#Tahajood

[doubleadoubleu]

[a-spell-a-rebel-yell]

September!!! and 3/3 passed!!!

hiya guys, gals, and pals! wherever you are i hope you're happy, healthy, and loved :D

i'm here for an update and yes, yes, i know this is a very late/mid of the month September update but i purposely held back an update just so i can deliver all the good news in one post! hehehe

so first up, on September 9th i finished ALL of my requirements! yes, the root canal treatment and the fixed partial prosthetics! i remember when me and Vanesha (the best partner ever we all know that, right) greeted goodbye to our patient after inserting his 'new' teeth in, we literally collapsed on the floor of the negative room clinic, still in full third level PPE, just hugging each other in silence T___T so overwhelmed with feels, our hard work and clinical journey since May 2019 finally ended that day in September 2021... all those sweat, blood, tears we exerted to make it all to this very day... our very last patient, very last case, very last negative room clinic schedule, very last requirement. i can't believe we did it. WE DID IT!!!!!

today, September 13th i finally got the result of my Oral Surgery exam: i passed!!! this marks 13/14 departments exams i've passed... i'm so proud of myself, i still remember the old days of me wondering will i ever survive the clinical years aka the jungle of dental med school, but here i am now, so close to finishing everything T____T i can't upload a memento here since my prof announced it verbally, but i remember i was shaking so much when she said i passed with good scores :,) as always super grateful to be able to pass this exam in my first shot, though still sad seeing lots of my friends didn't pass in one go and have to redo it all over again :(

so now i'm left with Prosthodontics exam (the September exam period is somehow pushed back to undefined dates) but i'm readying myself for it already. also for November, if it's truly my time, i'll go for the national dentist competency exam. i'm gonna say this again and again, but it feels surreal to be in this position i am right now. maybe for you my dear readers it's not that relatable, but if you were in my shoes you'd understand haha it's really a battle to be right here. i talked with my mum and dad about me as in me since elementary school until now, looking back at all the decisions we made that lead to this very moment. i used to frown at the way my parents brought me up, but as i grow older and felt the harsh jagged lines of reality, the life lessons they taught became the very foundations of my successes today.

the hardships i went, the perseverance i had... i mean even for the last two requirements it didn't go that smooth haha for my root canal treatment i had to do THREE visits instead of two, because unexpectedly my assistant fainted midway of the treatment!? how in the world is that even happening—her N95 mask was too tight so she had a brief case of hypoxia, lack of oxygen concentration in the brain—but i mean it's such a rare case that no one saw it coming :,) but i learned a lot from that, got to be supervised by a very meticulous yet caring professor on my third visit. for the fixed partial prosthetics, me and Vanesha, at first we were SO hopeless, because our assigned professor didn't even bother to reply to our messages!? T___T but then miracle happened: after numerous Tahajood 'appointments' she somehow replied to my message, i confided in her how we really need to finish our last requirement, and she decided to help us by speeding up the treatment plan into just two visits (normally three to five)! but that's not even the only drama, we somehow mistook a step in the treatment that almost got us starting all over again but thank God we managed to salvage and averted the crisis T___T so here we are now, done with the reqs. Alhamdulillah...

this is quite funny in a way but: i applied to be an associate assistant for my profs in Oral Pathology department and i got accepted HEHEHE i know it's super late because i'm already at my last year but i'm super happy i got to interact with 3rd semester pre-clinical students, supervising their exams and grading their assignments. i also get paid :P that's the major motivation on taking the job tbh hahaha i love my life rn

i got my 3rd vax shot, a booster one, and it’s Moderna! i’m fine 7 hours after the injection but at night i got high fever huhu it went up until 39,2 C i was so worried! then i took a high concentrated paracetamol and it died down after two days :,) though it left me with no appetite, severe headache, and nausea... but i’m fine now! all of you please get vaxxed NOW and keep everyone safe ok ;)

more on the fun stuff: so Cristiano Ronaldo is back as a Manchester United player and last week we won 4-1 to Newcastle!!! what a scene... in tennis, for the US Open 2021 we have a major upset? turmoil? but the champions are the new pals, so proud of Emma Raducanu, she brought it home!!!

ALSO, it's 32 DAYS to coldplay's new album Music of the Spheres out on October 15th!!! today they just announced the collaboration with BTS! i'm so happy this is gonna be super big, everyone's gonna love it! it's gonna be a new hit song i'm sure.

ALSO LAST BUT NOT LEAST: tomorrow is September 14th aka MY DAD'S BDAY!!!!!!!! we're still unsure what to surprise him with but we'll make do on the spot lol the most important thing is i'm super grateful the families get to be together for the special day.

anyways, Rich Brian did most of the Shang-chi soundtracks and all are absolute FIRE so now Run It is my anthem. though of course Earth, Wind and Fire's September is an absolute legendary classic!!! since September brought so much happiness and i can't wait for even more to come. bring it on!!!

[hanadanmin]

COVID-19 Killed my Mom

Never thought this sentence will be written in 2021. But it's true. I have lost someone dearly to a virus that have existed for one and a half year. Something that could've been dodged if only people stayed at home and didn't go anywhere on Eid. But, in the end she's a part of Allah's plan. I'm sure of it. But again, i'm only human. My ego wants her to stay here, in this temporary world.

"I told you to stay at home. You had diabetes ,"

"This is the price of being active as a health activist that wasn't even paying you. Was that worth it? Was that worth it... leaving me and my brother at such a young age? Was that worth it....skipping my & my brother's graduation? Was that worth it... not being able to see your grand children on this earth? Was worth it.... not being able to spend old-days with your husband? Was that worth it... not being able to have our second trip to Korea?"

I already drafted my questions for her, and when my time finally comes, these are what i'm going to ask her.

Sometimes i think of different scenarios which could've saved her from covid. If only this.... if only that...

To calm myself i tell my self that everything is Allah SWT's plan. He wouldn't do this if this is not the best option. He knows my family well.

My mom used to pray not only 5 times a day. She would be on her praying mat for atleast an hour. Dhuha, rawatib, tahajood, she never miss any of these sunnah prayers. Everytime i asked her on why she pray that long, the answer would be :

"i have too many dua, for our family, for me, for you... i don't want to miss any opportunity,"

You see, she was a perfect muslim. And... i was not.

I skipped prayer lots of times, I rarely read quran, and i did some stuff that i know could displeased Allah SWT. I always find myself scrolling on twitter, Instagram, complaining about my life, reading useless things etc, and astagfirullah.... sometimes even when i prayed, i rarely focused on praying. Instead, i kept thinking about what i'm going to do next after praying. I've been such a bad muslim.

I rarely thought about the "After life,"

What will we do after we die?

My mom's passing got me thinking on how fragile this life is. This life is not the final destination. It never is. This world is just temporary. Our wants here : Good house, good cars, good education, good job, everything i have now is temporary. The final destination will demand something different.

"How was your relationship with Allah SWT? How was your Quran reading? Did you give zakat to the poor? Did you pray 5 times a day? Did you fast properly? Did you do what Allah SWT told you to do? Did you stay away from haraam things? How was your social media? Let me see your Tiktok/Instagram accounts, what kind of videos did you post?"

You see, my imaan was bad. Clearly. Because i was focusing too much on the Dunya.

After my mom passed away i tried to repair my relationship with Allah SWT. I asked for forgiveness, i never skipped my salaah, and Alhamdulillah i was able to fast 8 days before eid, and gave charity on Kitabisa (i keep doing it even after Eid ended). Also, I encouraged my father to give boxed lunch to the orphanage (do hope it can erase at least 0,1 % of my sins).

I do rawatib salaah even tho it's not yet perfect (you know it's hard to pray 11 rakaat on dzuhur, right?). I start reading Quran seven days after my mother's passing and alhamdulillah i have reached 12th Juz. I use my mom's tasbeeh for dzikir & her prayer mat for salaah. I also watched Mufti Menk's sermons a lot to increase my imaan and improve my mental health. And you know what? I feel... that Allah SWT answered my mother's dua.

My mother's dua were never really revolve on dunya matters, she often prayed for our family's "after" life. But Allah SWT knows that everyone on my family (except for my mom) focus on this dunya more. Now that my mother has passed away, i realize that no one in this family pray to Allah SWT as much as her. We used to have someone reading quran and did dzikir for hours, and now she's gone.

I feel like.... Allah SWT has given me the chance to fill the empty space that my mom left behind. And...i will not waste it. Beside, i got nothing to loose. Money? Alhamdulillah i inherit her business, and all i have to do now is to preserve what she built from scratch. Job? Well i can look for job here, not on big city, at least i will have more time focusing on my "islamic" studies. Alhamdulillah my mom already left me with financial stability and even archived everything neatly. Insurance, bank deposits, savings (and her passcodes of course) and her "responsibility" to others (such as arisan) are neatly archived. It was so easy for me to manage. My dad even asked me for everything because he didn't know much (sorry dad, mom trusted me more indeed). I thank my mom for trusting me. And for sure i won't waste her trust.

[perfumeofrain]

I am happy right now. I pray for the strength of my heart to keep humble.

🌟 My mom brought me to 'bengkel syaraf' three times and it got me mesmerized how she could guess my problems quite accurate and it brings back memories

🌟 Changing habits on progress by eating clean food such as spinach, tomato and carrot juice with honey, boiled protein (sometimes cheating), read Qoran, Tahajood followed with gaze at the stars (new one! 🙏🏻), and so on

🌟 Taking time on social media lesser than before

🌟 Make a lotre about 'SUNDAY TREATS' and my first time was 'make a Fancy afternoon tea N take a relaxing bath' IT WAS FUN! 😊 Totally agree about a post which share about how this habit makes us feel warm and humbled, with slow living on sunday (BUT! You can also make it faster)

🌟 Got a chance to be a volunteer on a playground where my mom teaching 😍🌺 I love kids! Especially their energy because they are still holy. And I feel better after I had a quick bad mood morning because of a conversation about how we should go for the job even though with the least title we have, I am not 100% contra with that perspective but..I can't relate from my point of view, it can't be generalised because every person face different cases. So yeah! Kids do their job really well 💘

So guys... First of all, I tell this to myself

Keep wondering and wandering around

Keep yourself curious

Keep healthy

And your mental health matters

Because it is the centre of all

Don't worry if you didn't get the job yet in a long time

It takes time

Big job is waiting for you

So get up and run

We can't walk, it is not enough

Because we've been left behind too far

Not from anybody else

But from our own dream

🤟🏻🌾

[rahmaauls]

"People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. Look! Even stars need darkness to be seen. Yeah, without sun." -🌸 good night, have a nice sleep with nice tahajood in the end of night.

[ladytiaraa]

U know its real when u woke up at 2am, took wudhu, prayed and wished him a good night sleep