#THE TODOBAKU DISCORD INSPIRED THIS

[faeflowerfeline]

Tangle of my innocence

Desperate thoughts, your hope calls you a liar Fear begins to revel Nothing but your will sets you on fire Fire lasts forever

- Under The Ladder, MELOVIN

ao3 version: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14631909

your hope calls you a liar

When Katsuki was young, bruises bloomed like flowers on his skin. He was black and blue and purple and yellow and green, colours with no discernable source, colours that formed in the night and threw aches and pains through his body.

When Katsuki was young, he was constantly in pain.

He grew to hate his soulmate.

When Katsuki was young, he woke up screaming. The skin around his eye bubbled and burst and burnt but never scarred.

(This, really, is what twisted everything from concern to hatred. Someone was bruised, burnt, in pain, but so was he. Whoever his soulmate is cannot find it within himself to care for his health.

It never mattered. Katsuki hadn’t wanted a soulmate anyway.)

He went from bruises on himself to bruises on others, painting people black and blue the same way his soulmate painted him. It’s wrong, he knows this, knows he shouldn’t be doing this. His mom tells him, his dad tells him, fucking Deku tells him.

Katsuki doesn’t care.

(He is black and blue and cracked ribs and intense pain, the shaking in his forearms where he’s overused his quirk and the fires of victory and hatred and anger bright and strong and brilliant in his belly. He is Bakugou Katsuki and he is a winner, he is Bakugou Katsuki and he hates his soulmate, he is Bakugou fucking Katsuki and he will be the best.)

“Katsuki,” his mom says, disappointed and angry and not at all soft - she is loud in her rage. “You know this isn’t right.”

“Kacchan,” Deku says, angry and scared, voice wavering but standing determined and Katsuki hates him, “I’ll never forgive you if you do this.”

“Katsuki,” his father is soft but disappointed all the same. He always feels worse about upsetting his father. “You won’t do this anymore, will you?”

“No,” he replies, quiet and sullen with pursed lips and folded arms; the epitome of teenage rebellion.

“Promise me,” his father says. It leaves no room for argument. “Promise me you won’t hurt people anymore.”

“Fine,” Katsuki says, pointedly looking away when he follows it up with; “I promise.”

He gets into UA with aching wrists and what feels like a broken rib or two. Katsuki just grins fiercer, fights harder, destroys more and more and more until he’s almost calmer and the timer is gone.

The exam was what he knows; violence and fighting, knowledge and power.

He comes first in the entrance exam, first place in the U.A. Entrance Exam, but still; something doesn’t feel right.

(A vague memory of fire and pain flicks through his mind and is instantly dismissed. He doesn’t think about that; doesn’t care about that. He is Bakugou Katsuki, goddamnit and he is winning.)

U.A. is different - loud and bright and practically tasting of power. Katsuki grins, feral and ready and pushes open his classroom door.

The day is a blur from then; of people weaker (fucking Deku) and people stronger, of tests and admiration and growing horror as he realises.

Realises as he watches Todoroki Shouto spread ice over the whole building that he can’t beat him. Realises as he watches everyone in the class try their hardest that they are stronger, better, more than his old classmates.

It scares him.

It’s during the sports festival that he realises - of fucking course it’s him. Heat and pain and bruises are Katsuki’s past and Half-’n-Half shares it; shares it because he caused it, caused every bruise and every burn.

(Endeavor is someone Katsuki had looked up to, but, well, if he tears down his poster, that’s no one’s business but his own.)

It’s with a sinking heart and a raging fire in his stomach that Katsuki fights his soulmate; feeling every hit he lands deep in his own bones. They don’t know he’s hurting himself, of course they don’t.

His soulmate, the fucker, is too much of a fucking pussy to fight back; completely, breathtakingly oblivious to the fact that he’s facing off against his soulmate. Katsuki hates it, hates him, desperately, desperately wants just one hit to land.

None do.

He rages against his metal bindings as he stands first on the podium, hopes deep in his heart that the half-assed bastard beside him feels every chafe and cut and then crushes that hope before it’s fully formed; raging and raging and raging with all the force of a hurricane.

(He refuses to analyse why he wanted to be hit so badly. Refuses to analyse why he wanted him to know. It’s bullshit, everything’s bullshit, soulmates and fighting and the sports festival and his win.)

Every injury his soulmate gets is shown and he hides it, glaring and cursing and doing what he’s done since he was a child - hating his soulmate with everything in his dark, shrivelled fucking heart.

Every injury he gets is hidden just as well; a cracked rib wrapped up under his shirt and ignored, the bruise on his cheek covered with makeup. His soulmate shows them almost proudly like he’s looking for his.

(You found me, he wants to scream, you found me and you didn’t even fucking try, fuck you, you’ve spent your whole life hurting me. He can’t find the voice to.)

It’s during the training camp that his soulmate finally realises, he thinks. Katsuki isn’t hurt, but he doesn’t have the same privacy to change and to hide the small things that he could have before.

(That’s what he tells himself, at least. It’s not because being taken felt like suffocating, losing all air bit by bit until all that remained was the crushing pressure in his lungs and on his skin and the complete and utter darkness everywhere -)

Wide blue and grey eyes meet his own and then there is a glimpse of a bar and then there is nothing.

He hurts himself trying to get out and he hurts himself trying to hurt them, feels cuffs cut into his wrists and straps into his shoulders and his chest; the inspiration for his bindings visibly, obviously, the sports festival.

They offer him a place, he explodes someone in return gets taken and everything swirls, places switching, heroes and villains flashing in and out of focus until he sees - Shitty Hair and fucking Deku and the class fucking president - the kid with glasses - and his soulmate isn’t there.

(It hurts and he doesn’t know why, but he reaches up and he takes Kirishima’s hand regardless.)

The dorms are quiet at one in the morning. Katsuki would have expected them to be louder, with the amount of complete and utter idiots in the class. But they’re almost as silent as a grave would be, to the point where it’s almost disconcerting.

(There is nothing but silence and the time to think about everything he did wrong, every reason his soulmate would choose anyone but him.)

your will sets you on fire

The first time he breaks a rib, Shouto’s only thoughts are that he hopes his soulmate is okay. With every bruise and broken bone after that, it’s the same.

Until his mother pours boiling water over his face and he has no thoughts to spare for his soulmate as his world is consumed in burning, fervid, pain.

Shouto loves his soulmate. They don’t get hurt often - small bumps and scrapes, an occasional persistent ache in his wrists and forearms - and to him, they seem nothing but considerate. Seeing that he’s in pain and ensuring to the best of their ability they do not add to it. It’s something he’s proud of, having such a kind, considerate soulmate.

(His father will beat that pride out of him. Soulmates are worthless, useless, cause you nothing but pain and suffering and anger and they are worth nothing. They will slow him down. Shouto’s last act of defiance comes in two parts: his refusal to ever use his fire; and his all-consuming love for his soulmate, whoever they are.)

He gets into U.A. on recommendations, as is expected of him. He is placed into Class 1-A, with fighters and Iidas and Yaoyorozu Momo, someone he knows and wishes he knew better.

(There is a hope, somewhere, deep, deep inside him, that he will find his soulmate within this class. But there is no one who throws or fights or anything with the telltale hesitance of broken ribs and he gives up on that hope. One of the other classes may hold them, whoever they are - but it is far more likely he will not find his soulmate in his teenage years. Most don’t find them until much, much later.)

He spills his life story to Midoriya Izuku during the sports festival and thinks, perhaps, that it is because he is his soulmate. But Midoriya shows no recognition at his story and he gives up, again, because his soulmate would - would at least recognise the constant beatings that came with growing up with Endeavor, if not the burning pain that comes with a kettle of boiling water over one’s eye.

But, oh Midoriya Izuku regardless is a force of nature - Shouto feels fire welling inside him as it never has before during his fight with him; and he thinks he falls in love just a little - nevermind soulmates.

He fights Bakugou Katsuki next, so much more aware of his father watching on; and he cannot use his fire. Bakugou rages, landing hit after hit after hit and Shouto fights back, but he knows he cannot win.

Next to him on the podium, Bakugou is like a wild animal cornered, chained and muzzled and refusing his medal. Shouto almost feels bad for him.

(He wakes up the next day with cuts around his lips, but he does not make the connection. Bakugou’s are fine, after all; and so what if he was looking at his classmate's lips. He was concerned, after all that happened yesterday.)

He shows all his injuries. Always has. Shouto is a romantic and he knows it - he’s always wished to find his soulmate.

Now, though, showing them almost makes him uncomfortable, as every time he does Bakugou’s glare almost drills holes through his skull. The other boy never shows up injured and Shouto is beginning to think he’s immortal or something.

“Oh, no, he just uses concealer,” Yaoyorozu tells him when he mentions it, “I’ve noticed it rub off a bit before. I don’t think he wants people to know about his injuries.”

Shouto stops questioning it after that.

After Bakugou goes missing, Shouto’s lungs start to burn. They burn as he fights, a dull ache, almost like suffocation, but he fights through it. There is nothing to suffocate him and so it is nothing, but then-

Bakugou bursts out of whatever he was in and takes a breath and all at once Shouto’s lungs lighten-

There’s desperation in his gaze and he locks on to Shouto -

Then he’s gone and there’s a beat before pain explodes in Shouto’s head and he cries out, grasping at his head. When he pulls his hand away, it’s sticky and wet with blood and he realises-

Fuck.

Midoriya screams.

He spends the next few days in a haze - how could he not? His soulmate - god, his soulmate - has been taken and he was right there.

His hands and shoulders and chest ache and bruise at various intervals through the two days between the end of camp and Midoriya’s awakening and Shouto can’t help but wonder - what are they doing to him?

When Midoriya finally wakes up and Kirishima announces he’s going to go save Bakugou regardless of what the pros are doing and Shouto watches as their class splits in half and thinks ‘I have to go’. Because Kirishima is right - it feels like they haven’t done enough, feels like they could have done so much more.

So he goes, but it’s Kirishima who reaches out and that hurts, just a little, but they succeed and that’s enough, for now.

But then Bakugou doesn’t speak to him much, just rubs hands that must be aching the same way Shouto’s do and walks in silence and Shouto thinks that maybe, maybe he was too late or too little; and maybe, just maybe, he’s lost his soulmate.

(He thinks back to months ago, in fights where Bakugou seemed so desperate and thinks that maybe he was trying to tell him. Maybe.)

ao3 version: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14631909

[butterfly-apocalypse]

I posted 4,656 times in 2022

That's 2,112 more posts than 2021!

34 posts created (1%)

4,622 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@amidststars

@vhaenya

@princessasmosprincess

@soysaurus

@spadeyhearty

I tagged 2,822 of my posts in 2022

Only 39% of my posts had no tags

#yugioh - 503 posts

#yugioh gx - 450 posts

#bnha - 214 posts

#jjk - 128 posts

#gx rivalshipping - 112 posts

#dc - 81 posts

#bkdk - 52 posts

#the lawyers - 45 posts

#todobaku - 41 posts

#rivalshipping - 37 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#it’s like going to an ice cream shop and complaining that it isn’t a 5-star quality steakhouse. like no duh buddy. try the ice cream instead

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Ain’t No Sunshine

It is...COMPLETE!!!!!!

Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh GX Relationship: Manjoume Jun | Chazz Princeton/Yuuki Juudai | Jaden Yuki Rating: Explicit Chapters: 7/7 Word count: 71,062

In which Judai is a blithe commitment-phobe with a poorly controlled hero complex, Manjoume pines himself into oblivion, Johan tries his hand at being a homewrecker, and Sho feels like he should have brought popcorn. And somehow, The Little Mermaid is thematically relevant.

Inspired by Home by dilf

I’m...honestly kind of emotional that it’s done! I got back home on Monday night, but since this fic was so strongly tied to my trip, it wasn’t until I posted the last chapter that it fully set in that my 6 months in Wales are over. 😭

I’d like to thank my beta reader @spadeyhearty for diligently reading every ~9k chapter multiple times before ever even watching the show and making sure I *used commas* and m-dashes, hehe. Also thank you for Restoring the Cocks when I foolishly obliterated them 😔

I’d also like to say a HUGE thank you to @dilfosaur (I really hope you don’t mind me tagging you in this) for writing Home and creating the wonderful Future GX AU that consumed my brain and was my canon before I ever watched canon 😁I know fanart of fanart is a thing, so I guess this fic is fanfic of a fanfic! I just adore the feelings in Home and I hope I was able to do it justice in my take on the AU/concept/setting/themes.💕 

And that’s a wrap on the longest thing I’ve ever written!

Read Ain’t No Sunshine here!  

10 notes - Posted June 11, 2022

#4

Five Reasons Johan Andersen Isn't Perfect

Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh! GX 

Relationship: Jewelshipping (Johan/Manjoume) 

Rating: Teen

Wordcount: 14k

Summary:

“Five Reasons Johan Andersen Isn’t Perfect,” according to Manjoume Jun to remind himself that the Perfect Boyfriend Extraordinaire is only human, and that if Johan isn’t perfect, Jun shouldn’t expect himself to be either.

My piece for the YGO Big Bag 2022, illustrated by @americankestrelprojects

The world needed more Jewelshipping and we were here to provide <3

Read it here!

11 notes - Posted August 8, 2022

#3

Ain’t No Sunshine

Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh GX

Relationship: Manjoume Jun | Chazz Princeton/Yuuki Juudai | Jaden Yuki

Rating: Explicit

Chapters: 1/7

In which Judai is a blithe commitment-phobe with a poorly controlled hero complex, Manjoume pines himself into oblivion, Johan tries his hand at being a homewrecker, and Sho feels like he should have brought popcorn. And somehow, The Little Mermaid is thematically relevant.

Inspired by Home by dilf

My very first Yu-Gi-Oh fic!! ヽ(*・ω・)ﾉ  This fic owes its existence to by Home by dilf on AO3 and the Extended Dilf Future GX Universe @ask-futuregx 

Read Ain’t No Sunshine here! 

16 notes - Posted March 19, 2022

#2

On The Hill Discord Server

I Do Not Control the Hyperfixation and my brain has chosen a cartoon about fictional YouTubers. If this is also you...maybe consider joining the Discord server I made! Since it’s such a small fandom, there’s not really a central hub of activity that I’m aware of, so if you want a place to make friends who share the interest, join us! 

Link to join the server will be in the reblog so that (fingers crossed) this post will show up in the tags :D

28 notes - Posted January 9, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Tagged by @cyberfreakdragon to post 6 albums I’ve been listening to!!

I’ll be honest I’m not much of a album listener unless it’s a soundtrack or an OBC recording or something, but that is also a lot of what I listen to:

See the full post

32 notes - Posted September 4, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[maxcreepsitreal]

Once again looking for a rp partner!

About me:

I'm from Germany so it would be cool to find someone who's also from Europe because time zones. It's fine if you're not though. Also, yes I am an adult (24).

Rp stuff:

- I do Kiribaku (Baku) and Shinkami (Kami). I'm willing to try Todobaku maybe (Baku)

- No **! Use full sentences to describe what's happening. Also one sentence replies should not be standard. It can happen if the characters are simply talking or there's not too much to describe but I usually try to put more thought into my replies. Please do that too.

- No boring plots! I am so tired of high school stuff, dorm life, college AUs. Give me the full on weird ass ideas!

- I don't have any triggers and I'd prefer if you didn't have too many. I mean it's understanding if you don't want a character to get raped or something but don't freak out if there's a bit angst.

- Now! I just wanna make clear that I'm fine with literally anything. Mpreg, cheating, a/b/o, aliens, monsters, strange sex stuff, hell I don't know. Just ask! I'm into most stuff.

- One more thing I gotta mention. I'm not good at writing my characters to be very dominant or well a top for that matter. Whoops.

- I have a plot list. Just some stuff I came up with over time. We don't have to do any of them. Just some stuff to get the inspiration flowing: HERE

Now, I think that covers pretty much everything. If you're up for it, PLEASE don't be too shy or nervous. Just message me. Or reply to this post. I promise I'm an awkward mess as well!

PS: I prefer role-playing over on discord just fyi