#Tasha Lem? Naked church? Okay

[sunflowerscottie]

Not to be Catholic on main, but I love a sexy church

[thelittlesttimelord]

The Littlest Timelord: The Fall of the Eleventh Chapter 47

TITLE: The Littlest Timelord: The Fall of the Eleventh Chapter 47 PAIRING: No Pairing RATING: T CHAPTER: 47/? SUMMARY: Elise Smith is now a teenaged Timelord. In addition to losing the Ponds, the fields of Trenzalore are calling. But first they have to figure out exactly who Clara Oswald is.

[A/N - Oh my god. We’ve come to the final episode of this book! I’m both ready and not ready.]

“Every ship I go on, they just shoot at me. Handles, I said, put me on a ship. I didn't say, put me on a Dalek ship. Don't put me on a Dalek ship when I'm holding a broken bit of Dalek!” the Doctor ranted. He hit the Cyberman head with the Dalek arm and it bounced off and hit him in the head. “Ow!”

Elise sat reading a book on the stairs.

“You could help, you know?” he snapped.

Elise ignored him. She’d been feeling sad lately, but she couldn’t put her finger on it.

“You did not indicate a preference,” Handles told the Doctor.

“Use your head.” He picked it up and carried it around the control room. “It's not like you've got a lot of alternatives. They're all here. Daleks, Sontarans, Terileptils, Slitheen. And they're not even fighting, they're just parked. Why?”

“The message was received throughout the universe.”

“Yes, yes, the message, the message. Even I can't translate it. I mean, why is everyone here if they don't understand it?”

“You're here.”

“Well, you know, I'm OCD. What's their excuse? What does this message mean?”

The phone started ringing and the Doctor put Handles back on his stand. “Oh, no. And remind me I've got to patch the telephone back through the console unit. This is getting ridiculous.”

“Thank you!” Elise said, “I don’t know why you moved it in the first place.”

“Attention. Information available,” Handles said.

“Okay?” the Doctor said.

“You must patch the telephone device back through the console unit.”

“No, no. No, no, no, no. No, not now. Remind me later.”

“When?”

“I don't know. Just later. Just pick a time.”

“When?”

“I don't know. Just any old time. When you think I've forgotten.”

“When?”

“Just pick a random number, express that number as a quantity of minutes, and when that time has elapsed, remind me to patch the telephone back through the console unit.”

“Affirmative.”

“How those Cyber-evenings must fly.”

“You know, this would easier if you just let me do it,” Elise told him.

“No, no.”

“But you never let me work on the TARDIS!”

“I do too.”

“You do not!”

The Doctor opened the door and grabbed the telephone. “Hello, the TARDIS. Ding dong. Okay, brilliant. I may be a bit rusty in some areas, but I will glance at a manual.” The Doctor ran a hand through his hair.

He walked over to the console, phone in hand, and picked up Handles. “Oh, that was quick. It's a roller coaster this phone call. Well, I hope you're nicer to the next one. So? Yeah, I did that once and there's no easy way to get rid of an android. Yeah.”

The scanner picked up a new spaceship entering the orbit of the planet.

“Handles, that's a new ship. Okay, we'll take the TARDIS this time. Sorry, missed that last bit. Got to dash.” The Doctor hung up.

Elise was looking at him. “Clara, again?”

“Yes. She wants us to come for Christmas dinner.” He ran out of the TARDIS with Handles and then quickly ran back in.

The phone started ringing again, so he popped out to grab it again. “I'm being shot at by Cybermen! Yeah, why not?”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Clara came running into the TARDIS, soon after they landed. “Doctor, I so need you!”

“Clara!”

“No, stop, stop, don't move. Don't do anything,” Clara told him.

He was naked. Completely naked. “Why? What is it? What's wrong?”

Clara turned around, facing the door. “You're naked.”

“Yes, I am naked. I wondered if you'd notice.”

“Doctor, why are you naked?”

“Because I'm going to church.” In the blink of an eye, he had clothes on again. “Better?”

Clara turned back around. “Oh, that was quick.”

“Hologram clothes, projected directly onto your visual cortex.”

“So you're still naked underneath?”

“Everybody's naked underneath.”

“Ugh, don't say things like that. It's Christmas. Come and meet my family.” Clara noticed that a certain redhead was missing. “Where’s Elise?”

The Doctor scratched the back of his neck. “Um, not coming.”

“What do you mean?”

“Elise...well you know how she is.” How could he explain that the last Christmas dinner they’d had was with Amy and Rory?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Elise was in the control room when they re-entered the TARDIS.

Clara was carrying an uncooked turkey.

“You can't keep using the TARDIS like this,” he told her.

“Like what?”

“Missed birthdays, restaurant bookings. And please, just learn how to use iPlayer.”

They went underneath the console.

“Ooo, vortex cooking?” Clara asked, placing it inside.

“Yep, exposure to the time winds. It'll either come up a treat, or just possibly lay some eggs,” the Doctor said.

“Information available,” Handles told them.

“What's that?” Clara asked.

“Oh, just a bit of a Cyberman. He'll get us to the church on time,” the Doctor explained.

“I have developed a fault,” Handles said.

“The organics are all gone, but there's still a full set of data banks. Found it at the Maldovar market.” The Doctor flipped a switch and they were back where they were before Clara called them.

“Planet identified from analysis of message,” Handles said.

“Right, cool. Go on then. Okay, tell us, what is the planet? Go on,” the Doctor told him.

“Processing official designation. Processing.”

“Okay, in your own time, dear. Don't rush.”

“So why haven't you just gone down there and had a look?” Clara asked.

“It's shielded. Even the TARDIS can't break through it.”

“Gallifrey,” Handles said finally.

“What did you say?”

“Excuse me?” Elise asked.

“Gallifrey,” Handles repeated.

“What are you talking about? Gallifrey? What do you mean?” the Doctor asked.

“Confirmed. Planet designation, Gallifrey.”

The Doctor grabbed Handles and walked him over to the monitor. “You see that? Gallifrey is our home. I know it when I see it. That is not Gallifrey.”

“Doctor, are you okay?” Clara asked.

“It's not Gallifrey. Gallifrey is gone.” He walked over to the door and opened it.

“Unless, unless you saved it. You thought you might have,” Clara said.

“Even if it worked, it’s still in its own pocket universe,” Elise said.

They went back inside.

“It can't be,” the Doctor breathed

. A loud fog horn blast came from outside.

“What's that?” Clara asked.

They looked outside and saw a big square spaceship.

“Papal Mainframe. It's like a great big flying church. The first ship to arrive. They are the ones who shielded the planet. They can get us down there,” the Doctor explained.

A large holographic face appeared and the Doctor bowed.

“A friend of yours?” Clara asked.

“Tasha Lem, the Mother Superious,” the Doctor said.

Tasha crooked her finger at them.

“Oh, she's inviting us aboard.”

“Why?”

“Because I asked her. Swallow this.” He held out a little pile to Clara.

“What is it?”

“Your hologram projector. You can't go to church with your clothes on.” He blew a kiss to Tasha and landed the TARDIS inside the mainframe. He held out a small pile to Elise. “Take it.”

“I’m not going in there with no clothes on.”

“Elise, you have to. It’s disrespectful.”

“I don’t care.”

“Elise Amelia Smith.”

Elise took it from him and swallowed it.

Clara tried hard not to laugh.

Despite being well over 500 years old, she still acted like a spoiled child sometimes.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

They entered the Papel Mainframe.

“I don't feel like I'm wearing anything,” Clara said.

“I know. Relaxing, isn't it?” the Doctor asked.

They walked between two rows of soldiers.

“What is this place?”

“The Church of the Papal Mainframe, security hub of the known universe.”

“A security church?”

“Yep. Keeping you safe in this world and the next.” The Doctor bowed and Clara curtseyed.

Elise did nothing.

“I venerate the exaltation of the Mother Superious,” the Doctor said.

“Welcome to the Church of the Papal Mainframe. Your nudity is appreciated,” the man standing next to Tasha said.

“Hey, babes,” Tasha said.

“Loving the frock,” the Doctor told her.

“Is that a new body? Give us a twirl.”

The Doctor spun around. “Tash, this old thing? Please, I've been rocking it for centuries.”

“Nice though. Tight.”

Elise wanted to gag.

“So, er, hello. Also here,” Clara said.

“Elise, Clara, this is Tasha Lem, the Head of the Church of the Papal Mainframe. Tash, this is my…my associate, Clara Oswald. Miss Clara Oswald,” the Doctor introduced.

“And the girl?” Tasha asked.

Before Elise could open her mouth, the Doctor answered, “My daughter. Elise.”

“Daughter? My, Doctor, you’ve been busy.”

The Doctor blushed.

“Exquisite tattoo, by the way.” Tasha turned to her second in command. “We'll go to my chapel. All honors in place, no sacrifices required.”

“Oh, well that’s good,” Elise quipped.

Tasha smiled. “She has quite the attitude, doesn’t she Doctor? I can see why you keep her around.” Tasha gave Elise a wink before they started off for the chapel.

[thenotoriousscuttlecliff]

Moffat Era Rewatch: The Time of the Doctor

“And now it's time for one last bow, like all your other selves. Eleven's hour is over now. The clock is striking twelve's." 

Warning: Spoilers Sweetie 

Here we go, Matt’s final story, which is unfortunately not that great. there are some truly beautiful moments in here, and the regeneration scene is beyond perfect, but by trying to wrap up three seasons worth of story arcs in one hour it takes on far more than it can handle. 

Why is he dressed like he is going to Hogwarts? 

Never got love for Handles. 

I wonder if I’d have noticed Matt’s wig if I hadn’t known about it in advance. 

Clara’s bowtie cardigan is adorable

“Well, dead and decapitated, but that's Christmas when you're a turkey.”

Clara’s dad has regenerated into a new actor. 

She invented a fake boyfriend, but didn’t give him a fake name? 

“And please, just learn how to use iPlayer.” Product integration.

“Gallifrey is my home.” Gallifrey is where he was born, but it isn’t his home. The TARDIS is his home. 

If you have to be naked in church does that mean everyone here is wearing holo clothes too? 

Tasha Lem feels like the unauthorized Turkish knock off version of River Song. 

Do they really have to be so flirty? At least with River the flirting felt earned. This just... doesn’t.  

The Silence have polo necks now. 

If there’s one thing this story didn’t need it was Weeping Angels. In fact, it didn’t need any of the Doctor’s rogue gallery showing up. It just made the whole thing a very cluttered affair, the very thing the 50th masterfully avoided being. 

It would’ve been better if the Silence were the sole adversaries, maybe have them split into two factions, Tasha on one side and Kovarian on the other. 

Anyone else think that Matt might’ve made a decent Lex Luthor?

“Is that what happened to your eyebrows?” "No, they're just delicate.”

“Bubbly personality masking bossy control freak.”

“How can a town be called Christmas?” "I don't know. How can an island be called Easter?”

Another problem with the condensed storytelling is that none of the residents of Christmas are really fleshed out. We never get to know any of the people that the Doctor spends thousands years defending. They exist solely to deliver exposition and runaway from explosions.

“What's wrong? It's only a crack in the wall” Now that was a shook. 

“Seal of the High Council of Gallifrey. Nicked it off the Master in the Death Zone.” Weren’t you going to return that? 

“Doctor who? Doctor who? Doctor who? Doctor who?”

Companions should realise that when the Doctor sends you back to the TARDIS to get something it means he is going to send you away. 

“Silence will fall! Silence will fall!” 

This middle part is where the story really starts to fall apart. They really should’ve have made this a two-parter. David got a supersized finale, why not Matt? His Doctor certainly needed it more.  

“Oh, Doctor. Fixing toys and fighting monsters.”

RIP Handles 

I’m glad Moffat used this episode to finally do away with that bloody 12 regeneration limit. Never did like it. 

“Well, number ten once regenerated and kept the same face. I had vanity issues at the time.” That line really upset Ten fans despite it being pretty much accurate (”I didn't need to change. I didn't want to. Why would I? Look at me”). 

Those forehead eyestalks still look silly. 

“Not me. The Kovarian Chapter broke away.” I was really surprised that we didn’t see Kovarian at all in this episode. Considering how important she was to this arc it is odd that she just up and vanished after season six.  

“They engineered a psychopath to kill you.” “Totally married her. I'd never have made it here alive without River Song.” *Shipper squalling*

“Clara Oswald, I will never send you away again.” Rule 1. 

No one likes Linda. I don’t think even Dave likes her and he’s married to her.   

“For this was the winter of the Doctor.” That would’ve made a much better title. 

Okay, everything after this point is pretty much perfect.

There is certainly something poetic about the youngest looking Doctor dying of old age. 

I don’t know what hurts more, when she holds his hand to help him pull that cracker or when she rest her head on his knee.

“Listen to me, you lot. Listen! Help him. Help him change the future. Do it. Do something. You've been asking a question, and it's time someone told you you've been getting it wrong. His name, his name is the Doctor. All the name he needs. Everything you need to know about him. And if you love him, and you should, help him. Help him.”

Clara Oswald ordering around Time Lords like a boss.

The clock strikes 12 when he starts regenerating. I’ve never noticed that before.  

“IF YOU WANT MY LIFE, COME AND TAKE IT!!!” 

He stayed to protect Christmas, but didn’t stick around for the clean up. Typical Doctor.  

“It all just disappears, doesn't it? Everything you are, gone in a moment, like breath on a mirror. Any moment now, he's a-coming.” “Who’s coming?” “The Doctor.” I love that this episode doesn’t repeat the crimes of ‘The End of Time’. The Doctor we love may be going, and a new one coming in, but whoever they are they will still be the Doctor and they always will be.   

“Who's Amelia?” He never told her about Amy. 

“We all change, when you think about it. We're all different people all through our lives. And that's okay, that's good, you've got to keep moving, so long as you remember all the people that you used to be. I will not forget one line of this. Not one day. I swear. I will always remember when the Doctor was me.” And we will always remember when the Doctor was you, Matt.    

“Raggedy man. Good night” 

They are both wearing wigs here. I have no doubt that somewhere there is a picture of Matt and Karen goofing around and wearing each other’s wigs. 

The moment he takes off his bowtie and lets it fall slowly to the floor is the one that utterly destroys me. 

Clara, not Amy, is the last face he sees before he goes.  

 And BOOM hello Number Twelve. 

Clara wasn’t the only one left blindsided by the suddenness of that regeneration. 

The first face that face saw and, hopefully, also the last.

Next Time: Deep Breath