#TLDR: Dean is in love with Cas but is scared to tell him

[shallowrambles]

"Dean's 'you're dead to me' comes out of nowhere!"

HUH?

It...doesn't...come out of nowhere. It's harsh, but take a GIANT step back and really LOOK at it.

THE only guy in the family who can;

(A) see and judge the state of souls and

(B) tolerate anything close to "angel strength"

doesn't show up for family game night but chooses instead to go off on a quest he doesn't tell you about. Later, he calls you on the phone and implies that the kid shouldn't have been left alone with other family members: "They're together? Alone?"

That's a grotesque miscommunication of the danger at hand. Now, Cas was scared, and he apologized, that's true. But by his own admission, as usual, he waited until it was too late.

This tendency is intrinsic to his personality even before the complex, interpersonal stressors throughout the series.

Cas has always tried to handle things alone. It's allllmoooost sweet. His intentions are usually good. He tries to spare everyone their burdens rather than shoulder them together. That's one reason we love him.

But, inevitably, it gets bad, and he goes for help once the situation has ballooned.

In practice, it's the withholding of important info in his relationships. If there's a partnership, it's not being present in a partnership. (And again, it's not his fault exactly, but Cas wasn't there at their time of need. Some bad stuff went down with Nick, but Cas did leave at a time that Jack was incredibly volatile--a time when his expertise would've undoubtedly helped.)

To Cas, maybe the danger seemed obvious. But not only did he not communicate this, he sent Dean off alone with said kid to talk to Donatello.

Dean was not equipped to handle a soulless being of unimagineable power. He's not equipped to judge the stability of a soulless being. (He might as well play eeny-meeny-miny-mo.)

Hell, soulless!Sam almost got him killed back in the day. Those are some pretty traumatic memories to revisit, on top of Dean's recent Michael trauma.

Now, do I think Dean would have necessarily listened about the snake? Maybe not at first. Denial is a strong force. But I'm saying that anyone might behave weirdly or explode when faced with that information IN the moment of peril. It's hard to act rationally when you dread the possibility of your parent being dead and your kid being (symbolically) dead/gone.

---

TLDR; I'm team "let Cas be responsible for his actions and lack of communication."

Sam and Dean are obviously in the wrong during this era, and ppl accept that too easily, but Cas was in the wrong, too. Let him own that part. Let it be a mess. Sometimes, no one is completely in the right, and tragedies are tragedies. There's no getting around the fact that if Cas had been forthcoming with the danger Jack posed, it would have helped. A LOT.

And don't give me the -whomp, whomp- "but Cas was punished for working with Crowley to turn himself into a radioactive-he's-gonna-blow-bomb-that-even-Balthazar-couldn't-get-behind" or "b-but when he was vulnerable, he was kicked out of the bunker," and now he's uncomfortable talking to them. On the first instance: he did the same thing back then! He waited till things hit critical mass to ask for help, and then he demanded help when no one agreed with him. He killed Balthazar for it. Rachel didn't agree either btw. Lots of ppl hated the plan, not just his human fam. And the bunker? Literally, Cas completely got the nuances of that situation when Dean explained it. Instantly. He even compared it to Metatron's lying. Cas was more horrified by yet more examples of angelic manipulation in their lives than the individual things that occurred because of that manipulation.

In short, Cas's commication issues way predate all of that. It has to do with being self-reliant and living billions of years with no real emotional support system outside of a 1984-style authoriarian govt. We see Cas's communication style over and over; it's on full display when he stole the colt to kill Kelly. He wants to spare his loved ones, but he also wants, "a win...for himself." Cas values his identity as strong protector. We see that in the flash forward in the script of 12x19: The Future.

He wants to shield his loved ones, but he's often so protective that it winds up hurting everyone.

Plus, Cas has assessed rightly that he didn't even talk to Jack about the snake, or how to determine right and wrong. Cas was a soulless being for billions of years and he offered no support to the supposedly soulless kid!

He believed in Jack's goodness for so long that he couldn't bear the idea of his corruption. It's really unfair, because all Jack did was become a being more like Cas himself. :(

[micha-writes]

I never posted this ficlet on here, so ... a little teen!au destiel ficlet that I wrote :) (ao3 link)

That Thing About Best Friends

The thing about best friends is, you can tell them anything. Your best friend, that’s someone who understands you – sometimes even better than you understand yourself. It’s someone who cares about you, someone you can trust, even with your darkest secret. No matter what’s on your mind, no matter what keeps you awake at night, you can tell your best friend, and they’ll be there for you. Maybe they’ll just listen, because sometimes that’s what you need. Maybe you’ll talk about the problem and try to think of a solution together, or maybe they’ll make you change your mind and see things differently. That’s things best friends do.

Most of the time best friends just have fun together, of course. They maybe play a video game together and insult each other over Mario Kart, or they do silly little things like making up funny dances to their favourite music or falling off the couch laughing about inside jokes they come up with while watching a bad movie. Best friends are, first and foremost, friends, of course. Friends who spend time together, have fun and laugh together.

But life’s not always just fun and games, Dean has learned that the hard way. No, life’s not always easy. Life has rough parts, it can be hard sometimes; and because life isn’t all fun and games, the thing about best friends isn’t either.

And in those times, when life isn’t fun at all, your best friend is still there. Sometimes you just need a hug, a supportive smile, a shoulder to cry on or an open ear to listen to your rant. That’s things best friends do: They’re there even when the road gets bumpy.

That’s another thing Dean has learned: That your best friend is there even when you expect them not to be. Even when you think you’ve scared them away with all your complaints about life or your constant anger, even when you think this time you’ve gone too far and ruined your relationship, they’re still there.

Yes, Dean has been there. Dean has yelled at his best friend for no reason, Dean has blamed his best friend for various bad things happening in his life, and still, his best friend is always there.

Cas is always there for Dean. He has always been, for as long as Dean can remember, all his life. In fact, Cas is a part of most of Dean’s earliest memories. He remembers that Cas was there back in the day when it all still was nothing but fun and games, when they were just little kids running around the park or building little castles in the sandbox.

Dean didn’t think of Cas as his best friend back then, he probably didn’t even know the concept yet. He didn’t call him that, but looking back, Cas still was his best friend, even back then, even at only a few years old. One of the clearest and at the same time most important memories Dean has of Cas is of the day of his mother’s funeral. Dean was only 4 years old back then, and he doesn’t remember a lot from that day. But one of the things he remembers clearly is Cas being there next to him, and Cas, just a little kid himself, trying to comfort his friend as good as possible, Cas pulling his little arms around Dean and hugging him as he noticed his silent tears.

Cas has been a constant in Dean’s life ever since. And even though Dean is only 16 years old, his life has been a lot so far. But no matter what happened, no matter how much it was at certain points, Cas has always been there. Ever since that day back then when Dean lost his mother and his home the same night, Cas hasn’t let him down a single time.

Dean trusts Cas, he trusts him more than he trusts any other person in the entire world. Cas has always been the person Dean went to with his deepest secrets, his most personal doubts and concerns, and all his worries.

Cas has always been the one person who knew that Dean’s broken arm wasn’t the result of falling out off a tree, and the black and blue marks all over his arms and upper body didn’t come from Dean fighting with his brother either. Dean and his brother Sam barely fight, and when they do, their weapons of choice are words.

Dean has never talked to anyone except Cas about his father. Not even to Sam, even though Sam of course knows where the marks on his brother’s body come from, he obviously knows where the broken bones that Dean has had multiple times come from, but he also knows that Dean doesn’t want to talk about it. That is, he doesn’t want to talk about it to anyone except Cas.

Dean likes to pretend he’s tough. He likes to pretend he’s strong and manly and hasn’t cried a single time in his entire life, but he doesn’t do it with Cas. Not all the time, at least. Because no matter how tough Dean pretends to be every single day in the school corridors, Cas has seen him cry a lot when they’re hanging out after school, just lying together on their backs in the grass on the field behind their school, just talking. That’s the times Dean talks about his father, and his broken bones, and the marks all over his body.

Dean has told Cas about pretty much every secret he’s ever had in his entire life, and he’s rather sure that Cas has done the same thing. Dean knows a lot of things about Cas, and many of those are things about which Cas has made him swear he’d never tell anyone about it.

The biggest secret Dean is keeping for Cas probably is the one he told him just a few months ago. Dean still remembers that day very well, maybe because it happened not that long ago, but probably rather because hearing Cas say what he said did cause him an undefinable chaos of emotions that he still doesn’t really know how to handle.

Dean still thinks about it now and then, sometimes when he’s alone and thinking, he leans back and remembers how Cas looked at him with that insecure look in his eyes and quietly said “I think I might be gay”, and then he thinks about the weird feeling that single phrase planted in his chest.

That feeling is the only thing Dean never told Cas about. It’s not that Dean has any kind of problem with his best friend’s sexuality, he absolutely doesn’t. He’s not his father, after all – even though he has taken on some of his bad traits, like the anger issue, but homophobia isn’t one of them.

No, Dean is fine with it, and he and Cas have talked about it, about Cas’s doubts concerning his sexuality and his realization that maybe he’s just not straight. They have talked about it, and Dean has really tried his best to be helpful, as good as that was possible with that insane and weird feeling sitting there in his chest, refusing to leave.

Dean didn’t know back then what the feeling was, but he knew that for some reason, he didn’t want Cas to know about it. Today, he’s still not entirely sure what the feeling is about, but by now he has figured out why he doesn’t want Cas to know.

Because today, Dean has understood that the feeling came not directly from Cas telling him he might be gay, no, it came from Dean taking that in and thinking a step (or two) further: Cas likes guys, was the initial thought of understanding, and then Dean thought … could he like me?

Now that, again, isn’t a question Dean asks himself because it would freak him out if it was true, no. Dean knows by now, after countless of sleepless nights spent thinking about it, that he asks himself that question because a part of him wants Cas to like him that way.

And now that is the point of confusing thoughts and doubts where Dean would normally go and talk to Cas about it. Because that’s the thing with best friends, you can tell them anything, they keep your secrets, and they help you figuring stuff like that out. Yes, Dean would love to talk to Cas about it, listen to Cas’s advice, because it’s always great, but the thing is, he can’t talk to Cas about it.

He can’t talk to Cas, because that would include having to tell Cas about those other thoughts Dean has had. Telling Cas would include telling him about those late nights Dean has been lying awake thinking about how it would feel to kiss Cas, thinking about how they could just walk down the street holding hands or about how they could cuddle up when watching a movie together. If he would tell Cas about his doubts regarding his own sexuality, it would sooner or later lead to that conversation, Dean is sure about that, and it scares him.

Dean doesn’t want Cas to know because he doesn’t want to ruin what they have right now. Cas is his best and oldest friend, and as much as he lies awake sometimes, fantasizing about a different kind of relationship with him, he doesn’t want to lose the friend he has right now. Dean is scared of a number of possible outcomes of this situation.

He’s aware of course that just because Cas is probably gay, that doesn’t mean he has to be into Dean. Cas could just as well be gay and not be interested in him at all, Dean knows that, and it’s one of his fears: Telling Cas about all his thoughts, telling him about his sexuality and his confusing feelings, just to have Cas tell him he doesn’t like him that way. That would hurt. It would hurt a lot.

What Dean is also scared about is disappointing Cas. Unknowingly leading him on, playing with his friend’s feelings. Because just hypothetically, if Dean tells him he likes him, and Cas happens to feel the same way, and they give it a try but Dean realizes he doesn’t actually like Cas … Dean is scared of unknowingly “faking it”, he’s scared of misinterpreting his own thoughts and feelings, and he’s so so scared of hurting Cas, breaking his heart and losing him as his friend.

And that’s what it all comes down to: Cas being his friend. His oldest friend, his best friend. The one person he trusts unconditionally, the one who’s always there for him, the one who always listens and gives the best advice, the one he shares all his insecurities and secrets with.

And that, yes, that’s the point. Because Cas is, and always has been, the one person Dean could talk about everything with. No matter what it is, Cas always makes time and room for Dean, Cas is always there to listen.

And now that’s the other thing about best friends: If they’re the one and only person you talk about all your problems with, that’s all perfectly fine and works well, as long as your best friend isn’t the reason you need someone to talk. It’s all fine telling your best friend about your most personal thoughts and dreams, it’s all fine telling them about that person you’re falling for, spending hours trying to convince them your crush really is as amazing as you believe them to be and being made fun of for your blush whenever you’re talking about them, that’s all good fun, until you look at your best friend and realize they’re the one you’re falling for.

Because what do you do if you have that one person you tell everything, but the one thing that’s on your mind the most is also the one thing you can’t discuss with them, because it’s about them? Yes, what do you do when you need to talk about your need-to-talk person? What do you do when you can’t really tell your tell-me-everything person everything?

What do you do when you fall in love with your best friend?

Dean is insecure, he’s scared and he’s incredibly anxious about what might happen, but finally, he decides to talk to Cas. Because it is Cas, after all.

It’s Cas, who has always listened and understood Dean, all his life. It’s Cas, who has always been calm and supportive, no matter what. It’s Cas, just Cas. It’s his best friend.

And that’s another thing about best friends.

They’re always there, and you can always talk about anything.

You might fall in love with your best friend, or you might not. But either way, you love them.

And they love you.

They want nothing but the best for you, just like you do for them. And you can talk to them, even when you’re insecure about their reaction to what you’ve got to say. You can talk to them, they won’t rip off your head.

Because they care about you, just like you care about them. And they’re probably about as scared of hurting you as you are of hurting them. They are, just like you, trying to protect the person they care about.

Because that’s what best friends do.

[tearsofgrace]

endings are hard... but they aren’t impossible

tldr; the good place fucking nailed the finale, supernatural completely and utterly bombed it.

tags: wc--4.5k, gif heavy, spn meta, the good place, supernatural finale, spn wank, all gifs are mine, if you read til the end there’s a pretty gif

so i recently finished the good place (i was watching w my family and we finally had time to sit down and watch the last season) and god fucking dammit that ending is FLAWLESS. literally flawless. 

and because i’m, well, me… i spent most of the time during that hour long finale thinking about how supernatural could have had even a fraction of that and avoided so much heartbreak. 

anyways. i decided to compare them. to REALLY compare them. to get into the nitty gritty of why the fuck the good place ending left me feeling, as the finale is all about, sated and complete. and why the spn ending left me confused, lost, broken, betrayed, unable to even enjoy my comfort show at all until a dear friend finally just watched an episode (8.08) start to finish with me. 

so without further ado (always wanted to say that) here’s the good place/supernatural finale meta that no one asked for

comedy

we’ll start small. both these shows have excellent comedy. in extremely different ways… but still

in the good place finale, the comedy was perfect. whether it was jason reappearing in the forest, michael trying to get through The Door, tahani reversing the “hot bod” bit on eleanor, every comedic moment was actually pretty emotional and added something to the show. they deepened characters’ meanings, added to their relationships, and made the audience think as much as they made the audience laugh.

in the spn finale… the comedy was the pie gag. the whole sam shoving pie into dean’s face. beyond this being… like meta as hell (the whole prank thing) it doesn’t have any depth to it.

and to add salt to the wound, this “hilarious” thing happens RIGHT AFTER salmondean have a conversation about missing jack and cas that is equal parts flat and infuriating. the brothers, in particular sam about jack and dean about cas, should care more. this is their family. and family is everything to them. but, no, by all means pie dean in the face.

last lines

this one IRKS me. okay. 

the last line of the good place  "I'll say this to you, my friend, with all the love in my heart and all the wisdom of the universe: Take it sleazy.” “All right.”  is ICONIC. okay?

it’s a reference to season 1 that doesn’t feel fan-servicey. it’s kinda honestly emotional cuz it’s like a message to us, the audience. it perfectly completes michael’s arc. it captures the light-hearted vibe of the show while also somehow managing to be poignant. you can see it coming like the second before it happens but it’s also not the obvious choice. it’s just. goddamn it’s good.

the last line of supernatural…. is… “and cut.” not even said by one of j2. i mean i know it’s a meta show but COME ON ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??????????

now i hear you shouting wait but that’s just the end of the thank you message. okay fine whatever. in that case the last lines are “Hey, Sammy.” “Dean.” (i couldn’t bring myself to gif that moment)

i’m sorry but. that’s predictable. that’s obvious. that’s boring. that’s flat. sure, it celebrates the bond between the brothers. but like… that’s not what this show is about anymore. it’s not just about sam and dean winchester it’s about what they’ve created. it’s about the world they’ve saved, the family they’ve made, about how they always keep fighting but nope we get bland, boring, coulda seen ‘em coming from miles away lines for the very end. that’s fine.

montages

the spn finale is like 50% montages that don’t make sense and are poorly done and not emotional

the good place has a montage of michael being human that brought me to tears

timing

here’s another short section. the good place finale was 53 minutes long as opposed to the usual 20 minute long runtime of every episode. granted, the fandom of the good place is very different, but STILL there was no documentary telling the fans things they ALREADY knew (there was a short special after the ep, but the episode itself was still far longer than normal). it was 53 minutes of plot. of really fucking good not rushed plot. 

the supernatural finale was… what 36 minutes long?? as opposed to the normal 40 minute runtime?? granted, we did get an hour long documentary of things we’ve all heard in cons and interviews a billion times so hey. take what you can get i guess.

character arcs

this is most of the meat of this meta. one thing we’ve all been harping on a TON is how they RUINED character arcs. soooo let’s go through and juxtapose some character arcs shall we

eleanor

eleanor shellstrop starts the show completely self-obsessed. she died getting hit by shopping carts while picking up margarita mix and let’s be real she’s a total icon. love her to death. she grows a ton, becomes one of the most selfless characters on the show, and starts to actually (jack forbid) CARE about things. it’s one of the most satisfying and relatable character arcs i’ve ever seen. 

it’s not just her selfishness either, her character is super multi-faceted and complex, and i feel like even in the end we’re getting to know her better. she’s afraid of commitment, always worried about what others’ actions will do to her, loves the trivial side of life, is queer as fuck (as acknowledged by the show in a way that’s not harmful at all but also isn’t explicitly bi/pan/unlabeled/omni etc, allowing queer fans to see their own identity in her), and is all around a HUMAN BEING. her ending at the beginning of the show was her death. her stupid, trivial, meaningless death where she was, as she puts it, all alone. and her final ending ISNT that. yes, everyone goes before her. and i think that’s purposeful. to show that she’s grown enough that being alone in some sense is okay.

but she’s never TRULY alone. and in the end. the REAL end. janet is there. the whole time. because eleanor asked her to be!! she got over her crazy need for independence and simply asked for help. and eleanor dies an amazing person that has become selfless, has found joy in philosophy while still enjoying trashy content, has fixed her relationship with her mother, and has found a sense of completion. eleanor’s life ends on her terms, and it’s beautiful.

dean

alright. now just as you’re feeling all warm and fuzzy let’s look at dean winchester’s ending. you’ve heard it a million times, so i’ll be brief. dean was raised to be a hunter, a soldier, a killing machine with no feelings and no purpose. he was raised to die scared on a hunt, his life over because of some mistake he made because he will NEVER measure up. at least that’s what john and everyone else told him with the exceptions of some of his family (and family don’t end in blood). he started to accept that he didn’t have to have this. he started to realize that he could CHOOSE what his ending was. 

the beautiful thing is, we never truly got to see what that was. i personally like to think it’s similar to the roadhouse michael locked him in while he was trapped in his own mind. a safe place for hunters, somewhere he (and cas in my opinion, but that’s not important) could settle down and still be in the life. it would be an amazing tribute to jo and ellen, and just all around a great ending. he wouldn’t have to be scared, but he wouldn’t have to conform to some apple pie facade of normalcy. and ya know what?? say that he died so he could have peace i dare you. because dean doesn’t find peace until sam is there anyway so i beg of you WHAT WAS THE FUCKING POINT. 

dean winchester died scared. dean winchester died on a hunt. dean winchester died on one of john’s old hunts. dean winchester died not directly at the hands of a monster, but at the hands of a mistake. his mistake. dean winchester died without ever working through the trauma of his best friend in the entire world confessing his love in a final act of self-sacrifice. dean winchester died in a way that leaves a sour taste in my mouth and does not at all show the audience what he’s been through and how much he’s grown. dean winchester did not die on his terms, and he deserved better.

chidi

okay back to happy. chidi anagonye. by far my personal favorite good place character (don’t tell anyone i always say jason cuz he and i are very similar). chidi in the last few episodes is SO DRASTICALLY different than the chidi we meet at the beginning. he’s decisive, confident, self-assured, and it’s amazing to see. he’s not afraid of life anymore. he’s not afraid to make the wrong decision and forever alter his reality, because he’s okay with failure. 

at the beginning, chidi was so petrified of life that… it killed him. and in the end, he’s completely at peace with every decision he makes, even the final one. yes, he considered staying for eleanor, but that just shows how his moral code and his compassion for others is still very much still intact. it shows the audience that you can be confident and decisive without being a selfish asshole. 

chidi leaves the good place knowing that it’s the right thing to do. knowing without a doubt that his time has come. the old chidi never would have been able to fathom being that sure about something. it’s beautiful. it’s a development that can give the audience peace, can show them that this drastic of change is possible, and that chidi became a better person for all of it. chidi went on his own terms, and it was beautiful.

sam

… this one might be controversial… but sam winchester. god i hated sam’s ending. at first i was kinda okay with it. like, okay fine he got his normal life. but, really, in the end that’s not what sam wanted. he started to realize that he didn’t need that apple pie, white picket fence life. he didn’t need the wife and the kids and the backyard and the barbecues because that is NOT sam’s personality and i will throw hands on that. 

that’s not to say he doesn’t want some sort of romance, maybe even kids, but not in that way. he lets himself see that he doesn’t need to be defined by his rebellion to john. doesn’t need to be defined by going to college or any of those “normal” smart kid things because it doesn’t fit him. and that’s okay! but how does sam’s story end? it ends with a wife (that isn’t even important enough to show her face). with kids. with a goddamn white picket fence. we think he’s still hunting to some extent… but it’s not the arc we were led to believe would happen. it’s not this amazing leader sam that we see in season 12-14, uniting hunters and organizing them. 

he had SO MUCH potential and they throw it away on a vanilla ending that shows only surface level pain at losing his brother. he doesn’t even invite the rest of their family to the wake for fuck’s sake. jared did an incredible job. pls don’t think i’m saying he didn’t. but that script…. sam winchester’s arc was cut short. he didn’t go on his terms, and he deserved better.

jason

jason mandoza. the only character that has ever embodied my complete dumbass energy to the insane extent that it exists. he went to hell for his impulsivity. he never thought before a decision. i aspire to be as reckless as jason while on earth. but he LEARNED. he got better, just like they all did. and by the end of the show, jason doesn’t need to be impulsive anymore. much like eleanor being left “alone,” the show does a masterful job with making him be the first one to go, capturing his old impulsiveness. but he chooses to leave. he takes his time in deliberation, waiting until a feeling of peace, of completion, of well, ‘true happiness’ (sorry cas stans, i’m right there with you) has settled over him. 

the ending of his story is one of growth, just like all these characters have been. and the best part? the show makes it comedic in the most poignant and beautiful way, because it’s jason, it had to be funny. we learn that jason has been in the woods for like, eons, just waiting to go through the door because he wants to give janet a necklace. he’s learned to simply wait. to be at peace with… nothing. his torture was being a monk, but in the end, jason embodies those ideals. his arc comes to fruition in an extremely satisfying way. jason goes on his own terms, and it’s beautiful.

castiel

this one is gonna hurt like a bitch. castiel is my comfort character. he’s my role model. he’s me in a lot of ways. i love him. so fucking much. so excuse me if this is slightly incoherent. i’m actually okay with cas’ ending… in a way. because his actual ending as an on-screen character? perfect. self-sacrifice while coming out and professing his love to dean winchester. a little bit bury the gays, but let’s be real, it’s supernatural. and “happiness is in just saying it” has to be the most powerful way to think of coming out. it takes away the fear, it takes away so much of the pain that can follow. because the joy is in just saying the words.

it’s how this was treated on the show that makes cas’ character arc terrible (and we haven’t even gotten to 15.20). YOU CANNOT JUST IGNORE A LOVE CONFESSION. that is god awful writing and i will never change my mind on that. cas deserved his family to care about him. to at least address and be sad about the fact he was gone. jesus fucking christ after everything castiel deserved at least that. and then we go to 15.20. cas is in heaven. cas is serving god. cas is right back where he started. now, i’m coming off a little strong. 

if the show had decided to show us cas and jack in heaven makin’ the world a better place… i woulda come around to it. i woulda realized that that’s not REALLY erasing 12 years of character development and cas realizing that his whole identity isn’t just him serving heaven and isn’t just him being an angel and that he’s so much more than all of that and he could still be happy as a human… because really he’s with his son. but they didn’t show us that. they barely even mentioned him. and to me. that counts as a bad character arc. and i’m sorry if you disagree. castiel may have gone on his own terms, but they treated that beautiful sacrifice with disrespect and disdain, plus resolved his arc by putting him back where he started. he deserved better.

tahani

*deep breaths guys this is a long post i’m sorry* anywayyyy tahani!!! we love tahani obviously. let’s talk about her arc, because it always kinda bothered me. throughout the show, we see all the other character’s growing and expanding their knowledge of right and wrong. and, don’t get me wrong. we see tahani grow a lot. but she makes a lot of the same types of comments and shit like that. but it’s how she treats the reactions to those comments. by the end of the show, she laughs at the caricature of herself that the others see. she isn’t looking for vindication in name-dropping, she just does it. she is far less self-absorbed, and is genuinely interested in those around her. she fixes her relationships with her sister and her parents in a way that doesn’t feel forced and actually feels like a beautiful, healthy family reunion. 

she has a list and she does everything on it. it’s worth noting, that the things on her list are not at all what they would have been at the beginning of the show. most of them are humble “labor” type tasks, and all of them are in self improvement. tahani’s end on the show is not the same as everyone else’s. she realizes that she doesn’t need to be done. that there doesn’t have to be an end to self-improvement. and she becomes an architect. the writers perfectly embody her transformation from a self-obsessed rich girl who has never done a thing for herself and laughs at the lower-class to a down-to-earth worker that simply doesn’t want the journey to end. 

it’s incredible how perfectly the writers were able to close off these character arc’s without it feeling forced, and without ignoring their character development. imagine that. tahani chooses her own way, and it’s beautiful.

jack

jack’s ending may be the only one that i’ve actually somewhat come to terms with. it’s not terrible. it’s not great. but it’s not nearly as bad. because ignoring that awful monologue about every drop of rain and shit, jack really does end up helping people. he ends up doing something that he loves and that makes the world a better place. and he doesn’t lose his personality in it. but. i dunno, that’s still his destiny, right? to create paradise. and this is a show about ripping up the rule book, about choosing free will above all else… so to have every single character just fulfill their destiny is cheap. 

still… i’ll try to be unbiased. because really at the beginning of jack’s time on the show, he’s unsure what he wants. and at least, in the end, he’s sure. he has a wisdom that he’s always had but he’s now using. and i’m good with that. but what’s NOT okay about jack’s ending is the lack of on-screen family. jack learns that family is important. sam, cas, dean those are the people he cares about. and you’re telling me he would just NEVER see them again? and be okay with that? i know he rebuilds heaven with cas, but we don’t even get a story about him rescuing cas from the empty. and he seems in 15.19 to not be that concerned about it (after the amazing emotional scene at the beginning). jack should have cared about his family. he did. but they ruined that for him. so jack kline deserved better.

michael

oh man where do i start. michael’s growth is the biggest on the show. i mean. he starts as a literal demon and ends a human. he gets better, he falls in love with humanity (*castiel fan in me sobbing again*) and he chooses over and over to be good instead of bad. his whole arc is a classic redemption arc, and every single beat just gets better. he chooses selfishly to side with humans but in the end it turns out to be the best decision he could have made. because he develops emotions, he develops compassion, he develops a moral compass. 

and his end reflects that. because to complete this arc of a demon becoming more human… he literally becomes human!!!! it fits so well. and he’s allowed to make mistakes and be happy and gain all that humanity has to offer. this just shows that human!endgame for cosmic beings that become more human WORKS SO WELL (and it shoulda happened for cas and jack that’s all i’m saying). michael went on his own terms, and it was beautiful.

eileen

oh boy… this one stings. because they brought her back, used her up, and we never saw her again. eileen was one of the best side characters on the show, and they rarely addressed her arc. she comes onto the show as a hunter seeking revenge, and gets that revenge in the same episode. her s15 arc is focused on what’s real and what’s not, with her relationship to sam admittedly being a central part of her character because… it’s supernatural and women can’t exist without that. but still! eileen grows throughout the show and in the end… we don’t even know what happens to her. it’s as if her arc wasn’t important enough to even glance at. 

it’s as if the connections the boys make outside of each other mean nothing when in reality they mean everything. they prove that the co-dependency is behind them and that family doesn’t end with blood and that real connections can be formed between people that last a lifetime. eileen was a disabled hunter that was shown to still be one of the best in the business, and they didn’t even give her the courtesy of a goodbye. eileen didn’t go on her own terms, and she deserved better.

janet

this is gonna unbalance my list but goddammit janet’s ending was perfect. she was a not-robot, not-girl that should have been incapable of feelings. but throughout the series we get to watch as she learns first-hand about human emotions and processes them. she cares about the humans in her charge and fights for them on multiple counts. 

in the end, we see janet come to terms with both her cosmic being side, and her human side. she never stops being with the “cockroaches.” she sees them all leave, she’s there for them while they’re there, and she also continues to speak her mind and live autonomously. janet was a non-human character done right. she lived on her own terms, and it was beautiful.

some honorable mentions

spn ignored (in the finale) chuck, amara, stevie, charlie, jody, donna, garth, bess, the other angels, claire, kaia, patience, alex, and the list goes ON in favor of focusing on JUST sam and dean. did none of those characters at least deserve a quick goodbye??????

the good place wrapped up multiple arcs i had completely forgotten about in a totally natural and not forced way. mindy, doug forester, (the mushroom guy, i know, it took me a second), pillboy, donkey doug, kamilah, tahani’s parents, eleanor’s mother, eleanor’s friends, chidi’s best friend, vicki, shawn, glenn, simone and so many that i’m forgetting all got satisfying ends that they totally deserved. 

they even fucking resolved FROG GUY’S arc and gave him a real frog. that’s right. frog guy (jeff) had a better character arc resolution than dean motherfucking winchester. 

heaven and hell

obviously in very different vehicles, both shows explore in depth the realities of the afterlife. and lemme tell ya, at the end of the day, one sits a whole lot better than the other. 

the good place finale ends this quest for the perfect afterlife by saying that everyone can improve and that an eternal paradise shouldn’t keep you from eternal rest. they pretty much make me wish that this is what our afterlife looked like. they handle everything with care so it’s balanced precariously in a way that doesn’t give you anxiety looking at it but instead fills you with peace and faith in humanity. 

supernatural addresses this series long battle between heaven and hell by creating a heaven where you drive for forty years without seeing the people (cough cough cas and jack not his parents) that matter to you and drink beer that tastes like shit. a place you can’t be happy or find any sense of peace until your brother has died and he’s there too.

and hell… well they barely even address it. there’s a new queen of hell i guess? but so what. it’s still very much heaven and hell in a way that’s the worst and hey plus to them… makes me wanna stay alive thank you very much. oh and purgatory is in shambles and not functioning properly cuz all that eve bullshit.

loose ends

whenever something is ending, you gotta tie up the loose ends. not in a “oh, we must wrap everything up and leave no stone unturned” kinda way but in a “wow, we should probably try to make this unambiguous because this is the last time we will ever see these characters” kinda way. 

the good place does that. so fucking masterfully. all these side plots with all these different characters were taken care of all while focusing on the main six characters. we get to see how their intervention has changed everyone else. for example, mindy’s arc is wrapped up perfectly, with eleanor going to save her.

plus different running jokes like “take it sleazy” are wrapped up, we revisit really old callbacks like the original neighborhood, and all of it feels natural and in the moment. it feels like full circle in a way that doesn’t erase growth. 

supernatural, on the other hand, left a million loose ends open. what happened to the boys they saved? where the fuck are jody, donna, etc.? did eileen make it back? cuz sam was pretty upset about that. what happened to it “being loud” in the empty? hell, what happened to the empty? what happened to hell? what about chuck? it woulda been nice to see just for a second what became of him. did charlie and stevie make it (i’m very invested in that relationship)? if we’re taking the original ending… why the fuck is jimmy there? did kansas just all,,, die? 

i’m not saying they needed to address everything… but god a few wrapped up storylines besides the brothers wouldn’t have hurt

coloring

can i just… real quick… as a giffer lodge a complaint

the good place has beautiful vibrant coloring in the finale

spn has like bland washed out whatever the fuck that is coloring. it’s not even the dark early aesthetic cuz they dropped that it’s just… ew. so. do with that what you will. 

conclusion

first… while writing this i realized just HOW MUCH it’s not about destiel… like believe me. i knew i wasn’t just pissed about destiel. but holy shit it’s not destiel at all like did i even mention destiel that much???? this was never about a ship. this was just a trash finale. 

in the end. the good place writers knew what they were doing. they knew their fans, they knew their characters, they knew their world, and they knew how to wrap it up in a way that was satisfying and sad and perfectly fit the tone of the whole show. it wasn’t out of character or rushed, basically every loose end was tied up without the audience even realizing that’s what they were doing, and i feel happy and complete having watched it. 

the supernatural ending was a betrayal. flat out. to the audience that has stuck by it in a way bigger way than the good place fandom. to the characters that have helped so many people. to the actors that have given so much of their lives. to the other members of the crew, to certain writers… all of it was just a slap in the face.

we deserved better guys. there are better endings possible. so i’m sorry. i really am. but i guess… that’s what fanfic is for, right?

[caslighting]

Here's a breakdown of the German dub of 15x18 by a native German speaker, for anyone interested! The person does not have a Tumblr, this was shared on discord and cross-posted here with permission.

First of all a flashback back to 14x08: Cas making the deal with the Empty:

In the original version I believe The Empty is saying that she will take Cas in a moment when he "gives himself the permission to be happy", they changed it to "when you allow yourself to live a happy life". With our knowledge from 15x18 you can say that Cas wants to life together with Dean, that they have a happy life together.

Confessions Scene: What changed?

1. "One thing I want is something I know I can't have" --> "the one wish I have will never granted"

2. "It's in just saying it" --> "If you understand that, then it's yours"

3. "Knowing you had changed me" --> "My whole life changed"

4. "Don't do this Cas" --> "Please don't do this Cas"

5. "Goodbye Dean" --> "Farewell Dean"

More in Depth-Analysis of a few things

The first thing I noticed is, that they translated "happiness" into "Glück" which rather means "luck" than "happiness.

Another thing: "Weil der eine Wunsch den ich habe mir leider nie gegönnt sein wird" ("the one wish I have, will never granted). I don't really know how to give you the meaning of the word "gönnen" (grant/allow) because to allow something or to grant something means that you need permission from someone. "gönnen" means more that you are letting something happen, that you're pampering (I hope this is the right word) yourself or someone else by "granting" them/yourself that something.

So with "Glück" and "gönnen" it feels like happiness should never be taken for "granted". It is something precious, it's special. If you are happy, you can consider yourself lucky. Because of this, the fact that happiness is so rare and that Castiel only had short-lived life of this happiness makes the sacrifice so much heavier for me.

There is one phrase that really bothers me: "Daddys Werkzeug fürs Grobe"

In the original Cas says to Dean: "You're Daddys blunt instrument" which I would interpret as Dean doing whatever John tells him because of his blind obedience to his Dad.

The translation to "Daddys Werkzeug fürs Grobe" (idek how to translate this, something like: "'Daddys tool for the rough" maybe) which basically means that Dean is doing all the dirty work John doesn't want to do. Like this is so wrong. It is literally no problem to translate "blunt instrument" 1:1 into german, but no they just changed it to something complete different.

Then there is the "I love you"-Scene

Cas saying "Ich liebe dich" ("I love you", if you didn't know) broke my heart. I was so scared they would choose a different translation of "I love you". There is not even a little doubt that this is not romantic. Saying "Ich liebe dich" is something different in german (at least in my opinion). You just don't say this to random people like your best friends or your parents or whatever. You save it for someone special. It is not only a phrase, it's a decisions you make, a decision for your relationship. Saying "Ich liebe dich" for the first time to someone takes your relationship to another level. It screams for "You? -- Me? -- Forever!" you know?

Watching the confessions scene back in November for the first time, hearing Cas saying "I love you" to Dean, for me it felt way different this time. I didn't know if the "I love you" is romantic or platonic. I couldn't believe that it is romantic because this is something WE want for over 10 years, WE fought for this for over 10 years. The Writers crushed our hearts over the years over and over again, building Cas' and Dean's Relationship over all these years but also always crushed our hopes, broke our small Destiel-Hearts over and over again. And now you just gave us a simple "I love you"?

Back in November I was doubting myself. After the episode (4 am in the morrning) I didn't know what to think about this. What even is this? Do I even want this? Do I want to believe this implied a romance between Cas and Dean, like actually on screen? Just so that the Writers/Actors or whoever posts a day later on twitter that it was just a platonic love declaration and our hearts are crushed again. A day or two after the episode, Misha Collins said in a Zoom-Call that it was a romantic declaration of love. And I couldn't believed it. I still had doubts. And now 5 Months later I still sit here sometimes thinking: They made Destiel actually real, they did it. Of course we wanted more, but isn't this better than nothing?

What I wanted to say with this really long paragraph about the english scene is, that I think if I had watched Supernatural only in german, I wouldn't had any doubts after 15x18. Because a german "I love you" is in absolutely no way NOT romantic. It just don't work. So now I am realizing (late I know) yes, destiel is real and I will never doubt this.

TLDR: the german dub is most of the time a literal translation of the original. They changed a few words, left out some phrases, nothing spectecular there. Destiel is canon and we're all happy.

Thanks for coming to my Ted-Talk.

[transsexualbloodlust]

i keep seeing posts about how jackles isn't homophobic but it's actually weirder and i get that he isn't homophobic and he's just got weird stuff going on but i don't know what the weird stuff...is? sorry if this is the wrong place but i was hoping someone could explain it to me lol

oh FUCK yeah, my brain thrives off of explaining spn stuff, okay someone pls correct me if i’m wrong but let’s get into the LoreTM

Okay so Jackles is almost definitely not homophobic, he played a bi poly character for a while, i don’t remember the name of the show but it was pre spn so like it was 90’s/early 2000’s

anyway,

stuff starts getting weird since season 1, because like there’s no real explanation for his acting choices other than that he was actively making dean seem gayer. Like the scene where sam says that dean is “kind of butch,” dean is supposed to tell sam to fuck off, and instead we get this weird smile thing to suggest that he is, as sam says, overcompensating for something?? And then Cas comes in and it’s like he has insane amounts of chemistry with this man and Continues to actively make things gayer. like all of the face touches we saw?? a jackles jacting joices they usually weren’t in the script, like editors had to cut stuff out because jensen was making his scenes with cas too gay.

And all of this could definitely be like normal behavior BUT

He’s always been vocal about opposing Gay/Bi readings of deans, the most recent on being 2 0 1 8, like fucking 2018???? (that was the ?No. situation). I mean his distaste for bi dean is obviously to the point where they had to ask his permission for cas to be gay around dean and like it DOESNT MAKE SENSE. Why would he play dean as gayer and then not follow through???? why sow and not reap????

and the idea is that it probably comes down to a mixture of 2-3 things:

1) his first interaction with shipping involved death threats and wincesties generally being awful to him and his wife so i can definitely see that making u never want to discuss shipping ever again and a lot of bi/gay readings of dean involve destiel, this is the most likely offender. Especially since it became one of and eventually The biggest ship on the show

2) as u may know he is a dean kinnie, he’s shown (and talked about it) time and time again that he can’t really view dean from a third party perspective and only understands what dean understands, and fundamentally dean is probably not aware that he is bi and in love with cas, so jackles isn’t. I genuinly do think this one hold merit because that man needs therapy but it is on the insane side

3) i’m sorry for this but we have to mention rpf/s, essentially the theory is that jensen and misha r together and jackles got scared of people realizing either that he likes misha or that he likes men, i think there’s something to be said about cockles but i think it’s more likely that he accidentally played dean as bi and then got insecure about people finding out something about him because as I said, dean kinnie.

anyway the tldr is that it’s weird because he plays dean as bi in like very obvious ways but like refuses to acknowledge it because it hits too close to home wich is incredibly funny of him

[norahastuff]

At this point , I am really scared , I need some reassurance that Destiel will happen , so many posts saying that it is unlikely , please help!! :(

Ok first of all, I get it. These days I’m relatively chill about most aspects of the show, just taking things as they come and trying to enjoy the story they’re telling - it’s still a pretty good one - but I have those moments too. For example my knee jerk reaction to the “Cas has failed his brothers” tweet  (which again means nothing - people that run the CW social media accounts know next to nothing about what’s going on in the show) was genuinely “I can’t believe Dean made Cas a mixtape of the music his parents fell in love over, in a scene that was shot so romantically, and people are still out here calling them brothers.”

And honestly that’s still where I’m stuck with all of this. I haven’t been in fandom long. I never even really knew what shipping was until last year. I was watching, enjoying and analysing the show (albeit in my own head), long before I found tumblr, and had thought it was blindingly obvious that there were romantic elements to Dean and Cas’ relationship. I think that’s something a lot of us forget when we’re talking about “Canon Destiel” and what will happen etc. We discount everything that has already happened between them in favour of some proof down the road. Which I get, trust me, but I really don’t think we should forget everything that led us to see Dean and Cas this way to begin with.

Ok so what helps me mostly be chill about all this?

1) The wealth of canon material that already exists between them (mixtapes, grief arcs, human weakness, colette parallels, sweeping reunions set to rousing musical cues, Amara supposedly having control over Dean but when in a room with her and Cas all Dean can do is call out Cas’ name over and over again in a broken voice - I honestly could go on all day.)

2) I don’t believe any of this was being done in bad faith.

I’m going to focus on 3 of the current writers, 2 of whom are openly queer and one of whom is the showrunner:

Berens

His first episode 9x06 was the one where Misha was instructed to play Cas as a “jilted lover” by Carver, the showrunner, and that episode was just romantic af. There’s so much staring through wistfully at each other it’s ridiculous. If you watch Berens episodes, it’s pretty clear that he considers Dean and Cas’ relationship vital, he often makes a point to place them in the same tier of importance as Sam and Dean’s relationship, and on top of that it seems to me he’s always just contextualised their relationship as having romantic elements. Whether it’s Colette parallels or mixtapes, Bobo’s always presented them a certain way.

Yockey

If you even glance at Yockey’s resume you’ll be able to see he’s a genius playwright whose work tends to focus on gay relationship dramas. Of course that in no way means that any relationship between two men that he writes has to be romantic, but what it does mean is that he understands when it is. It does mean that when he writes an episode like 12x10 (an ep about angels falling in love with humans), where Dean and Cas are bickering like a married couple and Ishim dubs the woman he was in love with his human weakness, whilst in the same breath calling Dean Cas’ human weakness, he’s doing it intentionally. That episode was a lot of things, well written, smart, beautifully crafted - but one thing it was not was subtle. Claiming Yockey didn’t mean it that way seems pretty absurd to me, and honestly, trying to claim Yockey - a gay man who writes nuanced LGBT+ stories - meant it as bait or whatever, is even worse. I mean that episode even had an exploration of how angels do not have genders like humans do by showing Cas in a female vessel and having him reiterate that angels are their own thing, regardless of whether they are in a male or female vessel at any given time.

That’s not even mentioning 13x05 and how ridiculously romantic that ep was. I mean I can’t - that final scene was ridiculous.

Andrew Dabb

And then we come to the showrunner himself. Dabb joined the show the same season that Cas did. He’s always placed a great deal of importance on Dean and Cas’ relationship, and always made sure to differentiate it from Sam and Cas. Even as early as 5x16, he made sure to emphasise how it was Dean who felt for Cas when he lost his faith in God (note: I don’t think there was any romantic intent there at the time but he was showing the depth and importance of their bond even back then.) 8x08 with the “talk to me” and the heart breaking conversation that followed that was cut short when Sam walked in. Dabb cares.

Dabb has also clearly been intrigued with the potentially romantic aspects of their relationship. I don’t know what his intentions have ever been with it, but at the very least, he has often seemed like he wanted to explore it. In 9x22 where Metatron delivers the “he’s in love with..,humanity” line, Dabb reportedly wrote that Metatron created Cas’ heaven as having tons of photos of naked Dean (which allegedly was axed by a higher up). His era led to Cas being given a vital, central role in the show and story like he’d never had before and also the escalation of the Dean/Cas romantic story like never before. In Dabb’s eps all of heaven and hell assume they’re banging with a demon even saying it to Cas’ face. Not to mention 12x23. Just all of it. Seriously.

I have no idea what TPTB intentions are, or ever have been, with Destiel as an eventual textual development, and yes I definitely believe that the right thing to do is for them to address it in some way. But I will say it bothers me a little when people throw it into the same category as a couple of other shows that shall not be named for the very important reason that the show has never invalidated any of the romantic elements of this relationship they’ve crafted between Dean and Cas, at least not post s8 and certainly not since Dabb took over around mid s11.

Kripke and Gamble definitely had a different approach that was pretty much just homoerotic subtext with the occasional (extremely on the nose) gay joke thrown in, but that’s not something Carver and Dabb did. However explicit they did/will get with it, every development between Dean and Cas has been anchored by serious emotional importance and nothing about their bond has ever been dismissed or downplayed as unimportant.

If there’s one thing I’m reasonably confident about is that that isn’t going to change. They’re not going to invalidate or “no homo” any of this by throwing Dean or Cas a last minute love interest. There’s a lot simmering under the surface between Dean and Cas right now, has been for a while now, and it’s definitely something they’re going to address if they’re going to give any kind of sensical end to their story.

Regardless of how explicit it winds up being - and again I want to reiterate, I do understand people’s pain and frustration if it winds up not being especially overt - this is a story that the people who created it cared about. The writers have treated in seriously and none of them ever mocked or dismissed any of the fans and are not evil villains cackling over a cauldron because they’ve tricked so many people with this story. Also, because I’ve been seeing some baffling commentary about intent - some from former Destiel shippers even - even if there isn’t a clear cut romantic endgame that makes it obvious to 100% of the GA, none of that invalidates all the romantic storytelling that has been, and continues to be, a part of the narrative for a long time now. It exists. To quote Misha “you are not crazy.” And don’t let anyone make you believe that you are.

TLDR: I have no idea what’s coming next and I’m sorry but I can’t give you any assurance that things are going to be wrapped up the way you or I would want them to be, but I can give you my long rambling thoughts about why I feel the way I do. Why it can still bug me that we can watch a story that if it was between a man and a woman would be blindingly clear to everyone but if it’s m/m (or even w/w) has constant denials levelled against it, but how at the same time I’m not constantly filled with rage or sadness about why it has played out the way it has.

So yeah, that’s how I’m going into the final season. There’s a lot more I wanted to say but looking at this wall of text I’m realising I’ve already gone on for far too long so I’ll stop now.