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[unreality-failed-toy-mueseum]

The Official Museum of Failed and Recalled Toys - Frequently Asked Questions

General Information

What are your opening hours?

We're open Tuesday through Sunday, 9:00 AM to 5:00 PM. We close our doors at 4:30 PM to allow visitors to complete their experience. We're closed on Mondays for collection maintenance and special preservation work. Please understand that on certain holidays, we cannot open our doors, as our staff spends time with their families. We are based in █████████████, so time zones need to be kept in mind.

Do you offer guided tours?

Not yet, as we are currently building up our collection. We only have a handful of displayable toys at the moment, and much of what we know of them is compactly contained within the small plaque under each case. We will do so sooner or later, though. It’s only a matter of time.

Can visitors take photographs?

No, it angers them.

We kid, you may take photos, but we ask that you not use flash photography, as many of our staff are sensitive to flashing light, and that we have already lit our museum enough for even the most differently-sighted visitors to enjoy. We ask that you do not talk selfie sticks or bring in tripods either, as those may be easily lost, and difficult to return to the owner. Certain exhibits have a “no photography of any kind” sign on them, and we ask that you respect those as well.

Is the museum suitable for children?

The displayed toys themselves are not suitable, as many of them have been recalled for safety reasons, but as long as they are within the display cases, they’re safe for the little ones to look at. We have them on lock-and-key so that they aren’t stolen, or accidentally played with by crafty children. We digress, however, that in case of any oddities, you immediately report to the staff, and comfort your children. Do not, under any circumstances, contact outside government authorities.

What's your policy on food and drinks?

Don’t bring any in. Please.

Collections & Exhibits

What's your oldest artifact?

As our collection is growing, we cannot state in good faith the oldest of what’s there. That being said, we have acquired some toys not yet on display on our blog or in person that date several centuries. We will keep visitors updated if asked. We will not be accepting paleontologists or other historians to investigate our collection at this time.

Do you accept toy donations?

We will carefully evaluate every potential donation at this time. We appreciate the sentiment, although we can only accept items that fill gaps in our collection or have significant historical value. We have to verify that these toys that are sent in are not just independent projects made by artists with low self esteem. Please email our collections department with photos and any historical information about your items at ████████████████████.

Edit: It seems our email is unable to be put up. We assure potential and returning visitors that it is not because we are under investigation by certain anomaly-based organizations. Those claiming to be such are only attempting to de-legitimize our cause, and should be ignored. Please understand if we have to close our doors to the public due to these assuredly false accusations.

Why are some toys kept in special cases?

Many of our rarest pieces are kept in controlled environments to prevent deterioration. Materials like early rubber, certain plastics, and original fabric can be quite sensitive to light and temperature changes. That's why you'll sometimes see us rushing around adjusting our climate control systems.

Sometimes the cases are there to protect you, not them.

Edit: The Museum of Failed and Recalled Toys would like to remind you that our collection is vetted to be safe for the general public and conservation purposes. We also remind you that our staff has an inappropriate sense of humor at times.

Special Services

Do you authenticate or value toys?

Our conservation team offers brochures at the entrance, where we can give general advice about toy preservation and historical context. In a more emotional sense, all of our staff have valued toys and the conservation of entertainment history since birth, some of us having their own favorites. Questions about such are appreciated and encouraged, as sometimes we have decades of information to share about what makes our job worthwhile.

Can we host children's birthday parties?

Yes!

Edit: No, due to recent events. Please do not ask about it.

Do you offer membership?

No, but you may always give an extra tip at the entrance of the museum. We appreciate the money. We appreciate even more the word-of-mouth advertising a visitor can give after visiting, as more visitors who give tips means our museum can stay open longer, and we can also allocate some of the money to fees, such as:

Staff (volunteers who work free are appreciated, but rare in this economy)

Rental cost for the space

Preservation materials

Emergency funds for recent events and other accidents

Taxes

Funds for dissuading the non-consensual investigation of our museum’s collection (important at this time)

Potential new features at the museum (interactive exhibits, perhaps even a gift shop or cafe)

Upkeep for electrical items

And much more.

What conservation work do you do?

You may ask, but we do not have the information to divulge at this time, due to recent events. Please do not look further into this, or risk legal action. Thank you.

Note: This FAQ should be updated regularly. Last revision: January 2025

[unreality-failed-toy-mueseum]

"My First Penance" Catholic Confessional Practice and Education Doll

Unfortunately, for this entry, we do not have a photograph, as he is currently labeled as a "Do Not Photograph" exhibit. We ask that you also follow this rule, as staff has to follow it too. We can, however, attempt to describe this exhibit to those who are not fortunate enough to visit us at ███████████ ████████████. Despite his condition, we hope you will find the description enough to appreciate the quality of him.

The exhibit contains a ventriloquist dummy with pale white skin and black long hair, resembling a catholic priest in attire. The face is painted on, save for the marionette lines on the mouth, which would move in theory when the doll is used. The facial features include thick black eyebrows, sad, tired eyes, rosy cheeks, and a somewhat strong nose. The packaging box of the doll, which is displayed next to him, resembles a stylized catholic confessional booth, with "My First Penance" scrawled at the top. The dummy is missing one of his arms, with the other arm having scratched paint and appears to be decaying, as wood does when it is improperly treated.

"My First Penance" was made sometime during the early 2000s, and was likely meant to be a stunt to promote the church, like the modern day anime-inspired mascot of today. The doll did not sell well, however, and he fell into obscurity except on the occasional auction-site. We had ours sent to us by a kind donator, whom also gave us the original packaging for the doll, and a personalized note about the origins of the doll, and their own experiences. We will not relay said experiences, but we thank them for contributing to historical preservation.

TOMOFART Documentation of "My First Penance"

Please refrain from putting any information from this document onto the official plaque. Thank you.

Administrative Curator █████��████ "Snake-Eyes" ███████

The first note we must make of the ventriloquist dummy is that referring to him as "he/him" seems to prevent less aggressive behavior when tested on, than when referring to him as "it" like our other exhibits. The doll, when his string is pulled at the back of his body, will say a myriad of lines, in a recorded slow monotone. Said pull-string can also be accessed when it is hanging out of the back of the packaging "confessional". The lines we have documented under normal circumstances include the following:

"what is your sin, my child."

"pray with me."

"i understand."

"don't be afraid."

"i will forgive your sin."

"amen."

"confess and you will be saved."

The second important note is that these behaviors seem to not line up with the notes of a fellow documenter, ███████████ “Grams Bear” ████. When they used the doll, they repeatedly got the voiceline "confess-" with the rest of the dialogue cut out, save for that singular word. They would continue to have this problem every time they pulled the string, and it appeared to have upset them to the point of no longer working with him. At first we believed it to be a lucky coincidence, as the doll has at least 10 different phrases it can say.

A month later, however, our fellow documenter put up a notice in the office, explaining that they had been stealing lunches from the other staff members, and that they "had to tell the truth, or he'd hurt me". We were confused by the statement, so "Grams Bear" took us to where the My First Penance doll was being kept, and pulled his drawstring. The voiceline said was "amen.", and the upset documenter appeared to sigh in a relieved manner. We later asked them in private about the matter, and they claimed that the doll followed them home, and repeatedly brought up past trauma and events that were painful for them to remember. As much as we would like to believe he is ultimately a harmless doll with an odd gimmick, we cannot in good faith say that the dummy is such.

Documentation completed by ███████ "Tic-Tac-Toe" ██████████

[unreality-failed-toy-mueseum]

Materimare Pony Figurine Surprise Box

One of our very first submissions toward this museum is a peculiar equine figurine, shown here without its packaging, for safety reasons. It is a stylized cartoon pony that is a dull green, and bright green when a bright light is placed under it. In its current form, it is made of uranium glass, a substance that is safe as long as it is not scratched or broken. Arguably, it would make a beautiful art piece on a shelf dedicated to horses, but we digress.

The kind donation patron has let us know via their message that they first acquired this toy at a flea market, where other bootleg toys were sold. They believe that this is supposed to be a knock-off of a more popular horse toy series, though we can't be certain. We have, though, analyzed the packaging, and save for a few errors in grammar, it is of the same quality as other blind-box collectible toys of its caliber.

TOMOFART Documentation of "Materimare" Object

Please refrain from putting any information from this document onto the official plaque. Thank you.

Administrative Curator ██████████ "Snake-Eyes" ███████

Upon acquiring the object, we first discovered that it came with the figurine itself, and a small paper slip that asked whomever purchased the product to "Collect 'Em All". Unfortunately, the rest of the paper was completely blank. The "Materimare" itself was originally a simple plastic toy, and we were unsure if we would put it on display, as we were not certain that our guests would like to see knockoff toys, as our museum is mainly focused on "legal" toys that failed to sell well or were recalled. Once we put it back in the box, we left it inside there for a day, to check other submissions.

To our surprise, when we took it back out, it had remained structurally the same, however it was now made of mahogany wood. After this discovery, we put off exhibiting it still to see if this was a one-time event. We took photos every day, and also experimented with how long it was in the box. The following does not have a photographs, unlike its current uranium glass form, but its materials have included:

Resin plastic, used for figurine making

Mahogany wood, somewhat polished

Heliodor

Partially oxidized copper

Dead mosquitos, held together by small globs of amber

Carpet samples

Washi tape

Uranium Glass

Terracotta

Fuzzy wires

Salt

Chewed Gum

In an experiment where we placed the Materimare object into the box for only half a day, the front half remained the material it was before, while the back half became a different material. Leaving it in for a day, however, converted the figurine back to the whole horse being made of a different material than the previous two.

There may be room for experimentation later, but for now, we are grateful that it mostly hasn't become anything harmful during our tests.

Documentation completed by ███████ "Tic-Tac-Toe" ██████████