#THIS WAS IN MY DRAFTS FOR SO LONG AND I DIDNT REALIZE IT HADNT POSTED | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

seijch · 4 years ago

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ANNOUNCEMENT: NOT A HELLO, BUT NOT A GOODBYE EITHER

omg hi ... im like . ashamed to come back after saying brief hiatus in october and then disappearing off the face of the earth til FEBRUARY but under the cut i will be explaining myself and the following, if youre interested (and a tl;dr at the very bottom if you don’t wanna scroll thru this obnoxiously long post):

the reason(s) i was gone for so long

what i was doing during that time (its just a personal account yall can scroll past this idrc)

the status of those um . halloween requests

the future of this account

i. so . Hiatus .

i know. i know . i probably mentioned it when i made the announcement post, but my mental health likes to go on one of those rides. yknow the ones where you go like up rlly fast then down maybe and then up then DOWN .... its like that. i needed a break and every time i wanted to come back or thought about it, something would happen and i would get stuck in my own head.

a big reason for getting stuck in my head was (and i hate to admit this ... i hate to admit that i have Insecurities On The Internet) my feelings of inadequacy regarding my writing. i love to plot fics, i love concepts and characters and making little headcanons but i dont ... know if i love writing rn. and i thought for the longest time that like . whatever ill just push thru it its fine ill be fine but it kinda wasnt lmao you can kinda see it in my halloween reqs and what become of them when i get to that but i began to feel like nothing i had put out or would put out would hold up prose wise (and normally i dont feel like this im much more “idc its my life im living it” but thats not a rant for tumblr LMAO). i still feel like that -- like im better as a reader than a writer. but . You Know :-)

tl;dr: mental state go brrrrr

ii. anywhere here’s wonderwall

when i left, i was in a steadily decreasing mental and emotional state, made worse by a situation at work that really was a case of petty jealousy on my end and rlly isnt very consequential now despite how much pain and resentment it gave me when it Was a problem so i wont get into it. the tl;dr of november and december was me using work as an crutch and distraction -- i know my job, i do it well, it helped me not think about my responsibilities and obligations and inadequacies. of course, as the holiday season grew busier n busier i was scheduled so often that i moved 88 or so miles (according to my apple watch, which i ONLY wear at work since im never anywhere else outside my house) and fell into a cycle of showering n sleeping at my house before going back the next day. (theres definitely something to be said abt capitalism and “grind culture” here but once again its not the time or place snsjkdfds)

at the turn of the new year, i happened to remember a birthday card i hadnt filed away for safekeeping from a friend of mine that id been horribly out of touch with til that point. i started crying because i realized how out of touch id been in general up until that point. the month of january was great for me: i was focused, happy, and in a much better place than i had been before. the end of it brought me down focus wise and im hoping that enough time away from my distractions will refocus me bc i ... need it LMAO and though ive burned out from that level of productivity and gotten distracted again im ... trying to stay positive which i think is the most i can do 😁👍🏼

media wise, i got real into stardew valley (but burned out bc i played it extensively as a way to wind down after work), the pokemon platinum romhack renegade platinum (still havent finished it bc of school n i played it w the intent to see if i could nuzlocke it ... bitch its so hard but its so fun bc of it), briefly assassins creed: odyssey (im one of those ppl who completes an entire region before i move to the next so you can tell i burned out of that one + wouldnt have the time to properly devote to it even if i didnt), got back into genshin impact after pulling for xiao (after not touching it for like . months), and danganronpa. yes . danganronpa 😐 i Know. i stopped playing it after the second trial of the first game bc i was so hurt by the outcome and picked it up in late january only to get sucked in (thank god i had the foresight to buy the second and third games during the steam winter sale). rn im at the start of chapter 4 if anyone wants to come in my asks and um . talk to me abt danganronpa

tl;dr: I’m Into Danganronpa Now

iii. you realize halloween was three months ago right

i mentioned this in the first section, but i love to plot things. every request is plotted or at least has a solid foundation. i had fun detailing what concept i wanted to go with considering what i was given, and there were some bangers i might touch up in the future. but heres whats going to happen to the requests themselves:

there are two finished requests. one will be posted tomorrow and the other will be touched up (just bc i finished it doesnt mean its good 🧍‍♂️) and scheduled for next saturday. as for the ones i never got around to ...

i will not be finishing those requests. i hate to be That Person, but i feel like we all expected this 🧍‍♂️ what i will do is post all of my notes for each request in batches -- requests that have an @ to go with them will be mentioned in the post proper, but anon asks will be pictured. (there are some asks that came from blogs who are now deactivated but i wrote down all the prompts and remember most of those askers so ill cross that bridge when i get there) there will most likely be an excerpt or two simply bc i think i mightve written a few plot points or interactions in the form of bullet points. i rlly am sorry about doing this but i remember looking at my notion doc with all the prompts and feeling ... like i wasnt measuring up n it wasnt just to myself or to some intangible concept of “other” id constructed but it was instead to those who requested n actually WANTED to see and hear and read my writing and i ...... im gonna admit thats another big reason i avoided this site.

regardless, youll definitely get what i have (and likely more than just my bullet points and illegible handwriting).

tl;dr: im sorry. what i have in terms of plot, concept, and interaction for every request will be posted, but i cant say ill ever complete them and mean it.

iv. so what now?

well i mean . im not entirely sure how sold i am on haikyuu in the content creation department (as a creator n to a lesser extent, as a consumer). as mentioned previously, its no longer my primary focus. it doesnt mean im not into haikyuu anymore; i have a lot of love for those boys but i cant rlly say im even caught up w recent fandom activity and also havent even finished s4 pt2 LMAO thats on my to do list

and despite all that, i still want to share my plots n concepts and snippets and maybe even fics. it wont happen anytime soon. it might not even happen. but i mean . its better than me saying i wont write ever again shjdkfs but either way ill probably use this blog as a personal blog w the occasional ask game for dialogue prompts (those are always so fun i love making up aus to fit like . the most mundane prompts)

as for my works (past and any potential future), ive opened an ao3 acc here n ill be editing n possibly expanding on my old works to post there. tumblr, to me, is The x reader hub, but i figure more x reader fics on ao3 is never a bad thing.

ill be deleting/posting drafted posts to the queue since they were all meant to be queued anyway as well as (sorry again 🧍‍♂️) deleting or answering asks in the inbox. (moots if you get a notif from me saying i rbed your post from months ago ... mind your business) im very hard to get ahold of and its ... a problem. expect an overhaul of the nav n shit to reflect my new direction n also because i feel like i cant tell if my passion for carrd is shared by the majority HSDKLFS maybe its better to read my info in a normal post ykwim .......

and of course . if youve read all this n decided im no longer worth the follow, i sure as hell cant stop you. thank you for wanting to, at some point, hear what i have to say -- it means more than you think.

tl;dr: writing will be edited and reposted to ao3, this blog will be a personal blog with a hint of writing (sometimes)

the tl;dr to end all tl;drs:

im back! i wont be as active as i used to due to a lessened interest in haikyuu in general, but i have an ao3 acc now where all my past work will be edited, possibly expanded, and reposted. any future work will also find itself there. my halloween requests will be posted in batches as incomplete concepts, plots, and snippets of scenes; i wont be promising to finish any of them.

there are still fic concepts im attached to and want to finish, but i cant promise any more writing on my end. this blog will be a personal blog with maybe writing, not a writing blog with my personal thoughts all over it.

regardless if you stick around or not, its been crazy sexy cool (equal emphasis) being on haikyuu tumblr even tho i wasnt around for long ... even tho its not my main focus anymore, im still excited to see what the future might hold 🤝

love, ari 💌

#did i have an announcement tag #announcement #also regarding work hsjkdfsd the company i work for didnt give my location the opening for the full time position i wanted #my managers all agree id be promoted if we had it but we dont so i . hee .#anyway um i hope everyones doing well #some of my moots changed urls while i was away and now i have no idea who anyone is #its like when you see your familys friends and theyre like omg youre so big now! i remember when you were a baby and youre like 🧍‍♂️#and you have to play along bc apparently they remember you hskdfsd #im not very funny in this post but i figured id rather be honest considering my lengthy absence #consider this my comeback stage

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viralhottopics · 8 years ago

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Why One Mom Started Microdosing LSDAnd How It Saved Her Life

This post originally appeared on LinkedIn.

Do you remember the last time you had a really good day?

Well,Ayelet Waldman couldnt a few months ago. That is, before she started microdosing LSD.

As a lawyer, mother of four and someone terrified of drugs, Waldman is not your typicalbersmart twentysomething working in techthe stereotype of who microdosing usually attracts. Thetrend, which has recently gained popularity among professionals trying to increase their productivity, consists of taking a low dose of a hallucinogen (typically LSD or psilocybin), much lower than what would be needed to experience a trip.

For Waldman, however, enhanced productivity wasnt her goal. Sure, it would be a nice side effect, but the novelist sought out thisillicit, chemical form of yoga as an alternative to antidepressants in an effort to save her marriage and her life. When I went in to the experiment, I had really one goal, Waldman told LinkedIn. I just wanted to stop feeling so bad. I was profoundly depressed.

Waldman has suffered from premenstrual dysphoric disorder (a severe form of premenstrual syndrome), frozen shoulder,irritability, mood swings and insomnia. She has tried dozens of medications and substances in an attempt to treat her symptomsfrom Prozac and Zoloft to Ambien and marijuana. The list fills an entire half-page in her new book, A Really Good Day: How Microdosing Made a Mega Difference in My Mood, My Marriage, and My Life.Shes also talked to psychologists, psychiatrists, therapists and social workers. Yet, she still hadnt found a treatment that works for her, and she was desperate for a solution.

I am the mother of four children. I am, to my childrens gibe, totally basic. I wear yoga pants all day, I post photos of particularly indulgent desserts on Instagram. I am the mom surreptitiously checking her phone at Back to School Night, the woman standing behind you in Starbucks ordering the skinny vanilla latte, the one getting a mammogram in the room next to yours, the one digging through her too-full purse looking for her keys while you wait impatiently for her parking spot. I am a former attorney and law professor, a law-abiding citizen. A nerd. If a cashier hands me incorrect change, I return the excess. I dont cheat on my taxes, dont jump the turnstile in the subway, dont park in handicap spots. I write and lecture on the criminal justice system; I dont regularly commit crimes. But I was suffering.

When she realized that she was picking fights not only with her husband but also her dry cleaner, she decided to embark upon a 30-day experiment self-administering LSD in micro doses.

Waldman said she didnt set out to write a drug memoir. She wanted to use her book to send a message on both mental health treatment and the decriminalization of drugs (which is different than legalization or de-regulation).

Ive been doing drug policy reform for a long time, and I have been talking about the legal and social ramifications of the war on drugs for a long time, Waldman told us. I saw this book as an opportunity to do that kind of advocacy to both talk about my experience, my personal experience, but also talk about the larger issues.

As she points out in her book, at least 20 million Americans have used LSD, and yet there have been no definitive documented human deaths from an LSD overdose. (The same is true of marijuana, though these stats are overdose-related only. They don’t take into account injuries or deaths that can happen when someone loses inhibitions.) Incomparison, more than 300 people die in the U.S. every year from taking acetaminophen, and 44,000 end up in theemergency room, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. A similar reality is true ofopioids. They are addictive and dangerousalso fatal at high dosesand yet physicians prescribe themregularly. Furthermore, one neuroscientist she talked tosaid that microdosing psychedelics is absolutely as safe as, or even safer, than conventional antidepressants.

Waldman also points out an important truth: There have always been drugs and there will always be drugs. Yet, stigmas abound and the research isnt adequate. Instead of prescribing medications that are known tocompromise patients abilities while criminalizing drugs that could help them, she urges the medical and legal communities to further research these substances and reform currentpolicies.

I cant say with authority that what I experienced was not a placebo effect because we havent had the research, Ayelet said. My argument is not I want to take LSD because it made me feel better. My argument is I want LSD to be studied because I think this is the drug that worked best for me.

When it comes to people microdosing as a productivity hack, Waldman has mixed feelings. Although she didnt go into her experiment looking for increased productivity, she does acknowledge that she felt more in flow while writing and was able to make more connections among the topics she was writing about.

“It’s no accident that I wrote the first draft of this book in that month, she told us. This book is, it’s a memoir of mental illness, it’s a story of a marriage, it’s the history of psychedelicdrugs, the neuroscience behind microdosing, the neurochemistry behind psychedelics. It’s about mass incarceration and de-criminalization. All those things don’t necessarily seem like they would work well together, but I think they really do. The unusual creative parallels that the psychedelic allowed my brain to experience are reflected in the book.”

However, she hopes the people following this trend as analternative to Adderalldon’t overshadow thebenefits that she, likeothers, have found through microdosing: finding relief from debilitating depression.

[A]s someone who came to this experience from a place of suffering, who has sought and failed to get help using established treatment models, and who, moreover, has little interest in the recreational use of drugs or even their performance-enhancing qualities, wrote Waldman. I hope that the therapeutic value of microdosing doesn’t get muffled beneath the braying of tech dudes trying to work better, stronger, faster.

This post originally appeared on LinkedIn.