#THE QUEEN GRACED ME WITH HIS PRESENCE HOLY SHIT :D

[officialdaydreamer00]

[ace-writer-lani]

...finally pushed through my terrible writers block

Preview:

Well, Nico felt stupid.

His head spun a little as the lady looked down at him in amusement. How had he not realized it before? With her constant appearances in his dreams. Her ethereal presence that was anything but human. Her magic over plants. Not to mention her smile, which was perfectly identical to Bianca’s.

“I—you’re Persephone! My mom! Holy shit!” Nico froze and immediately covered his mouth with his hands. “…please don’t tell Bia I said that.”

She laughed. The whole garden bloomed a bit brighter around them. “Don’t worry, little blossom. Whatever happens here stays between you and I,” she said with a wink. “Although, I’m surprised you were able to identify my brother after meeting him once, but it took you this long to identify me.”

Honestly, Nico was too. Especially considering Persephone actually looked and acted like a deity. Where she had red silky hair and moved with majestic grace, Mr. D looked like he had dressed himself in the dark and had a posture that emitted a hatred for everyone and everything.

But that didn’t matter anymore because he knew who she was now and he had so many questions.

“Did Hades really kidnap you?” he asked, bouncing on the balls of his feet. An overwhelming energy flowed through his body, like a bomb getting ready to explode. “Is he evil? If you’re the queen of the Underworld, does that mean you can control skeletons? Can you control black fire too?”

“On the contrary, I was not kidnapped,” she pressed a hand to her cheek. “I wandered into his realm by accident to get a break from my mother and he offered me a place to stay. He was kind and handsome, and we eventually fell in love.”

Okay, too much information. “Gross.”

With another laugh, she tapped his nose lightly. While she had a rosy complexion, her skin was startlingly cold. “Also I can control skeletons. To an extent, as my powers depend on the seasons. However, I cannot control Hellfire.”

“You can’t?” Nico frowned. Weren’t their demigod abilities supposed to reflect those of their godly parents? If so, then why could Bianca use it?

[goforwardgreenwriter-blog]

The Worm Reads: Empire of Storms, Ch 73-75

When I die, I want S*JM to lower my iron coffin so she can let me down one last time.

We open up with Manon making a run for it , revealing Alien gave her the Wyrdkeys before confronting Maeve.

Elide stirred, at last coming to, just as they were nearly out of hearing range. She began thrashing, and Manon dumped her behind a dune, gripping the back of her neck so tightly Elide stilled at the iron nails piercing her skin.

I mean yeah, Elide, what the fuck do you want Manon to do about it? Have you all die rather than letting Alien be captured and the rest of you get away with the Wyrdkeys? God, I think I’ll have to disown Elide at this point, she’s been reduced to nothing more than a tool to prop Alien up.

No one healed [Aelin’s] ravaged back, barely more than a bloody slab of meat, as they guided her into the iron box. Made her lie upon her wounds.

Yeaaaaaaaah, with the iron coffin blocking all of her magic, she’s gonna be dead come the end of the day. There’s no way she’s surviving the journey back to Maeve’s place after being whipped hundreds of times, her ass is grass.

Maeve disowns Lorcan for betraying her and peaces out. You go, Maeve, even if you didn’t actually get the Wyrdkeys, you’ve been more badass and intimidating in two chapters than Alien was in an entire series.

A roar grumbled on the horizon. Abraxos.

MY BABY DRAGON BOY!!!!! HE’S SAFE AND ALIVE!!!!!!!!

The chapter ends after Maeve leaves with Alien trapped in the iron coffin. A satisfying conclusion, indeed. Next!

Thunderous, swift steps. Then a hand gripping [Lorcan’s] hair, yanking back his head as a dagger settled along his throat. As Rowan’s face, calm with lethal wrath, appeared in his vision. “Where is Aelin.”

After this, Rowboat calls Alien his wife and Lorcan cries for some reason??? He hates Rowboat and Alien, why would he feel sorry for them??

The rest of the gang rolls up to the party to discover Alien is missing. Oh no, do you see it coming over the horizon? It’s a shit load of Alien splooging!

Rowan breathed, “Aelin would die to forge the new Lock to seal the keys into the gate—to banish Erawan. But no one would know. No one but us. Not while you wore her skin for the rest of your life.” Aedion dragged a hand through his blood-caked hair. “But any offspring with Rowan wouldn’t look anything like—” Lysandra’s face was pleading. “You would fix that, Aedion. With me.”

....Wow.

I mean really. Wow. That was Alien’s plan. To force Lysandra to abandon her identity forever to become Alien 2.0, and for Assdion to be forced to have children with Lysandra to keep up the lie. All without asking any of her friends for their consent in this plan.

She really is an awful person. There is no defending this shitty behavior. Literally nothing you say about her will change my mind; Alien is the worst YA main character I’ve ever had the displeasure of reading about. She can eat shit for all I care about.

Aedion flinched as if he’d been struck. “And when were you going to reveal this? Before or after I thought I was taking my gods-damned cousin to bed for whatever reason you concocted?”

I mean yeah, I don’t blame him for getting pissed! This is Alien basically dictating his entire life and role to him and he gets no say in this. What utter bullshit!

Everyone gets all pissy and stomps away from each other but I don’t care, Manon POV and the 13 are alive!!!!!!

Asterin was alive. The Thirteen were alive. And it was joy in Manon’s heart—joy, she realized, as she beheld those smiling faces and smiled back.

PROTECT MANON AND HER 13!!!! THEY DESERVE THE WORLD!!!!

Asterin brushed a hand over Elide’s hair as the girl wept into her shoulder.

Lowkey ship? Either way, girls supporting girls is so precious I love this unghhhhh it’s so pure.....

“What are you going to do?” Asterin breathed, her eyes so bright. Manon looked behind them. To the north. “I am going to find the Crochans. And I am going to raise an army with them. For Aelin Galathynius. And her people. And for ours.”

Not happy Manon is lowkey gushing for Alien rn but she’s also looking out for her own kind, so I’ll accept it.

Everyone angsts over Alien and how selfless and noble she was to give her life up for theirs, blah blah blah, whatever. Manon gives the keys to Dorito and the chapter ends.

This is it. The last chapter. Holy shit we’re almost done with this flaming turd!

Rowan had married Aelin before dawn barely two days ago. Aedion and Lysandra had been the only witnesses as they’d awoken the bleary-eyed captain, who married them quickly and quietly and signed a vow of secrecy.

I love how this is only revealed now because the plot demanded it, rather than having it happen beforehand so it didn’t seem so out of place. I’m smelling something..... begins with ‘a’ and ends with ‘ss pull’.

[Rowan]’d leapt in front of [Aelin] at Skull’s Bay knowing [they were mates], deep down. Knowing mates aware of the bond could not bear to harm each other

Love how SJM lowkey realized “Oh shit, mates can’t harm each other and I had Rowboat and Alien physically abuse one another in the third book! Eh, they have to be aware of it to not abuse one another, so that makes it okay!” Very classy, SJM.

Aelin had known, though. That he was her mate. And she had not pushed it, or demanded he face it, because she loved him, and he knew she’d rather carve out her own heart than cause him pain or distress. His Fireheart.

Footage not found. Also, I can’t even bring myself to find the “special nicknames for each other” trope cute because these two are such raging assholes. I’m glad this book ends with them miserable and separated.

[Aelin]’d tried to tell [Rowan]. Right before the ilken converged. Tried to tell him she’d vomited her guts up on the ship that day not because she was pregnant but because she’d realized she was going to die.

Hmmm, seems quite convenient. Also damn, does SJM have a vomiting fetish or something because Alien pukes her guts up in literally almost every book and that’s like, the only symptom of PTSD SJM ever shows with her characters. Don’t shoot the messenger, I’m just saying.

[Aelin] did not think she’d ever see [Rowan] again. He did not accept that. He would not accept that.

Please spare us the misery of another book of you finding her, Rowboat, literally nobody wants it.

Fight it, [Rowan] willed [Aelin], sending the words down the bond(...). Fight her. I am coming for you. Even if it takes me a thousand years. I will find you, I will find you, I will find you.

So many concepts and quotes I should be getting feels over, but they’re squandered on such asshole characters. Seriously, someone write this but like, with a good ship, I’d read the fuck out of that.

Ansel and the other armies Alien collected roll up also, and a new challenger approaches!

“Who are you,” Rowan ground out. But the young man was now close enough that Rowan could see the color of his eyes. Turquoise—with a core of gold. Aedion breathed as if in a trance, “Galan.” Galan Ashryver, Crown Prince of Wendlyn.

Here’s a guy who showed up in one scene in the third book with no lines and barely any screen time but we’re supposed to be awed at his appearance. Lmfao.

So yeah, because every fucking person in this universe apparently owes Alien a life debt for gracing them with her presence, a billion fucking ships are here to serve her and Assdion and Rowboat cry over how uhmayzing and uber special Alien is and kiss her ass even though she’s not present. I’ll spare you the details.

And the last piece of it … if Chaol Westfall and Nesryn Faliq could rally forces from the southern continent …

Chaol and Nesryn deserve so much better......... I don’t think I can read T0D because I hear my poor Chaol got butchered as well and reading Dorito’s character get murdered in cold blood hurt so much.

Lysandra strolls out shape shifting as Alien. I’d point out that SJM has made it clear shifting exhausts Lysandra so logically she couldn’t keep up the appearance of Alien for long but who cares, the book’s almost over.

Everyone agrees to put aside their fighting and differences to save Alien, because the world can’t survive without her. Gag me with a spoon.

Rowan clasped Aedion’s forearm. “The lines have to hold. Buy us whatever time you can, brother.” Aedion gripped his forearm in return, eyes burning bright.

@ SJM let them hug you fucking coward

Rowan brought [Aelin’s] shirt to his face and breathed in her scent. Felt something stir in him—felt the bond flicker.

You just had a somber moment of all the characters saying goodbye to each other and then you ruin it with Rowboat getting a boner at Alien’s blood shirt holy fucking shiiiiiit no we’re moving on this novel is almost over

Unleashing a cry that set the world trembling, Prince Rowan Whitethorn Galathynius, Consort of the Queen of Terrasen, began the hunt to find his wife.

Who cares, not me!!!!!! Because this piece of shit is over!!!!!!

I’d like to make a well written and neat essay to sum up my thoughts, but really, everything is just Bad. Real Bad. Shitty writing, shitty plot that was just an excuse for huge amounts of porn, and the characters. Holy fucking shit. Never have I wanted to strangle a character as much as I want to strangle Alien. Worst YA protagonist ever, imo.

Now it’s time to take a break after the horrors this book has put me through, and to decide what horrific novel I expose myself to next. Don’t buy SJM novels, kids.

[moonprincess92]

Congrats on your follower milestone my dear! You certainly deserve it 😘 For the rebelcaptain prompts, how about fake dating in a modern au?

IT WOULD BE MY PLEASURE :D 

Thank you so much Jen!!! (and I hope you like havin a laff bc I apparently went straight up comedy/fluff for this hahahahhahahaha) 

Fuck.

Fuckity fuck.

That bitch washeading her way and unless she did something stat, Jyn Erso may as well kissher miserable excuse for a life goodbye. She probably (100%) should not have had that second wine earlier, but her day hadrather called for it and naturally, it was hard to resist when you had good-for-nothing best friends in the background yelling over the pounding ofthe bass, “So you got fired! Fucking drink, bitch, and you’ll forget all aboutit!”

“Until I wake uptomorrow with no job,” Jyn had pointed out earlier that evening.

“Tomorrow’stomorrow, this is now!” Bodhi had called out to her, before naturally gettingdistracted by his newest piece of ‘mancake’ (who was admittedly kind of hot atleast this time, in a Californian surfer dude kind of way).

Hence the reasonshe was now well on her way to Trolleyed Town, when JUST HER GODDAMN LUCK,Queen McFuck Your Boyfriend showed up.

Somewhere up there(or down there? She was casting a bit of judgement now) The Big G himself wassplitting a rib laughing at her.

“Quick!” sheslammed her glass down and turned to the first person she could see – a kind ofscruffy, yet not-un-handsome dark-haired bloke sat on the barstool next to her.“We have to do something!”

The bloke ignoredher completely.

“WHY AM I DOOMEDTO DIE OF PURE HUMILIATION?”

“I’m sorry–? Areyou talking to me?” the bloke finally turned.

“Finally! I amgraced with His Majesty’s presence!” Jyn would have curtseyed, if she weren’talready sat down on her own bar stool and too worried about her balance shouldshe get off. “I literally have less than 30 seconds before McBitch shows herface and I’m not at the point of literally running away yet, so you have tohelp me!”

“McBitch?”

“KEEP THE FUCK UP,she slept with my boyfriend!” Jyn yelled.

High and Mighty ScruffyBoi crinkled his nose as he glanced around in confusion. Maia (otherwise known as ‘McBitch’) had almost certainly spotted her at this point,if the little wave was anything to go by. Damn her and her perfectlystraightened hair, deep tan and baby blues that she swore could rope in demonsif she truly put her talents to work. Not that Maia had ever lifted a manicuredfinger for herself in her entire life. Scruffy Boi was eyeing herappreciatively, so Jyn groaned and tugged on his shoulder.

“Do not be takenin by the hotness,” she insisted. “She will roast your insides and eat youalive.”

“How could youstill be alive if she’s already roasted your insides?”

“SCRUFFY BOI, KEEPUP,” she cried. “I cannot let her win!”

“Well, what thehell do you want me to do about it?” Scruffy Boi asked, eyes slightly unfocusedas if this constant back and forth conversion was whooshing straight over hishead, along with her dignity and self-respect, particularly in the wake of whatshe was about to say next. Did she have much choice?

She was alreadyregretting it.

“I want you tokiss me.”

No, she trulydidn’t wake up this morning thinking that she was going to end up here. Believeit or not, but Jyn Erso usually lived a very quiet life! She lived alone, sheloved tea and snuggly blankets and occasionally entertained the odd guest(which basically just meant Bodhi coming over and eating out her entirefridge).  She had done the crazy shitalready. She wasn’t 16 and on the streets anymore, drinking until 5am andsleeping with Scott Melshi (now THERE was a mistake). Nopity nope, she was aself-confessed grandma now, and she was totally ok with that! She only wantedwhat everyone else in their late 20s wanted: a stable job and living withoutthe debilitating fear that she was going to die alone and in debt.

Of course McBitchhad to move in.

She honestlywasn’t quite sure what had come over her in asking this very random, verybewildered (albiet very cute) guy to kiss her, but what could she say, she wason a roll here. She knew it sounded ridiculous, even as the words were comingout of her mouth, but she hadn’t stopped them. She knew that she didn’t live ina romance novel like that line seemed to have apparently walked straight outof. In fact, Jyn was 100% certain that he was about two seconds away fromtelling her to fuck off, which would be fair. Honestly, since it was years agoJyn wasn’t really pissed about the whole ‘being cheated on’ thing anymore, itwas more the fact that McBitch seemed to think they were still BFFs for someunholy reason (did ‘you slept with myboyfriend and I hate you’ mean nothing?) so she would honestly just takewhat she could get.

Scruffy boistarted laughing. He was shaking his head and as he drained the last of hisdrink and Jyn sighed in exasperation.

“Fine, go on then.Laugh it up, mate,” she said. “My life is now a sham, thanks to you! I hope yourealise–”

Somewhere inbetween his laughing and her complaining, she had apparently failed to realisethat he had slipped off his bar stool and now stood in front of her. In fact,she didn’t realise anything at all until he was cutting off her words, kissingher with the kind of passion that can only come from third drinks and latehours.

Well, holy shit.

The bar stool shesat on gave her the added height she needed to comfortably reach his lips, and JesusChrist, what a pair of lips they were. She always liked to think that she’dbeen not just kissed, but Kissed™ at least a fair few times throughout herlife, but apparently she was wrong. Scott Melshi had been an opening act. ScruffyBoi was where it was at and she didn’t think, she only felt with a kind ofblind ohmygodohmygodohmygod panic.Where was fucking Bodhi when she was the one finally being the wild one for achange? Scruffy Boi gripped her hips in a way that made her stomach flip andshe separated her knees, drawing him in, dragging him closer –

“Oh my god, Jyn!Haven’t seen you in forever – have I caught you at a bad time?”

Bitch, you can very well see that this is afucking bad time!

Jyn pulled away invery un-fake irritation. She kept an arm slung around Scruffy Boi’s shouldersand she turned to face McBitch. “Oh, Maia. You could not have turned up at aworse time. How’s it going, girl?”

“Oh, so great,thanks for asking,” Maia simpered

“Was there anything you actually wanted? ‘cause I’m kind of busy…”

She felt Scruffy Boi’s lips pressed firmly to her neck, travelling theskin there and quite honestly, it was making it very difficult to think. He wasapparently taking her request to heart and Jyn noticed Maia’s eyes narrowingslightly as she watched. Time to milkthis. “Hey, babe,” she nudged Scruffy’s Boi’s head with her own, making himglance up. “This is Maia, we knew each other back in the day.”

“Oh hey, Cassian,”he introduced himself. He pressed closer to Jyn, occupying her space with hishands at her hips. “I’m the boyfriend.”

Yeah, you are.

“I didn’t evenknow you were dating again!” Maia said in false happiness.

“Yes, this isCASSIAN, my BOYFRIEND,” Jyn practically yelled. Quite frankly, her quota tohold inane conversations had been used up and she made a point to turning backto Scruffy Boi (wait, Cassian, of coursethe guy’s name is Cassian, you never could choose a Peter or a John could you?).She didn’t give him any warning when she kissed him this time, but she hoped togod that he’d just roll with it and he did. They were probably way toooverly-enthusiastic, but there was just enough tongue to make her stomach churnand she found her hands snaking up around his neck, into his hair.

It took severalminutes for Maia to finally get the hint and trill, “Um, byeeeee then!” beforeflouncing off through the club.

Jyn hastily pulledback from him, praying that her face wasn’t as red as it felt.

“Oh good god, thank you,” she breathed with relief.

“I – shit – Imean,” he laughed nervously, stepping back out of her arms. “No problem.”

“I didn’t even say– my name’s Jyn.”

“Cassian,” hereiterated for her. Bizarrely, he held out a hand for her to shake and she tookit. “Nice to meet you.”

“You too.”

“I feel like I’mkind of owed an explanation for… well, whatever all that was,” Cassian pulledback to wave his hand in the general direction that Maia had gone off to. “Idon’t know… did you want a drink or something?”

It only took herabout five seconds to make the decision.

“Sounds great.”