#THREE 'E' SONGS LENA

[dustedmagazine]

La Luz — News of the Universe (Sub Pop)

La Luz takes a big day-glo colored leap in News of the Universe, expanding a spooky, surf-rocking, girl-group sound into psychedelic overload. This is a full-on, trippy symphony, evoking baroque late Beatles, Os Mutantes and Syd Barrett-era Pink Floyd.

La Luz bandleader Shana Cleveland has been through a lot lately, becoming a first-time mom and a cancer survivor in a relatively short period of time. On a smaller scale, she has also slightly reconfigured her band, adding drummer Audrey Johnson to the long-time line-up of Lena Simon on bass and Alice Sandahl on keys. Johnson is a fiery presence here, pummeling the toms in the intro to fuzz-guitared “Strange World” and executing wild, full-body fills in the title track, and a key factor in the band’s sweet but more explosive sound.

The disc opens with angelic female voices, recorded a capella, in twining, shifting harmonies. The brief lovely “Reaching up to the Sun,” set a standard; dizzying harmonies buzz throughout this shape shifting disc. They emerge, for instance, from “Strange World”’s frenetic 1960s Nuggets swagger and wreathe the chorus of surf-rock “Poppies” in iridescent euphoria. The sweet swirl of vocals infuses even the rocking-est of tunes with baroque pop tunefulness.

Sandahl’s keyboards shift these cuts in a psychedelic direction, whether circling in three-time in “Blue Moth Cloud Shadow” or vibrating with 1960s energy in “Strange World.” The bass is a big factor as well, bouncing insistently in “Dandelions,” for instance, to give this space-y, ethereal cut a bit of physicality. But these elements play around Cleveland, framing her airy, surreally pretty vocals and sharp, buzzing guitar lines to make them pop.

The title track brings every together, a fury of drumming subsiding into gentle melody, the stab of psychedelic keyboards and thump of bass putting flesh on Cleveland’s lullaby soft melodies. “News of the universe states it clearly/change is the only law,” she croons, giving a nod to the science fiction author Octavia E. Butler in the most fetching voice imaginable. The song changes around her, precise and modulated then wild and ecstatic, expanding into a universe of possibilities as she goes.  

Jennifer Kelly

[joysmercer]

misc six observations:

the pantages is the most gorgeous theater i’ve ever been in (not that i’ve been in many but u know)

it’s also along the walk of fame and kirsten chenoweth’s star is right by the door (lena horne's is just across the street)

they didn’t advertise my show as accessible but it was open-captioned and asl-interpreted (but it looks like both things were only viewable to ppl seated on the left side)

an old couple next to me were trying to figure out which “chopin composition” the pre-show music was? (they’re all piano covers of pop songs) v confused

the “queen bios” in the playbill list aragon’s interests as “religion, sewing, dancing, and a bit more religion”, boleyn’s says she’s remembered for “headlessness”. parr’s talks about her friendship w mary and that her mom was LIW to some previous wives, but makes no mention of the fact that aragon was her godmother(/namesake) or that she married seymour’s brother

the minute greensleeves started playing, people started cheering. it was so fun

khaila was born to play aragon that's all im saying. literally nonstop applause until the dluh intro

storm's boleyn tiptoed that line between "idk what's going on" and "smart and cunning" so so well

cleves did the ponytail-pull instead of seymour? idk if this is a recent change but it has Interesting implications characterization-wise lmao also it was just funny because olivia had to significantly reach up to get to courtney's hair

speaking of which, both nat and cmack's new wigs look a lot fancier than their old ones somehow

im pretty sure nmp actually started crying during hos (which, even though i've heard her sing it a million times, was every bit as beautiful as i thought it would be)

hoh live is an Experience in the best way, they just looked like they were having the best time bouncing around the stage

the audience member picked for get down was so good/confident olivia cheered for her the entire time instead of doing the "this is my song" bit after shfghjkl

get down is already such a lively song but olivia's version amps it up even more like i was in stitches during the intro and the entire audience was fired up by the end

the k-howard roast didnt get as many laughs as it should've :// i felt so bad for courtney because she delivered those lines flawlessly

and then loud and immediate applause after aywd??? L audience tbh

(also interesting note – the asl interpreter didn’t sign for applause after the song like she did for all the others)

natalie's "I DIED" was every bit as amazing as all the audios. also she basically chased khaila offstage while saying that line sdkf

i think gabriela is my new favorite parr im so obsessed w her take on idnyl and her acting (even in the background) is impeccable

there were some obvious mic issues – both cmack and storm were a bit quieter than everyone else and khaila was way louder; all three of them left the stage at various points for unknown reasons (but there wasn't a show stop and i dont think most people noticed someone missing)

this cast's chemistry was i n s a n e like the little interactions and they way they reacted to each other plus the harmonies…10/10 no notes

speaking of which. there was a really sweet moment toward the end of idnyl ("why should i tell that story?") where aragon puts her hand on howard's knee comfortingly

standing ovation after six!!! idk if this is a regular occurrence but they bowed an extra time because of all the clapping lol

except then people started leaving, so courtney had to start the megasix early and you could barely hear her over the audience

but it was ok cuz people stayed on their feet throughout the megasix too and again the girls took a really long time leaving the stage after bc the cheers kept getting louder!!!

tldr i had the BEST time and if the tickets weren’t so expensive id go again and again <3

[danielfuckingricciardo]

Because I’m in the Eurovision mood I thought I’d share my favourite song from each country (past and present!)

1. Albania 🇦🇱

2022 - Sekret // Ronela Hajati

2. Andorra 🇦🇩

2006 - Sense Tu // Jennifer

3. Armenia 🇦🇲

2014 - Not Alone // Aram MP3

4. Australia 🇦🇺

2015 - Tonight Again // Guy Sebastian

5. Austria 🇦🇹

2014 - Rise Like a Phoenix // Conchita Wurst

(This song makes me feel emotions every time damn it!)

6. Azerbaijan 🇦🇿

2021 - Mata Hari // Efendi

7. Belarus 🇧🇾

2014 - Cheesecake // Teo

(Underrated tune fr)

8. Belgium 🇧🇪

2015 - Rhythm Inside // Loïc Nottet

9. Bosnia and Herzegovina 🇧🇦

2011 - Love in Rewind // Dino Merlín

10. Bulgaria 🇧🇬

2017 - Beautiful Mess // Kristian Kostov

11. Croatia 🇭🇷

2023 - Mama ŠČ! // Let 3

12. Cyprus 🇨🇾

2018 - Fuego // Eleni Foureira

13. Czechia 🇨🇿

2019 - Friend of a Friend // Lake Malawi

(Was very hard to choose between this one and Lie To Me. It’s a very close second)

14. Denmark 🇩🇰

2021 - Øve Os På Hinanden // Fyr Og Flamme

(Was robbed in the semi-finals imo)

15. Estonia 🇪🇪

2015 - Goodbye to Yesterday // Elina Born + Stig Rästa

16. Finland 🇫🇮

2022 - Jezebel // The Rasmus

(Should have done so much better imo)

17. France 🇫🇷

2016 - J’ai Cherché // Amir

18. Georgia 🇬🇪

2011 - One More Day // Eldrine

19. Germany 🇩🇪

2011 - Taken by a Stranger // Lena

(Better than Satellite for sure, but Satellite slaps too)

20. Greece 🇬🇷

2008 - Secret Combination // Kalomira

21. Hungary 🇭🇺

2018 - Viszlát Nyár // AWS

22. Iceland 🇮🇸

2020 - Think About Things // Daði og Gagnamagnið

(Basic I know but it’s just such a good tune)

23. Ireland 🇮🇪

2011 - Lipstick // Jedward

(Not sorry about this one it slaps and Jedward are my kings)

24. Israel 🇮🇱

2015 - Golden Boy // Nadav Guedj

25. Italy 🇮🇹

(Gonna have to do a top five because I have such a thing for Italy in Eurovision I can’t pick just one oop)

2017 - Occidentali’s Karma // Francesco Gabbani

2015 - Grande Amore // Il Volo

2018 - Non Mi Avette Fatto Niente // Ermal Meta + Fabrizio Moro

2021 - Zitti E Buoni // Måneskin

2019 - Soldi // Mahmood

26. Latvia 🇱🇻

2022 - Eat Your Salad // Citi Zēni

(As a vegetarian and a bisexual I approve this message)

27. Lithuania 🇱🇹

2021 - Discotheque // The Roop

28. Luxembourg 🇱🇺

1988 - Croire // Lara Fabian

29. Malta 🇲🇹

2022 - Je Me Casse // Destiny

30. Moldova 🇲🇩

(My second favourite Eurovision country so here’s a top three)

2022 - Trenulețul // Zdob şi Zdub & Advahov Brothers

2018 - My Lucky Day // DoReDos

2017 - Hey Mamma // Sunstroke Project

31. Monaco 🇲🇨

1964 - Où Sont-elles Passées? // Romuald

(When I say I have an obsession with this song I mean it. PS Monaco plz come back we miss you!!)

32. Montenegro 🇲🇪

2015 - Adio // Knez

- Ranking Morocco doesn’t really feel fair because they only participated once lol -

33. The Netherlands 🇳🇱

2016 - Slow Down // Douwe Bob

(Hehe 33 Max Verstappen number it’s fate fr)

34. North Macedonia 🇲🇰

2012 - Crno I Belo // Kaliopi

35. Norway 🇳🇴

2009 - Fairytale // Alexander Rybak

(Listen I know it’s a basic choice but this song is iconic for a reason y’know? It slaps)

36. Poland 🇵🇱

2022 - River // Ochman

(King of the vocals fr brings me to tears every time)

37. Portugal 🇵🇹

2021 - Love is On My Side // The Black Mamba

38. Romania 🇷🇴

2010 - Playing With Fire // Paula Seling + Ovi

39. Russia 🇷🇺

2016 - You are the Only One // Sergey Lazarev

(Listen I’m a Sergey Lazarev stan first and human second. Between 2016 and 2018 I almost exclusively listened to his back catalogue and nothing else)

40. San Marino 🇸🇲

(Underrated country fr no one gets them like I do so they also get a top three)

2022 - Stripper // Achille Lauro

2021 - Adrenalina // Senhit + Flo-Rida

2019 - Say Na Na Na // Serhat

41. Serbia 🇷🇸

2023 - Samo Mi Se Spava // Luke Black

- Also not counting Serbia and Montenegro because they don’t have an emoji flag and they only participated twice -

42. Slovakia 🇸🇰

2010 - Horehronie // Kristina Pelakova

43. Slovenia 🇸🇮

2023 - Carpe Diem // Joker Out

44. Spain 🇪🇸

2019 - La Venda // Miki

(When I say this song was robbed I mean it. One of the biggest injustices faced in Eurovision was Miki coming 22nd)

45. Sweden 🇸🇪

(Sweden get a top three because they’re Sweden… they always slay)

2015 - Heroes // Måns Zelmerlöw

2012 - Euphoria // Loreen

2017 - I Can’t Go On // Robin Bengtsson

46. Switzerland 🇨🇭

2021 - Tout l'Univers // Gjon’s Tears

47. Türkiye 🇹🇷

2010 - We Could Be The Same // maNga

(Türkiye come back we miss you!!)

48. Ukraine 🇺🇦

(Another slay country so here’s a top three)

2018 - Under the Ladder // MELOVIN

2007 - Dancing Lasha Tumbai // Verka Serduchka

2021 - Shum // Go_A

49. United Kingdom 🇬🇧

(In the name of patriotism, of which I have very little, let’s do a top five + an honourable mention)

2012 - Love Will Set You Free // Engelbert Humperdinck

2022 - SPACE MAN // Sam Ryder

1981 - Making Your Mind Up // Buck’s Fizz

1968 - Congratulations // Cliff Richard

1976 - Save Your Kisses for Me // Brotherhood of Man

+ my honourable mention, Freaks // Jordan Clarke which should have been our song for 2019 but the British general public have no taste. I firmly believe this is why they no longer trust us to hold a national selection anymore lol

50. Yugoslavia *insert flag here*

1989 - Rock Me // Riva

(Basic choice I know, to pick their only winning song, but it slaps)

And that’s everyone!! Feel free to judge me hard for my tastes lol 😂

[nx08h63bitchyobservationnerd]

xnxn indo

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[lboogie1906]

John Royce Mathis (September 30, 1935) is a singer-songwriter of popular music. Starting his career with singles of standard music, he became popular as an album artist, with several dozen of his albums achieving gold or platinum status and 73 making the Billboard charts to date. He has received the Grammy Lifetime Achievement Award and has been inducted into the Grammy Hall of Fame for three separate recordings.

Although described as a romantic singer, his discography includes traditional pop, Brazilian and Spanish music, soul, rhythm and blues, show tunes, Tin Pan Alley, soft rock, blues, country music, and even a few disco songs for his album Mathis Magic in 1979. He has recorded six albums of Christmas music. In a 1968 interview, he cited Lena Horne, Nat King Cole, and Bing Crosby among his musical influences.

He was a star athlete at George Washington High School in San Francisco. He was a high jumper and hurdler, and he played on the basketball team. In 1954, he enrolled at San Francisco State College on an athletic scholarship, intending to become an English and physical education teacher. While there, he set a high jump record

He has taped 12 of his television specials and made over 300 television guest appearances, with 54 of them being on The Tonight Show. His songs have been heard in more than 100 television shows and films around the globe. His appearance on the Live by Request broadcast in May 1998 on the A&E Network had the largest television viewing audience of the series. In 1989, he sang the theme for Loving.

He served as narrator for ‘51 Dons. The team was denied a chance to play in a bowl game because it refused to agree to not play its two African American players, Ollie Matson and Burl Toler, who were childhood friends of Mathis.

He appeared in the Season 14 finale of Criminal Minds, ��Truth or Dare”, in which he played himself an old friend of David Rossi and served as best man at Rossi’s wedding.

He played himself in Just Getting Started. #africanhistory365 #africanexcellence

[cawnecny]

Don't feel like tagging anyone, but:

Relationship status: s i n g l e

Favorite color: orchid

Song stuck in my head - don't have one rn

Last song I listened to - haven't listened to anything in a bit, so I'll do my last liked song on Spotify, which is Aerie by Lena Raine

Three favorite foods - tofu katsudon, corn pudding, focaccia bread

Last thing I googled - Andrei Vasilevskiy splits (don't judge)

Dream trip - somewhere in South America

Anything I want right now - dessert

I got tagged by @jcamilov06 on my main but I’m posting this from my side blog :)

relationship status - it’s giving lonely it’s giving solo it’s giving rhymes with pringle it’s giving independent

favourite color - teal

song stuck in my head - Crocodile Rock by Elton John

last song i listened to - Only You by Yazoo

three favourite foods - bagels and lox, suki yaki, linguini and clams

last thing i googled - flyers injury report lmao

dream trip - a tour of Oceania!

anything i want right now - oh MAN all I do is yearn and pine

I’ll tag (only if you guys want to ofc): @amylauren13 @sourbeta @doglady5678 @delanore-roosevelt @eusuntgratie @mad-bee and literally any of my moots!

[imperiuswrecked]

@portraitoftheoddity tagged me in this hellish game of  “spell your url with song titles” and here are the fruits of my labor.

I - In the Woods somewhere - Hozier

M - Monster - Imagine Dragons

P - Power over me - Dermot Kennedy

E - Early one morning - Nana Mouskouri

R - Rapture - iio 

I - Istanbul - They might be Giants

U - Uranium Fever - Elton Britt

S - Soldier - Fleurie

W - What he wrote - Laura Marling

R - Roll the Old Chariot - Sea Shanty

E - Emperor’s New Clothes - Panic! At the Disco

C - Come with me now - Kongos

K - Kicks - Barnes Courtney

E - Eye of the Tiger - Survivor 

D - Dear fellow traveler - Sea Wolf

Tagging if you want to do this @winekita @myxmentrashblog (hehehehe) @skranken and anyone else!

[deep-dive]

2022

albums: Alex G - God Save the Animals Alex G - We're All Going to the World's Fair Anthony Naples + DJ Python - Air Texture VIII Big Thief - Dragon New Warm Mountain I Believe in You Björk - Fossora Bladee & Ecco2k - Crest Broadcast - Maida Vale Sessions Carla dal Forno - Come Around Carly Rae Jepsen - The Loneliest Time Cass McCombs - Heartmind Charli XCX - Crash Daphni - Cherry Dawn Richard & Spencer Zahn - Pigments Hikaru Utada - Bad Mode Huerco S. - Plonk Isabella Lovestory - Amor Hardcore Junior Boys - Waiting Game Kali Malone - Living Torch Malibu - Palaces of Pity Marina Herlop - Pripyat Oren Ambarchi - Shebang Oren Ambarchi, Johan Berthling & Andreas Werliin - Ghosted Organ Tapes - 唱着那无人问津的歌谣 / Chang Zhe Na Wu Ren Wen Jin De Ge Yao Phoenix - Alpha Zulu Physical Therapy - Teardrops on My Garage PPJ - Trindade Rachika Nayar - Heaven Come Crashing Raum - Daughter Sally Shapiro - Sad Cities Sam Prekop - The Sparrow Sam Prekop & John McEntire - Sons Of Shinichi Atobe - Love of Plastic Shygirl - Nymph The Soft Pink Truth - Is It Going to Get Any Deeper Than This? Torus & DJ Lostboi - The Flash Two Shell - Icons The Weeknd - Dawn FM William Basinski & Janek Schaefer - “ . . . On Reflection “

songs: Alex G - JLB's Drawing Bibio - Off Goes the Light Björk - Ancestress (ft. Sindri Eldon) Bladee & Ecco2k - Faust Bladee & Ecco2k - The Flag is Raised Call Super - Swallow Me Carla dal Forno - Side by Side Carly Rae Jepsen - Anxious Carly Rae Jepsen - Talking to Yourself Cass McCombs - Belong to Heaven CFCF - After the After (Bodysync Remix) Charli XCX - Sorry If I Hurt You Charlotte Adigéry & Bolis Pupul - Haha Coco & Clair Clair - Bad Lil Vibe Cole Pulice - City in a City Daphni - Take Two Dawn Richard & Spencer Zahn - Sandstone Demi Lovato - Substance DJ Heartstring - Can't Stop the Night Doss - Look (All Night Mix) Doss - Strawberry (Singin' Club Mix) Double Virgo - Kicked Out by Seven Ecco2k & Bladee - Amygdala Ela Minus & DJ Python - Pájaros En Verano Embaci - Tiniest Whisper Hikaru Utada - Somewhere Near Marseilles Hudson Mohawke - Bicstan Isabella Lovestory - Exibisionista Job - Lore Junior Boys - Thinking About You Calms Me Down Kelela - On the Run Luis - Jack Anderson Malibu - Iliad Marina Herlop - Abans Abans Merely - The Killing Sun Mr Twin Sister - Resort Mura Masa & Erika de Casier - e-motions Objekt - Ballast Oren Ambarchi - I Organ Tapes - Burnout Organ Tapes - heaven can wait Physical Therapy - Chain Reaction PinkPantheress - Boy's a liar PPJ - Dar Um (Lauer Remix) Purelink - Butterfly Jam Rachika Nayar - Gayatri Raum - Walk together Sally Shapiro - Sad City SG Lewis & Tove Lo - Call on Me (SG's Dub Edit) Shinichi Atobe - Love of Plastic 1 Shygirl - Firefly Two Shell - Unrequited Yasmine - Doce Atração Yung Lean - Lips Yves Tumor - God Is a Circle

games: Elden Ring Kirby and the Forgotten Land Monster Hunter Rise: Sunbreak Signalis Sonic Frontiers Squaredle Tactics Ogre: Reborn

film: Aftersun (Charlotte Wells) Ambulance (Michael Bay) Avatar: The Way of Water (James Cameron) Crimes of the Future (David Cronenberg) Decision to Leave (Park Chan-wook) I Thought the World of You (Kurt Walker) Jackass Forever (Jeff Tremaine) Kimi (Steven Soderbergh) Nope (Jordan Peele) Orphan: First Kill (William Brent Bell) Pacifiction (Albert Serra) Sharp Stick (Lena Dunham) Stars at Noon (Claire Denis) Tár (Todd Field) Three Thousand Years of Longing (George Miller)

[theramenbandit]

20 and 59 for the mashup au prompts. Any pairing that strikes your fancy :)

From this post here 

Describe how I’ll combine them: Co-teachers to lovers via secret admirer shenanigans.

“And don’t forget, project drafts are due next Thursday.”

So far, so good, Lena thinks as she gathers up her belongings and heads out the door of her first class of the day. She likes it here in Midvale. It’s a lot slower, a lot quieter, a lot--

Force, mass, velocity, something bumps into her hard.

“Oh shoot! I am so sorry. Here…” 

The woman who apparently was the thing that bumped into her bends down and picks her things up off the floor. 

Lena is, of course, properly miffed and halfway to a firm scolding until the woman straightens up again and Lena forgets how talking works for a moment.

Her hair is flowing in golden locks and the bluest eyes she had ever seen are looking at her from behind dark-rimmed glasses.

“Wait, you’re the new girl, right? Lena from Metropolis?” 

“Yes,” Lena clears her throat. “Yes, that’s me.”

“Sorry about that,” the woman says nervously. “Let me make it up to you. Lunch in the hall at lunchtime?”

Lena should say no. She’s not here to make friends. But the blonde is cute and her shoulders are...nice. So…

“Okay.”

“Okay.” 

The blonde gives her a thumbs up and turns to leave, but quickly turns around and jogs back to where Lena is standing mutely. 

“It’s Kara, by the way.” She extends a hand towards Lena in introduction. “Kara Danvers. I teach English.”

Ao3

Kara Danvers takes it upon herself to be Lena from Metropolis’ first ever official work friend.

-

Lena loses a fight with the coffee maker. She’d been having a bad day already, see. Her mother had called this morning, so naturally, by the time the damn machine stopped working, she was on the brink of tears. 

“Hey there, is everything alright?” Kara asks cautiously as she walks into the break area. 

“Everything is fucking dandy, thanks.” Lena growls, angrily swiping a hand at her eyes.

“Whoa, okay… You know, Noonan’s is right over there and your next class isn’t til 3, we could--”

“How did you know that?”

Kara casually points to the schedule on the board behind her.

Lena only growls again.

“Okay, you’re really wound up. Come on, a walk could do you some good.”

Kara learns that Lena is here as a middle school science teacher because she wants to prove something to her mother. And the pressure is getting to her.

“Sometimes you don't have to do amazing, just have to do your best.” Kara says reasonably. “Look, you're great and your students love you. So don't worry about what your mother says. Judge your work by the proper standard or... something.”

Lena chuckles at that. Kara was probably right. 

"Thank you. I… I really needed that." 

Kara nods sagely and continues to sip at her iced coffee. "What are friends for?" 

-

The note is simple and plain and handwritten and she has absolutely no idea what it means. Or who it’s from, for that matter.

It’s, well... It’s notes. The note contains notes. That much she can suppose from the five lines and the G-clef and the black dots staring back at her. She looks around for anyone who might have left it there by accident, but she’s alone in the faculty room. What’s more, the note is wedged between the pages of her lesson plan for today, the only thing currently lying on her desk. Frowning, she looks back down at the small piece of paper and shoves it into one of her drawers. She’ll decide what to do with it later.

-

The note notes are piling up now and she thinks this might be something worth investigating. She'd gotten three more over the last week, each with the same handwriting and the same paper, but the notes on the staff (she does know some things) seemed to be different every time. She lines them up in order of the dates she got them and squints intensely at them, daring the offending dots to tell her what the hell is going on. 

-

Kara's eyes widen in horror when she walks into the faculty room and sees Lena glaring at the notes. 

Her notes. 

She quickly makes to get out again but Lena's already seen her. 

"Kara, hey!" 

Shit. 

"Hi, what's up?" the blonde responds, her voice suddenly pitchy. 

"Can you help me figure this out?" She scoots over as Kara leans into her space and over her desk. 

"Oh, they're notes," Kara tries nonchalantly. 

"I can see that," Lena deadpans. "Notes to what?" 

"Ehm, well this is a G, and this is a D… That's an E minor… It's a song."

Lena fights the urge to dramatically roll her eyes. "Do you know what song it is?" 

Dammit, this is wonderful. 

"It could be any song, Lena." 

She's still trying to dodge it but Lena is adamant. And Kara doesn't want to lie, but she doesn't want to be found out, either. 

"Uh... I could play it and maybe we can figure it out?" 

"Okay, let's try that." 

-

The music room is empty, much to Kara's eternal chagrin, so she and Lena walk up to the piano and she starts to play the notes that Lena holds up in front of her. 

"It's Elvis," Kara says simply. 

Lena soon recognizes the tune and starts to hum along with the keys. Just then, Kara slowly looks up from her seat and is mesmerized by the sight: the light is hitting Lena's face just so, illuminating the lines of her jaw, the curve of her lips, the dark red of her hair. She wishes she could stay in this moment forever. And if Lena were paying attention, she would notice that Kara wasn't even looking at the notes anymore. She was playing by heart. 

"Oh, that's sweet," Lena whispers when the tune is done. "And you never told me you could play." 

"My dad taught me the basics. The rest I figured out myself," Kara says quietly. 

"Aren't you full of surprises?" 

-

"It might be Mike, you know, that guy from the marching band? He is objectively good looking." 

"He chews with his mouth open." 

"Ooh, could it be Jack from phys ed?" He walks around with a guitar most Fridays." 

"Lena, Jack is so gay for the bar owner and you know it." 

"Well, who could it be?" 

Me, Kara wants to say. But she doesn't. She doesn't want to make things weird. 

They're sitting on the bleachers during the afternoon break, Lena leaning into her side munching on the donuts Kara had gotten for them. It wasn't hard for them to fall into this sort of easy companionship. Kara was open and friendly, and Lena, once her walls had gone down, was sharp and fascinating. And Kara fears that the feelings she's developed might ruin whatever this was that they had. So instead of being honest with herself, she just shrugs and bites sullenly into her own donut. 

"It could be anyone." 

-

People are starting to notice how often they are together, start talking about how cute they look next to each other. And so people waste no time in throwing them into each other's paths, especially since prom is three days away. 

-

“Come ON, Lena!” Kara yells as she grabs Lena’s hand and drags her to the dance floor. Lena tries her best until she isn’t so much trying as she is struggling to keep up with Kara, who seems to have only got more hyper as the night wore on. But the joy on her face is infectious, and honestly, if she got to see this every day, Lena wouldn’t mind.

The song ends and the band’s vocalist approaches the mic.

"Hey, hey, everybody, y’all having a good time?” 

The crowd whoops in affirmation. 

“Alright! Well I think it’s about the proper hour, so we’re gonna slow things down a bit starting with a classic.” 

The opening strains of a piano-driven ballad fill the air, and Kara politely extends a hand towards Lena.

Lena accepts.

Wise men say only fools rush in / But I can’t help falling in love with you

The world around them dissolves as they sway together, Kara’s hand gentle against the small of Lena’s back, Lena’s arm reaching up behind Kara’s shoulder. 

“It’s Elvis,” Kara whispers against her hair.

“It was you,” Lena chuckles in response.

“You knew?” Kara says as she draws back to look at her.

“No. But I was kinda hoping.” She smiles warmly and Kara has never seen anything more beautiful in her life.

“You’re not mad?”

“Darling, why would I be mad?” Lena lifts her hand to brush it across Kara’s cheek. “You had me at Oh Shoot."

Kara laughs as she ducks her head in embarrassment and Lena cannot help but join her. 

"I'd really like to kiss you right now."

"Please do."

[lilolilyrae]

Songs & poetry I currently know by heart

Thought it might be fun to start a list of these :) just cause... And because if I don't go through these from time to time, I'll unlearn them again, and I tend to forget half of these even exist, so... List :D

Vaguely in the order I learned them:

Songs:

Amy McDonald - Pretty Face

Halsey - New Americana

Don McLean - American Pie (though I keep messing up the 3. & 4th stanza adsfg)

Coldplay - Viva la Vida (and I can more or less do it on the piano but like. the vocal melody? xD)

Taylor Swift - The Lakes

King Princess - 1950 (... probably need to re-learn hL of that)

Hole in the bottom of the sea (my parents taught me on vacation two years ago or so? Hilarious)

Måneskin - Zitti e Buoni

Jax - Victoria's Secret (2022)

Four Seasons - December, 1963 (Oh, What a Night) (Dec'22)

Poetry:

Madelline - Dopamine (french version) (Jun'23)

Jericho (Jul'23)

Theodor Fontane - John Maynard (leider nur noch halbwegs :( also ich kriegs hin aber nur mit viel überlegen lol xD dang it, I used to know this one!)

John McCrae - In Flanders Fields (I'm 99% certain I learned that one bc it was mentioned in some fanfic but I can't for the life of me remember which fic or even which fandom adsfg)

Update 03/23: Caitlyn Seida - Hope Is Not A Bird, Emily, It's A Sewer Rat Update

04/23: Mary Elizabeth Frye - Do not stand at my grave and qeep

04/23: Emily Dickinson - Hope is the Thing with Feathers

Piano:

PotC melody (right hand properly, left hand not rly at all)

LotR (pretty much all of them one finger style, but part of the elves theme I can do with both hands properly)

Good Omens theme (right hand)

Also every song I know the melody of I can pretty much do one finger style by ear... Reminds me I used to know a couple songs by Eisblume and LaFee by heart that are no longer on the above list, o.o (I can still do the melody, but not the words)

... to be taken with a grain of salt though, I've not had access to a piano for a few months now, and while I'm sure I can still do PotC, I'm not certain I've learned the other two by heart enough for them to stick that long without practice

Learning:

Ursula K. Le Guin - Hymn to Time (I can do the first two stanzas now) - update 04/23: three stanzas!

Sappho - On What is Best (haven't really started yet but I have the tab open)

Irish Eyes (Jun'23)

Aaaand the probably largest category of them all:

Shit I've unlearned :((

LaFee - Ring Frei

Eisblume - Louise

Eisblume - Eisblumen

Taylor Swift - Love Story

Amy Macdonald - Spark

Amy Macdonald - This is the Life

ABBA - Mamma Mia

ABBA - Honey Honey

Lena - Satellite

Das verdammte Gedicht mit midestens zehn Strophen das wir in der Schule hatten auswendig lernen müssen, mit einem angeklagten der noch was erledigen muss und sein Kumpel bleibt als Pfand zurück oä?? Weiß nicht mal mehr den Namen (edit: die Bürgschaft)

Idk whether it counts as poetry or what but I used to be able to do large parts of Shakespeare's Romeo & Juliet and Midsummer Night's dream, plus other plays (though usually just the parts I played in drama club)

[trixicbean]

morse code

tap-tap-tap tap-tap-tap tap tap tap-tap-tap-tap tap-tap tap-tap tap tap tap tap tap-tap-tap tap

It was a long sequence but after a while Kara figured it out. At first, she thought it was just an anxious tick of Lena’s. A comforting tapping to calm herself down but she wasn’t anxious when she did it. Her heartbeat was normal, just a little faster but not like when it was when she was anxious. 

Kara had all of Lena’s heartbeats tracked. Normally it would beat at 67 beats per minute but when she was panicked it beat at 103 beats per minute while when she was just a little nervous it was at 82 beats per minute. When she exercised it would go up to anywhere between 135 and 152 beats per minute. 

There were just two anomalies, Lena slightly raised heartbeat around Kara (and only around Kara, she listened to it all the time, it wasn’t the same rate) and this tapping sequence. She had no idea what it was and what caused it or why Lena did it. 

The taps happened often, sometimes against a table, other times against Kara’s arms when they were wrapped around Lena at a movie night. They happened at games nights, movie nights and girls nights, brunches and lunches, impromptu meet-ups in offices and basically whenever they were together. 

The heart rate, the tapping. They all stopped for a little while after Kara told Lena who she was one night. But two weeks later, after a long conversation where Kara told her everything about her life on Krypton and on Argo, it all barrelled back in full force, maybe even more intensely.

There was tapping everywhere, all the time. Kara didn’t mind it. It became a comforting background noise to her life that she loved. It was music to her ears. The favourite song that was perfect for every moment, that was like a warm hug on the darkest days. Kara fell in love with those taps. They were just one of the many things that Kara completely adored about Lena, one of the many things she couldn’t tell anyone about because then they would find out that Kara was hopelessly in love with her best friend and that her best friend could never love her like that back. 

Then everything changed. 

J’onn and Alex decided it was imperative that the Superfriends needed to have some training in their new base. It was the second session they did morse code. The first had been the alphabet and how to probably use communication devices while on missions (including a very long lecture on the situations communication devices needed to be used which apparently didn’t include bickering over the movie night movie like an old married couple). 

Alex had announced what they were doing as soon as she and Lena had walked in, they were only a few minutes late but that didn’t stop Alex’s gibes. In their defence, they had been distracted by Supergirl ice cream flavour that had just been introduced in the best ice cream shop in the city (it was blue raspberry, lemon and strawberry and absolutely delicious). 

As soon as Alex had announced it though, Lena had choked on air and her heartbeat had begun to race. Somewhere between nervous and anxious. “Are you okay?” Kara had asked gently. 

“Yeah,” Lena had smiled weakly. Kara could almost see the mask slip on and the wall go up as she had taken her seat and smiled brightly at Alex, raising her hand. Alex had just rolled her eyes at Lena as Lena had teased her, “Can I be excused, Miss, I learnt morse code with Lex?”. With Nia bursting out in laughter, Kelly poorly hiding her own and Brainy’s confused look, everything had slipped back into such normalcy no one else noticed Lena acting weirdly as Alex took them through the alphabet and then made them practice with lights. 

That brought Kara to this moment, two weeks later. Two weeks after that day and the tapping had stopped. But there it was, again. 

tap-tap-tap tap-tap-tap tap tap tap-tap-tap-tap tap-tap tap-tap tap tap tap tap tap-tap-tap tap

But it was stopped at the end, one hand of Lena’s grasping the other. Stopping herself from tapping out the pattern against her thigh as they ate lunch on her office couch. Kara connected it, the dots joined together and she figured it out. 

Two taps in quick succession: an ‘I’. Another quick one before a tap and a long pause and then two more in quick succession: a ‘L’. Three taps with long pauses between: an ‘O’. Three quick taps and a long pause: a ‘V’. A single quick tap: an ‘E’. A long pause, a quick tap and two more long pauses: a ‘Y’. Three taps with long pauses between, again: an ‘O’. Two quick taps and another with a long pause: an ‘U’. 

I love you. 

. .  /  . - . .  - - -  . . . -  .  /  - . - -  - - -  . . -

tap-tap-tap tap-tap-tap tap tap tap-tap-tap-tap tap-tap tap-tap tap tap tap tap tap-tap-tap tap

I love you. 

Kara’s breath hitched in her throat as she looked up at Lena. When their eyes met and she saw the emotion in Lena’s eyes, she knew that Lena didn’t mean that she loved Kara as a friend. “Kar-” she went to speak but was cut off as Kara grabbed her hand and turned it over. 

tap-tap-tap tap-tap-tap tap tap tap-tap-tap-tap tap-tap tap-tap tap tap tap tap tap-tap-tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap 

. .  /  . - . .  - - -  . . . -  .  /  - . - -  - - -  . . -  /  -  - - -  - - -

I love you too. 

[turbo-toast]

Tag game!

Been a while since someone tagged me, but @tafferling did, thank you!

A: Three ships

Widowtracer (Lena 'Tracer' Oxton/Amélie 'Widowmaker' Lacroix - Overwatch) Work Wives (Jesse Faden/Dr. Emily Pope - Control) V/Judy Alvarez (Cyberpunk 2077)

B: Last Song

Lazerpunk - Black Lambo

C: Last Movie

Uhhhh. Do I remember? I think I *wanted* to watch the reboot of 3 Angels for Charlie with Kristen Stewart but haven't managed to, yet. Don't remember otherwise though.

D: Currently Craving

E: Currently Reading

A bunch of fanfic. Also want to continue the Harrietta Lee series by Stephanie Ahn but haven't gotten around to buying the other two books yet

1: Favorite Color

Midnight Purple III

2: Last Series

The Witcher - Season 2

3: Sweet, Savory or Spicy

Unfair choice, just one would be boring.

4: Currently Working On

Next chapter to Race Into My Heart, and rewriting chapter 5 of They Made Their Own Nightmare.

Tagging - uh, let's see - @einsesk, @kaleidocat-13, @fbcbreakroom, @mortimermcmirestinks

[eleincanti]

Thanks for the tag @teamnick 💕

Relationship status: crushing on the same boy since october ✌ what even is this... (other than literally nothing lmao *cries*)

Fav color: pastel purple

Three fav foods: pizza lol, pancakes, watermelon atm

Song stuck in my head:  Power over me by Dermot Kennedy and Zitti e buoni by Måneskin (i literally can't stop. help)

Last song I listened to: Come a Little Closer by Cage The Elephant

Last thing I googled: "blue whale" lmao

Time: 3:00 AM *nervous laughter*

Dream trip: still Budapest...the longing is real

Anything I really want right now: a tight hug

Tagging @kachoobu @lena-haloways @tidemakar @lot-bubbel @ilsuosorrisoilmiopreferito @dorilori @alix7m @julmolina if you wanna 💕

[spontaneousinsanity]

Ducktales

Hi friends!

Unfortunately, Ducktales is ending. The current season, season three, will be its last. Although I had hoped it would go for at least one more season, and I’m very sad to hear that it’s ending, I would like to take a moment first to celebrate all the amazing times I had while watching Ducktales.

My brother was actually the one who introduced me to this amazing show. He saw the episode “The Impossible Summit of Mt. Neverrest!” and he introduced it to me soon after. It quickly became a favorite of mine. I loved the characters. I loved to sit down on the couch and watch episodes with my brother. I have come a long way from when I started watching this show, and I believe that Ducktales was a big part of that. I always loved the beautiful animation, the amazing voices, the fantastic story, and the overall awesomeness of it all. I will always remember the times that I spent laughing, crying, smiling, thinking, scheming, and enjoying this masterpiece of a show. It has truly been an inspiration to me and many others around the world.

Recently my friend joined me in watching this amazing show. She and I watched the show together on Facetime. We would talk about the episodes and tell each other theories while we watched. After each episode, we could have a moment of fangirl pterodactyl screaming before talking about what we thought. Ducktales is the first show that I watched while it was still airing (most shows that I watch are done by the time I get around to watching them.)

I will miss spending time with my friends and family while watching this show. I will miss hearing about their adventures. I will miss the hilarious and amazing work of art that this show is. This is the kind of show that you rewatch. The kind of show that you suggest to other people. The kind of show that pulls you in right from the start. The kind of show like Ducktales.

I would like to thank so many people. I would like to thank Frank Angones for creating this show. I would like to thank the wonderful people who provided the voices for this show. I would like to thank the animators. I want to thank Matt Youngberg, the co-creator and executive producer. I want to thank Disney. I know there are a lot of people I’m missing. This show was made possible by the dedicated cast and crew. So, I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who helped create this amazing show. You are changing lives here. You certainly changed mine. <3

This is the kind of show that teaches you lessons. I will always remember to be who I am. Love my friends and family. Love what I have. Cherish every wonderful moment.

And, always, solving mysteries and rewriting history.

I also think it’s important to remember that we didn’t just watch their adventures. We went on adventures with them. Every moment that we watched that show, we were going on the same adventures. We will always have Ducktales in our hearts, even after it ends. We will always remember to be smart like Huey, brave like Dewey, clever like Louie, and strong like Webby.

So, finally, in the words of Dr. Seuss, “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.” With this amazing, beautiful, daring, strong, dedicated, awesome, fantastic show in mind, I would like to say: Thank you, Ducktales, for happening.

Now, a word from my friend:

Hola peoples! I’m that friend that she mentioned before - that doesn’t have tumblr. And yes, to start the moment of fangirl pterodactyl screaming does indeed exist and it is the best part of the whole episode watching. Okay but to be serious, Ducktales always makes my Monday’s! It’s like the one reason why I look forward for the weekend to end. I always love watching episodes with my friend (so many friends, but if that wasn’t clear the one who wrote the five paragraph e s s a y) and I have no words for how much I’m going to miss this show. I was hesitant about watching it at first, but I’m really glad I did because I really enjoy watching it. I’ll miss the Monday evenings that I spent watching this show, I’ll miss screaming every time Lena appears on screen, I’ll miss screaming the theme song everytime it comes on, and I’ll miss every moment from watching the show. I’ll miss Louie, Webby, Huey, Dewey, Lena, Violet, Della, Scrooge, everyone. So uhm, yeah thats all! Thank you for curing my Monday depression and giving me something amazing to watch while I wait for my other show to return. Thank you Ducktales so much, I’ll miss you!

[calibancangetit]

Reader gets nightmares but whenever Caliban stays with her they go away, so he comforts her and maybe sings her to sleep?

I tried to make this as fluffy as I could 😂 buuut I have to make it angsty or it wouldn’t be me writing it 😉

When She Sleeps (Caliban Imagine)

Warnings: Actual Violence, Blood, Gore,

The blood ozzed down your back as your body jerked forward when the whip sliced through your skin. Your screams echoed throughout the beach as you watched your blood stain the sand under your knees. Tears streamed down your face while you did your best to catch your best, but just as you caught it, another lash fell across you flesh.

“Please stop,” your mother’s voice begged, “please, you were suppose to cure her!”

You looked up to your family. Your mother and father were tied together on the sandy floor unable to move. You tried to ignore the way your mother’s broken leg lay awkwardly in front of her. Just as you tried to ignore the gash on your father’s face. You gave them a smile. It was brave of you to offer any expression for them at all. After all, you were here because of them.

“Cure her,” the plague king Purson asked bewildered, “I’ll do more than just cure her,”

Your sobbed softly to yourself; you didn’t deserve this. Your parents had crossed path with a witch, and as witch hunters, they decided it was best to have her and her precious familiar destroyed. When word spread to the witches of Greendale, they released a curse on your parent’s first born child-you. You would be born with the ability to bring forth the darkest shadows of Hell. Then on the day she would turn twenty, she would become hysterical from the shadows and have an uncontrollable desire to kill every living mortal in Greendale. Your parents paid no mind to it. At least not until your father’s shadow tried to strangle him.

“Enough, we have other obligations to attend to. Bring forth Prince Caliban!” Beelzebub announced.

A series of grunts were heard before a blonde man was thrown in the sand in front of you. He grimaced as he raised himself up. He eyed the kings slowly before he finally looked at you. You shuddered at the eye contact but looked down submissively.

“Your highness,” the kings mocked, “today we will be teaching you the ultimate skill for the monarch of Hell. You will be choosing souls to be tormented for the rest of eternity. The girl or her parents. Either way, they have to watch,”

Your head shot up to this Caliban guy. He looked between you and your parents in slight horror. You could tell he was trying to figure out which choice was right.

“The girl lives,”

“No, please it was supposed to be me!” You screamed as your parents sobbed beside each other.

Caliban looked at you ashamed before looking back to the kings, “the parent’s death will be enough torment for her anyways,”

The kings were extremely please with his reasoning and clapped his back excitedly.

“Wait, please!” You screamed.

For a moment, your eyes landed on your parents somber faces as the whispered their love for you. Then all at once, their skin began melting off their bones in clumps. Their voices rang in your ears as their torment began to consume them.

—

Your body shook back and forth as your eyes snapped open from the force. Your vision cleared and above you were a pair of beautiful eyes and soft blonde curls.

“(Y/N), are you alright?” Caliban asked as he wiped your tears off your cheek.

A cry caught in your throat as you tackled Caliban in hug. He grasped onto you and held you tight. You felt him lay back down on your bed with your head tucked against his chest. His hold on you never softened as he tried to relieve every emotion you were feeling from the nightmare.

“Was it your parents again?” He asked softly, almost as if he were afraid of the answer.

You nodded your head against his chest. You felt his breath hitch, and you couldn’t imagine how badly the guilt was hurting him. He didn’t say anything, though. You were thankful for that.

When your breathing slowed down, Caliban’s arms loosened and you allowed yourself to get more comfortable in his arms. You felt him kiss the top of your head before feeling his fingers lift your chin up to face him. Words didn’t leave his mouth, but you knew exactly what he was saying.

I’m sorry

You smiled at him sadly before cupping his face, “I love you,”

He smiled back before pressing his lips against yours. Your mouth moved against his in a soft passionate kiss. The kiss was filled with a love you never thought you’d be able to feel, but when Caliban pulled away to whisper those three words back, you knew it was real.

His thumb caressed your cheek slowly before he pressed a quick kiss against your lips.

“What song, babygirl?” He sighed as he laid his head against the pillow.

“My mom’s lullaby,”

He chuckled lightly before nodding.

Come stop your crying

It will be alright

Just take my hand

And hold it tight

Your nightmares arose from a past that was more traumatic than most.

I will protect you

From all around you

I will be here

Don't you cry

And Caliban was forced to play a major role in that trauma long before you two found the love you share today.

'Cause you'll be in my heart

But in the end, it led him straight to you.

—

Taglist

@octobeers @lena-davina @avocadopoosae @serpentlullaby @t-a-i-l-o-r-m-a-d-e @awkward-walking-potato @artaxerxesthegreat @reclusive-chicken-nugget @justaproudslytherpuff @nerds4life246 @heda-mikaelson @blog-lady-vi @reheated-coffee @igorsbby

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

Vietnam, New York and Hawkins (Sriracha, Part 35.)

Description: A problematic college student gets the worst summer job of the ‘83 - Jim Hopper, the Chief of police in your hometown will have you as his secretary since his old lady Flo has two months lasting holiday. It was agreed so Hopper could keep you far away from all the trouble.

Part Summary: Coming back to Hawkins meant only one thing in Hopper‘s mind. Bringing all the memories down, bringing the relationship in front of another test. But this one was about to show you if this is the over or not.

A/N: It gets intense. Intense, my babez. Because my Hopper detective story book just arrived and isnpired me for some cool stuff.

Warnings: ANGST: Serious angst. They go hard on each other this time.

Word count: 3.1 K

Tagging:  @nemodoren, @creedslove, @missdictatorme, @ysljordy​

Master list: H E R E

You took a pretty long time before getting better. It was three days of you having high fever, coughing, and not being able to move. You barely gained some consciousness; not even when Harrington or Hopper came to check up on you. When the doctor came to see you, he asked your mom to keep the eye on you - keep you hydrated, sometimes waking you up to have at least a slice of bread or to take a piss.

You were done for. Nobody was that surprised about that since you laid down onto the snow only in a dress on a stormy night. Some obvious consequences were coming for you.

But you did wake up one morning at felt normal enough to at least walk downstairs to have breakfast. Your legs hurt like living fuck, you could barely walk and every step you took was taken with a half-screamed cuss. Your mom was in the kitchen, listening to a mixtape that was familiar to you.

You, before you entered the kitchen, stood there for a while; it were the Romantics because, of course, she found your old mix in one of the boxes that mysteriously disappeared out of your room. They were there before you got sick - but they were gone when you woke up. And it wasn‘t pleasant to hear that fucking song when you had a dream that Jim carried you home in his fucking arms when he wasn‘t even there.

“Hey, who you‘re hiding from, jackass?” - Someone circles arms around your waist and picked you up, making you scream. - “Jesus fucking Christ, Y/N, you stink.” - Aiden laughed into your ear before hugging you tight. He didn‘t make it on Christmas, but now, you had that bastard home.

“Hi, oh Lord, you‘re so big, fuck-face.” - You mumbled before hugging him once again. You were a bit delirious since you were out of order for the last four days.

“How did you called your sister, young man? And what about you, young lady?” - Your mom came forward, making you both jump, your old dog following her. That reminded you about the songs playing once again. Your and Jim‘s playlist. The one tape he bought you in  ‘83 and to which you added more and more songs.

“How are you? We‘ve been worried.” - Aiden asked you and made sure you followed him to the kitchen to eat something.

“It was pretty wild. I had some crazy dreams, I must‘ve fainted in the restaurant I was at with Steve. Was he mad?” - You asked quietly, nibbling at a piece of pomelo you took from the table.

“Why you think so?” - Your mom asked as you sit down the table, having Aiden pouring you a cup of coffee. You nodded, trying to think of the words to express what was on your mind.

“It was like... I was there with Steve and we noticed a hobo standing in the storm. Steve went to talk to the man, then sent me there... And it was like... Jim standing in front of me. I must’ve slipped and hit my head real hard.” - You looked at Aiden, who was giving you a look back. - “It hurt. To see him. But it was so nice at the same time.”

“But... He’s here.” - Your mom stated carefully. You almost spat the pomelo back on the table when your stomach contracted with sudden pain. Your hand was trembling and you were... You couldn’t understand what was happening around you.

“Jim carried you home that night. He looks bad and he was through a lot, you can just see it on him. And he didn’t want to talk about it with any of us.” - She continued more quietly. You could feel your breath hitch in your throat. How many times are you going to go through that? Having Hopper by your side only for him to disappear again? You didn’t know what was worse - losing him, again, for a long time, thinking he had died and giving up on your life or... To have him back, not knowing when will he disappear again.

You haven’t even spoken to him, you haven’t seen him properly, but you were already afraid that if he’s back, it surely means that one day, he will disappear again. What kind of a sick joke was all of this? Were you ready to see him? Did you want to talk to him? Did you need an apology?

“Hey, come on, sis, calm down.” - Aiden caught your face into his palms, making you look at him. Great. Now, you had tripped out again. You had another of your panic attacks and broke down in tears and fear without realizing it. - “You’re good, come on. You’re not alone in this.” - Your younger brother whispered to your hair, making you slip into the embrace.

Your mom wasn’t glad to see you like this. But this time, just as the last time, Jim had a reason not to come back for a long time. Even though he was presumed dead for the last six months, leaving you alone with Eleven. And if your mom knew something about Hopper it was that Hopper was a good guy. He treated you and your baby girl with respect and love, so even if it was breaking her to see you so desperate, he deserved a chance to speak up. To tell you what happened before you’d tell him to go to hell.

“He’s not here... Not now. Have a bath, take a while to come around that information, talk to the man. He looks miserable enough. Maybe even more miserable than you, sis.” - Aiden chuckled to your ear. You straightened yourself slowly, gently wiping the tears away. You were nodding. Aiden helped you to the stairs.

“I’m taking parents to New Orleans for the weekend to meet Lena’s parents. You two will have plenty of space and time to talk. Yell at him, break some plates, call him a jackass, just try it with him, yeah?” - Aiden reassured and you nodded again, trying to calm yourself down. - “Wherever that son of a bitch was, he came back from the hell and searched for you in the worst night he could try it on. That’s what I call fucking love.”

Aiden was probably right... For the most part. That could be seen as love. But were you really in love with Hopper at that time? Or was it the memory you’ve carried in your head? Was it the wish you had in your heart? Or were you in love with the real Jim?

Were you still in love with the guy who was taking Tuinal out of prescription, who had bad nightmares, who was broken-hearted so many times it turned him aggressive, paranoid, and hurt? That dude who fucked almost every bachelorette in Hawkins before you made him settle down? Would you still give up on your scholarship if you had to make the decision again? Would you stay there for him if you’d how much pain waits after that?

You didn’t know. You honestly couldn’t answer that question. That was why you went to the guest room after spending almost an hour in the shower. Before stepping in, you took in a deep breath, preparing yourself. But the room was clean. There was only his bag in the corner of the room along with a few boxes of clothing you managed to save from the rampaged cabin. But then you saw it.

That fucking small tube of blue pills on the table. You went for it - just to look at the date printed on it. It said he bought it four days ago. Why the fuck was it half-empty then? Were you really in that phase again? Taking drugs? That was what Hopper was up to again? Surprisingly, you couldn't find anything more interesting - no post, letters, photos, his wallet, nothing. It was maybe he wasn’t there, that would be logical, but you wanted to know more.

You got the chance an hour after your family packed all the stuff into one car. Your parents obviously knew why Aiden suddenly planned a trip to New Orleans, they weren't dumb, but your talk needed to be down and to be honest, you two couldn't be bothered during that time. It will be hard enough for both of you already without your parents inserting themselves. Which would, of course, happen since neither of them could stand their baby being hurt by anyone.

You were just snuggling with Lady in front of the fireplace, drinking some hot cocoa when you heard the door quietly close. Hopper was a bit worried - anyone was there, he didn't know that they're leaving and you were in your bed with fevers. Or, that was what he thought before he put the groceries on the countertop, seeing you sitting there.

But you didn't turn to look at him. You were too scared of that. You just moved closer to Lady. Neither of you spoke for ten to twenty minutes - Hopper was just standing there, which was honestly unnerving you. But you got why didn't say a word. You didn't know how to start either.

"Six months." - Slipped past your lips as you worked your way up to Lady’s ears. - "I was left alone in Hawkins for six months. And suddenly, you just appear in front of a restaurant I'm having dinner at and..."

"I scared you, didn't I?" - Hopper asked as quietly as you talked. You shook your head right away.

"You confused the living fuck out of me. Why me? What did I do to anyone to deserve this? Having the man I love taken from me... Twice, might I say, just for a stranger to come back?" - You looked at him for the first time, having tears in your eyes. That was when Hopper felt it's not going to go well. This was it. The last stop. A final talk - resolving into a fight where you might or might not break that the things off with him.

And as for you... Your eyes widened as you watched the man. You didn't know him, but this, for God's sake, wasn’t Hopper at all. This man no matter how tall he was, appeared thin. Like if a rough wind could break him apart. His skin was almost see-through, his eyes were... Without a single drop of passion in them. He hadn't got hair or his significant mustache, let alone the beard. There was a slight stubble, yeah, but that was it. And let's be honest, he must've been looking way worse when he came to your home.

"All I asked for, was you. You as a whole. With all your troubles, thoughts, ideas, even the dumb ones. I didn't ask for pain so intense that at times, I couldn't get out of bed. I didn't ask for having shirts reminding me of the man I loved. I didn't fucking ask for having hallucinations of you walking into my room, hugging me when I cried myself to sleep. Do you even realize what have you done to me? Or did you didn't think about that?" - You asked with a small smile. It wasn’t a happy one, though. This one was painful as fuck. It made Jim sit on the couch behind the fireplace just so he couldn't see you looking at him.

"I don't know what should I tell you." - Hopper told you honestly. That was when you got up, having Lady following you around, taking the tube of pills and putting it next to him on the conference table so loud, it made a bang.

"Start with the truth, perhaps?" - You asked the man, looking down at him. You had the upper hand and you knew it. You fucking knew it. You could feel the power of breaking him apart at the tips of your fingers. Just as he broke you apart. In your eyes, Hopper would deserve it.

"Believe me when I tell you that Tuinal is the smallest thing that happened to me." - Jim mumbled and got up as well, pacing around. And there it was. - "Because the shit I've been through you a) can't even imagine and b) wouldn't believe."

"Oh, I wouldn't believe? Come on. Jim, honestly, when I look at you, I don't even feel relieved that you're back. The only thing I see is pain. Because the first thought I had when mom told me you're real was ’oh fuck, how much time I have before he leaves again? A week? A month? A year if I'm lucky?’" - You told him honestly, having tears streaming down. But your voice was just cold. Colder than ice.

"I did insane shit just to come back to you! Look at me! Do you think that I'm fucking proud to walk around lookin’ like a piece of shit? Do you even listen to what you’re saying?" - He started to yell for a second, making your blood freeze in your veins for a while. He never yelled at you like that. This was aggressive, he had done that before, but he was hurt. Just as you were. - "Every fuckin’ day, every shitty second of the last half of the year, I had you on my mind. You and Eleven were the only thing that made me goin’. When I was freezin’ to death, starvin’ or didn't even feel my fuckin’ body, I had you on my mind, wishin’ you would... Not even kiss me. Just to touch me. Just to look my way. That was the only thing I wanted. But the only thing you talk about is you. How you're hurt. What kind of a son of a bitch I am. Do you even realize how much are you hurting me?" - He asked a bit unbelievably, making you stop for a second.

Jim had his points, that needed to be said. You didn't exactly see through your bubble. But that made you only angrier.

"Grow the fuck up and pull yourself together, James. You're not five. You're fucking twice my age, you should know what you're doing. I am young and I could've had a life somewhere if you..." - You yelled back, pushing into his shoulders, hitting him into the shoulder. - "If you didn't even come along. If you didn't make me work as your secretary, I could be starting a family in Indianapolis, loving someone, I could have kids, maybe an actual future and career... Instead of spending three years in here... Loving you." - You yelled sitting on the ground, having Lady coming to snuggle into your thigh to comfort you. But you couldn't be comforted.

"You said you're not in love anymore?" - Hopper whispered emotionlessly, sitting down a few feet away from you. It felt so... Uncomfortable and painful. But maybe that was what you needed to break out of the chains. You looked at him over your tears, trying to calm down.

"I honestly don't even know anymore." - You answered honestly, looking into the flames once again, having no emotion except pain in your face. Hopper was doubting himself just a few feet apart from you, crying as well.

It was so known. Falling out of love and screaming hurtful things at each other. He already knew that from the time he and Diane were getting a divorce. He wasnt happy since that time until he met you, puking on his car, making him horrified. But when he fell in love... Oh Lord, nothing could bring him down to see the reality around. Nothing had the ability to make Hopper fly in the clouds just as your presence had.

He vividly remembered the days he was driving you to town, having you singing You Don't Mess Around With Jim into the whole morning Hawkins. The nights snuggled in the trail while he played Helplessly Hoping so you could sleep and feel safe and sound. The images of him making you breakfast, bringing it into the bed just for the food to end up on the sheets as you put your hand on his jaw, kissing him. That was his definition of love and safety. Two persons in love emerging into one since that was what felt like the right thing to do.

Which obviously was long gone for you. And from some points of view, he could see why you weren't able to open up just as he did when he carried you home. You were happy that Hopper came back, somewhere deep inside, but that was long forgotten under the layers of hatred, anger, pain, grief, fear, and depression.

"But I don't even know who I am. I got lost, like, I was in a dark place when you weren't here. Since El left for Maine... I wasn’t able to live a life." - You whispered after a while, still smoothing Lady laying by your side.

"Can you give me one last go before you tell me to fuck off for good? I swear that this time, I will tell you everythin’. The whole truth from the beggin’ to the end." - Hopper looked you in the eyes. You closed your eyes, thinking about the answer. Was that a good idea? No. It surely wasnt. Did he deserve it? Yes, he probably did.

"Fine. One last chance. One last shot and if you fuck up, I won't ever see you again. You will just disappear. You won't touch me, kiss me, look at me weird, or, you're gone. You will be acting like my roommate." - You informed him, standing up. He only nodded, looking into the flames.

"We'll talk tomorrow, I'm just too fucked up to pay attention now." - You said before going to your bedroom, locking yourself in. That night, you cried yourself to sleep again. Not because you missed him - but because you were afraid that most likely, he will be leaving the other day.