#TSS The Secret Scientists

[ohmygillygoshoppler]

Let's hear them secret scientist headcannons, Ma. Pretty please 🙏🥺

huehuheuheuhwlhbsjhbclah~ y’all know what it is, mostly rambling I wrote most of this waiting for the dentist lol

Drew (Audrey do not call her that omg Saturday)

Mama’s albino. Isee it with my eyes and just feel it in my bones. She’s pale, her hair is pale, I she even had baby blues in TGIS so, yeah. 

Drew isn’t a huge fan of chocolate, opposites since Mom Monday had a thing for cocoa. Maybe she doesn’t have a thing for sweets in general? Like I can see Drew as more of a FoodSnack person rather than SweetSnack person. She’ll be like, “I want a snack,” And spend like 2 hours prepping the stuff for a food item that will be gone in 20 minutes and somehow, she’ll find a way to convince Doc to “help” with the cleanup after.

She always wanted a big family, But only managed to have Zak. She loves her family regardless, it's just not the way she thought they'd be. I mean, come on; Her and Doc are so romantic all the time, like there’s no way they woulda stopped at just one. If she could have given Zak a sibling, she would have, but it wasn’t in the cards. So, adoption, lmao.

My girl is a mystic through and through but she is not mystically inclined. She could tear out her hair and make a deal with the devil, and still not be able to conjure her own magic at all, but she is so well versed in it, you’d think she was a sorcerer or something. (Maybe she could, oh I dunno, help her magical buddies out with that know-how, huh?)

Doc “Solomon” Saturday

My guy has some serious PTSD and OCD issues that he hasn’t quite sorted out, and I’ll bet he’s scared to go into it given all the times he’s started talking about it, only to immediately shut himself up about it.

Like, seriously, my man needs a therapist.

I’m laughing and wringing my hands together like Argost himself thinking about all the fun times we’re gonna have with mr. Magic Doesn’t Exist now that he’s gotta help his new Angel Daughter find her friends. Sorry Solomon, but you’re gonna have an aneurysm.

Doyle Blackwell  **Professional Uncle

Such a cool dude, he can’t drink alcohol because he’s too cool to get buzzed (he's allergic to alcohol and will turn beet red after one drink help this poor man)

I get a lot of, “I dont deserve an apartment,” vibes from this guy so I say he needs more “Chillin at home with the fam,” And less “Shitty hostels wherever the cheapest.” Also man needs a gf (or bf, ffs nobody want him fr!!11!)

He's bi, and I know cuz he told me lmao

Paul Cheechoo (Uncle Bear!👏🏼 Uncle Bear! 👏🏼Uncle Bear!👏🏼)

Okokokokok, so I am super super projecting here because Cheechoo deadass reminds me of an uncle who is A.) also native af, we’re not Inuit but were fuckin n8v; and B.) also a fuckin geologist lesgoooooo

So guys got a big family, huge actually. Lots of cousins and nieces and nephews and aunties and uncles and such- making it a bit hard and a bit sad keeping the whole Secret Scientist thing away from his family. Especially after the Weird world incident when he became withdrawn from them, fearing Argost might do something horrible to his kin. So, he kept mostly to himself, confiding only in his fellow scientists.

I feel like his sarcasm and friendly demeanor is so sweet and endearing, especially for someone so friggin big, I mean good god- Look at this man. The friendly giant trope always gets me, so what? BUT! That being said, I’d like to think that sometimes my guy forgets how big he is… Like, we’ve seen how this guy gets tossed around like a ragdoll, maybe he also forgets he’s a brick shithouse, given all the times he’s gotten his ass whooped.

Man is Golden Retriever coded, and I wanna eat him alive for it./pos

Arthur Fuckin Beeman

My man! *kills him again and again and again and again an-*

Also, I love how we all saw this man, we all looked at each other, and we all said, “Yeah, he's autistic af.” Like, it's very clear that this man’s brain works… differently from others.

My brother once said, Liaos from Dungeon Meshi if he didn’t want to eat the aliens he just wanted to hang out and honestly…. Werk.

Does this man deserve an arc? Not really, but do I wanna put him in a few fucked up situations? Hang him upside down and shake him till all his tokens fall out? Maybe. Maybe Zak’ll help me, too. Shit…

Miranda Grey (Big Grey)

Ooooooohohohohohohohohoooo~ We hardly got anything with you, Doctor. Which means I can do whatever, and I both hate and love that-

I know you love your sister~ I know you’re sad about her betrayal~~ I know you’re hurting, girly, I know your devastated inside and you can’t do anything about it because so much shit is falling apart around you and now your sister fucked over the only people you can call friends, fuck you Miranda! Eat shit and die! ILY!!

I reeeeeeaaaaly think she’s guilty about what she’s done to the Saturdays, especially Zak, so maybe she might try and say or do something to try and make amends, but how? Thats a good question… I wanna know too, lmao.

Abbey Grey (Little Grey)

Ooooooooooooooooh~~~

I have plans for you, stupid bitch……

Agent Ex husband

The scariest mfer in all existence, most stifled man in all existence, omg. If War were ever made a fucking human, Epsilon would be his fate, and holy fuck- Yeah. Stoic? Check. Bound by a strict code of ethics/honor? Check. Big As Shit? Check. Scary????? Umm, yeah. My mans a Horseman.

Wants to be loved. Wants to rest. Wants to have a cigarette for the first time in years. Wants some coffee with extra cream and sugar. Does he deserve it? No,not really. But he does need it. His soul needs a good kneading, like dough.

However, he is fucked up for the way he raised Francis and how he’s always shutting hom down and telling him how his thoughts don’t matter like, damn, just tell the boy he aint shit why dont you-

I feel like, if I give Francis an arc, Epsilon should have one too. I wanna know more about him- surprise surprise- and what makes him tick. We see in the show that there is some care for Francis, we see as much when he gets so mad at Francis for not quickly following his instructions, but that begs the question; does he actually care, or is he protecting his interests, so to speak? Lots to learn, lots to pick apart.

[dood1e-bug]

Don't care

Explosion + Unstable Formula

[secretsaturdayshitposting]

I feel sorta cheated out knowing they could have made another season to go into more depth about the other characters back stories, ie: Francis, Epsilon, other secret scientists, etc, but they didn’t and like now there’s a giant gap. Like why did they already know epsilon? Why’d he “retire”? Was it recovering from the cloning then taking care of Francis? Why’d they hate him? How did the other SS get into the SS? How did they grow to be a team of people that trusted each other as much as they did? Like ahh. What’s the deal with drew and van rook???? Was that in college? how’d Doyle go from the avalanche to van rook?? Why’s he the guy he is? (Bc obv he was young enough to be more emotionally and rationally stable if he had a supportive family? Did he not? What happened?)

Now all I’ll have is fanfics and I do not want to read TSS fanfics 🥲. ESP how drew and van Rook dated but like I want to know.

[msnihilist]

Yet ANOTHER reason why I adore TSS: love isn't the answer.

The problems that the characters in this show face are physical and very, very real — they cannot be vanquished with the power of love.

Friendship didn't stop the Secret Scientists from turning against Doc and Drew. Doyle loving Abbey didn't stop her from choosing her job over him. Zak's parents loving him unconditionally doesn't stop him from turning to his arch enemy for help.

Love is never enough. Even Van Rook's last words in the finale, which are silly on the surface, are, "You were the only thing I liked almost as much as money." He's saying that Drew's love wasn't enough.

In this show, love never keeps anyone alive, it never keeps them around, it never scares off the monsters lurking in the dark. Love alone isn't enough.

Word of God is dead and all that, sure, but even Jay Stephens said that Zak's powers would have eventually turned him evil. All the love in the world couldn't change that.

The ending was decided from the start. Nothing could have changed fate. The only way to win is to not play.

[thenixkat]

i have a theory that the Secret Scientists convinced the Plumbers that cryptids aren't real. Mostly going off stuff from OS and TSS.

ok so disregarding TGIS b/c I hate it and it just... doesn't work in regards to everything TSS.

But we do know via word of god that Max and the Saturdays worked together on a mission in Bellwood at one point. We also know that in OS the Plumbers were not an intergalactic police force and more an international organization of alien hunters who just... threw fuckers into the Null Void if the caught them (and even if we go with the later UAF retcon of it being an intergalactic police force they still just throw fuckers into the Null Void or prison without like trials and shit)

Max believes that all 'cryptid' stuff is either aliens or hoaxes. He even states that 'Bigfoot was just a guy in a suit' in the Benwolf ep I believe.

the Saturday family primarily both protects humans from hostile cryptids and protect cryptids from humanity by hiding evidence of their existence

I don't believe Max came across as the kinda person who they'd let in on the cryptid secret. I feel its very likely that while working together that one time in Bellwood, they both fixed whatever cryptid issue was happening AND convinced Max that cryptids were either fake or aliens

and its not like the Secret Scientists need the Plumbers for anything, they've got their own alien expert (and likely had more b4 the Weird World Raid killed over 40 of their number)

[thesecretsaturdaysvault]

TSS Anniversary Survey Results!

Hello everybody! Thank you to everyone who participated in this year’s anniversary event, this was fun and exciting to run! Here are the results for the survey

ZAK SATURDAY: Favorite Saturday family member

FISKERTON: Favorite Saturday sibling

PAUL CHEECHOO AND ARTHUR BEEMAN: Tie for favorite Secret Secientist

AGENT EPSILON: Least favorite Secret Scientist

FISKERTON: Favorite cryptid in the show

V.V. ARGOST: Favorite Villain/Antagonist

PIECEMEAL: Least favorite Villain/Antagonist

ZAK SATURDAY: Favorite character overall

ARTHUR BEEMAN: Least favorite character overall (by one vote)

SEASON 1: Prefered season overall

THE UNBLINKING EYE: Favorite episode (by one vote)

CURSE OF THE STOLEN TIGER: Least favorite episode

FANDOM OPINION: Favorite quote

FANDOM OPINION: Favorite meme

DREW/DOC: Favorite ship

FANDOM OPINION: Things to change about TSS

FANDOM OPINION: Fan Theory

There we are! I hope you enjoyed seeing how the fandom feels about TSS.

If you enjoyed this, let me know! I might try something similar later

[triysn]

the only reason I want a celebrity trio crossover is so they can all play alien, cryptid or evo for the rest of time and the inter-organisational admin is a MESS

[obsxdiannn]

Doc and Drew: Please don’t kill our son. We know he’s the reincarnation of an ancient god that could end the world but he’s also just a kid. He’s only 12.

The Secret Scientists: Lol we’re not gonna *kill* him, we’re just gonna permanently cryofreeze his body until we figure out what to do with him!

[droidmom]

oh my god i used to have an alien oc who i shipped with beeman and apparently i'd planned for her to just. vanish. come back and drop her kid off with him that she apparently had. and then vanish again and probably die. but he would've been back with miranda by that point. and so ?? ??? theyre just. raising an alien baby that wasn't even beeman's bc my dumb 12 yr old ass was like "this is a kids show so no sex without marriage :(" and hONESTLY........ i'm tempted to revamp this idea with a nonbinary alien whose species doesnt need sex to reproduce theyre just like hmm. that person's cool. im going to generate a baby using their essence and my own. and then stick that baby with miranda and beeman. and then go die in a war or something.

[labrat8899]

ok y’all it’s time for me to compile all the headcannons for my favorite Canadian rock licker, cause there’s a lot:

He has a older brother! His name is Leo, and he’s an orthopedic surgeon and has training as a trauma surgeon. Has definitely had to patch Paul up a few times (usually not cool for family to treat other members, but it was emergencies). Leo helped out when zak was born, and is the saturdays go to when someone gets really banged up

Loves hockey, favorite team is the Vancouver Canucks. Also played growing up, and was really good (that’s why he survived weird world he was used to getting the shit beat out of him)

He got his doctorate at a young age? Or younger than usual (I envision at about 27-30 years old, most get it at 33 or older)

Joined the secret scientists because he helped the saturdays with some project and they were like, “want to join this secret organization that don’t take rules from no one?” and he was like “yes”

When zak turned 18, Paul took him up to Canada and bought him a beer and told him, “if your tell your parents I did this for you I’ll throw you to the damn wolf thing that almost killed me”

He has a doggo, cause someone needs to keep him company while he works in the frozen tundra. It’s a Siberian husky (can’t think of a name but it’s a girl)

He hates to be called “cheech” or “pauley”. Also nicknamed captain canuck by beeman which he also hates

His parents died right before he joined the secret scientists and he had a really hard time getting over it and grieved for a really hard time. Doc and Drew helped him (and his brother) through, so he considers them his second family (that’s why I think he’s seems so close to them)

Was definitely a grunge guy in the 90s and still listens to it

[cartoonemotion]

Paul from tss for the character thingie

favorite thing about them: HES SO FUNNY i think he might be like. the most normal secret scientist like he has his own team (? i think thats what those people with him in twelve hundred degrees were) who he gets along with really well hes just super casual and easy going just. paul. we love paul everybody love paul. this is a demand

least favorite thing about them: ummm less an inherit character flaw ig but hes super underutilized imo ?? and that lead him to being super like. weirdly passive in s2 with regards to the whole [REDACTED] plot and stakes in a way i dont think makes sense and was kind of lame u_u

favorite line: "fine, on behalf of my country's ecosystem: thanks for killing a lake"

brOTP: him with miranda and beeman but like. as a unit. if hes hanging out with either one of them alone its different (this is because miranda and beeman have a mutualistic symbiosis that kicks in when social situations are involved and paul is the most social guy ever & also because he and miranda like to gang up on beeman to make fun of him). also i think he should have gotten to hang out with doyle more their dynamic would have been so fun

OTP: i know we only saw henry for like 8 minutes but i still think he and paul would make a good couple like again rip to the show writers but like me ? I Get It

nOTP: uhhh None ig ?

random headcanon: this is me picking on all the times he gets completely obliterated in the show but i think he's a bit accident prone. but hey in his field what doesnt kill you makes you stronger yknow. he does intentionally stoke arguments about whether its bad luck vs just random coincidence among the other secret scientists when they try to tease him about it though

unpopular opinion: nobody better be having bad opinions about paul my friend paul

song i associate with them: i cant think of one im so sorry x_x i wonder what his taste in music is tho.. i feel like he likes classics from the 80s/90s

favorite picture of them:

i wish he had appeared moreee anyway i like his smile here :v]

[tacticianlyra]

TSS OCs

Why not. Just some misc. Secret Scientists

Dr. Chelsea Grimes - she/her, based off of the character mentioned in “Paris is Melting” and the other physicist in the organization, though her focus is the multiverse theory. Often gets into arguments with Beeman that can last up to an hour. Her lab is at the edge of a town just south of the Saturday HQ, mostly because she’s a bit more social than the others and isn’t far enough into her research to warrant intense security methods yet.

Mixed French/Hispanic on her mother’s side of the famliy, short and stocky with extremely curly hair that earned her the moniker “Hairicane” from Beeman pretty fast. Needs glasses to see anything past three inches in front of her face.

Dr. Michael Lawhorn - he/him, based off of the character mentioned in “Paris is Melting” and resident genetics expert. He’s a bit antisocial and considers himself the only sane one, especially after the Kur fiasco. His lab is all the way up on a mountainside, partially built into it, and is only accessible via a helipad.

Mixed bag for ethnicity and outright a beanpole. Beeman calls him “Hammond” and he absolutely hates it because he’s never actually cloned anything extinct.

Yet.

Dr. Takuya Amano - they/them, purely OC. Knows much about folktales and such revolving around supernatural creatures that don’t quite fit into the “animal” or “cryptid” criteria, and a tad eccentric in that they speak in a very old-fashioned way. More perceptive individuals are left with a sense that they are hiding something. And, they are. They’re a kitsune in disguise. They live on a little island just south of Kagoshima, Japan.

Ethnicity should hopefully be obvious. the nickname of “foxface” was QUITE on-the-nose, even if that wasn’t known.

[msnihilist]

I love that TSS doesn't do redemption/damnation arcs. When characters switch "sides," they more or less stay exactly the same, they just now have different motivation. Doyle is still very much a mercenary, and Van Rook even more so — he's only helping out our heroes because Doyle is paying him to, haha. Even the Secret Scientists don't change. They care about Doc and Drew as colleagues/friends, it's just that their goals no longer align, putting them on opposing sides.

[more-pokeimagines]

Songfic for the song “Rewrite the stars” from “The Greatest Showman” for either Steven stone or Red eyes? Maybe something where Reader doesn’t think their not good enough for the other or knows that someone with a reputation like theirs cant be with the other? Reader is zenday’s part and the Guy is Zac Efron’s part.

As I told you before, I fell in love with this song, so thank you for this request! It was a bit tricky to write since the story is quite predefined with songs like that but I tried my best! Let me know what you think.

Rewrite the stars - Steven Stone x reader

You know I want you

It's not a secret I try to hide

I know you want me

So don’t keep saying our hands are tied.

Steven Stone wasn’t a man who believed in destiny – even afterhe met you. After being alone most of his life it seemed like a revelation to find someone like you. To him, you were all he could wish for, being caring and kind and one ofthe most beautiful souls he had ever came upon. Right from the start he knew that he wanted you to stay with him, alwaysand forever, but love wasn’t as easy as he had dreamt it would be. When he tried to talk to you about your future, you would always refuse and change the topic as quick as you could – as if you were afraid of being with him. Steven didn’t understand why you were acting like this, why you weren’t able to accept his love, and it kept him awake night after night. This night, it wasn’t different. In the darkness he lay in his bed, staring at the ceiling while he tried to convince himself not to worry too much about your strange relationship. Somehow, he knew that you had feelings for him too, but that made everything even more complicated. Why were you pushing him away? What had happened in your past that you preferred being alone over having someone who loved you in your life?

With a sigh he rolled around, facing the empty bedside next to him. As always, you had left long before it got dark, making up a flimsy excuse why you couldn’t stay, and he felt like an idiot when you rushed out of the house without giving him the chance to say goodbye.

What kind of relationship was that? You heldyourself at a distance, never letting him close enough to understand why you did it. You never wanted to be in public together with him. Sometimes, he suspected that you didn’t want to be with him at all and tried to scare him away by behaving like that. And as much as he wished you would stop it, he was afraid of losing you.

You claim it’s not in the cards

But fate is pulling you miles away

and out of reach from me

But you’re here in my heart

So who can stop me if I decide

That you’re my destiny?

One day, you finally told him what bothered you. You were afraid of damaging his reputation as a famous scientist and geologist becauseyou were just an ordinary person with a not so pretty past. While you told him everything, he stared at you with wide eyes, trying to understand what you were saying, trying to understand why you thought you weren’t good enough for him. Your eyes were full of tears when you finally stopped talking but Steven couldn’t bring himself to reach out for you. He was too afraid to make everything worse, so he just sat there and looked at you as minute after minute passed. The two of you remained silent while you were dwelling on your own thoughts.

“I don’t understand,” Steven said eventually. “Why do you think you can decide who is good enough for me? It’s something I decide, not you, and I think I made it pretty clear that I want you in my life.”

“Didn’t you listen to me?” you asked with an angry tone though you wanted to sound calm and composed. You didn’t want him to notice how much the situation stirred you up. “I can’t be with you.”

“Why not? I don’t care where you come from, what you did in the past or who your parents are. I care about you. Stop pushing me away.”

You think it’s easy

You think I don’t want to run to you

But there are mountains

And there are doors that we can’t walk through.

I know you’re wondering why

Because we’re able to be

Just you and me

Within these walls

But when we go outside

You’re gonna wake up and see that it was hopeless after all.

“Look,” you said, trying to stop your voice from shaking. “It’s not like I don’t want to be with you. But I can’t, okay? I’d rather leave you now than waiting for you to dump be because someday you’ll realize I’m not what you want. What you need.”

Steven rolled his eyes and leaned forward to grab your shoulders. “How do you know? You never let me close enough to prove my feelings to you, so tell me, how do you know that I’m going to leave you anytimesoon? That’s bullshit, (Y/N), and you know that.”

“And what if fate doesn’t want us to be together?”

He rolled his eyes once more. “You know I don’t believe in things like that. Fate… tss. We write our own stories! Nothing in this world is predestined.”

“No one can rewrite the stars,” you disagreed as you tore away from him. He didn’t understand anything. It wasn’t as easy as hebelieved; life wasn’t like this. There were always complications, obstacles you couldn’t overcome, mountains you couldn’t climb. And in this case, it was inevitable that being with you would be the end of his career. No one wanted to see someone like him with someone like you; no, they wanted a perfect couple with a perfect past and a perfect life, and you weren’t able to offer one or another because you weren’tperfect. You weren’t born to live in a world like Steven’s, not with a past like yours. Your mother had left you on the steps of an orphanage when you were only a few weeks old and you never came to know your father. You were alone, always trying to fit in, doing occasional jobs to keep your head above water. It wasn’t what you wanted your life to be, and when you met Steven you felt like everything could change for the better now. But that was before you knew who he was. Before you knew how famous he was. And then you understood that you couldn’t stay with him.

No one can rewrite the stars

How can you say you’ll be mine

Everything keeps us apart

And I'm not the one you were meant to find

It’s not up to you

It’s not up to me

When everyone tells us what we can be

How can we rewrite the stars?

Say that the world can be ours

Tonight.

“I’m not good enough for you,” you repeated slowly. It hurt you to push him away again but what else could you do? He didn’t need someone like you. There was nothing you could give him, and someday, he would notice it, too. “And I’m not the one you were meant to find. Steven, you need someone who can keep up with you, and I can’t. I’m not made to live in a world like yours.”

“Excuse me but I think I can judge that a little bit better than you,” Steven interrupted you and furrowed his brows. “And believe me when I say that there are people who come from a rich home and are not half as interesting as you. They are boring, and I hate it. But you… you’re so much more than you know, so please stop selling yourself short, (Y/N).”

“But I-”

Steven cut you short again: “No, I don’t want to hear it again! I know that you think you aren’t good enough for me but that isn’t true, and I’m tired of telling you again and again when you don’t believe me after all. Why can’t you just accept that I love you? That I want you to be with me.”

“Because it feels impossible that someone like you could love someone like me,” you whispered, tears welling up in your eyes again. No one had ever loved you. Not your mother, not your father, not the foster family you grew up in. They all thought of you as a burden, as a person not worthy of their love. And bit by bit, you started to believe it yourself.

“I told you many, many times that I don’t care about what happened in your past,” Steven replied quietly as he took your hands in his. You bit your bottom lip. “But I care. Because it has made me who I am today.”

“Yes, and you are fine,(Y/N). You are a wonderful person and you deserve love, you deserve me, no matter what you try to tell yourself,” his voice was soft. "So, please, let me be by your side.”

How do we rewrite the stars?

Say you were made to be mine?

Nothing can keep us apart

Cause you are the one I was meant to find

it’s up to you

And it’s up to me

No one can say what we get to be

Why don’t we rewrite the stars?

Changing the world to be ours.

As the tears started to stream down your face, Steven threw all of his cautions to the winds. With one smooth movement, he leaned forward, wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close to his chest, burying his face in your hair. “I never told you,” he whispered into your ear as he held you. “But when I saw you for the first time, I knew you were meant to be mine.”

“That’s so cheesy,” you said, your voice muffled by the fabric of his dark grey shirt. He laughed. “Almost as cheesy as your ‘We can’t rewrite the stars’ a few minutes ago.”

You sniffled and wiped your eyes. “Do you really think we can be together?”

“Yes,” Steven replied, a glimmer of hope in his eyes and a faint smile onhis lips. “And there is nothing about you that would make me change my mind.”

[ploncc]

You ever notice how pirates, spies, and superheroes all have that sense of sameness about them?

okay yeah smartalek, they get produced in a lot of the same ways, blah blah blah, look at the way media is made, aren't you so clever. Sit down and shut up (to be read in a voice like the Skipper).

So I've been trying to figure this out for a hot second and I think it comes down to trust.

Pirate shit tends to have casts (ba dum tss) that are inherently distrustful of one another (you're out at sea for months on end with people you've never met before and whose backgrounds you know nothing about. any one of them could turn on you, and unlike on land, there's no constables lounging about that you can plead to help you when/if they do), and also a lot of characters that aren't trustworthy. People that would turn for some extra money, people that are running from the law or their pasts that will choose themselves over you ever single time, people that will gladly steal, or kill, or lie, or mutiny for their gain or the gain of their fellows.

Hell, think about why a lot of pirates are even running in the first place, why they become pirates, and a lot of times, that shit comes down to trust! You don't trust your corrupted ass monarchs or nobles, you don't trust your employers, you don't trust the normative culture's treatment of people like you.

Then there's spies.

Hooo boy there's spies. Y'all played spies as kids, right? The entire identity of spies revolves around a lack of trust between governments and their backhanded ways to remedy things, to give themselves as much information as possible, as much control of another entity, so they no longer have to trust anyone else. Oh, yeah, that's also how the spies work too, isn't it? Funny how the macro and the micro mirror one another there. Eavesdropping, secrets, codework, aliases and identities, message drops, all these delicate little games spies play with one another to further their own missions. Trust is an inherent topic when it comes to spies.

And then there's superheroes. Okay, so superheroes are pretty much exactly like spies in some cases, but in a lot of cases, they're...well, they're not. Superheroes are people that the public can/can't trust because they have powers and are choosing to wield them in a certain way. Superheroes may have secret identities. If they don't, or even if they do, then they probably have at least a couple aliases. Which of the other superheroes can you trust to have your back in the midst of an alien invasion? Hell, can you trust these aliens to not invade, that scientist to not go off the deep end, this friend to not sell you out?

Like it all comes down to trust!

Which I think is why stories centered on relationships, be it romantic or platonic or familial or who fucking knows what, are so moving in these particular habitats! Because goddamn, maybe this is the abuse survivor in me, but isn't that what so much of a relationship is about? Trust? And isn't so much more delicious to read about people trying to balance that trust when it can be as loud and explicit and every-fucking-where as it is with pirates, spies, and superheroes?

[cihojuda]

TSS Project part 7: The Tea is Hot

Warning as usual, long post. I think this is the longest single thing I’ve written for a non-academic purpose since my middle school fanfiction days lmao

Section 1: Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby

oo look a section header

What do I mean by titling this section Let’s Talk About Sex? Well, technically, I mean Let’s Talk About Disproportionate Representation of Gender and Stereotyping, but there wasn’t a catchy song lyric to go along with that. I am an anthropology major but I’m also a sucker for pizzazz.

I’ve noted in the past that there’s a ginormous gender imbalance in TSS- and pretty much all kids’ tv in general except things that are explicitly marketed towards 6-year-old girls. Don’t believe me? Google it. Shows that are “for everyone” or “for boys” only have a female:male ratio of 1:3 or 2:5 if we’re really lucky. And those female characters are usually ascribed one of a few personalities, which you’re no doubt familiar with if you, I don’t know, have eyes and ears.

Granted, this show and the other example I was thinking of, My Little Pony, are shows that play into the characters’ main traits by linking them to their ~Special Powers~ but that still doesn’t change the fact that they are VERY stereotypical Girls. Especially Rarity, Fluttershy, Flora and Stella. Like, goddamn.

Here’s a disclaimer, though: stereotypes exist for a reason. Whether that reason is prejudice or observation changes the nature of the stereotype, but it doesn’t change the fact that that’s the reason why it’s there. Playing somewhat into stereotypes is a good way to play to the things that people know, which in turn draws them in. The problem is making up your entire cast with reductive character tropes à la 1970s Super Friends cartoons, and you do NOT want to go full Super Friends.

Their names are literally just Apache Chief and Samurai. That is, like, uncomfortably racist to a 2018 (or 2000 anything) audience. But shit like that isn’t just limited to the 1970s. Reductive- sexist or racist, usually- stereotypes are permeated into American society so thoroughly that we usually don’t realize that there needs to be more nuance to the characters we’re showing our kids than “this guy is Native American. That’s who he is.” Because that’s what happens with most stereotypes. “This girl is the music girl. That’s what she does. She sings in the shower and has music tattoos and all her fairy powers are music based and...” It’s just So Much.

I had another point. Right.

~Girly~ shows have a main cast made up of entirely of female characters; with supporting males entering every so often just to be “there.” Romantic interests tailored specifically to the protagonists’ wildest dreams, usually. This does happen in ~~boys’ tv~~ too, but not in the same way. You know. The swoon-y, heartfelt love poem, I-can-change-him way. It’s different than how female characters are “just there” in boys’ tv, because then they’re either nagging mothers or coveted prom dates. I was going to say I don’t know why that is, but I do know. It’s the patriarchy. What I don’t know is why the “just there” thing happens in girls’ tv. What I do know is that I could write my goddamn thesis on why the “just there” thing happens in boys’ tv- and it is a thing- and why I hate it, but I don’t think you can swear in an undergrad thesis and I’m not sure if I’m ever getting a master’s degree. yaaaaay

So here’s a TL;DR for what’s coming:

http://secretsaturdays.wikia.com/wiki/Category:Characters

If you’d like to fact-check me about the gender imbalance in TSS, the link for the character section of the wiki is above. I only counted characters who were on the show (TGIS? new fone who dis) and important enough to be included in the wiki, not the ones who only made an appearance in the comics. (Don’t fucking @ me for not including people like “security guard who refused van Rook’s American money,” although most of those people were men too.) Otherwise the ratio would have been even more skewed blue because there were literally no new ladies introduced in the comics? At least none important enough to be included in the wiki? And there were literally only four recurring female characters in the entire series at all period, sixteen females total if you count the single-use randos (not mentioning whether those characters said lines which advanced the plot or anything either, because some did and some didn’t). SIXTEEN. Let me break them down for you:

Drew: second-tier protagonist

Miranda Grey: second-tier main character (both pro- and antagonist)

Abbey Grey: love interest/second-tier antagonist

“Charles and Lily’s Mom”: single-use background rando from s1e9

Lily: single-use plot device character from s1e9

Dr. Pachacutec: single-use plot device character from s1e11

Drew Monday: third-tier antagonist

Rani Nagi: third-tier antagonist

Ruby: single-use rando from s1e21

Sita: fourth-tier antagonist from s1e16

Tica: single-use plot device character from s2e3

Unnamed Agent #1: single-use background rando from s1e23

Wadi: third-tier protagonist

Zon: could be replaced with a potato and nobody would care

Anti-matter Zon: could be replaced with an anti-matter potato and nobody would care

Drew and Doyle’s mom: single-use plot device character from s1e7

Does that look like a lot of characters? Well, sure it does, when you write out descriptions like that for all of them. Let’s do all the guys, though, just for shits and giggles.

Zak: main progtaonist and story focus

Doc: second-tier protagonist

Doyle: second-tier protagonist

Fiskerton: second-tier protagonist

Komodo: second-tier protagonist

Argost: main antagonist

Munya: secondary main antagonist/Argost’s second and third pair of arms

Ulraj: third-tier protagonist

Dr. Beeman: second-tier main character

Dr. Cheechoo: second-tier main character

Dr. Cheeveyo: third-tier main character

Dr. Bara: single-use plot device character from s1e25

Odele: fourth-tier protagonist (whose side was he on in the Secret Scientist fight?) in two episodes

Epsilon: second- to third-tier antagonist

Francis: third-tier antagonist

Having fun yet?

Joseph: fourth-tier antagonist from s1e16

Ron Bantington: single-use plot device character from s2e1

Pierre Groshomme: single-use plot device character from s2e6

Professor Misuki: fourth-tier main character

Shoji Fuzen: fourth-tier antagonist in two episodes

Eterno: fourth-tier antagonist from s1e11

Maboul: fourth-tier protagonist (barely)

Baron Finster: fourth-tier antagonist

Basil Lancaster: single-use plot device character from s1e15

Bud Harger: single-use plot device character from s1e21

Charles: single-use plot device character from s1e9

Dr. Lee: single-use plot device character from s1e15

Cody: single-use rando from s1e21

Gokul: single-use plot device character from s2e5

Ian: single-use background rando from s1e9

Since Tumblr doesn’t allow numbering to continue after linebreaks, we’re up to 30 now.

The Constable: single-use plot device character from s1e9

Leonidas van Rook: third-tier main character

Piecemeal: fourth-tier antagonist and source of much wasted potential

Zak Monday: third-tier antagonist

Doc Monday: fourth-tier antagonist

Komodo Monday: third-tier antagonist

Fiskerton Monday: fourth-tier antagonist

Unnamed Agent #2: single-use background rando from s1e23

Unnamed Agent #3: single-use background rando from s1e23

Wyatt: single-use rando from s1e21

Drew and Doyle’s dad: single-use plot device character from s1e7

Ulraj’s dad: single-use plot device character from s1e6

FORTY-TWO 👏 GODDAMN 👏 MEN👏 AND 👏 SIXTEEN 👏 WOMEN. Y’all. Oh my god.

Going further, I want to look at stereotyping. Now, you can get some of that by looking at the other parts of this post series (torpedo tits discussion in the character design post whaaaaaat) but I want to go deeper.

Of the sixteen TSS women:

5 are love interests of male characters (Drew is Doc’s wife and she also dated van Rook, Drew Monday is Doc Monday’s wife, Abbey dated Doyle, Wadi is Zak’s crush) + everybody ships Miranda Grey with Beeman in some capacity

4 characters are explicitly known to be mothers, and in two cases it’s central to their identity insofar as that it’s how we refer to them  (Drew, Drew Monday, Drew and Doyle’s mom and Charles and Lily’s mom)

4 have no speaking or communication with humans other than through Zak’s cryptid powers (Unnamed Agent #1, Drew and Doyle’s mom, Zon and her antimatter counterpart)

3 of them aren’t human or humanoid (Rani Nagi, Zon and her antimatter counterpart)

3 have no names (Unnamed Agent #1, Drew and Doyle’s mom and Charles and Lily’s mom)

8 of them only appear in one episode apiece (Sita, Tica, Lily, Charles and Lily’s mom, Drew and Doyle’s mom, Unnamed Agent #1, Ruby, Dr. Pachacutec) + the reappearance of Zon’s antimatter counterpart is very short and doesn’t add much to the episode it’s in.

Only 1 of them is depicted as being “older,” or in the “gray hair and wrinkles” stage (Dr. Pachacutec)

I know what you’re going to say. “But Lilly, if you divide them all into categories, of course it’s going to sound bad!” Well...

Only 5 of the men are without names, which makes there be a higher percentage of unnamed women than men (18.75% of women to 12.5% of men)

The main pro- and antagonists are both male (Zak and Argost)

6 men are explicitly known to be fathers (or raising a child), but in only 2 cases it’s central to their identity insofar as that it’s how we refer to them (Doc, Doc Monday, Maboul, Epsilon, Drew and Doyle’s dad, Ulraj’s father). Although, in the case of Ulraj’s father, he’s often referred to as the King of Kumari Kandam as well, so that adds another layer. There’s no concrete way to refer to the female characters without names because “Blackwell” is only suspected to be Drew’s maiden name (Jay Stephens can @ me about that) and Charles and Lily’s mom can be referred to as something like “Owlman victim” but not really much else.

10 male characters are non-humans (Argost, Munya, Fisk, Komodo, Fiskerton Monday, Komodo Monday, Eterno, Professor Misuki, Ulraj and Ulraj’s father) but of those non-humans nearly all of them can speak or communicate with humans (Fisk, Fiskerton Monday, Komodo and Munya don’t speak) as opposed to the three non-human female characters (Rani Nagi, Zon and her antimatter counterpart) two of whom can’t do either unless you have cryptid powers (Zon and her antimatter counterpart)

Only 2 of the men have no speaking or otherwise communicating during their appearances (Drew and Doyle’s dad and Ulraj’s father) out of the whole 42 of them, even the plot device characters say something except for two who only appear in flashbacks. That’s opposed to 4 of the 16 women who don’t speak or otherwise communicate and 2 of the female characters can’t communicate at all (see above). Those two percentages are hugely different. (4.76% of men vs. a full 25% of women)

At least 6 of the male characters are in the “gray hair and/or wrinkles” stage. (Dr. Lee, Professor Misuki’s human body, van Rook, Baron Finster, Basil Lancaster, Ian) Now, 6 out of 42 is NOT a high number (see above). But it’s a lot higher than the number of women who were allowed to look that way. Thank God they treated Pachacutec with some dignity, even though she only appeared in one episode.

How’s that for “bad if you put it that way?”

Now, listen. I’m not calling TSS a bad show. I fucking lived and breathed this shit for YEARS as a kid, and I’m still very impressed with it- on other levels than gender equality. The thing about it is that it was most likely intended for boys, the idea was conceived by a man, and it was produced in 2008 American society. The whole thing is covered in latent sexism like a minivan is covered in snot. Just because you don’t see the nasty doesn’t mean it’s not there.

I still like the show for reasons that tie into my earlier point about stereotyping: TSS breaks a bunch of them.

A highly educated, rich black man

A happy interracial relationship

Parents who are just the right level of involved with their child instead of being helicopters or ignorant assholes

Not drawing negative attention to the hijabi character at all

The women aren’t nags

No one is reduced to labels like “woman” or “Native American guy”

That’s the thing that we miss sometimes: you can love something while still realizing its faults, and TSS has faults along with its goodness. Namely the gender imbalance, but you can read my other problems with the series in my other posts tagged #tss project.