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maypiles · 12 hours ago

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But I'm very homesick for arms that have never hold me🎀🪞

PICK A PILE: What Do You Need to Hear, What Do You Need to Know?🦢🩰

You guys are not ready for this one, because let me tell you—Spirit decided to wake me up with a Chihiro x Ariana Grande mashup blaring in my head like an alarm clock, and I just knew. This isn’t a coincidence; this is a channeled message, loud and clear. I mean, who else gets spiritual downloads with a side of TikTok trends? Clearly, I’m favored. Anyway, grab your coffee, your crystals, or whatever you need to ground yourself, because today’s reading is about to serve you layers of spicy revelations, unexpected clarity, and a sprinkle of divine chaos (because why not?). If you're feeling hot flashes, dreaming in metaphors, or noticing all the crows in your neighborhood suddenly staring at you like they’ve got something to say—this one’s for you. Let’s get into it, shall we?

❗This is a collective reading so please take what resonates and leave what does not❗ Please be careful of scammers, I'll never reach out to you and ask you for money or personal readings❗

Pile One🦪

My gorgeous Pile 1, let’s talk, because Spirit came in loud with this one—and I mean literally. The crows wouldn’t shut up, the downloads wouldn’t stop, and my body? On fire. Hot flushes, all over, like Spirit turned the heat up to make sure you get this message. So, let’s break it down.

Signs & Synchronicities

Right off the bat, notifications could be huge for you right now—check your messages, your DMs, your emails, whatever. Something important is trying to reach you, and you don’t want to miss it. Chocolate? Perfume? These are connected to sweetness and self-care, but also attraction and indulgence. Are you finally indulging in yourself, Pile 1? Or are you craving something—or someone—that feels just out of reach?

And crows? Let me tell you, they are not just random birds hanging out. They’re messengers, carriers of divine justice, and omens of transformation. If you’ve been hearing or seeing them, this is your wake-up call. Spirit is saying, ‘Listen, babe. We’re talking.’ And that crow sound? It’s sharp, like a reminder to stay alert, to notice what’s unfolding around you. This message has layers, so stay with me.

The Energy—Hot, Spicy, Intense

This whole reading is laced with heat—those hot flushes all over your body? That’s Spirit igniting a fire within you to finally heal. And when I say "heal," I don’t mean just dust off old wounds. No, this is deep, soul-level healing from something that cut you hard and left you spinning. You’ve been carrying this pain for too long, and Spirit is here, loud and unapologetic, telling you it’s time to let it go.

The Cards

Queen of Swords upright with The Star—This is your clarity and your hope. You’re stepping into your truth, cutting through the nonsense, and reclaiming your voice. The Star says healing is happening, but don’t expect it to be gentle. It’s the kind of healing that burns before it soothes. You’re being guided to dream big, even if your dreams seem out of reach right now.

Queen of Swords reversed with Three of Swords—But let’s be real. You’ve been here before, haven’t you? Trying to heal, only to slip back into old cycles. That reversed Queen shows me there’s still some bitterness, some unresolved pain. Spirit is asking you to look directly at your heartbreak without flinching. The Three of Swords is raw, but it’s also a turning point. Acknowledge it, cry over it if you must, but know that it’s not your forever.

Eight of Wands with The Hanged Man—Once you face that pain, things will move fast. Communication, opportunities, and clarity will flood in, but you need to shift your perspective first. The Hanged Man is here to remind you that sometimes, the only way out is through. Let yourself sit with the discomfort—it’s temporary, I promise.

Seven of Swords reversed with Eight of Swords reversed—Oof, someone’s lies or sneaky behavior might have trapped you in your head before. But no more. These cards are about releasing deception, both from others and yourself. Stop lying to yourself about what you want, Pile 1. Stop pretending everything’s fine when you’re screaming inside. You’re freeing yourself from this mental prison, and let me tell you, it’s about damn time.

The Hermit with Knight of Cups—This is where it gets juicy. After all this introspection, someone—or something—new is coming in. The Knight of Cups is a romantic, a dreamer, someone who stirs your heart. Whether it’s a person, a creative project, or an emotional awakening, this is the spark you’ve been waiting for. But it only comes after you’ve done the inner work.

Nine of Pentacles with Five of Swords—You’re stepping into independence and self-worth, but beware of those who might try to sabotage you. The Five of Swords is a warning: not everyone will celebrate your glow-up. Some people are better left in the past.

Ten of Pentacles reversed with Page of Wands—This could indicate a shake-up in your foundation. Maybe it’s family drama, a breakup, or a financial reset. But the Page of Wands reminds you to stay curious and optimistic. New beginnings often feel messy before they feel right.

Knight of Swords with The Devil reversed—Your determination to break free from toxic patterns is unmatched. The Devil reversed says you’re cutting cords, ditching bad habits, and stepping out of cycles that no longer serve you. You’re unstoppable, babe.

Strength reversed with Ace of Cups—Here’s the emotional release. You’ve been holding it together for so long that you’ve forgotten how to let go. The Ace of Cups is your emotional renewal, your fresh start, your permission to feel everything again.

The High Priestess reversed with Queen of Cups—Spirit is saying, ‘Stop doubting yourself.’ Your intuition has been screaming at you, but you’ve been ignoring it. The Queen of Cups is here to remind you of your emotional depth and wisdom. Trust yourself—you already know what’s right for you.

Eight of Pentacles with The Sun—All this hard work you’re putting into yourself? It’s going to pay off in ways you can’t even imagine. The Sun is your ultimate happiness, your reward for all the effort. Keep going; you’re so close.

Five of Cups with Justice—Justice came out right as I was saying, ‘You’re getting your justice.’ Spirit does not play. This is karmic balance, the universe setting things right. Yes, you’ve experienced loss, but it wasn’t in vain. Everything you’ve endured is leading you to this moment of divine justice.

Bottom of the Deck: Temperance—Patience, my love. Healing isn’t a straight line, and balance takes time. But you’re on the right path.

Split Deck: Four of Cups reversed—You’re waking up, finally seeing the opportunities Spirit has been placing in ront of you. Stop dwelling on what didn’t work and focus on what’s possible.

The Message

Pile 1, you’re in the middle of a transformation so profound it’s practically radiating from your cards. You’re healing, releasing, and stepping into your power. Spirit is here, crows and all, to remind you that justice is on your side. Keep pushing through the discomfort—it’s leading you to a life that’s brighter, freer, and more aligned with who you are.

And those notifications? Answer them. Something important is trying to reach you. Stay hot, stay spicy, and stay open to the blessings heading your way.

Pile Two🥀

The Vibe is Magnetic, and Spirit is Dancing With You

Oh, Pile Two. You didn’t just stumble into this reading—you waltzed in, spinning, singing, and twirling with a vibe so contagious it practically leaps off the cards. Let’s talk, because Spirit is loud and clear with this one. There’s a rhythm here, an undeniable flow, and the details? Oh, they’re dripping with significance.

Signs & Synchronicities

Dancing is huge for this pile. Whether you’re on the dance floor or grooving in your kitchen, there’s something about movement and rhythm that feeds your soul. Singing could be just as vital—expressing your voice, your truth, your essence. You might be someone who loves to accessorize—colorful bracelets that jingle with every step, or those stunning braided hairstyles adorned with beads.

The energy here screams personality—vibrant, unapologetic, and undeniably you.

But there’s a competitive streak too, isn’t there? Whether it’s proving yourself to others or loving that rush of pushing boundaries, there’s a fire in you that thrives on standing out and shocking the world. You don’t back down from a challenge—you lean in.

Now, let’s talk about itchiness. An itchy nose, a sudden rash—it’s like your body is reacting to this energy shift. Spirit is saying, “Pay attention!” These physical signs are nudges from the universe, reminders that something big is brewing.

And then there’s the time zone difference. Are you in a long-distance situation? Maybe you’re straddling two worlds—north and south, winter and summer (Timezone difference, Australia mentioned. HELLO?). But what stands out? Spring. A fresh start, a rebirth, a blossoming.

Also, Aries energy is coming in strong—bold, fiery, determined. Maybe it’s in your big three, or perhaps it’s just the vibe you’re stepping into: courageous, unstoppable, and unafraid to take the lead.

The Cards—Breaking It Down

Nine of Wands & The Devil—Let’s start with the tension. You’ve been through the wringer, haven’t you? The Nine of Wands shows resilience—standing tall, even when life keeps throwing curveballs. Paired with The Devil, though, it’s clear there’s something or someone trying to hold you back. Old habits? Toxic patterns? This card combo screams, “Break the chain!” You’re on the verge of freeing yourself from whatever’s been binding you.

Nine of Swords reversed & Five of Pentacles reversed—Here’s the good news: The worst is over. Those sleepless nights, those feelings of lack and abandonment—they’re lifting. You’re stepping out of the shadows, finding your strength again.

Three of Pentacles & Page of Swords reversed—Collaboration is key, but Spirit is warning you: not everyone in your circle has your best interests at heart. The Page of Swords reversed suggests miscommunication or even gossip. Keep your guard up and trust your intuition about who’s really in your corner.

Four of Swords reversed & Queen of Pentacles—You’ve rested long enough. Now, it’s time to get back in the game. The Queen of Pentacles shows you stepping into a nurturing, abundant energy—balancing your hustle with self-care.

The Star & Ten of Pentacles reversed—Hope is your guiding light, but don’t get stuck chasing someone else’s idea of success. The Ten of Pentacles reversed suggests that your “happily ever after” might look different from what you originally envisioned—and that’s okay.

Queen of Cups & Page of Pentacles reversed—Emotionally, you’re in tune, but don’t let small setbacks throw you off course. The Page reversed is a reminder to keep learning, growing, and experimenting without fear of failure.

Seven of Wands reversed & Seven of Cups—You don’t always have to fight. Sometimes, stepping back and reassessing your options (and there are many, trust me) is the best move.

The World & Six of Cups—A cycle is coming to a close, and it’s paving the way for something deeply nostalgic and fulfilling. Whether it’s reconnecting with a person or rediscovering a passion, there’s a sense of coming full circle.

Strength & Judgement—You’re stepping into your power, answering Spirit’s call. This is a rebirth, a reckoning, a chance to redefine yourself. Don’t shy away from the reflection staring back at you.

Knight of Pentacles & Queen of Swords reversed—Slow and steady wins the race, but don’t let impatience or harsh self-criticism derail you. The Knight is reliable, and you’re building something that lasts.

The Bottom of the Deck

The Lovers—Ah, the heart of it all. This is about choices, connections, and alignment. Whether it’s romantic or not, you’re calling in something—or someone—that resonates with your soul.

Split: Nine of Cups & Justice—Wish fulfillment is on the horizon, but Justice says you’ll get exactly what you deserve. This is karma balancing the scales, so trust that what’s coming is meant for you.

The Message

Pile Two, you’re in the middle of a transformation that feels like a dance—sometimes smooth, sometimes chaotic, but always moving forward. Spirit is asking you to embrace your unique rhythm. Let go of what no longer serves you, lean into the things that light you up, and trust that you’re exactly where you’re meant to be.

That Aries energy? It’s your cue to be bold, fearless, and unapologetically you.

Pile Three🎀

Traveling Through Love, Fireworks, and a Deep Connection

There’s something sparkly and electrifying about this pile, isn’t there? You’re stepping into a story that feels like a whirlwind—like packing up everything in your bags and rushing toward an adventure. Travel is on the horizon, either you’re coming back from a trip, or one is definitely in your future. And it’s not just any trip. There’s a sense that this one will change you, shift you into something more you than you’ve been in a while. But it’s not all about the destination. Oh no, this is about the journey—one full of love, fireworks, lace, and that breathless feeling when you know your heart is about to explode.

Signs & Synchronicities

So many things stand out. First of all, broken earbuds or earphones? That’s a message right there. A reminder that some things, or perhaps even relationships, just don’t stay in one piece. They break, but in the breaking, there’s a deeper connection waiting to be made. There’s an underlying theme of things falling apart to make space for something new and beautiful.

And let’s talk about pink. Baby pink specifically. It’s soft, it’s delicate, but it’s also powerful. Maybe you’ve been seeing pink lately—whether in your wardrobe, decor, or in the most random of places. This is an invitation to open your heart, embrace vulnerability, and trust that love is not only possible but waiting for you.

Then there’s the theme of bags—packed bags. You’re not just physically packing up, though; you’re preparing for an emotional journey. Some of you could be making big moves soon, whether in relationships or lifestyle choices. It’s like Spirit is preparing you for something big, and you’re already subconsciously getting ready.

And fireworks—boom. There’s something that’s about to explode into your life in the most magnificent way. Maybe it’s a relationship, maybe it’s a moment of self-discovery. Whatever it is, it’s going to leave you breathless. Lace could also be significant—delicate, but intricate and deeply meaningful, like the threads of connection in your life.

Travel? I know we’ve mentioned it, but there’s something special about it. You could be reconnecting with someone from your past, or maybe you’re about to meet someone who feels like a past life connection. Someone who’s going to be incredibly dear to you.

The Cards—Breaking It Down

King of Wands & The Devil—The energy here is intense, fire-burning, and possibly a little addictive. The King of Wands is bold, confident, and passionate—someone who knows what they want and goes after it. Paired with The Devil, though, it’s clear that there’s a magnetic attraction here. Maybe there’s a person in your life or someone coming in who embodies this energy—a powerful force that could sweep you off your feet. But beware: there’s something about this connection that could be a little...dangerous. Will it lift you up or leave you craving more?

Three of Pentacles reversed & Eight of Pentacles—You’ve been trying to collaborate, work with others, and build something lasting. But right now, it feels like things aren’t coming together as smoothly as you’d like. Don’t let that dishearten you. The Eight of Pentacles is here to say that your hard work will pay off. Maybe it’s time to focus on yourself for a bit—hone your craft, perfect your skills, and let things fall into place.

Nine of Pentacles & The Chariot—Ah, independence and drive. You’re stepping into your power, learning how to stand alone, but there’s also a rush of energy—like a burst of momentum carrying you forward. The Chariot says go. Whatever it is you’ve been hesitating about, it’s time to take the wheel and drive. You’re unstoppable now.

King of Cups reversed & Seven of Cups—The emotional confusion here is palpable. There’s a lot of energy, but not all of it feels grounded. Is there someone who’s emotionally distant or unstable around you? The King of Cups reversed could indicate that someone close to you is struggling with their emotions, and the Seven of Cups adds to the fog, making everything seem unclear. Keep your heart open, but trust your instincts to cut through the illusions.

High Priestess reversed & Seven of Swords—Don’t let secrets or lies stand in the way. The High Priestess reversed is asking you to trust your intuition, but the Seven of Swords is a warning. Someone may not be telling the truth, or you might be withholding a truth from yourself. Pay attention to what’s hidden—whether it’s in a relationship or in your own actions.

Knight of Cups & Queen of Cups—Here comes the love, or at least, the potential for it. The Knight of Cups is a dreamy, romantic energy, and with the Queen of Cups, this is a deeply emotional connection. Someone is about to step forward—perhaps they’re already in your life—who sees you for who you are, someone who feels like home.

Queen of Pentacles & Four of Wands—Stability, home, family—this is what’s on your mind. You’re looking for something grounded, something that feels like it lasts. The Queen of Pentacles is practical and nurturing, and with the Four of Wands, there’s a sense of celebration. Could this be a wedding, a reunion, or a coming together with someone from your past? Whatever it is, it’s building toward something beautiful.

Strength & Ace of Pentacles—You’ve got the strength to make this new beginning happen. The Ace of Pentacles is all about tangible, grounded beginnings—whether it’s love, work, or both. But it’s going to take courage. Do you have the strength to face what’s ahead? I know you do.

Five of Cups reversed & Six of Cups—Letting go of past hurts, emotional releases, and embracing the lessons. The Six of Cups is all about reconnection—could it be that someone from your past, someone who means the world to you, is coming back into your life? Or maybe it’s just a new love that feels like it’s been years in the making.

Three of Cups & Eight of Swords reversed—Celebration and release. The Eight of Swords reversed is a reminder that you are no longer trapped by your thoughts or circumstances. It’s time to embrace joy, to surround yourself with people who lift you up and support you.

Ace of Cups & Page of Wands—A new emotional beginning is coming, and it’s going to ignite that spark in you. The Page of Wands suggests excitement, curiosity, and exploration—there’s a sense of newness in your emotional journey, and it’s one that’s going to set your heart on fire.

Page of Swords reversed & Star—Communication could be a little off, but don’t let that stop you. The Star brings hope, healing, and renewal. Even if things aren’t perfect right now, there’s a beautiful future waiting for you.

Moon reversed & Two of Cups—Truth is coming to light. The Moon reversed uncovers secrets, and the Two of Cups brings balance, a true partnership, or union. This is about clarity in love. Whether it's someone from your past or a new, deep connection, this relationship is unfolding just as it’s meant to.

The Bottom of the Deck

Ace of Wands reversed—There’s a delay in the beginning, but it’s coming. This is a slow burn, not a flash fire. When the Ace of Wands comes in reversed, it’s a reminder that sometimes, the most powerful sparks take time to ignite.

Split: The World—A cycle is coming full circle, and you’re about to experience completion, closure, or a new phase. The world is a powerful card of achievement, success, and finally coming into your own.

The Message

Pile 3, you’re entering a chapter full of excitement, love, and undeniable fireworks. Whether you’re about to reconnect with someone special or embrace a brand-new relationship that feels like fate, the energy is palpable. Love is coming in hot, but it’s not without its twists and turns. This journey will be full of moments that make you feel like you’re traveling the world, discovering pieces of yourself along the way. Stay open, stay grounded, and let the universe unfold its magic for you. You’re ready.

And there you have it, my darlings. Another reading, another wave of energy to sift through. I hope you caught those messages—whether the fireworks, the lace, or the truth that’s just waiting to spill out. Remember, the universe doesn’t speak in straight lines; it whispers through synchronicities, songs stuck in your head, and moments of undeniable connection. Keep your eyes open, your heart even more so, and let things unfold as they should. Until next time, you know where to find me when you need clarity, a nudge, or just a little dose of cosmic truth. Stay fiery, stay fierce, and always keep a little mystery, darling. Xoxo, May.

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impactrueno · 2 days ago

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i'm only just now realizing that robin budd (beetlejuice series art director) also directed disney's Return to Never Land, which is a funny coincidence because readers of my comic (and myself) noted the similarities between the general concept of that movie and the story i'm telling. mischievous ageless being returning to see the girl he knew years ago grew up and has a grumpypants child of her own

i'm just researching a bit about the art style of the show and its influences so i'd love to know what he has to say about it (the art style, not peter pan.) i wanted to compile some info to make a post about it and there's not a lot you can find about this stuff online, so i'm very tempted to reach out to him by email.....

#i'm shy though ahhhh #but it would be so cool to do an interview or something #i really loved the cracked interview with the producers of the show #they interviewed robin budd and chris labonte too but i have specific questions from an artist to another

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meangirltogoodgirls · 10 hours ago

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that's such a cute coincidence, because my favorite part of memory play is that little flash of fear in your eyes when you know you should be able to remember something and it's right there, but... it's not quite... you just...

...anyways, i saw this cool gif on my phone earlier, why don't you look at it and tell me more about what you were just saying?

Memory Play

You know, my favourite part of memory play is, umm ahhh um um oh, right.....

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hurlingdown · 2 days ago

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hello (you can really tell ive got time on my hands with how many asks ive been sending)

see i love the concepts of a very lustful and seductice creature trying to woo the most... nerdy of individual and i would love to apply that with succubus satosugu with... an extremely freaky reader

you have got.... GIGABYTES of official hentai manga and this isnt just normal hentai manga. both of the succubu expected you to have some sort of sex dungeon when they decided to room with you but nuh uh, you're just... a normal guy with an extremely strong obsession with games and an extremely bored face when watching sex scenes

maybe they tried to seduce you in their ways, wear a crop top around the house or prim your bed with rose petals but... nothing, nothing at all... dear god, what impresses this perverted freak, they think

and then... then suguru makes you a meal while you're being the true gamer or hermit you are and... you're deathly flustered, stuttering as you accept his meal with extreme gratitude

ah, of course the freak... is extremely flustered at more casual things.

- oath anon

satosugu casually flipping through reader’s hentai manga collection to try and find out his kinks just to find out he has an insane obsession with succubi. what a coincidence, i mean.

meanwhile freak reader thinking he’s become nonchalant to sex from the sheer amount of exposure he’s had over the years until he tries actual demon pussy and gets addicted to it. realises that his two roommates are bent to his will after forming unbreakable bonds with him, and then proceeds to takes absolute advantage of that:

trying out everything he’s read about on them, from making them orgasm by filling up their wombs with cum to breeding and collaring them to having them become his free use sex objects... cockwarming him while he’s gaming or having them bent over on standby in case he loses a round and needs to fuck his frustration out on them

#✧ shooting stars.#oath anon #freak reader is my jam YES YES YES #reader ending up getting wooed by the simplest of things is so wholesome ngl #as they say: the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach #hot demon bitches near u part 2? maybe

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miwiheroes · 1 day ago

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Dropping Byler Evidence Every Day Until Season 5

Day 7: The soundtrack

Here is a little one for you today since I'm a little tired and busy today, but I'm still keeping my promise for you guys DGAHSGDJ hopefully I can keep this up yknow <33

One of the things that I think that writers just can't explain to me if byler isn't endgame is the fact that some of these soundtrack choices cannot be coincidences. If byler isn't endgame then I will have to really really question why the two soundtracks in season 4 titled 'Being Different' and 'You're the Heart' are perfectly lined up!!!!!

Here is a youtube video with the lining up of the audios after putting the two tracks together: X

Being Different is the track that plays during the van scene. It has the motif and the chord progression of the famous ones in 'The First I love You' and 'The First Lie'. However, it is very much incomplete. In my opinion, this soundtrack piece correlates to the one titled 'The First Lie' because it is the very first lie that Will has told to Mike before, making it a very impactful moment.

You're the Heart is the track that plays when Will encourages Mike to say I love you to El, which he then does, and it plays while he's monologuing. This one is also incomplete. This soundtrack piece may correlation to the one titled 'The First I love you', obviously because it is the first time he's really said I love you to her, but this is not genuine love because the L in the the 'love' in the title of that song is not capitalised.

So when you put them together and they are linked, make a complete song rather than utter rubbish, this tells me all I need to know.

'You're the Heart' cannot be complete without 'Being Different.'

Mike's monologue speech cannot be complete without Will's speech to him in the van.

Going through this much effort to make these two songs match up so perfectly with each other is not coincidental. If it symbolises something like this, why would this then end in having Mike and El end up together without anything changing due to the Painting and its impact?

It maybe shows what we already know even more: that Mike could never have made his speech without Will's words. He could never have felt like he loved El without those words. But they weren't El's words, so Mike only loves the idea of her. The idea that in reality is Will.

#also why name the soundtrack piece 'you're the heart' if the scene is all about mike and el hm??#byler #byler nation #byler endgame #mike wheeler #will byers #stranger things #miwiheroes daily byler

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furiousgoldfish · 2 days ago

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Someone asked me privately 'How to break out of brainwashing', and I thought the response might be useful to anyone else abused and going trough this. It goes into personal experience and osdd, as well as having mentions of suicidal thoughts, so be ready for that if you're reading on.

"I'm unsure that I can tell you exactly how to break brainwashing, because I can only ever partially do it, and only because I also have a dissociative disorder, I think without this disorder I wouldn't be able to do it alone, even partially. I can explain what I did though, and how I think a person might be able to do it with some outside help if it's available.

So for example, when I was small I've been brainwashed to believe I was a demon, and would often be punished for that crime, and I was too little to have any way to suspect that my caretakers would have any reason of lying to me, and a lot of the stuff that was done to brainwash this message into me was done under circumstances of pain. That's how brainwashing usually goes, it's a repeated message that is given to you when you're specifically vulnerable, have no defenses or arguments against it, and often under circumstances of either physical or psychological pain (if you're badly berated, humiliated, treated with contempt, that also causes intense pain that would seal the brainwashing).

So because I have a dissociative disorder (I have osdd), I split into two parts, one who had all the memories, and beliefs from the brainwashing, and was convinced they were a demon, and a second part who had only minimal memories, was completely detached from all of the pain of the situation, but still also believed to not be human because there were no messages received that would lead to any other conclusion. So basically similar, only one part had complete brainwashing, and the other had some, but was detached from the pain situation, because that's how osdd works, it enables part of you to live as if you weren't traumatized. Because this second part did not have the memories of pain, they were able to break trough brainwashing just using logic. It was still painful, because you have to acknowledge awful things like, your caretakers lying to you, for an evil purpose, having to acknowledge that you weren't safe, that you've been exposed to some extreme cruelty, sometimes having to cut your bonds with people you love because you see them for who they are. Your worldview shatters and that can take months or years to make peace with.

But the thought process was just questioning and breaking trough the logic of the situation. I questioned why I feel constantly guilty and ashamed for even existing, and what caused it, and the reason for that was intense shaming, guilt tripping, accusations, character assassination, punishments. I was receiving messages that I deserved only pain and shouldn't exist. So I questioned why was that, and what did I do to deserve that, and it turned out basically nothing severe; I was acting as a normal kid and would get shamed for stuff like, needing to eat, needing resources or money, saying no, standing up for myself, accidentally annoying someone, being perceived as a nuisance when I was just being a kid. So then why the shaming and the violence and being called a demon and punished for it? Because people who raised me were insane and needed some excuses for torturing a normal child who just happened to live there. Studying the situation further revealed that their acts of punishments coincided with when they were in a bad mood or just annoyed at something else and needed to lash out, rather than anything I did or caused.

Now if I was still connected to the emotions and pain inflicted on me during this brainwashing, I would not be able to break trough it using logic and arguments because the pain would completely overcome my logical side of the brain and I wouldn't be able to argue it out with myself because the pain of just thinking about this would make me suicidal. That's why brainwashing is so difficult to break trough under non-dissociative circumstances, it's just too dangerous to be exposed to that level of pain, and non endurable. It's also why brainwashing is usually done under circumstances of severe pain, so that the person trying to break trough it would be stopped by pain from having access to any kind of logic and they would submit to any message being told to them, just to avoid further pain.

This is also why I haven't been able to un-brainwash the part that is still connected to that pain, they cannot under any circumstances accept that they were a kid who was tortured for no good reason because that's too devastating and there's a barrier in their mind stopping the from even thinking in that direction. They won't indulge with logical arguments.

I do think a person who doesn't have a dissociative disorder could break trough brainwashing with some outside help. Brainwashing relies on the person always receiving the same messages about themselves, and on being resistant to any opposite messages; they make you believe that anyone telling you otherwise is trying to hurt you, lie to you, trick you, etc, it makes any opposite messages difficult to accept or process.

But if there was an environment where the person was consistently receiving un-brainwashing messages that counteract what the brainwashing was, eventually their brain would adapt to the new message, even though it would still be very painful, and there would be a lot of inner conflict, going from one view to the other, being unable to see which messages are true, sometimes succumbing to the pain of trying to fight it because the pain is overwhelming. But for example, if someone is brainwashed to not believe themselves as human, but they're in an environment where it's consistently pointed out how they have a lot of things in common with humans, if their similarities are amplified, they're treated as human, and any abuse or ham of them are being depicted as wrong and evil, it would eventually cause the person to doubt the brainwashing. Not right away though, at first you'd just think 'all of these people are fooled and they're just not seeing the reality of what I am' (that was me for years). But after years of consistency their brain would have to consider that maybe they are human if there's overwhelming proof of it and that maybe something was off with the original messaging. They would still have to go back in memories to challenge it and they would need support in fighting those messages.

Sadly the current environment of capitalism doesn't offer many options of breaking such brainwashing because people often treat each other transactionally and as resources and indulge in some level of manipulation and devaluing others to get their way, so abusive messages might just get amplified instead. Which is awful for people who were brainwashed and can't fight that kind of subjugation due to painful triggers that stop resistance.

I'm also not completely out of brainwashing myself, it's still very difficult to conceptualize that I didn't deserve everything that happened to me, and that I was just a kid. When I think about it I have to distance from myself and re-affirm to myself that it was 'a child', I can't think about it as 'me', because I still hold some connotations of having deserved this, or it being correct that it happened to me instead of anyone else. It helped me to find out that similar things happened to other children because it's very easy to see that no other child deserves this, other people are truly human and never deserve anything like this, and I could start comparing myself to them to some extent and grasp the idea that I also don't deserve this, since nobody does. But I still find myself somewhat tainted by it and different on some fundamental level, in which all of this had to happen, even though I wish it didn't. I guess it's complicated! I don't think I am able to completely break out without outside help, but since I don't have any, this is how far I am able to go."

#breaking out of brainwashing #breaking brainwashing #osdd #other specified dissociative disorder #child abuse #abusive parents #demon brainwashing #grooming children to believe they deserve the abuse #setting brainwashing with pain so it cannot be challenged

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fernpetals · 3 days ago

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Good Cop, Bad Cop IV

Masterlist

Part 1 Part2 Part 3

Yandere Tom Ludlow x Reader

Warning: Talks of crime, power imbalance, implied brutal crimes

Written in a brain rot rush so, unedited. GIF is not mine, credit to the owner.

Unedited.

You sigh looking at the text message.

How many times do they need your statement recorded? How many stupid forms are you to fill? Nobody likes to hang out in the police station after work.

You just had to go into that shop of all the other twinkling shops.

It's the fifth time this month that you have received the text. Officer Thomas Ludlow seems like a thorough man. Maybe this time, you can request him to speed things up.

—---

Easier said than done.

“What do you mean by ‘speed things up’?” Officer Ludlow crosses his arms in front of his chest, and you can’t help but notice that they are thick. He is a tall, brooding man as far as you can tell.

“I mean, is there a way that I don’t have to come here every other day?” You keep your voice steady under his glare.

“Do you realise that you could have been a prime suspect in this case, Miss…”

Oh, come on, he still doesn’t know your name after so long?

“(Y/N) (L/N)”

“Miss (L/N)” He repeats.

“Sir I was at the wrong place at the wrong time. You have my records.”

“An unfortunate coincidence, sure. But had it been a rookie, they would have handcuffed you for being there.”

Your gaze drops for a moment, the scenario itself makes you feel uneasy.

“I am grateful to you. You believed me.”

“I believed my instincts. But the law needs physical evidence. So do yourself a favour and do not miss a single day. You want to speed things up? Why not waste more time and fill out the form? Write details about your day. Here.”

He takes a form and gestures to the seat at an arm’s length away. It has become your usual place. This time, you do not argue.

This time, it takes you much longer. By the end of it, you are exhausted and you know you are going to reach home late.

“Wait.” Officer Ludlow speaks up once you are ready to leave.

Now what?

“It’s late and the number of times you have visited the police station, I’m afraid it might have caught the attention of actual culprits. It’s getting late, I will drop you home.”

“Uh, you don't need to, it’s not that late.” You are surprised by his generous offer. He is clearly busy, he does not need to take this responsibility.

“How long have you been in LA, again?” He questions, assessing you in a quick glance before fishing out his car keys.

“Four months.”

He responds with a faint smile that seems partly a scoff and partly condescending.

“Here’s a thing about LA, it is not a safe playground. It is no playground at all, it is a six-way road with speeding trucks that will not even stop after hitting you. It is not a safe place to be, especially if you are involved in a police trap laid out to catch dangerous criminals.”

You watch, absorbing his words. When you don’t move, he turns around “I don’t have all day.”

That gets you going.

****

#yandere tom ludlow #tom ludlow #street kings #yandere cop #yandere male #keanuverse #tom ludlow x reader #yandere tom ludlow xreader

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easytask0 · 14 hours ago

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I don't understand why f1 fans confuse being charmed by the new funny guys on the grid with liking drivers without pr training, they are such different things.

If you like a driver because he talks more, jokes more and is willing to tell more about himself, but if your opinion immediately changes when he does or says something even remotely controversial or you get annoyed if one of his funny comments is directed at one of your favs, then you don't like a driver without pr training, quite the opposite, you like drivers who know how to be funny, when to be funny, when to talk, when not to, know how to behave and also know how to read the room… that's practically the definition of a good pr in a driver.

It's no coincidence that the drivers who are most liked now are the ones with the best pr.

#f1 #franco colapinto #lando norris #ollie bearman #kimi antonelli #charles leclerc #oscar piastri

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billysgirllol · 11 hours ago

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"it does look like feathers." maybe that's how her mama decided to design it, thinking so as the songstress sweetly smiles. "thank you, that means so much to me." that he likes the way she sings. lucy gray laughs at first before shaking her head to correct him, "because you and horses have good hearts and brave ones." she just had to be careful praising someone's heart before really knowing it first, just like the moment of phrasing you seem like a good man, coriolanus snow. she scolds herself constantly for being so naive. "they're smart and you're smart." knowing how to survive like this. "and you are a lot taller than me way down here, so that could be another thing..." her turn to tease.

perking up in interest, brows raising as she sits with his fingers in her hair. finding what he's saying really fascinating when it sounds familiar to something she'd say. "i used to think they were made, too. sometimes i have my doubts." if coriolanus was right, people like him really were born that way. "but maybe now there's proof, they're either born or made." with him being the twin to coriolanus. then he tells this next story and a strange flash of fear strikes through her. that was a coincidence, right?

shifting slightly to glance at his face, making sure he once again wasn't somehow coriolanus– not going to drown her in this water while she's not looking after telling her this story, mind backtracking all the way back to her first theory of his mind being twisted by dr. gaul. until she realizes there's no way he knows all that stuff about district thirteen, that this type of kindness can be faked and she's back to reality. she really has to stop doing that... when she realizes even her heart's picked up speed beneath her chest.

"well, snake's and me are very familiar with one another." forcing herself to chill out, a wry laugh quietly emitting from her. "and there's a lot of irony in that..." she points out, an odd smile gracing her face, "when i placed a snake out, i set it as a trap. to stall time for myself. it bit coriolanus and i knew it wasn't venomous, then that's what really set him off to go shooting at me." wasn't like he wasn't going to do that anyway, probably. but that's what's so crazy about the similarities with billy's story. "the one who went back to the village. that's the one who lived a happy life?" she answers, while feeling scared that's how coriolanus probably feels towards her... hating her guts, obsessing over hating her guts each day, ready and waiting for the second chance at killing her for revenge. "i agree... i could have definitely turned rotten by now, yet i've not. and the same for you..." as long as he's telling the truth about it all.

that’s sweet of him…how kind he talks about birds, it makes a smile appear on the brunette’s face despite stressing over her hair. “i like to think i’d be a bird, too. thank you.” happily speaking, a sweetness touching her heart at that compliment. “you never know, they just might. i bet they are real magical to see. and i hope they are.” real and free, because free and wild horses is an idea that makes her happy. “you’d be a horse.” a little laugh sounds from her at the peacekeeper comment, then her mind drifts off to coriolanus coming back to twelve as a peacekeeper. her mind hating that thought because that’s when her problems really began. not even the day of the reaping, but the moment he came back for a reason she couldn’t figure out when he wanted to kill her in the end. and now here’s the other, caring about her hair, calling her a sweet name such as little songbird and reassuring her she won’t need a next time to run. “how are you so kind?” it was a weird thing to randomly ask, but she can’t help but dwell on the relative of his— how vicious, manipulative and heartless he is. just for his twin brother, the brother who grew with him, to not share at least something that cruelty. she can’t get over the fact coriolanus really wanted to kill her and didn’t give it a second thought. it’s frightening as equally as it is gut wrenching. if she hadn’t slipped away and the guns hadn’t been found, he could have just strangled her later on or found something poisonous in the woods and put it in her food while she wasn’t watching— she knew how much he enjoyed poison. it’s eerie. maybe she should start testing his dark haired sibling … provoke him on purpose and see how he acts when he’s angered. if he’s genuinely this kind, she’ll feel a lot of guilt. but it’s mandatory at this point she tries to think on some things that she could do to find out how he acts towards her with different emotions just because she’s going insane if she’s really sitting here with a kind person or someone who can just fake all of this really well a second time. briefly glancing at him, the bruise on his jaw… it’s surreal, that should’ve showed her how he acts when he’s angry and reassured her by the fact he didn’t do anything hurtful in return. but for some reason, her mind still isn’t convinced and needs more evidence. “i mean, nevermind. that’s an odd thing to ask someone, you don’t gotta answer that but it is…interestin’.”

#verse: thg.

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shuckiestshuckfaceever · 2 days ago

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One of the most unrealistic part of supernatural, to me, was the fact that the fans of the supernatural books never realised or even considered the possibility of it being true.

Now I may be wrong, but weren't the books just the written form of the episodes. That means every time the Winchesters showed up on news as FBI's most wanted, the same thing happened in the books. So you're telling me these readers read these books, saw somewhat similar things happening, to people with the exact same name, in real life and just decided that it was all just a big coincidence?

None of them, not even for a second thought that these were just too many coincidences. They just went about their normal day, completely oblivious to the fact that the Winchester brothers were real. Like do you think they all thought that maybe the brothers were just very committed LARPers or something? Like how do you see all these similarities between the books you are reading and real life and just decided to ignore it?

#supernatural #spn #rant post #dean winchester #sam winchester

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maypiles · 3 days ago

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VERY TOO SCARILY SPECIFIC MESSAGE WANTING TO COME THROUGH 🥀

❗Take what resonates and leave what does not. Please don't try to force the reading this is very too specific message❗

So, today was supposed to be a cute little "pick a pile" day, you know, something simple, but nope, Spirit decided otherwise. I woke up with this weirdly specific download that hit me like a truck, and now here we are. I swear, Spirit is out here writing soap operas, and I’m just the messenger. If this post finds you, it's for you—or someone you know. Maybe it’s a sign, a wake-up call, or that nudge you’ve been ignoring for way too long. Either way, buckle up because this one’s not just a message; it’s a plot twist. Let’s get into it.

All right, buckle up, because Spirit is coming for your life today, and I’m just the messenger. First off, let me tell you, I don’t even listen to Billie Eilish, okay? except for that one TikTok trending line from "NDA": "You hit me so hard, I saw stars, you couldn’t save me, but you can’t let me go." That’s literally the anthem of this message. I woke up with that playing in my head, which means Spirit decided this needed to be channeled urgently. Whoever stumbles upon this post, it’s not just a coincidence. Spirit does not play around, and this message will either hit you right in the feels or make you think of someone who’s in this exact situation.

Let’s talk about what’s going down:

This reading is so tied to Pile 3 from my last post that it might as well be a sequel. If you picked Pile 3, or even if you didn’t but felt drawn here—hello, welcome, Spirit has entered the chat.

What Spirit is screaming at you about:

There’s a divine feminine in the spotlight here—a true Empress, possibly a Taurus (big Earth energy, though she’s got fire placements, don’t @ me). This is a woman who’s spiritual AF, the kind who probably keeps lunar moth symbolism somewhere in her Pinterest boards. Spirit is showing me snow, transformation, and the sun breaking through—a metaphorical rebirth.

This Empress is in a marriage or committed relationship with a fire sign masculine, and Sagittarius is loud here. But let me just say it: this connection is dead. D-E-A-D. It’s like a decaying fruit you keep trying to salvage but deep down, you know it’s only attracting flies. Sis, you’re not satisfied, and you’ve been suspecting him of cheating—maybe you’ve even gone full-blown FBI mode looking for proof. And guess what? You might not find anything in his phone because this isn’t just about infidelity. This is divine orchestration. (Spirit says you're manifesting him to. ArE yUo??)

About him:

(I hear spirit calling him a bitch 🙂)

Your fire-sign masculine (showing up as the King of Wands reversed) isn’t cheating out of malice. It’s not about you. He’s being karmically redirected, facing his own lessons. Spirit says this isn’t your burden to carry anymore. Let him go, let him learn, because you are being called to step up into your Empress energy. This is your moment.

And, oh, honey, let’s talk about the real tea: there’s someone else in your energy—a true Emperor (big Virgo vibes, but there’s a hint of water there too). I’m not saying this is a "right now" situation. This feels like a "right person, wrong time" scenario. You’ve been lowkey denying your feelings, but Spirit is like, "Stop lying to yourself." Dreams? Pay attention to them. That spicy one you had? Yeah, it’s not random. That’s the new person energetically knocking on your door (or could be someone you already know).

The storm before the glow-up:

You’re being asked to walk away, even though it feels like a storm. The Tower is here, loud and proud, because this divorce (or separation) will feel like a loss—but it’s actually your victory. This is your transformation, your cocoon-breaking moment. Yes, it might take time—Spirit says several months to a year and a half—but the delay is working in your favor. Why? So you can fully heal, step into your power, and reunite with your true soulmate at the right time.

Details Spirit won’t let me skip:

Uranus energy: Sudden changes, rebellion, chaos. This might feel overwhelming, but it’s the catalyst you need. Also, Uranus could be strong aspected in your chart or it could be your dominant planet or in your seventh house even. OMG IS IT 7TH HOUSE AQUARIUS?

Age gap: You might be older than your new person (the Emperor), and school or mentorship could be significant.

Health issues: Some of you might be dealing with migraines, anxiety, or even a literal broken bone. Take care of yourself.

Ancestry: Someone here might have Syrian heritage, listening to Syrian songs, travelled to Syrian, or that’s significant in some way.

Spiritual practices: You’re already intuitive AF, but Spirit is asking you to trust that. Your High Priestess energy is peaking, babe.

The cards are screaming:

The Ace of Pentacles and Empress are your starting and ending points. Spirit is giving you the tools to build something solid, something aligned with your true self. But first, you have to let go of what’s not working.

Your fire sign masculine (again, King of Wands reversed) is showing up with the Nine of Swords, Tower, and Five of Cups—he’s bringing chaos, regret, and heartbreak. Meanwhile, your Virgo Emperor (King of Pentacles) is all about stability, love, and real partnership. This is a 10/10 upgrade, sis.

But here’s the thing: Spirit isn’t just handing you this glow-up. The Hanged Man, Hermit, and High Priestess are asking you to do the inner work. Shadow work. Letting go. Closing cycles. And don’t rush the process—this transformation is meant to take time.

The Judgment, World, and Fool cards are here to say: You’ve got this. Close the old chapter, embrace the new beginning, and trust that you’re being divinely guided.

Spirit’s final mic drop:

Your outcome? Ten of Cups, Sun, Ace of Cups, and Emperor energy. You’re stepping into your divine alignment, creating the life you’ve always dreamed of. This isn’t just a glow-up—it’s a full-on cosmic upgrade.

So, sis, stop running in circles. Let go of the fear. The snow is melting, the sun is rising, and your wings are ready to spread. Transformation is here.

P.S. Don’t you dare ignore your dreams. Spirit is spilling the tea while you sleep.

EDIT: THAT BITCH OF SPIRIT ISN'T DONE YET

All right, let me just start this edit by saying Spirit is relentless and will not let me breathe. I was ready to hit post on this whole saga, but nooo, here I am dragging my oracle deck into the chaos because Spirit said, "We’re not done yet. Pick it up."

And guess what? The oracle cards came in guns blazing, like, "Hey, you forgot to mention that the Divine Feminine is basically scripting her entire life right now." Oh, you wanted closure? Nah, here’s a manifested trilogy, complete with cheating, divorce, a second marriage, and that one soulmate who’s been lurking in the shadows of your dreams like a rom-com waiting to happen. You’re welcome.

Let me spell it out for the DF here because Spirit has no chill:

1. Make the effort: That great love you want? It’s on the way, but only if you stop stalling and take the steps you’ve been guided to take.

2. Divorce: It’s not just a breakup; it’s a rite of passage for your soul’s growth.

3. Very soon: Time to get clear. What do you want? (Hint: it’s not what you’re clinging to.)

4. Calling in your soulmate: Prayers, visualizations, affirmations? You’re doing it. That soulmate? They’re clocking in.

5. True love: Spoiler alert: It’s the real deal. But you’ve gotta clear the karmic clutter first.

And can we just talk about this plot twist for a second? The Divine Feminine is over here manifesting the entire package—the cheating, the heartbreak, the rebirth, the glow-up, and the reunion with her Emperor. She’s scripting this life like it’s her magnum opus. Even Spirit’s like, “She’s got the vision, so let’s give her the drama to match.” LET HER COOK.

But don’t get it twisted. This is not just chaos for chaos’s sake. Every step is part of the Divine Master Plan™. Karmic lessons? Check. Shadow work? Oh, absolutely. And that second marriage? Let’s just say it’s not just about love—it’s about stepping into your highest self and finally getting what you deserve.

So, DF, if this reading feels like it’s dragging you, just remember: Spirit’s not being mean. Spirit’s being specific. Now go journal, light some candles, and make peace with the fact that you’re the main character in this cosmic soap opera. Stay alive, and may your karmic lessons lead you straight to your Emperor.

URGH 😩 let me just get this off my chest because I feel personally attacked by Spirit right now. Like, what do you mean "too specific"? Since when is being specific a crime? At this rate, my blog is going to turn into a full-on "channeled therapy hotline" because Spirit just keeps exposing people—and apparently me too, for reasons I do not appreciate. Let me tell you, I woke up with Billie Eilish in my head (again, Spirit, WHY), channeling your entire life story, and now it’s giving "TikTok psychic who accidentally goes viral for saying someone’s cat is named Buttons." Like, do you see how specific this is getting? Lunar moths, snow, Syrian ancestry, migraines? It’s like, Spirit, please chill before I need to call my own hotline for emotional support. At this point, I might as well start a TikTok because these pick-a-pile readings are out here turning into full-blown docuseries. Who even needs to pick a pile anymore when Spirit is like, "No, we’re just going to read you for filth directly and leave no room for ambiguity. DELIVER THE MESSAGE AND SHUT UP." And don’t get me started on the energy of this whole post. I feel like some of y’all are reading this and thinking, "Wow, this sounds like a private consultation." Like, yeah, it does, doesn’t it? Because Spirit doesn’t know how to keep things light. But fine, if this is what we’re doing now, let me just embrace my destiny as the internet’s most oddly specific tarot reader. My TikTok bio would probably say something like: "Tarot? Sure. But also your migraine, that spicy dream, and why your cat is staring at the wall—let’s unpack it." Anyway, to whoever needed this reading: I hope it hit. Because Spirit made sure it would. Now go handle your business, close those cycles, and let me go journal about why I suddenly feel exposed by my own cards. Stay alive. 💋

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mieldreams · 21 hours ago

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A Very Cherry Christmas

Summary: A cherry incident that leads to a sweet surprise.

(pt two of A Very Berry Christmas)

pairing: single dad!Anakin x single nurse!reader

warnings: flour galore. and fluff. and a liiittle bit of angst, ft. cursed snowmen.

word count: ~4.6k

a/n: really this is just filler with some fluff and angst but I promise the next one is more fun.

Much to your disappointment, you don’t see the little family for the whole week with work keeping you busy. Seriously why did people’s urges to do dumb shit increase so much more during the holidays? Putting up lights on the roof right after it had snowed – who do you think you are? spiderman? And who the heck stores white paint in maison jars and then proceeds to put it in the pantry? Do you not smell anything before you consume it? And why would anyone ever try to open a gift with a freaking axe, did grandpa just wrap the Christmas tree as a present itself?

You did however have brief interactions with the twins – usually on days when your work shift and their school time coincided. Some days their father was with them and he’d give a single nod of acknowledgment in your direction, and other days they were with that same tan woman with the white hair. The first two days she’d looked curiously in your direction when the twins enthusiastically waved at you across the parking lot, but by the third time she’d given you a small smile in greeting as well.

But the lack of run-ins with the family didn’t keep your mind from drifting to the pretty stranger with the kids. Well, guess he wasn’t that much of a stranger now. You weren’t exactly proud to admit but the handsome man from down the hall had popped up in your thoughts more than you thought appropriate, he was a father after all. But weren’t dilfs the latest hot trend?

Well, at least that's what your best friend told you when you mentioned the events of the previous night at your next shift. She had taken one look at the half-assed bun on your head, the drooping eyebags and the too-large cup of coffee before her dull expression shifted.

"Oh. my. god. You have your cursed happy snowman sweater on."

You had given her an incredulous look, laughing as you gathered your scrubs to change into, "What are you talking about?"

You look down at the oversized white sweater with a snowman face on it. You had gotten it on sale and maybe the slightly crooked smile that made your snowman look a little psychotic had something to do with it, but you thought he was cute, so whatever. "And he is not cursed. Just a little misaligned."

She took a sip of her own coffee while pointing at your torso with a challenging brow, "Whatever you say. But you only wear it whenever something nice or lucky happens. And considering Melanie still hasn't been run over by Santa's sleigh Regina George-style," She turned her head to glare at the dark-haired woman who was scolding the new intern about how 'just because it's Christmas doesn't mean you get to bring all this clown stuff to the hospital. This is a professional setting. Do you think any patient will take you seriously with this stuff?'"

A water bottle. A green and red Christmas-themed water bottle is what she was talking about. The two of you sent another glare in her direction before your best friend continued, "I figured it must be something at home."

Her head suddenly snapped to you, eyes widening in excitement, clicking her fingers to point at you, "Wait! Did you get lucky last night?" She wiggles her brows suggestively.

You gave her a smirk in return, "Very."

"Shut up. Tell me!"

You walked into the changing stall and turned around to face her with a smile, "I actually managed to go to bed before 12 yesterday, well sort of."

"Oh, boo!"

You laughed as you closed the door and started changing into your uniform.

"I said fun as in 'young, wild and free' fun, not 'old lady with back pain' fun."

You shouted over the door, "But I am an old lady with back pain."

You heard your best friend sigh dramatically, "Aren't we all?" But her tone shifts and she's quick to ask you another question, "Wait— what do you mean sort of?"

That's when you told her about last night's events. Well, as much as you could before one of the senior nurses called you to discuss a patient. You left with the promise to tell your best friend more at the end of the shift when the two of you can go out for drinks together now that it's the weekend.

You step out of the stall, turning around to walk backwards, "Oh in return, I heard there's going to be a surprise Christmas mini-parade in the hospital. You know the whole singing, decorating and all that. They're looking for volunteers."

The two of you glanced at Melanie again who was now screaming at another young nurse before your best friend turned to give you a devious smirk, "Oh, I know someone who loves singing and decorating…"

You winked at her before turning on your heel to walk out of the locker room.

There had been an unexpected blizzard later that evening yet the bar had been crowded, nothing surprising considering the holiday season. Your best friend poked and prodded at you for more information on Anakin but every time you only shrugged and told her the same thing, "I only met him properly yesterday, that too in my pyjamas. What do you expect me to know, his parent's address?"

She rolled her eyes, "Of course not. But you said he had a pretty face, so what? Is the seat taken or…?"

You laughed as you scolded her, "He has kids. I don't think any man as gorgeous as that would still be tending to his garden alone." You raised your brows at her in a 'if you know what I mean' way before taking another sip of your drink.

The night continued with more drinks flowing in spirit of the holidays (really it was just an excuse to get drunk but you deserved to let loose after working your ass off the past week) and the two of you definitely had your fun. When the night ended, she dropped you off but not without another teasing smile from the back seat, speaking up before you could shut the door.

"Tell hi to your holiday hunk for me." She winked and you laughed, shaking your head in dismissal as you closed the door.

"It's icy on the roads, get home safe. Text me when you reach."

You spoke just loud enough that the driver would hear you, he better know that you're keeping track of your best friend's location.

She wished you a good night just as the taxi pulled away and then drunkenly waived out of the window in the back as the car took a right.

You sighed as you watched the car drive out of sight, only then did you truly realise how tired you felt, the exhaustion of your shift finally catching up to you. The weariness seeped into your bones and made every step that much heavier, slowing you down even more than the snow on the ground.

You couldn't wait to just get home and fall right into bed. Still, the thoughts of your pretty neighbour didn't leave your mind.

It’s the weekend after and somehow Anakin has ended up in the kitchen with the twins at 12 in the morning, again.

See, serving in wars had changed Anakin in ways he had never imagined. Front lines weren’t exactly a place synonymous with warmth and cheer, not unless you enjoyed the warmth of the blood on your hands and the cheer of the so-called victory his bosses had declared. So Anakin had adapted to fulfil his duties – he built an armour around himself to preserve whatever bit of humanity was left in him, a hardened shell to mimic the comfort that none of them could afford, and he also stopped celebrating. None of their conquests felt worth the blood and loss.

That all changed when the twins were born. While his marriage with Padme had started to feel like trying to reignite a wet piece of wood, the first cries of the twins in that plain clinical room had felt like his whole world was splashed with rainbow confetti. But in a matter of seconds the world flipped on its axis when the doctor walked out of the emergency room they had rushed Padme into, delivering that dreadful news and whispering his condolences. Every day after that he wondered if it was worth it, if any of it was worth it. At first the days seemed to drag on, his routine had become pretty stable after his retirement but now the stability felt suffocating, everything became monotonous, and the responsibility of his newborn babies felt like a task he might just never measure up to.

He had ended up isolating himself for days. Hardly stepping out of the house to only buy things for the twins, though most days even that ended in frustration when he couldn't figure out just which baby formula was the best, or if strollers were better than baby carriers, and can babies eat meat? Should he buy this overpriced baby teething toy or that fancy automatic rocking chair? It all felt too much and he had started questioning if he was even fit for fatherhood.

One day, after managing to get through breakfast with two unusually fussy twins, yet another frustrating trip to the grocery store and a disastrous attempt at dinner that ended with a bleeding thumb and a puréed mess of tomatoes that made his kitchen comparable to a crime scene, he had finally broken. He was barely managing to keep his calm when he accidentally opened the forbidden drawer in a hurry to find old clothes to clean the mess, and that's when he saw it. An old photograph from the early days of their marriage. Back when things were much less complicated and the two of them were still floating on the wings of their honeymoon bliss. Back when hope and love drove their relationship to such great heights, the same love that caused it all to crash and burn.

He had ended up calling Obi Wan in near tears, trying so hard to control his breathing, if only for the sake of the sleeping twins. That night he had gotten a good hour-long talk from both Obi Wan and Ahsoka, who made him promise that he wouldn't retreat into himself like that again, that he'd share his problems and let them help him. The sharing part wasn't too bad but he still struggled with the whole 'chill out Skyguy, we'll take the twins for a park adventure and you can just sit at home and relax'.

Relax. Relax. God, he's not sure he even knows how to do this 'chill out' anymore.

But he tried.

Every day he found new reasons to be – right from 'the twins have started crawling, Snips! Soon they'll be taking their first steps- they're already growing up so fast' to 'AHSOKA! OBI WAN! COME HERE QUICK THEY'RE- THEY'RE- THEY SAID THEIR FIRST WORD!' Somehow the twins had said their first words almost at the exact same time, though Leia despite being younger had beat her brother by a few minutes.

He had gotten embarrassingly tearful when they called him 'Papa' for the first time, giggling when they realised how much it shocked him, speechlessly staring at the twins in their high chairs with his mouth dropped open in disbelief. They then proceeded to ecstatically babble the word over and over again in childish glee to make him laugh till they finally exhausted themselves to sleep.

He had cried some more later that evening when he decided that no matter what happened he was going to try his damn best to give the twins everything they deserve, which in his opinion was something more than this universe even, after all they were his universe. He could never imagine a world without his babies and he would do anything for them.

Which is why when the twins attacked him with their full weight as he was watching the evening news from the couch, Luke quickly taking his place behind his dad to massage his shoulders with suspicious generosity and Leia immediately listing all the things they did that day,

“Papa, Luke and I had winter sports practice today.”

“Yes, princess I remember. How’d it go?”

“It went really good. I won first in the race and Luke won in karate practice today! I only got second because this other guy cheated. And we got two stars for our maths homework!"

"That's really good princess, I'm proud of you both."

"And Papa we cleaned our room today, I even sorted all my puzzles into the correct boxes, even the big solar system one," Luke was the one to speak up this time.

"—'Soka helped us vacuum, but we did everything else on our own."

Luke walks around the couch to stand beside his sister, nodding enthusiastically in agreement, "and Miss Lawrence said I was being very good today—"

"and Miss Tran told me I have improved my handwriting—"

"—Okay, what do you guys want?"

The twins blink up at him owlishly. He narrows his eyes when they don't say anything for a minute, only looking at each other from the corner of their eyes as if having a secret conversation in their minds.

Hmm, if this whole twin telepathy thing he heard about was true, he's not sure he's ever going to win any argument against the kids.

And he doesn't. As soon as the twins request, more like politely order him to bake yet another sweet treat for the weekend, fluttering their doe eyes and pouting their sweet pleas, he's hardly able to hold his argument for a few minutes. He tries reminding them of last weekend's berry incident and even resorts to using the good ol' parental excuse of old age exhausting him. Still, their constant pleading and Leia's final resolution of 'if Papa doesn't help us, we're going to make it ourselves' has him finally giving in.

So now here they are, on another Friday evening, well a really early Saturday morning to be accurate, with their matching baking aprons on and some Christmas tunes playing in the background.

Leia's hunched over the countertop, standing on a chair with her small hands stroking an imaginary beard in contemplation, the way she had seen Uncle Obi do, trying to make sense of the cherry-something recipe her dad found on a stray page from his mother's old cookbook. Luke's swearing on his favourite light-up space-themed sneakers that he won't overeat the cherries this time, and Anakin's trying not to lose his mind pitting a whole two pounds of cherries that make his hands look like he just walked off the set of Saw.

"Hmmm, Papa, after a whole lot of deliberation," Anakin pauses his task to raise a brow at his daughter's wording but Leia continues without hesitation, "I think Gramma was being silly and messing with us."

Anakin knows that his daughter is smarter than most and could probably even best him in an argument but he also knows that her mother's prudence holds strong in her, so he understands that what she actually means is "I think your mother may have been a little cuckoo in the brains and was taking the piss out of you."

He laughs as he takes in the very serious look on his daughter's face, "While I would normally believe you kiddo, I can assure you that this recipe is very much real because your very not-silly-dad has tasted it when your not-silly-grandma made it for me as a kid."

Leia only gives him an unconvinced look before climbing down from the chair to walk over to her brother who was standing over the dining table on another chair. She climbs one beside his to look over the table as well.

She sees that Luke has the entire table covered in stray sheets that have unintelligible writing scrawled all over them. The pages are all frail and yellow and she wonders if her papa was wrong and maybe the book belonged to her great-grandmother instead. The pages also have an odd sort of smell and various stains and discoloured spots all over them that make her wrinkle her nose. Well, this book surely must've been…well-loved she thinks.

"Luke, did you find the missing half of the recipe?"

Her brother frowns, "No…I can't even read any of the stuff written on these pages. And that's impossible because we just learned to read last week!"

Leia sighs with a shake of her head, taking in her brother who's again shuffling the sheets in a desperate attempt to find any page similar to the cherry thing recipe their father claims is real, and then glances back at her father who is now practically strangling the cherries into a bloody pulp when she's sure she read the recipe say mix.

She takes in the mess they have made of their apartment – the random specks of flour scattered on the carpet, the stray groceries spilling out of the bag they abandoned after finding the ingredients, the more loose sheets lying on the floor, and the scattered Christmas decorations that were yet to be put up.

She sighs once again before climbing down from the chair and walking back over to the kitchen. She grabs her tablet from the counter and quickly makes a search before walking over to her father. She says nothing as she simply places the device screen side up right next to the bowl he's got his hands in. Anakin stops his cherry slaughtering to glance down at the screen before looking up at his daughter.

"And what is this?"

"Our new plan."

He raises a brow at that, "and why do we need a new plan?"

"Because our house looks like a crime scene and I don't want to go with CPS?"

"Why do you know what a crime scene is? Or even CPS??"

She rolls her eyes, "I'm five, not stupid."

He glances back at the recipe on his screen, "But this says it only a takes a few minutes to make…"

"Exactly."

He pouts at his daughter, "but I thought our baking sessions were father-babies bonding time..don't you wanna spend time with your old man?"

Luke chimes in from his place on the chair, "You're not old, Papa" he giggles, "Uncle Obi is old."

"Wow hold on, hey champ? I want you to remember that and repeat it for me when I get my phone out, okay?"

He removes his hands from the bowl, scrunching his brows and looking at the ceiling in thought, "Hmmm, you know what, I can't remember the last time I hugged you guys…"

Anakin once again exaggerates his pout as he looks back at the twins, "I miss my darlings so much, I just want to hold you in my arms, don't you wanna give daddy a hug?"

Both the twins immediately shake their heads, wide eyes trying to anticipate his moves.

He takes a step forward and Leia takes a step backwards, Luke's tiny hands tighten on the back of the chair.

"Aww c'mon, I think we should have a big ol' group hug like we always do." He opens his arms and wiggles his cherry-stained sticky fingers at them.

The twins once again frantically shake their heads, but there's smiles threatening to grow on their faces.

"No? Hmm I think you guys will change your mind if we give it a try. C'mere—"

And with that he springs forward, the squeals of the twins echo in the apartment as they scramble to get away from his squirming red fingers like they were some goosebumps monster.

"No, papa!" Leia screams as she runs away from him but her toothy grin and giggles give her away. Luke's laughing as their dad scoops his twin into his sticky arms, her tiny hands fisting his shirt as he tickles her belly before placing her on his shoulders like a rucksack, her endless giggles colouring the air.

His laughter quickly dies down when Anakin turns around to set his eyes on Luke next, a smirk taking over his face as he takes slow deliberate steps in his son's direction and Luke shrieks before breaking out into a full sprint with their father hot on his heels.

It doesn't take more than a few steps for Anakin to catch up with Luke's small feet, picking him up with his other arm to tickle him with the sticky fingers.

Leia's still hanging upside down over his shoulder while Luke's giggling as Anakin blows raspberries against his cheek, trying to get away from the attack but he knows his Papa's arm is strong so there's no escape.

But then Leia spots a weapon of her own. As her dad's too busy terrorizing her twin, she uses his distraction to wiggle out of his hold and land on the counter behind him. She bends down to scoop a handful of the powder spilt on the kitchen counter.

Anakin's laughing at his son who's trying to get rid of the cherry slobber all over him when he feels the 'splat' of something hit his back. He immediately freezes.

There's white powder floating in the air and he can feel the stuff in his hair as he hears a small gasp behind him.

He slowly turns around to face his daughter. She's trying to look innocent, hands behind her back to hide the evidence and eyes avoiding his to look up at the ceiling.

He doesn't say anything as he gently places Luke down. The whole apartment is suddenly quiet and he can tell that the twins are holding their breath.

"Oh, it's on."

And just like that the battle starts. There's flour flying everywhere, bright peals of laughter echoing throughout the room, and paper balls and throw pillows joining the arsenal to make it a full-fledged war.

This continues for a good hour and only ends when Anakin comically steps on a pillow covered in flour and goes zooming across the floor to crash into a wall.

They soon end up cleaning everything up before Anakin sends the twins to shower to get rid of the flour and cherry syrup all over them. In the meanwhile Anakin finishes up the cherry cobbler and throws it in the oven.

When the twins finish showering he asks them to keep an eye on the dish while he takes a shower.

"Promise me you won't try to take it out to taste it when it's still hot," the 'like last time' is left out because they all know what he's referring to, specifically with the pointed look in Luke's direction.

Luke simply avoids his dad's eyes while Leia nods dutifully.

When he's done changing into fresh clothes he walks back into the living room where the twins are watching that cursed snowman movie again. He doesn't understand what they love so much about it, if there was a way to shift to a reality where that abomination doesn't exist, he'd gladly do it.

Leia sees him walking into the kitchen to open the oven and jumps off the couch to follow him with Luke trailing right behind.

He removes the pan from the oven and sets it on the counter, "Hey, do you think we should share some of this with Y/n since she helped us last time?"

Leia is the one who answers, "Yeah, she's nice." She's pointedly looking at Anakin but he isn't sure what she means so he just stares back at her until their stare-off is finally broken by Luke chiming in, "Mhm, her sweater was also very soft."

"Oh right," Anakin had entirely forgotten about it, "we should give that back too."

"But what if she doesn't like cherry cobbler?" Luke speaks up again.

"What if she doesn't like cherries?" Leia joins in.

Well shit he hadn't thought of that either.

He scratches his head.

Hmmm, what if you didn't like cherries? but how could they confirm it? It's not like he could just randomly show up at your door right now at 1 in the morning (again) to ask you if you like cherries or not. Or could he…?

No. No, he definitely can't. There's no way he's going to wake you up and inconvenience you again so late at night. But how could they find out then….?

Anakin quickly shakes his head, "Look we made it for ourselves anyway, we can just give her some of it and if she doesn't like it she can just….give it to someone else or something," you seemed too nice to throw it out but the thought of you giving the food he made to someone else didn't sit right with him for some reason.

"Does that mean we get to see Y/N again?" Luke's excited eyes peep over the opposite edge of the counter.

"Nope. At least not today buddy, not right now."

His words are immediately followed by whining from the twins.

"Aww, why not, I wanna give her the sweater back myself—"

"That's not fair, we helped make it too, Papa just wants to talk to her alone—"

"I do not!"

He sighs as he pinches the bridge of his nose before straightening up, "Okay, how about this, it's really late right now and we don't want to disturb her again, right? So what if the two of you write her thank you notes that we can stick on the box that we'll give her?"

"Okay!" Both the twins scramble to gather their markers and paper, racing each other to the bedroom for dibs on the glitter pens.

After the twins are done with their notes, Anakin takes them with the promise to give them to you along with the cherry cobbler.

What they don't know is that Anakin's snuck in a little note of his own. Nothing too long, just a simple

'Thank you for last weekend.

Have a Cherry Christmas.'

And it's the first thing you see when you open your door the next morning, you can't help the smile that takes over your face when you read it, standing in your doorway still in the ugly snowman sweater you fell asleep in.

You look down at the tupperware before opening its lid to the most tasty-looking dessert, taking a delicious whiff before closing the lid again.

You hold the 2 cards that came with it in between your lips as you pick up the tupperware with both arms, opening your door and hip checking it to close behind you.

The weekend couldn't have started better really, you can't wait to read the notes and dig into this delicious treat.

You drop off the box on the kitchen counter to open the Christmas themed note cards, greeted by multiple drawings of snowmen and candy canes and even an ambiguous red circle, something you assume is a cherry? a red ball? tomato?? No, it has to be cherry right? But then why did one of them have these mistletoe-like leaves? and who're the two people holding hands underneath it?

You assume it's the twins but the artistic choices are a little...creative so it's hard to make out.

You pull out a spoon and open the lid to scoop up some of the cobbler as you take turns to read each of the notes scribbled in adorable kindergartener handwriting.

The dish is absolutely scrumptious, melting in your mouth with it's sweet tartiness, but what melts your heart is the sweet messages written on the inside of the cards with glitter hearts around them.

You decide this is definitely going on the fridge.

a/n: this was supposed to come out almost a month ago but here we are. it seems I can just never be on schedule...one might as well compare me to local public transit systems -_- so apologies, but I hope you enjoyed nonetheless!

if u did pls like and comment! a little interaction goes a long way ;)

#anakin skywalker x reader #tbh chat im not too sure abt this one #hayden christensen #anakin skywalker #anakin x reader #anakin imagine #miel works #hayden christensen x reader

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bengiyo · 3 days ago

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2024 Recap: ✨A Summary✨

Post your most popular and/or favourite edit/gifset/analysis for each month (it’s okay to skip months!)

@troubled-mind and @my-rose-tinted-glasses brought this back, and @lurkingshan mentioned me in hers.

January:

most popular - Last Twilight Ep 12 (Finale) Stray Thoughts

favorites - An Apology to Ossan’s Love and The Novelist, and Goblin is One of the Best Shows Ever Made

Seems I decided to cope with Last Twilight’s disappointment by capping off three big catchups. I am still so glad that I went back to Ossan’s Love and The Novelist to watch them properly. I still think these shows get a bad reputation, and I’m curious to see how the Thai version lands with audiences. I feel like I could also say so much more about Goblin, because I’ve also been considering a rewatch.

February:

most popular - Quick Post about How Great It Is to Be a J-BL Fan

favorites - My first interaction with @happypotato48, Love for Love’s Sake Finale, Drama Shower Explainer, My Post About How Much I Love Dynamite

What a fun month! I made a new friend, and found a new favorite show! I was so correct about how much Japanse QL we were getting and how much we’ve gotten in the past year. Though I was disappointed in the end of Drama Shower, I’m still glad that MBS is making BL…and whatever Red Blue is (I want to watch it so bad). My love for Dynamite has only grown since I wrote that post. I need to see so much more Aungpao this year.

March:

most popular - Love is Better the Second Time Around Ep 2 Stray Thoughts

favorites - Perfect Propose Finale, Cherry Magic TH Finale, Cherry Magic Anime Finale

It really was unexpected that we got two good adaptations of Cherry Magic in the same year, both of which would supplant the original adaptation for me. I think the Thai live action might be the best one for viewers, but damn is the anime still my favorite. Perfect Propose also may have been short, but that show has stuck with me. I still think about Kai giving Hiro the first good sleep he’s had in forever.

April:

most popular - Threatening people to tag Unknown spoilers

favorites - A “violence” ask about I used to shout out Tadaima, Okaeri.

This month looks relatively quiet for me, but holy shit was Tadaima, Okaeri unexpected. I was not expecting one of my favorite shows of the year to be an omegaverse husbands becoming dads show.

May:

most popular - Asking other BL fans how often we’d seen a 69 in BL

favorites - My Post About Why I Don’t Like We Are, My Wandee Goodday Check In

Man, I really hoped that Wandee Goodday would be good. I’m still flabbergasted by how badly that show lost me. Oyei and Cher were so important to me. Pour one out for the homies.

June:

most popular and favorite - Love Sea: Tongrak is Kind of an Asshole, and I Like It

other favorites - My Love Mix Up TH: The Adaptation Changes to the Class Play

Becoming a fan of MAME was not something I ever expected of myself, and yet here we are. I’ve now enjoyed three of her shows in a row, and supported another adaptation of her work. I also am so sad that MLMU wasn’t something I could enjoy. I was so amped after Cherry Magic TH and had real hope that this could also be fantastic.

July:

most popular - I Hear the Sunspot Ep 5 Stray Thoughts

You can tell I was traveling this month. I was quiet.

August:

most popular - Horniest Sex Scenes Ask

favorites - The Trainee Reflection on Adulthood, Happy of the End Review, I Hear the Sunspot Wasted Taichi As a Character

The Trainee was so solid that I wrote about it two months in a row! Unfortunately it coincided with two J-BL losses that I had to mark.

October:

most popular and favorite - Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo: We Are So Fucking Back

other favorites - An Apology to The Miracle of Teddy Bear, Love in the Big City Part 1: It’s Gay, Peaceful Property: There’s Nothing Noble About Being Poor

What an incredible month for me! I finished one of the best shows we never got to see properly in 2022, we got a fantastic adaptation of one of the best books I read this year, and Hwang Da Seul came back with an absolute banger.

November:

most popular - Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo reaction

favorites - Love in the Big City Part 2: The Weight of Homophobia, Making a Clown of Myself at the Beginning of Your Sky, Ben’s Big BL Blurb 2: Fall is Finally Here, Blue Canvas of Youthful Days: BL is So Good When The Characterization Holds

I feel like I must have had a lot of time to write this month. I still stand by what I said about Blue Canvas at this point, even if the finale threw a lot of this away. I also highlighted my Your Sky post as an example of how exciting the beginning of a new show can be before it veers off and loses steam.

December:

most popular - Ben’s Big BL Blurb 3: Blue Canvas of Youthful Days Blew It, But I Still Recommend It

favorites - Random QL Superlatives 2024, Our Youth: “Don’t Do It At School”

I really love the end of the year posts as a time to reflect on everything we watched. What really stood out for me this year was how much I just let go. I’m glad I’ve watched less, and have stuck with things that compelled me in some way. Hilariously, I think it’s actually lowered my overall average, but my general mood is up because I’m not forcing myself to slog through shows.

You can go here to find your top 10 posts of each month.

#2024 recap #Ben writes #bl series #thai bl #japanese bl #taiwanese bl #filipino bl #korean bl

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sleepynagii · 2 hours ago

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𝐀 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐋 𝐌𝐀𝐍 ────── NAGI SEISHIRO.

IN WICH you were a young woman and by that time, your opinion was just nonsense to your own father who had practically sold you out to who you thought was your childhood best friend, Seishiro Nagi. Nagi claimed to be a pacifist, but little did you believe that when ahead of your parents he bought your hand in marriage, and unfortunately you had no opinion at all.

𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐒. arranged marriage. childhood friend!Nagi. friends to lovers (I think) past/former times. the reader is reo's sister. fluff. eventual angst and soft. nagi is bad at expressing his feelings but is just a fool in love. nsfw/smut. squírting. overstimulation. size kink. Nagi has big brēeding kink. public sex. smut on the honeymoon.

(I was inspired by those times of the old west and cowboys, I think, so it doesn't follow the japanese culture.)

✴　english is not my mother tongue, sorry if there are spelling mistakes or if any part is incomprehensible.

𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐍𝐀𝐆𝐈, 𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄 𝐇𝐀𝐃 𝐀𝐋𝐖𝐀𝐘𝐒 𝐁𝐄𝐄𝐍 𝐀 𝐏𝐔𝐙𝐙𝐋𝐄 𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐃𝐍'𝐓 𝐒𝐎𝐋𝐕𝐄. Human emotions, their nuances, and the intensity of the feelings he seemed to provoke in others were a constant mystery. Now, as he watched you from a distance—your gaze avoiding his and your posture clearly defensive—he couldn’t understand why you were angry with him.

He tried, if only a little, to find a clue, a spark of clarity to tell him what he had done wrong. After all, he was the one who had saved you from a fate he thought far worse. Wasn’t that enough? What could be worse than falling into the hands of a stranger? You were with him, someone who had been part of your life since you were a child. Shouldn’t that bring you comfort?

Nagi let out a soft sigh, his thoughts drifting back to the past, to a time when he was nothing more than an insignificant boy—the son of a humble worker on the fields your family owned. Or, more precisely, the fields that belonged to your father, an imposing man who ruled his vast property with unquestionable authority.

Back then, he was no one, just another boy carrying sacks of wheat and tending the land you inherited by right. But he had known you forever, from those afternoons when he saw you running through the fields, carefree and unburdened. Now, however, the distance between you was vast—not just in words but in emotions.

The question lingered in his mind, striking him with a force he couldn’t ignore: Why were you so upset with him? He had done what he thought was right, acting with what he believed was your best interest at heart. But as he looked at you now, so distant, he began to doubt. Had he been wrong to think that saving you was enough?

Nagi lowered his gaze, uneasy, as you kept your distance, as if every step toward him was a step toward an abyss you weren’t willing to cross. He had been part of your past, but at that moment, it seemed he had no place in your present. And that, though he didn’t fully understand it, hurt more than he wanted to admit.

When he was a child, he had met Reo by sheer coincidence, and it was all thanks to you. In a way, he believed you had saved him first.

That sunny day, your dress swayed in rhythm with the refreshing breeze, carrying the scent of the valley’s lush vegetation and the crops before you. Your steps echoed against the wooden terrace floor. He always watched you from afar, without ulterior motives, though he knew how bad it might sound for someone to observe you silently without approaching. Still, his eyes couldn’t help but seek you out, watching as you stood on that terrace for hours, contemplating the landscape as if searching for something the world couldn’t give you.

He never saw you there when the others were working in the fields. Perhaps you stayed away out of respect, not wanting to interrupt, or maybe you simply enjoyed being alone, losing yourself in your thoughts as the day passed. He never had dark thoughts about you, but there was something about your presence that drew him in, something that made him want to approach you, even if only for a moment.

Finally, that day, he summoned the courage. His steps were slow and cautious, his worn boots crunching against the dry soil as he approached the steps where you were sitting. There he was: that thin boy with a white shirt stained with dirt and sweat, his sunburned cheeks speckled with dry dust. He smelled of damp earth and strawberries, a peculiar mix that, somehow, wasn’t unpleasant.

Strawberries.

In his calloused, trembling hands, he held a small basket. The fruit glistened under the sunlight, its vibrant red standing out against his dirt-streaked fingers. He stopped in front of you, inhaling deeply to steady his uneven breaths.

“Would you like…?” he asked, his voice soft but tinged with nervousness. He held the basket tightly, as if fearing you might reject it.

You didn’t respond immediately, your eyes drifting to the strawberries before meeting his again. There was something in his calm expression—a mix of shyness and hope—that made you lower your guard.

“I just washed them,” he added hastily, as if it was an important detail, and extended the basket toward you.

Without further hesitation, you reached out, picked one of the strawberries, and brought it to your lips. The sweetness exploded in your mouth, juicy and vibrant, making you close your eyes for a moment to savor the flavor.

When you opened them again, you noticed the faint smile that had appeared on his face, as if seeing you accept his small gesture had made all his effort worthwhile.

But that smile vanished as quickly as it came when you abruptly stood up from the step and extended your hand toward him. Startled, he instinctively recoiled, lowering his head as though bracing for a blow. But the impact never came.

Instead, all he did was watch as you took another strawberry from the basket and ate it slowly, observing him with a mix of curiosity and something else he couldn’t quite place.

“I… I thought you were going to hit me or…” he stammered, his voice trembling between the words.

You cut him off before he could finish.

“Why?”

“Uh?”

“Why would I hit you?”

He hesitated at your question. His slightly parted lips seemed to search for an answer, while his eyes, once dull and drowsy, now appeared more awake, though filled with confusion.

“Because that’s what masters do… when I try to be nice,” he finally replied, tilting his head with innocence, as though what he said was normal, something that didn’t require further explanation. But the relief in his face didn’t match the pain you felt upon hearing his words.

“They think I’m overstepping,” he continued, unaware of how your features tightened with a mix of surprise and what could only be described as pain. His voice was calm, almost resigned, as if he were repeating something instilled in him too many times.

“People like us aren’t supposed to be near people like you. We’re not at your level. That’s what they say.”

“Who says that?” you asked abruptly, unable to hide the disbelief in your voice.

The revelation left you stunned. His tone was so casual, so devoid of malice, that it struck you deeply. You had never heard anything like it before, much less in connection to your family. How could those words, spoken so naturally by a child, be true?

You had grown up believing in a home where kindness and equality were fundamental values. You had never seen that side of your family—or at least not in front of you. But now, his words planted an uncomfortable doubt, one you couldn’t ignore.

You looked at the boy. His wide, sincere eyes, incapable of grasping the weight of what he was saying, sent a shiver down your spine. He didn’t seem to understand the gravity of his words, how they painted a reality you had never considered.

And you were left with a question you couldn’t answer: Why not believe him?

“I would never hit someone, even if they were ‘beneath’ me…” you said firmly, clenching your hand into a fist. Your eyebrows furrowed, and your expression turned grave as you trembled slightly, trying to process your emotions. Your other hand, resting by your side, also showed signs of tension.

“I would never become that kind of person. Not even if you’re just another worker for my family… that’s not how I was raised,” you murmured, averting your gaze to your feet, lost in thought, as those words continued to hammer away at your mind.

Seishiro watched you in complete silence, processing what you had just said. A warm sensation bubbled inside him, mixed with something resembling guilt. He wondered if he had hurt you by saying what he did. It had been a mistake, and now he regretted breaking the relaxed atmosphere you had shared. He liked seeing you happy, with those little strawberry stains on the corners of your lips.

«If only I had kept my mouth shut...» he thought, silently cursing himself.

With a serious expression, you reached into the pocket of your dress and pulled out a handkerchief, extending it toward him with determination. Seishiro looked at you hesitantly, unsure of what to do, but you didn’t have the patience to wait. Stepping aside, you dipped the handkerchief in the water from a glass you had brought, still untouched, and then leaned closer to him.

Before he could react, you brought the damp cloth to his face, carefully wiping away the dried dirt on his cheeks. The unexpected contact left him breathless, especially when your faces were only inches apart. When you moved the cloth to his forehead, the cool water soothed the burning heat that had been tormenting him.

As you worked to clean his face, the usual hardness in your expression softened, and your warm, close breath brushed against his. Seishiro could barely process what he was feeling; his cheeks grew hotter than they already were, and it wasn’t because of the sun.

“Don’t go out under the sun without a hat, especially when you’re this dehydrated,” you said in a stern but concerned tone. Your words, though firm, carried a sweetness, a genuine tenderness that completely disarmed him.

“My father placed water fountains everywhere for a reason. Next time I see you in this state, I’ll throw you into one of them. I don’t want you passing out from heatstroke.”

Your eyes looked at him sincerely, and he could hardly meet your gaze. Your words echoed in his mind, not because of the scolding, but because of the care embedded in every one of them. And as you stepped away, Seishiro couldn’t help but feel that, at that moment, there was something more refreshing than water: your presence.

He couldn’t stop thinking about the incessant beating of his heart, so strong he felt it resonating in his back, making his body tremble slightly. He clenched his fist, and the dampness of the handkerchief in his hand brought him back to reality. He lowered his gaze to the piece of cloth and noticed the hand-stitched details. The threads were twisted, the patterns somewhat uneven, but they still formed delicate flowers: orchids.

Purple orchids. He recalled what he knew about flowers, thanks to his father and the gardens he used to tend. Those flowers represented royalty, elegance, sophistication. A perfect symbol for someone like you. Purple was a color reserved for the highest status, and those flowers seemed to be an extension of your world, one to which he had never belonged.

His fingers gently traced the embroidered details as he sighed, lost in the memory of your face so close to his, the way you had cared for him. But then, out of the corner of his eye, he saw you walking away, entering the main building. He watched as you headed toward the “storeroom,” as the employees called it, where your father had his office and other rooms.

Without thinking too much, Seishiro ran after you. His feet thudded against the ground, first dirt and then marble, as he crossed the grand white entrance. Everything around him was immaculate: the floors gleamed, the decorations exuded luxury, and every detail spoke of a world to which he did not belong. He searched for you with his eyes but saw you descending the stairs at the end of the white hallway.

He hurried, determined to return the handkerchief to you. But before he could reach you, his body collided with that of another boy.

The impact was sudden, but his reaction was quick. With an agile movement, he extended his foot to stop a ball that had gone flying after the collision. He balanced it with his heel and, with his other hand, caught the handkerchief before it hit the ground. It all happened in an instant.

The other boy, with purple hair, stared at him wide-eyed, utterly astonished by the feat.

“That was awesome...!” the boy murmured, amazed. He quickly descended the stairs and threw an arm around Seishiro’s shoulders with infectious enthusiasm.

“You’ve got incredible reflexes!” he exclaimed, a wide smile lighting up his face.

Seishiro watched him silently, his expression neutral and slightly confused.

“What’s your name? I’m Reo Mikage.”

“Seishiro Nagi...” he replied after a pause.

“Do you play soccer? From now on, we’ll play together, you and me,” Reo said, his grin so wide it seemed to brighten the entire room.

Seishiro blinked, bewildered. He was still processing the boy’s words when he remembered something: you. He lowered his gaze to the handkerchief still in his hand, and when he raised it again, you were gone. His face tightened with a mix of disappointment and resignation.

That day had been important. He had taken the first step to talk to you, to get closer to you. But at the same time, that day he also met Reo, who turned out to be your brother. And while that meeting marked the beginning of something new, a part of him couldn’t help but regret that you had disappeared from his sight.

That day remained etched in his memory as a turning point, an invisible thread connecting his past to his present. From then on, he never saw you again. Not at the estate, not at the Mikage mansion. Seishiro quickly became friends with Reo, and it was he who, after a few days, casually mentioned that you were gone. By your father’s orders, you had been sent to an exclusive all-girls’ school. That had been your last day in the village and in your home.

Reo also mentioned that you had argued with your parents before leaving. You had been gone for hours, but before you left, you confronted your father. You told him about what that boy had endured, revealing a reality he had been completely unaware of. That conversation had sparked a change. Thanks to you, your father took action. Seishiro’s father no longer worked in the fields under the scorching sun and the abuses of other employees. He was rewarded with a more dignified position within the estate, far from the harshness of his previous environment.

The life of Seishiro also changed drastically.

He went from living in a humble home with dirt floors to one with gleaming marble floors and smooth, white walls. For the first time, he didn’t have to endure harsh weather or the weight of a life marked by extreme poverty.

Although he felt gratitude, there was something overwhelming about it all. And then Reo, with his characteristic lack of filter, spilled the truth: everything Seishiro and his father had achieved was thanks to you. Reo told him, with a mocking glint in his eyes, about the letters you had regularly sent to your father. In those letters, filled with concern, you asked for details about how Seishiro was doing and demanded improvements to his quality of life. You insisted that he be given a proper home on the estate, the same education as Reo, and that he not be treated as inferior.

But you had also made one thing clear in your letters: everything had to remain a secret. You didn’t want Seishiro to know about your involvement. Perhaps you didn’t want to make him uncomfortable or preferred that he believe all of it was the result of his own destiny and efforts. However, Reo, being who he was, revealed it all with a teasing laugh, more for the pleasure of embarrassing you than out of malice.

For Seishiro, the revelation was disconcerting. He remembered your determined gaze that day, the way you gently wiped his face, and the concerned words you hid behind a firm tone. You had been a fleeting presence in his life, but your influence had been immense, leaving marks he was only beginning to understand.

And now, here you were, in the present—a reality that, at this moment, was painful to witness, to see you like this, with him.

“Why did you do this to me...?”

Your voice cracked into a barely audible murmur, suffocated as though your lungs were struggling to find air. The trembling of your body made the light dress you wore cling to your tear-soaked skin. You were sitting on the edge of the large canopy bed, half-covered by the sheer curtains surrounding the structure. The contrast between the opulence of the furniture and the devastation in your chest was overwhelming.

You sobbed silently, but your gasping, strained, and desperate breaths broke the heavy air of the room. Hot tears fell, tracing uneven paths down your cheeks and soaking the fine fabric of your dress. You covered your mouth with one hand, as though it could contain the intensity of your cries, but nothing could silence the harrowing echo that resonated in the room.

“I wanted to protect you...”

His voice, deep but broken, shattered the silence. Seishiro stood there, just a few steps from the bed, his shoulders weighed down by guilt. But your tear-filled eyes pierced through him like daggers.

“You didn’t protect me—you destroyed me. Everything I fought for years was ruined because of you!”

Your tone lashed at him, forcing him to step back, though he tried to maintain his composure. You ignored his attempt at sounding gentle, as if those words could mend the damage.

“My dreams... everything I wanted since I was a child is gone! For a damn marriage I never even asked for!”

Seishiro’s face darkened even more. His hands trembled as he kept them clenched into fists. Each of your words was like a dagger sinking deeper and deeper into his chest. He didn’t regret intervening, but that didn’t ease the pain of seeing you like this—broken—because, in the end, it was all due to his decision.

The night he overheard the obese man, the one who always stood beside your father at parties, changed everything. He recognized the guttural, repulsive laugh of the bearded man who always followed your father like a shadow. What he overheard froze him. Wandering through the dark hallways of the mansion, trying to escape the commotion, the man’s words stopped him in his tracks.

“I’ll accuse her. I’ll say she tried to seduce me. I have the proof.”

The man’s tone dripped with malice, as though reveling in the vileness of his plan. He said that very night, before you left for the girls' boarding school exactly seven years ago—hours before you met Seishiro Nagi for the first time—he would tell your father, in front of the council, that at only twelve years old, you acted like an adult and tried to throw yourself into his arms with lust.

All to force you into marriage, a filthy maneuver to gain access to your family’s power and influence. Worse, he had fabricated “evidence” to back his lies, all to blackmail your family into forming an alliance through marriage.

Seishiro remembered the profound disgust he felt, a nausea that nearly made him vomit on the spot. You—the person who couldn’t harm an ant for fear it might have a family waiting for it—were the target of that despicable man. And he couldn’t let it happen.

He withdrew from the scene without confronting the man, his stomach churning and his chest full of rage. He, who had always avoided conflict, wanted to pummel that man until he couldn’t speak again. But he couldn’t risk the monster’s plan proceeding.

Days passed, and his attitude toward you changed. He tried to spend more time with you, speak to you with an unusual warmth for him, but all of it had a purpose. He didn’t know how to tell you, how to prepare you for what was to come. He made efforts to stay close to you, organizing outings that confused you. You knew he was lazy and not inclined to take such initiatives, but you didn’t understand the reasons behind his change.

And then, one night, as you were chatting in your room, a maid knocked on the door.

“Your father requests your presence in the parlor, miss.”

Seishiro was tense. His eyes, usually indifferent, darkened with a seriousness that sent a chill down your spine. You descended the stairs with a tight chest, glancing nervously at his impassive face. Upon arriving, your parents were there, their expressions severe and unreadable.

“What’s going on?” you asked, looking at Seishiro.

He stepped forward with a calmness that only heightened your unease.

“We had an affair.”

The words struck like thunder. The air left your lungs, and for an instant, everything seemed to freeze. You stared at him in disbelief, searching for any sign that he was joking, that those words weren’t real.

“That’s a lie!” you murmured, but your voice lacked strength.

Your parents, rigid, looked at him with disbelief. And then Seishiro delivered the final blow:

“She’s expecting a baby. My baby.”

“Dad, that’s not true!” you shouted louder, your desperate cries echoing through the grand parlor as your chest began heaving uncontrollably. “That’s not true—I’m your daughter. I would never do something like that.”

He spoke with a firmness that left you frozen. Your father clenched his jaw, struggling to keep his composure. The word “my” reverberated with a possessiveness that seemed to sink you even deeper.

“Mr. Mikage,” Seishiro continued, never breaking eye contact with your father. “I know what we did is unacceptable. I understand your anger, and I’m willing to accept any punishment. But I want to make amends and protect your honor and your daughter’s. That’s why... I’m asking for her hand in marriage.”

His voice trembled slightly, but his stance remained firm. Inside, his heart was in pieces. He was doing it for you, he repeated to himself over and over. It was all for you, even if it meant you would hate him forever.

“I want to take care of your daughter,” he continued, addressing your father. His voice trembled slightly, as though guilt threatened to surface. “I’ll love her as she deserves. I’ll do whatever it takes to repair this mistake and protect her honor—and our child’s.”

Seishiro spoke with the conviction of a man ready to sacrifice everything. And he did it for you. But to you, in that moment, all you felt was betrayal.

« I do this because I want to protect you, » the silver-haired man thought as he kissed your father’s and mother’s hands with respect. Seishiro could feel your intense, resentful gaze burning into his back as he bowed to your father. He gained nothing from this arrangement—he cared nothing for the connections or wealth your family would bestow upon him once you were bound in marriage. Yet, if breaking the bond of trust the two of you had built since the day you came into his life was the price to pay, he would do it a thousand times over before seeing you with an older man.

Someone who might be twice your age and likely to take advantage of your vulnerability. But in the end, Seishiro didn't need to try to win your heart—he already had you in the palm of his hand. After seven years of only seeing your face in photographs and feeling your presence through the words preserved in letters hidden in some drawer of his room, he finally had you near.

Now, he could have you for himself, and he knew that with his presence, the one thing you wouldn’t lack was the fulfillment of those dreams you had fought so hard for—dreams that had been so difficult simply because you were born a woman.

Seishiro promised to give you the world you had been denied by the blinding grasp of your parents, who were shackled by prejudice and societal opinions. You would not be a mere plaything, nor just a wife confined to the house, tending to children with no aspirations beyond that limit. You would be his, caring for his children while living in the world he vowed never to take from you—a freedom as boundless as a bird’s wings. Just as you had when the two of you ran through the valleys, carefree and unburdened by thoughts of what the future might hold.

#nagi seishiro x reader #nagi fluff #nagi x reader #blue lock smut #nagi x you #nagi seishiro x you #blue lock x you #nagi smut #bllk fluff #bllk x reader #reo mikage #mikage reo #nagi angst #blue lock angst #blue lock fic #this shit is so ass #I will probably make a second part #I'm too lazy to write a second part tbh #yoichi isagi

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