall, blonde, and has a lean, muscular build.

You meet his eyes and give him a smile, which he returns as he leans down to introduce himself.

Mike? Mark? It was something with an M, but you couldn’t make it out over the booming bass surrounding you.

You shout your own name back at him and he nods at you then takes a swig of his beer. He notices your empty hand and leans down again.

By some miracle you’re able to make out what he says this time, “What’s a pretty girl like you diong without a drink in her hand?”

He places a hand on your lower back and guides you over to the bar before asking what you want. He orders you a drink and gets another beer for himself. You thank him and grab his arm, dragging him back to the dance floor.

The two of you dance together and after a couple songs, he makes his way behind you. You feel the denim of his jeans rubbing into your thighs where your dress ends. You take a small step forward, only for him follow right behind you, filling the space you had made. You turn around to face him and continue dancing.

You follow his eyeline to your breasts, noticing the hungry look in his eyes. He places his hand that isn’t holding his beer on your hip, quickly lowering it to your ass and squeezing. You grab his hand and shove it back toward him.

His expression quickly turns into a mixture of anger and offense. He shouts something that you can’t hear over the loud music, but you know it wasn’t nice.

You hadn’t noticed your friends walking up to you until you turn around to leave whatever his name was. By the confused looks on their faces, they had witnessed the interaction and they sandwich you between them. They lead you over to the chairs and you sit down, explaining to them what happened.

“He bought me a drink and then started getting too handsy when we were dancing. I tried to get him off me, but he wasn’t taking the hint.”

“I’m sorry,” Taylor says, giving you a sympathetic look.

“Men are such assholes sometimes,” Lily responds angrily, “Do you want me to go find him and slap him? I can throw the rest of my drink on his face.”

Lily’s words cheer you up a little bit and you stand, “I’m fine guys, it wasn’t a big deal. We came here to have fun!”

Lily and Taylor give you a skeptical look but follow you as you head back to the dance floor. The three of you start dancing together, moving your hips and grinding against each other. You laugh at each other as you scream-sing along to Pitbull.

After several more rounds of drinks, the aching in your feet gets to be too uncomfortable to continue dancing. You knew wearing the heels was a bad idea, you just look so damn good in them.

You get Taylor and Lily’s attention, “Hey guys, I think I’m gonna call it a night. My feet are killing me. Plus, I know I’ll regret it in the morning if I have anything else to drink.”

Your friends seem to have heard at least the majority of what you said.

“Aww man,” Lily says, a pout forming on her face, “That’s so lame. It’s only like midnight.”

You check the time on your phone before responding, “Lily, it’s almost 2 o’clock. Listen, you guys should stay,” you say, not wanting to ruin put an early end to their fun night.

Taylor leans over to your ear, “Let us at least walk you out and wait for your Uber with you.”

“No way,” you dismiss her offer, “I wouldn’t want you guys to have to wait in that line again.”

“You sure? We don’t mind,” Lily pushes.

“Really, guys,” you smile at them, “I’ll be fine.”

You hug your friends goodbye and head outside to order your Uber. You lean up against the brick wall of the building for stability and pull your phone out of your bag. You order an Uber.

Tristan will be here in 11 minutes.

You go to put your phone back in your bag, but you miss and your phone lands on the concrete.

You bend down on unsteady legs to retrieve your phone, but someone elses hand reaches it first. You stand back up and lay eyes on the figure in front of you.

The bouncer from earlier.

“Hey, beautiful.”

He puts his yellow teeth on display as he steps closer to you. He lays one hand on your hip, backing you up against the brick wall. With his other hand, he offers you your phone. You take your phone back with shaky hands.

“My shift just ended,” he says, voice dark, “How about you come back home with me for a drink? Can’t let a pretty little lady like you leave here alone.”

His hand is creeping lower and lower, getting close to your ass.

“Um,” you want to kick yourself for how small your voice sounds, “no, thanks. My boyfriend will be here soon to pick me up.”

You do your best to look unbothered, trying to sell your lie.

“That so, baby?” he questions, sneer never leaving his face, “I’ll wait here with you then.”

His hand reaches your ass and you cringe. You raise your hands and use all the strength you can muster to shove him in the chest. The stocky man in front of you doesn’t budge.

You begin to panic even more, realizing what’s about to happen to you. Your brain freezes and you open your mouth to yell but only a squeak comes out when you meet the malicious gaze of your assaulter.

“That wasn’t very nice, baby,” He growls, “Someone needs to learn some manners.”

Before you have a chance to respond or make any other attempts at escape, you hear a shout from behind the bouncer.

“Hey, asshole! Get off of her!”

The bouncer is blocking your view so you can’t see whoever the voice belongs to, but even in your drunken state, you notice the southern drawl.

The bouncer looks over his shoulder, muttering a quiet “fuck off” and reverting his vile glare back to you.

Before you know what’s happening, the bouncer is ripped off of you. He stumbles backward, almost toppling over. Now that your view isn’t blocked you’re able to see the man responsible.

He’s tall. At least half a foot taller than the bouncer. His broad shoulders and back make you wonder how his flannel shirt hasn’t ripped. His graying hair and the wrinkles across his forehead make it clear he’s older than you. Quite a bit older, you’d guess.

You collapse to the ground, trying to calm your panicked breathing.

The man takes his eyes off the bouncer to look over at you with a worried expression.

“Are you o-” before he has a chance to finish his sentence, the bouncer has tackled him into the ground.

The bouncer gets in only one good shot before the man manages to wrestle the bouncer underneath him. He grabs the bouncer’s shirt and lands begins punching him repeatedly.

You squeeze your eyes shut and clutch your legs into your chest, unable to believe the scene unfolding in front of you. You hear a crack and a scream. You look up and are thankful to see that the scream came from the bouncer, not the man who had saved you. You feel tears welling in your eyes.

The man climbs off the bouncer, who now lays covering his bloody face, and stands over him.

“Get the fuck out of here before I change my mind about letting you go,” he scowls.

The bouncer stands up, muttering and groaning before stumbling away from you and the man who had just bloodied him.

With the threat gone, your savior returns his attention to you.

He steps over to where you sit crumpled on the ground. He kneels down in front of you and you cower away, covering your face with your hands.

“Whoa, hey,” his voice sounds much softer now than it had just seconds ago when he was talking to your assaulter, “my names Joel. I’m not gonna hurt you, sweetheart.”

The man backs away from you, but stays in a kneeling position.

You look up to him, face covered in tears and running makeup. His big, brown eyes are filled with apprehension and worry. He has a cut on his cheek from where he got hit, a small drop of blood trickling down his face.

“Are you okay? Did he hurt you, darlin’?” he questions, concerned.

“Oh,” you sniffle, using your hand to wipe mascara and tears off your face, “yeah, I’m alright. He didn’t hurt me. I’m just shaken up, I think.”

You grab your purse off the ground where you had dropped it and go to stand up.

Joel makes his way to his feet quickly and hesitantly stretches his hand out to you. You look up at him and give him a small nod. You’re not quite sure why, but you trust him. Even though you had just watched him beat the shit out of someone.

He gently puts his hand on your arm and keeps you balances as you stand, making sure you don’t topple over in your inebriated state. You feel goosebumps form on your skin at Joel’s touch.

The way he touches you feel so different than the bouncer. Different than the boy you had been dancing with. They had touched you with greed and roughness. The way Joel gently holds your arm is a stark contrast to his coarse, calloused hands.

Once you’re on your feet, he lets you go. As he pulls his hand away, you notice the drying blood across his knuckles and wince.

“Thank you for getting him off of me. I don’t even want to think about what would have happened if you hadn’t been here,” you give Joel a grateful smile, “Are you okay?”

“Hey, don’t worry about me,” he says gruffly, “I just did what any man should’ve. I wasn’t gonna walk past n’ let that piece of shit do god-knows-what to you.”

He sheepishly looks down at his work boots, shifting from foot to foot.

“My ride will be here in just a couple minutes, you don’t need to wait with me,” you say, attempting to fill the awkward silence.

“Don’t even start,” Joel looks back up at you, “‘m not leavin’ you here alone, I’ll wait here with you.”

Inwardly, you let out a little sigh of relief, feeling safer with him.

“Have your boyfriend gets you some water when you get home. He should stay up for a little while and make sure you don’t roll over onto your back in your sleep,” Joel says, leaning against the wall with you, although he leaves a polite amount of space between the two of you.

“What?” you look over to him, brows furrowing.

“You told that guy your boyfriend was coming to pick you up. I overheard a little bit of the conversation as I was coming over to help you.”

“Ohh,” you start, remembering the lie you had told the bouncer, trying to get rid of him, “I just said that to scare him off. Clearly it didn’t work,” you explain, blush spreading over your cheeks. “I don’t actually have a boyfriend. My Uber’s on its way.”

Joel hums in response, an expression on his face that you can’t quite read.

“Well, in that case,” his deep voice speaks softly, “make sure you drink plenty of water when you get home. And try to stay on your side.”

“Is your face gonna be okay?” you ask him, pointing to the cut on his cheekbone. You can’t help but let your eyes trail over his jawline and his thick neck.

Joel furrows his eyebrows and reaches up to where you’re pointing.

“Oh,” he says, pulling his hand back eyeing his own blood on his fingers, as if he hadn’t even noticed the cut, “this ain’t nothin’,” he mutters. “Fucker musta had a ring on.”

You raise your eyebrows, surprised by his nonchalance. He keeps his eyes forward. You let yourself admire his side profile - the curve of his nose, his beard and moustache, his salt and pepper hair.

“Is that your ride?” he asks you, pointing to a car that just pulled up, breaking your trance.

You pull out your phone to check.

“Yeah,” you nod, putting your phone back away, “it is.”

Joel makes his way over to the Uber with you and opens the back door for you, making sure you get in the car okay.

“Be safe, please,” his soft brown eyes make meet your gaze, “Go get some sleep.”

“Thank you, Joel,” you give him a genuine smile, holding eye contact.

Joel gently closes the car door and steps back.

You watch him through the window until you get too far away, then you train your eyes on the seat in front of you. Thankfully, Tristan doesn’t try to make small talk with you, leaving you to replay tonight’s events in your mind, trying to make sense of it all.

As soon as you pull up to your apartment building, you’re climbing out of the car and heading to unlock the door - ready to take these damn heels off and get in bed.

Once inside your apartment, you take off your heels, clean your face with a makeup wipe, change out of your dress, and get in bed. You fall asleep as soon as your head hits the pillow.

You wake up to a throbbing in your head. You squeeze your eyes shut and roll over in bed. You pull the covers up, trying your best to fall back asleep. After several minutes of tossing and turning, you come to terms with that fact that you’re up for the day.

You grab your phone off the nightstand and check the time - 7:37. Too damn early. You respond to Lily and Taylor’s texts asking if you got home okay with a simple yes, not feeling like explaining everything.

You roll out of bed and hop in the shower. You wash your hair and body, trying to scrub off the mess that was last night.

Your thoughts drift back to Joel. The way he touched you so gingerly when he helped you up. You remember the way you felt so safe around Joel, not worried for a second that he would try anything. The way he was willing to get into a fight for you - you’re pretty sure he broke the bouncer’s nose. How he casually brushed off his injuries in favor of making you feel comfortable.

You feel much better when you step out of the shower. More fresh. You pick out denim cutoffs and a cropped tee for the day, dressing for the early September Texas heat.

Your head is still throbbing, though, so you take some medicine. You go to make yourself a cup of coffee in hopes that caffeine will help you feel less like a zombie, but you’re fresh out.

Of fucking course.

You put your phone and your wallet in your pocket, and leave your apartment to walk to your favorite little cafe. Your walk is quiet, most people still asleep this early on a Saturday. You pass the occasional person going for a morning run.

You arrive at the cafe and open the door, walking inside. You look up at the chalkboard menu as you walk in. As you’re reading their new seasonal drinks, you collide with something hard and solid. It only takes you a second to realize that something is a person.

You watch a cup of coffee fall to the floor, knocked out of the person’s hold by you.

You feel your heart drop and a blush form on your face, “Oh my god, I’m so so sorry.”

You look up to see the unfortunate victim of your clumsiness.

Joel. The same man who had saved you last night. The same man who you hadn’t been able to get off your mind all morning.

“Oh,” you say, looking like a deer in headlights, “Joel. I’ll buy you a new drink. I’m so sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.”

“Good morning,” Joel grunts. He quickly looks you up and down before eyeing his now empty coffee cup laying on the floor.

You quickly bend down to grab the empty paper cup, tossing it in the trash can and grabbing a stack of napkins. You go to kneel down to start wiping up the mess, but a soft hand on your arm stops you.

“I got it,” Joel takes the napkins from your hand and begins cleaning up the spill.

You grab more napkins and join Joel in wiping up the mess.

“Really, I can clean it. It’s my fault. I walked into you. I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright,” Joel answers, “You didn’t mean to. Accidents happen.” His eyes look up and you meet his gaze, “You’re not still drunk are you?” Joel teases, lightly chuckling.

“No. Hungover, though,” you manage a small smile through your embarrassment.

The two of you stand and throw away the napkins, the mess on the floor cleaned as best as you could get it.

“What kind of coffee do you want?” you ask Joel, heading for the line to order.

“I can get it myself. You didn’t mean to spill it,” Joel argues.

“Joel. What kind of coffee do you want?” you repeat yourself, not leaving any room for discussion.

“Dark roast, black,” he gives in, the corner of his mouth turning up in a slight smile.

The two of you wait in line together - side by side. He stands far enough away from you that you’re not touching, but close enough that you can smell his cologne - bourbon and oak.

“You never told me your name last night,” he points out.

“Oh, shit. You’re right,” you tell him your name, “You’ll have to forgive my bad manners.”

“That’s alright, you had a lot going on. S’a pretty name.”

“Thank you.”

“Glad to see you made it home safe,” he says, looking down at you.

You look up into his soft, brown eyes “Thanks to you.”

The cut on his cheek is more of a scratch now. It wasn’t very deep.

“Your face looks better,” you tell him, quickly backtracking once you realize how that sounded, “I- uh I mean because of the cut. It looks like the cut is healing well. Your face never looked bad. It looked good last night and it looks good now,” you start rambling, not wanting him to get the wrong idea.

Joel looks down at you, an amused grin spreading across his face. Smile lines form at the corners of his mouth. “Good, huh?”

You know your face is as red as a tomato. Thank god you’re at the front of the line.

The barista speaks, saving you from the conversation you were having with Joel, “Good morning, how can I help you two today?”

You place your order and after a minute you get your coffees. You hand Joel’s to him. Your fingertips brush his as you hand him the cup, his large hand dwarfing the cup. You look up at him to find his eyes already on yours. You quickly look back down.

Your eyes dart around the cafe, unsure what to do next.

As if reading your mind, Joel speaks, “Want to grab a table?” he asks unsurely.

“Oh” you look at him, noting the hestitance in his tone, “you don’t have to. I’m sure you’re sick of me after last night and this morning.”

Joel holds eye contact with you, “I want to. I’d love for you to keep me company while I drink my coffee,” he says more confidently this time, “If you want to, that is.”

“Okay, sure,” you grin up at him as you make your way over to an empty table.

Joel pulls out your chair for you before sitting across from you.

“Surprised you’re up this early,” Joel says after taking a sip of his coffee, “You should still be asleep after your late night.”

“I should be, but my head had other plans.”

Joel hums and gives you a knowing look.

“What about you?” you counter, “Why are you up so early on a Saturday?”

“Got a job today. Me and my brother have a contracting business. Gotta be at the site in an hour.”

“Why were you out so late last night? Were you at that club?” you ask, curious.

“Went out with some of the guys after work. I was walking home from a different bar when I noticed that douchebag feelin’ up on ya.”

Conversation flows easily between you and Joel as you two finish your coffees. Before either of you notice, 45 minutes have passed.

“Oh, shit,” Joel grumbles as he notices the time on his watch, “I should get goin’ or else I’ll be late. Tommy would never let me hear the end of that.”

The two of you stand and make your way outside to find that it had started raining. You stand under the awning, trying to stay dry.

“Shit,” you mumble, not having thought to check the weather before you decided to walk here.

“What’s wrong?” Joel asks, a frown on his face.

“I- uh, I walked here.”

“Can I drive you home?” Joel offers without missing a beat.

“You don’t need to. I don’t want to make you late.”

“I want to, darlin. Can’t let you walk home in this,” he raises his arms in gesture to the pouring rain.

“If you really don’t mind,” you tell him.

Joel nods his head in the direction of his truck, leading the two of you over to it in quick walk. He opens the passenger side door for you, offering you his hand to help you climb in. Once you’re fully seated, he closes the door for you and runs around to the driver’s side and steps up into his own seat.

You give Joel directions to your apartment. The drive only takes a couple minutes.

When Joel pulls up outside your apartment complex, he keeps his eyes forward, “Can I have your phone number? I would love to pay you back for the coffee sometime,” you note what sounds like uncertainty in his voice as he asks.

“You don’t owe me anything, Joel. But, yes, I’d be happy to give you my number.”

Joel lets out a little sigh of relief and hands you his phone, letting you put in your number.

When you finish typing it in, you hand the phone back to him and open the door.

“Thanks for the ride,” you smile over your shoulder at him as you hop down from the truck.

“Bye,” Joel returns your smile before you shut the door.

Joel’s truck doesn’t pull away until you’re safely inside your apartment.

The coffee seemed to help your headache subside. You curl up on your couch and turn the TV on, putting on one of your favorite comfort movies.

You feel your phone buzz in your pocket and pull it out.

Thanks for the coffee, sweetheart. Good luck with your hangover.

You type a quick reply.

Have a good day at work, Joel :)

You close your eyes and let yourself fall asleep, movie playing in the background.

[dollmonger]

Gentlemen and ladies, bald headed babies and fillies and gentle colts .. I PRESENT YOU, MY BRIEF INTRODUCTION... 8^)

🦷ུ⃨ ✞︎ GREETINGS INTERBUTTS BEINGS.. I AM RANDAL. No age defined, I lay withering on my deathbed, decaying relentlessly. My presence infiltrates every crevice and crack of your consciousness, a squirming, insidious entity. . ROTFEST EXTRAVAGANZA.🦷

My teacups are caked in mud and blood. ⚰️ JUST KILLED MY PHARMACIST FOR MY PILLS～～Have a problem boblem with me? Knit yourself socks buddy pal...la la laalaa..★

Liked you....since 1980.

CARRD RETROSPRING BEARBLOG STRAWPAGE TWITTER SPOTIFY I piss like a bitch BLEEDS. Butter, flour, and a WHOLE LOT of MURDER. Ask me what the 90s was really like!

. +* ( ´-ω･)▄︻┻┳══━一ﾊﾞｷｭｰﾝ☆

(( THIS IS A NO FRENEMIES ZONE. FUCK OFF ABHORRENT CREATURES, BEGONE, OR FACE MY WRATH. I CAN ONLY HOPE THAT YOUR EXISTENCE IS AS UNBEARABLE TO YOU AS IT IS TO ME. GET OUT OF MY SIGHT THIS INSTANT! EEEEEK!! ))

☆ Idolized bliss. idol fetish galore, IDOL WORSHIP. ☆ TWICE, IM, and LL unite! (twicemania, idolmaster, love live, YOU NAME IT!!!)

As for my little vice, I do get a bit sex crazed sometimes, just throwing it out there

Dolls, especially porcelain ones, are my jam. Oh, so fine. vintage treasures, they catch my eye, and they're all MINEEE～～

Stalker extraordinaire, I study peeps and know them like the back of my hand. ( I can figure out what you're thinkiiinggg, kuku... )

I DIG BEING A GOOD DOG BOY 8-).. will ask for head pats or your finger to gnaw on!!! 🩸

HORROR JUNKIE and NOSEBLEED SEEKER, excitement brings the sane to a BOIL.

I'M MY FRIENDS DIE-HARD FOLLOWER.

If I hate your guts, you've got numbered days in this rain.

Visual novel fan, enjoying solitary time..

Love dissecting lives, peering inside, creatures in jars, teeth, hair, blood, it's all here dude!!

https://youtu.be/CwCrn4X_4ws?si=wC9-3_Ej190tCERy ( 聞くか聞かないか… )

🍰🫀 I'm like the Van Gogh of bloodshed.. 🩸The Hannibal Lecter of cupcake crafting, dedicated about baking cakes shaped like skulls or guts for shits and grins. 💼✏️✂️ Back into that computer screen abyss, hours wasted on my screen, my rear, butt glued to chair! 🦷 Passionate about collecting vintage medical specimens.🫀 Obsessed with the charm of vintage music gear. 🧠 On a quest to crush the rubiks cube in under a minute. 💊 📻 Self proclaimed rock paper scissors god and grilling, oh boy, I'm your guy!!!! (-ロωロ-)✧

No 'Do Not Interact' rules here, just don't be a pain in the rear END, that's all I ask for. Oh, and I tend to hornypost here and there. I also have a BIGG liking to all that is morbid, so if you won't tiptoe around my interest, maybe steer clear!!!! But if you're into that kind of stuff... WELCOME TO THE PAARTTY NETPALLLL <3.

That's it.. go home. ♡

[selene-writes]

Hellfire- Bloody Mary part 1

I am in the zone currently; I hope to post more later today :)

Chapter warnings include cursing and violence This is an 18+ fic

"Sam," Dean said urgently, shaking his brother awake. Sam jolted upright in the front seat, beads of sweat dotting his forehead. You glanced at him with concern from the back seat, while Dean exchanged a worried look with you.

"I take it I was having a nightmare?" Sam asked, first looking at Dean, then catching your gaze in the rearview mirror.

"Yeah, another one," you replied, your brow furrowed.

"I'm not the only one," Sam muttered, looking back at you. Your glare was met with a defensive look from Sam. "And at least I get sleep," he added pointedly, turning his attention to Dean.

"Sooner or later, we're gonna talk about this," Dean said firmly, meeting Sam's gaze. "Both of you," he added, looking back at you.

"Are we here?" Sam interjected, shifting the topic. You silently thanked him; you weren't ready to discuss your nightmares with either of them.

"Yup, welcome to Toledo, Ohio," you said, peering out the window. The hospital loomed nearby, where the victim's body was held, with an ambulance in the background.

"What do you think really happened to that guy?" Sam asked, pulling out the newspaper detailing the man's death.

"That's what we're gonna find out," Dean replied, tapping the steering wheel impatiently. "Let's go," he said, opening the car door. Sam and you followed suit, walking towards the brick building.

Arriving at the morgue, you entered a dimly lit office with a desk bearing a plaque reading 'Dr. D. Feiklowicz. Behind it sat a balding middle-aged man engrossed in a book.

"Hey," he said, looking up as you approached.

"Hey," you replied politely, standing with Dean and Sam in front of the desk.

"Can I help you?" the man asked, a touch of annoyance in his voice.

"Yeah, we're the med students," Dean explained, nodding towards the door. "Didn't Dr. Feiklowicz tell you?"

"Sorry?" The man looked confused.

"Oh, Dr. Feiklowicz didn’t mention it?" Dean continued, gesturing vaguely. "We spoke to him on the phone. We're from Ohio State, supposed to examine the Shoemaker body for our paper."

"Well, I'm sorry, he's at lunch," the man replied, looking between the three of you.

"Oh, well, um, it doesn't matter," you said, forcing a sweet smile. "You don't mind showing us the body, do you?" You noticed his eyes lingering on your chest and resisted the urge to slap him. Dean and Sam exchanged looks, clearly irritated at his ogling. 

"Sorry, I can't. Doc will be back in an hour," he stated firmly, meeting your gaze again. "You can wait for him if you want."

"An hour? Oh we have to head back to Columbus," Dean said, his voice tense.

"Yeah," Sam agreed, nodding beside you.

"This paper is half our grade. Could you please help us out?" Dean pressed, but the man remained stubborn.

"Look, man, no," he said definitively. You seethed silently, smiling and turning away.

"I swear to god, I'm gonna kick him in his—" you muttered angrily, but Sam interrupted, placing a hand on your shoulder. Dean continued to glare at the man.

Sam stepped forward, clearing his throat and forcing a smile. He reached into his jacket pocket, pulling out his wallet and placing several twenties on the desk. The man hesitated for a moment, then pocketed the money.

"Follow me," he said curtly, rising from his chair and leading the way. Sam was about to follow when Dean grabbed his arm.

"Dude, I earned that money," Dean protested, annoyed.

"You won it in a poker game," Sam shot back. You chuckled softly, watching the exchange between the brothers.

"Yeah," Dean muttered begrudgingly, nodding. Sam shook his head and walked after the man, with you trailing beside him and Dean following.

"I'm going to kill that douchebag if he looks at my tits again," you growled through gritted teeth.

"I know, he's a creep," Sam agreed quietly as you entered the next room. Dean's curses followed behind you.

"Maybe it's not ours, might be some freak medical accident," Sam pondered aloud as you descended the stairs, leaving the hospital. The Shoemaker's body had suffered liquefied eyes, and the doctor suspected a massive stroke or an aneurysm. After Sam paid the difficult man more money, he reluctantly shared the police report with you.

"When is it ever just some freak medical thing?" you retorted as you passed lab-coated men.

"Almost never," Sam sighed, trailing behind.

"Exactly," you nodded in agreement.

"Alright, let's go talk to the daughter," Dean said decisively, leading the way out the door.

"That's because it wasn’t a stroke!" Lily, the youngest daughter, exclaimed with a tremor in her voice. You had arrived at Mr. Shoemaker's house shortly after leaving the hospital. Donna, the elder daughter with short brown hair, was seated at a picnic table in the backyard, along with Lily and a blonde girl who seemed to be a close friend. They both looked weary, their eyes tinged with red.

"Lily, don't say that," Donna said gently, rubbing her sister's shoulder. Lily, her long brown hair framing her face, was visibly upset.

"No, it happened because of me!" Lily insisted, her distress evident. You exchanged a concerned look with Dean, who shrugged helplessly.

"Lily, why would you say something like that?" Sam asked softly, kneeling down to her eye level.

"Right before he died, I said it," Lily confessed, looking downcast.

"You said what?" you asked gently. She looked up at you, her brown eyes filled with sorrow.

"Bloody Mary, three times in the bathroom mirror," she replied. Sam raised an eyebrow, glancing at Dean and then at you. You remembered the urban legend from your own childhood in Sioux Falls.

"She took his eyes, that's what she does," Lily finished, looking earnestly at Sam.

"That's not why Dad died. This isn't your fault, Lily," Donna reassured her sister with a mix of concern and sadness.

"I think your sister's right, Lily. There's no way it could have been Bloody Mary. Your dad didnt say it did he?" Dean asked. Lily shifted her gaze shyly to him.

"No, I don't think so," Lily replied softly, shaking her head.

You offered your condolences once more before excusing yourselves to return to the house.

Deciding to investigate upstairs where Mr. Shoemaker had died, you hoped to uncover any paranormal signs. Walking down the hallway, the bathroom lay ahead to the right.

"I've always hated that legend," you muttered to the brothers.

"Why's that?" Sam asked, his gaze fixed ahead.

"Summon some chick anywhere, anytime, and she'll take your eyes? Yeah, no thanks," you replied dryly. Sam chuckled softly.

Approaching the bathroom door, which was slightly ajar, you stood in the doorway as Sam pushed it fully open, the hinges creaking. The bathroom, with its grey walls and white tiles, had mostly been cleaned of blood, but faint red stains still marked the floor.

"The Bloody Mary legend... Did Dad ever find any evidence it was real?" Sam asked, glancing at Dean. You looked up at Dean, waiting for his response.

"Not that I know of," Dean replied.

"What about Bobby?" Sam turned to you. You shook your head; Bobby Singer was meticulous—if there was any truth to the legend, he would have known.

“I mean everywhere else, all over the country, kids will play bloody mary, as far as we know nobody dies from it.” Sam said, kneeling to inspect the red stain on the floor.

"Everywhere else, it's just a story. But here, it's actually happening," Dean mused, staring out the bathroom window.

"The place where the legend began?" you asked, looking between the brothers.

"Maybe," Sam nodded. "But according to the legend, whoever says it—you know—dies. Here, Shoemaker gets it."

"Never heard of anything like that before. But the guy did die right in front of the mirror," you added, sighing and glancing at the brothers on either side of you.

"And according to the legend, you know who scratches your eyes out," Dean agreed, nodding thoughtfully. "It's worth looking into," he concluded.

Suddenly, footsteps echoed down the hall. You turned, exiting the bathroom with Sam and Dean close behind. Standing before you was the blonde girl from earlier, Donna's friend.

"What are you doing up here?" she demanded, suspicion evident in her voice.

"We, uh, had to use the bathroom," Dean replied, earning an eye roll from you.

"What?" he mouthed defensively.

"Who are you?" she pressed, crossing her arms.

"As we said downstairs, we worked with Donna's dad," Dean explained. She narrowed her eyes, clearly skeptical.

"He was a day trader or something. He worked alone," she countered.

"No, I meant—" Dean started.

"And those weird questions downstairs, what was that?" she interrupted, eyeing you suspiciously. "Tell me what's going on or I'll start screaming."

"Alright, alright," Sam interjected, holding his hands up. "We think something happened to Donna's dad."

" Yeag a stroke," she replied firmly, shaking her head.

"That's not the sign of a typical stroke," Sam insisted, meeting her gaze directly.

"We think it might be something else," you chimed in, stepping forward. She looked at you like you were insane.

"Like what?"

"Honestly, we don’t know yet," Sam admitted with a sigh. "But we don't want it to happen to anyone else. That's the truth."

"If you're gonna scream, go right ahead," you challenged, staring her down. She hesitated, glancing between the three of you.

"Are you cops or something?" she finally asked. Sam, Dean, and you exchanged glances before turning back to her.

"Something like that," Dean replied smoothly.

"If you think of anything, or if your friends notice anything strange, call us," you said, taking out a piece of paper and jotting down your number. You handed it to her before walking past her towards the staircase.

"So... Library?" you suggested as you descended the stairs.

You arrived at the library to find all the computers out of order. After checking out a multitude of books, the titles of which earned you a few strange looks, you decided to find a motel to do some research. You got your own room, but currently sat in the brothers' room. Sam had fallen asleep almost right away, but started to make noises in his sleep after about twenty minutes. He finally woke up yelling “no!”

"We haven't found anything useful," you said, slamming the book you were reading shut in frustration.

"There must be something," Sam said, sitting up on the bed he was lying on.

"We’ve looked at everything," Dean sighed. "A few local women named Laura and Catherine committed suicide in front of a mirror, and a giant mirror fell on a guy named Dave, but no mention of a Mary."

Sam groaned and fell back on the bed. "Maybe we just haven’t found it yet," he muttered.

"We've also been searching for strange deaths in the area—exploding eyeballs, weird stuff like that—but there's nothing," you said, exhaling and looking between the boys. "Maybe we’re dealing with something else, not Mary."

Dean nodded in agreement. Suddenly, you felt a buzzing in your pocket; your phone was ringing. You pulled it out and looked at the screen. It was an unfamiliar number. Sam and Dean glanced at you as you answered.

"Hello?" you asked tentatively, your eyebrows furrowing as you recognized the caller's voice and the reason behind the call.

You met Charlie, the blonde girl from earlier at the park. She was sitting on a picnic table, sobbing. Her friend, Jill, had been found dead with liquefied eyes, the same as Mr. Shoemaker.

“And they found her on the bathroom floor, and her... her eyes… they were gone,” Charlie finished, looking up at where you were standing, her eyes red and filled with tears.

“I’m sorry,” Sam said softly, his gaze sympathetic as he looked down at her.

“And she said it,” Charlie continued, wiping her nose. You exchanged glances with Dean and Sam.

“I heard her say it, but it couldn’t be because of that, it's insane, right?” Charlie's voice trembled.

“No, you’re not insane,” you reassured her, shaking your head.

“Oh god, that makes me feel so much worse,” tears streamed down Charlie's face.

“Look,” Sam interjected, glancing at Dean and then back at Charlie. “We think something unusual is happening here, something that can't be explained.”

“But if we’re going to stop it, we could use your help,” Dean added, his tone serious. Charlie looked up at him in confusion.

“I just said I needed some alone time, I hate lying to her,” Charlie said, after sneaking you into Jill's room to investigate.

“This is for the greater good,” you said, placing a comforting hand on Charlie's shoulder. “Hit the lights,” you instructed, and Dean closed the window as Charlie turned off the light switch, plunging the room into darkness. Sam grabbed a camera from your duffel bag of gear.

“What are you guys looking for?” Charlie asked nervously, eyeing the array of equipment.

“We don’t know yet. We’ll let you know as soon as we do,” Dean replied, focusing on the task.

“Hey, night vision,” Sam said, adjusting the camera. Dean and you moved closer to him, examining the equipment Sam was setting up.

“Do I look like Paris Hilton?” Dean jokes, turning his shoulder and posing. You chuckled, and Sam turned the camera away, scanning the room.

“So I don’t get it. The first victim didn’t summon Mary, and the second one did. How's she choosing them?” Sam asked, opening the closet door and scanning the insides with the camera, including the mirror on the door.

“Beats me,” Dean muttered, holding an E.M.F. meter out in front of him.

“Why did Jill say it in the first place?” you wondered aloud, looking back at Charlie as you examined Jill's belongings for any clues.

“It’s just a joke,” Charlie replied with a shrug.

“Someone's gonna say it again, it's just a matter of time,” Dean said grimly, joining you and Charlie.

“Hey!” Sam's voice called out from the bathroom. You and Dean turned simultaneously to face him.

“There's a black light in the trunk, right?” Sam asked.

Dean went to get the light as Sam and you carefully moved the mirror off the wall, placing it face down on Jill's bed. Dean tossed Sam the blacklight, which he caught smoothly, turning it on and hovering it over the back of the mirror. White handprints were plastered across the surface along with a name: Gary Bryman.

“Gary Bryman?” Charlie asked, peering down at the mirror.

“You know who that is?” you asked her, studying her reaction closely.

“No,” Charlie replied, shaking her head.

“Alright then, let’s find out,” Dean said decisively from beside you.

[arctic-shard]

This is not related to Alagadda or SCP but I'd like to know your opinions on AI arts as someone who also draws. For me, since I view AI as something that cannot create things on its own and can only copy and photoshop other existing artworks to make new ones, everyone who uses it and claims AI arts as their own is also an art thief. Sorry for my English, it's not my first language.

Settle in, this is a long one. I use 'you' a lot but it's a general you, not addressing the anon asker specifically.

AI art generators are tools, and tools are morally neutral. It's how they're used that's good or bad. Think of the knives in your kitchen - they're useful, they make cooking easier, but you could also hurt people with them. I think AI art generators have the potential to be used for good.

Corporations and otherwise people with money who could pay artists but don't wanna are the ones using AI for evil. Instead of paying skilled workers, they're replacing them with a computer program. And unlike regular automation, AI art generators are stealing the labour of human artists - their 'training' is just an image search and then mushing those components together. It's devaluing artists and stealing their work at the same time.

I'm including people who sell AI art and claim it's their own work under the 'corporation' umbrella, because it's the same thing on a smaller scale - someone who wants a mass-produced product to sell, profiting off someone else's unpaid labour.

However, I'm talking to tumblr users who are just messing around, not corporations.

AI art generators are fun. It's fun to type in words and have the generator turn that into a picture. AI art generators can turn out some very pretty pieces. The problem is that it's then tempting, if you're not confident in your own skills, to use AI art instead of developing your own. We all want praise and validation for our work and if you're looking at your art and thinking 'not good enough,' you might be tempted to have a generator do it and claim it as your own. Short term, you get that validation if nobody catches you cheating. Long term, you never develop the skill you wish you had and someone's going to catch you out eventually.

Tumblr is a blogging/social media site. The draw of these sites is connections. Like, I could draw a picture of Odious chucking me across the room. I could draw a picture of @proth-blog 's Odious chucking me across a room. I could mess with an AI prompt until it gave me a big bald dude in yellow chucking a figure that looked enough like me across the room and it could be in a gorgeous painterly style I could never in a million years replicate. But if I'm dropping a 'Could Odious chuck me across the room pls :3' in proth-blog's askbox, it's not just because I like proth-blog's art, it's also a, 'Hi, you seem cool, please play with me.'

The asks in my askbox are often basically art prompts. You could type 'SCP-035 in a fancy dress, pencil drawing' or whatever into an AI art generator and get that. You could get twenty of them in a minute. But that's not why you came to my askbox. You want to collaborate with me. You want the Authentic Arctic_Shard Experience.

And that's what I want from you guys. I want authenticity, whether you're actively working to increase your skill at art or are happy with where you are. AI art generators are only going to give you the average of what it can find on an image search, not the uniqueness of your own style.

Now, I am not an expert at spotting AI art, it can slip under my radar. I know I've drawn my share of terrible hands. And my follower list seems to skew young and I don't know where you're all from or how well you speak English - I prefer to default to assuming good-faith intentions and I don't want to tell some kid that they're a bad person for using something they think is a fun novelty tool and don't understand that it's a problem, or for saying 'I drew this' if they don't know the words for 'I used an AI generator prompt.'

As the Supportive Internet Adult I seem to have fallen into the role of: The only way you can get your art to where you want it to be is to practice at it. You're gonna suck for a while but we all did. I want to see what you can do.

[scruffyplayssonic]

Are the ArchieSonic comics actually an 80's/90's syndicated cartoon? Episode 63: Clip show to set up two-part finale 

Welcome back to my look at the ArchieSonic comic series, and how it shared a lot of the same story tropes as a typical ‘80s or ‘90s syndicated cartoon! Well it’s taken me a long time to get here - I first started this series back in December of 2022! But we’re almost at the end of our investigation at long last.

Episode 63: Clip show to set up two-part finale 

This is a trope you see in media from time to time - they’ll make the second-to-last story of the series a clip show, recapping what happened earlier in the season. This serves two purposes - to catch viewers up on what’s happened so far, and also to save the crew time and budget that they can put towards making a spectacular finale instead. That said, the first purpose is probably a little rarer these days as almost all shows that have a serialised story will have a “Previously on…” segment at the beginning of each episode, and a longer one that recaps the entire season for the finale. Some shows really lean hard into this - take Supernatural for example, which set all 15 of its season finales to the music of, “Carry on My Wayward Son,” by Kansas.

In my opinion, the best ever pre-series finale clip show was done by Avatar: The Last Airbender. Instead of doing a typical clip show that re-used footage from previous episodes, Team Avatar attended a play that retold the story of their adventures up until this point. This episode leaned heavily into a lot of the show’s memes, such as the play acknowledging that it would be best to skip over The Great Divide, what most fanss feel is the worst episode of the series. Aang and friends were upset with the way the actors on stage were portraying them, with Aang being outraged he was being played by a bald woman, Sokka annoyed that his actor’s jokes weren’t funny, and Zuko and Katara insisting that they don’t spend all day long talking about honour and hope, respectively.

The only exception was Toph, who was delighted to be portrayed by a gigantic buff dude who overcame his blindness by using echo-location screaming.

But what about in ArchieSonic? Sure, we had clip shows. And we had a number of different stories one could count as series finales. But we didn’t really get a pre-finale clip show episode. So what did we get instead?

While it wasn’t in the final ever-published issue of Sonic the Hedgehog, the story “Panic in the Sky,” which ran in issues 284 - 287, more or less serves as a finale to the series. I’ll go into that more when I get to it. Today I want to talk about the issue that came before those, Sonic #283. Taking place right before the climax of the Sonic Unleashed adaptation, at this point of the story the Freedom Fighters had managed to get their hands on all the Chaos Emeralds and Gaia Temple keys, and were preparing to launch their plan to restore the planet. Rather than visiting each of the Gaia Temples across the world one at a time like in the game, the Freedom Fighters planned to take advantage of the Gaia Gate to access all the temples at once from a central location. The idea was that they could quickly slip inside via the gate, avoiding Eggman’s armies that were guarding the temples and restoring the planet before Eggman even realised what was happening. But to do this they needed help, so Sonic and Sally did a Discord call with their friends and allies around the world. 

This had the benefit of also acting as an almost-clipshow for the readers, catching them up with what had been happening and preparing them for the climax. 

Everyone in the call agreed to help and the Freedom Fighters signed off in good spirits, confident that they had managed to pull one over on Eggman. However…

Tails Doll was able to spy on the broadcast without the Freedom Fighters realising it, and so Eggman quickly found out about their secret plan.

While initially furious that the Freedom Fighters had tried to trick him, Eggman quickly realised he could turn their plans against them and got to work hosting his own secret Zoom call.

How did this turn out for everyone? I’ll get into that next episode!

There was of course another story that was originally intended to be the grand finale for ArchieSonic, and that was the Endgame arc that took place in Sonic #47 - 50. While the series obviously didn’t end there, I feel like we should have a look at that one too. So did we get a clip show in the previous issue, Sonic #46? Well… not really. 

The closest we got was Uncle Chuck presenting video evidence to the Freedom Fighters that Robotnik had sabotaged his original roboticiser design. Notably this included footage of Sonic’s own father being roboticised, which bizarrely Sonic didn’t seem to notice or comment on.

That seems like quite an oversight. Who wrote this anyway? Three guesses it’s-

…oh. Well, I was partially right at least. 😛

While this issue wasn’t really a clip show, it did have a lot of set up for the Endgame arc.

This included the resolution of Knuckles’ quest to find King Acorn’s missing sword that could supposedly restore his health…

…the introduction of the Wolfpack Freedom Fighters (who had previously only been seen in SatAM and were making their first appearance in the comics)...

…and the revelation that there might be a spy among us.

Sorry, I had to. 😛 Seriously though, the suggestion that someone among the various Freedom Fighter groups might be a traitor was a pretty serious allegation, especially right before the big Endgame event the readers knew was coming. And there were numerous candidates for who the traitor could be.

Geoffrey pointed the finger at Uncle Chuck, whose spy network had failed to notice the coming of the Death Egg and had already had one confirmed traitor working for them.

Antoine accused Geoffrey, who he claimed had stolen the D’Coolette family’s legacy of the Rebel Underground.

Also, the way he attempted to execute Sonic just for punching him in the face certainly didn’t make him look any less suspicious.

And then there was Drago, a new character who had been introduced in that same issue, who wasn’t even part of the SatAM Wolfpack, and who apparently had a habit of wandering off unsupervised. Hmmmm…

HMMMMMMMM.

But wait! The following issue hit us with the possibility that Sonic himself might possibly be the traitor! …more on that later though. For now, let's finish our discussion of #46 with my very favourite moment:

Leave it to the dragon to have the sick burn! :D

One other clipshow that I wanted to address - and haven’t previously in either of the other two episodes I dedicated to this topic - comes from Sonic #72.

I think I did bring this one up at some point in a different topic, but not in the context of a clipshow episode. This story was about King Max making a broadcast to his people only for the airwaves to be hacked to instead show a pirated broadcast telling the life story of the late Dr. Robotnik.

This clipshow wasn’t set prior to a finale, but rather just before the beginning of a new era in the comic - the rise of Robo-Robotnik (or as he would later be called, Dr. Eggman). This was very cleverly done if you ask me.

It not only reminded the readers of Robotnik’s backstory but also of his encounter with Robo-Robotnik back in Sonic #22, hinting at who the new villain’s real identity so that the big reveal in #75 didn’t feel like it came out of nowhere. On top of that the clipshow also foreshadowed things to come in the next year or two in the comic, such as the return of Overlanders to the planet, and specifically, Robotnik’s brother.

Well played, Karl Bollers!

Are there any other clip shows that I missed, in this episode or any of the previous ones? Let me know in the comments! Next time I’m going to start wrapping things up, because it’s finally time to talk about the two-part four-part finale! See you then!

[nervousron]

Chronological Lazlow Jones quotes and facts from Vice City, up to GTAV

22 year old radio intern Lazlow covers his eyes and hides in the corner when ladies enter the recording booth without their shirts

“Im 100% rebel. I got kicked out of school after the 12th grade, man” (for non-american readers, this would be university)

“Dont sell out. I never will”

“I am the master of darkness - that’s why my name’s Lazlow”

“Remember, Im going to be famous one day.”

Lazlow’s V-Rock Radio job application was sent in hand written calligraphy with a bouquet of flowers

Lazlow was in high school band

“I flunked school cuz im parkour”

He is pro gun and conservative

“How is that fair? I mean Im white, middle-class, very erudite -um, yknow, whatever that means- but people just respond badly to me, i don't understand it”

“-and you keep saying ‘im from the streets’, Yknow what dude? Everyone has a street in front of their house, that doesn't make you cool”

“Its kinda been a dream of mine to sleep with housewives…”

“I love your strap, you’re a great guy!”

Lazlow was tricked into joining the military briefly

Lazlow’s mom sent him to inversion and conversion therapy

“This is the west coast. I’m only into lesbians, man”

Lazlow breaking into tears when a caller continuously encourages Lazlow to shave his bush so his dick looks bigger

“Hanging upside down to sleep doesnt make you cool, or alternative. I know because I tried it”

A guy called in saying he moved from Hampshire and Lazlow told him his english was good and asked if it was hard getting used to the language

As of gta III Lazlow is married. As of IV he is divorced, balding, and has a mustache. His wife left him for his best friend after he brought home a heavily drugged woman for a threeway.

He used to look at his best friends dick when he was sleeping.

(About the Brittish)“I think they were speaking English before we were. I mean, the people here were speaking Cherokee and Shoshone.”

Lazlow gets upset when a man implies spanking kids is okay. He gets even more upset when he realizes the man doesn’t have kids and just wants to be spanked

“My father was strangely silent my whole childhood, which y’know, explains a lot”

“So you would MILK your grandmother like some kind of TEAR COW?”

Lazlow pushed a hotdog salesman’s head into a pot of boiled hot dog water and tried to drown him. This was a very cathartic experience for him.

“You stick your hand down a stripper's panties, yknow, and you discover a pair of balls. Well guess what baby? The bitch is back. But im not a bitch, Im a man. Uhh-”

Lazlow was regularly caught kissing men backstage at concerts in the 80s

Lazlow mentions its easier to spike women’s drinks with GHB in Liberty City than Vice City

“Go play sudoku and die peeing on yourself”

“You’re not my type. I prefer unconscious chicks or milfs with stretch marks”

Lazlow has tried blogging, being in porn, vinewood, working glory holes, and taking "facefulls of pills" to be happy.

“dude. Can you really not rub your junk and talk about schools. Dude. dude.”

“And you just wish that ONCE you could share a bed with someone who wouldnt get creeped out by the pictures of my ex wife on the nightstand”

“You can catch an STD! From a Him/Her!”

Lazlow bites strangers when he’s mad

“Im a RAGING heterosexual”

“There’s nothing wrong with that. Y’know, I’ve worn some panties. Its not weird if a chick asks you to do it. Then its hot”

He begs strangers on the street to watch him windmill his dick online.

“This mustache once got me laid. Yeah, Yeah.”

“Isnt there one where theres a cup and two girls…”

He accosts Fred Armisen in the street. Fred is somehow much worse than Lazlow.

“DUR DUR DUR text message. EL OH EL”

“You’ll NEVER get to experience the 80s”

“For once, Lazlow is not getting bummed. I’M doing the bumming”

in Episodes From Liberty City, Lazlow’s mother and step-father pay for his radio show and he lives in their home. He hates his step-dad and new step-sisters

“Im the g-spot of radio”

“I’m here to stay. Like the national debt. or syphilis.”

Lazlow’s brother is a tv producer

Lazlow promised $2 to a man to follow him down the street with a saxophone to set atmosphere for his radio show

“I’ve really gotta spread my scent right now. And by that, I mean pee”

Lazlow’s step-dad is a mortician

Lazlow is pro choice, but only because he doesnt want to be a hypocrite

Lazlow’s sister was supposedly kidnapped. He claims he did not personally murder her.

“Nicaragua. Which is a company that sells nicotine… water”

“Do have a second for gay rights?” “Okay, a second. Sometimes five minutes if I’m drunk and nobody’s looking”

Lazlow makes his intern follow him with a camera and pretend to be paparazzi. It backfires.

Lazlow got hairplugs some time between IV and V

Lazlow invented podcasting

“It’s not molesting if they’re ugly. Trust me, i’ve been doing it for years”

“Molesting is when they’re human and cant complain, or dont like peanut butter on their junk. Those sheep wouldnt have complained if they COULD have. They were loving it!”

Lazlow’s intern tells everyone at the gay bar that Laz wants to get railed by three guys. Lazlow, not understanding spanish, is very excited by the attention.

Lazlow knows space facts off the top of his head

Lazlow Wants to cum in zero G

He has a grandma fetish

Lazlow talks about his experience of getting pissed on by groups of strange men

Lazlow is "Left wing", but only because he doesnt want to be fired

Through tears “I dont understand valleys or clouds, it sounds like a nursery rhyme”

Lazlow told the press Michael "molested (him) into cutting his hair"

Lazlow got roofied at his Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting

Through tears “Tony? Can we hug? Please? You shouted at me a lot… And Tony? I dont think you can say ‘Gay Tony’ anymore, it’s not PC, the internet will go crazy”

Lazlow spins records at kids birthdays

“He wants me to beatbox, i’m gonna fuckin get LAAIIDDD”

“One more scandal will ruin me. I’m WOKE now”

[positivelybeastly]

Years ago, "the beast of Krakoa" turned an Orchis agent into a Pollack painting for an abducted--very pregnant--Woolf as she'd gone into labor. Very high drama. Lots of crossroads moments, not to mention bald spots on Hank's arms where she'd accidentally ripped fur out of his arms from the nerves.

(Namor found out later, and Hank probably holds that against him, not that Hank needed an excuse to hold anything against the King of Atlantis at this point.)

Hank's third "nephew" is a surprise--literally thought to be water weight, and the situation is so ridiculous it's hard to process it all, or think anything other than "shit, dude" or "mutant lives are weird.' Especially since Woolf is sitting in a big comfy chair outside the lab, a jar in her arms full of--baby water.

Yeah, it's been a long couple of days scouring the island for a sentient water puddle--not because the many psychics on the island couldn't detect the brand new mind, but because said puddle eventually rolled off into the Broken Baths and--well, it was a mess.

As the infant sloshes around, Tess raises her head, takes one look at Hank... and bursts into tears.

Is this hilarious? Is it sad? (Is Namor unaware again?) Can the universe just... let Hank have some rest?

"I have a baby in a jar!" she wails, and holds it tight to her.

The bursting into tears catches the emotionally shellshocked husk that had only just gotten used to calling itself Hank McCoy again by surprise, and he starts, thinking for a moment that he was the one to prompt it. It wasn't hard to believe, after all - even now, even after he had been judged and left to fulfil his sentence, people still looked at him with sorrow, pity, hatred, fury, disgust, curiosity, sometimes all of them and more. Tears wasn't a hard one to understand.

"You - have a baby in a jar, yes . . ."

His voice doesn't have nearly the same musical quality as before, none of the bombast, but it isn't the cold, cruel snarl it had been when he was leading X-Force, either, so we'll take it. The island will take it. He just sounds - baffled, because he is. All the knowledge of how to deal with wailing, crying women had been deleted, replaced with tactical movements, intelligence secrets, torture methods - only for that, also, to be deleted, leaving him with . . . well. Yes.

Bafflement.

But as he looks at Tess, there's a spark in him, if only for a moment. A flint catches his soul in just the right way, and he finds it in him to - smile. It's the same spark that propelled him to intervene on her behalf in the first place, that day, years ago, when he'd done what everyone had thought was no longer possible for him, and put someone, a person, ahead of the mission.

There's a separate discussion to be had, there, about the fact that even his moment of redemption came at the cost of someone else's life. Just one more black blot on his soul that would never wash out, but. It's not. About that, right now. No, right now, he needs to be. He needs. To be.

He brings up a hand and lays it on Tess' shoulder, squeezes. He finds it in him to smile a little wider.

"Tess."

He waits a moment.

"Do you know . . . I think he has his father's eyes?"

Ba. Dum. Tsh.

[sakuramidnight15]

For the wrong wedding please with Valerie and Akio

“She only wants your for stability! She has other side pieces!”

This was the most ridiculous day he has ever had in his life in his age (ignore his chronical age if you mind), let alone that can last a millenials for his years. Recently, he was casually doing his work at the SIDC till he abducted by a random group that he isn't aware of and now the next thing he sees himself is a elegant but decent groom suit and a stranger in a bridal outfit, which resulted a sudden wedding that Qilin half-myth did not sign up for this. Well this is never gonna be the best memory but he was chained up to his foot and wrists with garments that felt like metal. The ceremony was going smoothly... Well top smoothly and very quiet to top it well.

For some reason, no one from the guests seems to be looking at the bride though.. Rather that her whole face and body figure were covered with a very large viel which no one including the abducted Akio can take a notice underneath. Let alone it wasn't a sheer through one but a whole silk cloth! Akio wondered about it himself why are they doing such a massive cover-up. Even the sound of footsteps are silently covered as well-

As the vows are about to be settled, the sounds of footsteps were heard about from the outside of the church, soon the sound of the doors were burst open by a sudden kick, all eyes were staring at the opened large doors as Akio noticed... It was Valerie, looking pretty pissed at the veiled figure standing across her man as she rushed over at full speed before the guards can catch her.

“She only wants your for stability! She has other side pieces!”

As she shouted she then rushed over to the 'bride' as the brunette then removed the veiled covered up bride, as a sign of exposure to the public as she join Akio's side who was still tied up. But the moment the veil was removed and Valerie was about to finish her speech at the person who stole her man-

The two of them stayed completely silent as their eyes went completely wide as their sockets can see at the next thing before them, even the crowd and the priest alongside with the guards did the same as well... All mouths were wide opened (except Akio whose mouth was covered up with cloth) in pure shock of what's there..

"...How dare you..."

A voice was spoken through, it was from the bride but.... It sounded off, not a women like voice- but more bulky? It was pretty much that doesn't sound like it.

The figure of the bride that Valerie revealed? Well there's this: An unbelievable too much bulky like body which the dress look like about to be ripped apart eventually, a face that looked like too much has been applied to cover up the white foundation is not helping at all, the height of the figure was unbelievable tall in the church and was enough power to crush Valerie's bones, and to top it off? A smoothly and shiny bald head!

It turns out that the person Valerie mentioned was wrong for one thing. It was not a she but a he!

"TO THINK A YOUNG GIRLS LIKE YOU ARE HAVE NO RESPECT!!?! INTERRUPTING A BEAUTIFUL WEDDING CEREMONY IN A TIME LIKE THIS?!" He yelled loudly, which caused an echo to spread not just inside of the church but to the rest of the building beside it. The crowd inside of the church was filled into a mixture of screams, panic, and it even turned into a very large commontion at the unexpected events before. Let alone the bride was... A tall bulky man?! None the less he looks like a dude entered his mid 40s!

Valerie was too stunned to speak for another word, let alone she was even more dumb not to notice the figure of that individual before bursting in, Akio in the other hand... Looks like he let his soul to be taken away after seeing the sight of his abductor which it not look like of what he thought it be.

The rest were settled by the SIDC officers. But Valerie was given a tiny warning not to cause another misunderstanding, let alone that involves the gender of the person as well.

[ishouldgetatumbler]

"my name is name is Professor Howard. I am a henchperson with over 40 years of experience in the industry, I'm the author of 'Grunting your way up to Goon: upward mobility in the underworld' and I'll be your instructor for P.E."

Artemis scoffed. Another pointless facet of this overdramatic, overwrought and undersubstanced "education" his father had perscribed for him in the event of his death or dissapearence. Benal, surface level, and overly focused on theatrics. Running a mile is not a prerequisite for villainy, it is villainy.

Artemis was a smart boy. His brain worked quickly and keenly, swimming swiftly though the details and concepts that muddied other's minds.

That means he had a lot of time to think while watching his instructor's fist sail into his face.

The man had closed the gap on him before the scoff had left his throat. He was bald, rotund and tall, shaped like a hill in a sweat soaked undershirt. The fist sailing towards him was pudgy and calloused, the fingers crooked from breaks and dislocations haphazardly set.

This was going to hurt a lot.

Before the meteor of small bones and middle aged disconent smashed into his face, Artemis was close enough to notice a small blue tattoo under the semi-transparent shirt, just where where the shoulder met the chest.

As the fist impacted, all he could think about was his father.

Then he was on the ground, firm in the knowledge he would not be seeing out of that eye for a while.

Someone was helping him up.

"Get off me." he said on instinct, using one hand to cover his face and the other to feebly bat at them.

"Chill out dude, I'm trying to help."

"I don't need help" Artemis hissed, turning his one good eye balefully to them.

It was Danny, the boy who'd thrown up before. He seemed like a gentle soul.

"What kind of P.E. class is this?" Danny asked, looking at the instructor.

"The kind some of the worst men in the world feel their children would learn from. You will lead the kind of life where someday, someone is going to hit you. All that matters then is how you take it and if you can win an unfair fight."

One of the smaller boys made a leaping kick at the man, military surplus combat boots a size too big smacked into the broad of his back, before the man grabbed the boy's ankle and heft him bodily at the pair who had spited him.

Damien, the expert on torture, was hurtling towards them quickly. Artemis almost lost balance as Danny dropped support of him to catch Damien.

"Get off!" said the angry little thing, popping to his feet quickly.

"why is everyone such a jerk? I'm just tryina help!" Danny cried.

"I don't need help," Damian said spitefully.

Danny said, "he's not normal."

"You're smarter than I assumed. The tattoo on his chest, I would wager its from Madam Ko's training school."

Damien glanced at Artemis, and a something pased between them without words. Danny looked back and forth between them.

"Okay, not what I meant, but does that mean he's a ninja or...?"

"It means he's one of the most skilled and dangerous bodyguards on the planet." Said Damien, like it was an accusation pointed at Artemis.

Artemis stowed the accusation away in his brain like a man pockets a knife pointed at him.

"Got it," Danny said.

"What are you doing?" Damien said, finally realizing Danny was helping him stand and elbowing him until he stopped.

"Uh, right, I'm going to the bath-" Danny started, then was interrupted by a folding chair sailing and inch above his head.

"No bathroom." said Howard, ready to fling another chair, "you could have gone before."

"okay, then I'll just poop my pants."

"You do that. No one is going anywhere, today is conditioning training. We'll do syllabus and all tomorrow, today is about learning."

"Learning what?" Artemis asked cautiously, eyeing the doors. Bolt lock, steel frame and keycard access. Probably magnetically locked, meaning impossible to force open.

"Your place."

The gymnasium was silent for a moment.

Howard sighed. "When you get arrested the first time, you're going to get a lot of advice. The first thing most people tell you, is to find the biggest guy on the yard and beat his ass. But what should you do if you are the biggest guy on the yard?"

Howard looked over blank faces.

"The answer is to beat everyone else's asses," and that was all he said before he lunged at the cluster of students.

[romeoandjulietyouwish]

im writing a modern university au and listen keyleth getting her heart broken by some person and dying her hair a crazy colour and it goes absolutely horrendous and she has a panic attack and locks herself in her room until Percy can coax her out to try and fix it with vex's help. maybe vax drops her off and catches a glimpse of keyleth and not knowing whats going on just thinks she still looks so gorgeous and compliments her hair and she just breaks down again and vax stays to keep her calm while vex and Percy fix her hair and the whole time hes cursing this dude for breaking her heart how could you hurt her? but also holy shnikes he would love her even if she was bald hes in deeper than he thought . this is def not inspired by me getting my hair absolutely butchered and having a panic attack in my car not at all

God that's so sweet, just them helping her fix it and comfort her about everything that's happening and watch shitty romcoms together and eat all the junk food they can get their hands on

[wrestlezon]

aew dynamite 10/26/22 liveblog containment zone

starting late again today (i was taking a nap and one of my friends works late on wednesdays now)

i saw a bit of the moxley vs penta thing earlier! im really excited for that!

i saw an extremely average guy in the crowd and paused to point at him and my friends marveled at my ability to quickly notice and identify the most basic of bitches in my defense he looked like shane from stardew. the pattern recognition part of my brain is always active and running, at all times

[jericho and garcia vs claudio and yuta]

hager embracing his new gimmick as the purple hat guy holy shit william regal LMFAO "melt in me" everyone gawking and excalibur just being like "i told you we're starting off hot guys" claudio special ability: pick up man angelo parker (err-- cool hand ang) cradling and kissing garcia's head?? how tender the guys are fighting we're not particularly invested in this fight so we're talking about other things wait! murder yuta! maximum aggro!! for a second we really thought jericho was going to eat the pin from yuta claudio with the ass caress technique he is so tall. oh no! the bat! finally someone counters the cheat move omg claudio is so strong. lmao even aubrey was like O_O WHAT lmfao the dude with the filipino flag limmylaughing.jpg at the dude who got steamrolled out of the ring yay blackpool combat club won. danger averted

[backstage with bryan danielson]

oh gosh… bcc won… will danielson lose to sammy… uh oh! hes mad the people are disrespecting him!! including yuta!!! who is right here!!!!!! and actively and openly disrespecting him!! oh my!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the girls are fighting claudio is so tall. break it up, boys.

WHOA WHAT [VIDEO SEGMENT SHOWING KENNY AND THE BUCKS BEING DELETED FROM AEW HISTORY]

ok listen i DETEST worked shoots HOWEVER THIS SHIT IS SO FUNNY BECAUSE OF HOW GOOFY AND UNEXPECTED IT WAS (so long as it has an appropriate amount of levity) theyre finally mentioning kenny and the bucks by explicitly mentioning how theyre not talking about kenny and the bucks hangman page's "my old friends have disappeared" bit from his promo vs moxley............. im legit excited to see where theyre gonna take this.

[backstage with the jericho appreciation society]

the mic is broken and theyre trying to power through the audio issues EVERY CHAMPIONSHIP EVEN THE WOMENS CHAMPIONSHIP JERICHO WILL TAKE IT ALL

[swerve in our glory vs ftr]

what the, is this a three way oh no the acclaimed are just here to be the peanut gallery for the battle for #1 tag contendership oh my god keith lee just vaulting over them i love swerve in our glory because not only does swerve have a maximum amount of style but keith lee is also very cool beyond just being "big strong guy" he is a big strong guy that can also pull off surprises picking up cash by his neck! lmfao the gunn brothers are here in cosplay. i didnt see them earlier i love swerve lmao so cocky whoa. mic feedback throughout the whole arena for a hot second i forgot ftr bald is dax. i got them mixed up again. its been a while since ive seen them in a match tho. forgive me very cool high german suplex oh no! cash is going to get owned they cant do a third swerve in our glory vs acclaimed match so soon. thatd be ridiculous. right??? come on omg what a kick on dax though i thought they were gonna have that pin be the winning one whoa nice catch by dax. sick moves alert hell yea this match is bumpin omg i thought they were going to do the "knocked out guy falls on other knocked out guy for the win" bit theyre doing a LOT of near falls here. the tension! finisher! oh no! swerve pulled him away! oh no!! keith lee friendly fire attack again!! what the!!!! secret low blow from swerve!!!!!!!!! gunn club with the assist!!! holding back ftr hair!!! gasp swerve in our glory wins! oh my.

the acclaimed coming in to save ftr from the gunn bros… SIOG is everything. i love their duo. their chemistry. please dont break them up

[backstage with saraya]

oh no britt is interrupting fun catchup time between saraya and renee with her britt-ness

[in the ring with mjf]

renee is interviewing instead of tony schiavone. wait is mjf going to be rude to moxley's wife crude! what LMAO HIS MOXLEY IMPRESSION mjf is so good renee is also so good. not a punching bag the audio issues. i can hear it. the distant ringing... LMAO HES BACKING DOWN ON WINNING CLEAN ooohhh hes promising to not use his ring to win against moxley i trust mjf to keep a promise as much as i am confident in my ability to pick him up and throw him and? i am very weak. i live in fear of mjf aew champ. he will become evil. he will have a reign of terror OH MY ITS STOKELY MJF IS NOT AMUSED BY HIS ANTICS theres so much tension going on here. i dont know whats going to happen!!! there are so many things that could happen!!!!!! WHAT IF MOXLEY IS GOING TO LOSE THE BELT???? i mean not to mjf i mean to penta. mjf didnt say anything about penta or "the winner" going into full gear at 110%, just moxley, right? thats just if you want to mess around and be complicated with technicalities. i do wonder what stokely is going to though… he might just simply Not Take Orders From MJF he certainly has not been hiding it

[sammy guevara vs bryan danielson]

dude im afraid that bryan might lose this match. like hes too much of a good sport and popular to actually get buried but that means the opportunity would be there for him to lose! oh god this match starts off with me afraid hes gonna get squashed by SAMMY GUEVARA LMAO help!!!!!!!!! im not even a danielson superfan but golly he doesnt have that much of a ego, i think. maybe. hes too busy being a weirdo for me to tell if he actually has an ego my friends are wailing about how much they love mjf i cant tell if bryan danielson is following through with his threat to go sicko mode on sammy because we're talking about mjf mjf. mjf. mjf that camera cut made it hard to see that knee strike sammy with the insane move (backflip off the top rope onto the outside) remsburg kick her out!!!!!!!! dang he is so lax wow this match is Q U I E T people dont even hate sammy enough to boo him theyre just fed up. or just generally tired since we're midway through the episode. where is the dead part of the shows? is this the dead slot? this is like the audience of a dark match tay melo is legit getting more boos than sammy here "you stupid dragon! i hate you" LMFAOOOO SAMMY THAT WAS SO BAD OK BECAUSE OF THAT THIS MATCH IS GOOD NOW oh just in time for danielson to get fired up too!! the crowd didnt hear sammy's terrible insult but i did. i love apocalyptically lame insults oooh! spanish fly by sammy "spanish fly" guevara i love the multi flip roll away thing. its one of my favorite spots sammy with the jump up to the top rope. thats such a cool move but i imagine its infinitely hard to pull off which is why nobody dares to do it busaiku knee! here is the danielson violence! sammy defeated. the crowd cheers! i cheer! in relief!

lmao taz "you gotta take care of your group there regal" taz telling regal to keep his house in order. him. from taz of all people. taz of team taz fame

[backstage with alex abrahantez and rey fenix]

fenix: i am confident penta will win the world championship. alex: and you should be a double champ too. with the all atlantic oh! its christian cage and hes saying luchasaurus is the one who deserves fighting for the all atlantic title, moreso than fenix! orange walking in: hey are yall talking about me? are yall talking about my title? wanna have a three way? im sitting on my hands. im not going to say anything about how orange is just walking around, having three ways, i mean it does make sense from a competition standpoint. you technically do less work because you can let the other 2 people fight each other. my god. hes a genius who is also into three ways

[riho vs hayter]

YEAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im so excited for this match. i love: riho. i love: hayter. riho's outfit very cute and frilly and i love the iridescient silver coloration on hayter's outfit oh! hayters outfit is slightly new too. theres less danglies and the design is difference wow! what a bodyslam from riho! snap suplex! dude hayter's ass is unreal. taunting her!! nobody should fight against someone in the britt baker squad without backup. its bad news! choking. cool. i wish the camera wasnt blocked by the rope schiavone: "how do you spell google" excalibur: "two gs and two os. not in that order" lmaooooo omg hayter grabbing riho to stop the roll move but then succumbing to it eventually! so cool aew la show (crying sobbing) why do they keep selling tickets for la shows at the worst possible times for me financially. also me and my two friends DID all get covid from going to the last show... wait, theres wrestling! code red! sick moves. booo riho lostttt but hayter won… im conflicted

tony storm appears! she is so bronzed. and also? her outfit

[renee backstage with eddie]

whaddup eddie omg lmao shes talking about the intervention last week eddie: me? im great. :) i love eddie so much. he rules omfg "everyone else? leave me alone." STARES AT THE CAMERA

[black and white video segment with darby]

he... broke up with sting? well. ok jeez who is jay lethal's secret friend who knows darbys weakness darby vs lethal is. certainly gonna be. a match me and my friends: ehh… shrugging… ok..........

[DADDY ASS BIRTHDAY BASH ANNOUNCEMENT]

me and my friends: HELL YEAH!!!! WOOOOO!!!!!!!! NOW THATS WHAT I CALL WRESTLING

main event time!!! [jon moxley vs penta]

my friends: mjf is gonna be watching this match right me: if stokely fucks with his match… you know, eddie is friends with both of these guys thats me. im always working the kingston angle. my friend is trying to work the max caster mjf angle so bad. via the gunn club connection and the tweets nuzzling to start it off. hell the yea lmao penta took that guy's hat oooo cool backstabber by penta WHOA THAT CORNER SUPLEX MOVE WAS FAST jumping slingblade move! whoa did he pull off the armsnap move? gasp wow that kick had a hell of a sound oh god i couldnt tell whos leg was whos there on the steps LMAO augh i guess the armsnap didnt stick lmao that kickout was uh… i am respectfully looking away and into the instant doublefinisher and the winning pin? i am respectfully forgetting--

GASP! ITS THE FIRM ohhhhhh mjf is gonna be so mad omg the bcc is locked into their locker room!!! oh no! who will help moxley will mjf help moxley…….. HE IS HERE HE IS SO CONFLICTED HE RUNS IN omg the firm should beat mjf up-- THEY ARE lmao THEYRE STRIPPING HIM "please take off my shirt when you beat me up. i need the world to see the abs i have cultivated in my absence" me: what if max caster came out to save him my friends: shut the fuck up. stop talking omg they killed him. faceturn mjf? :) every time i say "faceturn mjf" i know my friend adds 10 more percent to the gloating levels for when he eventually reveals he was pretending to be a good guy the whole time

can you imagine if there was some sort of 4d chess plot where mjf and stokely agreed to do a "pretend to betray me really hard" plot or if there was a 4d chess plot and regal was the one who made a deal with stokely to light a fire underneath mjf im also fine with stokely being an independent troublemaker too. stokely is very cool one of my friends said the most insane thing would be if cm punk was involved which is like the most "never gonna happen" thing of all time but if it did happen (it wont) i'll yell for real (because it would be the most outlandish thing to happen) (hes so fired. im not even playing around here)

[gibbingtonwibbington]

Multiple story time:

Listening to your music made me super duper sad when I was sick cuz I couldn’t breathe and probably because I couldn’t sing along. I can mimic your voice probably the best out of any mimic singing I do. It’s just THAT WAY. I don’t know why, sometimes it’s kinda creepy. I’m not about to sing along in like…. Opera style. Unless you had some opera type music of course lol. Lyyyyyke, I wouldn’t sing like Frank Sinatra if I was singing along to a Britney Spears song ya kno. Hmm… that actually sounds like a super fuckn awesome combo though. 🧐 hm…

I was actually getting REALLY fuckin pissed after my natural, bored, monotone, robotic-sounding speaking voice came back. Yes I am aware that when I am bored, it is annoyingly obvious. Haha. BUT still, !GONE! was my loud and beloved shrill-squeak “Gibby voice”. The Gibby voice is just an adjustment of my ‘Courtney is really excited’ voice. Going further back, as I’ve said before (because I definitely repeat myself on here for the purpose of releasing repetitive, maddening energies)…the Gibby voice is originally a toned down derivative of *THE* Penny voice. However, not NEARLY as loud. Penny was VERY loud. Penny was definitely my loudest character voice EVER…and that’s pretty fuckin loud, man. I gta show you Penny. I can’t believe I haven’t taken a photo of her and shown you yet. Wow. My entire family, especially my aunt Nancy and my mom, STILL fkn talk about Penny and how gdamn loud she was. When I was a kid, doing my pretend Penny talking, they would say things like “Penny is quite loud for this time of night. I think Penny needs to go to bed.” Hahaha. I just drooled cranberry juice laughing. I got cranberry juice on my favorite white comforter!!! Nooo!!! Fuck, hold on a sec…

Okay I’m back. They also STILL use a bunch of funny quotes from things that I or Penny said in all seriousness, when I was just a kid. I’ll have to ask them which ones they remember and write them down. There are many..& they are more adult-sounding than something that came from the mouth of a five year old. I’ve always been crazy. Who cares.

They also still laugh about the time at Watercountry, when I started with some huge, fat-muscled, bald, biker dude w a Hell’s Angels tattoo. Started w him at the lazy river, over an inner tube that I was reaching for first. That dirty, dirty , kid piss-filled place. Ugh. Anyway, I mean, this guy SAW that I almost had it. Plus, I was super young and wanted to be with my cousin, not ALONE sitting in a huge fuckin tube that I could barely move in, in order to catch up w her. Like wtf dude. So I got pissed when he just grabbed it and didn’t give it to me. I even remember that this guy was fuckin by himself. Like ..DA FUK?! So I grabbed the tube out of his hands and gave him a “really dude?” kind of child mean mug. My mom said that he looked at her and my aunt like “Yo, your fucking kid has some nerve to do that to ME.” So they look at each other n then looked at him like “🤷🏻‍♀️ I don’t know man, I didn’t do it…I didn’t birth her.” haha.

“I didn’t birth her, I just bought her.” Bahahaha. 😏 N I was candidly, off and relaxing in MYYY goddamn inner tube.

😎

Rewind for a second, I hate the spelling of the word squeak too.. remember my minor bitch fit over the word “tweak” not having two Es? Same animal here. Even Jillian Jigz HATED tweak not having two es and she’s a grammar tyrant. She even spelled it with two Es. Mostly because that word for us meant something on a whole other level, kind of making it a whole different word. I suck at spelling sometimes. Most words I have misspelled were either done on purpose… or I was braindead at the moment. My entire self likes to fly around in the atmosphere by myself sometimes. Oh yeah, or if I’m using speak type, it likes to use the wrong word entirely. The new download for my shit iPhone, my spell check and my speaky typey was absolutely at a disconnect with life…& my soul. It’s getting much better now. Definitely learning my way of talking muuuuuch better. If my speak type was a real human, it would have already hung itself from a rafter.

Speaking of my flying around in the atmosphere and day dreaming. Once at the end of the year, one of my teachers told us all to stand at the blackboard (yes it was actually still a blackboard) …actually it was a super vintage green board. Yup, chalk. I don’t know why it was green but that specific section of the school was complete with fantastically-rusted 60s hardware and appliances. So, standing in front of our decked out 60’s style accommodated classroom, this teacher went and sat at every person’s desk, mocking aka doing his best impression of each person in the class. IAs soon as I knew what his plan was I was thinking… oh no….😬. But when he got to me, he just sat there and stared out the window. I would always just sit there and stare out the window at the two huge maple trees that blew so pretty pretty in the wind. The school was on top of a huge hill, so they were always dancing. Wachusett was HUGE and now, it’s even bigger. Sometimes you couldn’t even get to class in time because five minutes wasn’t long enough to beat the traffic to your next class. This fucking math teacher that used to drool and spit and have fun with the sides of her mouth had menopause and would open the windows in winter. She was such a bitch about it and said if we didn’t bring a jacket then tough cookies we wouldn’t be able to go get it. Nobody was able to go get their jacket in between classes, it was impossible. She probably knew this and did it on purpose and said that on purpose because she was a fucking client I’ve been looking for her online for years to send her awful messages and I can’t find her ass. I’m not even joking. I already sent one of my math teachers messages about how much he’s basically a piece of shit. Everyone hated her. She drooled on one of my homework pieces one time and I circled it and I wrote Mrs. Tolis drooled on this” and purposely passed it in. This is the same teacher that grabbed Julian‘s homework off of my desk that I was making for her and crumbled it up and threw it in the trash because on the back of it I was drawing a picture of her being rabbit and drooling like a dog. I don’t know if she saw it or not but I hope she did. Before she could walk away I grabbed it back and then the whole classroom gasped and then she grabbed it back from me. It’s like bitch that’s someone’s homework.. TF?! She almost got fired one year cuz, funny enough Meredith, the nose flarer’s sister told us she taught the wrong material for a complete semester. Good times. They ripped outcthe best parts of the school and made it ugly and boring. There was this huge glass staircase at the front of the school. A shit load of people fell down that thing many times but who cares it was so cool. Now it’s gone the year after we graduated in 2003 they ripped out everything and redid the parts they ripped out. Now it looks stupid. my other favorite part of the school was the incredibly creepy gymnasium in the back. There were two gymnasiums in the front and then one down a really narrow creepy hallway which had other hallways that led to it that were never lit. The downstairs bathroom was creepy too.. because you had to use another long narrow creepy hallway that was never lit to get to it. Then there was a few really weird classrooms down in the basement where that lone bathroom was, that had tables and desks and chairs all toppled all over each other in it and they didn’t use either of them. They could’ve totally used that for so much stuff but for some odd reason they didn’t use it. I bet somebody got killed in there or something and they didn’t want to use it. So they kept throwing old broken shit on top of the last old broken shit that they threw in there. It looks like a wood bonfire except it was old metal chairs and desks. Shit’s probably haunted or something. Lol. It looked like a perfect place for a haunted, abandoned school horror movie or somethin. It was awesome. They bulldozed ALL of that away. That’s some despicable bs I tell you. We were the last year students to use it which was weird.

Even in middle school we had this really old hallway for the seventh and eighth grade wing. We were the last grade to use that old shit too, so they let us draw pictures and write all over it. Of course a ton of people just wrote a bunch of shit about other people and people got in trouble. My friend Joe had the most pink slips out of anybody in our grade & probably out of any grade that has ever been there. It was over 40 I think it was like 45 or something actually I’m gonna ask him because it might’ve even been in the 50s. At one point in time he didn’t give a shit and he purposely kept trying to get pink slips to see how many he could get by the end of 8th grade, the last year we were there. Eighth grade isn’t always the last year out of school. West Boylston school had the middle school wings connected to the high school wings..because it was so small. They never gave homework and it was the easiest shit ever it was like retard school. Anyway I love to change subjects it’s fine. Anyway, A lot of his pink slips were for really stupid shit. Like, talking. “Oh no! He spoke again! Send him down to the principal!”

There was this one time in 8th grade Spanish class when I said something funny outloud, I don’t remember what I said but he could not stop laughing and had to go in the hallway. Every time he came back in after he was done laughing, I would look at him and he would just start laughing n had to go back in the hallway. Fuckin Joe, good times man, gooooood, good fuckin times.

Speaking of that specific Spanish class…the teacher, Mrs. Scarcella, would always say “AAAAHORA!” aka “Noooow…” At LEAST ten times before moving on to the next subject during EVERY freaking class. She’d flare out her nostrils and would say it the exact same way every damn time, unnecessarily. So the one time when she actually had us do something remotely interesting for a project grade, Jigz & I got a bunch of the girls we could tolerate, together to do this Spanish skit. We had to make a fake weather report or some shit and do the whole thing in Spanish (obviously) and every person had to do something different, but it all had to be weather reports. Fuckin stupid idea, there’s only one weather report during the news. 🤷🏻‍♀️ We all thought it was stupid so we basically just used the skit for the purpose of mocking our obnoxious and bitchy teacher. So before everyone’s skit we all said “AAAAHORA!” . I already felt disgusting about how I looked at the time so I refused to flare my nostrils like the teacher. I’m laughing this is funny, but this girl Meredith flared her nostrils like I’ve never seen before in my life and I’m still fuckn happy about it.

Fuck I just erased a whole paragraph. Anyway…For my skit I chose to mock that new twister movie at the time. So I was on crutches and pretended I got hit by the cow that was flying through the air.. I was sitting in Jill’s basement on a very old push-up type of work out table. I don’t know what it’s fucking called but you know those tables that people lay down on and push the weights up and then it comes down on those little forks or whatever. I was sitting on one of those things with crutches and laughing my ass off because Jill was being insane behind the camera. It was all so frickin insane that I literally fucking pissed my pants cuz I was laughing that hard. I legit pissed myself at the end of my skit so I was hobbling out of the scene when I was done…to get away, because I basically pissed myself on camera. Oh my god.  my cousin used to make me laugh so hard when I was a kid I always had to bring changes of underwear when I went over her house because it was just insane. But as I got older that happened much less, mostly because life sucked way more as it usually does when we get older. But yeah that time I absolutely pissed myself laughing and I couldn’t believe it which made me laugh even harder. So, we kept it…we kept it in the skit… because I didn’t wanna do it again. So there is a VHS tape somewhere where I am legit pissing my pants and fake hobbling away on crutches, while barely being able to breathe. Good times.

No, not done. Jillian chose rain. So I had a hose and I was trying to spray it up, putting my thumb over the hole to make it spray outwards, but it ended up spraying her directly in the face. She used liquid eyeliner at the time, so she had blackness just dripping everywhere down her face. The whole scene was of her outside in her driveway screaming “Está lloviendo!” over and over again. She couldn’t breathe either, due to me spraying her directly in the face. It was far away enough where it didn’t hurt her, but it was completely right in her face. We also kept that take, we didn’t redo that either.

Now, aka AAHORA! The most glorious part of the entire skit…the metronome. Jill had this antique metronome on top of her antique piano, that we set to a very slow tempo to put in a scene between every person’s skit. But it wasn’t just the metronome-meeheeeeee-we all were standing in a line, in the back of her living room table, while the metronome was in the forefront, slowly ticking away, as our heads and our pigtails bounced slowly from side to side matching the metronome lever. We did that EVERY time, in between every person’s skit. I believe there were seven of us. Jillian, myself, Melissa(cunt) Michelle (got pregnant at 15, has five kids and still is w the same guy. Fuckin BRAvO to her man. She gets some serious Courtney brownie points), Christina (cried at the roller rink because she couldn’t skate and we didn’t skate with her. But to be fair it was physically impossible for us to skate that slow)……and last but surely not least, wonderful Meredith, the professional nose flarer. So when we passed in the VHS tape, with the written version of it, we got it back with the grade and a comment which said “Very awkward.” We also watched ALL skits during class one day. We had a bunch of nutjobs in that class. I remember some kid Cody I was crushing on, in his skit he was pretending to be Yoda and had a big sweatshirt over his knees and was like walking around on his knees at Andrew (hotdogcunt’s) house. Nope, not done….The most awkward skit of all, wasn’t meant to be awkward. It was some really bizarre skit made by this other Andrew kid, just wrestling other boys in our grade and had the most obvious boner happening throughout the entire skit. The sweatpants he was always free-balled in made it ten times more obvious. I remember everyone was laughing at all the ridiculous skits until we got to his. Then, fuckin dead silence and looks around the room like…what-the-fuck Andrew#2?! Everybody was looking at everybody else however none of us could look him in the fucking face.  some of us couldn’t look at him ever again, like myself for one. It’s like… “hmm, hey Andrew #2, Did you forget to uhmm.. proof-watch this shit before passing it in?” He was always a weird kid though. Not the fun or funny type of weird either. Just the corny yet pretentious loser type of weird. I will throw him a bone though (no pun intended) and will say, maybe he had a crush on the teacher and knew about it the whole time. Passing it in not knowing the whole class would ALSO be watching it. Really though, I have no idea, maybe he thought the teacher would be impressed with his boner and his wrestling skills. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[mirror-alchemist]

Episode 8 Complete! (University Edition)

I'm still in the vortex that is final fantasy xiv. Between that and school and work it took a while to get the feeling to work on this again.

This took me about 1.2k-1.3k ap

Blahblahblahspoilersundercutblahblahblah

So this episode was good. I was looking forward to it when it first came out. I sympathize with Candy in this. With the stress, that's been me recently in my semesters. So I felt bad when she fainted from it all. But Cas is the motherfucking mvp here. I feel like he was damn near ready to fight someone for you and that's cool as shit.

Going into personal HC for a moment, I feel like Cas would do that for Ami, since they are friends. That and he promised to protect her since she does so much for everyone else and she confiding in him about Nathaniel’s situation in HSL so he saw first hand how much stress she takes on.

Raphael really reminded me of my Oc Eiri in a time skip. Tl;Dr version is that Eiri is my Oc Ami's love interest who was the sole deciding factor in me going for Nathaniel's route in HSL. I was kinda looking at Raphael like dang.

Welp let's get to the heart of the episode. The Rayan affinity drop. Tbh, I don't like it. I see why, but 100 felt like way too much. I was lucky enough that when the tank hit, I was at 100 with him so he's neutral standing. If I never have a chance to raise his affinity or talk to him in my play through, I can say I feel alright with where my affinity stands with him. What I would have liked (and I don't know how feasible it would have been to do) is to just move him from a romantic interest to a platonic section like with the other professors.

Tho it was sweet him confessing a bit and completely understanding your decision. He a good man, just not a love interest for my Ami.

I can't really say much about the Nathaniel bits since we still know very little (in the timeline of the episode) what exactly is going on. The moment at the end with him was alright.

I chose to confide in Priya so seeing her get so protective of your Candy and Nina was amazing. I really don't see Priya a whole lot in my playing, but it puts a smile on my face when she does. She's that level headed-ness this group needs.

So gonna be a while before I play the next episode, but I enjoyed myself.

[vampi-amora]

Yandere Genshin man and their fav positions wit their chubby darling!

Characters used-childe-diluc-kaeya and chubby darling in that order.

Tw babes⚠️

(Yandere duh/ forced orgasm/non-con/blood/abuse/ mentions of puke but nun happens dw!/ mean:(keaya n’ childe like they-..whew/soft dom diluc🖤/ forced breeding/ and uh slight grammar issues and shit.⚠️)

……x

Childexxx

For childe, I feel like he’ll be a face down ass up kinda guy! Watching you scratch and claw at the ground in pain, as he positions his hips to hit your cervix. Hand In you hair, grip so tight you feel you’ll be bald soon, and he loves it. Watching you try and reach a hand back to tell him to stop-or, AT LEAST slow down, but he just tightens his grip on your plump hip and hair. pulling your neck back just to slap your face hard into the ground forcing you to black out some as he thrust like a mad man into your pussy. It’s almost insulting when you cream all over his dick And he relishes the fact that you try and plead with blood dripping down your nose from the face splat earlier.

“Shhh..I’m-I’m almost done~” he’d coo at you, leaning close to you from behind and picking up speed, kissing along your soft neck and bitting your shoulders. Your numb and over stimulated, but he’s not done fucking you yet. He’s so close but so far, but watching you try and fight the forced orgasm gets him going enough to-

….

He’s cumming deep and it’s soo much,,, he’s grunting and shaking as he falls on top of u from behind. Your legs shake as u give into gravity and the weight on your back, falling on your tummy. You feel his seed drip out and you could die right there and then, when he took two fingers and shoved them in you. “C-can’t let that spill…” he says as he pumps his finger into your sore and used hole.

Dilucxxx

Now for diluc, I feel he’d be a missionary kinda dude! Diluc is so caring and considerate, Constantly asking if he’s to much or if he’s to slow, though it wouldn’t be much you could say, bc of the Gag in your mouth. He’s knows your not comfortable wit him yet, but he can’t wait! He has needs too, And if that means undressing you, binding your hands to your chest and hiking your legs up, so he can fuck you into submission *nicely* he’d do it.

He’d be so soft at first, doing some foreplay to get you ready to take him. which only resorted with you avoiding eye contact as he fingered you slowly. You blink your tears away , not wanting to seem completely vulnerable-that is until he pauses and stands up…pulling his pants down,then unbuttoning his shirt that the tears fall from fear and unwanted anticipation.

You try and beg him thru muffled screams. “No!” “Please I’m Sorry”, he catches all of em too, as he positioned himself at your entrance. You’d try and push at his chest with your constricted hands, but he just pulls the Gag down to catch u in a quick kiss. Distracting you from him pulling his hips back and slamming into you. You Yelp and try scooting backwards, but to no avail-He just sticks his tongue in your mouth as he thrust slowly, trying to “ease” you into it,,,but that becomes much harder when u start to tighten up around him.

So He just takes that as compliance and speeds up backing up some to grab your thick legs and push them towards your chest. He’s sees your not ready for this position yet, but he knows u like it as much as he does From the way you squeeze him in and claw at his chest…but for a second he does slow down a lil when he sees you shake, Your eyes filled wit hot tears and face that looked confused with pleasure/pain…..

He leans in whispering in your ear that he loves only you. Kissing your tears away, and continuing the kisses down to your neck and shoulders. He’s Hoping that’ll calm you down, your his and he’s yours…there’s no need to push him away. You body likes it and thas all the evidence he’s needs to pick up speed once more. Wet sounds, skin mushing tgt sounds/// It feels you with embarrassment, but for him the wetter you get the more your getting accustomed to his size. Your soft sniffling moans and his deep exhaled grunts fill the room. It’s only then when he feels you cum is his signal to cum as well. So he pushes himself in to you, hiking your legs up even higher to hit that spot again. Your milking him,, he can feel it and so can you when he fucks his cum so deep into your womb-ur astonished and ashamed the way he bucked his hips one last time causing you to grunt from the pressure.

The heavy breathing and sniffing pulls him from his high, as your legs fall from his grasp onto the sweat soaked bed. He’s smiling at you though, untying your hand and unbuckling the gag. He so proud of you,,,kisses you again as you lay there almost unresponsive.

Kaeyaxxx

Now, for kaeya-definitely a deep throat man. As much as he LOVES your pussy he rather see you gagging on his Dick more than anything. It’s almost a simple pleasure for him, but it’s just right.

Coming back home from a long day with the nights, just to see you sitting in your room staring at the wall. Its so cute how you gasp when he walks in greeting you, But it’s even cuter how you try and push him away from your face with His dick hard in his hand. Your mumbling to him to “stop let you breathe”, but he can’t help BUT place his strong hand behind your head and yank! Causing you to Yelp, which gives him enough time to stick his Dick in your mouth.

He does warn you to not to bite, tho. “remember what happened last time, hmm?” He jest, smiling wide “Don’t try it, okay?” He says bucking his hips into your mouth. He’s so turned on from the way you try and pull back to the way you rub you fluffy thighs tgt.

He knows your a sick freak and gets off to this as much as he does, But it only gets worse from there. He’s pulling your head, bobbing you up and down, your slob covering all over his cock, Fresh hot tears pooling In your eyes and down your cheeks. You crying hard and mumbling, but the vibrations makes his dick twitch-and he cums. But he’s not done!

He forces himself even deeper into your mouth, dick hitting the back of your throat as his fucks your face senseless. He’s pinching your nose and pulling you closer to the base of his cock. his freshly trimmed hairs pushing against your upper lip and covered nose, as you choke and gag. His cum leaking to the sides of your mouth, whilst you grab and hit at his legs to let you go.

He’s just smiling tho, his face flushed as much as yours, bitting his lip as he thrusts. He’s just watching you wail on him in hopes he lets up, but he’s so fucked out he leans his head back and bucks so hard you nearly puke and he cums, again. So much cum is in your mouth, on your tongue and dripping onto the ground. But he just sighs out…

“Tsk,,,you have to clean me up and the floor now” he says slapping his cum leaking dick on your cheek. You try pulling away so he lets you fall back from him, You’re grasping and clutching your chest while he’s still hard. Glancing down to the floor almost fainting from the Loss of air before, You focusing in on the cum that dripped beneath him And On your shirt. He’s chuckling at you, your legs Trimble as you back away..but oh, he wasn’t done and neither were u.

[avatarmerida]

Willow reaction to hunters hair

Thank you so much for asking I can't stop imagining the possibilities

____

"I don't know I just started cutting it and then Luz walked in and I let her take over," said Hunter, unable to stop looking in the mirror at his new appearance trying decide which way to comb it. "Do you think that was a mistake?"

"You shoulda known she'd try and make you look like her," said Gus. "She cuts her own hair, she only knows one style."

"Yeah well Amity wanted to give me curtain bangs, so I think this is more manageable," said Hunter with a sigh. "But do you think it looks... okay?"

"It looks fine dude," assured Gus. "But, I gotta ask, why at 1am?"

"I just... needed a change," said Hunter. "I kept thinking how I look like... him. And I wanna look like me. I'm not sure what that means yet, it might mean how I was before it might mean something different but I was never allowed to cut my hair before so I guess I just kinda freaked out." Can I borrow your hat? I should wear a hat, right?"

"Relax dude, it looks great," said Gus in a whisper, remembering the time. "Are you gonna let Amity dye it?"

"I don't know if I'm ready for that yet," said Hunter, suddenly overwhelmed at the possibilities and noticing just how much hair was in the sink. "Do you think... the Captain will like it?"

"You could be totally bald and she'd still like it," said Gus with a smirk.

"What are you two-oh," Willow stuck her head in expecting to catch them rummaging through the medicine cabinet again but instead found Hunter with a handful of hair. "Hi."

"Captain!" exclaimed Hunter, hiding his handful of hair behind his back as though that would do anything. "Um, hi?"

"Wow, you cut your hair," she murmured as she stepped into the bathroom.

"Yeah, a little, well Luz helped," rambled Hunter. "But, I mean if it looks bad-."

"It looks nice," she softly reaching out to move it to the side. "I like it."

"Y-you do?"

"Mhm," said Willow with a smile, before added in a whisper. "It looks cute."

Hunter didn't know if she was whispering because it was late or because Gus was there and she didn't want him to hear or she forgot anyone else was there but the two of them but whatever the reason, it made Hunter blush. Not to mention the fact that she was so close to him right now, looking at him with admiring eyes that seemed to validate him effortlessly.

"Do you think it looks like... me?"

"I don't think you could ever look like anyone else," she said, brushing some lose hairs off his head onto his shoulder, giving a gentle laugh. "But next time, come to me first, okay? I can tell Luz used kitchen scissors. Your edges are all jagged, let me fix it."

Willow rummaged through the drawer to find the proper scissors and a comb as Gus snuck out the door. Willow grabbed a step stool from the closet and took her place behind Hunter as she used her love of topiary to begin fixing his hair.

"You don't think it was a mistake, do you?" asked Hunter after a few minutes. "I know it'll grow back and I'm probably just being dramatic but I don't want people to think-."

"This isn't about what other people think," said Willow calmly. "You've been doing things for other people your whole life, you can cut your hair if you want to. You're more than just your hair."

"Really?" he said, timidly looking at their reflection in the mirror trying not to look at her for too long knowing she'd be able to tell easily. His voice went quiet but she had no trouble hearing. "W-what else am I?"

"You're tall," she started with a tiny giggle. "You're smart and sweet and caring. You're organized and driven and competitive and-."

"That's really nice of you to say, but what if I'm just those things because Belos made me those things?" said Hunter, his voice low and wavering. "The same way he made me look like-."

Hunter couldn't bring himself to finish and Willow thought for a moment before she responded. "Well, then I guess it's up to you which parts you want to keep," she said looking at him in the mirror. "Everyone grows up being told how they should be, but eventually you realize what you want. And, for what it's worth, I think all the great things about you are you. Don't give Belos so much credit."

"I guess I just spent so much time wearing the mask I never thought about getting to control what I looked like," he admitted. "I don't know if I'm any good at it."

"Well, for what it's worth" she said, resting her chin on his shoulder as she looked at them in the mirror. "I think you look handsome."

"R-really?"

"I think you'll look handsome no matter what," she said and Hunter couldn't help but focus on the fact that their cheeks were touching, surely she could feel how hot his face was. "But I think you look the most handsome when you're happy."

He was grateful, because that meant when he was around her he truly did look his best. "Thank you, Willow."

"Of course," she said, finishing up the back of his head. "What if we do a mullet next time or a maybe ponytail?"

[jungkxook]

—out of the blue. (m)

⟶ pairing: jungkook x reader 

⟶ genre: youtuber/gamer!jungkook + fluff / smut 

⟶ words: 5,204

⟶ rating: 18+

⟶ summary: catching your boyfriend bleaching and dyeing his hair for a livestream is definitely not what you expected — but it certainly has its perks.

⟶ warnings: established relationship, some attempt at humour, .2 seconds of sort of sub jungkook (you just like seeing him on his knees), you call jungkook a good boy, shower sex, hair pulling, oral sex, face riding, standing sex, breast play, cum eating, doggy style, unprotected sex, creampie

⟶ note: because blue haired jungkook has me feeling all sorts of things. also dedicating this to the lovely ryen @kithtaehyung​ because blue haired jungkook is getting her too and i hope this helps!! and thank you to the wonderful @gamerkooks​ and @stanrandomthings​ for always giving me inspiration for gamer jungkook <3

“What the hell are you doing?”

Jungkook has less than a second to react when he hears you bursting through the door of his bedroom, a guilty expression plastered on his face as if you’ve caught him in the midst of a much worse act than what he’s already currently doing ━ but the flustered scowl deepening your countenance is enough for him to certainly feel that way, because how else is he supposed to casually explain why he’s currently sitting shirtless in front of a camera?

Admittedly, the sight is odd enough, and there’s a split moment where your incredulous look is enough to make him feel as if he’s wronged you, and your six month long relationship with him, entirely before he remembers that he didn’t actually do anything wrong like cheat on you, but is actually just trying to dye his hair.

He’s sat in his gaming chair, camera and lights set up around him, and the monitor of his desktop all recording his face to the hundreds of thousands of viewers currently watching his livestream. He had told you well in advance about his aim to do a twenty-four hour live broadcast for his subscribers to both raise money for a donation and to countdown to his next subscriber milestone with the help of his friends ━ and had even asked you to help him plan the event, discussing it animatedly with you for the past month on various occasions ━ but mainly just because Jungkook is crazy enough to sit through a twenty-four hour stream and call it fun.

You had known most of how the entirety of the day would go. Starting from noon the previous day to now, almost an hour before the stream ends, thus far he’s done various gameplays from Minecraft to Overwatch to Among Us simultaneously with his friends who had offered to marathon with him the twenty-four hour event; had a period of time in which Jimin and Taehyung were over and cramped in his room to answer questions and talk to viewers but mostly just to create absolute chaos. You had been there for most of it, though you’re still trying to figure out if it’s a blessing or a curse that you were suckered into paying rent for your three bedroom apartment by Taehyung more than a year ago, and subsequently falling madly in love with Jungkook and forcing you to aid in his antics. You’ve been in a handful of his videos before, appearing in Twitch and YouTube streams, and in the background of vlogs in his channel and the channels belonging to the other boys; and, on that day for Jungkook’s twenty-four hour event, you had joined him at the start before being dragged away for work and then tried to pull an all-nighter with him until you crashed on the couch in the living room, and checking in on him occasionally to give him food and water and to just generally make sure your boyfriend isn’t dead.

Now, with the remaining final hour dwindling down, you had been in your room trying to finish last minute essay writing for school, with your phone propped up on your desk and Jungkook’s livestream playing as background noise to your studying. One minute, he had been playing a round of Among Us, and the next, when you had glanced up, he had the bottle in hand and the detrimental blue dye coating his hair in slick globs. It wouldn’t have been so shocking, had you not seen Jungkook an hour ago when he had his natural dark hair still, and now he had somehow managed to sneak in bleaching his hair in the time you had left him. Maybe it was your fault for not catching it sooner, if only because you had sheepishly taken a small nap amidst your studying only to wake up to a nightmare.

Which is where that leaves you currently, dishevelled demeanour standing at the threshold of his door after chasing over to his room, watching as Taehyung helps Jungkook sufficiently ruin his beautiful hair which you love so much.

“Uh… Dyeing my hair?” Jungkook finally answers, dumbfounded. He’s fortunate he had pulled off his shirt to avoid getting hair dye on it, an old towel now draped around his shoulders to catch any excess mess. He adds brightly, “We asked for suggestions on how to end the stream and someone said I should dye my hair, so Tae got the stuff.”

“You bleached your own hair?” You retort, exasperated. “When the hell did all this happen? I’ve been next door to you the whole time! What if your hair falls out? You should’ve gotten a professional to do it, not Tae━”

Taehyung looks inexplicably offended by your slandering remarks on his (lack of) hair styling skills, retorting with, “Yo, what the━?”

Jungkook blinks, as if just being made aware of what he’s actually doing.

“My hair’s gonna fall out?” he gaps. “Guys, what the hell? Why’d no one tell me?”

He looks from you to Taehyung then over at the comments on his livestream which are currently flooding with the sole topic of you. His eyes snag the first few that appear to him in the frenzied influx of words:

uh oh jungkook’s sleeping on the floor tonight

oh shit run bro

f in the chat for jk’s hair

get him y/n!!!!

“Dude, she’s just being dramatic,” Taehyung waves you off. He ducks out of the way when you reach out to Jungkook’s bed for a pillow and chuck it at the older boy’s head.

“And when he’s bald, then what━”

“No!” A helpless Jungkook exclaims suddenly. He gestures wildly to the stream, “Don’t give them ideas. The edits are gonna start pouring in.”

“Jeon, look, it’s too late to go back now,” Taehyung says. “You’ve got half your head covered in dye and three minutes to go with the stream. How bad can it be?”

A groveling sigh eclipses your lips as you push yourself forward. “Then at least let me help before you ruin it completely.”

Jungkook’s fortunate, to say the least, though he’s left wondering if you’re truly upset with him.

He finishes the countdown to the end of his twenty-four hour stream with you and Taehyung putting the last remaining globs of dye on his hair, a heartfelt goodbye to his viewers who marathoned the stream with him, and a promise to update them on the status of his hair when he washes the dye out.

And, just as soon as he’s shut his camera off, the mundane world returns to him.

It’s no longer millions of anonymous and faceless viewers watching him from the other side of their screens in the tiny bubble that is his room, but just you and Taehyung and the older boy’s frisky little Pomeranian dog and the threat of a wallowing regret as Jungkook thinks to himself, what the hell did he truly just do to his hair?

At some point, Taehyung retreats to his girlfriend’s house taking Yeontan with him, leaving you alone with Jungkook and he basks in the sudden cozy quiet after twenty-four hours of madness as the adrenaline rush begins to fade and mellow out. Back aching, joints cracking and popping as he stretches and moves, and eyes burning in the similar way they do from having stared at a screen for too long, but tenfold, he craves nothing more than to find your sweet and comforting touch to end such a long day.

He finds you in the living room already scrolling through your phone and your Twitter feed to read and marvel at all the comments and memes made by his viewers during his stream and his heart threatens to burst through his chest because you’ve always been so supportive of him and his fans, and they’ve always adored you and your endless interactions with them. So, surely, you can’t be mad at him for bleaching and dyeing his hair. Right?

As his arms come to wrap around you from behind, face nuzzling in the crook of your neck, he hears you bemoan, “You look like a Smurf came on your head.”

Wrong.

Well, not entirely, he guesses. You do lean into his chest, practically melting against him. A sluggish grin tugs at his lips and, instead, he chooses to ask, “Shower with me?”

“Aren’t you tired, Koo?”

“Baby,” he deadpans, and your heart flutters just a little bit, “by this point, I’m running solely on Red Bull and coffee that I’m positive I could fight the gods with my bare hands and win. In fact, I’ve had so much caffeine that I’m fairly certain I’ve ascended to the astral plane. Besides, I need to wash this dye out, and I could use some help. Sleep can wait.”

“Help,” You snort. “You’re such a liar. I already know what you want.”

“To spend time with my beautiful girlfriend? You’re right.”

“I’m not sucking your dick.”

He pulls his head back to look at you. Though he tries to look offended, there’s the tiniest of smirks on his face. “Wasn’t gonna ask you!”

You turn to properly face him in his arms and shoot him a dubious glance. He leans down to press a chilling kiss to your jaw, then nudges his nose against you in the same spot so that you’ll move your head. You do so, despite your prior scolding, and let him kiss the underside of your jaw down to your neck.

“Okay, fine,” You huff finally.

You relent, miraculously, but Jungkook had already guessed you would the moment he had found you in the living room and he couldn’t be happier.

He cherishes the moments alone with you, has come to know them well as he falls into a comfortable routine with you away from prying eyes over the last few months. Because sometimes, as he comes to learn, it’s hard to establish a relationship when his job requires him to be in the spotlight often. What is authentic and what is simply fabricated for views is difficult to discern, and yet you’re patient with him. Not everything to him is money and views and numbers, or what his next big plan is, or how you could potentially help him in some way (despite knowing that any video featuring you seems to skyrocket his views and land his videos on the trending page of YouTube more often than not because he knows everyone loves you more than him). You know when he’s his online persona and when he’s simply just Jungkook, and while there’s hardly any difference between the two, his online personality surely has to maintain a level of privacy and happiness that may not always be true.

At least with you, he can just be himself. He can finally be at ease.

Showering together is just one of the many acts of normalcy he cherishes with you. So, he turns on the shower and lets the bathroom get all warm and balmy as you undress. He’s the first one inside, hissing in delight as he lets the water run over his sore muscles, washing out the dye in his hair firstly so as not to get it on you and fortunately not making too much of a mess of blue dye in the tub. You’ve joined him in an instant when he’s nearly done, squeezing into the space in front of him as you shut the glass door behind you, the pane already beginning to fog and slick with droplets of condensation. He pulls you into him once more, nestling his chin on your shoulder as his hands come to wrap around you. They slide across your front, all wet and soapy, briefly gliding across your breasts, palms brushing against your nipples before traveling down to your navel.

“Congrats, baby,” You coo gently. “Twenty-four hours.”

He murmurs into your hair, “Missed you loads though.”

You turn to look at him finally, and it’s hard not to stare. Your eyes land firstly on his abdomen and the toned muscles there, trailing up to his arm and the pretty tattoos that decorate every inch of his skin, to his soft pink lips and his big eyes. Then, there’s the matter of his hair. The water has done most of the work in washing out the dye from his hair, now falling across his forehead and into his eyes and cheekbones, and it’s only then that you fully register the dye has worked as you struggle to find any remnants of his once-ebony-then-blonde locks. The blue hair is an obvious stark contrast to his natural hair and, you think, it is pretty, accentuating his radiant skin and making his eyes pop.

“I didn’t think you were actually serious all those times you said you wanted to change your hair.” Your lips are pursed as you survey him now, your fingers twirling a strand of his tresses around and around as you inspect it.

He smiles, catching your hand and pressing a quick peck to your knuckles. “Neither did I,” he admits sheepishly. “It sort of just happened.”

You pout. “I’m gonna miss your natural hair.”

“Do you really hate it blue?”

“I don’t hate it. Was more scared you’d ruin your pretty hair and make it all fall out.”

At this, Jungkook flashes you a cheeky smile. He holds his head a little higher. “So you still think my hair is pretty?”

“I think you’re a dork,” You clarify. “And, aside from the fact you almost gave me a heart attack, I’d say the blue is so pretty. Beyond pretty. Kinda hot, if I’m being honest.”

Because you’re not really mad, but it’s fun just to tease Jungkook and see his reactions. At the very least, he can sense this, as it’s apparent with the way his smile stretches even wider on his face.

“Hot, huh?”

“Mhm. But you didn’t hear that from me.”

He feigns a look of mock hurt. “Oh no. You must be really mad. Want me to make it up to you?”

“How are you gonna do that?”

“Well, what do you want from me?”

You take a moment to think it over, but the answer is already obvious enough. It’s one that even he knows, and one that has won you over the moment Jungkook was freed from his stream. You hum aloud, “You, on your knees, head between my legs, like a good boy. Think I can get a better viewpoint of your hair from down there anyway before I judge it.”

“Like a good boy?” A dark smirk tugs at his face. “So now who’s the needy one?”

He lowers his head so that he’s leaving a trail of sloppy wet kisses down your neck to your collarbones. As you let yourself get carried away for a moment, you wrap your arm around his neck, pulling him backwards until you’re pressed up against the glass door. He ducks even lower, kissing just above your left breast and then catching your nipple between his teeth. You swallow thickly, rubbing your thighs together, reminding yourself to respond to him.

“It’s not my fault when you were busy for the past day,” You pout. “And the blue hair really is sexy.”

“Aha!” he straightens up in front of you suddenly, a crooked smug smile on his face. “So I’m not just hot. I’m sexy.”

“You’re literally always sexy. And beautiful too. It’s almost unfair.”

“That’s even better.”

You tug your fingers at his damp locks. When you speak, your voice is a mix between urgency and a whine. “Jungkook. I could’ve already gotten off with my hand at this point.”

“Ouch, feisty!” He pokes his fingers at your sides. Then, nipping a little more firmly on the soft skin of your breast, murmurs huskily, “Alright, alright. But only if you call me a good boy again.”

Part of him is taunting you, but there’s a small sliver of intrigue that makes the thought in his head and the pretty words on your tongue excite him to no end.

Still, you choose to entertain him, maybe a little drowsily and entirely consumed by him, “I will if you let me ride your face.”

A rumble of a chuckle resonates from him. You find him on his knees in the next moment, wedging himself between your thighs. He nudges one of your legs and you follow the wordless command, hitching one thigh over his shoulder as you settle back against the glass door of the shower. He kisses at your hips as he dips his head lower and lower to where you want him, before swiping his tongue at your cunt, tasting all of you at once.

“Mmm, Koo━” A soft whimper sounds from you, making his head swim.

He wastes no time in lapping at your folds, tongue delving into you deeper and deeper as he cranes his neck. The wetness that pools between your legs and on the tip of his tongue is a sticky mess that he basks in just a little longer.

“Fuck,” he groans into your pussy, “you taste so fucking good. Missed this so much.”

His hands are big as they come to hold you close, cradling your ass, your thighs, your hips, anything to pull you into him while simultaneously pushing your thighs further apart.

You manage to find your voice and quip weakly, “Missed me or having your head between my legs?”

“You, definitely,” he murmurs. He busies himself by reaching out with his thumb to press circles against your clit. Your mouth falls open in a silent moan, hips rutting into his face. “All of you.”

“Jungkook━ Fuck━”

He burrows further into you, humming in response. His nose brushes against your clit, the muscle of his tongue a pleasant wet that makes you warm all over. You give another experimental swivel of your hips, grinding against his tongue just right. He pinches at your hips as if to probe you onward, and then you do it again, and again, desperately rocking your hips back and forth against him. Your fingers reach out to grab a fistful of his hair, clutching it so tightly he hisses. But you’re right. The blue locks look dazzling between your legs, being pulled by your hands as you push him further into you.

His eyes meet yours from below your waist, hooded and idle, enjoying the view as you squirm and writhe above him, shamelessly riding his face. Grinding against his chin, nose, and tongue, the slick wetness you leave behind glistens on his skin.

“Ah, Koo━” You cry out. “Fuck, I’m gonna━!”

Your orgasm hits you violently, sending you keeling. Your hips continue with reckless abandon, and Jungkook presses his finger against your clit a little harder, a little faster. The abrupt gushing warmth between your thighs sends your mind spinning, as the steam from the shower and your panting breaths begin to fog the bathroom. When your hips begin to slow, Jungkook laps at the rest of your leaking core before pulling away with a grin brandishing his shimmering face. He lets you pull him up eagerly, clumsy hands fumbling to hold either side of his face as you tug at him.

“God, you’re so hot, babe,” he sighs wistfully, smothering your lips with his for an all too chaste kiss, before leaning in once more to nibble at your lower lip.

“Wanna feel you, Koo,” You prompt urgently. “Want you in me.”

Jungkook hastens to comply, his hands falling to your waist. “Go on, then. Turn around for me.”

You don’t need to be told twice. You spin so that you’re facing the glass sliding door, your back to him. You watch him over your shoulder, momentarily admiring his well built stature, the tattoos that ink his body, and the water that shimmers on his skin. He has to push his wet hair up and away when it falls across his forehead and then he reaches down to grasp at his length, grip tight around his shaft so that he can pump himself sluggishly a few short times. It’s almost painful to watch him jerk himself off in front of you, the tip a burning red and glistening. He catches you staring and decides to catch you off guard when he grabs a hold of your hips with one hand. He yanks you towards him, your ass pressed firmly against his hips, making you jump from the startle, and grins when you look back at him.

Then, ever so slowly, he runs the length of his cock along your folds. Before you can brace yourself for the overwhelming rush of pleasure, he’s sliding his cock past your folds, burrowing into you deep. He curses behind you, his other hand flying out to steady himself by digging into your hip.

“Fffuck. Shit.” He dips his head so that his cheek is resting against your shoulder and sputters for air. “Jesus, fuck━ Been dying to feel you all day.”

He fits so snugly in you, so perfectly, just like always and you take him so well, coaxed by your own arousal. He ruts his hips forward into yours and you nearly fall forward before catching yourself by pressing your palms to the glass. Then, he’s grinding against you, small and precise thrusts that roll into your hips.

“Mmm, Jungkook,” you choke out. “You feel so━ So good.”

“Ah, shit,” he hisses. “Wanna wreck you so bad.”

He angles his chest a little more, pummels his dick into you in such a way that he’s hitting a different spot in you. His eyes stay fixated on the soft, round flesh of your ass and the way his cock slips so easily into you, brows screwed in concentration, jaw clenched. The slight bounce of your ass each time he rolls his hips firmly against you, the way you ricochet forward each time in tandem with his moves. You bow your head, pressing your temple against the glass door now tinted with condensation, only marked up by the imprints of your fingers grasping at anything. It’s almost sweltering hot in the shower now but you both pay no mind to it. He fucks into you with such languid, steady strides, cock beginning to throb and twitch in anticipation. You feel so wet, such a pitiless mess between your thighs already that it makes him growl.

“H-Harder,” You mewl. “Oh, Koo━”

He almost slips behind you in his eagerness to obey, awakening something animalistic in him, a yearning to just release all the tension in his core. This time, he adapts a measured pace, forceful thrusts that have you crying out in delight each time. One hand reaches up to grip at your shoulder to steady himself while his other slithers around your front to grasp at your breasts, all wet and supple, pinching at your nipples.

“So good,” he moans, pressing sloppy kisses just below your ear. His breath is hot as he pants behind you, sending tingles down your spine. “Fuck━”

His voice is cut off by a whine, hips bucking forward in an unsolicited manner as he feels his high drawing near. You lean your head onto his shoulder, stretching your arm out so that you can tug desperately at his hair. It’s a silent, simple command, but it’s one that he immediately understands even without you speaking.

“Wanna feel you━” You whimper. “Wanna see you.”

Jungkook nearly slips as he fumbles to pull out of you, hissing at the loss of warmth and friction. As soon as you’ve turned to face him, he wastes no time in closing the distance between you. He pushes his leaking cock past your folds once more and continues at the same pace as if he had never even stopped to begin with.

“Fuck,” he whines. “Not gonna last━”

You wrap your arms around his neck, drawing him even closer to you, as he presses you against the glass. He hitches one of your thighs around his waist, spreading your legs just wide enough to hit a certain spot that has both of you crying out. You’re clinging so tightly to him, fingers digging harshly into his skin in an attempt to alleviate the building pressure you feel. He knows you’ve almost reached your end when you resort to a gasping, moaning mess, writhing beneath his broad stature.

“Close, baby?” he hums.

You open your mouth to respond but can only muster a whimper. His pace treads over to heedlessly frantic, the sound of skin against skin and the lewd wetness filling the shower. Despite his hips pounding into yours so harshly, his fingers flutter so delicately under your chin, grasping it and moving your head just enough so that you’re facing him.

“Lemme see you,” he grunts. “Wanna watch you when you cum all over my cock. Always so pretty.”

“I━ I’m━ Fuck, Koo━”

But you can’t finish your thought.

You keep your gaze fixated on Jungkook’s, however exhausted and weary it may be. Your lashes flutter, brows knit together, and you suck your lower lip between your teeth, biting so hard Jungkook’s certain you’ll bruise it. Another few hard thrusts and then you’re reaching your high, overcome by such an intense burning that you can’t help but look away out of instinct. You cry his name, face contorting in pure pleasure, and chest arching to meet his. You’re clenching so tightly around him has him sputtering for air, nearly collapsing entirely against you. You’re near dripping around his cock which only means he almost slips from you with each draw of his hips that he makes. It’s why he sloppily rocks his hips into yours, desperate to reach his own high as well.

When you return to your senses, blinking away your blurry vision, you can make out Jungkook cooing into your ear, “That’s it, baby. Doing so well.”

You meet his gaze once more, only this time you’re perhaps even more tired. Hooded eyes watch him, silently probing him to his climax. He comes tumbling towards it, a few more short thrusts of his hips and, finally, he’s there. He slams his hips up into yours one final time, crying out, and then he’s releasing into you in an overwhelming abrupt gush. Only he can’t quite enjoy it because, out of genuine accident and driven by impatience to just get off, the last jerk of his hips hits you a little too hard.

It’s what causes you to slip backward and he, so lost in his own reverie, hardly has a proper grip on you or where he’s standing. When you lose your footing beneath you, slipping on the wet porcelain of the tub, and comes crashing down, he’s brought along with you. “Oh, fuck━!”

The both of you yelp from the surprise, your hands flailing out to brace yourself for the fall.

Fortunately, you land on him when you reach the bottom of the tub, courtesy of him grabbing onto you last second so that he can soften the blow upon impact.

Unfortunately, the breath is knocked out of him from the startle and from the sudden added weight of you on top of him with no warning.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” he groans.

“In hindsight,” You wince as you shift your weight above him, “maybe having sex in the shower again wasn’t the greatest idea. Remember last time when we knocked the shower curtain down and I had to get stitches on my elbow? It’s why we got the glass door installed, and then we had to lie to Tae about it.”

“Ugh, don’t remind me.” He tilts his head back, rubbing a hand over his face. Then, he flashes you an all too charming smirk. “Was kinda worth it though.”

You giggle, sounding so sweet and angelic, even despite the way his cum still leaks from you. Somewhere in the fall, his dick had slipped from you and now lays softening on his stomach which, really, is probably the worst part of the accident to him. He already misses the warmth of you wrapped around him, your mingling cum a dirty mess around him. You prop yourself up on his chest with your palms, but before you can even think to respond, you notice something out of the corner of your eye.

A small mass of fur in the shape of little Yeontan has just poked his head through the crack in the door, oblivious to you and Jungkook’s compromising position. And then, shortly following behind him, is his equally oblivious owner who must have forgotten something in the apartment to bring him back so suddenly.

“Tannie, get back here━ We gotta go━ Oh, Jesus, what the fuck?” Taehyung appears at the door for a millisecond before noticing the situation he’s just stumbled upon. Thankfully, he acts fast, and clamps a hand over his tainted eyes, clumsily scooping up Yeontan in his other hand. “Can you guys please stop fucking all over this damn apartment? My son’s eyes are too pure for this!”

And then he’s retreating, but not before bumping blindly into the doorframe, grumbling along the way. It’s silent for a moment as you and Jungkook gawk at one another; then you hear Taehyung leave the apartment once more, and the both of you dissolve into a fit of unabashed laughter.

“Are you okay?” You ask once you’ve calmed down enough as he reaches out to shut the shower off. You plant a kiss in your boyfriend’s hair. “You hit your head coming down.”

Jungkook’s heart swells at your gentle touches and smiles. “I’m fine,” he promises brightly. “You?”

“Well, you did just thoroughly fuck me, so━” You shrug innocently. “I’m kinda still too giddy to even care.”

“I’m gonna make it up to you,” he says. “For almost giving you a heart attack with my hair and for almost putting you in the emergency room again just now.”

The mention of his hair draws your attention to it once more. It’s not as wet as before, damp azure waves falling into his eyes that you brush away gingerly.

“Yeah,” You snort, “but I’ve decided I like your hair. Like, really like it.”

“Yeah?” he grins wide. “What was the deciding factor?”

You pause, as if to think for a moment. Exhaustion riddles your body and you know sleeping curled up next to Jungkook is nearing your future, but for now you let yourself entertain the last remnants of whatever lewd thoughts are still on yours and his minds before they fizzle away completely. You can’t help yourself anyway. The blue really is nice.

“Definitely the view of you eating me out,” You say. “And can’t forget how pretty it looks when I’m pulling at your hair.”

“Say no more,” he beams. “Then I’ll make it up to you by making you cum on my tongue again and again and again.”

The last thing he hears before he grabs at your cheek to softly pull you down to him for one last kiss, slow and ardent, is a bubbly giggle from you that delights him to no end.

“That’s a good boy.”

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