#THESE LOSERS HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 30+ YEARS MAN | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pedrospatch · 2 years ago

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what he didn’t do

Preoutbreak! Joel Miller x Female Reader

summary: You’re very recently divorced, but that doesn’t stop a certain handsome, brown-eyed neighbor from taking you out on a date.

warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI. divorced reader, no massive age gap (no specific age is mentioned, but reader is in her early 30’s and Joel is 35) slow burn, 10 year crush kind of deal. reader talks about her past relationship. mentions of food and alcohol. soft, caring Joel. first date fluff.

word count: 5.1k

a/n: so um how are we all doing after today, we still alive out there? 👀 no one asked for this, this fic is purely self indulgent, my lonely single ass is convinced that pre out break Joel would be just the most amazing gentleman on a date, he would be so perfect and just take the best care of you and treat a girl right…so here is what i whipped up.

He’ll treat me right, put me first, be a man of his word

stay home ‘cause he wanted to

always fight for my love

hold on tight like it’s something that he can’t stand to lose

Joel wasn’t all too sure how it even happened.

Earlier that afternoon, he’d gone on over to your place to deliver a piece of mail that the postman had accidentally put in his mailbox instead of yours. While Joel was there, you’d kindly asked him if he could recommend a good plumber that you could call because you had a stubborn leak under the kitchen sink that you needed to get looked at sooner rather than later. Wanting to save you both the hassle and the expense of having to hire someone, Joel had told you to hang tight for a minute and rushed back over to his house, only to return with his yellow toolbox in hand so that he could fix it for you, which he’d done in fifteen minutes flat—and now, just a few hours later into the evening, he was getting himself ready to take you out to dinner.

And the real fucking kicker of it all was that he had been the one to ask you out, proposing the offer while his head had been buried in the cabinet underneath your leaking kitchen sink. At least that way, if you had rejected him, you wouldn’t have been able to see the look of complete and utter embarrassment on his face. But much to Joel’s surprise, not to mention, his relief, you’d eagerly accepted the invitation and even suggested tonight would be the perfect night if he didn’t have prior plans or commitments.

Hell, even if Joel did have prior plans or commitments, he would have canceled them for you without a single ounce of hesitation.

He’d discovered he would do just about anything for you.

Joel shrugged into the light tan, button up shirt that Sarah had helped him pick out earlier just before he’d jumped in the shower. At thirteen, she lived with her nose buried in fashion magazines lately and she didn’t trust him to successfully choose a proper outfit for the occasion on his own without guidance. It had been well over a few years since Joel had been on a date, as she had so kindly pointed out to him while she’d rummaged around through his mess of a closet. Although he insisted that it wasn’t a date, his teenager had scoffed and called him out on his bullshit. “Well, what else do you do you call it when two single adults go out to dinner together alone?” Sarah had challenged him as she held up a couple of different shirts up against his chest, searching for the perfect one. “Especially when one of those two adults has had the most obvious crush on the other one for what, like ten freaking years now?”

“It wasn’t that obvious,” he’d muttered to her in response. Peering at her curiously, he couldn’t help himself as he had asked her, “Was it?”

“Dad, your crush on her has been about as subtle as a brick to the face.” Letting out a huge laugh, Sarah had shoved the shirt she’d selected into his hands and tossed the losers right back into his closet. “Here, wear this one with those dark jeans, the bootcut ones. Don’t roll up the sleeves like you always do. And for the love of all that is holy, at least make an attempt to run a comb through that hair of yours,” she’d advised on her way out the door, leaving him to it.

Joel sighed and buttoned up the shirt, then tugged on his dark blue jeans and a pair of black leather boots—the only pair he owned that weren’t totally worn down to the soles. He finished getting dressed and proceeded to roll up the long sleeves of his shirt up to the middle of his forearms, tucking in the cuffs as neatly as he could. He could already hear his daughter scolding him over it, but screw it, Joel wanted to be comfortable, especially now that warmer weather had arrived in Austin.

After rubbing just the slightest hint of his favorite sandalwood cologne on his neck and on the insides of his wrists, Joel finally left his bedroom and made his way downstairs, trying his absolute hardest to pay no mind to the nerves that were threatening to creep up on him. He entered the living room where he found Tommy sitting on the couch with Sarah, a plastic blue bowl of popcorn nestled between the two of them. Sarah, who had been busy shuffling through a stack of movies in her lap, looked up when she heard him walk into the room and narrowed her green eyes at him. “Come on, man! What did I say earlier about the sleeves?”

“You told me not to roll ‘em up. But I chose not to listen to you,” Joel quipped, eliciting an annoyed sigh from her.

Tommy smirked at him. “So motherfucker, you finally did it, huh? You finally asked her out on a date.” His smirk widened. “Only had to wait, what, about ten fuckin’ years?”

Joel glared at his younger brother. “How did you even—?” He stopped abruptly and his dark brown eyes flickered over to Sarah, who shot him a guilty smile from where she sat. “Really? You just had to tell him?”

“Sorry,” she apologized, sheepishly. “It slipped.”

“Damn, big brother. Y’know, word on the street is that she just signed the divorce papers at the courthouse earlier this week,” Tommy remarked, taking a swig from his bottle of Lone Star as he leaned back into the couch. “You’ve got some real big fuckin’ balls to ask a freshly divorced woman out on a date that quick. I’ve gotta admit that I’m actually pretty fuckin’ impressed with you, Joel. Didn’t think you’d have it in you.”

“It ain’t a date,” Joel muttered out the lie, picking up his keys from the coffee table. “We’re just goin’ out to dinner is all.”

“That’s a date,” Tommy and Sarah stated together in unison.

Joel let out a heavy sigh, deciding that it was better for him to ignore their antics rather than to play into them. “You.” He pointed an index finger at Sarah. “Might not be school night, but I don’t want you stayin’ up too late. And you.” He turned his attention to Tommy. “I don’t want you havin’ any of your little female friends over while I’m out tonight, especially not while Sarah is home. That understood?”

“Yes dad,” both their voices chirped together once again.

Rolling his eyes, Joel bid them a quick goodnight and left the house, making his way across the lawn and over to your place. You lived in the smaller, single story yellow house right next door to his.

You’d moved in next to Joel and Tommy several years ago—Sarah had still been a toddler then and he had just started getting used to life as a single father. Joel would never forget the first time that he laid his eyes on you. He had been in his driveway, taking a look under the hood of his old truck, a hunk of garbage Ford Ranger from the nineties that he’d finally gotten rid of a couple years back and replaced with a Chevrolet Silverado instead; it hadn’t been much of an upgrade, but at least it didn’t break down on him as often. Joel had noticed a moving van in the driveway of the house next door, but he hadn’t given it a second thought. He had been so engrossed in what he’d been doing, but at some point, he looked up from the engine and turned his head at the precise moment that you happened to walk by with a cardboard box in your arms. You’d caught his gaze and offered him what had to be the most beautiful smile he had ever seen in his entire fucking life. Joel had just set his wrench down and was about to head over to offer you some help when a man emerged from the back of the moving van with another box. He gave you a quick kiss on the cheek as he led the way into the house.

Turns out, that man had been your husband.

To say Joel had been sorely disappointed by the fact that you were married had been an understatement to say the least.

It hadn’t taken all too long before Joel met his new neighbors, although he often saw more of you than he ever saw your husband—the man traveled across the country for business and he would be gone for several days, even several weeks at a time. You were a homemaker and to help make life a little less mundane, you’d started something of a daycare in your home, offering to help fellow neighbors who needed someone to watch their younger children during their nine to five work schedules.

When Joel found himself putting in a brutal number of hours in at his construction job, he had struggled to find someone who was willing to look after his then three year old for such extended periods of time. You’d happily volunteered to help him out and you would watch Sarah from sunrise to about sundown for him without a problem. When she started kindergarten two years later, you continued to help Joel out, going as far as taking her to school for him and then picking her up afterwards. You’d never had any children of your own, but you still had maternal instincts, and as Sarah grew up, whenever she would need a woman’s guidance, she would go straight to you without hesitation and you were always there for her no matter what, no questions asked.

Joel couldn’t have been more grateful for you.

He’d seen and spoken to you just about every day for the last decade—he’d even go as far as saying that the two of you were good friends, though since day one, he found himself longing for a hell of a lot more than just your friendship. Joel had thought he would have to shove his true feelings for you down for the rest of his natural born life, that is, until several months ago when he’d noticed the moving truck parked in your driveway one late afternoon as he and Sarah came home from one of her soccer games. Nearly in tears, Sarah had immediately hopped out of the pickup before Joel could even cut the engine and ran over, demanding to know why you hadn’t told her that you were moving—that’s when you fessed up and explained to her that you weren’t going anywhere, but your husband was.

Through whispers in the neighborhood, Joel discovered that you had filed for divorce and although no one knew the exact reason why, many suspected it had been your husband’s constant traveling for work that had done it. Denise, the nosy blonde woman who lived across the street from him swore up and down that he must have had some kind of adulterous affair behind your back—Joel simply told her she needed to lay off her dramatic daytime soap operas.

Regardless of the reason why, you were now officially single.

And Joel was taking you out to dinner.

Whether it was an actual date or not, that hadn’t exactly been established.

He made it up the front porch and inhaled a deep breath, exhaling it slowly through his nose before he knocked on your front door. When you opened it just a few seconds later, all of the wind had been knocked out of his lungs by an invisible force.

You wore a sky blue sundress with a sweet, white floral pattern printed all over it. Thin straps tied together at your shoulders and the hem of the skirt fell right to the middle of your thighs revealing a lot more of your silky smooth legs than he had ever seen before. You’d kept your makeup fairly light, and your hair fell loosely and naturally around your shoulders. Joel noticed you wearing a silver necklace, a butterfly pendant hanging from the chain. He recognized it, because he’d bought it for you, although it was Sarah who had gotten all the credit. She had given it to you as a gift for your birthday that passed by a few months ago.

“Hey!” You beamed at him. “You’re right on time.”

“Hey.” Joel swallowed dryly. “You look really beautiful.”

You smiled shyly. “Thank you. You don’t look so bad yourself,” You returned the compliment, admiring the way the sleeves of his shirt hugged his biceps. “I have to hand it to you, you definitely clean up well, Joel.”

“Next time that you see Sarah, you’d best thank her. She deserves the credit,” he stated, eliciting a small laugh from you. “Are you all ready to go?”

You nodded, grabbing your purse and keys from the small glass table beside the door. You stepped out onto the porch, closing the door behind you; after making sure that you’d locked it properly, you followed Joel across your front lawn and over towards his driveway. He led you to the passenger’s side of his dark blue Silverado and opened the door for you, holding his hand out to help you climb up into the seat. The gesture prompted you to shoot him a strange look.

He frowned a little. “What’s the matter?”

“No, nothing,” You quickly assured him. You placed your hand in his larger one, the contact causing a jolt of electricity to shoot up the length of your spine.

Joel helped you up into the truck and closed the door before making his way around the front of the vehicle and climbing into the driver’s seat. He shoved the key into the ignition and the pickup roared to life. He watched as you put on your seatbelt and then reached out, giving it a tug to make sure you were buckled in well enough. “Just makin’ sure you’re safe is all,” he uttered softly as you tossed him another puzzled glance. He reached over his shoulder for his own seatbelt and buckled it in before finally pulling out of the driveway.

Out of his peripheral vision, Joel could see you wringing your hands together in your lap in something of an anxious manner—were you nervous?

In an effort to comfort you and ease the nerves, Joel reached out and turned up the volume of the radio. He normally kept it on his favorite country station and was just about to ask what station you preferred when you let out a tiny, excited gasp and turned to him, a radiant smile breaking out onto your face.

“Oh, I love this song!” You told him, bringing your hands together in an enthusiastic clap. You then started singing along to the familiar lyrics. “Heads Carolina, tails California, somewhere greener, somewhere warmer, up in the mountains, down by the ocean—”

Joel turned briefly, raising an eyebrow at you. “Nineties country fan, huh?”

“Duh,” You replied playfully. “Nineties were and will probably always be the golden age of country.”

He grinned, turning his attention back onto the road. “I knew there was a reason I liked you.”

Biting back another smile at his words, you turned to look out of the window, nodding your head and tapping your foot along to the beat of the song as you watched the streets of Austin pass by in a blur of lights and people.

Joel had chosen to take you to Antonio’s, a locally owned Italian place that was somewhere between casual and upscale dining. “Wait,” he told you, noticing you reaching for the door handle as soon as he’d parked in front of the restaurant. He jumped out of the driver’s seat and walked around, opening the door for you. Just like when he’d helped you into the truck back at his house, he offered you a hand to help you out of it. He kept his dark brown eyes on your feet, making sure you that didn’t fall or lose one of the brown sandals you were wearing. “Careful.”

“Thank you,” You said kindly to him as he closed the door behind you. Your breath hitched in your throat when you felt him place his hand on the small of your back as he ushered you inside of the restaurant where a hostess led you to a small, round table out in the back patio. You thanked her and reached for your chair, but Joel instantly stopped you.

“Let me,” he insisted, pulling it out for you. He helped you into the chair and noticed you give him another strange look, similar to the ones you’d given him when he’d helped you into the truck and when he’d checked your seatbelt. “Why do you keep lookin’ at me like that? Do I have somethin’ on my face or what?” He asked jokingly as he took his seat across from you.

You hesitated, but then confessed, “I’ve never had someone pull my chair out for me. I’ve never had someone open the car door for me or make sure I’m wearing my seatbelt.” You offered him a small, sheepish smile. “You don’t know how nice that is, Joel.”

Joel stared at you in complete disbelief.

Before he could say anything, a younger waitress appeared at the table to take yours and his orders for beverages. “I’ll just have a cabernet, please,” You ordered, politely. Not wanting to be the asshole who ordered a beer at an Italian place, Joel asked her for a glass of red wine too. She returned moments later with the drinks and then offered to take your orders for food. Both you and Joel decided on a chicken penne pasta dish that looked absolutely delicious. As soon as the waitress took your menus and disappeared back inside, you looked up at Joel and noticed his eyes were fixed intently on you. You felt a slight heat flood your face. “What is it?”

“Nothin’,” he answered, shrugging his shoulders innocently. “You just look really beautiful, that’s all.”

“You said that already,” You reminded him, letting out a breathless little laugh.

“I know.” Joel picked up his glass of wine. He took a quick sip before adding, “But someone as pretty as you deserves to hear it over and over again.”

The night went by fast, much too fast.

One minute, you were both enjoying your dinner and digging into delicious pasta, and the next, the table had been cleared completely, and so had all the other tables surrounding you—you two were the very last patrons in the restaurant. You and Joel had been so lost in conversation that neither of you had realized it was almost eleven and the restaurant was about to close in five minutes.

“We’ve been sitting here talking for three hours,” You gasped lightly.

Joel chuckled. “Time flies when you’re in great company.”

You looked the bill on the table, which the waitress had dropped off over an hour ago, and reached for it, but Joel was quick to snatch it away from you.

You pinned him with a stern look. “Come on, Joel! You fixed my kitchen sink for free, paying for dinner is the least I could do—”

“A lady never pays on a date.”

Your lips parted slightly in pleasant surprise. “Oh. So this is a date?”

Joel laughed as dug his brown leather wallet out from the pocket of his jeans. “I mean, it doesn’t have to be a date if you don’t want it to be. But I still ain’t lettin’ you pay.”

“I do.” You told him softly after a minute. “I do want it to be a date,”

Joel’s eyes met yours across the table and he smiled, looking relieved. “Good. ‘Cause I would’ve been kinda crushed if you’d said otherwise.”

He dropped a couple of twenty dollar bills on the table and stood up. He noticed you about to do the same when he shot you a warning glare.

“Oh. Right.” You giggled and waited until he stood up and held his hand out to you, helping you out of your chair.

As the two made your way out of the restaurant and out to his truck, Joel didn’t let your hand go.

“Thank you again for inviting me out to dinner tonight,” You said sweetly as Joel walked you up the porch steps to your front door. You rummaged through your purse and pulled out your house keys, pausing for a brief moment as you peered shyly up at him through your eyelashes. “Would you like to come in for a drink?”

Joel’s heart skipped an anxious, but eager beat. “I think I’d really like that.”

You turned back to your door and your hand trembled slightly as you jammed the key into the keyhole to unlock it and judging by the way Joel let out a soft chuckle beside you, you were certain that he’d noticed it. You pushed the door open, closing it behind you once the two of you had slipped inside. Setting your purse and keys down, you gestured for him to follow you into your living room where you nodded for him to have a seat on the dark blue velvet couch before you walked towards the kitchen. “What’s your poison?” You called out to him over your shoulder as you began rummaging around in your cabinets for two glasses.

“I’m partial to scotch,” he called back. He then added, “If you’ve got it, of course”

“How do you take it?”

“Neat’s just fine.”

You giggled as you prepared a glass of scotch for him and a glass of red wine for yourself. “Oh you’re just so classy, aren’t you Miller?” Before anything, you did a quick mirror check in the stainless steel toaster on the kitchen counter, making sure that not a single hair was out of place. You then took a deep breath, picked up the glasses, and walked back out into the living room. Handing Joel his glass, you took a seat beside him on the couch; you sat close to him, so close that his arm was pressed against yours. Somehow that wasn’t even remotely close enough. You wanted to be closer and hoped he felt the same.

“By the way, thank you again for fixing the sink for me,” You told him after taking a sip of your wine. “You probably saved me a couple hundred bucks.”

“Oh, it’s nothin’ really,” Joel reassured you. He nudged your arm. “If you ever need me to take a look at anythin’ around the house, please don’t hesitate to call me. I don’t want you reachin’ out to plumblers and electricians, those crooks will see a sweet little lady like yourself and see nothin’ but fuckin’ dollar signs. I don’t want anyone takin’ advantage of you, so when you’ve got a problem, you call me first alright?”

You gazed down into the burgundy depths of your glass, a small smile tugging at the corners of your lips. “I really appreciate that, Joel.” You brought yourself to look up at him, admitting, “Now that I’m living alone, it worries me. Having to take care of this house all by myself.”

Joel gripped his glass tightly, a hesitant expression on his face. “Can I ask you somethin’?”

“Of course.”

“You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. And if it offends you in any way, you’re more than welcome to just give me a good kick in the—”

“Joel!” You rolled your eyes, shaking your head at him. “Just ask me the damn question already.”

“What happened between you two?”

The smile on your face faded away, but you didn’t seem upset at him. “Well, what all have you heard?”

Taking a sip of his scotch, Joel shrugged. “Couple of rumors here and there, but I ain’t the type to believe in gossip. Would rather hear the truth from the source.”

“What did Mrs. Adler have to say about it?”

He snorted into his glass. “That you two probably could have saved your marriage had you just gone to church.”

You couldn’t help but laugh—Mrs. Adler was nice enough, but that woman could really be something else. She was always telling people they had to get right with Jesus.

“So?” Joel prompted you. “What did he do?”

You sighed and turned your body slightly, angling it towards his. “He did quite a bit. Put me through hell, to be honest with you. But you know, I’m not the type to air someone’s dirty laundry. So, I’m not going to tell you what he did.” You paused, your fingers lightly tapping the sides of your glass. “But I’ll tell you what he didn’t do.”

Joel nodded silently, but in understanding.

“He didn’t treat me right. He didn’t treat me the way I deserved. He never wanted to spend time with me. He never wanted to be home with me, which is all I ever wanted from him. He’d travel so much for work, and when he would finally come back after being away, I would be so excited to just be with him.” You scoffed bitterly at the thought of it. “The minute he landed, he would drop his luggage off and head straight to some bar with his buddies. All I’d want is for him to just stay in with me for a night, watch a movie with me, talk with me because I missed him so much while he was gone. But he never chose me. He would never put me first, no matter how many times I asked.” You shrugged and leaned over, setting your glass of wine down on the wooden coffee table before leaning back into the couch. “It probably sounds really stupid but—”

Joel placed a hand on your bare knee, causing your flesh to erupt in goosebumps. “It doesn’t sound stupid at all.”

Finding a bit of courage, you placed your hand on top of his and continued on, “He never made me feel like I was someone worth fighting for, you know? Like my love was something worth fighting for. He made me feel like nothing, Joel. It got to the point where sometimes I believed it—I felt like I was nothing.”

Joel gave your knee a gentle squeeze. “I sure as hell hope you don’t feel that way now,” he said, his lips tugging down into a frown. “Because you’re fuckin’ everythin’.”

Your eyes flickered up to meet his and you had to silently remind yourself to breathe.

Leaning over, Joel set his glass down on the coffee table right beside yours. He turned to you and lifted his hand, touching the side of your face, his thumb delicately sweeping over the silky skin of your cheek. “A woman like you deserves the world and nothin’ less. You know that, don’t you?”

“Joel?” You whispered out his name, your heart racing in your chest at a rate that you were certain had to be much too fast for the human body to withstand.

“Yeah?”

“Can you please kiss me?”

Joel’s hand cradled your face gingerly as he obliged, leaning in so his lips could meet yours in the kiss that he’s been aching to give you for the last yen years. He was gentle and he was sweet with it, but after a minute, he found himself lightly nipping at your bottom lip with his teeth, silently asking permission for more. He felt your lips part slightly against his and he eagerly deepened the embrace, his hand moving to the back of your head while his other found your bare knee again.

Another wave of courage washed over you and you placed your two hands on his chest, pushing him back against the soft, velvet fabric of your couch. You swung a leg over both of his and straddled his lap, your hands now clutching fistfuls of his shirt.

Joel’s own hands went to your hips and he groaned into your kiss.

You pulled away from him, the tip of your nose lightly touching his as the two of you struggled to catch a breath.

“Let me be the one to treat you the way you deserve,” he murmured after a minute, lifting one of his hands to brush your hair back behind your shoulder; his fingertips lightly brushed against the strap of your dress, and it took every ounce of strength he had in him not to pull it down your arm. “Just give me the chance and I’ll hang the moon for you, darlin’—hell, for you I’ll hang the entire fuckin’ galaxy.”

Your heart swelling at his words, you grinned just before pressing your mouth to his once again.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Joel chuckled with a smile against your lips.

You clung to him with fervor, kissing him with a passion that had the both of you seeing stars. Your hands were everywhere, touching, feeling anything part of him you could, eliciting another groan from him as you started grinding down into his lap. Your fingers went to the buttons of his shirt, desperate to feel more.

“Whoa, whoa.” Joel caught both your hands in his and let out a breathless laugh. “Hey. Slow down, sweetheart.”

You looked at him with wide eyes. “Oh I’m sorry, I-I thought you wanted—"

“Oh I do want it, trust me. Pretty sure you can feel how much I want it.” Joel chuckled again, knowing damn good and well that you could feel how hard he’d become for you as you sat in his lap. His hands toyed with the hem of your sundress. “Seein’ you in this dress all night, trust me I want nothin’ more than to have you right here, right now. But I like you way too fuckin’ much to risk messin’ this up by movin’ too fast.”

You pouted at him.

“Oh c’mon darlin’ put that lip away.” Joel lifted his hand, taking your chin between his thumb and index finger. “All I’m sayin’ is that we ain’t gotta rush this. Trust me, you’ve got me hooked already and I don’t plan on goin’ anywhere, alright?”

You almost groaned out in frustration.

He just had to be a fucking gentleman when it came to sex, too.

You sighed in defeat, resting your hands lightly on his chest. “Fine,” You relented with a tiny eye roll, causing him to grin in amusement. You playfully poked his sternum. “But if you don’t fuck me senseless by the third date, we’re going have a problem, Miller.”

Joel groaned, feeling himself grow even harder at the way such a filthy statement had come out of a woman with the face of an angel. “Keep talkin’ like that and you’re goin’ to make it impossible for me to wait that long.”

“Maybe that’s the goal,” You winked at him.

“Just stop talkin’ and c’mere.” He pulled you forward, fusing your mouth to his once again.

#joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller x y/n #joel miller x you #joel miller x oc #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller pedro pascal #pedro pascal characters #pre outbreak!joel #joel miller x original character #joel miller fluff #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fic #joel miller imagine #joel miller tlou #joel miller hbo

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stopthatfool · 1 year ago

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Consistently shocked by the idea that people think Bradley Rooster Bradshaw is chill and laid back. He’s actually shockingly unchill. He is the opposite of chill. He did not inherent any of his parents chillness. He’s a loser who’s too invested in everything.

Like ya hi I’m Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw and I cut off my remaining family, surrogate father, and support system for 15 years cuz he pulled my naval academy papers because he didn’t want me to die like my biological father and because my mother wanted me to be free of the navy’s confinements and to exist outside of a system that physically uses me for their own power and political gains— gains I will never experience and feel for myself. A system that sees me as no more than a number, a soldier, something easily replaceable, as a body to be sacrificed in a war that i did not start nor will i finish.

“Bradley's chill.” No he’s not. He’s a beast. He’s a 30 something year old man whose entire purpose revolves around holding a grudge and proving his surrogate father wrong. This beast who literally said this to his surrogate father— "No wife. No kids. Nobody to mourn when you burn in." Beastly. Ghastly thing to say. 15 years and he still hates the guy who's been there for him since day one. He’s a guy who refuses to even begin to understand where Mav was coming from or to even think of what his mother wanted. He’s evil. And I love him.

Hi I’m Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw and when someone brings up a well known, easily accessible fact that my father and surrogate father used to fly together I will try to cause physical harm against them and my friends will have to physically hold me back. I’m Bradley Bradshaw and I was willing to put my entire career on the line (the one in which I put my family aside for) so I can attack and beat this guy up.

I love his big ol’ Bambi eyes… he’s evil and fucked up and he’s not chill. Yes he wears jorts and tropical shirts, but that just means he’s gay and a fucking liar. Just cuz he looks like some surfer dude does not mean that he’s actually laid back like one. He’s lying to himself— trying to convince himself he is something that he is not and never will be. He is unchill. He’s lame. He has undiagnosed anxiety and it physically expresses itself through anger and loserly-ness. He cares so much to the point of self sabotage. He will always be unchill, no matter how much he tries to change that fact.

Y’all ever want to cradle a grown man in your arms? (graphic design is my passion)

#comic sans #is this controversial #debated about posting this.. i've been sitting on these thoughts for a hot minute... but i gotta share #also this isn’t a call out to anything/one specifically. like i mean this. i just felt like making fun of him.#it's mostly just an excuse to talk about him and make that stupid photo #i shouldn't have access to photoshop #also not saying that hangman was in the right in that scene #just saying that if Bradley were actually chill… he would’ve reacted differently #like sure bradley's chill about what coffee he drinks in the morning or if lunch plans change #but he’s unchill about everything else #top gun maverick #top gun #top gun rooster #bradley rooster bradshaw #he's so annoying i lub him #bradley brad bradshaw my beloved #stopthatfool's adventures with photoshop #computer now riddled with blurry pngs #fuck it posting this

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honeyoru · 4 months ago

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popstar! reader x bakugou fic teaser

masterlist | part one coming soon!

“Lower.” Mina squints at the brightly colored banner that’s hanging unevenly across the expansive width of Bakugou’s living room. She and the rest of the gang on decorating duty were nearly done with their task to transform the blonde’s home, save for the obnoxiously large banner that stretched out “WELCOME HOME” in a flurry of colors.

Denki adjusts himself on the stool he’s precariously wobbling on, glancing quickly to Sero on the other side of the room and then back to the girl. “Which side?”

“Um,” she blinks. “Yours?”

“Is that a question or are you telling us?” the black-haired man snaps incredulously, his calves straining from the twenty minutes they’ve spent holding the strings of the banner up for Mina. I should’ve covered Shouji’s patrol, he thinks, regretting ever volunteering to decorate.

“Um.” She winces. “Telling you?”

Twin groans echo in front of her, and with nearly identical movements the boys slap the taped strings onto the wall, ignoring Mina’s cries that it was not in fact, even.

“No one’s even gonna notice!” Sero jumps down, narrowly avoiding one of the hundreds of balloons scattered on the ground.

“Yeah,” Jiro agrees, standing up from where she had been fiddling with the music setup for later. “This place looks great.”

“She’s not wrong,” Denki says, looking around. “This would get hella views on Pinterest.”

“S’not like she’s gonna give a shit anyways,” Sero snorts. “She’s gonna throw a fit over the size of the place, not the decorations.”

“You know that girl would be thrilled to get together at a FamilyMart,” Mina rolls her eyes. “It’s not her that’ll care how perfect it looks. We’ll be lucky if Bakugou doesn’t set us on fire for the banner.”

“Bakubro should’ve been here then,” the blonde responds. “Kiri won’t care, and it's his own damn sister. He said she just landed, btw.” He holds up his phone where the group chat is open. “And since we're all done, we’re free to go.”

Jiro snickers. “Don’t abbreviate your words, loser. Besides, Blasty's got reason to be on edge. It’s been what? Two years?”

“Just about,” Sero calls behind him as he leads the group outside. “Good thing we’re done, gives me time to shower and change at least,” he winks at the other man. “Gotta look good for my reunion with our pop star.”

“Like you’ve got a chance with her.” Mina can’t help but snort.

“Yeah,” Denki piles on with a knowing grin. “Didn’t she reject you back in third year?”

“Hey, that was five years ago!” Sero says with a pout, leaning into his blonde friend’s shoulder dramatically. “I’m a Pro Hero now, how could she say no to me?”

He gets three responses instantly.

“She’s got standards.”

“She’s an idol.”

“She’s practically taken already.”

“Alright, I get it,” Sero scowls, particularly at the last statement. “Some friends you are.”

“Sorry bud, but you aren’t the only one pining,” Jiro laughs, pushing the two men out of the door. “Get in line.”

“Yeah!” The pink-haired girl scoffed. “Behind me, the rest of Japan and half the world, tape boy!” She flicked the lights off, sliding the extra key into the door and locking it. “Not that it matters,” she sighs with a lingering smile to the apartment door. “If the idiot keeps his head out of his ass this time, she’ll be spoken for soon anyways.”

Kirishima is fairly certain his heart is about to fall out of his ass.

He’s wheezing from chasing a bank robber (who even robs a bank nowadays?) in a dead sprint across Shibuya for the past thirty minutes.

There’s no way this guy doesn't have a speed enhancing quirk, he thinks, muscles burning with exertion.

His pride would be hurt otherwise.

He’s late, much later than he wanted to be. He was supposed to be back at the agency ten minutes prior to when this bozo sprinted out of the bank past him and from the way his pocket has been vibrating every 30 seconds since then, Bakugou’s not pleased his meticulously detailed plan is being thrown off schedule. Again.

Kirishima’s been buzzing all day, anxiety kicked into overdrive when they both had to cover patrols last minute for sidekicks (a disadvantage of running a hero agency, not that he’s complaining).

As a result, decorating and other tasks for the party they’d been planning for months had been handed off to their friends at the last minute, who the redhead sincerely hopes do a good job, lest his explosive best friend do something crazy, like set someone on fire.

#bhna #bhna x reader #bakugou katsuki x reader #bakugou katsuki #bhna fanfiction #katsuki bakugo x reader #currently writing #bakugou x reader #mha fanfiction #mha bakugo x reader #bnha bakugo x reader

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inu-jiru · 5 months ago

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Jazz's "Apology Tour" ramble

Episode was trash, let's go.

First off, the whole "Fuck Blitzo" party is so stupid to me, like you're telling me this 30-something year old man had intimate relationships with ALL these demons and HE was the sole thing that ruined ALL of them?

And how did Verosika even find out about Stolas? Like I know Ozzie's happened, but how'd she hear about their "breakup" (they weren't together but whatever, show)?

Why the FUCK does Verosika care about Stolas being an uwu sad victim of mean old Blitzo aside from everyone being written to want to huff Stolas' sad boi farts?

Why is no one trying to kill Stolas like in Loo Loo Land, like suddenly we're just cool with the oppressive racist now (who am I kidding, the rank system doesn't exist anymore unless the "meanie supremacist" characters bring it up I guess)?

Don't think I'm trying to be "Blitzo's#1Bitch69" or anything, but Season 2 is just so gross in how they've written him. Either he's the big bully meanie for hating his abuser, or they've had him commit the most out of pocket atrocities (like possibly SAing Stolas since he was technically drunk or the circus incident or the shit he pulled with Verosika because what the fuck kinda trauma makes you steal someone credit card for horse riding lessons???) that they just gloss over because fuck having Blitzo actually progress normally or Stolas taking actual responsibility for his own actions, let's just speed through everything so it's back to Stolitz City, don't think about the implications. I just can't stand itttt, I still like and pity Blitz to an extent but his writing is killing meeee

Stolas, stop whimpering about being wanted YOU HAVE A KID WHO HAS STILL NOT APPEARED SINCE SEEING STARS WHERE IS SHE?

Am I really hearing that people are hating the dude flirting with Stolas like come on yall STOLITZ IS NOT OFFICIAL YET CHILL

I've honestly started skipping through episodes, like I can't fucking listen to "WAHHHHH BLITZO I WANT YOU TO WANT ME" for the millionth time, I wish this episode could've just been Blitzo and Verosika facing their issues or something I just don't wanna see this owl loser act like a victim anymoreeee

Man really said "when have I ever been condescending?" SEASON ONE???? How about every time you grab his face and call him out of his name and watch him be shot at while demanding he come over one a month? Oh, but when Blitz starts doing it back it's "Oh I'm uncomfortable ooOoOoo stop it Blitz hnnghhh I don't like it :C :C :C", like whatever man.

The Striker comment was dumb and wrong but that's because Stolas is dumb and wrong

Honestly I feel like I'm repeating the same points I and others have made in the past so all imma say is, I hope Octavia and Stella are enjoying their off-screen and better written adventures together. I'm gonna draw some AU stuff now to give my eyes something better to look at.

OH I forgot to talk about Verosika, uh, she was there? I honestly think she should just get over herself at this point, idk when she and Blitz broke up but what the fuck is it about this clown that she was so enamored over where she's this hurt? I can get being mad about her credit card and Blitz being a lazy partner but if that's the case, I fail to see how they got to a point where she got his name tatted on her arm. Idk it's weird

The Mayweather shit or whatever her name is was pointless and made no sense, like "I want you to kill this woman who made me attempt to kill her and myself but now we're dating" like? Hey Vivzie if yall can callback to that why can't yall call back to Stolas being a creep huh?

EDIT: They really made that fuckass "it's hell" excuse canon, huh? Like, it doesn't even make sense in the context of Blitz saying that, like people say "it's hell" because Biblically speaking, it's where those who truly oppose God in order to live a life of wickedness go as just punishment. Blitz the equivalent of a regular guy in Hell unlike the Hazbin characters, he shouldn't understand that there's a better alternative to Hell because he's not human and never had any opportunity to learn about Heaven or God (unless it's just in their DNA or something idk who knows with this show)

#jazz rambles #helluva boss critical #vivziepop critical #stolas critical #stolitz critical #this goofy ass episode had the nerve to come out on my birthday no wonder I've felt shitty it's the Vivzie curse sobbing #tw sa mention #slight blitzo critical #Like I said #I do pity him but he needs a rewrite badly #Like S1 Blitz should be getting this treatment not S2 Blitz

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octuscle · 7 months ago

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I like to be a fighter from Albania, Serbia or another country like these: good looking, strong and proud and producing at least 12 sons as little fighters too. Dream or reality? you choose, chronivac

Strange wish for a 45-year-old administrative employee at Swiss Post. This is not exactly the place for fighters…

When you finish work, your body feels exhausted. Not like after a physically strenuous day… More like after hard work. Or after a visit to the gym. Not that you've ever been to a gym… Or ever worked hard physically… It's a strange feeling. And it doesn't go away when you enjoy the end of the day with a beer in front of the TV as usual. Actually, you should have been watching a thriller right now. But you're watching the Serbian soccer league. One hand on the beer bottle. One always on your cock and your balls…

Something is different the next morning… You have a lot more beard than usual. Looks good. Why do you always go to the office clean-shaven? You trim the beard a little. Feels very normal. Where's your deodorant? Never mind, I'll have to go without it today… You grab your briefcase, pack your breakfast sandwich and set off for work on your bike. You sit down at your desk. You start working on files. You have trouble sitting still. Shit, you need to move! During your lunch break, you go to the Balkan grill. And you don't realize that you're talking in Serbian to the other men who are taking their break standing up. After your lunch break, you make your rounds through the building. Your job at the in-house post office is not particularly demanding. But you can't imagine working at a desk. You need to get moving. That's why you can't wait to go to the gym after work. Get your muscles burning first. And then train your skills as a street fighter in the ring.

It's a long streetcar ride to the council housing estate on the outskirts of the city. It's one of the first warm evenings. A few of your neighbors are sitting with a beer at the playground in front of one of the run-down apartment blocks. You join them. You don't feel like going back to the small apartment you share with your siblings.

You share your room with two of your brothers. They both work on the assembly line and are on the late shift this week. You try not to wake anyone when you get up at 4:30 am. The garbage collection job is hard work, but it pays well. You can save a lot of money so that you can soon afford your own little house in Belgrade. Zurich is a good city to earn money. But not to live here.

You are a man's household. You can see that. Your bathroom is pretty filthy. Well, you don't really hit the toilet bowl yourself when you piss. Apart from that, just a bit of washing up. What's the point of more? You'll start sweating faster than you'd like.

Most of the guys who work with you are from the Balkans. Many from Croatia and Bosnia. Their parents often fled from your parents during the civil war. But you don't give a damn. The Balkans are the Balkans. In a foreign country with the snooty Swiss, that welds you together. You are a close-knit community. A community of real men. Not wimps like the locals. You are brothers. You have more brothers than the six men you share the apartment with. And you all meet up at the gym in the evenings. The only place where you spend a few of your hard-earned Swiss francs. The rest is saved for a better future.

There is no better place than the gym. Hard training, hard fights, hard sex. Yes, sometimes you also have to bang a woman. So as not to get out of practice. And Swiss whores are easy to come by. You're all real guys who look and smell like men. The whores don't find anything like that among their fellow countrymen. But it's even better if one of your compatriots or an inferior Christian from the Balkans loses to you in a boxing match. The loser gets fucked. And you fuck a lot!

#male tf #muscle tf #reality change #tank top #age reduction #ai image #race change

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moldy-flowers · 3 months ago

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Naruto au where Jiriya comes back to Konoha to adopt Naruto like he promised to do but somewhere along the way they get Tsunade back in the village and Tsunade becomes Sasukes caretaker (She adopts him but neither are comfortable calling eachother mother and son yet so they stick with "The Lady in my house who cooks bad" and "the brat who doesn't appreciate good meals when he sees them")

Then at some point when Naruto and Sasuke are genins Jiriya and Tsunade get married and now Naruto and Sasuke have to live together. There's a really emotional scene of Sasuke having to say goodbye to his old home and its like "oh god its really all over they're not coming back I'm not coming back I can't just leave them behind I need to let go but I just can't do it" and Tsunade calls Sasuke her son for the first time and he totally doesn't cry!!!

Forest of death but Sasuke Sakura and Naruto already know who Orochimaru is, Sasuke knows absolutely not to trust him so the curse mark doesn't really affect him too horribly but it does lead for a lot of tension in the group. Also after being the girlboss she was born to be Sakura decides she can't be protected anymore and bc Tsunade is like, right there she asks her if she can be trained and Tsunade says yes obv. Hiruzen dies purely because i hate that guy but Orochimaru also dies to Jiriya and Tsunade also because I really really hate him too.

Theres the time when Kisame and Itachi visit Konoha and Itachi hears Naruto refer to Tsunade as his mom and Sasuke as his brother and hes GOT to know what's going on so he spies on them and learns that Sasukes been adopted but he sees this moment of Tsunade announcing she's pregnant (what a shocker she was 🤏 that close to never having to worry about pregnancy ever again but Jiriya just couldn't keep it in his pants for another 2 years, the manwhore.) And itachi sees Sasuke realising he's gonna be an older brother and being super happy about it saying he's gonna be the best big brother ever (Hades hangs his laundry on the bar its so low all he's gotta do is not kill everyone and he's already better than Itachi) and Itachi is like "ah man but how's he gonna get stronger there's no hatred in there i need him to do my suicide for me!!!" But Jiriya noticed he was there and confronts him a little later but see Jiriyas a little smarty pants and has been living in Konoha for years and always knew there was something fishy with the massacre and danzo so Jiriya just bluffs his way to the truth (Phoenix is that you?) And he's like "look Sasukes ur brother but he's my son now, he has enough nightmares and enough trauma and enough trust issues to last him a lifetime feck off and if you wanna die so bad then kill yourself and don't use your brother as a tool for ur suicide" <- I may be projecting a bit but ANYWAYS Itachi and Kisame have to leave Konoha bc Naruto is under watch by Kakashi, Tsunade and Jiriya and they are NAWT winning that fight.

Skip to shippuden era Sasuke v/ Itachi fight but Itachis been skipping out on his meds!! (He did it because he's a nerd loser guy who thinks "oh man sasuke isn't angry or filled with hatred and overall living a really terrible and unfufilling life he's probably so weak i need to stoop down to his level") Oh no so hes really super sick and Sasuke has picked up a lot from Tsunade so he knows Itachis time is near and although Sasuke really wants Itachi dead he's like "fuck it, dude you absolutely ruined my life and gave me trauma I'm never ever going to recover from sometimes I still wonder if my friends or family are going to turn around and kill me do you know how fucked that is why the hell did you even do that I don't want some bullshit excuse tell me" like he absolutely chews that loser (derogatory) out and Itachi is like, "kk ill tell u everything" and Sasuke is RUINED and he takes like a long 30 minutes of silence between the two just sitting there for Sasuke to go like "Itachi, I don't... think I forgive you. But I understand why you did it. I would have done it too" And its very emotional!! That moment is all Itachi needs bc he was sort of barely clinging onto life as it is and now that he's got peace he can finally die and they share a really sweet moment before he goes :(

And when Sasuke gets home and cries, (this time he can admit it cause he's a big boy now and understands it's okay to feel) to Tsunade he calls her his mother for the first time and its so ahaishahabnabsjsjnd

Anyways they all lived happily ever after the end no wars no nothing all over bye bye

#naruto #naruto shippuden #naruto uzumaki #haruno sakura #itachi uchiha #uchiha massacre #sasuke uchiha #tsunade senju #Jiriya #Naruto au #Au #orochimaru #When orochimaru dies they all sing that one wizard of Oz song “The witch is dead”#Buy they can't make it a national holiday because that's the day the Hokage died and its a wee bit disrespectful ngl #Though personally I celebrate both deaths with a smile on my face #Uh oh I went on a wee rant there whoopsies hahaha eughhh #The only war in this world is the 1 over the dinner table when Sasuke is desperately trying to stop Naruto from putting ketchup on his food #Sasuke worked hard on that please don't ruin it Naruto #The child was a girl BTW and they spoil her to the max degree but she just likes kakashi more #(Kakashi despises children and wants her AWAY)

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sukirofa · 4 months ago

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sometimes a 30 year old gay man romance is a straight highschool shoujo romance

or ways i think cherry magic is similar to kimi ni todoke

lots of spoilers (especially for kimi ni todoke)

sorry if this is all over the place half of those came to mind while i was writing the already planned half

Sawako and Kurosawa are characters that are shown to have fallen in love with their respective love interests because they believe their LI saw something in them that everyone else ignored. When Shouta calls Sawako by her first name, as opposed to everyone else not knowing her real name, he acknowledges her true self and Sawako is moved by that. When Adachi tells Kurosawa that he’s noticed his hard work but it’s refreshing to see him all flustered, Kurosawa is also moved, as his imperfect side is always ignored or seen as exclusively negative by others. Their main motivator for falling for the other person is fundamentally the same and it’s interesting to compare how it unfolds for both of them. Both are inexperienced in a sense, Sawako never having a crush or a relationship before and Kurosawa, while quite experienced in relationships, has never truly had a crush (especially one to this intensity) before. They also both seem to have a thing for bedheads and losers so good for them.

Sawako and Adachi also let their feelings of admiration for their LI get in the way of realizing their own romantic feelings. One of the most important moments in both relationship developments is them moving past idolization of their LI.

Kurosawa also shares some thought processes with Kazehaya for his reasons for falling in love. Both Kazehaya and Kurosawa are attracted by their love interest’s hard work that is often overlooked by everyone around them. They like the feeling of exclusivity they get by being the only lucky ones to notice such a wonderful person which later on results to justified or not possessiveness and jealousy.

Doesn't help that any attempt Kazehaya and Kurosawa make to get closer to their LI at the start is written off by them as simple kindness that such popular kind beloved person would show to anyone.

On the topic of jealousy, Sawako and Adachi experience it in similar ways. While Kazehaya and Kurosawa are shown (at least in the beginning) as possessive and cautious of everyone around their LI, Sawako and Adachi feel jealous under specific scenarios. And since they’re both their respective series’ more dense person when it comes to their feelings, it’s also the main indicator for them to realize their romantic feelings. Sawako feels jealous when she assumes Kazehaya is calling Kurumi by her first name and even more when she realizes she doesn’t want Kurumi to get with him; and that’s what makes her realize her feelings for him aren’t quite platonic. Adachi contemplates whether he’s actually into Kurosawa or if he’s been swayed by Kurosawa’s feelings. But as soon as he sees him with someone he assumes is his ex girlfriend (Sidenote it’s funny how the most jealous Sawako and Adachi feel is because of an assumption they make) he gets sick and then immediately decides to confess (before he’s interrupted by Mari and once again thrown into a thought spiral of what-ifs).

Sawako and Kurosawa both having a “it's not a dream” moment after they get their confession answered.

Before getting together both ships also have a moment early on where one of them accidentally initiates a kiss that is later referenced when it's time for their actual first kiss. When Sawako falls for Pin’s prank and unintentionally makes Kazehaya believe she's expecting a kiss, frustrated, Kazehaya says that if she were to try that again, he can't know how he'll react. When their relationship is in a rough spot Sawako does try that again, but Kazehaya has absolutely no reaction; she calls him out for his lack of affection and he responds with a kiss to reassure her (of course they also talk it out later). After Kurosawa feels guilty for kissing Adachi’s forehead, Adachi wants to reassure him he didn't hate it. So he straight up says that he didn't hate it. Kurosawa (justified) misunderstands and asks Adachi if he's sure what he's saying and Adachi hesitatingly nods. Kurosawa then goes for a kiss but thankfully theyre interrupted and Adachi makes it clear that he didn't imply that. When Adachi clears up Kurosawa’s concers about his cryptic behavior and confesses about the magic and Kurosawa decides to once again to go for a kiss; He asks again if Adachi understands what that means and Adachi this time confidently nods.

And even though everything seems to go smoothly after their first dates (and the first hand holding) both relationships have a problem looming over them. In KNT the concern is more practical, Kazehaya is mostly afraid of making Sawako uncomfortable and, as every adult around him warns him, not treasuring her (that is, not keeping their relationship appropriate). In CM’s case the problem is that Adachi feels guilty for reading Kurosawa’s thoughts without him knowing. (I also think Shouta’s need to treasure Sawako can also be compared to Kurosawa’s initial perfectionism when it came to dating Adachi, because he wanted to give him a good experience of a first relationship.) If I were to narrow it down both conflicts come down to the fear of power imbalance and creating a distance between the two as a result. In both cases the conflict puts a strain in the relationship. Both Sawako and Kurosawa notice that and call it out.

Of course despite the similarities both conflicts unfold completely differently, mainly because of the experience gap and the age difference of the couples (as well as the content of the conflict itself). Adachi immediately confesses when he sees that he caused Kurosawa distress and the emotional climax is wrapped up with their first kiss.

Sawako and Shouta are a bit more intense (rightfully so; the conflict in KuroAda’s relationship happens a few weeks after dating, for SawaKaze this has been an issue for MONTHS) but ultimately, after Sawako makes her insecurities clear and Shouta realizes how wrong he’s been acting they also resolve the conflict by having their first kiss (as a reassurance, as a confirmation that Kazehaya’s change of attitude is not a product of change of heart, but simply a misguided decision). They also have a much needed conversation afterwards.

Some other trope-y similarities that I don't think are worth expanding on (or at least I can't expand on them as much) but I would like to point out are: the confessions being a day apart in both scenarios and involving running, a love letter (two in knt, one so far in cm). There is a blonde guy who is messy. Another guy who is third wheeling accidentally all the time. That one female character who is very invested in the main's relationship. Adachi and Kazehaya are both older brothers with questionable fathers. Both stories also feature a LDR conflict the climax of which is pretty much the same in both stories (the love letter and their first time)

At their core both KNT and CM are about the importance of mutual respect within a relationship, idolization (and how that can get in the way of a relationship), the importance of communication-that takes time and some arguments and a lot of failed attempts. If you like the one you will definitely like the other.

#cheritodo #cherry magic #kimi ni todoke

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obscuredilfoff · 1 year ago

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Propaganda below the cut!

Uncle Jim

he got bankrupted by his ex boyfriend's parents (ex died and the bank account was in the name of the ex) and had to build his life up from scratch. hes raising his 17 year old nephew for atleast 7 years because his sister did want to be a parent. he has bills to pay but can barely make ends meet. hes the sweetest man on the planet. he famously said 'why do you have to be gay? is it not enough to be poor?' while pursuing a guy he has a one night stand with (its famous because HES gay, hes had to fight his mildly homophobic sister about it and is estranged from her - while raising her child at her request) he nearly got punched by a pretty boy loser of a banker guy (ex bf of one night stand guy). one person is introduced as someone with a long time crush on jim and he turns him down by calling him a Good Kid. the actor for this character is 29 so its a fandom belief that hes probably at most 32 and Dramatique TM. he has so much game. the end scene of the show is him pulling one night stand by his id card, whispering dirty things in his ears and then BITING the lobe. mostest tierdest gay of the neighbourhood, we love uncle jim (additional info with no joke whatsoever because that would be soooo rude and inappropriate - jim in thai slang means pussy, which is the name of this gay elder who everyone in 1km radius wants to fuck. do what you will with this addition)

He's got two young twinks fighting over him. Is like in his late 30s but acts like he's way older. Tells one of the guys who has been in love with him for years that he's a good kid. Dick so good that he got a guy to work for him for free for like a year before he finally acknowledged that they could potentially get together (they only fucked once at the very start). Tells his gay nephew that lives with him that he shouldn't be gay since he's already poor.

Count von Krolock

vampire dilf with a canonically gay son and is implied bisexual. has a dramatic cape and sings about how god is dead

#uncle jim #moonlight chicken #count von krolock #tanz der vampire #polls #round 4

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cosmicjoke · 5 months ago

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As an eruri shipper I wanted to thank you for your callout post. For nearly a year now I have gotten so much hate on my fics that I thought about deleting them, I haven't tho, thankfully. I found out about the spiteful troll and so I did my best to ignore it. However, the hateful comments my work was getting was beyond me because I hardly ever care what people ship or do and was simply minding my business writing what I like only to be told that I'm a jealous loser and I should stop writing Levi together with the "ugly bitch" (referring to Erwin) and that I should touch grass or slit my throat ... which?? And they made it sound like shipping Levi with a man was illegal or that the ship was inappropriate in some way.

I don't know who is really behind those hateful comments but if it's really her I hope karma hits her way very hard. Don't tell people to kill themselves over fiction EVER. That's common decency.

And about some eruris seeing you as an anti shipper. I'll admit I thought you were one as well. It didn't bother me as everyone is free to do whatever they want, but it's a pleasant surprise to know you actually like the ship and write fics for it. If anything, I admire how you can put your shipping goggles aside to write your analyses. It's very impressive.

Don't know if this is relevant but self shippers scare me a bit. Some of them have mean girls energy and I don't want to be attacked so that's why I'm staying on anon🙏🏻

First of all, let me truly thank you from the bottom of my heart for reaching out. It means the world to me, and I admire you for sharing your experience too. I'm super glad to hear that you didn't let the person leaving hateful comments on your stories drive you to delete them. I understand completely where you're coming from, as I've deleted stories of mine in the past due to an overabundance of negative comments. But I've never had anyone actually leave me death threats, or wish for harm to befall me on any of my stories, and to do that is truly the lowest of the low. Not just because it's over something as harmless as a piece of fictional writing, but just in general, it's never okay to wish harm on someone who's never harmed anyone else, or over something as ridiculous as a disagreement.

And yes, given what I've seen from this person on twitter, claiming Erwin is some "old man", they seem to think shipping him and Levi is tantamount to pedophilia, which is so absurd it doesn't even warrant a response. Erwin is at most maybe 5 years older than Levi? If even? They're both in their 30s. Shipping them is totally normal and healthy, lol.

I just think this person has some sort of raging, disgusting prejudice against gay relationships, and they view all gay relationships as perverse in some way. It's truly their problem, not anyone else's. I don't know either if it's the same person I got into an argument with here on tumblr, but so much of the language is the same, and the things they say are so similar to what was being said on twitter and a03, that I'm more than inclined to believe it is the same person. I can only hope my post helps inform more people about them and what a toxic, horrible person they are. Hopefully it will lead to them being blocked so that it isn't so easy for them to harass others. Though I already know they have multiple accounts here on tumblr, since they saw my post and started ranting about it on their blog, even though I had them blocked.

It also means the world to me to know that I've been able to clear up with you my stance on eruri and shipping in general. That was big of you to not be bothered by me when you did think I was an anti, but I'm glad I was able to show you that I'm not. I'm really, really not, lol. I love eruri. It's my favorite ship, and all my favorite AoT fanfics are eruri fics, lol. You can find comments I've left on too many to count at this point. I just try to keep it out of discussions which focus on "Attack on Titan" itself and Levi's role within the story, because I just don't see his relationship with Erwin in canon as romantic. I just think you have to keep the ship separate from canon because if you're going into an analysis of the narrative and Levi's or Erwin's role in it with some preconceived idea that their relationship is romantic in nature, then that's going to color one's ability to objectively analyze the motivations and the reasoning behind both Levi's and Erwin's actions. But I was never, ever against the ship, or against the idea of them being shipped. I think I got the reputation of being an anti because for a long time, I was being inundated with anon asks basically accusing me of being homophobic for saying eruri isn't canon, or anon asks trying to "prove" to me that it is canon and then getting angry at me when I disagreed, or when I lost my patience with them for simply not accepting my stance on this issue. And I think this small group of people then went around to other eruri's and spread to them that I was some sort of aggressive eruri hater. But again, I never was and never will be. I talk more about Levi's relationship with Erwin than any other character, and I find their canon relationship to be incredibly moving and powerful, and further, I love Erwin as a character. One thing I hope all of this will also do is make it clear to other eruri shippers that I'm not against them or their ship at all. I really don't want to be anyone's enemy, least of all eruri shippers. That was never something I set out to do, haha.

But yes, I'm right there with you regarding some self-shippers. Obviously, most of them aren't like this person. Most of them are normal and understand what they write and do is just for fun. But after "Bad Boy" came out, it seemed like the most push back against analysis of that story and its implications came from the self-shipping community, particularly people that seem to actually labor under some sort of delusion of actually, truly being with Levi in a romantic, sexual relationship. I don't understand that at all, because Levi isn't real, lol.

But they seem to get so upset at any discussion of Levi's trauma, or of Levi being affected by his trauma, because acknowledging that trauma and the impact its had on him ruins whatever fantasy, dom-daddy version of Levi it is that they've concocted in their heads. They like to claim Levi is some hard-ass, stoic, unaffected, domineering sex god, because that's what turns them on, and any discussion about what the actual reality of Levi's sexuality would likely be, due to the sexual trauma he's been exposed to, needs to be shut down, because it ruins the fantasy they have. They can't claim that the way they characterize Levi is objective or accurate to canon if Levi's sensitivity or vulnerability as a person is acknowledged, so they like to claim he's not affected at all by his past trauma, that he's just too hardcore to ever succumb to or be profoundly impacted by the things he's lived through. They like to imagine he's just come out the other side totally a-okay and that his stoicism and rudeness is 100% just a product of him being kind of a mean person, again, because they like the idea of being treated meanly by him in a sexual setting.

But Levi isn't a mean person, at all. He's literally the opposite of mean. He's the most thoughtful and considerate character in the series, constantly going out of his way to express his gratitude and ease the suffering of others. He's just awkward, like Dimo Reeves says, and isn't good at filtering his words or expressing himself. That some of these people refuse to acknowledge that the way Levi grew up, the environment he grew up in and the way he was raised, didn't have an impact on his ability to navigate social situations is patently absurd and stupidly unrealistic. It also undermines the severity of abuse Levi suffered in his upbringing, to deny that it had any sort of negative or harmful impact on his ability to interact socially with others. He was raised by a serial killer, for Christ's sake, lol. He wasn't ever taught how to talk to people in a way that would make them more comfortable. He was only ever taught violence and how to kill by Kenny, and he was too young when his mother died to learn anything from her, and he was also abandoned and left on his own at the age of ten, in the most cutthroat, dangerous environment there is inside the walls, surrounded by criminals, rapist, murderers and human traffickers, as well as just desperate people who would resort to plenty of bad shit just to survive. He probably didn't have a single, normal social interaction in his life until he met Furlan and Isabel. I would like these people to explain to me, then, how it is they think that didn't have an impact on the way Levi interacts with others?

He's an exceptionally honest person, too, and he also isn't someone who's concerned with being well-liked, so he doesn't try to ingratiate himself to others by acting friendly. But Levi never sets out to hurt anyone's feelings. He isn't malicious or cruel. He just says what he's thinking and sometimes it comes out sounding unkind. And we see, when Levi realizes it, that he tries to explain himself, again, not because he wants to be liked, but because he doesn't actually ever intend to hurt anyone's feelings. This idea that Levi is a mean person is totally wrong.

Anyway, I went off on a bit of tangent there, lol. Sorry about that. But again I just want to reiterate how much I appreciate you reaching out like this! And don't let these freak shows get you down.

#Levi Ackerman #Erwin Smith #anon asks #tw discourse

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garbinge · 4 months ago

Text

Do What You Gotta Do

Nestor Oceteva x Erin Thomas

Summary: Erin & Nestor through the years.

30 Day Fic Challenge (29/30)

Word Count: 10.5k

A/N: Another Ao3 exchange fic for @drabbles-mc that i never got the chance to post here!

Warnings: All my fics are 18+ regardless of content. Mentions of bullying, killing. angsty, not a happy ending, more angst lol.

Mayans Taglist: @drabbles-mc @justreblogginfics @narcolini @danzer8705 @keyweegirlie @kmc1989

Erin tended to stay confined in her room when her sister and her friends were over. It never used to be that way, when the two of them were younger she often was found right next to her sister or close behind. They were loud, Erin usually being the more lively of the two but the giggles that traveled throughout the halls of the Thomas house were from both of them. The two Thomas sisters were actually inseparable, even throughout Emily’s years of high school. It was a sister bond that couldn’t be swayed the way a friendship could, a sister bond that could withstand the typical disagreements and fights of siblings. A sister bond that could still hold itself close to what it originally and always was. A sister bond that would eventually break when Emily came home on break from college.

Erin was never a fan of Miguel since that day her older sister brought him over to meet the family on that first Thanksgiving break of Emily’s college years. He was arrogant, opinionated, smug and overall just a dickhead as Erin so boldly put it. Which is why whenever Emily had him and his friends over, Erin found herself fully content alone in her room.

Currently, she sat on her bean bag chair with her headphones over her ears, there was a notebook in her hand as she doodled the time away, her legs were probably going to start falling asleep as the minutes passed with them tucked close to her chest and her feet tangled in the depths of the sunken bean bag.

Despite the volume of her music being pretty high, she could still hear the laughs and noises of her sister’s company downstairs. It was normally around the time she’d use the noise as an excuse to get up and stretch her legs and then close the door but she found herself at this moment, doorless. It was an old school punishment but her mother had insisted their housekeeper removed the door of the younger Thomas girl’s bedroom after a pretty heated argument between the two. Privacy was a privilege and privacy is earned. Her mother’s words were so typical of a parent who had lost control of their teenage daughter and was scrambling to try and regain it back.

Erin was feeling the consequences of her loss of privacy when she looked up to see someone in the hallway staring at her. If she didn’t know her sister had people over she probably would have screamed and made some flailing attempt at bum rushing the man in her own defense but she just assumed it was one of Emily or Miguel’s loser friends.

“You’re fuckin’ creepy.” Erin had removed her headphones and readjusted herself to stare back at the kid.

“Sorry.” The man looked flustered and pointed behind him to the balcony and then to the stairs. “I, uh, they told me to leave them alone so I’m kind of just roaming around trying to avoid them.”

Erin frowned now and stood up, she saw the man tense up by her abruptness and while Erin loved to tease people, she ignored the temptation in her to jump scare this random person as she moved to look over the balcony into the living room.

The patio door had been opened and through the big living room window she could see her sister, Miguel, a couple random people and someone who looked just like the man 5 feet from her but with a beard in the pool that was just recently opened for summer. It was slowly coming together for her, all assumptions, but she was pretty firm in her thinking.

A nod shook from her head as she pushed off the railing and moved back into her room, just as she re-entered the bedroom her head looked over her shoulder at the man who was clearly nervous and frozen in the middle of the hallway.

“No invite needed when there’s no door to block you out.” Erin waved her hand in a very over-exaggerated way to invite the man in.

He was still nervous but listened to the girl’s words and stepped into her room, trying to look around at his surroundings but not wanting to be any more intrusive than he had been.

“Privacy is a privilege.” The girl spoke those words in a mocking way as she plopped down on her bed and waved her arms again in an attempt to tell the man he could look around freely.

“Is that why you don’t have a door?” He asked, looking around at the posters taped to the walls.

“I don’t have a door because Diana is a bitch.”

Nestor turned to look at the girl with an inquisitive look.

“My loving and adoring mother.” Erin smiled so sarcastically.

“Erin.” The man pointed to the artwork above where her door should have been, it was a calligraphy artwork of her name, each letter made from a different tropical plant.

“That’s me.” She said grabbing a stuffed animal off her bed to use as a pillow to rest her arms on.

“Nice picture.” The man tried to match Erin’s sarcasm but it definitely needed some work.

“Last thing my dad got me before he left.”

“Left to where?” He asked so nonchalantly and was left shocked by her response.

“Prison.” It was one word but it felt so heavy leaving Erin’s mouth despite her light way of saying it. Her inflection made prison seem like it was stepping out to run an errand but the weight of what she truly said wasn’t lost on him. His head snapped to look at her, surprise all over his face and all Erin did was smile. “So you know all these fun things about me, what about you, mystery man?”

“Mystery man?” His eyes frowned.

“Okay, mystery boy. Puberty looks fresh on you.” Her face was twisted in a devious smile at the comment and her eyes were scanning him up and down.

“I just turned 17.”

Erin knew she struck a cord there. “Attacking your manliness, men are so easy.” She rolled her eyes. “What’s your name, mystery boy?” She continued with her teasing.

He stood there, annoyed slightly debating if he was going to walk out or cave in and give his name. It only took one second for his decision to be made. All it took was for the slightest smirk to flash on Erin’s face for all but a second, it was likely her reading him, realizing he was about to bolt but whatever it was it made him speak immediately.

“Nestor.”

“Sounds like a serial killer's name.” She scoffed and stood up to go by her desk in search of something.

“You’re really rude.” Nestor was again feeling defensive but he had an odd smile on his face.

“Rude or honest?” Erin responded so quickly it made Nestor realize it probably wasn’t the first time she had been accused of being rude. That and she was still rummaging through the things on her desk with no care in the world.

“Here.” She handed him a DVD, Nestor was now realizing this was what she had been searching for the entire time.

“Kill Bill?” Nestor was still so utterly confused by the girl.

“About a killer. Thought you’d like it.” The sarcasm and humor was now dancing with each other as it flew off her tongue.

“She’s technically an assassin.” Nestor was flipping the DVD box over.

“You’ve seen it?” Erin was leaning back against her desk with her arms crossed.

“About a million times. It’s a classic.” He placed the DVD back on her desk when his eyes caught a bunch of different movies scattered around.

“I’m a movie buff.” She shrugged seeing him look over her array of films.

“Classics.” He specified as he noticed the theme to all the disk cases.

“Dying breed.” Erin responded.

“I’ve seen pretty much every one of these at least 3-4 times.” Nestor was still scanning over the different movies. “Except this one.”

“You’re lying.” It was as serious as he had seen Erin since he met her only ten minutes ago. “You’ve never seen Die Hard.” She phrased it as a statement over a question but the way the movie title fell from her lips was like it was a disgrace. “This is like THE classic. I can’t believe you’ve seen The Sound of fucking Music but not Die Hard.” Her voice was full of shock and honestly a little betrayal as she picked up the Sound of Music disk.

“To be fair I haven’t seen The Sound of Music, either.” Nestor shrugged, the odds the girl would pick up one of the few he hadn’t seen didn’t go over his head.

“Whatever, you’re not missing much, I mean Julie Andrews is perfect but it’s singing and nunnery and love. I mean it’s actually great but I can’t believe the serial killer in my room right now has not watched Die Hard.” It was one long-winded sentence and she took a deep breath at the end as she stared at Nestor before jumping into another statement. “You’re coming over Friday. We’re watching Die Hard.” Her head was shaking as she moved back over to her bed and grabbed something from her nightstand.

“You were going to give me Kill Bill to watch on my own.” This was his version of hard to get.

Erin rolled her eyes but it went unnoticed since she was rummaging around her nightstand just to pull out a post-it and start writing on it.

“You get dragged along with your older brother, don’t you?”

Nestor should have been way more aware now to not be shocked by this girl, but he was pretty taken back that she knew.

“How’d you know?”

She turned back around now and looked at him. “If you were friends with them they wouldn’t kick you out. Plus you look like a younger version of the guy that comes with Miguel.”

“Why don’t you hang out with them?” Nestor was genuinely curious.

“Because my older sister kicked me out too.”

“My parents are dead so my brother feels forced to bring me everywhere.”

It was such a heavy statement but said with such ease, very similar to how Erin had told him about her incarcerated father. And Erin got it. She really got it.

Emily and Erin might have had tension between them now that she was getting more involved with Miguel but they both had something that kept them familial. Their parents. Their father was a dark and mysterious man who ended up in prison when they were young and they both equally hated their mother.

With a nod, Erin stood up and stuck the post-it note to Nestor’s chest. He looked down, she wrote on it upside down so he was able to read it immediately.

Movie Night Friday @ 8, bring candy. Tons of it.

“They always get together on Friday Nights here. Ever since school got out for them.” Erin explained.

“So I’ll be here anyway.” He caught on to what she was saying.

“With candy.” Erin interjected.

“With candy.” He laughed and removed the post-it from his chest.

“Nestor!!” A deep voice from downstairs called up interrupting them. “We gotta go!!!”

“I gotta go.” Nestor pointed and began to take steps towards the empty doorway, the smile while faded still filled his face.

Erin smirked, “Do what you gotta do, mystery boy.”

__________

That was all it took. The two 17 year olds became some version of friends as time passed. Honestly, they could have been best friends, but neither of them would have said it out loud. And lucky enough for the both of them, neither Nestor’s brother or Emily cared enough to say anything to them. They probably hadn’t even taken notice enough to even tease them about it.

Erin was passing the bowl of popcorn over to Nestor who was at the opposite side of the couch.

“So you relate to Maria right?” Nestor’s eyes were glued to the TV as his hand extended out to grab the popcorn.

“Are you asking me if I relate to the main character in Sound of fucking Music?” Erin was sprawled on the couch now, her feet taking up a majority of the cushions. She was taking full offense to Nestor's comment and had the tone to prove it.

“I just mean she got sent to this dude’s house because she doesn’t really like rules. Isn’t your mom sending you to that school because you don’t really like rules?” Nestor’s voice still stayed casual despite Erin’s bark.

“We watch these movies because they’re classics not to start a philosophical discussion, blondie.” Erin dismissed him by extending her left foot out and pushing his thigh slightly. The popcorn bowl in his hand spilled out a couple pieces and Nestor let out a laugh at the whole thing.

“I bleached my hair like two weeks ago, when are you going to drop it, red?” Nestor retorted back as he picked up the fallen pieces of popcorn and placed the bowl on the side table next to him.

“Yea, see, Red just doesn’t land the same.” Erin was now crossing her arms and looking over at Nestor. “Plus, you made the impulsive decision to bleach your hair, like, you chose to do whatever that is with your hair,” she pointed to his fried hair which had already grown in his natural roots, “which earns joking rights, I was born with red hair so it just isn’t the same.”

“Julie Andrews has blonde hair.” Nestor pointed to the TV screen.

“Julie Andrews is Julie Andrews.” That was all the explanation Erin needed to use on that argument.

“How is the new school?” Nestor changed subjects.

“Sucks.” It was obvious Erin didn’t want to talk about it.

“Wow it’s like I can envision it with how you describe it.” He wasn’t going to let her dismiss it that easily.

She sarcastically added in an adverb for more detail, “Really sucks.”

“Well now you’re just talking too much.” She had met her match with Nestor.

“Well, we are watching a movie.” The smile on Erin’s face was saying way more than her words ever could. They were saying she felt uncomfortable, that something had to have happened at the school for her to not lay into it in her comedic, sardonic way.

“Why won’t you tell me what happened?”

“Fine you want to know?” Erin was shooting up from her laid back position and now sitting up, her body tense and aggravated. It was like she was a bear and Nestor had done nothing but poke her to irateness. “You really want to know how my new private school is? It’s real swell, we get lockers, mine got vandalized but it’s nothing some nail polish remover and a little elbow grease won’t take care of. The classes are great, learning lots, like how to get kids to stop stealing my stuff or knocking it off my desk.”

It had snapped Erin, the frustration from this last week at her new school was getting hard to cope with and now she was like a floodgate of emotions.

Nestor just sat there, calmly, and listened. When she had taken a moment to breathe deep, he slightly moved forward to pause the movie.

The gesture and the silence that now surrounded them made Erin feel comfortable in some odd way. Comfortable enough to say one more thing.

“They call me Connie.” It was spoken at such a whisper, it was so unlike Erin. Nestor wasn’t even sure if he had ever heard her speak at that volume let alone look the way she looked. She usually took most things with stride, with an attitude and comeback.

“Connie?” Nestor frowned, not only uneasy about her state of being but also confused at the name.

“Short for convict. Apparently everyone figured out my dad’s in prison.”

Now it all came together for Nestor, he knew that could be a tipping point for the girl. She might have been nonchalant in how she talked about it but it didn’t take a genius to realize it was a real weight on her.

“Is that what they wrote on your locker?”

“No, that would’ve been too kind. They drew bars and some shitty version of someone dropping a bar of soap.”

Nestor knew there was nothing he could do, it was a completely different school than where he went and there wasn’t any way he could unenroll her so he did what he did best and just sat and listened to her.

“You wanna finish the movie?” That was Erin’s way of signaling she was done with the conversation. It was Friday night, she wanted a weekend free of school and thoughts of it. Before Nestor could answer he was being interrupted by another voice.

“What are you guys watching?” Miguel had popped into the living room from the kitchen, a fresh beer in his hand as he brought it up to his mouth to drink. His other hand was in his pocket as he stood behind the couch, right in the middle of Erin and Nestor who were still on separate sides of the sofa.

“Hey Mikey.” Nestor nodded to the man.

Erin did all but physically gag as she looked at Miguel. Her eyes rolled, her body language shifted and the attitude was practically dripping off her without a word even being spoken.

“Sound of Music, huh?.” Miguel spotted the DVD case on the coffee table. “Didn’t take either of you as the musical type.”

“It’s a classic.” Erin spoke firmly without even looking at Miguel.

“Ah,” He nodded and took another sip of his beer. “And you’re a fan of the classics aren’t you, Erin?”

“Did you need something, Mike?” Erin snapped her head back to look at the man, the Americanized version of his name slipping off her tongue more harshly than the rest of her sentence.

The smile that grew on his face made her want to grab the popcorn bucket and dump it over his head.

“Actually yea, we were all gonna watch a movie in here, your sister sent me to kick you out. I argued to let you guys be, you seem,” He looked at the large amount of space between you and Nestor and chuckled, “cozy.”

“Erin, out. We’re using the TV.” Emily’s voice came echoing in from the outside patio with a few other mumbles of laughs and conversations behind them.

“We have like 3 TVs in this house, you need this one?” Erin’s voice changed. It wasn’t dripping with the same attitude she had towards Miguel, it was still annoyed, but a lovingly annoyed if that was possible.

“Why don’t you use one of the other TVs.” Emily was barely even paying attention to her sister as she spoke.

“Why don’t you guys do something?” Nestor’s brother was now speaking as he joined Miguel in standing behind the couch. His hand resting on the backrest before he jumped over and plopped down in the middle of the couch. Erin was happy her feet weren’t there any longer because she would have had to jerk them back.

Just as she went to argue, the jingle of metal sounded as Nestor’s brother reached in his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. “Take my car. Scram.” He was throwing them over to Nestor.

“You want to get ice cream?” Nestor asked Erin, not wanting to fight with either Miguel or his brother.

“Foster Freeze.” It was a demand from Erin’s mouth as she stood up and grabbed her stuff off the coffee table and draped her bag over her shoulder.

“Mom’s going to be home at 10. So be home then.” Emily said as she quickly took the spot Erin was in.

“So you kick me out and then give me a curfew?” Erin was turning around with her arms extended out in a version of disbelief.

“For your own good.” Emily acted like she was looking out for her little sister.

“You can lie to yourself but don’t lie to me.” Erin was grabbing her jacket from the closet when the words left her mouth.

Emily had turned on the TV which drowned out the sound of Erin’s voice from her ears. With an eye roll and a heavy stomp of her feet Erin exited the house with a deep exhale, barely missing Nestor’s shoulder with her own. She didn’t want to take her frustration out on him but part of her couldn’t help it when she saw how docile he got around his brother and Miguel.

Silence was at the top of the conversation between Erin and Nestor as they sat across the booth from each other. As each clank of metal utensils hit the glass jars Erin grew more and more annoyed. It felt like her rage was moving a degree up a thermometer with every spoonful of ice cream.

“So you wanna talk about it?” Nestor wasn’t even looking at Erin when the words left his mouth, in fact the words were even muffled as the spoonful of ice cream melted in his mouth.

That broke Erin. Her frustration fully apparent now as she tossed the spoon into her glass causing it to clink around loudly and fall on the table with a couple more loud noises.

“Why the fuck do you suck their dicks like that?”

“Excuse me?” Nestor looked up from his ice cream, frown extremely evident on his face.

“Oh don’t play fuckin’ coy. It doesn’t suit you.” Her back fell against the back of the booth as her arms crossed, her head shook, and her eyes stared off to the side of the shoppe.

“What are you talking about?” Nestor was looking straight at Erin now.

“That shit with them, you act like they’re cool, like–like they’re your friends.” The disgust was evident in her voice.

“I’m pretty sure I said like five words.” Nestor was confused, he had asked Erin if she wanted to talk about it because he thought all her frustration was at Emily not him.

“Hey Mikey.” Erin’s voice got deep as she rocked her shoulders back and forth in an attempt to mock Nestor. If he thought the way she said Mike before was harsh, the addition of the vowel on the end of the man’s nickname in her mockery was ten times that.

“That’s two words.” Nestor was getting annoyed, his leg began shaking as he moved it up and down.

“Yea two words that make me want to throw up–you’re so fucking nice to them, for what?” Erin’s face was twisted in pure confusion. In her head right now there was no explanation that would be worthy to her. She couldn’t stand any one of her sister’s friends, and honestly, her sister was probably top of that list at the moment. Truthfully, all of this anger was a result of pain and hurt. She missed her sister, and blamed the people she hung out with for taking her away. While that did hold some truth, most of Erin’s anger was misplaced there, it really came from her feeling like she was losing everyone around her. She lost her father when he went to jail, her mother shortly after that to her attitude and the bottle, and now her sister.

“They’re all I got.” Nestor’s voice was so much the opposite of Erin’s, his demeanor was calm, solemn, almost peaceful. “When I lost my parents, my brother took me in, he might be a dick sometimes but he’s done everything for me.” He shook his head, “and Mikey, he’s like a brother to me.” A shrug left his shoulders. “I get it, they’re jerks right, but when push came to shove they’d be there for me.”

“You believe that?” Erin still was holding on to whatever parts of her anger that she could even though she sympathized with Nestor, maybe even got a little jealous of the dynamics he shared.

“I know it.” Nestor was firm in his voice, no doubt at all. “It’s the same with you, your sister would do anything for you.”

“I don’t believe that.” Erin rolled her eyes.

“You don’t have to, but it’s the truth.” Nestor scooped the last of his ice cream in his mouth and nodded. “When it comes down to that make or break moment, she’d be there for you.”

Another set of eye rolls came from Erin as she let out a huff. “I don’t have anyone.”

“You have me.” Nestor now leaned back against the booth and crossed his own arms matching Erin’s pose.

Her eyes darted up immediately to meet his. “I don’t believe that.” She repeated the same sentence as before but this time it was said in a way like she wanted him to convince her.

“Well keep up with the crude comments and I don’t know.” He was joking, but before he could double down with another joke his eyes met Erin’s and he knew immediately what she was looking for.

“You got me, you know that, right?”

Erin sat there, there were a bunch of things going through her mind at this point. Her frustration was still lingering. Thoughts of Miguel and Nestor’s brother casually floating around, her sister, the relationship they used to have compared to now, the words Nestor said about Emily, wondering if they really did hold truth. But now, the main thing in her head was that this man, this man who was just some strange boy standing in front of her bedroom door 5 months ago was now telling her he was going to be there for her–no, is there for her. Erin hadn’t trusted a man since her father and despite the love she had for him, he was the reason she couldn’t find it in her to trust anyone. Everyone leaves. It was what she had to tell herself to keep the emotions at bay, control situations, it was why the Emily situation hurt her so much, she trusted her and now felt like she was betraying that trust.

And now, the boy who was telling her that Emily wasn’t betraying her, that when it really came down to it she’d be there, was telling her that he was there.

“I don’t have anyone.” Erin mumbled the words but Nestor heard them perfectly.

“Hey, I’m here.” Nestor was bending his head down to meet Erin’s gaze which had fallen to the floor. His voice was optimistic, it was almost like he didn’t understand the weight of what he was saying, and honestly he didn’t, but it didn’t matter to Erin because in this moment she just needed someone, someone who would be there.

“Okay.” Erin’s voice had completely flipped since the beginning of their conversation. It was soft, shaky, and even a little weepy as a tear fell down her cheek.

Nestor’s hand came out to grab hers and with it came a squeeze. Erin was glad that was all it was because if he had gotten up to hug her it would have released the flood gates entirely and she would be a sobbing mess in the middle of her favorite ice cream place.

“I’m gonna go pay, I’ll be right back, okay?”

Erin had started to pull herself back together, her attitude and normal toned voice coming back along with the tears fully disappeared from her face now as she wiped it clean.

“Yea, do what you gotta do.”

____________

Erin didn’t want to go to prom, it wasn’t exactly her scene. It also wasn’t like she was close friends with anyone at her school, most everyone found their reasons to bully her and make fun of her. All of that gave her one giant reason to say no to going to prom. But then Diana happened to come across the info online. If there was shopping involved, especially for a dress, Diane was in. That didn’t mean Erin wasn’t going to actively and loudly complain about it. Every time they went dress shopping, every fitting, every mention at something to do with prom, Erin let her opinion on it be known. But deep down, she was happy that her mom was forcing her to go, because it brought her and Emily together on something and it was the first time in a long time where the two girls actually enjoyed being together.

The two were laughing, they were whispering and gossiping like middle schoolers, they were causing trouble in stores, having their mother yell at them like they were children again. It made every prom task bearable. Emily had been home for the summer, Miguel had stayed back on campus for an additional month to take a quick summer course. It was what Erin would have described as a dream. Her weeknights were movies with Nestor and ice cream afterwards with Emily. Once or twice the three hung out together, but that basically consisted of Nestor third wheeling all while the young Thomas girl teased him for being so quiet and shy.

The month of May might have become some of Erin’s most treasured days. It didn’t matter that she had to go to prom or that she had to go to that stupid school, she had two of her favorite people to lean on and that was all she needed.

The doorbell rang and it caused a frown to fill Erin’s face as she turned in her floor length royal blue dress that was picked out by her mother. Emily’s face turned into a grin as she moved to the door, resting her digital camera to the side for the first time since her little sister had entered the living room. It didn’t matter that Emily was the one who was upstairs with Erin for hours getting her ready and was able to take all of this in then, she needed to document as much of this moment as possible.

“Who is that?” Diana looked visibly annoyed. The audacity of someone interrupting her special night.

As Emily approached with someone very closely behind her, she stepped aside as the hallway ended and the living room began and swiftly moved to the right. With eagerness in her voice, and a smile that easily reached from ear to ear, she introduced the person who was walking in behind her.

“Look who’s here! It’s Nestor!”

Erin’s face was shocked, not because he was here and seeing her in this ridiculous prom dress but because he was standing 5 feet from her, in a suit. His hair was freshly shaped up on the sides and gelled curls sitting on the top, as Erin’s eyes moved down, she saw his black skinny tie tucked behind the lapels of his black suit jacket, all accented against the crisp white button up. Her gaze moved over to his left where his pocket sat. Within it was a rich blue handkerchief sticking out where a matching boutonniere was clipped on. The deep blue flower and baby’s breath didn’t just match her dress with the perfect royal hue but it was paired with the corsage he was fiddling with in his hands.

That’s when a small smile tugged at her face. As she stared at the corsage in his hands, she saw the rings still on his hands, one his brother had gifted him for his birthday, and the other that he had always sported since she met him. Taking in this completely new Nestor felt a lot easier seeing those rings.

“What are you doing here?” Erin’s voice was a whisper and despite her excitement peaking through slightly, there was still some confusion in her tone.

“I, uh, asked him to be your date tonight.” Emily had her mouth closed but she was smiling as she said it, her eyes bouncing from her sister and the man to her left.

“Oh shoot!” Emily gasped. “I should have taken a picture of your reaction, can you make the face again, reenact it, oh my gosh, look it’s Nestor in a suit!” Emily tried to mimic her words from before while adding in some description for context of what she was looking for from Erin. But before she could even bring the camera up to her face to look through the viewfinder, there was a nagging voice interrupting.

“Emily, you didn’t match the colors. If you were going to do this little surprise for your sister, the least you could have done was put a little effort into getting them to look like dates.” Diana’s whining voice filled the air.

“Mom, can you just relax, enjoy the moment.” Emily was moving over to her mother to ease the tension she was inevitably bringing to the room. “Nestor, go over by Erin, let us take a few pictures so you both can get out of here.” Emily’s eyes rolled to look over at her mother and then quickly changed to look through her camera, ready to snap a few pictures and push the two out.

The minute Erin closed the car door she was turning to look at Nestor. “What the hell are you doing?

“Going to prom.” Nestor shrugged as he leaned forward to turn the key into the ignition.

“Yea, but why?” Erin looked around to realize that this was his brother’s car, his prize possession. “And why are we in your brother's car?”

“Your sister asked. Plus, I figured you could use some friendly company tonight.” It was said so nonchalantly.

“And the car?” Erin accepted his statement about coming with her to prom and was waiting for the answer to her last question.

“The car,” his grin grew wide, “the car, I stole from my brother.” Nestor began to drive out of the Thomas’ driveway. His left hand was tight on the wheel and his right was resting comfortably on the middle console as the 91 Nissan coasted on the neighborhood streets of Santo Padre.

“He’s gonna kill you.” Erin matched his grin and fell back comfortably in the seat.

“Worth it.” A shrug fell from Nestor’s shoulders before he turned right to get on the main highway. “I know how much you love this car, it’s the one thing about my brother that doesn’t make you mumble under your breath or roll your eyes.” Nestor knew Erin so well. “If anything,” he pointed with his right hand while still staring out the windshield, “you actually stare mesmerized at this thing whenever he pulls up in it.”

“It’s cool.” Her shoulders lifted up and fell quickly trying to seem as indifferent as possible. “Plus,” she quickly added another statement in her own defense, “it's purple, who doesn’t stare at a purple car.”

Nestor nodded, he wasn’t going to argue with the girl, especially not on her prom night. Instead he just looked at how empty the highway was, then a thought popped into his brain. It took him a minute to decide if it was a good idea but ultimately he thought ‘what did he have to lose’? His foot pressed against the gas, his eyes quickly glancing over to see the pure joy on Erin’s face as the odometer kept increasing as they made their way to her school.

___________

Prom was uneventful, but if Erin was honest she was beyond grateful Nestor was there with her. It made the night not just bearable but maybe even a little enjoyable.

Currently the two were leaving the photo booth, full of laughs. ‘The fun flask’, as Erin referred to it, was on its last leg. There was maybe 4 shots left in it which would likely not be evenly distributed between them both.

“You wanna dance?” Nestor’s hand on Erin’s back as he guided her out of the booth didn’t go unnoticed by the girl.

“You’re drunk.” She accused him with a quick whip of her neck to stare at him shocked by his words.

“No, but you are. You’ve been sipping way more from that flask than I have.” Nestor pointed out.

Erin’s eyes moved from Nestor to the dance floor to see the big crowd of people on the wooden tiles. “If I’m drunk, I don’t know how smart hitting the dance floor’s gonna be, Nes.” Erin’s eyebrows lifted up as he head tilted.

“What’d I tell you? I got you.” His hand tightened on her back and before she could answer her feet were moving her closer to the crowd.

The song slowed down, offering them up a moment to take things easy as they swayed back and forth. Nestor’s hands were comfortably resting on Nestor’s back, her long red hair brushing against them as the slight breeze from their side by side movements. Nestor wasn’t drunk, but those couple shots he did take earlier in the night were giving him the liquid courage to have his fingers playing around in the ends of it.

And Erin was drunk enough to not only let it happen but mention it.

“You’re handsy tonight.” She beamed as she said it.

“So are you.” Nestor looked down to where her arms rested on his shoulders, her hands were twisted over each other behind his neck and mindlessly playing with the curls of his she could reach.

“You know, between you and the fun flask, this night went from bearable to maybe a little enjoyable, to one of the best nights I’ve had in a really long time.”

It was one of the handful of times Erin had said something that wasn’t tainted in sarcasm or a joke. Any one of those attributes that while Nestor had a secret appreciation for, he couldn’t help but also love these rare intimate moments with the girl.

“I’m glad I came.” Nestor held his composure as he always did, despite feeling the nerves and sweat all as his heartbeat sped up.

Subconsciously the two moved closer together, their bodies resting against each other, their foreheads centimeters from touching. Nestor’s left hand moved up to grab Erin’s right. His hand first caressed up to her arm, it was light and made Erin’s heart flutter, but then when it rested as a soft grip on her hand her heart started to beat heavy. She suddenly became super aware of how close the two were to each other. Every thought running through her mind at light speed. The endless nights the two had spent together but not one where they were remotely this close, or looked this good. The laughs were nothing compared to the giggles the two shared tonight. Erin never realized any of this before, and if she did she made damn sure to bury it deep without giving it a single thought. Nestor on the other hand, realized it every time he looked at her, every time she spoke, yelled, rolled her eyes. From the moment he saw her, Nestor knew he had feelings for her. But he never could find it in him to act on it.

It’s why now he couldn’t either.

“I have to tell you something.” The words were drowned out by the crowd and music, so when Erin had replied “what?” it was in hopes Nestor would repeat the sentence but instead he just shared the news and to his luck the DJ had just began to fade out the song.

“I joined the Navy, I leave on the first day of summer.”

Erin felt everything in her freeze, but that was after everything dropped. Her heart fell to her stomach, her stomach fell to the floor it felt like and then everything just froze. She thought it was like 10 minutes of her just standing there, but it was barely 10 seconds.

“Wow–uh,–well, we know blue is your color.” Erin’s eyes moved to the boutonniere and her hands loosened slightly from behind his neck but didn’t fall completely.

“Are you mad?” The worry in Nestor’s face did something to Erin. It made everything that she wanted to do just mere seconds ago disappear. The sarcasm was rising back up, her coping mechanism to this exact thing falling into all the right places. But instead of being mean about it, she took her acerbity and decided to joke.

“Not mad, G.I. Joe. Confused how you’re going to make it out at sea when you couldn’t even swim in a pool after watching Jaws.”

“I told you that happened when I was a kid, I was like 10.” Nestor defended himself.

“When we rewatched it I saw how you looked at our pool the next day. Looking for fins and ghosts of marine biologists.”

“I’m glad you’re not mad, I thought you’d be mad.”

If he says mad one more time I’m going to rage. Was the thought in her head but the words that came out were ones of opposition. “Nope, not mad.

“I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.” Nestor smiled, the irony that he was removing her hands from around his neck in the moment he said that. “I gotta take a piss, I’ll be right back, okay?” He squeezed her hands before dropping them and walking away before he could hear the girl’s answer.

Erin stood there, alone, watching Nestor walk away as every emotion she tried so hard to bury for years came barreling to the forefront and just let out a murmur.

“Yea, do what you gotta do.”

__________

The time passed differently when there was a countdown attached to it. There was always a weight hanging over each day, pressure to make the most out of what was left. Each day that the sun stayed out a little longer meant a little less time that was left Nestor went away to boot camp. It was ironic how the days were getting longer but it was just a sign that they were running out.

“Last night home.” Erin plopped down next to Nestor who was sitting on a park bench as the festival that always kicked off the day before summer started commenced in front of them. Erin was holding out a corn dog for Nestor while she started to eat hers.

“I don’t know why you like these things.” He spoke completely ignoring her comment and going to take a bite from the corndog before he took it out of her hand.

“Yet you still eat them.” Erin’s mouth was full as she spoke with a shoulder raise and head shake in disbelief at the words coming out of his mouth.

“It’s like they’re so bad that they’re good.” He explained.

It got quiet between the two as they ate, a comfortable silence as the noises of the festival around them filled the air. Laughs from children chasing each other on the concrete street that was blocked off from cars and littered with food trucks and stands selling things. Music from a live band just a few 100 feet to their left near the park’s lake. The white noise from the bouncy houses that were behind them set up on the large fields of grass.

“Remember this festival last year?” Erin changed topics as she dipped half of her corn dog in cheese.

As she did it, Nestor looked over and realized what she was doing and quickly dipped his own food into the small cheese cup in Erin’s hand.

“Yea, you threw up the 5 corndogs you ate.” Nestor let out a laugh.

“It was 7,” she clarified, those extra two corn dogs might not have mattered to anyone else but to her they were the culprits of what pushed her to get sick, “but I meant the movie.”

“Sound of Music.” Nestor’s voice had a smile in it, almost like he knew what Erin was going to say next.

“The unfinished movie.” There was a bit of disappointment in her voice.

“They might be playing it tonight.” Hopeful, that was the best way to describe how he was speaking to Erin.

“They aren’t. I checked.” Erin let out a sigh as she fell back against the rest of the bench.

“You want to head to your place? We could watch it there.”

It was obvious, the tension in the air. It all came down to these last few hours. Erin wanted to say yes, she wanted to share the full list of things she had started on prom night. She wanted to grab him by his stupid band t-shirt and pull his face to her own, she wanted to tell him how she felt, every thought that she had regarding him. She wanted to tell him not to go, not to leave. But instead nothing of that sort came out.

“No, it’s okay. Let’s just walk around.” Erin shook her head and immediately was standing up so that there was no room for arguments. She was probably two or three feet away when she turned to the man and nodded her head to the side, pointing to the large area of the park that was blocked off with fair games and prizes. “Let’s see who can beat who in the water gun race, we can call it your first bootcamp training.”

Nestor looked down, his arm was extended on the back rest of the bench as he let out a laugh. “You’re on.”

______

If Erin thought the weight of the days prior felt heavy, this morning made it look like the force of a feather. It took everything in her to get out of bed, to get dressed. It didn’t help that saying goodbye felt nothing like their normal days. Despite the obviousness of it all, it was the surrounding of people Erin couldn’t stand. People who wouldn’t miss him the way she would, some who would but in their own way. Erin stood behind Miguel and the other Oceteva. Emily was there too, along with a few of their other friends. Most of them standing ahead of Erin, giving handshakes and pep talks mixed with hugs and laughs. Erin felt like a stranger, like an outsider. It was a feeling she’d have to get used to, she was about to be alone again. She hated comparing the two, but it reminded her heavily about her father. Erin couldn’t help but think that she was just meant to be in this world solo, no friends, no one close, just her against life.

It wouldn’t be the worst thing, but after experiencing loss time and time again, Erin couldn’t help but feel she just made it worse on herself.

Her thoughts were interrupted when the sun suddenly stopped shining on her face and it was just a dark shadow in replacement of it. Looking up she saw Nestor, in his boot camp uniform, his hair freshly cut, likely by his brother this morning. He looked nothing like the man she knew, which she thought would make this easier but it made it even harder.

“So I guess, this is it.” Erin held her hand up in an effort to block the sun from hitting her eyes but it was just a displacement behavior to hide her face from Nestor and hopefully manage any emotion that was building up.

“I’m gonna write, you know.” Nestor had his typical young-teen jokey tone of voice behind the little chuckle that came out.

He didn’t realize it at first but it doubled down on everything to Erin. She didn’t feel seen, or understood, if anything it made her think that everything she was feeling was invalid or overexaggerated.

The pain became so evident in Erin’s eyes that no sunglasses, hand over the forehead, or shadow could hide it.

“Hey, I’m serious.” His voice turned earnest. Before any other words could be spoken, Nestor quickly grabbed the girl and brought her against his chest in an embrace. His hands were resting over her shoulders and his head just over her own. Nestor would have never admitted it to anyone but he never thought the smell of shampoo would break his heart the way it was now as he took a harsh inhale as the two teenagers hugged. “I get visitor days, too. I’ll let you know when they are, it’s gonna fly by. I’ll be home before you know it.”

Erin immediately thought about time and how quick the days from prom to now went, how she blinked and the moment arrived and for a minute felt optimistic. Until, she remembered how time worked. Time changed things, time passed slowly when inconvenient and fast when you wanted a moment to savor it. Time rarely worked out in anyone’s favor, and time never worked in Erin’s. She flashed back to saying goodbye to her father, how she expected her weekends to be in a prison parloir amongst people just like her waiting to talk to their convicted love ones but that never happen. Erin was taken off the list and never heard from the man again. She wanted to threaten Nestor, tell him that he had to write, that he had to reach out but it wasn’t her. To be honest, the part of her that knew how to guard herself from pain and hurt started coming out the minute Nestor had told her about joining the Navy and right now was the moment all that progress was going to break or become as solid as a concrete wall.

“Plus, we still have to finish Sound of Music, so obviously I’ll be home soon so we can do that.” Nestor was getting nervous by the girl’s lack of words, it wasn’t like Erin to go silent like this. He’d take any type of response from her, even a sarcastic one. Anything was better than the silence. So he thought.

“Alright, sailor.” Erin was pulling away from the hug but to Nestor it felt more like she was pushing him away. “Don’t all stand on the same side of the ship.” Erin let out a sarcastic joke that normally Nestor would have rolled his eyes at or even responded too but the words gutted him. He didn’t want a sarcastic response, he wanted something deep and real from the girl. It’s when he finally realized what Erin could’ve been feeling.

“You know you still got me, right? I’m not leaving you, I’m–”

“Doing what you gotta do.” Erin’s arms were coming to rub up and down on Nestor’s arm. It was a gesture to ease him but nothing in this moment was going to make either of them feel comfortable.

All Nestor did was nod in response. Erin gave a half smile and squeezed his arm one last time to say goodbye. His brother had honked the horn and yelled out that they needed to go to stay on time. Erin knew there were a few more people who needed to offer their send offs so instead of Nestor leaving her, she pushed him away and let that concrete wall in her heart stand strong and tall.

“Alright sailor, go do what you gotta do.”

_______________

One letter. No visits. Eight years.

It was about one month in when Erin received the letter from Nestor. It had been following the 3 she sent on her own. The first two were nonsensical, filling him in on silly things like town happenings, new movies, what’s been going on with her family. When she didn’t get a reply she just figured there were rules for the new trainees, they probably had limits and needed to build a tolerance and understanding to being separated from home for periods of time. But when Emily had come home and told Erin that Nestor’s brother had passed away, Erin didn’t care about Navy rules. That’s what the third letter was, it was a beautifully written note of her condolences, her sorrows, and her love and pain for Nestor, despite her opinion on the older Oceteva, she was fully aware of the bond they shared and how this would affect Nestor especially after losing his parents.

When she got his letter back, she knew it was going to be filled with pain and sadness, but she didn’t expect it to be towards her. She read it over and over again, to make sure she was understanding the words correctly. It was a form of torture reading that letter again and again. The coldness in Nestor, the lack of depth in his words, the inadequate reasonings as to why he was doing this.

After boot camp I’m deploying for 3 cycles. Not coming home anytime soon. Writing to let you know that you should stop. Stop sending letters, stop reaching out, stop thinking about me completely.

-Oceteva

After the first day of rereading it came the second. On that second day she only read it once before she set it to flames along with any other mental attachment she had to Nestor. Her pain took her so far that she left Santo Padre on the third day and never looked back.

But here she was eight years later. Back in her hometown but a completely different person. One of ferocity and of independence. She was a person who didn’t take shit from anyone, opinionated and never stifled. It was honestly a lot of her traits from a teenager but heightened, pulled more to the forefront. She never stayed in one place or held onto a relationship for too long, either. She was truly a wildcard.

Currently she was holding up the rocker sign to the security camera that sat in the entrance of her older sister’s house. She didn’t exactly want to be there, but when Miguel called her while she could easily say no to him, she couldn’t say no to Emily. And the way he described it, Emily needed help.

Erin sat on the couch, feeling the weight of their conversation.

“I do always disappear because I hate this fucking town. I never loved it like you do.” Erin was visibly stressed as she spoke to her sister.

“I know but it’s where we grew up. So all our memories are here.” Emily had a definiteness to her words.

“Mm-hmm. Yeah.” Erin crossed her arms and looked up at Emily, a sense of power in her stare. “That’s the problem.” A sarcastic smile filled her face for the briefest second before it fell into a straight face. “I thought you out of all people would understand.” Erin pushed off the kitchen island and crossed her arms.

“Understand what?” Emily was frowning as she brought her espresso cup up to her mouth.

“How often do you see EZ, Em? Must be tough living in this small town running into your teenage sweetheart. The pride of Santo Padre.” Erin was purposely choosing words that would sting and felt emotionally heavy in hopes Emily would get what she was saying without having to say what she actually meant out loud.

The look on Emily’s face gave it away. It was a mix of feeling sick at the mention of EZ, since he went away and Emily went to college it was never brought up again, never talked about between the sisters. It didn’t help that the two didn’t exactly have the bond they used to but it was likely that even if they did Emily would have never brought it up.

“I didn’t realize–” Emily shook her head looking for the right words to say, “you left so soon after he did that I just–” she stopped that sentence and started a new one realizing that thought wasn’t what should have been the sentiment shared to her little sister in this moment. “I’m sorry I didn’t realize.”

That wasn’t exactly the most comforting response either but it was better than rehashing the details.

“All good. We all got our own lives to live, shit to do. Obligations.” That last word was said with such grit and harshness, a repetition of something Emily had used earlier in her argument with Erin to get a leg up on her and belittle her little sister but now was coming back to bite her.

“Make yourself at home, Miguel is out on a work thing and I’m about to head out, we’re still in the process of unpacking so it’s kind of crazy.” Emily changed the subject and took a deep inhale as a way to clear the air from their discussion.

“You got doors on your bedrooms so it’s automatically better than the last house I lived at in Santo Padre.” Erin smirked, a smile where her teeth didn’t show and her cheeks barely raised. It was a smile that would have earned her a slap across the face from her mother but from Emily it just earned her the same smile back as she walked away.

Which is what lead Erin to be sitting on the couch, her arm over her forehead with her eyes shut wishing she was anywhere but here. She shot up quickly though at the sound of a door closing, not sure who it could be if Miguel and Emily were out, she knew her sister had hired help around the house with cleaning and that Miguel had security so it was extremely likely to be someone of that nature but it didn’t stop her from being curious.

As she stood up she peaked into the kitchen where she saw the fridge door open and a pair of slacks and dress shoes. The top half of the person was covered by the door but she assumed by the looks of it, it was a security person.

“Just announcing my presence, don’t want to be shot or anything, I’m Emily’s sister, gonna be here for a while.”

A hand rested on the door of the fridge now it stayed there for 10 seconds before it closed revealing the person in entirety.

Erin recognized him immediately, eight years of differences but she could see right through them. After looking at everything that was the same, she took in what was different. He was more built now, he always had a broad chest but now it was more defined. His hair was in two french braids but you could see the curls peeking out through his baby hairs. As her eyes moved down she saw him wearing a button up dress shirt, anyone else could have overseen the purple color to it, but it was a perfect match to what the eldest Oceteva brother drove when they were in high school.

“What are you doing here?” Nestor’s voice was shaky as he spoke.

Erin let out a scoff. “What am I doing here? It’s my sister's house. What are you doing here?” Her eyes looked down to the holsters across his arms, the guns snuggled tightly in their respective places and it hit her. “Holy shit, you work for him.”

Immediately, she thought about all the things she was going to say to her sister for not warning her, for not giving her the heads up, especially after the things they talked about. It might not have been direct, but Erin knew Emily understood the weight of everything she was saying and she was definitely going to ring her sister out.

Nestor just stood there, not sure what to say.

“You know, I pictured this, running into you back home, the part of me that still romanticizes shit thought maybe it’d be at the day before summer festival, Sound of Music on that stupid blow up projector. I thought you’d apologize, tell me what the fuck happened in that thick ass skull of yours five years ago. And even if nothing came out of it, we’d have some type of fucking closure, some answers.”

“Erin.” Nestor spoke like he was going to take a step forward but he was still frozen in place.

“You’re just as much of the mystery man you were when I first met you. Serial killer and all.” She pointed at the guns on his side, a smile on her face but it was one of full shock and heartbreak.

“I pushed you away because it was the best thing.” It was the first real thing Nestor had said since the two were sharing space in the kitchen.

“And this?” Erin waved her hands in reference to the house around her. “Is this the best thing?” Her hand moved to her head as if a headache was onsetting which wouldn’t have been much of a surprise based on the situation going on right now. “For fucks sake, Nestor. We used to make fun of these guys, we used to shit on them, we hated them.”

“I never hated them. I told you. I told you Mikey was like a brother to me.” There he was the young vocal Nestor that only Erin and a good amount of alcohol could bring out these days.

“So you decide to come and do his dirty work, be his little bitch?” Erin wasn’t going to hold back now. “Real brotherly. Would a brother take your life from you, what kind of fucking life is this Nestor?”

“One with purpose.” He responded so quickly like it was an automated response, like he was on a job interview or was given a script.

Erin let out a laugh. “And to think I loved you.” Her eyes were wide at the statement, it was something she never said out loud before, she thought it, but never spoke it. But that wasn’t why her eyes were wide, it was the shock of whatever was unfolding in front of her.

At the mention of love, Nestor went soft. His eyes softened. Yet another way the two were on completely different pages, completely different wavelengths.

“Er.”

“Don’t worry about it, Nes,” Erin retorted with her own nickname. “We just became the people we were meant to be.” Erin shrugged and made her way toward Nestor. The two were now inches from one another like they were the last time they saw each other, except now Erin wasn’t going to hide any of her emotion, she wasn’t going to bite back any anger.

“I’m not planning on being here long. Got a disappearing act to keep up with. Wouldn’t want to drop any stars on Yelp, you know. Erin the wild, in your city one day and out the next. Guess I have you and my dear old dad to thank for that.”

“Erin.” Nestor whispered her full name and went to move so he could try and grab her hands but she pulled them away like she was near a hot stove. Her hand gravitated to his shoulder and patted it in such a sarcastic manner, the attitude dripping off every syllable she spoke before pushing past him and leaving him alone in the kitchen.

“You do what you gotta do, Nestor. Like you always have.”

#mayans mc #mayans fx #mayans #mayans fanfic #nestor oceteva #erin thomas #nestor oceteva x erin thomas #my writing #garbinge

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thedawningofthehour · 4 months ago

Note

Joe Biden resigned as a candiate and I found out from a tumblr meme :(

Your fic makes me so happy in these times

Like I didn't want Biden to run for reelection but I hate this. The time for him to drop out was six months ago. Or he could have fucking resigned a year ago and let Harris run as the incumbent-for real, I half expected Joe to get reelected and then resign the second day, fuck off into the sunset with his dogs and cat and send us tiktoks of him sipping pina coladas on the beach. The only reason I can think of for him to be doing this is that he's about to do a bunch of shit that would tank his chances for reelection, like packing the Supreme Court or declaring a national ice cream day. Actually, no, we already have a national ice cream day, and it's...today, actually. Biden literally ended his reelection bid on National Ice Cream Day. Huh.

Anyway. I would definitely prefer for the first female president to be elected in, but clearly America isn't ready for a female president. 2016 showed us that the most qualified woman still can't beat the most unqualified man. And before you start yelling that Clinton wasn't the most qualified woman-she was practically president already. Bill Clinton's presidency is viewed very favorably, the 90s were great in the US. Hillary has always been the brains of their duo, Bill was the face-look at Hillary during any of her speeches, she is not a natural public speaker and is very uncomfortable up there. But she weathers it, she practices, and she fucking knows her stuff. In an alternate universe we're finishing up Hillary's second term. We have a liberal majority in the Supreme Court and still have RvW. RBG retired and lived the last few years of her life like the queen she was. Four people died of covid. Trump put out a book and spent some time touring conservative news outlets to whine about how oppressed he is, but he's returned to 'washed-out loser everyone ridicules' status. And we don't have that because liberals would rather sit on their hands and wait for a unicorn to come along than vote for an imperfect candidate.

"Well she's corrupt-" THEY'RE ALL CORRUPT. ANY POLITICIAN WHO MAKES IT THAT FAR IN AMERICAN POLITICS COULD HAVE ONLY GOTTEN THERE BY BEING CORRUPT. THE ONLY EXCEPTIONS ARE BERNIE AND AOC AND AOC WILL ABSOLUTELY BE SHOT WHEN SHE INEVITABLY RUNS FOR PRESIDENT. EVERYONE LEFT OF THEM HAS BEEN MURDERED BY THE CIA.

Like, for fuck's sake, yes Hillary was out for herself. She would have still ended up being a solid president, because she's fucking smart and knows that would serve her.

The whole thing with covid, it handed Trump every advantage. National crises are election gold for the incumbent, provided they don't completely fuck it. The only reason Bush won in 2004 (which was the only time a Republican won the popular vote in the last 30-some years, I might add) was because he was in office when 9/11 happened. Three years later, despite Bush still fucking up quite a bit in his response, he still benefited from being the guy who 'brought our country together' and people voted for him as an emotional response. The same would have happened in 2020. And Trump literally had it set up for him. Like, there were already plans in place to handle a pandemic, he had experts swarming in ready to take the reins and deal with this for him. Literally all he had to do was wear a mask and say "listen to my man Fauci, he knows what he's talking about." He would have gotten credit for dealing with covid. He would have gotten reelected. Even the most selfish, corrupt version of Clinton that exists in people's minds would have done that, because it would have been in her best interest.

He couldn't fucking do that. He couldn't shut his goddamn mouth, he couldn't stand to have it not be about him for five minutes. He couldn't wear a mask like a fucking adult. So many people died because he was acting like a literal toddler. And in doing so he destroyed his bid for reelection.

And now we're back here again.

I comfort myself with the knowledge that he's never won the popular vote. That he's killed much of his own base with covid. That he's old, that he has to die at some point. That the Antichrist prophecy explicitly states that the Antichrist will only be in power for three and a half years, that he'll fail at every attempt to wrestle power back. (you guys should look up the parallels from Trump to the Antichrist prophecy if you haven't already, like I'm not religious but it's actually really freaky how accurate it is) But I just...I can't do this again. I was so hoping he'd just be dead by now.

For everyone in the US who will be old enough/eligible to vote in November: for fuck's sake, VOTE. Check your state's registration laws, double and triple-check that you're registered. Vote. Vote blue. It doesn't fucking matter who the candidate is, if Trump gets back in you will never have the opportunity to vote again. People will die. And I will be fucking off to Canada or Europe. I know they got their own problems, but Jesus Christ.

And wherever you live-and this is the only time I will ever fucking say this-I would consider buying a gun if you feel comfortable doing that. I hate guns, I think the 'home defense' argument is fucking stupid, but this isn't a normal situation. No matter what the outcome of this election is, Trump's cult is going to get violent. They're cowards and will go for people they think aren't a threat. I'm not even advocating for shooting anyone, just make it look like you and your neighborhood aren't worth it. This shit's going to get a lot worse before it gets better, and we're at the point I legitimately wonder if it's ever going to get better.

#fuck i'm sorry i did a whole ramble #especially sorry to the people who don't even live in the us #i'm so tired of living in unprecedented times #and i'm too broke to get drunk until i forget what's going on #just #why did he miss?#it's bad enough that he did that but he could have at least succeeded

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payservewomen · 9 months ago

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I’m tempted to say “I’ve hit a new low”😔 but in reality, I’ve been at rock bottom for…a very long time. Years I suppose.

But at least a few years ago, I interacted with women outside of work. But now? I don’t even leave my bedroom on my days off from work.

I sit on my bed, watching humiliation clips; calling ignore phone lines; taking embarrassing photos of myself; edging myself, oftentimes for many hours(almost never less than 4hrs. up to 12hrs)

The one newer development is- I’ll edge for a while, but then the sadness/anxiety makes me go limp….or i’ll be semi hard but my loser penis only grows slightly larger.

It’s like i’m trying to keep in as small as possible, because I know it should be teeny tiny. It CAN grow to 7in but considering how pathetic I am, part of me wishes I had a microdick. Then I could forget these thoughts i have of becoming a normal person again.

Then I could search 24/7 for a superior woman who wants to use and abuse me.

I fantasize about meeting a woman and dating….Getting comfortable with her to the point that I’m able to do the best I’m capable of in making her orgasm…. But then we open up and share kinks etc….and i know as time goes on, there will be many times my dick doesn’t work.

Slowly over time, she realizes just how much of a beta i am, and begins flirting with real, confident men.

By this time, we’re living together; Maybe one month she asks me to cover all the rent, then bills and spends her money on going out….Then a “friend” of hers(maybe with a unisex name that’s usually a woman’s name)is coming into town; she offers our place to stay….Tells me to make dinner etc saying “ali loves lobster tails and filet mignon! I know ur low on money, but it’s ok! I’ll still have enough left until ur next paycheck! Thanks sweetie! Maybe we’ll meet at the airport, then I’ll let you know when we’re on our way, flight gets in i think about 5pm but who knows if it’ll be on time”

I get off work, begin prepping everything….texting her asking if ali’s plane arrived at 5:30….”it did but we’re tryna find the luggage etc. With traffic it’ll take quite a while, plan for a late dinner!”

By 6:30, still nothing, so i text then call to find her phones off.

I figure she’ll probably be walking in any minute….So i check the “find my iphone” tryna be extra sweet and have everything timed perfectly. I see it moved from the airport towards home and begin making dinner….Until i realize another hour has passed. I check it again to see it’s been somewhere between home and the airport for 2 hours now!

Next thing i know, it’s 10, then 11, then 12 midnight!

I’m dozing off and finally see a text “Omg babe i’m sorry! I lost track of time! Ali said getting a hotel room would be easier, and we’ve just been catching up but ugh it got so late and you know how i don’t like to drive at night anyway, so I’m just gonna stay here tonight, see ya tomorrow!”

I just fall asleep, and wake in the AM to see several weird video texts from a number i don’t know….I hear giggling and a man’s voice….almost seeming like someone’s trying to record something and my gf saying “no stop don’t! that’s mean ali!” There’s at least 4-5 clips like that, the last one ending with my girlfriends sexy belly on the screen. I figure ohhh they’re just having fun i guess? But it did give me a bad feeling in my stomach….

Those vids were sent at about 1am. Then at 2am, just a close up of what i’m sure is my gf’s skin, but i can’t tell what part of her body…..but the audio on it was simply my gfs voice sounding like she’s whining or moaning or something? and saying “mmmmm ohhhhk fuck it”

Then 30mins later the clip begins blacked out, but with clear audio…just sounds like licking and slurping….Then a man’s voice “yeah worship it bitch. Now, say it” then the phone moves, showing an arrogant looking man smiling, then it slowly pans down over his entire perfectly fit muscular body….very slowly, stopping on each part of his stunningly perfect body….i mean this guy had an 8pack! Absolutely chiseled in every way. Then it stops to show his abs and v-lines, and then slowly shows his balls…I didn’t know balls could actually be that big!

Then slowly as possible, the camera moves to show the thickest cock i’ve ever seen!

Then the vids stop…but there’s a text at 4am with only an address….my gf knows i wake up for work at 4am…

i call and text her but her phones off ofc. I go to work, and finally around noon, my gf calls saying she’s going shopping with Ali, saying she didn’t bring any of her credit cards asking if i’ve got any money left…i tell her i’m not sure how much, but i’ve got $500 in a sportsbook app from winning the night before…”omg babe that’s perfect! Don’t worry i can move it from there, is it your normal password?” I answer yes, and ask her just to leave at least $100 or so….

And ask if theyre gonna be having dinner tonight…”yeah sweetie we are! I’ll let you know when we’re on the way”

I ask her wtf all those vids were. and who that guy was and she replies “huh? Wait what? You’re telling me you got videos from a random number?! And it had a perfect man’s body with a horse cock?! Lol babe i dunno what websites you’ve been visiting but i’d imagine it’s something to do with that!🤣 What?! u think i’m cheating on you with an old friend or something?! jk! Love u babe”

I hang up the phone and immediately get the same text with the same address, i look up the address to find a really really nice hotel is there. Then another text comes through simply saying “penthouse suite, beta cuck”

Then another text….just a screenshot of a receipt from stub hub for tickets to the nuggets game that night, 5:10pm. 2 tickets, $250 each, wow, better than i’ve ever had for sure.

Then one more text again with the hotels address, saying “ur welcome to stop by whenever, but i suggest you either wait for us to get there or something. not getting up to open the door if we busy fuckin. Can’t wait to see your bitch ass cry🤣”

This one hits me like a ton of bricks and it’s feeling more n more that it’s gotta be exactly what it seems….but no way she’d do this to me!

The great part of our relationship is complete and total honesty and openness! My gf, allison is kinky and loves to be a dirty slut, and we have talked about her fucking others, maybe even a gangbang!

But we’d only done a handful of super kinky things….we’re both submissive so it’s kinda hard to push it and try really crazy n kinky things….we both need that more aggressive attitude!

But i know she loves me deeply. We’ve such an intensely strong emotional connection, more than either of us ever have!

Still no word from my gf and it’s 8pm. At 9pm she finally texts me but it’s the exact same as from the other phone number and it’s just the hotel address and room number…..I call her back, and it rings and rings until going to voicemail. Maybe she didn’t hear it, i call again…it rings 3-4times, less than the last time, then goes to voicemail. I try again and it rings twice then voicemail….Again, same thing. I call yet AGAIN, prob the 6th time and it goes straight to voicemail!

I check the phone locator app and see her phone was at ball arena(nuggets play there)the length of the game….and moved to exactly where the hotel is.

I get dressed, now fearing the worst, but thinking “ok this makes no sense! Either she’s playing some joke on me; something weird like that or some surprise for me?”But i do realize that the most likely thing is…maybe she’s been partying with her friend, she cheated and isn’t sure how to deal with me…..But what’s up with the pics etc? ofc she’s aware of my pervy kinks etc, and she’s prob making it seem like she’s cheating on me, i’m hoping!

I walk to the light rail station, and get on the train….Ugh yeh don’t have the money to get an uber…i checked my bet365 account to see its at zero!

Wtf?! I had some futures bets….ones i could cash out for about $250 total, but they were all just cashed out! i’ve not one bet at all and no money here!

I see that $800 was withdrawn and my bank account was credited $800! But $500 used for the tickets, and $300 spent at some weird fancy store downtown.

Ok that’s it i’ve gotta see what’s up as i’m sitting on the train, mind running wild. Fuck, i gotta get off and walk 20mins, then get a bus!

I get off the train, walking to the bus stop…..Bus finally comes and oh fuck, as i’m tryna buy a bus ticket on the app(for $2.75) It dawns on me “fuck i don’t have enough money in my account” i look at the driver and say “i’m not sure why it’s not working” he looks at it and says “yeah cuz you’re card is being declined, sorry” and closes the doors.

I’m defeated and want to cry. Looking at google, i see it’ll take 2.5 hours to walk there….

It’s now almost 10pm and i consider going back home, but then wtf?! I can’t just sit at home wondering wtf is going on!

So i walk and walk…i watch the clip again and again of the perfect man’s body, fantasizing that the woman i’m in love with is cheating on me in the meanest way possible….Finally, it’s after midnight and I arrive at the hotel….I ask the front desk how to get to the penthouse, and she tells me “the elevator is right over there, but Sir, there isn’t anyone staying there right now”

I thank her and walk away tryna figure out what to do.

I text my gf asking why she texted me that address. she texts back right away with another address! I lose it and call a few times, each time it’s sent to voicemail. I text her back yelling “OK WTF is going on?! What’s your problem? Tell me what’s happening right fucking now!”

She texts back “i’m sorry sweetie, i didn’t mean to upset you! Just having fun with my friend, sorry guess i didn’t realize….I’ll be home tonight, but we’re out, omg babe i’m so drunk! I’ll see you at home, probably late!”

So i begin to walk back home…and remember the light rail isn’t running anymore….Now, I’ve got a 3.5 hour walk!

Finally i arrive home, it rained a little and i’m soaked, socks wet, and miserable and exhausted….

I open the door and hear slurping sounds and my gf giggling. My heart sinks and i already know what’s happening….I yell “wtf are you laughing about?! The fuck is wrong with you, ur being a fucking bitch!”

And i see the same man from the clips emerge from my bedroom, butt naked….he’s holding my favorite shirt, sweat dripping off his immaculate body and he wipes it off, then wipes his asshole with it, now it has skidmarks and throws it at me, saying “wtf did you say bitch?”

I ask who he is and what he’s doing at my place he replies “whatever tf i feel like doing faggot!” I say no it’s my place, and no i’m not gay” i emphasize gay, since i’m not a fan of bigotry and homophobia…”yeh didn’t say your gay, but you ARE a bitch ass faggot! Wtf you gonna do about it, huh? that’s wtf i thought, now, on your knees…obey or i’m gonna beat you up so badly….maybe you’ll get outta the hospital by the time i get out of jail, but it’s your choice” while making his pecs bounce in a very intimidating way. he walks up to me cracking his knuckles saying “ya know, i really DO hope you put up a fight; nobody ever wants to fight me” I look him up and down, knowing he’d kill me quickly….He’s gotta be a foot taller than me….im 5’9 and he’s gotta be at least 6’6!

I ask if i can take my shoes and wet socks off first and he laughs then slaps me in the face, open handed but hard, immediately followed by a left handed slap, i lose my balance and stumble to my knees, then i say “ok ok” on my knees looking up at him.

“Thank me for bullying you. Do it bitch” i thank him, he laughs, spits on me and gives me a wedgie….i make noise indicating it’s hurting, and he proceeds to give me an atomic wedgie…laughs then demands i take my clothes off but keep my wet socks on….

He laughs hysterically at my dick and shouts “baby, how tf were you actually fucking THIS?! omfg, ok come on slut”

And i see my love…she’s crawling on all fours..crawls up to this greek god and begins kissing his feet. She works her way up his legs, as she kisses and licks literally every inch of his perfect body.

Ali then says “ok now, don’t make me tell you again”

She looks me directly in my eyes “Bobby, keep looking in my eyes, ali says we must keep eye contact and he’s in charge here, ok? Please listen to what he says, i don’t want you to get hurt, i really don’t…not physically anyway. I say that because i i i DO want you to get emotionally hurt. I am sorry but when Ali told me he wanted to fuck me, i told him about you. Over months he kept teasing me for fucking such a loser; i love you but you are a loser. He’s been sending me pics of him, and the girls he fucks and omg babe, they cum so hard, and I fondly remembered being fucked by ali. I broke up with him cuz he cheated constantly and i thought that wasn’t ok, Now i realize how superior he is. It’s a small price to pay to be allowed to touch a superior man, im sure you understand. After i admitted how badly i wanted him he began insulting you and making fun of you. He made me take pics and record our sex, and that’s why i haven’t cum in so long, he said i wasn’t allowed with a loser like you. Ali is a sadist, he loves to make women worship him and loves nothing more than breaking beta men like you. That’s not an insult; you’re a beta, he’s an alpha, ya know?

He’s been planning for months to do this….it’s his masterpiece of destroying a loser!”

By this time i’m crying, tears streaming down my face…

“now bobby, we’re recording all of this and you’re now going to thank ali for making your fantasies come true. I know it hurts; the goal is to break you. Ali and i will marry, and you will work for us and live in a tiny room in the basement. U will be used and abused. I know it hurts but this is your new life now. Sure you can run away or something, but then ali will send all the vids and clips to your entire contact list.

But right now you’re going to beg ali to let you eat his sweaty asshole, do it you fucking piece of shit!” By this time ali is rubbing her pussy with his foot and it’s making her horny af….mmm fuck, i fucking hate you loser!” And she spits on me, confusing and hurting me.

I begin to beg to eat his asshole….

And wow, I began this planning on just whining about being so sad and pathetic but then wrote all this…wow i’ve got issues

#findom humiliation #beta bitch #loser abuse #loser humiliation #self humiliation #degrade and humiliate me #findom addiction #beta #verbal humiliation #pathetic loser #alpha man #beta loser #pathetic men #pathetic sissy #beta slave #pussy free loser #gross loser #humiliation task

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