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artificialqueens · 7 years ago

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Love me tender - Part Two (Shalaska/Pearlet), by Lavish

A/N: The long overdue second chapter. I am extremely sorry this took so long. Thank you to everyone who filled my askbox with questions about this fic even after so long. I love each and every one of you. Xo, Lavish.

Coming home was always a drag for Alaska. She never really left her office downtown before 7 pm, and still had a long drive back to the suburbs. Tom had talked her into living in Manhattan Beach, explicitly because it would be best to raise their kids in a safe, children-appropriate area. Young and in love, Alaska had accepted without even thinking twice. Now, stuck in traffic on a Friday night, with no kids, and wondering what take out service to call, it didn’t feel so great to have splurged in such a big house far away from her job. Nevertheless, she never really made the effort to escape Manhattan Beach. Alaska knew to select which battles to fight. Lately, she had been choosing much more than she’d like. She looked out of the window, analyzing the people on the sidewalks to pass the time. Since it was just the beginning of the weekend, the streets were packed. A roaring sound of chatter and laughter made its way inside the car from the people sat outside bars, already too drunk to care for politeness or tone. Alaska couldn’t help but smile. Not long ago, she was one of them. At this moment, she couldn’t really put a finger on the last time she went out. The red light turned green, and gripping the wheel with both of her hands, Alaska followed ahead, tired of feeling shitty about herself. She was a grown woman, who was able to not only fix her life but others as well. That was the main reason she’d gone to Law School in the first place. She was a helper, a giver, never a taker. Alaska always took better care of others than of herself. She allowed her mind run back to the meeting earlier, marveling in the story of the three individuals. She thought of Violet, still a young girl, having to make the tough choice of raising her baby or giving up a life she created. She thought of Matt, poor Matt, who seemed so scared to let their kid go to other hands, but also very afraid of losing Violet to his selfishness. Lastly, Alaska thought of Sharon, the beautiful nurse. Her belly fluttered with familiar butterflies while she reminisced in the memory of her voice and the warm touch of her hands. It was hard to concentrate on traffic. Alaska decided to call the one person she knew who was an all time fool and yet lovable. She selected the phone icon on her car screen and pressed the first contact. “Go for Cory.” His voice resonated through the speaker. The sound of it made her body relax, and Alaska felt the muscles of her shoulders start to detangle. “Hey, dork.” “Oh, my! Is this… is this Alaska? I once heard a tale about this mystical creature but I never knew one could get in touch with aliens so easily! How’s planet Glamtron?” Her brother joked in false awe, and she sensed no traces of resent in his speech. True, it’d been a while since they talked, but Cory made her feel closer to him everytime they spoke. A smile spread across her face and Alaska heard herself cackling, the sound resonating in the car. “How have you been, sis?” “Same old. I’m doing ok, I actually picked up a great case today.” She stopped at another red light and took her time watching the passers by. “There’s this teen couple, the girl is 6 months pregnant… She wants to give the baby up but the father is just not taking it. He won’t tell her tho, the poor thing is scared. And guess who’s adopting? Oh yes, the most beautiful nurse who ever lived.” “Ooooh, somebody’s got the hots for the nurse! Guess she’ll be….. licking your wounds very soon, what up?” Alaska scoffed and tried to contain a fit of laughter. She heard Cory’s snorting through the line. “You are so gross, oh my God. But no, she will not be licking anything, as I am a married lady and she’s a mom to be, so suck it.” “I know who you want to su…” “THAT’S ENOUGH FOR THIS CONVERSATION. I hope you don’t kiss our mom with that mouth, ugh.” She pressed on the accelerator, watching the parade of cars ahead finally start to move. Thankfully, she was halfway through the journey already. “Yeah, right. But really, Lask, stay cool. Also, send me a picture of her next time you see her. I would like to know what this lady looks like if she’s messing with your head like that.” “Maybe in the next life.” She took a left, breathing in deeply before talking again. “Hey, we should get lunch sometime. Wanna join me tomorrow?” “Hamburger Mary’s?” “Deal. You’re paying. Byeee!” She hung up before he could protest, a smile still accompanying her on the travel home. ———————————————————————————– Alaska arrived to an empty, dark house. There were traces of her husband’s entrance. His suit jacket was carefully folded on their L shaped couch, a cup of scotch half full sat on the coffee table, and his briefcase stood at a perfect 90º angle by the wall. It was all too meticulous like it was all a video game scenario. Nothing smelled like him, nothing seemed like he had got in with the intents to stay. By the door frame, a note. “Went to tennis practice with the guys. Don’t wait up. Love, T.” Alaska took a deep breath, expecting anger or sadness to wash over her. That something would cross her mind and ignite a more natural feeling than the utter relief she felt to know he wasn’t home. She sat down, defeated, kicking off her high heels. What was happening? Not too long ago she knew she would’ve been pissed. She would’ve called, asked him why he wasn’t home, she’d chase him down, even offer to tag along and play a match. But when you chase after someone for too long, the enchantment just fades away. You get worn out, you look for ways not to step on their toes because you simply don’t bother. Instead, all the anger flutters when you’re together, when you have to stand someone’s presence and the quirks you thought you’d learned to love. She motioned towards the kitchen and checked the clock for the first time since she’d entered. 9:23. She figured it was ok to have dinner, since Tom wouldn’t be back so soon. The club he played only closed at 11, and he was never one to leave early or leave a game unfinished. She picked out carrots, peas, cheese and two eggs, opting for an omelet. She found some left overs from the night before, and decided to leave them for when he arrived. Alaska went back to her pondering while the skillet heated, the only thing hot enough in the sterile, cold house she never called home anymore. Alaska found herself escaping any contact to avoid conflict. She didn’t even manage guilt to surface. She felt nothing about her relationship, save for some neediness here and there. Hot tears spiked her eyes, frustration the only thing to actually take over. Her marriage fell apart and she didn’t bother. Salty tears insisted on jumping off her eyes, making her dinner even more depressing. Her food was tasteless, despite her best efforts to season it. She felt pathetic, eating alone with most of the lights out. Still with a heavy stream cascading down her cheeks, she collected her belongings and headed upstairs to her bedroom. Not even her bed, decorated with cream and white pillows and bedding, looked that inviting. She opted to fill her tub with warm water and rose-smelling bubbles. Watching the steam rising from the water finally made soothed her, and the warmth of the room decorated her cheeks with a pink flush. She cut the stream of tears, wiping the rest of them before letting down her hair from the low bun she’d made. The strands brushed her shoulders, tickling the soft skin of her neck. It had always been her favorite thing to pamper herself. Shimmying out of her trousers and finally getting rid of her collared shirt, Alaska felt as if she was peeling off worries of her body. She could launder them later - both worries and clothes. For now, she just wanted to enjoy a calm bubble bath. After stripping off her underwear, she climbed into the hot water. The knots of her muscles untangled instantly, and her heartbeat finally slowed down. She didn’t know how long it’d been since it’d been racing. She reached a long arm out, extending it towards her phone. There was one call from Tom and 3 messages from an unknown number. She decided to call her husband first. She was sent to voicemail. “Hey, it’s me. I’m home, just taking a bath. There’s dinner in the fridge. I’ll see you tomorrow, ok?” She softened her voice, remembering the end of his note. “Love you too.” She hung up fast, as if she was afraid of her own words. Again, pathetic. Cursing under her breath, she unlocked her device and read the messages. [20:58] Hi, Alaska, this is Sharon! We met earlier today. Listen, I was wondering if we could set up a meeting before Friday, there are some things I would like to discuss with you on the side. Beer’s on me! Xx [21:02] Also I may or may not have willingly downloaded ‘Love Me Tender’ and a bunch of other Elvis tunes and put them in a pen drive for you, so when you come around at the hospital they’ll be our jams. [21:02] Ok, now I’m done. Let me know when our little meeting will go down! Alaska nearly dropped her phone. Her eyes were wider than an apple pie, and a surprised smile occupied the place her frown had been moments ago. She typed in an answer, scared her runny, wet fingers may let her phone slip. [21:49] I can’t believe you! Going as far as actually occupying disk memory in your computer with these songs can only mean one thing… [21:49] You either really really like ancient songs OR (which is highly more likely) you are determined to kiss my ass continuously until you get guard on this child lol kudos on the effort tho!! And yes, we shall meet again. I’ll be downtown again tomorrow to have lunch w my brother, would you like to meet me after? Alaska hit send before she could regret it. She knew it’d be odd in the least to meet a client during the weekend, but then again, it was Sharon who proposed it in the first place. Granted, they did have to discuss matters on the child and make sure she was ready to welcome a baby into her home and her life, so there had a lot of explaining and planning to do. Alaska clung to that idea, repeating to herself she was not taking her newest client on a date. Her ethic manners screamed at her heart, condemning how fast it beat waiting for an answer. She decided to focus on her bath and relax, putting away her phone to clear off her head. Sometimes, she felt it necessary to just be out of thoughts, feelings and memory. She appreciated the numbness and oblivion of moments like these. Alaska sunk deeper inside her tub, allowing the water to cover her pale body from head to toe. She stayed down, in her nest of warmth, until her lungs begged for breath. She lost track of time, distracting herself with the bubbles dancing around her toes. Only when the water turned cold and her fingers looked like raisings she stepped off. Alaska took her time drying off her skin, covering every inch she could reach with lotion, and blow-drying her blonde locks. Finally, she took her phone and wrapped herself in a robe, tucking herself into her bed. There were 6 texts and 1 missed call from Sharon. Alaska smiled before she even opened them up. [21:50] Why I do like them very much alaska! I’ll tell you all abt my fascinating taste in music tomorrow then, text me where we’ll meet [21:50] Also yes there will be a lot of kissing alright if its up to me [21:55] fuck why did I say that I don’t know where it came from [21:55] I thought you’d find it funny oh my god IM SORRY [21:55] can you believe I’m a nurse being this dumb [21:55] UGHHHHHHHHHHHH IM SORRY Alaska was a little ball of laughter, shaking with the motion of her wheezing. Sharon’s slight panic reminded her of an excited puppy who got so happy and agitated they end up tripping on their own paws. It was adorable and just made Alaska want to see her more. She entered her response quickly, feeling her body warm inside and out, and her lids heavy. [22:17] chill girl! I was just taking a bath, but its totally okay She thought about what to say next. Alaska felt confused, like she was betraying her own sense of dignity by feeling this attracted and lured by another woman while she was still married. But what was her marriage anyways, besides a contract bonding two people who were nothing alike? She felt like she’d just had a taste of what fun felt like, and she wanted more. She wanted the opportunity to know different people and try new things. Alaska wanted to chase this new feeling and courage, even if it led nowhere, or if it wouldn’t be with Sharon. She just needed the opportunity and she’d been granted with one, it was only up to her what to do next. [22:18] I’ll hold you to those promises!! See you tmrrw xo The feeling of accomplishment that overcame her just from those daring words was enough to bring a calm, well slept night, one she hadn’t had in forever. Just before she was taken by Orpheus and went into the peacefulness of slumber, she saw very clearly the colorful imagery her subconscious had fabricated. She distinguished two frames, both tall and slender, with soft curves on their hips and torso. Two women. One of them had hair of gold, a reflective shine only blondes exhibit. The other one had rosy lips and hair of ebony. They were happy, she could tell. There was something else, a third form she couldn’t identify at first. It was small and heavy – it had to be held with both arms. Upon further looking, shapes formed. A pair of shining, chocolate brown eyes. Very little hair framing rosy cheeks, and a tiny, round mouth. It seemed fragile and small, and now it was easy to decipher. The blonde lady held a perfect baby in her arms.

#please remember your tags!#lavish #shalaska #pearlet #sharon needles #alaska thunderfuck #pearl liaison #violet chachki #submission #love me tender #rpdr fanfiction #lesbian au #m/f au

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alexanderhamllton · 8 years ago

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Barcelona[Rafael Casal x Reader]

Summary: Nostalgia hits when you receive a very important call from work.

Warnings: None, this is the fluffiest.

Word Count: 1,872

Author’s Notes: YO THIS TOOK ME SO LONG, my goodness i’m relieved to finally release something, feels like it’s been forever since I posted anything. I wanna thank my girls @ourforgottenboleros and @tempfixeliza for helping me with this, i honestly don’t know what i’d have done without you. I hope you guys like my first Rafa fic, please feel free to tell me what you think <3

askbox | masterlist

Very little things could be compared to the call you just hang up from. You hid both of your hands inside the arms of the Rafael’s sweatshirt that you were wearing, before burying your face in your hands not being able to hold an excited squeal.

It happened. The call you waited your whole career for finally happened.

You bit your lip, unsure of what to do next. The excitement quickly tickled your nerves, the anxiety always creeping in as it does. As you tried to shake the misgiving and the relentlessness out, you got up from the comfortable couch, heading to your boyfriend’s office.

It was now or never, you had to tell him.

Your eyes slowly opened, a small groan leaving your lips as you take in the effect of all the alcohol you drank the night before. You sit on the bed, putting your hair lazily in a bun before turning discreetly to Rafa, which was still sound asleep. You ran your fingers through his hair lazily, making him turn to the side, without waking up.

Silently leaving the bed, you grabbed the white v-neck from the floor, turning it to the right ride before putting it on, covering your curves. You didn’t mind them, they were a part of you and you loved them as much as Rafa did, but you also loved the huge windows in his joined kitchen-living room, the sun slowly making his way through the gap between the curtains. Feeling the warmth against your skin as you opened them, letting the sun caress your face like an old friend.

You knew your way around Rafa’s place, quickly starting the coffee maker as you grabbed the mug on the top counter, humming a tune that was stuck in your mind since the club. After a few minutes you poured the coffee into the mug, right before feeling familiar hands on your hips.

“Can I please wake up to this scene everyday?” You giggled when you heard Rafa’s raspy voice against your ear, leaning back against him as he placed a kiss on you cheek.

“If you didn’t travel so much, this would definitely be a more frequent view,” you simply replied.

“Or maybe you could travel with me,” Rafa suggested. You grabbed the mug with both hands before turning to him, now locked between Rafa and the kitchen counter. You could see the smile in his eyes, his hands going down to the back of your legs before he lifted you up and sat you on the counter, placing himself between your thighs. “What do you say? We can go anywhere. Everywhere. Where do you want to go?”

You took a sip of your coffee, still a bit too hot, while thinking about all the places you wanted to travel with Rafael.

“Barcelona.”

“And why is that?”

“My grandma used to have one of those collector edition versions of tourism books, five of them, one for each continent,” you started, while Raf listened with attention, his hands casually caressing your legs. “And Europe was my favorite one, I remember liking Spain because of the La Sagrada Familia,” he smiled, amused with your accent when speaking spanish. “It looked like the sandcastles I used to make at the beach when I was little, it was little me’s version of paradise.”

“I’d love to take you there, it’s beautiful,” he smiled.

“You’ve been there?” You almost squealed, making him chuckle.

“Yeah, remember when I went to Europe with Diggs and the dudes for the european leg of their Clipping tour? I think we had just started seeing each other?” You nodded. “Well, they had a bunch of stuff to do at the venue before the show and I was tired of hanging around with the whole city outside, so I went for a walk. I bought a map at a convenience store and found out I wasn’t too far from La Sagrada Familia, so I walked there and [Y/N], pictures don’t do it justice. People were taking pictures and there were musicians playing… Wait a second-”

He ran to his stash of cds and vinyls in the living room, searching for something. You left the mug on the counter before walking over to Rafa, watching him quickly go through his collection. “It has to be here somewhere...”

“What?” You asked, curious.

“This guy, he was probably around thirty something, played guitar like an angel. There was a crowd around him, over fifty people listening to him play,” he explained, finally pulling off a cd from his stash. “I had to buy one of his cds later.”

He placed the cd on the player and right after pressing play, he grabbed your hand. The acoustic guitar solo filled the room and you couldn’t help but smile, it was indeed beautiful.

“Do you trust me?”

“Of course.”

“Close your eyes,” he asked, and you did so. He took both of your hands in his, slowly pulling you closer as the solo went on. He twirled you around before placing your hands on his shoulders, moving his to your hips. As you both swayed side to side you leaned forward, your forehead resting on Rafa’s shoulder.

But the song sped up, and it was noticeable how you both started moving faster as well. Before you knew it, he was twirling you around on one moment and pushing you back into his arms on the next, both of you laughing and dancing.

When the song ended you were back in his arms, yours wrapped around his neck right before pulling him into a kiss: sweet, warm, familiar. As his lips moved against yours you couldn’t help but realize one thing: who needed Barcelona anyway? Paradise was right there.

“Raf?” You knocked on his office’s door before noticing he was fully immersed in his own world, tapping his fingers against the desk and bopping his head while listening to the music in his headphones. You felt your muscles relax for a moment, watching him while leaning against the doorframe, a smile appearing on your face when you noticed his reaction to a lyrics he wrote down a few moments before.

He looked up at you once you stopped next to his chair, his hands grabbing your waist to place you on his lap like he always did. “I didn’t see you come in.”

“You were somewhere far away from here, I didn’t want to stop you,” you smiled, pointing at his equipment. “How’s the project going?”

“Slow but steady, which is good enough. Jasmine recorded a few demos earlier this week and they sound promising.”

“Really?” You asked, he nodded with a smile. Rafa has been working on the projects for almost a year now: betweens other music and some projects with Daveed, he had little time to dedicate himself to it, and besides having him at bed only really late at night everything was going great. “You okay, babe?”

Which made the news you had to share really bittersweet.

“I have… News. I got a call.” You shifted on Rafa’s lap, your arm around his shoulders to face him. “I got the promotion.”

“What? That is amazing, babe!” His arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you into a bear hug. “Why don’t you look excited about it?”

“Because it’s not… Here. It’s not in LA.” Your fingers traced mindless patterns on Rafa’s sweatshirt while you tried to find the right words. “It’s for the position in the Spanish office… In Barcelona.”

You felt like you were inside a movie while Rafa dragged you to Times Square, his laugh, contagious as always, mixing up with the countless sounds coming from everywhere. “Jesus, Raf, wait!”

“We're almost there!” He looked back before almost bumping with someone, which made you cover your mouth to hold back a laugh. As you saw the lights more perfectly now, you understood his excitement: the sun had just set when he decided to take you to see the famous location for the first time, holding your hand in his while he made his way through the constant mass of people.

Just after he stopped, you were by his side, finally looking up. Your eyes met the blinding lights, but you were anything but annoyed with them: They were beautiful, magnetic, and the excitement in your body could only be compared to electricity.

“Do you like it?” Rafa asked, squeezing your hand. The magic was in front of the both of you, but your expressions were all he had eyes for.

“I- I love it.” Your eyes went from the musical posters to the ads all the way to the live transmissions, everything almost pulsed, like you were in the heart of the city that never sleeps.

“I knew you’d like it,” you felt his hand pulling you closer, and you turned to face him, his body almost towering over you. You were used to it, it wasn’t intimidating, it wasn’t scary, it was safe. It was home.

“I love you.” The three words stumbled out of your lips for the first time. You weren’t together for long, he invited you to go with him to New York during the weekend for a poetry slam he was classified for and you just couldn’t say no: it was a weekend with Rafael in a city you always dreamed of going. It just felt right, to say yes and to say those three words right there in that moment.

“Say it again.” His hands cupped your face, a smile in his face more powerful than all the lights around you.

“I love you.” You started giggling before he pulled you into a kiss, his kiss, the one that made everything and everyone around your obsolete. In this unknown place, or in the safety of your apartment all the way in the west coast, you were sure in that moment that ‘home’ was wherever Rafael was.

“Barcelona?” His eyes lit up in excitement, making you grin when you quickly nodded. “This is- This is incredible! [Y/N] you’ve been waiting for this promotion since before we met!”

“I know, It’s just...” You got up from Rafa’s embrace, feeling the need to move while putting your thoughts into place. “Everything I am is here. My family is here, my apartment… You.”

“Hey, we’ve talked about this before.” Rafa got up from the chair as well, standing right in front of you before taking your hands in his. “You can take over the world, [Y/N]. Keeping yourself locked in LA because of comfort is betraying your potential.”

“That’s what I get for dating a poet,” you joked, rolling your eyes before he wrapped his arms around you. Your head rested against his chest while Rafa slowly played with your hair, his lips against the top of your head. “Why do you have to be right all the time?”

“It’s my thing,” he smiled. “So… When is this happening?”

“Two months from now.” You looked up to face your boyfriend, the bags under his eyes not hiding his excitement of the beauty of his eyes. “Raf, I don’t think I can do it. Not without you.”

“Who said you’re doing this without me?”

#rafael casal x reader #rafael casal imagine #hamilcast imagine #not really but well #my writing

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hamilficsfordays · 8 years ago

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New Beginning—Chapter Eight: Tragedy-Prone

Disclaimer: I don’t actually speak spanish so I apologize if any translations are incorrect

Also posted on Ao3

Summary: Autumn in New York has arrived and school has started for everyone including Alexa. Unfortunately, that’s not the only thing that has started.

Rating: M for language (in English and Spanish), teen binge drinking, mentions of rape

Words: 7828 (rip me)

Askbox / Masterlist / Chapter Seven / Chapter Nine

Tags:

@promisesandmore @justanotherfanficreader and @huffleheyguys who asked me to tag them in literally any writing.

September in New York meant the start of school. The slight excitement Alexa had was shadowed by the overwhelming fear of seeing the boys who violated her that night again. Still, she pushed on.

“There’s no shame in being homeschooled until we can transfer you to Brearley next semester.” Lin offered that morning while en route to the school.

“I’m not going to rot in that apartment for the next four months, Lin. I need to do this.”

She had on a plaid green skirt, a white polo, black stockings, and a long sleeve green cardigan. This was within the required uniform standards Alexa carefully adjusted the sleeves of her cardigan to make sure they were covering the bandages on her arms while staring up at Lin from the chair on the subway. The train was packed, full of others headed to work or school that morning.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked, glancing down at her, attempting to read her face. She rolled her eyes, a light smile.

“Remember what Dr. Montgomery said?” she reminded him of the doctor’s appointment they’d been to the day before.

“As long as you take your meds as needed, you’ll be fine.” he repeated.

Alexa carefully pulled a full pill bottle of Zoloft out of her messenger bag, She took one pill and washed it down with a sip of water from a plastic bottle that she’d been holding on to. “I took my meds today, okay? So stop panicking. You’re more worried than I am.”

“Yes, I am.”

“Would you like one?” she offered, smirking.

“Very funny.” he glanced out the train window in search of a number as the train slowed to a halt.

“This is our stop.”

They arrived at the school shortly after.

“Okay, I gave you a free ‘worried parent’ pass to travel with me to school this morning. Your pass has now expired.” She gave him a light pat on his arm. “You no longer have permission to escort me to school.”

“Do I have a hug pass?”

“Those can only be redeemed at home or not ten feet from my school.”

Lin hugs her anyway, kissing the top of her head.

“Why do I make rules if you’re just going to break them?” she demanded, feeling him laugh against her.

The laughing stopped however as he saw Eric approach the school after exiting his town car. There was a smaller more sheepish boy by his side, looking slightly on edge, though Eric being beside him seemed to ease his tension slightly.

Alexa caught a glimpse of what had made Lin so serious, feeling a wave of fear wash over her as he looked their way.

He approached them then, the smaller boy beside him.

“You really shouldn’t be over here,” Lin started, stepping in front of his daughter. “It’s dangerous. I wouldn’t want something to happen to you.”

“Lin,” she stepped in between them, facing her father. “You can’t threaten someone my age. No matter how much they genuinely deserve it.”

“Ease off, George Lopez,” Eric started. “I’m here to apologize.”

They both stared straight at him, taken aback by his words. Frustrated, he glared at the younger boy beside him who nudged him forward, urging him to continue.

“Sorry for…” he sighed, glancing in another direction. “Hurting you a month ago. I was a jerk and you didn’t deserve it.”

“Hurting me?” she shot back. “That’s the best you can do?”

Alexa glanced at the boy beside him, who seemed to be curiously fixated on Lin.

“Is that your conscious?” she asked, directing to the younger boy. “He’s not large enough for you to compensate.”

Eric was enraged then, stepping close to her and leaning in.

“Don’t talk about my little brother, okay? I apologized, so get off my back.”

“Did you apologize? Is that what they call an apology where you’re from?”

“Oh my god, you’re Lin-Manuel Miranda!” Grabbing everyone’s attention beside Eric was the smaller boy, pushing past the two teens to stand directly in front of the older man.

“I listen to In the Heights like, religiously. I mean I did, before Hamilton came out. Now I listen to that religiously. I’m Daxton,” he took Lin’s hand, shaking it furiously. It’s an honor to meet you!”

“Th-thank you?” Lin politely smiled back.

“What the fuck is In The Heights?” Alexa demanded, receiving a confused look from both Lin and Daxton.

“Only his first musical and winner of Tony award for best musical of 2008! I was friends with this boy at my old school who was like—well he was Spanish—and we would always spend weekends at his place where he would try to rap all of Usnavi’s lines. It was amazing. You’re amazing.”

“You have another musical?” she asked, prompting another confused look from Lin.

Alexa glanced at Daxton, at Eric, and then back to Daxton.

“Oh my god.” she finally said. “Your brother came out and you gained a conscious.”

“Shut up.” Eric shot back.

“Eric and I have been trying to get tickets for Hamilton since it started at the Public. Right Eric?” he nudged his older brother eagerly.

“Dax really likes the show—” he tried.

“Me?! You sing Yorktown in the shower like every night!”

“Oh my god.” Alexa stifled her laughter, Lin doing the same.

He kissed the top of Alexa’s head again. “Have a good day.”

“You’re gonna have to be more genuine if you want to see that show, Eric.” Daxton folded his arms, glaring knowingly at his brother.

“Okay well… We should go.” Eric lead his brother away, glaring at Alexa who only smirked back.

This would serve as the highlight of her morning, a morning otherwise full of being called a slut or being told that she deserved it while walking in the hallways.

“Hey, how much for a lap dance?” Across the hallway from her locker, someone tossed a wad of dollar bills at her to a chorus of laughter.

And to think Lin and V are paying $47,000 a year so that I can get treated like this she thought, closing her locker and kicking the wad aside as she headed to her first class.

The class was small, quiet when she walked in. She recognized no faces, a relieving fact.

It was AP US History, a class she was destined to fly through—at least partially.

“Sorry, I’m late!” A small, blonde, white woman who could’ve easily passed for a student rushed in, papers in one hand and coffee in the other. “Mama needed a little pick me up before class started.” She shook her paper coffee cup.

There were a few chuckles, though most of the students didn’t find it amusing.

“Okay well, welcome to AP US History. I’m Dr. Rhodes, but you can call me Annie, and this year we’ll be learning how our country came to be. Included in that learning will be a single chapter on Civil Rights that’s only short because this book was written by a bunch of white people.” she laughed, prompting no reaction from her students but a small smile from Alexa, the only non-white person in the room.

“Let’s start with attendance.” she pulled out a single paper from the stack in her hand, listing off each name one by one until she got to Alexa.

“Alexa Jordan?” she asked. Alexa raised her hand.

“The same Alexa Jordan who’s the daughter of that handsome gentleman who wrote Hamilton?”

“Uh… Yeah?” she laughed, feeling the other students’ eyes on her. “I guess?”

“You know I was a TA when I was getting my masters at Yale… They’ve got a lot of love for Hamilton over there. Several of his original documents stored away. I think you and your mancandy father would have a lot of interest in that.”

There was an awkward silence.

“In fact, let’s all go! Road trip!”

More silence.

“No? No Hamilton fans here? You guys are missing out. That show is AMAZING—”

“Okay, can we actually talk about something important?” A girl in the back interrupted.

“Well excuse me,” Dr. Rhodes glanced at the attendance list again to find the girl’s name. “Hazel! I hate to admit it but you’re right. Let’s get started with the rape, pillage, and murder of hundreds of thousands of Native Americans when the white man first arrived here by ship.”

At the end of APUSH, she headed to her locker only discover an array of papers taped to the front.

“Oh great, another smear campaign.” She thought, starting to tear them off. A quick glance at one, however, changed her perspective.

Sign up for the Drama Club! This year, with special permission We’ll be producing a production of Hamilton: An American Musical by Lin-Manuel Miranda

She glanced at each of the posters, all of them identical. A safe way to pander she figured. With no friends and virtually no one to talk to, she essentially had nothing to lose. She’d made a mental note to head to the school theatre at the end of the day.

She caught a glimpse of Eric headed down the hallway toward her that made her shiver involuntarily. He made a passing comment at another girl that Alexa couldn’t hear. Her retaliation, however, was loud and clear.

“¡No me jodas, Westly!” she shouted, loud enough for everyone in the hallway to hear. “At least I don’t have to drug people to get them to have sex with me. ¡Chinga tu madre!”

“Like anyone would ever want to sleep with you. Don’t you have houses to clean?” he shot back, rolling his eyes. He didn’t stop to converse but continued walking down the hall. “That’s right pinche puta, keep walking!”

When he approached Alexa, she froze. Though she had stood up to him that morning, the harsh fear that came up whenever he approached didn’t seem to go away. Without Lin, she was alone.

The last time she was alone with him, it didn’t end well.

“Oh hey, looks who’s all alone with no daddy to defend them.”

He grabbed her arm forcefully, holding tight despite her attempts to pull away.

He leaned in close, paralyzing her with fear.

“Can I get you anything?” he whispered, recalling what he had said to her that night. “A drink? Maybe something a little more exciting?”

His grip on her arm tightened. She was struggling to manage a response as she continued to attempt to free herself.

“What do you feel like swallowing?” he recited.

There was a sudden jolt as the other girl shoved Eric away from her.

“You wanna fight someone?” she shoved him toward the lockers. He was clearly intimidated though he tried to hide it. Despite him being a few inches taller, the girl overpowered him in overall strength.

“Fight me, bitch!” she continued. “My father is a professional wrestler! I dare you to come at me. ¡Besa mi culo, puto!”

She had him wedged between herself and the lockers. Seeing him clearly shaken up was enough to get Alexa to take a sigh of relief. She moved away from the scene until her back hit the lockers on the other side of the hallway. When there was nowhere else to go, she slid down to the floor, watching the scene unfold.

“Whatever,” he tried to brush it off. “I don’t need to fight you. It would be a waste of my time.” he managed to fight his way out of the small space and fast-walk down the hallway.

“This isn’t over, Pendejo!”

She barely noticed the girl offering to help her up as she sat on the ground, processing what had just happened.

“Cabron,” the girl remarked, watching Eric walk off as she offered Alexa a hand. She took it, slowly pulling herself up.

The girl was Latina (unlike every other student besides Lex it seemed), unmistakably tall and rather muscular, but ever confident with herself.

“Thank you,” she finally said, brushing her skirt off. “He’s um… he’s kind of intimidating.”

“Ay, no, You wouldn’t say that if you saw the way he cried like un bebé when he was being pulled away in a cop car from that party last month.” she chuckled.

Alexa’s eyes lit up at the thought. “Wait, you were there?”

“No, but it was on New York One the next morning.” she chuckled at the memory. “Lo que es un bastardo.”

The shorter teen almost felt kind of stupid for being so afraid of him. The other girl picked up on that.

“Amiga, I’m sure he really fucked you up. He’s a pendejo and you’re allowed to handle that however you do. Just don’t let him steal your light. He doesn’t fucking deserve it.”

A small smile formed on Alexa’s face. “That was really profound.”

She shrugged. “Si, I know, I’m like a fucking latina Shakespeare.”

“I’m sorry, what did you say your name was?”

Lex suddenly realized she may have been coming on too strong and felt the need to explain herself.

“I mean since you’re the only person at this school who hasn’t called me a slut so far and we hate the same person so I figured—”

“Camila.” she cut her off. “Call me Cami.”

“Cami,” Alexa repeated. “Okay.”

“Relax amiga, if you hang around me, everyone will be way too afraid to call you a puta.”

That afternoon, Alexa ventured to the basement where the theatre was located. As she opened the door to the house, she was overwhelmed by the large population of fair skinned students. As she herself was half black, she stuck out like a sore thumb as she had all day that day.

There were several glances in her direction as she entered to room, most of them other girls staring curiously. She sat in the last row, hoping to remain out of sight.

As she sat, she bumped into someone.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” she quickly apologized, glancing up at the stranger.

The cute stranger. The stranger whom she happened to recognize from her AP US History class that morning.

He had short brown hair, a clean-shaven, cute face and wasn’t particularly thin or muscular, a fair mix of both. At least, that’s what she could gather from under white dress shirt and tie.

He seemed to be fixated on her features as well—her light brown eyes, her curly jet black hair, her smile which was in full force.

“It’s okay.” he finally said, a smile forming. “I’m sure you’ve been getting much worse treatment all day.”

“You don’t even know.”

He offered his hand. “I’m Dan.”

“Alexa.”

“Alexa,” he paused, taking in her features once again. “I know I literally just met you, but is there any chance you would want to grab coffee after this? I know a place around the block.”

“Uh…” she paused, glancing around at the other students. “Just us?”

“Well… Yeah.”

She glanced down at her phone briefly, taking note of the time. She had promised Lin that she’d be home by 3, and it was already 2:45.

“Sure.”

Are you home yet, mija?

As Alexa moved above ground after the meeting had ended, she received a very telling text message from her father.

Hanging out with a friend. I’ll be home for dinner.

As soon as the message had sent she turned her phone on do not disturb, wanting to give Dan her full attention.

She did just that as they sat at the cafe around the corner.

“So where are you from?” he asked, once they had ordered.

“I was born in Florida, but I mostly grew up in rural Alabama.”

“Y—” he glanced at her briefly, waiting for the punchline of a joke. “Really?”

She nodded. “Exciting, I know. The south is already bad enough if you’re black let alone adopted, but I moved around a lot ended up in New York over the summer.”

“Oh, like, in foster homes?” he asked. “I’m sorry if that’s weird to ask—”

“I’m not ashamed of my past.” she crossed her legs under the table, her ballet flat grazing his leg. “Just grateful that my current foster parents stepped in when they did.”

“Right, yeah.” he smiled.

A waitress stopped at their table, setting their cups of coffee in front of them.

“My story isn’t nearly as interesting.” he started, taking a sip of his own. Just grew up in Williamsburg. Still in Williamsburg.”

“Oh, Williamsburg! That’s so cool! I’ve always wanted to go there. I heard it’s supposed to have like… The best coffee in the world.”

“It definitely beats out this Manhattan crap.” he quipped, receiving a steady laugh in response.

“My mom mostly works mostly across the country as a producer and my dad’s a musician.” Dan continued. “He’s on tour pretty often, so he’s out a lot too. It’s just me and my fourteen-year-old sister Rebecka.”

“On tour, huh? Anyone I’ve heard of?” she added a touch of sugar to her coffee, using a spoon to stir it in.

“I don’t usually like to talk about it…” he started, blushing.

“It can’t be worse than being related to the guy who wrote Hamilton.” she pointed out with a smile.

“It’s uh… it’s George Abrams.”

Alexa nearly dropped the cup that she was carefully holding in both hands. “Your dad is George Abrams? He’s like a 90’s rock legend.”

Dan shrugged, still blushing. “He’s just my dad.”

“Right,” she nodded slowly. “No, that’s cool. I mean I can’t even begin to relate your experience to mine. You were kind of born with a famous parent. I obviously didn’t have the same experience.”

“You get used to it after a while. Although I will admit, some of the stuff that he has collected from his world tours over the years is insane. You should come by and see it one time.”

“That would be awesome.” Her hand instinctively reached for her curls, a move that typically only occurred when she was flirting.

Am I flirting? she asked herself, glancing carefully across the table at Dan. He was all smiles, his eyes fixated on her.

I guess it can’t hurt she concluded, placing her other hand flat on the table in hopes that he would take the bait. He did, reaching his own hand out to graze hers.

A shrill ringing sound emerged from her messenger bag and interrupted them.

“Sorry,” she pulled away, frustrated, digging for her phone.

It was Vanessa calling.

“What?” She demanded, obviously upset.

“I need you to pick up Sebastian from daycare.” Vanessa started, disregarding Alexa’s irate tone of voice.

“I’m in the middle of something.”

“Lex, I’m serious. I need your help here.” her mother insisted. “It would mean a lot if you could do this.”

“I just told you I’m in the middle of something! Have Lin do it.”

“He went to the theatre early. You told me you wanted to start relating to me more—this is a great way to start.”

Alexa rolled her eyes as she hung up, tossing her phone back into her bag.

“Is everything okay?” Dan asked, watching her put her things together.

“Not really… I have to go.”

“Oh,”

“Yeah, my foster dad and I are really close. With my foster mom, however… it’s a work in progress. I need to go pick up their son. I’m really sorry.” She pulled out her wallet, tossing a ten dollar bill on the table.

“It’s okay, I’ll just see you at school tomorrow.” he stood up.

“Yeah, of course.” She hugged him, kissing his cheek as she pulled back. “See you tomorrow!”

The next morning was an uncomfortable one. Alexa awoke nauseated, bloated, and triggered by the smell of breakfast cooking.

As she left her room that morning dressed for school and headed to the kitchen, an all too peppy Lin greeted her, singing at the top of his lungs.

“Goooooood mooooorrrrrniiiing, Gen! Happy second day of schooooooool!”

“Dude,” she groaned, setting her bag down on the table as she sat. “Please.”

“Wouuuuuld you like some breeeeaaakfast?” he offered, directing to the pan he was busy cooking with.

Alexa dry heaved, disgusted at the sight of bacon frying in the pan.

“I’ll pass, thanks.” “It’s the most important meal of the day!” he reminded her, holding up a piece of bacon with the pair of tongs in his hand.

“Seriously, I’m fine. That smells disgusting. My digestive system has been terrible lately.”

“Oh speaking of,” he paused, placing the bacon onto a plate nearby and turning the stove off. “Have you done your treatment since you got out of state care?”

Alexa groaned. “I did it just before I left.”

“That was almost two weeks ago.” he pointed out. “You’re supposed to do it twice a week.”

“I’ve been… busy.” she insisted. “Readjusting to life back at home and starting school… my immunodeficiency hasn’t been a priority.”

“It has to be. No wonder your stomach is so messed up.”

“My stomach is always messed up.” she pointed out.

“You know what I meant.” he paused, placing the bacon onto a plate nearby and turning the stove off.

“If you’re done lecturing me on my health, can I go to school now?”

“I’m not done,” he took a piece of bacon from the plate, taking a bite and offering some to her. She quickly refused. “It’s unrelated but important. Vanessa told me about yesterday—”

“You mean how she insisted that my go pick Sebastian was somehow going to improve our relationship?”

“Not the words I would’ve used, but yes.”

“I was busy. I was having coffee with a new friend and she kind of ruined it.”

“Lex, V is doing her best to relate to you, but it can be tough sometimes. You and I had plenty of time to get to know each other over the summer at the Public. Give her a chance to do the same. She’s a great mother.”

She shook her head. “I don’t do well with mom’s.”

“Did something happen in the past?” he curiously pressed.

“Nothing that I’m willing to discuss over bacon.”

“Vanessa’s nothing like that.” he insisted. “She’s the kindest, most genuine person I’ve met. She wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

Alexa rolled her eyes.

“You gave me a chance and you said you’d be willing to do the same for her.”

“Maybe I’m not there yet.”

“You guys could bond over something you have in common.”

“Yeah, you always know how I talk about wanting to be an engineer.” she rolled her eyes again, the sarcasm thick.

“Hey, you and V both love frozen yogurt… maybe you could go get some together.”

She dry heaved again. “Could we not talk about food right now?”

Before he could respond, she rushed off to the bathroom.

Hunched over the toilet, she vomited once, followed by several dry heaves.

As she stood up, preparing to re-brush her teeth, she saw Lin standing in the doorway in the mirror.

“Are you okay?” he asked, a concerned look on his face.

“Never better.” she quipped, reaching for her toothbrush. “I think I’m gonna skip breakfast.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t go to school today.” he suggested.”

“Lin, she started. “I’ve gone to school in much worse condition. I’ll be fine.”

“Okay…” He walked back down the hallway towards the kitchen. “But if you want to go home, just give me a call! And remember what I said about Vanessa!”

The train ride to school that morning was almost unbearable. Partially because of nausea, but also because certain muscles in her body had become overwhelmingly tender. Her messenger bag sat uncomfortably on her shoulder, heavily irritating her chest. By the time she had reached her destination, her symptoms had not improved. She slowly trudged to her locker only to find Dan waiting there to greet her.

“Hey,” he smiled before getting a closer look at her. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I thi—” her sentence was cut short by the feeling of bile rising in the back of her throat. She rushed to the bathroom across the hall, locking herself in the handicapped stall before releasing the containments of her stomach—which wasn’t much—into the toilet. She hunched over, feeling the cramps in her torso worsen as her stomach contracted.

When it was over, she was on her knees, her hair carefully hung on the outside of the seat.

She sighed, standing up and moving towards the sink to wash her face.

When Dan saw her exit the bathroom, he offered his only unopened bottle of water. She graciously accepted.

“Are you okay?” he asked again.

“I’m pretty sure like ninety percent of what just came out of me was stomach acid, but yeah I’m fine.”

“Good.” he pulled a ten dollar bill from his pocket, the same one that Alexa had left on the table the day before. “Hamilton’s glad to hear that.” He handed the bill to her.

“What is this?”

“You dropped it yesterday.” he reminded her.

“Yeah… to pay for my coffee.”

“I took care of it. Here, you can keep it.”

“Dan…” She attempted to hand the bill back. “It’s fine. I can pay for my own coffee.”

“I know, but I took care of it.” He thought back to her rush to the bathroom earlier, eager to change the subject. “You should probably eat something before class. At least it’ll keep the stomach acid down.”

“Come with me?” she asked. Dan nodded and they made their way to the dining hall. Inside was an array of breakfast options that were certainly worthy of a hefty tuition. With it came an overwhelming aroma that made Alexa dry heave as soon as she stepped in the room. She stepped back out to avoid worsening the feeling.

“I think I’m just gonna go to class,” she suggested. “I’ll see you around.”

At noon, the cramps had seceded while the other symptoms worsened. While the other students entered the cafeteria for lunch, Alexa stood outside.

The smell was unbearable. She had no desire to get sick for a third time that day and gave in, headed to the nurse’s office.

She’d listed off her symptoms, the bloating, nausea and vomiting, the fatigue, the cramps, and the muscle tenderness. The nurse, a middle-aged white woman who managed to look consistently bitter, visibly rolled her eyes in response.

“Are you sexually active?” she asked, reaching into her desk.

“No.”

The nurse glanced up at her. “Miss, I can’t help you if you’re not honest with me.”

“I’m not,” she shot back. Being a virgin wasn’t exactly something she wanted to brag about, but it was true.

The nurse pulled a small cardboard box out of her desk, handing it to the teen.

“Go to the restroom, follow the instructions on the box, and bring it back when you’re done.”

The box clearly read Pregnancy Test across the front, which made it clear to Alexa that the nurse didn’t believe her.

“Whatever.” She scoffed, bringing the test with her.

In the tiny bathroom stall, she removed the test from its packaging and stared back it. It was taunting her with its simplicity.

She removed the cap on the far end, carefully sliding it between her legs and using it as instructed. The results were still pending as she capped the test and walked back to the nurse’s office.

A change on the display alerted them to the results, a plus sign.

“You’re pregnant.” the nurse announced unenthusiastically.

“This is a joke.” Alexa rolled her eyes back. “You clearly don’t know what you’re doing. I told you I’ve never had sex. That test is probably defective. It looks older than you.”

“I can’t say we’ve had a pregnant girl at Columbia Prep before, but I suppose there’s a first for everything. Especially considering your…” she paused. “Situation.”

“What situation?” Alexa demanded, glaring at the nurse. “That I’m black, that I was adopted two months ago, that I live in the heights or that my parents are Latinx and therefore unfit?”

The nurse ignored the question, unwilling to put her job at risk. “If you’re still feeling sick, I can call your parents and have one of them come get you. Just move to the cot over there.”

“Racist.” she muttered under her breath, angrily grabbing her bag as she made her way to the cot on the far end of the room.

“Okay let’s skip ahead to light cue 145, sound cue 11, and stage cue 78.”

At the Richard Rodgers theatre, the cast and crew were changing up some of the show’s lighting cues a few hours before the afternoon matinee at 2 pm. The stage manager was hard at work, directing everyone through the motions so that they could enter the correct cues into their system.

The actors were still, silent onstage waiting for direction while the lighting technicians were quietly discussing the correct cues upstairs. In the midst of a silence, there was a loud ringing noise, someone’s cell phone.

Tommy Kail, working alongside the show’s stage manager, glanced up at the stage for the source of the sound. “Who didn’t turn their phone off?”

All of the actors onstage glanced at one another briefly. Once Lin realized it was his phone, he blushed.

“Oh shit, my bad!” he pulled his phone out. “That was me.”

Hesitating for a moment, he glanced at the call not recognizing the strange number and picked it up. “Hello?”

Tommy rolled his eyes. “Take five, everyone. Lin has a very important phone call to take.”

Everyone else left their positions.

“Sorry, who am I speaking with?”

The voice of an older white woman greeted him, making it clear that she was unsure of how to properly pronounce his name and wasn’t going to bother to try.

“This is Lin-Manuel Miranda, who is this?”

“I’m the nurse at Columbia Prep. Your daughter Alexa is in the infirmary with me and she needs to be picked up. She’s been vomiting all day and—”

The nurse paused. While it may have been practical to inform him of the pregnancy test, she wasn’t sure it was her place to do so. From the other side of the room, Alexa sat up from her curled fetal position. She waited, holding her breath, to see if the nurse would say anything.

“Well, she’s not feeling well.”

“Is she okay?” he demanded, the concern in his voice catching the attention of those in the theatre. “Did anyone get hurt?”

“No sir, not mentally. She’s just physically ill.”

“Oh,” he took a sigh of relief that he wasn’t proud of. The fact that he was so sure she’d had a mental breakdown that involved another student getting hurt was nothing if not slightly unsettling. He was grateful that wasn’t the case. “So she’s with you?”

“Can I talk to him?” Alexa demanded, interrupting their conversation.

“She wants to talk to you.” the nurse announced as Alexa slowly walked back toward the desk.

“Hey, Lin.”

“Hey kiddo, still not feeling well?”

“I must have a 24-hour virus or something. My hormones are off.” she glared at the nurse. “I think I should sleep it off.“

“I’ll come and get you.” he offered, already headed to his dressing room to pick up his things.

“What? No, you’re at work. I’ll just sleep in the nurse’s office until school ends. You shouldn’t leave, it’s too important.”

“Too late, I’m already leaving.” He threw everything he needed into his bag before slinging it over his shoulder and heading toward the exit. “Stay put. I’ll be there soon.”

There was a number of questioning looks he received on his way out.

“Lex is sick.” he explained to the stage manager, who seemed suddenly concerned.

“Oh, is she…” he paused, pretending to scratch his arms.

“Oh, no.” he was quick to reassure them that this wasn’t a mental breakdown similar to the one she’d had a little over a week beforehand. “She’s just been throwing up all day. I’m gonna go get her. Put Javi in for the rest of the run through. I should be back for the matinee.”

Lin opted for a cab uptown, arriving promptly and heading to the infirmary to find his daughter curled up on a cot at the far end of the room.

When she heard him come in, a look of concern crossed her face.

“What are you doing here?”

“I told you I was coming.”

Alexa glanced at the nurse, who seemed confused at their exchange. She lowered her voice to a whisper.

“I thought we agreed you weren’t coming because work is more important?”

“We never agreed on that because it isn’t true,” he whispered back. “Come on, I’ll take you home.”

“But…” she seemed desperate for answers. “Work is always more important.”

It was clear that something had triggered her, though Lin wasn’t sure what it was.

“Little girls who stay home from school get punished.” the thought passed through her consciousness as if she’d heard it yesterday, though she hadn’t heard the phrase in years.

Suddenly she backed away from him, up against the wall.

“I’m fine. I’m not sick. I’ll go to class. I’m sorry for making you come all the way over—”

“Hey,” he sat beside her on the cot, trying to interrupt her thoughts for a moment. “You didn’t make me come here. I wanted to come, okay? I’ll take you home and you can sleep it off.”

As expected, her medication helped her calm down a lot faster than she would typically be able to on her own. She paused for a moment.

“I promise, nothing bad will happen to you,” he reassured her. “We’ll go home, you can get some sleep and hopefully you’ll start to feel better.”

“You promise?” she pressed, still hesitant.

“I promise.”

She grabbed his hand for support, following him out of the infirmary and to the cab waiting outside.

“Just hang out here. I’ll make you some tea.” As they got home a few minutes later, Lin helped her over to the couch, putting a blanket over the length of her body before moving away to the kitchen. She had calmed down significantly on the car ride home, taking long calming breaths to ease her anxiety.

“So did the nurse say exactly what was wrong with you?” he questioned from the kitchen.

“Uh,” Alexa paused. While she was certain she wasn’t pregnant, having never had sex, she wasn’t too open to the idea of sharing everything that happened with him. “Nothing useful.” she finally said. “Just offered to call you.”

“You’re right, that isn’t very useful.” He placed the full kettle on the stove, before turning on the burner and returning to the couch to sit beside her. “Maybe we should take you back to the doctor.”

Alexa rolled her eyes. “Hopefully they’re better at their job than that shitty nurse is.”

“Are you hungry? Did you eat at school?”

She shook her head before placing a pillow underneath it to protect her neck. “The smell of everything made me want to vomit.”

“Hold on,” he stood up, headed back to the kitchen. “I think Vanessa bought saltine crackers last week.”

Digging through the pantry, he found a small box of saltines in the back with the package half empty. He grabbed the whole thing, handing it to her.

“That’s all we have, but I’ll go pick up some more—”

Alexa made a noise of protest, turning onto her stomach. “You should go back to work. That’s more important.”

The kettle began to whistle, calling Lin to attention before he could respond.

“Lex, do you want anything in your tea?”

“A spoonful of honey please.”

“Got it.” He prepared it as requested before carefully handing it to her.

She sat up and took a sip, sighing, content.

“This helps a lot.”

“I’m glad.” he kissed her forehead. “Are you sure you don’t want me to pick up more saltines?”

“Go back to work. I’ll be fine here.”

“Okay… but call me if you need anything.”

“Phone’s on,” she assured him. “I’m probably just gonna take a nap. I’m exhausted.”

“Alright well… V’s going to some work event later and I’ll be on tonight, so we’ll probably both be back around midnight. Unless you need me to come back—”

“Oh my god, Lin, go back to rehearsal.”

Lin smirked, picking up his bag and heading out of the apartment.

On her own, the silence was deafening. She could feel the fatigue overwhelming her, but sleep was far off. On paper, she had almost every symptom of early pregnancy. She never really had consistent periods, didn’t she need that to get pregnant?

No. No way. She couldn’t be pregnant because she was a virgin. Virgins didn’t get pregnant. Well, except for that one tv show, but that was fake and didn’t count.

The test I took must’ve been defective she assured herself. If I took another test, there’s no way it would come up positive.

That reassurance, however, did not help her get to sleep any faster.

She threw the blanket off.

“Fucking fine.” she groaned and took a large swig of tea from the mug before picking up her messenger bag and heading out.

The nearest pharmacy was five blocks away, a small business on the corner. She headed in, gravitating toward the refrigerated aisle. She grabbed a large can of Arizona tea—only a dollar, respectively—and left in search of her other purchase.

There they were, at eye level between the tampons and the condoms—pregnancy tests. She examined them carefully, reading each label and what special feature they boasted.

She could feel her heart pounding, her palms sweaty.

This is ridiculous she thought to herself. I’m not pregnant.

One box, in particular, caught her eye, a test boasting its ability to show how far along you were. It came in a pack of two, which she grabbed and headed to the register.

Behind the counter, the foreign older gentleman glared at her as she approached with her items.

“You’re too young to buy this.” His thick accent intruded her overwhelming thoughts.

“There’s no age limit on buying pregnancy tests.” she shot back.

“A young body like yours is too valuable to carry a child.” he insisted. “You could do much better with it elsewhere.”

“Do you want my money or not you fucking pervert?” A wad of cash in hand, Alexa glared at the man behind the counter as he placed her items in a small black plastic bag.

“Twenty-four fifty,” he announced, taking the twenty-five dollars she handed him. He passed two quarters back, watching her carefully as she left the store.

Before heading down the street, she pulled her phone out of the pocket of her skirt—her uniform still on from her time at school—opening Spotify. A quick typed search for In the Heights brought up the album of Lin’s first broadway show, a production she’d virtually never heard of. Cautiously, she tapped the first song, placed her headphones over her ears, and took the slow route home, open Arizona can in hand.

The song was still playing as she got home, tossing the now empty can in the trash. She made her way to the bathroom, the box burning a hole into her palm

She tossed the instructions aside for later, sitting on the toilet seat and carefully positioning the test between her legs.

Once it was over, she recapped the test placing it flat on the counter. It was a three-minute wait.

I’m not pregnant. I’m not pregnant. I’m not pregnant. I command myself not to be pregnant.

The test flashed a result on its screen, a tiny display that read

Pregnant

Alexa dropped the test, her heart pounding. This couldn’t be real. It had to be some kind of dream.

She grabbed the instructions, skimming them again, desperately seeking answers.

Under her result read a paragraph about conception, how the result had concluded that she conceived three or more weeks prior.

“What the fuck,” she managed, trying not to hyperventilate. She pulled her phone out, stopping the music and pulling up her calendar in the hope that a date would jog her memory of something. Perhaps an artificial insemination that she’d agreed to in an exhausted state—being a surrogate mother was a well-paying gig nowadays.

She scrolled back to two weeks prior. Nothing. Three weeks. Nothing.

“This makes no sense,” she said aloud. “There is no way I could possibly be pregnant. I’ve never had se—.”

There it was, a Thursday four weeks back. There was an event marked on her calendar entitled:

Party tonight at CP!

Memories flashed through her mind of the following day, where she was offered a Plan B pill at the hospital, took it, left to shower, and promptly got sick only minutes later giving it virtually no chance to enter her system.

She could feel the breath leave her lungs all at once, her mind going numb.

She had never considered this.

It wasn’t something one considered after having been through what she had.

She dropped her phone—or rather, it fell out of her hands—landing on the tiled bathroom floor. She put the test into the garbage can, covering it with the other items to keep it out of sight.

Her instincts brought her to the kitchen, where she easily bypassed the child lock on the liquor cabinet. She pulled out an unopened bottle of whiskey, an unopened bottle of vodka, and dug through the freezer for a tequila bottle stashed away.

The three bottles in front of her on the counter, she debated which one would be the easiest to chug. She opted for the vodka, popping the cap and downing the bitter liquid. She hesitated for a moment, the burn in the back of her throat causing her to cough, but continued anyway. It would be unpleasant, sure, but it was the easiest thing she could think of to get rid of the thing that was supposedly growing inside of her. Within minutes, the bottle was empty.

The other two bottles stared back at her, making her feel self-conscious. She left the kitchen, pacing the length of the entire house before returning to the same two bottles. Her hand reached for the empty vodka bottle, holding it for a moment before smashing it against the granite countertop. It shattered, leaving glass everywhere and cutting her palm open.

“Fuck,” she winced, clutching the palm to her chest. The blood quickly spread to her white polo, a fact that she didn’t seem to notice as she reached for the whiskey.

Twisting the cap open, she felt nothing as the bottle reached her lips, swallowing as fast as she could. The whiskey was stronger, more demanding. She could feel her throat screaming for a break, but she pressed on until the bottle was empty. The dangers of her decisions were far from her mind as she dropped the whiskey bottle on the tile floor. It didn’t shatter like she hoped it would.

She could feel the alcohol coursing through her as she paced the house again, her hand leaving a trail of blood as she walked.

Returning to the counter, the last bottle sat, waiting for her. She pulled the cork out, taking a swig.

It came then suddenly, like a truck hitting a brick wall. The effects of her binge drinking arrived hard and fast, knocking her down. She managed to pull the tequila off of the counter with her, the glass shattering on the floor beside her as she lay, numb.

“Do you think she’s allergic to something?”

Lin shook his head. “That can’t be it because she didn’t eat anything this morning.”

Vanessa held her sleeping son close, waiting for Lin to pull out his keys to open their front door. They were greeted by an empty couch, a surprise to both of them. Lin glanced at his watch.

“It’s after midnight. She’s probably asleep.” he concluded.

“I’m gonna put Sebastian to bed,” she whispered, starting toward the hallway. As she passed the kitchen, however, she paused, speechless, staring at the ground.

“What’s up, V?” he moved to her side, curious as to what she was so preoccupied with. His jaw nearly hit the ground at the sight of the kitchen floor.

Alexa was there, unconscious, broken glass and spots of blood surrounding her. Her hand was obviously impaled, a large puddle of blood surrounding it.

“Holy shit.”

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