#TORIEL GETS REAL SILLY WHEN DRUNK I GUESS

[n0maku]

TORIEL OH MY GOD

[themalicealyce]

Sarcasm and Puns: Chapter Four

Summary: You're an introverted person, have been all of your life but it wasn't as if you were shy, you were just content to have your only friends be your brother and your roommate. Though when your brother's young daughter makes friends with the human ambassador of monsters you open up to the idea of having a larger group of friends.

Rating: M 

Waking up late on a Saturday was probably one of the most beautiful feelings you could think of. The sheer number of weekdays you had to lay in bed trying to gather the motivation needed to get dressed and go to work was getting kind of sad, so the few extra hours of sleep you got on your days off was a luxury you never skipped out on. It was sometime in the early afternoon and the sun had started to warm the room. The mild heat seeped through the window, rousing you from slumber. Golden light flooded into the dark room in columns, specks of dust floated and danced suspended in the beams. Not quite fully awake and exceedingly comfortable you wanted to roll over and sleep just a little longer, though the tiny little paw that landed on your face seemed to disagree. Hemlock mewed and stood on you, now with both front paws on your face and his hind legs on your collarbone. You groaned tiredly at him and he mewled back in pseudo conversation. You guessed it was feeding time and your stomach rumbled in sympathy at the thought of food. You found yourself hungry enough to drag yourself out of bed regardless of the tempting warmth of your blankets, so still in your fluffy pajama pants and an over-sized t-shirt you stumbled out of your room.

As soon as your door opened, Hemlock took off like a bullet to where you assumed your roommate had filled his food bowl. With your hair a mess and mismatched socks lazily pulled on you found your way to the living room which had been restored to its normal halfway presentable state. Your yawn stretched out for so long that your ribs hurt as you rubbed sleep out of your eyes. You looked around and saw Vincent already awake and wrapped up like a burrito in his blanket with an overfull plate of microwaved pizza rolls. The sofa was plush, and a homey olive-green color complemented by his bright purple blanket that he was snuggled into so deeply that you would have to use a crowbar to pry him out it.

"Mornin'" You grumbled, mouth dry from sleep, not ready for full sentences yet. Slinking past him on your way to the kitchen.

"Good morning!" He sung, his eyes briefly leaving the tv screen flicking up at you before shoving more food in his face. "If you say so." You replied lazily, bones cracking pleasantly as you paused to stretch before continuing on your way.

Shuffling out of the room, you went into the kitchen and grabbed a bowl out of the cabinet, letting it clatter on the counter. You abandoned it to shuffle over to the pantry to get your cereal. You chuckled slightly as poured your bowl nearly full to the brim of Captain Crunch, amused at the knowledge that your grocery list and eating habits haven't really changed much since college. Crossing the kitchen, you opened the refrigerator, the dim light bulb inside clicking on and bathing you in florescent light as you heard your friend moving around from behind you.

"Why is the fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?" You asked the room flatly, the fact that this kind of behavior is losing its ability to shock you probably meant something, but you decided not to open that can of worms today.

"I went shopping." he shrugged as if it was obvious as he stood in the doorway, having abandoned his blanket and carrying his now empty plate.

"I'm not even mad, when I get home from dinner wanna crack one of these open?" You asked grabbing the milk, having to Jenga it out of the fridge around the new items.

"Oh, hell yes! Pick up soda for rum and cokes on the way back?"

You nodded as you poured the milk into your cereal and Vincent put his plate in the sink with a careless clatter, quickly returning back to his nest of blankets on the couch.

When you remembered the dinner that you had at Toriel's tonight, you suddenly remembered Gabriel had of course signed you up to bring cookies. You rolled your eyes at the memory. Oh well, you figured it gave you a chance to bake which you hardly ever did. "You want to help me make cookies?" you asked immediately hearing the excited consent from the other room.

His easy enthusiasm made you smile as you brought your late breakfast into the living room, shooing him to his own side of the sofa as you ate and pulled out your 3DS, flicking on a puzzle game you’d gotten ridiculously obsessed with. One section had been really breaking your brain and you really wanted to get past it. You managed some progress over the hour or so, but you had once again become hopelessly stuck. You growled at the game in irritation. You loved puzzles, but maze sections were the worst.

Switching off the game soon after your lazy breakfast, you decided you needed to get started baking so you could get ready to go to this dinner thing since it was already getting a bit late. Eager to be of some help in the kitchen, especially with the promise of cookies, Vincent agreed to do your prep work. He was about five feet of pure, concentrated energy flitting around the kitchen setting it up for you while you looked through your stuff for your mom’s chocolate chip cookie recipe.

“Found it!” You smiled, holding it aloft like a Zelda treasure chest item.

“FUCK! I remember those. Why don’t you ever make those?!” Vincent asked incredulously, snatching the paper from your hands, scanning the list of ingredients.

“First of all, you have to stop snatching shit out of my hands you brat. Secondly, I’m not my mom I’m not here to bake your cookies and pinch your cheeks.” You rolled your eyes taking the paper back from him. “Ugh, then what good are you?” he teased back playfully.

“Well, with me around you can get drunk and cuss and I don’t nag you about bedtimes.” You answered back automatically as you preheated the oven. You looked over to him “You going to actually help or…?” you asked. He nodded eagerly.

Once you started baking you realized Vincent wanted to help by trying to incorporate Mettaton style cooking flourishes to your dish and it became a harder task to keep him focused instead of dancing around posing for a nonexistent camera. You had to snatch the glitter out of his hand as he tried to sneak it into your dough.

“But it’ll make it all pretty!” He whined.

“This is craft glitter! It’s not even edible glitter you heathen!” You argued back putting the bottle on top of the fridge and out of reach of his short arms. He huffed but got over it quickly when you let him eat some of the uncooked dough.

You didn't bake often, or cook really for that matter, but when you did you liked to do so from scratch and every time you left the counters gritty, dusted in a fine mixture of flour and sugar. Vincent didn’t help matters either, when he helped he turned things from messy to a disaster. This time was no different. He now sat on the one countertop by the sink you didn't bother to use, holding a cookie in between his hands looking extremely proud of himself as if surveying the damage that he caused. Still, the cookies turned out great, and he managed to arrange them on a platter without eating them all, so you’d take the nightmare mess in stride. His legs dangled over the edge, nowhere near reaching the floor, making him look even shorter and younger than normal.

Now that you were done you checked your phone. The time had snuck up on you. It was close to the time to go, and the reality of the situation was starting to dawn on you. You have never really gone to a dinner party before, and you were starting to feel like a high schooler meeting a boyfriend's family for the first time. It wasn't like you had experienced that a lot as a teenager, but you still remember the nervous mess you became when trying to impress someone. Frowning down at your dirtied pajamas, your nose scrunched up and you groaned starting to feel tendrils of panic rising.

"What do you even wear to a dinner like this?" You asked more to yourself than Vincent tugging at the hem of your shirt. "Yes, ask the guy who has a panic attack when he has to order in a restaurant about what to do in social situations." He rolled his eyes at you wiping crumbs off his jeans.

"Well aren't you helpful?" You sighed.

"Just throw something somewhat decent together I guess. I don't know." He shrugged.

"And here I was planning on lingerie and a t shirt proclaiming my satanic intentions." You sarcastically intoned.

"Hot. Which I guess works out for you since it's so chilly out!" He couldn't keep the silly little smile he got when he told a bad joke off his face. "Nope, nope if you're going to start with that I'm out. Imma go get dressed." You waved your arms at him in an overly exaggerated manner fleeing the room turning back and pointed an accusing finger at him. "And don't eat all the cookies while I'm gone." "Oh come on, that would be a real CRUMBY thing to do!" He had started to giggle at his own bad pun. "Bad! Bad Vincent. No!" You scolded as you left, retreating to your room.

You could hear Vincent laughing to himself and shuffling around the kitchen all the way back into your bedroom. Once you were there you put your phone down and flung open your closet door to find it mostly full of jeans and work shirts like you expected. You didn't think it was formal enough occasion to wear any of the clothes you wear to work and your t shirts seemed too casual. You sighed and glared at the clothes as if it were their fault you were under prepared for this situation. Pushing through your clothes in search of something you wouldn't feel too awkward wearing you knew you had to have something stored away that would useful.

Lost in deep thought you jumped away from your closet nearly falling on your ass when a loud sound blared suddenly. Quickly you recognized the noise breaking the quiet as the Tardis landing sound from Doctor Who. For a moment you were very confused until you noticed the noise that was playing out of your phone from the nightstand was your brother's ringtone. Taking a moment to be slightly disappointed that David Tennant wasn't here to take you away you answered your phone, propping it up in between your shoulder and ear as you went back to searching through your clothes.

"So are you still planning on coming or are you going to hide and try to will this away because I will pick your lock." Gabriel asked when you picked up your phone, not even bothering to say hello.

You rolled your eyes, you could hear his smirk over the phone. "You have a key you know."

"Yeah, but that is not nearly as fun." He sing-songed.

"So how is Morrigan handling the situation?" You asked, quick to change the subject and hoping that he didn't actually latch on to the idea of trying to pick your lock, you really didn’t want to have that conversation with your landlord.

"She has been throwing nearly her entire wardrobe around her room trying to pick out an outfit. And of course, she doesn't want my help. I didn't even realize she owned so many dresses." Gabriel chuckled, clearly amused by his daughter's antics.

"Yeah, who would have thought that you of all people would raise a messy kid." your toned dripped with sarcasm thinking back on how you two must have made your mom's life a nightmare when you were little.

"Hey, she's better than me when it comes to cleaning her room, it's starting to make me look bad." He admitted.

"You don't need anyone's help to make you look bad." You retorted as you dug deeper in your closet unearthing the very few dresses you owned stuffed in the back you scanned them, picking out a sweater dress that went down to just above your knees, it was warm, soft, and medium grey color. "Aha!" you called out triumphantly as you pulled it off the hanger.

"What are you 'aha'ing at? Finally beat that puzzle game you've been sucking at?" Gabriel asked teasingly.

You groaned suddenly remembering that hard maze puzzle you were stuck on in your game. "You dick, now that's going to bug me all night!"

You could hear him laughing loudly over the phone as you shut your closet, causing you to glare harder as if he was there to see how annoyed you were at him. When Gabriel calmed down you shared a quick conversation about when he would pick you up and you hung up so you could get ready.

[cold-b-writing]

Bound Together: Part 2

Utadukeeus: Habriel woke up and looked down to where he put his clothes. He got out of bed and stretched, looking for the hole in his shirt. However, he noticed that his shirt was sewn and his clothes washed. Changing into them, he slowly walked downstairs. Looking over into the kitchen, he saw Toriel cooking scrambled eggs for Frisk. Who was waiting patiently for their meal. She turned around and smiled at him. "Good morning, child." she said. "What would you like for breakfast?" "I really don't want to be a burden....." Habriel said. "I feel bad about causing you all so much drama." "Nonsense, child." Toriel replied. "You needed help and we just so happened to have found you. What would you like for breakfast?" "I guess.....I'll take an omelette." he said. "Just a cheese omelette." "Of course!" she said smiling. "We can ask you some questions while you eat." Skywardsister: "Okay," Habriel responded hesitantly, taking an empty seat near Frisk at the table. Frisk munched on their scrambled eggs and waved at him, and he waved back, smiling slightly. "Mom makes great omelettes! I hope you like yours!" "Yeah," Habriel nodded sheepishly. He wondered why these people were being so nice to him. Toriel hummed away, preparing the child's breakfast. Utadukeeus: Toriel sat across from him at the table. "So, what caused that?" Toriel asked, pointing out his stab wound. "I...." he started. "These people were chasing me, cornered me in a cave. One lifted me up in the air and stabbed me, then threw me in the hole. You know the rest of the story..." "Why were they chasing you?" she asked. "I....did something they didn't like." Habriel said. "What was it?" she pried. The boy looked down at his plate. "They're a bunch of priests. One of them, was especially cruel. He would beat us, whip us and do....other horrible things.... I......I killed him. And I ran away." Tears started trickling down his cheeks, and he made a light sob. "They were not nice people." he concluded. Skywardsister: Frisk listened intently to Habriel's tale, sitting silently. They wondered how Habriel's fate led straight to them; Habriel fell into the arms of those he needed most. A family. Toriel watched the boy closely as well. Utadukeeus: "But, I always had an elder sister. Before I was sold off. She always told me things like killing was wrong." he insisted. "I don't know anymore. They were horrible people, and they wanted to hurt me." he looked at Toriel dead in her eyes. He was a very confused boy. "Am I a horrible person for that?" Skywardsister: "Oh, my child," Toriel moved over to him with a hand at her chest, pained. "Yes, killing is wrong, but you were defending yourself," She hugged him. "You did nothing wrong." Frisk finished their breakfast and solemnly rose from the table and placed their plate and silverware in the sink. They continued listening. Utadukeeus: He hugged her back, tightly gripping her robes. Toriel could feel the tears rub off onto her robes. "It just.....there were more people. And I left them.... I don't know what to do. Should I go back?" Skywardsister: Frisk returned to their seat nearby and wished to comfort him and offer advice, but that was being covered by Toriel already. Toriel looked at the boy's face after he asked the question. "It's too dangerous for you to try to go back to a place like that, child. There may have been others, but you were getting hurt, and it's okay that you escaped. There's not much that you can do for them. I'm sorry." Utadukeeus: There was a loud knock at the door. "calm down, bro." Sans' muffled voice said from outside. "you might scare 'em off." "I CAN'T WAIT ANY LONGER BROTHER!" Papyrus said. "ANOTHER HUMAN FELL INTO THE UNDERGROUND AND MUST BE GIVEN THE BEST WELCOME THEY CAN GET. AND THERE IS NO GREATER WELCOME THAN THE ONE THAT I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS CAN GIVE!" "if you say so, bro." Sans said. "just don't go too crazy, remember this is tori's house. this isn't a place for numb skulls." "UGH!" Papyrus exclaimed. "DON'T YOU EVER GET TIRED OF MAKING THOSE JOKES?" Skywardsister: "Oh!" Frisk stood immediately at hearing the muffled yet loud voices from outside the house. The voices were approaching the door, and Toriel nodded to Frisk, saying that they could go greet the skeleton brothers. "Hey guys!" Frisk opened the door as they came up to it. "HELLO, FRISK! HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT THE NEW HUMAN THAT FELL DOWN?" The tall skeleton greeted Frisk brightly with a wide smile and wave of the hand. Utadukeeus: "Of course I did, silly." Frisk said. She pointed in the kitchen. "He stayed the night with us! He's over there in the kitchen." "EXCELLENT, I CAN'T WAIT TO GREET HIM!" Papyrus said. "Papyrus, I don't think that's a goo-" before Toriel could finish, the tall skeleton was already in the kitchen. "GREETINGS HUMAN!" Papyrus shouted. They boy jumped from the chair, startled and fell to the ground. "THE GREAT PAPYRUS FORMALLY WELCOMES YOU TO THE UNDERGROUND! WE'RE ALL GONNA HAVE SO MUCH FUN TOGETHER! BROTHER AND I CAN MAKE PUZZLES...AND...AND YOU AND FRISK CAN SOLVE THEM AND-" Habriel quickly wiped away the tears. "Good morning?" "I SEE." Papyrus squinted. "YOU WERE SO HAPPY WITH MY WELCOME THAT YOU CRIED TEARS OF JOY! OH, I KNOW WE'RE GONNA BE GREAT FRIENDS!" "are you sure about that, bro?" Sans said, slowly walking in the kitchen. "good to see you alive and kicking kid. you had us dead worried last night." "Oh, its you again." Habriel said. "Its a good thing you came last night when you did. Otherwise it wouldn't be such a good mourning." "FORGET IT!" Papyrus exclaimed. "THIS ISN'T A GOOD MORNING ANYMORE! THE LAST THING I NEED IS YET ANOTHER PERSON WITH A DULL SENSE OF HUMOR!" Skywardsister: "Aw, Papyrus, don't go!" Frisk groaned, being dragged by the royal guard-in-training's cape. "You've barely met him!" Papyrus groaned and turned, swinging the clinging child around. "OKAY, FRISK. I'LL STAY," He rolled his eyes at his lazy-bones brother. Utadukeeus: Habriel slowly got up and politely bowed to Sans. "Seriously though, if it weren't for you, Frisk and Toriel. I would have bleed to death. Thank you for saving my life. I'm very grateful and hope I can repay my debt to all of you." Sans gave a slight grin. No one has ever bowed to him before. "no worries, kid." he said. "you don't owe me anything." "Really." Toriel insisted. "You don't owe us anything. We're happy to help." "Lady Toriel, I know we haven't known each other for a long time. But..." he looked up at her. "My real mother would never pay attention to me. My father was always gambling and my mother was always drunk. The only person taking care of me was my sister. What I'm trying to say is that, I never had a motherly figure in my life before you. A real motherly figure. So I was wondering, can I call you mother?" Skywardsister: Tears welled in the goat mother's eyes, and she was touched. Her hands fluttered to her mouth and then to wipe her tears away in excitement. "Yes, my child! Of course you can call me 'mother!'" She hugged him once again, happy that he lived through his ordeal, and sad over the child's past experiences. Utadukeeus: He hugged back, smiling. He had never known such kindness in life. "What happened to your sister?" Frisk asked curiously. "Child, please be patient." Toriel said. "Its okay, mother." Habriel said. He turned to Frisk. "I don't remember much. She fell ill and we took her to a doctor. I think he said something like 'Stage Four Liver Cancer'. She....passed away and that's when my parents sold me." Skywardsister: Frisk's expression drooped at his words. So did Toriel's. "I'm so sorry, child..." Frisk nodded, agreeing with their mom's statement. They didn't know how to console Habriel. Utadukeeus: "Its okay." Habriel said. "As far as I'm concerned. You, mother, Sans and Papyrus. You're my family now." he said smiling. "I think that's what she would want." Skywardsister: Each of them smiled at Habriel, happy to be called his family. Suddenly, Papyrus yanked Frisk's and Habriel's arms and lifted them up to stand by him. "I HAVE A GREAT IDEA! MISS TORIEL, CAN I GIVE HIM A TOUR OF THE UNDERGROUND?" Habriel was slightly jarred by the sudden motion, but smiled up at the bubbly skeleton. Toriel looked at Habriel for confirmation, and he nodded. "Sure." Utadukeeus: "Before you leave however, child." Toriel said. "Do you like cinnamon pie, or butterscotch pie?" "Oh, my favorite pie?" Habriel asked. "My sister used to make a very good pecan pie, that was always my favorite." "But, you wouldn't turn your nose to cinnamon or butterscotch, would you?" she asked. "Oh, no. Of course not." Habriel said. "I'm sure that your pies will come out as delicious." "Well." she laughed. "It seems I can't hide much from you." "we'll be back by the end of the day." Sans said. "see you then, tori." "YES!" Papyrus exclaimed. "I CAN'T WAIT TO SHOW YOU AROUND! SANS, WHERE DO YOU THINK WE SHOULD GO FIRST?" "Wait a second, guys." Habriel laughed. "I haven't eaten yet."