#THIS IS EVERYTHING I COULDVE WANTED FROM A HURT/COMFORT SCENARIO

[pigeon-toes]

EXPLODES INTO A MILLION PIECES

[ghostlypawn]

im just gonna babble about riley n cairo okay? okay. its mostly from cairos perspective. its 3am this could be garbage mama idk.

we all know that cairo and riley knew eachother since they were babies and grew up together,, like the spent every minute they could with eachother. as time went on they began to drift yet still call eachother friends simply because they dont have anyone else. they know everything about eachother from their favourite colour to deep secrets about their insecurities. their lives revolve around eachother so much that they dont know what life would be like without the other. they began to drift a lot when riley got on the cheerteam as a freshman,, riley for once has a interest that cairo didnt and she liked it. cairo however didnt; she felt scared and angry due to the unknown of the future, she relied so much on riley and now all her time was spent cheerleading which left cai alone. she made ‘friends’ with others but could never fill the hole that riley left; those friends led her to parties where she would get drunk to forget riley for a few hours. she would over-use socials to almost prove to herself that she did have friends other than riley and she could survive without her. she still remained friends with riley during the school day (they sat next to eachother in every non-designated seat class) but would find herself getting angry when riley had to practise at lunch/after school ultimately leaving her alone). sometimes people would make fun of rileys commitment to cheer which led to fights in the hallways after someone made a snide comment about her bow (though she’d never tell riley the actual reason for the fights). 

riley saw this change in cairo and ultimately felt bad for her, this was the girl who had helped her through middle school breakdowns and her first freshman year break-up which led to riley asking cairo to join the team. when riley proposed it to cairo she couldnt help but breakdown. she thought riley had started to forget about her. she felt stupid for wanting riley to be such a big part of her life but she truly doesnt know how to be without her, nonetheless she vowed to herself that she would try to become her own person. riley said that she’d always be by cairo’s side. as the years went on riley kept her focus on training to be captain whilst cairo kept up her social presence which ultimately led to her being crowned prom princess. she didnt enjoy cheerleading but kept to it to keep riley in her life. riley started to rely less and less on cairo which cairo noticed when riley didnt have a complete breakdown over the viral stunt (she was upset and disgruntled but not the the extent that cairo expected from her). she wasnt sure if it was because riley had become happier in life and didnt need help or it was because she didnt trust her but cairo reciprocated the action by bottling up her feelings instead of sharing them with riley. 

when riley became captain, cairo found out by a social media post. what she didnt expect was riley asking for cairos help preparing for the sleepover; cairo thought that mayb the old riley had come back now that she’d gotten what she wanted: to be captain. cairo obviously said yes and went to her house with the mentality of ‘act like it was before as if nothing happened and we remained close throughout the years’. she starts to feel happy and pokes fun at the viral video bc she thinks riley isnt overly bothered about it and she feels like her old self. its only when everyone arrives and riley gives her welcome speech that she realises this isnt gonna be like old times and riley is gonna be the kinda cheer-focused captain go-getter she turned into over the years. she, however, tries to make this fun for everyone (aka truth or dare) but riley is not about that and just wants to get on with the cheering. cairo spends all night trying to cater to rileys needs (finding annleigh, getting the pizza, being the first to put her phone away etc.) but riley doesnt notice or seem to care. in fact the only time riley doesnt talk about cheer is when shes talking about eva; which we know cairo isnt the happiest about,, she just wants riley to appreciate her like she does eva. i think at this point we start to truly notice cairos urge for a friendship with meaning because she begins to obsess over kate/chess (”trouble in paradise” she quips knowing full well its her and riley who’s having trouble). enter mattie covered in blood: cairo notices riley’s warning signs to her freakout so she follows her out. this is when cairo verbally mentions that she doesnt like the way riley treats her to which riley brushes her off because at this point she has no feelings for cairo and is only keeping her around because she has no one else. the defense scene is the last attempt and cairo holding onto the shred of their friendship hoping that if she can do this then she’s still of worth to riley and worth her time (and obviously it works,, kinda)

we know that cairo tried to contact her after that night to which riley straight up ignored her. she just wanted to know if riley was coping well and if they were going to rely on eachother during this hard time. she never knew how riley was dealing bc she ignored her but at least she knew she was in this alone. this was when she began to overthink that night, all the possible scenarios that couldve played out and all the culprits. she came up with many possible answers but the feeling in her gut was telling her it was the one she least wanted it to be. none of her previous ‘friends’ like her anymore after that night and dont want to be involved with the girl who was apart of the murder squad. when she finds out evas on the team her first thought is that this is truly the end of her friendship and shes going to be replaced by eva. but when she sees the state rileys in her heart cant help but feel bad for the girl knowing shes not in the best state of mind. and we see her try to comfort her throughout phoenix. (“you dont have a relationship with chess, kate” she cries subconciously knowing that, although very different circumstances, her relationship with riley is also dead and gone). at this point she only had herself to look out for so she gets super defensive when kate says shes going to the police and kinda threatened eva. then we get to the scene where cairo suggests that riley wouldve been blamed and rileys first instinct is to go no they wouldve blamed you; cairo sounds so hurt when she says this bc this is the moment she realises that riley has zero trust in her and riley has changed and outgrown their friendship. she cant even fathom the girl who she helped all throughout the years and the girl who helped her would blame her without reasonable suspicion. she tries to work out why riley is just letting this slide bc it just Doesnt make sense to her and the perfectionist captain riley she knew. for a short moment her thoughts go flying and before she knows it shes accusing everyone and everyone because it CANT be riley it just CANT. but when riley begins to breakdown she just knows that her gut feeling was right and it tears her apart to think that if theyd stayed closer friends this couldve been prevented,, if perhaps cairo still relied on riley then she would realise that cairo was there for her too but it doesnt matter bc its too late for that so she doesnt what she knows best and tries to deesculate rileys breakdown. she hates to admit that she misses riley sometimes and is scared that she will forever but she still goes on one day at a time becoming a better person than she couldve been if riley had still been in her life.

bonus: i like to think that due to their closeness they did harbour some romantic feelings during their middle school years however they didnt actually realise they were in love it was just what they knew/thought all friendships were like that. it wasnt until high school when they would think back on those memories that they realised perhaps there was something there but it doesnt matter now because theyve became too seperated for it to be anything.

[neko-rogers]

Relax

Square Filled: Shower Sex ; created for @spnkinkbingo

Synopsis: All you want is to take a nice steamy shower and compensate for the sleep you’ve been longing ever since you began hunting for a vampire nest.

Words: 2760

Forewarnings: NSFW 18+, foreplay, cunnilingus, intercourse under the shower, implied oral (male receiving), and the sad fantasy of running water being wasted.

A/N: Don’t try this at home, it’s really freaking dangerous and you could slip. Plus you’re obviously going to waste tons of gallons of water.

The silver knife that had been covered with blood from an earlier hunt still slashed keenly through the vampire’s neck, creating a loud gushing sound as it glides from it’s flesh. The second afterwards was seeing the beheaded body fall to his knees and concrete ground while blood oozed out from everywhere.

Your heartbeat continued to race, with your chest heavily heaving and head feeling light-headed from all the action. Meanwhile your hands and face were covered with an excessive amount of blood stains while your outfit was completely dirty. Though you couldn't thank yourself enough for having to finish the job already since it meant that you could get some rest that should compensate for the previous days.

"Y/N!" You picked up Sam's hoarse voice immediately from the dozens of hallways of the building. He was calling your name out for moments until you saw a flashlight flicker across the room from you.

Sam then placed his pistol back into where it was once he saw you standing there with a deceased creature behind. He hurried to where you stood as you dropped the large knife to the ground, which echoed a clashing sound around the area, and enveloped the Winchester’s body with your filthy arms. His musky scent filled your nostrils even when everything was completely covered in grease, you could still smell library books attached to his button-up. “Dean and I were looking for you these past few days, you could’ve left a note in the bunker or texted before you stormed off.

“I did text you guys.” You pulled back from the embrace and realized how guilty you were immediately since you only had texted them the moment you were about to head for the vampire’s nest you had been tracking a few months ago.

He continued to remind you that informing him that you were passing by at Sunnyside Diner and stating about solving a case wasn’t actually comforting at all for them. You held them worried for days whereas all they wanted was to keep you safe, therefore you couldn’t even look up directly at Sam and apologize because of the shame.

“Look, Sammy, I’m sorry about that and I realized how dumb I was to not leave a note to where I was heading−”

Heavy steps followed and you could hear Dean’s voice this time, calling for Sam’s name until he ended up finding the both of you. He had the ivory pistol secured around his dominant hand though he angled it down when he got closer and recognized your unwashed face. You couldn’t tell if the look on his face was relief that they finally found you or resentment due to your bold move of leaving the bunker without any context.

“Y/N.” The tone of his voice crumbling.

Dean was pleased to see you as a whole, don't get him wrong, he could finally sleep at night better than when you were not around. But he couldn't help himself once his emotions got the best of him and began acting too overprotected over you, "Goddammit Y/N didn't I tell you to keep yourself safe and always tell us where you're heading to?" His voice sounded demanding rather than a question.

With the younger brother caught up between the sudden conflict, Sam watched as you exchanged aggressive dialogues towards one another. You were tired and accomplished a case, no one could do anything anymore as everything that had to be done is done. There weren't any excuses left so you were exhausted to even argue. "Dean I'm sorry and I know I shouldn't have done what I did–"

"No. You don't get to pull the sorry card up your ass again," Dean stated and took a deep breath before rubbing his palm over his face.

He then continued, "My brother doesn't have the guts to tell you this because he's too chicken but you shouldn't be selfish with the hunting business, Sam and I are sick and tired of worrying where you go to everytime because you couldn't even leave a damn note or text me!"

Yeah you did understand Dean. You knew him from the back of your hand and for this scenario, you understood why he got so frustrated with you disappearing from the bunker out of nowhere. It would've been heavy for him especially when you realized that all he wants is to keep you safe – he was traumatized of being left alone or his loved ones to die again since hunting obviously isn't the best lifestyle to engage in.

He has had a hard time processing whether you would still be alive or not. He could never sleep peacefully knowing you could be out in the field being tackles by creatures stronger and more powerful. He loves you too much and hates to even think of you getting harmed. He wants to spend forever with you because you're the last remaining joy and symbol of hope for his fucked up life.

Though due to your weary condition, you weren't able to understand that. Instead, you felt a struck of guilt and sadness into your thoughts – you were trying to do what was good yet in the end it turns out that you were still the one doing wrongful acts. It hurt and tears began brimming around the circles of your eyelids and within moments, droplets were streaming down yours eyes.

Sam was surprised and felt too bad about it, he knew his brother became a bit hard on you though he didn't want to speak up anymore. Meanwhile the dickhead in front of you realized his mistake as his jaw dropped in awe, "Okay I didn't mean to sound that harsh, I just meant that all Sam and I want is to keep you safe because–"

"I'll wait in the Impala."

And with that you rudely stopped him from explaining further, rather walking past him with a cold aura while stomping your feet along the way. You made sure not to look back, trying to hid the uncontrollable tears from streaming, as you landed outside and instantly caught sight of the black Impala that glistened under the night sky.

It took them longer than usual before they went back into the car yet you couldn't care less because there you were seated at the backseat with dried tears staining your cheeks. Once you heard the car doors unlock, your system sooner dozed to slumber and when Dean started the engine you couldn't remember anything anymore than pitch black since your body was giving up and exhaustion got the best of you.

A light tap on the shoulder awoken you from slumber. Your eyes squinted alongside to see Sam trying to wake you up acknowledging the Impala has arrived in the bunker, your mind was groggy and it was a shame you couldn't continue dreaming – at least you could take that shower already. There you thanked Sam and got off the car.

Immediately, you picked your bag then went straight to the doorway and to your room, ignoring Dean along the way when he tried to look at you passing by. You were purposely being cold to him and could tell he was genuinely guilty about it. He even tried to open his mouth thought not a word came out from his tongue.

Once you dropped your gear and swept it under the bed, you grabbed a towel and went straight for a shower. You closed the door behind and began stripping your clothes off until none was left and you were naked as a bear, dropping every apparel on the floor then moving past the plain, nude-colored curtains.

Next you turned the shower and adjusted the heating system until the temperature was soothing your body perfectly. You moaned out of relief when you allowed the water to run down your body, soaking through your hair and feeling it rinse all the dirt clumped up in your body. You took a handful of liquid soap and dumped it all over your body while shampoo was all over your hair. Then you began to scrub every particle there was latched to your skin while the water was gently streaming down – from either side of your arms then down to the valley of your breasts, you made sure your body wasn't feeling sticky or gross anymore.

As you were midway with the relaxing shower, you heard the door creak open and assumed who it was. "Now isn't the best time to shower together, Winchester."

"C'mon, Y/N, I didn't mean what I said earlier."

You continued to bathe your body as your eyelids fastened and your face was directed against the shower head with fingers running through your tangled locks. There you were ignoring anything Dean was stating, even if the only thing separating the two of you was the shower curtain between.

But that didn't stop him from bugging the hell out of you. Within moments of avoiding a conversation with him inside the bathroom, you heard the curtains move aside while hands enveloped around your bare waist – it was Dean already naked and joining you in the shower without even having to ask you if he could.

He quickly shushed you before you could react furthermore, "Relax."

His soft hand pressed against your upper back while his other reached for the bottle of soap and squeezing an amount onto your skin before placing it back. He began to massage your body, starting it off with his thumb doing circular motions at the lower back of your neck while his other fingers gripped around your shoulders.

Then he eventually advanced lower, sensing his muscular arms on either sides of you. His hands pressed lightly against your breasts at first while you let out a gasp and felt your body betraying you as the area between your thighs began to soak with your arousal despite the fact that you were submerged with running water already. “You like that?” Dean sensually teases.

And just like that your body gave into the scene and melted into a puddle. You nodded for Dean and you let your back relax against his sturdy torso, allowing him to lead you on with what he plans to do to help you ease yourself.

Firstly, you looked to your side only to be met with soft lips that swiftly progressed with your mouth. He tasted like the typical combination of fast food and beer, though you didn’t mind as you got used to it, as he subtly tugged your lower lip between his teeth then releasing promptly.

Without having to sense it at first, he brushed the ends of your hair to one side and lowered his face on the other until his lips could press against a part of your neck. Dean began to suck against the sensitive skin while continuing to knead onto your breasts. He even bit down and nibbled with certain areas between your neck and shoulders until pink bruises were forming and your body ached harder for him.

Then he spun you around until he got the magnificent view of your breasts bouncing out for him. With a sudden move, Dean’s mouth lapped onto one of them and began to swirl the tip of his tongue around your sensitive nipples. You took a few steps backward and stopped when you felt your back lower onto a flat surface just around the corner. Though he didn’t stay fondling around with your breasts for longer as his mouth unfastened and left the usual love bites at the area. It tickled you for a bit but mostly sent a kindling sensation throughout your body.

His mouth went downwards further, reaching over your midriff and leaving trails of kisses until it resulted with him pressing his lips firmer onto your clit. He knelt down onto the floor while continuing to eat your cunt out, swathing from your folds and delving further to earn a taste of the wetness formed from earlier. You couldn’t help but extend your arms out and jerk a handful of his hair. When you looked beneath, you were caught with the view of the water running along Dean’s toned back, seeing it glisten through the light which created the effect of his body looking more wonderful whereas his face was completely buried under your pussy. “You taste so sweet, princess.”

Another thing was he attempted to dip a finger inside you, pumping it inside and outside while you let out a soft groan. He tried to add another finger but this time you concluded that his touch and tongue wasn’t enough for the throbbing of your sex, craving for more specifically his cock impelling inside of you. “Dean, I need more.”

He murmurs, “Tell me what you want, baby.”

“I need your cock inside me,” you whine while he chuckles at you knowing that a few hours you despised him but now you were pleading.

Dean straightened himself in front of you now, leaving your pulsing nerves for a short while reaching for one of your legs and hoisting it up which gave him a better angle to penetrate himself inside you. Meanwhile his cock was totally erect and stood out before having to align himself with your entrance – even with the sight of it, you could already imagine it filling your insides and repeatedly propelling your walls.

Oomph.

He didn’t ask once more for a permission from you before skimming his fingers over your folds then fisting his cock and guiding it until you could feel is sink inside you. Your mouth gaped open when Dean began to thrust his hips forwards and backwards as you tried to grip around his arms or any handle to stay in tact. “Baby, you feel so good.”

And even though his size wasn’t that lengthy, he was definitely thick enough for your walls to tighten around and feel your favorite sensation wash through your system. Dean knew how to use his dick, he knew how to please you in many ways than you could imagine and that was one of his most special skills. From trying to hold back your moans which now escalated quickly to being a groaning mess. Your body that was one rinsed off clear from soap now was covered in your perspiration again though wasn’t too obvious because of the phase you both spent here.

The shower room didn’t only echo your voice but Dean’s grunts also. His tone was deep and rigid, even without the sex you always fantasized about his husky accent – the way he gets furious with failed hunts or when things slip out of hand, he gets enraged and usually ends up throwing something across the library out of impulse – that is fucking hot.

“Should this be considered as an apology sex?” he suddenly blurts out subsequent with a short laughter, but you didn’t respond rather gestured him to continue with what he’s doing to you.

Maybe it was your condition that made you closer to your orgasm faster than you normally expect it to be; moreover, you were certain that the fiery intensity that was forming inside your lower abdomen was a sign that you were nearing. Your head felt dizzier than earlier and your temples throbbed fervently because of the temperature of your body rising up. “Are you close, princess?”

Dean obviously had the smug smirk on his face even through with the shower disrupting your sight. He was confident because he knew your body well, how your instincts would act up when you were feeling certain things. In addition to that, he dragged his hand between your inner thighs and began to thumb down to your bud. “You can come, that’s definitely fine for me.”

Then you let out a scream and allowed yourself to release before him. Your fluids dripping down your thighs but the water immediately washed it down the drain before Dean could do anything else. He lets out a heavy sigh of relief when he felt his cock being covered with your warmth as you got down from it, this time it was you who knelt down for him, “My turn.”

His brow raised for a second as his chest was evidently trying to catch a breath yet couldn’t help but smile at the view.

[deliciouskook-blog]

We don’t talk anymore (Jikook Cover) Scenario  Jungkook x Reader

Hello guys

This is my first Tumblr post and first fanfiction inspired by the beautiful cover released by JUNGKOOOK&JIMINNN 'We don't talk anymore'. I know Jungkook has done the cover alone before but I think this version is more powerful and made me feel things as many of you would probably relate and Jimin's sweet voice is everything I love him so much..... I'm in tears rn :'(

Anyways so when i heard this song i just grabbed my lapotp and typed this, its raw and not proofread and was literally just me blabbering cos of the feels i got from the cover and so i imagined a really sad relationship. I hope you enjoy it!!

I don't know if anyone's going to even read this but my friend told me to post it anyway so if you like it please give me some love!!! I accept requests <3 and would probably write better if i wasnt so emo ahhahahahahahahhaha (i shouldnt lie to myself ill never stop feeling emo while stanning bts)

Word count: 1.9k

Y/N POV

It’s been a long time since you felt the spark that initially ignited your relationship, you always had to put your 100% and felt like it was dying anyway, there was nothing that can be done to save it and that’s when you thought it was time to start seeing someone else and move on.

You called him a day before you decided to forget the hell that you have been through because of him but like all the previous calls that turned to voicemail this time was no different.

It was the familiar female voice again ‘the mobile number you have called is not available...’

You felt ashamed that he has put you through this and hurt your pride, because no matter how much you called he just wont answer.

Y/N: ‘jungkook I need to speak to you’ – delivered at 10:31 pm

‘please just answer the phone..’ – delivered at 10:32 pm

‘jungkook’ – delivered at 10:32 pm

but nothing

5 minutes later… the messages were checked as ‘opened’

So she decided to call again but there was no answer.

Jungkook: ‘I wish you could stop calling me at night you know im at practice’ ‘I wont answer I’m working so good night’ – opened at 10:40 pm

Y/N: ‘why are you like this?’ ‘whats wrong?’ – opened at 10:41 pm

Jungkook: ‘nothing is wrong’ – opened at 10:42 pm

Y/N: ‘don’t lie to me can you please call me back after practice?’ – opened at 10:42 pm

Jungkook: ‘yeah.. later’ – opened at 10:45 pm

You stayed up all night waiting for his call it was an agonisingly slow night but you waited for him to call you like a fool anyway. 3AM came around and still no call. He never practices this late.

So you decided to call one more time. And unexpectedly there was an answer.

‘hello? Jungkook?’

silence

‘yeah… wussup’

he sounded drunk and you were speechless…

‘werent you at practice? Why are you drunk’

‘im not drunk’

‘well okay then what are you’

‘im jungkook’

no shit

‘ok jungkook we need to talk but I cant talk to you if your drunk’

‘youre already talking so carry on… what is this 39 missed calls all about’

‘where are you, can I see you? and if you answered the first call there wouldn’t be 39’

‘no im going home now so just say what you want’

‘okay… I just don’t think this is going to work out between us’

silence

‘jungkook’

then he laughed sarcastically

‘are you breaking up with me?’

‘yeah I jus-‘

‘okay then’

‘jungkook I need to tell you why’

‘I don’t.. think I care…’

= call ended=

Jungkook woke up with a severe headache. The time was already 2 past noon and he had no idea what hes done the night before but all he could remember was drinking so much.

The truth is he didn’t know why he drank so much in fact he didn’t know why he gave up doing anything besides work the past few month, he knew his relationship with you was dying slowly and he knew It was his fault but the Wings tour and his musical career was eating him and was far more important, at least in the company and BTS’ eyes.

He thought that you could wait for him but his career cant, he knew it was selfish and hard but he had no other choice and he didn’t know better, because he was only 19 and he could only handle so much.

You woke up around the same time, you didn’t get time to sleep at all from crying over the ended phone call, you knew it would be hard but you had to move on. You knew you didn’t deserve him and that made your relationship rocky at first, but as jungkook told you he loved you repeatedly, you slowly gained confidence and learnt to love yourself too but that all came crashing down because he clearly doesn’t love you anymore.

You knew the only way you would get over him is erasing him completely from your life which included blocking his phone number, for his own good you knew he was a good guy and probably would try to befriend you after these 3 years but you couldn’t handle seeing him as not yours, but just a friend. You took out your phone and as you unlocked it, you saw the selfie you had at their last date together and couldn’t help but cry even more because all that has to go too.

= 3 months passes by=

Authors PV

As you slowly learnt how to live life from scratch, Y/N served another caramel late to who seemed to be a distressed customer. She had quit her old job which was close to big hit’s main building and decided on a new beginning.

Within these 3 months she had met a guy who’s a regular at the café named Zico, he would throw way too many compliments about the coffee than one would give but she found it cute as at least for what seemed like years, she’s started to receive the attention she craved… but she cant help but think of jungkook whenever she sees him wishing that he would be the one who would give her these compliments and taste coffee that she only recently learnt to master but obviously that life doesn’t exist anymore.

But as she is in south korea, bts are increasingly becoming a hot topic and their songs were played everywhere as if her memories of him weren’t enough reminder.

Slowly Y/N got to know Zico even more, and naturally they dated. She couldn’t deny how good he treats her, maybe its because it’s a new relationship but he was there when she texted and even called her when she didn’t turn up for work because she was sick. He showed that he cares. Jungkook didn’t.

On a fated evening, when the new couple chose to walk next to the Han river a familiar figure stood on the way walking with what seemed another familiar figure but she chose to ignore it and continue walking holding hands with her new lover.

What Y/N dont know is jungkook has been growing crazy the last 3 months, he had tried to reach you so many times, he doesn’t remember the phone call that night and he thought that you ended the relationship alone and hasn’t decided to even talk it with him. He missed you so much and every day he realised how much of it was his fault, it was his fault that you had left your old job, your neighbourhood, changed your number and disappeared. He wished you were happy but deep down he hoped like himself that you weren’t able to forget him.

Then he saw you walking, he looked at jimin who was trying to distract him from the sight that he has also seen. Jungkook felt angry and tried to contain himself, but soon after he was washed with feelings of sadness and regret, deciding to walk up to you anyway.

‘Y/N ?’

you looked at him with surprised eyes, which Zico has returned to you in confusion.

‘can you give me a minute?’ you said to Zico who nodded and walked away

‘you look well’ you said to him

‘is that all you have to say to me’ he said to you with tears in his eyes

‘I don’t remember you wanting me to say anything at all… but say what?’ you replied returning a hurt face.

‘why you left me like this’ he said looking down knowing exactly what you left but he had to hear you say it

‘you didn’t want to hear it.. remember?’ you said to him as you laughed away your tears

‘what are you talking about?’ he asked you

‘you said to me you didn’t want to hear it, remember you were kind of drunk actually but I knew if I didn’t tell you right there and then, you would never pick up’ you admitted

‘you couldve texted me at least’ he said defeated

‘you don’t even reply anyway… I need to go’ you walked away

then he watched you combining your hands with your new lover as you continue walking. Jungkook went back to the company’s building with Jimin who tried to comfort him, he saw the pain that Jungkook went through the past few months, but he couldn’t deny that he was the one who screwed it up for himself.

Jungkook entered the studio where he was meant to record aimlessly, he always overworked himself when he was feeling lonely or sad and today he was broken. He scrolled down his Spotify playlist and encountered a song named ‘We don’t talk anymore – By Charlie Puth’, it was always there but he never really bothered to listen to it, but tonight he tapped ‘PLAY’.

By the end of the song he was sobbing, he remembered how much he wanted to come back to you when he had a day full of schedule, he expected you to be there texting him sweet words when he couldn’t make it to dates because he couldn’t perfect his practice, celebrate happy occasions with you but there must be a good reason that she left him he thought laughing to himself as he related to the lyrics of the song. He was so drawn to the song that he decided to cover it hoping that the fans would like it too, but more importantly as a message to his gone girl.

=3 weeks forward=

‘Did you hear the songs Jungkook released this month’ said a co-worker to the other ‘No no what is it called? Put it on’ the other one replied

They played the cover that the entire of nation of Korea has been obsessing over, and for the first time the you heard it. And you felt as if you were shot in the heart. You could hear the sincerity in his voice and realised how the hell did things come this far, because you couldn’t imagine your life without him no matter what.

‘I need to go somewhere can you cover for me please? you said to one of the coworkers and ran outside the café to big hit, cursing yourself for deleting his phone number.

And as you ran to the building you asked the familiar security who still remembers you if jungkook can be called down.

You felt like life at that moment was like a ticking bomb and you needed to tell him whatever you were feeling at that moment, you’ll probably regret it but at this moment you didn’t care.

But it was too late as you saw him walking down the stairs with another girl’s hand around his. You felt like you were shot a second time, this time earning a much severe injury. You laughed at the thoughts you had, the he sang this for you – it might’ve had no meaning at all. With tears running down your cheeks you ran before he could notice you catching a TAXI, but he did see you and realised that you came back. Jungkook let go of the girl’s hand to run after you but it was too late… he watched the TAXI drive off.

Many tears were shed that day.

[jess-oh]

Reflection

i just hardcore vented to emily and im usually pretty weary and careful of bringing up my relationship with God and the church to her bc i know she isnt religious but i was just so furious and on a role that i didnt really care

but yeah JKBHFDLKNF,AMDFJKSHL

im just so frickin MAD

first, i was mad with andrew and sofia bc they dont see the point in giving bobby(sofia’s ex) closure and theres nothing that i can say to change their mind but i cant believe how unbelievably selfish theyre being in not letting him know that the reason sofia and he broke up was not because of anything that he did wrong but bc she had her own personal things to deal with and their argument is why should they open up an old wound and just bring back the hurt? and theyre assuming hes moved on bc hes dated other people since sofia but doesnt mean it doesnt bother him and that hes gotten over it. and andrew kept rushing to sofia’s aid and saying why should she have to tell him if she doesnt want to and that mindset is just so selfish. it’s not about you. it’s not just about how you feel or what you want to do. this is about him and what you did to hurt him, whether or not it was intentional. and i think it’s valid to still address the problem and get it over with and leave it behind. time means nothing. you can spend your whole life wondering what you did wrong bc you never got closure. and im just so frustrated bc i know that no matter what i say, they wont change their minds and see that theyre wrong.

and with p josh, i was walking home with angela today and i realized that he has so many flaws but his heart is too offendable and always takes criticism really poorly which is a big issue and im the most frustrated bc his whole thing is serving others and being like Jesus and the disciples but he plays the power card all too frequently and it doesnt feel like hes actually trying to serve us. and he cant be so ambitious with his vision and goals and expect everyone else to play along. we have our own things to deal with and just because he can do something doesnt mean everyone else can be expected to follow at the same level. they might not be used to it and everyone reacts to things differently. just bc jason is a great server doesnt mean i will be. i freaking suck at being a server and i could never do it. i dont do well in stressful, spontaneous situations. but i am good at planning long term events but that doesnt mean he can. 

i think more importantly, we’re getting away from the vision. a church is a hospital for the broken and not a place to put saints on display. and i think we’ve started to become too into our own vision instead of God’s vision and we need to get back to basics and build up from there. we are being too ambitious with everything right now and there is a lot of transition happening and p josh cannot expect us to keep up with him when we have our own things in our lives to deal with. i am still so impacted by that one line from “Kuya Derek” that said, “I am a Christian but I am more defined by Jesus than I am by the doctrine.” God is love. Everything that the Ecclessia is is rooted in love. And by saying, “if you feel uncomfortable or have a problem with something, you can leave.” P Josh words things really poorly a lot and I dont think we should attack him with all of his flaws at once on Sunday. This is an ongoing process and he’s only human and we cant expect him to immediately change. But I do really think we need to address his offendable heart and his power cards. How can he preach about wanting to make MAST something where students are serving others when he cant even do that for us? He’s being open about his issues and I respect that but he is still so blind. I almost feel like he’s telling us part of his struggles and flaws and just turning a blind eye to the real issues at hand in an effort to make himself look better. and now that i type that, i dont believe it to be true. but he HAS to be aware of these things. how can he hope that anyone will follow him when hes being such a hypocrite? And this is definitely something that I need to calm down about and pray about but asdfghjkl;

i definitely want to make a list and have it ready to address during our meeting on sunday.

also, i feel like angela has disliked me as a person for a while so i am really glad we’re getting along so well now but i also dont want our friendship to be rooted in hate. i dont want to just bond with her bc we gossip about other people. i want to really be her friend but i do think bc we’re both so straightforward and blunt, we have the potential to become really close. 

and i should address this in the future but i didnt today but she talked about how shes really passionate about the LGBTQ+ community today but the church finds that a really taboo topic to address and she doesnt want it to be like that but shes made fun of the politically correct culture at Columbia on more than a handful of occassions and that actually really turned me off and discouraged to bring up the topic in the past.

and another thing for p josh, i know that he wants lakeview to be a more multicultural place again and i wasnt there for that and i just feel like hes so in love with how things used to be but he needs to recognize that this isnt the past. this is now. we can try to be a more multicultural place again and think about what we can do now but he cant expect it to be like how it once was bc it will never be the same again. it will change and it will be different. 

im also surprised he didnt tell angela about when i called him out on his decision making bc that was lowkey one of my fears that he vented to jason and angela so im surprised she was surprised about it.

but yeah, im gonna finish watching new girl, shower, pack a little, and start to pray about this.

im sad today was the last life group but im also glad i got to pray for everyone bc i really wanted to. and today was actually so nice and felt so comfortable. we’re usually so tense and awkward but today was so much fun and i feel like everyone felt like they were free to be themselves and i really really enjoyed it. i just wish we couldve had this time sooner on. 

im starting to calm down and just imagine different scenarios and what i would say to him and how he would react.

i think the transition with the life groups and people leaving is a blessing in disguise. i think it’s been easy to get caught up in the details and logistics but we are now so far from the vision of it all. we’ve gotten so caught up with planning and thinking about how to benefit the most people that we have strayed so far away from what it means to love. to accept, and care, and invest, and love. and that’s what the church should be rooted in. out with the racism and cultural biases. what do we have if God is not at the center of it all. we shouldnt be thinking about how to benefit the most people. we should be thinking about how to save that one lost sheep. 

and i will not leave lakeview. i refuse. God called me here for a reason and I intend to carry out His Will. and to combat Rachel’s argument of if you dont feel comfortable being around other Koreans, then you should leave, to that i say this—

we are the church and should be appealing to EVERYONE. regardless of their race. and dont get me wrong, i totally see the appeal in having a predominantly Korean American church. I grew up in a white dominated neighborhood and was never really around Korean culture. my parents never spoke korean to me. there were always barely any Asians at my school. The cousins near my age lived on the other side of the country and my cousins that lived in California are wayyyy older than me and i didnt start talking to them until Robbin passed away. And I am still so hurt and saddened by him bc i still do not fully understand why God had to take him away from this Earth. And I know that so much good has come from it but it still hurts and pains me so much to this day but I am choosing to trust in God’s reasoning and plan and will and just trust that there was a reason why he took Robbin from this Earth. So yes, I see the appeal. But we really should not be preaching to each other and other Koreans. We should be preaching to ANYONE that can hear the Word.