#Tekulvē Jackson-Vann

[nerdygaymormon]

Affirmation Conference 2023

I traveled to Provo, Utah for the 2023 edition of Affirmation’s International Conference.

————————————————————  

I arrived on Thursday and had lunch at Crown Burgers (I had a pastrami burger) with friends of mine who live in Eagle Mountain, Utah. I’ve known them for a long time, they used to live in Florida. Aaron and Sara are really wonderful. Aaron’s twin brother is gay and this has opened their eyes and they see the many issues the LDS Church has for queer people.

Sara volunteers at the Encircle House in Provo. They’d like to do more to support queer people who are/were LDS. They’d like to open their home to have regular get togethers where queer LDS people and their family & friends can gather to feel loved and supported. If you’re interested, contact me and I’ll put you in touch.

—————————  

Thursday evening was a social held at the Encircle House in Salt Lake City. I was an hour late and when I arrived, I was informed a group had come asking for David and I wasn’t there. The President of Affirmation got very concerned, wondering if there’d been a problem with my flight, was I okay, would I be on hand for the 2 sessions I’m supposed to do at the conference on Saturday. I’m very sorry to have missed those who came to meet me and I didn’t intend to make anyone worry. Sometimes things don’t go according to plans. 

I did meet @jacclo​ and really appreciate that he came and waited. I felt like we had a good conversation and that I learned more about him and his journey. Honestly, getting to meet and connect with other queer Mormons is one of the greatest things. 

My favorite room in the Salt Lake City Encircle House is the music room. They have filled the wall with black & white photos of famous queer people. I find seeing all that queer greatness very moving. 

They also have a black sheep in the room, which is such a good symbol of how a lot of queer people feel their role is in their family. The Provo Encircle House also has a black sheep, I wonder if this is something they put in every one of their homes

When you walk in the house, the door swings open and you don’t see the hidden message until you’re ready to leave and open the door from the inside and see the words painted on the inside edge.

————————————————————  

Friday I spent much of the day in Board meetings and in trainings. That was a new experience for me as a new member of the Affirmation Board of Directors.

Lacey Bagley, the founder of Celebrate Therapy, is on the board and in our meeting she said something that struck me. I sometimes hear people complain that in the LDS Church it is cis gay white men who are seen and heard and who dominate the conversation. Lacey reframed this by calling them the Founding Fathers of the LDS LGBTQ space because they were able to break through the silence and bring visibility and some understanding. They were the most palatable to the wider community and thus were the ones who were listened to. AFAB women and gender nonconforming people are now having a moment and this opportunity has come thanks to the door being opened by those Founding Fathers.

—————————  

Then I went to the Provo Encircle House for a social. I met some very cool people and learned things about the house, including that it was originally home to a polygamous family. My favorite room was the meeting room on the 2nd floor. The walls feature black & white pictures of teens & young adults who came to the house during its first week of being open. Seeing the very people who are helped by this house really touched me. Plus, the window with the rainbow colors frames the Provo City Center Temple in a beautiful way.

The outside of the home is beautiful and I learned the landscaping is done so that there is always something in bloom no matter the season.

—————————

Friday concluded with dinner and the opening plenary session of the Affirmation Conference. Álvaro Mora was the speaker and the big take away from his remarks was that no one is going to die for you so don’t live your life for others, live life and live it for yourself.

———————————————————

On Saturday, the conference had 4 rounds of break out sessions. You could choose the sessions and groups that most interested you. I was in charge of 2 of the sessions. The first one was called Navigating Living Waters, and the second one was about building community for LGBTQ members in our churches. I was happy to meet @raspberryusagi when she attended one of my sessions.

In the evening Tekulvē Jackson-Vann spoke about how people often say they don’t see color, and how that feels so invalidating. It’s the same as if someone were to say they don’t see queerness, instead they see everyone as just the same. It’s a way to avoid uncomfortable conversations. If you can’t see all of me, you get a muted version of me. Can you imagine watching the Barbie move in black & white, you’d miss so much!

Tekulvē ended by asking a series of questions, for which a person of color gives mostly the same answer and white people have a different answer for each question: What color were you when you were born? What color are you when you’re hit hard? What color are you when you’re sick? What color are you when you’re cold? What color are you when you’re dead? And yet, I’m the one who is ‘colored.’

Laurie Lee Hall also spoke and the big message I took is “Live a life that leaves a mark that cannot be erased!”

—————————

Saturday night, @loveerran and I went for ice cream at Leatherby’s in Orem, Utah. Their serving sizes are generous. We met @sky-the-trans-guy00​ and had a very good conversation. I learned some more about him. He is a high-quality individual

————————————————————

On Sunday, Stacey Harkey was the keynote speaker at the plenary session and he is very entertaining. He followed his remarks by doing a Q&A in which he was open and vulnerable. 

He spoke of a dung beetle and how it is conditioned to roll dung, and will never roll a precious gem. Likewise, we are surrounded by people who have been conditioned to prize the dung, and that may cause you to wish to be dung, but you are not. Don’t be ashamed to be you. A gem is valuable because it is uncommon. 

The main points of his remarks were: Be who you are! (you have to explore & discover who you are) Live who you are! (as you come to understand yourself, start living true to you) Own who you are! (you don’t need to apologize for being you, you get to be you and be proud of who you are)

—————————

After the conference, I have extended family who hosted dinner for me and some of my friends. Being surrounded by friends and family in a space that is warm, loving and supportive was a great way to end my trip.

[nerdygaymormon]