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[unreality-failed-toy-mueseum]

The Official Museum of Failed and Recalled Toys - Frequently Asked Questions

General Information

What are your opening hours?

We're open Tuesday through Sunday, 9:00 AM to 5:00 PM. We close our doors at 4:30 PM to allow visitors to complete their experience. We're closed on Mondays for collection maintenance and special preservation work. Please understand that on certain holidays, we cannot open our doors, as our staff spends time with their families. We are based in █████████████, so time zones need to be kept in mind.

Do you offer guided tours?

Not yet, as we are currently building up our collection. We only have a handful of displayable toys at the moment, and much of what we know of them is compactly contained within the small plaque under each case. We will do so sooner or later, though. It’s only a matter of time.

Can visitors take photographs?

No, it angers them.

We kid, you may take photos, but we ask that you not use flash photography, as many of our staff are sensitive to flashing light, and that we have already lit our museum enough for even the most differently-sighted visitors to enjoy. We ask that you do not talk selfie sticks or bring in tripods either, as those may be easily lost, and difficult to return to the owner. Certain exhibits have a “no photography of any kind” sign on them, and we ask that you respect those as well.

Is the museum suitable for children?

The displayed toys themselves are not suitable, as many of them have been recalled for safety reasons, but as long as they are within the display cases, they’re safe for the little ones to look at. We have them on lock-and-key so that they aren’t stolen, or accidentally played with by crafty children. We digress, however, that in case of any oddities, you immediately report to the staff, and comfort your children. Do not, under any circumstances, contact outside government authorities.

What's your policy on food and drinks?

Don’t bring any in. Please.

Collections & Exhibits

What's your oldest artifact?

As our collection is growing, we cannot state in good faith the oldest of what’s there. That being said, we have acquired some toys not yet on display on our blog or in person that date several centuries. We will keep visitors updated if asked. We will not be accepting paleontologists or other historians to investigate our collection at this time.

Do you accept toy donations?

We will carefully evaluate every potential donation at this time. We appreciate the sentiment, although we can only accept items that fill gaps in our collection or have significant historical value. We have to verify that these toys that are sent in are not just independent projects made by artists with low self esteem. Please email our collections department with photos and any historical information about your items at ████████████████████.

Edit: It seems our email is unable to be put up. We assure potential and returning visitors that it is not because we are under investigation by certain anomaly-based organizations. Those claiming to be such are only attempting to de-legitimize our cause, and should be ignored. Please understand if we have to close our doors to the public due to these assuredly false accusations.

Why are some toys kept in special cases?

Many of our rarest pieces are kept in controlled environments to prevent deterioration. Materials like early rubber, certain plastics, and original fabric can be quite sensitive to light and temperature changes. That's why you'll sometimes see us rushing around adjusting our climate control systems.

Sometimes the cases are there to protect you, not them.

Edit: The Museum of Failed and Recalled Toys would like to remind you that our collection is vetted to be safe for the general public and conservation purposes. We also remind you that our staff has an inappropriate sense of humor at times.

Special Services

Do you authenticate or value toys?

Our conservation team offers brochures at the entrance, where we can give general advice about toy preservation and historical context. In a more emotional sense, all of our staff have valued toys and the conservation of entertainment history since birth, some of us having their own favorites. Questions about such are appreciated and encouraged, as sometimes we have decades of information to share about what makes our job worthwhile.

Can we host children's birthday parties?

Yes!

Edit: No, due to recent events. Please do not ask about it.

Do you offer membership?

No, but you may always give an extra tip at the entrance of the museum. We appreciate the money. We appreciate even more the word-of-mouth advertising a visitor can give after visiting, as more visitors who give tips means our museum can stay open longer, and we can also allocate some of the money to fees, such as:

Staff (volunteers who work free are appreciated, but rare in this economy)

Rental cost for the space

Preservation materials

Emergency funds for recent events and other accidents

Taxes

Funds for dissuading the non-consensual investigation of our museum’s collection (important at this time)

Potential new features at the museum (interactive exhibits, perhaps even a gift shop or cafe)

Upkeep for electrical items

And much more.

What conservation work do you do?

You may ask, but we do not have the information to divulge at this time, due to recent events. Please do not look further into this, or risk legal action. Thank you.

Note: This FAQ should be updated regularly. Last revision: January 2025