#Teacher life ain't easy

[notes-from-sarah]

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New Mutants Annual #3 by Chris Claremont

[luxuourr]

EASE YOURSELF TO GET THE EASY

tw ; harsh language + motivation as well

sorry to break it to you, but if you keep crying and whining about your life you're not gonna get anywhere, you're not mentally eased , you're affirming , using subliminals and scripting day and night but your brain and mind is not at ease, you think like " ahaha I'm doing the work I'll get the outcome" 2 minutes past " WHERE'S MY FUCKING OUTCOME??!!!" and your actual manifestations haven't even sinked or been accepted by you too, because you think it's impossible. i can't do anything. too good to be true.

that's honestly up my ass " too good to be true"

your mind needs to be at ease instead of always checking the 3D , why don't you accept 3D only changes when you know 4D is just like that, GET THIS THING THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULL!!! loa bloggers ain't doing shit for y'all, just do it YOURSELF IT'S EASY AS FUCK. None of you guys take it easy then blame it on the LOA teachers / bloggers..

how to manifest ?

+ i want a laptop

+ I use subs to get laptop

+ one day or even a week passes by and I start whining without even believing in the subliminal that it doesn't work

maybe I'd say if you actually believed in the subliminal you would not be clicking off it , or changing ways and stuff and living up in the first place

CHANGE SELF CONCEPT THAT SHIT IS POWERFUL.

[bluee08]

Astro observations 《3》

Disclaimer : Not an astrologer, take it with a grain of salt, only for fun.

🫧 Asteroid Orma in 8th house might be the people to leave an impression of being hella reserved in a mysterious way. Like they might tell you a story and you will always feel like there is something more to it.

🪩 Mars in 3rd house people often say something offending without meaning to and regret the very next second. Trust me it's not their fault, they wanted to say something else and ended up saying something totally unexpected. They also feel guilty about it for days and feel sad that they might have come off rude for no reason.

🫧 Neptune conjuct ascendant, they are the real chameleons. They can mold themselves as per the situation demands. Ngl it comes handy sometimes. Like I remember when I was in 6th grade I was caught into a very serious matter but I pretended as if nothing happened and flew away. When the other guys rattled me out to the teacher, she said It's impossible that I was involved and that she doesn't believe them. She didn't hear a single word against me. Lol no, I wasn't her favorite student or something. It's just that I had maintained a certain reputation among different sect of people as per my own convenience. Call it manipulation if you want, if that doesn't explain the planet itself.

🪩 Pluto trine Lilith, it's not always sexuality that comes to the mind when we hear about these folk. Lilith here is aware that pluto is her benefactor. But it takes time for her to feel comfortable in her own domain. She is powerful here and knows what she wants. Definitely won't take anyone's bullshit. Her transformation can be scary and ruthless if someone tries to pin her down.

🫧 Jupiter sextile Pluto have a deep interest in forbidden things. Learning things that often people consider taboo is their thrill. They may or may not share the knowledge but they are always resourceful about topics relatated to dark themes of life. Feel free to discuss anything with them, they won't judge you infact they will help you inhance your own boundaries. You will be surprised how normal they'll sound while talking about things that might trigger other people even if they have gone through the same.

🪩 The one guy I had a Aphrodite-Eros synastry with made me feel like...idk strange. I was on a constant pedestal. I cared a lot about him. His Eros conjucted my Aphrodite and I looked out for him a lot. There was a thick sexual tension but also comfort. He also made me get a taste of jealousy. Which I don't usually feel. I used to constantly compare myself with the girls he used to interact with. We were not dating but I just couldn't help but feel insecure. Not because of him....idk why I was acting like that when I knew I was pretty enough.

🫧 Mars opposite Venus people get sudden mood swings from doing absolutely nothing to doing everything in next one hour. Oh and they'll do it again if it ain't asthetically pleasing to the eye.

🪩 Sun sextile Saturn, trust me they do know how to control themselves and take things with a grain of salt. Their ego is well maintained and not fragile unlike others. Very understanding and real mature people.

🫧 Sun sextile/trine Moon are the most compassionate and intuned with their selves. They know themselves better than anyone else. Also they always know exactly what they are feeling at any given time. Even if they are depressed at some point they won't give up easily.

🪩 Neptune negatively aspecting Saturn, dreaming big is easy, isn't it? But when you start implanting those dreams in real life your dreams remain dreams only. Don't worry though. It's a lesson. Don't give up, try harder. Dream as big as you want but at the end of the day remember to open your eyes and start afresh with new motivation. And please don't listen to those who tell you to quit it down. Your dreams are not weird or impossible or too much. Those people are just jealous because of how big your ambitions are and how far you are willing to go for it. Don't restrict your imagination for someone else. Believe yourself, you can do it!

🫧 Pluto in 10th house solar return chart can indicate a huge change in academic life or anywhere you are working at. For better or worse you better take precautions before hand. I am having it this year with mars in 3rd house and trust me from an above average student my grades are becoming poor. If I were to describe my graph I can see it coming downhill like a water slide which is creating quite an impression on my parents as well as my teachers. Note the sarcasm.

🪩 Saturn in 7th house could indicate having no interest in relationships at first or people being afraid to ask you out but when you grow up, settle well, you find yourself looking for your better half, resulting in either meeting them late or doing an arrange marriage.

🫧 Saturn opposite ascendant are the people who often get told that they look unapproachable on first glance. Kind of the 'out of league' vibe surrounds them. Which is not always true but I have noticed people do think twice before approaching them. These sweeties are also damn soft on the inside but for only those who do dare to talk to them. They rarely take the initiative themselves. But come ask help from them and they will risk their lives for you.

🪩 Mercury aspecting chiron could indicate healing your wounds by diving into the world of books. You might like to read or write journals when you are feeling down. There might be a small diary or pages that you have written when you were at your lowest. Its also possible that you start writing a novel or something to help you voice out your pain through written words.

🫧 Sun conjuct asteroid Medusa. Damn! You could have curly hair or hairs that are a lot wavy, thick and voluminated. Highly blessed in hair department. Many people might have praised you or complimented on your hair from a very young age. This could also indiacte a lot of body hair. From top to bottom you have body hair and trust me its not a bad thing. Its a blessing of being powerful, embrace it. It's just a hunch but some may have complimented you on that too.

🪩 Mars in 3rd house can't watch porn without audio or no communication during the deed. They always want to hear the sounds, no, they NeeD to hear the sounds raw! Only visuals is boring for them just as adding some weird music to the video. No, its not creating the mood, its ruining my experience, pls stop it.

🫧 You don't wanna hear someone moan who has their personal planets conjucting asteroid Sirene. Trust me you will get addicted. Its insane and I am not bluffing. Their voice may or may not be as addictive in general but in bed? Or when they want to take something from you? You will be trapped even before you blink. It's dangerous.

🪩 What's with Taurus Mars and Laziness? So much potential and still they study few hours before exam, complete assignments few minutes before submission and still have the audacity to say they will easily pass. Like bro if that's how you pass then I can't imagine how you will top....

🫧 Moon in 4th house people are highly invested in family matters. Family comes first to them and then the rest. The kind of people to tolerate an unhappy married life for the sake of their kids because they can't see their family being split apart.

🪩 Mars aspecting Pluto. It doesn't matter if it is positively aspected or negatively aspected, there is a lot of pent up frustration and anger issues underneath this placement. If provoked or underdeveloped could result in a very sudden and violent rage from this person. Better to leave them alone in such situations.

[zae-heeyyy]

Pastiche

Summary: You and Arthur escape through writing. Pairing: Arthur Morgan x gn!Reader Word Count: 2,345 Trigger Warning: Tuberculosis, death Tags: angst, sadness, high honor Arthur

a/n: Thanks for you kind words on Chiaroscuro. I've enjoyed writing again so much! I'm in my tragedy era. My hs english teacher's voice haunts me when I'm writing, so I spent a lot of time scrutinizing this. Didn't mean for it to be so long, but I hope you enjoy! Thanks for reading!

pastiche: a work of art or literature that imitates the style or character of another, often as an homage or tribute.

You knew there was something special about Arthur Morgan the day you met him. Despite his best efforts to believe otherwise, he was easy on the eyes, and his dry humor combined with his strong sense of honor sealed your crush on the cowboy. Everybody else could see that he was sweet on you, too, noticing when he pulled you to sit at the fire with him or how he watched you around camp. As more time passed, you'd become mostly inseparable, taking every moment you had to sneak away together. One of your favorite places to escape to was the fields of Little Creek River in Big Valley. You'd be reading a book and glance over to find Arthur staring intently at an animal until it was out of sight. Then he'd open up his journal and sketch it.  He wasn't doing that today, though. He was staring across the field, but you could tell he was elsewhere in his mind.

"Got somethin' to say," his eyes met yours earnestly. When he told you he loved you, a laugh erupted deep from your belly. Dumbfounded, he asked, "The hell is so funny?" his own laugh betraying his attempt to be solemn. It was hilarious to you that he didn't think you already knew that and that he didn't know you absolutely felt the same.

Another day, you were lying in Arthur's lap in the grass. Just the day before, he had returned to camp with bruised knuckles and some poor fool's blood on his face—one of Strauss's clients. You longed for a life where bruised knuckles and loan sharking were distant memories.

"Where would you be if you weren't here," you'd asked, holding his hand in yours. He stroked your thumb with his and gazed over the valley like always.

"Hard to imagine." He mumbled, sounding far away.

You nodded in agreement and replied, "You're always writing or drawing in your notebook. Maybe you could've been an artist or a writer." The thought brought a soft smile to your face, and you imagined, just for a second, a life where Arthur's biggest worry was perfecting his latest masterpiece.

He huffed in dry amusement, "Probably wouldn't have known how to read if it weren't for Dutch and Hosea."

You assented again and sighed, the smile on your face growing wider.

 "Arthur Morgan: author and illustrator." You held your hands up in dramatic fashion as if envisioning the words in front of you. Then you untangled yourself from him and sat up, "You could, you know? It's not too late. Maybe a biography?"

"A story about my life, huh?" He looked at you with a dumb smile, "I think a book about dirt would be more interestin'." He bobbed his head up and down as if nodding made his thought more true. You shoved him playfully, and he raised his eyebrow at you and held out his hands questionly. "What? There's all different kinds of dirt," he started counting on his fingers." Brown dirt, red dirt, hard dirt—"

You cut him off, "I'm serious, Arthur! This life…it ain't one normal folks live." A shit-eating grin crept up his face as he fought not to make another joke at his own expense. He shoved it down and kept listening. "Sure, it's just your life to you, but other people might find it interesting, exciting, even."

He thought for a second, then put his hands in the air, mimicking you, "The Confessions of Arthur Morgan: The Detailed Life of a Gunslinger by Arthur Morgan. Sounds like a Pinkerton's wet dream."

 "I see what you mean," you trail off, fingers playing in the grass. "Could change the name. People publish under a different name all the time. There's a word for that, I think."

"Pseudonym," he responded, his accent thick. "Think it's got one of those silent letters in front." He said it so matter of factly, and it confirmed what you already knew about him: he was far more intelligent than anybody ever gave him credit for. Still, you left the idea alone and thought Arthur had, too.

Then, on another afternoon in the fields near Little Creek River, he spoke out of nowhere. "Arthur Callahan or Tacitus Kilgore?" 

"Hmm?" you asked, barely glancing up from your book.

"For the pen name," he confirmed, scratching his chin thoughtfully. 

From that day on, your trips to Little Creek River became writing sessions. He bought a notebook that you two would trade off, coming up with ideas for the dramatized life of the gunslinger. You'd taken some creative liberties, and the story wasn't exactly a biography anymore. It had shaped into a Western love story. Arthur Callahan, after living a bad life, met someone who made him want to be better, an angel sent to rescue the devil himself. Arthur Callahan would get the perfect ending; a normal life. It was all Arthur's idea. 

"It's not my story; it's ours," he'd told you. 

You had been daydreaming about the possibilities for your novel for some time, but the chaos of life with the gang left little room to focus on it. The sudden move from Horseshoe Overlook to Clemens Point made things worse. Somewhere in the move, the manuscript was lost or destroyed—either way, it was gone. You couldn't hold back your tears during your next trip to Big Valley. Arthur's big hands swallowed your face as his thumbs wiped your tears away.  

"Shhh, we'll rewrite it, sweetheart," he promised.

Despite Arthur's gentle nudges, you couldn't find it in you to rewrite the story. Another day, he'd invited you to ride with him, heading off to your usual spot. He'd asked once more if you were feeling up to writing again. When you rejected the idea, he shook his head, seemingly surrendering. 

"Fine! You're so damn stubborn." There was no malice in his voice, though, and his eyes twinkled a little. "Looks like I gotta take matters into my own hands." Instead of stopping the horse in the fields as usual, Arthur stopped short, cutting into nearby woods. Eventually, he halted outside of the small cabin that was Vetter's Echo and hitched the horse outside. 

"Come on," he said, helping you down. "I've got a surprise for you." You walked up the cabin's steps, and he swung the door open to a small living quarters. "It don't got a back door, and I'm pretty sure the feller living here got mauled by a bear, but it's got one of these things." He gestured to the desk in the corner of the small cabin, a typewriter sitting atop it, "I don't have the first clue about using it." So he left it for you to figure out. He'd sit on a stool beside you, reading from a notebook, and you'd type slowly at first, but as time went on, the keys felt as familiar to you as a gun trigger did to him. 

Then things started falling apart. You'd moved from Horseshoe Overlook to Clemens Point, then to Shady Bell in a matter of weeks. The men went on a job to rob the bank in St. Denis, and most didn't return. You'd forgotten about the manuscript while trying to survive and spent weeks worried about Arthur and everybody else.

Then he came home to you, waterlogged but alive. You'd never felt more relieved. He was skinny and had a persistent cough, blaming it all on his rough journey. But it didn't stop him from finishing the book as promised. He'd write whenever he had a chance, and you'd go back to the little cabin in the woods, you typing and him reading.

Then he couldn't get through a page without coughing. You listened, concern etched on your face as he told you about his coughing spell and subsequent visit to the doctor in the city. Tuberculosis: practically a death sentence. After that, he'd step back when you tried to be close to him and wouldn't let you kiss him or be intimate with him. You spent a lot of time crying while he dipped his head in profound shame. 

Weeks later, he woke you up at night, gently shaking you and whispering to not alert anyone else. "C'mon, get dressed and ride with me." He was serious, his jaw set, his voice low but demanding. You didn't know what was wrong, but dread ran through your veins. You rode far away from camp, mostly in silence, your anxiety not letting you say anything. 

"You're gonna live a good life. "he finally said, breaking the silence. Your eyes stung, and you felt a lump in your throat.

"I don't want to hear this right now, Arthur."

He shook his head, frustrated, and spoke through clenched teeth. "Listen to me." His tone made you flinch. He'd never taken on that tone with you, ever. "This whole thing with Dutch, it's over. You gotta run. Gotta get out and make a good life for yourself." 

You wanted to protest; you weren't going to leave him, not now. But then you saw the waiting stagecoach up ahead. Your heart dropped and shattered into a million pieces. You reached around him to pull the horse's reins, coming to a skidding stop. You hopped down and started shaking your head, frantic in your movements and words. 

"No, Arthur. No."

You wiped away the quickly falling tears as you turned, fast walking, almost running back to that godforsaken camp that was Beaver Hollow. Even in his sickness, it only took Arthur a few big steps to reach you, grabbing you by the waist and turning you to face him. And then you cursed at him, pounded your fists against his chest, and wailed into the night. He just pulled you close to him, squeezing you until you didn't fight anymore. He gave you a stack of cash, made you promise to run, and said he'd come find you after it was all over. But both of you knew, deep down, that you were setting eyes on each other for the last time. He kissed your head. You sobbed into his chest, only letting go when the impatient stagecoach driver beckoned you.

"Never could've imagined I'd know somebody as perfect for me as you." All you could choke out was, "I love you," over and over and over again. He slipped a folded letter into your hand and helped you into the coach filled with your things. He stood silently with his hat in his hands while you rode off into the night. You sobbed for as long as your body let you while the coach took you down to Copperhead Landing.

First, Tilly showed up with Jack, and then Sadie came with Abagail. But then John arrived bearing Arthur's hat and satchel with a look in his eyes so terrible that it brought you to a screaming sob. That night, when everybody had finally settled down to sleep, you slipped away, leaving a note of thanks and well wishes. You were alone then, the way you wanted it to be without Arthur.  

Eight years; it had been eight years since everything went to shit. In eight years, you worked your ass off with any odd jobs you could find. Keeping busy was how you cured your broken heart. You'd tried as hard as you could to forget about the life you'd once lived until you read a headline in the newspaper: MICAH BELL KILLED. The memories flooded back to you, and you returned to a place you hadn't visited in a while. You only kept 2 things from that time: a letter from Arthur and the manuscript you'd written with him. Forged in Fire, you called it. After all this time, you couldn't remember who came up with the name, but you remembered why. You two were like tempered metal; the more you walked through hellfire, the stronger you became.  

Then there was Arthur's letter. You'd read it only once before today.

"Things I wanted to say but did not have the courage to say aloud." was scrawled across the top of the page, followed by a list.

"Keep visiting Big Valley.

Keep writing.

Publish the book.

Watch every sunset.

Trust your gut.

Please, be happy."

You heard his voice through every word. He'd underlined the third point: publish the book. In that moment, you decided to take a leap. You wrote to a publisher and sent a copy of the manuscript. And that's all it took. Things went into a tailspin after that, and before you knew it, you were holding a hard copy of the manuscript you and Arthur had worked on together all that time ago.

You'd made an effort, then, to find Abigail and John and Jack. They were held up at a ranch, Beecher's Hope, and were married now. You caught up with the Marstons and apologized for hastily disappearing all those years ago. They were happy for you, and you for them. 

On your departure, John took your hand, "I don't talk about him much these days, but I don't think he loved anybody like he loved you." He paused for a moment and forced his eyes to meet yours. "He's buried out in Ambarino, near Donner Falls. Top of the mountain. I can take you." You declined John's offer but set out east toward Donner Falls the next day. 

You found him around noon and watched wistfully as an eagle flew from its spot on a rock behind the flowery grave. You fell to your knees, no longer able to control the tears flowing down your face. "I did it, my love," you choked through tears. It'd been a long, long time since you let yourself feel this pain—a longing to reach something impossible. You dabbed the tears away from your eyes and sat in the grass, hugging Forged in Fire to your chest. "Thought I'd read it to you," you spoke into the air. You opened the book, cracked the spine, and read "Chapter One: Heaven's Fall, Hell's Rise."

[quitealotofsodapop]

I wonder what would have happened with Wukong never gave MK up, but he was still a cub at the beginning of the series. Like, maybe MK wasn't quite a infant but still young enough to be considered a kid, like 9-12 years range, and Wukong being a good parent decided to enroll him into school under a disguise... except a school field trip results in MK getting hit in the crossfire of the newly freed DBK and a wild Dragon Girl/delivery driver (she convinced her parents it'd be a good idea for her to get to experience life like a normal, nonroyal peasant) who is picking a fight with him for messing with her home

There's one really cute fic I'm reading called "A Little Hero With A Big Destiny" where MK is just a little kid during the series while the others stay the same age. Tang and Pigsy are amazing parents, and most of the villains/threats basically go "thats a baby, I ain't fighting that".

I suppose In the case of Wukong deciding to keep MK though; you'd end up with a situation like the Post Jttw Stone Egged au where Wukong is a happy parent with his hyperactive cub.

In the absence of his mate or any other kids though, Wukong would be more protective of his Little Heaven and rarely lets Xiaotian out of his sight. MK grows up with the Stalwarts and Cousin Nezha acting as a support system. Eventually one day he starts acting up like Wukong once did and demands to go to school! Wukong can only sigh and try to figure out an easy way to ease his Prince into the modern world.

Mr Tang, teaching assistant and Monkey King-fanatic, ends up becoming the teacher/tutor for a little monkey demon nicknamed "MK" who's preparing to enter the school system. MK's parent is the worrying type and makes sure to check in every hour or so. Lessons do get a little side-tracked though, as MK is as obsessed with the Monkey King as Tang is!

So Tang starts bringing MK and his parent (a Mr Qi) to Pigsy's for lunchtime. Pigsy quickly gains new regulars, even if the older monkey demon only enjoys cooled foods. MK and Tang jointly info-dump for hours over the Journey to the West, as long as they remember to do actual school work.

Pigsy has a teenage delivery driver named Mei who MK quickly becomes attached to as an older sister-figure, she's so cool! Though, he wonders why she looks human but smells like a dragon? Wukong taught MK that it isn't polite to ask such things cus it could be a personal thing, so MK doesn't bring it up. MK is still trying to figure out how to beat Mei's high score in Super Monkey Mech.

Then one day when Mr Qi agrees to let MK join Mei on a delivery drive, the two suddenly come speeding home with MK holding a golden staff above his head.

Mr Qi starts screaming when he recognises the staff in MK's hands.

[talaok]

Hot teach

Pairing: Joel Miller x reader

Summary: you force Joel to go ice-skating

Warnings: none I think, just Joel being a touchy menace

A/n: I'm not gonna lie, I wrote this mostly for myself cause I went icekating today and a girl is obsessed and I couldn't help but wonder how it would have been with my man. also i do be a lil bit tipsy so forgive me if this isn't really all that great, i just wanted to write something cute to daydream about when im falling asleep

"oh c'mon babe you're not even trying!" you laughed, watching as he gripped the banister for dear life

"I am, trust me I am, this thing it's just hard" he grunted, almost falling in the process of trying to look at you

"Joel Miller" you stated, moving so you were in front of him "You've done harder things in your life" you said, raising an eyebrow, "now c'mon, take my hands and get away from there"

He sighed, looking down at those deathly ice skates attached to his feet 

"darlin' if I die 'cause of this I'll be real mad"

"you won't die" you chuckled, holding out your hands for him "now c'mon, hold onto me"

And with great difficulty, and very very slowly, he managed to do it, he was finally away from the edge of the skate rink.

"there, see, wasn't that hard"

"I wouldn't say that exactly"

"oh shut up" you rolled your eyes "Now just like I taught you: bend your knees, then lift one foot, and try to gly"

You watched as he just stood there, looking at you uncertainly

"I'll be here the whole time, I won't let go" you promised, trying to calm his nerves

"sweetheart I don't know if I'm cut out for this type of stuff"

You smiled, reducing the distance between you

"You can do it, baby" you murmured, kissing his cheek "Just give it a try, trust me"

And so he did, almost falling, but he did nonetheless.

"there" you grinned "that was good"

"you ain't gotta lie now doll" he shook his head "Those kids over there are doing better than me" he joked, his eyes going to a group of 10-year-olds to your right

You couldn't help but laugh

"I meant for the first try" you explained "You just need a little practice"

That's how the next half hour passed: practicing.

He kept holding onto you as you skated backward to follow his movements while he moved towards you, and with time, he was even able to skate by your side, his hand still in yours and at a speed slower than a turtle's, but still, it was definitely an improvement.

Convincing him to go ice skating with you hadn't been an easy task, but (as always) you had done it. I mean, it was almost Christmas and they had built a big ice skating ring so close to your house, what else were you supposed to do but drag him to it?

"you're basically a professional" You smiled as you took a break, holding on to the edge of the rink

"absolutely" he laughed "I'm sure that kid I almost killed while falling would also agree"

"Oh yes" you giggled "I'm sure he would"

A moment passed, as you let the sound of laughter and Christmas music flow into your ears 

"You're beautiful sweetheart" he murmured, his hand now holding your waist and making you face him

"where's that coming from?" you smiled, raising your hand to fix his hair, just for it to fall to his shoulder

"I've been thinking it all day, I was just a little preoccupied before" 

"is that right?"

"sure is" he smirked, the distance between you now completely gone "You're hot when you teach me stuff, y'know?"

You laughed "Oh yeah?"

"yeah" he breathed, ghosting his lips "I've got the most gorgeous teacher in the world," he said, a moment before kissing you, like really kissing you, like it didn't matter that people and kids were all around you type of kiss.

You whimpered into his mouth as his hands traveled lower to find your ass through your jeans.

"I know what you're doing mister" you purred, leaving a quick kiss on his lips again 

"oh yeah and what's that?" he asked, not giving you time to answer before he was devouring you again, his tongue exploring your mouth ever so heavenly

"I'm sorry to break it to you Miller, but you aren't gerring out of this so easily" you smiled, crushing all his hopes "We've paid for another hour, and I'm not letting it go to waste"

"sugar c'm-"

"don't even try baby" You shook your head, leaving a soft kiss on his reddened nose "you still have a lot of practice to do" you smirked, "but hey at least you've got a hot teach"

[milehighmegs]

On the Subject of AuDHD: An Admission

CW: discussion but not recounting of abuse & bullying

SO. I've spent the last several hours watching various TEDx Talks about ADHD & autism on YouTube. Granted, I've done this in lieu of doing my homework, because, well... ADHD. If you've got it, you get it. Oh I understand PERFECTLY what this means: scrambling to complete my assignments later today or even tomorrow, carrying the weight of guilt, shame, & self-flagellation of not having done what I was "supposed" to do when I had the opportunity... but I've spent my life doing that, so it ain't my first rodeo. Thanks, executive dysfunction.

Most of what I've been watching today has to do with the subject of masking; in short, masking is what ND people do to be seen as "normal," "fitting in," or being deemed "acceptable" by society at large. The biggest problem with masking is that it not only deprives the world of what we ND folks have to offer in terms of differing perspectives, new ideas, & innovative thinking; it deprives US of connecting with a clear & open identity of ourselves, and in the process suppressing those things that make us unique, excited, & truly engaged with ourselves and the world. It also creates an insane amount of self-doubt, with a sizeable helping of imposter syndrome, when we finally realize that dropping the mask is the best thing we can do for ourselves, but have zero clue as to how to go about it.

As a child, I had no mask. For me, this translated into having no filter. Not on my behavior, not on my reactions & responses, and certainly not on my mouth. Around the age of 5, I had developed enough cognitively to recognize- if not understand- that most people were uncomfortable with my lack of filter, and those in positions of authority or just age-based seniority made sure I knew it. My mouth got me into a LOT of trouble, mostly because I would say things that were "disrespectful" (and I don't mean slurs or bullying; I would usually just say things to an adult that would contradict them or prove them wrong and they didn't like it). I have been described throughout my entire life as having an "attitude problem;" read: they didn't like my attitude because it conflicted with their level of entitlement & perceived authority. This has in a lot of ways diminished, probably because I've reached a point where I can claim age-based authority, but much more so because I've learned to bite my tongue just to keep the so-called peace.

Being a highly sensitive person means that I often have issues with emotional regulation, but I learned from age 5 on that I was not allowed to be an emotional person. My parents, and particularly my mother, are extremely uncomfortable with any show of emotion. We are NOT a touchy-feely family. We do not talk about our feelings. We do not show our feelings, not even to each other, and especially not in public. Anger was okay to a point, but happiness? Sadness? Frustration? Not allowed. So you can imagine what this was like for me growing up: an AFAB kid in the 90's with undiagnosed ADHD and autism, who was branded as "gifted" early on, only to burn out in high school when classes were either so easy that they became boring, or so challenging that I would cry over a single algebra problem that I could not, no matter how hard I tried, get right.

As my brain developed further, I may have struggled with social cues from peers (and I still do), but I was keenly aware that me being me was not okay at home. This was where I first learned to mask. If I had a tough day at school (I was bullied for being a little weird, a little too smart, a lot too small, etc.), I didn't tell my parents. I didn't tell my teachers. Why? Because I learned early that adults would blow it off as me being too sensitive and/or too dramatic. That's what happens to sensitive kids. Everything, no matter how real or how awful, becomes a "cry for attention." At that time, I wasn't struggling academically; I was struggling socially, but no one who could have helped was willing to. So I learned to mask at school, too. It took a really awful incident for me to learn that lesson. With teachers & peers alike, I pretended. I faked it. I LIED. About who I was, about how I felt, about how I was doing.

Deprived of connection, of affection, and of basic acceptance, I tried for a few years to fit in with whatever crowd I was running with or who I was trying to impress. Until my junior year of high school when I threw all that onto a proverbial funeral pyre and dove headfirst into the deep end of being the "goth chick." I felt, for the first time in my life, that I was expressing myself in a truly authentic way, but- of course- no one took me seriously, and it was blown off as being a phase (spoiler alert: it wasn't a phase). I was called a poser because my first two years of high school had been me trying on various looks, various personas, various MASKS, trying to find the one that felt the least uncomfortable while also being the most socially acceptable. As a middle-class choir girl with a (on the surface) good home life and decent academic performance, why in the world I'd walk around in fishnets, black rubber bracelets, 3-inch platform knee-high lace-up boots, and dyed-burgundy hair hanging 3 feet straight down from my scalp was beyond everyone's comprehension. I gave no fucks. I was, at least on the outside, being honest with myself, and- to a degree- honest with others about who I really was.

The problem was that I couldn't tell anyone that I was still disconnected, still starved for affection, and still struggling to feel accepted, even by my fellow "freaks." So, I didn't realize it at the time, but I used my "fuck off" appearance to push people away before they had a chance to push me away for being too much. I rejected them before they had a chance to reject me. I put up barriers to acceptance from the get-go by rejecting the supposed ideals of what being a teenager at that time meant, and swung in the complete opposite direction, boldly & brazenly, just to drive home the point. This all changed drastically not long after graduation.

I had joined the military, but lasted only 7 months because I opted out upon becoming pregnant with my daughter. Her father, my first husband, was verbally abusive: he ridiculed the way I dressed (I was still goth), pointed out the weight I'd gained carrying HIS child, insulted my faith (I'm pagan, he was a devout Christian)... he expected that because I'd become his wife & babymama that I would just convert and change who I was because he had a rep to protect. No thank you. That marriage ended. But it left me with severe emotional scars. If the man who had claimed to love me, who had vowed to protect & respect me, could hurt me so deeply, what hope did I have with the rest of the world? The mask parade started all over again.

I spent 20 years after that putting on mask after mask after mask. None felt good. None felt right. Every time the mask got too heavy, too smothering, I'd take it off and lose someone or something else in my life. A friend. A romantic partner. A job. I tried to be a wife & mom two other times after my first disastrous performance. I was thrice divorced before age 36, with two kids by two different fathers, no career, no home of my own, and no future to speak of. In short, by the time I gathered the courage to relocate to a new state in the middle of a pandemic, I had no hope.

The Covid Times™ were awful. But if there was one good thing that came out of them, it was that the amount of time I spent watching Netflix & Prime ultimately led me to find my purpose & passion in life; I'm currently working on a degree to do the job I never knew I wanted. But the other benefit was having all that time to doomscroll social media, where I learned that a few of my old high school friends had recently been diagnosed with an array of ND conditions, mostly autism & ADHD. As kids in the 90's, a lot of the AMAB kids got ADD diagnoses and were pumped full of ritalin, but us AFABs were left in the dust. And NO ONE would have suspected autism in any of us because at that time, autism was a very different thing; there was no spectrum, just a narrow set of criteria that included savantism, being non-verbal, and/or seemingly random bouts of rage or tantrums over seemingly small incidents. Those of us who spoke, tied our shoes, and fed ourselves would never have been placed in the autism category. It was sad, looking back on it now, because it would have made so many things make so much more sense, and could have made our difficult childhood-into-adulthood transitions so much simpler.

But back to the masks. Because I spent so much time alone, stuck in my apartment with only my cat for company, I learned a lot about myself, which came with a lot of negative self-talk for not being myself all these years. Now, all alone in a new state, no way to socialize or connect with new people, and all the people I knew being over a thousand miles away, I felt- at first- that I had a clean slate. But once the world started to open up more, and I started attending college on-campus, I went the opposite direction: I didn't want to be seen. Walking the halls with my head down, using self checkout everywhere I could, keeping conversation with my Lyft passengers to a minimum (or tragically way oversharing; there is no middle ground with me)... Looking back on it now, I know it's because I hadn't fully fleshed out my true identity; I was still clinging to old habits, old ways of thinking, still had a "don't notice me" wardrobe. I was still wearing a mask, but now it was totally blank. I wanted to appear as two-dimensional and as forgettable as possible. It only served to isolate me even further.

Which brings me to today. I've had to move back in with my mom (long story) at the age of nearly 43, and while I'm excited about my first semester at a state-level university, I'm back to being fully online so I'm not connecting with my fellow students. Mom is still emotionally distant, I have no friends here, and I'm as single as it gets, so I'm still starved for affection. And though I've found something of a community online, here on tumblr and in other places, having recently come out as genderfluid, I still feel isolated thanks to imposter syndrome. I finally unmasked that particular part of myself, and I'm proud to have done so, but not having been part of this community for long, I feel like it's going to take extra hard work to feel accepted into it. And I'm still masking in other ways: just this morning, I woke up in a shit mood, and I snapped at my mom a bit before admitting to said shit mood. She said, "Then take your shit mood and go away." So I did. And I've locked myself in the study since, watching YouTube videos on ADHD & autism masking, and writing this.

I doubt it ever occured to her that my shit mood would have gone away if she had just asked me what my shit mood was about, and then listened openly to my worries about school, money, and my fresh fears around my genderfluidity. But I was raised to not just wear the mask; I was raised to BE the mask. To not just put it on, but to BECOME it. I was taught, from a very early age, that I was far too much for the people around me to handle, and that I should just take myself elsewhere, disappear, conceal myself, don't be a burden, leave it alone, forget about it. To be forgotten. To be rejected, and to accept that rejection without question, without pain, without confusion. Bury it. Hide it. Live with it.

So where's the admission here? It's that while I'm scared of all this, I'm even more tired of not being ME. I guess it's in that I'm ready- eager even- to bust way out of my shell, to take off the mask and burn that motherfucker down, but that I'm also terrified to do so, and am totally clueless as to how. I admit that I know taking off the mask is the best thing I can do for myself, but it's become so much a part of my identity that I'm still not entirely sure who I am without it. I'm scared, terrified, that I may use my genderfluidity as just another mask; that I may use my AuDHD as just another mask. Terrified that all these things I know about myself to be true & real & authentic & all that are really just masks in disguise, if that make any sense at all. Just new masks being created in a desperate attempt to be accepted by anyone, anywhere. In other words, is this imposter syndrome? Or am I just an imposter? I don't have any real way to know unless I fully live out what I'm feeling instead of hiding it from others, and ultimately hiding it from myself. Maybe when I get to the end of this paragraph, I'll have a better idea of what to do.

Until then, thank you for reading this far. Have some potatoes.

[saveourpinks]

So I came from tiktok and just HAD to say something about this show in a platform that I use more and without my face. I already Talked to a hulu agent to bring back the show so fingers crossed that works, and I'll say what this show means to me while I listen to the song "Take the Wheel" on loop which I will explain why this song in particular

So, I first saw this show as LGBT rep rec which clearly happened with Cynthia and Lydia which LET ME TELL YOU CRUSHING ME, MERELY PLAYERS, AND ALL IN BROKE ME! But I was always interested because I love Grease. But man when I watched this show I didn't think I would love it as much I did.

I related to main four specifically Cynthia, Nancy, and Jane on various levels that made me really happy. For example for the longest time I was Cynthia, I didn't want to be a "Pink Lady", I wanted to be one of the T-Birds (that now has changed thanks to Cynthia and I'm currently searching for a Pink Ladies jacket). I was too girl to hang out with boys but too boy to hang with girls to the point I didn't have a true until second grade (She's the Nancy and Olivia to my Cynthia and Jane). And Cynthia's story with Lydia made me so happy to see it ended happily AND I HOPE TO SEE MORE

But then there's Nancy. God so much of Nancy reminded me of friends and myself. Nancy's reasoning she wanted someone to love her for her and her weirdness really touched me. I'm obsessed with anime, cartoons, and musicals so I was never quite the person that was easy to like. I'm so glad I found my best friend. There's another part of Nancy I like that was more of a Headcanon so I'll wait to see if that becomes Canon. But I don't know how often listen to "Brutal Honesty"

Now Jane. God, I hate it when I say I like the main character cause it seems so basic usually but with Jane I did feel a connection. So the same best friend was happy to listen to me scream about the songs and i sent "Take the Wheel". And her first comment after was "this is your favorite song ain't it?". The reason? Because she immediately saw me within the lyrics. All my life was labeled as the "Good girl" that should know better than to cause trouble. But the Chorus of "A shameless nerd. An ambitious girl. A Rebel on the honor roll. A teacher's pet looking for good trouble. Italian, Puerto Rican. Let me be the voice of reason". I'm even Puerto Rican.... I'm not Italian tho. But the way she wants both kinda touched me because for the longest time I wanted to uphold this image, but I knew I wanted more with more a rebellious nature. So I'm excited to see how it keeps going for her.

This is long, but this what this show means to me.

[habitual-irony]

Epik High — "Antihero" English lyrics

No more teachers, no more prophets, no more heroes. E-P-I-K. Cope harder, motherfuckers! No more lessons please, take me back to zero. No remorse. No more teachers, no more prophets, no more heroes. I'm on my villain arc...

When I be on the microphone, spam the standing ovation gifs. A Park Gyu Bong instead of a baton, that's more like us. Y’all get lost in the sauce. Fame is sweet and sour. The world's tastes? I match them to me, that’s my superpower. The label OURS—my heart is carved into four letters; As soon as I got up high, I lost the high ground. If you give this world your time, it'll want your wrist. If I open myself up, soon my heart is a target. Fuck it, what’s a hero in a world full of villains, mama? If karma doesn’t do its job, I'mma kill em. Good and Evil have always been easy to swap around. Even if you fall asleep in a throne, you wake up in an electric chair.

I’m the hero you deserve, I’m the hero you need. I'm carrying this crazy world on my back. I’m an anti....(hero!) All the heroes that you serve look like villains to me. They're spinning the globe on their finger. I’m their anti....(hero!)

Yeah, repeat miracles every year, Cutting through time's cruelty. We each do 100 per person, Small-scale but a major corporation. Like taking a walk to the mart across the street, We cross the River Jordan. I'm spreading a mat and enjoying watching Drowning rappers' pleas. No one was really on my side When the world turned on me. Nothing's really changed, But after 20 years they idolize me. This ridiculous situation just makes me laugh. My fans answer in my place with a raised middle finger. I'm someone's hero And someone else's villain. I keep it classy and eat off your plate. This world's like the end of an era, but know your place— If you're not the main character, you're a B-cut anyway.

Dressed like..a sociopath, Dancin’ like a psychopath.

I’m the hero you deserve, I’m the hero you need. I'm carrying this crazy world on my back. I’m an anti....(hero!) All the heroes that you serve look like villains to me. They're spinning the globe on their finger. I’m their anti....(hero!)

(You don't know anything about me, shut up!)

Dudes who get no attention if they don't namedrop me, Wanna take shots? This ain't a bar, asshole. You wanna make gangster money? That why you're acting tough? You ain’t Biggie, you ain’t Pac. Keep your motherfuckin' music out my airpods. I still go around doing hiphop. Raindrops Fallin’ on my head. They want me dead, but I can’t stop. Even if you flip "generation," you get a "major trend."* Legend till I’m a hundred. Look at us dancin’ on your grave tops.

A crisis is a chance, So I push myself from the dirt. I reject the limits set by strangers. The possibilities have no limit. The intersection of life and death— I don't die on a road of flowers. You probably need it, The hand of God that I refused. I'm chasing glory While you're all shooting blanks. My mark is your pride. I'm aiming, hands off the trigger. Hands up, welcome me. Yeah, this is a dictatorship, The inevitable soliloquy for those who stayed silent for 21 years.

Uh, I’m an A-N-T-I. Stay on top, but my heart's here underground. I’m dancin’ on your grave, Dancin’ on your grave. Hold my phone, this is me dancin’ on your grave, hater.

What? I’m an A-N-T-I. Stay on top, but my heart's here underground. I’m dancin’ on your grave, Dancin’ on your grave For all the times all of you were dancin’ on my grave. Break!

[lazyvase]

TMNT 2036

We Ain't Came To Lose

TMNT 2036 is my own personal iteration of TMNT. I chose the year 2036 because the distance between 1987 and 2012 is almost the same as 2012 and 2036.

No piece of TMNT media is complete without the Foot Clan. Seriously, I can't think of one iteration without the Foot Clan. So now we shall go over the heroes in a half shell's greatest foes (and especially foe).

Shredder

Now, you might have noticed that I tended to say Saki more often than Shredder in my first TMNT 2036 post. Well it’s because The Shredder has some big changes in this incarnation. Most importantly, “Shredder” is a mantle/title. Not an individual’s nickname. Whoever wears the helmet (the Kuro Kabuto) is the Shredder and the leader of the Foot Clan. This is inspired by 2003 having multiple Shredders, and 2012’s whole lore for the Kuro Kabuto.

Speaking of which, the lore for the Kuro Kabuto is lifted straight from the 2012 series, verbatim. Koga Takuza is the founder of the Foot Clan in my incarnation as well.

Oroku Miyoko

Over the centuries, many people held the mantle of “Shredder”. Most notably, Oroku Miyoko. Miyoko was wholly devoted to the clan. She had her son, Saki, train harder than anyone, so that the clan could have a future. Miyoko’s health was starting to waver, and her second-in-command, Hattori Tatsu, was not much younger than her. Saki was the only guarantee for the future of the clan.

Worse, the Foot Clan was an already dying clan. Previously, the Foot Clan stayed afloat through mercenary work and security. But it was the early 2000’s (don't quote me on that) in New York. Nobody was really looking to hire ninjas when you had intimidating mercenaries who could look at a potential robber and send them running. Instead, the Foot Clan had to resort to kid’s dojos and movie extra stunt work. Around this time, if you saw a movie where a stunt double had to fight off a bunch of ninjas, the Foot Clan were almost always those ninjas.

This did not stop the Foot Clan from sliding into irrelevance. And thus, Miyoko began to consider disbanding the Foot Clan.

Hattori Tatsu

Tatsu wanted more for the Foot Clan. The Foot Clan did not deserve to live in such pathetic and meager situations. He suggested they turn to organized crime. Miyoko disagreed, and soon the two were battling to the death. Tatsu won, and became the next Shredder.

By the time the series begins, Tatsu is still in charge, and is attempting to turn the Foot Clan into the most powerful criminal organization in New York. I say attempting because the Foot Clan is still kinda pathetic. It’s outclassed by most of the other gangs in the city. Especially compared to “Fishface” and their Purple Dragon goons.

Regardless, Tatsu will do whatever it takes to keep the Foot Clan the best ninja clan in the world. This was easy, for it was the only ninja clan in the world for a long time. Or at least it was until 5 individuals with clear ninja training started causing trouble in New York’s underbelly. He’s not sure who they are, where they’re from, or how they got their training. Nevertheless, Tatsu won’t rest until this potential rival is squashed, and he knows the perfect ninja for the job.

Oroku Saki

Oroku Saki, Miyoko’s son, was one of the Foot Clan's finest warriors. Growing up, he trained hard at her bequest. She and her second-in-command, Hattori Tatsu, often told Saki tales of previous Shredders and their heroism. He grew up thinking that the Foot Clan was the greatest ninja clan in the world (which was technically not wrong). His pride and love of the clan pushed him to become their greatest warrior at a young age, even surpassing his teachers.

Those jealous of his skill often joked that he only won fights because of his “good luck charm”: his pet rat, Splinter. In all fairness, Saki took Splinter everywhere. The two were inseparable. As close as man and rat could be.

Life was good for Saki. Sure, the Foot Clan was not in the most prestigious position, but he had his family, he had respect, and he had the heart of the beautiful Foot Clan archer, Tang Shen.

Of course, things change. His mother died. Splinter disappeared. All Saki had left was the clan and Tang Shen. Things grew complicated when Tatsu turned the Foot Clan’s attention to organized crime, as Tang Shen left with this change. Saki and Shen were able to maintain their relationship, even getting married. Though Shen continued to disapprove and warn Saki of his involvement in the Foot Clan.

Saki didn’t really care about the clan’s new direction. While crime tarnished the Foot Clan’s honor and dignity, it was necessary to maintain the clan. The kid dojos and background stunt work wasn’t going to cut it. Saki did whatever Tatsu asked, all for the Foot Clan.

His skill and loyalty earned his place as Tatsu’s second-in-command AKA “Foot Elite”. Saki would be responsible for leading the many missions done by the Foot Clan: drug smuggling, weapon smuggling, assassinations, and especially grand theft. The job was demanding, as the targets were dangerous, and the ninjas were incompetent. Still, under his leadership, the Foot Clan was a decent threat. Unfortunately, Saki’s skill was not enough to make the Foot the star player in the criminal underworld. That belonged to the Purple Dragons Gang, who were the clan's criminal rival.

[Pictured above: The Foot Elite from the Mirage Comics]

Saki’s life wasn’t all too bad, however. Soon, Tang Shen had their daughter, Karai. Saki once again had a complete family. This too, would not last.

When she was old enough, Saki had Karai become a Foot trainee. Shen did not approve. The two argued over Karai’s involvement for years. When Karai completed her training and was prepared to go on her first mission, Shen put her foot down and left Saki. The two divorced. Saki kept custody of Karai due to the Foot Clan’s interference. Tatsu saw Karai as the future of the clan, and so he helped Saki win the trial.

Unfortunately for Saki, it was all for nothing. Karai now wanted nothing to do with him after the divorce. She avoided him at every opportunity, which included no longer training with Foot Clan. She threw herself into extracurriculars so she could be too busy to participate. Thankfully, Saki respected this. But, he promised Karai that if she was not in any club, sport, or job, then she would have no choice but to go back to the Foot Clan.

At the beginning of the series, Saki is still the Foot Elite. He continues leading the Foot Clan on missions. I can’t really elaborate on what Saki goes through throughout the series without explaining whole plot threads. He goes through a lot of status quo shifts. But rest assured that he’ll get his chance to shine as The Shredder.

I will go over some general character stuff. Saki grows to hate Splinter personally due to jealousy. I mean in all fairness, imagine if you found out your pet rat was living a happier life than you. Splinter is a respected warrior, has a loving family, and is not divorced. Speaking of divorce, Saki is, as they say, “chronically divorced.” He’s on facebook or whatever posting things like: “Ex-wife? More like ex-strife!”

Oroku Karai

For my incarnation, I wanted to tackle Karai being Saki’s own flesh in blood. Most incarnations, that is not the case. 2003 Karai was adopted. 2012 Karai was kidnapped. The IDW comics have Karai be a distant descendant of Saki (close but not close enough). In all the other incarnations (to my knowledge), Karai isn’t even related to Saki. Even in the original Mirage incarnation, which is kinda crazy to think about.

Regardless, I was inspired to do this by the 2012 incarnation. In the season 4 episode “The Super Shredder”, Karai tells Saki that “[he] was never her father.” While this is a great moment and made good sense, it still felt rather easy. All that time and complex history just swept away. What if it wasn’t so simple. What if Karai really had to grapple with who Shredder was. With no amount of genetic distance to help her.

Thus in my incarnation, Karai is Saki’s biological daughter, plain and simple.

Growing up, Karai’s parents argued a lot. Not wanting to be home for them, Karai threw herself into any activity that would keep her from home. And there was only one option readily available to her: The Foot Clan. Karai devoted herself to the clan, unknowingly causing her parent’s arguments to worsen.

Karai’s time in the Foot Clan was nice. She was not only their best recruit (though that wasn’t difficult due to a lack of other recruits), but also one of their finest ninjas. She gained great respect and admiration in the Foot Clan, much like her father. Speaking of which, the Foot Clan allowed her to get close to at least one of her parents. However, the best part of the Foot Clan was that she got to spend time with her best friend, Shinigami. The two met in the Foot Clan, and became attached. The two would goof off all the time during training. Much to the chagrin of Karai’s father. But, despite her father, some of Karai’s happiest moments were spending the day with Shinigami, messing with the arcade machines the Foot brought in to try (and fail) to get kids to join the Foot Clan (1990s movie reference).

And then her parents divorced. The trial took a bit of toll on her. She couldn’t stand to be around her father, so the sanctuary of the Foot Clan was no longer an option. She stopped training, and she stopped seeing Shinigami. She instead threw herself into any and all clubs, sports, and extracurricular activities she could to avoid him. Eventually, she landed on hockey, where she met her new friend: Casey Jones.

At the start of the series, Karai is a generic popular girl, bully character. Once again, she takes great pride in where she excels and does whatever she pleases. She and Casey have a great disdain for April. While I don’t have a solid reason locked in yet I have two ideas. The first is that April exposed how the school was fixing Karai and Casey’s grades as they are the captain and star player of the hockey team, respectively. They could also see April as nosy and gossipy. Maybe both.

Once again, Karai goes through a lot of status quo shifts, so I'll go over her future another time.

Khan

He is there.

Ok. Now for the real character discussion. Khan is originally a 2003 character. He is completely unremarkable in his origin show. Just being generic bad guy second-in-command.

In 2036, he’s the Foot Clan’s weakest soldier. He mainly exists in the story to show how bad and incompetent the Foot Clan is. Despite his nonexistent skill, Khan has excessive pride and ego. This usually is his downfall, as his overconfidence leads to him being horribly injured. This is a reference (at least according to TMNTpedia) to the 2003 series as well (first line in the trivia section). Regardless, he’s kept on due to his undying loyalty, and the fact that the Foot Clan cannot afford to lose members.

He looks like his 2003 counterpart, except his hair is more of a mullet and his outfit is WAY less nice and fancy. He just dresses like a normal Foot ninja.

Keno

Keno has his long awaited return as a member of the Foot Clan. This is a reference to how in his debut he joined the Foot Clan to spy for the turtles. Though for my incarnation he’s truly in it.

He’s not a prominent character. But he serves an important role. The Foot Clan goes through many changes throughout the series, and I need a character who’s on the ground floor of those changes. We need to see how the average Foot ninja deals with these.

Keno is a young recruit of the Foot Clan. He’s more focused on hand-to-hand combat and similar martial arts. He saw the Foot Clan as a way to hone his skills, not knowing the depth of their operations at the time.

Keno and Khan form a sort of duo. As Khan is trying to show Keno the ropes. The problem being that Keno is already a better fighter than him by a mile.

Despite being a member of the Foot, Keno doesn’t hate the turtles. In fact, he has a lot of respect for them and their skill.

[javiscigarette]

DROP EVERYTHING! Teacher's Pet part II is up and i read it (ofc i did, the way i rushed here—) and i am in your walls again to gush about it with you! first of all, thank you for tagging me! also, i think i read that you've been busy so thank you for still writing and finding the time and surprising us with 10k words. whaaat? you're amazing!

as always, here are some of my favourite parts, i can't help but talk about them:

"Ain't nothing to be sorry for. S’your first time. It takes practice. Now, c'mon. Try again. Nice and easy. And if this man tries to-"

But you're not in the mood for another Joel Miller Life Lesson, especially when he’s about to mention the other man who's name you can barely even remember anymore. 

i love the way he can't help himself, he always makes her feel at ease, and comfortable, and reminds her she shouldn't feel pressured and shouldn't feel ashamed about anything. anything. !!! but the way she doesn't even care anymore about the other guy is hilarious to me, this is joel miller's sex class and she is the most diligent student

But that's a problem for another day. 

For the next time.

i was writing down my reactions as i was reading so i didn't know what happens later but this part got me like - you're telling me... you're... there's gonna be a next time? she's already thinking about a next time? this is not a one-off thing? i got so excited about the prospect of that

And maybe, most likely, the words slipped out unintentionally, the heat of the moment forcing out things that he doesn’t really mean. But all the alarms and sirens in your head warning yourself to not fall too deep into this trap that is Joel Miller with his pretty words and sweet praises and soft smiles are all dead silent right now. There’s not a single part of your brain that’s trying to resist him right now. You doubt you could even if you wanted to.

i just love the way you wrote this. (like, i'm obsessed with it, i can't find words to describe it, it is so good, i keep coming back to it to read it again and again and aga—)

"If I'm the only one who gets to have you like this. If I'm the only one who's allowed to touch you. To kiss you," he says, punctuating his last word with a kiss to the center of your chest

uhmmm so gentle and hot and then this part

"Or do you plan on letting him have you too?" He asks, the tip of his tongue swirling around your nipple before closing his lips around the pebbled peak, sucking it into his mouth, his teeth lightly grazing it before he pulls back. "'Cause I'm not too keen on sharin', baby."

i died here, then continued reading as a ghost btw

It's useless, trying to avoid it. Trying to push it down, bury it, ignore it, how you've been feeling and what you want. 

this part! i'm obsessed with the way the words just roll off my tongue when i read it. there's a rhythm in my head and i love the way you wrote this and you should know that, you talented genius you

"You've been trying to sleep with me for a whole year?!"

"I wouldn’t say trying," he says with a casual shrug. "Just waiting. Wanted you to take the lead but you’re a little stubborn, baby."

just waiting. joel miller, a. man. that. you. are.

also, the fact they both admitted they had feelings for each other was something i didn't expect going into this, i thought they were gonna end up bottling it, so now that we have this turn of events, it's everything.

tl;dr: part two is passionate and hot and insane and i don't think we're ever gonna be the same.

the way you write is captivating and compelling and the fact that you can just write 10k words and have it be this !! wow! how does it feel to be this talented? you have it in spades and i'm glad to be your reader bb. and all of this for free?? unbelievable! anyway, this is just my way of saying thank you, and that i enjoyed it, and i hope you're proud of what your brain can do. i'm sorry for the lenghty message, i had to gush!!

btw this was me at jm and his filthy mouth in this part:

sorry I am so late replying to this but THANK YOUUUU BABY THIS IS SO SWEEETTTTTT!!!!!! 🥹🥹😭

I am also amazed that I managed to crank out 10k words but I fr cannot stop myself when it comes to this man and it honestly all just flowed so nicely I think I'm just in love with their dynamic :')) Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to say these lovely words they mean the whole world and more to me 🥰🫶🩷

[seeminglyseph]

I'm like... slowly watching a Chainsaw Man reaction and getting stoned to deal with a liiitttle PTSD episode I had earlier... and realizing that like.

as a person. who is very touch starved and lonely in my own way. while Denji has like "I wanna touch a boob" which is like funny etc etc... if he was not an animated character whose age was easy to forget, because his everyman protagonist placement makes me accidentally age him up to be closer in age to me... anime is bad for me just fuckin' forgetting that people are high school students. I just mentally adjust people to be 'neutral age' instead of their actual age. Especially if they happen to work in an adult industry surrounded by other adults.

I fully like. though. can understand like. 'man... sometimes I'm curious what that kind of sexual interaction is like. I have kinda given up on being seen as sexually appealing... but I kinda crave that intimacy.' and like. a lot of really toxic relationships have been built on that foundation. and exploring it with Denji is really interesting because like. Denji and Makima are.. a relationship dynamic I've seen played out with the Teacher and Student in a lot of series that aren't supernatural adventure shows. "I've given up on being considered attractive but I crave something" and "I know I can manipulate you and can get what I want from you without you realizing it because you have no experience and no confidence" and it's really fascinating. And all of us knew it was bad from the moment it started, but it was like 'yeah but it's like... something. and that's kinda good enough.'

And like. I ain't gonna shame the folks barking, I got my fair share of nasty abusive freaks I would bark at too. My Toxic Fictional Man list is Too Fucking Long. I'm just like. Too Gay for Makima. that's the only reason I'm not right there with you. Also I have like... too many abusive toxic women in my real life, fictional toxic women just don't do it for me. but like genuinely, I get it. I understand. Good for you, I hope you enjoy the good rep for genuinely horrifying Toxic Fictional Mistresses Who Might Walk You On A Leash If You're Good. like I get that want for fictional characters who make you both scared and horny for the subs out there. it's hard to get a good Evil Dominant who isn't just Tsundere or Yandere. The Gaslight Gatekeep Girlboss is immaculate and like, congratulations on your full sexual awakening.

But practice safe kink IRL. to bring it maybe back around I guess. it's important to know like. when you can tolerate and survive being alone better than being with someone toxic, and that like. it's one thing to do a sexy roleplay of that stuff, but like there has to be a place where is stops 'cause it can wear down your self worth. Practice safe boundaries in kink. it's important even it maybe it's kinda boring. But it can mean you can do more exciting stuff. You *can* be someone's dog, if you also know you are important and valuable and a person with the right to say no in situations that you don't like. Live your fucking best life with communication, boundaries and safe kink. idk.

[garebearandnan]

S2 Unseen Bits Week 1: YOGA

I really enjoyed the S4 game yoga scene and a few seasons UK/AU TV show have done a yoga class.

Narrator Iain Stirling (Voice Over): It's a very stressful life being an Islander... sunbathing all day and partying all night. So what better way to relieve some stress than...

TEXT ALERT!

Girls in the dressing room getting ready and the boys are in the bathroom. "Argh! I've got a text!" Marisol cries out as she tries to locate her phone.

"Islanders, It's time to engage your mula bandha and align your chakras as you relax into some couples yoga. #strikeapose #bendoverbackwards"

ALL: Wooo! Yeah! (Cheering)

"Yoga, yoga, yoga!" The girls do some arm poses and laugh.

Priya: You've done this before? Yoga, I mean.

Am I familiar with yoga? "I've been to a few classes."

The girls are shown running out to the kitchen from the bedroom cheering. "Whoo!" "Whoo-hoo!"

"Yoga, Yoga, yoga!" Priya chants

(BH) Beach Hut Grace (MC): "I love yoga. Just makes you feel calm. I like doing all the little positions they do. The downward dog ones. Oh, god that sounds terrible." "(She giggles).

Iain Stirling: A relaxing couples yoga session? Because who doesn't love a bit of downward dog in the morning?

When you step out into the sunlight, there are yoga mats laid out all over the place. Everyone is standing around chatting waiting for couples yoga to start. Grace said, "Oh, I like the mats."

Iain Stirling: Rocco accidentally volunteered to be the teacher. He thought we asked who was into yoghurt, and he stuck his hand up.

Rocco said to the group: "You're in for a good time, let me tell you."

Grace asked, "You're a yogi?"

He replied, "Uh, not exactly. But don't worry, it's all safe and easy stuff. With the added bonus of having some saucy positions, of course. To your places, everyone! Chop chop." Rocco claps his hands a few times. "Alright guys! Are we ready?"

Marisol smiled brightly. "Absolutely!"

Hope chimed in, "I can't wait for us all to work off some tension. I'm sure we could all use it after last night."

With his hands pressed together, palms touching and fingers pointing upwards, thumbs close to the chest, Rocco said with a slight bow, "Namaste!"

They all place hands together at the heart, close their eyes and bow. All: "Namaste!"

Iain Stirling: Rocco asked me if I wanted to take part. I said, "Nah-I'm-a-stay-in if that's alright with you."

"Our first position today is called Triple Hill." Rocco shows the card with a man and a woman doing the position. "Now, this is your position. Face each other on the mat. Slowly bend down facing each other. Now take a few steps backwards to make sure your forehead touches with that of your partner's. Now, stretch your hands and rest it on your partner's back to feel the pull."

ALL: Chattering.

Rocco walks around. "Come on we got to get a little bit closer than that. Bum's further out." Lottie laughs. Bobby smirks. "Release your arms after being in that posture for five to seven breaths."

BH Bobby: Raises hands over head. "All you're doing is stretching and doing these moves, like, what's that all about? They are all weird names anyways."

The next card. "Double downward-facing dog."

ALL: "Aw!" "Whoo!"

"What?" Gary commented, looking surprised. And Bobby shook his head as he said, "I ain't got anything in my locker."

BH Rocco: "Yoga definitely broke the ice. It allowed people to get to know each other and probably the boys to get a little closer to some of the girls."

Everyone follows Rocco's lead. "Bend down and touch your toes. Move your hands and feet in opposite directions to create space. Maintain straight toes and grounded feet. Lift your pelvis into an upside-down "V" shape. After learning this pose, have your partner execute it on top of you with their feet on your lower back. The upper person lifts and presses the bottom person's hips."

Rocco and Grace were stretching, bending, and flexing with such ease.

"Oh, the blood's going to my head," said Priya.

Gary yells out, "Ow!" The Islanders laugh.

BH Lottie: "I dated a guy who was a yoga teacher once. Never stopped going on about it. Feels like he cared about it more than me. We argued once because I wasn't bendy enough to pull off The Heron. I'm never doing that again. I've got a rule now. Now more Yogis."

Hope says, "You know I'm pretty sure I've done this one before?"

Bobby teased. "Bet you have!

Hope rolls her eyes. "Not that. Downward Dog or whatever it's called."

The next card is Lord of the Dance Pose. "Both stand in Mountain Pose facing each other. Place your right arm on your partner's right shoulder. Bend your left knee and bring your left heel back. Reach back and grip your ankle. Press your right thigh back and up together. Push your foot away. Close your chests. Hold 5–10 breaths."

Hope says happily, "Oh, I like this one."

Rocco instructed the group: "Yeah, get bendy. Get bendy."

"Ah!" (LAUGHS) "Ooh!" (LAUGHS)

Noah looked impressed with how well he and Hope were doing. "Look at that."

Rocco said next, "Eye connection."

Hope smiled back, "Oh, yeah."

Rocco complimented Noah and Hope: "Look at that connection."

BH Hope: "I felt a bit like a ballerina that I've never been."

Rocco flipped the card. Stacked Child pose was next. The group starts chattering: "Whoa!" "So who's on the bottom?" "What?"

Lottie looks at her partner and asks, "Can you put your ass down a little bit more, please, Bobby?"

Bobby cries out, "Don't just jump on me." Everyone laughed.

BH Lottie: "Bobby is definitely not flexible."

Rocco gave the group more instructions: "Place your shins on either side of your partner's back while they're in child's pose. Once stable, relax with your head between their shoulder blades."

Marisol tries to get on Gary and fails. "Is that your willy?"

Gary groaned. "Yeah, that hurt"

ALL: "Ooh."

BH Priya: "Doing yoga is definitely a good chance to get closer to Ibrahim. I'm sure we did positions that we never thought of doing." (She giggled).

The next card is Acro Yoga Partner Pose (Front Plank Pose). "One partner lies on their back with their legs and arms straight up. The other will clasp hands and place the person on the ground's feet on the standing person's hips. The upright partner leans forward slowly until the lying partner can balance on their legs."

The Islanders were very vocal: Grunts. Screams. Squeals. Laughs.

Priya complimented her partner, "You're really good." Ibrahim smiled at her as he said, "You're really concentrating."

BH Marisol: "I don't think Gary has ever done yoga before. A yoga class is meant to be quiet and relaxing. Me and Gary were the absolute opposite."

Plank on plank pose card was next. The Islanders were very vocal again: "Get bending." "Oh, yeah." "Oh!"

Marisol looks over at Hope and Noah and states, "That was really good. Oh, my God!"

Lottie says in an exasperated tone, "Of course Noah is good at this. He is balancing Hope perfectly." Lottie turns to Bobby and says, "Why couldn't you be more like Noah."

BH Bobby: "I had a fantastic view in yoga. (LAUGHS) Yeah I was loving yoga."

"Next pose here is called, 'Let's Pray to Keep It Up'. The Partner High Lunge involves lifting your back heel off the ground. Start in a high lunge with your backs to each other and your back feet in line with each other's back knees. Face away from each other. Reach for your partner's hands while maintaining a gentle backbend position and extending the arms upward to the sky."

Hope said, "Oh, my God we are geniuses. We are amazing yoga people. OK."

“This hurts my groyne,” Bobby says with a laugh and sighs.

"Fuck!" Gary's body shifts as he comes dangerously close to losing his sense of balance.

Bobby wobbles while exclaiming, "Why is this so difficult?" Before losing his balance and crashing to the ground.

"I call this one The Egyptian Pyramid." (Partner Double Boat Pose). "Sit facing your partner, knees bent, feet flat on the mat, and toes touching. Grab hands. Lean back and elevate your right foot (partner's left foot) to a 90-degree angle. Join soles. After stabilising, press your second feet together. Your soles will make contact when you hold hands with all four legs above the ground. Boat stance with your partner, belly button engaged."

Hope cried out, "This isn't gonna work. You're too tall."

Priya giggled and asked, "Do you like the view?" and Ibrahim replied, "Oh, yeah."

"My right hamstrings' cramped! Ow!" Lottie moans. "Oh, my God I can't do it, I can't do it!

"I don't usually touch feet with someone so early." says Marisol to her partner, and Gary responds, "It's a weird one, isn't it?" She noda her head in agreement.

BH Priya and Ibrahim: He says, "I think we had a good yoga relationship. I could see us doing couples yoga." Priya's eyes go wide in surprise as looks at the camera, shaking her head sideways.

Rocco instructs them next, "Now spread your legs out, this is the Spread Eagle."

"I'm not so good at this..." Bobby moaned to which Rocco said, "Mate, yoga is universal."

Bobby replied, "No I mean, I literally can't spread my legs that wide. I don't think I'm cut out for this. I'm not much of an eagle. My wings don't spread wide enough. I guess I'm more like a Blue Tit, or something."

Rocco shook his head, "Mate! Don't be so harsh on yourself. You're so much more than just a tit. That didn't come out how I wanted it to. You know what I mean!"

Bobby laughs light-heartedly. "Maybe I want to be a tit?"

The other's burst out laughing. Gary groans and says, "Oh great, I think I pulled a muscle." Rocco just said it sounds to me like you need more regular classes.

Hope smiled. "Don't worry Gary, we'll get you limbered up in no time." Gary rolled his eyes and grumbled, "I can't wait."

"OK, OK. Enough chatter, you lot. We're going to do the wind-down sesh now. This is the most important part." Everyone finds their way back to their own mat. Rocco takes the lead on more chilled, relaxing sequences of moves. It's quiet in the garden, except for the sounds of everyone breathing. The exercise sequences continue in silence for a little while longer, before winding down to a close. "Then we're going into my personal favourite, the Morning Glory. Alright. Now I want you all to hold this position. And while you do, let your troubles and worries blow away. Close your eyes, and try to visualise your happiness."

Priya said happily, "Ooh, this is so nice. My happiness looks like... a blooming lotus flower."

Marisol frowned and said, "All I can see is darkness. I guess that's my type." Hope agreed with her and said, "Yeah, nah, I'm not seeing anything either."

All are sitting on mats, criss-crossed legs. Rocco says, "Namaste!"and bows.

ALL: "Namaste!" and bow.

[whippedcloudsofcream]

This feels sad honestly

The fact that Mono,the MC of Little Nightmares 2, became the villain that has been chasing him the entire game,Thin Man is like saying "You eventually became the monster you killed" or "As a child,you hate the monster,As an adult,you are the monster"

It's interesting the music perfectly captures the scary atmosphere:

It started sounding like a lullaby when Mono is a child,it felt innocent at first,then it slowly became dark,the feelings that's chill your spine,Mono is growing up so he lost the innocence of a child. At the end,it just feels bleak,it feels empty as if this isn't a child who's naive. He became a man, he's not the little boy who's scared of the monster anymore,he is the monster now

I gotta say the song describes how cruel and hard it is growing up as a child,it ain't pretty,it ain't light. It's not a process you can turn back,once you began there's no way back

I'm starting to feel like Little Nightmares is just an exaggerated lense of a child towards the real world,well we are playing as a child ingame. The dystopian environment doesn't help,but it does make sense

Mono was just a normal child having a hard time growing up and after he was left by his dear friend, he became a bitter lonely man

Thin Man may have just been chasing Mono so as to prevent "himself" from making the same mistake: befriending someone who'll leave him anyway, it's like how one wants to change the mistake of the past. It sounds selfish, but it makes sense,we all want to turn back time to fix our mistakes. But Thin Man was unsuccessful showing that once you did it, you can't turn your head back

Or simply he just want to kill his child self bcuz sometimes we feel that we were such a mistake as a child,so we want to erase it and vice versa Mono wanted to kill his adult self bcuz this isn't who he is, this "monster" isn't him so it's not wrong to kill him right?

After all the past is what makes the future,so even if Thin Man dies, Mono still lives. But it's interesting that without Mono, there's no Thin Man. So yeah you can say Thin Man was trying to erase himself in the worst way possible,by putting it all on himself I have a feeling that he blames everything on himself after enduring so much tragedies

It's like one big circle you can't escape,even if you tried to change the past,you cannot change the inevitable which is growing up

I just love how Little Nightmares have a great metaphor to the modern life,everything in the game feels surreal but similar bcuz you can see these things in real life:

-> Modern city, TVs,the villains are adults who have normal jobs like chefs,janitor,teacher,doctor,how modernity has made human so pale, they're so comfortable with the modern world,they became indifferent to others, since the comforts are already enough for them to live, why care of others?

The real world is no dream, it's a realistic nightmare, since the children are likely orphans,we can tell they are trying hard to survive in a cruel lonely world that doesn't treat them kindly I wouldn't be suprised if this is an approach on how actual orphans survive in the real world

That's why it's called Little Nightmares,the nightmares are the little things we see in real life. It may sounds simple but not so simple,cuz well the little things here can be the bare necessities to survive

If we go with all this I said,then it means the children were struggling so hard to even see another day,when they grow up,they just can't stop doing that, surviving while keeping themselves safe even if it costs them a happy emotional life. Which is the reality of some well when life dealt you the worst hand at birth,you probably won't have it easy even when you're adult and you're secure since you never know what'll happen when you let your guard down eventually they became like the "scary adults"

Yeah it's fucking sucks growing up,when puberty hit,we all understand 😭

That probably is the metaphor/meaning behind little nightmares. The song is truly sad, especially the way Mono just looks around and then sits quietly, upset and scared. The way the music still holds that melody, but it becomes heavier and angry, more distorted. Mono gains power as the Thin Man, but loses all of his innocence, perfectly mirroring what Little Nightmares is about. I really hope we see more of him in the future 😭😭

[tsuki-sennin]

To the mountains! For Hero Training, assumedly! And Ageha focus~! This is great news for me but Tsubasa will be in terror.

How many episodes in are we? 11? Hm. Quite the milesttone.

-DON'T GRAB THE BORB HE'S NAPPING

-"Oh fuck you're Ageha!"

-The awkward preteen boy's worst nightmare. An affectionate college student cousin!

-"Shonen." Hey, at least it ain't that other sho word. That'd have been a massive red flag.

-So, Mashiron's surprised to see her... does this mean Ageha let herself in?

-The awkwardest pair!

-Oh my God, she's singing the theme. ...sort of.

-"We obey the speed limit~! And we make sure to use proper turn signals and understand the right of way~!"

-Sora's appropriately in awe of this rolling metal death trap.

-Really Ageha? A fucking Hummer? What do you even need it for? I realize you're training to be a daycare teacher, but like

-Do younguns really need such a big-ass car like this?

-Mount Raso!

-Rasogoro!

-Oh, he looks familiar.

-"Boy" she says. Is she Kratos?

-Ah speaking of whom, I've recently considered watching Stargate SG-1 for Christopher Judge.

-Do it for Ozone Baby.

-Sora-chan really wants to run up that mountain!

-Hey, Mashiro! You gotta take this chance! Your very own Brokeback Mountain remake!

-Carry the baby along~!

-"A true knight is never weighed down by his burdens!"

-Man, you know Tsubasa'd stand in the middle of a blizzard in those shorts and deny being cold.

-Tanuki!

-...Keiwa-kun...

-Tatatatatatatatatatatatatatata! Huwata!

-Athletanu Kiourse~!

-She been knew.

-Holy shit, this course!

-He did it!

-Beautiful yet hidden...

-That was an

-Oddly intense closeup.

-Ooooh, cable car.

-"Move along, boy!"

-Aaaaand he's had enough!

-Impersonating officials! Yet more to add to Kabaton's rapsheet!

-"Hey there, Tsubasa-kun! You remembered to pack some ice right? Mashiro's a little sore winded!"

-"EVERY MUSCLE IN MY BODY HAS FLAMING NEEDLES IN THEM"

-Awwwwww

-Well, he seems to feel a little more enlightened.

-"I MUST REACH THE MOUNTAIN TOP!"

-Intrepid mountaineer, Tsubasa Yuunagi!

-"Rainboooooow~!"

-Ohhhhhh, that's the wing! From Sora's old notebook!

-"You're a speedy son of a bitch, aren'tcha kiddo?"

-"Ranbooooooorg!"

-GIRL B OHJLKHG

-Battle time!

-"Oh wait, hang on, I gotta back up..."

-Smecked

-I'll give Kabaton this, those Ranborgs sure are fast.

-"LET GO, YOU SON OF A BITCH! ...Wait, no, no, no!"

-JANKEN

-GIRL WHAT

-Catch!

-"WOMAN, ARE YOU INSANE!?"

-"You went along with it, didn't you? :3"

-This is a level of embarassment Wing has never felt before in his entire life.

-Oh hello girls. I... almost forgot about you two!

-Double Cable Run~!

-PreCure Double Kick!

-Down he goes~!

-Oh damn, he went and done it.

-"Thanks to the boy~!"

-Well, that is quit the view.

-Rasogoro swag.

-Naptime

-Oh?

-OH FUCK THE BOSS

-This might be your last chance, buddy.

-Cure Yell! ...Hana, baby, did your model always look like that?

-Butterfly, I swear, you need to come in soon or I'm gonna shit

-A house

-DUEL

-The ultimate showdown! The battle that defines generations of martial arts! Cure Sky's Sky Land Divine Fist and Kabaton's... Hmm... Underg Style Sumo? Nah, that seems a bit too easy...

[savage-kult-of-gorthaur]

BECAUSE IT AIN'T EASY HAVING THE WORD "FUCK" IN YOUR BAND NAME -- JUST ASK TAKESHI.

PIC INFO: Spotlight on Takeshi, vocalist of formerly-named/Nagoya-based hardcore punk band CRAZY FUCKED UP DAILY LIFE, c. early '90s. He's rocking a really great AXEGRINDER tee, too. 📸: ?

DIY CONSPIRACY: "Why did CFDL change its acronym from CRAZY FUCKED UP DAILY LIFE to Chaotic Formidable Destructive League? For fun?"

TAKESHI/Vocalist: "No it was not just for fun, we had some reasons to change it if it was pretty trivial. Well, I tell you some reasons, first lots of people called us just “Crazy”, I was told sometimes “You’re Takeshi of Crazy!” and it sounds in Japanese like you’re the Crazy Takeshi, I’m not crazy and I didn’t want to be called crazy, ha!

Second, I’ve lived in England for a year and learned English, my teacher was a very kind woman and I talked to her some about my band and she couldn’t say the word fuck which was used for our name, so I decided to change our name. Third, I couldn’t make up a cool logo with Crazy Fucked up Daily Life, ha! Forth, blah blah. Anyways don’t forget our name is now Chaotic Formidable Destructive League. Oh, it means, we are, of course!"

Source: https://diyconspiracy.net/cfdl-interview.