#THE BLACK ARMS SYMBOL IN THE EXTREMELY SILLY TITLE NAME

[mimiswsirens]

a good day to be a shadow fan

[imagine-loki]

Gifted

Title: Gifted (Sequel to Giftless)

CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: 21/?

AUTHOR: nekoamamori ORIGINAL IMAGINE: 

Imagine that you are Stark’s niece and you secretly share a strong relationship with Loki since he entered the crew. One day you get hurt so bad during a mission that you are about to die.  Loki knows a spell that will save you and share his immortality with you but you and he will be linked forever sharing thoughts, pain, emotions…

RATING: T NOTES/WARNINGS:  Also on AO3 click here

“Darling, wake up,” Loki bid you early the next morning.

“Loki, it’s early,” you grumbled at him and tried to snuggle closer against him to go back to sleep.

“I know it is, but I have a surprise for you,” he told you softly. You opened your eyes at that.

“A good surprise?” you asked him warily. One never knew with a silver-tongued Trickster boyfriend.

“I certainly think so, though you will probably grumble at me for not telling you I was doing this sooner,” he admitted. 

You sat up at that. It was too early for such flowery language. Or whatever he was up to. “Loki, what’d you do?“ you asked him, truly concerned with how excited he was looking over this plan at whatever gods’ cursed hour this was. 

Loki grinned his Cheshire cat grin at you in reply.  That wasn’t reassuring. "You’ll see,” he replied. 

You sighed. That meant this was either going to be really fun, or really terrible. There was no middle ground. “Tell me it’ll be fun at least,” you begged, unsure that you could handle a terrible day.

“It will be fun,” he agreed, but you caught the tone of mischief in his voice and the glint in his eyes. You resigned yourself to a day he thought was fun and you would hate. 

At least you could wear a simple dress that morning. He had set one out for you. You still couldn’t wait to get your magic back so you could dress yourself with magic. You hated relying on him and being without your powers again. There was a knock on the suite door just as you had finished tying your hair into a simple knot at the back of your head, leaving the one strand of raven hair loose to frame your face. “That’s for you,” Loki told you, indicating the suite door.

You gave him a look, but went to go answer it. Frigga, Sif, and Astrid, one of the warrior women who had become your friend, were waiting outside for you. “Happy birthday!” they bid you brightly. You looked over your shoulder at Loki. Your birthday wasn’t for another couple of weeks, which he damn well knew. 

“Loki told us that the calendars do not quite add up right between Midgard and here,” Frigga explained at your obviously confused expression. “He chose today as the closest logical day to celebrate your birthday. It also appears that he did not tell you,” she added with a smile.

“Trickster, you are a creature made entirely of silliness,” you told Loki as he came up next to you.

“Mischief and chaos,” he corrected with a fond smile at the old tease. 

“I’m not seeing a difference,” you told him and stuck your tongue out at him. 

He chuckled and leaned down to kiss your cheek. “I will see you later, darling. The girls insisted on stealing you away for something feminine this morning,” Loki told you with a smile.

“You can join us!” Astrid laughed at him. “I’ve seen you at balls before,” she continued laughing. Even Sif laughed at that and Frigga smiled. Loki used to shapeshift into a female and go to balls that way just for laughs.  Or because she felt like it since Loki was genderfluid. 

“I will let you ladies have your fun today,” he replied with an elegant bow.

Sif and Astrid took your arms and the four of you left the royal wing together.  You ended up in a section of the palace you had never been to, near the healing wing. You found out that it was a full-service spa. The morning was spent with pampering and girl talk. Frigga even told you embarrassing stories of Thor and Loki from when they were kids and Astrid told stories about her boyfriend in the royal guard. They were talking of having the soulbond ceremony after the traditional year of courtship. Naturally, you had to ask all about him. You hadn’t done this kind of girls’ outing before, but it was so natural and fun that the awkwardness quickly dissipated.

You left the spa in excellent spirits and more formal dresses. Even Astrid, though she was still armed to the teeth. You still had your dagger sheath too. You didn’t go anywhere without it, and it was perfectly common and expected on Asgard to walk around armed. You did have to wear your tiara, though, which was a new experience. You met up with your significant others right outside the palace. You and Sif cheered when Astrid greeted her boyfriend with a kiss. She gave you a rude gesture in reply, which made you all laugh, though Frigga had to pretend to scold her for it.

“You look ravishing, darling,” Loki told you as he offered you his arm in formal escort position. 

You placed your hand on it as per usual, the gesture automatic. “Thank you,” you accepted the compliment today, especially since the nice ladies in the spa had done so much work to make you extra pretty. Even if they had complained about the illogical lock of raven-black hair. You had to explain it to them multiple times before they’d agreed to leave it alone, though they should’ve known what a lovelock was.  They were just being persnickety. You had a feeling Loki and you would be re-starting a fashion trend with the lovelock soon…

You went out to the palace gardens where an elaborate flower-viewing was set up. There was all sorts of food and tables set around the garden. Astrid broke off once you reached the rest of the court who were gathered in the garden. The procession of the royals made your way up to a platform overlooking one of the gardens. Loki led you to the front so you could get a good view at whatever was going to happen.

A bell chimed and suddenly the flowers in the garden you were looking over all began to bloom at the same time. It was absolutely breathtaking to watch. The flowers all opened, revealing petals of the same magenta-red color as your hair. “They are called sigynite flowers,” Loki whispered into your ear. “They only bloom one day a year,”

“They’re gorgeous,” you replied, staring in rapture over the flowers, trying to fix in your memory exactly how they looked. 

Loki chuckled. “There is one preserved in our suite for you, Sigyn,” he whispered in your ear.  You rolled your eyes at his use of your superhero alias, which was apparently also derived from the name of the flowers.

“Sigyn?” Sif asked as you took your seats for the lunch that came with the flower viewing. 

You laughed, apparently she had really good hearing to have heard Loki’s question.  “You’re getting you back for ‘Lo’ aren’t you?“ you asked Loki, who tried to look innocent. He failed. Miserably. you turned back to Sif to explain. "Back on Midgard, many of those of us with powers fight crime and villains with powers. Generally we don’t want people to know our real names, since it can put our loved ones in danger, so everyone on the team has a superhero name. Sigyn is mine,”

“So Loki chose the day of the sigynite flower blooming for your birthday,” Sif finished. You nodded your agreement and laughed over your silly Trickster boyfriend. You had a nice lunch with your Asgardian family. There would also be a formal ball and feast that evening. In the meantime, your family gave you birthday presents. You hadn’t been expecting anything from them, even after they had announced it was your birthday today.

Thor gave you a tome that was a famous fantasy series in Asgard. “Thanks Thor!” you told him in glee. Loki had to take it from your hands before you started reading it and ignoring the rest of your presents. Sif gave you a beautiful necklace, which Loki helped you put on immediately. It was a simple, but gorgeous diamond. "Thank you,” you told her with a real smile. You had a feeling that it, like the bracelet Loki had given you on your 18th birthday wasn’t going to be taken off often, if ever. It was so pretty, but simple enough to be an everyday item. Sif was obviously relieved that you like it. Frigga, though she had said it was from Odin too, gave you a box to unwrap. Odin had left after lunch to go do work. You opened the box curiously, wondering what the queen would have gotten you for your birthday. Inside was a little handmade cloth doll. It was beautiful and extremely well made. She even had magenta-red hair and the same blue eyes that your were usually. “She’s beautiful,” you saw in awe as you lifted the little doll out of the box. you saw Sif’s eyes widen at it when she realized what it was.

“You did not grow up here, and my children were all boys, so Loki would not have told you the tradition, and you would not have had one of these dolls growing up,” Frigga started. You looked away from the doll to give her your attention. "When a daughter is born, her mother will give her a handmade doll in the daughter’s likeness. The vision-seers aid with that aspect of course. The doll is a symbol of a mother’s love as well as a constant companion for the girl as she grows.”

“You made her?” you asked, your voice full of emotion and tears of joy in your eyes. She nodded with a smile. You didn’t have words to thank her with. All you could do was go to her and give her a hug. “I will cherish her forever,” you finally found words that might, might be enough.

“You are welcome, daughter. I give her to you in love, and with admiration for how wonderful you are for my Loki. I have never seen him so happy as you have when he is with you." 

You thanked them all again for the wonderful presents and the wonderful birthday.

"It is not over yet, darling,” Loki reminded you. You stared at the beautiful flowers for a little longer before you all went in to your own matters until dinner that evening. You headed back to our suite to relax until dinner. You set the doll from Frigga on your bedside table next to the sigynite flower Loki had in a vase there. Loki pulled out a box when you had settled on the couch.

“Loki, you didn’t have to get me anything!” you protested. Your real birthday wasn’t for a couple of weeks, plus you didn’t expect anything anyway.

“Yes, I did,” he replied with a smile as he handed you the box. You smiled at his silliness and carefully opened the box. Inside was a gorgeous silver charm bracelet with a bunch of charms on it. He helped you put it on. “Hold one of the charms,” he bid you softly. You picked one at random and held it in your other hand.

You were standing in a memory of two years ago. You and Loki  were on the stairs up to your suites in the tower, ending a conversation with your uncle. “I have to go to work. Can you two try to behave?” Tony grumbled, mostly looking at you. You raised your hands in surrender.

“Fury already threatened me with chains until The Harlequin is dealt with. Don’t worry, Tony, there will be no trouble for me,” you told him with as much sincerity as you could muster. “I’ll even promise to stay out of the science lab.” He rolled his eyes, but gave you a hug goodbye and a threat to Loki before he went to work.

“That threat lacked punch,” Loki commented as you walked up the stairs together. “He did not even threaten me with death this time,” he mused.

“Maybe he’s starting to like you,” you told him with a grin.

“I highly doubt that. He does not like that I spend time with you,” he reminded you.

“He’s my uncle. That’s what they do,” you replied.

“What does he think will happen?” Loki asked when you reached the floor that your rooms were on. You gave him a mischievous grin, which made him pause just long enough.

“This,” you replied, standing up on your toes to place a light, timid kiss on his lips. You darted away quickly while he stood there shocked. You didn’t stay to see his reaction, you didn’t want to see disappointment or anger, or any other of a dozen emotions. You didn’t know what his reaction would be, if he would want it or not. You were willing to play it off as a joke to save your friendship if that’s what it took. Instead, you felt a hand wrap around your arm and spin you to face him. It was Loki, of course. He let go of your arm, but wrapped an arm around your waist. He held you to him pressed against his cool body. He held you lightly, though, and you knew you could break away without any real effort.

“If you are going to do that, darling, you should at least do it properly,” he purred as he pushed your hair away from your face.

“I don’t know how to do it properly,” you whispered. You’d never been kissed before.

“Then allow me to demonstrate,” he purred. He hesitated and looked into your eyes. “Unless you do not wish do. I will not kiss you against your will. I will not force you into a relationship,” he said softly, gently. 

You nodded, though you couldn’t tear your gaze from his. “I want this,” you whispered. He leaned down and kissed you. He tasted of cool mint and a crisp winter’s day. Your heart fluttered with his cool lips, firm, but gentle against yours as he held you to him. He broke the kiss after a long minute and set you gently back on your feet. You smiled giddily up at him. “That was definitely the proper way to do that,” you finally told him. He grinned.

“I am glad my lady is pleased,” he replied.

The memory vision ended. You just looked at him in awe. “They’re all memories?” you asked. 

Loki nodded. “All of them are memories,” he replied with a soft smile. “However, I would not play with the red one today. It is a difficult memory, though the outcome led to come pleasant side effects,” he absently touched the soulbond marks on his arm and you nodded your understanding.

“It’s wonderful. Thank you!” you told him. You wrapped your arms around him to kiss him. A lot. And you didn’t do much else besides enjoy kisses and each other’s company until you had to go to dinner and the ball.

Both were elaborate extremely formal events, but dancing the night away with Loki was amazing. You had gained the knowledge of all of the court dances through the soulbond, and had secretly practiced the moves so you wouldn’t look like an idiot when you came back to Asgard. You surprised Loki with the grace you had managed to earn through that practice.

It was nearly dawn when the ball ended. You were both exhausted and grinning and it was such a wonderful not-a-birthday.

[secretsofthemasquerade]

V5 Corebook, no gloves review P.1

Y’all know me, it had to be coming. Sorry it took me so long. Part 1 is about the physical aspect of the PDF (I don’t have the physical book at hand yet), Part 2 is going to be about mechanics and “content”, since I’m still testing that out.

So first and foremost, the small Mature Content Warning that was added last minute to the PDF. It has been published online on its own so I have no issues posting it here:

Mature Content Warning For the past several decades, Vampire: The Masquerade has addressed the darkness in the real world through horror stories: it has talked about AIDS, capitalist exploitation, sexual predation, the resurgence of far-right political extremism, religious fanaticism, state and private surveillance, and many other issues. This version of the game does not shy away from any of the above, and we believe exploration of subjects like these is as valid in roleplaying games as it is in other media. Including a problematic subject in a Storytelling game is not the same as glorifying it, and if you take the chance to explore it critically, it can be the exact opposite. If we understand the problems facing us, we are better armed to fight them. V5 includes in-world references and expressions of the following: sexual violence, political extremism, physical violence and gore, mind control, torture, abuse, imprisonment and kidnapping, racism, sexism, and homophobia, to name a few. It’s a game about monsters. “Why are you telling me this?” you might be saying. Someone at your table is not familiar with this game. Someone at your table has dealt with some of these issues in real life. Someone at your table wants to know that you read this warning and know you will be considerate to them as players, while putting their character through the wringer. In the Appendix, you will find concrete techniques on how to handle difficult subjects in your game in a manner that is respectful to your players and their experiences. Calibrate beforehand which techniques your group wants to use. People have different needs and not every method works for every person. This is a game about monsters. But it is only a game. Don’t use it as an excuse to be a monster yourself.

This is something I consider good (that last sentence is more necessary than I’d like to know), considering the rest of the contents of the game, but I wish they had taken a far more respectful approach to the mature themes instead of name-dropping horrors without meaning.

Now, the PDF itself has MAJOR issues in terms of book-making. The bookmarks are terrible, they integrate stuff from the side boxes that just make no sense, there’s little to no proper hierarchy, some are even missing, the internal links don’t work very well, it’s just poor, poor design.

Seriously look at this:

How can I navigate this? Like seriously ? I know there’s a table of contents, but it should be in the navigation bar as well, that’s how PDFs work.

(The Nossies are missing, it makes me laugh because it’s the Nossies, but they’re there, that’s why Malks seem to have two sections about Disciplines and Banes)

Now, the layout itself isn’t the worst I’ve ever seen, and some parts of what I’m going to be saying may fall upon “personal taste”, but I’ve been editing PhD thesis for long enough to recognize bad layout when I see one :p

Like, this is fine, I really like the new Tremere Clan Symbol (all the clan symbols are pretty neat tbh, and the Disciplines symbols are the VTES ones so that makes me extra happy), and they’ve used beautiful fonts, even if we disregard that they couldn’t be bothered to spell HERMETIC correctly...

However there are two major issues with the book layout as it stands, as you flip through the pages. First, the text isn’t justified (aka aligned left and right), and second, the text is sometimes in two columns, sometimes in three. Quite often, the titles are at the end of a column (see here “The Anarchs”) and some paragraphs have poor lonely lines in the precedent page or column and it just looks bad. I screenshot some pages with low res: the text itself does not matter so it’s ok if you can’t read it ;) But notice how “Relationship” is hyphened because of the three columns there...

Then, you have plenty of pages which have either black background or colorful background. That would be fine if some of the pages weren’t the kind of pages you’d want to print out to give as handouts to players...

My poor eyes.

These four pages would be far more useful with black on white, even if plenty of us like reading white on black because it’s easier on the eyes on a tabler, but this isn’t printer friendly when you sell a pdf... This should have been in the Appendix with a printer friendly version.

Sometimes the placement of elements is just weird or off putting in certain pages:

This image touches the bottom of the page, but there’s three meters of white space above. There are examples of the exact opposite (the image touching the top of the image with extra space at the bottom).

This chart should be centered, I think.

Something’s wrong here, isn’t there something missing above the first page? And that block alone on the second column, it’s very common across the book.

Now, on a tablet or phone, it’s easy to double tap and match the column length, and the fact that the text isn’t justified isn’t much of an issue when reading plain text, but I find that the text not being justified in any of the pages is just Bad Design.

I did like the separations, the small lines between the columns and all, they looked great, the change of fonts in between “boxes”, “quotations”, “examples” and so on was also well made. 

Now, the Art.

Some of the art is old WWP art, some of it is WoD MMO art, some of the art is newly commissioned illustrations, and some of the art is photography with (or without) filters.

Old WWP Art is clearly to link back. The old Helena art is there. Theo Bell got new art (I think it’s new?), but Helena didn’t.

They also reused MET By Night Studios photography for Jeanette and Therese, and cropped the photo, taking away the key composition of the original. Did Bradstreet give the rights to alter his work with such cropping? 

Note that I personally dislike this picture, cropped or not, a lot, simply because being a Bloodlines fan I don’t think it represents either Therese or Jeanette properly. Jeanette wouldn’t be caught with a power stance and serious face like that, Therese wouldn’t be caught with such a non imposing, reserved pose, and coming from Bradstreet, I am VERY disappointed, because he has done official art for Jeanette for the video game before and it was far better representative of her; the model from the OG picture looks far closer to the Jeanette we meet in the game, but this is truly a matter of personal taste and opinion so I won’t scream again about it.

The MMO art is overall great quality, and sometimes it’s even used in a very smart, beautiful way:

(I’d have put this image on the Embrace and not on Predators, tbh...)

They also used the fashion spreads looks for the MMO in the corebook, some of it is plain silly, and I’m very much afraid they’re used literally as how PCs look like. Here’s the Gangrel Fashion splat:

I consider the art to be good, and to be great concept art for a MMO, and great fashion shots, but.. in VtM? this is not Masquerade Friendly. Also these types of art (as well as the Investigator image you can see on the first few pages I pasted above) are all 20 something model-like people, and yes that involves the Nosferatu, because they’re fashion drawings. Fashion drawings have stupid proportions and no realism, since they’re meant to show the clothes, not the model. And for a book about characters, well, why? This was suitable for the MMO because MMOs have transmogs and such and such.

I just find them to have completely missed the “Punk and Gothic Aesthetic of the World” and just stacked as much weird clothing as they could to look “hype and modern”. Hipster Instagram Fashion that’s unwearable.

Yes, vampires are marginal by nature, but please, their goal is to blend in, not be noticed, and considering how long they’re effectively inactive, and how age affects your will to stay on trend... Eh. 

The New commissioned illustrations are hit and miss, and some of this criticism does fall on “personal taste”, but here I ranted about one of those art pieces (which was the page for the Vault, but it’s in the book). They’re all a little bit like this, some having a far better composition even if they all seem to be this saturated. They’re all overall good and I like most of them.

This one is “look at my butt” kind of situation. I’d have rather have this picture just without this foreground couple, it would have been a perfect street look example, and the two jumping above the roofs guys would have had the attention they deserved. I love the fog, the graffity, the textures are nice, i just hate the butt.

And finally, the big chunk, the Photography Art.

I understand how they made it so that most people would be able to “make their own art” (photography being now more accessible to the masses than illustration), and that is something I nod to, appreciate and completely understand. HOWEVER, Photography IS art and not everyone can be a Photographer with a snap of their fingers (or a click of the camera :p).

What’s good with photography art is that they picked diverse looking models of all sorts, and they put them in interesting and somewhat telling situations. What’s bad is that “suddenly” all “positions of power” are held by middle-aged (so plain old 60yo) looking vampires and all Anarchs Rebels looks like they’re in their twenties.

This goes against VtM. Older vampires tend to look younger because being a King or Queen at age 14 wasn’t uncommon until the 1800s. Embracing people right at the end of their teenage years, at their prime, at their best, as they’re “perfect” is the best a vampire could do (remember Dark Ages have rules against embracing the young, the elderly, the crippled, the insane...).

It’s only after WWII that embracing people over 40 wasn’t uncommon.

I’d have LOVED to see a 60yo looking Punk, and have the Dominating Prince on Their Throne look like, 15. And own the place.

Now there are plenty of issues with some of the photography art, and here’s one (page 232) that I’ve screamed at for like, two weeks now.

This picture had one of the best compositions, the diagonal works great, the leaning away, the androgyny of the chalice (despite them still having a personality and free will...). How he filled the glass with the blood from the chalice through this.. pinky finger condom thing, okay, sure, weird af but why not. Does’t explain why the chalice has two marks on their forearm but okay. Sure. Also, FINALLY a photography in VtM of a dude wearing a suit that’s actually his size? Great. And it doesn’t come out of a Goth Store (tm). Great! Amazing! 

But there are in this picture TWO things I just cannot forgive.

First, the guy has his jacket buttoned. When you Suit 101, when you sit, you unbutton. You button up when you stand up. Now this is supposed to be The Ventrue (tm), this is just wrong.

Second, his fucking zipper is down. YES HIS FLY IS DOWN. How the hell did this not get photoshopped in like two seconds? Because of the jacket, I know this is an accident; the model just isn’t used to suit etiquette. You could explain this away by saying he’s a pervert or something, but in that case you’d have needed to add slightly more eroticism to the guy (jacket and maybe shirt open, no glass, slight smile, leaning towards the chalice and not away from them?).

Some of the photography-manipulated art is just beautiful, let’s be honest, this is the splat before Disciplines:

I’m not a fan of the orange (simply because I’m not a fan of orange in general), but this works just so well, the composition, the lines of sight, the shadows, the mirroring, just, top notch choice here, who did this??

But then you have post apo band :p

I mean I like this group shot, it’s very classical, it looks like a fine coterie with a specific turf.. But is this Mad Max? I know Gehenna happened, and I do know some people actually dress like that, but if you’re being tracked down and hunted into oblivion by the Second Inquisition, you.. just don’t do this.

Most of the photography is like this; marginal overdressed looks. Now this is personal taste again, I just wish we had more.. normal looking people. People who are exceptional, but not through their looks or clothing style. The back of the book claims “A Storytelling game of personal and political horror.” and I see little of it in the pictures and illustrations. 

Anyway, want more Art Rants? click here

Stay tuned for part 2!

[scarwasright]

Fullmetal Alchemist (2003) Special Edition guidebook transcript, including Ed’s decoded notes

What it says on the label. The Blu-Ray special edition of FMA 03 came with a ton of cool shit, including a hardcover artbook with the character profiles originally from the DVD booklets as well as some other, “handwritten” notes from Edward. Since I know not a lot of fans got their hands on this set, I promised a WHILE ago that I would transcribe it! Someday I’ll have scans, but I don’t have access to a scanner atm.

I’ll be listing the character notes by 3 categories: Profile Text, Edward’s Notes, and Edward’s Coded Notes.

Profile Text- the brief character blurbs that were already published in the DVD guidebooks that came out in Funimation’s original localization. Most recurring characters got one.

Edward’s Notes- The book’s title page indicates that it was issued by the Amestrian State Military, and that it belongs to Ed. Little handwritten notes, presumably from Ed, are scattered throughout the character profiles. Some are silly, some are... very not silly.

Edward’s Coded Notes- Some of Ed’s notes are written in a very simple code that replaces the English characters with symbols. It’s straightforward enough that I was able to break it in about an hour - I posted a key over here.

Not included in this text are the image captions associated with the characters’ model drawings, since they don’t make any sense without context. Stuff like “Al age 7, Ed age 8.” There are also many artist notes in Japanese, and I am anything but a Japanese speaker, so no luck there.

Fair warning, there are Royed, Royai, and if you squint, Edvy jokes in the coded text. I’m just writing what’s in the book.

Full transcript behind the cut!

THE TITLE PAGE indicates that the book is military-issued, and Edward has signed his full name on it. The following page is printed with a torn page from a smaller, obviously older book. In ornate letters, it reads the verse that was written in part in the Transmutation Circle the boys tried to use to bring back Trisha:

Pale and black with false citrine, imperfect white and red, The Peacock's feathers in gay colours, the rainbow which shall go over, The spotted panther, the lion green, the Crows bill blue as lead. These shall appear before you perfect white, and many more others. And after the perfect white, grey, false citrine also, And after these, there shall appear the red body invariable, Then you have a medicine of the third order of his own kind multipliable. 

Edward’s Coded Notes: Written into the margins of the “original” military book, “Sir George Ripley,” with an arrow pointing to the pressed page. Along the side margin, he’s written “thhe* recapitulation of thhe* twelve gates.”

Explanation: Sir George Ripley is a famous British alchemist whose verse appears on this page. The full transcript of the poem Edward pasted in his book can be found here! It is also, notably, the incantation recited by Eckhart in Conqueror of Shamballa when she sought to open the Gate using Envy.

       *Two people seem to have worked on the coded notes, one on the title and transmutation circle pages and the other on the character pages. The handwriting is a bit different, and the title+circle pages are noticeably sloppier than the character pages as far as adhering to the cipher goes. The symbol used for TH in the character pages is used only for a T which is followed by an H on the title pages. In the character pages the standalone H character is absent when the TH character is used, so the inconsistency makes for an obviously unintentional duplicate on the title page.

Edward’s Notes: There are twelve tally marks in the margin of this page, as well as some scribbled equations that are difficult to make out. Ed has awful handwriting.

EDWARD ELRIC

Profile Text: Edward Elric is the Fullmetal Alchemist. He is a prodigy, becoming the youngest State Alchemist in the Army’s history. Edward stunned his superiors by using alchemy without an array, a miraculous feat never witnessed before. Ed despises being a “dog of the military,” but it grants him the opportunity to seek out the legendary Philosopher’s Stone, a crimson crystal rumored to increase the power of the alchemist who uses it.

Edward seeks the stone so that he may restore his missing limbs, and more importantly reunite his younger brother Alphonse’s body with his soul, which was tragically trapped in a suit of armor after a failed attempt through alchemy to revive the dead Trisha Elric, the boys’ mother. Edward realizes he has a gift, a gift that most State Alchemists could only dream of having. But he knows that with that gift he becomes a high profile target.

As Edward reluctantly fights off a crazed assassin who vows revenge on all State Alchemists, Edward begins to unravel the clues that reveal not all is as it seems at the highest levels of the State Military. And, that there is a terrible secret behind the precious Philosopher’s Stone.

ALPHONSE ELRIC

Profile Text: Alphonse Elric was but an innocent young child when a tragic chain of events changed his life forever. First, his father mysteriously vanished while Al was too young to remember. Then, after battling terrible illness, Al’s mother succumbed to death. Finally, during a horrific accident performing forbidden alchemy, Al’s soul was sealed inside a suit of armor.

Undaunted and unashamed by all that has happened in his short life, Al carries on, eternally supporting his older brother, Edward, in his search for the Philosopher’s Stone, a legendary gem with the power to restore Al’s body and Edward’s lost limbs. Al knows that he and his brother’s actions were wrong. He only wishes for a chance to make things right.

Edward’s Notes: In smudged, barely-legible pencil, “Brother, don’t sell me short!” (thank u @gryphcat cross-referencing your own book to confirm that it does NOT say “Brother, don’t call me short!”)

Also notable is the circled “???” with an arrow pointing to that adorable picture of young Al enthusiastically ripping off his shirt.

Edward’s Coded Notes: FYI, there isn’t anything under the loincloth, [indecipherable*]!

       *I think the letters were flubbed a bit, here. The characters read “[y/i]n[u/v][f/p]er[u/v]s.” I get the feeling it was supposed to say “Impervious!” buuuut someone messed up.

HOHENHEIM ELRIC

Profile Text: Supposedly lost to the ages, Hohenheim Elric, the father of the brothers Elric was close at hand after all, lurking in the shadows of history as the momentum of the search for the Philosopher’s Stone reached fever pitch. Hohenheim reappears in Resembool allowing the final pieces of this mad puzzle to begin falling into place, as he bears the secrets of the Philosopher’s Stone in his weary heart... A heart beaten down by lost love, a heart full of loyalty to his boys*. Destiny has delivered Hohenheim to a crucial point, a spot in time when all that is good prepares to unravel. Perhaps he will be strong enough to move forward and rise above his shady pas, nad push his shoulder against the wheel of fate that threatens to crush all he ever cared for.

       *We watched two very different series, apparently

Edward’s Coded Notes: That bastard [arrow pointing to his portrait]

TRISHA ELRIC (who shares a page with Hohenheim)

Edward’s Coded Notes: Why did they both have to die?

ROY MUSTANG

Profile Text: Roy Mustang is the Flame Alchemist and a veteran of many brutal battles. He personally knew Edward and Alphonse’s father, which sparked his curiosity once he discovered that Hohenheim’s sons were dabbling in alchemical arts. Mustang is eager to climb the ladder of success and hopes that discovering the immense talent within Edward helps him ascend the ranks. Still, Mustang’s soldiers are the most loyal in all of the State Army, insinuating that there is more to this man than his thirst for power.

Edward’s Coded Notes: Roy Mustang is dead sexy in a miniskirt!* [T]ake that [y]ou smug [b]astard!** Why does he have to be so attractive

       *Most likely a reference to an old convention gag. Back when FMA was big enough that it had dedicated cast panels, fans would almost always ask Vic Mignogna to say this line.

       **The bracketed letters are cut off, but it’s fairly easy to assume what they are given the context.

RIZA HAWKEYE

Profile Text: Riza Hawkeye is quite possibly the most perfect model of a soldier in the State Army. Although Hawkeye is Roy Mustang’s subordinate, she is also his right hand woman, acting as an advisor and, based on the circumstance, devil’s advocate. Her no-nonsense attitude demands respect from everyone she meets, military and civilian alike. She is cool, calm, and collected, and exceptionally skilled in the use of firearms.

Edward’s Coded Notes: [bridging the gap between Roy and Riza’s facing pages, underlined with an arrow] Just get married already!

MAES HUGHES

Profile Text: Maes Hughes is a Lieutenant Colonel in the Investigations Division of the State Army. Hughes is obsessively in love with his wife Gracia, and only child Elicia, who from birth shares a strange connection with Ed and Al. Hughes is friendly and extremely casual, sometimes to a fault. He can quickly lapse back and forth between discussing State matters and going on and on about his family. As a high-ranking official in the Investigations Division, Hughes is privy to plenty of top-secret info, which he shares with Ed on the sly. When Hughes is nudged into physical combat, his weapons of choice are small throwing knives, which he wields with incredible and deadly accuracy.

Edward’s Notes: [slightly obscured by water damage] I’m sorry, I never meant for any of this to happen

ALEX LOUIS ARMSTRONG

Profile Text: Major Alex Louis Armstrong was given strict orders from Mustang to protect Ed. But, don’t let his civilian clothes fool you. With his strapping build and gutsy bravado, this Strong Arm Alchemist will give his life to ensure he completes his mission successfully. If on thing’s for certain, Armstrong will make sure that Ed’s within arm’s protection.

This straight and narrow man won’t even give Ed as much as a loss in an argument. He’d rather use his genteel decorum to kill improper manners with his heroic kindness. Even during their down time in Resembool, there’s not a moment to lose. Armstrong is committed to his life as a soldier, and knows daily training is essential - even if that means cutting firewood with his bare hands.

Edward’s Notes: [circled] Why are there so many sparkles?!!

JEAN HAVOC, HEYMANS BREDA, VATO FALMAN, KAIN FUERY

Profile Text: In a world where loyalties change with the tides, good subordinates are a premium. Roy Mustang has this luxury with Havoc, Breda, Falman, and Fuery. These four loyal officers will do anything their commander requests of them and do it well, to boot. However, these four couldn’t be more different. Havoc is the tragic playboy of the group, always wishing he had that special someone to share the rest of his days. Breda may be called a “dog of the military” from time to time, but Breda would rather stare down an entire army than get anywhere near a real dog. Falman is overly formal, causing some of his comrades to wish he would lighten up. Fuery is the soft-spoken technical wizard under Mustang’s command. He isn’t used to much hand-to-hand combat, but is handy enough in a pinch. As with all of Mustang’s men, these four would follow him until death.

DENNY BLOCH AND MARIA ROSS

Profile Text: Abrasive in demeanor, Lieutenant Maria Ross is always determined to do the right thing. Sometimes, she has trouble distinguishing between her actual duties and the chance to deliver a lecture. Sergeant Denny Bloch, along with Lieutenant Ross, was given the responsibility to keep the Fullmetal Alchemist under close supervision. Regardless, they fall behind when danger approaches.

Edward’s Coded Notes: Watch out for her slap!

IZUMI CURTIS

Profile Text: The stern Izumi Curtis is more than just an alchemy teacher to the Elric brothers. As the passionate matriarch of a two-person family, Ed and Al may be the closest thing she’ll ever have to children. Resurfacing after hearing rumors about her former pupils, it is quite possible Izumi may know more than she lets on about the true nature of alchemy and the sinister homunculi.

Edward’s Coded Notes: [circled] She always looks like a pissed off housewife!

SCIESZKA

Profile Text: Scieszka is the prototypical, scatterbrained librarian. With her impeccable retention of facts, the clues that others miss quickly slide into place for this unlikely hero. Hopefully, her pleas for justice will not fall on deaf ears.

Edward’s Notes: [circled, pointing to Scieszka’s distressed portrait] Did they run out of books?

ROSE

Profile Text: The once vibrant Rose has wilted due to a hard life of tragedy and turmoil. After suffering the harshest of injustices at the hands of the State Military, Rose finds herself a mute and a mother... The mother of an infant, and the mother of a movement. Now the spiritual leader of the Liore revolutionaries and advised by the ever-present Lyra, Rose must struggle to lead her people to peace. With her beloved Liore in the crosshairs, she can only hope to find her voice in time to half the demise of everything she cared for.

Edward’s Notes: “You’ve got a good, strong pair of legs, Rose. You should get up and use them.”

RUSSEL & FLETCHER TRINGHAM

Edward’s Notes: Ed himself has drawn in the boys’ transmutation circle for plants, and has labeled it as such. He has also sketched one of their flasks and written next to it “For red water?”

Edward’s Coded Notes: Why is he so tall?!!

#48 & #66

Edward’s Notes: He has drawn the Slicer Brothers’ blood seals and labeled them. The secret behind Lab 5... ???

Edward’s Coded Notes: Prisoners!

FRANK ARCHER

Profile Text: His heart as cold as his flesh is pale, Frank Archer is willing to embrace corruption for a cause... especially if the cause is blatant self-promotion. Looking to bolster his reputation by crushing a revolt in Liore, Archer sets fate in motion with little regard for anything other than pleasing himself and the Fuhrer. His lust for war and his hunt for the infamous Scar may cloud his vision, however, as he potentially confuses sacrifice for suicide.

Edward’s Coded Notes: You [m]ight want [s]ome [s]unscreen* [indicating the image of his mech form] The Terminator?

ZOLF J KIMBLEY

Edward’s Coded Notes: Mullet?!

SHOU TUCKER

Profile Text: Shou Tucker earned the title Sewing Life Alchemist thanks in large part to his masterful work creating Chimeras for the State. In fact, Tucker was the first alchemist to produce a Chimera capable of speaking and understanding the human language. Tucker is a man with incredible brilliance and immense talent. The irony is that he can create life, but that his own is being controlled is not lost upon Shou Tucker. With his execution staged by the Military, Tucker has spent all of his time devoted to research and experimentation, with one purpose in mind: bring back the daughter he once readily destroyed.

Edward’s Notes: Because we’re not Gods, we’re humans, tiny insignificant humans. Who couldn’t even save a little girl...

Edward’s Coded Notes: I’ll never forgive that bastard.

SCAR

Profile Text: Like Ed, Scar is able to use alchemy without a transmutation circle. Scar both hates and embraces his “curse.” He has a special grudge against State Alchemists because of past atrocities towards his homeland of Ishbal. The Ishbal Massacre was a vicious military offensive against Ishbal due to conflicting doctrines because the citizens would not put aside their traditional beliefs and embrace alchemy. Scar believes his god has instilled in him the right to kill State Alchemists at will for what they have done to his people. He truly believes his cause is righteous, no matter what it takes. 

Edward’s Coded Notes: [indicating Scar’s hair] Frosted tips are over, dude... Those glasses are so dated...

LUST

Profile Text: The beautiful homunculus Lust desires to become human through the massive power of the Philosopher’s Stone. She dreams of finally finding out who she really is inside, and to discover what will happen to her after death. These are all very human traits for a being that supposedly has no soul. Lust uses any means necessary to traverse the dilemmas of her existential crisis... She is able to corrupt the minds of the weak, forcing them to follow her every whim. Like Scar and Ed, the gorgeous and sad Lust is traveling down the same whirlpool of misery and darkness that sucks away all who quest for the Philosopher’s Stone.

Edward’s Notes: [smudged, almost beyond legibility] I just hope Havoc doesn’t meet her... Edward has drawn an arrow from Lust’s locket to Scar with ???, as well as a two-way arrow between the facing pages with the writing What’s their connection?

Edward’s Coded Notes: Maybe she and Roy* should go on a date with Roy* - I heard she’s a real screamer**

       *Another seeming typo.

       **Probably a reference to Laura Bailey’s marriage to Travis Willingham, as they play Lust and Roy in the English dub. Roy is responsible for Lust’s death in the manga and second anime, and she does not go quietly.

GLUTTONY

Profile Text: Loyal homunculus companion to Lust, Gluttony, eater of anything, might be the saddest example of the cruel nature of the hunt for the Philosopher’s Stone. Simple and savage, Gluttony operates at once like a child and an animal, a creature of pure instant satisfaction. He simply knows one thing: Hunger. Not for power of prestige, but only to satisfy his reason to be... this only adds to the wretchedness of his tragic existence.

Edward’s Notes: I-DCCC-DCCI-VM?*

       *I have absolutely no idea what this is in reference to, so if anyone knows, I would LOVE an answer.

ENVY

Profile Text: Envy is one of the homunculi, a group of pseudo-humans whose creation is still an enigma. Some say they were created in a lab. Others believe they’ve always been among us. But no matter where they came from, their intention are nothing but evil. Envy has the ability to become a perfect physical replica of whomever he or she desires. Envy is without gender. In fact, Envy’s mind is so far gone that he or she can’t remember who he or she used to be. Envy’s power is truly amazing.

The shape-shifting homunculi Envy could be anyone, utilizing the ability to take on the physical appearance of any being at will. Envy will morph into a stranger behind you in a smokey cafe, or the trusted ally that works with you to uncover corruption and twisted abuses of power, or even your loving spouse. And beneath the familiar surface pure evil waits. Never turn your back on Envy. Even after you’ve slit the creature’s throat.

Edward’s Notes: Areca triandea Phoenix canariensis, Ceros nucifera Sabal minor Syogrus romanzoffiana* [next to this, Edward drew a little palm tree with a ?]

       *the binomial nomenclature for a queen palm tree

Edward’s Coded Notes: I’m not into palm trees

GREED

Profile Text: A thick-skinned enigma even among the mysterious homunculi, Greed wants it all... money, power, women, and the greatest prize of all: eternal life. Greed leads a band of outlaw chimeras and instructs his freakish minions to kidnap Alphonse Elric, believing the young alchemist is the key to the door of immortality. Headed for a brutal showdown, Ed will test the homunculus’ reputation as the Ultimate Shield. In return, Greed will test every notion Ed ever held to be true and real.

Edward’s Notes: [smudged] I wonder why Dante made him...

SLOTH

Profile Text: Draped in the appearance of the late Trisha Elric*, the water abomination Sloth was created on that fateful night of lost innocence; the night when the Elric brothers first set out in search of the Philosopher’s Stone. After being nursed and groomed by Dante and Pride, and her involvement in the slaughter of Maes Hughes, she is forced to confront Ed and Al. While cursing them for her fate, Sloth’s seemingly maternal memories and longings may provide the homunculus with her downfall... nothing in the universe is more resilient than a mother’s love. Something stirs in Sloth, where a soul once rested.

Edward’s Notes: [a two-way arrow, pointing from Sloth’s name to hand-written Juliet Douglas] [*above this line in her bio, Ed has aggressively written NO!]

Edward’s Coded Notes: [circled, with an arrow indicating the bio] She is not my mother!!!

WRATH

Profile Text: The homunculus Wrath might be the most mysterious of all the dark creatures. A volatile combination of childlike mischief and soulless evil, Wrath was discovered on a treacherous island by the Elrics and their teacher Izumi. Timid at first, Wrath’s demeanor soon shifts as layer upon layer of intrigue is peeled away, uncovering a core of supernatural madness. Able to perform alchemy, at times even in ways that Fullmetal himself doesn’t understand, it becomes clear that Wrath is a monster. His connection to Ed and Al’s teacher could provide answers to questions that are too shocking to ask.* Suspicious of the boy, Ed will give an arm and a leg to uncover the truth about the wild child.

Edward’s Coded Notes: [with an arrow pointing from the bio text Ed has underlined] It’s hers!

KING BRADLEY (PRIDE)

Profile Text: The Fuhrer King Bradley commands both the State Government and the State Army making him seemingly the most powerful man in the entire world. Known as one of the most cunning and vicious warriors in history, the homunculus Pride, the Fuhrer himself, has orchestrated countless bloody conflicts in his search for the Philosopher’s Stone. Calm, cool, collected and created by Dante... Bradley moves his pieces into striking range. Is it possible, though, that the Ultimate Eye is blind to his own role as a pawn in someone else’s sinister plot?

Edward’s Notes: He’s a homunculus that can age?!!

Edward’s Coded Notes: How did no one figure it out?!!

DANTE

Profile Text: Dante’s actions, her attempts to control the uncontrollable and manipulate innocence, have carried her through the centuries with a singular goal... immortality. At times seemingly aligned with the powers of good, while dipping her toes into the red pool of evil, Dante’s path has been one clouded by murky intentions. At the end of the quest for the Philosopher’s Stone, as all of the players look up past the strings that carried them through this desperate dance, whose face will they see?

Edward’s Notes: an arrow connects Dante’s name with Lyra, which is circled

Edward’s Coded Notes: So glad she isn’t my mom!

After the character pages, there are four pages of alchemic arrays. The writing here gets really vague, as all of it is written in Ed’s code and there are many mistakes.

The Thule Society’s array has a four letter word with an exclamation point that begins with NA, followed by the character for X and a sloppy character that is probably I/Y but looks more like a J. There are no other instances of a Z to confirm, but I think X and Z may be the same character, and it was intended to say “NAZI!”

Majahal’s array is noted with I wonder what happened to Lebi? This probably refers to Carin, Lebi being the name she took on after forgetting her past. This, too, is a bit confusing because the I/Y character also looks like a J.

Trisha’s human transmutation circle just says Sorry Mom I’m sorry...

The circle for the Underground City is noted with To open the Gate?

The Grand Arcanum Philosipher’s Stone circle is labeled “Ishbalan?” and Ed has circled it.

AND THAT IT’S FOR THE NOTES, hopefully this is of some value to... someone out there, lmao.

[ohlullem-blog2]

Valentine Quote T Shirt

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[nightmareonfilmstreet]

Mother Knows Best: The 13 Worst Mothers of Horror

The horror genre has explored a variety of themes, and often times the complexities, mothers face from conception through death. It’s an analytically heavy topic that can provoke the most fundamental of thoughts, draw out the most genius symbolism, and shape our beloved characters down to even the most minute detail.

Mothers’ Day is the one day out of the year we use as a time to celebrate the most wonderful of idols we have been given. If not for the nurturing care, strong, fertile bodies, and ongoing evolution of women all over the world humankind would cease to exist. The colorful flowers, corny cards, and midday brunches are our attempts at offering a ‘Thank You’ to the ones who raised us, biologically or not, as we’ll do this Sunday, the 13th.

With that, what the horror genre has done so obviously well is show audiences that motherhood might not be as rewarding as it’s cracked up to be. Sometimes motherhood is scary. Sometimes motherhood is not about laser-cut flower petals, warm hugs, and relaxing pedicures. Sometimes motherhood is a bitch. Horror shows us that the most horrifying realization we can come to terms with is that the ones who bring us into this world can easily take us out of it.

Below are the 13 Worst Mothers of Horror. Directly or not, these women prove that parenthood can be a real mother-you-know-what and they’re not here to deal with it.

  Margaret White in Carrie (1976)

    Our titular character, Carrie White, is a shy, quiet, high school oddball who is constantly the victim of her classmates’ taunts and pranks in the novel Carrie written by Stephen King and the film adaptation directed by Brian De Palma. Instead of finding solace when she returns home from school each day she is faced with the Christian-saturated hellfire at the hands of her crazed mother, Margaret White. A mother, especially a godly mother, should use moral and powerful guidance to build Carrie up, but instead she wields that iron fist – clutching a kitchen knife – and spirituality as a device to literally drive her only daughter straight into the ground. Whether she is locking Carrie in a prayer closet for hours or purposely keeping the truths about a normal menstrual cycle from her, Margaret White is the epitome of a hypocritical, overly religious, and everything but Christian mother. Always watch out for the extreme ‘bible thumpers’. I know what I’m talking about, I live in the south.

    Mommy in The People Under the Stairs (1991)

    One of my earliest memories of horror film imagery is straight out of Wes Craven’s campy The People Under the Stairs and it’s one of those snapshots that will never leave my mind. Alice is a young girl kept as a prisoner in her home by her hedonistic parents promptly named Daddy and Mommy. After Mommy, played by fan favorite character actress Wendy Robie, murders an intruder, Alice, clean and nicely dressed, slips and falls in an enormous puddle of his blood at the bottom of the stairs. It’s just one of those scenes that fueled my love for the genre. The contrast of the gore and the beautiful home surroundings is absolutely perfect. Mommy is equally unforgettable as both a character and a portrayal of some real parental evil that exists in the world. Alice, along with many other ‘children’, are isolated from the outside world, physically (and suggestively sexually) abused, and either neglected to the point of death or smothered, well, to the point of death. If Mommy isn’t scary enough for you, check out the documentary The Turpin 13: Family Secrets Exposed for a real, all too recent example of how a mother, and father, like this can torture their children for well over a decade without anyone knowing. The scariest part: this film was released in 1991, the Turpin children were found just this year.

    Rachel Keller in The Ring (2002)

    You know those silly ‘Keep Out of Reach of Children’ disclaimers you see on common, but obviously dangerous, household items? Someone, somewhere was stupid enough to leave a bottle of bleach out on the floor in easy access for their toddler to take that one fatal sip. Rachel Keller of Gore Verbiniski’s The Ring is that mom. After the incredibly strange death of her niece, Rachel comes into possession of a videotape haunted by the spirit of a little girl, Samara, that murders the viewer seven days after watching it. Rachel, of course, watches it and receives the foreboding call from Samara giving her the countdown. Does she destroy the tape or even make an attempt at it? No. Does she hide the tape from her young, curious son, Aiden? No. Does she at least rid the house of all VHS players and leave him to endure cable over dying a horrible death? No. What she does is casually leave the tape out allowing the precocious boy to view it alone dooming him to the same terrifying fate of all of Samara’s victims. Rachel attempts to put all the pieces together to rid her and her son of this curse, but do you think she would ask Aiden, who obviously has a sixth sense when it comes to Samara, a single question as to the girl’s vengeful motive? You guessed it. Nope. Way to go, Rachel.

  Mother in Mother’s Day (1980)

    Acts of murder, rape, and physical abuse should not be impressive to anyone, least of all your mother unless you are Ike or Addley of the cult classic, occasion-appropriate titled Mother’s Day. Mother played by Beatrice Pons, pretty much changes the entire trajectory of motherhood in this extremely campy 1980 film. She encourages her two sons to commit heinous acts against others with the same gusto and enthusiasm as a mom cheering her son on during a little league baseball game. Ike and Addley are basically human trash she has raised into adulthood and the worst part is that she is proud of her unique parenting skills and her sons. The more brutal their acts are, the higher the praise she gives them. Mother certainly has her own twisted spin on the whole positive reinforcement technique. There is absolutely nothing redeeming about this mother nor her revolting offspring. Although, I can’t help but wonder what B.F. Skinner’s thoughts would be on this type of parenting. Operant Conditioning at its best, right?

    Nola Carveth in The Brood (1979)

    One of the bitter pills we must digest as we age is that in ways obvious and subtle, we slowly become our parents. There is always a certain vicious circle that evolves when it comes to our parents, ourselves as parents, our children, them as parents, and so on that is natural and basically unstoppable. In David Cronenberg‘s body horror The Brood, Nola Carveth, played by Samantha Egger, learns just how truly vicious that circle can be. Nola is the product of an abusive mother herself and is being accused of abusing her own daughter, Candice, by her ex-husband causing her to seek therapy. The psychoplasmic methods (and possibly the unexplained discolored bumps she has growing on her arms) produce a handful of strange, dwarfish, creatures that extract revenge out on others based on Nola’s anger and psychic connection the litter has with her. Of all the mothers on the list, Nola isn’t exactly the worst as her story is really a metaphor for hereditary productivity, but we can’t let that be an excuse here. The creatures do attack Candice in the third act proving Nola has some resentment and animosity toward her daughter, proving her inner mentality as a mother is not exactly kosher. The inevitable circle spins on as we see Candice escape the attack fairly unscathed… except for some unusual discolored bumps on her arms.

    Erica Sayers in Black Swan (2010)

    If Dance Moms has taught us anything it’s that stage parents are the absolute worst. Living vicariously through your children is both selfish and utterly creepy. However, the subject of a stage parent is intriguing by an analytical standpoint and simultaneously horrifying to observe. Take Erica Sayers played by Barbara Hershey in Darren Aronofsky’s ballet horror Black Swan as an example. She is the mother to dedicated ballerina Nina, played fantastically by Natalie Portman, and she is about as manipulative and controlling as they come – if you can catch it. Mothers like Erica are masters at using words and seemingly kind gestures to guilt their children into loving them when they really should be running away from them. So much is suggested and hinted at in dialogue and setting to suggest Erica’s control over Nina and her domineering push forcing her to be obsessed with perfection, that if not payed attention to one might think Erica is caring and protective of Nina. The reality couldn’t be further from the truth. I mean, the way she rewards Nina with a cake knowing very well the girl won’t eat it and that she would shame her for it later if she did, then makes her feel guilty for not eating it, is enough to give anyone a bout of bulimia. Mothers like Erica appear perfect and act perfect, but that’s all it is: an act.

    Joan Crawford in Mommie Dearest (1981)

    Speaking of horrible mothers in the entertainment industry…

One of my favorite notions to use is that real life is scarier than any film out there. Nothing could support that more than Joan Crawford and the exploitation of the abuse she inflicted on her two adoptive children throughout their whole lives. While Mommie Dearest is not exactly a horror film, the emotional and physical torment her children suffered under her is sadly the standard by which we measure bad mothers against. Faye Dunaway played the role so well she is almost synonymous with the notorious actress, minus the child abuse, and her image still comes to most of our minds when we think about terrible mothers. The woman was basically the queen of outrageous punishment for minor indiscretions that children tend to make. The accounts from those around her, including the hired help, co-workers, lovers, and her children, Christina and Christopher, are pure parental nightmare fuel. It’s hard to believe this is not a made-up genre story, but it did happen unfortunately, exaggerated or not. I still cringe at the thought of her cutting off Christina’s hair as a distrubing penance for a simple mistake. That wasn’t even the worst of it. Hair grows back. The mental psyche takes a bit longer to heal.  No wire hangers, kids.

    Marge Thompson in A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

    The mother of one of horror’s favorite final girls, Nancy Thompson, can be considered both a good mom and a bad mom depending on which one of her actions you’re observing. Marge, played by Ronee Blakely in Wes Craven’s A Nightmare on Elm Street, is part of the original cul-de-sac lynch mob of Elm Street that burn Fred Krueger alive after learning he is behind the series of child murders in town. While we understand the parents’ revenge on Krueger and would gladly light the wick on the molotov cocktail thrown into his warehouse, the nightmarish ongoing result of Krueger returning to murder the kids of Elm Street in their dreams for a number of films is more than likely not what the parents expected the outcome to be. Marge goes on to be a full blown alcoholic and mostly absent minded mother to Nancy. She continuously takes the easy way out by either ignoring the fact that this monster is hunting her daughter and her friends or she drinks reality away being of no help nor support. Our final girl has to maintain her gumption and find her own courage and strength from within to escape the razor-bladed grasp of Krueger all on her own while Marge remains in a pathetic liquor infused stupor. It’s almost a relief when she is pulled through that tiny front door window at the end of the film. Thanks for nothing, Marge! Saddle up for the long haul or leave it to the judicial system.

  Beverly Sutphin in Serial Mom (1994)

    Being a perfect homemaker in the suburbs can be absolute murder and that is exactly what Beverly Sutphin, played by Kathleen Turner, is driven to when those around her get in her way in the dark comedy Serial Mom. Though her bloodlust is born from good intentions (an instructor makes a rude comment about her son), Beverly goes on a spree murdering anyone one she deems as a threat or just a nuisance to her or her family. For the most part, I get it. I actually debated on including her in this list at all. Ultimately, I decided that while annoying, none of Beverly’s victims really deserved to die and her own family remarks, in the humorous way the film is crafted in, to remind themselves not to piss her off for fear of her going on a murderous rampage again. What good is a mother if everyone around her is afraid she’ll put an axe in their head? Beverly best take a chill pill, wash it down with a tumbler full of white wine, and come to terms with the fact that most of us have to deal with on a daily basis: you can’t go around murdering everyone that annoys you whenever you feel like it. That’s what Purge night is for.

    Norma Bates in Psycho (1960)

    Most times no matter how irritating or intrusive our mothers can be, deep down inside we love having them around us. Always. However, should you want your mother to stay with you as long as Norman Bates does you may want to seek some help. The famous slasher’s mother, Norma Bates, is a special case on this list as she never makes an actual living appearance in Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho. Her voice and actions are all manifested from her son Norman himself who, it is suggested and pretty obvious, is severely dependent on her in all aspects of life whether she is alive or deceased. Norma’s emotional antagonism and violence towards him and the women he encounters paints us a picture of how bad the woman must have been when she was alive, though that is always up for debate. Was she as awful as the voice coming from Norman is or is it something he’s made up himself? Regardless, the psychological haunting linger of Norma is enough to drive Norman into the most serious identity crisis resulting in murder and Norma completely taking over him, mind and body. Life lesson: Stay away from the mama’s boys. Believe me when I tell you: this specific relationship portrayal isn’t too far off from what those guys are truly like.

    MU-TH-UR 6000 in Alien (1979)

    Many would think the Alien Queen would be on this list, but I can hardly count her as a bad mom. If anything, the Queen is a great mom who uses all of her genetic instincts to grow and protect her young when a handful of human incubators make themselves available to her throughout the series. Natural selection is also a bitch.

The real bad mom here is the space ship Nostromo’s mainframe system MU-TH-UR 6000, referred to as ‘Mother‘. The crew relies on MU-TH-UR for information, protection, and most importantly, survival. It is one of many analytical elements in the Alien series that relates back to the theme of motherhood. However, while the crew sleeps and operates under the trusting care of MU-TH-UR, the system is monitoring them to relay details on their activity back to Weyland-Utani and is in cahoots with the highly untrustworthy AI, Ash, on carrying out Special Order 937: collect an alien xenomorph specimen and deliver it back to earth with the crew members being completely dispensable. It’s an unfortunate lesson the crew members learn, but don’t trust technology no matter how long it lets you sleep in its womb.

    Mother in Mother! (2017)

    If there is ever a film so overtly saturated in motherly symbolism, it’s Darren Aronofsky’s Mother! Jennifer Lawrence’s mother character is pure, wholesome, and nurturing. She is all of the things a mother, including that of ‘mother nature’ and ‘woman’ should be. However, when random intrusive guests begin showing up and inviting themselves in to wreak havoc on the beautiful home mother is creating for her narcissistic poet husband Him, and their unborn baby, mother remains so passive to the point that a full on world of war explodes tearing down the establishment from the inside out. She only puts her foot down and embraces her protective instincts when it is far too late for everyone. The fate of her baby is gruesomely tragic and results in mother literally destroying herself and her surroundings only to be born again anew in the name of love for Him. Like any strong mother archetype would destroy themselves for the weak man that betrayed her and caused the death of her firstborn? I think not. This is a pretty sad portrayal of actions not taken by a mother, a wife, and a woman. mother really should have destroyed Him. However, given the subtext of who and what these characters personify, we should be grateful that mother doesn’t really hold a grudge nor seek apocalyptic vengeance… yet.

    Rosemary in Rosemary’s Baby (1968)

    Similarly to mother, Rosemary Woodhouse of Roman Polanksi’s Rosemary’s Baby, adaptation of the novel written by Ira Levin, is another character you just want to grab by the shoulders and violently shake into sense. As beautiful, sweet, and delicate as Mia Farrow is in the iconic role of Rosemary, she is painfully dependent, weak, and totally naive. She is blindly trusting of her pushy neighbors and self absorbed actor husband, Guy (eye roll) all of which have made some deal with the devil and are part of the geriatric cult that worships him. Pregnant with her first child, unknowingly the antichrist, Rosemary falls ill many times, complains about threatening symptoms in her breathy voice, and takes advice from everyone but a trustworthy doctor who isn’t connected to the cult’s inner circle. Of course she isn’t aware of her husband’s involvement and the promises made to the underworld at her expense until it’s a trimester too late, but all of the suspicions and signs are there as plain as day for her to see. Thank goodness mothers and wives, women in general, have come a long way since the 60’s.

  So, kiss your mothers this Sunday and appreciate them for the wonderful women that they are, unless they are anything like the characters in this list because, well, they are the worst. If your mothers are anything like this lot, you might want to start running…

    The post Mother Knows Best: The 13 Worst Mothers of Horror appeared first on Nightmare on Film Street - Horror Movie Podcast, News and Reviews.

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