#TRAGIC TIMES. i love interactive houses though. just not building them. no idea how to make scripts and stuff tho...sigh...

[yakumtsaki]

I’m gonna be real with you guys, this college run might be the thing that finally does me in. God knows we’ve had college affairs before, but at least there was some build-up to them, whereas now it’s the second day and we have Wilfred waiting for Eliza to be done cheating on Reginald outside of Sophito’s room..

..only for Sophito to come out too..

..AND CREATE AN INFINITE CHEATING ON REGINALD LOOP. GOOD LORD @ EVERYONE INVOLVED

It’s SO EARLY IN THIS RUN that it’s really hard to psychologize the sims in this love rectangle (other than Sophito who is well-established as loving to cuck his relatives) but what I’m getting is Eliza definitely still considers Reginald her #1 because she does reject interactions that would cause her to be caught cheating-

-and that Sophito’s GOT IT BAD. So what happened here is Eliza was fooling around with Wilfred, Sophito came over, Eliza started fooling around with HIM, rejected Wilfred, and then SOPHITO FELL ONE-SIDEDLY IN LOVE WITH HER. Sophito bro, truly, I only have a single question for you:

Seriously, what is the point of having that HORRIBLE LTW if you’re gonna be having some tragic, doomed affair the entire time??? How many storylines am I expected to juggle???  

-Worry not, for unlike Sophito I am a simple man! 

-I’ll just channel my broken heart into violence towards Claire, whom I also have a crush on! 

Ya I’m not touching that shit between you two freaks with a 10-foot pole, just keep beating each other up.

So Eliza went upstairs, banged Sophito again- 

-and then immediately rolled the want to go on a date with Reginald. BRO. Eliza seriously, do you mind explaining to us what the fuck it is you’re doing?

-Certainly!

Ok good.

-Reginald and I are a perfect future power couple. We’re so meant to be together we even look like siblings.

True and gross.

-Sophito is a dirtbag himbo with no ambition, content to waste his mental gifts on being a hoe. 

Right, sure, brutal summary of Sophito, go on. 

-Well it’s only logical that one wifes the former and bangs the latter. 

Ok ya, but that’s my question, why can’t you just bang Reginald, why do you HAVE to endanger your future sociopathic marriage by banging Sophito too?

-Sophito cute❤️

THAT’S IT??? That’s your entire reasoning? I thought there was something deeper going on here.

-There’s not. 

Ok then, great? I guess? God I don’t even know anymore, moving on.

Thankfully I can always count on JuJu to cheer me up! They’re having a great time..

..Julian is super into Gunther’s Fist Woohoo Dormie aka Stacy..

..and June’s little sisters keep calling to talk to her, AWWW. Thank you, Daniel, for giving me some wholesome members of this family.

I decided to expedite our moving into the Greek House so I can have an easier time keeping an eye on everyone. You might remember we normally stay our entire freshman year in the dorms, and this time we didn’t even make it a full semester, iconic. We invite over our placeholder llama member to pledge, and I decided to start on hard mode aka Sugar.

-You HAVE to let me in, it’s an emergency! I get no screen time in the dorms because I’m not having a torrid affair! Not for lack of trying, mind you!

-YAWN. Sorry kid, but being a placeholder Greek House member is the gig of a lifetime, I can’t just let anyone in just because their last name is Union🦙

-But it’s the Union Greek House!

-Oh, trying to play the nepotism card, brat?? It will never work on me, I’m incorruptible!🦙

-Teehee! Oh please, please join the Union Greek House, Sophito!🦙

-_____- 

Ok Soph this is getting too fucked up even for me, what in the llama harem hell.

NO. NO. STAY AWAY FROM OUR SPAWN, BLUE MEATBALLS

As Wilfred hangs out with the llama we discover that Eliza and Sophito have banged multiple times without ever making out?? GROSS

Guys seriously I have no idea what’s going on with these two, the next day Sophito rejected her woohoo even though he’s in love with her?? 

-I’m sorry Eliza but this degenerate affair can’t go on like this! You need to choose, me or Reginald! -Ok, I choose Reginald. -Ok, I’ll still bang you.

-Hi yes, we all made it into the Greek House our ancestors founded that we weren’t automatically members of for some reason. Boy do you losers have a lawsuit coming for making us socialize with a furry.

Who are we gonna sue, Eliza, ourselves?!

Alright, the llama is out and we’re in! Hopefully now I will have an easier time controlling you assholes.  

-You bang all my relatives but not me?? -And none for Sugar Union, bye!

[the-insomniac-emporium]

Mia Deserved Better: An Analysis of RE8's Themes/Symbolism

Foreword: I would like to thank @lepusrufus for posting about both Mia and Miranda, and at one point directly saying that Mia deserved better, which is a large part of what caused me to start examining her role in the canon story. Now, I will say that this post, like some of my previous explorations of Village (such as my attempt to determine Donna's age), will not be the best organized. My ADHD makes such things rather difficult for me. However, I have tried more than usual, and have broken up this "essay" into several distinct sections. Still, I am worried that my thoughts will not be as concise or coherent as they were inside my head.

Under read-more for length and spoilers for RE8: Village.

Introduction:

Village is, inarguably, about parenthood. Is it a horror game? Yes. Is it also science fiction? Also yes. But is it still, at its core, a story, and therefore contains imagery, symbolism, and themes? Yes. Now, you may be wondering what this has to do with Mia deserving better. My proposal is as follows: While Village is overall about parenthood, it is more about motherhood than fatherhood. Furthermore, Mia's background + actions from the previous game tie her story directly with Mother Miranda's, making their potential interactions massively important to the story... and could have served the theme beautifully. The missed potential in her involvement in the story is honestly a little bit absurd.

Now, let's examine each of the Four Lords + their sections, as the beginning of analyzing the game's theme.

Lady Dimitrescu + Castle:

Ah, perhaps the clearest (albeit unimportant) bits of theme within the whole game. We are immediately presented with another parent, with three daughters she loves very, very much. Initially they work as a team to capture Ethan, easily overpowering him. When they do split up, each still has dialogue regarding their family members. Each of the daughters expresses a desire to be like their mother/make their mother proud. Lady Dimitrescu herself gets very upset every time one of her daughters perishes, and delivers some important dialogue about this in her final confrontation with Ethan.

To paraphrase, Lady D says that Ethan has done something unforgiveable, caused damage that can never heal, and deserves to die before his daughter. That last part is interesting, in the sense that Lady D seems to believe that outlasting your own child is a fate so terrible that she would not wish it upon anyone, including the person who killed her daughters.

Throughout her dialogue and actions, Lady D serves as an important figure of a living mother. What do I mean by that? Well, the only other mothers we see in game are Mia and Miranda. The former doesn't show up until almost the end of the game (seeing as the "Mia" at the start is not actually the real Mia), while the latter does not have a living child, and her behavior has (presumably) changed quite a bit since that loss. As Ethan goes through Castle Dimitrescu, he watches (he causes) Lady D to go through what Miranda did all those decades ago. When we see her loss, when we experience her loss, it is something we connect with, even comparing it (as Lady D does) to Ethan's loss of Rose.

For the more visual side of symbolism, we can turn to Lady Dimitrescu herself. She is very tall, is visibly older than the majority of the Village cast, and has a fairly classic (old-school) motherly look. Everything about her reinforces her position as an example of a mother, especially when she's with her daughters and becomes such a strong figure of protection. Her height allows her to seem the caretaker for her children, even though they are scary/intimidating in their own right.

Donna Beneviento + Waterfall House:

Yes, the baby/fetus/monstrosity is part of this. No, it is not the only bit of thematic work in this section of the game.

To begin, you can find out that Donna is officially the adopted daughter of Mother Miranda. Her birth parents are dead, implied to be from especially tragic causes (more than is the norm when it comes to "orphan making"), and she has suffered greatly from it. We see that she has been seemingly neglected by Miranda, and is incredibly isolated. The tragedy of her loss, along with the consequences presented by it, are something to keep in mind further down the road, when we inevitably deal with Ethan's own death.

One of the consequences of the environment Donna was raised in is, arguably, her reliance on Angie. While interpretations of their exact relationship (aka how much control Donna actually has at any given point) vary, the two very clearly have something akin to a mother/daughter vibe. Alternatively an older sister/younger sister sort of thing. This shows in the way that Donna holds/carries Angie, as well as the contrast in their demeanors. Moreso, the fact that Donna gave a part of herself to create Angie is almost enough to make the symbolism nonnegotiable.

We also see that Donna has a strong understanding of family/family dynamics, through the way that she uses her powers to manipulate Ethan. She dissects his connections to Mia and Rose, taunts him with the lengths he's willing to go to save his child, then shows him a grotesque version of parenthood: The aforementioned fetus monster. Does the monster represent Ethan's fears, or Donna's?

What if the monster is how Donna sees herself, in some way, perhaps thinking that it's her fault her parents died? Bit of a stretch, but it's not a keystone of my theory, so I'm just throwing it out there. We could, however, go a step further and ask ourselves if Donna has noticed the way Miranda neglects her, and the fetus monster is how Donna thinks Miranda sees her. A baby, true, but grotesque, so terribly imperfect compared to her "real daughter" (Eva, obvs).

Regardless, the monster presents an ugly side of parenthood. It shows us the blood, the hunger (with the way it repeatedly attempts to swallow Ethan whole), the wailing. If Lady D shows us the love of parenthood, the bond, Donna in turn shows us the hate, the misery. Everything that one must endure to reap the rewards of family.

Lastly, we get one last bit of symbolism with Donna's death: We play a game with Angie. A childhood classic, hide and seek. Ethan chases her down repeatedly, stabbing away, seemingly only hurting the doll. But what happens when he kills Angie? It turns out that he killed Donna. You kill the child, you kill the parent. A reinforcement of the connection that comes with parenthood, along with another notch in Ethan's family-murdering belt (not saying that he's the "true antagonist" or anything, just keeping track for one of my later points).

Moreau + The Reservoir

Let's get the worst possibility out of the way: Moreau, weakest and sickest of the four lords, lives in a reservoir, where he is relatively safe. To defeat him, you have to drain the water, forcing him onto dry(ish) land. Paired with the main ideas of his section (which I will detail after this nightmare), one could theorize that he's meant to represent birth itself. Again, he's safe in his ("womb") water, and becomes vulnerable when he leaves (like a fragile newborn). Kinda gross, in my opinion, and also not a strong enough connection for me to care much about. It was merely an interesting (albeit horrifying) enough thought that I felt it warranted sharing.

Moving on to the big stuff with Moreau: He's a baby. Evidence: Whiny, has difficulty moving around, struggles to adapt to his growth, throws up a bunch, loves his mother very much, cries for his mother when he's in trouble, etc. Although Mother Miranda does not care for him, he clearly cares for her, and plays yet another role of an abandoned child (like Donna). Without Miranda there to protect him, he perishes terribly, crying out for someone who does not care to answer.

Hearing him cry out for Miranda, over and over, only for her to continue ignoring him is a key piece in the build-up to our confrontation between Ethan and Miranda. The game, in many ways, centers around the comparison between the two. In my humble opinion, Mia should have been involved in this comparison, as opposed to supplying the solution to the result of said comparison. Yes, I know that was a lot of words that don't mean much yet, but trust me, I'm getting there.

Heisenberg + The Factory

Ironically, of the four lords, Heisenberg is the most similar to Mother Miranda. In his massive factory, he is alone except for his numerous experiments, the results of decades of playing God. In comparison to Ethan + Mia, Heisenberg represents artificial parentage, or more accurately, the artificial creation of "life". While the others Lords also performed experiments, they used living subjects. Heisenberg instead chose to use corpses, which he then "brought back to life" with cybernetics + his powers, a somewhat futuristic version of Dr. Frankenstein.

Together, Miranda and him show a rotten side of parenthood (whereas Donna + Moreau showed us the uglier side of the children themselves). To put it simply, they are bad parents. They throw their "children"/experiments into the fray, uncaring, using them as pawns for their own greater gain. The most important part of this is that Heisenberg offers to "help" Ethan: By using Rose as a weapon. In his act of refusal, Ethan demonstrates one of several important distinctions between himself and Mother Miranda. Where she is willing to use her "children" (read: lives that she is responsible for) as tools, he is not.

Miscellaneous Symbolism/Imagery:

The old hag is one of my favorite parts of Village. She's seemingly nuts, has a crazy old lady laugh, wears bones that make soothing bone noises when she moves, and she draws lots of symbols in the dirt. If you look closely (I can provide screenshots if anyone desires, but it will take a bit of work to get them onto my computer), she's drawing one of the most iconic images in the titular village: The winged unborn. This symbol acts as the key you build up after every fight with a Lord, understandably called the Unborn Key (which turns into the Winged Unborn Key). Whether this counts as foreshadowing towards the hag's identity reveal is technically irrelevant, but I like to think it does.

In essence, you build up the key, this depiction of an infant, to progress in the game. The more wings it gains, the closer you are to your goal of rescuing your child.

The cadou itself is very clearly fetus-shaped. Furthermore, the only place within the human body that we know it ever gets implanted is in the "tummy" (thanks Moreau), aka roughly where someone's womb is/would be. Every infected person we see presumably had the Cadou implanted there (though I think it would be interesting if implanting it in different spots caused different mutations. of course, that is a discussion for another day). To become immortal, you have to "bear" a "child". Does it get more direct than that?

Mother Miranda gained her immortality in part for her grief at the loss of her child. She embodied the despair that Lady D spoke of, becoming an eternal source of anguish. Just as the loss of a child is a wound that lasts forever, so too would Miranda last forever (well, until Ethan comes along).

Mia is a loving mother, who puts up with the BSAA making her move across the world, deals with the complications of having a mold husband and mold baby, and has proved herself (see her section in RE7) to be an immense badass. Previously I had forgotten that, and even embarrassed myself in the comments of another person's post by implying she wasn't a tough, ass-kicking machine. Y'all remember feral Mia? People talk about "poor Ethan's arms", but sometimes we forget that Mia was one of the people who did a number on them. Furthermore, she's one of the only living people (from outside the village) to have any connections (pun intended) to Mother Miranda. They worked together, although possibly not directly, on Evelyn. If anyone in Village has a chance of really understanding Miranda's plight, or knowing the truth behind it, it would be Mia. Yet we don't see them interact a single time. Which leads me to the next section...

Conclusion On Theme + Missed Potential:

Okay, okay, so it's pretty obvious at this point that, as previously stated, the game's theme is parenthood. Every section has its symbolism, the story is very obviously about a man trying to rescue his daughter, etc, etc, but what's the point? Is there a lesson, or a more focused interpretation of the central theme? Let's take one last step back, and focus on something I've mentioned a few times now: The comparison between Ethan and Mother Miranda.

Recurring dialogue from Ethan, Alcina, and Mother Miranda all point towards the developers acknowledging that the characters are similar, but there's nowhere near as much conversation about it as I would like. Several times we have the antagonists ask Ethan how he's so willing to kill someone else's child, or prevent them from (essentially) doing what he's doing (aka saving his daughter). While Ethan responds with a mix of "well you started it" and "aghhh fuck-a-you, bitch", there's a much more solid, unspoken difference: Mother Miranda sends her underlings to kill, so that she may revive her daughter. Ethan kills (read: does the work himself) to get his daughter. The difference is much bigger, and more important, at the end of the game, when we realize just how far it goes. Ethan dies to save his daughter. Time and time again Mother Miranda has killed others for her work, but in the end she is stopped when someone willingly dies to stop her.

Where does Mia come in? Mia, the badass mother, the one who once worked alongside Mother Miranda, should have been the nail in the coffin. She is the one who survives, who lives on to raise Rose, she is the silent solution to Ethan's sacrifice. Miranda, you fool, what could you have accomplished if you had held onto your makeshift family? Through Mia (and Chris, to a lesser degree), his "loss" becomes a victory. There's a certain poetic justice that comes with Rose's full family being instrumental in saving her, when Miranda so readily spurned her own family.

Mia could have had an actual conversation with Miranda, their history giving the latter a reason to actually listen. I'm not saying that Miranda would have changed her mind/plans, but the conversation would have been a well-needed contrast to Ethan's "arggg what the fuck is happening, I only have two reactions to things. agg fuck you". Additionally, I feel that Mia (who was captured and had to endure who-knows-what) deserves the opportunity to be the one who points out Miranda's mistakes, who delivers the final "fuck you" to her. More than that, she's the one at the end who can say that hey, maybe she can understand some of what Miranda did. Was there anything her and Ethan wouldn't have done to save Rose? As much as Ethan is a foil to Miranda, Mia could (and should) have played a similar role.

When so much of the story and symbolism revolves around Miranda's experience as a mother, it only would have been fair to shine a light on her equivalent. Her better.

There's more I wanted to say/feel like I didn't properly get across, and I might add more to this at some point, but it's 5:40 AM right now, and I'm starting to feel like my brain is slowing down, so... Feel free to reblog/comment and add your own thoughts!

[hqbaby]

hello!

so, as of yesterday, i finished posting all the chapters of my series, the doomed, so i'll be taking a little break from posting for a bit.

i'll still be here to reblog stuff and reply to your messages ! i just won't be posting original works for a week or so to let myself focus on other things for a while and rest my mind a little (college decisions are also coming out soon so i'm gonna be a teensie weensie bit on edge ✌️).

however, i will still be working on some projects that i plan on sharing here ! you can take a peek under the cut if you wanna see the things i've got lined up.

again, i'd just like to thank you all for being here and i look forward to sharing more with you <3

- mae.

UPCOMING FICS take these with a pinch of salt because i might not get around to doing them all and/or i might change their concepts while in the process of writing them, i just thought it would be fun to share my ideas here. please do not copy them.

rekindling — ATSUMU X READER anthology + slice of life

Three years after their falling out, Y/N and Atsumu reunite and, together, they work on rebuilding their relationship, raising their children, and experiencing the highs and lows of everyday life.

notes! this is a spin-off anthology of the doomed. it'll have a few one shots about how they deal with life after the events of the series. other characters in the series will also have their own little stories all revolves around you — AKAASHI X READER series + based on moulin rouge + theater!au

The stage is set. The players wait in the wings. The show must go on. As the desperate writer readies his pen and the leading lady takes her place, the curtains open on the tragic tale of their doomed romance. We all know how this will end.

notes! it'll probably be released soon because i'm halfway through writing it :> it's very different from what i'm used to writing but it's been such a fun challenge for myself actually sitting down and finishing it static! — TSUKISHIMA X READER smau series + band!au

Things get complicated when the drummer and lead guitarist of the band static! accidentally sleep together. With a tour to finish and an album on the way, tensions are running high enough as it is. Will this new dynamic break the band? Or will it bring them closer together?

notes! i'm really looking forward to this if you couldn't tell >.< i just need a tiny break before writing another smau long time running — HINATA X READER one shot

When fate destines you to love another man, all Hinata can do is watch.

notes! i've been on an ice dancing binge and i watched the v/m gala routine for "long time running" and i can't get it out of my head 😔 i'll probably get around to writing this in between other projects throne and thorn interactive story + royal!au

When the noble House Kageyama welcomes the daughter of a fallen house into their ranks, the court finds its new prey in the unassuming Y/N. In order to survive, she must learn to navigate the glamor, scandal, and inevitable romance that comes with noble life. Or not. Ultimately, the choice is yours to make.

notes! i've started planning and working on this but it's a really ambitious project so i might not get around to it for a while and, even then, there's gonna be a lot to build for it to work the way i want it to. it's really exciting though :D

ANDDD THAT'S WHAT I HAVE FOR NOW!! i hope i get around to working on them all and sharing them with you <3

[why-this-kolaveri-machi]

please. i can’t do this alone.

Titans 3.01

thoughts! thoughts! thoughts! some red hot thoughts!

SPOILERS ahead.

1. one episode in, and this season already looks set to give me everything i want. its abandonment of plot and storytelling conventions as it goes from one point to the next at breakneck speed; its cheerful bastardisation of iconic storylines from the comics; the ‘as-you-know-bob’ clunky exposition on one end and extremely restrained, subtle explorations of complex character dynamics on the other; endless shots of neon bleeding into black and blue corridors, shadows and silhouettes; my delight in seeing it celebrate and deconstruct the dark nolan-y batman aesthetic at the same time; my bafflement that it’s so fucking goddamn obsessed with the batfam when it’s supposed to be about the TITANS; kory just... saving every overburdened, clunky scene that she’s in by her sparkling charisma. just... *chef’s kiss*. muah. my show is back, in all its glory.

MY SHOW IS BACK, Y’ALL!

1.5. i mean... this show is so artful and weird and not afraid to go absolutely bonkers in exploring its characters’ psyche, but can just about barely stage a passable comic book fight when every tom dick and harry and their new streaming services can deliver ones that are far more exciting. i love this show with every atom of my body.

(there’s something to be said about rooting for the underdog as well. a pleasure in finding something to love about what other people dismiss. but! enough navel gazing! i have fictional characters’ navels to look at! metaphorically! and maybe literally!)

2. i expected jason’s death to come about pretty early in the season as soon as i heard rumours that red hood was showing up, but for it to happen in the first five minutes of the first episode... that’s a record. 

(well. “happen.” still don’t know what exactly went down there.)

2.25. GOD. jason is such a tortured and tragic character in this show, used and passed around by people with alleged good intentions, never really fitting in anywhere. he’s veritably bleeding vulnerability and the need to belong, the need to be known, and yet the tragedy is that his death proves that nobody in his life knew anything about him at all; that they only saw the flimsy walls he put up to protect his soft core, and thought that that was all there was. that they say they loved him, but blame him for his own death. 

dick is flabbergasted that jason can read, though we know from last season, from what jason revealed to rose, that he has a love for plays and music. barbara is quick to dismiss his actions as ‘impulsive’. bruce has no idea that his supposed son was building his own little chemistry lab right under his nose, and beyond that, no idea that jason needed structure, stability and validation beyond being left alone in a huge house with a treasure trove of dangerous weapons. kory thought his decision to fight the joker was from not learning and growing when the guy tried to kill himself last season and nobody apart from dick even tried to talk to him about it! did you consider that he might still be suicidal? especially after the titans admitted to having “given up” on him because he was just “too hard”?

2.5. the one thing that’s been consistent across all three seasons (so far) of the show is the unreliable narrator trope. there’s a reason why the characters’ dismissals of jason’s actions as impulsive is so repetitive; why jason’s death is a mystery dick feels compelled to solve. it’s a flailing attempt to know his brother much too late--but with red hood, maybe he gets a second chance, just like he got one with the titans. this is what jason’s arc has been building up to. this is ‘death in the family’ but more fucked up in some ways. it didn’t linger on the death because the death wasn’t the point. the joker isn’t the point. everything that came before it is.

this way it will also make perfect sense that the red hood’s main enemy becomes the titans rather than batman.

2.75. goodness knows what’s going on with jason’s little chemistry project. at first i thought he was immunising himself to joker gas or something, but maybe it’s what passes for lazarus pit juice in this universe? 

anyway, it’s pretty impressive that jason learnt all of that from a college chemistry textbook. STOP BRINGING UP THAT HE READ SOMETHING, DICK--

2.8. i’m glad that dick doesn’t immediately sink into self-loathing and guilt and tries to investigate jason’s death while also acknowledging how he failed him. it’s like he actually learned something from the last two years! 

anyway. more about dick later. 

3. oh how i love titans!bruce. a lot of characters had a lot of Opinions on his reaction to jason’s death in this episode, but again, i ask you to consider that they’re unreliable narrators, and this universe’s bruce is a product of how it shaped him. bruce wayne has become a phantom to himself--an artifice borne out of vigorous discipline and crushing self-denial. 

bruce has been batman for a very long time, and without a robin for much longer. (dick must be... in his early thirties? so he was robin for about, say, 10-12 years according to the timeline of the show. that still makes bruce pretty old when he took on his first robin.) things have... calcified (possibly parts of his brain). the personal cost and the collateral from the mission he’s taken up for most of his life is too much to countenance; it has to be a war, and war requires sacrifice. 

on some level bruce knows that’s a lie. he’s so goddamned alone. what’s he going to do? sit down and cry? who’s going to listen to him now? oh, is he going to just stop being batman? who’s going to stop gotham from consuming herself then? he’ll just have to forge ahead, do better next time, maybe he’ll be firmer with them, or kinder with them, or notice more things, or train them harder, or spend more time--

3.25. don’t get me wrong: titans!bruce is an asshole and a half. his roster of potential robins was honestly bone-chilling. the fact that there’s a twisted root of compassion makes it more disturbing. 

3.5. alfred’s dead! it must’ve been pretty recent, because i could’ve sworn that dick tried to call alfred in the very first episode of season 1, or at least considered calling him... 

what a devastating double-blow for bruce then, losing his father-figure and his, uh.... son-figure so close together.

4. i don’t know about barbara yet. i mean, i like her, but she had so much clunky expository dialogue to deliver this episode, and for an episode that was named after her, she only showed up halfway through it. but i like the weight of history behind her interactions with both bruce and dick and her compassion to bruce before he cruelly crossed a line. i also like the implication that she and dick have been in touch recently, and that she didn’t immediately try to guilt-trip dick about some perceived abandonment. it’d be too repetitive.

4.5. there’s also a sense that she ran interference for dick a lot whenever there was something Too Big and Emotional for him to confront directly, and i like and appreciate that character beat.

5. dick, my man! it really does feel like a substantial length of time has passed between the end of s2 and the beginning of s3... kory’s got a new costume, they’ve become celebrities in SF, working missions together, and dick’s actually smiling! genuinely enjoying his work and having fun with it for possibly the first time in the entire series! it’s really a far cry from the fractured, dysfunctional mess that they were at the end of the last season.

i just hope this doesn’t mean that they’ve magically reached a resolution off-screen to all of their fucked-upness from last season, and that the repercussions--for gar in particular--are actually addressed on screen. 

5.25. i mentioned this briefly above, but it really is so refreshing that dick doesn’t wallow in guilt and self-loathing after jason’s death; he acknowledges his and the titans’ failure, is able to admit to barbara honestly that he’s not doing great, and is actively trying to reach out to bruce to make sure he’s ok, is trying to investigate what made jason seek out the joker on his own, and is probably the only person not immediately buying that it was jason’s recklessness that got him killed. i love that dick is finally beginning to trust his instincts or just employ them at all after years of guilt and paranoia and self-loathing. we love some positive character growth!

5.5. another thing i love? the bruce-dick interactions on this show. every scene they’re in together is so fraught with tension, both of them holding themselves back, their emotions on a whipcord-tight leash. dick wants to reach out to bruce, is even somewhat familiar with this brand of denial in the wake of grief, but wants barbara to make the first move because he genuinely does not know how to get bruce to open up. his instincts are right, and wonderful, and genuine, but his expression has been smothered by years of trauma, emotional and physical self-discipline, and what i suspect is poorly treated mental illness. 

it takes a lot for him to finally explode at bruce at the end of the episode--in a way he hasn’t done even when his only opinion of bruce was ‘fuck him’--and it’s all the more startling for how subdued he’s been through the episode, how much he’s been holding back his emotions for bruce’s sake. love it.

5.75. it sort of hurts my heart to see the flying graysons poster in jason’s room. there are a few implications:

a) jason settled into dick’s old room despite living in a giant mansion with dozens of other rooms he could’ve used

b) he didn’t take down dick’s poster--not when he moved in and was idolising him, not when he moved out of the titans and was sort of hating him. i wonder if the reminder of what dick was before robin--that he was forged out of unspeakable tragedy--gave jason the connection to dick that he so desperately wanted in real life

c) dick moved right back into the room and slept on the bed that was now jason’s. grief can be so quiet and piecemeal sometimes.

6. i spy the beginnings of actual arcs for both gar and kory! i just hope that with the move to gotham their stories don’t fall to the wayside...

6.5. i’ve known tim drake for less than ten minutes but if anything were to happen to him i’d kill everybody 

7. this review has gone on for too long and i am tiRED. however, before i leave: i miss some of the dedication-to-aesthetic that titans season 1 used to have. remember how the first few episodes didn’t really feel like a superhero show but something out of gothic horror? there was something gorgeous and raw about that, about open landscapes and the road and creepy buildings looming up at the end of it. moving to titans tower in s2 really ruined a lot of that for me, given its ripped-from-architectural-digest aesthetic, all smooth and clean and artificial. 

i hope that we really explore gotham’s hellscape in interesting and innovative ways instead of camping out in the batcave all the time and indulging in the show’s unending love for long corridors, neon backlights and silhouettes.

8.....

9.  wait, fuck, HOW CAN I FORGET ABOUT HOT PSYCHIATRIST GUY (TM)??? NONE of you prepared me for his return! NONE OF YOU! i gasped! i got up and did a happy dance! 

listen, titans writers, if you’ve had a peek at my titans s3 wishlist, please go ahead and give the other items on the list a go too, thankyouverymuch.

[lolbatty]

Just a quick blurb about some of the stuff I’ve been feeling and struggling with lately about my slowly ending toxic relationship and other stuff..

So far the worst part for me has been convincing my childhood abandonment trauma brain that it’s OKAY to let this person go... that because of many valid actual damn reasons I witnessed they were not a great person for me to spend time with or put energy into.  They didn’t listen to me when I was speaking, did things for me only out of guilt, refused to introduce me to any of their friends or family, continually minimized my feelings, and lied to me constantly about their intentions for the relationship.

I think one of the more nefarious things about the relationship was that another person was involved that I didn’t know about at the beginning, an ex that they were still super close with.  I was trying so hard to be understanding, so scared that I was just being jealous or overbearing when I felt the fear grip me inside after discovering their relationship.  At one point this person even moved into their house, and I wasn’t allowed to come over anymore because ‘they’d get jealous’.  I believed badly tailored lies to keep me around because I was too scared to let them go, especially during the full-swing of the pandemic when I had no one else to be close to. I really valued this person.  I really wanted to believe that relationships are just complicated and messy and it wasn’t them still being in love with this other person, prioritizing them over me, but every instinct inside of me was screaming and every friend I talked to about it looked at me like I was crazy for trying not to be upset or suspicious.  I ignored my intuition, figuring that I was just overreacting.   Even now that we’ve broken up and are slowly drifting apart this other person is still a big part of their life, while their interactions with me are dwindling to nothing (a good thing obviously, but still painful for that inner child).  I should be happy, but part of me is insanely envious of this connection they have, even a little furious.  It triggers a very primal wound from my earliest years.

When I was growing up (4-11yrs) my I worshiped my Dad but he always had a lot of girlfriends, when I spent time with him in the summers I often had to ‘compete’ with these full grown women for his attention because he prioritized his relationships with them over his relationship with me.  It was heart breaking, and gave me a very unhealthy idea of what was expected of XX bodied people to attract and keep attention.  It also gave me a very DEEP and abiding wound centered around jealousy and envy which is haunting me the most right now with my current healing process.  Old, untouched parts of me are churning beneath the surface of my consciousness, altering my ability to regulate my emotions and think logically about how much better off I am not having this crap in my life.  I am SO PISSED OFF that this other person was -chosen- over me.  And even though I never met them, I always hear this ancient voice inside my head wondering.. what do they have that I don’t?  Why wasn’t I good enough?

It’s not that I want this destructive thing in my life, logically I know I should be singing and fucking dancing, howling at the damn moon because I escaped this invalidating cycle of bread crumbing, lying, gaslighting and back burnering.  I know I deserve better.  I want so badly to have better.  But there is so much pain inside of me from these deep old traumas, and I have a lot of really old scars that need to be re-examined and addressed.  In some ways I am grateful for this horrible experience because of everything I’ve learned about my anxious attachment, childhood trauma, complex PTSD and how it relates to my inability to have normal, healthy relationships. 

But I’m also pretty mad about the last two years of my life being an emotionally damaging experience, in the midst of a pandemic, shortly after the sudden and depressingly tragic death of my alcoholic, narcissistic father.

I’ve changed.  I don’t even remember what it was like to be me before 2018.  I don’t draw anymore.  I don’t post anymore.  Commissions are a struggle.  I miss the days of endless artwork and music and fandoms.. cruising tumblr and getting occasionally yelled at for making semi problematic statements because of my own personal growth.  I often find myself wondering about the artists I used to follow who also disappeared.  Where have they gone?  Are their lives getting better?  Worse?  Are they still with us?  I miss them the way I miss the old version of myself.

The years have not been cruel, but they have not been kind either.  This latest battle has been an eyeopening experience.  At almost 35 years I am just now learning I’ve been operating from these cornerstone hangups as if it were normal, like they were something that would get better or change over time if I ‘found the right person’.  But now I know I never will find the right person, not until I find myself, because I will always push away the people who love me and self sabotage anything good.  It’s too uncomfortable, too unfamiliar.  I wanted to get married one day, start a family and build a future for my loved ones, but right now it feels like I’m still clawing my way up to ground zero.

From everything I have seen about attachment disorders, there is definitely hope, but I will need a lot of counseling.  I have to change my relationship with myself before I can stop seeking out this same bullshit situation I’ve once again found myself breaking free from.  As of now, I’m finally understanding why I keep finding myself here.

To anyone else also dealing with childhood PTSD and attachment problems... this wound can be healed.  It takes time and understanding and a lot of hard personal work but it can be done.  Don’t give up on yourself, don’t give up on love.  Get help.  Learn stuff.  Stay the course.  Short term pleasure is not worth the long term pain.  Sit on your throne, let people approach, maintain boundaries.  Give those people time to show you how they are going to behave towards you, how they are going to treat you.  I know it’s hard but it��s worth it.  Avoid jumping into physical intimacy quickly, it’s especially toxic when you have attachment disorders.  Don’t let people walk all over you, NO ONE is cool enough, accomplished enough or attractive enough to be allowed to get away with treating you like shit.  Not ever.  And if someone shows up who genuinely likes you, DO NOT search for reasons to prove them wrong.. I know it feels creepy or scary to be loved but they don’t want anything from you other than your heart, and that’s a good thing.  Embrace it. 

If you’re still here, thanks for reading.

[oliviermiraarmstrongs]

mid-year book freak out tag

thank you @bloody-wonder for giving me an excuse to share my book thoughts!

1. Best Book You’ve Read So Far in 2021?

It’s gotta be The Blind Assassin by Margaret Atwood; I hear “feminist period novel about mentally ill woman unable to cope in upper-class society” and I am THERE! It’s like [Stefon voice] This book has EVERYTHING: repressed women, a decaying old house, a complex relationship of two sisters, a pulpy sci-fi story-within-a-story-within-a-story, criticism of capitalism and reactionary attitudes and politics, commentary on how conservative society shuns those it perceives to be “other” and a threat to the social order (poor people, socialists, “unconventional” women). It is EXTREMELY my shit.

2. Best Sequel You’ve Read So Far in 2021?

The only one I've read is Siege and Storm, so Siege and Storm! Shadow and Bone was captivating, if a little simplistic, but the sequel really fleshes out the characters, setting, and themes. It’s great to see Alina take a more active role, and I love the exploration of sainthood. 

3. New Release You Haven’t Read Yet, But Want To?

I’m really curious about Michelle Zauner’s memoir Crying in H Mart. Same with Axiom’s End, which I haven’t really been seeking out, but it’s been resting on my list since I like a lot of Lindsay Ellis’ stuff.

4. Most Anticipated Release For Second Half of 2021?

5. Biggest Disappointment?

The Penelopiad by Margaret Atwood. I’ve been getting into Atwood, and I have a soft spot for female-centric retellings of myths, so this was on my list for a long time. It’s not bad; it’s decent as a character study and offers some good perspective on the hanged slave women from The Odyssey, but overall it came off as...bitter? And not in a good way. It’s reasonable to include commentary on how bad things were for women in ancient times, but after a while I’m just like “But there had to be a time when Penelope was happy, right?” But the biggest failing has to be the treatment of Helen. Why a story focused on bringing literary justice to silenced women also characterizes Helen of Troy as a manipulative, arrogant bitch who single-handedly ignited the Trojan War because she enjoys fucking people over, I’ll never know. Ironic that in the opening chapter, Penelope bemoans being used as a yardstick with which to judge other women, and then the book proceeds to do exactly that with her and Helen. Can’t let Penelope have a positive relationship with another woman! There could be some form of unreliable narrator at play, but there’s not much indication that that’s the case here. Even Homer had a more nuanced portrayal of Helen than this!

6. Biggest Surprise?

I suppose The Red Tent. I picked it up at a Goodwill because of my aforementioned interest in female-centric retellings. It’s not amazing, but I wasn’t really expecting it to emotionally affect me like it did. You spend so much time setting up Dinah’s family and this supportive community of woman within a patriarchal society, only to have Dinah abandon it all after getting betrayed by her father and (most of) her brothers. Hearing about how her family fell apart after she left and she never got to see her mothers again really gets to me. The book has flaws for sure - neither of Dinah’s romances are developed very well, and some of its themes can come off as gender essentialist - but I think it’s a nice exploration of female labor and traditions that too often get ignored.

7. Favorite New Author?

The only relatively new author I’ve been reading is Leigh Bardugo, soooooo... honestly I don’t know what I can say that hasn’t already been said, I got into the series pretty late. Great world-building, witty dialogue, a familiar type of story with enough interesting ideas to make it feel fresh. Check out Shadow and Bone if you get the chance. Sound of the summer.

8. Newest Fictional Crush?

You would think it would be Nikolai Lantsov since I just finished reading Siege and Storm and he seems to be the fan favorite... but nah, not yet. He’s fun, but he doesn’t hit me in that way (Though very sexy of him to just casually proposition Alina and Mal for a royal polycule, a la Arthur/Guinevere/Lancelot; would love an AU where they accept his offer). However, I would let Zoya murder me. Every time Zoya is not in a scene I am asking “Where’s Zoya?” Also shout out to Alina, just because I would treat her better than all the men in her life! 

9. Newest Favorite Character?

Gonna try to do this without spoiling too much, but Laura Chase in The Blind Assassin really resonated with me. Her personality reminds me a lot of myself, especially as an an autistic person, like the way she has her own way of thinking that makes perfect sense to her, but makes other people see her as odd and naive. I love how she’s set up in-universe as this Sylvia Plath-esque tragic heroine, with Iris spending the rest of the book interrogating and deconstructing, and in a way, reconstructing this image of her. Atwood you’re insane for this. I forgive you for the Helen thing now.

10. Book That Made You Cry?

I never got as far as crying, but the part in The Goldfinch where [spoilers incoming] the art heist goes wrong and Theo is alone in the hotel room and he’s spiraling and considering suicide and finally dreams of his mom… all that was too much for me and I had to put the book down for the night. This guy just can’t catch a fucking break.

11. Book That Made You Happy?

fucidjdjdj I didn’t read any happy books this year. Shadow and Bone and Siege and Storm because I read them really fast unlike my usual months-long reading schedule.

12. Favorite Book Adaptation You Saw?

Predictably, Shadow and Bone. I basically bought and read the book less than a week before the show came out because I thought it looked interesting and wanted in on the hype (mostly because Jessie is cute 🥰). Honestly, the show improves a lot on the first book; the multiple storylines make it more dynamic and complex, the actors really help to make the characters feel more fleshed out, and Alina and Inej interacted for like three scenes, introducing an unexpected but thematically rich ship.

13. Favorite Review You’ve Written This Year?

14. Most Beautiful Book You’ve Bought So Far This Year?

I impulse-bought this book of Romantic poetry at Barnes and Noble just because it was pretty and I had a gift card

15. What Books Do You Need To Read By The End Of The Year?

Besides finishing The Grisha Trilogy/Six of Crows duology/Zoya’s duology that I forgot the name of….I don’t know. I’m not a reader that plans in advance. I acquire books, finish whatever I’m currently reading, look through my stacks deciding what to read next, spend an hour doing so because I can’t decide if I’m in the mood for any of them, and either force myself to read one or buy/borrow a new one.

I’m tagging @betweenironyandsilver, @illuminaticns, @borispavlikovskys, @chdarling, @sctine, @mightyaubs, @excuseforadrink, and @trckstergods, if you wanna! Or anyone who wants to yell about books.

[lizacstuff]

Hi, I really enjoyed reading your thoughts about the last few episodes, you always make me feel better about things. Would you mind sharing more about the last episode, both in general and of course what you thought about Edser?

Thank you for the kind words, sorry this has taken so long to answer, I know you sent it days ago, but it’s been a busy week. As I said in another post, I actually really enjoyed this episode. I'll start with the other characters and then get to Eda and Serkan. 

First Seline. Of course, she beat everyone to the punch by getting to Serkan before Ferit and Ceren.  I suppose props to her for coming clean rather than allowing herself to be blackmailed, but man she was still a selfish snake until the end. I actually thought the most unfair thing was how she swept Ceren up in the people who had hid it from Serkan. What!?!?  Ceren found out the day before, told Ferit that as Serkan's attorney she couldn't keep it from him, called Serkan to let him know that Ferit had to talk to him, and didn't see Serkan until that meeting! What else could she have done? She would have been fully justified in defending herself to Serkan on that score. I wish she would have... except it's not the point of this show. The point of this show is Eda and Serkan, so to that end perhaps it was more important for Serkan to think his lawyer had hid it from him, and then for us and Eda to see him get over it quickly in order to illustrate how much more relaxed he is than when we met him. It plays into the themes of change, even if it's more about evolving. 

(much more under the cut)

Also, it's typical of Selin and her jealousy to try and get one last punch in and to drag the woman Ferit is now interested into the mess. I like how she tried to deliver a blow to Eda, and Eda was just like, "Whatever, do your worst" and Serkan, instead of getting mad which is what Selin wanted, just found a way to use it to flirt even harder. Then her maneuver with Balca was just gross. She knows as well as anyone that Serkan, despite his public notoriety, is a private person and here she is spilling every bit of his personal business to this woman they all met today. What a betrayal of personal trust. Good riddance to her. I mean, we'll all miss Bige, but I won't miss Selin. 

Honestly, I don't think Selin is evil, she's just so selfish, myopic and spoiled that she thinks her hurt trumps everyone else. She thinks she's entitled to lash out, give grief and visit pain upon people, because she was thwarted and didn't get what she wanted. I'm glad that Eda mentioned that it was Selin who sicced the press on them, so even if they didn't prove it, they know. I've seen some criticism that Selin wasn't punished enough for her sins, but I disagree. The holding was her inheritance, her history, her father helped start that company, and she ended by giving up her stake completely, she lost her fiance and the back-up life she imagined with him, she lost Serkan and the life she imagined with him, she also lost Serkan's decades-long friendship, she lost her job, she's leaving the country. That's a lot of losing. She's hit emotional rock bottom, perhaps she'll be able to do some soul searching and figure out why she lost everything (except her money) as she starts over?

The other goodbye this episode was Alptekin, and another good riddance here. His interaction with Aydan was cruel. That's how he ends a 30 year marriage? Yikes. At least it sounds like he left everything to Aydan and Serkan and is not trying to take houses (Serkan needs the Summer House and Mountain House for sexy rendezvous reasons!) or the stake in the holding. His goodbye with Serkan was thankfully better. I mean, he can't redeem himself as a father at this point, but at least that conversation didn't make it worse. I'm glad he admitted to Serkan that he was not a good father, but also went to lengths to say that unlike him, Serkan would be a good father. Serkan would probably say that his father's opinion doesn't matter, but I think it really does, particularly on that subject. It's very plausible to me that Serkan has fears about being like his dad, and specifically being an unloving, perfection-requiring, absentee father like his dad was. It's important for him to hear that it doesn't have to be like that, hopefully Serkan internalized that they are very different men. It was also nice of him to sort of bless his future with Eda, and even after Serkan said they would want nothing to do with him, say he would still always be there if Serkan needed him. It was as good as could be expected as far as the impact it would have on Serkan's emotional state. 

Didn't see much of Ayfer in this one, which is fine by me. I mentioned it last week, but WOW, what they've done to the hair, makeup and costuming is something else.  For a good part of the series her style was kind of flowy and boho influenced and it worked. She had a bit of a relaxed cool vibe to her. Now they're styling her like an uptight, 90-year-old woman! That green dress was so ugly and WTF was that lampshade on her head?  This is a beautiful woman surrounded by fashionable, 20-something girls, how is she getting more dowdy and frumpy by the episode?

I think I'm going to like Divorce!Aydan. She was such an arrogant character when the show began, it's nice to see her show both warmth and vulnerability.  You could see she was nervous about running for the head of the foundation, which I wouldn't have expected from the woman we met early on in the series. She's been a joy the last few episodes and this was no different. And I will love her forever for staying true to Eda, and asking for her when Balca offered to be by her side. The Eda/Aydan relationship really warms my heart and I love that she needs her future daughter-in-law. Though I did feel for Seyfi when she didn't let him into the group hug. Poor Seyfi, he's as much a part of the family as anyone! Let him hug!

So, I know I've been very lukewarm towards the idea of Engin and Piril, it's just that they're such opposites it's hard to see how it will work.  And they're not opposites like Eda and Serkan are opposites. Eda and Serkan are the kind of opposites that yin/yang each other, and you can easily see them living in harmony, while Engin and Piril seem like the kind that just have incompatible outlooks and lifestyles. However, I do admit that I watched the proposal with a big grin on my face and I might have clapped when she said yes. I guess they at least partially won me over. Engin really tried to go big with his proposal, and if a proposal is going to be played for laughs I'm fine with it being anybody but Edser.  As a side note, I hope when Serkan asks Eda to marry him it's just the two of them, I like a private, emotional proposal for my favs.   So on to everyone's favorite new character, Balca. Boy, what an interesting one she is. Seems to me if you start a new job and decide you're going to go after your boss romantically before you even meet him because an astrologer gave you two initials... you might need professional help. I'm still not over the fact that this piece of work watched Serkan and Eda's sexually-charged slowdance at the party and still had the balls to show up at his house later that night. So far she's shaping up to be a rather tragic figure. Can you imagine being that desperate or having so little self-respect or dignity? It's impossible for her to have real feelings for someone she's never met, so she's risking humiliation, hurting people, and being fired because she's just that desperate to have a warm body in her life?  Yikes. That is pathetic. I'd feel sorry for her if she had shown any sign that she gave a damn that Serkan was already in a relationship for all intents and purposes. Her downfall is going to be SWEET. 

Me thinks she'll be just about as successful at driving a wedge between Eda and Serkan as those who came before her.  Including Aydan, Ayfer, Kaan, Efe and Selin. But hopefully her insidious presence will drive Eda to decide what she wants and to go and get her man. 

LOVED all the Eda/Serkan we got this episode. Starting from the elevator and that kiss. From spoilers, most of us knew the slap was coming, but it still was jarring when it happened. I really don't love any sort of hitting, or any violent act between partners, but I won't ding the characters for it here too much. Eda was vulnerable, discombobulated, and in an emotional whirl. She's trying to maintain distance and force him to maintain distance, all the while being drawn to him on a primal level. I think she slapped him because she thought that's what she should do. They're not officially in that place, they'd established he would be punished if he purposefully broke the contract, and she was vulnerable because of the claustrophobia. As for Serkan, I also don't ding him for doing it under what might not be considered optimal conditions. He knows how she feels, where her heart is, and she was willingly being very intimate there as she nuzzled into his neck. Also he was right that it definitely distracted her and calmed her down. I think she completely forgot where she was. 

That being said, the stones on that guy to kiss her again! I love it. He just smirked through her whole angry tirade, like he knew exactly where she was coming from. She was more putting on an act of being angry, because that's what she thought she should do, than actually being angry. That's the confidence of a man who knows exactly where he stands (for all those who get upset that Eda hasn't told Serkan how she feels, this is proof that he really, really knows).   For me, this episode was all about Eda's resolve crumbling, but her not being completely ready to let it go. So each time she found herself enjoying time with him and being vulnerable, she would retreat and try to build back up that wall. And she failed spectacularly every time. I think that's why we saw her go from putty in his hands one minute to evoking the contract the next, back to putty. She's trying to stay strong and not let him in, but she just can't do it and doesn't really want to do it.

While they were at lunch she tried to maintain distance, she was a bit snarky and trying to resist his flirting. But once they finished lunch and were on the balcony, she couldn't even pretend to maintain an air of indifference. She was so pleased when he said that his entire life has been a rainbow since meeting her. No pretense, she couldn't hide it. Nor could she hide her pleasure in him turning off his phone in order to have lunch with her. 

Deep down, Eda knows it's only a matter of time until they reunite. I think she just needs to be ready to let go of him breaking up with her before she lets down her walls. But when something happens, she's there. One minute they're engaging in pointed banter about her potential punishment, the next she hears that Aydan is not doing well and she's right by his side. No question, no hesitation. When push comes to shove, they're already a family. 

I can just imagine what it does to Serkan to watch Eda be there for his mom. With the agoraphobia I think Serkan took a lot of that burden onto himself, with really only Seyfi to help. That must have felt so isolating. But now Eda is right there with him, and they're a team, he has someone to rely on and share the burden with, it must feel so good. 

You gotta hand it to Serkan Bolat with the whole three wishes thing. My dude is ingenious. Instead of being upset that she kept something from him, or being passive aggressive about it, he figures out the course of action that will give him something to flirt with her about and excuses to spend time together. Also it gives him the opportunity to ask for the one thing he wants most from her, unconditional trust. Because once she's there, there will no longer be any reason for their separation. It's pretty much the cornerstone of everything. Not to say she doesn't trust him as a person, she does, but I think she's trepidatious about trusting his feelings for her. Trusting that he won't break up with her again, or go back to that inconsistent behavior that she's talked about several times. It makes sense that there is still lingering emotional fallout from the breakup. 

"Are you available?" "For you, always." Oh, sweet, sweet Robot. Enough can not be said about how he can make the smallest interaction into something so romantic. He was equally sweet when having her guess the number one thing that benefits him. You know she just melts inside every time he says something like that, and the harder she tries not to show it, the harder she melts. 

One thing I didn't get is Eda being a bit relaxed when it came to trusting Efe. Just the day before she learned that Efe tried to blackmail Selin for her shares, and Eda seemed taken aback at the revelation. However, when they discuss him I don't feel like she validates Serkan's concerns as much as maybe she should.  I'm going to chalk it up to Eda being a bit off-kilter from Serkan asking her if she wants to work with him more closely. Perhaps she wants or needs that buffer of working for his partner instead of him, so she's not going to poke holes in her situation just yet, even if she realizes there is reason for concern. I did like that she reassured him that if Serkan trusted her, it would be fine. That seems like it will be key when Babbaan arrives. 

Is Eda the cutest when she's jealous? I think she's the cutest. So does Serkan. He was enjoying that so much. And I just about died when she scooted her chair over to where she was almost sitting on top of him. The fact that Balca was Eda's own doing, a consequence of some irrational emotions, makes the whole situation even funnier. Serkan can't be dinged at all for choosing her. 

I will be watching TV a long time before I get over the fact that this show found a way to re-enact the scene from Ghost. Thank you writers, producers and creatives! I keep saying that I love how this show rarely misses an opportunity, the shippy content and visuals are second to none. The things this show is able to do on such a tight timeline and I'm sure, budget is impressive. I give most of the credit to the actors and their chemistry, but that was also beautifully shot. What's almost better is when they return to the office all hot and bothered and flustered. These two kids are going to have to fall into bed sooner, rather than later otherwise the sexual tension is literally going to kill them.  

Speaking of UST, they wound themselves up again when they decided to slow dance in front of their friends and coworkers. Besides Balca, is anyone in their orbit still wondering what's going on with them? Together? Broken up? In-between? Are they still office gossip, or is everyone just like "Eh, that's just Eda and Serkan" and they're all expecting to come in the office one morning to find that they’ve eloped. Along those lines, where was Ayfer? She gets so upset at the idea of them even talking... did she even notice them draped all over each other having eye-sex while dancing? I mean I didn't want her to have some over-the-top reaction but if she had it would have been in line with how she's been the last few episodes. The final scene was so damn uncomfortable to watch, but I'm very hopeful this storyline is going to clarify a few things for Eda and we’ll reap those rewards. All in all, I really enjoyed this episode, and can't wait for the next two! 

[madibyrd]

TASK #001: THE LAST NORMAL DAY • broken promises

Flight 441 disappeared on October 16th, Friday, but Madi hasn’t heard about it until the following day, well into Saturday. She got home around 6:30am after finishing a 24 hours shift, remembered to send her sister a message that she wouldn’t be able to make it later to their house to lunch, apologizing for it profoundly, and then knocked out and slept a good twelve hours because she was exhausted. It was a long, hard shift, one of the roughest she’s had in months, constant calls through both the day and night with barely a moment to rest, and she needed to refuel herself.

She woke up to an empty house - Talia was off on some conference being awesome -, and a whole bunch of angry messages from her sister along with several missed calls. She wasn’t in the mood to argue with Liz, but she also knew the more she pushed off the call, the angrier her sister would get, so she let out a long breathe, headed to the kitchen to make herself a coffee and called her sister.

“You promised, Madison, you promised you’d come over for lunch and try out Jake’s soup, he was so excited for you to try it.” No hello, no greeting, and Liz even called her Madison. She really was pissed. She turned on the coffee maker to do its magic and then moved to the living room to turn on the news.

“I promised I would try, Liz, that is what I promised. If my shift went okay and I could get some sleep. I didn’t get any, I literally just woke up.”

“You could have set an alarm.”

“And be a useless sack of potatoes when I go over? You know how I am when I don’t get a proper amount of sleep. It was a really hard shift, Liz, I swear, there were several pretty brutal accidents that we were called to, one of them had a whole family... anyway, aside from those, there were two fires as well and two freaking prank calls that lead to nowhere just us in gear going to the furthest of our district when we could have used that time at least to rest. And this was just the night of the shift, don’t even get me started on the rest of the 24 hours. if I could have, I would have made it over there.”

There was a long pause from the other end of the phone.

“No sleep at all?”

“None until I got home,” Madi promised.

A sigh. “Okay, maybe I forgive you, but you’ll still have to make amends with Jake. Starting with trying out his soup. And groveling a little.”

“Give him the phone and I’ll start, but that kid loves me way too much to need that much groveling.” Which really only made it worse, but she even told Liz not to promise anything to her nephew, so if she said anything more than a really weak maybe, it was on her, as far as Madi was concerned. Not that it would stop her from apologizing to Jake, but still.

“He’s out in the garden playing with...” Liz jumped into a long explanation about what Madi’s nephew was doing, but Madi was not listening to any of it, because when she looked up at the tv, all she saw was the flashing headline - “Tragic plane crash - plane still nowhere found”. She quickly turned the volume on and tried to listen, but with Liz in her ears, it wasn’t the easiest of moments. “Liz, sorry to cut you off, but... what is this plane thing they are talking about on the news?”

“Oh, you didn’t hear before? A plane full of people was heading to LA from... not really sure where, some European city, and then it just vanished. Nobody knows what happened or what happened to them, but they didn’t arrive in LA. Everyone’s freaking out.”

“Yeah, I can imagine...”

Madi got her coffee and chatted a little bit longer with her sister, but she wasn’t really there in the head, she kept losing focus to watching the news and trying to figure out what more there is to know about this accident. She didn’t know anyone on the flight, she knew that - Talia would only be flying back home the next day and nobody else she knew or were close to were planning flying anywhere anytime soon - but still, it wouldn’t leave her mind. To the point where after a couple of hours (which included trying to distract herself and talking to her nephew, promising him that she would try his soup soon), she reached for her phone to text her coworker about the flight, that turned into a phone call that turned into the two of them googling if there were any need for volunteers to go and help with the search.

They found a phone number, they called it, and in less than an hour they were already set to fly to LA, from where the boat they would be on would leave. Their boss wasn’t happy about the development, but he also understood the sentiment, and it wasn’t the first time one of his firefighters went off to volunteer somewhere else. They would make it it work.

The harder conversation for Madi was her family - her parents already didn’t like that her profession included running into burning buildings and risking her own life. They’ve accepted it at this point with grumbles and occasional suggestions to other jobs (her mom’s pitches really were ridiculous, “I’ve heard tv reporters got hundreds of thousands of dollars yearly. Madi, my dear, you love talking, don’t you think that would be a fine job for you?”), but they didn’t like the idea of Madi putting herself in other type of danger, even though Madi insisted she wouldn’t actually be in danger. She would be on a boat, she wouldn’t do the actual dive work, she’d just help out whenever she could (technically she didn’t know what her job would be, but if she said that, her parents would imagine her dangling feets above the water on a hook without any safety, and nobody wanted that). They ended the call on “let’s talk about this more tomorrow” and Madi told them she’d call them from LA. They were not happy about it at all.

Her sister was... both more and less understanding. She was mostly annoyed she’d have to tell a 9 years old her auntie would have to disappear for a while and no, he wouldn’t be able to come over or play with her. And then turned on the worried sister mode and made Madi promise that she would be careful and not do anything stupid like jump into the water to save somebody. Madi did promise. Her best friend simply made her promise to bring her some souvenire and told her that she admired her for wanting to do this and then they spent the rest of the call talking about the guy she was seeing and how she got to a whole new level on one of the video games she was playing at the time that Madi didn’t understand but liked listening to her friend talk about it.

The last conversaion, and weirdly the one that she was both the most anxious and not at all about was Talia. She didn’t call her, she just sent a text - neither of them were really the calling type, and they very rarely actually talked, usually just texted.

[Madi]: So, I’m not going to be home for a while... [Talia]: What have you done? [Madi]: I might have volunteered on one of the rescue teams for that flight that disappeared, did you see that? Or were you too wrapped up in your historical facts? [Talia]: Madiiiiii [Madi]: Yes, that’s my name, though I usually use a lot less i’s :P [Talia]: Your desire to act like a hero can be quite annoying sometimes, you know [Talia]: I was looking forward to a chill night on the couch tomorrow, watching some dumb movie [Talia]: But I guess you’ve already decided, right? [Madi]: Yeah, I fly out to LA tomorrow. We’re just missing each other [Talia]: Somebody is gonna write a book about you and they are going to interview me and I will tell them about that time you got home at 3am and spent an entire hour singing itsy bitsy spider on the foot of my bed, crying about how much spiders are misunderstood and mistrusted even though they are the cutest things on the planet [Madi]: HEY! [Talia]: I know, I know, it’s bees [Talia]: And speaking of them, I won’t have to deal with them, right? [Madi]: Nope, I’m gonna check on them before I leave, they can take care of themselves while I’m gone, you don’t have to go anywhere near them [Talia]: You’re amazing [Madi]: Now tell me about your super historical, super nerdy presentation, did it go okay?

They chatted for a little while longer, Madi happily hearing about Talia’s presentation, being so proud of her. She might have not been there to see it, but she was sure Talia rocked it. And they could celebrate when they would be both back in Boston.

It was evening by the time she was done with everything, and she ate some leftovers from the fridge, watched a sitcom episode on Netflix, and then went to bed early. She wasn’t in the mood for anything else, she was excited to help in something so huge and curious what she would have to do, what kind of job she would be trusted upon. The next day she flew to LA with her partner and spent the remaining of her days on the boat, searching and searching for the disappeared plane without any kind of luck before the fateful accident happened and she’d end up on Meridium.

What she didn’t realize on this Saturday night is that these interactions would become the last she had with them. She talked to Talia and her sister during the trip, and she exchanged a couple of LA memes with her best friend, but there was no end, no goodbye, no finality to any of it. Promises, however, of her return that much more. And all of them would be broken the moment she washed ashore on the sandy beach of Meridium.

[that-yandere-life]

Hey! First time asking anything of a fan fiction writer, but are you able to do multi yandere hcs, your choice of yanderes, with a super villain target? Please don't burn yourself out over it, I don't have a preference over time! I love your writing a lot, take as much time as you need

Peter Parker-

It took him awhile to figure out that you were actually his arch nemesis as you wore a mask over your face.

That explained why sometimes when he was near you his spider senses went off like crazy.

So the next time you guys got into a fight he managed to knock you out.

Peeling back the mask confirming his suspicions much to his dismay.

Since he had you already he decided to help you change your ways and become a better person.

After all who better to make you rethink your choices than the Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man?

Sure he had his doubts on whether you would accept his help, but in the end he realized that over time you had no choice but to.

His love could be what gives you a change of heart, and instead of fighting him you could learn to love him in return.

Maybe it was a little delusional of him but he didn’t see it going any other way.

Locking you up in a room making sure that you couldn’t use any abilities that you had with a device Tony had built to secure prisoners in rooms.

When you woke up you immediately noticed that your mask was missing, and now you were in a pair of guys sweatpants, and a t-shirt that did not belong to you.

Peter walked into the room and started talking to you like you already knew who he was.

As you expressed your confusion he used his web shooter to drag himself up to the ceiling instantly showing off his identity.

Of course you tried to convince him to set you free but that was in vain as he had no plans to.

Explaining your reason’s for doing what you did, didn’t help either.

In return he explained how he only wanted the best for you, and that meant that you couldn’t hurt anyone anymore.

Fighting against the restraints he had placed on you only infuriated you more by the minute.

“It’s okay we can be together now.”

“I don’t even know you besides fighting you!”

Understanding your plight he tried to make you feel better, even showing you how much he cared.

Laying down next to you holding you as you attempted to struggle away.

That didn’t matter to him, he was going to hold you until you gave in whether you realized it or not.

Stroking your hair and telling you how much you meant to him over and over again attempting to sway your opinion of him.

Eventually you couldn’t help but start to listen to him, actually surprised that someone truly cared about you for once.

Giving you his life story over the course of the next few days, you opened up with your own which was a tragic tale to say the least.

How could you say no for long to this adorable brown eyed boy who only showed you love, something you had never really felt in your entire life.

Clint Barton-

[Warning: Slight Mention of Suicide]

It was when he was assigned to take you out that he fell in love with you.

Seeing how you interacted with everyone outside of your villainy he could tell you really had a good heart inside.

That you didn’t really want to hurt anyone, but you felt forced into it because it is what your parents had done.

Almost like a family business gone wrong sort of deal.

While they were proud, you hated yourself every single time you went out in your costume tormenting someone or another.

Never did you kill however, that was the one thing you couldn’t bring yourself to do in the end.

Instead you just caused mass panic and mental anguish for anyone you encountered.

Cornering you one night he had his arrow trained right at your head.

But what really surprised him was you begging him to fire and put a stop to your actions for good.

There was no way he was going to allow that to happen even though that was his original goal.

“Come with me, you don’t have to do this anymore. I can take care of you, keep you safe.”

Part of you wanted to run at him to force his hand, but the other part desperately wanted to believe his intentions were pure and real.

Nodding you dropped your weapons walking towards him with your arms in the air showing that you surrendered and were now unarmed.

Clint would take you with him to his farm that only Fury knew about, but wouldn’t suspect he was holding you there.

Contacting HQ letting them know that the job was done, he secured your freedom as a trusted member of the organization.

There he taught you how to just be a person, that you didn’t have to fight anymore.

Although he did teach you archery, which you actually got pretty good at much to his surprise.

That was when after you asked him, he began truly training you how to be a hero instead of a villain.

Someone who could help people instead of hurting them should the occasion arise.

Forever would he be by your side to keep you safe and feeling loved.

Life would never be the same for either of you.

Steven Rogers-

During a big fight between you and The Avenger’s he managed to knock your mask off with his shield.

Seeing your face he couldn’t believe how breathtaking you were despite being sweaty and panting from the heat of the battle.

That didn’t stop you from continuing to antagonize them and terrorize the civilians running from you.

Quickly he announced his plan to capture you instead of kill you over the comms making everyone think he was crazy.

However he was the Captain and therefore whatever he said went.

Dodging every attack they made upon you, it was hard to focus on everyone at once when they all rushed you.

Taking an unexpected shield to the back of the head you were knocked onto your knees harshly.

Trying to get back up you felt a foot kick you all the way down the ground face first, hitting your head on a piece of concrete you had destroyed as part of a building earlier.

Bleeding heavily you reached up and touched it wincing as you again tried to get to your feet.

Steve took that opportunity to pounce on top of you effectively pinning you to the ground.

There you felt the prick of a dart in your neck as your world started to turn black.

Waking up you felt your head throbbing almost unable to focus on your surroundings, just shocked that you were still alive.

Steve entered the room being notified by FRIDAY that you were now conscious.

“Why didn’t you kill me?”

“I didn’t want to, that’s not what we try to do here if we can avoid it.”

Calling him out on his lie having heard their change of plans with your advanced hearing.

That was when he went into a speech about how you can change, how you don’t have to do what you are doing.

When you tell him you like it, you like feeling powerful he laughs at you.

Nothing feels more powerful than when taking down someone like you.

Sitting down next to you on the cot you had been laid upon he touched your shoulder softly.

Looking into his eyes you couldn’t help but see a spark there, what it was you didn’t understand yet.

But you would, oh you would.

He never had any intentions on letting you leave, his true intentions were to make you his.

Tony Stark-

How Tony found out that you were anything other than a normal human was a little unethical.

Hacking into your communications on your cellphone he found out that you were planning something catastrophic.

Something that he needed to stop before it was too late and you became a cold blooded killer with a thirst for blood.

So he planned on taking you out for a night of fun, you were friends after all.

Now how you got it past him was unknown, he never felt anything off about you.

Plus you were friends with a real life superhero, how could you possibly think what you were planning was okay?

Slipping some sleeping medication into your wine when you went out for drinks he knew it was only a matter of time before he could keep you safe from yourself.

When you told him you were starting to feel drowsy he offered to take you home, having no real intentions of actually taking you there.

Falling asleep in his fancy sports car, he drove you to the tower having a special room connected to his own to house you in.

Laying you down on the bed, he activated the special power deactivator he had invented for Loki once upon a time but had repurposed for you.

Of course he had no idea if you had abilities or not but he wasn’t going to take the chance of you busting out of there and fighting him.

Honestly he didn’t know if he could fight you or not if it came down to it.

He had been in love with you for a long time, and he couldn’t set aside his feelings to harm you.

Upon waking up you felt yourself start to panic and bang on the huge metal door blocking your exit.

Tony entered crossing his arms over his chest, and you knew in that moment that he figured out what you were and what you were planning.

Looking down at the floor you didn’t want to face him or answer his questions.

He didn’t really give you a chance not to as he bombarded you with one after another demanding you respond.

All you could do was apologize, you knew what you had planned was wrong but you wanted his attention even if it was for a bad reason.

Unable to believe the words that came out of your mouth he made you meet his gaze by tipping your chin up.

“You’ve always had my attention, you needed only to ask.”

Sobbing you cried into his chest as he held you, reassuring you that you weren’t inherently bad you were just about to make a bad choice.

With him by your side you could work on rehabilitating, and turn your misfortune into something good.

And he was never going to leave your side again.

[Okay I went off a little and did way too much, but we all should have realized by now that I have the too extra gene hahaha! Thank you so much for your request and your compliments! I really hope that you like it, and that it was what you were wanting!

[staypuftmarshmallowgirl]

Dani’s Arc Was Not Destroyed

I love Dani, I love her character, and even after this episode I still love her story. This decision on Dani‘s part to burn down Kingslanding is not out of character, and it does not destroy her character arc. We have seen Dani struggle with keeping her violence at bay every step of the way throughout the show. And yes we’ve never seen her use it against innocent people, this is a first, but it still isn’t out of character. Let me explain...

In Essos it was easier for Dani to gain followers. She freed the Dothraki from their tyranical leaders and walked out of fire, and so they bowed to her. She freed the Unsullied from abuse and slavery, and so they were loyal to her. She freed the slaves of Meereen, and so they followed her. It’s logical that if slaves are freed, they would want to follow the person that gave them their freedom. Grey Worm and Misandei said this outright in the show, they feel she is the reason they got their freedom, and rightfully so. And that’s not to lessen Dan victory, she freed all of these people, all on her own and she did so out of the goodness of her heart. BUT when it came to the rest of the citizens of Meereen, she had a much harder time getting them on her side. It took Tyrion to come out of nowhere to keep the city neutral if only for a little bit of time before the fanatic Sons of the Harpy came in. We have been shown, that Dani has a hard time ruling ALL of the people. 

We saw this season that she has come to a land that is foreign to her, and she is foreign to the natives that live there. The people of Westeros are much different than the people of Meereen (as people of different countries, faiths, and cultures would be). Westerosians are relatively free, and they don’t care about the crown as Tyrion has said before. They are loyal to their houses, and they do not like foreigners. These things have been laid out throughout the show, time and time again. It was always going to be much harder to gain these people’s trust. And many say that Dani putting her goal on hold, to fight in the North at the battle of Winterfell should have gained that trust. And for a lot of the citizens, it did! Just not all of them, and just not the ones that matter lol. She needed to convince the Starks, and she, unfortunately, didn’t. They appreciate her coming to fight, but that doesn’t mean she’ll make a great queen of everyone as both Sansa and Arya stated. All of the Starks have been through so much, they have met many people, those good, and many MANY who are bad. And they have learned to spot those who can’t be trusted or spot those who cause them wary. It’s logical that this person that they do not know would cause them to not want to blindly follow them. If Dani is their queen, she would hold their lives in her hands. I would also want to make sure that the person who is governing me is the best possible option, and as of right after the battle of Winterfell, they felt she still wasn’t their best option. Fair.  

She is still an outsider in the eyes of many. And not only that, but in the eyes of those many, there is someone who is ‘better’. And I don’t think it’s just because Jon is a man. Jon has done a lot for not only his people, but the Wildlingspeople they were supposed to hate as well. He put everything on the line to save people because he knew it was right. Just like Dani, but the difference is, the people of Westeros have SEEN this, they have experienced Jon, they have lived with him, and fought with him. On not just one occasion. Both Dani and Jon have had pretty much the same story, just taking place in different continents. And Jon’s happen’s to be on the continent that Dani wants to rule. We’ve seen the whole show, so we understand that Dani was a good person with great intentions, but the characters have not seen this. In the eyes of the Westerosians, they have seen Dani in one battle fighting for their people (up until the point of Kingslanding), while they have experienced Jon in multiples. If you were a Westerosian, I’m sure you’d rather pick the person, you know, instead of the person who came out of nowhere. 

And it seems like Dani slowly started to realize that after the battle of Winterfell. She will always be an outsider (unless she takes the long way around and builds relationships, and we’ve seen she doesn’t have the patience for that either). And then they all learn Jon has that better claim to the throne. He’s the son of her brother who was going to be king, so he was in the line of succession while she wasn’t. And Jon is also a dude, which in medieval times, made him more worthy (yes we all know that is sexist, it’s the time period we’re working with). It seems at every angle Dani is being squeezed, and from her perspective, her goal is slipping away. She was always coming to the point where she was going to have to make a decision. Would she rule with Jon, would she let him rule, would she trust that he wouldn’t take it from her and go forth with her goal, or would she burn them all? She had multiple options, but people in desperate states usually can only see one. And she chose the most drastic because she didn’t believe the others were possible. She burned down Kingslanding and decided to do what her ancestors did, and I’m talking allllll the way back to Aegon the Conqueror. That is how he gains control of Westeros in the first place. He was a decent guy, but no one followed him because of that, they followed him because he had 3 dragons and could kill everyone, and in the beginning, he did just that. After he took it over, he was a decent ruler and stopped killing innocents, and thus the dynasty was able to carry on. Her past, her family, her genetics have ALWAYS been there to hold her down. 

This vision that Dani had is from Season 2, when the show was following Geoge R. R. Martin’s books faithfully. Dani burning down Kingslanding was shown many seasons before it even happened. What I am trying to say is, Dani’s arc has been foreshadowed from the beginning. She’s from a family of crazies, she has a tendency for violence, she wasn’t great a ruling all the people. I too wanted her to be able to break the wheel. But that is extremely hard to do. At no step was she able to do that. She was able to free people, and that’s amazing. But when it came to the rules of society, she wasn’t able to change anything. She had great ideas, but didn’t know how to accomplish them. And so she will fail at keeping the iron throne. ...But that doesn’t mean her character arc is lost. It just means it’s a tragic one. And in the nature of Game of Thrones, it fits. If you look at Martin’s writing, he doesn’t want to do the ending we all want. The princess and prince won’t ride off into the sunset, rule together and live happily ever after. After Ned Stark was beheaded, we should have known those tropes would be out the window. So, I don’t think Jon will get the throne either. I do think she will succeed in breaking the wheel though. Though if Dani’s the final boss to take down in the show, it looks like she won’t be there to see it done. She’s planted the seed that the wheel should be broken. She told this to whom? Tyrion Lannister. The person who has interacted with every house on the show, has been all around the world, the person who has the compassion for the people, the tenacity to work with all people whether they’re born high in society or low, and give them what they desire, and the intelligence to build something new out of the ashes. 

I know it sucks that a character we want to succeed, won’t. It is fair to be upset about that. And the writing of season 8 has been kind of shit, but when it comes to Daenerys, her story has been set up from the beginning. It’s storytelling, not all characters end the way we want them to. But that doesn’t make their arc any less important to the story. Dani will change the world, she just won’t rule it. And that is alright too...

[shauni-will-never-write]

Hey shauni, i dont know if you know, but do you have any tips in trying to complete(at least the main cast one) support log in Fates? Or if not, then do you have any support you think its pretty cool? (As in what happens in it, not necessarily for best boosts or etc)

Oh, sure, I can try helping you out! o:

If you want to complete the support log fast, I recommend:

Start a Revelation game.

Advance till a point where you’re sure to get all the kids immediately after their parents get married.

Set it on Phoenix mode so characters retreating don’t get in the way. Or, if you’re allergic to Phoenix mode, choose a very low level map that you’re sure your party will have no problem beating. 

Generate enemies using money (twice for maximum enemies). 

Farm until all of your characters have achieved an A-support with each other (if the enemies are low-leveled, just keep skipping your turn so they come and crash on your units, it’ll save you time). For couples, farm until the S rank is unlocked but not selected.

Save your game.

Now you get your first couples reach their S-support (including your avatar) and save on another slot. Be sure to write down the couples so you don’t forget which ones you’ve done. Now get the kids for that first batch of couples and farm supports with the kids (especially for the moms. You only need to get the supports with the dads once.)

Once you’ve unlocked all the supports of your first batch of couples and kids, go back to your original save file. Get your second batch of couples done, then save on a third slot (or rewrite the second save file). Get the kids and repeat. Keep writing down the couples you’ve done.

Repeat until all the couples are done.

Now you’re only missing the supports with the avatar of the other gender. Start a new game and farm with all the people your avatar can S-support, then repeat the process of saving your original, unmarried file before getting married, saving on another slot before getting Kana (and the other kid if your avatar is female), then going back to the original save file before marrying someone else, etc.

Now you only have to play a Birthright and Conquest route real quick so you can get Yukimura, Scarlet, Izana and Gunter’s supports with the avatar (both genders) + M!Kana if you play a female avatar + F!Kana if you play a male avatar.

It shouldn’t be as tedious as it sounds o: At least, it’s the fastest way I know to complete the supports log. If you only want to get the main cast’s supports, it really shouldn’t take long!

As for which supports I think are enjoyable… it’s been a while, but I’d say:

Ryouma - Setsuna. I’ve done this pairing in my very first playthrough just because the idea of Setsuna queen of Hoshido was hilarious to me. On top of that, I found their supports quite cute as they show an unusual more serious side of Setsuna: after being complimented by Ryouma who mistook her whereabouts for going to train, she feels bad for lazying around and actually starts training so that she can “deserve” his compliments.

Saizo - Setsuna. Marrying Saizo to women who piss him off is everything to me asdfghjm Setsuna manages to (unintentionally) push every single one of his buttons and you can see the man losing his shit the more he interacts with her.

Saizo - Charlotte. Again, marrying Saizo to women who piss him off is so much fun. Except that in this case, Saizo is also pissing off Charlotte.

Jacob - Setsuna. Yes, I like a lot of Setsuna’s supports. I don’t know who between Saizo and Jakob gets the most angry at how useless and infuriating Setsuna is, but it’s just. So funny. Bonus points for Setsuna (accidentally) making Jakob fall into a trap.

Silas - Hinoka. Imo their supports were legit interesting, and their S-support is very, very sweet as you see them planning where they’d build their house to live together.

Takumi - Camilla. There’s just something endearing and funny in seeing Takumi act like a flustered schoolboy. Bonus point for Camilla being definitely taller than him, even without high heels.

Jakob - Azura. Guys, Jakob is so happy Aqua actually loves him in their S-support that he faints like a Victorian maiden whose corset is too tight. What more do you want?

Hinata - Azura. Gives a little bit of backstory to Azura, plus they’re cute. Be careful though, if Shigure and Hisame are brothers, you won’t be able to get the Shigure/Hisame C-A support chain (that is honestly very peaceful and sweet).

Suzukaze/Kaze - Beruka. In which Beruka is taught to have a quiet hobby that she actually enjoys. Their supports are relaxing, and it’s very cute to see Beruka, of all people, learning the simple pleasures life has to offer.

Laslow - Peri. Among all of Peri’s support chains, this is the one that genuinely gives us a closer look to the origins of Peri’s pscyhopathic womanchild impulses, as well as some backstory, AND shows her undergoing actual character development. The end of their support chain, in particular, gets quite emotional.

Xander - Camilla. I won’t spoil, but we get to see how well Mom figure knows Dad figure compared to their other siblings.

Kisaragi/Kiragi - F!Kana. Because don’t tell me it’s not cute as hell to see these two promise to each other they’ll get married when they grow up.

Ryouma - Hinoka. Don’t you want to see cute sibling interaction? Ryouma being teased to the point he’s speechless?

Fuga - M!Avatar. Because you get to know a little bit of Fuga’s backstory. Well, not much, but you learn a little something that is never mentioned anywhere else regarding Fuga and Hayato’s parents. #FugaDeservedBetter

Tsubaki - Azura. Romantic knight in shining armor and princess in distress vibes. Also featuring robed assassins.

Tsubaki - Selena. Yeah, it’s weird because of the Caeldori thing, but their supports legit bring closure to Selena’s insecurities about perfectionism, which is really neat.

Tsubaki - Avatar (either gender). At first glance, their supports don’t seem like much, but once you realize how crippled by his fear of imperfection and how livid Tsubaki gets at the slightest mistake, it reveals a really unhealthy side of him that 99% of players are sleeping on. Once you realize that Tsubaki has been raised since childhood to be perfect and how terrified he is that everyone may one day realize that he’s been faking it since the beginning (saying everything he does is effortless when really he’s just constantly working his ass off in secret), it really brings a lot of (tragic) depth to Tsubaki and makes him much more endearing (and sad).

M!Avatar - Caeldori. I found their supports really adorable. Plus it’s funny how composed and mature Caeldori is when she confesses vs how flustered the male Avatar gets. Also makes you realize that Caeldori is unknowingly reinforcing Tsubaki’s phobia of imperfection by idealizing him so much and making him fear she’ll eventually either surpass him in skills or realize that he’s a “fraud” (so much that he refuses to train her himself and sends her to the male avatar).

Hayato - Rhajat. Their A-support is just so good. Makes you realize that Hayato is legit a better father than most of the other male characters.

Rhajat - F!Kana (mother/daughter): Watch Rhajat being an awkward but genuine and loving mom. You remember Tharja’s supports with Noire and F!Morgan? Well, they couldn’t be more different.

There are more supports worth checking, but I think that’s enough x’D I got too talkative.

Hope this helps! ^^

[thatyanderecritic]

Inu X Boku SS

Title: Inu X Boku SS

Media: Manga, Written by Cocoa Fujiwara

Yandere(s): Soushi Miketsukami

Yandere Scale: 5/5

Criticism written by: Kai 

Editor: Julie

The Review: 

Hey there everyone! Kai here with a review that I’m sure everyone was waiting for. Sorry for taking so long. I really tried finishing the story but… god damn was it boring and convoluted. I ended up calling it after reaching chapter 31(?) out of 45. Reading the wiki was a million times easier than the actual story lmao. But I’ll get into this whole nonsense in the review. Let’s begin. 

To summarize Inu X Boku in a nutshell… well, uh… that’s kinda hard to do since it’s kinda wild. But to break it down, Ririchiyo (our protagonist) one day decided to live on her own and moved into an apartment complex. This apartment complex is known to only house the rich and each resident is assigned a bodyguard. But!!! The apartment complex and all the residents aren’t normal people but half yokai!!! OooOoOoO~

But anyways, Ririchiyo’s bodyguard is Mr. Yandere here, Soushi. Since Ririchiyo moved to this building to be independent, she wasn’t cool with having a bodyguard. But after some shoujo bullshit, Ririchiyo warmed up to the idea of having a bodyguard and they hook up. Bunch of dicking around from the characters but then suddenly DRAMA~!!! A bad guy comes around to turn the half yokai into full yokais or whatever and kills the heroes!!! Oh no!!! 23 years passed, and everyone reincarnated because that’s the logic of the world. Don’t question it. Anyways, history repeats itself and so the gang decides to prevent it by sending a time capsule backwards in time (don’t you dare question story logic!!!) to warn their previous lives of the bad guy. It worked. They killed the bad guy but wait! The bad guy was just a deeply flawed person who went down the wrong path :’( And everyone had a happy ending, the end :)

As you can see, the story is wack. But before I get into my rant, let me talk about Soushi here, since that’s what everyone wants (not my amazing opinion on writing :( ). What can I say about Soushi besides being a hot piece of ass… like hot damn, the man is hot. And as a yandere, he’s even hotter. Lots of creeper actions like preserving Ririchiyo’s gifts for him, having a room full of her pictures, literally loyal to her like a dog, and doesn’t take Ririchiyo’s no’s seriously. Soushi whole life purpose is to protect Ririchiyo and he has a solid background on why he loves her. Soushi is much more of a sweet type of yandere and the best term to call him is a “good yandere” since he doesn’t really do anything bad towards Ririchiyo or any “love rivals”. Soushi is just a chill yandere overall and a well developed character! I wish more yanderes are like him tbh. I should mention that there is a case of alternate timelines and what have you. I’m sure some smart ass would point out how Julie and I gripe about alternate universes and multiple endings. Yes, this is usually detrimental to the yandere sometimes but that’s only if they aren’t consistent with their yandere character. It doesn’t even knock them out of the running either if they fail that point. But here, Soushi was consistent in all timelines. He loves Ririchiyo and was a yandere for her in each timeline. See, is that so hard to ask when tossing in an alternate universe? Anyways, is Soushi enough incentive to read this god-awful story? Well, let me make a list here on what I thought of the manga.

Pros:

All the characters are fantastic. They’re all well developed and they’re all likeable. You’ll most likely like all the characters, if not, at least one. Just… the characters are so well written. What the fuck happened with the story?

Great art. The manga art is pretty good. What else to say?

Cons:

Oh boy… lots of cons. The first one to point out is obviously the story. It’s so wild and convoluted. I can really sense the writer's scattered thoughts throughout the story. The best way to describe the plot is: “A whole lot of ‘something’ when there’s literally nothing.” Reading the story, you know for a fact that there’s a major conflict going on within the story but there was no real sense of urgency since the characters were dicking around so much. I can really tell the writer just wanted to do… ‘everything’ with their story. They want a complex plot yet slice of life. They wanted to do a 4koma comedy, yet they want to have a telenovela. They wanted the characters to be ‘human’ with human problems yet they’re also half monsters because that’s #cool. The writer was just all over the place and had no focus. There are just parts where you feel like the writer just went “Oh shit!!! This is supposed to be a fantasy action story!!!” It’s just… bad. The first arc was the only good part of the entire manga. It focused only on the main characters and side characters with no fantasy bs nonsense. And it was rather disappointing once Ririchiyo and Soushi got together since it was rather rushed for the #plot. Really, what the writer should have done was A) just kept the manga a slice of life, shoujo story. No need for the stupid half yokai and bad guy bullshit. Literally the writer forgets that shit half the time except for gags. There’s really no point and you can just fix the rich half yokai background with just rich people problems. The fuck. B) just focus on character relationships and expand on it. Take that first arc and just… stretch it out bro. Let Ririchiyo and Soushi interact more and grow together before dumping their tragic backstory. C) stop with those chapters dedicated to 4koma comedy strips. Yes, they’re fun and it’s cute to play with your characters like that. But it’s defeats the purpose of a “serious” story if there these comedy chapters… BETWEEN EACH PLOT IMPORTANT CHAPTER. WHY??? SAVE THAT FOR THE END OF THE MANGA OR MAKE A MINI SPIN OFF MANGAS FOR THEM. DON’T TOSS THEM IN THE MANGA AT RANDOM?!?!?!

Next on the chopping block is the weird fucking loli thing going on here. Is no one weirded out that Ririchiyo and this other side character are straight up lolis and are sexualized??? It’s really really disturbing. Why does Ririchiyo sleep nearly nude? Why is there a female pervert character who leers on these two child looking characters and want to put her hand between their thighs? Is the fact that the female pervert is a female supposed to make it better? How old is Ririchiyo??? She doesn’t look like a high school student even though everyone claim she is. It’s fucked to see Ririchiyo standing next to Soushi… especially once they’re dating. She looks like an actual child next to Soushi… either Soushi is freakishly tall or Ririchiyo is freakishly short (which I’m sure that’s the case). Just… why the lolis????????

Story logic = fucked

Pointless bad guy. Literally, the second and third arc are so bad and boring. What’s the point in having him around.

Repeat: the story is just… so boring. I can’t get this off my chest any other way.

Now back to my original point: is reading Inu X Boku SS worth it just for the yandere? My personal opinion: No. It really isn’t. Just read the first arc then from there read fanfics or doujinshi (there’s so many). Far better reward and you can focus on the characters. But if you can sit this manga through, more power to you.

Overall Score: 6/10

Now please enjoy this collage of pictures of Soushi while I read some Soushi X Reader fanfics. The man is hot and I think he’s my confirmed favorite yandere <3

[monster-mum]

The Stories we keep

One thing I would say I am good at is remembering stories and anecdotes from throughout my life. All types of stories from my past are easily called upon when needed, I am always amazed at the details I can recall. A friend once told me that I have a story for everything. That doesn’t mean I am wiser, it means I have done more stupid stuff in my life, something which seems a consistent theme, even today.

Recalling stories from my life is enjoyable and it gives me a sense of nostalgia. This love for reliving past times has made me someone who is very interested in other people and their stories. People are incredibly interesting and have wonderful stories to tell. I often tell my friends and family about my “plane” friends, “boat” friends or “train” friends. Whichever mode of public transport I take I end up chatting to whoever is unlucky enough to be sat next me. I have heard lovely, funny stories, and I have heard sad and tragic stories. All are stories that deserve to be heard. Sometimes I think people just need to talk, to share something about their lives to a stranger, someone who doesn’t know them and probably won’t see them again. Anonymity holds a certain type of freedom for many, without someone to judge you from your life, who is unlikely to repeat the story to someone you know, it can be an incredible lifeline to many who are bursting and needing to speak to someone.

I have always asked a lot of questions. Maybe that is why I felt Journalism was to play a part in my future. I have never been very good at judging which questions are appropriate and inappropriate though. My Dad used to tell me I was tactless, but he was forgetting I am a mix of my Mum’s interest and intrigue in others and their wellbeing, and my Dad’s Glaswegian abruptness.

I can remember one time on a flight to San Francisco I was sat in the window seat, on a row of three, with two men. I was very excitable as I was heading over to see my best friend, so was naturally a bit hyper. The two men and I began the small talk that most British people will do when they are placed in a situation with those they don’t know. It is like a weird impulse for us Brits. “Right, I don’t know you so I have to say something to prove this isn’t an awkward situation.”  It usually starts with something like “can you believe the weather?” British people are always surprised by the weather and can rarely believe what it is doing. It doesn’t matter if it is raining, sunny or snowing we can never believe it, and we are never 100% happy with it. We would then ask if they’re heading away for a holiday? Etc etc. The conversation takes off from there. This time though I had a bit of a shock when I asked what I though was a simple question, only to be told it was a personal question. Then followed a conversation where I was educated by both men on what all women are like.

Me: “So, you heading to the states for a holiday?”

Man 1 (sat by the aisle): “No for business. I am heading to the gaming convention there to represent the company I work for. It was a last-minute thing, they didn’t book my ticket until last night. Do mind me asking how much you paid for your ticket? I’m just interested in the price difference on the tickets.”

This surprised me as I thought that question would be considered a personal one. I responded with how much I had paid. We discovered that his ticket was around £1,000 more expensive than what I had paid. Can you believe that!

Anyway…

Me: “How about yourself?” referring to the man in the middle seat.

Man 2: “I am also heading to the convention. I am a game designer.”

The two men then discussed some stuff to do with the companies they worked for, and what games were in the pipeline etc. Then the conversation moved on to where in England we all lived and our lives etc. I mentioned I was married with two children and that led on to me asking:

Me: “Are you married?”

Man 1: “That’s a very personal question.”

 Me, very confused: “Is it? Sorry, I didn’t realise.”

 Everything then goes quiet for a bit, then:

 Man 1: “I’m not married, but I have a girlfriend who I have been with for about three years. We don’t live together. I think she is wanting me to propose at some point.”

 Me: “Oh, okay. That’s nice. So, you guys are happy, that’s good.”

 Man 1: “Happy? I don’t know about that. I think I am going to break up with her when I get back. She’s in her thirties now and you know what that means…”

 At this point he nudges the guy next to us and they both share a knowing smile.

 I have absolutely no idea what this means. I, also a woman in her thirties, had no clue as to what they were talking about.

 Me: “What does that mean?”

 Man 1 smiles in a patronising manner at me. I pretended not to notice.

 Man 1: “Well, when a woman gets to thirty she wants to settle down and get married and have children. In fact, (Here he looks at Man 2 and they, again, share the same look as before) when any woman gets into a relationship for three years or longer they put pressure on their partner to get married. All they can see is marriage and babies. All women are like it. I’m not ready for that kind of thing yet. It would’ve been the same for you and your husband. I bet you were the one talking about marriage and children. I bet from a young age you were dreaming of your perfect wedding day.”

 Again, he looks at Man 2 who nods in agreement.

 Meanwhile I am sat completely surprised at this man’s ability to bunch all women into a group of being one track minded individual’s wanting marriage and babies, but also that this “philosophy” of his was something random Man 2 also seemed to be aware of. I had heard of these kinds of “understanding the opposite sex” assumptions before but only on sitcoms like Friends and Frasier etc. I was very surprised to find not one, but two men who seemed to be aware of this.

 Putting aside the blatant sexism I was shocked that he had made some pretty incorrect assumptions about me and the kind of woman I am. Anyone who knows me, and knew me growing up, knows that I have never been the kind of girl to dream of her wedding day, or Prince Charming, or even children. It wasn’t until my Goddaughter was born that I even entertained the idea that at some point, maybe, I might have a child. I was never very keen on children, I found them loud and dirty and annoying. I certainly did not push Chris into proposing. It actually took me about fifteen minutes to process what he was asking me and then say yes. Chris is a very patient man, I am sure I have mentioned this several times in other posts. Anyway, I am not a future planning type of person, I am very much a day to day kind of girl.

 Me: “Oh okay. Well, no I didn’t push my husband into proposing. It was something we had discussed, like making sure we were wanting the same things in the future. No point either of us wasting time on a relationship that wasn’t heading in the same direction. It was a mutual discussion with no pressure applied. I wasn’t looking for marriage and children any time soon but I knew one day I would and he was the same. If anything, he was keener on the marriage thing than I was.”

 At this point Man 1 and Man 2 laugh.

 Man 1: “Okay, but check with your husband. Ask him when you get back home and see what he says. I bet he felt he had to, to keep you happy. Women are all the same that way. Marriage and babies.”

 The conversation then drifted on to other subjects. All I could think was how sorry I felt for this poor woman back in England. Part of me hoped that they would break up and then she could meet someone who didn’t talk about her that way.

 I know many of you readers will be wondering why I didn’t argue my point, or try and reason with these men. You just have to choose your battles. Male, female, whichever you identify as, there are always those people who are so in tuned with their own thoughts and beliefs, no matter how ignorant they are, sometimes there is just no point arguing and trying to correct them. He had come to this conclusion based on what had happened in his life, we are all products of our environment. Right or wrong isn’t so black and white when you become an adult. I try very hard to see both sides of the story and even though I certainly did not agree with his surmising and was offended and hurt by the patronising tone, I continued to talk to him for much of the flight. He was actually a nice guy, maybe a bit misguided in some of his understandings of “all” females but nevertheless he was alright. Just as the plane landed he asked how I was getting to my friend’s house, I said that they were picking me up at the airport. I think it suddenly hit him that I was a female travelling alone. He offered to help me with my suitcase and asked me if I wanted him to escort me to arrivals to meet my friends. I didn’t find this patronising or an affront to my feminist rights. I found it comforting and kind. Yes, he was likely doing it because I was a female and there are many traditional beliefs and values that lead many to think we are safer with a man to protect us, but I have offered the same to other women and men. How does his kindness differ from that of me offering?

  What is the point of me telling you this story? Well, to be honest I could take it in many different directions. This interaction I had to many would’ve seemed like nothing special, just another awkward stranger conversation. To me though it is a story that I can retell in many situations to others which may make them laugh, be outraged, be comforted or even inspired by. It is so important to hold on to the stories of how you have become you. It is the happy, the sad, the angry, the shocked, surprised, tragic and embarrassing moments that add to building of who we are. They shouldn’t be devalued and certainly not forgotten. I believe everything happens for a reason. Whether you believe in a God or Karma, or even just hope, knowing that these interactions and experiences amount to me makes me want to remember them more because one day, one of these stories of mine may well be the very thing that helps someone. Everything for a reason, a type of hope.

[thesffcorner]

The Hustle

The Hustle is a comedy heist film starring Anne Hathaway and Rebel Wilson. Penny is (Wilson) an Australian, small-time con artist, who mostly catfishes men, and sells tragic stories to get favors. While on a train to France, she meets Josephine (Hathway), a professional, big-time con woman, who operates in a small town in the South of France. After some shenanigans and blackmail, Josephine agrees to train Penny how to make it into the big leagues, and more shenanigans ensue.

This movie was a hot mess. It doesn’t know what it wants to be; is it a friends to enemies story about these two women? Is it a master/apprentice story? Is it a romance? Is it a heist? Is it about one character maturing and the other realizing she doesn’t need to be alone?

The answer? All and none of these things.

Let’s start with the good parts, namely, the comedy. Hathaway and Wilson are provenly funny, and with the right director and the right script, they can be downright hilarious. Here, they got a few big laughs from me, especially Wilson in an  inspired and hilarious montage of learning how to be a ‘professional conwoman’ that involves knives and champagne, and later in a series of smaller cons called ‘Lord of the Rings’. Hathway too gets some funny moments, but she mostly plays the straight man (woman?) to Wilson’s wilder character. This is mostly noticeable with how much of Wilson’s lines are clearly ad-libbed, while Hathaways don’t appear to be.

The duo has chemistry, and in the scenes where they are allowed to be together and play off of each-other, they are great. The problem is, because this film can’t decide what kind of story it wants to tell, they don’t really interact that much, and spend most of the film as enemies, so when the inevitable heartfelt turn happens, and they become friends it doesn't feel earned. Neither of them changes at all; they start the film as total opposites, and they end the film as opposites, neither learning nor growing from the other.

What hurts the film the most is the unfocused, meandering script and bad pacing. Let me illustrate this for you, and mild SPOILERS here because it’s honestly impossible to even tell what is a spoiler in this film.

Before we even get to the part where Josephine agrees to train Penny, we have two separate scenes that establish their cons, they meet on the train, Josephine sends Penny to a different town, she sees Penny in her town, Penny gets arrested, Josephine cons Penny into leaving, Penny meets the man Josephine conned in the first scene on the plane, and finally goes to her house and asks to be trained.

Did you get all that?

Then, we have the montage of Penny training, THEN we have the elaborate ‘Lord of the Rings’ scheme, then Penny gets angry and leaves after Josephine doesn’t pay her, then they meet at a hotel, then they make a bet that they can con $500,000 of someone and FINALLY we meet the mark, young tech millionaire Thomas (Alex Sharp).

There is over half a movie before we even meet the main mark of the film, and even then, it’s not a real con! There’s no planning, no structure; it’s just a series of inane gags, where Wilson pretends to be blind, and Hathaway pretends to be a doctor that can cure her. I won’t even go into the logic of Thomas being naive enough to believe Penny is blind, or that Josephine is a real doctor (who managed to build a functional web-page, and post a photo on Instagram to trick Thomas in a matter of minutes); there’s no point to this scheme, and the time we should be spending showing us how Penny has to use Josephine’s playbook and vice versa, is lost on this mess.

Even still, I could’ve forgiven it, if the ending delivered; it doesn’t. It was really quite bad. Genuine SPOILERS from this point.

First, while I could see how Penny could fall for Thomas (hell, he fooled me too, he was very convincingly naive and charming), how ON EARTH did he con Josephine into investing $500,000 in his app, when she didn’t even know what app he had built to make him rich in the first place?

Second, again while I get why Penny wanted to sleep with Thomas, and why she wanted to call the con off (though the latter was insanely rushed), why didn’t she just tell Josephine that Thomas was broke? And what kind of weird ass, unjustified leap is it from “let’s steal $500,000 from him” to “let’s see who sleeps with him first?” I swear only a man can write a female character like this, especially since the film is more than a little queerbaity with Hathaway’s character up until that point, so her being sexually interested in Thomas came straight out of left field.

And then, Thomas is the real master con artist, and swindles them both. I kind of liked this, because at least then the message of ‘all men are trash’ stayed consistent, but the implication was that even though these were two master con artists, a single man showed up and conned them both? This is the message?

I guess the idea was that Penny and Josephine were so busy trying to destroy each other, they fall easy prey to the real con, but this should’ve been the second act twist! It was the perfect opportunity to showcase properly Penny and Josephine working together, and becoming real friends, while taking Thomas down, but no. Instead, he just shows back up to Josephine’s house and wants to work with them. And then they agree. Oh, and he really did fall in love with Penny. WHAT?

And then the film just...ends, with the three of them together, implying that they really are better together. It’s supposed to be an answer to Josephine’s “I work alone”, except a) this wasn’t earned with any of the character actions until now, and b) Josephine wasn’t alone; she had Albert and Desjardins who she was clearly close with. What, do they not count?

Overall, this was a confused mess of a film. While it had some funny set pieces, and Hathaway and Wilson were good in their respective parts, it was poorly structured, meandering and simply unmemorable. If you really want to watch it, I suggest waiting for it to come to Netflix, because it’s very much where it belongs.

[archereation]

5 Ways to Create a Holiday You’re Ecstatic With Minus Money

Photo Credit: Uncommon Goods

Holiday.

We all know the term. What does it mean? How do you create a “holiday” from a regular day? 

Sure, some of us have time off from work, some of us are automatically going to be around friends and family and celebrate or have a party. What makes a holiday different from a regular day though? What makes any day more special than another? This is the question I am seeking to answer on this day after Christmas, as we reach towards 2019 with hopeful hands.

Not only this, but what makes our frustrations and even anger with our loved ones especially intense on these days that are fed to us through society and the media as the happiest times of the year? Does the pure expectation clashing with reality create this discomfort and stress?

To me, the whole difference between holiday and a regular day is a break from the norm. It has certain special elements that make it unique:

When we eat, it’s food that is special in the way that we don’t normally get to enjoy it. Even the way we eat is different. In most cases, we allow ourselves to indulge more than we would on say, a Monday in April.

People also create a holiday. We make sure we are around people we love. In a lot of cases, people that we don’t normally get to see- therefore, it’s a break from the mundane in this way. Either you make sure you are around people you love the most or people you rarely see or both.

The activities make the holiday. Themed, seasonal, and different than what you do everyday. Do they need to be planned? Extra special to make it worth it? Let’s see...

The setting is the final element that matters. Are you cuddled around a fire? Out on a snowy mountain? A friend’s house? “The condo” or the “cabin”? The home that you miss so much? The setting is key to holiday happiness, or is it?

So, I have settled on these simple ideas, for the sake of understanding, that a holiday is a holiday because it is different than an ordinary, average day. 

Now onto the darker, not so obvious aspects of a holiday.

If you have ever been sad or even depressed around the holidays, you know that it can be exacerbated hugely by these “merry” days. My conclusion about why has to do with the expectations that are slathered on thicker than your average day around the holidays. It’s the most wonderful time of the year damn it! Be happy! This notion can make an already down person slide into a spiral.

You don’t necessarily have to be depressed; the feeling doesn’t need to be quite that intense or critical. You could just have the most common human feeling there is: dissatisfaction. You could feel like your life is especially mundane lately, and the expectations of the holiday are making it worse.

Of course, money troubles never help the holidays. When you can’t afford gifts and everything else that our society tells us we must need to make the holiday special, you can feel like your holiday is doomed. There is a pressure, especially when you are showing up at a gathering where you have family and friends that you don’t see all the time, to look a certain way. You feel like you need to sport a new outfit, be fitter than last time you saw them (slim for women, and big and buff for men), and fit into societal “norms.” Maybe you should take the nice car and not the junker because otherwise Uncle Skip may judge you. Should I talk a certain way? you ask yourself. And the list of worries and expectations goes on.

So here is the key question: how do we overcome societal expectations and norms that ultimately make us feel dissatisfied? How do we create a holiday that is special to us personally and therefore satisfying? What elements do we need?

This Christmas, I had a fantastic time. Here is the kicker though: I had no extra money to spend on anything. I couldn’t even afford homemade gifts or a tree. So how, you ask, did I possibly have a great Christmas?

The only gift I received was a bead bracelet purchased for me with 5-25 cent pieces from a man on the street who was trying to get donations to help his Buddhist organization build a temple. I was ecstatic with it. Gut busting laughter filled the rest of the day. But how was I, with nothing, so happy? That is what I am trying to analyze here as we lead into New Years to make sure that this next holiday, and therefore the start of 2019 is just as great.

 Here is my guide to a holiday that is satisfying and fun with literally zero expenses (other than $1.25 to buy that beaded bracelet, some gas station and 7-11 sustenance from this same resource along with some much needed and very appreciated gas money from another loved one less):

This holiday guide to satisfaction takes a lot of elements I have learned through research and experience about feeling content in general: this is just a microcosm example of the macrocosm of life. Holidays are like the concentrated elixir of all the elements that make daily life satisfying or dissatisfying. That’s why our dissatisfaction can be so exacerbated during this time: it’s concentrated! Like a shot of whiskey versus a sip of wine or beer, the effects are greater. So here is my humble opinion about what I have learned especially through this last Christmas. Hope they can help you in either these concentrated moments or the larger ones that make up life in general.

1. DON’T COMPARE to past holidays or holidays of others:

Our original plan was to go to my family’s house in the mountains where everyone would be gathering. I was so excited to see the kiddos in my family’s faces light up with the promise of Santa and be around a Christmas time essential: snow! However, in my haste to leave something happened that would surely ruin most people’s holidays: my car almost broke down a quarter of the way through our four hour drive into the Colorado Mountains, and 

we had to turn around. That means going back down the mountain we were climbing, back to a non-plan of a Christmas. My internal planner panicked. 

I’m not going to lie to you, I was not an image of happiness, enlightenment and calm when this happened. I cried, I got frustrated and used blame on everything up to and including my own haste to leave which was ultimately the culprit of disaster. Originally I thought about sulking and accepting that Christmas was ruined. However, it made me come to this conclusion instead:

Don’t have a perfect image in your mind of what your holiday should be. Become more mindful and I guess you would say Buddhist-like or Christ-like and enlightened in decision and in thought.  You want to be like a river: flowing over rocks and obstacles with the natural flow of how things are, not how you “think” they should be.

In our circle on this Christmas, there was a death in a family that we knew of. The mother of the family, the matriarch, had passed away. After the Subaru “Vessel” that has taken me around the country several times, that I lovingly call “The Turtle,” decided to flop out of Christmas and take a time out from the holidays to do turtle things, we took a different path.

We decided to take the Jeep to visit this family that had just adopted three children before this untimely death. We were able to express our sorrow for their loss to them in person. We flowed into this option instead of being secluded in the mountains. We chose to extend into our surrounding community and give our condolences in person. We wouldn’t have been able to do this had an unexpected seemingly tragic thing, (my turtle sleeping), had not happened.

2. Take time to be mindful in your interactions:

If a holiday was ideal and back to its core values, we would take a holiday as a time to make sure we were treating these people we choose to be around in a special way. Not just through gifts, but through words and actions, taking a time to check ourselves and say, I appreciate these people hugely in my life. Let’s show them!

You will get appreciation in return. It will also make the day feel special if you are actively trying to be nicer and make others happy.

 3. Do what you need to do to let go and relax without substances.

This does NOT mean I am saying, “you must stay sober this holiday season in order to be happy.” No, not what I mean at all. I am saying find out in your core what relaxes you and lets you go freely into the day without substances first, and then do what you won’t regret.

This part is ESSENTIAL for my personal happiness. This doesn’t mean I am necessarily an “addict” in “recovery”. I don’t need the label and don’t think I am one. However, we both know that we had the option to indulge in substances this holiday and struggled with that. We could have drank, or whatever else, and felt relaxed and good MOMENTARILY, but it would have been fleeting.

It came up while driving around where we had a fleeting “holiday idea” to stop by a liquor store or dispensary (after all, we live in Colorado) where we knew vices would be galore. We considered it and almost did. We made our final, always easy on other than “holiday” decision by asking ourselves this simple question which I think would help anyone, struggler or not, with whether or not to bend their mind this holiday season: Will we regret it more than we would regret NOT doing it?

Our conclusion, led by my partner, was that we would regret going more than not going, so although the tug of war was a struggle momentarily, we ultimately were happy with our decision and had a laughter filled night even though it was also a very satisfying and sober night.

4. Appreciate what you have, and in this way become an open antenna for positive energy input and output.

This can mean the setting you live in, which costs nothing. I am spoiled in this aspect because I live in Colorado. It’s easy to have free happiness when you live at the base of the Continental Divide with 300 days of sunshine or more a year, I know. Yes, I’m bragging.

This appreciation truly can be practiced anywhere though. Find beauty in life and source your happiness from it. (Thanks, Oriah). Concrete can be beautiful. For example, this Christmas, we later decided to walk around downtown Denver, and without being planned, the setting was perfect. It was cloudy and close to dusk, so the sunset was colorful. There wasn’t an abundance of people crowding the streets, just a few people having fun. The lights were beautiful. Overall, I felt awesome, and the setting played a big part in that feeling. I felt the happiness of those around me because I was open to appreciation. And this is now something I would like to carry with me daily.

 5. Do something you have been wanting to do that you put off on a normal day. Treat yourself essentially, except it doesn’t have to be with money:

To me, this meant simply wearing a dress that I never have the opportunity to wear in my normal daily life, where I do a lot of moving and work such as when performing the rigors of construction and remodeling.

The pink and white lace detail made me feel pretty and gave me a chance to try a new hairstyle too. This cost zero money. I already had the dress and had even worn it to a celebration before, but with zero cost to me, I styled it differently and therefore I felt awesome.

My example doesn’t mean you have to look or dress a certain way. Some other examples of treating yourself with no cost are below:

Visit a new local place you never go, eat something different, take a walk with a friend you don’t normally see, go walk a dog at the animal shelter that you can’t adopt but want to hang out with, etc, etc. It could be anything, and it absolutely does NOT need to cost money or be the normal routine holiday that you have become and allowed yourself to be accustomed to. There’s a great saying that my partner recently added to this arsenal of quality-of-life knowledge, and that is: “Change your thinking, Change your life.”

So there are my thoughts, ideas, and realizations about why my holiday was so great. I am no guru and am not denying the real depression that can hit all of us during the holidays. If anything, use these techniques to manage your feelings. 

I hope I can help with my insights in some ways, and help you to know that the best things in life truly are free. Happy New Year!

 Thanks for reading, and let me know how do you have a content and satisfying holiday? Please comment with your ideas!

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[theonceoverthinker]

OUAT 1X16 - Heart of Darkness

Howdy! It’s been well over a week since I wrote my last review, so will this episode get me back into the swing of things or just leave me with a heart of darkness?

Your answer to this most deliberating question lies below the cut.

Press Release Mary Margaret hires Mr. Gold as her attorney when Emma is forced to arrest her for the suspected murder of David’s wife, Kathryn. Meanwhile, back in the fairytale land that was, Prince Charming sets out to stop a determined and unhinged Snow White, whose memory is still clouded by Rumplestiltskin’s potion, from assassinating the Evil Queen. General Thoughts Past Snow’s character in this episode is just phenomenal. Her character builds on the aspects introduced in other episodes. In addition to seeing almost this path she’d walk if she’d never met Charming come out in full force, demonstrating just how much love is necessary in Snow’s life, we see some of the snarkiness (Such as in her scene with Red in the flashback of “7:15AM”) taken to eleven. And what I think works even better is that while Snow is undeniably showing unfavorable behavior, especially to her friends and roommates, until we get to Charming, just like Rumple in “Skin Deep,” it’s kept funny. It’s domestic (A term that the fandom often abuses and can sometimes demand too much of, but here it works because those scenes act to better the story) and snarky - and most importantly, fully enjoyable for the audience. Annoying characters should be annoying to the other characters, not to the audience, and Snow fulfils that so well. I found myself cracking up so much here! And at the same time, the tonal shift for when things need to get serious lands. Originally, I thought it happened after Snow went to Rumple, but I was shocked when we saw just how horrifying Snow could be in the second flashback. Not only do we see her viciousness in that attack on the knight, but those bits of manipulations towards Grumpy do a good job reflecting her change and lack of concern. Present The conflict in this episode is richer than a bite of the world’s finest cookie, and by that I mean that it’s tragic as all hell, but so fascinating to sit through. The main relationships are being picked at and brought to their limits - friendships, romances, power dynamics, rivalries - and it all works so well. Everyone’s motivations are laid out and you can see where they are coming from because they’re all from real places - even those on the more fantastical side of things. For the first time, we’re seeing Emma in this impossible lose-lose position where to help Mary Margaret, she has to hurt her, and Mary Margaret’s expected frustration is so understandable. While they make it clear that she logically understands what’s going on, her frustration at having to be the person going through all of these consequences is - while hard to watch - a reasonable reaction, especially as the evidence against her grows that much more. And that in turn fuels Emma’s frustrations, though those are kept more reserved, a very in-character move for Season 1 Emma. And I love how Regina is there - making things as painful and complicated for all involved. From her mere appearance to her fake shows of sympathy to her brief shows of her hand, Mary Margaret and Emma’s conflicts rise like gas prices in every instance of her presence. It gives this episode the feeling of breathlessness because you never know when she’s going to show up next. Both I feel like the episode was trying to push a theme of “maybe you don’t really know the people in your life as well as you think you do,” but the fact that the people judged are either being framed or have their memories wiped makes it fall flat. It works better in the present, since Regina’s the one who is setting everyone up to fail (Another instance of Regina bringing up the theme of the episode), but in the past, it’s weaker. Insights -Ruby taking off that hood makes me feel things. Very gay things. :D -I think that opening in the flashback may be in my top 5 opening flashbacks in the entire series! -I know that this is more of a “That Still Small Voice” things, but it just came to mind: Do you think a post-finale Jiminy is still immortal? Will he die as soon as Marco dies? Blue mentioned that he’d live as long as it took to help Gepetto. Did the curse take that away since he wasn’t a cricket anymore? -Why did no one let Jiminy out of that thing?! -Damn, I love Regina’s dialogue throughout this whole interrogation scene. In addition to touching each and every nerve of Mary Margaret, David, and Emma’s as I stated before, because we know now what happened to Regina, everything she says has this double meaning. -I shouted “FUCK” when Snow attacked that guy. Snow...I know you go on to kill Cora and all, but that was just fucking brutal. -I love how (1) Emma’s knows that Henry’s going to sneak out to hang with her no matter what and is now just making moves to ensure he’ll be safe about it, and (2) the MM picture with Henry reflects on her too, as if that’s her ideal life now. -The more I see August and Henry, the more I wish they’d bro’d out a bit more in the later seasons after Henry became the Author. I know they wanted to give more of an impression that Henry was going into his authorship blind so he wouldn’t have all the answers and make conflicts too easy, but I feel like since August was pretty flawed and didn’t fully understand what it meant to be the Author, he and Henry could’ve still had some interesting conversations about it. -”As real as I am.” August, was that a backhanded compliment I spied? -Gold, you glorious bastard! That smirk as Emma’s leaving fucking kills me! -”If you can bottle love, you can do anything.” That is just a cool fucking line, and it sort of comes back in Season 3 with the time travel recipe. -Fuck, I’m always so impressed by the double meanings of these lines, and half of what Rumple says in his flashback scenes can go here. -And the way that Rumple sells himself as a madman to make others underestimate him is so genius. The way that he only lets that down for a few individuals throughout the flashbacks shows just how much he respects them. -Snow, that was a very good reaction! Charming, love you man, but you are such a dolt sometimes. -JMo’s “holy shit” faces are priceless! The door opening was incredible! -Josh’s eyes are so blue! They’re like the color of the ocean in Florida! -Davie, my boy. If MM killed her, how did she suddenly grow and de-grow all of that hair? -Why no rainbow of love from that Snowing kiss? -Can anyone tell me the timeline of Snow living with the dwarfs? Like, Charming was getting married at most one day after Snow’s visit. Then Grumpy tells Snow that the wedding was off, presumably on the day of the wedding, and that’s when Snow took the potion. And after an undisclosed amount of time, Snow became Bitchy Snow. How long did the dwarfs have to get to know the real Snow before that ended? -Why weren’t the keys court-worthy? Is it because she’s the mayor? I still feel like they should count for something? Phoenix Wright, anything to add on this? Arcs Kathryn Nolan’s Kidnapping - The strength of this arc comes not from the mystery itself, but from all of the character interactions we get out of it. Like, last week, I found the search for Kathryn that didn’t touch upon Ruby’s character to be confusing and a little boring. However, those character moments between them? Amazing! For instance, in this episode, I feel like things were better structured because they played around with and prodded their most engaging relationships. Emma’s search for evidence probably wouldn’t have done anything for me had Henry not been there to hang out with her and help her solve things. The strain on Mary Margaret and Emma’s friendship that this case and Regina was causing was heartbreaking and drew my attention like a fly to a house light. But the development of the mystery did work, hitting all the plot points it had to to bring out everyone’s desperation. Favorite Dynamic David and Mary Margaret - Because I haven’t really liked this dynamic for the most part in the present, I felt especially impressed with them here. David’s determination to help save Mary Margaret, even at his own expense, is just inspiring. Taking a fall like that shows the dedication I wanted to see out of David and it really makes me feel like he learned his lesson from “Whatever Happened to Frederick?” And that just makes those subtle bits of manipulation, the horribly timed bits of memories returned, and his discussion with Mary Margaret so sad. On Mary Margaret’s side, it’s so awful to see that someone who believed in her who wasn’t bound to a job turned on her. From her perspective, that just happened on a dime and it makes that scene between them so profoundly powerful. Writer Chambliss and Goldberg are at it again! These guys are so solid together. They have a way of taking advantage of these story ideas and making the nitty gritty of these conflicts so nuanced. While I’ve only adored their use of theme in one episode (“Fruit of the Poisonous Tree”), they do a great job balancing out their episodes through their use of story and characters to make the ride fun! Rating 10/10. I genuinely had no problem with this episode. While the theme isn’t an especially strong one, the story and character interactions more than make up for it. We finally get to see what so much of Regina’s plotting and scheming is starting to add up to, and it brings everyone to their brink. And in the past, we get to see so much of Snow with other characters and understand what a Snow without love could become. This is such a tragic episode to watch, but it’s so engaging seeing everyone try to figure out this mystery as obstacles are introduced and allegiances are tested. Flip My Ship Snowing - I love how these brief windows of time when Snow and Charming can actually be together show how strong their love actually is. Their lines are poetic and their actions are big and dramatic but not at all off-putting. Additionally, unlike in “Whatever Happened With Frederick,” we see what Snow’s life would’ve been like without love, and we see just how much Charming has changed and benefitted Snow’s life just by being there for her and showing her that she can be there for someone too. Additionally, their banter is just fantastic. Finally, Snow said the full line for the first time! Squee!!!

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Another winner! Let’s see if the next episode can pull something similar out of it’s hat!

Thank you again to the fine folks at @watchingfairytales for putting this together and giving me some space on their pretty page!

Season Tally (139/220) Writer Tally for Season 1: A&E (41/70) Liz Tigelaar (17/20)* David Goodman (24/50) Jane Espenson (36/60) Andrew Chambliss and Ian Goldberg (29/40) Daniel Thomsen (8/10)* (* = Their work for the season is complete)

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