#THEYRE SO SIKEN. THEYRE BOTH SO SIKEN.

[myspacepoet]

stranger things 4x8, litany in which some things are crossed out

[notthestarwar]

@dukeoftheblackstar Ok so I know you're thinking He and You are both Jango, but i'm seeing this in a slightly different way.

So to me this is all about Jango's years between the slave ship and his end. In that time, he doesn't want to live, he feels like he should be dead. He's walking towards his death because he's pretty sure he's lived past his end. He's living dangerously. But everytime he faces death he can't help but fight for his life.

It's this

That Richard Siken quote is Jango everytime he faces death. At the hands of a bounty, fighting with Obi Wan, right up until the end when he faces Mace. He knows that they are trying to Kill him and he truly believes that he deserves it. But when it comes to it, he can't help but fight for his life. He'll do anything in that moment. Clawing for Survival.

Its this whole web really. Just this idea that he keeps facing up to ppl who want to kill them (because of how he approaches them lol theyre defending themselves) and him really believing that he does deserve to die, but fighting for his life anyway

[rarepairnation]

for the ao3 wrapped!! 1, 6, 28! (also you are not alone in believing you can finish one more thing. i am also doing that :P)

happy (newly i guess, for u!) new year anna!!! waving at u NOT from the google doc! we did it! we finished the one more thing! [ao3 wrapped]

1. How many words have you written this year?

nearly 14k (13,924 to be exact) published and at least 6-7k more of wips! tragically my least prolific year since uhhhhhhhh a long time. 2017? but thats ok it was a hard year all that matters is that i survived<3 im proud of myself for what i did bc im in that kinda moment where im relearning how to write and reengaging the creative part of my brain. and next year will be better!! i have a lot of plans and a wip list as long as a cvs receipt<33

6. Favorite title you used

this one is actually your body drowning in gravity! i havent reread it in a long long while (aside: wow i was a totally different person when i wrote that (i published it jan 3)) bc my brain has temporarily been caught by other things. but it was an idea that i'd been turning over in my head for over a year at the time when i wrote it and i think i saw the richard siken poem that the title is from (it's "the dislocated room" btw) on my dash in the middle of the writing process and it was like. Perfect. like i choose all my titles very carefully but this one really knocks it out of the park. when the fic is literally about tanner thinking mallory is the one that's fallen from the top of the cns building at the end of spectre and not knowing until the body hits the ground.

28. Favorite work you wrote this year?

OUGHHH this is hard. Ough. ok i DO think it's just so long as this thing's loaded. im chronically an "i wrote this for me but you can read it if you want" guy bc i have rarepair disease. if i want to read it i have to be the one to write it. but this fic was really an exercise in like. getting weird with it. remembering that u cannot judge ur creation by any possible bad faith interpretation of it. letting myself write the kind of wildly unhinged horny possessive devotion that eats the inside of my brain but ive never been able to put on the page bc of the Fear of like ohhh that would be sooo bad in real life. dude theyre. not real. idk im not good at that sort of thing the panopticon inside my mind is sometimes kind of crazy. but like yeah actually they do think the power dynamic is hot. yeah nick made jasper fake betraying him obviously here is this situation where jasper comes back to nick after his faked death and both of them are pretending not to know the betrayal wasn't real. its just roleplay 2 them. sorry to quote a line in this already extremely long answer but like "The only thing he wants to keep is right here at his side and hasn’t that been the point of all of this, the knife to his throat and the blood in his kiss and the slow simmer of barely leashed desire. Jasper has come to him like this, the traitor slinking his guilty way home, to show Nick the lengths to which he would go for him. To which he has always gone for him, giving up everything to play Nick’s triple agent, just what the Director ordered." is literally the thesis statement of the whole thing. Anyway

also its the kind of fic where every line is trying to be The Line which...is a quirk of my writing style that comes out every now and then that im usually (for good reason tbh) always trying to cut back on. but this...Needed It. sometimes the prose DOES need to be purple. and i had fun. it was really fun dude lol i had a great time

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

what do you think thasmins ideal ending would be. like what would constitute a happy ever after like a night on darillium.

i feel like they need to die together. like, every version of thasmin ive written the core of them always seems to be a struggle against that richard siken quote, "somebody has to leave first". they know this from the moment they decide to turn this accidental acquaintanceship born of crises into a relationship they willingly step into in 11x4. 'willing' and 'relationship' maybe meaning slightly different things in each of their versions of that choice, but they both actively choose to develop the relationship knowing it ends. im very certain they both feel that end very clearly already in 11x4 even if they dont know what shape it will take yet.

so it feels like they have to die together. happy ever after is a version of this story where no one has to leave. the promises of "we're not just gonna leave you" and "i wont disappear again" fulfilled. only that could be satisfying.

but then also, they cant die trying to sacrifice themselves for each other. no timeless children scenarios. no power of the doctor scenarios (i know yaz didnt sacrifice there but im talking about the unequality of saving/being saved). there can be no heroic self-sacrifice. it needs to be something that feels like living not like dying.

so first of course you give them like 40-50 years. i mean there cant be happy ever after without a good amount of time. they deserve a lot of time. and then, i dont know, they have to go out in a blaze of glory like it cant be like, a mistake. it cant be that their luck just runs out. it cant be ghost monument (though that Would also make a nice bookend, it wouldnt be happy ever after). so im thinking something like fires of pompeii.

i know i said no self-sacrifice but fires of pompeii doesnt feel like self-sacrifice. it feels like 'there is something that needs to be done and we're the only ones who can do it'. people need help and theyre there to do it. dying is a side effect. it's not martyrdom i guess is what i mean with the not self-sacrifice. it cant be the doctors martyrdom. and it wouldnt be if it's like fires of pompeii.

so they die, but this way we've got 1) time, 2) nobody has to leave first, 3) youre gonna live arent you, and 4) we did it. as far as i can tell thats every part of thasmin resolved. thats everything made good on.

and if it's actually a volcano then they'd get stuck in the lava and the doctor wouldnt even regenerate. but i cant tell if that would be happy ever after or if having the doctor bring yazs body home would be. neither feels very happy. so lets just end it when they push the button.

[actualbird]

hi hi!!! for the ask game, would you mind answering numbers 9, 26, and/or 32 please?

have a nice day dude!!!! :D

EYYO SAAMMMM :DDDDD. yess i would love to answer all of these, i am eating the numbers as we speak (....as we...type?)

-

9. Do you believe in ghosts? This isn’t about writing I just wanna know

i do!!!! i dont think it's obvious from like, how i am online, but im a hugely superstitious person. it comes from the family upbringing and also a lot of experiences ive had in my life. cw death talk incoming, but 2 loved ones of mine have died in this house, and idk. im sure theyre still here. and not in a scary way, they just Live Here, like how i live here, it's their house too!! i wont b able to explain how i Know without sounding much more silly to many ppl, but yes, i do believe in ghosts!

and theyre nice!!! so long as u arent a dickbag to them, that is. they just want a place to chill.

-

26. How do you get into your character’s head? How do you get out? Do you ever regret going in there in the first place?

i get into it like this

DEADASS. LIKE, WHILE IT’S MEME-Y THIS IS MY METHOD

i.e., i have to find something that i can relate to with the character to be able to write them

like, it doesnt have to be the entire character’s personality, thats impossible. it can just be one (1) thing that i personally resonate with. and like....thats the window on how i get in and begin to understand everything else. like, lemme take two current blorbos i love, one thats easiest for me to write and one thats the hardest: luke and vyn

luke has so many windows. all of them are open, the front door is unlocked, hell, theres a hole in the roof. getting into his head-house is supremely easy for me since i relate to a lot of his personality/thought processes.

for vyn, it felt like breaking in like in a heist movie JHVKJHVSKFJHAS. i could not get in there for a While until i saw a singular air vent labeled “DESIRE TO HAVE AND KEEP KNOWLEDGE, AS KNOWLEDGE BECOMES A FULCRUM WHERE HE CAN LEVERAGE HIMSELF INTO A SAFER VANTAGE POINT” and i was like bINGOOOOOOOO!! related very much to that. and with that as the square 1, i was able to see everything else and understand the rest

as to How i find the opening, thats where all my ridiculous analyses come in. i need to pour over the stories and whats there already and find entrance points. like, character rambles is basically me trying to make the heist map. 

i think this metaphor is getting out of hand but yeA. 

and it’s p easy for me to get out cuz all the characters i write are very much Not Me so i just scuttle out of the head-house again. never rlly regretted any time i had to put on a character hat, like. even if it’s an evil-fucked-up character, it’s a learning experience both in writing and and thinking

-

32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?

poem line:

“Tell me how all this, and love too, will ruin us. These, our bodies, possessed by light. Tell me we’ll never get used to it.”

from Scheherazade by Richard Siken. first read it in a writing workshop in 2015. this was the first time i actually read poetry (i was a fiction bitch thru and thru) and i was like oh FUCK okay. i see now the beauty in this form

novel line:

“He was determined to discover the underlying logic behind the universe. Which was going to be hard, because there wasn't one.”

from Mort by Terry Pratchett. first read in 2016, i was just going thru my older brother’s books (and inadvertently starting my love for pratchett’s writing //chef’s kiss!!!). it’s just such a simple and wonderful line. resonates a lot w me cuz im very much a “WHAT IS THE ANSWER, WHAT IS THE SOLUTION TO THE RIDDLE” about everything but Not Everything has that. life gets a bit mucky trying to solve things that cant be solved

aaaaand fanfic line:

“There are the nights when no one dreams, or dreams are small and life-sized--broken strings and shipwrecked boats, dishabille, or seagulls. There are the nights when Newt can sleep, the dawns he doesn't see. Of those, there are not many. But there are some.”

from Designations Congruent with Things by cleanwhiteroom. this is a pacific rim fanfic that ran from 2013-2014 (no longer on ao3 but archived in many places by ppl who loved it) and it became a cult classic within the fandom for good reason. it is one of the most phenomenal things ive ever read in my life, across the span of All kinds of written work. this fanfic REWIRED MY BRAIN AT 13 YEARS OLD. 

and i still reread it every other year and im frigging blown away every time. these lines in particular just.....they Stayed In My Head. in the aftermath of complicated trauma, thats the situation. it’s written so simply and strikes so hard, it’s so forlorn yet hopeful as well. there are not many. but there are some... THAT MADE ME INSANE AND I HAVE NEVER RECOVERED.

-

WHEW, I TALK TOO MUCH thank u sm for the ask and giving me the opportunity to ramble, sammmm <3!!!!!

[tonysopranosfeverdreams]

What is the colour of your hairbrush? black

Name a food you never eat? uhhh meat

Are you typically too warm or too cold?  usually too hot! since i was a kid i kicked the blankets off in my sleep

What were you doing 45 minutes ago? watching an episode of it’s always sunny

What is your favourite candy bar? i rly dont eat a lot of candy BUT i love butterfingers

Have you ever been to a professional sports event?  ya when i was in am*erciorps we got to go to some free basketball and baseball games in memphis and detroit i think, they were fun 

What is the last thing you said out loud? i think i said “hows my girl?” to my cat LOL

What is your favourite ice cream? cookie dough!

What was the last thing you had to drink? diet coke 

Do you like your wallet? i do but i’m bad at remembering to put things back in it and not let them float around in my bag for weeks lmao

What was the last thing you ate? pasta w ricotta and broccoli 

Did you buy any new clothes last weekend? no 

The last sporting event you watched? i think i watched parts of some nba games w my mom before sports were cancelled 

What is your favourite flavour of popcorn? just like classic movie theatre popcorn with not too much butter but definitely enough 

Who is the last person you sent a text message to? my friend

Ever go camping? yes  but not in like maybe  8 years i want to go again soon

Do you take vitamins? if i remember!

Do you go to church every Sunday? no

Do you have a tan? no 

Do you prefer Chinese food or pizza? BOTH but chinese maybe a little more 

Do you drink your soda with a straw? no i’m impatient and don’t own any reusable straws 

What colour socks do you usually wear? i only wear socks if im leaving the house or working out and usually theyre mismatched colors tbh i just grab what i can find 

Do you ever drive above the speed limit? only like 10 mph tops  if i know there aren’t cops around

What terrifies you? many, many things but mostly something bad happening to my family and friends 

Look to your left, what do you see? my phone and a pillow

What chore do you hate? folding/putting away laundry

What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? koalas 

What’s your favourite soda? diet dr pepper

Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive-thru? drive thru but i don’t really eat a lot of fast food; usually  i just like occasionally eat panera drive thru 

Who’s the last person you talked to? in person my mother, but like converesed w a friend 

Favourite cut of beef? i am a vegetarian. 

Last song you listened to? spotify tells me it was Bobby by Alex G

Last book you read? i reread parts of Crush by Siken on god im gonna start reading properly soon

Favourite day of the week? I’ve always liked Thursdays? No real reason tbh

Can you say the alphabet backwards? I’ve never tried

How do you like your coffee? i like coffee most ways! Iced, black, w flavored sweeteners, lattes, cappacuinos i just dont like decaf anything?

Favourite pair of shoes? i have a pair of black felt-ish boots with heels i thrifted that are my favorite winter shoes for summer i have these black strappy sandles w a tan heel 

The time you normally go to bed? sometime between 1 and 3 am 

The time you normally get up? if left to my own devices any time between like 10:30 and 12:30

What do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? sunsets! but i love sunrises when i see them too

How many blankets on your bed? Right now like 3 light comforters but I sleep with more  

Describe your kitchen plates: mostly white or lightly patterned but i have some nice ones that have been passed down in the family!

Do you have a favourite alcoholic beverage? i like most dry wines but i also like ipas and lagers and gin and tonics 

Do you play cards? sometimes! i like rummy and war and go fish and black jack

What colour is your car? like a shimmery dark blue 

Can you change a tire? in theory yes because we had to learn in am*ericorps but rly only like 2 people rly knew and the rest of us just vibed

Your favourite province? i live in the us my favorite state ive been to is prob louisiana bc i love new orleans lol

Favourite job you’ve ever had? i loved teaching summer school for a bunch of little kids in flint michigan, or working in the Peace Garden in North Dakota 

How did you get your biggest scar? i had a belly button piercing that rejected like 5 years ago and left scar tissue also i have one on my forearm that i got like last summer when i was ironing a shirt and burned myself accidentally 

What did you do today that made someone else happy? idk i was feeling kind of off today bc im pretty sure i forgot to take my medicaiton so probably not a whole lot jasdjksakjdaddsadsa  i opened the door so my cat could sunbathe tho 

thank u @alloftheabove1957 for tagging me!! 💓 i tag anyone who took the time to read this sdfjk;jadf

[ao3feed-brucewayne]

crush

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/8kKcT4B

by beatopia

Bruce had always liked to dominate — a part of his faulty wiring, of the misfirings in his brain that had made him want to take far more than he could ever give.

He wanted to cut into Edward just to see what he could take. He wanted to cut into him to see how much he could make himself enjoy, for his sake. He wanted to cut into him simply because he could.

Words: 1740, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: The Batman (Movie 2022), These Violent Delights - Micah Nemerever

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: F/F, M/M

Characters: Bruce Wayne, Edward Nygma, Selina Kyle, Annika Kosolov

Relationships: Edward Nygma/Bruce Wayne, Annika Koslov/Selina Kyle

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, (loosely) inspired by the brilliant novel these violent delights by micah nemerever, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, kind of, Stalking, Obsession, mutual obsession, Domestic Violence, Angst, Hurt No Comfort, they’re both weird what can i say, Bruce Wayne is Not Batman, edward nygma is not the riddler, if you think they’re capable of being domestic in any au youre so wrong!!!, theyre still in love though, Blood and Violence, titles after richard siken poems, Out of Character?

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/8kKcT4B

[dustghosts]

from richard siken’s “planet of love”

felix song. twenty-four / elf / enthusiast / mercutio from romeo and juliet

this was supposed to be a character blurb originally and you know... im too sleepy to make anything else so we’ll just... um.. [tim gunn voice] make it work

more on this... later but the basic gist is that the [montagues] and [capulets], so to speak, are engaged in a generations-long rivalry that no ones kept real track of. they are! vampires and shapeshifters respecitvely because, you know, we might as well go full cheese?

felix... in the meantime... is an elf from a relatively High Class family. he has a brother who is undeniably the better behaved and more respectable of the two of them. theyre friends anyway. his parents think he’s Too Good (tm) to be hanging out with [montagues & capulets] but you know... who ever in his life has succeeded in telling him what to do

he lives in a ratty apartment with theeee benvolio spirit. romeo still lives with his parents but you know... hes there more often than not. 

felix is the bad roommate. always blasting music at 3 am. always leaving his dishes in the sink for several days. leaves the toilet seat up. etc.

he’s got a very selective attention/affection span-- not a lot permanently excites him, but once you’ve got his sympathy and loyalty, Boy Do You Have It (for life... quite literally!)

tries to be chill and logical + is good at getting his friends to see a more objective point of view... he believes in tough love and also in enjoying life to the fullest! he’s gonna live forever so he might as well have a good time doing it!*

* really thinks hes gonna live forever. as such, takes risks constantly without thinking fully about the consequences and pushes other people to do the same

isn’t actually all that chill or logical. his bark is consistently worse than his bite and he’s tired of being called out for it. often shocked when people actually want to fight him, which he always claims to want to do???

is, however, a romantic at heart-- this is part of why he’s so attached to romeo, but also. he’s gay jim

competitive at literally anything. board games? you got it. karaoke? sure. a ten hour mini golf trip? he’s still going

will drag you out of any funk with his own bare hands. will not, however, rest. ever. and he won’t let you do it either!!!

holds grudges, no matter how petty, for at least thirteen years at a time

you would think that future sight would help him but he lives to be contrary to even this

will never ever shut up

but he’s warm! he’s kind when he wants! he tips well and is always nice to customer service workers. he’s always willing to be someone’s shoulder to lean on, and to cheer up whoever needs it.

mamf (moody ass motherfucker)

cusses in front of your mom, then cusses while apologizing. but can also recite neruda from heart (both a pro and a con imo)

stubborn, energetic, unfocused, argumentative, charming, outgoing, impractical, wild, affectionate, independent, and... dare i say it.......... mercurial!!

i will say it as many times as i must please make characters from romeo and juliet (and... message me if you’re interested!) (you really don’t have to have read the play recently i swear)

[ao3feed-brucewayne]

crush

by beatopia

Bruce had always liked to dominate — a part of his faulty wiring, of the misfirings in his brain that had made him want to take far more than he could ever give.

He wanted to cut into Edward just to see what he could take. He wanted to cut into him to see how much he could make himself enjoy, for his sake. He wanted to cut into him simply because he could.

Words: 1740, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: The Batman (Movie 2022), These Violent Delights - Micah Nemerever

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: F/F, M/M

Characters: Bruce Wayne, Edward Nygma, Selina Kyle, Annika Kosolov

Relationships: Edward Nygma/Bruce Wayne, Annika Koslov/Selina Kyle

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, (loosely) inspired by the brilliant novel these violent delights by micah nemerever, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, kind of, Stalking, Obsession, mutual obsession, Domestic Violence, Angst, Hurt No Comfort, they’re both weird what can i say, Bruce Wayne is Not Batman, edward nygma is not the riddler, if you think they’re capable of being domestic in any au youre so wrong!!!, theyre still in love though, Blood and Violence, titles after richard siken poems, Out of Character?

source https://archiveofourown.org/works/43472916

[ao3feed-brucewayne]

closer (to god)

by beatopia

Bruce had always liked to dominate — a part of his faulty wiring, of the misfirings in his brain that had made him want to take far more than he could ever give.

He wanted to cut into Edward just to see what he could take. He wanted to cut into him to see how much he could make himself enjoy, for his sake. He wanted to cut into him simply because he could.

Words: 1839, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: The Batman (Movie 2022), Batman - All Media Types, These Violent Delights - Micah Nemerever

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death

Categories: M/M

Characters: Bruce Wayne, Edward Nygma, Carmine Falcone, Selina Kyle

Relationships: Edward Nygma/Bruce Wayne

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, inspired by the BRILLIANT novel these violent delights by micah nemerever, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Stalking, Obsession, Domestic Violence, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, bruce and edward are both very very mentally ill just. in different ways, bruce isn’t batman, edward isn’t the riddler, Alternate Universe - Character Swap, what if?????, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, this is what happens when u literally get no sleep and watch the batman again, LGBTQ Themes, if you think theyre capable of being domestic in any universe you are wrong, Blood and Violence, written with copious amounts of richard siken poetry, pauljulian riddlebat we love you!, Title from a Nine Inch Nails Song, im so tired, Out of Character

source https://archiveofourown.org/works/40039413

[ao3feed-brucewayne]

closer (to god)

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/42un0ja

by beatopia

Bruce had always liked to dominate — a part of his faulty wiring, of the misfirings in his brain that had made him want to take far more than he could ever give.

He wanted to cut into Edward just to see what he could take. He wanted to cut into him to see how much he could make himself enjoy, for his sake. He wanted to cut into him simply because he could.

Words: 1839, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: The Batman (Movie 2022), Batman - All Media Types, These Violent Delights - Micah Nemerever

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death

Categories: M/M

Characters: Bruce Wayne, Edward Nygma, Carmine Falcone, Selina Kyle

Relationships: Edward Nygma/Bruce Wayne

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, inspired by the BRILLIANT novel these violent delights by micah nemerever, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Stalking, Obsession, Domestic Violence, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, bruce and edward are both very very mentally ill just. in different ways, bruce isn’t batman, edward isn’t the riddler, Alternate Universe - Character Swap, what if?????, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, this is what happens when u literally get no sleep and watch the batman again, LGBTQ Themes, if you think theyre capable of being domestic in any universe you are wrong, Blood and Violence, written with copious amounts of richard siken poetry, pauljulian riddlebat we love you!, Title from a Nine Inch Nails Song, im so tired, Out of Character

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/42un0ja