#THATS ONE OF HIS MAIN CHARACTERISTICS (kind of) AND I FORGOT

[torchstelechos]

There comes some amusement that not ONCE have I actually thought about Bingge having sex with his wives. I fully and utterly forgot that he's from a stallion novel until someone mentioned SQQ quoting sex scenes and I Remembered TM

[seaweedbrain3]

I saw your oc’s they look very cool. You should definitely draw them and explain them more. The lore sounds interesting :)

DFKJSJAFJLSJLKSJLJCKSJFS IM SO GLAD SOMEONE FINALLY ASKED THIS TEEHEE,

i actually have multiple little jumbles of ocs that i've made but there is one that is my favorite so far that i've been working on for years and that is the insanity universe

so sum it up its a little universe that takes place back in 1985 following this main group, 3 teenagers, 3 adults, and the protagonists are jesse wilson (pronounced jess) and amelia barlow, and the main antagonist is this guy named william moore (YES HES NAMED AFTER WILLIAM AFTON I WAS 11)

and you may ask, "erin, what makes this universe so interesting? its literally just some gay weird 80s story?" WELL NONEXISTENT PERSON!! this universe actually has this weird disease thats like a plague and it changed the dna of whatever it takes over, creating a whole different creature, called an insanity, due to their mindless like attitude and them tending to act insane, but that is only the term william uses, the one that the general public uses is the "the red eyed ones" because all of them have on thing in common, their red like eyes, but the eyes vary from person to person depending on the color of the original persons eyes, if their eyes were blue their eyes would be bright red, if they were green/hazel it would be either a dark muted red or a rusty like red, and if your eyes were brown then your eyes would look like a much darker red, almost no difference, other similarities that were found amongst the cases of the red eyed ones was that they all had black blood and enhanced abilities, whether their strength was boosted or maybe their jump power, or maybe they got animal like abilities, it all depends on who gave you the disease, if it was a human than one of your natural abilities will be enhanced but if it was an animal then you get their natural abilities/characteristics, and yes these guys are cannibals, they eat to survive and they eat what they can see, and yes they will fight over their meal, they are like wild animals, and they typically have sharp fangs and or nails so they can rip up their meal much more easily, and other animal like features to actually aid them in their 'survival' they are also compared to animals with rabies, just without the foam

and where did this disease come from? there's no way it was natural! well hate to burst your bubble, it was, keyword, WAS, it died millions of years ago, but there was evidence that it was there, by dried up black blood researchers found, and william got ahold of this information, this very old disease, incurable, dead disease, this intruiged him, he obsessed over it, his main research was over this disease, he attempted to bring it back, just bigger and better than before, he wanted to see what it was like, but maybe his intentions were reasonable, he is a selfish hypocritical psychopath, and sadly his wife didnt realize that until after they had kids, right at his height of experimentation! his first kid, elaina, he took care of decently, still kind of negelctful, but hey, not everyone is perfect, then felix was born, he was finally close to success when felix was born, so he was very much neglectful, then when felix was 12, william finally succeeded, wahoo i guess, but then right when that happend felix snuck into williams office, he was curious to see what his father was doing, and as he did that william walked in, scaring felix, causing him to break something and infecting him with the disease, which i forgot to mention was spread by someones dna mixing with infected dna, whether that be spit blood hair, doesnt matter, so felix ended up hurting his nose, causing it to bleed, and the diseased thing mixed with blood, infecting him just a bit, after that william and his wife got into a fight, felix's mom ended up leaving that night, she tried to explain to her kids why she couldnt take them but eliana wouldnt listen and felix didnt understand and william forced her out, after that william came into felix's room, asking him to come down to his office, to make up for lost times, big mistake, william ended up experimenting on felix, since he was the only one young and stupid enough to fall for william's manipulation, to actually trust william, william cut, injected, hurt, and abused felix for years, and since william was exposed to the disease for so long he ended up getting a little lost, he was not all mentally there, so when felix was punished, the punishments were harsh, one time felix let out one of william's test subjects, who was infact a young 8 year old girl, felix was then locked in his office and william took a knife, cut his shoulder, stuck his fingers inside and took out some of felix's blood to 'experiment with', and somtimes to test felix's abilities, william would for felix and another insanity to fight, this obviously seriously injured felix and scarred him, and of course felix and william would get into fight after fight after fight, always arguing, never ended well,and this lasted for years, until finally william let felix go, he slowed down, and practically abandoned felix, but at least felix was able to go to school again, he attended highschool again during sophmore year, now he's in his junior year, he's 17 with serious physical and mental health issues

there's also another thing called half insanities, basically a 'red eyed one' without the insanity part.....well mostly, they have everything an insanity has, they just seem much more human, but trust me, they're struggling, this is shown through the characters, jesse, amelia, and felix, they're all half insanities (im so clever with names), jesse tho is the one who struggles the most due to the disease, amelia and felix struggle, yes, but they both struggle more with outside problems, and so does jesse, but his mental health has always been not so good, it just then started going downhill when his mother died and he ended up running away due to his dad and stress, ill get into that another day cus ill go over the word limit!!!

[jess-oh]

Reflection

ahhhhhhhhhhhh. i forgot to bring my Bible down so now I can’t do my QT here :( i do hope i find the willpower to prepare a smoothie for tomorrow morning, do the dishes, take a shower, and do my QT before i decide to sleep. this probably isn’t a good idea working so much when i have work tomorrow but im in that productive kind of mood! and yes, it’s my fault that i started so late but it’s okay! bc im here now and i at least want to work on it a lil more. i already got some ideas i actually like rolling into my portfolio, i started drawing more thumbnails, i got my 3 typography examples done, i started drawing my didot thumbnails but ended up getting sidetracked. but i did draw a bunch of boxes for it which is good! i do want to do a few more quick sketches for typography and then focus on my research papers tomorrow along with the design for graphic design. actually, i probably wont have time tomorrow since im hanging out with my roommates and going out to dinner with james, moon-hee, and others from downtown. and i know i could just skip out on that but i do want to do it. and then on saturday we’re checking out a couple different apartments and i so badly wish i could just stay home and rest and work all day on graphic design and typography but unfortunately, i cant. im definitely going to be staying up late the next few days as a result to make for the lack of time. 

but here’s what i really want to talk about. i had a really good conversation with shar today and i was open about my depression and how i’ve actually been feeling so bad about myself recently but then im so conflicted bc i want to share what ive been struggling through w/ others but i just dont think they’d understand. and it’s been such an unbelievable blessing to be able to talk to shar about everything thats been going on and my worries and concerns and dreams and hopes for the future and even though she cant fully understand, she does listen and does genuinely care and want to be here. i can see it in her heart. and i also know that just bc of who shes surrounded by, sometimes she can become corrupted but at the end of the day, she really is a good person and is really trying and i can see that whenever she does have some unhealthy habits like gossiping, it’s coming from a place of love and care. and i do really appreciate that and i do want to make more of an effort in sharing and being open and knowing that i am allowed to rely on God and other people and I don’t want to fight this losing battle alone. Because I won’t lose without the help of others. I don’t want to keep killing myself over this any longer. It is honestly so hard. It is. And it’s so terrible to feel so alone and so bad about myself. But if we’re being attacked this hard, it means we’re doing something wrong. And we are. Sharlene and I have been keeping each other accountable and being more open about our faith and we started a conversation with Mulan, Claire, and Dana. And I’ve been making conscious efforts in really investing into the freshmen at Lakeview and I don’t always feel like I can be open about myself to them bc I want to be their spiritually leaders but Sharlene did remind me that I really admired P. Billy and P. Daisy for being so honest about what was really going on in their lives. And that just made them better leaders in my eyes. And I do want to adopt that mindset too. i know that it is still so incredibly intimidating and scary to be so open about my faith at a school as liberal as Columbia but yknow what? It’s college. No one really knows what theyre doing. They just know that theyre searching and Sharlene was right, we’re planting so many seeds even in just discussing our relationship with God out in public, even if we don’t see it. There was someone that was having a bad day and felt encouraged by our passion for the Lord. There was someone that was wrestling with the Devil and won bc of something we said. And I know that I’m still having a really hard time letting myself cry and really let go and let myself be affected in front of Shar right now but it is something I’m working on. And I do notice how often I’m laughing during dark or heavy situations in an effort to lighten the mood and avoid feeling so bad but I do want to be able to just let myself go and not be able to distract myself with my laptop or phone or thoughts or anything. I just want to come before the Lord and give it up. I just want to pray. 

I just imagined praying really hard for Dana and I do want to do that for her soon. Whether it’s at the retreat or when she leaves or before or whenever. But i just want to let her know that God loves her so much. And every time he sees her making an effort to come out to church or reach out to Him or share about her experience w/ the church, He sees that and the biggest grin grows on His face in excitement for his daughter that is on her way to coming home. He sees her. And he wants nothing more than to just embrace her in His open arms. My main goal for this coming semester and just for this whole year has been making sure Dana has a solid foundation and faith with Christ before heading out to Korea. So even when she is alone and struggling, she will know who God is in her life and just really be able to let go and give it all up to Him. I’m human and imperfect but He is a God that does not judge but rather, loves unconditionally. And despite all her sins and drinking and dating and everything in between, He still loves her and is just waiting so patiently for her to come home with open arms. I do truly believe that. And I really hope she can make it to the lock-in. I don’t know what it will be like but I do want to pray for her. 

But yeah, it was just so nice talking to Shar today. But onto my day:

This morning I woke up at 7:45am by my weirdly very quiet alarm and reset the power in my room. Then I headed off to typography and had a pretty good time with Sara and this new girl I just met today and my stomach was having some issues for the most part, it was just a nice and pleasant experience. I had a good first day and good end to the week. Then I finally got my pizza bagel and the cashier was kind enough to save one for me yesterday, just in case :’) Oh yeah, I also asked a bunch of people last night for my defining characteristics and I got some pretty interesting responses. For one, I found out that Andrew wasn’t mad at me and instead, just lazy. And maybe also depressed but that’s just speculation. Now we’re talking again and I’m happy. But he actually wrote me a very kind letter which I was not expecting. I thought everyone would just give me a list, haha. So I was pretty surprised when people like Andrew and Jeanne actually gave me words of affirmation instead. Jeanne is always so supportive of me T v T

I am so cold down here, omona. But I’m listening to my Christian music still and even started to sing along and it just felt very normal and natural. This is who I am. A person that really loves and believes in God and wants to serve Him with their entirety. I do. 

But after eating my pizza bagel, I headed up to work and stayed there for a while and it was a pretty good shift! I enjoyed talking with Ari and Tess and briefly Michaela. Michaela even brought me fries :’) Cleaning and everything was pretty nice and fun though! It was a long shift but I got to finish my annotations  and everything else went pretty smoothly. I might actually draw my thumbnails at work tomorrow so I’ll have something to do. And then...I will work on graphic design, hehehe. 

I’m really bad at reaching out for help and even just praying about it lately and confessing it to God. I think I just need to be ready and willing to let go and take that jump and risk everything for Him. I know that I felt like that before and even though my heart is filled with so much fear right now, I know that it will be so much better once I give everything up to Him. I felt that joy before and there’s nothing like it. 

[actuxlity]

safety blankets

when you get your first boyfriend you use all your ideas of what love is, what it means, and how it should be expressed. Or at least have read enough cosmo articles to know. Maybe you’re very affectionate and giving. Some prefer to use gestures and acts of kindness to show appreciation. Some work on their inner problems along with a partner to better themselves and grow towards an amazing future. But your first relationship is a test run and is full of first love  mistakes.

Being too forgiving because you love them Making excuses for something they do because you love them Ignoring or adjusting to off-putting behaviors and characteristics because you love them trying to justify why they hurt you by blaming yourself because you love them believing everything they tell you because they love you and would never hurt you Knowing what you want and hoping for love of god that your significant other does something romantic for once; but if not you know they still love you Allowing them to walk all over you and your opinions to where you keep quiet; i.e. sit there and be pretty because they still love you Being unhappy with the relationship but instead of trying anymore you deal with it because you know they’ll never change even though they love you Getting over infidelities because they still claim they love you and want you Blaming them and never taking the heat for your problems and mistakes because you love yourself more Yes just as number 10 says the problem could just be you. Sometime we expect and want more from the other person than we are willing to give. We greedily ask and ask (but never beg for the love of our pride) and take without giving in return. We abuse them without knowing it. They feel they’ll never reach your expectations, that they only let you down, and that it’ll go no where. So it ends.

Backtracking to number 9, never will you be the same after being cheated on or want to be considered the “main chick/dude” while your significant other has someone on the side while you’re gone, even if it’s “harmless.” Your trust is gone, your safety in the relationship is gone, Your security in yourself has plummeted and the critical questions begin to reign terror on your psyche. “Am I not good enough?” “Did I lead them to do this?” “Why don’t they love me?” “Do they love me?” and so on until you make yourself sick. Get out while you can with a legitiment reason before it wears you thin and damages you for good.

Ah number 8. A relationship no matter how great will have ups and downs. Even the most perfect couples fight and occasionally break up (just look at Bradgelina).  But the biggest difference is if you’re struggling with “should I stay and hope for it to become better, or leave and work on myself?” It’s kinda like should i be selfish or brace what may come in this relationship. The answer is hard because your head and heart battle on end. You honestly lose your best friend as well as a lover.

7 is basically black and white. If they treat you poorly and ignore your opinions or thinking, they don’t respect you and they will continue to belittle you for the rest of  your days. you can stand up but its futile against someone who hears but never listens.

Well females and males needs and desires are obviously different. Number 6 can mean a number of things; sexual acts could please needs, romantic and sweet gestures can settle desire but what if you express your needs and your partner ignores them. What happens if you hint and blantently walk them through the ideal situation and it never happens. Then they don’t listen or care enough to work for your happiness in the relationship. Now the request should be within reason don’t drop your partner because you needed a new car and they didn’t get you on like come on. However, if your ideal date is a picnic and they continue to netflix and chill as a “date” that’s when you either remind them or leave, because honey you can do better.

Number 5 is just a lack of common sense and blind eye to reality because no matter how good your partner is in your eyes: everyone lies! Your mom, dad, hell even your grandmother has lied. I promise you everyone has lied at least once and if you believe everything someone tells you you’re a fool. They could be insecure and lie to make themsleves feel and look better. How about going back to number 9? Anyone can say they’ve never cheated but do you believe that if there’s rad flags and signs along with them keeping a lot private. If he’s a habitual liar and you figure it out early on, as O.T. Genasis says “you need to cut it.”

4. This is sticky. Everyone has bad days. Sometimes people take it out on others. You’ve probably done it yourself. ( I know I have ) But, if your S.O. is having a bad year and, you’re their punching bag day in and day out: get out. No one should constantly stay with someone who puts them down because their lover feels bad about themselves. Just because they love you, does not warrant them to use you as wall to punch a hole in because their life sucks. Sometimes you need to dodge a bullet or an emotional fist and leave them.

Number 3. Alright just because they put the toilet paper role under instead of over, or they double dip in the queso doesn’t mean they’re not relationship material. However, if they like to start debates on topics that are controversial and have a different viewpoint than you, then yeah; this isn’t gonna work. I’m not saying a democrat can’t date a republican or anything political; just, if they like to go get trashed every weekend and love to crack open too many cold ones with the boys, when you don’t drink. He has the boys. Go get your freedom.

2. If he was three hours late to a date, forgot his wallet to pay, and is on his phone the entire time, don’t justify it as: “there was traffic”, “he needs to save anyway”, and “maybe it was an important conversation.” The care isn’t there, the effort isn’t there, and you deserve better and honestly should expect more out of a partner. There are high school students making promposals more impressive than most 20-something year olds make gestures to their own mothers on mothers day.

And to the last 1. Don’t forgive harsh words, physical intimidations, threats, or foul behavior because you’re too scared to lose someone’s love. You know when something isn’t right and when you are scared of a partner; thats the most unhealthy thing you could think. The temporary pain of losing a lover and best friend is far easier than being abused for the rest of your life.

Save yourself, see the signs, get out when you need too or you’ll be stuck.