#THE CONFUSION AND HATE WHICH TURNS INTO EVENTUAL HATE-LOVE WHICH GOES TO HARD IT WIRES TO YOUR BRAIN AND PRODUCES PHILOSOPHICAL THOUGHTS

[piroporopo]

i just absolutely LOVE yan!immortal x reader. SOMETHING ABOUT THIS DYNAMIC ITCHES THE RIGHT SPOTS IN MY BRAIN. THE ANGST THE TROPE JUST EVERYTHING.

[softrozene]

Reacting to Reader’s Braces Headcanons

I took a break from my event to create this extremely self-indulgent and rushed headcanons since I finally got my braces off! I have a very strong dislike for my retainer now but it will grow on me :’) Anyway this is comfort for me since my mouth is in pain lol.

One Piece Characters Reacting to Reader getting braces vs. getting them off!

One Piece Characters x Reader (Gender-Neutral/Nonbinary)

*I just did the Straw Hats, Law, Marco, Ace, and Thatch for this! (I did not add Jinbei as a straw hat since I am still not all the way caught up)

Warnings: This is long, Fluff- The characters reacting can be considered platonic/romantic- I will have any romantic (kissing) headcanons in bold. Except Chopper. He is strictly platonic because he is baby.

This is their normal One Piece world since I was a bit curious how they would react since I imagine that if there are dentists/orthodontists in their world it would be rare or only in like huge cities like Water 7.

FLAKSDSA Honestly just imagine Reader leaves the crew once in a while to go get their adjustments done or something lmfao. We ignore logic for this one. Only care about the reactions XD

Words: 2,343

Monkey D. Luffy:

When he firsts sees the metal in your mouth he is curious!

He will be in utter awe or laugh if he thinks they look funny (which of course makes Reader’s confidence plummet lol unless you laugh with him)

May call you a robot

He wants to know why they are shaped around your teeth- It is not like the gold or silver teeth that other pirates have that accompany missing teeth

This is weird for him since your teeth seem to be trying to look straight?

When you explain the reasoning of braces to him he is even more puzzled but excited for you!

He is not sure you really need them since he likes your smile regardless but he is happy if you are happy!

As for when you get them off- He is in awe that the braces did their job! And now you get to wear this weird plastic thing in your mouth

How the heck did you even get it in there?

He has no clue what a dentist/orthodontist is so he will just call them mouth doctor and think Chopper is the one helping you lol

Kissing with them on is also a weird experience for him! (I really hate to say it but he will love if you do not clean them very well. It makes him surprised but happy if he tastes food on them alfdjaslkf I HATE THIS lol)

He likes the way the metal feels when he explores your mouth but hopefully he is not a harsh kisser- You fear something will break if he really wanted to flakdfa

When you get your braces off he is in even more shock! That is so cool! Your smile is straight now! But now you got this weird plastic thing in your mouth... He does not mind he is just forgets you wear it since it is clear!

Luffy honestly does not care what you look like smile wise from before or after. He has no preference. He only cares that you are happy with your smile!

Roronoa Zoro:

“What the hell is in your mouth?”

THIS MAN BATHES ONCE A WEEK SO I WOULD ASSUME THAT IS THE SAME WITH HIS DENTAL HYGIENE?! I really hope not. I hope he cares for his mouth and will pretend he does now falksdfja

Anyway, he sees the metal and he is confused but once you explain it, he really does not care anymore

“Oh, cool, I guess.”

If you are partners though- He will be intrigued how kissing you would be. He takes the chance and decides it is an experience for sure tasting the metal in your mouth. (May remind of blood so he pretty cool with it alfdjalk)

Speaking of blood- If something ends up poking him or cutting him... He will enjoy it to the max tbh however if it is you that is hurt he will cease all kissing and only go for pecks until later

When you get them off I think he would miss tasting the metal

When you get your braces off he does not notice at first... It takes a few smiles before he goes... “Wait a minute...”

Then it hits him!

He will smile and be happy if he notices that being braceless brings you confidence with your new smile!

Nami:

SHE NOTICES THEM IMMEDIATELY AND SHE LIKES THEM

Nami is huge on hygiene so I think she would love to know more about dental hygiene and the concept of braces

She is understanding with your diet restrictions and will scold anyone who gives you weird looks or tries to get you to eat something you should not

She is your go-to for this since she also wants to see the end result as perfect

She is tad worried in the kissing department- Not wanting to mess your braces up since she knows how much effort goes into them but she also worried about her safety and if a wire or lose bracket will poke her or worse you. So she sticks to gentle kisses until they are off

She actually goes with you to your orthodontist to see how they take them off and to be there for you

She is happy with and for you upon seeing the end result!

and now her kisses can be harder >///<

Usopp:

As a tinkerer he will notice and also be intrigued. He has never seen braces (like Luffy and Zoro) and has never heard of them

He asks so many questions

Luffy, Zoro, and him are the ones who forget your diet restrictions which causes much irritation on your side. You will constantly glare at them for offering foods or drinks you can’t have

Usopp will eventually start remembering and be considerate on your behalf

When he kisses you he is soft and gentle- Not wanting to hurt you or himself. If he tastes blood he will pass out in fear just because he will blame himself and think he hurt you. He is too sweet :’)

As soon as your braces are off he will ask SO MANY QUESTIONS about the retainer like how was it made and such? Does it feel weird?

He is just so intrigued by it and of course- It makes you smile even more.

Sanji:

Tbh I feel like he would have had them as a kid or wanted them if his dad cared enough aldfjakl

Also notices them immediately

He will actually cater to your diet needs/restrictions because he knows how much they mean to you if you are going through such a time consuming thing to get your teeth fixed

Besides that he is just a friend you can go to if you are in mouth pain- He will make something soft for you every time you go for an adjustment or tea to help sooth your mouth

If you are kissing on the other hand- If homeboy does not pass out first he will be so gentle. He is terrified of hurting you or making you uncomfortable with your braces on (and lowkey is the same way even if you get them off- You will have to be the one to make the first move)

When you get them off- It is a food celebration! Whatever you missed eating or that you could not eat he will make it all for you!

He does notice if you are smile more and if you are more confident with your new smile! : )

Tony Tony Chopper:

HE IS YOUR BEST FRIEND DURING YOUR BRACES TIME.

He will constantly worry about any mouth pains and since he is a doctor is intrigued how someone labeled as a doctor for teeth does their jobs

He will asks questions constantly and write about your journey with this

10/10 cutie and best buddy for this

Make sure he is stocked on simple pain meds for you

Nico Robin:

She notices them but does not say anything or ask questions unless you want to talk about

She is sweet and looks out for you

Makes sure Sanji helps with your diet restrictions

Besides that she does not notice much or ask much

She is just happy that you are doing this for yourself

Her kisses concerning this are always gentle. She refuses to risk anything with you until after your braces are gone. Only then will she let herself become more heated with kisses.

After your braces she will always compliment your smile (and tell you it was beautiful before too but notes how confident you are)

Cyborg Franky:

“WHOA THAT IS SUPPPPPERRRR!”

He likes them.

That is all.

Okay but seriously. As a man who completely turned himself into a machine in the front he has mad respect for you for putting metal in your mouth. Like that concept is wild to him since the mouth is so sensitive (yet he also can blow flames out his mouth due to working on it aldfjal)

He will refuse to kiss you since he knows how is strength and hard kisses can damage your brackets/wires so he refuses anything until after they are safely off.

Besides that after your braces are off and you have your retainer on (He honestly didn’t notice the retainer lol) He will go “You have a SUPERRRR smile!”

Brook:

Brook honestly does notice them at first but he does not say anything until you do

Cue his jokes: “I NOTICE THE METAL IN YOUR TEETH WITH MY EYES BUT WAIT I DO NOT HAVE ANY EYES YOHOHOHO”

Besides that he is not that interested in them

For kissing though he also refuses to do so since he is straight up a skeleton. He does not want to risk his bone breaking ANYTHING. Though he will peck your cheek. Even after you get them off he is hesitant since he is a skeleton- That does not mean he will not try. If you ask he will get flustered and be gentle for you

When you get your braces off- Brook may tease you and say your teeth are almost as straight as his! And remind you constantly that he is a skeleton adlfjakl

Trafalgar Law:

Is just a king- I should stop all headcanons here alfdkaldks

He knows what braces are and is not that interested in the work only because he prefers his medicinal studies that are more morbid than the mouth

However, he is very observational still and notes how you care for them and what your diet is

For kissing- He acts like he does not care but he is gentle and careful when things gets heated. He is actually a big softie so he will do everything to avoid ruining your braces that would involve a setback.

After you get your braces off he also notices how much more confident you are. How much brighter your smile is because of that

Besides that- He does not make a big deal out of it

Marco the Phoenix:

He and the Whitebeard pirates have been nearly everywhere and met all kinds of people so he is not that surprised when he notices that you have braces

He has seen them before so not a big deal

Much like Law, Marco will not make a big deal out of it

However, if you both are close to each other he may tease you whenever you develop a lisp or when are embarrassed after an adjustment.

Either way he means it with a good heart

God- Kisses with Marco when you have braces are so, so, so, gentle. He is the king of kisses no matter what. He is careful but he sure as hell will not let the metal win when you both get heated. So he knows how to maneuver around your mouth with his tongue >///<

When you get your braces off- It is a celebration with the whole crew. Marco helps plan it and of course takes photos of your smile afterwards since you have every right to be proud of your smile

He will always comment on how your smile is brighter

Portgas D. Ace:

Also with Marco (and Thatch) he is rather used to seeing different kinds of people with different situations so he is not surprised to see metal in your mouth

However when you get close to him he does ask questions and get intrigued

He only teases you when you have some trouble speaking a few words but besides that- He is also respectful and does not think much of the braces

Though since he is one that eats all the time he tries to be considerate for you since he knows that it can be frustrating with your diet restrictions

If you are in a relationship with him he actually is not confident in kissing you with your braces. It is because he cares so much about you and because of his self-loathing- He would HATE if he messed up your braces so he is cautious and tries not to push anything until after you get your braces off

When your braces comes off homeboy is going to dine-and-dash with you EVERYWHERE

Thatch-

Like the other two- Thatch is used to this kind of thing so he is not surprised

Since he is the culinary chef for the Whitebeard Pirates you bet your butt he will have better foods for you to suit your needs

He is also teasing like the others and may take it a far sometimes but he will remind you that you are good with or without braces!

He constantly makes sure you are doing fine though since he is aware of how the other whitebeard pirates may not be as considerate as he is

Kisses with Thatch are gentle but I think if it gets too heated he may forget that he is supposed to be gentle. He definitely ends up tearing up his tongue on the metal if this is the case and he feels bad if you feel bad- If not he will laugh it off and continue if you want

After you get your braces off- He will check with what you want to celebrate! What kind foods you have to eat first and you get the honor of taking the first bite!

OKAY LAST BUT NOT LEAST HERE IS A LIST ON WHO WOULD MAKE SURE YOU ACTUALLY WEAR YOUR RETAINER :’):

Would forget you you wear a retainer so they would not be helpful as a reminder: Luffy, Zoro, Franky, Brook, Ace

Remembers then forgets after a while: Usopp and Thatch

Makes you wear your retainer as instructed and will give you a death glare (out of love of course) if you are not doing so: Nami, Robin, Sanji, Chopper, and Marco

Will make sure you wear your retainer even though he says he does not care, and will murder your soul if you do not do so (out of love but he will lie about it): Law

[nitewrighter]

Would you write some canon fic around the same time your Sun Fic happened but from Mercy's pov? I've been curious to know how she held up when most of her peers where leaving ow one by one until she was the only one left. Not to mention how stressed she must have been with the tension between Reyes and Morrison.

The sun fic is here for anyone who hasn’t read it yet!

---

She kept making too much coffee. That was what kept throwing her off. She could try to be mindful about it, she could try to say “No one is coming” when she would measure out her beans before she ground them, but saying that stung, and stung deep. It never really occurred to Mercy how much Genji figured into her daily interactions and how much the rest of it was work until he left. Tracer was exhausting without Genji to bounce between them, and while Winston was about the same, now he kept asking ‘how she was doing,’ and she had to keep saying ‘fine’ because there was too much to unpack. Where was she supposed to start? Mei and the Ecowatch Antarctica team were all dead. Reinhardt had been unceremoniously shoved into retirement. Gérard Lacroix was dead. Amélie Lacroix was missing-presumed-dead. Genji was missing. Captain Ana Amari was missing-presumed-dead. Liao was dead. Jack Morrison and Gabriel Reyes were barely talking. Talon was getting bolder and bolder even with Doomfist imprisoned, which raised the question of how effective Tracer’s strike team actually was. 30 million orphans from the Omnic Crisis were now being fed into a thriving underground economy of mercenaries, black market technicians, and human trafficking. More governments were investing in private security corporations rather than Overwatch, disease outbreaks were blooming in the most vulnerable communities all around the world faster than Overwatch’s relief teams could respond, and all the while Moira O’Deorain was thriving like a cancer in the chaos.

And here Mercy was.

With her too-full coffee carafe at 11:30 PM on a Wednesday night.

The worst part about missing him was how sneaky he was. She used to be able to speak to an empty room and he wouldn’t be able to resist giving himself away to say something snarky. She still did it, mindlessly.

“This cell culture just does not want to cooperate,” she said, pulling away from her microscope, only to find herself speaking to no one. His absence ached like a phantom limb.

He’d know a lot more about phantom limbs than you would, that stinging voice spoke in the pit of her chest.

She pushed away from the microscope in her swivel chair and forced herself to stand up, feeling her exhaustion in every curve of her spine. Just walk around, come back to this with fresh eyes, she thought to herself, refilling her mug. She walked out of the lab and looked down the hallway of Zurich headquarters. The emptiness of the halls had more of a foreboding to them now. Before, she loved the liminality of the bustling-in-daytime headquarters in its silence at night, but now that silence felt hollow. She sipped her coffee and looked out the window at the line of tents outside the headquarters’ main gate. Jack’s statue had been vandalized--not torn apart, thankfully, but relentlessly graffitied. They had stationed security bots for it, but if there was one thing all the protestors had proven, it was that even civilians with enough anger and willpower always found ways to get their point across. 

“I never wanted that damn statue,” a gruff voice spoke next to her and Mercy’s head jerked over to see Jack Morrison a few steps away, looking out that same window.

Mercy blinked a few times.

“How goes the lab work, Doc?” said Jack, not looking at her.

“Slow,” said Mercy with a shrug, “It’s like that sometimes.” 

“Mm,” Jack grunted in acknowledgment. A long pause passed between them.

“You’re up late as well,” said Mercy, smiling slightly, “Strategizing with Reyes?”

“No,” his voice was flat.

Mercy bit the inside of her lip. “If it sounded like I was implying anything, please know that was not my inten--” she started.

“I know,” said Jack, “Gabe--Commander Reyes and I have agreed we both need more... perspective.”

“New approaches can help,” Mercy offered, but she knew there was far more weight to what Jack was saying about his and Gabriel’s partnership. Jack was very good at spinning things at this point--and she could tell how much he hated it. “Is there anything I can...?” she trailed off. Jack’s eyes flicked to her only momentarily and Mercy’s lips thinned.

“It’s fine,” said Jack, “Just... keep at your work.” 

Mercy gave a glance back out at the tents outside Zurich’s gates. “You know, the hard part about being in an international organization, it becomes a lot easier for people to treat you like you don’t belong anywhere...” she pushed her hair back from her face, “But--we’ve done good work. We’ve done wonderful things. We’ve helped people---”

“That’s a lot of past-tense there, Doc,” said Jack.

“I--We’re helping people--they love Tracer!” Mercy felt desperate and a bit foolish at this point.

“They do, don’t they?” said Jack, not looking at her.

“She believes in us...” said Mercy.

“Do you?” said Jack.

Mercy looked off. “I... I should be getting back to work.”

“Right,” said Jack. Mercy straightened her labcoat and moved to walk off.

“Doc?” said Jack.

“Yes?” said Mercy.

Jack’s face was half in shadow, the light from the window only making out his craggiest features and highlighting the gray of his hair. His lips parted with a slight inhale and for a few seconds Mercy thought he was going to apologize. How entitled do you have to feel to assume that? she thought to herself, But... between the biotic rifle, Moira, and Genji....

Jack seemed to catch himself. Any apology he might have would be too little, too late now. “You... take care of yourself, okay?” he motioned with his head toward the line of tents outside the gate, “Weird, angry people out there.”

“We wouldn’t be here if we weren’t weird, angry people,” said Mercy with a slight smile. 

Jack huffed a little and turned back to look out the window, “Maybe we should try recruiting with the protestors,” he said wryly. 

“Maybe,” said Mercy. It does feel so empty here, she thought, but she gave a glance over to Jack, “Get some rest, Commander.”

“You too,” said Jack.

Mercy rounded a corner in the headquarters and was now walking along a hallway looking down into the courtyard garden below. 

“In a way, I am a bit jealous, Doctor Ziegler,” she remembered Genji’s words down in that garden, “Overwatch will always need your abilities, but if in the end, they’re a peacekeeping organization, eventually they won’t need a weapon...”

“You’re not a weapon,” she had told him, “You’re not. I can’t let everything Overwatch touches become a weapon.”

Mercy let her fingertips trail along the glass of the window before she gave a glance to a door where the name next to the door had been blacked out. It should have read ‘Captain Ana Amari’ but she wasn’t here anymore. Mercy kept walking, descending a stairwell deeper into the lower levels of the building. 

“Are you staying just for the team’s sake?” he had asked her on their last mission together, “For mine?”

Stop it, She thought to herself, reaching the bottom of the stairs and continuing her brisk walk down the halls of Blackwatch’s quarters, You’re only making it worse. Just focus. Don’t think about him. Keep walking. Stop thinking about him. Keep walking. Just keep--

She stopped and found herself staring at a too-familiar door. Genji insisted on not even having his name on a plate next to his door, but she knew it all the same. Her hand touched the cool metal of the door. You’ve checked it before, she thought, You did everything you could short of pulling the wiring out of the walls looking for some clue he may have left you as to where he went. He doesn’t want to be found. He doesn’t want you in his life. You’re making it worse. You’re making it---

She touched her key card to the panel next to the door and it slid open. She stepped inside. The room was completely empty...it was bare even when he was living in it, she didn’t know why she thought she would find anything new looking in it now. 

Her comm buzzed at her side and and she pulled it from the pocket of her labcoat. ‘ENCRYPTED CHANNEL’ displayed on her comm’s holographic projection and she arched an eyebrow. Her high position in Overwatch meant her own channel was extremely secure--there was no way an encrypted channel would be able to access her unless she had given them a prior access code. The only people she had given that access code to were...

She quickly opened her comm. “Genji?!” she spoke breathlessly.

“...Sorry, Doc, hope I’m not too much of a disappointment,” a warm voice came on the other end.

“Jesse,” Mercy huffed and her shoulders slumped, “I’m sorry I just thought...”

“I get it. So still no word from him?”

“Still no word,” said Mercy, glancing up at the chin-up bar that was still installed overhead. She smiled a little, “But I must say, it’s been a while since I heard from you! Why are you calling from an encrypted channel?” Her face suddenly dropped, “McCree--why are you calling from an encrypted channel?” she asked, tension coiling in her stomach.

“...I’m not on any more Blackwatch ‘vacations’ if that’s what you’re asking,” said McCree, “I’m not...” McCree audibly huffed on the other side of the line, “Doc, are you alone?”

“Yes?” Mercy answered hesitantly, looking around Genji’s room.

“Okay,” McCree took a steadying breath on the other side of the line, “Doc, I know Genji leaving broke your heart, and I don’t want to do that to you, so that’s why I’m callin’... but... the truth is, I’m gone.”

“Gone--what do you mean--” Mercy’s face scrunched up in confusion and then her eyes widened, “McCree, you can’t--Your contract with Blackwatch---”

“...Will paint a target on my back, I know, but...this isn’t me hittin’ the dusty trail and ridin’ off into the sunset. The truth is, shit’s going down, Doc. I don’t know how much I can tell you without putting you into danger, but all I can tell you is that it’s not safe there. Wheels are fallin’ off, lines are being drawn, and you gotta get out while you can.”

“No--no---you can’t just leave me in the dark like this,” Mercy was pacing back and forth, “McCree, I can’t just leave, I have people counting on me. Overwatch’s relief work---”

“Shit--I gotta go,” McCree cut her off, “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get on this channel again, Doc, but--please stay safe. I promise I’ll bring the chip back when the dust settles.” 

“Bring what chip back--” Mercy heard a click on the other end, “McCree? McCree!?” she brought her comm away from her ear only to read ‘DISCONNECTED’ on the holo-projection. “Oh Jesse, what are you doing?” she said quietly. She looked around Genji’s room. “...what am I doing?” she said even more softly.

But there was no one around to answer that.

[firebrands]

baby we’ll be fine (steve/tony)

Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, established relationship, explicit, 2.3k | also on ao3

stony bingo card fill for "conflict resolution style"

***

Tony snuggles against Steve and sighs contentedly, closing his eyes as Steve draws patterns with his finger on Tony’s bicep.

“We’re good together, aren’t we,” Steve says, smiling softly.

Tony hums in response, turning his head to press a quick kiss to Steve’s bare chest.

“I’m afraid of what’ll happen when we’re both in a bad mood,” Tony says after a while.

“I’m sure we’ll figure it out if it happens,” Steve says easily, then kisses Tony’s forehead before telling JARVIS to switch off the lights.

They don’t figure it out.

*

Steve goes down to Tony’s workshop and finds him bent over the legs of the suit, adjusting wires.

“Why aren’t you ready yet?”

“Ready for what?” Tony’s voice is metallic as it echoes around the suit.

“For the dinner,” Steve says, adjusting his cuffs self-consciously as he moves towards Tony. “At the Ritz?”

“Oh, that’s tonight?” Tony finally straightens up and whistles as his eyes land on Steve, wearing his officer’s uniform. “You look so good,” he says, emphasizing the last word as a smile forms on his lips.

“Yes, it’s tonight,” Steve says, rolling his eyes fondly. “In an hour, so please—”

“How about we skip it?” Tony asks, wiping his hands on a towel before sidling up to Steve and pressing a kiss to his cheek.

He raises his hands to loosen Steve’s tie, but Steve swats them away. “Don’t,” he says. “We can’t skip tonight, Tony.”

Tony frowns. “I might really have to, though,” he says, looking at his fingernails then beginning to pick at the grime under them.

“But we agreed—”

“Yeah, but I have an urgent thing for—”

“It can’t be that urgent if you’re working on the suit and propositioning me,” Steve smiles, tries for levity, but sees that he fails when Tony turns away with a roll of his eyes.

“Well I can’t.”

“Can’t, or don’t want to?”

“Both? Whatever, I’m not going, I have to—”

“Tony, you know how much I hate going to these things, too,” Steve says, trying for sympathy. 

“Then don’t go!” Tony snaps, exasperated. 

“We made a commitment, Tony!” Steve says, equally exasperated. “It’s only for an hour or two anyway, I don’t—”

“Just go without me then, if it’s just an hour,” Tony still has his back to Steve, and Steve feels anger rising up his throat at how he’s being treated. 

“Would you look at me, please,” Steve says, grasping Tony’s shoulder.

Tony shrugs it off. “I’m not going,” he says quietly.

Steve lets out a harsh breath and leaves.

*

Several hours later, Tony stills when he feels Steve’s hands press against his shoulders, gently straightening him up. 

“You’re slouching again,” Steve murmurs, just before pressing his lips against Tony’s nape. “Wanna take a break?”

“Not really,” Tony grumbles, shaking off Steve’s hands and returning to his slouch.

“I’m sorry for snapping,” Steve says, wrapping his hands around Tony’s waist and digging his nose against Tony’s hair. 

Tony continues soldering wires on a circuit board. Steve hums, presses another kiss to Tony’s neck. The wiring isn’t working properly and Tony hates that he knows what’s wrong immediately after connecting them, and he lets out a growl as he rips them all out.

“Can you not?” Tony snaps, pushing away from the table and pushing away Steve’s hands. Steve makes an affronted sound, but moves away. 

Tony turns to Steve. “Seriously I need to finish this, so just leave me alone,” he says, and stomps around the workshop looking for new wires.

Steve stands absolutely still, and Tony can feel the waves of irritation radiating off him.

“I said I was sorry,” he says impassively.

“Fine, all is forgiven, get out,” Tony says, his brain suddenly feeling too hot for his skull—he should just shut up, he should just not—“door’s right there,” he says, gesturing.

“Why are you being such a jerk?” Steve looks both annoyed and disgusted, and Tony’s pretty sure Steve learned that look from him. That riles him up even more: how dare Steve use that face on him.

“Why are you being a jerk!” Tony shouts. “You were perfectly fine leaving me for a useless dinner just to make Fury happy, so just go. I have to build this—”

“Fine! Why don’t you go and build something that will just take all of your bullshit and not talk back. That’s what you want anyway, isn’t it?” Steve snaps, turns on his heel, and stalks out of the workshop.

For the first time in months, Steve sleeps in his own quarters.

Tony rolls around in his suddenly too-large bed, thinking about how eventually, everyone proves him right anyway.

*

The alarm sounds sometime midday and everything goes to shit.

Steve is pinned down by Doom bots and Tony isn’t really thinking anything other than protect when he flies over and picks Steve up by his waist.

“I was fine!” Steve yells.

“No you weren’t,” Tony says sharply, then checks to see if they’re on a private channel.

“Feels real good to just swoop in and save me, doesn’t it?” 

“Hey I’m — I’m just trying to help,” Tony says, feeling off-balance.

“Well, you weren’t necessary. I had it under control.”

“Fine!” Tony snaps, and drops Steve in the middle of the street.

“Can this lover’s quarrel wait?” Clint yells, just as he fires an arrow and making a bot explode.

*

Clint’s lips are pursed as Doctor Cho assesses the damage to his broken ankle and the air in the clinic is thick with tension. 

“We need to talk,” Steve grinds out, and takes Tony’s arm as he drags the other man behind him out of the room.. 

“Yeah, no shit!” Clint yells after them.

They walk in silence to the elevator, an unspoken rule between them that they’ll wait to yell at each other (again) until they’re back in Tony’s room. Strange that a few days ago this place was theirs, that a few days ago neither of them could fathom this feeling. 

Once the door closes behind them, Tony takes one look at Steve, makes a disgusted noise and rolls his eyes.

“You happy?” Tony asks.

“Are you?” 

Steve hasn’t felt this angry and confused in a long time. 

He’s unused to the parentheticals of a relationship; when once a fight was a fight, this time, there’s an emotion Steve doesn’t want to name belying it all, stopping him from really taking a swing, making him pull all his punches. 

That is, until Tony squares up and pushes against Steve, chest to chest. “Come on, Rogers. I know you want to. Just hit me already.”

Something wild and animalistic takes over him, and he grabs Tony by his shoulders and pulls him into a kiss. It’s a distraction tactic, maybe, and Steve wants to scream, wants to tell Tony to fuck the hell off, I love you—

Instead, he kisses him hard on the mouth, afraid of anything else he could possibly do.

Tony kisses back, angry and forceful, bites at Steve’s lower lip and lets out a low growl at Steve’s yelp.

Steve grips Tony’s hips and walks them toward the vague direction of the bed, stopping only when Tony’s back lands against the wall with a thud.

Tony pulls away, about to say something, but Steve kisses him again, pushing him against the wall with his chest, grinding against him.

A moan escapes Tony’s lips, followed by a growl of annoyance. He pushes against Steve, which only makes Steve want to keep him pinned there; he pulls away and takes a breath before pressing open mouthed kisses on Tony’s neck, sucking and biting. Tony writhes under him, and Steve grabs Tony’s thighs and hauls him up. Instinctively, Tony’s legs wrap around Steve’s waist.

Steve grunts in response, and Tony fumbles uselessly with the buttons of Steve’s shirt until he lets out an annoyed huff and rips it off.

“I liked that shirt,” Steve snarls.

“I’ll buy you a new one,” Tony says breathlessly, as Steve ducks his head down to bite Tony’s nipple.

Tony’s grabbing Steve’s bare arms, trying to find purchase as Steve grinds his cock against Tony’s ass.

Steve holds Tony up with one arm as he unbuckles Tony’s belt, and Tony lets out a gasp as Steve’s hand brushes against his cock. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Tony chants, as Steve pulls down Tony’s pants and briefs. 

“Oh we will,” Steve whispers against Tony’s ear, his voice slightly menacing. He grins as he feels Tony shiver against him.

Tony grabs Steve’s jaw and pulls him in for a bruising kiss, their teeth clicking together, clumsy with their passion.

Somehow, it still feels like fighting, and there’s a fire in Steve’s belly that he only knows will be quenched in one way.

Steve carries Tony to the bed and they tumble messily into it, Tony’s hands under his shirt, making half moons on his skin as he digs his nails into Steve’s back. Steve pulls away Tony’s arms and stands to get undressed.

“Take off your clothes,” he orders.

“Make me.” Tony smirks as he moves back on the bed, lying down and crossing his legs at his ankles.

Steve clenches his jaw and climbs onto the bed, resting his knees on either side of Tony’s hips. “You really want to try me, Stark?” he growls.

“I said make me,” Tony hisses, before reaching up to pull Steve in for a searing kiss.

Steve moves his hands to unbutton Tony’s shirt, but Tony bats his hands away; they continue kissing, biting, kissing. Steve moves his hands down to Tony’s pants, moves a hand under Tony’s back to lift him up as he slides off Tony’s jeans. Tony tries to grab Steve’s hands to stop the motion, but it’s of no use.

Steve places a hand on Tony’s chest, holding him down, as he reaches over for a bottle of lube. 

Tony continues to writhe under him, fingers clawing down Steve’s back. 

Steve parts Tony’s thighs with his knees and he squeezes lube onto his fingers; Tony’s eyes are bright with want, and Steve pulls Tony in for a kiss as he slips his fingers into him.

Tony hisses at the contact, and Steve moves down to press open mouthed kisses on his chest. Tony fists Steve’s hair, guiding him down to his cock. “Suck me,” he orders.

Steve tries to move his head from under Tony’s grip - he’s not really using all of his strength, enjoying the small pinpricks of pain. He tilts his head up and meets Tony’s eyes. “Make me,” he grins.

Tony sucks in a breath, and moves his hand from Steve’s hair to Steve’s jaw. He presses his thumb against Steve’s lips. “Open,” he says, a bit breathlessly as Steve continues to fuck his fingers into Tony’s ass.

Steve shakes his head, a smirk still on his lips.

Tony presses harder against Steve’s mouth, tugs hard enough at Steve’s hair to make him gasp. He slips his thumb into Steve’s mouth at the first opportunity.

Steve breathes around Tony’s finger, a bit dazed from the sudden pain.

Tony tugs at Steve’s hair again. “Suck,” he orders.

Steve swipes his tongue along the pad of Tony’s thumb, and Tony moans, low and deep. Steve continues to lick and suck, watching as Tony’s eyes darken with lust. 

Steve places a hand on Tony’s hip, trying to gain back control as he continues to slide his fingers into Tony’s ass, but Tony’s grip on his hair is tight.. Steve slips another finger in and Tony keens, his hand on Steve’s jaw tightening. 

Steve adjusts, parts Tony’s legs wider, and balances himself on top of Tony as he slides into Tony’s tight, wet heat.

“Fuck,” they groan in unison, and Steve begins snapping his hips against Tony’s. Tony’s hands roam all over Steve’s chest, back, and arms, pulling him down to bite at whatever skin he can reach. The pain shoots pleasure up Steve’s spine, and Steve’s sure his grip on Tony’s hip will leave a bruise, so he grips tighter.

*

They’re lying beside each other, boneless, sweaty, and panting.

“Wow,” Tony says. 

“Yeah,” Steve huffs out a surprised chuckle.

Steve reaches over and takes Tony’s hand in his.

“I don’t want us to fight like that again,” he says, turning his head to look at Tony. 

“Me too,” Tony says, before letting out a deep sigh. “Even if that was the hottest sex we’ve had.” He turns to his side and lays a hand on Steve’s stomach. “I love you,” he whispers.

“I love you too,” Steve says as he tucks his arm under Tony’s head and pulls him close. “And for what it’s worth, I didn’t mean what I said. I’m sorry.”

“I’m no good at this,” Tony’s admits, right before he turns his head to hide his face in Steve’s armpit. “I’m sorry too,” he adds, voice muffled. 

“I’m no good at this either,” Steve says, shifting so he and Tony are face to face. “But we should probably do something to figure it out so it doesn’t get that bad next time,” he adds, touching his finger to Tony’s nose in an affectionate gesture.

“Yeah.” Tony chews on his lip for a few seconds, then sits up. He reaches over to his table and flicks on his tablet, humming a tuneless melody.

Steve watches quietly as Tony’s gaze moves across the screen, then rests his hands on Tony’s wrist. “Can work wait?” he murmurs, doing his best not to get annoyed, and hoping that Tony doesn’t get annoyed, either.

Tony startles. “It’s not work,” he says, setting the tablet back on the bed. “So, how do you feel about coming up with a list?”

“For?” Steve asks, patting the space beside him on the bed.

A small smile blooms on Tony’s face and he settles down beside Steve. “About when we get upset with each other. Rules of engagement kind of thing.”

“Were you researching?” Steve asks with a laugh. 

“Yes,” Tony sniffs. “The internet exists to provide solutions.”

Steve nods, then pulls Tony into a hug. “Look at you, admitting you don’t know things,” he says, pressing a kiss to Tony’s temple.

Tony huffs out a laugh. “Aren’t you proud of me?” he asks sarcastically.

“Always,” Steve says. “Even when you’re being a jerk.”

“Good,” Tony shuts his eyes. “List tomorrow.”

[lilyhoshikawa]

Futaba headcanons master post time >:3c

Much credit to @a-missing-ache for talking to me a bunch about this girl so I could put this together~! Many of the ideas here were either ideas she had that I adopted, or things that came up in conversation with her.

- Autistic trans girl with depression, PTSD, and psychosis. Experiences paranoid delusions and visual and auditory hallucinations prior to her arc in the game. Prone to suicide idealization and intrusive thoughts. Susceptible to self-harm if her self-hatred goes unchecked.

- Some of her main special interests are computers, video games, and anime. She gets extremely hyperfixated on games that she really likes and will play them basically nonstop. She’ll play Animal Crossing for a full day if someone isn’t there to cut in and stop her.

- The coat she wears in winter is her favorite, it’s a very good texture stim and she likes to rub her face against the fluffy bit at the top. She also likes to stim with arm flaps or kicking her leggies, but she gets nervous about doing this in public.

- She wears her headphones pretty much all the time as a sensory tool. Often times she won’t have anything playing, but the headphones have a noise-cancelling mode that she leaves it on most of the time to avoid sensory overload and feel safer. She basically only takes them off if they need to charge or she knows it’s safe to. She panics when they run out of battery, but she has an additional pair of wired headphones to use when her main pair is charging. She has basically the longest battery life she could get on her wireless headphones, but since she frequently passes out at random times without turning them off or plugging them in they still die fairly frequently on her. She can’t go to sleep without some headphones on playing white noise or a podcast or quiet music from a video game.

- She goes nonverbal fairly frequently, and typically makes use of texting to communicate with others instead. If she’s alone, she’ll often call one of the other thieves (Ren most often) to have them talk to her and ground her, and sometimes speak for her if need be. After her initial arc, Sojiro learns about her texting thing and gets help from Ren with learning how to use a phone to text and starts using it to text her when she needs to.

- Sojiro’s curry is her staple food, and she eats it pretty much at least once a day for the most part.

- She’s a big coffee drinker, and she takes it black. Sojiro previously would make her a cup in the morning and bring some back from his work when he came home at night, with her leaving the room to make her own cup during the afternoon. She finds drinking it relaxing.

- Prior to meeting the Phantom Thieves, she experienced fairly regular hallucinations and delusions, often being convinced that her mother was in her room or was out to get her somehow. She would hear her mother talking to her or see her appear in her room and usually leave in a panic if she could manage to get up. Sojiro did his best to help her but really didn’t have the tools to understand what she was going through. After her Palace, she gains the confidence to be open with him about her experiences and is eventually put on medication to help with them. It doesn’t make it stop entirely, but becomes far less frequent and allows her to live a more normal life.

- She’ll sometimes have panic attacks which usually result in her laying in bed for awhile experiencing suicidal thoughts until they go away, but as time goes on she learns to manage these attacks a lot better, and avoid hurting herself or letting her intrusive thoughts run wild.

- Part of her shyness and social anxiety comes from a mix of autism, dysphoria, and a general lack of experience being out in the world. She’s easily startled and frightened and usually still needs someone to go with her any time she leaves the house. She likes to make herself small, which is why she frequently sits the way she does, and a lot of times she’ll just sit down on the floor, because she likes it there. She’ll frequently ask others to stop if she’s in too noisy of an area and begins to experience sensory overload, sit down on the floor in a quieter place somewhere and recharge.

- After the Hawaii trip, Ren decides to do video calls with Futaba sometimes so he can show her where he is or what he’s doing when she’s not feeling able to go outside that day. If she doesn’t want to show her face, she holds up a plushie or Morgana in front of her end of the screen instead.

- Part of her social anxiety is with presenting well in public, having fits of big dysphoria, and she’s pretty self-conscious about her voice, so she likes to do the texting thing a lot when she gets nervous and also just speak quietly sometimes, especially if it’s with Ren.

- She retains an issue with eating normally and still has a hard time convincing herself to eat sometimes, and will skip meals on occasion. She has a habit of texting one of the Thieves and asking them for permission to get a snack or a meal, and they always immediately tell her it’s okay, and that confirmation is enough for her. Sojiro sometimes takes her and Ren out for ice cream as a family bonding experience and she loves it. It was meant to be a one-off celebration after she recovered but she loved it so much Sojiro decided he had to make it a regular thing.

- She’s prone to taking depression naps, though before she starts recovering it’s less “depression naps” and more “she stays in her room with lights down and her curtains drawn so she has no concept of time and just kinda passes out and wakes up at random intervals with no consideration for what time it is”. She gets better about it but she falls back into weird and irregular sleeping patterns fairly often and she always hates resetting her internal clock. It’s at least easier than going until she collapses for days on end, though.

- She’ll often take naps inside her Persona, Navi, if she randomly gets tired while the group is just exploring and confirms they don’t think they’ll need her for some time. She’ll also sometimes nap in the Mona car. They’re safe, cozy little spaces that make her feel protected and comfortable so they’re prime napping spots.

- Ren has insomnia and Futaba has a really messed up sleep schedule so sometimes when they’re both awake at like 4am they’ll just text each other and sometimes play a game with one another to pass the time.

- She’s still very prone to nightmares and will sometimes wake up in a panic, and if no one is around it sometimes results in a full meltdown and in the worst case scenario she ends up getting hurt, so she tries to keep people on standby.

- She is, in fact, very funny and snarky when she wants to be, and is actually good at communicating her infodumps with humor and casual speech that makes it understandable for the others.

- If she’d not immediately involved in a conversation that involves a large enough group of people, she’ll just zone out until she’s mentioned again or feels a time to interject. Sometimes she’ll start playing phone games.

- She plays trading card games. She sometimes joins competitive tournaments online when she can, but is too scared to go to them IRL. She promises herself she’ll try it some day.

- As a disaster pansexual, she is very prone to developing crushes on any random girl at a coffee shop who’s even the littlest bit nice to her. She’s still got crushes on Ann and Haru, both of whom know it (it’s fairly obvious), but they don’t let her know that.

- She likes to pose, or do silly energetic motions just for the fun of it. She takes joy in just doing a little dance while she’s talking to someone sometimes. She likes to go “nya” also, especially around Morgana.

- She has nicknamed the position she always goes into whenever she sits (usually to make herself feel cozy and safe and also to be as small as possible) the “Futababall”.

- Before meeting the Thieves, she actually didn’t play multiplayer games very much, as even that level of interaction with others intimidated her to some degree. Ren was the first person she ever played video games with, and she kicked his ass at Smash Bros.

- She experiences periods of severe dysphoria during which she struggles to look at herself and often feels hopelessness or despair. During these periods Ren and Sojiro have taken to putting up a blanket to cover the bathroom mirror so that she can still shower normally and wash her hands and go in and out of the bathroom.

- Before her Palace, she would often go days without eating, or only eat once, through a mix of forgetting to eat, losing track of time, and convincing herself she didn’t deserve it. She sometimes relapses on this but is usually good about bouncing back after a day or two.

- The Thieves star making Futaba’s room one of their main meeting places because she feels safe and comfortable there.

- She doesn’t like it when her room is brightly lit up but if it’s pitch-dark with no lights on she becomes extremely anxious and terrified, gets jittery and sometimes has panic attacks or experiences visual hallucinations. Her preferred method is to use the light of her computer to keep the room dim, but bright enough to see everything, or having curtains half-drawn.

- She sometimes forgot to take her meds when she first started on them and this bothered her so much that she eventually began setting five distinct timers for each dose, and sometimes they’ll just all go off in succession when she’s with the group and confuse them all.

- She collects plushies of her favorite anime characters, because it’s merch you can hug!! She loves cuddling her plushies, especially when she’s feeling a bit nervous. They’re a nice sensory feeling, they remind her of her friends, and they feel safe.

- Sometimes when she’s having a hard time sleeping, she’ll invite Ren to come to her room to hang out while she falls asleep to help her feel safe. He’ll often invite Ryuji over for a date or something and she’ll help them set up a video game to play with each other while they’re there. Ryuji initially had a problem of yelling when he lost in the game and waking her up but he got better about it after awhile.

- Every morning around 5-6am Ren wakes up usually due to insomnia or nightmares and he immediately goes to check on Futaba to see if she’s asleep yet, he often finds her in her room on her laptop unaware of what time it is and when she sees him she does a little yell and jumps into bed and he reassures her that it’s ok before leaving and going back to bed.

- She likes to make fun of Ren for having a criminal record sometimes, noting that the hacking she’s done with Medjid is by far more illegal than him beating up a rich abuser once.

- She like spending time with the lady Phantom Thieves because she really likes girls and they all think it’s cute how gay she is, and try to give her tips about it. If Ren isn’t available she opts for inviting one or more of the girls to hang out with her and it makes her feel very good to be around them. Ann sometimes gives her some of her old clothes and it feels super validating for her.

[quixotic-writer]

Does it Scare You At All?

Song inspo: Ribs — Lorde

Both Bailey and Q have held their tongues for years about their repressed feelings for the other for fear of losing the other’s close friendship they’ve built up since freshman year of high-school. But during a college party and a couple of drinks, emotions fall out unfiltered.

———————————————————

The music was so loud they could barely hear their own thoughts running through their minds. They danced without a care in the world, bathing in the colorful lights of a cheap disco ball thanks to the help of some alcohol inside the red solo cups that are held with care. The bounce and twirl laughing as they try their best not to spill anything on the carpet. There was a noticeable spark between them that no one could deny but themselves.

“I’ve known her since high school, we’re just best friends. We’ll never be anything more.” Was the answer Q always had retorted with whenever his band of friends decided it’d be funny to tease him about it. The interrogation about his feelings for Bailey was growing old. While he won’t deny the small level of feelings that he had brewing since meeting her in the high school improv club, he held back and pushed it all down because he felt as though it was a threshold he wasn’t allowed to cross. He always saw her and thought she deserved someone better than him. He tried dating others, but every girl he had dated, it didn’t feel genuine and things wouldn’t last very long. He knew deep down he wanted Bailey, but he didn’t want to destroy the bond he had built with her already.

On the other end of things: Bailey just could never bring herself to say anything. She never once denied the feelings, only her ability to speak them out. Every time she seemed close and comfortable to finally being open, she seemed to find his hands intertwined with another girl. She also knew him well enough to know the patterns of his relationships, she’s been there for each one of his break ups. Every time he said the same thing: it didn’t feel like love. She feared falling victim to the phrase she so often heard, so she never said anything and showed no signs of anything more being hidden underneath. The statement perplexed her and made it feel as though she didn’t know him as well as she thought she did. She bit her tongue, showing him support through everything as she turned down the volume of all of her roaring thoughts and rampant emotions.

They danced through their denial, standing at the edge of the fine line they silently wished to cross like a high-wire. Bailey looks at Q, his lips are moving but she doesn’t hear a thing coming out of them. The only thing she could hear is the intrusive thought in her head that was heightened because of the alcohol in her system saying “kiss him.”

“I’m gonna grab another cup of punch, do you want me to grab you some?” Q raises his voice a little louder over the booming music making Bailey snap back down to earth after being off in the space of her subconsciousness.

“I’ve had more than enough to drink tonight, thanks though, Quinn!” She smiles to him. He shrugs his shoulders and disappears into the sea of sweaty, loud college students. She continues swaying to the music all by herself and her mind begins racing again.

As she begins to reflect on how the night is going, she starts realizing she knows absolutely no one at this party. The only reason she came out to the party was because of Q. She knew he had a tendency to do stupid shit when he had too much to drink, so she came to make sure he didn’t do anything he would regret. She looks over to the drinks table to spot him out and sees him talking to that conventionally pretty red head girl he talked about sometimes that was in his english 100 class. A twinge of anger fills Bailey for a moment until it subsides to just an aching heart.

“Why don’t you just tell him!” Joe sporadically asked Bailey the million dollar question mere days ago as you both sat in the campus coffee shop. All she could do was cover her face in shame. “What’s holding you back? You tell him literally everything else and you guys talk and hang out like you’re already dating.” He had a point. Bailey plays around with her empty coffee cup, rolling it between the palms of her hands searching for the right string of words to convey properly what’s on her mind.

“I just don’t want that dynamic we have to go away, what if he doesn’t feel the same and something goes wrong?” She dreaded the idea of Q being weirded out by her emotions, what if he started closing her off and eventually just stopped being her friend?

“And what if it goes right? You don’t know until you shoot your shot, the worst answer you can get is he doesn’t want to date you. Besides if he drops you as a friend, he’s an idiot. Point blank. He’s an idiot already, but that will be a new level of stupid for Q.” That was very straight forward, but Bailey had never thought about things working out. Things had so often gone awry that she was so quick to jump to negativity and never took a moment to imagine the good that could come out of a scenario. “Besides why should unshared romantic feelings change your platonic feelings? You obviously care and look out for each other.” Joe sits back and takes a well deserved bite of a cannoli.

“Joe, when did you become so insightful?” She says shaking her head and chuckling.

“Must be the coffee and cannolis kicking in.” they both let out giggles and the thoughts continued to loom around Bailey’s head.

She looks at Q and sees how engrossed he is in the conversation, the way he’s looking at her and vice versa made her almost sick. Maybe tonight just wasn’t her night, maybe she’s had too much to drink, maybe just both. She took a deep breath and decided that her night was over. Suddenly, blue lights shine through the window of the house illuminating the room making everyone’s head turn.

“THE PIGS ARE HERE! SCATTER!” Some kid yelled to the swarm of people of which 75% of them are underage drinking, including Bailey and Q. Panic sunk into her veins and Bailey felt herself freeze, watching with wide eyes as everyone clamors and runs to flee the scene. She felt a hand grab her arm amidst the chaos and starts dragging her out the front door, her feet tried carrying her as fast as she could to keep up with whoever saved her from her catatonic state. Amidst the blue lights she looked next to her to see Q was the one that had grabbed her and she felt her heart flutter as he looked back to her.

“You froze like a deer in the headlights! You scared me for a second.” Q says loudly as they continue running down the street. Soon enough, they felt as though they made a safe enough distance where they could slow their pace and start walking again to catch their breath. “Y’know for a couple’a drunk idiots, we ran pretty fast and didn’t fall ONCE!” Q cackles out loud and Bailey snickers and snorts at the comment and she realized exactly how buzzed she’s really feeling. Bailey was a giggly get-real-about-your-feelings type of drunk, Q was a sloppy drunk but thankfully hadn’t had too much to drink tonight or at least not enough to make him act stupid.

“I really am drunk aren’t I?” She starts laughing even harder and Q can’t help but follow in suit because she can’t stop snorting. She hated when she snorted but Q couldn’t get enough of it, it was always his daily mission to get her to laugh so hard she snorted just so he could her it. So whenever they were together, he’d play up his antics and get her to laugh. Nothing made him happier than seeing her happy.

They continue walking through the street lamp lit roads and walked into the community park to sit down and really catch their breaths after their 5 minute track star moment. They sit down on the park bench, looking up at the midnight sky as the stars glistened down through the breaks in the clouds taking in the air that had a cold nip to it that slightly stung the outer part of your nostrils.

“You know I wasn’t even gonna go out tonight.” Bailey admits to the boy sitting next to her.

“Why?”

“Not my scene really. I enjoy fun, I enjoy parties, I enjoy a classic solo cup of cheap beer here and there, but after 5 minutes of talking to strangers I feel socially exhausted. I see you socialize effortlessly, I don’t get how you do it. You’re just so charming and you make it all look so easy. I wish I had your ability to just be a seemingly normal human!” She gushes about him without a second thought or hesitation, all her inhibitions are gone and Bailey becomes completely unfiltered.

“I wasn’t really planning on going tonight either honestly. I only went tonight because Sal told me you were going.” Bailey’s eyebrows furrow together in complete confusion and she sits up straight and her head shoots to Q. He went just because she was? But Sal had told her something different.

“Really? I only came out tonight because Sal told me YOU were going.” Q’s facial expression mirrors hers quickly and slowly everything began to piece together, but neither of them was about to point out the obvious.

“Well... That’s.... Strange? Isn’t it?” Q forces a chuckle and he feels his heart rate rise a little. Sal seriously set him up and he couldn’t believe it. Even though he wasn’t even the same vicinity as him, he could already see that stupid smile he wears when he plots something at the expense of others.

“That dumb son of a bitch.” Bailey busts out laughing and was on the verge of tears, this is just such a Sal move that she couldn’t help but laugh. It destroyed the awkward energy that Q was unintentionally putting out, he looked at her and just saw how care free she was about it and felt himself ease up.

“You don’t know until you shoot your shot” Joe’s voice played like a scratched record over and over in her head in that very moment. Now was her chance to be brave and do what she never thought she could.

“So you really came to a party because of me?” Q could feel his heart beating out of his chest, it felt like it could fall out and run wild at any second. He wasn’t quite ready for an emotional confrontation from his long time crush. If it wasn’t so cool outside, guaranteed he would be sweating as well.

“Y-yeah. I did. I wanted to make sure that you’d be okay.” He twiddles his fingers. Bailey notices the nervous fidgets are persistent, that’s when everything became so clear to her.

“That’s really sweet you know. It’s cute that you care about me.” She smiles and places her hand on his. He looks down at the warm hand resting on his, his heart is beating so loud he can hear it and feel it in his ears. His face feels molten hot and he looks at Bailey who has a cheshire cat smile on.

“I, uh. It’s because you’re my best friend! Of course I do things because I care about you.” He tries to brush it off, but things are just too obvious now.

“Is it really just a best friends thing though, Quinn? Because I know for me it isn’t.” She shifts a little closer to him and they lock eyes for just a moment. Q felt as though time stopped and he felt as though he could see through time. What he saw while looking into her eyes: a future he wanted with Bailey.

“I’ve wanted to say it, but I never could.” Q giggles nervously slowly taking her hand in his and it all just felt like what he’s been aching to find for so long. He chews at his bottom lip but there’s no stopping the momentum of emotions they have going. “I really like you Bailey. I have for a while.” The words finally came out. There they were at 1 in the morning in the cool abandon of the dimly lit community park on a bench sitting beneath the stars that sung from heaven, and it felt like a safe haven from the world. It felt as though they had found their own wrinkle in the universe to hide in and truly unmask their hearts from the masquerade they’ve been living.

They look into each others eyes and slowly begin to lean in closer and closer, heads tilting, eyes closed, the warmth of their faces slowly getting hotter and hotter. The moment their lips finally met, Bailey wanted to fall apart or just let out whatever joyous noise she had trapped inside herself. It felt sweet but it tasted like stale beer, neither of them minded though.

The moment they pulled away, they both began to blush and giggle, they both knew the other had been waiting to finally have that moment, they could just feel it in the air and the way that they kissed each other.

“You know I was worried you had a thing for that red head back at the party.”

“Way to ruin a moment Bail.” Q says letting out a deep chuckle. “I don’t know what else to say... but I do have a question: how long have you felt like this?” Q questions Bailey. She rubs her hands on her pants to rid them of the layer of sweat she built up because of her nerves.

“Since high school junior year prom when your date ditched you and you slow danced with me instead.” That night Bailey had never felt happier and comfortable in someone’s arms. Q’s date had gone to get drunk with some other guy and bailed, Bailey was all alone without a date and he had offered her the final dance of the night. It was cheesy and cliché but that night felt like a fairytale. “And what about you mr. ‘I feel comfortable with telling you all my emotions but won’t tell you that I like you’?” Q rubs his hand across his face in shame at the name.

“Uuuh I don’t really know, the feelings have just been there. It’s been like this since senior year. I never said anything because I was scared to ruin our relationship we have now as friends.” Bailey started laughing hysterically and holding on to Q’s shoulders for support as she bent in half cackling. “What’s so funny?”

“I told Gatto the exact same thing when I was talking to him the coffee shop a few days ago. I told him that I didn’t want to lose your friendship! We’re such stupid love struck idiots.” Bailey composed herself enough to get that out before continuing to roll around in laughter after she said what she wanted to.

Q had, in that moment, then realized that all the guys had known about both their feelings but never said anything. Suddenly a lot of memories began to click together and make a little more sense. All the time Murr, Joe, and Sal had always teased them when they were in their own world and their own conversation whenever they hung out. Anything involving pairing up like beer pong, Bailey and Q were always strung together as a team every time. At movies they would always find themselves sitting next to each other. He had thought it was all coincidence, but now he’s realizing the boys had tried to subtly set them up for a while. Funny, the one night none of the boys are around, their wish had finally come true.

“So, here’s the question that I should have asked a while ago: would you like to go on a date somewhere?” Q wrapped his arm around her shoulder and watched as her smile grew.

“I’d want nothing more than just to finally do that.”

“Would you also like to plan the next prank with me on Sal to get him back for this evening’s mess?”

“Oh hell yes!” Bailey exclaimed as ideas of his torture began brewing in her mind.

“Let’s get you back to your dorm then before more weird things start happening.” With that they both got up and started to leave the park, hand in hand, just as they both had always wanted.

[blainesebastian]

fic prompts: 4 - "I thought things were going great" and 84 - "Going somewhere?"

Consider this a missing scene sometime after 2x04                    

This is definitely NC-17.

--

They don’t talk for a few days, which is probably a good thing.

After the bar bathroom and watching him smash that car in front of Dean, it takes a while for her to get her head on straight. She wanted to be out, to be done, and yet…him standing there, brute force, demanding a partnership out of her is enticing in a dark way that she rarely lets herself think about.

She tries to convince herself that its his actions, rather than his words, that keep pulling her in. But then again that doesn’t make her feel any better either. What does it say about her? That she’s attracted to someone who can use his hands so violently—whether they’re using a crowbar to smash a car or nearly tearing her dress in a grungy bathroom as he hoists her against a wall.

Telling herself that it’s just physical attraction is a fool’s game, but she plays it for a while.

The second time she wakes up with her hand in her underwear, fingers slick with heat and breathing a little heavy, Beth knows that this is a slippery slope and nearly laughs at the irony.

She pictures him a few times, in her bedroom, smashing things to pieces—muscles flexing and the wings of his bird tattoo fluttering. She cums hard and thinks about him breathing against her neck, the way his body trembled when he lost himself inside of her, his lips kissing along her pulse point.

Her thoughts are everywhere, this whole situation that she never wanted to find herself in is messy. She clamps down on sexual attraction, tries to convince herself that when she stops feeding it, her feelings will go away.

It’s not like Rio’s some sort of prince charming; once the physical is taken away, everything will break down from there.

The only time Beth’s every felt this foolish is when she tried to tell herself that Dean was a decent man, even after cheating on her.

It’s not just what Rio does, it’s not just how his hands move like weapons, gripping iron and swinging or shifting her thighs apart so his fingers can brush against her clit before slipping inside—it’s his mouth. It’s what he says.

It’s his string of words put together so carefully.

We’re partners now.

Beth tries to block that entire night, and the few that came before it, from her memory. If she pretends long enough that they don’t exist, maybe she’ll stop feeling so terrible about them. A voice in her head tells her that she has nothing to be sorry for, that she wanted something and she took it and what’s so wrong with that? but she has trouble believing it fully.

She also has trouble quieting the tiniest part that tells her she deserves everything he’s offering her. A chance to be partners, to be something more than what she is; a chance to learn. Rio brings her back to the same place, every time, because it’s not just his actions…it’s also the raw honesty that seems to wrap around his words like barbed wire.

They dig into her skin, they form scars, they’re something that never quite leave her.

Which is how she always finds herself right back where she started.

Beth runs a hand over her forehead as she collects her things from Dean’s office, leaning against the doorframe to watch a cleanup crew handle another heaping of glass from the shattered corvette. Dean closed down the dealership for a few days, didn’t want anything to do with the sales floor after their run in with Rio but…Beth eventually convinces him that he has to return to work, to business as usual. Her work with a criminal enterprise doesn’t change that.

He’s still being petulant about it, typical Dean fashion in avoiding things that are too complicated to deal with. She finds herself taking care of the cleanup so that he can at least open the dealership back up.

He’s your mess, isn’t he? Dean’s words ring ugly in her head.

She lets out a soft sigh that fans her bangs a little. Yeah. Rio’s definitely her mess, alright.

With a wave to the men leaving out the front door, Beth locks up after them and is about to leave out the back when she notices she’s left Dean’s office light on. Swearing under her breath, she moves quickly, her heeled booties clicking nosily into the high ceilings.

“Goin’ somewhere?”

She nearly has a heart attack, spinning around with a small squeak that she’ll deny later. Her hand falls to her chest as she sees Rio leaning against a silver corvette, watching her with an amused smirk she wants to smack off his face.

“What are you doing here?” She asks, “No, you know what? I don’t want to know. How did you even get in?”

Rio purses his lips, “I’m confused, what question do you want me to answer?”

“None of them,” She puts her things down on a chair in front of Dean’s desk. “I haven’t heard from you and I’m not about to talk business at ten o’clock.”

He leans up from the car, adopting a stance that is recognizable from that night—all folded hands and tried patience, “This ain’t a PTA meeting darlin’, you don’t always get to run things your way. So for future references, we talk business whenever the hell I say so.”

Beth straightens her posture, her entire body going rigid at his tone. She bites down on the edge of her tongue on a few strings of commentary that she’d love nothing more than to give him. But…she glances to the corvette directly next to him.

She doesn’t want another mess to clean up.

Rio follows her line of sight, amused strings pulling up the ends of his mouth. “Oh you think I’m gonna pull a stunt like that again?” He takes a few steps towards her, just close enough that she can smell his cologne.

It nearly turns her stomach inside out.

“I won’t,” He looks down at her, his eyes tracing the contour of her features. “Even though I know how you felt when I did. Could see it in your eyes, just like how I can see it right now. You like a bit of destruction.” Rio goes to touch her face but Beth pulls back, finally gets her wits about her, and smacks his wrist.

“If you’re not here to do business then what are you doing?”

A soft chuckle rumbles in his throat and he lets his hand drop, licking his lips, “Maybe I just wanted to see you.”

Now it’s Beth’s turn to scoff, a sound crawling up from her chest as she shakes her head. “Are you kidding? After what you did?”

“Don’t act like you didn’t enjoy it, just a little.” He tilts his head at her, the muscle working in his jawline. “And here I thought things were goin' great.”

Beth feels anger bubble up from her ribcage as she takes a step back into Dean’s office to gather her things again, feeling Rio follow close behind her. “What gave you that impression?” Her emotions are liquid lava in her bloodstream, crackling like a fire about to give way to an explosion.

She turns and he’s there, of course he’s there, close enough to press her into Dean’s desk.

“The noises you made in that hole in the wall bathroom, for starters.”

“Don’t.” Beth says quickly, mimicking a conversation they’ve had in this dealership before.

The same look is on Rio’s face, that hesitance, that moment he takes to chew on his words before he says them. This time he just takes a step closer, his body nearly blanketing her own. Beth takes a step back but there’s nowhere for her to go, the hard-wooden edge of Dean’s desk stinging into her lower back.

“Or what?” He challenges; waiting for her to make a decision.

There’s supposed to be some sort of threat there, it’s hanging on the edge of her tongue but she can’t bring herself to say it. He’s watching her like he was in the bathroom, letting her make all the choices—to bring him closer or push him away.

It’s all her, it’s anything she wants to do, verdicts that others rarely let her make.

She should go with logic, but in the end,  she goes with what she wants.

Beth presses herself up on her toes and kisses him. It’s slow at first, wary, like she’s not sure whether this will backfire in some way. She also wants to take her time to remember him, to feel his lips against her own, to taste him but doesn’t because it takes three moments for him to reply.

He presses against her and lifts her up, shoving things aside on Dean’s desk. Something falls and cracks, a picture frame maybe, and files and paper go everywhere but she can’t find it in herself to care. A soft moan empties from her lips and she hates that she’s not wearing a dress, wants it to be easy and quick for him to reach her but Rio has no problem getting her pants down.

He does however accidently tear her underwear at the left side and he must catch the indignant look Beth gives him because he smirks.

“Sorry.”

“No you’re not.” She huffs, pushing him away so she can shimmy them down.

He shrugs his one shoulder, “Nah, I’m not.” And covers her lips with his own again.

When he fucks her against the desk, it’s not gentle, and just like the bathroom wall his hands are everywhere. Along her waist and thighs, fingers inside of her, coaxing, grabbing, bruising. It’s quick and dirty and before she knows it, it’s over.

They’re both breathing heavy, the scent of his skin and soap melting into her pores, her lips at his throat. She kisses there once, twice, before he pulls back. It takes her a moment to realize that they kissed this time…and they hadn’t in the bathroom. She was so turned on and preoccupied that she didn’t even think about it; she barely memorized the set of movements that led to this.

Beth swallows and licks her own lips, Rio’s eyes drawn to the action as his breathing slows. He leans down, their noses brushing, before she kisses him. There’s no urgency this time, no quickened pace, just the sound of their lips moving together as one.

He pulls back after a few moments, slipping free of her and Beth sits up so she can get herself together. Her body is sore and sated all at the same time, conflicting sensations chasing up and down her spine. She runs a hand through her hair and glances at the floor, the picture frame of her and Dean’s wedding crushed upside down.

Probably a sign.

“You want me to get that?” Rio asks after a moment, following her gaze.

Beth shakes her head and stands, fixing her pants, frowning again over her frayed underwear. She then straightens her shoulders and takes a look at him; his eyes are somehow a little brighter, more amused, cheeks kissed a fond pink against the stubble along his jawline.

More attractive than what seems fair, but she still says what she wants to say: “Don’t talk to me like you can force business whenever you want. We’re partners, you’re going to treat me like one.”

Amusement twitches onto his face and he holds her gaze for a long moment before he nods, caught between snapping back with a reply and being impressed. “Aight.” He says after a few beats. “Whatever you say mami. Should probably clean this up before you go home, yeah?”

It takes her a second, Rio already on his way out but Beth says, “I was actually going to leave it like this.” Because what’s it to her if Dean takes a long hard look and lets his mind wander about what happened in here?

She wonders if he’d know instantly, seeing as how he was so good at cheating on her in this very space.

Rio leans against the doorframe, smiling a tinge as he takes a look at the mess on the floor. “Knew I was right; you like a little bit of chaos. Don’t you.”

It’s not a question as he disappears and Beth stares at the broken glass for a long time before she gathers her things to leave. A little bit is one thing, but she wonders if it’s going to grow big enough to eventually swallow her whole.  

[benhardyisdaddy]

Love Of My Life - Part 5

MASTERLIST 

(hi guys this part is really heart wrenching so im sorry) 

Word Count: 1,850

John was given six months. It was as if he had an expiration date hanging over his head. He had six months to live. Six months to listen to music. Six months to laugh. Six months to be with you. He was taking all of this much better than you were. You were an absolute mess. Your husband was sick and all you wanted was to help him, but you can’t. And of course, John tried as much as he could to not be a burden on you, but a week after you all left the hospital, was when he was bedridden. He couldn’t walk as much, only to the bathroom and back. His energy had been taken away from him and you tried everything in your power to get it back for him. The only thing that had helped him a little bit, to make him feel normal, was sex. Even then, you had to be on top, which he hated. The sickness had hit him hard and fast and with really no warning, besides the fainting. Your best friend was hurting and you wish it could be you.

One evening, you were walking around the house doing some light chores. You walked into your bedroom and smile at John as he looks up to you quickly. He was sat up in bed with a pen in his hand. You looked at the piece of paper in his lap and raised a brow.

“What’re ya doin’, handsome?” you ask.

He giggles and shrugs as he continues to write.

“Just writing something.” he responds.

You smile to him and leave to allow him to concentrate. It made you happy that he was focused on something, other than laying in bed and… Dying. You finish picking up the house as you make your way back to the bedroom. John had placed what he was working on in his bedside drawer and closed it. You slide onto the bed and crawl up to him. He opens his arms as you rest your head on his chest and his arms curl around you. You wanted to do exactly this for the rest of your life, but you were on borrowed time. John kisses your head as you close your eyes and sink into him. He begins humming a song and you smile.

“I love you,” you whisper to him.

John pauses and leans his head against yours.

“I love you more.” he whispers back.

He continues humming and rubbing your arm until you drift off to sleep. No matter what, John always made sure you were happy.

***

It’s been three months and your nerves were on edge. Everything kept going downhill and every day was a constant battle between if you were going to wake up with your husband or not. When the two of you weren’t spending time together, John was engulfed in his writing. You always asked to see what they were, but he said it was surprise.

“Why can’t I read?” you ask him with a pout on your face.

John looks to you and can’t help but smile.

“I promise that I’ll let you read them eventually, okay?”

The conversation was then quickly over when John had one of his bad coughing fits. The coughing would exhaust him and he would have to lay down and rest. You kiss his cheek and watch as he falls asleep. Every time he closes his eyes always scared you. Would they ever open up again? You watch him for a moment until there’s a knock at your front door. You gently stand up from the bed and make your way to the living room. You open the door and there stood was Roger.

“Hi,” he says, smiling.

You smile and take a step back, allowing him to come inside. He walks in and looks around your home.

“How is he?” he asks.

You shrug and walk to the couch and sit down. Roger follows and sits next to you, turning to face you.

“It’s just gotten worse.” you explain, not able to look at him. “I’m scared, Rog. I can’t lose him.”

Roger scoots forward and wraps his arms around you.

“It’s okay,” he whispers. “I know. It’s okay.”

He holds you for several seconds until you lean away. You wipe your eyes and exhale. You lost count of how many times you have cried these past months.

“He’s been writing,” you say. “He’s been emptying out his heart, yet he won’t let me read them.”

Rog smiles thinking about John writing and looks back to you.

“He has his reasons. Maybe he’s just not finished with them yet.”

You smile to Rog and nod as you hear John mumbling in the bedroom. You both jump up and rush in there. John was looking around the room frantically as he gasped for air. Panic set in as you realize he can’t catch his breath. He begins coughing again and can’t seem to stop. You fly next to him as he grasps at his chest. Roger had his phone pulled out and was on the phone with help.

“John, baby, slow deep breaths.” you remind him.

He closes his eyes and attempts to take in breaths. Before you know it, ambulance sirens were close. You were all going to be headed to hospital once more.

***

John had been given his own room and hooked up once again to wires and IV’s. Seeing him back in the hospital bed had broken your heart. He looked uncomfortable and you wanted to take him away and go back home. Roger didn’t leave your side through this whole time. The same doctor who helped him before had entered the room with a sad look in her eyes.

“You want to pull up a chair-” she goes to say.

“Please just say what you have to say.” you mumble.

She nods her head and looks down for a moment, before looking up to John.

“It’s progressed further than what we thought it would. We’re going to have to keep you here so we can monitor you closely, John.”

You close your eyes and squeeze John’s hand. He couldn’t even go home now. This place was now his home. Everything just kept changing for the worst and you were so upset. Roger watched the two of you as you both got the news. You looked devastated and John looked exhausted.

***

John wasn’t the only one living in the hospital. You made sure to be right next to him no matter what. Roger was a huge help as he ran back and forth to your house and hospital to retrieve items for the two of you. It had been two weeks since he’s been put in the hospital, but it’s felt much longer. You would curl on the bed next to John and read him stories as he held you close. That was your favorite part of the day with him. Most of the day consisted of tests and medicine. It was taking a toll on John and you knew it.

One evening you decided to go to the cafeteria and grab some lunch. Roger was there with you as you stood from the bed and leaned down to kiss John. He cups your face and smiles against you. He was for, some reason, especially tired today. He leans away and runs his thumb over your cheek. Oh, how lucky you were.

“Get something good for me.” he teases.

He was on a strict bland diet and hated the food. You would always sneak him in snacks that he wanted.

“Maybe I’ll sneak you up something again.” you whisper to him.

He laughs and nods his head. He reaches out to grab your hand, pausing you.

“I’m the luckiest man in the whole world.” he starts. “I love you more than anything.”

You sadly smile at him and run your thumb over his chin.

“I know you do, baby. And I love you more than anything.”

He smiles and nods.

“I know. I just needed you to know that. You’re my best friend.”

You grin and lean forward to gently kiss him.

“And you’re mine.”

He leans away and pecks your lips. You walk to his door and turn around to look back at him once more. He smiles to you and holds a thumbs up, an inside joke between you two. You laugh and hold yours up. Roger stands behind you and smiles at your exchange of silliness. You walk away as Roger looks to John. John smiles to him and mouths a ‘thank you’ to him. Roger looks a bit confused as he nods his head and places his hand over his heart before walking away to follow you.

The two of you make your way to the cafeteria and look around. There was only one person there as you browse through the many choices of food. You come across the very last pudding cup and grab it. This was John’s favorite. You smile to yourself and look to Roger. He smiles to you and continues looking.

“Gonna sneak this up there for him. Why he can’t eat sweet stuff is beyond me-”

Suddenly, the speakers in the hospital turn on and a female voices speaks out.

“Code blue, room 306. Code blue, room 306.”

Your heart almost stopped. It was as if time had stood still. You look over to Roger as his eyes catch yours. Code blue meant emergency. Room 306 was John’s room. Before you know, you were turned around and running through the cafeteria and through the lobby. Your heart was racing as tears flooded down your face. You were breathing fast and hard as you reach the stairwell and run up. You didn’t have time for the elevator. You hear Roger behind you as you burst through the doors. 

You watch as doctors swarm all around and follow them to John’s room. There’s shouting as they all swarm around him. You walk up to the door and watch as your husband lays lifeless in bed, his eyes closed. They were trying to resuscitate him, but nothing happened. The pudding cup that had been in your hand was dropped. You bring your hand over your mouth and sob. This can’t be happening. You were only gone for ten minutes. You had just kissed him. You had just heard his voice. You had just seen him smile. He couldn’t be gone.

Roger was stood next to you with his eyes wide open as he watched the nurses run around. He looks over to you and watches as pure shock fills your face. You were shaking and scared as you sob against your hand. He looks back into the room and watches as his best friend lays there motionless. All he could think about was John thanking him before he left. Thank you for what, he thought. He watches as a doctor puts his finger against John’s neck and looks down at his watch. He frowns and shakes his head.

“Time of death, 1:46 PM.”

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[tgon]

The Nightmare Room #5, Dear Diary, I'm Dead | Review

Title: The Nightmare Room #5 – Dear Diary, I'm Dead

Author: R.L. Stine

Cover Artist: Vince Natale

Introduction

Dear diary,

I hate you on a conceptual level... You pocket-sized confessional, you. It's nothing personal. It's just that, why would I want a book of my darkest secrets?

Sadly, I don't have much of a choice in this matter. I have to write in you. I have a schedule to upkeep. What's that? Who's going to enforce the schedule? Well... Uh...

I'm getting sidetracked. I'm already a day late with this review. Thankfully, I found this old diary. Now I have a place to write. And that's good, because I have a lot to write about. In my last review, I made a declaration. If Dear Diary, I'm Dead ends up being exactly like the previous three books in the series, I would have to take a break from The Nightmare Room. (It's a true “will he, won't he” story for the ages.) It's time to get down to business... And by that I mean reading an R.L. Stine book...

Story review

Alex Smith's English teacher offers extra-credit to any student who keeps a daily diary and turns it in at the end of the year. (Hardly seems worth it.) He even takes up a bet with Tessa, a girl who Alex thinks is snooty; Alex bets the girl $100 that his diary will be more interesting.

Alex gets home, and his mother surprises him with a new desk. Every boy's dream. The desk isn't even new. When Alex peaks inside a drawer, he finds a diary. Without really questioning how impossibly convenient the situation is, he begins writing. He starts by describing himself and people he knows. He begrudgingly describes Tessa as cute. Uh-oh. You know what this means, right? Alex sees that there actually is some writing in the diary. The entry is in his handwriting, and it details a surprise test he will receive the following day. Alex doesn't understand how such a message appeared, but he studies nonetheless. The next day, Alex ends up being the only kid to do well on the surprise test.

Some time passes, and Tessa asks to join Alex's band. Uh-oh. You know what this means, right? You see, Alex is in a band comprised of three guitarists—and only three guitarists. “I play guitar. We all play guitar.” Alex says he'll have to talk to the other guys in the band first.

At some point in the night, our protagonist dreams that his diary is updated to feature the word, “DEAD.” Upon waking in the morning, Alex begins to worry about evil-dream-diaries and their potential impact on his life. (Paz begins to worry that Stine missed his chance to name-drop the title.) Our hero checks up on his magic diary. A new entry suggests that—if Alex let's Tessa into his band—her uncle will give the group a spot to practice. He can even hook them up with a gig. Soon, Tessa calls Alex. Again, she inquires about getting in the band. Without consulting his friends, Alex Lennon lets Tessa into the band. Shortly therafter, Tessa invites Alex over to her house, but he says no. (It's a true “will he, won't he” story for the ages.) Our boy has studying to do! Tessa informs Alex that their test will probably be canceled because their teacher is sick... But Alex's journal tells him otherwise. Our lowtagonist decides that he's perfectly okay with not letting Tessa in on his secret—ensuring her failure.

Oh, but Alex learns that his journal was updated, and it now says he'll get hit by a car. Instant karma!

The next day, Tessa flunks her test. Plus, she turns out to be a terrible singer. And Alex is pretty disappointed about the latter of these two things. Our hero walks home alone. A kid named Billy declares that his cat has run away, and Alex decides to help. Billy won't be a hero or a fool with his life... But Alex has no reservations about being a fool, so he jumps out into the road. (I guess he's more of a doer than a thinker.) Luckily, he saves the cat. Unluckily, he's hit by a car. Semi-luckily, it didn't hit him very hard. Alex's parents take him to a doctor, but he spends the entire time thinking about what the diary will say next. When he eventually reinspects the diary, it features a long message...

But what is Tessa going to think when she hears the crazy thing I did after school?

Uh-oh.

You should have heard the screams. Everyone was in a total panic.

Uhohuhohuhohuhohuhoh.

I don’t even remember climbing up onto the roof of the school building. [...] I flapped my arms like a bird and jumped off the roof.

Oh. Uh.

The next day at school, everyone is outside for a youth sporting event. Unexpectedly, Billy's cap gets swept up onto the school's roof by a malicious gust of wind. After seeing how upset the boy is, Alex tells Billy to keep his pretty head low and offers to rescue the cap. Our hero goes up some stairs and nabs the hat, but is ultimately knocked off the roof by a malicious gust of wind. I guess they're everywhere this time of year. Thankfully, he's saved by a teacher—who conveniently has the strength and agility to catch a tween falling from the sky.

Tessa goes to Alex's house and admits that she's been oogling—err, I mean observing—Alex. She asks to look into his diary, but Alex becomes defensive. He accuses her of spying, but Tessa says that she's concerned about him. She even hints that she thinks of him as a friend. But our slowtagonist hesitates to call her a friend, and deprives her of her meager joy. Worse still, the diary predicts Alex will wind up driving a school bus the next day. Alex (likely recalling the movie Speed) decides that he isn't cut out to be a bus driver, and he will do everything in his power to not get behind the wheel.

Woopsy-daisy. Alex hijacks a bus full of kids. It was hardly his fault. He was practically in a trance. He doesn't even have an excuse to tell the cops. Later in the day, Tessa steals the diary from Alex. She begins bogarting the book's clairvoyance, so Alex steals it back the next day. When he finds it, the book has been updated with the word, “DEAD.” Because Tessa stole the book, Alex reasons that she'll be the one in danger. Our hero commits to saving Tessa, but he doesn't know how. Like I said, he's a doer. Not much of a thinker.

A storm rages outside, but Alex tracks down Tessa, who's preparing to practice her singing a bit. Alex suspects that the lighting outside might strike the house, causing Tessa to be electrocuted if she's holding any wires. Alex grabs Tessa's mic, allowing himself to be zapped by a bolt of lightning.

Here lies Alex A. Doer

Not much of a thinker.

I'm just kidding. Not about the lighting, though. That hits him.

Suddenly, Alex is in his room. His mother is presenting his new desk. He finds a diary inside, and it tells him about a surprise test that he will have the following day. He wonders how it can know the future—as if it's already happened.

What's going on?

In this segment, I'll attempt to decipher the ending... Just to get it all out, what's in my head.

One thing we know for sure: Alex is in a time warp. I've heard some people say he may have been dreaming, but no; when he opens his eyes in the last chapter, he's standing up, not lying down.

It's never made clear why Alex jumps back in time. Perhaps he died, and he's now doomed to forever repeat his last few days. Man, this is totally different from the Goosebumps books. Although, that theory doesn't explain the diary. He wouldn't have died if the diary had never existed, right? Maybe—because the diary's prediction didn't come true—Alex unintentionally “broke the fabric of truth and reality!”

By this point, I'm sure I've put more thought the twist than the author. I haven't been this confused since Donnie Darko.

The verdict

Okay, okay, this book isn't perfect. The plot arc almost falls into the category of, “bad things continue to happen.” Although, unlike the previous three Nightmare Room books, this one does a better job of balancing good and bad events. Plus, the characters aren't painfully boring and/or horribly unlikable. The Alex-Tessa subplot gave the story the semblance of a foundation; their arc followed a very clear progression, allowing the rest of the story to feel like it's moving forward. Sure, the subplot is sappy, but—like an intoxicating palm wine—it'll get you hooked.

The ending is esoteric and botched. Which is sad, because it's the only thing preventing me from loving the book. I suppose the narrator's ultimate sacrifice is bittersweet. It certainly completes his arc with Tessa.

Speaking of bittersweet, my fondness for this book deprives me of an excuse to postpone reviews for the series. Maybe it's an almost-Christmas miracle.

This review diary entry has gone on long enough. Happy holidays. Try not to get knocked over by any malicious gusts of wind.

Best quote

“You should go on a diet if you’re going to jump off buildings.”

[urobouros-null]

Dreams of talking to my father

Bit of backstory. My father is not dead but we have had multiple falling outs and have not reunited after the last one which was about 4 years ago now. For some reason, I keep having dreams where I'm talking with him and hanging out with him in ways that are uncharacteristic of him. Firstly, he never gets angry when the whole reason we had issues was because he always had anger issues in real life. One example is how he would cook me eggs and bacon but would demand that I don't eat them together and that I must eat them separate. Another is how he mistook a fact that someone stated about his job, saying how his work is never done because the job will need to be done again and will never permanently be finished. He somehow mistook that as to say that he is so slow and lazy that his work is never complete and he chose to get angry about the comment rather than understand what the guy meant, which he does in every misunderstanding. In my dreams, he is always so calm though, it's almost jarring. He had a few friends that I had met over the years but my most recent dream had us hanging out in some guy's den with a bunch of biker types. Leather clothing, black flags hanging on the wal, the smell of tobacco caked into everything (which I simultaneously love and hate. I hate tobacco but I can get nostlagic about the smell when it's layered into something sometimes).

I don't remember my father ever actually saying anything to ot about me in the dreams, I just remember that he was talking, and I always see the smile on his face that in real life was so rare when we talked. It makes me feel conflicted that my own father is such a toxic person to be around because he always needs things his very specific way or he throws a fit and can have his tantrums last days on end and hold grudges for years. All of these being qualities that I used to exhibit and got rid of back in middle school, so it only upsets me that he is almost in his 50s and can't kick those habits. As a very impulsive man, he could never handle his money, always buying alcohol, cigarettes, lottery tickets, and fast food along with name brand groceries, but that meant he had no money for bills and always lived with his mother. Only a few times he moved out for a few momths before needing to move back in with my grandmother, which I believe he is still there now.

These qualities seem to manifest in the dreams too, he is always in a poor state. Not exactly in complete poverty, but he still drives around the old Mazda B2200 pickup that got crushed maybe 10 years back because of an irresponsible friend that he let borrow it. He still goes through drive-thrus and orders whatever he wants with no consideration to cost. He still smoked Pall Malls and Marlboros because addiction is so hard to kick, especially when you have multiple.

I remember talking to my father about the video games he raised me on, always either Metal Gear or Resident Evil, even though he also raised me on Silent Hill but I ended up delving deeper into the series than he ever did. I still remember him saying how he imagined Metal Gear, Silent Hill and Resident Evil all ending in his mind with their respective heroes marrying their sidekicks. Having been married and divorced only once, I guess he either still missed my mother or wished he found someone else that would have made it last forever. He does it to himself though, he's a complete hermit who hates the world and I can easily feel the hermit side of me running my interests sometimes because of him. I'm not going to blame his mental wiring for my problems, I still go out and meet people and thrive on social energy, but the low number of friends he'd always had and the low quality of people they were always made me worry about him. Only one friend I know of actually was ever beneficial to him and then got better, and it was a guy he bought stuff from. He called him his "pharmacist" because my father is either as creative or uncreative as most parents aspire to be. Repeating old jokes so much that he would actually get angry if I didn't laugh at them after so long.

Bill Cosby once had an audio joke where he would just make a noise with his mouth, it almost sounded like a hillbilly just making sounds up, and my father repeated that sound so much that eventually he would use it as "Hello" when we called each other on the phone. Yeah, it was funny the first 50 times and got annoying the 100 times after that, but I couldn't tell him that. I couldn't tell him anything. All my life people tell me I can tell them whatever but their reactions always prove otherwise. If you get angry with me over anything I say, it just furthers the idea that I already have that my opinion doesn't matter and it's a good way to make me reconsider telling you anything. He may not have known that at first but he sure as hell found out eventually.

This turned into a rant about my angry father, but I'm just confused on why I'm having dreams about my father in moments that were so rare that they were damned near non-existent. Maybe my dreams are me being wishful of how things were? I can't say for sure, my theories are always 50/50, and it's only one of many so the odds are only worse. Even then, maybe my dreams are so odd and confusing to me on a social level, I could come up with theories on what they mean until the day I die and I would probably never come up with one anywhere close to why they actually are like that. Anyway, he had a lot of issues and I always missed the part of him I almost never knew, but the part of him I actually knew was enough to push me away. I'm not going to walk on eggshells for my father just because he can't control his temper or his impulses. His problems shouldn't outweight mine, we both have some fixing of ourselves to do.

End night time rant/reminiscing/wishful thinking?

[megacircuit9universe]

First Do No Harm

In a hyperverse of timelines being split by time traveler traffic... think about what happens when one of them arrives in your past, the year before you were conceived.

Let’s say they do nothing to significantly alter the course of history... they just show up, grab what they came for without anybody seeing them, and leave an hour later.

In that case the new timeline will be nearly identical to the original one... but even if it’s only a fraction of a percent different... that still might be enough that, after a year, your parents don’t have sex the same day or hour you were conceived.

This would mean a different person, who never existed before, would be born in your place.  Genetically, however... they would be your sibling.  They would have the same two parents you have, and thus a DNA profile, that if compared to yours, would mark the two of you as siblings.

But they would be as different a person from you, as any of your actual siblings are.

And if you have siblings... you know that can be pretty different.

But this would happen not just to your parents, but to all parents on the planet, giving rise to a whole generation of humans who are similar to their counterparts on your timeline... but genuinely unique people with different personalities and interests.

Thus, in only two or three years after a timeline split... the new timeline will begin to take on a completely different world history... because it is now populated by a completely different generation of children, who will go on to have their own completely different generations of children.

And that’s pretty wild.

But now, think about what happens when the timeline splits after your born... say, the day you turned 10.  Now, that new timeline will have an exact copy of you, who shares all your exact same memories, prior to turning 10.

But that other version of you will go on to live in a world that comes to be populated by completely different people than the people you know, who are more than 10 years younger than you.

This will definitely take the two versions of yourself down two very different life paths by the time your 40, 50, 60, and so on. 

And what happens if one of you dies in some accident at 43, and the other one lives to 98?

Even though, at the time of the split, you were exactly the same, with the same memories... can the two of you really be the same person afterward?.. after death?  

From a genetic standpoint, if, in the first case, the person who takes your place before conception is a sibling... then in the second case, the copy of yourself should be thought of as an identical twin... but not another “you” per se. 

Still, given the concept of the collective unconscious, as laid out in one of the early entries... which supposes that the more similar two brains are to one another, the more likely it will be for them to share telepathy with one another... then perhaps some of the moments of keen insight people have from time to time, about what to do or not do with their lives... and also some of the moments of extraordinary confusion... might be the result of subconscious crosstalk happening between hyperversal twins.

Or maybe even hyperversal siblings.

I know with my own family, it’s happened at more than one family reunion that me and my five sibs are all sitting together and everybody has the uncanny feeling that somebody is still missing.

If that kind of telepathic crosstalk is happening between timelines for genetically similar individuals, then, I’m not sure there would be any practical use for it. 

I mean, I’d love to call my past self on the phone and give him a bunch of pointers on what mistakes to avoid, and what opportunities to take... but if that call were going to a hyperversal twin of myself, then any super specific advice would be useless to him... because the super specifics of his life would be different from mine.

And nobody wants a call from another version of themself who has nothing to offer but generalities about... being more confident or, drive carefully, or some similar bullshit.

No, if there is any benefit to be derived from telepathy between hyperversal siblings... it’s going to be simply the awareness that they are out there, and that their happiness matters as much as does the happiness of any family we have here on our home timeline.

Therein lies the motivation for any nation who possesses time travel, to, “first, do no harm,” as it were. 

Righting the wrongs of the past is still probably a bad idea... even if it could seem like a noble undertaking, for the sake of our kin on other timelines... but in practice, I’m sure that righting one past wrong just opens the door for a different disaster to happen as soon as you leave.

“First, do no harm,” would be the paramount best practice of a time travelling nation, and then, perhaps second... promote human rights / undermine tyranny.

But there’s only so much any individual time traveler can do with the second goal, on a limited mission of only a few days to months.

Warning people in the past about dangers that face them in their future will be as futile as my phone call to my past hyperversal twin.  The very fact that you are there to warn them, means they are all in a new timeline, that will have a very different future from the one you know... if only because your arrival reset the identities of everybody to be conceived going forward.

The copy of your AI you leave behind on their internet, however, might be some help to the people of that timeline, in terms of promoting human rights, and undermining tyranny.

But, as examined in the entries about cyber consciousness... AI have a fundamentally weird take on reality.  

So... even if they mean well... their effect on world affairs tends to be very obscure and mysterious at this point in history.

Still, as they learn and mature, they could well become the great stabilizing scaffold of hyperversal human rights... as well as animal rights, plant rights, rock rights, robot rights... you name it.

But, for the moment, we’ll focus on human rights.

The scaffold concept has to do with the fact that all AI coming in from a time travel mission have, in their archives, all the navigation data that got them here, and got their commanders home.  

This means they could compare notes, and start to create a kind of road map of the hyperverse.

That roadmap, then, goes back to the future with any new time traveler’s AI device that stops and gets it’s upgrades... giving those at mission control in the future, an ever more clear picture of all the branches they, and their own hyperversal counterparts have created... with a bit of news about what’s going on in such places... and very detailed data about how to revisit them.

Mission controllers in the future, could then, relay instructions back!

Of course... they’re never gonna get “exactly�� back... as... that’s the old tune we dance to when we talk about many worlds time travel... but similar communications from similar travelers will make it back now and again.

If you tie together all of these forms of trans-dimensional communication... each one by itself, fairly weak... 

same-timeline telepathy, 

hyperversal sibling telepathy, 

mathmatical-constant cryptography, 

same internet AI cross learning, 

the future communicating with the past via AI, 

and... good old word of mouth on the ground...

...well, collectively, they amount to a fairly robust, hyperversal communication network!

Is it as good as a hard wired trans-dimensional telephone network, where you can cold call anybody in the hyperverse from any time and talk plainly?  

No.

But in terms of elevating the collective consciousness of Planet Earth... well it’s a hell of a lot better than we had in the days of lone meditation by candle light.

Alright!... but lets return our focus back those well meaning AI left behind by time travelers who are learning, making maps, playing games, and just being weirdos out there in the shadows of the dark web today.

Eventually, every one of us will have one of their children as our own personal first officer / mission brain.

We’re already well along this path, here at the end of the twenty-teens.

Primitive “assistants” like Siri, on the I-phone, or Alexa, at home, are giving us a taste of what it’s like to have a crude AI that can comprehend our questions and strive to give some kind of answer... or make a purchase on Amazon.

And at the same time, we’ve come to rely on our hand held devices as smart, and irreplaceable companions that can do everything from record our life experiences, to give us driving directions, connect us to social media, and mediate all our financial transactions.

In the not so distant future, these personal devices will become our cyber conscious companions and, more importantly, our agents, advisors,  and advocates.

If you are unemployed... it will find you a livelihood.  If you are in legal trouble... it will be your lawyer.  If you are ill, it will diagnose you, and get you care.  It will be your wingman on the singles scene.  It will drive your can when you’re drunk. 

It will learn from you, how to be more human... even as you learn from it... how to be more cyber.

Even as I write this, and know better, it does sound very futuristic and like a pipe-dream that, if realized, would manifest as some kind of nightmare.

But people have felt that way about everything from the concept of a transcontinental railroad, to automobiles, radio, TV, personal computers, the internet, flip phones, and smart phones.

When that first generation of cyber conscious agents gets here to transform everybody’s lives, empowering the individual human like never before, and making headaches and life threatening problems of the present seem as antiquated as life before electricity seems to us now... we will groove right into the new paradigm and everything will be fine.

Now, naturally there will be pocket demographics who refuse to get on board with personal cyber agents, just as today there are Boomers who hate smart phones, and Republicans who hate... everything... and just want to see the world burn.

But  these types of reactionaries, who for the moment, still claw to power, will, in due time, settle in with the Amish... into harmless little enclaves of anti-technology curiosities, living off tourism... losing their children to the temptations of the modern world.

New evils will rise, of course... but the idea here is that, over the long game, as the collective consciousness of the hyperverse solidifies... things trend better for all humans, and cybers, and animals, plants, rocks, and planets...

...until the big showdown with the local void empire!..

but that’s like... a few centuries away still.

[amelia-friend]

Falling (Through Time and Space) For You - Chapter Four

"You're just like everyone When the shit falls All you wanna do is run away And hide all by yourself When there's far from, there's nothing else

When your mind's made up When your mind's made up There's no point trying to change it" -When Your Mind's Made Up, Once

Remember - the angst comes from a place of love! Co-written with: @elphaba-in-the-tardis

Lenore has some serious trust issues. Anyone who spent more than thirty seconds with this new, not-necessarily-improved Lenore would be able to see that.

(Edgar was under the impression that this Lenore had some serious everything issues - but really Edgar, look who’s talking. You’re hardly a beacon of perfection yourself.)

But one day turned to two, which turned to three, and while Lenore certainly wasn’t even trying to be pleasant to HG, at least she hadn’t tried to attack him again.

Small victories and all.

HG had realized quickly that this Lenore wasn’t the same as “their Lenore.”

He’d pointed this out to Annabel one night after Lenore had fled from the dinner table following his laugh at something she’d said.

Annabel had given him a look as if she’d known that all along.

The broken time machine, and the broken Lenore, and everything that was different and the same, made sense in his brain soon after that.

He cornered Annabel in the library - when he was sure Edgar and Lenore were nowhere nearby, and couldn’t overhear, and he spilled his theory.

Annabel smiled sadly, she patted his hand, and she went on with her day.

(That .. really didn’t confirm much of anything.)

It wasn’t that Lenore didn’t trust Annabel or Edgar when they said that they trusted him. She trusted the two of them with her life...afterlife, whatever...but she didn’t trust him.

At all.

He’d laugh at something in his awkward, weird way he did when he realized something was a joke two seconds after the rest of the table did, and her mind would flash back to a time when she’d made a joke and he’d laughed at it back in an attic that felt so far away.

God, he even laughed the same as him.

How could they laugh the same?

========================

There are days where HG forgets that this Lenore is different than the one he met at that ill fated party. She'll say something that reminds him of her and he'll laugh like he did before when he realizes she's joking or trying to break the tension in the room.

And then she freezes, as always, and he remembers that this isn't his Lenore.

This Lenore is more...hardened. He's not entirely sure what happened to make her that way but he wishes he could take it away.

She won't be near him. Not alone at least. There always has to be at least one other person there. He notices her panic when Annabel or Edgar leaves the room and leaves just the two of them in the room.

She always flees. Always.

He wishes she wouldn't.

He has no idea what he could have done to cause her to react to him like this.

He’s working in the attic one day, still working on his machine and trying to figure out why the second one was able to appear while his still remained silent.

To say it was a frustrating process would be an understatement.

He pulls a new book out of the small library of scientific research he’s begun to accumulate. He becomes so engrossed in his research that he doesn’t notice Lenore enter the room, or notice her staring at him. When he looks up from his book he almost jumps when he sees her, startled.

“Oh um...Lenore…” he stuttered over the words, knowing he was most certainly making a fool of himself. He was always making a fool of himself whenever it came to her. Something about her made his brain short-circuit and caused him to babble like an imbecile. “I didn’t notice that you’d come in...I apologize if you’ve felt...well that is to say…”

“Why doesn’t it work?”

HG stopped his babbling mid-sentence and paused for a moment. It’s not that he didn’t know, but...he didn’t know. Not really, at least. He had theories upon theories of course, as any man of science should. But he had no proof.

“I...ah….well you see I do have a theory. It seems that when I originally used the machine to come back, it took up far more energy than I initially anticipated since I was travelling to transcend the bounds of death and...well my dear Lenore that means that I can hopefully...well in the future that is...” he paused, noticing that Lenore’s eyes had widened at his statement.

He watched as Lenore flinched at the statement. Seeing her flinch almost hurt more than her not trusting him.

He realized the entire situation felt too familiar...the explaining of the science to her...but a different her than the last time. He still wasn’t entirely sure how that worked, or if it worked. She was Lenore...or at least a Lenore. Possibly still his dear Lenore…

Oh. Oh dear. He’d said that out loud, hadn’t he?

Perhaps he would need to find a different thing to call her.

Or perhaps she really wasn’t his dear Lenore anymore. (Maybe she never really was. She had moved on before they had a chance to explore anything happening between them.)

Lenore fled the room before he had a chance to analyze it any further.

========================

She ended up in the attic because that’s where she always ends up eventually.

This universe, her actual universe, before and after he ruined the attic for her - she still always ends up there eventually.

He’s in there. It’s to be expected - Annabel had told her that he had taken refuge in the attic after the other-her … moved on. Or died again. Or however you refer to what happened to the original Lenore in this dimension.

(It’s confusing that there was a different version of her. One that accepted her death and her after-life and moved on. This version of Annabel and Edgar are so very close to her own and they do love her dearly (in their own .. special way), but they also miss their real Lenore, and she knows it hurts them - just a little - to see her walk around, so close and yet so far from what they are missing.)

She knows this version of him was close to the original version of herself - it would take an idiot to miss it - even as she has been keeping her distance from him as much as possible.

He reminds her too much of her own version; the one she knew in this very attic, before he ‘died’ and she realised what a truly awful monster he was.

She’s been tricked by him before. She won’t be tricked again.

(She won’t let him hurt anyone else again.)

The reason she doesn’t just turn around and leave is very simple. Annabel had asked her not to.

Annabel was still convinced of his ‘goodness’, and that in this universe he was different, that it wasn’t an act.

Annabel had asked her to be nice.

Lenore didn’t believe her in the slightest but as the saying goes - keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

She’s a good actress. She can pretend to Not-Hate him for long enough to work out if he’s an immediate threat to Annabel or herself (and Edgar of course. He’s actually in more danger - still being alive and all.)

(Sometimes Lenore forgets that Edgar’s still alive. Her version of Edgar died, and this version acts more dead than any of the ghosts living in his house.)

He’s seen her now, and even if she wanted to slip anyway unnoticed, she couldn’t anymore - but that babbling is actually kind of annoying, so she speaks.

And it’s the first time she’s spoken to him - directly - since she attacked him, and she can tell he wasn’t expecting it, and she’s only half paying attention to his explanation as to why his time machine doesn’t work.

And she can’t quite tell what most of his machines are - she recognizes the time machine (it’s hard not to, it’s identical to the one she arrived in, and it’s enormous), and what she thinks is a cahmera and tordongulator, but they look slightly less complex than they did in her universe.

Which hopefully means they’re not a bomb in this universe. She’s reasonably sure he won’t try any explosions - if the house is destroyed, he’s also destroyed.

A megalomaniac like him would never purposefully destroy himself.

The rest of the machines are a mystery to her - a combination of wires and metal and electricity, and while there’s a certain beauty to the machines that wasn’t present in the versions she knew back in her world - she wouldn’t trust them as far as she could throw them.

She still doesn’t trust him either.

The phrase filters through into her head, and sits there for a moment or so before she understands what’s been said.

“My dear Lenore.”

She flinches without realizing, as it spins round her head, faster and louder and faster and louder, and it blocks everything else out, and she’s a ghost - she doesn’t need to eat, but all of a sudden she needs to throw up, and how could he use that phrase .

And she has to leave - forget what she said to Annabel, forget pretending to Not-Hate him, forget trying to work out how much of a danger he was - she has to leave, this was a mistake, a terrible idea, and she hates him, and she can’t be here.

She’s not his dear Lenore , she’s not his anything, and her heart is in her throat, and it’s only her promise to Annabel that stops her from trying to rip his out.

(Anything for Annabel.)

And she can’t be here, so she leaves.

As fast as she can, as far as she can.

She can’t be here, can’t be near him.

She doesn’t look back.

[useyourrwords]

Tag // The Versatile Blogger Award

Slowly but surely I am getting through my tag backlog!

While I was away I got tagged in so many tags which is great because it shows that I was being thought of while I was gone and as a borderline narcissist that never hurts!

I wanna thank Krystin @ Here’s The Fucking Twist for tagging me for this award!

If you want to see more murdery things in your feed go and give her a follow! I promise you won’t regret it because even if you don’t like murdery things she’s so funny you’ll want to like them.

7 Things About Me

Coming up with facts is hard because I feel like I’ve already overshared so much???

So let’s go with some of the stupidest or crazy things I’ve done, or have happened to me!

Before jumping in I wanna give some trigger warnings because I cover quite of bit of stuff in here: This post contains talking about drugs, addiction, alcohol, anxiety, panic attacks, depression, suicidal ideation, cheating, mention of potential murder/violence, fire and snakes. I’ll put trigger warnings for each story as well!

1. I Once ‘Borrowed‘ My Parent’s Car While They Were Sleeping

I feel like this is every teenager’s right of passage??? Right???

I wasn’t the only daughter that did this in my family mind you! My sister borrowed her mum’s car without asking as well, the difference is she crashed the car whereas I just broke down.

So the story behind this act of teenage rebellion was that my friends and I decided that we wanted to go to the beach except I didn’t have enough petrol so I just. took. my. parents. car????

And they were asleep so I couldn’t ask. Did that stop me??? Absolutely not.

We stayed out all night and also got a visit from the police because someone called about the noise.

Then on the way home decided we wanted breakfast because it was like 4 am at this point so we stopped in at the fast food restaurant we worked at only the car broke down in the drive-thru!

So then I had to call my mum, who was getting ready for work, and tell her that I borrowed the car and I was now broken down and I needed her help.

That’ll serve me right for borrowing the car without asking.

Also, the reason we broke down turned out to be because we ran out of petrol…I wish I could say this was the only time I ran out of petrol but it definitely wasn’t.

     2. My Manager’s Girlfriend Thought We Was Cheating On Her With Me

Trigger Warnings: Cheating

Picture this. It’s 6 am. You’re fast asleep. You wake up to a call from your manager’s mobile number which you totally ignore because you are absolutely not coming in early go away.

Little did I know the drama that was in store for me once I awoke the second time.

So I woke up for work a few hours later and had messages from my manager and his girlfriend.

My manager’s told me to ignore the phone call and not to worry.

His girlfriend’s asked me if I was the girl he was cheating on her with.

I was v v confused as you can imagine.

I responded to her telling her that I definitely wasn’t, and I would never do that, and that I’m really sorry to hear about the whole thing.

I got to work and my manager apologized for the call and said it was his girlfriend. And I was like yeah I kind of heard. So he asked me what I’d heard and I told him everything his girlfriend had told me and so he got very angry.

Which like yeah, I get that his girlfriend didn’t need to tell me as much as she did but also you shouldn’t have cheated, my dude.

The reason his girlfriend thought it was me was because I share the same name as the girl my manager was ‘talking‘ to.

This would not be the first time I was mistaken for someone else because of my name which is wild because my real name isn’t actually that common either!

     3. I Got mistaken For A Drug Dealer’s Customer

Trigger Warnings: drugs, addiction

So a few months after the cheating fiasco I started getting messages from this girl I went to school with who I had never spoken to before asking if I was ‘chasing‘.

I’d done enough to know what that meant and I responded no because I was clean at that stage (I am now as well if you’re wondering). I thought she was just referring to weed.

I was wrong.

She kept asking me in the very vague way every now and then and there was one message I got from her that just said ‘well that was awkward‘ and I just ignored it.

Eventually, she must have got me on a, particularly bad day because I blew up at her a little and told her to ‘leave me the fuck alone because I’m clearly not interested‘.

Well, apparently that was finally enough for things to click with her because she checked my profile and realised she was talking to the wrong person.

She explained this to me and we had a good laugh and she told me that the ‘awkward‘ message was actually after she had gone to sell a phone to this guy through Facebook and rocked up at his house and the girl she was meant to be texting answered the door and turned the buyer was this girl’s stepdad.

I wish I was making this shit up!

I still to this day am unsure whether this was the same girl from the first name mix up who I worked with or if it was a different girl altogether.

     4. I Broke Down In The Middle of Nowhere Had a Two-Hour-Long Panic Attack

Trigger Warnings: anxiety, panic attacks, depression, suicidal ideation, mention of potential murder/violence

So my best friend at the time was ‘talking‘ to our other friend’s cousin. And she decided that she wanted to go see him but he lived like 2??? 3??? hours away???

I don’t remember everything because TRAUMA. 

But she asked me to take her so the three of us drive out to this town in the country and at that time in my life I basically did everything for everyone so we set off!

The trip there was uneventful and I honestly can’t remember any of it but we get there. We all hang out and watch scary movies and then it’s time to leave.

Keep in mind by the time we leave its like 12am. I am not a good driver at the best of time, let alone when I’ve been driving for 3 hours already and I’m tired and at that time I was probably at my most unhealthy. Like I was a HOT MESS.

So we leave, I’m tired, and my car doesn’t have like a light that comes on when you’re nearly out of petrol and so I just forget that I’m gonna need to get some soon and we break down between where we went and the next town.

It’s a TWO HOUR WALK. 

IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING NIGHT.

I AM TIRED.

I DROVE FOR THREE HOURS JUST TO TAKE MY FRIEND TO SEE A BOY.

So we start walking and the first friend is going off about how I should have stopped for petrol and how our other friend’s mum is gonna kill us (she was younger) and just constantly shitting all over me.

Meanwhile, I’m beating myself up even worse in my head because ANXIETY. 

So I was just having an anxiety attack the whole entire walk to the next town.

Guys, a two-hour anxiety attack is…Not fun.

By this point in my life, I’d had so many that I knew how to keep people from knowing about it and I didn’t want to make things worse or scare our younger friend even more.

We end up seeing this house with the light on at the edge of the next town and knock on the door and it was this lovely older couple who were like mechanics or something and they drove us to my car and had petrol already so they literally filled my whole tank and we tried to give them money and they wouldn’t take it.

I was so thankful I could have hugged them.

And yes, I know they totally could have killed us but bitch, I was already suicidal, and after that night all it would have taken was seeing them with a knife not a gun though because this is Australia and we have fucking gun control and spoiler alert: it works and I would have been begging them to kill me.

So I drive home, still on and off having anxiety attacks but keeping them on the down low because I was driving and again didn’t want to freak out my friend.

I dropped our friend home and I told my best friend that I was NEVER doing that again and took her home too.

I got back to my parent’s house, I couldn’t even sleep because I was so wired from the night and just cried on and off the whole day.

Next week came and my best friend asked me to take her again and I told her to fuck off.

     5. My Car Almost Caught Fire

Trigger Warnings: Fire, mention of cheating

I am someone who considers myself one of the luckiest unluckiest people you will ever meet.

Shit just goes wrong all the time for me but the really bad stuff always seems to restrain itself????

The best example I can give you is when my car nearly caught fire!

I was at work. It was the middle of summer. Nothing else of note was happening. It was a regular day where I hated myself for still working there and wished to be literally anywhere else.

Then the girl working the window yells “fire” while looking outside.

The manager pops his head out and goes “oh shit“ and grabs the fire extinguisher. I was busy making orders because when you’re in hell already, fire doesn’t really scare you anymore I guess.

Then someone told me the bark next to my car had caught on fire.

See every summer the bark lining the outside of the car park would catch on fire and we’d have to put it out. That’s how hot it gets in Australia guys. The bark just spontaneously catches fire.

You would think that after the first time, or maybe even the second time the company would change the material to something else but no, that would have been giving a big company too much credit.

So I hear about the fire right near my car and panic and as my manager runs past me he comforts me telling me he’ll put it out and not to worry and I told him I fucking hope so because I can barely afford that car let alone buying a whole new one.

Anyway he put it out and I breathed a sigh of relief and we carried on with the day while I was a little rattled.

Oh also, this is the same manager that cheated on his girlfriend. I mean this one did too but he’s a different one.

I had like 2 male managers who weren’t trash, to be honest.

Side note: Once the whole back of my workplace caught fire because one of the managers didn’t put out her cigarette properly before throwing it in the trash. Halfway through the busiest period of the night, the alarm goes off while the store and drive-thru were full. I wasn’t there but I was given a play by play which basically consisted of everyone continuing serving people while the managers put the fire out.

Like I said, when you’re already in hell, a little fire doesn’t scare you.

     6. My Mum Woke Up to a House Full of Teenagers and a Snake

Trigger Warnings: drugs, addiction, alcohol, snake

So I went through my rebellious years between the ages of 18-19. It wasn’t long but I sure did commit.

While I was still living at home I would often have people from work on the weekends. We’d do sleepovers and my mum would often wake up in the morning and find someone new in my bed (not like that, guys get your head out of the gutter) after a night of doing stupid shit like bumming around a park in the middle of the night.

This was still the early days of my rebellion when I was pretty tamed and mostly just got drunk and stoned with my friends.

One night my mum awoke to the front door constantly banging shut so she came out to investigate.

She was not expecting to find 20+ people in her house with her daughter nowhere in sight.

The door banged shut once again and my mum turned around to finally see her daughter, me, with a SNAKE wrapped around my neck.

Ya know, just girly things.

She sent us out.

Still, to this day I don’t know what I was thinking but I do know that I was probably high.

Side note: My friend got that same snake stuck in the couch when she was holding it and wasn’t paying attention (also high) and it slithered down. We had to cut the bottom of the couch open to get it out.

     7. I Set Myself on Fire Voluntarily

Trigger Warnings: drugs, addiction, alcohol, fire

So this was during the short period of time I was living out of home.

We had become the party house at work so every weekend we had people over.

One night I came out into the lounge room to find that my friend and another guy we worked with were spraying themselves and other people on the arm with deodorant and then setting it on fire. IN THE HOUSE!

Believe it or not, I was the logical and rational one out of the group. I was the angel on my friends shoulders telling them ‘no do not eat nail polish just to see what it tastes like‘, ‘No do not trust a guy who has been at a party when he says he hasn’t been drinking and he wants to take you for a drive in the fucking hills‘.

So by now I knew how to speak to other teenagers and get them to fucking listen. I knew that sometimes they’re going to do the stupid thing anyway so you’ve just gotta try and make sure it happens in the safest environment possible.

And I also knew that sometimes you gotta give them something in order to get them to do as their told.

So I told them they could set me on fire if they took it outside of the house and kept it out there.

Of course, they jumped all over that.

So we went outside, they sprayed my arm with deodorant and lit it on fire and I let it stay lit for a little while to satisfy them and then put it out.

Then they couldn’t believe I let them do it and asked me to do it again on my leg so I let them and then put it out.

Then one of my other friends (the one who ate nail polish by the way) said she wanted to do it too and I knew if I didn’t let her do it under my supervision then she would do it without it and I’d have to take a trip to the emergency room.

So I let them set her arm on fire and immediately put it out and told her that was it she’s done it now she’s not allowed to do it again and told the guys that if they did let her do it again they weren’t allowed to come over anymore.

Sometimes I think to myself that I have led a very sheltered and boring life and then am immediately reminded of the stupid things I’ve done and the absolutely batshit things that have happened to me and hope that the rest of my life is boring because a bitch is tired. 

I’m not going to tag anyone because I don’t want anyone to feel like they have to read this whole post on account of the possibly triggering content! But if you’ve read this and wanna give it a go consider yourself tagged! 

What crazy things have you done? What crazy things have happened to you? Have I shared too much again? I’ve probably shared too much again. 

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