#THE LAST TIME ONCE STUCK ME SO BAD LIKE DONT EVEN @ ME EVER

[widevibratobitch]

.

[sugurufic]

Two best friends in a room... (Gojo x F!Reader)

Summary: You and Gojo are stuck with each other one evening and Gojo decides to make a tiktok. You've got your own devious plan in your head.

Word Count: 1k

Content: fluff, Its a bit different from the other trends i've written… gojo tries this one on you instead, reader mentions she is bad at biology but likes math (self insert).

masterlist

“Satoru, why do you only have sweets for snacks?” you complain, plopping down on his bed. “Don’t you ever crave something salty or sour or spicy?”

“Hey! Stop whining about my sweets in my dorm!” He pouts, half sitting up. “You should’ve gotten your own snacks instead.”

“Suguru and Shoko aren’t here yet,” You say, taking out your phone to text in the groupchat. “I’ll ask them to bring me something other than sweet.”

“Oh, Suguru is busy - Yaga sent him on a mission at the last moment.” Gojo complains. “Shoko is busy preparing for her med school entrance exam.”

“Oh, right! I had totally forgotten about that,” you say, thinking about Shoko. She didn’t really need to prepare this hard, but you figured she did it because she enjoys studying about the human body. She has the brains to do it, you dont - having always been more inclined toward maths than biology. “Shoko’s stronger than me because I had already given up on biology back in middle school.”

“That is good because you make an excellent sorcerer.” Gojo says, somehow the teasing is missing in his words. “People would have died if you became a doctor.” There he is.

“Oi! I wasn’t that bad.” You defend yourself.

“Whatever helps you sleep at night,” he shrugs.

“What do you want to do then, Satoru?” You ask.

“Let’s make a tiktok!” He sits up straight, reaching for his phone on the nightstand. ���I have been wanting to do this for ages,”

“What?” you ask, not recalling any trend that you have come across recently. But that might be because you don’t use tiktok (A/N: not a lie, but i use ig reels so it's the same)

“It will be funnier if you don’t know,” the white haired man grins, looking at you from over his sunglasses. His bright blue eyes sparkle with mischief - which you’d have found adorable if you weren’t the target of his joke.

He sets his phone up, floating it in the air above the bed with his limitless. The mischief is not gone from his eyes, and he has ditched the glasses for now. You rarely get the chance to admire his pretty blue eyes - it’s for your own good, you think. His eyes are captivating.

The audio starts to play, and Satoru says the words with it, “two best friends in a room…” you recognize the audio, but force yourself to not give it away, a devious plan forming in your head on seeing his annoyingly endearing smirk. “...they might kiss,” he finishes, and you give him a shy smile, keeping up the innocent act.

“Yes we will,” you say with the audio, still keeping that innocent act with puppy eyes looking right into his pretty blue eyes.

“What?” the what he says times up with the audio, but the shock on his face is genuine.

“I said, yes we will,” you finally give up the innocent act and smirk, loving the red-faced Satoru, who looks like he is about to explode. You turn towards him, on your hands and knees as you lean into his space and he seems to be running on autopilot and leaning towards you, the red flush never leaving his face. The audio continues to play promiscuous girl, but you don’t pay much mind to it.

Just as your lips are about to touch, you look at Gojo - his pretty eyes closed and lips open expectantly, and you almost feel bad for what you are about to do to him. Keyword being almost. You have gotten a once in a lifetime opportunity to get the ultimate teasing rights over him - with the proof being recorded, and no matter how much you want to kiss him too, you steel your nerves to not laugh, and blow air into his ear instead. 

Your warm exhale into his pink ears has your best friend shivering with a shrill squeal, and the phone drops to the bed, still recording as Gojo loses all his focus.

“What the hell was that?!” He screams, voice still higher pitched.

“I was having a bit of fun,” you say, biting your lip to stop the laughter. “But you looked like you actually wanted to kiss me?”

“So what if I did?” He gets defensive and pouty. “You’re pretty and I like to hang out with you.”

“Is that so?” you tease, feeling warmth creep up your face. “Go on then,” you say, knowing well enough that you will regret this later, but you can’t not do it. “I’ll let you kiss me,”

If Satoru was blushing then, his blood vessels looked ready to combust when you said those words in that challenging tone. He was all but compliant, leaning towards you when you took charge and grabbed the collar of his white shirt, pushing yourself to him, your knees on the outside of his thighs and your lips pressed against his. His large hands fly to your hips, holding on to them as if his life depends on it and parting his lips eagerly to welcome your tongue.

Your heart thunders in your ears, disbelief at the fact that you are kissing your best friend, your very attractive best friend that people would give anything to get a chance with. One of you hands leaves his collar and rests against his warm cheek, caressing it gently as the kiss turns into a full make out session with you sitting on his lap and his hand reaching down to your ass.

When you separate, both of you are panting, heavy lidded eyes looking into one another, and Gojo finally breaks the silence with a breathy admission, “I don’t think I can ever stop wanting to kiss your sweet mouth, princess.”

“Then don’t stop,” you whisper back, resting your forehead on his.

“Be my girlfriend,” he asks.

“Be my boyfriend,” you say.

“Hey girlfriend,” he tests.

“Hey boyfriend,” you tease.

“Let's go on a date, girlfriend.” Gojo suggests. “I’ll let you have something other than sweet, babe.”

You giggle and nod, before taking his phone and sending the tiktok to yourself. Boyfriend or not, you can never pass up the opportunity to get blackmail material against him. He is an annoyance, but he is your annoyance now.

A/N: man i love bottom-coded gojo with my whole heart. also first time writing gojo i hope you like it <3

[dvrk-moon]

ENHYPEN OT7 ; 엔하이픈

PLAYING MINECRAFT WITH THEM

requested : no

genre : crack, fluff

pairing : enhypen x reader (can be platonic)

warnings : cursing + the members being menaces

heeseung ; 희승

absolute sweat

like speed runner esque

nags on you for being too slow and making him have a speed run time of over fifteen minutes

like you’re barely getting an oak log and he’s already in the nether. like u turn away for two seconds and he’s already built the portal

“heeseung where did you go” “i’ve almost killed the wither wait” … “CAN U CHILL OUT WE JUST CREATED THIS WORLD”

so u thought u were gonna have fun hanging out with heeseung on minecraft? NO

because as soon as he finishes his speed run and you finally got your first diamond, he’s decided to build a base

and u thought he was gonna be all cute and make u a room awwww!!! no.

he does make u a room, but the stairway up to ur room is a parkour course

(when the fuck did he have time to even make that?!!?!!)

first and last time playing minecraft with him

jay ; 제이

absolute knight in shining armor

literally

those mobs have nothing on his iron drip

protects u even if u don’t need it

“oh shit there’s a creeper” “ON MY WAY Y/N”

his netherite sword is CRACKED. like perfect enchantments

when he’s not protecting u he becomes ur farmer

the farm is so organized and beautiful jay is literally my husband pls

does in fact laugh when u die tho

like he’ll collect your stuff for you but the second he sees “[your gamertag] fell from a high place” he’s going to laugh for like two minutes straight

also he keeps an extra chest in his room for u

like in case u need something OR u die and he’s not able to collect ur stuff so it despawns

jay is so husband. even in minecraft

jake ; 제이크

he’s played before ok (trust him)

(it was when he was like nine)

like he’s very very. bad

he’s trying tho!!!

keeps dying. like every two minutes you see “jake_awesome2002 was blown up by a creeper”

he does not know how to change his gamertag so ur just stuck playing with jake_awesome2002

he starts getting the hang of it and immediately thinks he’s cracked at the game (he’s not)

so he disappears from you out of nowhere and so you try to help him :

“jake where are you” … “jake” … “jake sim where the fuck are you” …………. “i don’t know”

(cue “jake_awesome2002 fell out of the world”)

“JAKE HOW DID YOU FALL OUT OF THE WORLD” “I DONT KNOW”

he respawns and like sulks for three minutes before leaving and collecting dirt(?) for some reason

coincidentally you keep finding dirt blocks placed throughout your base afterwards! how silly of him!

sunghoon ; 성훈

he was so ready to show u how good he is

he’s not very good. but at least he’s better than jake!

he somehow is always in a cave or some sort of dangerous location

like say u found a village and you’re like “sunghoon come raid this village with me!”

meanwhile he’s trying not to die because of a pillager outpost

somehow he doesn’t?

he’ll go and do stuff like that or spend days in the nether and survive but his weakness is witches

like he doesn’t scream UNLESS there is a witch

and if you’re nearby ? he will 100% sacrifice you to the witch so that he can survive

womp womp

he actually sacrifices you quite a bit because he has like 36 levels

he thinks he’s funny when he does it too

sunoo ; 선우

honestly prefers to play in creative mode (me too sunoo)

but when you were like “let’s play in survival for once” he’s like “fiiiiiiiiinneeeeeuhhhh” (very dramatic about it)

he immediately builds a forever base when you spawn in

makes you do all the mining and stuff

he will tag along! but he won’t do shit

he’s the interior designer. he’s got bigger and better things to do

he only redeems himself when you go into the base and find your minecraft beds right next to each other

besides holding the house down, he also has an extremely high scale and successful farming system

so if you ever check in his chests, 100% you will find like 20 stacks of wood, stacks of wheat, of carrots, of beets, etc.

may be a homebody in minecraft but at least he’s fun to play with !!!! 10/10 would recommend to a friend

jungwon ; 정원

the miner

like you’re trying to get along with your day until jungwon stops and drops into the smallest cave ever

“what are u doing” “wait y/n we might need this copper” “jungwon don’t u already have like three stacks of copper” “yeah but we might need it”

lots of time spent mining

u eat your words tho when he is decked out in diamond armor from almost the get-go

when you guys build a base it HAS to have a little mine under the house (little as in huge)

somehow has like ten dogs?

“this one is maeumi, this one is maeumi’s friend, this once can be gaeul… maybe this one can be layla? oh! and this one is maeumi’s other friend. this one is bisco. this one is yours but you don’t get to name it. i will name it for you.”

they would be cats if it was really up to you but you’ll live

also refuses to elaborate on this thing he does

he makes tons and tons of signs and just places them around the base

some of them make sense and others just don’t at all

has a 2x2 fenced in area and the sign outside of it says “jail”

has anyone ever been sent to jail there? no. but as jungwon says “just in case”

riki ; 니키

possibly the worst yet most fun person to play with

at first you’re like “let’s play together” and he’s like “yeah sure whatever” but little do u know he has every plan in the world to turn the game into warfare

it’s even worse if you are playing on a realm rather than just a server

he abandons you from the get-go and immediately runs away and you can’t catch him so he builds a base far away from you

the base is in fact a dirt house

but it’s minecraft who said he had to be an architect

yes he abandoned you and is regularly attacking you at any given chance but he still keeps his tabs on where you are

walks all over your farm and kills your livestock

leaves signs saying “riki was here” “get rikrolled”

since he keeps tabs on you, u have to be very cautious of what you leave in your chests

he will steal anything. just for fun

threatens to blow up everything because he just wants to

little does he know if he wants warfare ur gonna give him warfare

a/n : this is random but i played mc like two days ago and i thought this could be a silly idea

[mayearies]

CATS ALIKE .. miles g. morales ⟡

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 miles g. morales x fem! reader , fluff , no disclaimer

𐦍༘⋆ SYNOPSIS; you wanted a cat. miles did not. he made this pretty clear. he ignored, dismissed, and persuaded you to stop asking for a while. however, it came back again and again and again. guess how he caved.

WC; 728

𐦍༘⋆ NOTES; old fic i wrote also test for engagement i guess

౨ৎ

he purposely avoided your eyes for a while now. a little bit too long for both of your liking. he flipped through thr channels on the tv as he held you in his lap and you kissed him all over his face, muttering the word ‘please’ without break.

miles grumbled, knowing he would cave pretty soon. he had a sweet tooth for those chocolate lips of yours. he sighed loudly, throwing his head back on the arm of the sofa before looking at you with an annoyed expression. “if i do this for you, promise me you’ll shut up about it.” you nodded in glee.

you knew how to hold your end of the bargain, just one small favor. one small thing couldnt hurt his cold and stoic soul. he took you to the nearest petshop on the block since you wanted this more than ever. a cat.

miles didn’t like the idea. he was away most nights and didnt want something there to create more of a mess than you already did of his room (he would scold you but you knew he didnt really care that much). he could think of a million reasons why this was a bad idea. the only plus was that it was cute.

“which one you want, ma?” he followed you down the isle of cages and cries of the kittens, “preferably not the ones that shed a lot.” his voice sounded uneasy and skeptical. he knew how bad you wanted this.

“relax a little. these little things are so cute, how could you not want one?” 

he crossed his arms and watched as you stuck your hands into the bars to pet each one of them, to which some would hiss and deny. “maybe because i dont like cats,” he hissed. “their fur gets everywhere.”

“i say it’s worth it,” you replied sassily to match his tone.

“of course you do.”

you saw one in particular that caught your attention. a black cat that was missing an eye. the shopkeeper said he was born that way and that nothing was wrong with him. he was adorable, just as fiesty too. it didnt let you touch it until it smelled your hand. even then it was still ready to fight. reminds you of someone else you know. “i want this one.”

“the things i do for you.”

you laughed under your breath, “you say it like it’s a bad thing.”

that night, you were so excited to play with the little guy. miles however, could care less. he didnt want much to do with it. well, it may not come off as that because he bought the most expensive bed and cat litter for it, despite it being no older than a few weeks. 

you wanted to play with it first, but where’s the fun in that? “how about, i set up the cat litter and stuff and you get to know our new friend together?” miles raised an eyebrow as he set down the carrier. “is this some typa excuse?”

“no! just spend some time with it. last thing i ask, i promise.”

miles sighed and agreed. so much for promises. he opened the cage and waited for it to crawl out, but it didn’t. the sudden change in enviornment and scent must’ve been just kicking in. he reached his finger into the cage and felt the ends of the whiskers ticking it. then, it licked him. he wasn’t taken aback by it but it felt odd.

you finished installing the cat litter box and started walking towards the living room once you heard the tv on again, “so, how’d it-“ and the last thing you thought you’d see tonight just laid in front of you. miles was watching the screen as the little furball wrapped around itself on his chest. it was purring and by the torn fabric in his hood, you could tell it was kneading him.

“well, look who got along,” miles glared at you for that as you walked over to lay down behind him. “still don’t like cats?”

he playfully scoffed and rolled his eyes, his fingers drifting and gazling along the fur of its tail. “im still wondering why you chose that name for him.”

“whats wrong with it?” 

“who names their cat ‘meows morales?’”

@ MAYEARIES ‘23

[fromtheberrybush]

Egret Remembers

Egret remembers Berry- but isn't happy to know that the thing that's been alluding him about his life was something so utterly controllable. So he thinks. This is the conversation that follows..

tws: i actually don't know?? arguments, toxic family dynamics, referenced groomimg (v v vague- its like one scentence), sui attemp refence (not explicitly but if you know egret lore then yk)

His glare was piercing. Everything Berry thought it would be, and it hurt more than fae could ever imagine.

Maybe Berry was being selfish by holding those stolen memories so dear. Maybe it could be called self preservation.

"You fucking coward- you think you can just run away-? You left me there!"

"..." Berry stayed silent. There was no argument there- fae left him alone in that house.

"I thought-" Fae tried.

"Ya thought what-? That I wouldn't ever find out? That you'd finally be rid of me? That you'd escape-"

"THAT YOU'D HAVE IT BETTER-! They liked you- your life.. it should've been better.." Faer words started as a shout, shrinking in on themselves and ending as a whisper.

"..." Egret scoffed after a moment of silence, "Well- that fuckin' worked out didn't it-? I'm in Yokohama because Mom and Dad can't even look at me now- and you don't even know why."

Berry looks pained as he stops breathing for a second, "I know.. that it sounds bad but-"

"Do you-? Do you know that-?!"

"Fuck-! Yes- kid- I know that. I could- I could get to know you, if you'd let me-"

"You've long missed that chance, Ray. I'm not your fucking brother. You gave that up"

"...you're right. I'm sorry- for all it's worth"

"It's worth nothing."

It was nothing new- nothing Berry hadn't been telling faerself for the last four years.

But at least then fae had the fond memories of Egrets to lie to faerself. Now all he had was the disappointed stares of his parents and the hatred in the eyes of the brother he holds so dear.

Yeah, it's okay that Egrets would never forgive faer- because Berry wouldn't forgive faerself either.

"... You know, you're just like Mom and Dad. You can't even look at me- you can't bare to face your own fuck up. You wanna live in a fake reality with a fake family and replace what you had- and you can't even look at me." Egret sounded tired now- not angry or sad. Just tired.

Berry couldn't look at him. Fae couldn't look into the eyes and fae created- the hatred fae caused where there was once adoration.

But fae could say one thing, "It's not fake. What I've made for myself. And it's not replacing them- or you. It's just.. different."

"Fuck you and your 'different'- fuck that when I was stuck with Mom and Dad and their dinner parties and fake smiles and no one else. So forgive me for not being fucking estatic to hear you found something better than me and our fucked up family"

"I didn't say better-"

"-you didn't have to Ray-!" For the first time in a while tears welled in Egret's eyes. A weakness he'd sooner die than let anyone else see- yet here he was.

He continued, "You're happy- you can play happy big brother when I wasn't enough for you to stay with. I'm not an idiot"

Berry didn't look at him, "... I thought you were gonna be okay there."

"You thought wrong."

~~~~~~

blaaaah take this-

its not good ugh, but its here!! Don't kill me for berry & egret angst-

this happens in current timeline canon (or wtvr i call it)

tags!! @doakarma @aredeemantagonist @oscarsgallery @ezra-dark-shadow @myluckymoon @justsigma-bsd @paintedgrilledcheese (im trying to add new ppl just lmk if you dont wanna be tagged in stuff on the future) @the-fallen-collective @ilovefukuchi (i didnt forget u lil sis- shut up"

[thirdtimed]

does anyone want to read me poorly describing the events of third life through grian's pov for my friend's benefit. do note that Its long. and bad.

its like. Okay.

act 1

guy is responsible for this worlds first original sin (murder) (he didnt mean it) (quite literally was just a prank gone horrifically wrong)

immediately tries to make it up to the guy he killed (scar) by pledging one of his own lives as surrogate/a symbol of allyship, albeit temporary-- he'll do all of scar's bidding, but only until he finally dies in turn. only then will the debt be considered repaid

its like. so vitally important to me that the materials & conditions for this arrangement. were quite literally Only grians idea. scar did not input any of this at all. grian dug himself a hole in the ground and refused to get out

he is stuck in a hole and its all his fault but hes blaming everyone else thats not him & hes very much not enthused about this partnership. at all. even if hes the one who decided this. even if he's the one who buried himself in the ground. because the guy he's now indebted to is a madman & makes more enemies than friends & quite frankly is just a dangerous man to be around in general. especially for a survival game. so he complains for the entire duration of their alliance that he does not want to be here & that he is only sticking around out of moral obligation and guilt. he doubly makes sure everyone else around him knows this too, letting them know how utterly pathetically powerless he is in this dynamic, as if he were a damsel needing to be rescued.

act 2

scar quickly loses his remaining lives, rendering him an infamous red name-- aka on his last life-- aka his primary objective has now switched to killing other players. he is hostile, and he is the only hostile on the server. this also means that grian is Really stuck with him now. green life players like him are supposed to be peaceful, nonviolent, and notably Far Away from their only known natural predator-- red names-- for the sake of their own survival. but green life players are also supposed to be allied with other green lives. grian is Still contractually obliged to do scars bidding. the debt has not yet been repaid.

so scar parades around the server intimidating other factions into obedience or swindling them out of resources & has grian do the equivalent of a sad little grunt worker weakly holding a gun to everyones head. he's sadly telling everyone "look, i dont have a choice, i owe him my first life; i may not be able to pull the trigger but i can still give him the gun."

meanwhile he has the gun trained on them constantly and has not once ever actually taken it off of them

see like. heres the thing. what makes grian so fun as a character is the guilt obviously but also the fact that he is Relishing in this newfound power he now has as proxy to scar's red name. "i cant kill" he says, as he goes to eagerly prepare traps and tnt explosions, "im just doing scar's bidding" he says, pointedly not mentioning how the traps were very much not scar's idea but His

he takes. so much glee. in the red life power association. he gets so many "indirect" kills as just a green name. hes a menace. and he gets to point to his creditor to avoid all blame

war breaks out and they somehow manage to survive the wreckage. all the while grian is still adamant about leaving once he loses his first life. he takes every possible moment to remind scar that this alliance is temporary-- its conditional, and he's more than ready to fly free once the cage is unlocked and open

its so fun. Because he says all this ^ REPEATEDLY. ad nauseum. i cannot stress this enough. but all his actions point otherwise. he's constantly checking up on scar making sure he's still alive. the red name may give scar prestige but its a very tenuous fragile source of power-- he's on his last life. once he dies for a third time he'll be gone for real. and grian, despite all his complaints and airs of reluctance, does everything in his power to keep scar alive. "im going to leave" he says. "once my debt is paid im out" he says, all while bandaging scars wounds. all while detailing plans that explicitly position scar in the safest area possible on the battlefield (putting him in the bunker, because his life is "too valuable.") Like Okay. Sure. Sure.

act 3

obviously. grian eventually dies. during that exact battle too, the one he painstakingly orchestrated to light up the desert in countless explosives. dies by his own hand, really, wounded by his own explosives, caught in his own trap, the tiniest final strike being a swift enemy arrow to the head. he loses his first life & his debt is at last repaid. the cage is open! you have the key. you can fly. you can leave.

obviously. he doesn't leave.

he doesnt leave because he still has a sense of "moral obligation" <- (quote) he doesn't leave because scar is "the most interesting… [significant pause] Character. on the server" <- (quote) he doesn't leave because he wants to see this til the end

well. to the end he will see it.

numbers have dwindled. theres only 3 people left. and of those 3 people, only one of them remains with a significant leg up, having only died Once throughout the entire season thus far; two red eyes predatorily stalking the only yellow name left

yeah. betrayal. or, "betrayal" if you consider it as such. though it's another person's blade, it's clear as day that scar is the one who ordered it-- who killed him, really.

logically of course its the only decision that makes sense-- you have to even out the playing field. this way, everyone is a red name & on equal footing now. this way, we can finally talk.

this does Not. mitigate the sting of hurt & betrayal on grians end. after all that we've been through? after all that i've done for you? & worst part is that he Feels like this but also Knows, logically, this is the only way it could have possibly played out. he should have known. betrayal and lies and deceit is scar's very nature. he's watched him this entire time. of all people, he should have known.

he goes in with blind rage screaming "traitor!" he doesn't notice the secretive glances scar shares his way, he doesn't notice the whisper leaving his lips in a hushed, "i have a plan." he is angry, he is hurt, and he is done caring about anyone.

in the midst of that chaos, of the sun going supernova, the last person dies without so much of a fanfare. all of a sudden, its only the two of them left.

and as grian raises his sword, scar simply lowers his head. "you may slay me." <- (quote) "for everything that you've done" <- (quote) he's so utterly willing to lay down his life. after all, its a debt owed. for all that grian has done for Him……

grian obviously sputters to a stop. " i cant do it" <- (quote) "i literally cant do it" <- (quote). mind you this is all being executed with about as much drama as any other youtube minecraft letsplay meaning none at all. theyre giggling and laughing because its all just so ridiculous and funny. theyre roleplaying but also not but also aware that theyre roleplaying and cant help but laugh at themselves for it. It is not nearly as angsty as i am actually describing it even though what i have described is Literally What Happened (albeit with a dramatic flare or two there. but still)

theyre at an impasse. they dont want to kill each other. but there can only be one winner. the ghosts chant for a bloodbath-- a barebones fist fight to the death

they decide to do it at the tattered remains of what used to be their home. that sand castle on the cliffside in the middle of the desert. in a ring of cacti & fire they declare this a double victory before counting down & fighting to the death. and theyre smiling and laughing and giggling while also wailing "im so sorry" "im so sorry"

scar dies. through skill or luck it doesnt really matter. grian wins. congrats man. first winner Ever. survival expert extraordinare. youre king. youve demolished the cage. your wings are unbound (theyve been unbound this entire time)

you've won.

"i dont feel good about this at all" <- (quote)

he wails & apologizes to scar (to nothing, to no one) & promptly thanks the audience for watching. video over! season over! thank you so much for watching. none of us would have ever expected the direction this has gone in.

good morning, and case i dont see you……

he ends the video by jumping off the cliff.

hey! so about that bird that wailed and screamed and cried to be set free and once you opened the cage he locked the door back himself and threw away the key

hey so About that bird that took to the sky & very much did not fly

[adoredmarrow]

í feel unwanted a lot or at least like im always the place holder friend and never feeling like other people would choose me if they had more options.

i have gotten a couple new friends recently. we see a lot with the other one and get along very well and have similar interests. she has also talked about being lonely and friendless a lot through out her life but one day when i was telling her how i had a friend once that only would see me when others werent free, she said that oh thats kinda like how we are. she said it jokingly and added that yeah there isnt many others and youre the one here so thats why we are friends. it hurt cause it wasnt even the second time this has happened to me. i thought i had made a genuine connection and a friend again but she doesnt see me that way, it makes the joy i have had with her feel bitter.

i didnt have many close friends growing up. i thought i had but later on i have realized this. this one time has stuck with me. this one friend that i thought was a close friend or almost my best friend ever and that i saw a lot after school and for years. at the least this one summer she didnt reach out but one single time that she called for advice on a subject that i knew a lot about and that was it, she didnt ask how i was or if we could meet up just nothing else.

my last relationship if you could call it that, wasnt good. we rarely were officially together, she would get interested in others and leave me alone with no care for my feelings. when they would leave, she would come back to me and pretend like that didnt happen and be all lovely with me and say she wanted to be close with me again and then the whole thing would repeat.

with another not too long ago made friend, i find her easy to talk to and she was been flirty with me sometimes and i do like that but im afraid the same thing will happen again as with my last relationship. we havent known for that long. her last and only relationship was bad and with a man and i think shes trying to find something in me to feel healed from it without necessarily knowing me well or having a romantic connection with me. in my last relationship the girl would leave me for men mostly. i dont know i just have this fear that im only good for as an idea or as an experiment.

my mother has never had many close friends and would use me as kind of a friend. she has felt more like an older roommate to me than a mother. she dumps her interests and struggles on me and then brushes everything i have to say aside. my mother nor my father has ever seemed interested in who i am or what i do. most of the time if im in a group setting and i speak its quickly forgotten what i added into it. others in my family almost every single time brush aside or misunderstand what i said and dont ask for a clarification.

most of the time i feel like people dont listen to what i say even in a casual conversation, people dont respond or they interrupt me without a care for what i was saying. i dont understand how it keeps happening with so many people through out my life. do they notice me as autistic in their own way and place me lower than other people? is it that i dont boast about work or education? or because i dont perfectly conform in other ways? is it my slightly noticeable speech impediment?

i feel like i will always feel like the second option in everything. i have been trying to mask my whole life and i put myself out there and i have nice interactions here and there with strangers and im happy for it. im not going to stop trying to find people like me but sometimes even just sharing something feels pointless.

[imagineitdearies]

Hello! Just finished PS. I cannot praise you enough. Its easily the best thing ive read this year, and my resolution was to read multiple books a month. You surpass ALL OF THEM!

Saw ur authors note at the end abt an original queer vamp novel- is there anymore info yet? Im sure you've got ppl begging already but id truly love to beta when the time comes- or be first in line to preorder.

I feel like i read this at exactly the right time of my life.

The story was so painful yet rewarding bc i see so much of myself in Tyrus. Astarion and Tyrus truly feel like two different exstensions of my healing self. I wont go into it, but im a survivor to. Like tyrus, it happened when i was a young. Seeing his transformation throughout his decade of enslavement, his hatred towards himslef and the world, all bc of one man hit home. I kept telling myself that if it didnt have a happy ending id have to burn my phone or smthn lol. Seeing Astarion amd Tyrus not just defeat Cazador, but do it together, do it solely through their love of one another, broke me. The power of love, hope, and goodness. I havent cried over a fanfic since middle school. Im in my 20s now. I adored the final 2 chapters of the aftermath- im so grateful we got to meet his sister! And with Halsin, no less!

Im so thrilled you'll be adding oneshots and other stories to the universe. Tyrus is so real, so alive, id hate to see him contained in one story.

I love how Tyrus, ultimately, changeed. He didnt change into a monster like he feared, but what happened to him did changed him. Thats not a bad thing, tho. He's still Tyrus, simply a new version. And im still me, simply a new version.

I dont know if ill ever be able to reread, even skimming over the rougher parts was hard, but im so grateful i was able to see Tyrus and Astarion's journey. All of their triumphs felt like mine, all of their failures. Their never wavering love and trust in one another, that they understood it was Cazador that made them do those bad things. Ur right, pain and love must be intertwined, which is why this fic was so amazing. The highs would have never felt so spectaular without the lowest of lows.

Im rambling, i apologize. I do hope you read this, even if you dont respond. I hope my thanks and praise can give u something in return for what you've given me.

If you've made it this far, have you made any content on ur process? Ur planning? The flow was amazing, ur description, the flashbacks- did you go to school for writing? As a writer myself im almsot jealous at ur talent- but mostly curious :) id love to know anything you're willing to share.

Again, thank you. This was a gift, you know. I wont forget it.

Hi turtleurtle!! Great to see you over here, thank you so much for your kind words 🩵🩵 it means a lot any time I hear people enjoyed PS as much/more than published fiction!!

Speaking of, yes, since you ask I do have a little more to say now on my original story. I took a small writing break for a week or so but have now jumped back into the saddle for the next adventure! Lots of plotting, character creation, worldbuilding, and research happening right now.

Reuben, our first main POV, is almost fully fleshed out as a character and I’m so excited for you all to meet him (he’s an eloquence bard, for starters)!! The first book/part is almost fully outlined and I’ve written the first few pages. I’m really starting to get inspired by where the storyline is going.

Back to PS though—I’m so glad you felt seen with Tyrus’s character. He did inevitably change, but by the end he is (mostly) at peace with that and can still forge a good life and happy relationships. Meeting Cynda again was that last little piece of hope he needed to believe it 🥹

Haha the light does always seem brighter when you’re stuck in pitch darkness! On the other hand, it’s something Tyrus only thinks once, but I would argue love is not intertwined with pain more than anything else. Pain is just an inevitability. No matter what you do, you will experience discomfort, sorrow, loss, physical suffering (see Cazador, with absolutely zero love in his life). While love is not inevitable, it’s a choice. Love is a gift we choose to give and to receive in the midst of inevitable suffering and that is why it is so precious. Having that perspective has really helped me heal and have more hope for the future 🩵

Haha never apologize for rambling about PS! This thing has consumed my soul for the last 8 months so I love the chance to hear from/converse with people especially now that the full story is posted and all is revealed. Honestly wish I could sit down with you all and just discuss everything!! But seriously thank you for this message.

As for my writing, here’s a few writing advice asks I've answered, but i haven’t gotten too in-depth on my chaotic process yet. I will say long walks talking to myself, bullet lists, and brackets are my personal recipe for success (besides just writing for years and years) 😂 I did take a lot of classes in school too! If people have specific questions, I’m happy to give my best go at an answer.

Thanks so much 🥰

[bisaster-energy]

you can tell me about your idea!!!

thank you so much 😭 it's kinda long sorry

SO i was listening to a song my sister like (Valerie, Amy Winehouse) and there's this line about ginger hair and it was just so specific ig it stuck with me? so im thinking man who do i know with red hair...DUH KUWABARA!!!

nearly every song i listen to gets assigned a character or ship or relationship of some sort idk why but yeah once i fixated on the hair i was able to expand on the rest of the song and a sort of idea settled in the back of my head about kuwameshi

we all know kuwabara is always the one getting left behind but what if while he's off doing his thing yusuke also feels that sense of loss? an absence even though it was his decision to up and leave. it makes no sense cos hey! you felt the need to go back to the demon realm bro but he cannot help how he feels left behind in some illogical sense. i made some notes 😤😤

centers round the time where yusuke goes back to makai after the whole sensui debacle and kuwabara is getting his education studying in prep for college (hell yeah boy !!) not sure if the timelines even match up like that but i literally dont care

i'm working under the canon divergence that keiko really did decide she's not gonna wait for urameshi like that but ofc she's still his bestie and he loves her sooooo much <3

so he's going back. he's a demon now so he feels drawn to the culture. it's a side of himself he's never known after feeling so othered ofc he's interested right?

i mean sure he grew up with other humans but almost everyone hated him/was scared of him ironically he was called a demon or monster or wtv

reactions like that are why he almost decided not to come back to life in the first place!! it wasn't a welcoming atmosphere and even his home didn't feel great cos his mom isn't exactly the mothering type

im all for deadbeat moms but the neglect will fuck a kid up. demon heritage or not

and he loves her and all but it's just all fucked up at home so he ended up wandering around a lot being mad about his shitty life and he likes fighting so that's what he did!

and obviously in makai this behavior isnt like. crazy or uncalled for

but yeah the only connections he's got to ningenkai is his mom, keiko (her parents by extension) and of course kuwabara; the only friends he managed to not scare off

anyway. you get it. so yusuke is back in makai and without his permission his mind keeps wandering to kuwabara who he hasn't seen in let's say. a year and some change? i'll decide later but A While

and like. last time he was in the demon world kuwa was WITH him yknow? like yeah the world was ending but it feels weird without him even if he is having a blast fighting with his new demon buddies and acquaintances

so he's a little distracted when he literally came here to fight he cant even focus on it

"how is college prep treating him? are the teachers there just as bad as middle school? did he make new human friends? a girlfriend?" basically he's spiraling over changes he might be missing out on this very moment

there's a bunch of talk in the song where the singer wonders if valerie dyed her hair if she's busy if she ever paid that fine if she sold her house if she got a man so that's where i got it lol

yusuke doesn't have to worry about kurama and hiei cos hey they're from here and have lived way longer and they actually do visit but who knows what typa shit could be happening to kuwa right now

ofc he can take care of himself he's really strong but yusuke can't help but remember that time he let kuwabara go when he shouldn't have and he almost died because he wasn't there and yeah. he's worried. sue him

so it's half worry half wistfulness and maybe some other secret third thing and when hiei and maybe kurama (depending on how the idea forms as i write) come to visit or maybe they're also participating wtv

he cant help but think well kuwabara could be here with us if he really WANTED to :/ he's got the jigen to down pat by now so...why hasn't he...

and those old but ever remaining insecurities resurface about how people don't wanna be around him they think he's a nuisance at best no good waste of time a trouble maker. keiko already dumped my sorry ass so who knows maybe kuwabara just...wisened up

hiei and kurama are like this bitch is back on his bullshit (affectionate)

they manage to weedle his worries out of him hiei ofc trying to act like he doesnt really care (he cares a lot) "you must not have much faith in kuwabara if you think he'd abandon you just from some time apart. and i thought HE was the oaf between the two of you"

kurama with his fox self is like "well yes hiei is right of course kazuma is too loyal to do something like that. but he is human...the only human of us now."

yusuke is like wth is that supposed to mean on the defensive even tho kurama is their friend and hasn't even said anything untrue and hiei narrows his eyes a bit maybe but is still acting like this doesn't really concern him

"i just mean that...from what i've learned about humans over the time i've spent with them...time feels different. we demons live such long lives that when faced with the human lifespan well...it can be laughable to some. that's why demons can be so callous about their lives."

yusuke just wants him to get to the point ofc "what i'm saying is we don't need a lot of contact with each other to keep relationships fresh and healthy but, kuwabara might be a little different. 3 years will do nothing to your bond but...i do worry about longer periods..."

and he seems to just trail off and it just gets quiet and a little sad and hiei isn't looking at them anymore

kurama starts again pretty cheerfully tho "well, don't worry! i'm planning on staying in the human world for quite some time once i'm done with this visit! i do have the company to take care of so i'll make sure to see kazuma all the time! i'll even send him a message from you if you want to say anything :)"

kurama has deliberately been using kuwa's first name knowing damn well urameshi doesn't even use it because this dude is not JUST a sweetie he's a fucking master manipulator. gaslight gatekeep bbg

yusuke is like okay yeah no new plan i'll just go see him now. no need for a middle man thanks anyway and then he's just gone. left the tournament early. like bruh that's what you came here for 😐

so yeah he's breaking into kuwa's house next thing you know and ofc he goes through the window not the door like a normal person and he just kinda stops short because he hasn't seen his friend in what feels like forever even though it's only been like a year or so but he just looks so different

and yeah a big part might be the hair he's never seen without that popadour, long soft copper coils, and he's somehow even bigger than when yusuke left him jesus when did he get so swole? when did he have time in between all those brainiac classes

yusuke knows he's bound to look a lil different too ofc i mean they weren't kids anymore really but like. when they hell did you go and grow up?

"next time i come back is this even gonna be your house anymore? will you still wanna hang out with dropout delinquent demon urameshi?" he gets so insecure in so little time

anyway kuwabara didn't sense him at first cos yusuke isn't a threat and he never really thought he'd be coming especially not yet but when he does notice

kuwabara just gets the biggest goofiest grin he's like urameshi you dog when the hell did you get back in town you're early!!

and yusuke is significantly eased by this reaction but now he feels stupid cos he up a left everything just to what? bother kuwabara while he studies to achieve his dreams? yusuke has got no human world aspirations like keiko had. like kurama has. like kuwabara.

and ofc kuwabara looks glad to see him but he wasn't desperate enough to just show up like yusuke had just done and he feels like a pathetic loser so he pouts

he's like yeah hey man just uh. checking in. and i should probably check out hah you seem busy with your books so im gonna scram and he tries to retreat through the window

and ofc kuwa is NOT letting him get away

and there's that desperation yusuke had selfishly wanted to see. kuwabara had just grabbed him without thinking even though he'd promised himself when urameshi left he wasn't gonna just sit around waiting for his life to start when he came back

he remembers when yusuke took him into that headlock and he wanted to succeed like he said he would that day

but still he's just thinking about urameshi all the time and it's awful. he always said he was gonna beat him some day but he just wanted to be near him. but all he sees is his back, even right now

part ii cos it's too many words!

[autisticbokutoenthusiast]

tag game

tagged by @jgyapologism

1. why did you choose your url?

it was something different but i made a fan account on twt and then decided to also be found here? or maybe it was specifically when twitter started going to shit and we thought it would shut down the first times that i made this account an extension of that one? (it wasnt much before). and now i dont even use twt so lol

2. any sideblogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them.

no because i dont understand how they work

3. how long have you been on tumblr?.

9 years? i think i joined in 2015?

4. do you have a queue tag?

no cause i queue randomly and often. (i like getting to surprise myself with posts i like at a random later date)

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

i wanted to follow accounts that talked about my interests!! also i felt too cringe for the other sites and this webbed site has a loser reputation

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

uhhhhh it was my twt one last or maybe two pride months ago and i stuck with it. (it used to be bokuto in season 4 looking at hinata with his eyebrows iykyk)

7. why did you choose your header?

the power of volleyball yuri!!! i chose it to celebrate vnl but now that vnl is over ig i can change it... but i love melissa vargas so much i want her there

8. what is your post with the most notes?

"they should invent joints that dont hurt" <- banger i know and it has like 16,000 notes last i saw

9. how many mutuals do you have?

uhhhh idk how to even tell that

10. how many followers do you have?

244

11. how many people do you follow?

96 which is a lot but not all of them are active anymore :(

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

see my most popular

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

like 2-3 times, more if im bed bound.. is this chronically online of me? probably

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

not on this website i dont think...

15. how do you feel about 'you need to reblog this' posts?

i immidiately scroll past any "you need to __" make me want to not look at it

16. do you like tag games?

yes! but sometimes they make me nervous for no reason!

17. do you like ask games?

yes but i feel bad sending the asks cause what if i do the thinks ive been asked to wrong

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

in terms of certain tags/fandoms maybe but overall tumblr famous then no

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

no <3

[fairy25]

I'm not joking how am I supposed to continue living as a woman who has suffered serious trauma? I dont know what to do anymore.

I do not want to live (not a threat, just a fact. I am not in danger.) I don't know how I can go about my life when I am scared of men. Half of the people on the planet. I have been jobless for 3 years living with parents because I'm scared to be trapped in a confined space with male strangers again. In my last job, I was sexually harassed, touched, stared at, grabbed, threatened, and followed by male coworkers. It was a minimum wage BAKERY job. You'd think that would be an innocent place to work. I wore a hairnet, had hairy legs, and talked about my boyfriend at the time. and I still got harassed and they wouldn't stop even when i would talk to HR. When I told my ex-boyfriend I was raped he said I deserved it. I'm thinking maybe it's me who is wrong and maybe I just should somehow turn off my brain and let it all happen since I feel like I'm screaming and nobody even notices???

I genuinely don't want to live in the world anymore I'm just tired I wish I was a little girl again and I just want to play with my toys but i can't because im trapped in a 26 year old woman.

Sorry for ranting on christmas. I'm just having a bad day. I hope you had a good Christmas.

baby i would seriously recommend you find a female trauma therapist you feel comfortable with and commit to therapy once a week for at least a year. i would also recommend talking to a psychiatrist or even your primary care doctor if you feel comfortable to discuss getting on some anti-anxiety medication. i personally take propranolol & mirtazapine for anxiety (and migraines).

i know it feels endless right now (i have been there and i’m so so sorry you’re stuck in this dark place rn) but it is possible for things to get better, and for you to lead a “normal” life. i am rooting for you and i want to say your feelings are completely valid. i’m so sorry this is the state of the world. i’m so sorry that you’re unable to ignore the fear you feel, which is very real and very challenging to overcome. but you can overcome it. that doesn’t mean you have to be around men—i work fully remotely and the only men i talk to regularly are gay, old friends, or married to my friends/relatives.

merry xmas to you angel. i hope 2024 brings you more peace than this year. even if you don’t feel like it’s going to get better, please just keep going. sometimes progress is so gradual we don’t even realize it’s happening. sometimes it’s ok to distract yourself and take breaks from the real world. but keep going. if not for you, for other women. we need each other if we’re ever going to create a world where women don’t feel terrified just existing.

[bright-and-burning]

i know a runner on my circuit that is CONSTANTLY rotating through different shoe brands and literally every time i see them at a meet they have a new pair… that to me is lando while oscar has stuck to the same type (his mclaren ones) for the last eight years and will Never change them

i saw this right when i woke up (the first time) this morning and proceeded to fall back asleep and dream of runners au. jflkjadlfj.

youre sooo right tho. for once in my life i am deeply on oscar's side here. i tried a new brand of regular trainers (new balance vongo v5s when i was a dedicated saucony kinvara wearer) and every single run in them i feel like something brand new feels weird. it's never the same thing either. i could not IMAGINE pulling up to every meet in a new brand like fjeadoskjfladsjf

i have visions of lando in nike dragonfly zoomxs.... like the fluoro ones... but yeah he would show up in diff colors and brands every goddamn week. shows up to the last meet of the season in mismatched colorways of the same shoe for funsies. for shits and gigs...

oscar's gonna be like my mom; he's gonna find out his fave trainer isn't being made anymore and he's gonna buy up the entirety of amazon's stock and then have to deal w a closet full of shoeboxes for several years.

wait eve running shoe rant under the cut that has nothing to do w landoscar at all sorry 😭

ok so i always get such brutal shin splints w any kind of mileage in my kinvaras (like literally 20 miles a week w workouts and bam . i have to ice my shins after easy runs) which i kind of think might be bc i brutally fucked up my shins w soccer in high school (like, getting them beat up in games, obvi, but also by doing 2-4 mile runs lapping around our shit field in cleats on dirt so dry clouds of bugs would come up w each step). like they might just be permanently little bitches. idk. also entirely likely it's bc i hate lifting and thus do not have the strength training part in hand.

BUT. i thought it was maybe bc kinvaras are kind of. lightweight? they aren't hella cushy imo. oh wow i did just look at the 15s online and they look thick as fuck. but i always bought 10s and 11s. anyways. i thought it was maybe bc there wasn't a ton of cushion and i was doing a lot of hard surface running. so i was like fine lemme buy something cushy. lemme get something less neutral. i've also got flat ass feet (which is why my daily wear shoes are all like, converse and vans. arch support actively makes my arches catch FIRE for daily use LOL)

so i got the new balance vongo v5s. i went to my local running store, my brother (he works there lol) pulled a bunch of shoes for me, i did some runs up and down the block to try em all out. and like. i dont ever know what im looking for bc ive stuck to the kinvaras for so long lmfaooo. so i was like yeah sure these feel fine i guess.

WRONG. well ok theyre less bad now. but my god those suckers felt HEAVY. and also the mesh upper made me feel like my toes were gonna rip out of the damn shoe. my toes went numb the first few times i ran in them which was not great. i had other complaints cuz i was not kidding about like. the first fifteen runs i went on in them something different felt bad each time. but i cant remember and im not looking back thru strava to figure it out. im still wearing them. bc i did not spend. well i got the employee discount so i think it was only $50. but i did not spend $50 just to throw them out before i even hit 50 miles.

[pluck-heartstrings]

Here I be, tainting you're robot fic tumblr with *other* robot fic because I can not understate that even if I'm not sure where it stands, Behavioral Patterns would easily be in my top ten list of top fave fics of all time. I forgot how much it absolutely consumes me. I've got this internal image of all this rumbling and crooning probably looks normal to Shrike's robot brain but sounds like a chainsaw with autotune to a human. Shrike crying is just dialup screams as their sub programs try to connect to guardianship programming manually. The blankets look and feel soft to them but its straight up chainmaiI. think about Optimus being the only crazy one in the room for once because the Matrix can not handle parental protocols and has him running at 1000% caveman efficiency and how like, Bots who arent organic life fans are looking at the Human happy autobots treating human kids a lot like they do sparklings (looking at you optimus and your preteen sidekicks) and on top of a big old piece of "dredges of cultural ptsd from the quintessons" the Autobots probably look like those folks who are fighting with their parents over "treating their grandchildren right" and said grandkid it's a mostly hairless and toothless chihuahua. Like activating guardianship protocols over shortlived ugly little organic creatures probably isnt a great look.

I screamed when Megateon first showed up. I'm a Prime and Beastwars baby with a smidge of Bumblebee movie but I love me a complex megatron and I had no idea what Earthpark Megatron is like. BIG SOFT UNCLE! I love throwing Shrike at the Prime verse decepticons. A bunch of big eyed, freaked out, hackles raised giants who dont dare to move because they might hurt the tiny little thing using them all as a jungle gym and sounds like a wind chime their armour is so thin

Knockout: children are disgusting. You are disgusting. Come let me polish you in protest

Shrike with a grinch grin who is a little shit: new pranking favorite

Soundwave: hold up I got kid experience with my gestalts and stay inside all day they should stay with me

Shrike: New Pranking fave

Megatron: just keep the pathetic weak little thing out of my (vastley uncomfortable with this) sights and away from like, dangerous shit. But dont let it leave I wanna rub this in Optimus' face

Shrike: LEMME HELP OR NEW PRANKING FAVE

Miko: hey what's your problem with autobots? They rule and decepticons drool

Shrike: (vents about Optimus and lack of freedom)

Miko: hold up. (Busts through Autobot base door holding a wrench) "HEY! EVERYSINGLE ONE OF YOU! COME GET YOUR LUMPS ALSO WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?"

I think about the future and if Shrike ever gets siblings. I think about them being spoiled rotton and becoming just the most conceited, egomaniac but still not as bad as Starscream. They are the "but I'm baby" meme in metal flesh. I think about millennia down the road, cities rebuilt and the last vestiges of neutral parties coaxed home. Maybe they are suprised afterall in hidden seekers in the stars. And a Shrike the little royal baby in the crystal city.

I think about that big dumb medic being big dumb and far, far to old for kids finally giving Shrike cousins. I think about Elita one definitly being the favorite auntie and it driving Starscream up the wall.

I think about what would have happened if Thundercracker had noticed them a few moments later in the battle and they had gotten to the hatch? Thundercracker trying to coax them out as the world explodes around them. Maybe the trine and kid dont make it to the ship at all and are stuck on and hunted down on earth?

I think about what if Shrike's brain had decided to wipe their human memories from the start to avoid trauma (only to trickle in as the get more comfortable as a mystery)? No doubt their relationship with Rachet would be better, and their thoughts about Prime not as strong, but the clashing personalities and field resonance would doubtless still drive them away, even if the pull to the Trine is a little less overwhelmingly onesided. More open eyed wonder and less "sounds fake but cool" in response to things.

Or maybe a world where their origional room didnt blow up? In either case they are situated with Ratchet but are drawn to the explicitly forbidden from Trine. Shrike with no memories getting to have some interactions with humans before they leave earth because *noone* knows they used to human and optimus is showing them off at a top secret level like "look at my child. Please do not interfere with our departure anymore because if the transformer masses find out we can successfully make sparklings on earth we are all going to have a bad time explaining why we cant just wipe out the comparatively juvenile and underdeveloped organics to make earth into a nursery BUT LOOK ITS A NEWBORN" (earth scientist frantically writing "does the robots have a puss puss?" In his notes) " "ok but your newborns are our size, built like a shit brickhouse, move like a chuckie cheese horror movie animatronic, and TALK" (Rachet crying) "I havent held a neonate in millennia I need you humans to understand how new they are" "you're neonates TALK... and are making some very worrying references and turns of phrases" "GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOO"

(Shrike is less than impressed)

Shrike being much more Attached to Rachet even if by Virtue of Rachet "being warmer than cold" and maybe even not being in the carriers when the battle happens but with him. (Maybe Ratchet actually realizes something is wrong since he doesnt blame the off frequencies on previously being human and doubles down on the defensiveness and worry. Optimus being in full blown denial over the flight sickness because *there can't be something wrong with the brandnew sparkling* its freshly forged. The emberstone can not make defective sparklings. Its beyond his ability to cope with) Shrike being blandly apathetic at best with their situation. Minor Autobot infighting as they all throw their hats into the guardianship ring despite Ratchet's claim. Rachet keeps trying to like, just a tiny bit passively engage the parental imprinting program but keeps being subconsciously rejected by Shrike and the series of tiny heartbreaks that causes. Shrike getting colder and more listless and duller by the day. They dont gain any colors and become less willing to engage. The Trine's plan works and they end up on ship and the autobots doing everything they can to let them *never* find out Shrike exists. Shrike finds out about them anyways and goes to explore and spends ever damn second they can scrape together alone sneaking off to bond with the Trine. DO YOU SEE HOW MUCH THIS FIC CONSUMES ME! IM FANTASIZING AU HERE

I think about G.H.O.S.T. *a lot*

I think about how they'de probably use "have overly developed and independent offspring that thrive quickley* as an excuse to categorize Transformers a life form more in line with rodents than sentice for their own gain, and that one person that might actually be touched beyond the racism seeing the care and love and obvious affection and go "but their offspring are very slow to grow and spend most of their time in intellectual pursuits and their behaviours are ticking a lot of sentient species boxes and also um they have kids, which is not a thing we thought they did in our "they are just computers and thus tools to be used" agenda?

my grimdark ass is hella focusing on G.H.O.S.T. and like, inherent tragedies they bring. And the universal need from a fandom nerd to make characters suffer. Shrike being small enough to hide in one of the Trine (probably starscream's if ghost is involved) armour if he got captured. Moving around to avoid detection like a tiny scared koala bear. *screams into pillow*

I reread and redux this fic to *death* do you know that?

Nelly I shared this with my beta and it promoted a full-blown discussion about Behavioural and our favorite parts, it means so much to me that you've read both. Behavioural was me finding my voice in writing and becoming comfortable with writing regularly. I shouldn't have been able to write PMH without Behavioural.

Now if you'll exist me I have to print out this all and read it a thousand more times

[queerspaceprince]

super long post

i saw the tv glow spoilers, me being depressing, tw's in tags

i went to see I Saw the TV Glow this afternoon. i got it. def cried a little (idk if hrt has stopped me from crying more bc i havent cried since i was in hs anyway) my sib got it, tho we havent talked ab it yet bc im still processing even now. my mom did not get any of it. at all. wasnt affected. thats fine, whatever.

and. jesus. i give the movie a 15/10, but it was. a whole lot. i have too many emotions.

Im def gonna mention a few spoilers so if you dont want to be spoiled, is your warning.

it made me feel too much. is the allegory really allegory if the hidden meaning is right at the surface?

when owen says that thing during their convo on the bleachers -i cant remember the exact words fuck- something about feeling hollow or missing something or whatever, how he thinks something is wrong with him and his parents do to-i feel that. so much. i felt it so much more before my egg cracked, but i still feel it in relation to my depression and anxiety. that hit me.

there was also that part about feeling like you're watching yourself from the outside, as if through a tv. oof.

then the whole thing maddie said about how time didnt feel right, how nothing changed when she left. i get it. I was 10 nd my parents got divorced, and suddenly im 11 and thinking i wanted to d1e for the first time, and then im 14 in a kind of manipulative relationship, with like 1 friend and super depressed, and then i was graduating and realizing im queer and exploring my gender and going through a breakup. then im 20, and getting my first job, and coming out to my family. and now im 26. and i still mostly feel the same way i always have. i have more good days, and im more confident now, but i still feel like im just going through the motions a lot of the time.

when did I stop being a kid? ive been an adult for 8 years and Im still only working part time (32 hrs), still living with my mother bc rent is $$$$, still barely functional enough that I havent cleaned my room since last year and ive only showered 3 times in the past week, and i have to force myself to go get coffee on my days off or else ill stay in bed all day. Im just stuck here. i shouldve taken driving lessons when I could. id be out. except i cant leave my sibling behind with my mother. shes not awful, but them being alone is an explosion waiting to happen. but they dont have a job and i doubt i could support both of us. and now i dont trust my eyes enough, like i read for 15 minutes and everything else goes blurry, like im seeing triple.

anyway. next is the scene in where she talks about k1lling herself to get back to the pink opaque world. I. have to admit i nearly threw up. the imagery, the way she spoke about it. she said she regretted it while she was stuck underground, then how she felt good about it, about getting out....ive been sitting in a low spot for a while, it was better while we were on our trip, but it just reverted when we came back. i keep thinking im going to relapse into sh again. i feel so close to the edge sometimes. and theres really no reason for it either. my life is fine. not great, not perfect. but adequate. anyway i had to close my eyes and take a minute after that.

i feel that even without wanting to go back to the other world, maddie was suicidal. she wouldve found some reasoning to k1ll herself. Now ive only ever been actively su1cidal once, when i was 15 -or 16- idk my teen years are all a blur of depression and anxiety. im good now. well. i say good. im more, self destructive then really wanting to d1e. just. i feel so bad on the inside for no reason, why can i have a reason to hurt on the outside?? anyway, im ok now, im 3.5 years clean, i dont want that to change. im working on my coping mechanisms.

there was another quote from that planetarium scene that i couldnt stop thinking about but has now vanished from my mind entirely. bc sometimes getting my thoughts in order is like. catching smoke.

anyway. then everything after that. him growing old. knowing something about him is different but not wanting to acknowledge it or it would drastically his life as he knows it. I understand that feeling. except for me, its not exactly acknowledgement of myself, its doing something about it. while I didnt exactly stay in the closet long, that feeling of not wanting anything to change is why the closet exists. i realized i was queer in 2014, trans 2015. came out as bi that summer, but i didnt come out as trans until 3 years later. when I had a job. access to money if i ended up getting kicked onto the street. i literally had a bag packed and ready to go. and yet. even when i did come out, i was too afraid to correct my family on my pronouns or name for another year. my sibling really helped with that. immediately used them. Tbh theyre my fave person and id do anything they asked.

the whole thing about there still being time.

i see a lot of tiktoks about this. people watning to do stuff now bc there is still time to change your life or whatever. im interpreting it differently.

there is time now, but your hourglass will run low eventually. live while you still can, while you can still do something about it. how that message showed up after maddie left- their time together had run out, but he might still be able to do something. make a change. idk. but owen was too scared to do anything.

im still scared to do anything.

i still dont correct people on my name or pronouns if they get them wrong. i still dont speak up if my family says anything not pc (they are learning tho). im too scared to talk about any big feeling i have bc ive always been brushed off in the past and i dont want to feel worse becasue of it.

i still havent done anything to get my name or gender marker changed bc im scared. idk why. ive been living as a man for 6 years, i got top surgery almost 3 years ago, and ive been on hrt for nearly 2.

it terrifies me for some reason. maybe ts the complexity of it. ive found 3 different versions of the paperwork, and nowhere does it tell me exactly how or who to submit it too. one of those said i could submit online but it had to be printed, notarized, and scaned back into the computer? none of the other versions said it had to be notarized???

and i have nobody who has any knowlege that could help. my aunt worked for a lawyer for years, and yet she just said all I have to do is go to the dmv. like babe. no. thats not how that works.

i think ill start on that again.

while i still have time.

[darkscaleswriter]

⭐️ pls tell me more about your fic pls it’s wonderful 🥹❤️

:D the fic in question

ahhh im so glad you like it!! thank you for giving me the opportunity to ramble about this fic haha. i have SO many emotions about casey jones jr and the future timeline turtles, im never getting over the tragedy of that movie opening. future mikey's wink as he tears open space and time. future leo's "it's not about me" and the way he physically throws casey through the portal. like!!! hello!!!

imo part of what makes the future timeline so tragic is that so much of the show before this point (especially s2) focused on the hamato motto of "anata wa hitori ja nai," even before the turtles actually learned about the hamato clan. none of them have ever been alone, and as part of the hamato clan, legacies of generations upon generations of mystic warriors, they never will be. except then the bad future timeline shows up, and. they're gone. the family is fractured, the turtles are dead, and the last survivor, casey jr, is sent back alone.

so, that's kind of a long way to say that the conception of "write our names in the wet concrete" came from me taking this tragedy and shoving anata wa hitori ja nai in its face. lol.

in the fic, the moment future mikey decides that hes not going to let future leo die is the moment of canon divergence from the movie. the reason he actually manages it is bc in that moment, mikey and all of the hamato spirits look at the last surviving members of their family and say, no. we refuse. the war might be lost, but we will ensure that no member of our clan will be left alone.

it's not just mikey at the end, here, throwing leo back along with casey. it's him and donnie and raph and april and splinter and karai and even oroku saki, every single hamato all at once, facing down the end of the world and choosing to save the last of their family whether they like it or not.

sorry future leo, you dont get a choice! but hey, at least casey isn't stuck in the past and cut off from everything he's ever known by himself, right? :3

the reason i set the fic as pre-show instead of at the movie is bc i really wanted to focus on casey jr's relationship with future leo, and what that might look like when they're forced to actually, like. live semi-regular lives instead of being tossed directly into a high-stakes mission. the looming specter of the krang invasion is a constant stressor, but they also have more immediate things to worry about for a change. like money! big rip to future leo, forgetting that was a thing.

and casey junior learning to live in a non-apocalyptic society is always fun haha. he's a semi-feral apocalypse child who's used to eating rats and leaves! writing his pov is an entertaining challenge, bc he only knows things about pre-apocalyptic society via snippets hes heard from older ppl/family stories, and he approaches the world through a very different lens as a result. he is definitely going to hunt an alley rat at some point and be like :D look theres so much meat on this!! and non-apocalypse survivors around him are like uhhh kiddo wtf. are you... are you seriously going to eat that.

casey, already roasting it over a fire: yes?? why would i not??

anyway, im going to cut myself off before i ramble about this fic forever and spoil future chapters (currently writing chapter 5 :D), but thank you so much for reading it!! im having a lot of fun with this au and i'm glad you are too ^.^

(feel free ask me anything about my fics!)

[nicromancytarot]

thank you for explaining in such detail!

my problem is i cant seem to let go of this one kpop idol, ik its so unrealistic that we would ever date and i bitterly regret not doing something cool like music before the internet came about its been an interest of mine for pretty much over a decade and due to unhelpful situations i never stuck to anything or not being sure of what i wanted to do. my other issue there is a bit of an age gap, not by a much but its like i cannot stop thinking of them, even if there r other celebs i could be obsessing about i still always seem to go back to this one idol in particular even if theres dozens of other idols i could crush on or theres other groups i might follow it still seems ro lead me back to this one idol specifically and its very annoying. i cannot even take a break from liking him its constant every other day he pops in my head like a fucking lightbulb and i immediately then regret not doing something really cool with my life bc then maybe id have small chance of meeting him at least but alas never going to happen

i have only dreamt of them once or twice i forget the exact amount yet that was only after i had watched a reading for them so that was bizzarre bc a) i dont dream much, b) if i do they usually dont make much sense anyway and c) i have yet to have any dreams of kpop idols full stop like askde from one other idol i have barely had any dreams feature idols except for this one guy, twice, i knew it was him right off the bat

my other issue is any other celeb i have ever liked recently have been of similar water sign to this idol almost like a weird pattern. i have been told my fs is footballer (premier league? i presume could be wrong theres other leagues too and i have been to several matches albiet not recently) but i dont know how much to believe in it, i asked someone else they said it was soulmate connection, i asked someone else once again they said i had seen them but not met them and they didnt think much of me

yet i keep going back to this other kpop idol all the damned time i swear im not their fs and im not connected to them in any way again i dont think anyone would bother dating me at this age with my lack of dating experience might not interest anyone and tbqfh im not fussed if i dont date but im still curious as to who they are or if id truly love them but at the samr time again i dont particularly want to be so delulu about it and be like oh my god i have to date them i need a relationship and be so desperate about it i think that would be off putting if it was forced like that

sorry for my rambling but it was such an interesting topic that i hope u dont mind me sharing my experiences so far with tarot and lately an interest in divination

I like to think that any connection we make whether it be through the internet or in person, there is always a reason for it, this person could be the gateway to you understanding how you’d like to be treated in the future by your next partners and future spouse. It’s definitely normal to have a crush on a celebrity so don’t feel bad about that, you’ll definitely meet your future spouse soon enough with the right decisions and choices, by that point you’ll hopefully be able to let go of this idol that you feel so much for.

Perhaps they were connected to you in a past life and that’s why they still serve such a purpose in your life now.

My future spouse and I served a few lives together where we were all different things, going from soulmate friends in one, to absolute worst enemies in the next, and then owing our lives to each other in the one after that. I’m not quite too sure of his purpose in my life this time around, I assume this is my last life so it would make sense to connect with him one last time in the physical.

You may find that this idol is someone who shapes you to be the person that you want to be, perhaps he will push you to get back into music, I’m also working on becoming a musician lmao, that’s how my future spouse and I shall meet (which makes almost no sense since he pretty much will be out of the influencing circle by then, but whatever fate wants I suppose) He may not be there for you to be romantically involved with, but his presence could cause you to try and make something out of those discarded dreams of yours, which could eventually bring you to be with your future spouse.